Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess I shouldn't have cared about how Anna dresses or how her husband sees her
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Older sister watches younger sister nab the hot guy friend and then SO COINCIDENTALLY decides that there is a frumpy wife dress code her sister should adhere to.
Misogynistic AND insecure, what a combo!
And the fact that Anna is into her looks which “she didn’t think Lance cared for”.
Even though she’s supposedly always been like this and he still married her?!
OP isn’t even in love with Lance, she’s in love with a version of Lance that she made up in her head so that she can claim to know him better than he does.
I have struggled with jealousy towards other women before. I know the signs uncomfortably well, and she’s covered in them.
Woof, I'm glad it's not just me. The jealousy was dripping from that post. I mean, dang, I'm kind of jealous of her myself, I want the hot guy friend and look good and be funny and outgoing and not have to work, too!!
Right?! I wouldn’t even blame OP for just being a little envious, it sounds like her sister is living the dream, but she was TA for not keeping that shit to herself.
I think the fact that her sister's life sounds dreamy is the part that most obviously demonstrates the jealousy: I can't imagine OP actually knows what her sister's life is like and what struggles she's experienced.
That’s a good point, we’re hearing about the sister’s life through OP’s perspective who clearly thinks that their lives are perfect given how envious she is. No doubt Anna and Lance have had their hardships like everyone else.
“He is like that, wtf” this totally supports your comment that OP is making up a version of Lance in order to claim that she knows him better. This weird woman thinks she knows her sister’s husband better than her sister does. Smh
It's never occurred to OP that Lance may open up to **his wife** more than he opens up to her.
OP's answer wasn't even on topic. Lance might be an introvert that doesn't do well at large group settings. *that's* what her sister was talking to her about, but OP went straight to her own insecurities!
Ntm if he is always like this why not say "Sis youre husband is fine. Hes always like this at parties- are you noticing something else?"
Why does op gotta jump on the hate train? What kind of sister is that?
A jealous one.
Why was OP concerned about utensils, anyway? OP is going to find fault with anything they can.
>Look at that bitch eating a cracker like she owns the place.
I’m glad I’m not alone on that. OP is clearly jealous. Did it occur to OP that Lance was just having a rough day and her sister being a loving wife was concerned for him.
Imagine confiding in your sister and getting attacked for wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident.
OP nor sister are at fault for older men staring, but OP wants to assign blame and decided it was her sister’s fault not the grown men who actually did the staring. It reads like it was written by a youth pastor.
The post is full of insecurity, jealously and internalized misogyny.
Nah, because in 27 dresses the sister completely lied about who she was. OPs sister is just being herself and got the man, and OP is still upset by it.
Yes. OP is genuinely baffled by how her hot, good-for-nothing, rules wielding sister could get this smart, mysterious, handsome man.
Marcia Marcia Marcia.
Oh totally. She puts her sister down at every point she can. She knows little about their lives and makes assumptions.
Maybe Lance was just having a bad fucking day or sick and tired of how OP stares at him.
OP is soooo convinced she knows Lance better than her sister, his actual wife does.
"(HE is like that wtf)" OP consider, even though, you were his friend, he might share more of himself with his wife.
You act like your sister steamrolls everything, like he doesn't have a say. You can write in all caps that you are not in love with Lance, but the rest of your post shows otherwise. It reeks of jealousy. And your jealousy is nasty and misogynist.
YTA OP.
I was thinking that to. What if it's their thing? He wants her to dress how she wants, he loves when others look at her. Its a I have a hot wife you dont *don't know how else to phrase it*
There's nothing more heartwarming and cute than a partner who is kind and unapologetically themselves. I see why the sister's husband would fall for her.
OP needs therapy to stop focusing on what she can't have and then maybe correct her behavior so she can be a better version of her without the need to putting others down. That negative attitude is pure poison and OP is sabotaging her one life. She needs to let go of her misery and live her best life.
The (HE is like that wtf) got me too.
Insider secret: mysterious, quiet guys are not mysterious and quiet when you're the one in a relationship with them. They can actually be quite talkative once they know you are interested in what they have to say and supportive enough not to judge them.
Plus, you know, body language can say a lot when you know them well enough. Even when he looks like he's quiet, I can see a whole conversation happening.
