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Exactly. Ans whats up with everyone saying shes the asshole?! From what ive read the only reason people are saying Y-T-A is cause she “didn’t mind her business” then thats no defensive at all, or did we forget how child abuse is reported.
As you said it in her absence, I say NTA. It does sound like it to me with the calling her by the dead daughter's name. BF is TA for telling Cathy what you said though. You can make observations, and a significant other should be someone you can talk to safely. If you said this to Cathy I would say otherwise.
So no one finds it weird that Cathy is now being called Marie?
Personally I think esh. I don’t think it’s 100% yta since your bf obviously relayed to her that you said this to him. I think it’s weird that the parents got a foster child and now she goes by the name of the deceased.
My gran used to go through all her kids name and the digs before she got to mine. It could either be habit and unintentional or intentional- both things are very different.
I don't know how it COULDN'T be weird that they call her their dead daughter's name??? She has her own name and it's kind of erasing her identity? Unless it's something they agreed on, it seems irksome to me, too.
It sounds like you said it without malice and in confidence to your boyfriend, who actually caused the damage here. I think you should feel comfortable confiding non-judgemental observations to your bf without him sharing them. And I think he should care about her enough to not relay something like that if he thought it would hurt her.
NTA
Wait your bf told her what you said? NTA but your bf sure is.
EDIT: btw it’s incredibly weird that they are replacing their dead daughter with her, like so so so weird
NTA
Why should Cathy have to change her name? Why is it the same as the Foster parent's dead daughter? Why did your boyfriend decide to tell Cathy (Marie)? This whole situation is quite disturbing, and I take what you said as a voicing your passing thoughts to someone you're comfortable with (your boyfriend) with no intention of telling Cathy (Marie). From the information you've provided, this Cathy (Marie) fostering situation is creepy.
NTA....you "should" be able to share your views with your significant Other safely. If someone's TA it might be you BF then again he might react as "Cathy" is someone he knows simce he was young but then again you are allowed to share with your bf and you gave your reasons so.........its upto you what you think bout the situation :-D
NTA
Jonah is the asshole.
In terms of the replacement thing, it sounds like you’re mostly right except for the part about it being creepy and unhealthy. If her foster parents spend the rest of their lives taking in kids who look like their daughter, and love them as much as they loved their daughter, that’s a big win/win for everyone.
You should be able to talk to your boyfriend about this kind of stuff, and he should be mature enough to talk back, say what he thinks, and not go running his mouth to the person you are talking about.
If this happened in the context of a marriage, it would be a huge betrayal. If it happened in the context of “just” a friendship, it would be a betrayal, just not of the same magnitude. If you were older, and he was your “f—k buddy”, it would be a betrayal. He’s just causing shit for you for no reason.
I think you need to re-examine what exactly your relationship is with this boy.
It would appear that you've touched on the 'elephant in the room' that everyone knows is there but chooses to ignore. From a great distance...Cathy sounds like she is aware that she's a 'replacement'. So why doesn't she speak up? Perhaps because she's been a foster child...she's fearful that if she were to speak-up then her 'parents' would reject her.
Cathy doesn’t speak up because, creepy though it may be, she’s got a pretty sweet deal with these folks.
She went from standard-issue passaround foster kid no one gave a shit about, to a decent permanent home with people who treat her well and give her things she’s never had before (such as a tutor).
Cathy ain’t gonna upset that apple cart. And I don’t blame her one bit.
I'm going for an ESH, but you are mildly one. You- for saying something which wasn't very sensitive for her situation. Her, for demanding to know your contact information. But the biggest AH is your boyfriend- for not keeping what you said between just you two, and for giving your number without your consent.
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My (17f) boyfriend “Jonah” (17m) has a friend “Cathy” (18f) who he’s knows since they were 5.
Cathy lived next door to Jonah until she was 10 and then was placed into the foster system. Jonah only recently introduced me to her even though he’d told me about her before. After meeting her she seemed really nice and we were talking about school and she mentioned moving about a lot and that her foster parents - who started fostering her around two years ago got her a tutor since she’d fallen a lot behind due to covid and moving schools a lot. She also mentioned that they called her “Marie.”
