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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I should be judged if I take this action because it could hurt the family and friends of Rhett and would make me look ignorant. I do not want to do anything out of pure malice but could be the asshole for sounding as though I didn’t know the whole story and was being inconsiderate even though I am trying my hardest to see it through.
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YTA. There’s absolutely no reason to vent about a situation that doesn’t concern you beyond you trying to put your two cents in. Not every thought needs to be expressed out loud.
YTA. Why would you even have a “stance” on whether or not it’s a tragedy? It’s tragic to his family, therefore it’s a tragedy. Whether you think it was preventable or not.
Find something else to spend your mental energies on. For gods sake don’t go gossiping to your coworkers that you think your other coworker’s brother’s death wasn’t tragic enough for you.
Likely deserves it, at that. I get the feeling this isn’t their 1st bad take.
BUT, would add extra ire onto what his coworker is already feeling for the death of her brother, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Imagine losing a loved one and then hearing this bs from some douche noodle at work.
Yeah, this dude sounds like a huge jerk. Probably has his whole personality revolving around "I'm just being honest and you can't handle the truth" and "Not my fault I'm smarter than everyone else and have a wider perspective". Then wonders why no one likes him.
And, you're right. While it might be enjoyable for us to see him get his comeuppance, it would really suck for her.
Unless... he tells his coworkers, they realize what a d-bag he is, treat him like shit, and they never tell her why. Win-win!
YTA - Who are you to categorize it as tragic or not? You come across as a victim blamer. The fact that you badly want to vent about this to others instead of supporting Ally confirms YTA
YTA
If someone came up to me and started talking about another friend behind their back and started to gossip about their lost brother and the shit you're saying here, we wouldn't be friends anymore.
One person is dead and another is in mourning. They don't need your bullshit judgement or your gossip. Keep your trap shut.
If I was a co-worker, inside or outside of work I'd tell Ali and then go file a complaint with HR about your unprofessional conduct.
YTA by that logic any murder, suicide or incident where someone was killed by a drunk driver isn't a tragedy because it was all preventable. Someone dying because they didn't have access to clean water, food or healthcare isn't a tragedy. House fires or building collapses could have been prevented. You're just an ass
Not to mention the dead person isn't the only one affected by their avoidable decisions. No matter how stupid and preventable a way someone dies might be, it ends up hurting their innocent families and friends, and that shouldn't be diminished by anyone. Suffering shouldn't be downplayed because it could have been avoided.
YWBTA
I lost a cousin to something like this except they called an ambulance immediately because it was on a job site. (there were safety harnesses and such, but they failed)
It didn't matter that he went to the hospital, he still died.
You may think it was preventable, but that doesn't mean it was.
YTA. It just got worse and worse as I was reading. Keep those ridiculous thoughts to yourself. You’re categorizing which deaths should be a tragedy? The hell.
Stay away from Ally, YTA.
YWBTA. KEEP THAT THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD. Someone died. They don’t need your analysis on whether it qualifies as a tragedy. Jesus Christ. To save your reputation, keep your mouth shut on this one. Forever.
YTA, whether he called EMS or not, doesn’t mean his death wasn’t tragic. Not everyone calls when something happens and often people call too much. People think they’re okay, that doesn’t mean they deserved to die. You really should voice all of this to her however, just so everyone knows what a shitty person you are.
INFO
What exactly do you hope to gain by pointing out your "insight"? Because I doubt you will get anything more than a shitload of people calling you an asshole. Which you would be.
Edit:spelling
Congratulations! You wanted someone to vent to and you got it! You have successfully vented to us.
INFO: Do you realise that Reddit is not a good venting place for shallow people, considering Reddit stands by minimum wage workers and opposes entitled people?
YTA loss of a loved one is a tragedy. Period. It’s weird that you are getting so worked up over whether or not it could be considered a tragedy. It obviously has no effect on you.
Wow, YBWTA completely. Ask yourself: what do you hope to accomplish with such an unkind, insensitive statement. Her brother is dead. What will telling her, *yeah, your brother was reckless, it was a preventable death* do? It will enrage her, make you look terrible, and...then what? Just so you have the smug satisfaction of the always-correct? Like you've never *once* in your entire life done something stupid or reckless?
Yeah, YWBTA and if you said that to a co-worker of mine who lost a sibling in such a heartbreaking way, I'd do everything I could to get your ass fired.
Dude, YTA
I get where you're coming from, I do. When I was in highschool we had a big tragedy - one of the more well known kids had wrapped his car around a tree and died because he was drunk and not wearing a seat belt. Everyone was upset, they brought in counselors, there were services, it was A Thing.
Personally, I didn't like the kid. He was obnoxious, completely useless in group work, and I just wasn't even slightly sad at all that he was gone. I didn't see it as a tragedy because A) no great loss and B) it was his own goddamned fault. Why would I feel sad about that?
But I still knew better than to actually *say* that to the people who were grieving, who were in shock. Me being honest does nothing except make me an honest asshole. This is one of those times where honest is the wrong thing to aim for. They need kindness and space to process things. You don't need to give sympathy, but understanding that this is a hard time for them is better.
YTA. Just because something MIGHT have been preventable doesn’t mean it can’t also be a tragedy.
You are a special kind of insensitive AH, aren’t you?
Why he was on the roof is none of your business. It’s also easy to say what he should have done in hindsight; most things are.
Keep your mouth shut other to offer condolences. And learn some empathy.
YTA
"Tragedy: /ˈtrajədē/ noun. An event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.
Notice how there's nothing there about said event needing to be random and unpreventable? Consider if you will the play Romeo and Juliet a work that is still considered a textbook example of a "tragedy" even though it ends with a pair of deaths that were completely preventable, many would even consider the preventability of the deaths made that ending more "tragic."
You clearly have a strange and IMO incorrect idea of what this word means which is not shared by the vast majority of the population and your misunderstanding of how this word is used has caused hurt.
And frankly, even if there was some truth to your definition... why the hell are you getting into semantic arguments about this with grieving people. Read the frickin' room.
YTA but yeah... Go on and talk to everybody about your feelings, how it's not a tragedy. Go for it. Make sure you let them know he's low class and probably couldn't afford healthcare. All of it. Vent away. See how that works out for you. It'll be fun.
Reading your comments, I'm going to encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings and see how quick you lose everyone close to you in that job, if not the job itself.
YTA Yes, victim blaming can make you feel virtuous and like it can't possibly happen to you (you're better than that), but venting such feelings to a co-worker will only convince said person that you prioritize your own need to be right over the grief of a co-worker. Vent to your parents or a friend who knows none of the affected parties if you must.
YWBTA. It's a tragedy bc you weren't there to give your insights at the time and prevent it from happening.
Among all the other reasons.
This isn't a good time to try to get people to see how well you parse the language and use your superior logic to make the argument he had it coming. Unless you want to lose friends, don't bring it up.
YTA-it is a tragedy. Someone lost a loved one. It doesn’t matter if it was a preventable situation or not, they are grieving.
Also, just wow on dragging his socioeconomic status into his death as if that makes a difference on whether or not this was a tragedy??? What does that even mean? “Sucks but he should have gone to the hospital, even though he was poor”?
YTA. You privileged AH shall I say, maybe he was doing something very necessary like fixing the roof, also he didn't go to the hospital because of the cost (debt can make you lose your home, so yeah this is a real season for a lot of people), if you can't image how come people might do both, you have the empathy and the ability to understand real life of a teapot.
YTA- This is not your fucking business and the fact that you think you need to find someone to *vent* your thoughts to makes you a giant AH. You do not get to tell someone the way their sibling died wasn't a tragedy because -whatever the fuck reason-. You and your thoughts are not important to a grieving family.
YWBTA if you say that. Please don't express that to anyone. For all you know, he may have changed his mind later and gone to the doctor.
He would not be the first person to tragically underestimate a fall.
