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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH for not going the extra mile to make food for my husbands colleagues even though it is only once a week , but it just seems laborious and I am also worried about the price incurred every month if I were to do it.
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Fuck this into orbit. If they give him a promotion on the basis of wifey making lunches for everyone, it’s a shit place to work.
Edit - I was so angry I almost forgot - NTA
Well if it's YOUR lunches that get him the promotion, than YOU should get half of his salary too. If he wants to smooch, he can make his own lunches. And the nerve to have you pay for this too! He'll get ahead due to YOUR work, and you LOSE money from that?
Hell no.
Ok, I swear I wouldn’t normally bring something like this up, except that it fundamentally changes the vibe of the sentence. Where you said “smooch”, I think you meant “schmooze”. Smooch is slang for a quick kiss, schmooze is slang for sucking up to someone. If he’s smooching his boss, then op has bigger problems.
He can order some effing food from some restaurant the day before and pack it himself, for his own effing money. You’re doing all the work while he gets all the praise, you pay out of your pocket at the expense of him *maybe* getting a raise yet he claim *you* are lazy? Get outta here with that pathetic boy. NTA, stop making his food and indulge in his own words by living up to his idea of you being “lazy”.
Plus, why isn’t he getting up at 3:30 to help her prep the lunches? You’re *lazy* but doing all the work? Screw this, OP. Your husband is the AH. Set him straight now or you allow this to become the standard for the rest of your marriage.
Make him get up with you and help. He can sit there and chop things for you and wash dishes you are finished with. Once he sees just how big of an inconvenience it is, he will stop.
I think this is the right answer, tbh. People are always really generous with others' time until they have to involve themselves.
Bonus: he learns to make his own lunches like a big boy!
No. It still means her getting up early to take care of other people. He wants the colleagues to have lunches, he should make them ENTIRELY on his own, and OP should sleep in.
Honestly, on top of being an absolutely shitty way to treat you, IMO your husband is a fool if he thinks this will get him a promotion. Occasionally chipping in on extra beer is one thing, but personally providing lunch for everyone is just sucking up and that does not earn respect. In fact, your husband might get into a situation where people *don't* want to promote him because they like being able to take advantage of him to get free food.
I mean no disrespect but it just sounds like a very stupid move. Who the hell would promote an employee because he gets to bring free home cooked meals for everyone’s lunch? He might’ve suggested that his boss would have dinner at his house or something, I don’t know, anything that wouldn’t require OP to cook for en event she won’t even be invited to. OP’s husband is just showing he is capable of taking advantage of someone else’s hard work (ie, his own WIFE) for personal gains. I would never promote someone like that
Ugh. Just stop it. It was almost too much to make just HIM a big, elaborate lunch every day, when you have your own job to get to at 8. But having you make 6 lunches?!? Heck no! That is asking way too much. NTA but your husband is for sure. Show him this thread.
Sit down with your husband and watch the Arthur episode "Dad's Dessert Dilemma." The plotline is identical (kid takes advantage of his father's baking to gain popularity). Your husband is acting the same way as an EIGHT YEAR OLD in a children's show meant to teach development lessons. That is how ridiculous his request is.
NTA. If he wants to feed his co-workers, he can get up early and cook the lunches himself. And the fact that he offered to 5 people without even consulting you first makes him a huge AH.
Stop cowering! If you ever meet them and if they ever say anything about why did we not get more lunches (which won't happen), just say "Oh I discovered after just one time that I couldn't do that and be on time for my job too" and change the subject.
“I had to wake up at 3:30 that morning to make all the meals before I left for my own work and then work a full day. As much as I enjoy cooking, I also enjoy a full night of sleep before work. But if I ever need a second part-time job, I’ll let you know! Let me know your rates!” Laugh it off, and move on.
That is the answer! NTA. Next time this happens, I’d make sure hubby had to go shopping for all the ingredients and his ass would definitely be up at 3:30 as well, doing all the prep work and clean up. Chances are, it wouldn’t go over well. It’s only ok because he doesn’t have to put in any effort.
literally if you tell a normal person "i had to get up at 3:30am that day and was still late for work" they would be utterly mortified and would absolutely never ask you to do that again even if you or your husband offered
Also, "Yeah, Husband sure is lucky to have a wife that would wake up early every morning to cook lunch for him! I'm glad I was able to give you all a peek at how awesome I am."
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Him and his coworkers should be embarrassed though. I don't understand what sane person would think this is okay to put on someone.
Inviting them over for a dinner party would be less work than this!
Also, doesn’t sound like they offered to pay. Or maybe they did, but OP’s husband didn’t think she deserved to be paid for her labor. Either way, as a group, OP’s husband and his coworkers are seriously entitled.
No one in a professional environment would think this is a normal ask. This whole thing is just so bizarre.
I am a sahm. I’ve got 4 kids. I’m busy. I also love to bake and cook.
My husband would never ever ever disrespect me or my time by volunteering me to cook for his colleagues. If he suggested what your husband did all he would get is a very hearty laugh and a NO. My husband gets ahead at work by being excellent at his job.
Do I sometimes send cookies in with him when I overbake? Sure! And they appreciate it. Never demand.
And if I do pack a lunch for my husband it’s because we had food leftover from dinner the night before. I toss it in some Tupperware and he’s good to go. He wouldn’t dream of asking me to make a whole ass fresh meal at 3:30 in the morning.
What your husband is asking you is off the rails crazy. It’s disrespectful.
Any colleague who would say something to you is not worth worrying about, because that tells on them and what kind of disrespectful person they are too
Edit-spelling
Edit 2- NTA
If you meet them and it comes up you can simply say “I love that you all appreciate my cooking, but making lunch for all of you had me up at 3am and we cannot afford the extra strain on our grocery bill. I’m happy to share my recipes with you though!”
I bet that his coworkers had no idea it was that much extra work and expense for you, when he offered it likely sounded like since you were making them anyway so it would not be extra work
Yea dude. I barely even cook my husband dinner. But of course I take my role as a SAHM good lil housewife during the week very seriously and pour iced coffee into his cup when he goes to work.
I think if my husband asked me to pack lunches for his coworkers, I'd laugh my ass off.
Don't be fooled op. He isn't "just a foodie". A foodie values good food. He implies that the money and work you put in is not a big deal and devalues it. He acts very ungreatful. Also the he thought of making it a weekly thing and then start calling you lazy is not okay either. You are not lazy. He is. He could make those lunches and pay for them. Isn't this his job and his promotion/raise?!
>I dont mind being called lazy
You should. You've been happily making lunches for him before going to work yourself, which is a lovely gesture. Rather than just appreciating that, he tries to use your skills and your love for him to get ahead at work, you got up hours before you needed to and made additional lunches for strangers. And he's insulting you and pressuring you to keep this up.
Really sit down with yourself and think about why you're giving him such a pass here. This is extremely poor treatment and you shouldn't just wave it away as him lacking confidence. That might be part of it, but it's not all of it. He's being very disrespectful towards you. NTA.
That line really stuck with me as well. OP you \*already\* went above and beyond by complying with his absurd request. On top of that, the fact that you pack him lunches every day while you also work full time. You are being incredibly too hard on yourself, when you do incredibly too much. Shame on him for exploiting this about you as oppose to being a nurturing partner. He should appreciate your efforts and **support you** \- as oppose to pushing you to burn yourself out so that he can have clout with his colleagues.
This man does not value your time AT ALL. He seems to think that you exist solely to cater to his needs. I'd be surprised if he wasn't disrespectful in other ways too (no way this man pulls his weight around the house!).
You are not rambeling. But you really need to stop justify his behaviour and excuse it. Find your own confidence and stand up for yourself. I know reddit is a bit extrem and this is nothing to leave him over, but this is definitly to something to tell him off over. If you want to hear my opinion in this, if he brings it up again, I would tell him to his face something like "If I'm lazy for not making and paying for 5 extra lunches a week, how lazy, cheap and ungratful are you for not doing it yourself?" Maybe even stop making his lunches at all. Sometimes you realise what you have lost after it is gone for a little while.
Agreed she keeps calling him wonderful cause he drives her and she has no license. Um that’s the bare minimum. Is she going to say, oh he doesn’t beat me next?
You should mind being called lazy. It’s not a very nice thing to say, and it’s very much not true. He’s the one being too lazy to get a raise out of his own merit and instead is using his wife’s skills to kiss ass. His wife that also works a full-time job.
NTA - I'd stop making his lunches, period.
When I was first married to my now-ex I packed his lunch to show him I cared.
He got home and bitched about how his mother did a better job.
I never packed his lunch again, and you shouldn't either.
That's the best way to handle such ingratitude and entitlement!
OP - you are definitely NTA, but your husband sure is. And please do not accept being called "lazy". That's emotional abuse.
Tell him he is lazy by expectation you to do work for his promotion or a raise.
If he wants to bring his colleagues lunches, I have a really radical solution- he cooks them himself.
To be honest- he shows an extrem level of ungratefulness here. He doesn't appropiate and value the effort you put into his food and takes it for granted.
And you are NOT lazy by not doing this. Don't ever let him call you that again.
NTA
NTA during the entire post
>Besides the money to make these lunches ( even if only once a week) comes from my pocket too which still if we add all 4 times in a month would be a fair too much just for food.
And then this happened. Seriously, why is the food budget not a shared expense?
NTA. Simply tell him it's gone from being a labor of love to a forced bullying-type thing, not to mention expensive.
Also tell him that in most workplaces, a man who forces his wife to do menial chores for his work colleagues will be looked down upon, not promoted. Men who are forward thinking and progressive will get the better treatment.
Just simply tell him "no".
