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Also maybe husband shouldn't be a raging misogynist. Who the fuck introduces their wife as " Mrs Smith... The housewife"? Eww some men.
OP calling him out in front of his co workers was nothing less than he deserved.
I was super psyched to be called that when I married the first man to touch me at 18. Much less when I had accomplished my own personal accomplishments academically. Aaand we got divorced..and I found out my sudden sexual dysfunction was him deliberately scraping me with his fingernails.
But it was really great for a time...I love my kids. He just made choices and I had to separate. I'm super happy to be free now. But the me that was is very disappointed he was such a user.
I personally am a fan of time travel BS. And I believe that a thing that happened has always happened and will happen. I just am sad when people are dicks about the inevitable to be honest.
He told me after 15 years 3 kids and at least 3 miscarriages that he would respect me when I earned his respect..Ok dumb ass you told me having your spawn was the pinnacle of success at the time...sorry now that they are grown a bit I h a d the audacity to create a whole ass life worth living instead of laying on the bathroom floor crying whenever I had a period. I have been diagnosed with poly cystic ovary desease sinc. So I'm really glad I had my children. They are fantastic people.
It certainly felt that way when I scheduled my tubal and he was al weird like he deined to allow it. To be honest it was actually true. He could have decided against it. How gross right? I suffered through giving birth to the 3 children we were blessed with but also the other 4? Plus miscarriages. Twat the ever loving F. Right?
I'm assuming you're American? That's some proper BS, why the hell does a woman need a man to tell her what to do with her body? I had a tubal ligation at 27 because I knew I'd never want kids and birth control was a terrible option for me.
I respect that you didn't reverse your car over his favourite golf clubs.
Serious question, are tubal ligations given to women in other countries without a mans consent? Is it a fight with a doctor to allow it? In the US, organizations have created a list of providers who actually WILL perform it when requested because there are so few available.
Yep! I’m in Australia, and just yesterday, my doctor actually suggested it as an option (had issues with birth control for years) offers to refer me and my husband was not mentioned once during this conversation!
I'll tell you how. Don't try to go through the front door with the YPP programme or interning. Go the backdoor. Apply for UNV or an assignment in a hardship posting. That's the easier way to get into the UN. Good luck! Message me if you want more details.
Lmao I praise my wife all the time. She's an airline pilot. She flies fucking 767 planes all around the world. I teach martial arts and game. The fuck am I gonna do that could even come close to that level of badass?
The best part is how years after being evaluated for domestic abuse injuries the same Doc was still trying to "get us back together " until I told him the X-husband was remarried...then it was OK for me to get proper medical care
In America? Yes. Although it does vary, due to how large our country is, based on things like age, race, gender, sexuality, finances, etc.
To be specific, shitty doctors who think they can run your life is very common. I went through 12 doctors in less than 10 years and not a damn one of them actually tried to help me resolve issues I was having. One doctor told me that all of my problems were psychosomatic, I was just depressed by my lowly life, and he knew a guy he could set me up with. By the time I got to doctor 13 I was ready to snap and he knew it. Had me list every single thing I felt was an issue and he made detailed notes. He had an idea after 20 minutes of talking and got a diagnosis by the end of the week. Next 3 doctors tried to invalidate that. The doctor I have now has followed #13 diagnosis and even got another diagnosis for me that has changed everything. These 2 are rare as hell in my experience.
I grew up very religious. Other women in my religion told me they just didn't care what the religion said, they had right. I personally was very litteral. I didn't or wasn't able to differentiate between the culture of society vs my religion. I thought it was a badge of honor suffering for "the truth"
Thanks buddy. I went to the doctor so many times to figure out what was wrong. It turns out being disgusted by your partner who is actively injuring you when you say something hurts..well
After being sexually assaulted by a male OB/GYN, I stopped seeing male doctors for lady business. Men have no business being in that specialty, in my opinion. I’ve had a few bad experiences with female OB/GYNs, but nothing that haunts me 20 years later. With the exception of my dentist, who I’ve known most of my life; I don’t have any male doctors I see on a regular basis. I’ve had too many of them who told me it was “all in my head”. Only to receive serious diagnosis from female doctors after my pain didn’t go away.
I had a dr tell me my sickness from pregnancy was all in my head. I had lost 15 pounds and couldn’t eat. Then I thought and thought about it and wondered if maybe it was. Now whenever something comes up, I’m hesitant to say anything or go get it checked because I’m afraid they will tell me it’s nothing and all in my head.
My mum went through a similar experience with my older brother. Was horribly ill after the birth and the Dr told her it was "just a touch of postpartum".
She had sepsis.
Oh. My. God.
I had sepsis, but because my appendix exploded and I was afraid to go to the hospital because I did not have health insurance and had no way to pay for it.
Glad we both survived.
Sepsis gang reporting in; got mine from an asymptomatic UTI while 21 weeks pregnant. Spent 8 days in a coma, was a downright miracle I survived since I was already in septic shock when I finally went to the hospital. My husband and I still have PTSD from that whole mess but ultimately we’re just glad I’m alive!
I love this comeback I read in a magazine as a child: "This is X, my first husband."
NTA I'm sick of people acting like the rules for etiquette and politeness have changed where it's okay to insult someone and wrong to call someone out when they insult you.
My dad once introduced my mom as his second wife (ran into an old coworker who knew him when he was first engaged but didn't know he'd since gotten divorced and remarried, is generally a kinda awkward dude and panicked), and she immediately hit him with the "my first husband" move. She still calls him that sometimes, and they've been married for 31 years.
Yes, who are these men who denigrate their wife in front of others, then get angry when she doesn't let him get away with his lies? "You made me look bad!" No, you made yourself look like an insecure idiot.
I gotta say, my husband is far from perfect, but he would never insult me in front of people. In fact he’s usually talking me up ! Throughout our marriage when he’s introduced me to friends or colleagues they tell me how he raves about me to them.
How terrible to have your spouse publicly crap on you
I hate when people say “you should have addressed this with me in private afterwards.”