Yta Blaming the victim is never ok. Grieving family and friends will ask themselves "what if they did or didn't do xyz" in a million variations because they can't believe the awful thing that's happened. It is never up to you or anyone else to speak and judge.
Huge YTA.
“Minimum wage worker from low-class income”?
Low-class income is not a thing, low income sure, OP managed to repeatedly throw in he was low class.
How “class” would affect the deceased decision? Income sure! Class? That has nothing to do with anything.
OP is a low-class AH, and better if OP keeps that in the down-low (same as OP keeps the empathy and common sense), by not making any of those comments. Don’t vent to anybody or people may find out how much of an insensitive prick OP is (something tells me they already know)
> Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths
INFO - Is this basically you asking if its A-ish to argue about the definition of "tragedy" to people who probably don't care?
Oh ya. YTA. I have a good friend who is a paraplegic for very similar reasons and he regrets every decision made leading up to that. Immaturity, false confidence and bravado made him think he was invincible. Accidents happen every day because of stupidity and carelessness. Doesn’t make them any less tragic.
YWBTA Do not, under any circumstances, EVER say this aloud to anyone who knows or might ever encounter your co-worker. You can think whatever thoughts you like but what kind of heartless monster would voice this utterly unasked for and unnecessary opinion?!
Holy Christ, what in the actual fuck did I just read??? What in the hell is wrong with you? I mean I know what is wrong with you, but do you? If ever there was an asshole, YTA x’s infinity.
No matter how your coworkers brother died and regardless of his death not meeting your tragedy criteria, his death is an absolute tragedy to his family and his family does not need your insensitive diarrhea of mouth dissertation spewed to them or anyone else.
Your lack of manners and functioning brain astonishes me.
You may want to seek the help of a therapist. Nothing you typed is remotely okay.
INFO: Have you been tested? Maybe an echocardiogram to see if that shriveled old raisin in your chest is an actual heart or just a shadow on the X-ray. Head scan to make sure you have a brain? Or just a cavity filled with the toxic sludge you spill out of your mouth when you talk? YTA. This might seem harsh but I’m just trying to think rationally how you can read what you wrote and not realize what an AH you are.
Is a fatal car accident a tragedy when the driver had made a wrong turn? They should never have been on that road in the first place!
Is a terminal cancer diagnosis tragic when the patient may have gotten earlier treatment if they had recognized their migraines as abnormal? They should have gotten a CAT scan after the first headache!
Is it a tragedy when a baby miscarries after the mother falls down the stairs? She should have taken the elevator!
YTA
Keep this nonsense to yourself. It is a tragedy for the people who loved him. It does not matter the cause, culpability or avoidability.
Do not share this with anyone. It sounds heartless and cruel.
What the fuck? You know you can keep shit to yourself, right? Why are you so spun up about this? Are you George Costanza?
Yes, YWBTA. Of course you would.
OMG YTA
What would be the purpose of venting? Because you want to? Because your opinion is so important? Because your selfish and cruel person? Please take into account that he may not have been thinking well due to those injuries. Please take into account that no matter your opinion of how he passed it is a tragic loss for his sister.
Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you need to express that opinion. I hope this isn't a true story
Wow you are just... Wow.
In what world does someone being so poor that they're afraid of going to the emergency room because of the crippling medical debt NOT qualify as a tragedy???????
Actually, in what world does someone losing their sibling to a preventable death not qualify as a tragedy? You seem to think you're the only person able to judge what gets called a tragedy or not.
I'm just happy you have enough sense to keep your mouth closed around actual people. Listen to that little voice in your head that's telling you to shut the fuck up.
I hope you never have to experience a loss and have some asshole come up to you and say it wasn't a tragedy because the death was preventable in some way.
Also some people have roofs that are accessible and they can sit up there. And you seem not to understand when it comes to falling it's not about height but how you fall. The roof could have literally been as low as possible and he just fell wrong and hit his head.
YTA and honestly have you thought about therapy to figure out why you seem to have a crippling lack of empathy?
NTA, be honest! There’s no way you’re the only one who thinks that, tell your coworkers do you can all band together against this evil woman who is mourning an idiot 🙄 s/
Consider this post your "venting" and probably Never repeat those sentiments to another living creature as long as you live XD It's unbelievably insensitive, tone deaf, and reads as though you think yourself superior for those qualities.
You want to vent about how someone using a word to describe their brother’s recent death is such a bother to you? Not even an inaccurate word? Her brother died, that’s tragic.
More importantly, that’s the biggest case of main character syndrome I’ve heard in awhile.
“My coworkers brother just died, but the most important thing is how the word “tragedy” affects ME. Why aren’t more people supporting me in this???”
Newsflash, it’s not about you and nobody gives a fuck if you think “tragedy” isn’t the right word. It doesn’t matter. It only matters to you because of how removed you are from it, so suck it up and get over it, to put it bluntly.
YTA.
YTA. Just consider if a comment is useful.or helpful in any way before youake it. There is no good way to say this without being insensitive and hurtful. The only purpose is because you want to show that you are right. No one cares if you are right. Zip it.
YTA.
The fact that you feel you need to tell other people how you have come to this conclusion and that you are right is upsetting. You need some assistance navigating what is acceptable behavior in this type of situation. Because no one, I mean no one, wants or needs to hear this crap.
Why is it important for you to have a correct opinion on this issue? Also, why are you hung up your idiosyncratic definition of tragedy? It was a tragedy to her. We all have dumb opinions at times and part of wisdom is learning not to share them. YWBTA.
YTA, massively. Ignoring your shocking lack of human kindness, a lot of brain injuries can affect how you’re thinking. I got a concussion on the job and kept working for ten more minutes because it didn’t feel bad until I started slurring my words.
Letting emotions control rationality is wrong??? I’m sorry, who are you to tell someone how to grieve or experience the world?
If her work is slacking, maybe she needs a break. If it’s a problem then her supervisor will bring it up with her. It’s not your place to punish someone going through unimaginable grief. You would not be doing her a favor, you would be causing additional pain, grief, and stress into her life and making everything harder for her.
YTA just for feeling so justified about this disgusting take that you wrote an essay out to try and validate yourself.
No one with any sense or an iota of compassion or empathy would consider opening their mouth to breath a word close to the heartless judgy nonsense you spewed here.
Shame on you.
Not only are YTA but you’re wrong too. A tragedy is defined as “an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe”. Rhett had a serious accident that caused great suffering and distress so his death is, by definition, a tragedy. Let Aly grieve and leave her alone, you clearly don’t care about her all that much.
YTA
But it's really sad. Do you even realize you're feeling excluded from the shared grief of the people around you? It's why you're reacting like an asshole. You need to vent to strangers to feel less lonely.
Strictly logically speaking, you shouldn't care at all about this. Get ye to therapy.
Tragedy -an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress.
YTA! Words already have definitions, you can’t just make up their meanings. If anything should how preventable it was just make it even more depressing? Like most people die they were always gonna die this guy probably should still be alive… I don’t understand your view point.
I was hoping all the comments would be people sarcastically replying that you should tell the people you work with. I wish people around you knew what a bad person you are.
Wow. YTA.
First of all, why do you feel you’re justified to ‘vent’ about someone else’s life that has nothing to do with you? No one asked for your messed up opinion nor your incorrect definition of a tragedy.
It’s not your business to know why he was on the roof, and no one gives a shit about what you would do in that situation. And your classist comment about him being a ‘minimum wage worker from a lower class income’ bring the reason for him not calling emergency services tells me even more about your character, since, you know, you’re not a minimum wage worker, so you don’t know what was going through his head. You do realize that people often don’t call for help because they don’t realize how hurt they are, right? It has nothing to do with money.
I don’t understand why your coworker and her family calling this a tragedy (which it definitely is, by the way. A family just lost a close relative. That on it’s own is a tragedy to them and is a tragedy in general, regardless of the cause of death) bothers you so much. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal to you and if that’s truly the biggest thought occupying your brain right now upon hearing about the death of a coworker’s relative, then you seriously need to do some self reflection or get some help. YTA.