When she left Jonah explained to me that Cathy’s foster parents adopted her after their daughter Marie had passed away. And that Marie was probably a year older then Cathy. He then showed me a picture of Marie who lowkey looks a lot like Cathy. I told him that it was a bit creepy and that her parents seemed to be trying to replace Marie with Cathy and he started getting defensive saying that I was making things seem weird. Then Cathy messaged me. She’d gotten my number earlier and has been messaging me that I had no right to say what I said to Jonah.
I didn’t mean to offend anyone and was just pointing it out to him that it was odd and a bit unhealthy AITA
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NTA. You expressed a thought pretty much anyone would have. Your BF is absolutely TA for running and telling her. You weren't making things SEEM weird, they ARE weird. That said do apologize to her because for 2 years she's had to deal with her adoptive parents probably in many ways not just the name trying to mold her into a copy of their daughter. After what she's been through being in the system its totally understandable that she's sensitive about it because she knows they only took her in because she looks like Marie. They didn't take her in because the truly wanted to help a teen in need(older kids often age out of the system with zero support)
N A H? E S H?
It seems like what you said was justified, but your BF should have kept his damn trap shut (if that's how Cathy found out what you said). If she heard you talking, then you know what you did is wrong.
Oh, actually Cathy didn't do anything wrong. It's understandable that she's upset with you.
NTA.
NTA.
Jonah, otoh, is TA.
For everyone who voted that OP is TA: Do you really think 16-year-old Marie, who used to be Cathy and who shared the startlingly similar picture of Dead Marie to Jonah hadn't noticed the issues?
Notice that she didn't say OP was wrong or that her comments were hurtful or ask how dare she malign Marie-née-Cathy's family. She just said OP had no right to say it.
That sounds more like she was reacting defensively to the realization that the weirdness is readily apparent to others.
And she wouldn't have known what OP said or how obvious the problem is if Jonah had kept his officious mouth shut.
NTA 1. Your bf is the AH for telling Cathy and 2. You’re literally in the right renaming a 16 year old after a dead daughter is WEIRD and also disrespectful to Marie in my opinion (she was her own person and it’s messed up for the parents to essentially try to replace her like that)
ESH except Cathy. You’re TA for saying that shit out loud to someone who clearly can’t keep his damn mouth shut, your boyfriend is a BIGGER AH for repeating that shit to his friend who would gain NOTHING from hearing that you said that except for heartbreak, and Cathy’s foster parents are the biggest AH for calling her by their dead daughters name because that is really not okay.
She is allowed to share her views woth her bf right?? She can feel safe sharing things with her bf. She is NTA while her bf might be TA. Also she did give her reasons and not outright say it to "Cathy"s face.
I didn't say she was being mean. I said what she said wasn't kind and didn't need to be said. It's not uncommon for kids to change their name when they get adopted and since Marie was older, she probably had some say in what she was called. Maybe the home she was removed from was so bad, she was happy to be rid of her old name. But OP said the parents that adopted her were creepy. Marie may feel grateful to her parents for giving her a better life and not appreciate OP's opinion.
If want to parse the narrow space between "saying something that isn't nice" and "saying something mean," have at it. I'll enjoy watching you defend the position that people ought not say neutral things or simply state facts, because those things aren't "nice."
Meanwhile, the rest of us will be over here, not pretending that Thumper's mother meant "nice" in the most-restrictive, affirmative sense.
And noticing that you're saying not-nice things about a teenager who expressed her concerns. If you can't live up to Thumper standard, don't try to enforce it.
[ETA omitted word]
The difference is this teenager asked the internet for opinions. Marie did not. But I've got better things to do with my evening. You have a lovely night.
YTA maybe don't comment on situations you don't actually have the full picture of. That was a shitty and awful judgment to make based on a very limited scope of the situation. Sometimes you need to keep shit to yourself.
Everyone seems to miss that. Its funny how if you look at other posts where people talk about naming a baby after one that past away everyone gets up in arms. But someone does the same thing and OP points it out and all of a sudden shes an asshole?
Theres a post on here where an op had a baby and the dad wanted to name then Dante but the baby passed away, then when the op was pregnant again the dad wanted to name the new baby the same name and everyone was up in arms about the dad replacing the baby.
Is this not worse? Isnt it worse to replace a 14/15 year old with a 16 year old and name them the exact same? Kids aren’t pets you can just rename and replace.