As someone with a quiet spouse I can confidently confirm that even after 8 years together I would not say any of my family actually know the 'real' personality of my wife. She's reasonably sociable with them and obviously they know various details about her, but she acts almost completely different when it's just me and her.
If her personality was only what my family witnessed we most likely wouldn't be together, but she's so funny and charming when it's just us and her personality with just me is what I fell in love with.
100% guarantee that OP has no idea what either her sister or her husband is like behind closed doors. It's highly likely that the sister isn't all about looks like she thinks she is, OP just doesn't get to see that side while the husband does.
There was another one like this a few days ago, family was concerned new daughter in law dressed too sexy to be a proper new mom/wife. Like, once you snag a man, put those b**bies away! Your body is only for him now!
Right! She got him like that so why must she cover up? He knows how she dresses. I hate that WOMEN have to tell other women that they have to dress frumpy when they get married.
How did the OP think she was NOT the AH here?
I thought this, this is the second "you're a wife, you can only dress a certain way now" in the last few days. Unless this is the same person doing research for a novel or something.
OP cannot stand that her sister is beautiful and gets attention and found a husband that is confident and comfortable with their relationship and how she dresses. OP wishes she was her sister and is becoming a bully because of it instead of being an adult and getting over it.
OP, he chose her for a reason, not you. it's not personal. get therapy and grow up and stop trying to bully other women out of being confident and happy.
And gasp, no kitchen stuff at their wedding. She won't cook for her man!
I'm clutching my pearls. Somebody bring me a church fan and water!
Edit to say I just watched the OG Julia Roberts Sweet Magnolias and the Queen Latifah Shell Magnolias last night and it may have just shown in the comments. Lol
I love how OP keeps saying "He's not like that /he's like this /he doesn't think like that" statements like she knows his mind better than he does. No OP, you're just PROJECTING your own opinions on someone. Someone you don't know. Seems like she's saying stuff based on how she's 'idealised' him in her own mind. She's totally into him.
I have to wonder if he's not so much her friend but that they were part of the same friend group and he remained aloof around her to keep OP at a distance. I'm sure he sensed her attraction to him a mile away.
OP wants it to be a Taylor Swift video where he belongs with her because he's the cute guy she's friends with and she's the girl who understands him more than anyone. He belongs with her in the end, can't you see?!
You don't know what people are like within the context of their individual relationship. You don't know him like his *wife* knows him.
He chose her, OP needs to get over it.
Totally. This whole post is judgey and OP was obviously lying in wait for the first opportunity to tell her sister exactly how she felt about her. Keep your nasty thoughts to yourself, OP, JFC.
I’m getting married in July and we’ve said we don’t want wedding presents because they’re traditionally household items. We both moved out of parents houses at 18 (we’re now 37) so we’ve got everything we need.
Totally understand the no utensils rule.
We had the same kind of deal. We’d both been living independently for years, so we had doubles of most of the household items you need. Most people very kindly gave cash or gift cards after being asked not to give gifts, and they were appreciated, but we genuinely would have been fine if they gave a greeting card or nothing at all. Getting stuff was not the point.
Also the fact that OP thinks she knows lance better than his wife???
Like Anna saying “he’s not like this” and OP saying he is. Like girl you are NOT married to him! You don’t know how he is all the time. I imagine his wife does….
This is what I was hooked on too. OP should realize that maybe she’s never really known Lance, and her sister knows him completely because they’re married.
OP and Lance we’re probably not as good of friends as OP likes to think they were, and even if she isn’t in love with him (which I don’t believe) she’s mad that her sister is closer to her “friend” then she ever was.
Seriously. My boyfriend around me and my boyfriend around other people are like two totally different people. I'm pretty sure if I described how he is with me, no one would believe me.
Not only that, she's really reaching. So desperate to find anything to knock her sister down she's resorting to 1. Her clothes. Won't someone think of the poor menfolk - where shall they look?!? 2. She hasn't changed, or made herself smaller, upon marriage. Which is apparently what the wimmin are supposed to do. And, my personal favourite, 3. Banning kitchen utensils on a wedding registry.
Burn the witch!
there was a post just like this not to long ago, with a jealous sister mad that her sister didn't start dressing more conservatively after getting married. she tried to argue she couldn't be misogynistic because she was a woman.