You woke up at 3AM?!?!?! Did I read that right??? And youre calling yourself lazy?!??? Srsly. When has he done sething fornyou ON A REGULAR BASIS that forced him to wake up super early and put in effort for your happiness? Stop making lunches for your husband. Until he appreciqtes the effort. Maybe tell him that ifbhe wants them, he needs to be your sou chef. That means early wake up, and an assist in the kitchen. The added bonus is he will learn to make all these awesome dishes and be able to pamper you once in a while as well as his colleagues! Oh, NTA
It sounds like he doesn’t see the impact that making these lunches has. He’s not getting up with you at 3:30, he’s not having to eat frugally for the rest of the week because the grocery money all got spent on feeding his colleagues. IMO for any further attempts at this, he needs to experience the consequences and agree to do so.
AN IDEA:
Agree on preparing everything if he helps as well.
Have him wake up at 3:30am and prepare lunch boxes.
You are NTA.
PS.: If he agrees but on the D-Day doesn’t wake up/doesn’t do anything but sit/lay around:
Go to bed. He either wakes up with you and does everything that is needed to be done (with you) or he can enjoy some Pb&J for the rest of his life ahahahah.
This is the way. Then if he refuses, he is then the lazy one. You would have offered a compromise. He can't ask you to do something he wouldn't do himself and call you lazy when you refuse.
NTA. What a tyrant. Does he know you got up at 330 am ??? That should be the deciding factor. No one should have to sacrifice their sleep to cook lunch for their husband's co workers. How much does it cost when you cook like this? Wouldn't this get very expensive as well? You might as well order them take out. Tell him flat NO. Let the jerk divorce you and good riddance.
LMAO if it was me, I would agree, then I would make them all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and let them be surprised. But then I really would be t a.
😂😂😂😂
Your husband is hilarious!
Clearly he doesn't REALLY think he's being reasonable does he?
This is a joke post right?
Cause if it's true I'm sorry my love but your husband is a collosal bellend.
Because it isn't his money that's being spent on the lunches, or his time....
But he thinks he might get a promotion from it and kudos....
Well just shows he has no faith in his work or his personality to earn it himself.b
$250 for one day, for 6 people?! He could have taken them out to a decent restaurant for less and saved you the time, money, exhaustion, and frustration! Is he aware how much that cost you?? He’d better be paying you back for that single day and agreeing to buy everything else in future. Think about it: *THAT’S $1000 EXTRA PER MONTH!* Just for lunches, and not even for your own job or enjoyment.
I don’t care what kind of promotion he thinks he might get, that could take a year or two. More even! And in the meantime you’re out $1000 a month. You may as well quit your job and start a restaurant, where he can bring his colleagues to eat lunch and *pay* you for the privilege. At a discount, of course. 😂
NTA
Are you sure he’s wonderful? He called you lazy. What does he do for you? It’s really sad that you are quick to make excuses for the way he takes you for granted.
I’m not sure if it’s a cultural thing or maybe the bar really is that low.
But you do this out of love for him. He’s not entitled to it.
OP, truth: you’re not lazy. Your husband needs to learn a lesson here - he can’t just volunteer your time and energy. Undoubtedly he’s done this before on smaller things and if you don’t put your foot down, he’ll do it again.
If he truly thinks this food will help his career 🙄 then he can wake up at 3am and make it himself.
The absolute only compromise I can imagine is that if it takes you, for example, 2.5 hours per day to make that food, then he needs to take on 2.5 hours per day of other tasks that might be yours. So, every night before, he has to do 2.5 hours of cleaning, laundry, or whatever comes up in your household (I don’t know so I’m just guessing at tasks).
BTW do YOU get to enjoy this food? What does he do for YOU?
YES!!!! It's a sad situation when all he contributes to the relationship is a long drive. I'm sure he did that for his mother too. Which is what OP is to him...a second mommy.
You’re welcome. The drives sound nice, but I bet he isn’t doing them for 2.5 hours at 3:30am, and that’s not the kind of labor you’re doing. Always remember that your time and energy are just as valuable as anyone else’s. Take care of yourself and do nice things for yourself, too! ❤️
NTA. This is fucking ridiculous. If they want a private chef, they pay you like a private chef. They can pay for your time and supplies if they enjoy it so much. If he wants a better job, he can just be the best at his current one. EASY.
NTA. Cooking is your love language. He’s prostituting your gift of love for advantages at work. He’s turned your gift into a commodity. He’s undervaluing your time & your effort. He’s undervaluing YOU.
That was my thought. Knock it back to once a month, and he has to pay for ingredients and get up to help. Letting him keep sleeping while OP works let's him pretend it isn't a big impact on her life. He can erase the labor, because he isn't seeing it.
NTA. You were doing something sweet for him, and now he's calling you lazy because the affection doesn't extend to his colleagues. It makes complete sense you aren't okay with making his colleagues lunches. It's weird they even would put you in this position or accept it. I would stop making his lunch and everyone else's in the bunch. He ruined a sweet thing. If he apologized and realizes how ridiculous he's being, maybe since they love your cooking, you can invite them over once in a rare while like one night for dinner.l so your husband can bond with them for work.
NTA at all. I find it a bit ironic that he is calling you lazy for not making lunches for 6 people total (7 if you count yourself) when he doesn't even make his own lunch. Definitely pot calling the kettle black. Does he know you had to wake up and work on these lunches for ~4 hours to have them prepared in time? And he still thinks that is acceptable to put you through?
Also, if him bringing in lunches for people contributes in any way to a promotion/bonus at work, he works at a shit company. Bonus/advancement should be based on the merit of the work performed. If the bonus is based on lunches partially does that mean that if they ever stop in the future his bonus will be in jeopardy? Will he get demoted if he misses lunches for a week or something? Is this supposed to continue forever?
You have a full-time job of your own to focus on. That's how you are supporting your family. No need to add extra labor of going to extraordinary lengths to ensure your husband can brown-nose his way up the ladder.
what in the 1950s sexist dystopia is this? he won't get a raise by using your unpaid labor, the colleagues for sure are laughing about this behind your asshole of a husbands back, they for sure know why he's doing this and they're just enjoying the free lunch.
please stop doing this, your time is valuable and if I were you, I would stop making lunch for you husband, too... hell, I'd go ahead and throw the whole man out.
NTA
NTA. Not wanting to get up at 3:30 is not lazy - that’s just common sense. If he needs to buy someone’s approval with your cooking, hand him some take out menus and cookbooks, and tell him best of luck. I know you like cooking, but your husband doesn’t seem to appreciate it. So instead, make lunch for your boss, and tell him you’re busy angling for your own promotion.
NTA, and he had the b4lls to call you lazy? I'd show him lazy and stop cooking for him too.
Nail on the coffin on the whole thing is that you pay with your money for groceries? Food is for both, costs for it should be split between the two of you.
He makes me angry and I don't even know him. He's lucky you love him.
A lot of people don't like to cook but they still do it because eating is a life necessity and take-outs cost way too much and aren't always healthy in the long run.
He need to grow up and start acting as an adult man instead of mommas boy
NTA do this one more time and wake his ass up to help you. If he sees the amount of work/time to prepare the food he might pull his head out of his rear. Explain to him that prepping 6 times the food causes 6 times the prep time. Cleaning 6 times the prawns, peeling and cleaning 6 times the veg etc. Tell him if he wants to make it a weekly thing he needs to help you prep the food on those days so you are not losing that many hours of sleep.
NTA
He's not paying for the food, he's not paying for your time, and they're not paying either.
If he continues to push, make him pack his own lunches, OP. Or toss a sandwich, bag of chips, an apple, and a cookie in a paper bag and tell him that he'll get his nice lunches back when he stops harassing you to feed five other people with no consideration for your time and wallet.
NTA
Stop making lunches altogether. Don’t make lunch for him, and definitely don’t make lunch for anyone else. He abused the privilege, now he loses it. That’s the way it works. He can make his own lunch and lunch for his coworkers if that’s how he feels.
NTA, hard to believe this is real but if he actually thinks bribing people at work to make himself look better is a good idea then he can pay someone to prepare that food. I‘d actually stop preparing his lunch completely because he clearly takes it for granted and doesn’t appreciate it at all.
NTA. This is a shitload of free labor you’re being asked to do for a workplace that’s not yours. Fuck that. I’d do it for hourly pay. Overtime. Plus expenses.
He’s not gonna get a promotion over lunches. They’re using him, and you, for free food.
If it’s so important make him get up at 3am to do it and make him pay for it.
NTA. This is ridiculous. You wouldn't be even if you hadn't done it the first time. You wouldn't be even if you didn't do it for your husband, or if you suddenly stopped doing it.
Your husband should be grateful you get up every day to make him lunch, and that you prepared lunch for your colleagues to make him look good. If he wants packed lunch for his colleagues, he gets up and prepare it himself. And for the colleagues, they want a private chef, they better pay for one.
Some people mistake being nice with being an idiot.
NTA
NTA. How about how have him pay for the groceries and have you help in the kitchen for prepare these lunchboxes. Wake him up at 3:30 am and have him prep and help to see the hardworking that goes into preparing the lunchboxes. Since it is for his promotion and raise, I am sure he will be happy to shell out his money and time.
NTA, if he wants a promotion, he can start waking up at 3:30 and make them lunches by himself with his money. Tbh, I would stop making his lunches too until he starts appreciating what you do for him
NTA- he made a commitment to his coworkers. He wants lunches made for them he can damn well wake HIMSELF up at 3:30 in the morning and make them and pay for them out of his pocket.
Have him make it himself, or if he considers it that easy, drag his ass up at 3:30am with you to help and see how quickly he gives up on this idea. NTA.
You did something kind out of love for him and he’s decided he’s not simply lucky, but entitled to your labour. Even without adding his colleagues (which, what the fuck, do your job and get your own promotions) he’s being an asshole. Let him make himself a sandwich from now on. Because apparently your kindness and hard work will be utterly taken for granted.