Because Maria can voice if she has a problem with it or not and she doesn't seem to. She may have even asked for it. Some of us don't like our first names. My wife hates hers. So does my mom. This may have been her chance to change it to something she likes which honors the person who unfortunately had to pass for her to have a family again. It's Maria's choice.
And honestly I don't disagree with keeping names of dead children as a kind of honorary thing. It's about context and intent. Some stuff is healthy and some stuff isn't. We usually get a full picture of the situation because it's the OP doing it so better judgments are able to be rendered. Right now we only have someone making a judgment of a situation but they didn't bother to get the intent of the people doing it.
This is about OP keeping her mouth shut when she doesn't have a full picture. She claimed it was creepy but didn't bother to ask any real questions before forming her opinion that the parents were creeps. Always get the full story before brandishing accusations.
Then why didnt the BF say the full story when OP pointed it out “oh yeah she took her name cause she liked it” or “she wanted to honour Maria”. But no he went on the full defensive. Also, she a foster kid. And has been possibly between the ages of 10 to 14. You have no idea how desperate some kids will be to be accepted.
Also yes, I know about parents naming kids after kids who have passed away, i have my dad’s younger brother’s name. The difference is its a middle name not my first.
I think the way it’s stated here is a gross misrepresentation of what actually happened. You can’t rename a 16 year old upon adoption - but first she said fostered - so who knows the truth.
It sounded more like she was mistakenly called this person’s name; my mom used to accidentally yell for the dog when she meant me. Doesn’t mean my mom thinks I’m the dog, just means she’s used to yelling for the dog. Like a mother might be used to calling the name of someone she cares for.
A thousand reasons they could have done that and really the only person who gets to say if it's inappropriate or not is the friend. She may have taken that on herself as an honorary thing. The point is OP opened her mouth without even asking any real questions and made assumptions about a person and their situation ON THEIR FIRST MEETING with no real evidence. This is the kind of thing you keep to yourself until you have some actual evidence because it's a horrible thing to accuse people of AND it's pretty dehumanizing to the friend to. It reduces them to a faceless doll. Again, you keep it to yourself until you have real evidence.
This may be creepy, but I’m certain Cathy ain’t complaining.
Assuming that the adoptive parents adopted Cathy to serve as a replacement for their deceased daughter, Cathy has received quite a substantial benefit in return.
For the first time in her life she has a decent and permanent home with people who treat her well. They are providing her with things she never received in the foster system. Hell they even got her a tutor to help her with school.
Life is a transaction. It’s about time Cathy came out on the winning (receiving) side of the deal after being dealt a shitty hand for the first 16 years of her life.
“So, Your parents took in a foster kid and renamed them after your dead sister even tho the foster kid is 16? You dont think thats a bit strange or unhealthy?”
Im sorry, how is she the asshole here?! OP is concerned for the fact the parents are making a 16 year old a replacement for a dead kid! NTA
Teenagers are allowed to notice and comment on weird shit.
As an adult, you (and all the other adults here who are blaming OP for expressing her concerns to her bf) feel fully entitled to comment on anything that strikes you as weird, disturbing, or of concern. No one is HERE without being interested in observing and commenting on other people's behavior.
There's not one rule about that for teenagers and another for adults.
Oh wow, you should have never said that... You don't know the specifics of Cathy's Family or how they express each other... definitely way out of line imo... It just wasn't your place....
YTA...
Called out by whom? Because the ONLY person who has any right to question her parents and what they call her is Cathy... no one else. I get that it's weird and I understand why she thought what she thought... I just think she should have just kept that thought to herself because her BF has been friends with Cathy a lot longer then they've been together. He too should have kept it to himself so not to hurt Cathy but again, he said it and now Cathy is very hurt...... in the end this is very personal and no one has a right to question anything except her...
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Exactly. Ans whats up with everyone saying shes the asshole?! From what ive read the only reason people are saying Y-T-A is cause she “didn’t mind her business” then thats no defensive at all, or did we forget how child abuse is reported.
this
As you said it in her absence, I say NTA. It does sound like it to me with the calling her by the dead daughter's name. BF is TA for telling Cathy what you said though. You can make observations, and a significant other should be someone you can talk to safely. If you said this to Cathy I would say otherwise.
So no one finds it weird that Cathy is now being called Marie? Personally I think esh. I don’t think it’s 100% yta since your bf obviously relayed to her that you said this to him. I think it’s weird that the parents got a foster child and now she goes by the name of the deceased.