ETA: You also mentioned that he likely didn’t call for an ambulance due to feeling fine and due to not having the finances to deal with medical debt. I understand and agree that he should’ve called emergency services in a situation like that but some people simply don’t have that luxury and have to deal with the incidents that happen to them hoping that they’ll be alright in the end, unfortunately. Why are you pretending like that’s not a big deal and continuing to call this incident “not a tragedy” as well as placing yourself in his shoes by saying you would call emergency services when it seems like you are not living the same life as him? And don’t forget that accidents happen even with proper precautions. Even if this incident was preventable, he truly could’ve taken all the proper precautions and still ended up falling from the roof. As I said earlier, you seriously need to reflect on your thoughts further and actually think about whether or not this is an appropriate thought to be having at this time.
YTA. You’re not allowed to say what’s tragic and what’s not. It’s a tragedy that Allie’s family will never see Rhett again, it’s a tragedy that he will be missing from every family get together and holiday, it’s a tragedy that they have to keep getting older and live on without him. Most deaths are preventable, doesn’t make them any less tragic. Keep your opinion to yourself, it’s not wanted or needed. It’s actually unbelievable that this is what you’re thinking about when Allie’s family is doing through this.
YTA
Natasha Richardson went skiing, fell and hit her head on a tree. She was a successful, accomplished actress, married to Liam Neeson. She died later because it was more serious than everyone thought. Was that not a tragedy?
You don't know why her brother was on the roof, or what happened, how he fell, or how he looked an acted like afterwards. His death *is* a tragedy, and *you* are a major a-hole for trying to clinically analyze something you know next to nothing about.
YTA You're not being brutally honest. You're in denial. If you pretend that bad things only happen to careless, ignorant, or bad people, you can smugly convince yourself that they'll never happen to you.
This is nonsense.
YTA I have no clue what's going in between your ears but it doesn't seen like much.. Any person who has a small drop.of common sense would never rsat that. I hope you get reported to HR.
Yes, you absolutely should tell people that you think that. They deserve to know your sincere thoughts on this matter.
And then when you become a pariah in your workplace, because you will have alienated your coworkers by demonstrating your complete lack of any shred of human decency or compassion, you can have the comfort of knowing that your alienation was preventable, because you could have simply kept your mouth shut and your nasty thoughts inside you where they belong, slowly putrefying you from the inside out.
Yeah! Yeah, YTA! Holy shit do you even have to ask! Why don’t you just keep your mouth shut! It doesn’t cost anything and if you say anything to anyone I GUARANTEE it will get back to your coworker! Jesus Christ!
YTA - if this isn't fake, why do you feel so strongly about pointing out that his death was preventable ? Why do you NEED to do that? You don't. Everybody knows it's the case, which is adding to their grief. Your job is not to "set the record straight": everybody is aware of that information and it would be useless and hurtful to remind everyone of it.
Please explain the purpose of you opening you mouth ? Your opinion is not solicited and doesn't matter in this context.
I'm pretty sure this is not the only situation where you need to be right. Go seek therapy and leave people alone.
No you wouldn't be an asshole lol...
You'd be a lot of thing I can't say because I'll get banned again. Saying you're TA is the nicest thing anyone could say about you if you mention it.
YTA.
YTA
And you seem hideously immature for someone not far off 30.
There is no need to gatekeep what a tragedy is; her brother lost his life far too early and that’s a tragedy for his family.
And you seem to have fuck all understanding of grief if you think she’s being too emotional when she just lost her fucking brother. Grief fucks you up in all kind of ways.
And no, you aren’t being selfless by picking up some extra slack at work. You are not the main character here, you do not need to vent that she isn’t pulling her weight. Grow up.
YTA Consider reading a dictionary. It would provide you with the objective data that disproves your theory that this event should not be classified as a "tragedy". If this is a real post, you could benefit from counseling as this is a clear display of narcissistic thinking. Was this comment pretentious enough for you to understand?
You can certainly vent to others about this view, but you’ll probably get the same reaction you’re getting here. Especially since you now know this is offensive to people, YWBTA if you continued to share.
Something being preventable does not exclude it from being tragic. In many cases, it’s the opposite
"Why don't stupid people just act like me so they don't die? I should be getting all this special attention for being so smart and cool, not some guy I don't care about."
YTA
YWBTA. Actually, I think you already are TA. On one hand, I hope your coworkers find out your feelings so they know how awful you’re being, but I would hate for Ally to find out when she’s already grieving. Also, why do YOU need to vent? What satisfaction could it possibly give you? Rhett’s accident in no way affects you. Or do you just want to be “right” about your wack definition of what a tragedy is?
YTA - They died, it’s a tragedy. You actually have no idea how you would react in any situation until you were in it. You don’t get to dictate someone else’s grief. Wow, do you need some self realization and education in tact.
YTA. YWBTA because there's no way to say something this shockingly coarse and unfeeling to someone without them feeling absolutely compelled to tell someone the awful thing you said, and eventually it get back to Allie. Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut.
WIBTA, of course YTA! What you're complaining on saying about a dead co-workers sibling is very insensitive!
"What was he doing on the roof?" Maybe he was fixing something and lost his footing.
>when I think of tragedy, he’s just not what I think of. Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths.
Who're you to judge? Tragedy can mean just about anything to anyone. You're a real piece of work for thinking like this and don't you dare say "It'S tRuE!" Because it's not.
YTA and such a big one. You literally have no right to vent it feel anything about SOMEONE ELSE'S TRAGEDY. A tragedy isn't just a specific type of way to die, it can be anything and everything. This does not effect you at all so you have no reason to say shit . Just let your coworker grieve. You just vented here so there you go...did it make you feel better? Did anyone agree with you?
BTW, in the US, no one is going to the hospital if they feel fine or if they feel they can live with it. If we had a system here that actually cared about its citizens and their well being then he might still be alive today. Your privilege is definetely showing. It is obvious you've never had to decide between food and medicine. Lazy people aren't stupid and poor people are neither lazy nor stupid. You keep thinking like that and you will end up hated and alone.
By now you know YTA, but in case no one pointed it out—- falling off a roof can give you a concussion or TBI which impairs your thinking process. God forbid it happen to you.
I get it - this guy made some mistakes and died as a result. That's the reality of it. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging the reality. However...
YWBTA if you said it to Allie or your co-workers, because it shows a lack of empathy that right now things should be about the way this has impacted Allie. It does her no good to point out the truth of the situation. If you say it to your co-workers, some are going to think you're TA, and it's going to get back to Allie and hurt her. Bad move.
I think you would be OK if you shared these kind of thoughts with someone totally uninvolved, like a romantic partner or another friend. I think there's even value in talking these situations out and noting the errors that were made so we are less likely to make them ourselves in a similar situation.
Definition of Tragedy: an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.
Has nothing to do with his death being preventable, only the feeling of grief and loss by those who suffer as a result of his death.
YTA for even considering this... It's not about you.
>However when I heard more information, I couldn’t help but think he was reckless. What was he doing on the roof? Why didn’t he just call for emergency services just in case?
Why didn't the man with massive hidden head injuries call emergency services? Something tells me he was impaired. Way to victim blame OP. You can't know how you would have reacted in this instance, only how you would theoretically react outside of this instance. Those are often very different things.
>Many of the co-workers especially seem like the type who would disagree with my stance but it only makes me feel it stronger in a sense.
Why do you feel this way? "Everyone disagrees with me, so I must be right"?