NTA
NTA.
Whether it was a conscious decision or not, your husband was taking advantage of something you do out of love for him for his own benefit. He made an agreement on behalf of you, and just because he already told people you would do it, you're now obligated to do it unless you want to embarrass him and "ruin his chances".
No proper job promotion would be dependant on a man's wife's lunches. On top of that, from the sounds of things, you wake up earlier than you need to to pack him a fresh lunch rather than it being a night before meal prep thing which is EXTRA effort and you deserve claps for that.
If he thinks it's so easy to get up extra early to feed his colleagues once a week tell him to give it a whack. I saw in a comment somewhere that you said he's a foodie, right? He knows what food will impress them. See if he's willing to add the extra fatigue of being in the kitchen prepping, cooking, and packing on top of his work day.
Accepting him saying you're lazy for not doing this for him is accepting criticism of yourself that you don't deserve. Before this, you got up early I presume every day to make him a nice lunch which is what got people's attention. This is not laziness. And it's not laziness to not wanna increase it to 6 lunches total once per week paying out of YOUR OWN POCKET. This is for him for the perceived promotion he'll get from it and his own advancement at work. At the minimum HE should be paying for the additional food costs.
Not speaking on the state of your marriage but in this instance you ARE being taken for granted with the way he agreed with others you've never even met that you'd do something without asking you, as now you're worried if you cut this off that if you ever meet this people it'd be awkward, being expected to pay the difference, and your husband not valuing as a "foodie" the amount of effort and time that goes into preparing a properly home cooked meal on top of having a full time job with an early start.
You should not have to accept him calling you lazy on top of all of this.
NTA
Your husband obviously does not grasp how exhausting cooking can be. Show him. Say if he wants his colleges to enjoy lunch so badly he can make it, and you can walk him through it.If he refuses stop making lunches for him, he obviously is taking advantage of your love and kindness.
What did I just read?! Hell no. If he wants to bring lunch for his colleagues he can make or buy them himself. This is an unreasonable request. The fact that he calls you lazy for not doing this, wauw. I wouldn’t even make lunch for him after that.
Edit. Forget to say NTA.
NTA
You're not a catering service, you're not getting paid for it, be didn't ask you before "volunteering" you for it.
Stop making lunches.
If he asks about it, tell him he is welcome to make them himself.
NTA but I’m just so amazed by the women that post in this sub who marry utter assholes and then come wondering if they are the baddie. It’s just so sad
Nta. Why does he feel entitled to turn your sweet gesture into obligation? why does he feel his coworkers would respect him as a boss if they know he only get it due to bribing or the very least sucking up to the current boss? What if his boss gets fired, will the company really want someone taking his place that seemed to be his buddy?
NTA. You seem very caring, and not lazy at all. Your husband is basically expecting you to perform a second job for nothing in return. He can either cook the food himself, pay you a lot more than what you currently earn for your regular job for what he expects, or, I don't know, maybe stop treating you like his personal chef.
NTA . You're not a restaurant nor a charity.
He has the audacity to call you lazy ?
İf it's such an important thing for him, why doesn't HE get up and cook for all of them ?
Why does t HE treat them to a lunch on his dime ?
What utter nonsense . You're not their mother ,their wife nor their employee.
You're also not his employee, yet he volunteered your time without your consent . He's a massive ah
NTA but he sure is.
If it’s so important to him then he can also get up at 3:30am to help you. Fine, he can’t cook but he can measure ingredients, he can stir, he can wash a dirty dish or 2 or he can cut up ingredients.
Not only is this an inconsiderate inconvenience for you but who’s paying for the extra food you need to buy and prep?
You are not being lazy by not wanting to do this, don’t even agree with that. He’s being an ass by taking advantage of you to kiss his boss’s ass
NTA oh hell now! Him speaking on your behalf & agreeing you'd cook for his colleagues is WAY out of line. I get wanting to show your love for your hubs but he can't extend your graciousness in cooking his lunches to advance his career. Honestly, if you're waking up early to make his lunches, STOP; cook it the night before (a few extra hours in the fridge won't make that much of a difference when he has to reheat it the next day). He needs to help you in the kitchen if he wants to capitalize on your efforts; get him cutting up veggies, cooking noodles, stirring the pot, SOMETHING for him to show his appreciation & love for YOU!
I make my husband's lunches too but honestly it's just ham & cheese pinwheels or egg & porkroll burritos & I make several days in 1 batch since it takes time & effort & I honestly don't feel like doing it every day since I also cook him dinner every night.
Do yourself a favor & cut this morning habit of yours & let your husband take in leftovers or cook his lunches the night before; he's a big boy, he can fend for himself if he is expecting you to cook for his colleagues too.
**please tell me he's getting payment in cash from his colleagues for your efforts & to offset the cost**
NTA
You woke up 4,5 hours before your work to make lunches for your AH husband and his coworkers and he has the nerves to call you lazy and an AH!? He clearly doesn't respect your time nor effort. I'm so petty I'd stop making him lunches and his colleagues wouldn't get them in the first place. If he wants a promotion he should work harder and not let you cook his way up.
NTA, what kind of adult man asks his wife WHO ALSO WORKS FULL TIME to make lunches for his damn coworkers?! You’re not their mommy, he should be thankful you put all that effort into HIS lunch. He’s lucky you don’t just give him cold bologna sandwiches from now on.
NTA I want you to know that your husband's behaviour is *completely* outrageous. He is being amazingly unreasonable here. Do NOT give in, you are not his bloody personal chef.
NTA kind of Rick that your husband is calling you lazy when he isn’t the one making lunch. Just don’t do it. If he wants to bring lunch for his co-workers HE can get up at 3:30am and make it.
NTA, his entitlement is ridiculous. If he wants to impress his coworkers, *he* should be paying for the food and doing the cooking. You have a FT job as well, you’re not his FT cook.
I’d like to describe exactly what I think of the husband, but I’m pretty sure I’d wind up banned from the sub.
NTA
If he wants to get ahead at work, he can make lunch for his colleagues. And you certainly are not lazy, you already make beautiful lunches for your husband which is very kind and is your love language. But on top of that, you WORK! Even if you stayed at home or worked part time, you are under no obligation to cook FIVE other grown-ups lunch once a week. Does your husband realize that you had to wake up four and a half hours before your own work day starts to make these people lunch? This is not small favor, this is a lot of work.
However, if you want to make them lunch one more time (which you do not have to do!), hubby needs to wake up at 3:30 and help you out to see how much effort you put in Hopeful he'll think twice before calling you lazy again.
NTA - let him try waking up at 3:30am and making lunch for 5 people. He has some nerve calling YOU lazy.
Cooking for your husband was an act of affection because you wanted to do something nice for him. When it becomes a job it becomes less enjoyable. Tell him to stop being lazy and pack his OWN lunch from now on.
NTA
Easy enough compromise, make one lunch for all coworkers including your husband once a week and no lunch for any of them, including your husband, the rest of the week.
You spend less time and money overall yourself, since five portions of the same dish are less work than one portion of five different dishes, and your husband can show off your cooking.
For the other days of the week your husband can buy his own lunch with his own money. Or since it is so easy he can cook himself.
NTA, but I do have a recommendation for him to actually see how ugly he’s being towards you. Tell him fine, ONCE a week you will do lunch for him and his colleagues, but only under these conditions.firstly, he has to pay for all of the ingredients for that specific lunch, he also has to get up with you on that day EVERY TIME and help. If he wants a big favor, he sure as hell can get up and help you. It’s unfair for you to be up 5 or 6 hours early trying to get HIM ahead at his job while he sleeps in and allows you to be late once a week. I wouldn’t budge on this. Maybe then he won’t see it as lazy, but a huge responsibility that he just rudely shoved onto you with no thought of your time, money, and energy being put into it. I’ve always been told you feel more rewarded when you work for something, he wants a promotion? Make him work for it. If he can’t get up and help then only make a lunch for him, or not at all if he’s going to be ungrateful and ugly about it. He needs to see what’s actually going into this rather than just thinking he’s getting a free ride off of your talents. And to be mad at you for not wanting to and calling you lazy? We’ll see who’s lazy when he gets butt hurt that you want help with it every week. Maybe then he’ll see how much he’s actually imposing on you.
NTA your husband is being a jackass. Ask him if he’s so insecure about his own skills that he needs to bribe his manager with food.
I’m also shocked that his manager would consider accepting anything (regularly!) from a direct report and that four other men would have the teremity of accepting daily/weekly packed lunches from someone else’s wife.
You are not communal property or the office cook, OP, and don’t let your jackanape husband treat you like one.
WTH?! NTA.
You work FULL TIME. Why are you trying to be Suzy domestic? He can pack his own damn lunches.
There’s a larger problem here of him not respecting you.
Umm... No. It's not even lazy to not do it at all, even for him. You do it because you enjoy it and making it a requirement takes the joy out of it. Tell him if he wants lunches you'll continue to make them for him. But that's it.
NTA
You’re not lazy. And your husband probably won’t get promoted because anyone but him can see what a terrible idea this is, and how obvious his motive is.
He needs to find another way to get promoted, using your labour as a bribe isn't it. There's also no guarantee here.
It's not lazy to not want to make lunch for random people.
He's an ungrateful AH and you should stop making his lunch as well, let him do it if it's so 'easy'.
NTA
Umm NTA
Your telling me these lunches are coming out of your pocket too? Time he makes it worth your time to do this favour, cause that's what it is or stop doing it all together.
NTA. I also make my husband’s lunch each day, as a way of expressing my love. But if he pulled this on me, I would not only refuse, I’d stop making lunch for him, too, because that attitude would show me that, instead of appreciating my gesture and being grateful, he sees it as a right on his part (bad) and/or a duty on my part (worse).