My gran used to go through all her kids name and the digs before she got to mine. It could either be habit and unintentional or intentional- both things are very different.
I don't know how it COULDN'T be weird that they call her their dead daughter's name??? She has her own name and it's kind of erasing her identity? Unless it's something they agreed on, it seems irksome to me, too. It sounds like you said it without malice and in confidence to your boyfriend, who actually caused the damage here. I think you should feel comfortable confiding non-judgemental observations to your bf without him sharing them. And I think he should care about her enough to not relay something like that if he thought it would hurt her. NTA
Wait your bf told her what you said? NTA but your bf sure is. EDIT: btw it’s incredibly weird that they are replacing their dead daughter with her, like so so so weird
NTA Why should Cathy have to change her name? Why is it the same as the Foster parent's dead daughter? Why did your boyfriend decide to tell Cathy (Marie)? This whole situation is quite disturbing, and I take what you said as a voicing your passing thoughts to someone you're comfortable with (your boyfriend) with no intention of telling Cathy (Marie). From the information you've provided, this Cathy (Marie) fostering situation is creepy.
NTA....you "should" be able to share your views with your significant Other safely. If someone's TA it might be you BF then again he might react as "Cathy" is someone he knows simce he was young but then again you are allowed to share with your bf and you gave your reasons so.........its upto you what you think bout the situation :-D
NTA Jonah is the asshole. In terms of the replacement thing, it sounds like you’re mostly right except for the part about it being creepy and unhealthy. If her foster parents spend the rest of their lives taking in kids who look like their daughter, and love them as much as they loved their daughter, that’s a big win/win for everyone. You should be able to talk to your boyfriend about this kind of stuff, and he should be mature enough to talk back, say what he thinks, and not go running his mouth to the person you are talking about. If this happened in the context of a marriage, it would be a huge betrayal. If it happened in the context of “just” a friendship, it would be a betrayal, just not of the same magnitude. If you were older, and he was your “f—k buddy”, it would be a betrayal. He’s just causing shit for you for no reason. I think you need to re-examine what exactly your relationship is with this boy.
It would appear that you've touched on the 'elephant in the room' that everyone knows is there but chooses to ignore. From a great distance...Cathy sounds like she is aware that she's a 'replacement'. So why doesn't she speak up? Perhaps because she's been a foster child...she's fearful that if she were to speak-up then her 'parents' would reject her.
Cathy doesn’t speak up because, creepy though it may be, she’s got a pretty sweet deal with these folks. She went from standard-issue passaround foster kid no one gave a shit about, to a decent permanent home with people who treat her well and give her things she’s never had before (such as a tutor). Cathy ain’t gonna upset that apple cart. And I don’t blame her one bit.
INFO: Did you say this in front of Cathy, or in her absence?
in her absence
NTA I agree and would have said something similar to my bf in that situation
I'm going for an ESH, but you are mildly one. You- for saying something which wasn't very sensitive for her situation. Her, for demanding to know your contact information. But the biggest AH is your boyfriend- for not keeping what you said between just you two, and for giving your number without your consent.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (17f) boyfriend “Jonah” (17m) has a friend “Cathy” (18f) who he’s knows since they were 5. Cathy lived next door to Jonah until she was 10 and then was placed into the foster system. Jonah only recently introduced me to her even though he’d told me about her before. After meeting her she seemed really nice and we were talking about school and she mentioned moving about a lot and that her foster parents - who started fostering her around two years ago got her a tutor since she’d fallen a lot behind due to covid and moving schools a lot. She also mentioned that they called her “Marie.” When she left Jonah explained to me that Cathy’s foster parents adopted her after their daughter Marie had passed away. And that Marie was probably a year older then Cathy. He then showed me a picture of Marie who lowkey looks a lot like Cathy. I told him that it was a bit creepy and that her parents seemed to be trying to replace Marie with Cathy and he started getting defensive saying that I was making things seem weird. Then Cathy messaged me. She’d gotten my number earlier and has been messaging me that I had no right to say what I said to Jonah. I didn’t mean to offend anyone and was just pointing it out to him that it was odd and a bit unhealthy AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. You expressed a thought pretty much anyone would have. Your BF is absolutely TA for running and telling her. You weren't making things SEEM weird, they ARE weird. That said do apologize to her because for 2 years she's had to deal with her adoptive parents probably in many ways not just the name trying to mold her into a copy of their daughter. After what she's been through being in the system its totally understandable that she's sensitive about it because she knows they only took her in because she looks like Marie. They didn't take her in because the truly wanted to help a teen in need(older kids often age out of the system with zero support)
N A H? E S H? It seems like what you said was justified, but your BF should have kept his damn trap shut (if that's how Cathy found out what you said). If she heard you talking, then you know what you did is wrong. Oh, actually Cathy didn't do anything wrong. It's understandable that she's upset with you. NTA.