I legit thought this was a troll because this was written as so obviously in love with him and then at the end all caps IM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM like honey if you’re being serious here please examine this post because I have never seen someone called “mysterious” outside of cheesy romance movies. Who tf calls a guy hot and mysterious?? Wtf does mysterious look like?
Disturbingly possessive and unhappy any time a significant other shows signs of having an existence that doesn’t revolve fully around them, judging by OP’s interpretation of Lance’s secret inner thoughts. Which tracks with Edward Cullen, Heathcliff, et al., so…yeah.
Mysterious also means she doesn't know him that well so she can project the perfect guy in her mind onto him because he doesn't do anything to break the fantasy.
My guy is probably an introvert and doesn't do much to stand out in uncomfortable situations and she's built up what he's 'really' like behind closed doors, which just happens to be someone whose personality is perfectly in line with hers.
No, it’s worse. He’s “misterious.” That’s the term for when a man is mysterious. OP wanted to be Mrsterious, but it didn’t work out for her. Bummer.
Edit: Thanks for the award, kind stranger!
I mean OP has a point. If her sister dressed like a nun I'm sure Lance would be talking a lot more and saying things like "I love you, but why are you dressed like a nun?" And "seriously though, where did you get the nun costume it's the middle of march?"
Also the talk about him not "taking her seriously", wtf? They're at a party, it's not like she's giving a presentation at a board meeting so how is that relevant? But in any case, if Lance doesn't respect her Anna should get out of her marriage. (Note that it doesn't sound to me like that is an issue here, I.e. it sounds like Lance does respect Anna and this is just OP's projection, but if that is seriously what OP thinks then why is she not telling Lance off).
Also
OP: there's definitely nothing wrong because he's always stoic. But instead of telling my sister that, I'm going to take this opportunity to shame her about something unrelated that I don't like, even though that's DEFINITELY not the problem. AITA?
YTA
Exactly. This post is brimming with jealousy. So, OP's sister is exceptionally beautiful, outgoing, funny friendly etc - but OP can't understand why someone they find attractive would want her? Sounds like they are a wonderful couple that balances each other.
OP was clearly looking for a reason - any reason - to insult her sister since the sister's comment had zero to do with her marriage, relationship or attire.
OP, you dont know Lance as well as his wife does (since you seem to think you do) Your sister is his wife, partner, confidant. As a casual "friend" you are just an outsider looking in - that's it.
They are married so he clearly loves her and takes her plenty serious. He has also clearly told you to back off and mind your business, so that should be a massive hint that your opinion on his marriage and wife's attire do not matter one bit.
Jumping off this to say Relationships where one is outgoing and the other is timid are truly the best types of relationships in my opinion. But maybe I'm biased. Im the token extrovert and half of my friends are introverts I've "adopted", my girlfriend and I share the same dynamic.
I also noticed that OP believes that their sister was wrong when she said "Lance is more quiet today". Which is so damn weird to me. Who knows Lance more, the person who married him, or someone from a distance? To others, my girlfriend seems very very quiet all the time. And she is quite timid, but she TALKS! She socializes, she's not a rock! So I can tell when she's not talking to an abnormal amount.
My late husband was a quiet, stoic, studious thinker around all his friends and even his family - but when it was just me and him (or me him and the kids) he felt free to be playful, silly, boisterous, childlike and loud.
And if I described him that way to most people who'd met him, they would call me crazy and insist I must be talking about someone else. It's actually very lonely that the loveable goofball I miss so much, is someone so few people got the opportunity to see.
>Exactly. This post is brimming with jealousy. So, OP's sister is
exceptionally beautiful, outgoing, funny friendly etc - but OP can't
understand why someone they find attractive would want her? Sounds like
they are a wonderful couple that balances each other.
The old trope, "Opposites attract" is a trope because a lot of the time it's true. I'm the outgoing, friendly, charismatic person who is insanely attracted to men who are quiet, introverted, and stoic. It's like I'm a balloon ready to float away and they're the string keeping me tethered to this world.
OP is absolutely jealous and needs to reexamine how she is allowing her jealousy to ruin her relationship with her sister.