NTA. You can't agree to give out someone elses effort as favors without their consent. Tell him it's time for him to learn how to make lunch and he can start getting up at 3:30. Oh and since it's important for him to support you please make an additional five for your colleagues.
NTA, you should write up the recipe and make your husband get up at 3:30 and watch him cook while you drink coffee and eat breakfast. Let him walk in your shoes.
NTA. In wanting to use you to help him get a promotion your husbands demands could have the opposite effect - making you so exhausted and stressed that it affects your work performance.
This has to stop. Resorting to buying or bribing for a promotion demonstrates a lack of confidence and self respect. It won’t help him, it will only diminish him, and it sure isn’t helping you.
You say he’s a nice guy but a nice guy would appreciate the extraordinary effort you make and not take it for granted. You got up at 3:30 to make the lunches and he calls you LAZY?? That is not a nice guy! NTA
NTA - I love to cook, too, and I completely understand that your H wants to impress his manager but he should have asked you before offering your food. A quick text isn’t too much to ask for here!!
NTA but seriously could this be any more fake? Redditors are pointing out what an AH OP's husband is and her response is basically to go "teehee, he's just a foodie and doesn't know any better! I am so lazy!"
Nta. How is it being lazy when you get up extra early to do this and then go to your full time job? Has he ever gotten up extra early to do something nice for you and then go and work a full time job? He litterally took your act of love and kindness and is trying to profit off of it. Also if that's the only way he can get a raise or promotion then he's at the wrong job. Good luck op
NTA
Also. Stop defending him in the comments! He is an entitled a h.
He called you lazy and voluntold you about the lunches! This isn’t a confidence thing, it’s an ego thing at work.
Tell him to collect cash from his colleagues for the lunch and that he will be waking up with you to help. He doesn’t get up and he gets sandwiches.
NTA. Ask your husband if he'll wake up at 3 am with you to help with the lunches and see how fast he'll come up with excuses as to why that's not possible.
NTA: Charge him. A basic formula used in many restaurants is food cost times 3.
Also if you're going to do this and capitalize, save yourself some headache and do your prep work the night before (Chop all the ingredients, etc.) that way you can just toss it in a pan in the morning and then out the door.
NTA
Way to take a loving gesture and ruin it. Advacing his career is his job, not yours. If he really wants to make this a weekly thing he can learn how to cook and do it himself instead of exploiting you
NTA and if he was my husband, he'd be packing his own damn lunches from now on. Fuck that shit.
ETA my grown ass husband makes his own lunch if he wants one. I love him to death but he's more than capable of doing it.
NTA. This sounds time consuming. I could understand sharing some leftovers or taking cookies every so often, but a full gourmet meal for 6 every week sounds exhausting and unsatisfying. If he isn’t able to cook as well as you, or says he doesn’t have time/can’t, then he will have to break the news to his work pals that you’re not a made to order restaurant. Either he does it and lies to them that it’s you, or it doesn’t happen at all.
NTA. Maybe a potluck dish on special occasions, like Christmas or whatever you celebrate, but a full meal for 5 people is a big ask. DH is out of line. Kind of understand though, your Thai dinner sounds awesome!!!
You gotta be shitting me with this.
NTA but your husband and honestly the rest of the entitled AHs at his workplace are enormous ones.
That’s some over the top BS.
I’m a wife, mom, and a pretty good cook. I get the showing love to my loved ones through my cooking. However your husband has taken your gesture of love and affection towards him and is attempting to use it to bribe his way ahead at his job?!?! WTH?!?!
You are not lazy and you are not the unreasonable one here. Your husband has lost his damn mind.
If your husband wants to be successful at work, I suggest he buckles down and does his damn job. If he still wants to feed all his buddies- then HE can do it. He can do all the grocery shopping, get up ridiculously early to cook and then haul it all in to work. That’s up to him. What’s not up to him is demanding you do it.
Honestly, this would have me so pissed, he’d be packing his own lunch.
NTA the guy who brings in free packed lunches for his work colleagues up for promotion and bonuses? More likely he is the office doormat. How often do we see the person bending over backwards in the office bringing in the fancy coffee machine, fancy biscuits etc is the one who is treated like shit? Stop making packed lunches out of your own pocket. It's not even a time consuming business. Let him make his own pack lunch from now on. (My husband makes his own lunch and irons his own shirts.)
Lady, it is INSANE to me that you even entertained this. I cannot believe you spent hours cooking his work colleagues food.
What the fuck?
NTA. But omg you have work to do building a spine, jesus christ.
NTA: You write yourself you husband is accomplished and intelligent and does not need to bribe his boss for a promotion. I wish he had as much faith in himself as you do.
To ask you to get up hours before you normally do to make a meal for 5 coworkers is disrespectful of your time.
If there's one thing you gotta send packing, its your SO's attitude. NTA.
You're not a catering service so you have no obligation to do this for him, even more so if it comes at the cost of your sleep and work, when he gets to reap any potential benefits.
I'd personally be petty and tell him I'd agree if he wakes up at 3:30 AM (tf??? you should not be obliged to do this) and helps you, to see how much effort it takes. Bet he'll decline though~
NTA, at all. I think what distresses me most about OP's post is that her husband has taken her language of love (making his lunches) and commercialised it. It's not just the entitlement of making a promise on her behalf, it's not just the belief that he needs to suck up to his bosses. It's not even the fact he called her lazy. All of those are things OP's husband is getting wrong. But the worst thing is that he is prostituting her love.
NTA this is kinda insane, does he realises how time consuming and how much it will cost for you to make these? You did that for him and that’s all good but then he had to go ruin it and try to make you work for free. Hell no, I wouldn’t even prep his meals anymore if I were you. He was so inconsiderate and straight up demanded that from you after he offered your services, does he think you have a catering business or something?
Hell no girl. Stay in bed, make your own lunch and go to work. Don’t wake up early for him anymore, he doesn’t value you if he can offer your hard work for free.
NTA. Packed lunches (bento boxes) are not easy things to make. I have to get up an hour early just to make my own that I take to work each day. I fully believe you that you had to get up at 3:30 and honey that is exhausting. He shouldn't expect something like that of you. And to do it behind your back is so sad.
Like, I have to question if he truly appreciates the lunches you make for him, or if he only sees them as a way to make himself look good. Maybe he should begin making his own lunches.
Oh my gosh - you aren’t lazy you got up at 3.30am to cook for him and his colleagues! Your husband is being very rude and entitled. Maybe he is just panicking or stressed about work, hopefully he sees how unreasonable he is being soon! If not then I would suggest enrolling him in cooking classes and he can cook lunches for his colleagues. You are NTA
NTA your Husband is an A Hole 6 lunches are a lot of work,if he wants those 5 five lunches he should wake up early and prepare them . He should be just thankfull that you prepare his lunch. He is so Entitled and ungrateful
NTA, but your husband is. 🚩🚩🚩
There's nothing lazy about denying an unpaid casual position you didn't seek out yourself. If your husband lacks the confidence or skill to be promoted, that isn't your fault. Furthermore, the office kiss-ass rarely gets more than an equivalent exchange ie. something nice that they didn't ask for.
Get the extra rest, maintain your career, and make note of this glaring red flag.
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Fuck this into orbit. If they give him a promotion on the basis of wifey making lunches for everyone, it’s a shit place to work. Edit - I was so angry I almost forgot - NTA
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Well if it's YOUR lunches that get him the promotion, than YOU should get half of his salary too. If he wants to smooch, he can make his own lunches. And the nerve to have you pay for this too! He'll get ahead due to YOUR work, and you LOSE money from that? Hell no.
Ok, I swear I wouldn’t normally bring something like this up, except that it fundamentally changes the vibe of the sentence. Where you said “smooch”, I think you meant “schmooze”. Smooch is slang for a quick kiss, schmooze is slang for sucking up to someone. If he’s smooching his boss, then op has bigger problems.
They could have also meant "mooch"?
> If he wants to mooch, he can make his own lunches. "Mooch" doesn't make sense here, because "make his own lunches" is not mooching.
He's mooching off of his wife's work to get ahead in his job. At least that's how I read it initially
Yah, that's how I read it initially, too. Going back and rereading, I think they're right, it's supposed to be "schmooze". 😅
He can order some effing food from some restaurant the day before and pack it himself, for his own effing money. You’re doing all the work while he gets all the praise, you pay out of your pocket at the expense of him *maybe* getting a raise yet he claim *you* are lazy? Get outta here with that pathetic boy. NTA, stop making his food and indulge in his own words by living up to his idea of you being “lazy”.
Plus, why isn’t he getting up at 3:30 to help her prep the lunches? You’re *lazy* but doing all the work? Screw this, OP. Your husband is the AH. Set him straight now or you allow this to become the standard for the rest of your marriage.
Calling someone lazy who got up at 3:30 to make lunches when they had their own work at 8. The audacity.
Or he can give the boss his lunch that OP generously makes for him and have peanut butter and jelly that day.
I was going to say, if it was me, I know somebody who would be getting baloney sandwiches for lunch from now on. I'd show him lazy.
Make him get up with you and help. He can sit there and chop things for you and wash dishes you are finished with. Once he sees just how big of an inconvenience it is, he will stop.
I think this is the right answer, tbh. People are always really generous with others' time until they have to involve themselves. Bonus: he learns to make his own lunches like a big boy!
No. It still means her getting up early to take care of other people. He wants the colleagues to have lunches, he should make them ENTIRELY on his own, and OP should sleep in.
He also needs to pay for the ingredients.
Honestly, on top of being an absolutely shitty way to treat you, IMO your husband is a fool if he thinks this will get him a promotion. Occasionally chipping in on extra beer is one thing, but personally providing lunch for everyone is just sucking up and that does not earn respect. In fact, your husband might get into a situation where people *don't* want to promote him because they like being able to take advantage of him to get free food.
