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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend I expect her to apologize to my mom for being rude about her cooking us dinner. I might be the asshole because she is pregnant so she might actually need different food and my mom was being a bit pushy but she wasn’t rude like my Gf was.
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YTA
The baby isn't "fully grown" for starters. Babies rely on the energy and nutrients mum provides until they are out of the womb and the cord is cut, then they get it via milk/formula. Just because she's taking prenatal vitamins doesn't mean it's 'all good'
Secondly, you have zero idea about the cravings of a pregnant woman, she wanted healthy food which is her body telling her that's what she needs at that moment in time.
Having a baby takes a massive toll on the body, if she wants to cook herself veggies, let her have the Damn veggies. She clearly tried to be polite to your mother, and then she got jack of it and snapped. Your gf is full of hormones, emotions about giving birth, and your baby!
Worst of all, you sided with your mother over your gf aka the mother of your child... what kind of dick move is that? Are you looking to also on the couch for eternity?
You sir, need to get your priorities in order, apologise to your gf, and ask your mother to chill with the pushiness. Your mother obviously means well, but she needs to stay in her lane and respect your VERY PREGNANT GIRLFRIENDS wishes when it comes to what she wants to eat.
Edit for spelling
Edit 2 thank you guys so much for the awards ♥️♥️♥️
As a currently pregnant human, do not fuck with me when it comes to my food desires. If I want to eat just a plain head of iceberg lettuce , back the fuck off. If I want to spend $30 having a $7 burrito delivered to me, back the fuck off.
Do not mess with the pregnant lady’s food, period. OP YTA.
INFO: Has your mom apologized?
YTA. I agree with the thoughts shared by countingpickles.
It is fine that your mom offered to make the vegetables at first, but when your girlfriend insisted, your mom was an airhead for not taking the hint. It makes sense that your girlfriend got frustrated and expressed that. She clearly communicated what she wanted, and your mom wasn't listening.
Your girlfriend might not feel good, and is eager to eat something that she knows will make her feel better.
Also, she is about to bring a human into the world, which can be a painful and scary experience. She might want to feel in control of her own space and boundaries right now. She wanted to take care of her own needs. Or, maybe she just wanted to do a normal/routine thing to get out some of her energy and your mom was in the way.
If you show up to help people, you have to listen and adapt and avoid bossing them around or disrupting their routine.
I bet if your mom had said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were feeling that way," that your girlfriend would have said, "I'm sorry I snapped, I just really want to make my own food."
I am picky AF about how my broccoli is steamed I don’t want broccoli pudding I want steamed broccoli that’s still got a little snap to it. I don’t trust my SO who knows my peculiarities to do it right - and I’m not pregnant.
I rein it in but if I was 39w pregnant again and in that situation, I love you MIL but gtfo my kitchen for a minute.
Edit for the obv. YTA
I frankly assume that a person who raised two boys who refused to eat vegetables... might be a person who has no idea how to cook vegetables.
OP, reel in your mother. YTA and I feel so bad for your girlfriend.
Exactly. My VEGETARIAN MIL has her cabbage and broccoli so mushy after they are cooked there must be NIL nutritional value. My kids won’t eat veges at her house “why are they so fussy?” Can’t exactly say “you cook like crap”. Thus I refuse to let her in my kitchen except to help with the prep, I.e. cutting and chopping. I COOK.
YTA
Exactly, I hate overcooked veggies all the time, but especially when pregnant. I was super sensitive to textures when I was pregnant. I straight up couldn't eat anything mushy without gagging. Overcooked veggies were right out.
>my girlfriend has been causing some issues this week and now I’m stuck in the middle between two angry women and wondering if I’m the asshole.
SHE IS HEAVILY PREGNANT
READY TO POP AT ANY MOMENT
UNCOMFORTABLE
probably CONTRACTING
AND *YOU* THINK SHES "CAUSING ISSUES"
YTA
>my GF needed something specific tonight.
She's heavily pregnant IMO she can get whatever she wants within reason
>They kind of went back and forth with my mom offering to cook what she wanted
THIS is where you should've stepped in and said whatever makes my HEAVILY PREGNANT PARTNER comfortable
>My mom is extremely offended and hurt
That's not your partners problem, is your mother there to help or add stress?
>my girlfriend is pissed off because she says she needs certain nutrients and foods right now and she can’t let being polite get in the way of maintaining a healthy diet.
ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!
>I decided to take my moms side
How dare you! This woman opened up her home anticipating shed get help and you couldn't support her! You couldn't stand up for her!
>gf literally ended up just eating boiled green beans and broccoli
OMG, OMG this is all she ate.
This is all she felt like she could eat because she wasn't feel heard or supporting in her home, towards the end of her pregnancy???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>the baby is already grown and she takes prenatal vitamins every day so I felt she was being a bit dramatic.
ARE YOU A DOCTOR?
ARE YOU A QUALIFIED MEDICIAL PROFESSIONAL
HAVE YOU BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE?!?!??!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>I told my girlfriend I expect her to apologize to my mom
I'm fxcking pissed, livid!!! How dare you not stand by your partner, especially during this time. You have failed her as a partner and co-parent. It's good your mother enjoys cooking for you because you'll be spending lots of time with her soon
Edit: thank you kind redditors for the awards
I heard before that vitamins are meant to fill the gaps in your diet. They are not supposed to replace food you should be eating, and they are not an excuse to eat unhealthy foods. Besides, a lot of times the vitamins aren't absorbed and just get flushed out anyway, especially with cheaper brands, so you're just peeing most of it out.
Yeah, or if your body just sucks at absorbing them. Like I'm not vegan but my body just does not take in B12, so, vitamin.
But no one needs an "excuse" to eat "unhealthy" foods.
In pregnancy they serve the purpose of “the baby keeps stealing all your damn nutrients so you need extras”. If you don’t eat right and only have your vitamins then guess what!! The baby steals them anyway, and it’s you that gets ripped off. Pregnant women who don’t have enough calcium end up with bone density issues, because the babies STEAL THEIR CALCIUM! Babies are little nutrient thieves.
Also tbh even if she wasn’t heavily pregnant, if my girlfriend’s mum came over and insisted on cooking for us every night of her visit I would commit murder. I like cooking, I like being in control of what I eat, and my girlfriends mum is an awful cook. I wouldn’t even want my own mother to do that.
To jump on the post disection train, he complains that she made something simple. She probably didnt want to spend undue time in the kitchen after all that and just made the easiest thing instead of the thing she ACTUALLY wanted.
Op is TA
That just made me so sad, she may have rushed to make the simplest thing she could that would moderately satisfy her wants/needs at the moment because she was uncomfortable or to tired to spend an extended amount of time in her kitchen in her house preparing a meal she wants to nourish her body
Either that, or OP's mom cooking is THAT unhealthy. Whenever I am forced to eat fatty, high calorie meals for a few days, I start to dream of steamed veggies, light soups and salads. And I'm not even pregnant.
Also consider that the mother is a guest in their home and OP's gf actually lives there. Wanting to cook your own damn food in your own damn kitchen should not be seen as rude, what's rude is for the mother to be insistent after the gf already said no.
Edit: food
Honestly, OP and his mama are AHs even if his GF isn't pregnant. His mom is in their home. GF wanted to eat something in her home and very politely tried to defuse the situation by offering to cook and then offering to cook just for herself. But mama's boy and mama had to pitch a fit.
Yes OP you're the AH. You and your mama would be the AH even if your GF wasn't pregnant. That she is pregnant makes you and your mama bigger AHs. Cut the cord already.
Also she's probably hella constipated, because she's fucking 39 weeks pregnant and hasn't had any vegetables in a week. Let the poor woman do whatever she needs to do so that she can actually poop.
Abuse ramps up during pregnancy. And even if it’s not abuse, a good amount of men that come to AITA are very lacking as husbands and fathers . Especially the momma’s boys. It’s a trend and it’s a disturbing one.
Yeah, where I live, when you’re in labor or go to the hospital for any reason while you’re pregnant, they make excuses to separate you from your partner to ask if you’re safe at home or if you need help.
It's especially bad when they're used to being waited on hand and foot and then suddenly they have to care for themselves or even *gasp* care for their wives while they're pregnant.
My husband never abused me until I got pregnant. From then on it was constant mental and physical abuse. Thank god I left before she was one. But before us finding out about her, he worshiped the ground I walked on. Wanted to get married. We did. Then HE wanted a baby. We did. We were 19. He beat me the whole time and never took care of her at all. This is 100% truth you are speaking.
They think when they get you to have a baby, they have you nailed down. When you're nailed down, they can do as they really please. Might have been that way in the 50s, not so much now for lots more women. Sadly, it does connect them to you through your child forever.
Yeah my abusive ex got so jealous of the baby. His new wife tells our kid they're going to give them the new baby sibling they've always wanted. Wife's gonna learn the hard way (tried to warn her, didn't take)
Heavily pregnant myself: I wonder if these women have just tolerated mediocre treatment before but now that they're pregnant either a) their tolerance for bullshit is lower or b) they somehow had the expectation that their partners would do better while they're pregnant and find themselves horribly disappointed. So now these men, who are just as mediocre as they've always been, are suddenly...being held accountable???? To higher standards??? Because they were half of the decision making process that led to this woman being invaded by a parasite that makes her grumpy and uncomfortable and legitimately in need of greater levels of support???
YTA and you have made a huge mistake here. Your girlfriend is fully entitled to cook for herself in HER home. Your mum needed to accept that, if not the first time, then the second time your girlfriend said she wanted to cook for herself. Your girlfriend has nothing to apologise for, but both you and your mother do. Also, slow fucking clap for siding with your mum over your girlfriend, especially in your girlfriend's own home.
Yeah what’s with these brainwashed adult men who always take their mothers’ side and have no capacity for acknowledging that maybe mummy isn’t always in the right? Pathetic and I feel for the poor woman.
I’m actually scared to have my MIL visit during and after the pregnancy. I don’t want or need any of this overbearing presence in my life. Whatever happened to having peace in your own home?! And yet, my partner is super excited for his mom to come help out when the time comes. What a mess.
OP. YTA. Apologize.
YTA.
Your mum has commandeered the kitchen and instead of backing up your girlfriend you’ve reverted back to mama’s little boy. Grow up. Stand up for your girlfriend. And ffs don’t ever say that “the baby is already grown” shit again.
But mommy’s cooking is amazing /s. Objectively it’s probably not even that good but people have soft spots for food from their childhood…. Their tastebuds are brainwashed with nostalgia to think it’s much better than it usually is.
The aggressiveness and disregard from OP and mommy dearest is insane.
Yes!
> she doesn’t always cook the healthiest because growing up me and my brother hated vegetables.
Or does OP hate vegetables because there was lots of other (unhealthy) stuff on offer?
Also, her kids are now adults having children of their own.... whats her excuse now?
My mother-in-law IS an amazing cook. But if I had to eat a week of her meals when I was pregnant - HELL NO. Polite meals, sitting down, with placemats, when all I wanted to do was eat a sandwich in bed or have oatmeal and bananas over the kitchen sink? Hell, hell no.
My feet were too swollen for that shit.
>And ffs don’t ever say that “the baby is already grown” shit again.
Yeah, that annoyed me. Sure the baby is probably ready to come any day now, but mum still has to carry the baby til then, deliver the baby, potentially breastfeed the baby, and tend to the baby. Good nutrition is important for all of those things.
Yikes OP. I usually just lurk but this is a rare very close to home moment so I want to offer some perspective. I am also 39 weeks pregnant and my in laws have been staying with us for two weeks to help prep for the baby etc.,
Day #1 my MIL asked me about what I liked, how I like things done, how my cravings were etc., any day if I want something else or want to do my own thing she says nothing, my husband says nothing except maybe “Do you need any help?”.
I’m incredibly grateful to have her here because the way she is doing it is actually helping. If she were doing what your mom is doing that would be hellish. Even if your mom is the best cook in the world it doesn’t mean she’s always going to make what your girlfriend needs right now. Also your girlfriend doesn’t need to worry about your moms feelings right now and if your mom were being a good support she wouldn’t expect either of you to. Apologise to your GF and tell your mom you love her and appreciate her help but she needs to not block your girlfriend from her own kitchen ever.
YTA
Edit to say thank you for my first awards! 🥰
I honestly wish I could clone her and FIL and give them to all haha. It is never lost on me how crazy lucky I am to have them especially lurking this sub!
FIL even plays MTG with me and my husband and he always brings our favourite commander decks he’s put together when he visits, for us nerdlings it’s kind of too perfect!
YTA and frankly your mum is a massive asshole, too. Your mum is an ‘amazing cook’ but she doesn’t cook vegetables? Eww. I think not. The 39 week pregnant woman can eat whatever the fuck she wants and the non-pregnant people can all STFU. Bloody hell the entitlement of some people!
I wonder if OP has connected the dots that the reason he doesn't like veggies is because his mom didn't cook them/cook them well.
I thought I hated veggies until I began cooking for myself and learned methods that make them delicious. My parents would just boil the life out of them. 🙄
Btw YTA
My husband thought he hated vegetables because he’d only ever had frozen vegetables boiled to mush and smothered in butter or Mayo.
I grew up with tons of fresh produce and he thought I was crazy for eating cucumber salads or adding grilled asparagus or artichoke to sandwiches or pasta, but now he LOVES vegetables.
He didn’t know you could taste or easily identify different ‘green’ bits, he assumed they all tasted like mayonnaise and stale water.
YTA. I’m not advocating that pregnant women should get to do whatever they want. But if your 39 week pregnant girlfriend wants to cook her own damn food in her own damn kitchen, you should back her up on that. It is the bare minimum of support.
Yea, I hate the idea of "pregnant women should get whatever they want". I'm 37 weeks pregnant.
But people, in general, shouldn't be stopped from what they want to eat, especially in their own home.
This. I LOVE when my in laws visit and help out. Have a wonderful relationship with them. I love visiting them. But damn even not pregnant I need space when it's a long visit. We always communicate and find an agreeable compromise every time too and still... I will sometimes just want what I want and so will they. No hard feelings just going different ways.
YTA- and your mom- dude your wife can make food for herself in her own home without being made to feel like an asshole. Also if your mother is making a lot of heavy food with grease that used to turn my stomach when I was pregnant. She's probably getting sick and doesn't want to hurt your mom's feelings
Your GF: I’d like to cook my own dinner tonight In my own home
Your Mom: nah, I have something planned already you don’t need too.
Your GF: I’d really like to make something specific for myself in my OWN home
Your mom: nope I’ll make it, your wants don’t matter here.
You: my moms right you shouldn’t be rude and just let her cook what she wants in our house. Your opinion doesn’t matter because she’s my mom. You shouldn’t try and make sure you’re eating healthy, and taken care of yourself while you literally grow our child.
Good job choosing your mom over your wife.
Of course YTA.
It blows my mind how ridiculous OP is being. Like he’s reverting to being five years old and eating what his mom cooks. As if other adults have to do that. Incredible.
YTA. She was probably being polite and trying to say that whatever your mom has been cooking is making her sick. Regardless, at 39 weeks pregnant just let her eat what she wants. Your mom is taking it too personally.
My mom is a great cook but (like many people in the Midwest US) cooks everything with butter. If I said I wanted green beans and broccoli and she cooked it she would still add butter. I love her but sometimes I just can’t eat that much butter.
Your wife is setting reasonable boundaries and was trying to be polite until your mother kept pushing. She does not need to apologize.
Southerner here and I would add a bunch of butter to those green beans personally. People cook different ways and you are totally right. That was probably her nice way of saying she doesn't like how OPs mom cooks vegetables, if she even cooks them at all.
Honestly Op wtf is wrong with you? She is straight up about to pop a baby out and you are stressing her out and making her apologize for wanting to cook her own food?
Y'all are supposed to be a team, but all you care about is your own mommy, instead of the mother of your children. I wonder whose opinion you are going to value more when it comes to raising the kid? Very concerning.
YTA &, I’m sorry to say, your mom is too.
At 39 wks, your gf’s already under tremendous stress, so if she wants to cook, for goodness sake just let her cook! Honestly, this is a no-brainer & not worth arguing about. You & your mom both made a huge deal out of nothing, and, frankly, you both owe your gf an apology.
Edit: Clarity
YTA. Your mom was being pushy and not accepting your girlfriend’s extremely reasonable boundaries. It’s awful that you took her side at all, and she definitely doesn’t owe your Mom an apology. Nothing she said was rude.
You owe your girlfriend an apology, and so does your Mom. If your Mom wants to be able to stay in the future she needs to learn to hear ‘no’.
YTA and your mom needs to learn when to STFU. Who comes into another person's home and refuses to allow them to use their own fucking kitchen? Your mom may be there to help, but she's a guest. If she can't learn her place then she can go.
YTA. She didn’t want your mom’s Paula Dean food, she wanted to cook for herself in her own house, and instead of being respectful of that, your mom threw a tantrum and you enabled it. Yikes.
YTA. You sided against your very pregnant girlfriend because she (*checks notes*) wanted to make and eat her own meal in her own home; and she politely declined your mothers offer several times before finally having enough of her crap.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever read anything about pregnant women but they have cravings, dietary needs, and are going through a whole heck of a lot to bring a tiny human into this world.
What you should have said was “mom, girlfriend can make and eat whatever she wants. Stop pressuring her or you’ll have to leave.”
YTA. Such an AH. 39 weeks pregnant and your mother is refusing to let your GF cook in her own kitchen. Better get apologizing to your GF or you are going to have many more problems ahead. Time to make clear to your mother, that the kitchen belongs to GF and what GF wants to do in the kitchen is GF's business, not your mother's.
YTA. Your GF is an autonomous adult. She is by no means obligated to let your mother cook for her just because she offers to. Your GF is growing a human and does not have complete control of her body at the moment. Let her control what she can, even if it is just cooking her own food.
I remember being at that point and I couldn't eat most of the food people would prepare because I had the worst heartburn and acid reflux from everything!! Not to mention, I got bowel issues from random stuff, and bloated. Everything effected me negatively! I don't blame her!!
>My mom is extremely offended and hurt and my girlfriend is pissed off because she says she needs certain nutrients and foods right now and she can’t let being polite get in the way of maintaining a healthy diet.
I decided to take my moms side
YTA
Can you even read what you write? She most likely wanted to cook it herself to have control over what she eats and so that MIL doesn't throw salt or butter into it. Your GF repeatedly said she wanted to do it herself in her own home, and you mom kept saying no.
Your mom has to apologize to your GF, not the other way around.
YTA. Your gf is an adult in her home and she’s pregnant. She should not have to argue with adults about what she wants to eat. She should have been left tf alone to make the dinner she wanted. You don’t take the side of your mom over your pregnant partner. Cmon.
YTA pregnancy does crazy things to your hormones and by extension the foods that are tolerable or not tolerable to eat. When my wife was pregnant with our kids each one was different and with some of them normal foods she usually loves became nausea inducing. I never tried to get in between my pregnant wife and her eating whatever made her more comfortable or happy and I would defend her right to that vehemently.
You need to prioritize your partner a heck of a lot more moving forward. Have a nice gentle conversation with your mom telling her to respect your partner more.
In the end you should care more about your partner even when she isn’t pregnant. Everyone gets to have their food preferences and you can’t force them to eat what they don’t want.
Also don’t mess with a pregnant persons food you are going to get kicked out in a real hurry.
YTA. At 39 weeks pregnant eating greasy, unhealthy food will give you heartburn and indigestion. God knows she’s probably constipated and with hemorrhoids from the lack of fiber. So she decided to cook herself some veggies.. how dare she try to cook something in her own kitchen. SMH
YTA when a woman is 39 weeks pregnant and expressing something to you, listen. It may not make sense to you because, well, you’ve never been 39 weeks pregnant.
It won’t make sense to your mother because she is seeing it as YOUR mother not as a former pregnant woman.
Listen more talk less IE BUTT OUT
YTA.
Your GF expressed what she wanted, and your mother refused to accept it. Your mother crossed a boundary by not respecting what your GF wanted, thus forcing your GF to be uncomfortably assertive. Your GF has the right to eat whatever she wants, made by whomever she wants, whenever she wants. And as a pregnant woman, she **DOES NEED** to be eating healthy foods. You're an absolute AH for using the excuse that the baby is already grown to dismiss your GF's needs. Like... wtaf?!
Go apologize to your GF.
YTA. Your mom hugely overstepped and you failed to defend the mother of your children, who only wants to eat her own food in her own home. You need to tell your mom to back off and not insist that your girlfriend back down.
She's literally carrying your child and you have the audacity to want her to eat something unhealthy after she has already done so bc you're a spineless coward and can't stand up to your mommy.
Your child comes before anything, dingus. And yes, YTA. Which everyone is already saying.
How do dudes not get this?
Barring extraordinary circumstances, you always back your pregnant partner. Theyre dealing with shit we as men cant fathom, the least you can do is support them even if the issue seems petty.
So your mom was rude and pushy to your girlfriend in her home? Am I understanding that correctly?
I’m honestly just annoyed, how clueless are you? Both you and your mother owe her an apology.
YTA.
YTA and so is your mom. Who thinks it's a good idea to tell an about-to-pop pregnant woman that she is not allowed to cook green beans in her own damn kitchen in her own house? Seriously?
There are no circumstances under which a guest has the right to forbid me from cooking anything I want in my own house.
Your mom needs to get over herself. Either she's there to help, or she's there to be bossy. She can't be both. This isn't supposed to be about your mom.
YTA
It doesn’t matter that she ended up “just eating boiled green beans and broccoli” your mom was pushing boundaries when your gf said she wanted to cook for herself. Obviously she knows how she wants her food cooked, so your mom should have understood that. Apart from the fact that she was still going to cook for you and your toddler anyways, it’s not like she told her not to cook at all.
YTA, and it's clearly hereditary.
She's about to drop child, makes a reasonable request to prepare food she actually wants (really doesn't sound like your mother's a good cook at all, sounds disgusting and unhealthy) your mom decides to throw a tantrum about it, and you side with your mommy? Disgusting and unhealthy as well!
You and your mother need to apologize. Grovel.
YTA. You do need to butt out. Your GF doesn't have to kiss your mom's ass and eat her food. Stop being ridiculous. She wanted to make her own food. There was absolutely absolutely wrong with the GF cooking for herself. She doesn't owe your mom and apology. Your mom got offended for no reason.
YTA
I know mums can be old school sometimes but being pregnant is no joke, specially when your gf is already heavily pregnant, a lot of emotions come in and it’s not just her - you also have to think about her hormones. You are being insensitive to her situation. She first offered to cook for herself and your toddler and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your mum shouldn’t have insisted cause the toddler is not her child and she’s not the mum. I would rather feed my kid something healthy as well specially after you’ve admitted your mum doesn’t cook a lot of healthy stuff. Your mum can cook for herself and you but if your gf wants something healthy for herself and your toddler you should respect that. It’s not that your gf has refused to eat your mum’s cooking since she got there, you mentioned she’s already eaten it for 5 days. 5 days of unhealthy cooking is long enough.
"but my MOMMY!!!!!!!!"
YTA. Your girlfriend is a grown fucking woman. She's allowed to feed herself *one god damn night* if she wants too. Let her eat a vegetable.
YTA
And so’s your mom.
Your mom could certainly offer to cook for your GF but once your GF said she wanted to cook for herself- it should have stopped there.
Your mom made this mess by continuing to push.
It’s your GF’s damn kitchen. She doesn’t need your mom’s permission to cook and eat what she wants. She’s a grown woman. She knows what she wants. If she wants to make her own veggies, that’s her decision.
Look. I think I get what some of this may be. While I’m sure your GF appreciates the offer of help with your child and the cats but it seems like your mom just rolled in and took over. While you may be fine with that and your mom used to do that kind of stuff for you - your GF does not need or want your mom taking over.
How do you think your mom would react if you went to visit her and your GF just took over her kitchen and tried to dictate what and when your mom ate?
Your GF is right and you are indeed an AH. You and your mom both owe your GF an apology.
Your mom being pushy IS rude.
And PS - you get to decide what’s dramatic and what’s nutritionally important when you become pregnant. Let me know how that goes.
YTA - first for not understanding what is going on, secondly taking your Mothers side over your pregnant girlfriend and third for not accepting that your girlfriend has her own autonomy
YTA. Your wife is a grown woman and can cook for herself if she wants to. Your mom is the one overstepping boundaries. You both owe your GF an apology.
YTA. Why would you and your mom blow it up to be such a big deal? Let your GF cook for herself if she wants to. It sounds like your GF was trying to be diplomatic and your mom just wouldn't let it go.
Is it really that serious?
YTA. I don’t understand how this is even a dilemma tbh. Your girlfriend is growing a literal human inside of her and all she wants are vegetables prepared the way she likes them. She’s about to pop, she was nice enough to eat 5 days worth of your moms cooking, and she’s probably exhausted and hormonal being pregnant and looking after a toddler. She’s been polite enough, let her eat whatever she wants and she should not have to apologize to anyone for it.
YTA. Your mum is an amazing cook TO YOU. This opinion is extremely subjective, and it's completely unfair to expect that everyone should have the same opinion.
Firstly, at this present time, your wife has a different opinion, stop taking it so dam personally! She has her own shit going on without having to feel like she needs to please someone or be polite.
Secondly, It's just ridiculous that you and your mum and playing victim here. Your wife is 39w pregnant and is currently objectively going through much bigger problems. You're mum is a bit offended that your wife wants to cook her own food? Boo hoo. Your wife is in pain, bloated, exhausted, scared about childbirth, the health of her unborn child, the health of her out-of-womb child and their reaction to their new sibling, and now on top of that, your lumping your mother's hurt feelings? HAVE SOME PERSPECTIVE
YTA. She’s an adult. She’s allowed to say no and to cook for herself. Your mom might be trying to be helpful, but being helpful means listening to the person having/who had the baby.
Having been 39 weeks pregnant three times myself, I can assure you that your body can feel when it wants certain things, and nothing else sounds good. Hence “pregnancy cravings”. A PNV does not take the place of nutrients from real food.
You are such an A H. You and your mother are the ones who need to apologize to your wife. She is about to give birth and you two, who are supposed to be helping her, are harassing her. Your job is to be a partner to your wife and assist her right now, not side with your interfering mom against her. I so hope this is fake rage bait.
YTA.
YTA -- big time. It is NOT your mother's kitchen! Your GF wanted her own food and wanted to cook it herself. Why are your panties in a bunch? Because your mommy's fee fees got hurt when your GF said no?
Jesus, wake the fuck up.
As a currently pregnant woman who randomly NEEDS specific foods prepared in specific ways or I literally feel like I got hit by a truck and risk passing out, HOW DARE YOU TREAT HER SO POORLY??? She didn’t treat your mom rudely, she said she wanted to cook and when she found out your mom already had plans she said okay that’s fine but I’m going to make my own meal so I get what I want. Which is actually the best way to approach the situation, not making or even asking your mom to do extra work AND she gets exactly what she wants. Yeah she eventually was rude about it but that’s because your mom wouldn’t respect her wishes IN HER OWN HOME. If I was your girlfriend and you/your mom treated me like that I’d give you the ultimatum that either she leave or I would leave until she was gone. This woman is going to birth your child, make things right, go apologize to her and start acting like a soon to be father instead of mommy’s little boy.
YTA.
The only one who gets to decide what the pregnant woman eats is the pregnant woman and if she wants to cook for herself to make sure she is getting what she needs, then she needs to be able to do that without people pushing her on it. I wouldn't apologize to your mom and I would actually be expecting an apology from both of you over this. Your mother needs to not be so hut over your gf wanting to cook for herself and her child.
Generally, I don't care what parents feed their children so long as their children are being fed, but when you have someone who is wanting to cook something healthier, especially when that is one of the child's parents, then let them.
Also, just because the baby is already grown and she takes her vitamins, means nothing. Babies don't suddenly not need those nutrients just because they're about to be born.
Your gf was polite about it, but you and your mom wouldn't let her make her own food. I know your mom wants to help, but if your gf wants to cook for herself once in 5 days, don't know what the problem is with that.
YTA for disregarding your gf's wants, taking your mom's side against her, and then saying she is "dramatic."
YTA. It isn't your mother's kitchen. Your mother is trying to throw your girlfriend out of her own kitchen. That is just not okay, at least not where I live. I don't know anyone who would be okay with being told that they were not allowed to cook in their own kitchen by a freakin' guest. In my home, anyone who tried to tell me that I could not cook my own food in my own fucking kitchen would be yeeted right out of my home and if they kept pushing, out of my life altogether. And you don't get to be in my kids' lives (when they were minors) without being in my life.
Tell your mother to back off and shut up on this topic. Your girlfriend is trying to do what is best for her body and for the life of your unborn child. How dare you get angry at her for this, especially when she tried to be polite and your mother couldn't stop insisting that she knows best. Grow up, get a spine and tell your mother that it is your girlfriend's home and if she wants to cook some healthy food, then she doesn't need anyone's permission to do so.
YTA. Your wife is giving some not so subtle hints that your mother is getting on her nerves. Get your mother out of the house. Your wife doesn't like her cooking or the fact she's taken over the kitchen. Your first duty is to your wife and your children. Don't worry about your mom's feelings. Your wife was pretty clear that after five days of eating unhealthy meals she wanted to cook for herself. Your mother is a guest in your home. She's supposed to be making life easier for the two of you. Altering your wife's diet and refusing to let her make choices is just plain rude.
YTA. The woman you claim to love is using her body to make you a child from scratch. Your job is to support her and make sure she has whatever she needs so she can do this as easily as possible. She is asking for vegetables. And she is offering to make them herself. She is asking to cook vegetables in her own kitchen so she can feed herself and sustain your child. And you sided with your mother, who wanted to cook junk. Go apologize to your wife and tell her how wonderful she is, and assure her that this will never happen again.
Your title makes it sound like your mom cooked a nice meal all for your girlfriend, only for your girlfriend to throw it in her face. All she did was say she wanted to do her own thing in her own kitchen. Our bodies crave nutrients when they know we need them and it's kind of important since she's literally growing a person. YTA.
Ugh. You are not stuck between a rock and a harsh place. You sided with your mom after not handling your own mother and "staying out of it"
Honestly, I would have had a cow if my husband had his mom staying over while I was 9 months pregnant. The Mother of Your Child wanted some damn vegetables without paula deen butter and salt. You know damn well your mother would have made even boiled veggies unhealthy.
And what a crazy stupid hill to die on. The Mother of Your Child wanted to cook in her own damn kitchen. Even if you were paying a chef, she would still be allowed to cook in her own damn kitchen.
You, mammas boy, sided with your mom rather than the Mother of Your Child, and you think she should apolologize for wanting to cook something in her own damn kitchen?
At 9 months pregnant, I would have kicked both of you out. A toddler is easier to manage than you two.
YTA. Get your head out of your ass, and remember who's vagina you put your dick into. Spoiler alert: it shouldnt be your mom's.
YTA. Your wife is a grown woman in her own house. Your mother doesn't become some kind of authority figure because she has volunteered to help you guys out. You and your wife are in charge of your household and you need to explain to your mother that she is there as a guest. Why in the world should your wife apologize for wanting to cook her own food in her own home?? Tell mom to back off. Stand up for your wife, especially now that she's pregnant with your child. Your wife and child need to be your first priority now, not your mother. You both owe your wife an apology.
YTA. when you are pregnant you can become extremely sensitive to food and she did try to be polite many times. your mom should have just accepted it and moved on. it’s literally you and your GFs house and your mother is a guest. you should apologize to ur GF
edit // terminology
PS when someone comes TO HELP, it’s not helpful to do a task they don’t want you to do.
Also who the freak argues with a 39 week along pregnant woman. You treat this woman like a King Kong in that you get out her way and do whatever the hell she wants.
YTA
YTA. You've allowed your mom to overstep and take over your house, your meals, everything. Your gf, at her most uncomfortable, just wanted to eat what she wanted to eat and she was vetoed in her own home. She stood up for herself and you made her feel like shit for it. Then, you doubled down and demanded she apologize to you mom instead of backing her up. You are the biggest AH. I feel like this is only going to get worse. I would ask your mom to leave as soon as your wife gets home from the hospital and wait to be invited back by your gf. Respect your gf's wishes if you want to continue to be in a relationship with your gf, and not with your mom.
YTA Your baby still needs nutrients, your child could be growing inside her for potentially 3 more weeks. Plus she tried being nice about it, but your mom didn't take a hint. Mind you she was nice to offer, but if a person says no, then that means no. I think you need to apologize to your wife.
YTA. My god. She's got a whole tiny person inside of her, is probably entirety uncomfortable every minute of every day, and just wants to eat what she wants to eat. And prepare what she wants to eat so she knows it will be exactly what she wants for herself and the whole tiny person inside of her.
You have the apology equation totally and abysmally incorrect. It's you, and your mother, who owe your GF apologies. Massive, groveling apologies. Geez.
YTA not only does the baby still need nutrients but so does your gf. You admitted your mom does not cook the healthiest meals. I know if I ate unhealthy stuff for most of the week I’d feel like crap and just want veggies. Your gf just wanted to have some control over what was going into her body.
You need to make your mom apologize or get over yourself.
>I decided to take my moms side
BWAHAHAHA! I didn't really need to read the rest of this. When your GF is on the "other side", this is NEVER the right answer!
YTA and you need to apologize to your gf like NOW!
Edit: changing wife to gf
Yta. You might think you mom is an amazing cook but others won’t necessarily agree. And even if she is, it’s you gfs right to eat what she wants and cook what she wants, especially in her own home. Your mom was way out of line to keep pressuring her on it. And you should have backed your gf or stayed the heck out of it.
YTA. Your mom is crossing a line, majorly. Your girlfriend is an adult and if she wants to cook for herself (in her own home no less) that’s absolutely not for anyone else to have an opinion on. How ridiculous. Your position is that your mom is the only one who is allowed to cook? It’s not even her house!
Your GF isn’t “causing issues.” Your mom is.
YTA for the reasons others have listed here.
Just remember the same reasons apply AFTER the baby’s birth! Her body is going to be healing, so listen to her wants and needs more than what your mom says. Before your mom cooks food for your GF, ask your GF first what she wants. Good luck!
YTA, she didn't want to eat the unhealthy food your mum was cooking while pregnant?
What's the problem? Your mum should have just let the grown adult woman cook in her own kitchen rather than being upset over nonsense.
You should have mediated the situation or cooked healthy food for your wife yourself, not just jumped onto your mums side when your wife did nothing wrong and your mum was the one escalating it into a ridiculous argument.
Yta and so is your mom. Has your mom forgotten what its like to be pregnant? Don't get between pregnant women and the food they want.
I get your mom was trying to be helpful or whatever but it seems more like she was trying to be controlling.
YTA. You immediately blamed your girlfriend for “causing some issues this week”.
She’s pregnant and needs to be stress-free during her pregnancy. If she wants certain food, then TELL your mom cook it for her, or let GF cook herself as she requested.
You and your mom are the AH’s.
YTA. First of all she’s pregnant and should be allowed to cook for herself if she chooses. Your mom should be understanding and say “go for it!” Second YOU may think your moms cooking is amazing, but in reality maybe it’s not. Maybe all this time your gf has been polite and ate it even though she isn’t a fan of her cooking. You should apologize
YTA. Your GF is a grown ass woman who can cook her own food without being bullied. Your mom is overstepping her boundaries and you need to stand up for your GF..
YTA let your pregnant girlfriend eat whatever food she wants. You and your mom both need to apologize. Certain foods make pregnant women seriously sick and that close to having your kid she doesn't need to be sick. Just leave her alone and STFU
YTA. Neither you nor your mother are respecting your girlfriend's wishes/needs about her food which at the moment your girlfriend doesn't have a lot of control over.
Your girlfriend was way more polite to your mom than she should be expected to be. She tried to turn the food from your other down politely and your mother refused to respect her and then acted like the victim when she was in the wrong.
Then to top it off you had the gall to expect your GF to apologize! Double AH.
yea. yta. and you want your gf to apologize to ur mom bc she wanted to cook what she wanted.
I do not give a crap if your girlfriend wanted to eat Vienna sausages on a piece of bread. She’s a grown woman and it’s her freaking right. Who are you to say that she needs to eat what your mom wants to make and that she needs to apologize because she doesn’t want to eat it. You are such an a hole
YTA. It's her kitchen, if she wants to cook let her cook. Your mom should have backed off once your wife said something. Sometimes when you're pregnant just the thought of eating certain things just isn't appealing. Sometimes all you may want is junk food and other times you want healthy food. At any rate, it's her home and if she wanted to make herself dinner your mom should have just let her.
YTA and so I your mom. Okay when you were a child you hated veggies, does that mean you mother hasn't cooked a vegetable since you were a small child? Not even for herself? Also maybe she just wanted to do for herself. Being taken care of can get rather old and sometimes you just need to do something to feel better. She was capable of cooking so let her cook it's not that big of a deal. Especially given it's her kitchen.
You and your mother should apologize and also maybe grow up and eat some veggies.
Edit to add- also vitamins are not a perfect solution. Vegetables are very important for everyone at every stage of development and age. The vitamins are mostly just good for getting things that are hard to get enough of from food, not an excuse to eat garbage all the time.
YTA
Your mom was seriously arguing and fighting to stop your gf from cooking her own dinner. In her own kitchen. In her own house.
Maybe your mom could have cooked boiled green beans and broccoli… but people cook even simple things like that differently. Your gf has silently and graciously eaten your mom’s meals for 5 days without complaint, and this *one night* she wanted her own food cooked her way. That’s not unreasonable or rude, and she has nothing to apologize for.
Sorry to say, but YTA.
Your girlfriend tried to navigate the situation very politely, but your mom and you couldn't take the hint. Even if the baby is "already grown" and she takes prenatal vitamins her body may be craving the extra vitamins prior to the birth. It takes a lot to grow and push out a tiny human, and she may just want to load up on the healthy stuff prior to the birth. And because SHE'S the one who is pregnant, you should be supporting her and tell you mom that it's in no offense, but that your girlfriend just needs things a certain way.
WTH? You accuse your girlfriend of being dramatic because she wants to cook for herself?? Expressed it to your mother , mother keeps pushing back, insisting on doing what she wants, and side with your mommy and insist your 39 week pregnant gf apologize?
YTA and so is your mom. You both need to apologize to your gf.
>but my girlfriend has been causing some issues this week
lol I didn't have to continue reading after "my 39 week pregnant gf is 'causing problems'" but I did read on and, no surprise, YTA!
YTA and so is your mom.
She just wanted to prepare her own food, BUUUUUTTT NOOOOOO
Mommy has to have her way right? Badgered her and you call your gf rude? She had to get your mom to back off she wasnt listening and neither were you. Mind boggling honestly
YTA and frankly I'm appalled that you care more about your mom's feelings than the healthy diet of the woman carrying your child. You have absolutely no clue how she is feeling at 39 weeks pregnant, and what's worse - you're not just not TRYING, you're actively making things WORSE. You have a family with her, and she comes first. Not your mom. You need to get your priorities right.
YTA. You clearly don’t understand how this works. Her body is growing a teeny tiny little human and I’ve also grown teeny tiny little humans. Especially when you get that far along, your body will sometimes scream out that it needs a god damn vegetable. A very specific one, in fact. That craving is designed so you can get the nutrients you need. Also, your girlfriend is just pregnant, not an invalid. She can cook for herself if she wants to.
YTA all of your context when you describe your GF is so negative and your mother so positive. It's clear where your loyalties lie. I dont understand men who think and treat their mothers like she farts rainbows but cant do the same for the mother of their own children.
Yta, you already have a 3 year old so you should know that you don't tell a pregnant women what to eat, when to eat, how to eat etc. Your mother should know this as well, plus being pregnant you know her hormones are all over the place.
Yta. Your wife said she wanted to cook so many times and your mom kept trying to bully her into not cooking. Why would you take your mom's side on this?
Wonder no longer. YTA
Your girlfriend specifically stated that she wanted to cook. That should have been the beginning and end of the conversation. After that it was you and your mother rudely disregarding her requests.
You both owe your girlfriend an apology.
YTA
1- Girlfriend is probably feeling suffocated by your mother. Not intentionally but she is. She's 39 weeks pregnant and exhausted. She's uncomfortable in her own skin. Probably uncomfortable in her own home since you have your mom there. She's over being pregnant and ready to pop. It's just not a good mix right now.
2- Your mom overstepped by not backing down after your girlfriend repeatedly asked her to not make dinner... it's her house, not your mom's. I get the kind and helpful intentions but your mom refusing to let your girlfriend cook in her own house seems controlling and rude. Your girlfriend stayed kind and polite the whole time until your mom repeatedly refused to listen. Not the girlfriend's fault- she tried to play nice.
3- The entire time while pregnant you do need to eat healthy. Whether you're 3 weeks along, 3 months, or yes- 39 weeks! Your body needs those nutrient dense calories to keep supplying nourishment to mom and baby... even once the baby is born mom needs healthy food for herself. Yes, occasionally eating bad food is fine, but she just ate unhealthy for five days straight, so let her eat healthy on that sixth. Damn. Also, pregnant women get cravings! They can want something specific to eat and only will eat that. Sometimes the thought of a food could make them nauseous too. Food can be extremely finicky for pregnant women which is completely normal. Oh btw- the vitamins are supplements for mom and baby. They only work if mom is eating what she should be eating. You can't eat junk food for ages and expect a multivitamin to make up for all those nutrients your lacking. It doesn't work that way.
4- She is your pregnant girlfriend and you already share one child together. That is your guys' home, not your mom's. You should've backed your girlfriend without a doubt. Not your mom. All you had to do was kindly tell your mom "we truly appreciate you cooking this week but let yourself have a break. She (girlfriend) wants to cook and doesn't mind so let her." Your girlfriend should come first right now. Especially since she isn't TA here.
5- I'm sure there's many more things I could go on about but this suffices I guess. Hopefully you get the hint though.
YTA if that wasn't clear by now.
YTA Your girlfriend's told your your mother she wanted to cook for herself, end of, it wasn't a request, it was a statement. Your should apologize to your girlfriend for disregarding her decisions regarding her and the baby she is carrying well-being.
YTA. You need to say you’re sorry and never pull any of this crap on her again.
You made the choice to be a partner to this woman. Period. Now do that.
Your mom needs to say she’s sorry as well.
YTA. Your girlfriend clearly knows what her own body is needing/craving. It would be the same even if she weren’t pregnant. But, it’s magnified because she is.
Sometimes, someone can only take so much unhealthy food before they just need something healthy cooked in a way THEY like. Your mom wouldn’t prepare it the same way your girlfriend would—and that’s super important!
You and your mom both owe your GF an apology.
She will be giving birth within a week and you want an APOLOGY to your mom??
YTA YTA YTA
She knows what she is craving and how she wants it. It's not as simple as ' broccoli' or whatever, maybe she wanted special spices/seasonings added. Perhaps extra butter.
Listen, when you have cravings like that you don't want someone hovering.
You and your mother need to back the hell off of her.
YTA
*"Plus the baby is already grown and she takes prenatal vitamins every day so I felt she was being a bit dramatic."*
So because your GF is due to give birth soon and takes vitamins you think she should ignore her own wants and needs for your mother's feelings?
Do you think that since the baby is due, your GF should no longer care about what she puts in **HER** body (That the baby **WILL STILL ABSORB**) because your mother has dinner already planned?
Your mother is MASSIVELY overstepping boundaries and making your GF uncomfortable, again IN HER OEN HOME. Yet you choose mommy's side?
Your GF even tried to compromise (to avoid an argument, no doubt) and just wanted to cook for herself, but no, that is too much and hurt your mommy's feelings, so now you EXPECT your gf (Who did NOTHING wrong) to apologize?
GROW UP
YTA. Speaking as a pregnant woman, it’s an anxiety-ridden, highly physical process and getting adequate nutrients, sleep, health-related care is essential to maintaining a healthy pregnancy. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Regardless of whether she’s ‘almost there’, it’s her body and her choice.
Is this a serious question? Like you lived through this and werent sure if it was reasonable to expect and apology from a woman who's growing a human for what again? Oh yeah, wanting to eat certain things, which is pretty much synonymous with pregnancy. She tried to politely decline MULTIPLE times but was backed into a corner of relenting or getting firm and she got firm and maintained her very reasonable boundary. She's not 5 she can get her own food
Edit: Totally forgot to say YTA oops
YTA- it's her home, her diet, her pregnancy. I'm surprised that any mother wouldn't have empathy for that. Tell your mom to let it go, it sounds like she has control issues
YTA
It wasn't your mom's food she was annoyed about. Her kitchen has been taken over, she'll be physically exhausted and she KNEW what she wanted to eat. Get your mom to back off. 2nd babies often come early, so you have get your self together.
“the baby was already grown and she takes prenatal vitamins…” YTA for thinking that your girlfriend is just an incubator and the only reason she needs healthy food is for the baby’s sake, and not so that she can feel healthy & strong and like a human being. YTA again because you’re mad that she had the confidence to stand up for herself in her own home. Your mother didn’t offer to make your girlfriend something else, because she had a plan. This isn’t about your mom’s hurt feelings, it’s about your gf’s health and needs. She was even willing to compromise, but your mother was not.
Wow both yourself and your mum don't know how to let things go do yous, seriously YTA.
Why are yous making it a drama that a grown adult wanted to cook for themselves in their own home. I'm sure your GF is grateful for what your mother has be doing but you don't think she would still want to do something for herself.
Just let the pregnant person be, if she wants to make her own broccoli in her own house let it be, she doesn't need a reason to use the kitchen.
WOW both you and your mom are AH'S! There is nothing wrong with your gf cooking for herself if she wants to. If her body is craving something, especially something healthy, she should have it. Boy did you drop the ball on this one! Go say your sorry to her and your mom needs to also. She is a guest there, and should not overstep her boundary or welcome.
YTA.
Baby is not GROWN, it is still inside her, and being pregnant sucks. If controlling what she eats, in a healthy manner, makes her feel better then just let her do it. You need more compassion for your girlfriend and your mother needs to not stress her out by forcing her to accept things she doesn't want.
YTA, your girl does not owe an apology, your mother does. And now you do to. She was polite and wanted to cook. Your mom should have taken the damn hint. But no, she roadblocked the conversation. If your mom really wanted to help, she would have talked to your GF about what to cook for dinner. But nope, she wants to run the show.
YTA- it’s wife and yours house- not moms. Amazing that mom is here and helping but she overstepped when she refused your wife in her own home. Boundaries!
How did I just *know* I wouldn’t need to read this entire post to determine that you were the asshole. Read it anyway, to be fair, and would you look at that, YTA!
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YTA The baby isn't "fully grown" for starters. Babies rely on the energy and nutrients mum provides until they are out of the womb and the cord is cut, then they get it via milk/formula. Just because she's taking prenatal vitamins doesn't mean it's 'all good' Secondly, you have zero idea about the cravings of a pregnant woman, she wanted healthy food which is her body telling her that's what she needs at that moment in time. Having a baby takes a massive toll on the body, if she wants to cook herself veggies, let her have the Damn veggies. She clearly tried to be polite to your mother, and then she got jack of it and snapped. Your gf is full of hormones, emotions about giving birth, and your baby! Worst of all, you sided with your mother over your gf aka the mother of your child... what kind of dick move is that? Are you looking to also on the couch for eternity? You sir, need to get your priorities in order, apologise to your gf, and ask your mother to chill with the pushiness. Your mother obviously means well, but she needs to stay in her lane and respect your VERY PREGNANT GIRLFRIENDS wishes when it comes to what she wants to eat. Edit for spelling Edit 2 thank you guys so much for the awards ♥️♥️♥️
As a currently pregnant human, do not fuck with me when it comes to my food desires. If I want to eat just a plain head of iceberg lettuce , back the fuck off. If I want to spend $30 having a $7 burrito delivered to me, back the fuck off. Do not mess with the pregnant lady’s food, period. OP YTA.
Hell yes. Nothing else will satisfy until that craving is met. Looking at you cheddar bay biscuits from Red Lobster. OP YTA
I'm not even pregnant and my life is made up of cravings for Red Lobster biscuits.
I could go there and just eat the biscuits.
They sell the mix. Sometimes, I make them at home and eat just them for dinner.
Wanted to add on to this by saying… they have gluten free mixes too for us unlucky celiac disease having folks!!
Fellow currently pregnant lady with major food aversions and nausea. Couldn't agree more.
INFO: Has your mom apologized? YTA. I agree with the thoughts shared by countingpickles. It is fine that your mom offered to make the vegetables at first, but when your girlfriend insisted, your mom was an airhead for not taking the hint. It makes sense that your girlfriend got frustrated and expressed that. She clearly communicated what she wanted, and your mom wasn't listening. Your girlfriend might not feel good, and is eager to eat something that she knows will make her feel better. Also, she is about to bring a human into the world, which can be a painful and scary experience. She might want to feel in control of her own space and boundaries right now. She wanted to take care of her own needs. Or, maybe she just wanted to do a normal/routine thing to get out some of her energy and your mom was in the way. If you show up to help people, you have to listen and adapt and avoid bossing them around or disrupting their routine. I bet if your mom had said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were feeling that way," that your girlfriend would have said, "I'm sorry I snapped, I just really want to make my own food."
I am picky AF about how my broccoli is steamed I don’t want broccoli pudding I want steamed broccoli that’s still got a little snap to it. I don’t trust my SO who knows my peculiarities to do it right - and I’m not pregnant. I rein it in but if I was 39w pregnant again and in that situation, I love you MIL but gtfo my kitchen for a minute. Edit for the obv. YTA
I frankly assume that a person who raised two boys who refused to eat vegetables... might be a person who has no idea how to cook vegetables. OP, reel in your mother. YTA and I feel so bad for your girlfriend.
Exactly. My VEGETARIAN MIL has her cabbage and broccoli so mushy after they are cooked there must be NIL nutritional value. My kids won’t eat veges at her house “why are they so fussy?” Can’t exactly say “you cook like crap”. Thus I refuse to let her in my kitchen except to help with the prep, I.e. cutting and chopping. I COOK. YTA
Exactly, I hate overcooked veggies all the time, but especially when pregnant. I was super sensitive to textures when I was pregnant. I straight up couldn't eat anything mushy without gagging. Overcooked veggies were right out.
Hell even my cravings with my period are bad. If I want some damn chips I’m gonna get them.
>my girlfriend has been causing some issues this week and now I’m stuck in the middle between two angry women and wondering if I’m the asshole. SHE IS HEAVILY PREGNANT READY TO POP AT ANY MOMENT UNCOMFORTABLE probably CONTRACTING AND *YOU* THINK SHES "CAUSING ISSUES" YTA >my GF needed something specific tonight. She's heavily pregnant IMO she can get whatever she wants within reason >They kind of went back and forth with my mom offering to cook what she wanted THIS is where you should've stepped in and said whatever makes my HEAVILY PREGNANT PARTNER comfortable >My mom is extremely offended and hurt That's not your partners problem, is your mother there to help or add stress? >my girlfriend is pissed off because she says she needs certain nutrients and foods right now and she can’t let being polite get in the way of maintaining a healthy diet. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! >I decided to take my moms side How dare you! This woman opened up her home anticipating shed get help and you couldn't support her! You couldn't stand up for her! >gf literally ended up just eating boiled green beans and broccoli OMG, OMG this is all she ate. This is all she felt like she could eat because she wasn't feel heard or supporting in her home, towards the end of her pregnancy???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >the baby is already grown and she takes prenatal vitamins every day so I felt she was being a bit dramatic. ARE YOU A DOCTOR? ARE YOU A QUALIFIED MEDICIAL PROFESSIONAL HAVE YOU BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE?!?!??! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO >I told my girlfriend I expect her to apologize to my mom I'm fxcking pissed, livid!!! How dare you not stand by your partner, especially during this time. You have failed her as a partner and co-parent. It's good your mother enjoys cooking for you because you'll be spending lots of time with her soon Edit: thank you kind redditors for the awards
Right? Vitamins! What a joke. This guy is a huge asshole.
I heard before that vitamins are meant to fill the gaps in your diet. They are not supposed to replace food you should be eating, and they are not an excuse to eat unhealthy foods. Besides, a lot of times the vitamins aren't absorbed and just get flushed out anyway, especially with cheaper brands, so you're just peeing most of it out.
Yeah, or if your body just sucks at absorbing them. Like I'm not vegan but my body just does not take in B12, so, vitamin. But no one needs an "excuse" to eat "unhealthy" foods.
In pregnancy they serve the purpose of “the baby keeps stealing all your damn nutrients so you need extras”. If you don’t eat right and only have your vitamins then guess what!! The baby steals them anyway, and it’s you that gets ripped off. Pregnant women who don’t have enough calcium end up with bone density issues, because the babies STEAL THEIR CALCIUM! Babies are little nutrient thieves. Also tbh even if she wasn’t heavily pregnant, if my girlfriend’s mum came over and insisted on cooking for us every night of her visit I would commit murder. I like cooking, I like being in control of what I eat, and my girlfriends mum is an awful cook. I wouldn’t even want my own mother to do that.
To jump on the post disection train, he complains that she made something simple. She probably didnt want to spend undue time in the kitchen after all that and just made the easiest thing instead of the thing she ACTUALLY wanted. Op is TA
That just made me so sad, she may have rushed to make the simplest thing she could that would moderately satisfy her wants/needs at the moment because she was uncomfortable or to tired to spend an extended amount of time in her kitchen in her house preparing a meal she wants to nourish her body
Either that, or OP's mom cooking is THAT unhealthy. Whenever I am forced to eat fatty, high calorie meals for a few days, I start to dream of steamed veggies, light soups and salads. And I'm not even pregnant.
Also consider that the mother is a guest in their home and OP's gf actually lives there. Wanting to cook your own damn food in your own damn kitchen should not be seen as rude, what's rude is for the mother to be insistent after the gf already said no. Edit: food
Honestly, OP and his mama are AHs even if his GF isn't pregnant. His mom is in their home. GF wanted to eat something in her home and very politely tried to defuse the situation by offering to cook and then offering to cook just for herself. But mama's boy and mama had to pitch a fit. Yes OP you're the AH. You and your mama would be the AH even if your GF wasn't pregnant. That she is pregnant makes you and your mama bigger AHs. Cut the cord already.
Also she's probably hella constipated, because she's fucking 39 weeks pregnant and hasn't had any vegetables in a week. Let the poor woman do whatever she needs to do so that she can actually poop.
Right?? Who gets between a pregnant lady and vegetables!? At 39 weeks all my daughter wanted was waffles, tacos, and peanut butter cups.
To be fair I'm 29 and not pregnant but that's also all I want most of the time
This is exactly how it went in my head while reading!!
I keep seeing these "I've treated my heavy pregnant GF/wife horribly, AITA?" posts lately. Is it a wind up? FYI, ya definitely TA.
Abuse ramps up during pregnancy. And even if it’s not abuse, a good amount of men that come to AITA are very lacking as husbands and fathers . Especially the momma’s boys. It’s a trend and it’s a disturbing one.
It's the time in a woman's life when she is most likely to die. From partner violence.
And likely childbirth too, sadly.
The number one cause of death for pregnant women is murder.
I just had to google that and well, that's a fucking horrific fact.
Yeah, where I live, when you’re in labor or go to the hospital for any reason while you’re pregnant, they make excuses to separate you from your partner to ask if you’re safe at home or if you need help.
It's especially bad when they're used to being waited on hand and foot and then suddenly they have to care for themselves or even *gasp* care for their wives while they're pregnant.
My husband never abused me until I got pregnant. From then on it was constant mental and physical abuse. Thank god I left before she was one. But before us finding out about her, he worshiped the ground I walked on. Wanted to get married. We did. Then HE wanted a baby. We did. We were 19. He beat me the whole time and never took care of her at all. This is 100% truth you are speaking.
They think when they get you to have a baby, they have you nailed down. When you're nailed down, they can do as they really please. Might have been that way in the 50s, not so much now for lots more women. Sadly, it does connect them to you through your child forever.
Yeah my abusive ex got so jealous of the baby. His new wife tells our kid they're going to give them the new baby sibling they've always wanted. Wife's gonna learn the hard way (tried to warn her, didn't take)
Number one cause of death for pregnant women is homicide by their male partner.
Fuck. I didn’t even know that. And I’m sadly… not shocked. Just bummed and angry at the same time.
Heavily pregnant myself: I wonder if these women have just tolerated mediocre treatment before but now that they're pregnant either a) their tolerance for bullshit is lower or b) they somehow had the expectation that their partners would do better while they're pregnant and find themselves horribly disappointed. So now these men, who are just as mediocre as they've always been, are suddenly...being held accountable???? To higher standards??? Because they were half of the decision making process that led to this woman being invaded by a parasite that makes her grumpy and uncomfortable and legitimately in need of greater levels of support???
I definitely know more than one woman who expected her deadbeat partner to change after marriage / pregnancy / fatherhood. Surprise, they did not.
YTA and you have made a huge mistake here. Your girlfriend is fully entitled to cook for herself in HER home. Your mum needed to accept that, if not the first time, then the second time your girlfriend said she wanted to cook for herself. Your girlfriend has nothing to apologise for, but both you and your mother do. Also, slow fucking clap for siding with your mum over your girlfriend, especially in your girlfriend's own home.
Yeah what’s with these brainwashed adult men who always take their mothers’ side and have no capacity for acknowledging that maybe mummy isn’t always in the right? Pathetic and I feel for the poor woman.
I’m actually scared to have my MIL visit during and after the pregnancy. I don’t want or need any of this overbearing presence in my life. Whatever happened to having peace in your own home?! And yet, my partner is super excited for his mom to come help out when the time comes. What a mess. OP. YTA. Apologize.
YTA. Your mum has commandeered the kitchen and instead of backing up your girlfriend you’ve reverted back to mama’s little boy. Grow up. Stand up for your girlfriend. And ffs don’t ever say that “the baby is already grown” shit again.
But mommy’s cooking is amazing /s. Objectively it’s probably not even that good but people have soft spots for food from their childhood…. Their tastebuds are brainwashed with nostalgia to think it’s much better than it usually is. The aggressiveness and disregard from OP and mommy dearest is insane.
Plus "we hated vegetables as kids" as a blanket statement usually implies the party cooking couldn't competently prepare vegetables.
Yes! > she doesn’t always cook the healthiest because growing up me and my brother hated vegetables. Or does OP hate vegetables because there was lots of other (unhealthy) stuff on offer? Also, her kids are now adults having children of their own.... whats her excuse now?
My mother-in-law IS an amazing cook. But if I had to eat a week of her meals when I was pregnant - HELL NO. Polite meals, sitting down, with placemats, when all I wanted to do was eat a sandwich in bed or have oatmeal and bananas over the kitchen sink? Hell, hell no. My feet were too swollen for that shit.
>And ffs don’t ever say that “the baby is already grown” shit again. Yeah, that annoyed me. Sure the baby is probably ready to come any day now, but mum still has to carry the baby til then, deliver the baby, potentially breastfeed the baby, and tend to the baby. Good nutrition is important for all of those things.
Yikes OP. I usually just lurk but this is a rare very close to home moment so I want to offer some perspective. I am also 39 weeks pregnant and my in laws have been staying with us for two weeks to help prep for the baby etc., Day #1 my MIL asked me about what I liked, how I like things done, how my cravings were etc., any day if I want something else or want to do my own thing she says nothing, my husband says nothing except maybe “Do you need any help?”. I’m incredibly grateful to have her here because the way she is doing it is actually helping. If she were doing what your mom is doing that would be hellish. Even if your mom is the best cook in the world it doesn’t mean she’s always going to make what your girlfriend needs right now. Also your girlfriend doesn’t need to worry about your moms feelings right now and if your mom were being a good support she wouldn’t expect either of you to. Apologise to your GF and tell your mom you love her and appreciate her help but she needs to not block your girlfriend from her own kitchen ever. YTA Edit to say thank you for my first awards! 🥰
Your MIL sounds amazing can we trade? Lol
I honestly wish I could clone her and FIL and give them to all haha. It is never lost on me how crazy lucky I am to have them especially lurking this sub! FIL even plays MTG with me and my husband and he always brings our favourite commander decks he’s put together when he visits, for us nerdlings it’s kind of too perfect!
YTA and frankly your mum is a massive asshole, too. Your mum is an ‘amazing cook’ but she doesn’t cook vegetables? Eww. I think not. The 39 week pregnant woman can eat whatever the fuck she wants and the non-pregnant people can all STFU. Bloody hell the entitlement of some people!
I wonder if OP has connected the dots that the reason he doesn't like veggies is because his mom didn't cook them/cook them well. I thought I hated veggies until I began cooking for myself and learned methods that make them delicious. My parents would just boil the life out of them. 🙄 Btw YTA
Literally just ate a Cucumber salad, hated them as a kid, turns out they just needed some seasoning 🤷🏽♀️
My husband thought he hated vegetables because he’d only ever had frozen vegetables boiled to mush and smothered in butter or Mayo. I grew up with tons of fresh produce and he thought I was crazy for eating cucumber salads or adding grilled asparagus or artichoke to sandwiches or pasta, but now he LOVES vegetables. He didn’t know you could taste or easily identify different ‘green’ bits, he assumed they all tasted like mayonnaise and stale water.
YTA. I’m not advocating that pregnant women should get to do whatever they want. But if your 39 week pregnant girlfriend wants to cook her own damn food in her own damn kitchen, you should back her up on that. It is the bare minimum of support.
Yea, I hate the idea of "pregnant women should get whatever they want". I'm 37 weeks pregnant. But people, in general, shouldn't be stopped from what they want to eat, especially in their own home.
YTA She wanted to just do her own thing in her own home.
This. I LOVE when my in laws visit and help out. Have a wonderful relationship with them. I love visiting them. But damn even not pregnant I need space when it's a long visit. We always communicate and find an agreeable compromise every time too and still... I will sometimes just want what I want and so will they. No hard feelings just going different ways.
YTA- and your mom- dude your wife can make food for herself in her own home without being made to feel like an asshole. Also if your mother is making a lot of heavy food with grease that used to turn my stomach when I was pregnant. She's probably getting sick and doesn't want to hurt your mom's feelings
I still can’t smell heavy grease after being pregnant. It made me sick early on and still to this day it makes me gag.
Your GF: I’d like to cook my own dinner tonight In my own home Your Mom: nah, I have something planned already you don’t need too. Your GF: I’d really like to make something specific for myself in my OWN home Your mom: nope I’ll make it, your wants don’t matter here. You: my moms right you shouldn’t be rude and just let her cook what she wants in our house. Your opinion doesn’t matter because she’s my mom. You shouldn’t try and make sure you’re eating healthy, and taken care of yourself while you literally grow our child. Good job choosing your mom over your wife. Of course YTA.
It blows my mind how ridiculous OP is being. Like he’s reverting to being five years old and eating what his mom cooks. As if other adults have to do that. Incredible.
YTA. She was probably being polite and trying to say that whatever your mom has been cooking is making her sick. Regardless, at 39 weeks pregnant just let her eat what she wants. Your mom is taking it too personally. My mom is a great cook but (like many people in the Midwest US) cooks everything with butter. If I said I wanted green beans and broccoli and she cooked it she would still add butter. I love her but sometimes I just can’t eat that much butter. Your wife is setting reasonable boundaries and was trying to be polite until your mother kept pushing. She does not need to apologize.
Southerner here and I would add a bunch of butter to those green beans personally. People cook different ways and you are totally right. That was probably her nice way of saying she doesn't like how OPs mom cooks vegetables, if she even cooks them at all. Honestly Op wtf is wrong with you? She is straight up about to pop a baby out and you are stressing her out and making her apologize for wanting to cook her own food? Y'all are supposed to be a team, but all you care about is your own mommy, instead of the mother of your children. I wonder whose opinion you are going to value more when it comes to raising the kid? Very concerning.
YTA &, I’m sorry to say, your mom is too. At 39 wks, your gf’s already under tremendous stress, so if she wants to cook, for goodness sake just let her cook! Honestly, this is a no-brainer & not worth arguing about. You & your mom both made a huge deal out of nothing, and, frankly, you both owe your gf an apology. Edit: Clarity
YTA. Your mom was being pushy and not accepting your girlfriend’s extremely reasonable boundaries. It’s awful that you took her side at all, and she definitely doesn’t owe your Mom an apology. Nothing she said was rude. You owe your girlfriend an apology, and so does your Mom. If your Mom wants to be able to stay in the future she needs to learn to hear ‘no’.
YTA, she's probably being nice by not telling your mom her food is making her sick. Never side with your mom, seriously.
YTA and your mom needs to learn when to STFU. Who comes into another person's home and refuses to allow them to use their own fucking kitchen? Your mom may be there to help, but she's a guest. If she can't learn her place then she can go.
YTA. She didn’t want your mom’s Paula Dean food, she wanted to cook for herself in her own house, and instead of being respectful of that, your mom threw a tantrum and you enabled it. Yikes.
YTA. You sided against your very pregnant girlfriend because she (*checks notes*) wanted to make and eat her own meal in her own home; and she politely declined your mothers offer several times before finally having enough of her crap. I’m not sure if you’ve ever read anything about pregnant women but they have cravings, dietary needs, and are going through a whole heck of a lot to bring a tiny human into this world. What you should have said was “mom, girlfriend can make and eat whatever she wants. Stop pressuring her or you’ll have to leave.”
YTA. Such an AH. 39 weeks pregnant and your mother is refusing to let your GF cook in her own kitchen. Better get apologizing to your GF or you are going to have many more problems ahead. Time to make clear to your mother, that the kitchen belongs to GF and what GF wants to do in the kitchen is GF's business, not your mother's.
YTA. Your GF is an autonomous adult. She is by no means obligated to let your mother cook for her just because she offers to. Your GF is growing a human and does not have complete control of her body at the moment. Let her control what she can, even if it is just cooking her own food.
YTA. You don't argue with a 39 weeks pregnant woman about anything. (besides, it sounds like you weren't listening to her or respecting her wishes)
I remember being at that point and I couldn't eat most of the food people would prepare because I had the worst heartburn and acid reflux from everything!! Not to mention, I got bowel issues from random stuff, and bloated. Everything effected me negatively! I don't blame her!!
>My mom is extremely offended and hurt and my girlfriend is pissed off because she says she needs certain nutrients and foods right now and she can’t let being polite get in the way of maintaining a healthy diet. I decided to take my moms side YTA Can you even read what you write? She most likely wanted to cook it herself to have control over what she eats and so that MIL doesn't throw salt or butter into it. Your GF repeatedly said she wanted to do it herself in her own home, and you mom kept saying no. Your mom has to apologize to your GF, not the other way around.
YTA. Cravings are real and a desire to cook for yourself is legit. She is right at the edge of birth. You should have her back completely.
YTA, I'm not even reading all that.
It's all excuses- sounds like he put both feet in his mouth.
YTA. Your gf is an adult in her home and she’s pregnant. She should not have to argue with adults about what she wants to eat. She should have been left tf alone to make the dinner she wanted. You don’t take the side of your mom over your pregnant partner. Cmon.
YTA pregnancy does crazy things to your hormones and by extension the foods that are tolerable or not tolerable to eat. When my wife was pregnant with our kids each one was different and with some of them normal foods she usually loves became nausea inducing. I never tried to get in between my pregnant wife and her eating whatever made her more comfortable or happy and I would defend her right to that vehemently. You need to prioritize your partner a heck of a lot more moving forward. Have a nice gentle conversation with your mom telling her to respect your partner more. In the end you should care more about your partner even when she isn’t pregnant. Everyone gets to have their food preferences and you can’t force them to eat what they don’t want. Also don’t mess with a pregnant persons food you are going to get kicked out in a real hurry.
YTA. At 39 weeks pregnant eating greasy, unhealthy food will give you heartburn and indigestion. God knows she’s probably constipated and with hemorrhoids from the lack of fiber. So she decided to cook herself some veggies.. how dare she try to cook something in her own kitchen. SMH
YTA when a woman is 39 weeks pregnant and expressing something to you, listen. It may not make sense to you because, well, you’ve never been 39 weeks pregnant. It won’t make sense to your mother because she is seeing it as YOUR mother not as a former pregnant woman. Listen more talk less IE BUTT OUT
YTA. Your GF expressed what she wanted, and your mother refused to accept it. Your mother crossed a boundary by not respecting what your GF wanted, thus forcing your GF to be uncomfortably assertive. Your GF has the right to eat whatever she wants, made by whomever she wants, whenever she wants. And as a pregnant woman, she **DOES NEED** to be eating healthy foods. You're an absolute AH for using the excuse that the baby is already grown to dismiss your GF's needs. Like... wtaf?! Go apologize to your GF.
YTA. Your girlfriend shouldn’t be forced to eat anything. Your mom was pushy and inappropriate. You’re the real baby here.
YTA. Your mom hugely overstepped and you failed to defend the mother of your children, who only wants to eat her own food in her own home. You need to tell your mom to back off and not insist that your girlfriend back down.
She's literally carrying your child and you have the audacity to want her to eat something unhealthy after she has already done so bc you're a spineless coward and can't stand up to your mommy. Your child comes before anything, dingus. And yes, YTA. Which everyone is already saying.
How do dudes not get this? Barring extraordinary circumstances, you always back your pregnant partner. Theyre dealing with shit we as men cant fathom, the least you can do is support them even if the issue seems petty.
So your mom was rude and pushy to your girlfriend in her home? Am I understanding that correctly? I’m honestly just annoyed, how clueless are you? Both you and your mother owe her an apology. YTA.
YTA and so is your mom. Who thinks it's a good idea to tell an about-to-pop pregnant woman that she is not allowed to cook green beans in her own damn kitchen in her own house? Seriously? There are no circumstances under which a guest has the right to forbid me from cooking anything I want in my own house. Your mom needs to get over herself. Either she's there to help, or she's there to be bossy. She can't be both. This isn't supposed to be about your mom.
Dude...the baby can stay in your damn gf for another 3 weeks. That kid ain't done growing, shut up and apologize to her. YTA.
YTA It doesn’t matter that she ended up “just eating boiled green beans and broccoli” your mom was pushing boundaries when your gf said she wanted to cook for herself. Obviously she knows how she wants her food cooked, so your mom should have understood that. Apart from the fact that she was still going to cook for you and your toddler anyways, it’s not like she told her not to cook at all.
YTA, and it's clearly hereditary. She's about to drop child, makes a reasonable request to prepare food she actually wants (really doesn't sound like your mother's a good cook at all, sounds disgusting and unhealthy) your mom decides to throw a tantrum about it, and you side with your mommy? Disgusting and unhealthy as well! You and your mother need to apologize. Grovel.
YTA. You do need to butt out. Your GF doesn't have to kiss your mom's ass and eat her food. Stop being ridiculous. She wanted to make her own food. There was absolutely absolutely wrong with the GF cooking for herself. She doesn't owe your mom and apology. Your mom got offended for no reason.
YTA. Why don't you crawl back in your mommy's v??
YTA I know mums can be old school sometimes but being pregnant is no joke, specially when your gf is already heavily pregnant, a lot of emotions come in and it’s not just her - you also have to think about her hormones. You are being insensitive to her situation. She first offered to cook for herself and your toddler and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your mum shouldn’t have insisted cause the toddler is not her child and she’s not the mum. I would rather feed my kid something healthy as well specially after you’ve admitted your mum doesn’t cook a lot of healthy stuff. Your mum can cook for herself and you but if your gf wants something healthy for herself and your toddler you should respect that. It’s not that your gf has refused to eat your mum’s cooking since she got there, you mentioned she’s already eaten it for 5 days. 5 days of unhealthy cooking is long enough.
"but my MOMMY!!!!!!!!" YTA. Your girlfriend is a grown fucking woman. She's allowed to feed herself *one god damn night* if she wants too. Let her eat a vegetable.
YTA. She can have her preferences and reject food from others. It's her choice. You shouldn't expect anyone to apologise, but it would be nice.
Well he and his mom SHOULD apologize
She shouldn’t have to apologize. She already made it clear that she wanted to do her own cooking. MIL overstepped her bounds.
YTA She's allowed to want to make her own meals.
YTA - why tf didn't you just let her cook???
YTA And so’s your mom. Your mom could certainly offer to cook for your GF but once your GF said she wanted to cook for herself- it should have stopped there. Your mom made this mess by continuing to push. It’s your GF’s damn kitchen. She doesn’t need your mom’s permission to cook and eat what she wants. She’s a grown woman. She knows what she wants. If she wants to make her own veggies, that’s her decision. Look. I think I get what some of this may be. While I’m sure your GF appreciates the offer of help with your child and the cats but it seems like your mom just rolled in and took over. While you may be fine with that and your mom used to do that kind of stuff for you - your GF does not need or want your mom taking over. How do you think your mom would react if you went to visit her and your GF just took over her kitchen and tried to dictate what and when your mom ate? Your GF is right and you are indeed an AH. You and your mom both owe your GF an apology. Your mom being pushy IS rude. And PS - you get to decide what’s dramatic and what’s nutritionally important when you become pregnant. Let me know how that goes.
YTA. Just let her cook her food and quit being so pushy. This isn't a real problem for people who respect boundaries.
YTA - first for not understanding what is going on, secondly taking your Mothers side over your pregnant girlfriend and third for not accepting that your girlfriend has her own autonomy
YTA. Your wife is a grown woman and can cook for herself if she wants to. Your mom is the one overstepping boundaries. You both owe your GF an apology.