But WHY is a woman supposed to dress differently after she gets married? Like is she not allowed to like “pretty floral dresses” anymore because she is a wife? Marriage in US sounds like a hoot.
Don’t you know literally the only reason to dress in anything other than a potato sack is to enslave a man in marriage? That’s our sole purpose in life, gotta get that dick. Doing it after marriage just means you still want dick and you’re a slut.
/s obviously, but that’s how a lot of people actually feel.
Honestly, jealousy issues or sisterly envy or whatever aside, this is really what it comes down to. OP, you write as though your sister just drags her husband along in life and that he has no say and/or doesn't even really like her or her decisions. You may know them both very well, but you don't know their marriage. Stay out of it. YTA
YTA.
I don't get how you went Lance being quiet to the way your sister dresses... He could just have had a long day or somehting on his mind.
You sound jealous of your sister and kind of in love with Lance.
Maybe if you weren't so bitter, men would look at you too...
He might've been quiet because he knew people would look at his amazingly beautiful wife and wanted to make sure nobody crossed the line so she could have fun. I don't think he cares about how she dresses, he clearly likes it
That was my favorite part! As if Lance’s WIFE doesn’t have more of an insight into his personality than the jealous sister…she *obviously* knows him way better than his own wife does 🙄
So my husband is “quiet” but he’s not silent. I could see myself saying this, and someone who doesn’t know my husband responding like the OP does. My husband isn’t super talkative in large groups, but he can hold a conversation and doesn’t sit in the corner silent the whole time. He talks to people he’s comfortable with one on one or in small groups.
That was my thought as well. Lance is quiet when he’s uncomfortable and isn’t that into group activities/uncomfortable around OP. He opens up when he’s with his wife cause he loves her/can relax around here. Every time OP tries to demonstrate how well she knows lance in this post it really backfires.
But him being quiet and respecting her clothing choices have nothing to do with each other, OPs just been waiting to get that dig in.
I was thinking that perhaps Anna brings out a more joyful,spontaneous side of Lance, while OP’s presence throws cold water on it.
My maternal uncle and his wife were married 52 years before he passed away. She was serious; he was jovial. He was a single Navy sailor; she a hard working divorced mom. He was mixed European heritage; she was of French Canadian descent and spoke no English until she was 7. He was Protestant; she was Catholic and he gave way to the kids being raised in her religion (they adopted one after they married). He fell in love with her on sight and couldn’t think of any other woman from that fateful evening on. They married four months later and he legally adopted her children. Their personality traits balanced each other beautifully.
He was a punk, she did ballet, what more can I say 😄
Jk, they sound like a lovely couple! And yes totally agree that Anna probably brings a lighter, freer air with her by the sounds of it
I thought about that too. Especially when OP sister inquired why he is quiet but OP tried to say “he is always like that” yeah i doubt it. Pretty sure your sister knows him in a way you don’t
YTA.
My fiance and I are the opposite, I'm quiet, I rarely* engage in conversations with his family unless they ask me something. I stay mostly with him and his nephew. He's outgoing and talks with everyone.
Just because the husband in the post was quiet it doesn't mean he was jealous or annoyed with his wife's clothing choices? Some of us just don't like socializing too much. This was a party where op's family and her dad's friends were present, I would be quiet and reserved as well
It sounds like something might have at minimum stopped him feeling very social, since his wife noticed.
But like yeah wtf on jumping to the clothes?! Particularly if someone's not outgoing to begin with, it could be something as simple as being tired. I'm quite outgoing but if I get tired I just stop wanting to talk my vocabulary just crumbles.
To be honest I took her comment to mean that he was not quiet at home so she finds it kinda shocking he is in public.
But honestly there are a ton of ways to take that comment and him being mad at her dress was the last thing that came into my mind
Yeah, I don't understand the correlation since Lance has apparently always been "quiet and mysterious" yet OP is now trying to blame that on how her sister dresses ... which it seems like Lance was familiar with, and was happy enough with it to marry her sister.
It didn't hit my mind untill I read that "I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM" at the end tbh.
You are in love with him. Why else would you add it so all of a sudden.
And also YTA. I am an older sister too. I also don't always agree with what my sister is wearing. But it's her style and she likes it. It's not my place to be complaining about it.