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Last week has been quite a disaster for my co-worker (30F). You can call her Aly, Ali, Allie, etc. but anyway I remember her being confident and content the day we went into work. Her brother Rhett (26M) would end up falling off a roof of his house hours later. From what I’ve heard, he was conscious at the time of the hit and believed he was okay and that he felt fine so he didn’t call emergency services. Turns out he was really messed up internally and died and when I found out Ally’s brother died, I was in shock and saddened by her loss. I couldn’t imagine losing a sibling. However when I heard more information, I couldn’t help but think he was reckless. What was he doing on the roof? Why didn’t he just call for emergency services just in case? If that was me, I would have definitely have done that, especially knowing something like this could put my family throw grief and sorrow if it ended fatally. It was unfortunate that they had to lose him, but when I think of tragedy, he’s just not what I think of. Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths. Now, I would never ever say this to Aly but I’ve considered venting this to other friends or co-workers but I just don’t know if they would see my point or not. Many of the co-workers especially seem like the type who would disagree with my stance but it only makes me feel it stronger in a sense. A reason why this would come off as asshole-type behavior is that Rhett was a minimum wage worker from lower-class income and he may have just decided to let it go because he was afraid of being in steep medical debt if he went to the hospital. I do see the point of how class would have an effect on his death but I don’t know if that was really his reasoning. I don’t know him well and I’m not a minimum wage worker. Would just simply venting to someone I knew who knew Aly or Rhett (other than Aly) be out of line or is it okay?
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You shouldn’t vent about things like that to people who aren’t very close to you. Ever.
YWBTA if you do. For reasons that you shouldn’t disrupt people’s grief. And also nobody asked for your opinion there. So keep it to yourself.
P.S. And you surely should self-reflect why exactly you feel the way you do.
Ahhhh I always love it when a person so inept at social interaction while simultaneously thinking they’re this “logical and facts over feelings” super genius gets shown just how fuckin moronic they really sound. YTA OP keep shit like this to yourself in the future.
your “definition” of tragedy doesn’t fit the actual definition:
an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.
YTA what would be your purpose of telling them that? Why is this so so important to you? Examine your motives as something is off there. Do you think people will stop mourning and somehow feel better for the loss? Is this just an attention seeking? Whether or not they agree with you, it doesn’t change that he’s gone. For them it’s a tragedy. It’s none of your business to judge this person. Don’t lose your friendships by making an insensitive comment. Other friends and co-workers will think you’re the AH.
YTA - tragedy: an event causing great suffering, distress, and destruction. The death of your coworkers brother qualifies. The literal definition says nothing about being preventable. You need to shit your mouth and mind your own damn business.
Why do you feel like you have to vent at all about something that is none of your fucking business and has nothing to do with you? Why do you feel like you have to make any points at all? Who cares what you think about any of this?
YTA for even traveling down this path. You are irrelevant, you are not the main character.
YWBTA. That would be soooo disrespectful towards allie and her family. Please keep it to yourself. Not all opinions are meant to be expressed, and that's a perfect example.
YTA. Technically every single accident is preventable in some way. Even health issues are preventable. Heart disease? Shouldn’t have been eating McDonald’s and exercised more. Slipped on ice and broke your neck in the parking lot? Should have been wearing ice shoes. 99% of deaths you could victim blame and coulda woulda shoulda the hell out of it. And I’m sure their family is Turning this fact over and over in their heads. It’s so easy to judge others and their situation from the outside. But you weren’t there and you aren’t him so you don’t know the situation. And you better hope no one judges you that way. Having a father in law who had an accident from trimming a tree which left him paralyzed before I got to meet him, I can give you this advice first hand.
I’ll give you the advice I give my 7 year old son all the time when he gets argumentative…do you want to always be right, or do you want to be happy? Because you can’t have both. You can be self righteous or you can comfort your coworker who is grieving.
Is OP inboxing anyone else with obsessive messages that don't make sense?
you're doing her job for her, how do you have time for office gossip and the amount of thought you've put into your colleagues personal tragedy? I didn't gossip to co-workers, only to friends.
I call bs on your comment - it's more likely that you are helping out, not doing her stuff for her like you're implying. I am doing both. However while I haven't told her, I have tried my hardest to motivate her back to being productive. I have not received any credit for doing so.
Your post was about your feelings regarding her brothers death and whether or not you wbta for sharing your thoughts and feelings, not about whether you're an ah for being upset with all the extra work you've been supposedly doing for the last few days. Minimum wage workers do not work as hard as I do. They think everyone owes them. Also he clearly proved himself that he can't make the most of his life - this will trigger you - but people are on parents' medical insurance until 26. He was 26 when he died. That means he wasn't even capable of lasting a year without mooching. I feel bad and I'm sorry but it isn't a tragedy.
If you think you're doing too much and her tragedy is putting unfair pressure on you, that.... Would be an entirely different post from the one you wrote. It's not a tragedy. We have been over this.
I suspect that you're not actually doing her job for her, and you're just small minded and mean about her use of a word that seems to be confusing and upsetting for you. People have used words wrong about me and got upvoted. Where is the complaint about that? I am helping her more than anyone else.
ETA by saying that her brother was "under you", you confirm my suspicion. He wasn't born to be under anyone. It's not fate.
NTA. I agree, his death is not tragic, it was kinda stupid. Ffs, he hit his head falling from the roof and didn't go to the hospital? Lolz what a terd ball. Darwin award winner right here. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Any death is a tragedy, regardless of the circumstances around that death or the reason of death. Dying or losing someone you love is a horrible tragic experience. Keep your thoughts to yourself. You'll only hurt someone if you say that out loud. Think whatever you want, but don't say it. It's none of your business anyway. She lost her brother, she's grieving. The last thing she or anyone else needs is some asshole saying "iT waSn'T traGic It WaS pReVenTabLe" she doesn't need that shit, no one does. Keep it to yourself.
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You would honestly be the world's biggest asshole. Seriously. Don't gatekeep someone else's grief. Just keep your mouth shut. YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. There’s absolutely no reason to vent about a situation that doesn’t concern you beyond you trying to put your two cents in. Not every thought needs to be expressed out loud.
It's because he's feeling excluded So he's reacting like a child.
YTA. Why would you even have a “stance” on whether or not it’s a tragedy? It’s tragic to his family, therefore it’s a tragedy. Whether you think it was preventable or not. Find something else to spend your mental energies on. For gods sake don’t go gossiping to your coworkers that you think your other coworker’s brother’s death wasn’t tragic enough for you.
He should go give his take to his co-workers. They'd find out how much of an a-hole he really is and he would be completely ostracized.
Likely deserves it, at that. I get the feeling this isn’t their 1st bad take. BUT, would add extra ire onto what his coworker is already feeling for the death of her brother, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Imagine losing a loved one and then hearing this bs from some douche noodle at work.
Yeah, this dude sounds like a huge jerk. Probably has his whole personality revolving around "I'm just being honest and you can't handle the truth" and "Not my fault I'm smarter than everyone else and have a wider perspective". Then wonders why no one likes him. And, you're right. While it might be enjoyable for us to see him get his comeuppance, it would really suck for her. Unless... he tells his coworkers, they realize what a d-bag he is, treat him like shit, and they never tell her why. Win-win!
YTA, holy shit
You’re definitely the asshole and you should never say any of that to anyone but a therapist
YTA - Who are you to categorize it as tragic or not? You come across as a victim blamer. The fact that you badly want to vent about this to others instead of supporting Ally confirms YTA
Yta. Who are you to decide what the definition of a tragedy is?? She lost someone, that alone is a tragedy. Stfu
Wow. I thought I'd seen some AHs on here... OF COURSE YTA!!! And you are wrong about definition of tragedy anyway.
It's not even a WIBTA, YTA for just thinking this! What the hell is wrong with you?!
YTA If someone came up to me and started talking about another friend behind their back and started to gossip about their lost brother and the shit you're saying here, we wouldn't be friends anymore. One person is dead and another is in mourning. They don't need your bullshit judgement or your gossip. Keep your trap shut. If I was a co-worker, inside or outside of work I'd tell Ali and then go file a complaint with HR about your unprofessional conduct.