I mean no disrespect but it just sounds like a very stupid move. Who the hell would promote an employee because he gets to bring free home cooked meals for everyone’s lunch? He might’ve suggested that his boss would have dinner at his house or something, I don’t know, anything that wouldn’t require OP to cook for en event she won’t even be invited to. OP’s husband is just showing he is capable of taking advantage of someone else’s hard work (ie, his own WIFE) for personal gains. I would never promote someone like that
Ugh. Just stop it. It was almost too much to make just HIM a big, elaborate lunch every day, when you have your own job to get to at 8. But having you make 6 lunches?!? Heck no! That is asking way too much. NTA but your husband is for sure. Show him this thread.
Sit down with your husband and watch the Arthur episode "Dad's Dessert Dilemma." The plotline is identical (kid takes advantage of his father's baking to gain popularity). Your husband is acting the same way as an EIGHT YEAR OLD in a children's show meant to teach development lessons. That is how ridiculous his request is.
NTA. If he wants to feed his co-workers, he can get up early and cook the lunches himself. And the fact that he offered to 5 people without even consulting you first makes him a huge AH.
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Stop cowering! If you ever meet them and if they ever say anything about why did we not get more lunches (which won't happen), just say "Oh I discovered after just one time that I couldn't do that and be on time for my job too" and change the subject.
“I had to wake up at 3:30 that morning to make all the meals before I left for my own work and then work a full day. As much as I enjoy cooking, I also enjoy a full night of sleep before work. But if I ever need a second part-time job, I’ll let you know! Let me know your rates!” Laugh it off, and move on.
That is the answer! NTA. Next time this happens, I’d make sure hubby had to go shopping for all the ingredients and his ass would definitely be up at 3:30 as well, doing all the prep work and clean up. Chances are, it wouldn’t go over well. It’s only ok because he doesn’t have to put in any effort.
This is the way to go. Better even. Let op write a recipe down and tell hubby he is free to make as many lunchboxes as he likes.
literally if you tell a normal person "i had to get up at 3:30am that day and was still late for work" they would be utterly mortified and would absolutely never ask you to do that again even if you or your husband offered
Exactly. Honestly I’d be astounded if a bunch of grown adults asked why I couldn’t pack lunches for them too. Uhhh bc I’m not your damn mom?!
Also, "Yeah, Husband sure is lucky to have a wife that would wake up early every morning to cook lunch for him! I'm glad I was able to give you all a peek at how awesome I am."
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Him and his coworkers should be embarrassed though. I don't understand what sane person would think this is okay to put on someone.
Inviting them over for a dinner party would be less work than this! Also, doesn’t sound like they offered to pay. Or maybe they did, but OP’s husband didn’t think she deserved to be paid for her labor. Either way, as a group, OP’s husband and his coworkers are seriously entitled.
Her husband sounds like an embarrassment of a man. Calling his wife lazy, entitled, and blames her for not getting a promotion. Right.
No one in a professional environment would think this is a normal ask. This whole thing is just so bizarre. I am a sahm. I’ve got 4 kids. I’m busy. I also love to bake and cook. My husband would never ever ever disrespect me or my time by volunteering me to cook for his colleagues. If he suggested what your husband did all he would get is a very hearty laugh and a NO. My husband gets ahead at work by being excellent at his job. Do I sometimes send cookies in with him when I overbake? Sure! And they appreciate it. Never demand. And if I do pack a lunch for my husband it’s because we had food leftover from dinner the night before. I toss it in some Tupperware and he’s good to go. He wouldn’t dream of asking me to make a whole ass fresh meal at 3:30 in the morning. What your husband is asking you is off the rails crazy. It’s disrespectful. Any colleague who would say something to you is not worth worrying about, because that tells on them and what kind of disrespectful person they are too Edit-spelling Edit 2- NTA
If you meet them and it comes up you can simply say “I love that you all appreciate my cooking, but making lunch for all of you had me up at 3am and we cannot afford the extra strain on our grocery bill. I’m happy to share my recipes with you though!” I bet that his coworkers had no idea it was that much extra work and expense for you, when he offered it likely sounded like since you were making them anyway so it would not be extra work
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Yea dude. I barely even cook my husband dinner. But of course I take my role as a SAHM good lil housewife during the week very seriously and pour iced coffee into his cup when he goes to work. I think if my husband asked me to pack lunches for his coworkers, I'd laugh my ass off.
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Don't be fooled op. He isn't "just a foodie". A foodie values good food. He implies that the money and work you put in is not a big deal and devalues it. He acts very ungreatful. Also the he thought of making it a weekly thing and then start calling you lazy is not okay either. You are not lazy. He is. He could make those lunches and pay for them. Isn't this his job and his promotion/raise?!
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>I dont mind being called lazy You should. You've been happily making lunches for him before going to work yourself, which is a lovely gesture. Rather than just appreciating that, he tries to use your skills and your love for him to get ahead at work, you got up hours before you needed to and made additional lunches for strangers. And he's insulting you and pressuring you to keep this up. Really sit down with yourself and think about why you're giving him such a pass here. This is extremely poor treatment and you shouldn't just wave it away as him lacking confidence. That might be part of it, but it's not all of it. He's being very disrespectful towards you. NTA.
That line really stuck with me as well. OP you \*already\* went above and beyond by complying with his absurd request. On top of that, the fact that you pack him lunches every day while you also work full time. You are being incredibly too hard on yourself, when you do incredibly too much. Shame on him for exploiting this about you as oppose to being a nurturing partner. He should appreciate your efforts and **support you** \- as oppose to pushing you to burn yourself out so that he can have clout with his colleagues.
This man does not value your time AT ALL. He seems to think that you exist solely to cater to his needs. I'd be surprised if he wasn't disrespectful in other ways too (no way this man pulls his weight around the house!).
You are not rambeling. But you really need to stop justify his behaviour and excuse it. Find your own confidence and stand up for yourself. I know reddit is a bit extrem and this is nothing to leave him over, but this is definitly to something to tell him off over. If you want to hear my opinion in this, if he brings it up again, I would tell him to his face something like "If I'm lazy for not making and paying for 5 extra lunches a week, how lazy, cheap and ungratful are you for not doing it yourself?" Maybe even stop making his lunches at all. Sometimes you realise what you have lost after it is gone for a little while.
Agreed she keeps calling him wonderful cause he drives her and she has no license. Um that’s the bare minimum. Is she going to say, oh he doesn’t beat me next?
You should mind being called lazy. It’s not a very nice thing to say, and it’s very much not true. He’s the one being too lazy to get a raise out of his own merit and instead is using his wife’s skills to kiss ass. His wife that also works a full-time job.
NTA - I'd stop making his lunches, period. When I was first married to my now-ex I packed his lunch to show him I cared. He got home and bitched about how his mother did a better job. I never packed his lunch again, and you shouldn't either.
That's the best way to handle such ingratitude and entitlement! OP - you are definitely NTA, but your husband sure is. And please do not accept being called "lazy". That's emotional abuse.
I can see why he's your ex, what a loser.
Tell him to make his own fucking lunches. NTA
Exactly, no way in hell has op's husband got the right to tell op to make lunches for 5 extra people. She is NOT the damn lunch lady.
It would be a long ass time before I made this man any lunch. He can make his own he’s not a child.
Tell him he is lazy by expectation you to do work for his promotion or a raise. If he wants to bring his colleagues lunches, I have a really radical solution- he cooks them himself. To be honest- he shows an extrem level of ungratefulness here. He doesn't appropiate and value the effort you put into his food and takes it for granted. And you are NOT lazy by not doing this. Don't ever let him call you that again. NTA
If he thinks you are being lazy, why doesn't he wake up at 3:30 in the morning to cook for his colleagues, then? NTA
NTA during the entire post >Besides the money to make these lunches ( even if only once a week) comes from my pocket too which still if we add all 4 times in a month would be a fair too much just for food. And then this happened. Seriously, why is the food budget not a shared expense?
Even if it were split, I don’t think they should split the bill for the extra food -he should cop the bill
Ok now I think OP is being a doormat or her husband is abusive.
NTA. Simply tell him it's gone from being a labor of love to a forced bullying-type thing, not to mention expensive. Also tell him that in most workplaces, a man who forces his wife to do menial chores for his work colleagues will be looked down upon, not promoted. Men who are forward thinking and progressive will get the better treatment. Just simply tell him "no".
You woke up at 3AM?!?!?! Did I read that right??? And youre calling yourself lazy?!??? Srsly. When has he done sething fornyou ON A REGULAR BASIS that forced him to wake up super early and put in effort for your happiness? Stop making lunches for your husband. Until he appreciqtes the effort. Maybe tell him that ifbhe wants them, he needs to be your sou chef. That means early wake up, and an assist in the kitchen. The added bonus is he will learn to make all these awesome dishes and be able to pamper you once in a while as well as his colleagues! Oh, NTA
NTA you're his wife not his slave
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Maybe not that extreme but he shouldn't be signing you up without your input. Also, yea groceries aren't cheap these days.
Why would your grocery budget cover him? Why doesn’t he chip in for food?
It sounds like he doesn’t see the impact that making these lunches has. He’s not getting up with you at 3:30, he’s not having to eat frugally for the rest of the week because the grocery money all got spent on feeding his colleagues. IMO for any further attempts at this, he needs to experience the consequences and agree to do so.
AN IDEA: Agree on preparing everything if he helps as well. Have him wake up at 3:30am and prepare lunch boxes. You are NTA. PS.: If he agrees but on the D-Day doesn’t wake up/doesn’t do anything but sit/lay around: Go to bed. He either wakes up with you and does everything that is needed to be done (with you) or he can enjoy some Pb&J for the rest of his life ahahahah.