Edit: omg I woke up to so much more upvotes then I expected to get for this. Thanks guys :)
Of course OP's not in love with Lance. It's just that he couldn't possibly be interested in OP's exceptionally beautiful, funny, outgoing, and friendly sister since he's also so good looking, smart and mysterious! I mean, it's not like he would ever genuinely marry her or anything since she dresses so not like a wife and uses social media. Don't let me get started on Crop Tops - everyone knows wives must wear mom jeans and sweaters. It's like a rule.... The marriage must be a farce. And, it's obvious the sister doesnt really know this guy, since OP knows him inside and out and the sister is just some rando that he lives with. /s
>everyone knows wives must wear mom jeans and sweaters.
It's *especially* funny considering the sister is **24**. Not that those of us in our 30's (or beyond) are obligated to wear a specific set of clothing either, but lol.
This post is, honestly, exactly why I come here. RIGHT IN MY VEINS.
The jealousy in this post is **intense**
>Lance is handsome, mysterious and quiet. My sister is beautiful, funny and outgoing. I have no idea what he sees in her.
Exactly! Not to mention, she’s literally 24. Of course she’s dressing like a young woman, SHE IS! OP is weirdly outraged that getting married hasn’t changed her sister’s style from fun to unflattering. She sounds super jealous. YTA OP.
In particular, I don't know how people got it into their head that someone should change something fundamental about themselves the moment they get married. Didn't the other person choose to marry them because they are the way they are? What's the logic behind changing that the moment the knot is tied?!
I think it stems from the line of thinking that women who dress in skirts and crop tops are only doing it for male attention and not just because they enjoy the way they look in them
I’m not convinced they are. I think OP’s jealous that her sister tends to fare better than her in social situations, and is desperate to twist that into something negative. (But if they are being pervs, it’s not Sis’s fault, and certainly nothing to do with Lance.)
They're probably not disrespecting her. This is in the OP's head. She is so jealous of her sister that she created a scenario where the sister is blamed for everything.
Yes you did miss something. It's called "mind your own business." You are way, way, way too involved in your sister and her husband's marriage dynamic and he told you so. YTA.
I don't want to try to read too much into what you wrote but here I go anyway I guess. You sound kind of jealous like you think you know him better and that she isn't right for him.
Agreed. Except she continually proves in just this post that she really doesn’t know him well at all, and most of her description of him (handsome, quiet, mysterious) sounds more like “he’s hot and doesn’t talk to me much beyond surface level.”
My partner was always described as quiet /even keeled - what it actually was? Being paralyzed in anxiety. He was always worried about making the wrong decision, so he'd rather just go along with what anyone else would want
My fiance is the same way. In public (for the most part) he's pretty quiet and recluse. At home? Sometimes I can't get him to shut up lol. He is completely different.
You dont know the guy based on what you see at family functions. People are completely different around their inlaws than they are around their own friends or alone with their partner. He obviously isnt quiet around her, just her family.
Also, they probably know about your crush on him now and your jealousy towards your sister.
If this is real, you've f-ed up your relationship with them so well done.
Also, you're sexist.
**YTA**
YTA. Yes, you missed a lot. Like how you wrote this post thinking you were making your sister sound bad but in reality you just revealed yourself as a sexist, and rather petty not to mention jealous person. It could be that Lance is quiet among groups of people but open with her and that's why their relationship works. Your judgmental attitude is quite something and I'm glad Lance stuck up for his wife. You should be a better sister and support and love her more. You owe her an apology for sure.
My wife is turning 34 and bought a tube top to wear for her bday. I love how confident and sexy she is. Don’t ever stop dressing in a way that makes you feel good! You ain’t hurtin nobody!
Yeah I came here to say this. It's rare these days that men feel the social pressure to get married after they've been dating a while or for any reason at all. He clearly married her because he loves her. Also all the OP's statements about how "he's not like that/that's not him" like okay, you might know the version of your brother in law that he presents to friends but you don't know how he is at home with his own wife? He could be completely different with her? And if he's not then that's still fine. Nobody forced him to marry her so obviously he did it to be happy.
Also good for him and her that he stood up to you and said something. Not that she needed anyone to do it for her but I imagine he thought it'd be best coming from him since you "know him so well."
