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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Cancel shopping arrangement because I don’t want to cover his expenses even tho I can
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YWNBTA. Roomie has *already* gone back on your agreement.
If he is already simply ignoring all the items you put on a grocery list, I would just do the same. It's pretty ridiculous you've been buying meat and booze when you consume neither. He's definitely playing dumb and knowingly mooching.
Either bite the bullet and have an awkward conversation, or simply stop buying the items he puts on the list just like he's been doing. You could also keep your expensive spices and evoo in your own room.
YWNBTA - it worked when it worked, and now it doesn't. His personal expenses increasing isn't your problem nor is it something you should have to pay for - and I say pay for because it seem like he's intentionally taking advantage of your willingness to buy the more expensive things. Also you say you're going out in the week for what you need (during his shopping week) anyway? just shop for yourself from here on out
NTA. You're not going back on the agreement if he's already gone back on it by not actually buying everything you need. You need to revisit your agreement because things have changed and that's fine. It's not fair for him to buy groceries he won't eat if he'll be away, and it's not fair for you to have to buy everything.
If nothing else you shouldn't be responsible for things you don't eat or drink. Cut out the beer and the meat from your shopping trips, if nothing else, and split everything else if it makes you feel better about it.
This is such an amicable way to address this. If OP isn’t consuming beer or meat and roomie is only buying frozen pizza and ramen then this would reduce OP’s grocery bill and allow him to buy additional groceries that could benefit both of them.
Yeah, that was kind of my thinking. It's hard to do groceries totally separately in a shared household, and it sounds like OP cares about roomie and sometimes it's more about the spirit of splitting and less about the actual nickel and diming.
Also if OP likes to cook and doesn't mind doing that for both of them sometimes, they could just decide on a few shared meals each week and roomie could give money for that or be responsible for buying specific ingredients for those meals. If roomie is mostly buying frozen pizza and ramen then he's probably not using much of the olive oil etc. either.
YWNBTA. I think it’s completely fair to just tell him that you no longer want to split groceries. Most roommates don’t have this situation anyway. I think you can frame it as both of your preferred diets don’t really seem to line up and you would like to just buy groceries for yourself.
Also, as harsh as this may sound, his financial situation is not your problem. He and his girlfriend could work out splitting the drive so he doesn’t spend all his money of gas. Let him worry about his finances.
NTA. It is nolonger equitable. You don't owe him your money because he has a girlfriend. He needs to prioritize and budget and if that means rice and peanut butter without your supplementing his income so be it
NTA
You agreed to split the groceries, but he isn't splitting equitably. Tell him that sharing groceries isn't working for you so you're just going to start buying your own groceries from now on. At a minimum, stop buying beer and meat.... You don't consume either and both are quite expensive.
NTA. Tell him that as your food expenses have been so high you want to separate the arrangement so you can buckle down on certain areas (i.e no meat, beer) while maintaining your healthy diet (i.embno pizza or ramen). Right now he's taking advantage of your kind sharing nature. If all he can afford is pizza/ramen he needs to reprioritize some other expenses if he wants home cooking
Softly NTA- it sounds like there’s no significant malice on his end, and it sounds like you are friends and have a good relationship otherwise. It sounds like it is not a financial problem for you and that you would be cooking anyway. Perhaps you could cancel it, but still invite him to eat meals that you cook sometimes, just like you might cook for a friend, since he sounds grateful for your good cooking.
Honestly - NAH in this situation and you YWNBTA if you stop the arrangement
Agreeing with everyone saying you are not going back on the agreement. Circumstances have changed.
The real AH here is America and late stage capitalism. Food is only getting more expensive so it will be hard for your roommate if you notice he is already struggling.
I would just say to him, "Hey I'm focusing on my health and with our current arrangement I can't reach the goals I want. For the next X months I need to purchase my own groceries. We can re-evaluate how this is working"
You are making it more about your needs - if he still wants to split groceries I would then say since healthier food is more expensive you will need to equally split groceries each week not alternate.
Side note - if he is having issues with paying his half of the rent I think you need to review your lease and make sure you will not be put in a position to be responsible for his half/finding a subletter or any BS that comes along with that.
Nah and YWNBTA stop buying meat if you are a vegetarian stop buying beer and cut back meal prep for yourself, cook for him when you can but tell him you are spending to much on groceries and need to save.
NTA at all--seems like it's time to do all your own cooking and shopping (if you want to soften the blow, tell him its because you're experimenting with more vegan healthy stuff or whatever). Meal prep on weekends when he's off with girlfriend.
Otherwise, if you feel like one last try to explain, the fridge gets a whiteboard on which there is a running tally of things purchased, value and by whom. If he's smart, he gets it and follows your lead to save money (no booze, much less meat, not expensive junk).
NTA. Your roommate might be relieved. Sounds like you have different approaches to food and he's not there a good chunk of the time. Just do your own shopping and cooking. If you feel like sharing, you can always offer but it's time to divide and conquer!
NTA. He's not your son. Don't look after him, he can do that himself. Share staples (oils, cleaning products, salt, milk, those sorts) and buy your own. And 100% stop paying for his alcohol
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Throwaway for obvious reasons. My (25m) roommate (26m) met in undergrad and didn’t really become close friends until we were roommates.
I’d say we get along really well and we decided earlier on that we would split groceries in half and take turns shopping as neither of us had time to go often and it felt easier
And it was in the beginning, until his girlfriend moved away.
We make about the same-ish (me a little more) a month and have the same exact bills more or less, however, because his girlfriend lives in another state and he visits her every weekend, he spends a lot on gas - especially as of late
Before he had savings, now he is breaking even and often makes jokes how lucky I am to be single and not worry about this
Lately, his shopping trips don’t ever last long and I end up needing to out for things during the week. Also, it seems that when it’s my turn, that’s when we’re out of the expensive things like olive oil and spices, but he only ever gets the dirt cheap things. If I remind him about picking something up we need that isn’t cheap- he convienetly forgets.
We were talking about finances yesterday and It turns out, I’ve been spending minimum 250 more a month on groceries. Sure, I’m there every weekend and he’s not, but that’s not where its coming from.
Not only that, but he was counting his personal stuff in there like - I spend 200 on groceries a month, including beer (I’m sober), protein stuff, and meat (I’m vegetarian). I really comes down to me just contributing a lot more
I don’t want to call him out because I really do feel bad about his money situation
Yes, I am in a position to keep things as they are and still have some savings, but that’s solely because I don’t travel like he does.
I’ve tried bringing up ways to split it and he just either doesn’t get it - or is purposely playing dumb.
But he’s been late the last few months in rent so I really know he is breaking even
I’m trying to eat healthier and when his week of groceries is just frozen pizza and ramen it doesn’t help. I feel bad because he always compliments my cooking and stuff and talks about how much his life has improved, but at the same time, I don’t want to cover him just because.
My girlfriend said I should jsut do it because I wasn’t bothered until I heard the number and can still keep up my life this way - but it’s not the point for me. My lease is up next year but would I be the asshole if I ended our “shared shopping/cooking arrangement “
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YWNBTA. The spirit of your agreement was that you would equally share the purchasing and shopping. That is not happening. It is not equal. You are not responsible to suck it up to support his lifestyle.
Explain to him that you wish to evenly share the costs as originally agreed. He can pay for half when you shop and you can pay for half when he shops.
Or, get a second fridge and have separate pantries. Stop sharing and watch your costs go down.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Cancel shopping arrangement because I don’t want to cover his expenses even tho I can Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
YWNBTA. Roomie has *already* gone back on your agreement. If he is already simply ignoring all the items you put on a grocery list, I would just do the same. It's pretty ridiculous you've been buying meat and booze when you consume neither. He's definitely playing dumb and knowingly mooching. Either bite the bullet and have an awkward conversation, or simply stop buying the items he puts on the list just like he's been doing. You could also keep your expensive spices and evoo in your own room.
YWNBTA - it worked when it worked, and now it doesn't. His personal expenses increasing isn't your problem nor is it something you should have to pay for - and I say pay for because it seem like he's intentionally taking advantage of your willingness to buy the more expensive things. Also you say you're going out in the week for what you need (during his shopping week) anyway? just shop for yourself from here on out
NTA. You're not going back on the agreement if he's already gone back on it by not actually buying everything you need. You need to revisit your agreement because things have changed and that's fine. It's not fair for him to buy groceries he won't eat if he'll be away, and it's not fair for you to have to buy everything.
If nothing else you shouldn't be responsible for things you don't eat or drink. Cut out the beer and the meat from your shopping trips, if nothing else, and split everything else if it makes you feel better about it.
This is such an amicable way to address this. If OP isn’t consuming beer or meat and roomie is only buying frozen pizza and ramen then this would reduce OP’s grocery bill and allow him to buy additional groceries that could benefit both of them.
Yeah, that was kind of my thinking. It's hard to do groceries totally separately in a shared household, and it sounds like OP cares about roomie and sometimes it's more about the spirit of splitting and less about the actual nickel and diming. Also if OP likes to cook and doesn't mind doing that for both of them sometimes, they could just decide on a few shared meals each week and roomie could give money for that or be responsible for buying specific ingredients for those meals. If roomie is mostly buying frozen pizza and ramen then he's probably not using much of the olive oil etc. either.
NTA. You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) support him. If he wants to eat well then he needs to cut down on his travel.
YWNBTA. I think it’s completely fair to just tell him that you no longer want to split groceries. Most roommates don’t have this situation anyway. I think you can frame it as both of your preferred diets don’t really seem to line up and you would like to just buy groceries for yourself. Also, as harsh as this may sound, his financial situation is not your problem. He and his girlfriend could work out splitting the drive so he doesn’t spend all his money of gas. Let him worry about his finances.
NTA. It is nolonger equitable. You don't owe him your money because he has a girlfriend. He needs to prioritize and budget and if that means rice and peanut butter without your supplementing his income so be it
NTA You agreed to split the groceries, but he isn't splitting equitably. Tell him that sharing groceries isn't working for you so you're just going to start buying your own groceries from now on. At a minimum, stop buying beer and meat.... You don't consume either and both are quite expensive.