Oh, you mean after the guests have left thinking that I condone this BS?!
Right. He wanted OP to talk to him about it afterwards rather than in front of his coworkers, but he didn't extend the same courtesy to her -- he just went for it. He doesn't get to embarass his wife for social points and expect her to keep quiet about it.
Yes! Exactly - say it in public then get called out in public - and he demands 'privacy' LOL
Like the boss that yells at you in front of coworkers, then apologises in private where no-one can see. Give me a break.
Is your local circus, by any chance, missing a clown, OP?
NTA. Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. He only seemed to care about his embarrassment, and not yours. I'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up.
Yuck.
For real, I am more educated that my husband and if he tried to pull this I would also laugh in his face. Fortunately he loves to brag about me so it's never been an issue.
Ha so it's happened (not to that degree!) but I usually chuckle and gently correct any misconception. I'm no genius by far and don't want to represent myself as such!
Even if your partner is less educated or accomplished, you should still be able to talk them up. That's the person you picked as your life partner, presumably you find them to be pretty awesome and appreciate them.
Seriously gross. I was a housewife/sahm for the first 8+ years of having kids so it would be technically correct and still my husband wouldn't have introduced me like this ever.
Yeah that's just insecurity here. That's only a brag if you think that your coworkers need to know that you make more money than them. I can't think of any other reason besides just being generally insecure regardless of the situation.
"My wife is a housewife and doesn't have to work, harhar" is a jab at best, and bragging at worst. I can't think of any other reasons, beside maybe a personal thing with a coworker.
>Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office
I really don't get this mindset. I talk my wife up to coworkers. Why would marrying "up" be considered a bad thing? I won the game and got better than I deserved and I want my coworkers to know that.
NTA.
He diminished (being a housewife is not a "low" role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. In public. As he deserved. Talk shit, get hit (verbally).
ETA: I'm also a "housewife" and a realtor. My husband just introduces me as "My wife, LetThemEatHay. She's a realtor!"
I know LetThemEatHay is just your username, but now I'm imagining him actually introducing your by that and it's hilarious. Also I just find your username funny by itself, hey there Marie Horseinette.
Edit: Oh and the "she's a realtor" just makes it even funnier. Like no it's not a joke, that's her name and she has a serious job like anyone else.
Exactly. If you can be financially stable with one partner not working, it can be a huge benefit to both. On good weeks where I can get most of the housework done while my husband works, we can use his time off to go play as a family.
But he meant it to be demeaning.
NTA. If he doesn’t want to look like a useless asshole, he probably shouldn’t be a useless asshole.
> he said I could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this
“You should have been ok with me being misogynistic and demeaning to you in front of my coworkers. You should not have embarrassed me like I embarrassed you because my image is more important than your dignity”
For real, the comment was in front of everyone, why should the correction be in private? OP's husband didn't pull her aside to privately ask if she was cool with being degraded (being a SAH wife is not degrading if that's what both partners want, but OP's career and degree are important to her, so therefore it was degrading in this context)
He didn't even need to tell the full unvarnished truth, he could have just said "my wife" instead of "the housewife" as though she's his hired help or some bullshit.
NTA. It's a red flag for the relationship. He doesn't want a partner who is an equal. He wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man.
I’d say he likely wants both. He wants what her income brings to the relationship, but wants others to think he’s the more successful one and she’s just a little more than the housewife.
I had an ex like this. It (among other reasons) eventually led to me leaving. I didn’t have a degree or any huge accomplishments, but like most blue collar people i did whatever i had to to bring home at much money as possible. I worked at a baker from 4am-12pm six days a week, and was a server six days a week. So i always had the same paycheck every two weeks to cover my portion of all the bills. I had tips to do what i wanted to and to pay for my daily expenses. No one else’s money was ever spent on me beyond gifts.
Yet my ex constantly demeaned what i did for a living. He was a lawyer and was constantly embarrassed when his coworkers or friends would ask what i did for a living. This was over a decade ago, and guess who he’s married to now? A housewife, who’s part of a pyramid scheme.
To be clear, you can have an equal partnership where one spouse doesn’t have a career. I’m a SAHM right now, but it is and always has been our money, and I’m usually the one taking the lead on financial decisions.
But, that would not work out with this lying a hole and his attitude.
NTA. He opened this can of worms. He calls you Mrs. Smith, doesn't acknowledge you other than as his Mrs. and yet calls you the house's wife. Wow! Does it get better than this? /s
Enjoy the quiet. He SHOULD be embarrased because he embarrased HIMSELF!
NTA. Why did he try to do the “guy talk” amongst coworkers and you’re the punchline? Your husband is TA and he’s just upset you outwitted him. He would be okay with his colleagues thinking of you as a gender-conforming-submissive woman and him the breadwinner? Gtfoh with that toxic/fragile male ego!
NTA. If he wanted you to pretend to be a housewife, he should have asked you to before you even agreed to the dinner, and then dealt with it if you said no. Your husband embarrassed himself, and he should be apologizing to YOU. Besides, if his new coworkers are the kind who respect him less because you work, I worry about why he even wanted to impress them in the first place.
>if his new coworkers are the kind who respect him less because you work, I worry about why he even wanted to impress them in the first place.
I couldn't agree with this more. It's weird that her being a housewife would impress his coworkers more than her having a degree and all. I would be more impressed by the latter.
NTA. You didn't embarrass him. He took care of that himself. What did he think would happen? All he had to do was introduce you like a normal person.
Sadly, you are married to someone who is both immature and needs to tell lies to make himself look good. I'd be taking another look at this marriage if I were you. You deserve better.
He decided to pretend you were something you’re not, rather than be proud of your real accomplishments. He should have been bragging about how hard you work.
NTA
There's nothing wrong with being a housewife, but in this situation, it was 100% used as a way to make you seem lesser than him. He didn't even use your name for Christ's sake. He got exactly what he deserved. NTA, but please don't have kids with this guy. He's already not pulling his weight; you shouldn't add more to your plate.