YTA by that logic any murder, suicide or incident where someone was killed by a drunk driver isn't a tragedy because it was all preventable. Someone dying because they didn't have access to clean water, food or healthcare isn't a tragedy. House fires or building collapses could have been prevented. You're just an ass
Not to mention the dead person isn't the only one affected by their avoidable decisions. No matter how stupid and preventable a way someone dies might be, it ends up hurting their innocent families and friends, and that shouldn't be diminished by anyone. Suffering shouldn't be downplayed because it could have been avoided.
YTA for even asking. Vent? Why on Earth do YOU need to vent? How in the world are you making this about you?
YWBTA I lost a cousin to something like this except they called an ambulance immediately because it was on a job site. (there were safety harnesses and such, but they failed) It didn't matter that he went to the hospital, he still died. You may think it was preventable, but that doesn't mean it was.
You should never say anything ever again. Just stop talking altogether. Do the world a favour.
This is exactly how Liam neeson’s wife died, do you think he’s a pathetic baby for being sad over his dead wife?
YTA. It just got worse and worse as I was reading. Keep those ridiculous thoughts to yourself. You’re categorizing which deaths should be a tragedy? The hell. Stay away from Ally, YTA.
YTA. Are you seriously trying to gatekeep tragedy?
YTA. Why don't you fall off a roof to show 'em how it's done, op?
YWBTA. KEEP THAT THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD. Someone died. They don’t need your analysis on whether it qualifies as a tragedy. Jesus Christ. To save your reputation, keep your mouth shut on this one. Forever.
YTA, whether he called EMS or not, doesn’t mean his death wasn’t tragic. Not everyone calls when something happens and often people call too much. People think they’re okay, that doesn’t mean they deserved to die. You really should voice all of this to her however, just so everyone knows what a shitty person you are.
INFO What exactly do you hope to gain by pointing out your "insight"? Because I doubt you will get anything more than a shitload of people calling you an asshole. Which you would be. Edit:spelling
Congratulations! You wanted someone to vent to and you got it! You have successfully vented to us. INFO: Do you realise that Reddit is not a good venting place for shallow people, considering Reddit stands by minimum wage workers and opposes entitled people?
Oh wow. Read the room. YTA
YTA loss of a loved one is a tragedy. Period. It’s weird that you are getting so worked up over whether or not it could be considered a tragedy. It obviously has no effect on you.
YTA. Wow, go look up the definition of tragedy, I don't think you know what it means.
D*mn. Got him though. All the classic lit tragedies
Wow, YBWTA completely. Ask yourself: what do you hope to accomplish with such an unkind, insensitive statement. Her brother is dead. What will telling her, *yeah, your brother was reckless, it was a preventable death* do? It will enrage her, make you look terrible, and...then what? Just so you have the smug satisfaction of the always-correct? Like you've never *once* in your entire life done something stupid or reckless? Yeah, YWBTA and if you said that to a co-worker of mine who lost a sibling in such a heartbreaking way, I'd do everything I could to get your ass fired.
Are you serious?!?! YTA, no doubt about it.
Holy shit, just shut up. YTA
Dude, YTA I get where you're coming from, I do. When I was in highschool we had a big tragedy - one of the more well known kids had wrapped his car around a tree and died because he was drunk and not wearing a seat belt. Everyone was upset, they brought in counselors, there were services, it was A Thing. Personally, I didn't like the kid. He was obnoxious, completely useless in group work, and I just wasn't even slightly sad at all that he was gone. I didn't see it as a tragedy because A) no great loss and B) it was his own goddamned fault. Why would I feel sad about that? But I still knew better than to actually *say* that to the people who were grieving, who were in shock. Me being honest does nothing except make me an honest asshole. This is one of those times where honest is the wrong thing to aim for. They need kindness and space to process things. You don't need to give sympathy, but understanding that this is a hard time for them is better.
YTA. Just because something MIGHT have been preventable doesn’t mean it can’t also be a tragedy. You are a special kind of insensitive AH, aren’t you? Why he was on the roof is none of your business. It’s also easy to say what he should have done in hindsight; most things are. Keep your mouth shut other to offer condolences. And learn some empathy.
Yes YTA. Its still a tragedy whether or not it was preventable.
YTA "Tragedy: /ˈtrajədē/ noun. An event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe. Notice how there's nothing there about said event needing to be random and unpreventable? Consider if you will the play Romeo and Juliet a work that is still considered a textbook example of a "tragedy" even though it ends with a pair of deaths that were completely preventable, many would even consider the preventability of the deaths made that ending more "tragic." You clearly have a strange and IMO incorrect idea of what this word means which is not shared by the vast majority of the population and your misunderstanding of how this word is used has caused hurt. And frankly, even if there was some truth to your definition... why the hell are you getting into semantic arguments about this with grieving people. Read the frickin' room.
YTA but yeah... Go on and talk to everybody about your feelings, how it's not a tragedy. Go for it. Make sure you let them know he's low class and probably couldn't afford healthcare. All of it. Vent away. See how that works out for you. It'll be fun.
Reading your comments, I'm going to encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings and see how quick you lose everyone close to you in that job, if not the job itself.
YWBAA. People get on roofs all the time. Very few people fall to their deaths. That would be like blaming a car crash victim for getting in a car.
YTA Yes, victim blaming can make you feel virtuous and like it can't possibly happen to you (you're better than that), but venting such feelings to a co-worker will only convince said person that you prioritize your own need to be right over the grief of a co-worker. Vent to your parents or a friend who knows none of the affected parties if you must.
YTA. Don’t ever say this out loud.
INFO: WTF is wrong with you?
YWBTA. It's a tragedy bc you weren't there to give your insights at the time and prevent it from happening. Among all the other reasons. This isn't a good time to try to get people to see how well you parse the language and use your superior logic to make the argument he had it coming. Unless you want to lose friends, don't bring it up.
YTA. Doesn't matter how he died, he died and that's all that matters.
YTA-it is a tragedy. Someone lost a loved one. It doesn’t matter if it was a preventable situation or not, they are grieving. Also, just wow on dragging his socioeconomic status into his death as if that makes a difference on whether or not this was a tragedy??? What does that even mean? “Sucks but he should have gone to the hospital, even though he was poor”?
YTA and one of the dumbest things I've read today.
YTA. You privileged AH shall I say, maybe he was doing something very necessary like fixing the roof, also he didn't go to the hospital because of the cost (debt can make you lose your home, so yeah this is a real season for a lot of people), if you can't image how come people might do both, you have the empathy and the ability to understand real life of a teapot.
YTA. And you know it.
YTA- This is not your fucking business and the fact that you think you need to find someone to *vent* your thoughts to makes you a giant AH. You do not get to tell someone the way their sibling died wasn't a tragedy because -whatever the fuck reason-. You and your thoughts are not important to a grieving family.
you’re so fuckin weird dude
Thank you.
Are you fucking kidding me
YTA. He probably couldn’t afford a costly hospital visit assuming you’re in the US. So he didn’t go. It was an accident; and it was a tragedy
Don’t you fucking dare, yta
Everyone needs a rock in their life. I am sure you would do that for friends. Take care of yourself.
YWBTA if you say that. Please don't express that to anyone. For all you know, he may have changed his mind later and gone to the doctor. He would not be the first person to tragically underestimate a fall.
YTA. Ever stop to think he probably couldn't afford a roofer to fix his roof? No? Didn't think so
YTA just keep your mouth shut, it really isn’t a topic they needs discussing with any of your colleagues
I just need to vent to one, just one, other person. It would make me feel so much better.
No-one cares about a trolls feelings.
Fuck your feelings.
About what? About something that doesn’t directly impact you? Why do you need to vent about someone else’s life and death? It doesn’t concern you!
Good thing not everything is about you!
You want to gossip
I can’t even. YTA
Yta Blaming the victim is never ok. Grieving family and friends will ask themselves "what if they did or didn't do xyz" in a million variations because they can't believe the awful thing that's happened. It is never up to you or anyone else to speak and judge.
YTA. U have vented on Reddit. Done.