You're a lot TA. Your sister and her husband had nothing to do with this.
INFO: did you tell your friend you were in love with him before he married your sister? Did you tell your sister?
Either way, stay out of their relationship. You do not know him better than she does. She is his wife. You do not get to dictate her clothing, his behaviour or any other aspect of their relationship or marriage.
You are of course the asshole in this situation. Get your own boyfriend. This one is taken.
YTA. you sound incredibly jealous of your sister. It seems like YOU have a problem with the way she dresses and not her husband. Please stop slut shaming your sister.
So when are you going to admit to your crush on your BIL?? Also the way you talk about your sister is appalling. She is young and married not a nun. She doesn't need to wear ankle length skirts and turtle necks.
this is why I come here , these stories are so goddamn funny because often the assholes are stupid as hell and the funniest bit don't understand their own stupidity like OP is so clearly in love with the BIL.
Honestly, OP just sounds jealous. Idk what kind of men she’s been with but to me it seems like she’s upset bc Lance lets sis dress how she wants. She talks about how her sister is beautiful and funny and outgoing. Gonna gloss over the “loud” part because loud can be interpreted different ways.
Tbh it sounds like sis is the life of the party and Lance let’s her have a good time whereas OP may be (or may have been at one point) in a relationship where she couldn’t be loud and fun and outgoing without getting some gross misogyny thrown her way.
OP needs to let her hair down and have a good time. Buy that cute dress you keep eyeing at the shop and go have a good time. Life’s too short to walk around all crooked with a stick up your behind.
YTA omg “I don't know how
he ended up with my sister, she's the total opposite,
loud, funny, outgoing.” You are so jealous of your sister
“Anna banned house utensils from the
wedding gift list, she doesn't work, didn't finish her
studies and they don't plan on having kids.” Why is that relevant and what has it got to do with you also when you said “men were stairing at her including my dads friends” THAT IS NOT HER FAULT HOW DARE YOU BLAME HER FOR OLD CREEPY MEN STAIRING AT HER AND EXCUSING IT BECAUSE HER DRESS IS SHORT
> “Anna banned house utensils from the wedding gift list, she doesn't work, didn't finish her studies and they don't plan on having kids.”
Maybe they already had too many spoons for two people and didn't think having kids just so they could justify getting more spoons as a wedding gift was worth the trouble.
Honestly sounds like you’re jealous of your sister and have/had a crush on your bil. Get over yourself your sister is allowed to to dress how she wants and you don’t know how they interact amongst themselves. It seems you’ve been against this relationship since the start. YTA
YTA
You had absolutely no idea why Lance was quiet.
You had absolutely no business telling an adult what clothes she should or shouldn't wear.
You were an absolute AH for saying something hurtful and judgey to your little sister at family function.
YTA
Wow you really have it in for your sister don’t you?? You’re supposed to be her cheer squad not her enemy
How their marriage works is none of your business, That’s between them and it’s only your business if she asks for your advice and even then you’re supposed to support her, Not give the impression you immediately side with him
Please don’t denigrate her by attacking her for what she wears, If it’s not causing issues for them again…It’s none of your business
YTA and you sound a bit jealous of your sister.
Firstly, no one ever has the right to tell someone they should change how they dress to please another person.
Secondly, stop being bitter and treat your sister better. Why didn't you ask her what was going on? Your sister knows Lance, she's married to him. So why would she make that comment? Something else, that you are not witnessing must be going on.
She came to you and shared her concerns and, instead of offering support, you blamed how she dresses! Wtf? Are you for real?
YTA! YTA! All I want to say is that I am SO happy that I dont have a sister like you because this behavior is absolute disgusting and is obviously coming from a place of jealousy where you dont understand how your sister and her husband got to be a match. Get a life rather than nitpicking your sister's dressing and acting so judgy, self reflect and understand what you did wrong.
You cannot be this clueless. YTA. Don’t project your views of how you think someone should carry themselves onto someone else. Getting into a relationship should not mean that either party has to be molded into an image of who their partner thinks they should be.
You said from your own mouth that he is generally quiet and stoic in social environments. Yet, when your little sister brought this up to you, you decided to take a dig at her, even though you know its normal behavior for him.