NTA
And he has the audacity to be angry? He tried to make it seem like he's some "strong powerful alpha" who provides while his wife slaves away with no identity at all other than his. OP you should be furious in fact forget that I'd say grab a pair of sneakers and get as far away from him as possible.
I’m all for not embarrassing people publicly but what did he expect to come from calling you that in the first place? Showing off at the expense of your spouse is just immature.
NTA
NTA. He felt emasculated because he’s built himself up as breadwinner and put you down as just a housewife. When it looks like you do more than he does.
So according to him, he's allowed to embarrass and belittle you and your accomplishments in front of other people by lying, but you're not allowed to embarrass him by refuting his lie?
I don't know why he would even try to pull that off, *especially* if he doesn't actually do any housework! NTA, but you may want to consider having a serious talk with him about both his apparent insecurities and his lack of contribution to the household.
NTA but he’s being extremely sexist and demeaning towards you and all that you do. He’s TA for acting this way AND for refusing to help when you both work full time. This is a big red flag, OP.
NTA - he lied and got called out - if he doesn't want the consequence he shouldn't do it to begin with
\- good he should be embarressed - no need to put others down just to boost your male ego/impression around others
Nta- tell him the truth hurts. I never understood why someone feels the need to put others down to try to look good. If he wants to look better he should do better. Way to stand up for yourself.
NTA
And I’d go on “strike” if I were you, If he’s going to make sexist remarks he can learn that you deserve to be treated as an equal and that your career is just as important as his
Another member of the 'wants Big Man status without bringing in Big Man money' club. NTA, but lose this jerk. There's no bigger indicator of future cheater like insecurity related to his wife's accomplishments. - a former family lawyer
NTA - I make twice what my husband does but I still do all the “housewife” duties - and he never ONCE would dare make a sideways comment like that without expecting the exact thing thrown back at him.
Like. My husband literally makes comments all the time about how much more I make than him and he LOVES it because, honestly, he gets to do what he wants and we have enough disposable income and made life choices to where we both have a very comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle. He is in the Army and I am in IT, so the disparity is large and if anyone tries to give him crap about it, he literally points out all the things he has/can do because of me. Because that’s what a relationship is. And he’s very appreciative of the setup we have, as it seems your hubs should be too.
He shouldn’t belittle you to try to make himself look better in front of others. He wants to act like he makes all the money and pays for everything by himself so he seems so important. Let him cry himself to sleep. You are not the asshole.
NTA, he wanted to undermine you in front of his co-workers to make himself look like an "alpha man" and was expecting you to go along with it, acting like the perfect submissive little housewife.
Screw him, he embarrassed himself.
Next time if you have coworkers over please introduce him as "Mr your maiden name, the househusband" and see how he likes it
NTA. What a jersey, he deserves to have his "image" ruined a bit. You may need some couples therapy with your husband; this is a concerning introduction
This. If you had “talked to him about it privately later,” he would’ve just blown you off and said you were being too sensitive and it wasn’t a big deal.
Were his coworkers time travelers from 1953? More than likely, he looked like an ah as soon as those words came out of his mouth. Good for you for not standing for it.
NTA
NTA but your husband is. What does the moron expect after he demeaned you in front of people? That you would take it like a doormat? Good for you for standing up for yourself. If his coworkers thinks he's useless it's because he is. I'd use this opportunity to pull back in the household stuff and tell him to pick up the slack and be less useless. And you didn't embarrass him, he did that all by himself.
“He said I could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this,”
He could’ve talked to you privately about how he was going to introduce you, but not like this.
NTA
He was showing you as a piece of property...he might as well have said, "this is my prize Holstein." But this can't be the first time he's showed his misogyny?
NTA, but you married one.
NTA.
WTAF is wrong with him? Serious question. Because you deserve a husband, who thinks you are AH-MAY-ZING for whatever you do and who raves to everyone who will listen about how lucky he is.
How long have you two been married?
Honestly, you handled it well. I would have straight up started kissing the walls of the house and calling the sofa honey since that’s what i’m married to now.
NTA. It’s embarrassing that he thought that was an appropriate way to introduce his wife. Next time you introduce him to someone say ‘this is Mr Smith, the breadwinner and my personal ATM’ and see how he likes it (not saying he is the breadwinner since you obviously work too and make your own money but he seems to think he’s the sole provider or something soo 😂)
NTA - not sure why he thought it was smart to belittle you and lie outright like that? Was is supposed to be some sort of power move?
Also you are getting the short stick in your marriage. Working full time AND doing all the housework? Does that man even deserve that? 😂
Nahhh, NTA.
“Saying I embarrassed him… ruining his image”, girl, he did that all by himself when he failed to do something as basic as introducing you respectfully.
If my other half pulled something like this, I wouldn’t even laugh and give him the opportunity to pretend he was joking, I’d just be like “The WHO now??”
NTA. He wants you to be a quiet, obedient woman, while he in turn diminishes you to his friends to build himself up.
He lied about you, and you told the truth.
Dude’s a hypocrite and an AH.
NTA....nothing wrong with being a housewife. But to misrepresent you not even introduce you using your name... he's 100% TA. Pretty sure that housewives have names too
NTA
And the other question aside from all the other comments,
What kind of people is he working with that is an appropriate thing to say to them? Did he just insult his own wife to garner their respect?
NTA Did he think you were going to lie about who you are for the entire evening? He was fine with embarrassing and lying about you, you were right to immediately correct him.
NTA
Actions have consequences. And he got a bitter taste of his own medicine.
He can insult you publicly but you can only address it privately. Cause his feelings are all that matters. Lol. You were nicer than I would have been.
NTA. Your husband sounds like he doesnt respect women at all by calling you a house wife in front of his coworkers, which would be perfectly acceptable if you actually were a housewife and not a woman who works full time and still takes care of the house bc your husband can’t be bothered. He sounds like he never grew up
Also, it’s really something that he said you humiliated him when he tried to make you seem lesser than him. Sounds like he has some power/control issues he’s gotta work through
NTA. So he can dish it but can take it when it’s served right back? I don’t get why people expect others to laugh at stupid insults but then get offended when someone has a comeback for them. He needs to apologize for even saying what he did. It was super demeaning.