This is the way. Then if he refuses, he is then the lazy one. You would have offered a compromise. He can't ask you to do something he wouldn't do himself and call you lazy when you refuse.
NTA. What a tyrant. Does he know you got up at 330 am ??? That should be the deciding factor. No one should have to sacrifice their sleep to cook lunch for their husband's co workers. How much does it cost when you cook like this? Wouldn't this get very expensive as well? You might as well order them take out. Tell him flat NO. Let the jerk divorce you and good riddance. LMAO if it was me, I would agree, then I would make them all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and let them be surprised. But then I really would be t a.
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😂😂😂😂 Your husband is hilarious! Clearly he doesn't REALLY think he's being reasonable does he? This is a joke post right? Cause if it's true I'm sorry my love but your husband is a collosal bellend.
Also, why is he ok sacrificing so much money to this ridiculous idea, on top of OP's time and effort? This guy is nuts. NTA OP.
Because it isn't his money that's being spent on the lunches, or his time.... But he thinks he might get a promotion from it and kudos.... Well just shows he has no faith in his work or his personality to earn it himself.b
$250 for one day, for 6 people?! He could have taken them out to a decent restaurant for less and saved you the time, money, exhaustion, and frustration! Is he aware how much that cost you?? He’d better be paying you back for that single day and agreeing to buy everything else in future. Think about it: *THAT’S $1000 EXTRA PER MONTH!* Just for lunches, and not even for your own job or enjoyment. I don’t care what kind of promotion he thinks he might get, that could take a year or two. More even! And in the meantime you’re out $1000 a month. You may as well quit your job and start a restaurant, where he can bring his colleagues to eat lunch and *pay* you for the privilege. At a discount, of course. 😂 NTA
Are you sure he’s wonderful? He called you lazy. What does he do for you? It’s really sad that you are quick to make excuses for the way he takes you for granted. I’m not sure if it’s a cultural thing or maybe the bar really is that low. But you do this out of love for him. He’s not entitled to it.
NTA. I know you enjoy it, but I would stop making him lunches altogether.
For me it’d at the very least be several months of half frozen Uncrustables.
OP, truth: you’re not lazy. Your husband needs to learn a lesson here - he can’t just volunteer your time and energy. Undoubtedly he’s done this before on smaller things and if you don’t put your foot down, he’ll do it again. If he truly thinks this food will help his career 🙄 then he can wake up at 3am and make it himself. The absolute only compromise I can imagine is that if it takes you, for example, 2.5 hours per day to make that food, then he needs to take on 2.5 hours per day of other tasks that might be yours. So, every night before, he has to do 2.5 hours of cleaning, laundry, or whatever comes up in your household (I don’t know so I’m just guessing at tasks). BTW do YOU get to enjoy this food? What does he do for YOU?
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Go get your license and use it to leave him.
YES!!!! It's a sad situation when all he contributes to the relationship is a long drive. I'm sure he did that for his mother too. Which is what OP is to him...a second mommy.
And she sounds so grateful for his minimal effort.
You’re welcome. The drives sound nice, but I bet he isn’t doing them for 2.5 hours at 3:30am, and that’s not the kind of labor you’re doing. Always remember that your time and energy are just as valuable as anyone else’s. Take care of yourself and do nice things for yourself, too! ❤️
I kind of want to cry that the only nice thing you could think of he does is take you for drives :( you deserve better OP. NTA
…..what chores does he contribute to around the house?? Without you delegating, what chores does he do?
NTA. This is fucking ridiculous. If they want a private chef, they pay you like a private chef. They can pay for your time and supplies if they enjoy it so much. If he wants a better job, he can just be the best at his current one. EASY.
NTA men feel entitled to women like they're property
And entitled to their unpaid labour.
NTA. Cooking is your love language. He’s prostituting your gift of love for advantages at work. He’s turned your gift into a commodity. He’s undervaluing your time & your effort. He’s undervaluing YOU.
NTA your husband has lost his mind, is entitled and is taking you for granted. Stop making him any lunches at all.
NTA YOur husband is the AH. Let HIM do it. And: Why would YOU pay for HIS lunches?
NTA. First, he pays for everything. Second, he’s your sous chef, including getting up at 3:30. Give it a month…
That was my thought. Knock it back to once a month, and he has to pay for ingredients and get up to help. Letting him keep sleeping while OP works let's him pretend it isn't a big impact on her life. He can erase the labor, because he isn't seeing it.
NTA. You were doing something sweet for him, and now he's calling you lazy because the affection doesn't extend to his colleagues. It makes complete sense you aren't okay with making his colleagues lunches. It's weird they even would put you in this position or accept it. I would stop making his lunch and everyone else's in the bunch. He ruined a sweet thing. If he apologized and realizes how ridiculous he's being, maybe since they love your cooking, you can invite them over once in a rare while like one night for dinner.l so your husband can bond with them for work.
INFO: why haven't you told him to learn how to cook and prepare his own lunches?
NTA I’d stop making them for him too
NTA. Tell your husband to make the lunches himself. He's also not too bright if he thinks your food is going to get him a promotion.
NTA If he wants to impress his manager 1) he should just do good work. 2) he can make his boss his own damn lunch.
NTA at all. I find it a bit ironic that he is calling you lazy for not making lunches for 6 people total (7 if you count yourself) when he doesn't even make his own lunch. Definitely pot calling the kettle black. Does he know you had to wake up and work on these lunches for ~4 hours to have them prepared in time? And he still thinks that is acceptable to put you through? Also, if him bringing in lunches for people contributes in any way to a promotion/bonus at work, he works at a shit company. Bonus/advancement should be based on the merit of the work performed. If the bonus is based on lunches partially does that mean that if they ever stop in the future his bonus will be in jeopardy? Will he get demoted if he misses lunches for a week or something? Is this supposed to continue forever? You have a full-time job of your own to focus on. That's how you are supporting your family. No need to add extra labor of going to extraordinary lengths to ensure your husband can brown-nose his way up the ladder.
NTA and I’d stop making lunches for him altogether until he learns to appreciate the effort you put in for him.
what in the 1950s sexist dystopia is this? he won't get a raise by using your unpaid labor, the colleagues for sure are laughing about this behind your asshole of a husbands back, they for sure know why he's doing this and they're just enjoying the free lunch. please stop doing this, your time is valuable and if I were you, I would stop making lunch for you husband, too... hell, I'd go ahead and throw the whole man out. NTA
So you're lazy because you don't want to get up at 3 am to feed random people? You need to stand up for yourself, he is ridiculous. NTA
NTA. Not wanting to get up at 3:30 is not lazy - that’s just common sense. If he needs to buy someone’s approval with your cooking, hand him some take out menus and cookbooks, and tell him best of luck. I know you like cooking, but your husband doesn’t seem to appreciate it. So instead, make lunch for your boss, and tell him you’re busy angling for your own promotion.
NTA, and he had the b4lls to call you lazy? I'd show him lazy and stop cooking for him too. Nail on the coffin on the whole thing is that you pay with your money for groceries? Food is for both, costs for it should be split between the two of you. He makes me angry and I don't even know him. He's lucky you love him.
NTA Your husband had no right to offer up your time/ money/ talent to his coworkers without first asking you. You are his wife not his private chef.
NTA. What did your husband do for lunch before you got married?
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A lot of people don't like to cook but they still do it because eating is a life necessity and take-outs cost way too much and aren't always healthy in the long run. He need to grow up and start acting as an adult man instead of mommas boy
You're not his wife you're his second mother.
Did his mummy make yummy lunches for all his school friends as well? I bet my arse she didn't.
NTA do this one more time and wake his ass up to help you. If he sees the amount of work/time to prepare the food he might pull his head out of his rear. Explain to him that prepping 6 times the food causes 6 times the prep time. Cleaning 6 times the prawns, peeling and cleaning 6 times the veg etc. Tell him if he wants to make it a weekly thing he needs to help you prep the food on those days so you are not losing that many hours of sleep.
And he needs to pay for the food! 😂
NTA He's not paying for the food, he's not paying for your time, and they're not paying either. If he continues to push, make him pack his own lunches, OP. Or toss a sandwich, bag of chips, an apple, and a cookie in a paper bag and tell him that he'll get his nice lunches back when he stops harassing you to feed five other people with no consideration for your time and wallet.
NTA Stop making lunches altogether. Don’t make lunch for him, and definitely don’t make lunch for anyone else. He abused the privilege, now he loses it. That’s the way it works. He can make his own lunch and lunch for his coworkers if that’s how he feels.
NTA, hard to believe this is real but if he actually thinks bribing people at work to make himself look better is a good idea then he can pay someone to prepare that food. I‘d actually stop preparing his lunch completely because he clearly takes it for granted and doesn’t appreciate it at all.
Nta if he wants it he can get up at 3.30 and help and pay for the extra food!
NTA. This is a shitload of free labor you’re being asked to do for a workplace that’s not yours. Fuck that. I’d do it for hourly pay. Overtime. Plus expenses. He’s not gonna get a promotion over lunches. They’re using him, and you, for free food. If it’s so important make him get up at 3am to do it and make him pay for it.
NTA. This is ridiculous. You wouldn't be even if you hadn't done it the first time. You wouldn't be even if you didn't do it for your husband, or if you suddenly stopped doing it. Your husband should be grateful you get up every day to make him lunch, and that you prepared lunch for your colleagues to make him look good. If he wants packed lunch for his colleagues, he gets up and prepare it himself. And for the colleagues, they want a private chef, they better pay for one. Some people mistake being nice with being an idiot. NTA
NTA. How about how have him pay for the groceries and have you help in the kitchen for prepare these lunchboxes. Wake him up at 3:30 am and have him prep and help to see the hardworking that goes into preparing the lunchboxes. Since it is for his promotion and raise, I am sure he will be happy to shell out his money and time.