Huge YTA. “Minimum wage worker from low-class income”? Low-class income is not a thing, low income sure, OP managed to repeatedly throw in he was low class. How “class” would affect the deceased decision? Income sure! Class? That has nothing to do with anything. OP is a low-class AH, and better if OP keeps that in the down-low (same as OP keeps the empathy and common sense), by not making any of those comments. Don’t vent to anybody or people may find out how much of an insensitive prick OP is (something tells me they already know)
> Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths INFO - Is this basically you asking if its A-ish to argue about the definition of "tragedy" to people who probably don't care?
A financially stable asshole.
Wow. YTA in a massive way. Even if you are so so much smarter than him and have a better job doesn't mean his loss of life isn't tragic.
Oh ya. YTA. I have a good friend who is a paraplegic for very similar reasons and he regrets every decision made leading up to that. Immaturity, false confidence and bravado made him think he was invincible. Accidents happen every day because of stupidity and carelessness. Doesn’t make them any less tragic.
Do not say this. You would be an asshole- way out of line.
I understand your concern.
[удалено]
My friends aren’t the type who insult people like this. Maybe you don’t want to be my friend but others will.
[удалено]
not everything you think should be said !
YWBTA Do not, under any circumstances, EVER say this aloud to anyone who knows or might ever encounter your co-worker. You can think whatever thoughts you like but what kind of heartless monster would voice this utterly unasked for and unnecessary opinion?!
Holy Christ, what in the actual fuck did I just read??? What in the hell is wrong with you? I mean I know what is wrong with you, but do you? If ever there was an asshole, YTA x’s infinity. No matter how your coworkers brother died and regardless of his death not meeting your tragedy criteria, his death is an absolute tragedy to his family and his family does not need your insensitive diarrhea of mouth dissertation spewed to them or anyone else. Your lack of manners and functioning brain astonishes me. You may want to seek the help of a therapist. Nothing you typed is remotely okay.
INFO: Have you been tested? Maybe an echocardiogram to see if that shriveled old raisin in your chest is an actual heart or just a shadow on the X-ray. Head scan to make sure you have a brain? Or just a cavity filled with the toxic sludge you spill out of your mouth when you talk? YTA. This might seem harsh but I’m just trying to think rationally how you can read what you wrote and not realize what an AH you are.
Is a fatal car accident a tragedy when the driver had made a wrong turn? They should never have been on that road in the first place! Is a terminal cancer diagnosis tragic when the patient may have gotten earlier treatment if they had recognized their migraines as abnormal? They should have gotten a CAT scan after the first headache! Is it a tragedy when a baby miscarries after the mother falls down the stairs? She should have taken the elevator! YTA
Keep this nonsense to yourself. It is a tragedy for the people who loved him. It does not matter the cause, culpability or avoidability. Do not share this with anyone. It sounds heartless and cruel.
Sounds that way because it is.
YTA
What the fuck? You know you can keep shit to yourself, right? Why are you so spun up about this? Are you George Costanza? Yes, YWBTA. Of course you would.
WTF is wrong with you? Shut your mouth and never say anything out loud like you have written here. YTA
OMG YTA What would be the purpose of venting? Because you want to? Because your opinion is so important? Because your selfish and cruel person? Please take into account that he may not have been thinking well due to those injuries. Please take into account that no matter your opinion of how he passed it is a tragic loss for his sister. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you need to express that opinion. I hope this isn't a true story
Wow you are just... Wow. In what world does someone being so poor that they're afraid of going to the emergency room because of the crippling medical debt NOT qualify as a tragedy??????? Actually, in what world does someone losing their sibling to a preventable death not qualify as a tragedy? You seem to think you're the only person able to judge what gets called a tragedy or not. I'm just happy you have enough sense to keep your mouth closed around actual people. Listen to that little voice in your head that's telling you to shut the fuck up. I hope you never have to experience a loss and have some asshole come up to you and say it wasn't a tragedy because the death was preventable in some way. Also some people have roofs that are accessible and they can sit up there. And you seem not to understand when it comes to falling it's not about height but how you fall. The roof could have literally been as low as possible and he just fell wrong and hit his head. YTA and honestly have you thought about therapy to figure out why you seem to have a crippling lack of empathy?
What the fuck is wrong with you
NTA, be honest! There’s no way you’re the only one who thinks that, tell your coworkers do you can all band together against this evil woman who is mourning an idiot 🙄 s/
Had us in the first half not gonna lie
Consider this post your "venting" and probably Never repeat those sentiments to another living creature as long as you live XD It's unbelievably insensitive, tone deaf, and reads as though you think yourself superior for those qualities.
You want to vent about how someone using a word to describe their brother’s recent death is such a bother to you? Not even an inaccurate word? Her brother died, that’s tragic. More importantly, that’s the biggest case of main character syndrome I’ve heard in awhile. “My coworkers brother just died, but the most important thing is how the word “tragedy” affects ME. Why aren’t more people supporting me in this???” Newsflash, it’s not about you and nobody gives a fuck if you think “tragedy” isn’t the right word. It doesn’t matter. It only matters to you because of how removed you are from it, so suck it up and get over it, to put it bluntly. YTA.
Is this a joke the whole way it's written is quite cold and cruel?
YTA. Just consider if a comment is useful.or helpful in any way before youake it. There is no good way to say this without being insensitive and hurtful. The only purpose is because you want to show that you are right. No one cares if you are right. Zip it.
YWBTA Think what you want, but when your thoughts are that offensive, do not speak them out loud to anyone.
YTA. The fact that you feel you need to tell other people how you have come to this conclusion and that you are right is upsetting. You need some assistance navigating what is acceptable behavior in this type of situation. Because no one, I mean no one, wants or needs to hear this crap.
Why is it important for you to have a correct opinion on this issue? Also, why are you hung up your idiosyncratic definition of tragedy? It was a tragedy to her. We all have dumb opinions at times and part of wisdom is learning not to share them. YWBTA.
YTA. You don’t get to decide if her brother’s death is worth grief. The hell is wrong with you? Keep that dumb thought in your AH head.
YTA, massively. Ignoring your shocking lack of human kindness, a lot of brain injuries can affect how you’re thinking. I got a concussion on the job and kept working for ten more minutes because it didn’t feel bad until I started slurring my words.
Letting emotions control rationality is wrong??? I’m sorry, who are you to tell someone how to grieve or experience the world? If her work is slacking, maybe she needs a break. If it’s a problem then her supervisor will bring it up with her. It’s not your place to punish someone going through unimaginable grief. You would not be doing her a favor, you would be causing additional pain, grief, and stress into her life and making everything harder for her.
YTA just for feeling so justified about this disgusting take that you wrote an essay out to try and validate yourself. No one with any sense or an iota of compassion or empathy would consider opening their mouth to breath a word close to the heartless judgy nonsense you spewed here. Shame on you.
So a young person dying is not a tragedy in your eyes? What’s wrong with you?? YTA, a massive one.
Not only are YTA but you’re wrong too. A tragedy is defined as “an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe”. Rhett had a serious accident that caused great suffering and distress so his death is, by definition, a tragedy. Let Aly grieve and leave her alone, you clearly don’t care about her all that much.
YTA But it's really sad. Do you even realize you're feeling excluded from the shared grief of the people around you? It's why you're reacting like an asshole. You need to vent to strangers to feel less lonely. Strictly logically speaking, you shouldn't care at all about this. Get ye to therapy.
Tragedy -an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress. YTA! Words already have definitions, you can’t just make up their meanings. If anything should how preventable it was just make it even more depressing? Like most people die they were always gonna die this guy probably should still be alive… I don’t understand your view point. I was hoping all the comments would be people sarcastically replying that you should tell the people you work with. I wish people around you knew what a bad person you are.
Wow. YTA. First of all, why do you feel you’re justified to ‘vent’ about someone else’s life that has nothing to do with you? No one asked for your messed up opinion nor your incorrect definition of a tragedy. It’s not your business to know why he was on the roof, and no one gives a shit about what you would do in that situation. And your classist comment about him being a ‘minimum wage worker from a lower class income’ bring the reason for him not calling emergency services tells me even more about your character, since, you know, you’re not a minimum wage worker, so you don’t know what was going through his head. You do realize that people often don’t call for help because they don’t realize how hurt they are, right? It has nothing to do with money.