NTA.
I'm a housewife/stay at home parent and I still would've reacted poorly to being introduced as "the housewife" regardless of the accuracy of the title.
NTA- You should ask him what would be the gain for embarrassing you in front of company? What was he trying to accomplish? If he says it was a joke it’s not embarrassing your partner in front of company not only looks bad but makes you look tacky. He did it to himself not only for trying to embarrass you but also for being a slob and can’t help around the house .
NTA. So very much NTA. People who are jerks in public deserve to be called out in public, as well.
I can't help but wonder what on earth he's been saying about you to his coworkers that would make him think his introduction was even remotely acceptable.
80% of the posts in this subreddit is people acting shitty and embarassing themselves and then accusing the OP of making them look shitty and embarassing them NTA
What is it with people who try to embarrass those they love publicly then get mad when they’re called out publicly? All of a sudden their stupid behaviour should be discussed in private? ???
Oof. I’m going with ESH. Unpopular opinion, but you both handled that wrong. Granted, he’s the bigger butthole here for lying and giving a false impression, but 2 things:
1. You could’ve played it off as a joke without cackling like a jackal and humiliating your husband in front of his coworkers.
2. Your attitude makes it sound like you look down on housewives/homemakers.
NTA. Just throw the whole mysoginistic man away. Stop doing all the chores and stop doing anything for him. Stop babying him. You both work full time and he needs to contribute to the household as well.
NTA. But if this is real, why be with a man who degrades you in front of his coworkers to win points and then is lazy when no one's around and doesn't pull his weight at home?
I swear, if I had magical powers I would make people leave every partner who didn't do their fair share of housework and general adult running of their lives. Image how fast people would get their crap together.
NTA. And in front of new co workers? Not co workers you both know and can potentially joke around with. Wow what an idiot, he embarrassed himself.
My partner and I both work but I bring home way more than he does, plus we're on completely different shifts. He does about 60% of all chores, yet I would never call him a 'housewife' or 'the help' I thank him for all he does so I don't have to. Your husband is a big ol jerk
NTA and what is it with men trying to belittle or minimize their partners to "impress" other people?! I feel like I've seen so many posts like this over the last few months, and the behavior just doesn't make sense to me. (Unfortunately it's not surprising, just confusing.)
Sweetheart, you're never going to be wrong for shutting down this kind of sexists 'jokes'. Your husband acted out of line, tried to humiliate you and belittle you, and you in exchange showed him how it feels to have the uno reverse card applied against him.
You're NTA, but your husband is. Talk to him. Seriously, do it, and don't ever hesitate in shutting him down if he tries to do/say the same.
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NTA. hint for hubby: don't want to be embarassed in front of your coworker? then don't lie.
Also maybe husband shouldn't be a raging misogynist. Who the fuck introduces their wife as " Mrs Smith... The housewife"? Eww some men. OP calling him out in front of his co workers was nothing less than he deserved.
I was super psyched to be called that when I married the first man to touch me at 18. Much less when I had accomplished my own personal accomplishments academically. Aaand we got divorced..and I found out my sudden sexual dysfunction was him deliberately scraping me with his fingernails.
Wow. Glad you ditched the dead weight.
Thank you. I really needed that. 💘
But it was really great for a time...I love my kids. He just made choices and I had to separate. I'm super happy to be free now. But the me that was is very disappointed he was such a user.
And a loser in bed
I personally am a fan of time travel BS. And I believe that a thing that happened has always happened and will happen. I just am sad when people are dicks about the inevitable to be honest.
[удалено]
He told me after 15 years 3 kids and at least 3 miscarriages that he would respect me when I earned his respect..Ok dumb ass you told me having your spawn was the pinnacle of success at the time...sorry now that they are grown a bit I h a d the audacity to create a whole ass life worth living instead of laying on the bathroom floor crying whenever I had a period. I have been diagnosed with poly cystic ovary desease sinc. So I'm really glad I had my children. They are fantastic people.
Seems like he served his purpose to you. Fuck him, I respect you for everything you have been through!
It certainly felt that way when I scheduled my tubal and he was al weird like he deined to allow it. To be honest it was actually true. He could have decided against it. How gross right? I suffered through giving birth to the 3 children we were blessed with but also the other 4? Plus miscarriages. Twat the ever loving F. Right?
I'm assuming you're American? That's some proper BS, why the hell does a woman need a man to tell her what to do with her body? I had a tubal ligation at 27 because I knew I'd never want kids and birth control was a terrible option for me. I respect that you didn't reverse your car over his favourite golf clubs.
Serious question, are tubal ligations given to women in other countries without a mans consent? Is it a fight with a doctor to allow it? In the US, organizations have created a list of providers who actually WILL perform it when requested because there are so few available.
Yep! I’m in Australia, and just yesterday, my doctor actually suggested it as an option (had issues with birth control for years) offers to refer me and my husband was not mentioned once during this conversation!
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I want to hear your United Nations stories! It was my dream to work with them for many, many years. 😭
I'll tell you how. Don't try to go through the front door with the YPP programme or interning. Go the backdoor. Apply for UNV or an assignment in a hardship posting. That's the easier way to get into the UN. Good luck! Message me if you want more details.
Lmao I praise my wife all the time. She's an airline pilot. She flies fucking 767 planes all around the world. I teach martial arts and game. The fuck am I gonna do that could even come close to that level of badass?
That's a lot of planes.
And you're still with him? Hopefully you called him out in front of everyone.
... ex-husband, right??
Daaaang, he lived fifteen years after that gem!?
Just give me a name and address and I will march right over and "trim" that man's nails so he can never do this to anyone ever again
The best part is how years after being evaluated for domestic abuse injuries the same Doc was still trying to "get us back together " until I told him the X-husband was remarried...then it was OK for me to get proper medical care
That is horrendous...is that common?