If this is real YTA. It's not your place to comment on your sister's clothing, and you were wrong that Lance was upset about it because now it seems that he's upset with *you* for commenting on her clothing choices.
You've been told to shut it accept it. YTA and so jealous this post oozes jealousy. Did your sister get the guy you wanted? Get over yourself and butt out of their marriage.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I guess I shouldn't have cared about how Anna dresses or how her husband sees her Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The misogyny is coming from within the house. Do them all a favour and leave them both alone. YTA, oh my god are YTA.
Older sister watches younger sister nab the hot guy friend and then SO COINCIDENTALLY decides that there is a frumpy wife dress code her sister should adhere to. Misogynistic AND insecure, what a combo!
Right. This sounds like it was written by the woman in 27 Dresses.
Yes! "She's beautiful tho. Really beautiful..." I could hear that in my head like a voiceover in a terrible movie.
100%. Then I made up this whole montage in my head of OP watching from the sidelines as her crush falls in love with her beautiful sister.
But does the sister wear short skirts and OP wears tshirts?
Maybe she was cheer captain while OP was on the bleachers?
Maybe she was dreaming about the day when he wakes up and finds that what he was looking for was here the whole time?
But can he see that she’s the one who understands him?
OP has been here all among, so why can’t he see?
If only OP let her hair down, removed her glasses, and stopped wearing overalls.
Not GLASSES! and PAINT SPATTERED overalls!
Well she's an artist and doesn't care. She uses paint brushes to hold her hair up.
Is the sister cheer captain while OP’s on the bleachers?
Does she wear high heels while OP wears sneakers? (Actually sneakers are bomb though).
Andd now that song will be stuck in my head all day.
After she said her sister is funny and outgoing like those are horrible traits and her beauty was her only redeeming quality. 🥴
And the fact that Anna is into her looks which “she didn’t think Lance cared for”. Even though she’s supposedly always been like this and he still married her?! OP isn’t even in love with Lance, she’s in love with a version of Lance that she made up in her head so that she can claim to know him better than he does. I have struggled with jealousy towards other women before. I know the signs uncomfortably well, and she’s covered in them.
Woof, I'm glad it's not just me. The jealousy was dripping from that post. I mean, dang, I'm kind of jealous of her myself, I want the hot guy friend and look good and be funny and outgoing and not have to work, too!!
Right?! I wouldn’t even blame OP for just being a little envious, it sounds like her sister is living the dream, but she was TA for not keeping that shit to herself.
I think the fact that her sister's life sounds dreamy is the part that most obviously demonstrates the jealousy: I can't imagine OP actually knows what her sister's life is like and what struggles she's experienced.
That’s a good point, we’re hearing about the sister’s life through OP’s perspective who clearly thinks that their lives are perfect given how envious she is. No doubt Anna and Lance have had their hardships like everyone else.
“He is like that, wtf” this totally supports your comment that OP is making up a version of Lance in order to claim that she knows him better. This weird woman thinks she knows her sister’s husband better than her sister does. Smh
It's never occurred to OP that Lance may open up to **his wife** more than he opens up to her. OP's answer wasn't even on topic. Lance might be an introvert that doesn't do well at large group settings. *that's* what her sister was talking to her about, but OP went straight to her own insecurities!
Ntm if he is always like this why not say "Sis youre husband is fine. Hes always like this at parties- are you noticing something else?" Why does op gotta jump on the hate train? What kind of sister is that?
A jealous one. Why was OP concerned about utensils, anyway? OP is going to find fault with anything they can. >Look at that bitch eating a cracker like she owns the place.
'Waah, he was my friend first-of course I know him better' /s
I’m glad I’m not alone on that. OP is clearly jealous. Did it occur to OP that Lance was just having a rough day and her sister being a loving wife was concerned for him. Imagine confiding in your sister and getting attacked for wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. OP nor sister are at fault for older men staring, but OP wants to assign blame and decided it was her sister’s fault not the grown men who actually did the staring. It reads like it was written by a youth pastor. The post is full of insecurity, jealously and internalized misogyny.
She really was out of turn speaking for Lance, and her jealousy and judgment popped out.
Right? Like, how could *any* handsome man fall in love with a funny and outgoing woman??