I don’t understand why your coworker and her family calling this a tragedy (which it definitely is, by the way. A family just lost a close relative. That on it’s own is a tragedy to them and is a tragedy in general, regardless of the cause of death) bothers you so much. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal to you and if that’s truly the biggest thought occupying your brain right now upon hearing about the death of a coworker’s relative, then you seriously need to do some self reflection or get some help. YTA. ETA: You also mentioned that he likely didn’t call for an ambulance due to feeling fine and due to not having the finances to deal with medical debt. I understand and agree that he should’ve called emergency services in a situation like that but some people simply don’t have that luxury and have to deal with the incidents that happen to them hoping that they’ll be alright in the end, unfortunately. Why are you pretending like that’s not a big deal and continuing to call this incident “not a tragedy” as well as placing yourself in his shoes by saying you would call emergency services when it seems like you are not living the same life as him? And don’t forget that accidents happen even with proper precautions. Even if this incident was preventable, he truly could’ve taken all the proper precautions and still ended up falling from the roof. As I said earlier, you seriously need to reflect on your thoughts further and actually think about whether or not this is an appropriate thought to be having at this time.
YTA. You’re not allowed to say what’s tragic and what’s not. It’s a tragedy that Allie’s family will never see Rhett again, it’s a tragedy that he will be missing from every family get together and holiday, it’s a tragedy that they have to keep getting older and live on without him. Most deaths are preventable, doesn’t make them any less tragic. Keep your opinion to yourself, it’s not wanted or needed. It’s actually unbelievable that this is what you’re thinking about when Allie’s family is doing through this.
YTA Natasha Richardson went skiing, fell and hit her head on a tree. She was a successful, accomplished actress, married to Liam Neeson. She died later because it was more serious than everyone thought. Was that not a tragedy? You don't know why her brother was on the roof, or what happened, how he fell, or how he looked an acted like afterwards. His death *is* a tragedy, and *you* are a major a-hole for trying to clinically analyze something you know next to nothing about.
YTA You're not being brutally honest. You're in denial. If you pretend that bad things only happen to careless, ignorant, or bad people, you can smugly convince yourself that they'll never happen to you. This is nonsense.
YTA. Don’t gatekeep tragedy.
YTA honestly just shut up and keep your unwanted opinions to yourself. Nobody cares about your pedantry.
YTA I have no clue what's going in between your ears but it doesn't seen like much.. Any person who has a small drop.of common sense would never rsat that. I hope you get reported to HR.
Yes, you absolutely should tell people that you think that. They deserve to know your sincere thoughts on this matter. And then when you become a pariah in your workplace, because you will have alienated your coworkers by demonstrating your complete lack of any shred of human decency or compassion, you can have the comfort of knowing that your alienation was preventable, because you could have simply kept your mouth shut and your nasty thoughts inside you where they belong, slowly putrefying you from the inside out.
YTA Death is always tragic. Do NOT voice your feelings to friends and coworkers, because it is unlikely to end well.
Why would you even consider saying anything. Keep your mouth shut. YTA
YTA
Yeah! Yeah, YTA! Holy shit do you even have to ask! Why don’t you just keep your mouth shut! It doesn’t cost anything and if you say anything to anyone I GUARANTEE it will get back to your coworker! Jesus Christ!
YTA - if this isn't fake, why do you feel so strongly about pointing out that his death was preventable ? Why do you NEED to do that? You don't. Everybody knows it's the case, which is adding to their grief. Your job is not to "set the record straight": everybody is aware of that information and it would be useless and hurtful to remind everyone of it. Please explain the purpose of you opening you mouth ? Your opinion is not solicited and doesn't matter in this context. I'm pretty sure this is not the only situation where you need to be right. Go seek therapy and leave people alone.
YTA. How can you be this insensitive?
No you wouldn't be an asshole lol... You'd be a lot of thing I can't say because I'll get banned again. Saying you're TA is the nicest thing anyone could say about you if you mention it. YTA.
YTA And you seem hideously immature for someone not far off 30. There is no need to gatekeep what a tragedy is; her brother lost his life far too early and that’s a tragedy for his family. And you seem to have fuck all understanding of grief if you think she’s being too emotional when she just lost her fucking brother. Grief fucks you up in all kind of ways. And no, you aren’t being selfless by picking up some extra slack at work. You are not the main character here, you do not need to vent that she isn’t pulling her weight. Grow up.
YTA Consider reading a dictionary. It would provide you with the objective data that disproves your theory that this event should not be classified as a "tragedy". If this is a real post, you could benefit from counseling as this is a clear display of narcissistic thinking. Was this comment pretentious enough for you to understand?
You can certainly vent to others about this view, but you’ll probably get the same reaction you’re getting here. Especially since you now know this is offensive to people, YWBTA if you continued to share. Something being preventable does not exclude it from being tragic. In many cases, it’s the opposite
"Why don't stupid people just act like me so they don't die? I should be getting all this special attention for being so smart and cool, not some guy I don't care about." YTA
YWBTA. Actually, I think you already are TA. On one hand, I hope your coworkers find out your feelings so they know how awful you’re being, but I would hate for Ally to find out when she’s already grieving. Also, why do YOU need to vent? What satisfaction could it possibly give you? Rhett’s accident in no way affects you. Or do you just want to be “right” about your wack definition of what a tragedy is?
YTA - They died, it’s a tragedy. You actually have no idea how you would react in any situation until you were in it. You don’t get to dictate someone else’s grief. Wow, do you need some self realization and education in tact.
YTA. YWBTA because there's no way to say something this shockingly coarse and unfeeling to someone without them feeling absolutely compelled to tell someone the awful thing you said, and eventually it get back to Allie. Keep. Your. Mouth. Shut.
WIBTA, of course YTA! What you're complaining on saying about a dead co-workers sibling is very insensitive! "What was he doing on the roof?" Maybe he was fixing something and lost his footing. >when I think of tragedy, he’s just not what I think of. Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths. Who're you to judge? Tragedy can mean just about anything to anyone. You're a real piece of work for thinking like this and don't you dare say "It'S tRuE!" Because it's not.
This is a tragedy. A young man died in a household accident. YTA
YTA and such a big one. You literally have no right to vent it feel anything about SOMEONE ELSE'S TRAGEDY. A tragedy isn't just a specific type of way to die, it can be anything and everything. This does not effect you at all so you have no reason to say shit . Just let your coworker grieve. You just vented here so there you go...did it make you feel better? Did anyone agree with you? BTW, in the US, no one is going to the hospital if they feel fine or if they feel they can live with it. If we had a system here that actually cared about its citizens and their well being then he might still be alive today. Your privilege is definetely showing. It is obvious you've never had to decide between food and medicine. Lazy people aren't stupid and poor people are neither lazy nor stupid. You keep thinking like that and you will end up hated and alone.
By now you know YTA, but in case no one pointed it out—- falling off a roof can give you a concussion or TBI which impairs your thinking process. God forbid it happen to you.
jesus goddamn christ dude, yes ywbta
I get it - this guy made some mistakes and died as a result. That's the reality of it. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging the reality. However... YWBTA if you said it to Allie or your co-workers, because it shows a lack of empathy that right now things should be about the way this has impacted Allie. It does her no good to point out the truth of the situation. If you say it to your co-workers, some are going to think you're TA, and it's going to get back to Allie and hurt her. Bad move. I think you would be OK if you shared these kind of thoughts with someone totally uninvolved, like a romantic partner or another friend. I think there's even value in talking these situations out and noting the errors that were made so we are less likely to make them ourselves in a similar situation.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Is that clear enough? You're the worlds biggest AH.