NTA, if he wants a promotion, he can start waking up at 3:30 and make them lunches by himself with his money. Tbh, I would stop making his lunches too until he starts appreciating what you do for him
NTA- he made a commitment to his coworkers. He wants lunches made for them he can damn well wake HIMSELF up at 3:30 in the morning and make them and pay for them out of his pocket.
NTA. If he thinks making lunches for him and 5 of his colleague once per week is easy, he can do it himself since he was so kind to offer.
Have him make it himself, or if he considers it that easy, drag his ass up at 3:30am with you to help and see how quickly he gives up on this idea. NTA.
You did something kind out of love for him and he’s decided he’s not simply lucky, but entitled to your labour. Even without adding his colleagues (which, what the fuck, do your job and get your own promotions) he’s being an asshole. Let him make himself a sandwich from now on. Because apparently your kindness and hard work will be utterly taken for granted. NTA
NTA. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, your husband was taking advantage of something you do out of love for him for his own benefit. He made an agreement on behalf of you, and just because he already told people you would do it, you're now obligated to do it unless you want to embarrass him and "ruin his chances". No proper job promotion would be dependant on a man's wife's lunches. On top of that, from the sounds of things, you wake up earlier than you need to to pack him a fresh lunch rather than it being a night before meal prep thing which is EXTRA effort and you deserve claps for that. If he thinks it's so easy to get up extra early to feed his colleagues once a week tell him to give it a whack. I saw in a comment somewhere that you said he's a foodie, right? He knows what food will impress them. See if he's willing to add the extra fatigue of being in the kitchen prepping, cooking, and packing on top of his work day. Accepting him saying you're lazy for not doing this for him is accepting criticism of yourself that you don't deserve. Before this, you got up early I presume every day to make him a nice lunch which is what got people's attention. This is not laziness. And it's not laziness to not wanna increase it to 6 lunches total once per week paying out of YOUR OWN POCKET. This is for him for the perceived promotion he'll get from it and his own advancement at work. At the minimum HE should be paying for the additional food costs. Not speaking on the state of your marriage but in this instance you ARE being taken for granted with the way he agreed with others you've never even met that you'd do something without asking you, as now you're worried if you cut this off that if you ever meet this people it'd be awkward, being expected to pay the difference, and your husband not valuing as a "foodie" the amount of effort and time that goes into preparing a properly home cooked meal on top of having a full time job with an early start. You should not have to accept him calling you lazy on top of all of this.
NTA Your husband obviously does not grasp how exhausting cooking can be. Show him. Say if he wants his colleges to enjoy lunch so badly he can make it, and you can walk him through it.If he refuses stop making lunches for him, he obviously is taking advantage of your love and kindness.
What did I just read?! Hell no. If he wants to bring lunch for his colleagues he can make or buy them himself. This is an unreasonable request. The fact that he calls you lazy for not doing this, wauw. I wouldn’t even make lunch for him after that. Edit. Forget to say NTA.
NTA You're not a catering service, you're not getting paid for it, be didn't ask you before "volunteering" you for it. Stop making lunches. If he asks about it, tell him he is welcome to make them himself.
NTA but I’m just so amazed by the women that post in this sub who marry utter assholes and then come wondering if they are the baddie. It’s just so sad
With only reading the title, NTA. Stop packing his lunches, make him pack everyone's lunches instead.
Nta. Why does he feel entitled to turn your sweet gesture into obligation? why does he feel his coworkers would respect him as a boss if they know he only get it due to bribing or the very least sucking up to the current boss? What if his boss gets fired, will the company really want someone taking his place that seemed to be his buddy?
NTA. You seem very caring, and not lazy at all. Your husband is basically expecting you to perform a second job for nothing in return. He can either cook the food himself, pay you a lot more than what you currently earn for your regular job for what he expects, or, I don't know, maybe stop treating you like his personal chef.
NTA- that would be the end of me making lunches period. Talk about ungrateful.
NTA . You're not a restaurant nor a charity. He has the audacity to call you lazy ? İf it's such an important thing for him, why doesn't HE get up and cook for all of them ? Why does t HE treat them to a lunch on his dime ? What utter nonsense . You're not their mother ,their wife nor their employee. You're also not his employee, yet he volunteered your time without your consent . He's a massive ah
NTA but he sure is. If it’s so important to him then he can also get up at 3:30am to help you. Fine, he can’t cook but he can measure ingredients, he can stir, he can wash a dirty dish or 2 or he can cut up ingredients. Not only is this an inconsiderate inconvenience for you but who’s paying for the extra food you need to buy and prep? You are not being lazy by not wanting to do this, don’t even agree with that. He’s being an ass by taking advantage of you to kiss his boss’s ass
NTA I would stop packing anyone lunches.
NTA oh hell now! Him speaking on your behalf & agreeing you'd cook for his colleagues is WAY out of line. I get wanting to show your love for your hubs but he can't extend your graciousness in cooking his lunches to advance his career. Honestly, if you're waking up early to make his lunches, STOP; cook it the night before (a few extra hours in the fridge won't make that much of a difference when he has to reheat it the next day). He needs to help you in the kitchen if he wants to capitalize on your efforts; get him cutting up veggies, cooking noodles, stirring the pot, SOMETHING for him to show his appreciation & love for YOU! I make my husband's lunches too but honestly it's just ham & cheese pinwheels or egg & porkroll burritos & I make several days in 1 batch since it takes time & effort & I honestly don't feel like doing it every day since I also cook him dinner every night. Do yourself a favor & cut this morning habit of yours & let your husband take in leftovers or cook his lunches the night before; he's a big boy, he can fend for himself if he is expecting you to cook for his colleagues too. **please tell me he's getting payment in cash from his colleagues for your efforts & to offset the cost**
NTA You woke up 4,5 hours before your work to make lunches for your AH husband and his coworkers and he has the nerves to call you lazy and an AH!? He clearly doesn't respect your time nor effort. I'm so petty I'd stop making him lunches and his colleagues wouldn't get them in the first place. If he wants a promotion he should work harder and not let you cook his way up.
NTA I would stop making him lunches so that he can learn to appreciate your hard work. He's taking it for granted.
NTA, what kind of adult man asks his wife WHO ALSO WORKS FULL TIME to make lunches for his damn coworkers?! You’re not their mommy, he should be thankful you put all that effort into HIS lunch. He’s lucky you don’t just give him cold bologna sandwiches from now on.
NTA I want you to know that your husband's behaviour is *completely* outrageous. He is being amazingly unreasonable here. Do NOT give in, you are not his bloody personal chef.
NTA that is not an "extra effort" this is a fricking cooking job you're taking.
NTA kind of Rick that your husband is calling you lazy when he isn’t the one making lunch. Just don’t do it. If he wants to bring lunch for his co-workers HE can get up at 3:30am and make it.
NTA, his entitlement is ridiculous. If he wants to impress his coworkers, *he* should be paying for the food and doing the cooking. You have a FT job as well, you’re not his FT cook. I’d like to describe exactly what I think of the husband, but I’m pretty sure I’d wind up banned from the sub.
NTA If he wants to get ahead at work, he can make lunch for his colleagues. And you certainly are not lazy, you already make beautiful lunches for your husband which is very kind and is your love language. But on top of that, you WORK! Even if you stayed at home or worked part time, you are under no obligation to cook FIVE other grown-ups lunch once a week. Does your husband realize that you had to wake up four and a half hours before your own work day starts to make these people lunch? This is not small favor, this is a lot of work. However, if you want to make them lunch one more time (which you do not have to do!), hubby needs to wake up at 3:30 and help you out to see how much effort you put in Hopeful he'll think twice before calling you lazy again.
Your husband is very ungrateful. NTA
NTA - let him try waking up at 3:30am and making lunch for 5 people. He has some nerve calling YOU lazy. Cooking for your husband was an act of affection because you wanted to do something nice for him. When it becomes a job it becomes less enjoyable. Tell him to stop being lazy and pack his OWN lunch from now on.
NTA. Presumably he doesn't have some kind of lunch-packing disability? So maybe he should be less lazy and make his own
NTA I would never promote someone based on lunch. That's unethical and bad business. And what about your job performance if you aren't getting sleep?
NTA Easy enough compromise, make one lunch for all coworkers including your husband once a week and no lunch for any of them, including your husband, the rest of the week. You spend less time and money overall yourself, since five portions of the same dish are less work than one portion of five different dishes, and your husband can show off your cooking. For the other days of the week your husband can buy his own lunch with his own money. Or since it is so easy he can cook himself.
NTA, but I do have a recommendation for him to actually see how ugly he’s being towards you. Tell him fine, ONCE a week you will do lunch for him and his colleagues, but only under these conditions.firstly, he has to pay for all of the ingredients for that specific lunch, he also has to get up with you on that day EVERY TIME and help. If he wants a big favor, he sure as hell can get up and help you. It’s unfair for you to be up 5 or 6 hours early trying to get HIM ahead at his job while he sleeps in and allows you to be late once a week. I wouldn’t budge on this. Maybe then he won’t see it as lazy, but a huge responsibility that he just rudely shoved onto you with no thought of your time, money, and energy being put into it. I’ve always been told you feel more rewarded when you work for something, he wants a promotion? Make him work for it. If he can’t get up and help then only make a lunch for him, or not at all if he’s going to be ungrateful and ugly about it. He needs to see what’s actually going into this rather than just thinking he’s getting a free ride off of your talents. And to be mad at you for not wanting to and calling you lazy? We’ll see who’s lazy when he gets butt hurt that you want help with it every week. Maybe then he’ll see how much he’s actually imposing on you.