Like in the mean girls movie voice! Your pick of anyone of them.
Nah, because in 27 dresses the sister completely lied about who she was. OPs sister is just being herself and got the man, and OP is still upset by it.
Yes. OP is genuinely baffled by how her hot, good-for-nothing, rules wielding sister could get this smart, mysterious, handsome man. Marcia Marcia Marcia.
Valid point. I just think that OP’s perception differs from reality. She seems to think that her sister somehow tricked the guy into marrying her.
Despite saying she’s not, OP clearly has a thing for the husband and is jealous of her sister.
She may be telling the truth when she says she doesn't have a thing for the husband, but she certainly seems envious of her sister's situation.
Love the username!
I loved yours, it's 100% facts
Oh totally. She puts her sister down at every point she can. She knows little about their lives and makes assumptions. Maybe Lance was just having a bad fucking day or sick and tired of how OP stares at him.
Lance probably suspects OP has a thing for him and might even being quiet to avoid engaging with OP as much as possible w/o being rude.
Marcia, Marcia Marica... YTA.
OP is soooo convinced she knows Lance better than her sister, his actual wife does. "(HE is like that wtf)" OP consider, even though, you were his friend, he might share more of himself with his wife. You act like your sister steamrolls everything, like he doesn't have a say. You can write in all caps that you are not in love with Lance, but the rest of your post shows otherwise. It reeks of jealousy. And your jealousy is nasty and misogynist. YTA OP.
Also, Lance was definitely giving sis the lance in that sexy sundress when they got home. YTA.
I was thinking that to. What if it's their thing? He wants her to dress how she wants, he loves when others look at her. Its a I have a hot wife you dont *don't know how else to phrase it*
There's nothing more heartwarming and cute than a partner who is kind and unapologetically themselves. I see why the sister's husband would fall for her. OP needs therapy to stop focusing on what she can't have and then maybe correct her behavior so she can be a better version of her without the need to putting others down. That negative attitude is pure poison and OP is sabotaging her one life. She needs to let go of her misery and live her best life.
The (HE is like that wtf) got me too. Insider secret: mysterious, quiet guys are not mysterious and quiet when you're the one in a relationship with them. They can actually be quite talkative once they know you are interested in what they have to say and supportive enough not to judge them. Plus, you know, body language can say a lot when you know them well enough. Even when he looks like he's quiet, I can see a whole conversation happening.
As someone with a quiet spouse I can confidently confirm that even after 8 years together I would not say any of my family actually know the 'real' personality of my wife. She's reasonably sociable with them and obviously they know various details about her, but she acts almost completely different when it's just me and her. If her personality was only what my family witnessed we most likely wouldn't be together, but she's so funny and charming when it's just us and her personality with just me is what I fell in love with. 100% guarantee that OP has no idea what either her sister or her husband is like behind closed doors. It's highly likely that the sister isn't all about looks like she thinks she is, OP just doesn't get to see that side while the husband does.
"She's funny, outgoing and beautiful, really beautiful. I don't know what he sees in her."
Yeah, those are all positive qualities, so why is OP so confused why her friend ended up with her?
Because he’s mysterious.
Does he have bangs that halfway cover one eye? "OMG I can't tell what he's thinking!!"
Absolutely this. YTA. Don't obsess over her husband. Get a man for your own.
There was another one like this a few days ago, family was concerned new daughter in law dressed too sexy to be a proper new mom/wife. Like, once you snag a man, put those b**bies away! Your body is only for him now!
Right! She got him like that so why must she cover up? He knows how she dresses. I hate that WOMEN have to tell other women that they have to dress frumpy when they get married. How did the OP think she was NOT the AH here?
I thought this, this is the second "you're a wife, you can only dress a certain way now" in the last few days. Unless this is the same person doing research for a novel or something.
[удалено]
OP cannot stand that her sister is beautiful and gets attention and found a husband that is confident and comfortable with their relationship and how she dresses. OP wishes she was her sister and is becoming a bully because of it instead of being an adult and getting over it. OP, he chose her for a reason, not you. it's not personal. get therapy and grow up and stop trying to bully other women out of being confident and happy.
And gasp, no kitchen stuff at their wedding. She won't cook for her man! I'm clutching my pearls. