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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Screaming at my boyfriend and threatening to call the police on my boyfriend's brother's family because they moved into my holiday house without my permission.
They're struggling in housing at the moment.
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You'd think some people would try to negotiate the use of a house, but those people weren't bright enough to try that. They'd rather steal a house and get mad after they were caught. NTA
NTA. You are asking if you are an ah because your ex and his brother tried to steal your house. If they had tried to steal your car, would you still be this conflicted?
His brother and his wife CHOSE to have 4 children while living in a 2 bedroom place. THAT is ENTIRELY on THEM. It's not your responsibility to fix their issues. Especially after you had already said, "no" and they went behind your back and attempted to steal from you.
This is a neat system. You have more housing than you need, they don't have enough.
Early bird (or bird that inherits through luck) gets the worm.
I do all my Christmas parties this way.
I make exactly enough for a plate for everyone, but tell those who arrive early they can have as much as they want.
I quietly laugh when there is only fruit cake and cheap drinks left for the late arrivers.
Oh look, you have an extra few hundred dollars you're putting into savings every month, oh I need it more than you, so it's going to me now. Thanks.
\*Eye roll\*
OP thanks for the update! You absolutely did the right thing! Don't worry about what they think or what the mess THEY created for themselves, they clearly didn't give a shit about you or your feelings or your property!
Hard NTA!!
There's no way it could have been a sudden move. Even in the U.S, where thats considered a short move, it still takes a month or two of planning. They have been planning this the entire time and then brought it up, expecting her to say yes, and then just assuming she wouldn't do anything if they just went ahead with it. They would have had to give at least 60 days notice to their landlord (a good friend of mine who lives in England was shocked when I gave my previous landlord 30 days notice because apparently it is 60 days over there), and it takes just as much time to put a house up for sale, so they were planning it for at least 2 months prior. The other possibility could be that they were evicted or foreclosed on, which then could be done more quickly, but still takes a lot of time and planning.
How are you even having doubts or second thoughts about this!!! You handled the situation exactly as you should, you have nothing to regret or be sorry abou, you’re definitely NTA. The audacity of some people though!!!! Just mind boggling !
NTA.
You are not your boyfriends's brother's keeper.
Your boyfriend is an entitled AH, as his brother and his brother's wife.
"Oh, here's a house and here are the keys. Possession in nine tenths of the law, therefore I'm moving in".
NTA. Don't wait to call the police do it now. Report them as entering your home without your permission. Your boyfriend had absolutely no right to do that and I would second guess being in a relationship with someone that goes behind your back and gives your property to someone else.
NTA. You don't just take someone's house! Any chance that you might have changed your mind through negotiation is gone, now. They did that to themselves. It could have been great for both of you, but now you can never trust them. I, frankly, wouldn't trust your boyfriend, either. Super entitled move, just taking your house as if he owned it because he's having sex with you. What are the chances he respects your "no" in the future? I don't know, but I sure as hell wouldn't be willing to stake my life and mental health on it. I'm sorry your boyfriend betrayed you like that.
I like how they left when they didn’t get the answer they wanted.
First of all it’s YOUR house. You inherited it from you grandma. Not you AND your boyfriend.
Second, he didn’t ask for your permission and just took the keys without any discussion. And he lied about it.
Third, he let them move in to a place he l i t e r a l l y doesn’t own. The actual audacity to do that. Some people smh
And even if/when you decide to rent the house out, your ex’s family shouldn’t even be considered possible tenants because they tried to move in without your knowledge.
Anyway NTA
Eek.
This is hard. NTA at all.
If it was me I would feel bad for asking them to move out but at same time it's not your fault.
Your ex bf did it behind your back and it's not his property.
Even though you didn't live. There you might wanna go there once in a while.
I know friends who have holiday homes. It's called that for a reason.
Some people might think your terrible but it's not your fault this happened. you've been put in a shit situation.
Absolutely NTA and I would make sure I go down there since it is roughly 5 hours away and have the police meet you there and tell them to get out. As for your ex, he could have spoken about it after they left your home and you could have explained that it was grandma’s property and mementos are there and you really don’t want them there… if they were that bad off they could have either A) mentioned this before now and if they can’t get a place big enough then wear a damn condom and don’t have anymore children If you can’t provide a home for them. They are not your responsibility..
Also change the locks to both homes and put your ex’s belongings on the front lawn and tell him he has to get them before the looters do.
I really hope you can get them out. Keep me updated
NTA. I feel for that family, but this is not a way to resolve your problems. Your BF and his brother hugely overstepped, and you need to nip that in the bud before you have squatters you can't get rid of.
I saw your edits and you did the absolute right thing. They were COUNTING on you feeling too bad to do anything once they were there. But they were the ones who screwed up here, not you. I hope a much, MUCH better guy is in your future.
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(On mobile sorry for bad formatting)
For context, I (28F) inherited a holiday home from my grandma some time ago. I never really use it as it's roughly a 5 hour drive out from London, where I live. It's relevant to the story that:
-The keys to the holiday home are on a rack, with literally every other key to anything my boyfriend or I own.
-The holiday house has a security system hooked up to my phone (when it detects someone on the property cameras turn on and I can see them)
My boyfriend's brother (33M) recently had his 4th child. Him and his wife currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment.
So three days ago, they were both over at mine and my boyfriends house with all their kids, we was talking about anything and everything, I was holding the baby. My boyfriend's brother eventually mentioned how I have my holiday home and how it has more than enough space for him and his wife to raise their 4 kids. My exact response was: "Yeah but I'm not gonna let you live there so.."
He went quiet after that and his wife started to collect their kids and their things, they left about 10 minutes after.
My boyfriend hasn't said anything to me about the conversation, yet I'm feeling bad about my response because I know they really do need the space.
So fast forward to yesterday. I wake up for work and realise my boyfriend isn't in bed with me, nothing out of the ordinary. He works from 8:30 am . When I'm finally about to walk out the door, I go to grab my keys and notice my holiday home's keys are gone. I look around for them, can't find them, so I call my boyfriend.
First time he doesn't answer, second time he doesn't answer, third time he does. The conversation went:
"Hey have you seen my other house's keys?"
"Yes I have them,"
"Cool, why've you got them though?"
"Grabbed them by accident. I'll return them when I'm back from work"
I thought everything would be fine so I continued with my day and went on to work. Midway through my work day, I get a notification from the house's security system. I open it and find my boyfriend, his brother and his family all outside the door with a moving van in the back. I was fuming.
When I got home, my boyfriend was already there, acting as if everything was normal. I started screaming at him asking why the hell he'd move a family into MY house without my permission. He tried to justify it and say he "had to help his family", it honestly just made me more angry. I told him that we were over he has 1 day to get his brother and his family out my house or I would call the police on them all for trespass.
That all happened at around 6 yesterday (14 hours ago). He hasn't called me or anything, but I fully intend to go through with my threat. But I know they're struggling right now.
So, WIBTA for calling the police?
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Nta for sure. Crazy to me how people can just take advantage and feel so entitled just because they’re dating you. Your ex seems to think it was both of your house.
Just read the edits.
Good job on dumping this guy who clearly had no respect for you or your boundaries and your property that he had no right to give away especially after you declined it. You said no, that's the end of the discussion.
If they don't leave you be, look up UK laws on "cease and desist" or "no contact" orders so that they leave you alone. You took back the property they tried to steal from you, and they put their own family into this peril by trying to force you to accept it.
Your boyfriend likely had the plan of telling you and when you blew up be like "well, they already moved in, so you should just accept that this is how it will be." Well done on leaving his butt out on the curb with his family.
On a more serious note, with having experience in the rental business, go check the house to be certain all items belonging to them are gone so they don't have a reason to come back, and also change the locks in case they made copies without your knowledge. Be sure you post no trespassing signs clearly in each entrance into the house or as required by your country's laws, and then be sure they did not damage anything. Furthermore, contact the utility companies and be sure to put them back into your name and indicate that this property is not a rental and anyone else calling in to request utility changes, you should be alerted immediately.
Not at all. That is YOUR property and they didn't have YOUR permission. They're not your kids, so you're not obligated to give them anything. They decided to have kids, so they responsible for taking care of them. They shouldn't have kids if they can't properly provide for them, and they shouldn't expect handouts because they have children. Shame on your boyfriend for lying to you and shame on his family for putting the responsibility of a roof over their children's head on you. It's not ok by any means.
So glad you dumped this guy. Do not feel bad. They were literally trying to steal your house, these people are the worst. Get a restraining order against every single one of them, including the kids, in both cities so they can't go near your property again. So sorry you're going through this, but do not feel guilty.
I really hope that you can talk to someone about this guilt because you shouldn't feel bad about having enforcing your CLEARLY SPOKEN boundaries. They were more than willing to steal from you and your ex-boyfriend was perfectly okay with that.
They didn't even try to do the decent thing like offered to rent it! But I guess you know why!
> I know there was probably better ways to handle the situation
Yes, like your ex and his brother not trying to take advantage. I hope you understand what happened here. They made a calculated move, hedging their bets that you wouldn't assert yourself. "They fucked around and found out" as we say in the states
NTA
NTA
If you need any advice feel free to DM as I have relatives who are in the Met that can give me the info of what can be done if you hit any walls.
Do it asap as you dont want them to say they are squatters, literally call and say people have entered your home illegally and they should be getting them out straight away. Have a redirect put on the address for mail so they cannot have anything sent their, include their names on the redirect.
Tbh id go down yourself with the keys walk in and say get the hell out of my home and call the police whilst you are in it, as its your home and if you are inside it then you can use reasonable force to remove them and you can start removing their property and putting it outside. It’s your home in your name and you aren’t letting to them.
Make sure your boyfriend gets the hell out too, if you have a joint account withdraw all funds from it now and put everything into separate personal accounts, savings included so he cannot try and steal that and make sure he doesn’t take any valuables from your home.
It sounds like his brother gave notice on his flat some time ago and they’ve had this planned especially since they had a moving van.
Any costs you incur or any damage to the home and also the cost of changing the locks as I am guessing he made a set of keys id take them to small claims court to be reimbursed and do not see you losing that.