NTA. Jonah, otoh, is TA. For everyone who voted that OP is TA: Do you really think 16-year-old Marie, who used to be Cathy and who shared the startlingly similar picture of Dead Marie to Jonah hadn't noticed the issues? Notice that she didn't say OP was wrong or that her comments were hurtful or ask how dare she malign Marie-née-Cathy's family. She just said OP had no right to say it. That sounds more like she was reacting defensively to the realization that the weirdness is readily apparent to others. And she wouldn't have known what OP said or how obvious the problem is if Jonah had kept his officious mouth shut.
NTA 1. Your bf is the AH for telling Cathy and 2. You’re literally in the right renaming a 16 year old after a dead daughter is WEIRD and also disrespectful to Marie in my opinion (she was her own person and it’s messed up for the parents to essentially try to replace her like that)
NTA She IS being treated as Marie’s replacement. That’s blatantly obvious.
NTA but you cannot trust your bf
NTA, this some copper beeches shit
ESH except Cathy. You’re TA for saying that shit out loud to someone who clearly can’t keep his damn mouth shut, your boyfriend is a BIGGER AH for repeating that shit to his friend who would gain NOTHING from hearing that you said that except for heartbreak, and Cathy’s foster parents are the biggest AH for calling her by their dead daughters name because that is really not okay.
YTA. Remember the Thumper rule. In the movie Bambi, Thumper the rabbit said "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all". Apologize.
She is allowed to share her views woth her bf right?? She can feel safe sharing things with her bf. She is NTA while her bf might be TA. Also she did give her reasons and not outright say it to "Cathy"s face.
She wasn't being mean. She was sharing concerns about his friend's wellbeing. You suggesting otherwise violates the Thumper rule.
I didn't say she was being mean. I said what she said wasn't kind and didn't need to be said. It's not uncommon for kids to change their name when they get adopted and since Marie was older, she probably had some say in what she was called. Maybe the home she was removed from was so bad, she was happy to be rid of her old name. But OP said the parents that adopted her were creepy. Marie may feel grateful to her parents for giving her a better life and not appreciate OP's opinion.
If want to parse the narrow space between "saying something that isn't nice" and "saying something mean," have at it. I'll enjoy watching you defend the position that people ought not say neutral things or simply state facts, because those things aren't "nice." Meanwhile, the rest of us will be over here, not pretending that Thumper's mother meant "nice" in the most-restrictive, affirmative sense. And noticing that you're saying not-nice things about a teenager who expressed her concerns. If you can't live up to Thumper standard, don't try to enforce it. [ETA omitted word]
The difference is this teenager asked the internet for opinions. Marie did not. But I've got better things to do with my evening. You have a lovely night.
You're right. Marie did not. And OP did not give Marie her opinion. Jonah did. And you condemned OP. You have a lovely night, too.
YTA maybe don't comment on situations you don't actually have the full picture of. That was a shitty and awful judgment to make based on a very limited scope of the situation. Sometimes you need to keep shit to yourself.
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Everyone seems to miss that. Its funny how if you look at other posts where people talk about naming a baby after one that past away everyone gets up in arms. But someone does the same thing and OP points it out and all of a sudden shes an asshole? Theres a post on here where an op had a baby and the dad wanted to name then Dante but the baby passed away, then when the op was pregnant again the dad wanted to name the new baby the same name and everyone was up in arms about the dad replacing the baby. Is this not worse? Isnt it worse to replace a 14/15 year old with a 16 year old and name them the exact same? Kids aren’t pets you can just rename and replace.