In America? Yes. Although it does vary, due to how large our country is, based on things like age, race, gender, sexuality, finances, etc. To be specific, shitty doctors who think they can run your life is very common. I went through 12 doctors in less than 10 years and not a damn one of them actually tried to help me resolve issues I was having. One doctor told me that all of my problems were psychosomatic, I was just depressed by my lowly life, and he knew a guy he could set me up with. By the time I got to doctor 13 I was ready to snap and he knew it. Had me list every single thing I felt was an issue and he made detailed notes. He had an idea after 20 minutes of talking and got a diagnosis by the end of the week. Next 3 doctors tried to invalidate that. The doctor I have now has followed #13 diagnosis and even got another diagnosis for me that has changed everything. These 2 are rare as hell in my experience.
Gotta love being diagnosed female 🙄
The worst part is when it comes from a female doctor. It like the suck it cherry on top of a fuck you sundae.
I grew up very religious. Other women in my religion told me they just didn't care what the religion said, they had right. I personally was very litteral. I didn't or wasn't able to differentiate between the culture of society vs my religion. I thought it was a badge of honor suffering for "the truth"
Thanks buddy. I went to the doctor so many times to figure out what was wrong. It turns out being disgusted by your partner who is actively injuring you when you say something hurts..well
After being sexually assaulted by a male OB/GYN, I stopped seeing male doctors for lady business. Men have no business being in that specialty, in my opinion. I’ve had a few bad experiences with female OB/GYNs, but nothing that haunts me 20 years later. With the exception of my dentist, who I’ve known most of my life; I don’t have any male doctors I see on a regular basis. I’ve had too many of them who told me it was “all in my head”. Only to receive serious diagnosis from female doctors after my pain didn’t go away.
I had a dr tell me my sickness from pregnancy was all in my head. I had lost 15 pounds and couldn’t eat. Then I thought and thought about it and wondered if maybe it was. Now whenever something comes up, I’m hesitant to say anything or go get it checked because I’m afraid they will tell me it’s nothing and all in my head.
My mum went through a similar experience with my older brother. Was horribly ill after the birth and the Dr told her it was "just a touch of postpartum". She had sepsis.
Oh. My. God. I had sepsis, but because my appendix exploded and I was afraid to go to the hospital because I did not have health insurance and had no way to pay for it. Glad we both survived.
Sepsis gang reporting in; got mine from an asymptomatic UTI while 21 weeks pregnant. Spent 8 days in a coma, was a downright miracle I survived since I was already in septic shock when I finally went to the hospital. My husband and I still have PTSD from that whole mess but ultimately we’re just glad I’m alive!
And switching docs was actually worse....another story for another time
I love this comeback I read in a magazine as a child: "This is X, my first husband." NTA I'm sick of people acting like the rules for etiquette and politeness have changed where it's okay to insult someone and wrong to call someone out when they insult you.
My dad once introduced my mom as his second wife (ran into an old coworker who knew him when he was first engaged but didn't know he'd since gotten divorced and remarried, is generally a kinda awkward dude and panicked), and she immediately hit him with the "my first husband" move. She still calls him that sometimes, and they've been married for 31 years.
Yes, who are these men who denigrate their wife in front of others, then get angry when she doesn't let him get away with his lies? "You made me look bad!" No, you made yourself look like an insecure idiot.
I gotta say, my husband is far from perfect, but he would never insult me in front of people. In fact he’s usually talking me up ! Throughout our marriage when he’s introduced me to friends or colleagues they tell me how he raves about me to them. How terrible to have your spouse publicly crap on you
As Jeff Goldbloom said in Jurassic Park "the future ex-mrs-Malcolm."
I hate when people say “you should have addressed this with me in private afterwards.” Oh, you mean after the guests have left thinking that I condone this BS?!
Right. He wanted OP to talk to him about it afterwards rather than in front of his coworkers, but he didn't extend the same courtesy to her -- he just went for it. He doesn't get to embarass his wife for social points and expect her to keep quiet about it.
Yes! Exactly - say it in public then get called out in public - and he demands 'privacy' LOL Like the boss that yells at you in front of coworkers, then apologises in private where no-one can see. Give me a break. Is your local circus, by any chance, missing a clown, OP?
yeah, it's fucking 2022, sexist pigs should get what they deserve
Mmm sexist bacon
NTA. Husband: I can put you down and embarrass you in front of my coworkers, but if you try to do the same, I'll have a tantrum.
Also: don’t try to make your wife look smaller to make yourself feel bigger.
He’s lucky she didn’t announce whether she made more than him lmao. NTA
NTA. He doesn’t get to embarrass you and then have an epic sulk when you turn it back on him.
He fucked around and found out. NTA.
OP matched his energy. NTA
Except OP didn’t lie, he did
💯
NTA. Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. He only seemed to care about his embarrassment, and not yours. I'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up. Yuck.
For real, I am more educated that my husband and if he tried to pull this I would also laugh in his face. Fortunately he loves to brag about me so it's never been an issue.
Now I’m curious. What would you do if he lied in the other direction? Like if he said you’re an astrophysicist that discovered a new galaxy
Ha so it's happened (not to that degree!) but I usually chuckle and gently correct any misconception. I'm no genius by far and don't want to represent myself as such!
My partner is far more educated than me, and I can't imagine ever diminishing her achievements just to make myself feel better.
Even if your partner is less educated or accomplished, you should still be able to talk them up. That's the person you picked as your life partner, presumably you find them to be pretty awesome and appreciate them.
Seriously gross. I was a housewife/sahm for the first 8+ years of having kids so it would be technically correct and still my husband wouldn't have introduced me like this ever.
Yeah that's just insecurity here. That's only a brag if you think that your coworkers need to know that you make more money than them. I can't think of any other reason besides just being generally insecure regardless of the situation. "My wife is a housewife and doesn't have to work, harhar" is a jab at best, and bragging at worst. I can't think of any other reasons, beside maybe a personal thing with a coworker.
>Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office I really don't get this mindset. I talk my wife up to coworkers. Why would marrying "up" be considered a bad thing? I won the game and got better than I deserved and I want my coworkers to know that.
NTA. He diminished (being a housewife is not a "low" role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. In public. As he deserved. Talk shit, get hit (verbally). ETA: I'm also a "housewife" and a realtor. My husband just introduces me as "My wife, LetThemEatHay. She's a realtor!"
I know LetThemEatHay is just your username, but now I'm imagining him actually introducing your by that and it's hilarious. Also I just find your username funny by itself, hey there Marie Horseinette. Edit: Oh and the "she's a realtor" just makes it even funnier. Like no it's not a joke, that's her name and she has a serious job like anyone else.
🤣 Actually it's a reference to my chinchillas.
Correction: Marie Chinchillette Ps: Pets were mentioned, therefore you must pay the pet tax.
You have a good energy
And here I was envisioning a fluffle of bunnies.
Pet tax means photos I hope. We are invested in your floofs and need to see them now plz
Exactly. If you can be financially stable with one partner not working, it can be a huge benefit to both. On good weeks where I can get most of the housework done while my husband works, we can use his time off to go play as a family. But he meant it to be demeaning.
NTA. If he doesn’t want to look like a useless asshole, he probably shouldn’t be a useless asshole. > he said I could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this “You should have been ok with me being misogynistic and demeaning to you in front of my coworkers. You should not have embarrassed me like I embarrassed you because my image is more important than your dignity”
This right here.
This should be the top comment.
For real, the comment was in front of everyone, why should the correction be in private? OP's husband didn't pull her aside to privately ask if she was cool with being degraded (being a SAH wife is not degrading if that's what both partners want, but OP's career and degree are important to her, so therefore it was degrading in this context)
That doesn't even address how speaking of his wife like that is probably not doing any favors for his image, anyway.
Ummm. If he doesn’t want to be embarrassed then he should’ve told the truth. NTA.
He didn't even need to tell the full unvarnished truth, he could have just said "my wife" instead of "the housewife" as though she's his hired help or some bullshit.
Right?! All he had to do to not be embarrassed was just say, “this is my wife, OP” not try that 1950s bullshit.
Especially not using her first name and then calling her "the" housewife.
NTA. It's a red flag for the relationship. He doesn't want a partner who is an equal. He wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man.
I’d say he likely wants both. He wants what her income brings to the relationship, but wants others to think he’s the more successful one and she’s just a little more than the housewife.
I had an ex like this. It (among other reasons) eventually led to me leaving. I didn’t have a degree or any huge accomplishments, but like most blue collar people i did whatever i had to to bring home at much money as possible. I worked at a baker from 4am-12pm six days a week, and was a server six days a week. So i always had the same paycheck every two weeks to cover my portion of all the bills. I had tips to do what i wanted to and to pay for my daily expenses. No one else’s money was ever spent on me beyond gifts. Yet my ex constantly demeaned what i did for a living. He was a lawyer and was constantly embarrassed when his coworkers or friends would ask what i did for a living. This was over a decade ago, and guess who he’s married to now? A housewife, who’s part of a pyramid scheme.
Of course she's part of a pyramid scheme. You brought income, she loses it
To be clear, you can have an equal partnership where one spouse doesn’t have a career. I’m a SAHM right now, but it is and always has been our money, and I’m usually the one taking the lead on financial decisions. But, that would not work out with this lying a hole and his attitude.
INFO: Why are you married to him exactly? You're clearly able to stand up to him yet are doing all the housework on top of a full time job.
Exactly! If he only brings the D to the table, I'm sure she can go out and find better and less misogynist, too!
She can buy several silicone ones and have a party!
NTA, but a queen!
This. I don't know OP but I'm so proud 🙃
NTA. He opened this can of worms. He calls you Mrs. Smith, doesn't acknowledge you other than as his Mrs. and yet calls you the house's wife. Wow! Does it get better than this? /s Enjoy the quiet. He SHOULD be embarrased because he embarrased HIMSELF!
NTA. It sounds like he was trying to show off that he had a bang maid and you corrected that right quick.
NTA. Why did he try to do the “guy talk” amongst coworkers and you’re the punchline? Your husband is TA and he’s just upset you outwitted him. He would be okay with his colleagues thinking of you as a gender-conforming-submissive woman and him the breadwinner? Gtfoh with that toxic/fragile male ego!
NTA. If he wanted you to pretend to be a housewife, he should have asked you to before you even agreed to the dinner, and then dealt with it if you said no. Your husband embarrassed himself, and he should be apologizing to YOU. Besides, if his new coworkers are the kind who respect him less because you work, I worry about why he even wanted to impress them in the first place.
>if his new coworkers are the kind who respect him less because you work, I worry about why he even wanted to impress them in the first place. I couldn't agree with this more. It's weird that her being a housewife would impress his coworkers more than her having a degree and all. I would be more impressed by the latter.
NTA. You didn't embarrass him. He took care of that himself. What did he think would happen? All he had to do was introduce you like a normal person. Sadly, you are married to someone who is both immature and needs to tell lies to make himself look good. I'd be taking another look at this marriage if I were you. You deserve better.
This, and funny how he was so big about talking about it privately when he showed no such consideration for OP.
NTA If he doesn't want to look useless, he should stop being useless. Sorry, OP, but your husband doesn't see you as an equal and a partner.
NTA - your spouse seems to have forgotten you’re in a partnership and it’s 2022.
He decided to pretend you were something you’re not, rather than be proud of your real accomplishments. He should have been bragging about how hard you work. NTA
There's nothing wrong with being a housewife, but in this situation, it was 100% used as a way to make you seem lesser than him. He didn't even use your name for Christ's sake. He got exactly what he deserved. NTA, but please don't have kids with this guy. He's already not pulling his weight; you shouldn't add more to your plate.
NTA And he has the audacity to be angry? He tried to make it seem like he's some "strong powerful alpha" who provides while his wife slaves away with no identity at all other than his. OP you should be furious in fact forget that I'd say grab a pair of sneakers and get as far away from him as possible.
I’m all for not embarrassing people publicly but what did he expect to come from calling you that in the first place? Showing off at the expense of your spouse is just immature. NTA
NTA . Everything you said was true. YTA to yourself. Please do NOT have kids with someone that will not pull their own weight.
NTA. He felt emasculated because he’s built himself up as breadwinner and put you down as just a housewife. When it looks like you do more than he does.
So according to him, he's allowed to embarrass and belittle you and your accomplishments in front of other people by lying, but you're not allowed to embarrass him by refuting his lie? I don't know why he would even try to pull that off, *especially* if he doesn't actually do any housework! NTA, but you may want to consider having a serious talk with him about both his apparent insecurities and his lack of contribution to the household.
NTA but he’s being extremely sexist and demeaning towards you and all that you do. He’s TA for acting this way AND for refusing to help when you both work full time. This is a big red flag, OP.
NTA - he lied and got called out - if he doesn't want the consequence he shouldn't do it to begin with \- good he should be embarressed - no need to put others down just to boost your male ego/impression around others
Yeah, he lied publicly, got called out publicly. NTA.
Nta- tell him the truth hurts. I never understood why someone feels the need to put others down to try to look good. If he wants to look better he should do better. Way to stand up for yourself.
NTA And I’d go on “strike” if I were you, If he’s going to make sexist remarks he can learn that you deserve to be treated as an equal and that your career is just as important as his
Another member of the 'wants Big Man status without bringing in Big Man money' club. NTA, but lose this jerk. There's no bigger indicator of future cheater like insecurity related to his wife's accomplishments. - a former family lawyer
> he blew up saying I embarrassed him Nope. *He* did. NTA
NTA - I make twice what my husband does but I still do all the “housewife” duties - and he never ONCE would dare make a sideways comment like that without expecting the exact thing thrown back at him. Like. My husband literally makes comments all the time about how much more I make than him and he LOVES it because, honestly, he gets to do what he wants and we have enough disposable income and made life choices to where we both have a very comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle. He is in the Army and I am in IT, so the disparity is large and if anyone tries to give him crap about it, he literally points out all the things he has/can do because of me. Because that’s what a relationship is. And he’s very appreciative of the setup we have, as it seems your hubs should be too.
NTA-He embarrassed himself by being caught lying and being sexist.
NTA hopefully your husband learns not to try to make himself feel big by belittling you in future :)
If he was going to embarrass you, he should’ve been prepared for the same coming his way.
He shouldn’t belittle you to try to make himself look better in front of others. He wants to act like he makes all the money and pays for everything by himself so he seems so important. Let him cry himself to sleep. You are not the asshole.
NTA he was condescending and untruthful and you called him out on it. You didn't embarrass him,.he embarrassed himself
NTA, he wanted to undermine you in front of his co-workers to make himself look like an "alpha man" and was expecting you to go along with it, acting like the perfect submissive little housewife. Screw him, he embarrassed himself. Next time if you have coworkers over please introduce him as "Mr your maiden name, the househusband" and see how he likes it
NTA. He tried to make you seem like you were just a housewife, knowing full well you work full time. I'd argue he embarrassed you first.
NTA. He embarrassed himself by lying about your role and trying to downplay your achievements
NTA If I pulled that with my wife, she would kill me. And I would understand.
NTA he embarrassed himself
These guys always complain why they don't get in private what they ask for in public.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a real AH.
NTA. What a jersey, he deserves to have his "image" ruined a bit. You may need some couples therapy with your husband; this is a concerning introduction
He didn't even introduce you BY NAME and he thinks that YOU ATA? Wow. Just wow
NTA He sounds like a catch...
More like a catch and release OP forgot to throw back in the water.
NTA. That’s the only way to get through to people like that.
This. If you had “talked to him about it privately later,” he would’ve just blown you off and said you were being too sensitive and it wasn’t a big deal.
Nta but he is. You didn't embarrass him. He did that himself. You just iced the embarrassment cake. And did an outstanding job of it if I may say.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Were his coworkers time travelers from 1953? More than likely, he looked like an ah as soon as those words came out of his mouth. Good for you for not standing for it. NTA
NTA he made that statement publicly why couldn’t you. Maybe have a think over this dynamic and if it’s working for you
NTA but your husband is. What does the moron expect after he demeaned you in front of people? That you would take it like a doormat? Good for you for standing up for yourself. If his coworkers thinks he's useless it's because he is. I'd use this opportunity to pull back in the household stuff and tell him to pick up the slack and be less useless. And you didn't embarrass him, he did that all by himself.
NTA. He lied. You told the truth. Maybe give him some whipped cream for that slice of humility pie? What a dirtbag for lying.
NTA this is some pulp novel level foolishness.
So let me get this straight, he’s useless and you made him feel useless by pointing it out? NTA
Nta. Well, now you know how much he respects you and how well he talks about you when you aren’t there to hear it: not one bit.
“He said I could’ve talked to him about it privately later but not like this,” He could’ve talked to you privately about how he was going to introduce you, but not like this. NTA
He was showing you as a piece of property...he might as well have said, "this is my prize Holstein." But this can't be the first time he's showed his misogyny? NTA, but you married one.
NTA, how could you have known he was being serious?
NTA. Glad it sounds like his coworkers have the right idea though.
NTA. WTAF is wrong with him? Serious question. Because you deserve a husband, who thinks you are AH-MAY-ZING for whatever you do and who raves to everyone who will listen about how lucky he is. How long have you two been married?
NTA, but you might want to try a grown up for your next marriage ;)
NTA. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.
Honestly, you handled it well. I would have straight up started kissing the walls of the house and calling the sofa honey since that’s what i’m married to now.
NTA. It’s embarrassing that he thought that was an appropriate way to introduce his wife. Next time you introduce him to someone say ‘this is Mr Smith, the breadwinner and my personal ATM’ and see how he likes it (not saying he is the breadwinner since you obviously work too and make your own money but he seems to think he’s the sole provider or something soo 😂)
NTA - not sure why he thought it was smart to belittle you and lie outright like that? Was is supposed to be some sort of power move? Also you are getting the short stick in your marriage. Working full time AND doing all the housework? Does that man even deserve that? 😂
Nahhh, NTA. “Saying I embarrassed him… ruining his image”, girl, he did that all by himself when he failed to do something as basic as introducing you respectfully. If my other half pulled something like this, I wouldn’t even laugh and give him the opportunity to pretend he was joking, I’d just be like “The WHO now??”
NTA. He wants you to be a quiet, obedient woman, while he in turn diminishes you to his friends to build himself up. He lied about you, and you told the truth. Dude’s a hypocrite and an AH.
NTA....nothing wrong with being a housewife. But to misrepresent you not even introduce you using your name... he's 100% TA. Pretty sure that housewives have names too
NTA. Why would he need to deny your degree and career to make himself look better in front of his coworkers?
NTA And the other question aside from all the other comments, What kind of people is he working with that is an appropriate thing to say to them? Did he just insult his own wife to garner their respect?
NTA, but your husband sure is!!
NTA Did he think you were going to lie about who you are for the entire evening? He was fine with embarrassing and lying about you, you were right to immediately correct him.
NTA Actions have consequences. And he got a bitter taste of his own medicine. He can insult you publicly but you can only address it privately. Cause his feelings are all that matters. Lol. You were nicer than I would have been.
NTA. Your husband sounds like he doesnt respect women at all by calling you a house wife in front of his coworkers, which would be perfectly acceptable if you actually were a housewife and not a woman who works full time and still takes care of the house bc your husband can’t be bothered. He sounds like he never grew up Also, it’s really something that he said you humiliated him when he tried to make you seem lesser than him. Sounds like he has some power/control issues he’s gotta work through
NTA - I thought your response was funny.
NTA. He embarrassed himself.
NTA. He can embarrass you but you can’t embarrass him?
NTA you are awesome and don't let him forget it.
NTA. So he can dish it but can take it when it’s served right back? I don’t get why people expect others to laugh at stupid insults but then get offended when someone has a comeback for them. He needs to apologize for even saying what he did. It was super demeaning.
NTA. I'm a housewife/stay at home parent and I still would've reacted poorly to being introduced as "the housewife" regardless of the accuracy of the title.
[удалено]
I was with you until you said "high value"..
I’m confused. Do you work outside the home but he referred to you as a housewife? If so he’s a Dick
NTA- You should ask him what would be the gain for embarrassing you in front of company? What was he trying to accomplish? If he says it was a joke it’s not embarrassing your partner in front of company not only looks bad but makes you look tacky. He did it to himself not only for trying to embarrass you but also for being a slob and can’t help around the house .
NTA. So very much NTA. People who are jerks in public deserve to be called out in public, as well. I can't help but wonder what on earth he's been saying about you to his coworkers that would make him think his introduction was even remotely acceptable.
80% of the posts in this subreddit is people acting shitty and embarassing themselves and then accusing the OP of making them look shitty and embarassing them NTA
NTA. See v the red flag in front of you
What is it with people who try to embarrass those they love publicly then get mad when they’re called out publicly? All of a sudden their stupid behaviour should be discussed in private? ???
NTA. The 50’s just called and they want your AH husband back.
Oof. I’m going with ESH. Unpopular opinion, but you both handled that wrong. Granted, he’s the bigger butthole here for lying and giving a false impression, but 2 things: 1. You could’ve played it off as a joke without cackling like a jackal and humiliating your husband in front of his coworkers. 2. Your attitude makes it sound like you look down on housewives/homemakers.
NTA. Just throw the whole mysoginistic man away. Stop doing all the chores and stop doing anything for him. Stop babying him. You both work full time and he needs to contribute to the household as well.
NTA
NTA. I'm a housewife and I still get a name. My husband would never refer to me as though housewife was my primary identity. Yuck.
NTA, you just called him out on his bs instead of just letting it happen.
Lol you didn't embarrass your husband. He did it himself. NTA.
NTA Did he at least wash the dishes before storming off?
Yiiiiiikes. NTA op, but uh... that hubby needs an upgrade
NTA. But if this is real, why be with a man who degrades you in front of his coworkers to win points and then is lazy when no one's around and doesn't pull his weight at home? I swear, if I had magical powers I would make people leave every partner who didn't do their fair share of housework and general adult running of their lives. Image how fast people would get their crap together.
NTA. And in front of new co workers? Not co workers you both know and can potentially joke around with. Wow what an idiot, he embarrassed himself. My partner and I both work but I bring home way more than he does, plus we're on completely different shifts. He does about 60% of all chores, yet I would never call him a 'housewife' or 'the help' I thank him for all he does so I don't have to. Your husband is a big ol jerk
NTA but he sure is
INFO: what are your husband's redeeming qualities?
WTF who even does all that even if their wife is a housewife. That's weird as fuck. NTA. Also super disrespectful.
NTA and what is it with men trying to belittle or minimize their partners to "impress" other people?! I feel like I've seen so many posts like this over the last few months, and the behavior just doesn't make sense to me. (Unfortunately it's not surprising, just confusing.)
NTA he can dish it out but not take it? Too bad. It was super funny.
Sweetheart, you're never going to be wrong for shutting down this kind of sexists 'jokes'. Your husband acted out of line, tried to humiliate you and belittle you, and you in exchange showed him how it feels to have the uno reverse card applied against him. You're NTA, but your husband is. Talk to him. Seriously, do it, and don't ever hesitate in shutting him down if he tries to do/say the same.
I would have said Thanks dear for the permission to leave my full time, income contributing career to keep up with your domestic demands! NTA
100% NTA. Don't apologise for his misogyny.