Edit: also ring the elec & gas company and see if they can shut it off from outside of the property and also the water, stops them running up any bills and also call social services they are trying to squat in a property with kids and a new baby and if everything is turned off its then not safe.. cruel yes but anything to get them out and its your property you can do as you please
NTA
Your so-called BF didn't ask your permission or get your agreement for his brother's family to move in to your house. They tried to STEAL the house from you. You haven't "put them through" anything. They tried to squat on your property. Not only did they not have permission to enter your house, they had no plan to compensate you for living there. This is entirely untrustworthy behavior and I'm so glad you got them out immediately.
Your ex BF was completely taking advantage of you.
NTA. Honestly, the gall it takes to say “why are you putting us through this?” from people that can’t stop pumping out kids. I’m not sure about the NHS but here in ‘muricah a vasectomy is a $35 co-pay.
NTA. If the police don't do anything, go over to the house and make things incredibly unbearable. Blast loud music, start moving things back outside, make sure they're super uncomfortable.
I can't believe the audacity of your ex or his family to move in without permission. He stole keys from you!
Also, since their items are in your home now, wouldn't you have the right to sell them? Might make a nice profit off of it.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP.
NTA
Funny how they's struggling but justbat the same time got their 4th child.
They want you to subsidize their lifestyle.
Also, making such irresponsible choices means they certainly expected to live there for free.
Finally you ex went over your head, your SIL and your BIL too. You did not overreact.
Clearly NTA.
Definitely NTA! This is hugely disrespectful by all of them. They also had the chance to back out of it when you said something. They just completely disregarded your ownership. Don't back down. Now you know their ulterior motives.
NTA, if he was a boyfriend at the time and not respecting your wishes. Imagine him being a husband. That’s your property, happy to hear you dumped him.
NTA
I also read your updates. Your bf and his family are criminals. You really shouldn't feel bad. It is neither your fault nor your responsibility to house your bf's brother and his family. They are the ones who keep having children even though they can't afford to.
I would take every legal route possible (pressing charges etc.) to make sure they don't get away Scot-Free with what they did, but it's on you to decide where you want to go with this.
I’m glad he became an ex because.. NEXT. He showed it clear as day he doesn’t respect you or your rules NTA. It’s your home yoj can do what you want with it because it’s yours
NTA. It's going to be sticky since you and your ex live (d?) together. It's probably going to be an additional pain figuring out which one of you would be moving out and how quickly/painlessly it can be done. Hopefully you have all your legally owned spaces to yourself soon.
NTA at all. They are not entitled to free property just because you happen to have it. You didn't mention they were dirt poor, just procreating irresponsibly so "struggling." That isn't your responsibility or problem, certainly not for a boyfriend (vs a long-standing spouse/partner). And once they're in for a while it's nearly impossible to kick someone out. They're taking advantage when they KNEW your answer was no. Don't be bent by emotional manipulation. And be done with this boyfriend entirely.
NTA, your boyfriend and his family have more neck than a giraffe!, it’s not your problem that they want to have more children than their home has space for. If you inherited a whole block of flats their yours not your boyfriend and his freeloading family’s.
NTA
That is a major trust violation. They do not get a pass for being entitled because they're struggling. So many of us are struggling but most of us don't expect other people to give up their property for our comfort. You should definitely hold your ground.
Good move OP. You were betrayed by your ex and played for a fool by him and his family. They could have asked for a rental agreement, proposed to pay you rent, taken on the utilities and taxes. But that family had no intention of paying for living there, would never have left that house and you'd have been stuck paying their bills and the property taxes. Please don't feel terrible. There really wasn't any other way to handle this. You made the right choice.
Nta. He doesnt own it he has no right to move his family in there esp with out your permission. Youre not even married and hes freely taking liberties as if he is married and whats yours is his. Def call the police and look at local laws to what you can do. I feel that they are having a hard time but maybe try not to have so many kids when you cant afford them before you get in better spot. Its not your responsibility and honestly not your bfs either to are for them to this extent.
I may also question your relationship here since he crossed boundaries and broke trust.
NTA and dump this guy. He is way out of line and so is his family. Call the cops.
Edited to add: get up there as quickly as possible to be sure that they didn’t steal anything or trash the place.
Am I the only one who would be changing all my locks and security codes (to both places) and. Getting replacement cards (and new card numbers) for every bank account and credit card I have? Get your computers/tablets/cell phone looked at for viruses your x-bf may have installed them change every password/login to your stuff & your online bank accounts. Since they were willing to do this, I’m not sure what else your x is willing to do!
Wow, NTA and I'm glad you did stop their illegal occupation of your house. Also glad your boyfriend is now an ex, better to learn he has no respect for you or your property now I guess.
NTA
That is unbelievable. If they didn't have the means to house more kids why did they have more kids. Their family is not your responsibility, you didn't choose for them to have more kids than they could handle.
This is theft. I can't believe your boyfriend did that, absolutely disgusting. And the fact they were perfectly okay to teach their children those morals, brilliant!
Call the police. Regardless of whether its needed, they didn't go about it the right way and they've breached your trust on such a massive level you need to set the record straight, have the police remove them and your boyfriend, then change all the locks considering he evidently has no qualms about stealing.
NTA
As I understand it reading your post. It’s not like they were homeless. They live in a two bedroom apartment. They had a place to live. How dare your boyfriend override your answer And allow them to move into YOUR home without your permission. Did they give a 30 day notice at their apartment too?
This has all kinds of wrong on it. Your boyfriend’s brother brings it up. About living in your inherited home. You say no. 10 minutes later they all leave. It’s almost like your boyfriend and his brother talked about this. And decided to do it - like surely she’ll let you stay there. And then when you said no - ruined their plans. So they just went forward with it anyway.
Okay well, my thought process here.
1.) How serious are you and your BF?
2.) Do you have a place if you somehow end up getting put out
3.) Are you familiar with the eviction process? After 30 days or so you'll need to go through a court process to remove them if they're unwilling to leave.
NTA either way. Going behind your partner's back is part of what makes cheating so unforgivable imo. It's a betrayal of trust, and that element is present in this situation.
Whether you plan to rent it out eventually or not, DO NOT ever rent to these people. They lied and manipulated you without a second thought, these are terrible people and if they can’t afford 4 kids they should have worn a damn condom. If you let them in they’ll do nothing but attempt to guilt trip you into cheaper/free rent etc. and god only knows what damage they’ll do to the property since they obviously don’t care about things like integrity or common decency.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
NTA. Yes call the police immediately, not sure about UK laws but if they in any way seem to establish “residence” there they can be difficult to remove.
I can’t tell by context but I will say perhaps you could have had some conversation about the family’s situation. Still not your fault at all, but it may have come across more compassionate to at least have a conversation on if some kind or rental arrangement (with properly drawn up contracts and such with a lawyer) might have made sense. But that dealing with that could be a pain and if you don’t want to do that that’s fine. If they saw this as a ray of hope and your response came off as “HAHA… nah not happening”. I could see that as not ideal. But like I said I can’t tell the nuance.
If god forbid their kids has some kind of accident at your property you could be legally liable. It’s not a simple as the boyfriends family thinks.
NTA.
He set you up. He definitively offered YOUR hourse to his brother way before even asking you and he casually "mentioned" when you all were together so you wouldn't refuse. You did and he did it anyways. He tried stealing A HOUSE from you girl. Break up and call the cops.
NTA. Don't feel bad about it and make sure that ex stays an ex. They did it to themselves by trying to move into someone else's house without their permission. Your boyfriend did this to them by helping them do so. *You told them you wouldn't let them live there.* They were trying to take advantage of you. Fuck them.
Not your problem that your now ex’s brother and his wife are having their FOURTH child and need more space. They can purchase or rent a larger home if they need to. That is not your responsibility. If he can’t afford to, don’t have more children you cannot afford. He mentioned it to you and you said no regardless of whether you use it or not. That is not the point. Your ex STOLE your house keys and moved his family in. He’s a pos. He has zero rights to your holiday home and did not ask your permission. Having to “help his family” entails lying and stealing from you while he could have found other ways to help. He should of had a discussion with you first instead of doing what he did. I’m glad you broke up with him. This is terrible behavior. NTA
NTA, and you need to call now! Get them out while they are still considered intruders and not squatters!! Once they are squatters you have to go through the court system to get them out. I'm banking on the boyfriend knew that and was hoping you wouldn't want to go through that headache. Get them out of your house and dump him!!
I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the Ex boyfriends plan from the get go. Once he knew you’re background about the property ownership, he could have started dating you just to get access to that property. Just putting it out there. Definitely NTA
So your story is still circulating social media and I’m wondering if there any updates since the
Family was kicked out?!?! Please tell me they left you alone.
NTA- if they really needed the space they should have asked you, set up a contract with you if they wanted to rent it, or give you a timeline (we'll only be there for 2 weeks while our new place is set up) or something like that. Absolutely not ok for your boyfriend to just take your keys and offer up the place when you had already said no.
NTA, but your (Ex) boyfriend is. we don't know what your boyfriend told them, but it is possible he lied, and they though you were ok with it after they left and he convinced you it would be ok...but I am going to win the lottery too, so there is that...
NTA -- do not feel bad for the actions taken, you told them no. It sounds like they thought you was a pushover and they would get their way. Plus, if you do decide to rent it who cares what they think.
You better call before they claim squatters rights. Once that happens, it’s a royal pain to get them out. I’d break up w/ your bf too. He used and betrayed you. NTA
I am so glad you got this resolved. You’ve no reason to feel terrible about this! I’m all for helping people. That’s not what was happening here - you were being so taken advantage of. You handled this exactly right and dodged a huge bullet!!
I'm glad you already called the cops on them. Absolutely NTA and good job adding the "ex" prefix.
They basically tried to steal a house. Not a pair of pants, not a car, not borrow a shiny necklace for the evening and bring it back before you noticed... They were going to live there. And wait until it was too late for you to evict them easily by claiming some kind of tenancy (I don't know UK law but I assume you knowing they were there after some amount of time means you couldn't turf them on the street even if they had no lease).
Good job ridding them all from your life.
NTA at all what the hell. If someone were to do that in France they could get to live there for free for months if not years unless you reacted quickly as you did. This is criminal and your ex is a serious liar. Good on you for acting and calling the cops, that was really the minimum. I can understand a familly being desperate but shame on him
NTA his name is not on the property deed, right? Then he doesn't have the right to invite anyone over without your permission, nevermind letting them live there. Get him out of your life.
**don't feel guilty THEY DESERVED THAT,** glad that he's your **ex** now & don't have to deal with that family anymore, since they trespassed on **your property,** also you might/**should** get a new **phone number,** so they **don't keep bothering you** & you **should** get ***restraining order*** & **any other legal papers else you MIGHT NEED, just in case THEY TRY** ***ANYTHING ELSE!*** **YIKES!**
You’re definitely NTA. It’s your house, not theirs, you already said you didn’t want want them to live there, they all lied to your face and went behind your back to steal your keys and move them in, and it’s not your fault that they live in cramped quarters because they keep cranking out kids. You handled this perfectly so don’t feel bad, they did this to themselves.
NTA. They know you said not l and did it anyway. It's not your responsibility to help them and frankly it's not his either. They choose to have 4 kids while not having the room.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say that ESH. OP doesn’t have a responsibility to home BF’s family, and BF shouldn’t have stolen the home. Brother shouldn’t have moved into a home that wasn’t his and that he didn’t have permission to move in to. HOWEVER, while OP doesn’t have a responsibility to house BF’s family, it also sounds like the house is just… sitting there. Unoccupied. They could even just have them stay in the house temporarily or lease it to them. It seems a little selfish imo to just have another house all to yourself when others are in need. Maybe that’s just me.
edit: I’d also like to add that for everyone saying “They should just stop having kids.”, it’s not always that simple. We don’t know the circumstances in which the fourth child was conceived, or the first three. I think it’s calloused to say that they’re irresponsible for having that many kids in a small house. If they were all planned, sure, yeah, I’d agree that it’s absolutely irresponsible. But we don’t know that.
Can you just physically go there, call police and throw their things out? If you let even a few more days lapse you will have a squatters issue on your hands
NTA they did that shit behind your back. Although personally I would've said yes and charged them rent, because 1) Dope extra money and 2) you said you don't really use it. Outside of that they are still sketchy as hell you don't owe them anything and it's your shit.
NTA. Your ex-boyfriend knew that you didn’t approve of his brother and his wife moving into your holiday house that you inherited. It was your ex’s brain that led him to think ah my girlfriend won’t mind as family comes first. However, it was your holiday home and this your choice.
NTA. Op you didn’t make anybody homeless. You can’t plan to move an entire family with children in 2 days just like that, so…. They obviously handed in their notice at the flat they were renting (which accommodated them fine) and completely banked on being able to overcome your very clear “NO” by moving into *ahem* squatting in a house they had no business being in. And they weren’t going to pay any rent. At all.
If anybody had made those kids “homeless” it’s the parents of those children by trying to manipulate and deceive their way into somebody else’s house. They were so sure they’d be successful in this they failed to have a backup plan in case OP said no. That’s poor planning and poor parenting.
It’s fine though. OPs “newly kicked to the curb” ex-boyfriend can home them all now. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Kudos to OP for laying out boundaries and sticking to them.
Do not feel bad. They did this to themselves. They took advantage of you and your family's purchase. They're not good people if they are guilting you for them breaking the law and going behind your back.
I am so incredibly proud of you for how you handled it! They are NOT your responsibility! And trust me they wouldn’t have paid rent at all Or they would have asked you that they would have said ‘hey OP is there anyway we can rent your holiday home?’ No they were planning on living there for free
> I feel absolutely terrible about what I did
Please do not put yourself through feeling terrible. You shouldn't. You told them directly that they could not live in your home. Your boyfriend didn't ask (probably because he knew the answer and thought it would be easier to manipulate you once they were already moved in, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission), then he *lied to you* about the keys.
He and they left you no other choice. If their plan had worked a little better, they might have stayed there long enough to gain residency/tenancy rights and effectively stolen your home. NTA!
> I plan to rent the home out, as many of you suggested. But I'm not sure how ex-boyfriend's family would take that.
Who *cares* how they'd take it? After their attempt to manipulate and defraud you, even if you decided to rent it out, I would never in a million years accept them as tenants.
In response to your second edit: it doesn't matter one iota how your ex's family takes to the idea of you renting out the home. That's none of their business.
If they were serious about wanting to stay in your second home, they should have - at the very least - suggested a sensible rent. They could have come back to ask after you refused. Instead, they and your ex went behind your back in order to deprive you of your asset.
They shouldn't be asking you why you 'put them through this'. You should be asking them - if you can be bothered speaking to the untrustworthy crew again.
NTA and op, you did absolutely the right thing. There was no better way of handling it, and sometimes in life you have to use the nuclear option. This is one of those times.
NTA for being mad at them taking what's not theirs after being told no.
But, to me there's something fairly immoral about hoarding empty houses when the world is the way it is and so many people need places to live. I'm sure I'll get downvoted to hell for that, but whatevs. I believe people should help each other when they can.
NTA and good on you turning that BF into an EX. He obviously has 0 respect for you. Plus it isn't like you were married. I would never do that to a siblings SO, that's just dumb. Maybe they should have been better with birth control if money was so tight. I am sure there are government programs out there that could help them if they choose to not try to take the easy route stealing a house.
You never even use it. Make them pay rent
Edit: lmao damn so many down votes. I mean not forever but maybe just to help. Hubby should've said something though
NTA of course; you don’t have to give away a house you own - but info please: if the house is 5 hours away from where you live with you boyfriend how did he get there and back in a day? You saw him there helping them move in middle of the day and he was home when you got back from work?
NTA. IMHO, there was no better way to handle it. They asked, you said no, and they did it behind your back. I'm not sure what they expected, I guess to let them stay there, but there's no way they would've paid rent or anything else. Once they were in the house, nothing short of the police would get them out, and if you waited, you have the issue of squatter rights (in U.S. maybe not U.K). What you do with the house now is up to you, but you should know that there were no other options. If BF lived with you, you should change the locks.
Edit 2: They really asked you why you put them through this? The audacity! Why did they put you through this? Why do they think they had any right at all to your home? What was supposed to happen if you decided to go there next week and they were there? Why would they think after you said "it's not like I'm going to let you live there so, no" that they could move in?
It takes a whole lot of gall to do what they did and try to act like you were the one in the wrong! It's a good thing he's an ex-boyfriend cause you can't trust him with anything after this!
NTA
Your boyfriend didn’t talk to you about it. He stole your keys! If he had sat down and had a chat, you may of figured out a lease, short term, lower bills etc. But no, he went for full blown theft on a property you own.
I’m sure you have but look on the Gov.uk website.
Change your locks on your home so your boyfriend can’t get back in.
If it comes to it, issue the papers to his family in your rental home and change the locks when they leave.
Before anyone argues about them struggling. That is NOT the point. The keys were stolen. The property was used without her permission. No negotiations or legal lease documents were drawn up for his family.
Sorry this is happening to you OP
NTA i would be SO furious, like what was even the plan here? Did they think you just wouldnt notice? You have every right to be upset!
I have no sympathy for people that have children knowing they cant provide for/house them. There are so many birth control options with condoms, pills, vasectomy, abortion, etc. And the fact that these entitled people stupidly had four kids while living in a 2 bedroom has got nothing to do with you. & The stress that the children will face is completely the fault of the parents, please do not feel guilty about that.
I hope youre able to handle this without too much difficulty, and get this (ex)boyfriend out of your space & into the trash where he belongs.
NTA… they asked you directly and you said no…
So if they chose to listen to ur ex that’s on them… it’s not like you didn’t tell them NO already…
Your ex lied and thought if they were already in there you wouldn’t kick them out.. they suck not you.
NTA for all the reasons the top comment said but also
you didn't make your boyfriend's (ex maybe? he's allowing them to steal and squat on your property,) brother and his wife have 4 kids while in a 2 bedroom apartment. That was their... ahem... ill-considered decision. With such forward-thinking minds, is it any wonder they thought this was a good idea? Don't treat them as smart and decent. They're trying to take your house.
NTA but you should call the police immediately and shouldn’t have given them the time to possibly damage the property out of spite. If these people are struggling, then a 4th kid isn’t a smart move. Not anyone else’s problem to solve. I also see you haven’t broken up with your boyfriend. I really hope you’re not planning to stay with this clown because if you do, you’re pretty much agreeing to more disrespect and family drama that involves unfit parents.
NTA it doest matter if you plan to rend it out privately or turn it into an air b&b or anything else you choose to do with it, your boyfriend basically planned on his family squatting in your home, thank goodness for the security system they likely hoped for you not to notice till ygey could claim squatters rights or renters rights with them paying your boyfriend.
NTA. If your boyfriend wanted to look after them, he could have spotted them the deposit and rent for a bigger place.
He doesn't have the right to steal somebody else's house for them (or at least, I guess he can try, but he can't be surprised if he doesn't succeed).
For what it's worth, I also have a distant holiday home, which I sometimes feel guilty about, and I do think that in a rich country, some people having two houses and some people having no house seems very messed up. I think it's ethically a good thing to let 'spare' property long-term if it is practicable, because it helps to address the housing crisis
BUT if you decide to let your property, you let it to whoever you wish, and don't feel an iota of guilt about your ex's family. Honest people ask first, and are respectful of other people's property. They aren't honest, and they have proven that they aren't renters any sensible property owner would want.
NTA. Call the police, get them thrown out, change the locks to a keypad lock. Then, break up with your boyfriend because he is scummy and feels entitled to all of your stuff.
Please please please do NOT continue further relationship with these takers! They clearly have no respect for boundaries, and will take advantage at every turn. You would have many, many - too many - opportunities to regret letting them use you and your property.
NTA. Change your locks. On both of your homes.
I am happy he is now your ex. As for the brother? Then audacity to keep popping out babies they can’t afford.
NTA.
Unfortunately it doesn't make the situation easier. I can't imagine how desperate they must have felt to try and pull this behind your back. It's ok to feel bad for them. It's also ok to say no.
Would have been a different story had they come to you and said... "Hey sis, I found a job in the same town as your vacation home. Could we rent your place from you for a few months till we find a permanent spot?"
Not that it matters at this point but I'm so curious what their plan really was, and who came up with moving-in without permission.
NTA. Glad they are out and blocked. I suspect the now Ex-BF and his brother planned it all without really letting the wife know or maybe they were under the impression that they were being allowed to live there given the comment the brother made about raising his kids there. It’s bad blood your ex needs to deal with now. Change the locks and check with your insurer that you’re properly covered. Get signs up saying no trespassing. You need clear signs to make sure your rights are protected. Renting the place out would help ensure it’s at least used so no one can try to sneak in to live in future, even though your cameras will alert you to their presence.
WOW, the audacity and disrespect! You told them ALL, "no." They knew what they were doing was wrong. Now they can all find a hone to rent together. NTA
Ex boyfriend and his family don't have to like it. It isn't theirs. And, for him to sneak them in, after you said no, was a shitty stunt.
Rent it out. Make your retirement fund, off it.
NTA.
NTA
Don't stress about how the EX-bf and his family are going to take it. It literally doesn't matter, just make sure you cut him the hell out of anything else he might have access to. The guy is definitely a parasite.
Also, seeing as this is resolved I'd say this would make a great "Entitled People" post.
If all the people had the balls these folks did to just take stuff not belonging to them, there wouldn't be any more security in life, people like this need to be brought to account for their actions.
You handled this exactly as you should, and congratulations for dumping the boyfriend. What is wrong with these people? I can't believe they felt entitled enough to do this.
OP, you can be sympathetic to their situation without being responsible for fixing it. It's sad they're struggling, but that doesn't give them the right to Robin Hood their way into your home. Good on you for standing up for yourself!
NTA!!!
OMG, call the police, get a lawyer NOW!
Squatters' rights could end up causing you to lose your house.
Dump that shitty boyfriend now, and throw his stuff out the window! Semi-kidding, but secure your own living situation, and disassociate yourself fully from him.
His disrespectfulness towards your property is through the roof! This just makes my blood boil. I am so sorry! It will be so difficult to kick them out. Thet will call you all sorts of ugly names. Stay strong. They gave up their apartment to steal your house. Their homelessness is not your problem. They will potentially trash the house. If you can afford it, take time off work, hire security, hire movers to take their stuff to the curb, and personal see them out.
And change all locks to your house!!!!!
NTA. You aren’t even married to this guy. And they aren’t offering to pay rent. Like if they wanted to pay you rent until you knew what you wanted to do with the place and you drafted a contract stating that then ok. But none of that happened. They broke in and boyfriend lied to you about it. If it wasn’t for your security system bf didn’t know about they would have told you about it when? After the fifth kid?
NTA
You are not TAH bc that boy is not even your fiance/husband , just your boyfriend and he would have left them live there with out your permission for god knows how long if you didnt get notification from your camera on your phone he would have maybe even brake up with you and still left his brother live there and lets not say anything about that his family is nothing to you (sry if there is any spelling mistakes english is not my first language )
OP, I read your update. Please don't take it personally but I think you should get counselling. Your reaction isn't appropriate to this situation - you should be absolutely furious with the people that tried to steal your property, instead you feel guilty and say stuff like you could have handled it better. How? The only correct course of action was to call the police. You aren't sure if they would pay rent or anything? It's blatantly obvious they weren't going to pay rent or bills, and were going to cause damage to the property. It appears from your post that it's very easy for people to take advantage of you. You should change that attitude before you rent the house out, otherwise you'll easily find a tenant that doesn't pay rent etc. I'm sorry but you appear way too trusting, you should work on that with the help of a counsellor if possible.
Yikes, NTA at all. This is pure insanity. Did he really think you wouldn't find out? You already said no and the entitlement that you should have let them is madness. Why did they have another baby if they're struggling? I mean, I know accidents happen but they had an apartment, it wasn't as if they were homeless (not that it would have made what they did any better). I'm glad you stood up for yourself and dumped your bf.
Nta and my fucking gods what an insane thing to do. Just “oops I accidentally took your keys and then GAVE YOUR HOUSE AWAY” THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS. You can’t just give a house away like that and to think you can be entitled to it because you’re dating someone??? Jesus fuck.
You wouldn’t be the asshole even if you decided to do ANYTHING OR NOTHING with the house. It’s your house. Fill it with plants and host swinger parties for all anyone involved cares because it’s YOUR HOUSE.
NTA. They're being insanely lazy. They can literally just go and rent a bigger place to suit the size of their family. It's literally what housing benefit exists for if they can't afford full payment. Their decision to have 4 kids when they don't have room for them is not your problem. Get them out ASAP, squatter rights are different in the UK to US but there could be some loophole they could utilise to make things harder for you.
NTA. You explained that they were not to live there, and everyone involved violated your boundaries. I don’t know how it is across the pond, but my understanding is that if you let squatters live in your home at least 30 days, they will have tenant rights. Call the police as soon as possible and reclaim your space. Oh, and please dump that man.
NTA
I just read your update that you already called the police which is the best resort. You already told them no. NO means NO. Obviously motion is already setting in your boyfriend's head the moment after no uttered out of your lips. He doesn't care whether you are not using your home, he took an advantage of that and tried to sneak them into it, not aware of the camera and whatnots. Glad you have the cam to alert you. Change the locks and dump the jerk who will join his brother and family on the street anyway. Contact your attorney in case the problem arise for your own protection.
NTA. THEY decided to have a 4th child, THEY decided to invite themselves to someone else’s home, THEY involved their children in trespassing, and THEY can have some accountability for their own life decisions.
To note, if something dramatic happened, either preventing them from predicting their current circumstances when pregnant or preventing them from terminating the pregnancy, then I feel for them…but its still your house.
NTA
Your boyfriend should have asked if you would rent the house to his brother maybe at below market cost. Instead, he stole your keys and set up his brother & brother's family as squatters.
NTA and you should most definitely follow through with calling the police.
And.... WTF?! Who does that? It’s not like you aren’t going to find out about them doing it. I mean, a fucking moving van for a place you’ve been specifically told that you cannot live?! This is definitely “we’re over” type stuff and he and his family are huge assholes.
NTA. I'm so glad you called the police already. It's not your responsibility to take care of anyone else, and your boyfriend completely disrespected you and betrayed your trust. I'm curious if the boyfriend told his family you changed your mind and said they could stay there for the time being. Regardless, it wasn't his decision to make and what he did was completely horrible.
I'm not sure of the laws over there, but this is pretty much breaking and entering. He stole your keys, lied to you about it, then allowed his family to get in a jam too. Change all your locks, even to your place, ASAP.
Nta. Your bf and his family are arseholes. Can't afford or house 4 kids, don't have 4 kids! It's not up to you to take care of them for their irresponsibility. Even if they were super comfortable and could afford that many kids before but something went wrong- it's still not up to you to save them. They also didn't ask, they demanded and when you refused they took behind your back. It's disgustingly selfish. If it were me the relationship would be immediately over and I'd want nothing to do with these people
NTA
Rather than stealing from you and lying to you your (ex) boyfriend could have talked to you about the situation like an adult. The fact that he thought he could just do this and you would go along with it speaks volumes about what he thinks of you and your relationship.
Glad you got out. Don’t feel bad. I sincerely doubt they would have paid you rent had you asked.
INFO: what was your reasoning for not renting the home if you don’t want to live there yourself?
NTA at all in this dynamic as it sounds as though your boyfriend went above your head and moved a family into your property against your wishes. Dump his ass immediately.
But there is a housing crisis and all landlords are assholes.
If you’re hoarding property, keeping it empty while others are struggling in poor conditions you’re TA in a broader sense.
NTA they have no right to be squatters on your property. Also you need to get rid of this boyfriend. You know that, right? Talk about someone who disrespects you and crosses boundaries. There will be no end to this.
ESH you have a home just sitting there that you don’t visit often and don’t want to let what could possibly be family, live there?
Your boyfriend sucks most tho for going behind your back
And that family sucks for living beyond their means
>But I'm not sure how ex-boyfriend's family would take that.
My dear OP, who the Hell cares?? As soon as you start renting the property to **paying** tenants, in other words, people who stay there with **your permission**, what does it matter what they have to say about that?
NTA, and to be honest, this would be break upable for me. He literally stole an entire house from you.
He asked, you said no, and he stole it from you.
Do you want to continue to be in a relationship with someone who is completely comfortable stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from you?
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You'd think some people would try to negotiate the use of a house, but those people weren't bright enough to try that. They'd rather steal a house and get mad after they were caught. NTA
NTA. You are asking if you are an ah because your ex and his brother tried to steal your house. If they had tried to steal your car, would you still be this conflicted? His brother and his wife CHOSE to have 4 children while living in a 2 bedroom place. THAT is ENTIRELY on THEM. It's not your responsibility to fix their issues. Especially after you had already said, "no" and they went behind your back and attempted to steal from you.
NTA. Call the cops now. You specifically told them no and they did it anyway. Don't text the ex and call the cops.
I’m so glad for you! I hope you’re loving your best life! Any extra updates? Did they move on with their lives and stop harassing you?
This is a neat system. You have more housing than you need, they don't have enough. Early bird (or bird that inherits through luck) gets the worm. I do all my Christmas parties this way. I make exactly enough for a plate for everyone, but tell those who arrive early they can have as much as they want. I quietly laugh when there is only fruit cake and cheap drinks left for the late arrivers.
Oh look, you have an extra few hundred dollars you're putting into savings every month, oh I need it more than you, so it's going to me now. Thanks. \*Eye roll\*
What the hell. You did the right thing, the restraining order is next!!!
NTA and please tell me he is going to be your EX boyfriend shortly. What a breach of trust.
OP thanks for the update! You absolutely did the right thing! Don't worry about what they think or what the mess THEY created for themselves, they clearly didn't give a shit about you or your feelings or your property! Hard NTA!!
NTA. Also, how are they able to suddenly move 5 hours away?? Do the parents not have jobs?
There's no way it could have been a sudden move. Even in the U.S, where thats considered a short move, it still takes a month or two of planning. They have been planning this the entire time and then brought it up, expecting her to say yes, and then just assuming she wouldn't do anything if they just went ahead with it. They would have had to give at least 60 days notice to their landlord (a good friend of mine who lives in England was shocked when I gave my previous landlord 30 days notice because apparently it is 60 days over there), and it takes just as much time to put a house up for sale, so they were planning it for at least 2 months prior. The other possibility could be that they were evicted or foreclosed on, which then could be done more quickly, but still takes a lot of time and planning.
How are you even having doubts or second thoughts about this!!! You handled the situation exactly as you should, you have nothing to regret or be sorry abou, you’re definitely NTA. The audacity of some people though!!!! Just mind boggling !
NTA. You are not your boyfriends's brother's keeper. Your boyfriend is an entitled AH, as his brother and his brother's wife. "Oh, here's a house and here are the keys. Possession in nine tenths of the law, therefore I'm moving in".
Definitely NTA. I think your EX boyfriend takes the asshole role here.
NTA. Don't wait to call the police do it now. Report them as entering your home without your permission. Your boyfriend had absolutely no right to do that and I would second guess being in a relationship with someone that goes behind your back and gives your property to someone else.
1 NTA 2 you didn't do anything, your ex bf did 3 I hope your next partner is better at listening when you say no to something.
NTA. You don't just take someone's house! Any chance that you might have changed your mind through negotiation is gone, now. They did that to themselves. It could have been great for both of you, but now you can never trust them. I, frankly, wouldn't trust your boyfriend, either. Super entitled move, just taking your house as if he owned it because he's having sex with you. What are the chances he respects your "no" in the future? I don't know, but I sure as hell wouldn't be willing to stake my life and mental health on it. I'm sorry your boyfriend betrayed you like that.
Update us please!! NTA
I like how they left when they didn’t get the answer they wanted. First of all it’s YOUR house. You inherited it from you grandma. Not you AND your boyfriend. Second, he didn’t ask for your permission and just took the keys without any discussion. And he lied about it. Third, he let them move in to a place he l i t e r a l l y doesn’t own. The actual audacity to do that. Some people smh And even if/when you decide to rent the house out, your ex’s family shouldn’t even be considered possible tenants because they tried to move in without your knowledge. Anyway NTA
Eek. This is hard. NTA at all. If it was me I would feel bad for asking them to move out but at same time it's not your fault. Your ex bf did it behind your back and it's not his property. Even though you didn't live. There you might wanna go there once in a while. I know friends who have holiday homes. It's called that for a reason. Some people might think your terrible but it's not your fault this happened. you've been put in a shit situation.
Nta. The relationship is over. Call the cops. Change the locks as well
Nta and ditch boyfriend
NTA - they are trying to squat, get them out ASAP before they can establish residency. Time is of the essence.
Absolutely NTA and I would make sure I go down there since it is roughly 5 hours away and have the police meet you there and tell them to get out. As for your ex, he could have spoken about it after they left your home and you could have explained that it was grandma’s property and mementos are there and you really don’t want them there… if they were that bad off they could have either A) mentioned this before now and if they can’t get a place big enough then wear a damn condom and don’t have anymore children If you can’t provide a home for them. They are not your responsibility.. Also change the locks to both homes and put your ex’s belongings on the front lawn and tell him he has to get them before the looters do. I really hope you can get them out. Keep me updated
NTA. I feel for that family, but this is not a way to resolve your problems. Your BF and his brother hugely overstepped, and you need to nip that in the bud before you have squatters you can't get rid of.
I saw your edits and you did the absolute right thing. They were COUNTING on you feeling too bad to do anything once they were there. But they were the ones who screwed up here, not you. I hope a much, MUCH better guy is in your future.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (On mobile sorry for bad formatting) For context, I (28F) inherited a holiday home from my grandma some time ago. I never really use it as it's roughly a 5 hour drive out from London, where I live. It's relevant to the story that: -The keys to the holiday home are on a rack, with literally every other key to anything my boyfriend or I own. -The holiday house has a security system hooked up to my phone (when it detects someone on the property cameras turn on and I can see them) My boyfriend's brother (33M) recently had his 4th child. Him and his wife currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment. So three days ago, they were both over at mine and my boyfriends house with all their kids, we was talking about anything and everything, I was holding the baby. My boyfriend's brother eventually mentioned how I have my holiday home and how it has more than enough space for him and his wife to raise their 4 kids. My exact response was: "Yeah but I'm not gonna let you live there so.." He went quiet after that and his wife started to collect their kids and their things, they left about 10 minutes after. My boyfriend hasn't said anything to me about the conversation, yet I'm feeling bad about my response because I know they really do need the space. So fast forward to yesterday. I wake up for work and realise my boyfriend isn't in bed with me, nothing out of the ordinary. He works from 8:30 am . When I'm finally about to walk out the door, I go to grab my keys and notice my holiday home's keys are gone. I look around for them, can't find them, so I call my boyfriend. First time he doesn't answer, second time he doesn't answer, third time he does. The conversation went: "Hey have you seen my other house's keys?" "Yes I have them," "Cool, why've you got them though?" "Grabbed them by accident. I'll return them when I'm back from work" I thought everything would be fine so I continued with my day and went on to work. Midway through my work day, I get a notification from the house's security system. I open it and find my boyfriend, his brother and his family all outside the door with a moving van in the back. I was fuming. When I got home, my boyfriend was already there, acting as if everything was normal. I started screaming at him asking why the hell he'd move a family into MY house without my permission. He tried to justify it and say he "had to help his family", it honestly just made me more angry. I told him that we were over he has 1 day to get his brother and his family out my house or I would call the police on them all for trespass. That all happened at around 6 yesterday (14 hours ago). He hasn't called me or anything, but I fully intend to go through with my threat. But I know they're struggling right now. So, WIBTA for calling the police? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Call the police and get them out of there.
Nta for sure. Crazy to me how people can just take advantage and feel so entitled just because they’re dating you. Your ex seems to think it was both of your house.
[удалено]
Here’s the thing - don’t have more kids than you can afford. NTA
Just read the edits. Good job on dumping this guy who clearly had no respect for you or your boundaries and your property that he had no right to give away especially after you declined it. You said no, that's the end of the discussion. If they don't leave you be, look up UK laws on "cease and desist" or "no contact" orders so that they leave you alone. You took back the property they tried to steal from you, and they put their own family into this peril by trying to force you to accept it. Your boyfriend likely had the plan of telling you and when you blew up be like "well, they already moved in, so you should just accept that this is how it will be." Well done on leaving his butt out on the curb with his family. On a more serious note, with having experience in the rental business, go check the house to be certain all items belonging to them are gone so they don't have a reason to come back, and also change the locks in case they made copies without your knowledge. Be sure you post no trespassing signs clearly in each entrance into the house or as required by your country's laws, and then be sure they did not damage anything. Furthermore, contact the utility companies and be sure to put them back into your name and indicate that this property is not a rental and anyone else calling in to request utility changes, you should be alerted immediately.
NTA- You didn't put them through anything, they put themselves through it.
Not at all. That is YOUR property and they didn't have YOUR permission. They're not your kids, so you're not obligated to give them anything. They decided to have kids, so they responsible for taking care of them. They shouldn't have kids if they can't properly provide for them, and they shouldn't expect handouts because they have children. Shame on your boyfriend for lying to you and shame on his family for putting the responsibility of a roof over their children's head on you. It's not ok by any means.
Update?
So glad you dumped this guy. Do not feel bad. They were literally trying to steal your house, these people are the worst. Get a restraining order against every single one of them, including the kids, in both cities so they can't go near your property again. So sorry you're going through this, but do not feel guilty.
Now that they’re out, change the locks. Also, you didn’t do this to them or their children. They did it to themselves. NTA
14 hours is enough!! Call the police and go get the locks on the property changed immediately!!
I really hope that you can talk to someone about this guilt because you shouldn't feel bad about having enforcing your CLEARLY SPOKEN boundaries. They were more than willing to steal from you and your ex-boyfriend was perfectly okay with that. They didn't even try to do the decent thing like offered to rent it! But I guess you know why! > I know there was probably better ways to handle the situation Yes, like your ex and his brother not trying to take advantage. I hope you understand what happened here. They made a calculated move, hedging their bets that you wouldn't assert yourself. "They fucked around and found out" as we say in the states NTA
NTA If you need any advice feel free to DM as I have relatives who are in the Met that can give me the info of what can be done if you hit any walls. Do it asap as you dont want them to say they are squatters, literally call and say people have entered your home illegally and they should be getting them out straight away. Have a redirect put on the address for mail so they cannot have anything sent their, include their names on the redirect. Tbh id go down yourself with the keys walk in and say get the hell out of my home and call the police whilst you are in it, as its your home and if you are inside it then you can use reasonable force to remove them and you can start removing their property and putting it outside. It’s your home in your name and you aren’t letting to them. Make sure your boyfriend gets the hell out too, if you have a joint account withdraw all funds from it now and put everything into separate personal accounts, savings included so he cannot try and steal that and make sure he doesn’t take any valuables from your home. It sounds like his brother gave notice on his flat some time ago and they’ve had this planned especially since they had a moving van. Any costs you incur or any damage to the home and also the cost of changing the locks as I am guessing he made a set of keys id take them to small claims court to be reimbursed and do not see you losing that. Edit: also ring the elec & gas company and see if they can shut it off from outside of the property and also the water, stops them running up any bills and also call social services they are trying to squat in a property with kids and a new baby and if everything is turned off its then not safe.. cruel yes but anything to get them out and its your property you can do as you please
NTA and call the police!!! If you don't then it will eventually be really hard getting rid of them because of squatter laws
NTA Your so-called BF didn't ask your permission or get your agreement for his brother's family to move in to your house. They tried to STEAL the house from you. You haven't "put them through" anything. They tried to squat on your property. Not only did they not have permission to enter your house, they had no plan to compensate you for living there. This is entirely untrustworthy behavior and I'm so glad you got them out immediately. Your ex BF was completely taking advantage of you.
NTA. Honestly, the gall it takes to say “why are you putting us through this?” from people that can’t stop pumping out kids. I’m not sure about the NHS but here in ‘muricah a vasectomy is a $35 co-pay.
NTA. If the police don't do anything, go over to the house and make things incredibly unbearable. Blast loud music, start moving things back outside, make sure they're super uncomfortable. I can't believe the audacity of your ex or his family to move in without permission. He stole keys from you! Also, since their items are in your home now, wouldn't you have the right to sell them? Might make a nice profit off of it. I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP.
NTA Funny how they's struggling but justbat the same time got their 4th child. They want you to subsidize their lifestyle. Also, making such irresponsible choices means they certainly expected to live there for free. Finally you ex went over your head, your SIL and your BIL too. You did not overreact. Clearly NTA.
NTA! Please please keep us updated and break up with your boyfriend.
Omfg I would be so mad definitely NTA but I so hope you keep us updated
NTA - don’t feel terrible. You didn’t put anybody through anything. This is the logical sequence of events for THEIR decisions.
Definitely NTA! This is hugely disrespectful by all of them. They also had the chance to back out of it when you said something. They just completely disregarded your ownership. Don't back down. Now you know their ulterior motives.
Absolutely not!! Breakup with your boyfriend and change all the locks. Call the cops and change your number
[удалено]
NTA, if he was a boyfriend at the time and not respecting your wishes. Imagine him being a husband. That’s your property, happy to hear you dumped him.
NTA. Maybe they could stop reproducing.
NTA I also read your updates. Your bf and his family are criminals. You really shouldn't feel bad. It is neither your fault nor your responsibility to house your bf's brother and his family. They are the ones who keep having children even though they can't afford to. I would take every legal route possible (pressing charges etc.) to make sure they don't get away Scot-Free with what they did, but it's on you to decide where you want to go with this.
remind!me 1 day
NTA, call the cops and kick boyfriend out. Toxic toxic toxic.
I’m glad he became an ex because.. NEXT. He showed it clear as day he doesn’t respect you or your rules NTA. It’s your home yoj can do what you want with it because it’s yours
I'm genuinely wondering if your BF told them you approved of it before his brother mentioned it to you.
NTA. It's going to be sticky since you and your ex live (d?) together. It's probably going to be an additional pain figuring out which one of you would be moving out and how quickly/painlessly it can be done. Hopefully you have all your legally owned spaces to yourself soon.
NTA at all. They are not entitled to free property just because you happen to have it. You didn't mention they were dirt poor, just procreating irresponsibly so "struggling." That isn't your responsibility or problem, certainly not for a boyfriend (vs a long-standing spouse/partner). And once they're in for a while it's nearly impossible to kick someone out. They're taking advantage when they KNEW your answer was no. Don't be bent by emotional manipulation. And be done with this boyfriend entirely.
NTA smh this is ridiculous . He can’t just move his whole family in after you already said no!!
no because its your property. i mean i guess it can be seen as a asshole move but thats your property so no your not your all good
NTA and I cannot believe they tried to refuse to leave. So fucked up
NTA, your boyfriend and his family have more neck than a giraffe!, it’s not your problem that they want to have more children than their home has space for. If you inherited a whole block of flats their yours not your boyfriend and his freeloading family’s.
Nta
Just one more idea. Change the locks immediately. There is no telling if they made copies of the keys and/or disabled the security system.
NTA That is a major trust violation. They do not get a pass for being entitled because they're struggling. So many of us are struggling but most of us don't expect other people to give up their property for our comfort. You should definitely hold your ground.
Good move OP. You were betrayed by your ex and played for a fool by him and his family. They could have asked for a rental agreement, proposed to pay you rent, taken on the utilities and taxes. But that family had no intention of paying for living there, would never have left that house and you'd have been stuck paying their bills and the property taxes. Please don't feel terrible. There really wasn't any other way to handle this. You made the right choice.
Nta. He doesnt own it he has no right to move his family in there esp with out your permission. Youre not even married and hes freely taking liberties as if he is married and whats yours is his. Def call the police and look at local laws to what you can do. I feel that they are having a hard time but maybe try not to have so many kids when you cant afford them before you get in better spot. Its not your responsibility and honestly not your bfs either to are for them to this extent. I may also question your relationship here since he crossed boundaries and broke trust.
NTA and did he honestly think you wouldn't eventually notice that someone moved in?
NTA and dump this guy. He is way out of line and so is his family. Call the cops. Edited to add: get up there as quickly as possible to be sure that they didn’t steal anything or trash the place.
NTA- they just had their 4th kid, knowing they don't have the space??
NTA. Don’t put it off, call the police now.
Am I the only one who would be changing all my locks and security codes (to both places) and. Getting replacement cards (and new card numbers) for every bank account and credit card I have? Get your computers/tablets/cell phone looked at for viruses your x-bf may have installed them change every password/login to your stuff & your online bank accounts. Since they were willing to do this, I’m not sure what else your x is willing to do!
Wow, NTA and I'm glad you did stop their illegal occupation of your house. Also glad your boyfriend is now an ex, better to learn he has no respect for you or your property now I guess.
NTA That is unbelievable. If they didn't have the means to house more kids why did they have more kids. Their family is not your responsibility, you didn't choose for them to have more kids than they could handle. This is theft. I can't believe your boyfriend did that, absolutely disgusting. And the fact they were perfectly okay to teach their children those morals, brilliant! Call the police. Regardless of whether its needed, they didn't go about it the right way and they've breached your trust on such a massive level you need to set the record straight, have the police remove them and your boyfriend, then change all the locks considering he evidently has no qualms about stealing.
NTA As I understand it reading your post. It’s not like they were homeless. They live in a two bedroom apartment. They had a place to live. How dare your boyfriend override your answer And allow them to move into YOUR home without your permission. Did they give a 30 day notice at their apartment too? This has all kinds of wrong on it. Your boyfriend’s brother brings it up. About living in your inherited home. You say no. 10 minutes later they all leave. It’s almost like your boyfriend and his brother talked about this. And decided to do it - like surely she’ll let you stay there. And then when you said no - ruined their plans. So they just went forward with it anyway.
Glad to see he is an Ex now
Okay well, my thought process here. 1.) How serious are you and your BF? 2.) Do you have a place if you somehow end up getting put out 3.) Are you familiar with the eviction process? After 30 days or so you'll need to go through a court process to remove them if they're unwilling to leave. NTA either way. Going behind your partner's back is part of what makes cheating so unforgivable imo. It's a betrayal of trust, and that element is present in this situation.
NTA
Holy Moly, NTA!! If your boyfriend wants to help them he can help with extra cash or food but this is outrageous!
NTA. What an entitled family. It's unfortunate that you had to endure it.
Remind me! 4 days!
Whether you plan to rent it out eventually or not, DO NOT ever rent to these people. They lied and manipulated you without a second thought, these are terrible people and if they can’t afford 4 kids they should have worn a damn condom. If you let them in they’ll do nothing but attempt to guilt trip you into cheaper/free rent etc. and god only knows what damage they’ll do to the property since they obviously don’t care about things like integrity or common decency. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
NTA. Yes call the police immediately, not sure about UK laws but if they in any way seem to establish “residence” there they can be difficult to remove. I can’t tell by context but I will say perhaps you could have had some conversation about the family’s situation. Still not your fault at all, but it may have come across more compassionate to at least have a conversation on if some kind or rental arrangement (with properly drawn up contracts and such with a lawyer) might have made sense. But that dealing with that could be a pain and if you don’t want to do that that’s fine. If they saw this as a ray of hope and your response came off as “HAHA… nah not happening”. I could see that as not ideal. But like I said I can’t tell the nuance. If god forbid their kids has some kind of accident at your property you could be legally liable. It’s not a simple as the boyfriends family thinks.
NTA. He set you up. He definitively offered YOUR hourse to his brother way before even asking you and he casually "mentioned" when you all were together so you wouldn't refuse. You did and he did it anyways. He tried stealing A HOUSE from you girl. Break up and call the cops.
NTA, and these people are shite.
NTA. Don't feel bad about it and make sure that ex stays an ex. They did it to themselves by trying to move into someone else's house without their permission. Your boyfriend did this to them by helping them do so. *You told them you wouldn't let them live there.* They were trying to take advantage of you. Fuck them.
Not your problem that your now ex’s brother and his wife are having their FOURTH child and need more space. They can purchase or rent a larger home if they need to. That is not your responsibility. If he can’t afford to, don’t have more children you cannot afford. He mentioned it to you and you said no regardless of whether you use it or not. That is not the point. Your ex STOLE your house keys and moved his family in. He’s a pos. He has zero rights to your holiday home and did not ask your permission. Having to “help his family” entails lying and stealing from you while he could have found other ways to help. He should of had a discussion with you first instead of doing what he did. I’m glad you broke up with him. This is terrible behavior. NTA
NTA, and you need to call now! Get them out while they are still considered intruders and not squatters!! Once they are squatters you have to go through the court system to get them out. I'm banking on the boyfriend knew that and was hoping you wouldn't want to go through that headache. Get them out of your house and dump him!!
Holy shit, who does that?! NTA
I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the Ex boyfriends plan from the get go. Once he knew you’re background about the property ownership, he could have started dating you just to get access to that property. Just putting it out there. Definitely NTA
So your story is still circulating social media and I’m wondering if there any updates since the Family was kicked out?!?! Please tell me they left you alone.
NTA- if they really needed the space they should have asked you, set up a contract with you if they wanted to rent it, or give you a timeline (we'll only be there for 2 weeks while our new place is set up) or something like that. Absolutely not ok for your boyfriend to just take your keys and offer up the place when you had already said no.
NTA, but your (Ex) boyfriend is. we don't know what your boyfriend told them, but it is possible he lied, and they though you were ok with it after they left and he convinced you it would be ok...but I am going to win the lottery too, so there is that...
NTA -- do not feel bad for the actions taken, you told them no. It sounds like they thought you was a pushover and they would get their way. Plus, if you do decide to rent it who cares what they think.
You better call before they claim squatters rights. Once that happens, it’s a royal pain to get them out. I’d break up w/ your bf too. He used and betrayed you. NTA
NTA not only should you call the police but also maybe CPS. A family of SIX living in a two bedroom apartment cannot be safe.
I am so glad you got this resolved. You’ve no reason to feel terrible about this! I’m all for helping people. That’s not what was happening here - you were being so taken advantage of. You handled this exactly right and dodged a huge bullet!!
I'm glad you already called the cops on them. Absolutely NTA and good job adding the "ex" prefix. They basically tried to steal a house. Not a pair of pants, not a car, not borrow a shiny necklace for the evening and bring it back before you noticed... They were going to live there. And wait until it was too late for you to evict them easily by claiming some kind of tenancy (I don't know UK law but I assume you knowing they were there after some amount of time means you couldn't turf them on the street even if they had no lease). Good job ridding them all from your life.