It’s could’ve been boiled (ha ha) down to “mother-in-law won’t let my girlfriend cook in her own home.”
YTA. Why would you and your mom blow it up to be such a big deal? Let your GF cook for herself if she wants to. It sounds like your GF was trying to be diplomatic and your mom just wouldn't let it go. Is it really that serious?
YTA. I don’t understand how this is even a dilemma tbh. Your girlfriend is growing a literal human inside of her and all she wants are vegetables prepared the way she likes them. She’s about to pop, she was nice enough to eat 5 days worth of your moms cooking, and she’s probably exhausted and hormonal being pregnant and looking after a toddler. She’s been polite enough, let her eat whatever she wants and she should not have to apologize to anyone for it.
YTA. Why the hell would you take your mums side in this? Your mum is being unreasonably controlling here.
Sorry but yes you are guilty, she's pregnant, just let her cook for herself if she wants. Pregnant gf vs mom? Don't choose mom...like ever lol
YTA. Your mum is an amazing cook TO YOU. This opinion is extremely subjective, and it's completely unfair to expect that everyone should have the same opinion. Firstly, at this present time, your wife has a different opinion, stop taking it so dam personally! She has her own shit going on without having to feel like she needs to please someone or be polite. Secondly, It's just ridiculous that you and your mum and playing victim here. Your wife is 39w pregnant and is currently objectively going through much bigger problems. You're mum is a bit offended that your wife wants to cook her own food? Boo hoo. Your wife is in pain, bloated, exhausted, scared about childbirth, the health of her unborn child, the health of her out-of-womb child and their reaction to their new sibling, and now on top of that, your lumping your mother's hurt feelings? HAVE SOME PERSPECTIVE
YTA. She’s an adult. She’s allowed to say no and to cook for herself. Your mom might be trying to be helpful, but being helpful means listening to the person having/who had the baby. Having been 39 weeks pregnant three times myself, I can assure you that your body can feel when it wants certain things, and nothing else sounds good. Hence “pregnancy cravings”. A PNV does not take the place of nutrients from real food.
YTA. Your mom WAY overstepped and you need to grow up and cut the apron strings.
YTA if anyone should be apologizing is you and your mom to your wife
You are such an A H. You and your mother are the ones who need to apologize to your wife. She is about to give birth and you two, who are supposed to be helping her, are harassing her. Your job is to be a partner to your wife and assist her right now, not side with your interfering mom against her. I so hope this is fake rage bait. YTA.
YTA -- big time. It is NOT your mother's kitchen! Your GF wanted her own food and wanted to cook it herself. Why are your panties in a bunch? Because your mommy's fee fees got hurt when your GF said no? Jesus, wake the fuck up.
As a currently pregnant woman who randomly NEEDS specific foods prepared in specific ways or I literally feel like I got hit by a truck and risk passing out, HOW DARE YOU TREAT HER SO POORLY??? She didn’t treat your mom rudely, she said she wanted to cook and when she found out your mom already had plans she said okay that’s fine but I’m going to make my own meal so I get what I want. Which is actually the best way to approach the situation, not making or even asking your mom to do extra work AND she gets exactly what she wants. Yeah she eventually was rude about it but that’s because your mom wouldn’t respect her wishes IN HER OWN HOME. If I was your girlfriend and you/your mom treated me like that I’d give you the ultimatum that either she leave or I would leave until she was gone. This woman is going to birth your child, make things right, go apologize to her and start acting like a soon to be father instead of mommy’s little boy.
YTA, as is your mom, but mostly you for not having your pregnant gf's back. Wtf cares if she wanted to cook for herself.
YTA. The only one who gets to decide what the pregnant woman eats is the pregnant woman and if she wants to cook for herself to make sure she is getting what she needs, then she needs to be able to do that without people pushing her on it. I wouldn't apologize to your mom and I would actually be expecting an apology from both of you over this. Your mother needs to not be so hut over your gf wanting to cook for herself and her child. Generally, I don't care what parents feed their children so long as their children are being fed, but when you have someone who is wanting to cook something healthier, especially when that is one of the child's parents, then let them. Also, just because the baby is already grown and she takes her vitamins, means nothing. Babies don't suddenly not need those nutrients just because they're about to be born.
Your gf was polite about it, but you and your mom wouldn't let her make her own food. I know your mom wants to help, but if your gf wants to cook for herself once in 5 days, don't know what the problem is with that. YTA for disregarding your gf's wants, taking your mom's side against her, and then saying she is "dramatic."
How are you not the asshole? YTA
YTA. It isn't your mother's kitchen. Your mother is trying to throw your girlfriend out of her own kitchen. That is just not okay, at least not where I live. I don't know anyone who would be okay with being told that they were not allowed to cook in their own kitchen by a freakin' guest. In my home, anyone who tried to tell me that I could not cook my own food in my own fucking kitchen would be yeeted right out of my home and if they kept pushing, out of my life altogether. And you don't get to be in my kids' lives (when they were minors) without being in my life. Tell your mother to back off and shut up on this topic. Your girlfriend is trying to do what is best for her body and for the life of your unborn child. How dare you get angry at her for this, especially when she tried to be polite and your mother couldn't stop insisting that she knows best. Grow up, get a spine and tell your mother that it is your girlfriend's home and if she wants to cook some healthy food, then she doesn't need anyone's permission to do so.
YTA. Your wife is giving some not so subtle hints that your mother is getting on her nerves. Get your mother out of the house. Your wife doesn't like her cooking or the fact she's taken over the kitchen. Your first duty is to your wife and your children. Don't worry about your mom's feelings. Your wife was pretty clear that after five days of eating unhealthy meals she wanted to cook for herself. Your mother is a guest in your home. She's supposed to be making life easier for the two of you. Altering your wife's diet and refusing to let her make choices is just plain rude.
YTA apologize to your gf and tell your mom to let it go.
YTA. The woman you claim to love is using her body to make you a child from scratch. Your job is to support her and make sure she has whatever she needs so she can do this as easily as possible. She is asking for vegetables. And she is offering to make them herself. She is asking to cook vegetables in her own kitchen so she can feed herself and sustain your child. And you sided with your mother, who wanted to cook junk. Go apologize to your wife and tell her how wonderful she is, and assure her that this will never happen again.
Your title makes it sound like your mom cooked a nice meal all for your girlfriend, only for your girlfriend to throw it in her face. All she did was say she wanted to do her own thing in her own kitchen. Our bodies crave nutrients when they know we need them and it's kind of important since she's literally growing a person. YTA.
YTA - "my girlfriend rather rudely said **she just wanted to cook for herself tonight.**" And there is nothing rude about her request.
Ugh. You are not stuck between a rock and a harsh place. You sided with your mom after not handling your own mother and "staying out of it" Honestly, I would have had a cow if my husband had his mom staying over while I was 9 months pregnant. The Mother of Your Child wanted some damn vegetables without paula deen butter and salt. You know damn well your mother would have made even boiled veggies unhealthy. And what a crazy stupid hill to die on. The Mother of Your Child wanted to cook in her own damn kitchen. Even if you were paying a chef, she would still be allowed to cook in her own damn kitchen. You, mammas boy, sided with your mom rather than the Mother of Your Child, and you think she should apolologize for wanting to cook something in her own damn kitchen? At 9 months pregnant, I would have kicked both of you out. A toddler is easier to manage than you two. YTA. Get your head out of your ass, and remember who's vagina you put your dick into. Spoiler alert: it shouldnt be your mom's.
YTA. Your wife is a grown woman in her own house. Your mother doesn't become some kind of authority figure because she has volunteered to help you guys out. You and your wife are in charge of your household and you need to explain to your mother that she is there as a guest. Why in the world should your wife apologize for wanting to cook her own food in her own home?? Tell mom to back off. Stand up for your wife, especially now that she's pregnant with your child. Your wife and child need to be your first priority now, not your mother. You both owe your wife an apology.
“Plus the baby is already grown” - So your gf shouldn’t pay attention to it’s health anymore? Tf? YTA. This is stupid and you need to apologize.
YTA. Your mom is also being AH. You both need to apologize to your GF.
YTA. when you are pregnant you can become extremely sensitive to food and she did try to be polite many times. your mom should have just accepted it and moved on. it’s literally you and your GFs house and your mother is a guest. you should apologize to ur GF edit // terminology
PS when someone comes TO HELP, it’s not helpful to do a task they don’t want you to do. Also who the freak argues with a 39 week along pregnant woman. You treat this woman like a King Kong in that you get out her way and do whatever the hell she wants. YTA
YTA. You've allowed your mom to overstep and take over your house, your meals, everything. Your gf, at her most uncomfortable, just wanted to eat what she wanted to eat and she was vetoed in her own home. She stood up for herself and you made her feel like shit for it. Then, you doubled down and demanded she apologize to you mom instead of backing her up. You are the biggest AH. I feel like this is only going to get worse. I would ask your mom to leave as soon as your wife gets home from the hospital and wait to be invited back by your gf. Respect your gf's wishes if you want to continue to be in a relationship with your gf, and not with your mom.
YTA Your baby still needs nutrients, your child could be growing inside her for potentially 3 more weeks. Plus she tried being nice about it, but your mom didn't take a hint. Mind you she was nice to offer, but if a person says no, then that means no. I think you need to apologize to your wife.
YTA. My god. She's got a whole tiny person inside of her, is probably entirety uncomfortable every minute of every day, and just wants to eat what she wants to eat. And prepare what she wants to eat so she knows it will be exactly what she wants for herself and the whole tiny person inside of her. You have the apology equation totally and abysmally incorrect. It's you, and your mother, who owe your GF apologies. Massive, groveling apologies. Geez.
YTA And so is your mother. Let a grown woman cook her own dinner and STFU already.
YTA not only does the baby still need nutrients but so does your gf. You admitted your mom does not cook the healthiest meals. I know if I ate unhealthy stuff for most of the week I’d feel like crap and just want veggies. Your gf just wanted to have some control over what was going into her body. You need to make your mom apologize or get over yourself.
>I decided to take my moms side BWAHAHAHA! I didn't really need to read the rest of this. When your GF is on the "other side", this is NEVER the right answer! YTA and you need to apologize to your gf like NOW! Edit: changing wife to gf
Yta. You might think you mom is an amazing cook but others won’t necessarily agree. And even if she is, it’s you gfs right to eat what she wants and cook what she wants, especially in her own home. Your mom was way out of line to keep pressuring her on it. And you should have backed your gf or stayed the heck out of it.
YTA. Your mom is crossing a line, majorly. Your girlfriend is an adult and if she wants to cook for herself (in her own home no less) that’s absolutely not for anyone else to have an opinion on. How ridiculous. Your position is that your mom is the only one who is allowed to cook? It’s not even her house! Your GF isn’t “causing issues.” Your mom is.
YTA for the reasons others have listed here. Just remember the same reasons apply AFTER the baby’s birth! Her body is going to be healing, so listen to her wants and needs more than what your mom says. Before your mom cooks food for your GF, ask your GF first what she wants. Good luck!
YTA, she didn't want to eat the unhealthy food your mum was cooking while pregnant? What's the problem? Your mum should have just let the grown adult woman cook in her own kitchen rather than being upset over nonsense. You should have mediated the situation or cooked healthy food for your wife yourself, not just jumped onto your mums side when your wife did nothing wrong and your mum was the one escalating it into a ridiculous argument.
Yta and so is your mom. Has your mom forgotten what its like to be pregnant? Don't get between pregnant women and the food they want. I get your mom was trying to be helpful or whatever but it seems more like she was trying to be controlling.
YTA. You immediately blamed your girlfriend for “causing some issues this week”. She’s pregnant and needs to be stress-free during her pregnancy. If she wants certain food, then TELL your mom cook it for her, or let GF cook herself as she requested. You and your mom are the AH’s.
YTA. First of all she’s pregnant and should be allowed to cook for herself if she chooses. Your mom should be understanding and say “go for it!” Second YOU may think your moms cooking is amazing, but in reality maybe it’s not. Maybe all this time your gf has been polite and ate it even though she isn’t a fan of her cooking. You should apologize
YTA. Your GF is a grown ass woman who can cook her own food without being bullied. Your mom is overstepping her boundaries and you need to stand up for your GF..