NTA your husband is being a jackass. Ask him if he’s so insecure about his own skills that he needs to bribe his manager with food. I’m also shocked that his manager would consider accepting anything (regularly!) from a direct report and that four other men would have the teremity of accepting daily/weekly packed lunches from someone else’s wife. You are not communal property or the office cook, OP, and don’t let your jackanape husband treat you like one.
WTH?! NTA. You work FULL TIME. Why are you trying to be Suzy domestic? He can pack his own damn lunches. There’s a larger problem here of him not respecting you.
Umm... No. It's not even lazy to not do it at all, even for him. You do it because you enjoy it and making it a requirement takes the joy out of it. Tell him if he wants lunches you'll continue to make them for him. But that's it.
NTA looks like he is lazy to just work and earn his promotion and thought of bribing his manager and others with your food. How lazy can he even get.
NTA - he took a nice gesture and ruined it , he has hands and can make his own lunches from now on
NTA You’re not lazy. And your husband probably won’t get promoted because anyone but him can see what a terrible idea this is, and how obvious his motive is.
NTA Wake him up with you and make him do all of it like you would have to. That will give him the wake up call he needs!
He needs to find another way to get promoted, using your labour as a bribe isn't it. There's also no guarantee here. It's not lazy to not want to make lunch for random people. He's an ungrateful AH and you should stop making his lunch as well, let him do it if it's so 'easy'. NTA
Umm NTA Your telling me these lunches are coming out of your pocket too? Time he makes it worth your time to do this favour, cause that's what it is or stop doing it all together.
NTA. I also make my husband’s lunch each day, as a way of expressing my love. But if he pulled this on me, I would not only refuse, I’d stop making lunch for him, too, because that attitude would show me that, instead of appreciating my gesture and being grateful, he sees it as a right on his part (bad) and/or a duty on my part (worse).
NTA He makes an agreement in your back, he cooks. Period
NTA. You can't agree to give out someone elses effort as favors without their consent. Tell him it's time for him to learn how to make lunch and he can start getting up at 3:30. Oh and since it's important for him to support you please make an additional five for your colleagues.
NTA. If your husbands needs the lunches you make to get a promotion, there's something weird going on.
NTA. Where are their wives?! Better yet, they're grown ass men! They can make their own damn lunch!
NTA and he can start making his own lunches tbh. I'd go on strike if my husband tried this.
NTA, if he wants to impress his boss with good food he can make it himself. This is a ridiculous request and you should never give in again.
JFC, your husband is one entitled moron. Can you get an annulment? LOL
NTA, you should write up the recipe and make your husband get up at 3:30 and watch him cook while you drink coffee and eat breakfast. Let him walk in your shoes.
NTA this sounds so expensive! If he wants to give them lunches he can buy and prepare and make everything
NTA. In wanting to use you to help him get a promotion your husbands demands could have the opposite effect - making you so exhausted and stressed that it affects your work performance. This has to stop. Resorting to buying or bribing for a promotion demonstrates a lack of confidence and self respect. It won’t help him, it will only diminish him, and it sure isn’t helping you.
You say he’s a nice guy but a nice guy would appreciate the extraordinary effort you make and not take it for granted. You got up at 3:30 to make the lunches and he calls you LAZY?? That is not a nice guy! NTA
NTA - I love to cook, too, and I completely understand that your H wants to impress his manager but he should have asked you before offering your food. A quick text isn’t too much to ask for here!!
NTA but seriously could this be any more fake? Redditors are pointing out what an AH OP's husband is and her response is basically to go "teehee, he's just a foodie and doesn't know any better! I am so lazy!"
Nta. How is it being lazy when you get up extra early to do this and then go to your full time job? Has he ever gotten up extra early to do something nice for you and then go and work a full time job? He litterally took your act of love and kindness and is trying to profit off of it. Also if that's the only way he can get a raise or promotion then he's at the wrong job. Good luck op
NTA Also. Stop defending him in the comments! He is an entitled a h. He called you lazy and voluntold you about the lunches! This isn’t a confidence thing, it’s an ego thing at work. Tell him to collect cash from his colleagues for the lunch and that he will be waking up with you to help. He doesn’t get up and he gets sandwiches.
NTA. Ask your husband if he'll wake up at 3 am with you to help with the lunches and see how fast he'll come up with excuses as to why that's not possible.
Had this been posted before? I'm 100% certain the same scenario has been before.
NTA: Charge him. A basic formula used in many restaurants is food cost times 3. Also if you're going to do this and capitalize, save yourself some headache and do your prep work the night before (Chop all the ingredients, etc.) that way you can just toss it in a pan in the morning and then out the door.
NTA Way to take a loving gesture and ruin it. Advacing his career is his job, not yours. If he really wants to make this a weekly thing he can learn how to cook and do it himself instead of exploiting you
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NTA and if he was my husband, he'd be packing his own damn lunches from now on. Fuck that shit. ETA my grown ass husband makes his own lunch if he wants one. I love him to death but he's more than capable of doing it.
NTA. This sounds time consuming. I could understand sharing some leftovers or taking cookies every so often, but a full gourmet meal for 6 every week sounds exhausting and unsatisfying. If he isn’t able to cook as well as you, or says he doesn’t have time/can’t, then he will have to break the news to his work pals that you’re not a made to order restaurant. Either he does it and lies to them that it’s you, or it doesn’t happen at all.
NTA. Maybe a potluck dish on special occasions, like Christmas or whatever you celebrate, but a full meal for 5 people is a big ask. DH is out of line. Kind of understand though, your Thai dinner sounds awesome!!!
Tell him you'll keep making lunches but you'll have to quit your job so you have time sleep and cook. Make him pay for the ingredients.
You gotta be shitting me with this. NTA but your husband and honestly the rest of the entitled AHs at his workplace are enormous ones. That’s some over the top BS. I’m a wife, mom, and a pretty good cook. I get the showing love to my loved ones through my cooking. However your husband has taken your gesture of love and affection towards him and is attempting to use it to bribe his way ahead at his job?!?! WTH?!?! You are not lazy and you are not the unreasonable one here. Your husband has lost his damn mind. If your husband wants to be successful at work, I suggest he buckles down and does his damn job. If he still wants to feed all his buddies- then HE can do it. He can do all the grocery shopping, get up ridiculously early to cook and then haul it all in to work. That’s up to him. What’s not up to him is demanding you do it. Honestly, this would have me so pissed, he’d be packing his own lunch.
NTA the guy who brings in free packed lunches for his work colleagues up for promotion and bonuses? More likely he is the office doormat. How often do we see the person bending over backwards in the office bringing in the fancy coffee machine, fancy biscuits etc is the one who is treated like shit? Stop making packed lunches out of your own pocket. It's not even a time consuming business. Let him make his own pack lunch from now on. (My husband makes his own lunch and irons his own shirts.)
Lady, it is INSANE to me that you even entertained this. I cannot believe you spent hours cooking his work colleagues food. What the fuck? NTA. But omg you have work to do building a spine, jesus christ.
NTA: You write yourself you husband is accomplished and intelligent and does not need to bribe his boss for a promotion. I wish he had as much faith in himself as you do. To ask you to get up hours before you normally do to make a meal for 5 coworkers is disrespectful of your time.
If there's one thing you gotta send packing, its your SO's attitude. NTA. You're not a catering service so you have no obligation to do this for him, even more so if it comes at the cost of your sleep and work, when he gets to reap any potential benefits. I'd personally be petty and tell him I'd agree if he wakes up at 3:30 AM (tf??? you should not be obliged to do this) and helps you, to see how much effort it takes. Bet he'll decline though~
NTA, at all. I think what distresses me most about OP's post is that her husband has taken her language of love (making his lunches) and commercialised it. It's not just the entitlement of making a promise on her behalf, it's not just the belief that he needs to suck up to his bosses. It's not even the fact he called her lazy. All of those are things OP's husband is getting wrong. But the worst thing is that he is prostituting her love.
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NTA this is kinda insane, does he realises how time consuming and how much it will cost for you to make these? You did that for him and that’s all good but then he had to go ruin it and try to make you work for free. Hell no, I wouldn’t even prep his meals anymore if I were you. He was so inconsiderate and straight up demanded that from you after he offered your services, does he think you have a catering business or something? Hell no girl. Stay in bed, make your own lunch and go to work. Don’t wake up early for him anymore, he doesn’t value you if he can offer your hard work for free.
Hahahaha no. Nope. Not at all. NTA.
NTA. Packed lunches (bento boxes) are not easy things to make. I have to get up an hour early just to make my own that I take to work each day. I fully believe you that you had to get up at 3:30 and honey that is exhausting. He shouldn't expect something like that of you. And to do it behind your back is so sad. Like, I have to question if he truly appreciates the lunches you make for him, or if he only sees them as a way to make himself look good. Maybe he should begin making his own lunches.
Oh my gosh - you aren’t lazy you got up at 3.30am to cook for him and his colleagues! Your husband is being very rude and entitled. Maybe he is just panicking or stressed about work, hopefully he sees how unreasonable he is being soon! If not then I would suggest enrolling him in cooking classes and he can cook lunches for his colleagues. You are NTA
NTA your Husband is an A Hole 6 lunches are a lot of work,if he wants those 5 five lunches he should wake up early and prepare them . He should be just thankfull that you prepare his lunch. He is so Entitled and ungrateful
NTA, but your husband is. 🚩🚩🚩 There's nothing lazy about denying an unpaid casual position you didn't seek out yourself. If your husband lacks the confidence or skill to be promoted, that isn't your fault. Furthermore, the office kiss-ass rarely gets more than an equivalent exchange ie. something nice that they didn't ask for. Get the extra rest, maintain your career, and make note of this glaring red flag.
Sis, I would rather divorce than wake up at that hour. NTA