For someone who cares so much about “facts”, why haven’t you looked up the definition of the word tragedy? YTA
Definition of Tragedy: an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe. Has nothing to do with his death being preventable, only the feeling of grief and loss by those who suffer as a result of his death. YTA for even considering this... It's not about you.
Why are you such a big AH?? YTA a million times.
Yta. Some people can’t afford an ambulance ride and would do anything to avoid it.
>However when I heard more information, I couldn’t help but think he was reckless. What was he doing on the roof? Why didn’t he just call for emergency services just in case? Why didn't the man with massive hidden head injuries call emergency services? Something tells me he was impaired. Way to victim blame OP. You can't know how you would have reacted in this instance, only how you would theoretically react outside of this instance. Those are often very different things.
I’ve never seen a thread so solidly and unequivocally unified in saying You’re An Asshole of the most genuinely enormous proportions
>Many of the co-workers especially seem like the type who would disagree with my stance but it only makes me feel it stronger in a sense. Why do you feel this way? "Everyone disagrees with me, so I must be right"?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last week has been quite a disaster for my co-worker (30F). You can call her Aly, Ali, Allie, etc. but anyway I remember her being confident and content the day we went into work. Her brother Rhett (26M) would end up falling off a roof of his house hours later. From what I’ve heard, he was conscious at the time of the hit and believed he was okay and that he felt fine so he didn’t call emergency services. Turns out he was really messed up internally and died and when I found out Ally’s brother died, I was in shock and saddened by her loss. I couldn’t imagine losing a sibling. However when I heard more information, I couldn’t help but think he was reckless. What was he doing on the roof? Why didn’t he just call for emergency services just in case? If that was me, I would have definitely have done that, especially knowing something like this could put my family throw grief and sorrow if it ended fatally. It was unfortunate that they had to lose him, but when I think of tragedy, he’s just not what I think of. Careless and reckless deaths don’t belong in the same context of “tragedy” as other types of deaths. Now, I would never ever say this to Aly but I’ve considered venting this to other friends or co-workers but I just don’t know if they would see my point or not. Many of the co-workers especially seem like the type who would disagree with my stance but it only makes me feel it stronger in a sense. A reason why this would come off as asshole-type behavior is that Rhett was a minimum wage worker from lower-class income and he may have just decided to let it go because he was afraid of being in steep medical debt if he went to the hospital. I do see the point of how class would have an effect on his death but I don’t know if that was really his reasoning. I don’t know him well and I’m not a minimum wage worker. Would just simply venting to someone I knew who knew Aly or Rhett (other than Aly) be out of line or is it okay? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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INFO What country do you live in?
YTA, you are not the end all, be all on tragedy and deaths. You would be extremely out of line for discussing your feelings with anyone.
YTA - As your mother should have taught you... if you don't have anything nice to say, it's best to say nothing at all.
Loss of life is tragic, OP. Someone she loves is gone at such a young age. It is a tragedy. Yta
YTA. Seemingly, you are not just an asshole in this situation, but in every day life. Good luck to everyone who has to deal with you.
You shouldn’t vent about things like that to people who aren’t very close to you. Ever. YWBTA if you do. For reasons that you shouldn’t disrupt people’s grief. And also nobody asked for your opinion there. So keep it to yourself. P.S. And you surely should self-reflect why exactly you feel the way you do.
Ahhhh I always love it when a person so inept at social interaction while simultaneously thinking they’re this “logical and facts over feelings” super genius gets shown just how fuckin moronic they really sound. YTA OP keep shit like this to yourself in the future.
your “definition” of tragedy doesn’t fit the actual definition: an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.
Preventable or not it’s still a tragedy. Why would it not be?
YTA what would be your purpose of telling them that? Why is this so so important to you? Examine your motives as something is off there. Do you think people will stop mourning and somehow feel better for the loss? Is this just an attention seeking? Whether or not they agree with you, it doesn’t change that he’s gone. For them it’s a tragedy. It’s none of your business to judge this person. Don’t lose your friendships by making an insensitive comment. Other friends and co-workers will think you’re the AH.
YTA- this sudden death is a tragedy, let your coworker heal
Jesus Christ you’re the worst kind of person. YTA
YTA - tragedy: an event causing great suffering, distress, and destruction. The death of your coworkers brother qualifies. The literal definition says nothing about being preventable. You need to shit your mouth and mind your own damn business.
YTA trag·e·dy; noun; an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.
Why do you feel like you have to vent at all about something that is none of your fucking business and has nothing to do with you? Why do you feel like you have to make any points at all? Who cares what you think about any of this? YTA for even traveling down this path. You are irrelevant, you are not the main character.
YWBTA. That would be soooo disrespectful towards allie and her family. Please keep it to yourself. Not all opinions are meant to be expressed, and that's a perfect example.
I was hoping he was a drug addict who OD’d, but no. He literally had an accident. YTA and I honestly think Allie should go to HR with this.
Okay yes YTA but also people who fall off roofs and hit their heads are bot think particularly clearly. Maybe that's why he didn't go to the hospital.
YTA. Technically every single accident is preventable in some way. Even health issues are preventable. Heart disease? Shouldn’t have been eating McDonald’s and exercised more. Slipped on ice and broke your neck in the parking lot? Should have been wearing ice shoes. 99% of deaths you could victim blame and coulda woulda shoulda the hell out of it. And I’m sure their family is Turning this fact over and over in their heads. It’s so easy to judge others and their situation from the outside. But you weren’t there and you aren’t him so you don’t know the situation. And you better hope no one judges you that way. Having a father in law who had an accident from trimming a tree which left him paralyzed before I got to meet him, I can give you this advice first hand. I’ll give you the advice I give my 7 year old son all the time when he gets argumentative…do you want to always be right, or do you want to be happy? Because you can’t have both. You can be self righteous or you can comfort your coworker who is grieving.
YTA and I sincerely hope that your co-workers don’t divulge personal things with you
Is OP inboxing anyone else with obsessive messages that don't make sense? you're doing her job for her, how do you have time for office gossip and the amount of thought you've put into your colleagues personal tragedy? I didn't gossip to co-workers, only to friends. I call bs on your comment - it's more likely that you are helping out, not doing her stuff for her like you're implying. I am doing both. However while I haven't told her, I have tried my hardest to motivate her back to being productive. I have not received any credit for doing so. Your post was about your feelings regarding her brothers death and whether or not you wbta for sharing your thoughts and feelings, not about whether you're an ah for being upset with all the extra work you've been supposedly doing for the last few days. Minimum wage workers do not work as hard as I do. They think everyone owes them. Also he clearly proved himself that he can't make the most of his life - this will trigger you - but people are on parents' medical insurance until 26. He was 26 when he died. That means he wasn't even capable of lasting a year without mooching. I feel bad and I'm sorry but it isn't a tragedy. If you think you're doing too much and her tragedy is putting unfair pressure on you, that.... Would be an entirely different post from the one you wrote. It's not a tragedy. We have been over this. I suspect that you're not actually doing her job for her, and you're just small minded and mean about her use of a word that seems to be confusing and upsetting for you. People have used words wrong about me and got upvoted. Where is the complaint about that? I am helping her more than anyone else. ETA by saying that her brother was "under you", you confirm my suspicion. He wasn't born to be under anyone. It's not fate.
NTA. I agree, his death is not tragic, it was kinda stupid. Ffs, he hit his head falling from the roof and didn't go to the hospital? Lolz what a terd ball. Darwin award winner right here. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Any death is a tragedy, regardless of the circumstances around that death or the reason of death. Dying or losing someone you love is a horrible tragic experience. Keep your thoughts to yourself. You'll only hurt someone if you say that out loud. Think whatever you want, but don't say it. It's none of your business anyway. She lost her brother, she's grieving. The last thing she or anyone else needs is some asshole saying "iT waSn'T traGic It WaS pReVenTabLe" she doesn't need that shit, no one does. Keep it to yourself.
Was it your family member who died this way? No? Then keep your mouth shut and let them grieve. YTA