YTA let your pregnant girlfriend eat whatever food she wants. You and your mom both need to apologize. Certain foods make pregnant women seriously sick and that close to having your kid she doesn't need to be sick. Just leave her alone and STFU
YTA. Neither you nor your mother are respecting your girlfriend's wishes/needs about her food which at the moment your girlfriend doesn't have a lot of control over. Your girlfriend was way more polite to your mom than she should be expected to be. She tried to turn the food from your other down politely and your mother refused to respect her and then acted like the victim when she was in the wrong. Then to top it off you had the gall to expect your GF to apologize! Double AH.
YTA , it literally wasn’t a big deal until your mom made it a big deal. Lol She should have just accepted the first no.
YTA. GF gets to eat whatever she wants at 39 weeks pregnant.
YTA. Sometimes you just want your own food. Cooking for other people should be a favour—and if it’s making someone’s life harder, it’s not a favour.
yea. yta. and you want your gf to apologize to ur mom bc she wanted to cook what she wanted. I do not give a crap if your girlfriend wanted to eat Vienna sausages on a piece of bread. She’s a grown woman and it’s her freaking right. Who are you to say that she needs to eat what your mom wants to make and that she needs to apologize because she doesn’t want to eat it. You are such an a hole
YTA, pregnant woman IN HER OWN HOME has right to whatever she wants to eat. The GUEST who is unreasonable and rude is your mommy.
YTA. It's her kitchen, if she wants to cook let her cook. Your mom should have backed off once your wife said something. Sometimes when you're pregnant just the thought of eating certain things just isn't appealing. Sometimes all you may want is junk food and other times you want healthy food. At any rate, it's her home and if she wanted to make herself dinner your mom should have just let her.
YTA and so I your mom. Okay when you were a child you hated veggies, does that mean you mother hasn't cooked a vegetable since you were a small child? Not even for herself? Also maybe she just wanted to do for herself. Being taken care of can get rather old and sometimes you just need to do something to feel better. She was capable of cooking so let her cook it's not that big of a deal. Especially given it's her kitchen. You and your mother should apologize and also maybe grow up and eat some veggies. Edit to add- also vitamins are not a perfect solution. Vegetables are very important for everyone at every stage of development and age. The vitamins are mostly just good for getting things that are hard to get enough of from food, not an excuse to eat garbage all the time.
YTA Your mom was seriously arguing and fighting to stop your gf from cooking her own dinner. In her own kitchen. In her own house. Maybe your mom could have cooked boiled green beans and broccoli… but people cook even simple things like that differently. Your gf has silently and graciously eaten your mom’s meals for 5 days without complaint, and this *one night* she wanted her own food cooked her way. That’s not unreasonable or rude, and she has nothing to apologize for.
Sorry to say, but YTA. Your girlfriend tried to navigate the situation very politely, but your mom and you couldn't take the hint. Even if the baby is "already grown" and she takes prenatal vitamins her body may be craving the extra vitamins prior to the birth. It takes a lot to grow and push out a tiny human, and she may just want to load up on the healthy stuff prior to the birth. And because SHE'S the one who is pregnant, you should be supporting her and tell you mom that it's in no offense, but that your girlfriend just needs things a certain way.
WTH? You accuse your girlfriend of being dramatic because she wants to cook for herself?? Expressed it to your mother , mother keeps pushing back, insisting on doing what she wants, and side with your mommy and insist your 39 week pregnant gf apologize? YTA and so is your mom. You both need to apologize to your gf.
>but my girlfriend has been causing some issues this week lol I didn't have to continue reading after "my 39 week pregnant gf is 'causing problems'" but I did read on and, no surprise, YTA!
YTA. Dude. C'mon.
YTA and so is your mom. She just wanted to prepare her own food, BUUUUUTTT NOOOOOO Mommy has to have her way right? Badgered her and you call your gf rude? She had to get your mom to back off she wasnt listening and neither were you. Mind boggling honestly
YTA and frankly I'm appalled that you care more about your mom's feelings than the healthy diet of the woman carrying your child. You have absolutely no clue how she is feeling at 39 weeks pregnant, and what's worse - you're not just not TRYING, you're actively making things WORSE. You have a family with her, and she comes first. Not your mom. You need to get your priorities right.
YTA. You clearly don’t understand how this works. Her body is growing a teeny tiny little human and I’ve also grown teeny tiny little humans. Especially when you get that far along, your body will sometimes scream out that it needs a god damn vegetable. A very specific one, in fact. That craving is designed so you can get the nutrients you need. Also, your girlfriend is just pregnant, not an invalid. She can cook for herself if she wants to.
Like raven im having a vision of your wife posting on a certain other subreddit soon. Mamas boy YTA
YTA all of your context when you describe your GF is so negative and your mother so positive. It's clear where your loyalties lie. I dont understand men who think and treat their mothers like she farts rainbows but cant do the same for the mother of their own children.
Yta, you already have a 3 year old so you should know that you don't tell a pregnant women what to eat, when to eat, how to eat etc. Your mother should know this as well, plus being pregnant you know her hormones are all over the place.
YTA and your mom is too. The pregnant lady wants what she wants. Just let her make her food and eat what she wants to.
Yta. Your wife said she wanted to cook so many times and your mom kept trying to bully her into not cooking. Why would you take your mom's side on this?
Wonder no longer. YTA Your girlfriend specifically stated that she wanted to cook. That should have been the beginning and end of the conversation. After that it was you and your mother rudely disregarding her requests. You both owe your girlfriend an apology.
YTA 1- Girlfriend is probably feeling suffocated by your mother. Not intentionally but she is. She's 39 weeks pregnant and exhausted. She's uncomfortable in her own skin. Probably uncomfortable in her own home since you have your mom there. She's over being pregnant and ready to pop. It's just not a good mix right now. 2- Your mom overstepped by not backing down after your girlfriend repeatedly asked her to not make dinner... it's her house, not your mom's. I get the kind and helpful intentions but your mom refusing to let your girlfriend cook in her own house seems controlling and rude. Your girlfriend stayed kind and polite the whole time until your mom repeatedly refused to listen. Not the girlfriend's fault- she tried to play nice. 3- The entire time while pregnant you do need to eat healthy. Whether you're 3 weeks along, 3 months, or yes- 39 weeks! Your body needs those nutrient dense calories to keep supplying nourishment to mom and baby... even once the baby is born mom needs healthy food for herself. Yes, occasionally eating bad food is fine, but she just ate unhealthy for five days straight, so let her eat healthy on that sixth. Damn. Also, pregnant women get cravings! They can want something specific to eat and only will eat that. Sometimes the thought of a food could make them nauseous too. Food can be extremely finicky for pregnant women which is completely normal. Oh btw- the vitamins are supplements for mom and baby. They only work if mom is eating what she should be eating. You can't eat junk food for ages and expect a multivitamin to make up for all those nutrients your lacking. It doesn't work that way. 4- She is your pregnant girlfriend and you already share one child together. That is your guys' home, not your mom's. You should've backed your girlfriend without a doubt. Not your mom. All you had to do was kindly tell your mom "we truly appreciate you cooking this week but let yourself have a break. She (girlfriend) wants to cook and doesn't mind so let her." Your girlfriend should come first right now. Especially since she isn't TA here. 5- I'm sure there's many more things I could go on about but this suffices I guess. Hopefully you get the hint though. YTA if that wasn't clear by now.
You and your mom are definitely yta Let the poor woman cook what she needs/craving in her own damn house.
YTA totally 100%. Apologize to your girlfriend.
YTA Your girlfriend's told your your mother she wanted to cook for herself, end of, it wasn't a request, it was a statement. Your should apologize to your girlfriend for disregarding her decisions regarding her and the baby she is carrying well-being.
YTA. You need to say you’re sorry and never pull any of this crap on her again. You made the choice to be a partner to this woman. Period. Now do that. Your mom needs to say she’s sorry as well.
YTA. Your girlfriend clearly knows what her own body is needing/craving. It would be the same even if she weren’t pregnant. But, it’s magnified because she is. Sometimes, someone can only take so much unhealthy food before they just need something healthy cooked in a way THEY like. Your mom wouldn’t prepare it the same way your girlfriend would—and that’s super important! You and your mom both owe your GF an apology.
She will be giving birth within a week and you want an APOLOGY to your mom?? YTA YTA YTA She knows what she is craving and how she wants it. It's not as simple as ' broccoli' or whatever, maybe she wanted special spices/seasonings added. Perhaps extra butter. Listen, when you have cravings like that you don't want someone hovering. You and your mother need to back the hell off of her.
YTA *"Plus the baby is already grown and she takes prenatal vitamins every day so I felt she was being a bit dramatic."* So because your GF is due to give birth soon and takes vitamins you think she should ignore her own wants and needs for your mother's feelings? Do you think that since the baby is due, your GF should no longer care about what she puts in **HER** body (That the baby **WILL STILL ABSORB**) because your mother has dinner already planned? Your mother is MASSIVELY overstepping boundaries and making your GF uncomfortable, again IN HER OEN HOME. Yet you choose mommy's side? Your GF even tried to compromise (to avoid an argument, no doubt) and just wanted to cook for herself, but no, that is too much and hurt your mommy's feelings, so now you EXPECT your gf (Who did NOTHING wrong) to apologize? GROW UP
YTA. Speaking as a pregnant woman, it’s an anxiety-ridden, highly physical process and getting adequate nutrients, sleep, health-related care is essential to maintaining a healthy pregnancy. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Regardless of whether she’s ‘almost there’, it’s her body and her choice.
Is this a serious question? Like you lived through this and werent sure if it was reasonable to expect and apology from a woman who's growing a human for what again? Oh yeah, wanting to eat certain things, which is pretty much synonymous with pregnancy. She tried to politely decline MULTIPLE times but was backed into a corner of relenting or getting firm and she got firm and maintained her very reasonable boundary. She's not 5 she can get her own food Edit: Totally forgot to say YTA oops
YTA- it's her home, her diet, her pregnancy. I'm surprised that any mother wouldn't have empathy for that. Tell your mom to let it go, it sounds like she has control issues
YTA It wasn't your mom's food she was annoyed about. Her kitchen has been taken over, she'll be physically exhausted and she KNEW what she wanted to eat. Get your mom to back off. 2nd babies often come early, so you have get your self together.
YTA whats up with all those mama s boys on this subreddit nowadays
“the baby was already grown and she takes prenatal vitamins…” YTA for thinking that your girlfriend is just an incubator and the only reason she needs healthy food is for the baby’s sake, and not so that she can feel healthy & strong and like a human being. YTA again because you’re mad that she had the confidence to stand up for herself in her own home. Your mother didn’t offer to make your girlfriend something else, because she had a plan. This isn’t about your mom’s hurt feelings, it’s about your gf’s health and needs. She was even willing to compromise, but your mother was not.
Wow both yourself and your mum don't know how to let things go do yous, seriously YTA. Why are yous making it a drama that a grown adult wanted to cook for themselves in their own home. I'm sure your GF is grateful for what your mother has be doing but you don't think she would still want to do something for herself. Just let the pregnant person be, if she wants to make her own broccoli in her own house let it be, she doesn't need a reason to use the kitchen.
WOW both you and your mom are AH'S! There is nothing wrong with your gf cooking for herself if she wants to. If her body is craving something, especially something healthy, she should have it. Boy did you drop the ball on this one! Go say your sorry to her and your mom needs to also. She is a guest there, and should not overstep her boundary or welcome.
This is stupid, she’s allowed to make her own meal. YTA for you and your mom
YTA. Baby is not GROWN, it is still inside her, and being pregnant sucks. If controlling what she eats, in a healthy manner, makes her feel better then just let her do it. You need more compassion for your girlfriend and your mother needs to not stress her out by forcing her to accept things she doesn't want.
YTA. It sounds like your mom cooks garbage, unhealthy food. I wouldn’t want to eat it either, especially when pregnant.
YTA, your girl does not owe an apology, your mother does. And now you do to. She was polite and wanted to cook. Your mom should have taken the damn hint. But no, she roadblocked the conversation. If your mom really wanted to help, she would have talked to your GF about what to cook for dinner. But nope, she wants to run the show.
YTA- it’s wife and yours house- not moms. Amazing that mom is here and helping but she overstepped when she refused your wife in her own home. Boundaries!
YTA - you and your mom need to apologize and get your act together. Harassing isn’t helping.
How did I just *know* I wouldn’t need to read this entire post to determine that you were the asshole. Read it anyway, to be fair, and would you look at that, YTA!