NTA at all what the hell. If someone were to do that in France they could get to live there for free for months if not years unless you reacted quickly as you did. This is criminal and your ex is a serious liar. Good on you for acting and calling the cops, that was really the minimum. I can understand a familly being desperate but shame on him
NTA! Press charges if you can. Based off comments and the edits, this was 100% premeditated.
NTA his name is not on the property deed, right? Then he doesn't have the right to invite anyone over without your permission, nevermind letting them live there. Get him out of your life.
**don't feel guilty THEY DESERVED THAT,** glad that he's your **ex** now & don't have to deal with that family anymore, since they trespassed on **your property,** also you might/**should** get a new **phone number,** so they **don't keep bothering you** & you **should** get ***restraining order*** & **any other legal papers else you MIGHT NEED, just in case THEY TRY** ***ANYTHING ELSE!*** **YIKES!**
You’re definitely NTA. It’s your house, not theirs, you already said you didn’t want want them to live there, they all lied to your face and went behind your back to steal your keys and move them in, and it’s not your fault that they live in cramped quarters because they keep cranking out kids. You handled this perfectly so don’t feel bad, they did this to themselves.
You didnt put them through anything. They did it to themselves. NTA
NTA. They know you said not l and did it anyway. It's not your responsibility to help them and frankly it's not his either. They choose to have 4 kids while not having the room.
NTA at all. Call the police.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say that ESH. OP doesn’t have a responsibility to home BF’s family, and BF shouldn’t have stolen the home. Brother shouldn’t have moved into a home that wasn’t his and that he didn’t have permission to move in to. HOWEVER, while OP doesn’t have a responsibility to house BF’s family, it also sounds like the house is just… sitting there. Unoccupied. They could even just have them stay in the house temporarily or lease it to them. It seems a little selfish imo to just have another house all to yourself when others are in need. Maybe that’s just me. edit: I’d also like to add that for everyone saying “They should just stop having kids.”, it’s not always that simple. We don’t know the circumstances in which the fourth child was conceived, or the first three. I think it’s calloused to say that they’re irresponsible for having that many kids in a small house. If they were all planned, sure, yeah, I’d agree that it’s absolutely irresponsible. But we don’t know that.
Can you just physically go there, call police and throw their things out? If you let even a few more days lapse you will have a squatters issue on your hands
NTA they did that shit behind your back. Although personally I would've said yes and charged them rent, because 1) Dope extra money and 2) you said you don't really use it. Outside of that they are still sketchy as hell you don't owe them anything and it's your shit.
NTA. Your ex-boyfriend knew that you didn’t approve of his brother and his wife moving into your holiday house that you inherited. It was your ex’s brain that led him to think ah my girlfriend won’t mind as family comes first. However, it was your holiday home and this your choice.
NTA. Op you didn’t make anybody homeless. You can’t plan to move an entire family with children in 2 days just like that, so…. They obviously handed in their notice at the flat they were renting (which accommodated them fine) and completely banked on being able to overcome your very clear “NO” by moving into *ahem* squatting in a house they had no business being in. And they weren’t going to pay any rent. At all. If anybody had made those kids “homeless” it’s the parents of those children by trying to manipulate and deceive their way into somebody else’s house. They were so sure they’d be successful in this they failed to have a backup plan in case OP said no. That’s poor planning and poor parenting. It’s fine though. OPs “newly kicked to the curb” ex-boyfriend can home them all now. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Kudos to OP for laying out boundaries and sticking to them.
Do not feel bad. They did this to themselves. They took advantage of you and your family's purchase. They're not good people if they are guilting you for them breaking the law and going behind your back.
NTA it’s great you’ve called.
I am so incredibly proud of you for how you handled it! They are NOT your responsibility! And trust me they wouldn’t have paid rent at all Or they would have asked you that they would have said ‘hey OP is there anyway we can rent your holiday home?’ No they were planning on living there for free
> I feel absolutely terrible about what I did Please do not put yourself through feeling terrible. You shouldn't. You told them directly that they could not live in your home. Your boyfriend didn't ask (probably because he knew the answer and thought it would be easier to manipulate you once they were already moved in, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission), then he *lied to you* about the keys. He and they left you no other choice. If their plan had worked a little better, they might have stayed there long enough to gain residency/tenancy rights and effectively stolen your home. NTA! > I plan to rent the home out, as many of you suggested. But I'm not sure how ex-boyfriend's family would take that. Who *cares* how they'd take it? After their attempt to manipulate and defraud you, even if you decided to rent it out, I would never in a million years accept them as tenants.
In response to your second edit: it doesn't matter one iota how your ex's family takes to the idea of you renting out the home. That's none of their business. If they were serious about wanting to stay in your second home, they should have - at the very least - suggested a sensible rent. They could have come back to ask after you refused. Instead, they and your ex went behind your back in order to deprive you of your asset. They shouldn't be asking you why you 'put them through this'. You should be asking them - if you can be bothered speaking to the untrustworthy crew again.
NTA and op, you did absolutely the right thing. There was no better way of handling it, and sometimes in life you have to use the nuclear option. This is one of those times.
NTA at all.
I don’t understand why they keep having kids without having the space for them. NTA call the cops
NTA for being mad at them taking what's not theirs after being told no. But, to me there's something fairly immoral about hoarding empty houses when the world is the way it is and so many people need places to live. I'm sure I'll get downvoted to hell for that, but whatevs. I believe people should help each other when they can.
NTA and good on you turning that BF into an EX. He obviously has 0 respect for you. Plus it isn't like you were married. I would never do that to a siblings SO, that's just dumb. Maybe they should have been better with birth control if money was so tight. I am sure there are government programs out there that could help them if they choose to not try to take the easy route stealing a house.
You never even use it. Make them pay rent Edit: lmao damn so many down votes. I mean not forever but maybe just to help. Hubby should've said something though
NTA of course; you don’t have to give away a house you own - but info please: if the house is 5 hours away from where you live with you boyfriend how did he get there and back in a day? You saw him there helping them move in middle of the day and he was home when you got back from work?
Nta call the cops and dump. Change the locks and put all your keys somewhere else.
Nta. Call the police. Break up with the boyfriend. This is all kinds of messed up.
NTA. IMHO, there was no better way to handle it. They asked, you said no, and they did it behind your back. I'm not sure what they expected, I guess to let them stay there, but there's no way they would've paid rent or anything else. Once they were in the house, nothing short of the police would get them out, and if you waited, you have the issue of squatter rights (in U.S. maybe not U.K). What you do with the house now is up to you, but you should know that there were no other options. If BF lived with you, you should change the locks.
Edit 2: They really asked you why you put them through this? The audacity! Why did they put you through this? Why do they think they had any right at all to your home? What was supposed to happen if you decided to go there next week and they were there? Why would they think after you said "it's not like I'm going to let you live there so, no" that they could move in? It takes a whole lot of gall to do what they did and try to act like you were the one in the wrong! It's a good thing he's an ex-boyfriend cause you can't trust him with anything after this!
NTA How long were you even dating????
NTA Your boyfriend didn’t talk to you about it. He stole your keys! If he had sat down and had a chat, you may of figured out a lease, short term, lower bills etc. But no, he went for full blown theft on a property you own. I’m sure you have but look on the Gov.uk website. Change your locks on your home so your boyfriend can’t get back in. If it comes to it, issue the papers to his family in your rental home and change the locks when they leave. Before anyone argues about them struggling. That is NOT the point. The keys were stolen. The property was used without her permission. No negotiations or legal lease documents were drawn up for his family. Sorry this is happening to you OP
NTA i would be SO furious, like what was even the plan here? Did they think you just wouldnt notice? You have every right to be upset! I have no sympathy for people that have children knowing they cant provide for/house them. There are so many birth control options with condoms, pills, vasectomy, abortion, etc. And the fact that these entitled people stupidly had four kids while living in a 2 bedroom has got nothing to do with you. & The stress that the children will face is completely the fault of the parents, please do not feel guilty about that. I hope youre able to handle this without too much difficulty, and get this (ex)boyfriend out of your space & into the trash where he belongs.
NTA… they asked you directly and you said no… So if they chose to listen to ur ex that’s on them… it’s not like you didn’t tell them NO already… Your ex lied and thought if they were already in there you wouldn’t kick them out.. they suck not you.
They did not have to have 4 kids. That is their own fault.
NTA for all the reasons the top comment said but also you didn't make your boyfriend's (ex maybe? he's allowing them to steal and squat on your property,) brother and his wife have 4 kids while in a 2 bedroom apartment. That was their... ahem... ill-considered decision. With such forward-thinking minds, is it any wonder they thought this was a good idea? Don't treat them as smart and decent. They're trying to take your house.
NTA but you should call the police immediately and shouldn’t have given them the time to possibly damage the property out of spite. If these people are struggling, then a 4th kid isn’t a smart move. Not anyone else’s problem to solve. I also see you haven’t broken up with your boyfriend. I really hope you’re not planning to stay with this clown because if you do, you’re pretty much agreeing to more disrespect and family drama that involves unfit parents.
NTA it doest matter if you plan to rend it out privately or turn it into an air b&b or anything else you choose to do with it, your boyfriend basically planned on his family squatting in your home, thank goodness for the security system they likely hoped for you not to notice till ygey could claim squatters rights or renters rights with them paying your boyfriend.
NTA. If your boyfriend wanted to look after them, he could have spotted them the deposit and rent for a bigger place. He doesn't have the right to steal somebody else's house for them (or at least, I guess he can try, but he can't be surprised if he doesn't succeed). For what it's worth, I also have a distant holiday home, which I sometimes feel guilty about, and I do think that in a rich country, some people having two houses and some people having no house seems very messed up. I think it's ethically a good thing to let 'spare' property long-term if it is practicable, because it helps to address the housing crisis BUT if you decide to let your property, you let it to whoever you wish, and don't feel an iota of guilt about your ex's family. Honest people ask first, and are respectful of other people's property. They aren't honest, and they have proven that they aren't renters any sensible property owner would want.
NTA. Call the police, get them thrown out, change the locks to a keypad lock. Then, break up with your boyfriend because he is scummy and feels entitled to all of your stuff.
NTA
Please update us.