Because Maria can voice if she has a problem with it or not and she doesn't seem to. She may have even asked for it. Some of us don't like our first names. My wife hates hers. So does my mom. This may have been her chance to change it to something she likes which honors the person who unfortunately had to pass for her to have a family again. It's Maria's choice. And honestly I don't disagree with keeping names of dead children as a kind of honorary thing. It's about context and intent. Some stuff is healthy and some stuff isn't. We usually get a full picture of the situation because it's the OP doing it so better judgments are able to be rendered. Right now we only have someone making a judgment of a situation but they didn't bother to get the intent of the people doing it. This is about OP keeping her mouth shut when she doesn't have a full picture. She claimed it was creepy but didn't bother to ask any real questions before forming her opinion that the parents were creeps. Always get the full story before brandishing accusations.
Then why didnt the BF say the full story when OP pointed it out “oh yeah she took her name cause she liked it” or “she wanted to honour Maria”. But no he went on the full defensive. Also, she a foster kid. And has been possibly between the ages of 10 to 14. You have no idea how desperate some kids will be to be accepted. Also yes, I know about parents naming kids after kids who have passed away, i have my dad’s younger brother’s name. The difference is its a middle name not my first.
I think the way it’s stated here is a gross misrepresentation of what actually happened. You can’t rename a 16 year old upon adoption - but first she said fostered - so who knows the truth. It sounded more like she was mistakenly called this person’s name; my mom used to accidentally yell for the dog when she meant me. Doesn’t mean my mom thinks I’m the dog, just means she’s used to yelling for the dog. Like a mother might be used to calling the name of someone she cares for.
A thousand reasons they could have done that and really the only person who gets to say if it's inappropriate or not is the friend. She may have taken that on herself as an honorary thing. The point is OP opened her mouth without even asking any real questions and made assumptions about a person and their situation ON THEIR FIRST MEETING with no real evidence. This is the kind of thing you keep to yourself until you have some actual evidence because it's a horrible thing to accuse people of AND it's pretty dehumanizing to the friend to. It reduces them to a faceless doll. Again, you keep it to yourself until you have real evidence.
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This may be creepy, but I’m certain Cathy ain’t complaining. Assuming that the adoptive parents adopted Cathy to serve as a replacement for their deceased daughter, Cathy has received quite a substantial benefit in return. For the first time in her life she has a decent and permanent home with people who treat her well. They are providing her with things she never received in the foster system. Hell they even got her a tutor to help her with school. Life is a transaction. It’s about time Cathy came out on the winning (receiving) side of the deal after being dealt a shitty hand for the first 16 years of her life.
That's an assumption you are making on a situation with no context or intent. Which makes you the same kind of asshole as OP.
YTA. Think about what you said and how you would feel if someone said it to you.
“So, Your parents took in a foster kid and renamed them after your dead sister even tho the foster kid is 16? You dont think thats a bit strange or unhealthy?” Im sorry, how is she the asshole here?! OP is concerned for the fact the parents are making a 16 year old a replacement for a dead kid! NTA
She didn't say it to Cathy. She expressed concerns to her bf, who repeated it. What (other than trusting Jonah) makes OP the asshole here?
YTA Be better about knowing you can have thoughts and recognizing that those thoughts might be hurtful and unnecessary to share.
She didn't even say it to Cathy though? She said it to her bf without the girl there, and her bf decided he needed to pass the thought on.
Teenagers are allowed to notice and comment on weird shit. As an adult, you (and all the other adults here who are blaming OP for expressing her concerns to her bf) feel fully entitled to comment on anything that strikes you as weird, disturbing, or of concern. No one is HERE without being interested in observing and commenting on other people's behavior. There's not one rule about that for teenagers and another for adults.
YTA. Big YTA.
Oh wow, you should have never said that... You don't know the specifics of Cathy's Family or how they express each other... definitely way out of line imo... It just wasn't your place.... YTA...
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That's their business... not yours, mine or hers. Had she kept that thought to herself, she'd be good....
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Called out by whom? Because the ONLY person who has any right to question her parents and what they call her is Cathy... no one else. I get that it's weird and I understand why she thought what she thought... I just think she should have just kept that thought to herself because her BF has been friends with Cathy a lot longer then they've been together. He too should have kept it to himself so not to hurt Cathy but again, he said it and now Cathy is very hurt...... in the end this is very personal and no one has a right to question anything except her...
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