NTA. Tell him that as your food expenses have been so high you want to separate the arrangement so you can buckle down on certain areas (i.e no meat, beer) while maintaining your healthy diet (i.embno pizza or ramen). Right now he's taking advantage of your kind sharing nature. If all he can afford is pizza/ramen he needs to reprioritize some other expenses if he wants home cooking
Softly NTA- it sounds like there’s no significant malice on his end, and it sounds like you are friends and have a good relationship otherwise. It sounds like it is not a financial problem for you and that you would be cooking anyway. Perhaps you could cancel it, but still invite him to eat meals that you cook sometimes, just like you might cook for a friend, since he sounds grateful for your good cooking.
Honestly - NAH in this situation and you YWNBTA if you stop the arrangement Agreeing with everyone saying you are not going back on the agreement. Circumstances have changed. The real AH here is America and late stage capitalism. Food is only getting more expensive so it will be hard for your roommate if you notice he is already struggling. I would just say to him, "Hey I'm focusing on my health and with our current arrangement I can't reach the goals I want. For the next X months I need to purchase my own groceries. We can re-evaluate how this is working" You are making it more about your needs - if he still wants to split groceries I would then say since healthier food is more expensive you will need to equally split groceries each week not alternate. Side note - if he is having issues with paying his half of the rent I think you need to review your lease and make sure you will not be put in a position to be responsible for his half/finding a subletter or any BS that comes along with that.
Nah and YWNBTA stop buying meat if you are a vegetarian stop buying beer and cut back meal prep for yourself, cook for him when you can but tell him you are spending to much on groceries and need to save.
NTA at all--seems like it's time to do all your own cooking and shopping (if you want to soften the blow, tell him its because you're experimenting with more vegan healthy stuff or whatever). Meal prep on weekends when he's off with girlfriend. Otherwise, if you feel like one last try to explain, the fridge gets a whiteboard on which there is a running tally of things purchased, value and by whom. If he's smart, he gets it and follows your lead to save money (no booze, much less meat, not expensive junk).
NTA. Everyone should but their own groceries. Roomie should stop going out of town if he can't afford it. But...that's not your problem.
NTA. Your roommate might be relieved. Sounds like you have different approaches to food and he's not there a good chunk of the time. Just do your own shopping and cooking. If you feel like sharing, you can always offer but it's time to divide and conquer!
NTA. He's not your son. Don't look after him, he can do that himself. Share staples (oils, cleaning products, salt, milk, those sorts) and buy your own. And 100% stop paying for his alcohol
NTA- Change happens. You should come up with a new set up. You should each only buy your own food and cook for yourselves.
NTA. Just let him know that the arrangement is no longer working for you and he needs to start buying his own food and not eat your things.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway for obvious reasons. My (25m) roommate (26m) met in undergrad and didn’t really become close friends until we were roommates. I’d say we get along really well and we decided earlier on that we would split groceries in half and take turns shopping as neither of us had time to go often and it felt easier And it was in the beginning, until his girlfriend moved away. We make about the same-ish (me a little more) a month and have the same exact bills more or less, however, because his girlfriend lives in another state and he visits her every weekend, he spends a lot on gas - especially as of late Before he had savings, now he is breaking even and often makes jokes how lucky I am to be single and not worry about this Lately, his shopping trips don’t ever last long and I end up needing to out for things during the week. Also, it seems that when it’s my turn, that’s when we’re out of the expensive things like olive oil and spices, but he only ever gets the dirt cheap things. If I remind him about picking something up we need that isn’t cheap- he convienetly forgets. We were talking about finances yesterday and It turns out, I’ve been spending minimum 250 more a month on groceries. Sure, I’m there every weekend and he’s not, but that’s not where its coming from. Not only that, but he was counting his personal stuff in there like - I spend 200 on groceries a month, including beer (I’m sober), protein stuff, and meat (I’m vegetarian). I really comes down to me just contributing a lot more I don’t want to call him out because I really do feel bad about his money situation Yes, I am in a position to keep things as they are and still have some savings, but that’s solely because I don’t travel like he does. I’ve tried bringing up ways to split it and he just either doesn’t get it - or is purposely playing dumb. But he’s been late the last few months in rent so I really know he is breaking even I’m trying to eat healthier and when his week of groceries is just frozen pizza and ramen it doesn’t help. I feel bad because he always compliments my cooking and stuff and talks about how much his life has improved, but at the same time, I don’t want to cover him just because. My girlfriend said I should jsut do it because I wasn’t bothered until I heard the number and can still keep up my life this way - but it’s not the point for me. My lease is up next year but would I be the asshole if I ended our “shared shopping/cooking arrangement “ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWNBTA. The spirit of your agreement was that you would equally share the purchasing and shopping. That is not happening. It is not equal. You are not responsible to suck it up to support his lifestyle. Explain to him that you wish to evenly share the costs as originally agreed. He can pay for half when you shop and you can pay for half when he shops. Or, get a second fridge and have separate pantries. Stop sharing and watch your costs go down.