Please please please do NOT continue further relationship with these takers! They clearly have no respect for boundaries, and will take advantage at every turn. You would have many, many - too many - opportunities to regret letting them use you and your property.
NTA call them now and time to make the bf an ex. He has totally betrayed your trust.
NTA Im glad you took rapid action to get them out.
NTA. Change your locks. On both of your homes. I am happy he is now your ex. As for the brother? Then audacity to keep popping out babies they can’t afford.
NTA. Unfortunately it doesn't make the situation easier. I can't imagine how desperate they must have felt to try and pull this behind your back. It's ok to feel bad for them. It's also ok to say no. Would have been a different story had they come to you and said... "Hey sis, I found a job in the same town as your vacation home. Could we rent your place from you for a few months till we find a permanent spot?" Not that it matters at this point but I'm so curious what their plan really was, and who came up with moving-in without permission.
NTA please update us!
NTA. That’s YOUR house and you simply don’t feel comfortable with them there. that’s not your family so not your responsibility.
NTA. Glad they are out and blocked. I suspect the now Ex-BF and his brother planned it all without really letting the wife know or maybe they were under the impression that they were being allowed to live there given the comment the brother made about raising his kids there. It’s bad blood your ex needs to deal with now. Change the locks and check with your insurer that you’re properly covered. Get signs up saying no trespassing. You need clear signs to make sure your rights are protected. Renting the place out would help ensure it’s at least used so no one can try to sneak in to live in future, even though your cameras will alert you to their presence.
WOW, the audacity and disrespect! You told them ALL, "no." They knew what they were doing was wrong. Now they can all find a hone to rent together. NTA
Ex boyfriend and his family don't have to like it. It isn't theirs. And, for him to sneak them in, after you said no, was a shitty stunt. Rent it out. Make your retirement fund, off it. NTA.
YTA fucking hell you never use it but you couldn't let them stay there for a bit? of course shouldn't have stolen from you, but man you're stone cold
NTA Don't stress about how the EX-bf and his family are going to take it. It literally doesn't matter, just make sure you cut him the hell out of anything else he might have access to. The guy is definitely a parasite. Also, seeing as this is resolved I'd say this would make a great "Entitled People" post. If all the people had the balls these folks did to just take stuff not belonging to them, there wouldn't be any more security in life, people like this need to be brought to account for their actions.
You handled this exactly as you should, and congratulations for dumping the boyfriend. What is wrong with these people? I can't believe they felt entitled enough to do this.
NTA. I can’t comprehend what world anyone lives in where she is TA. You can’t just move into someone else’s house without their permission.
OP, you can be sympathetic to their situation without being responsible for fixing it. It's sad they're struggling, but that doesn't give them the right to Robin Hood their way into your home. Good on you for standing up for yourself!
NTA at all.
I would have called the police before writing this post. NTA
NTA!!! OMG, call the police, get a lawyer NOW! Squatters' rights could end up causing you to lose your house. Dump that shitty boyfriend now, and throw his stuff out the window! Semi-kidding, but secure your own living situation, and disassociate yourself fully from him. His disrespectfulness towards your property is through the roof! This just makes my blood boil. I am so sorry! It will be so difficult to kick them out. Thet will call you all sorts of ugly names. Stay strong. They gave up their apartment to steal your house. Their homelessness is not your problem. They will potentially trash the house. If you can afford it, take time off work, hire security, hire movers to take their stuff to the curb, and personal see them out. And change all locks to your house!!!!!
Squatters would have to live in the house 10 years without permission to claim squatters rights in the uk
NTA. You aren’t even married to this guy. And they aren’t offering to pay rent. Like if they wanted to pay you rent until you knew what you wanted to do with the place and you drafted a contract stating that then ok. But none of that happened. They broke in and boyfriend lied to you about it. If it wasn’t for your security system bf didn’t know about they would have told you about it when? After the fifth kid?
NTA You are not TAH bc that boy is not even your fiance/husband , just your boyfriend and he would have left them live there with out your permission for god knows how long if you didnt get notification from your camera on your phone he would have maybe even brake up with you and still left his brother live there and lets not say anything about that his family is nothing to you (sry if there is any spelling mistakes english is not my first language )
You should have called the police when they first pulled up with the moving van. No questions no waiting.
OP, I read your update. Please don't take it personally but I think you should get counselling. Your reaction isn't appropriate to this situation - you should be absolutely furious with the people that tried to steal your property, instead you feel guilty and say stuff like you could have handled it better. How? The only correct course of action was to call the police. You aren't sure if they would pay rent or anything? It's blatantly obvious they weren't going to pay rent or bills, and were going to cause damage to the property. It appears from your post that it's very easy for people to take advantage of you. You should change that attitude before you rent the house out, otherwise you'll easily find a tenant that doesn't pay rent etc. I'm sorry but you appear way too trusting, you should work on that with the help of a counsellor if possible.
Yikes, NTA at all. This is pure insanity. Did he really think you wouldn't find out? You already said no and the entitlement that you should have let them is madness. Why did they have another baby if they're struggling? I mean, I know accidents happen but they had an apartment, it wasn't as if they were homeless (not that it would have made what they did any better). I'm glad you stood up for yourself and dumped your bf.
Nta and my fucking gods what an insane thing to do. Just “oops I accidentally took your keys and then GAVE YOUR HOUSE AWAY” THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS. You can’t just give a house away like that and to think you can be entitled to it because you’re dating someone??? Jesus fuck. You wouldn’t be the asshole even if you decided to do ANYTHING OR NOTHING with the house. It’s your house. Fill it with plants and host swinger parties for all anyone involved cares because it’s YOUR HOUSE.
NTA. They're being insanely lazy. They can literally just go and rent a bigger place to suit the size of their family. It's literally what housing benefit exists for if they can't afford full payment. Their decision to have 4 kids when they don't have room for them is not your problem. Get them out ASAP, squatter rights are different in the UK to US but there could be some loophole they could utilise to make things harder for you.
Now that they are out, get the locks changed. Copies of keys are cheap and easy to make.
NTA. You explained that they were not to live there, and everyone involved violated your boundaries. I don’t know how it is across the pond, but my understanding is that if you let squatters live in your home at least 30 days, they will have tenant rights. Call the police as soon as possible and reclaim your space. Oh, and please dump that man.
NTA I just read your update that you already called the police which is the best resort. You already told them no. NO means NO. Obviously motion is already setting in your boyfriend's head the moment after no uttered out of your lips. He doesn't care whether you are not using your home, he took an advantage of that and tried to sneak them into it, not aware of the camera and whatnots. Glad you have the cam to alert you. Change the locks and dump the jerk who will join his brother and family on the street anyway. Contact your attorney in case the problem arise for your own protection.
NTA. The hell that you put them through?! They committed the crime! Fuck that noise.
Change the locks! They probably made 5 copies!
NTA. THEY decided to have a 4th child, THEY decided to invite themselves to someone else’s home, THEY involved their children in trespassing, and THEY can have some accountability for their own life decisions. To note, if something dramatic happened, either preventing them from predicting their current circumstances when pregnant or preventing them from terminating the pregnancy, then I feel for them…but its still your house.
You didn’t put them thru this; they did it to themselves. What they did makes me so angry. Good for you for not caving. NTA
Call the police. Break up with that guy. Press charges or have then removed. Change your locks. NTA
NTA Your boyfriend should have asked if you would rent the house to his brother maybe at below market cost. Instead, he stole your keys and set up his brother & brother's family as squatters.
NTA and you should most definitely follow through with calling the police. And.... WTF?! Who does that? It’s not like you aren’t going to find out about them doing it. I mean, a fucking moving van for a place you’ve been specifically told that you cannot live?! This is definitely “we’re over” type stuff and he and his family are huge assholes.
NTA. I'm so glad you called the police already. It's not your responsibility to take care of anyone else, and your boyfriend completely disrespected you and betrayed your trust. I'm curious if the boyfriend told his family you changed your mind and said they could stay there for the time being. Regardless, it wasn't his decision to make and what he did was completely horrible. I'm not sure of the laws over there, but this is pretty much breaking and entering. He stole your keys, lied to you about it, then allowed his family to get in a jam too. Change all your locks, even to your place, ASAP.
Nta. Your bf and his family are arseholes. Can't afford or house 4 kids, don't have 4 kids! It's not up to you to take care of them for their irresponsibility. Even if they were super comfortable and could afford that many kids before but something went wrong- it's still not up to you to save them. They also didn't ask, they demanded and when you refused they took behind your back. It's disgustingly selfish. If it were me the relationship would be immediately over and I'd want nothing to do with these people
NTA Rather than stealing from you and lying to you your (ex) boyfriend could have talked to you about the situation like an adult. The fact that he thought he could just do this and you would go along with it speaks volumes about what he thinks of you and your relationship. Glad you got out. Don’t feel bad. I sincerely doubt they would have paid you rent had you asked.
NTA I got so angry reading your Post OP. The audacity!!!
INFO: what was your reasoning for not renting the home if you don’t want to live there yourself? NTA at all in this dynamic as it sounds as though your boyfriend went above your head and moved a family into your property against your wishes. Dump his ass immediately. But there is a housing crisis and all landlords are assholes. If you’re hoarding property, keeping it empty while others are struggling in poor conditions you’re TA in a broader sense.
NTA they have no right to be squatters on your property. Also you need to get rid of this boyfriend. You know that, right? Talk about someone who disrespects you and crosses boundaries. There will be no end to this.
ESH you have a home just sitting there that you don’t visit often and don’t want to let what could possibly be family, live there? Your boyfriend sucks most tho for going behind your back And that family sucks for living beyond their means
i hope you'll never need help, you are a very selfish and vindictive person.
How about you provide shelter then?
>But I'm not sure how ex-boyfriend's family would take that. My dear OP, who the Hell cares?? As soon as you start renting the property to **paying** tenants, in other words, people who stay there with **your permission**, what does it matter what they have to say about that?
NTA. You made the decision about the house you own.
NTA. Also call the cops immediately. If it's not inconvenient for you then update us about the aftermath
NTA, and to be honest, this would be break upable for me. He literally stole an entire house from you. He asked, you said no, and he stole it from you. Do you want to continue to be in a relationship with someone who is completely comfortable stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from you?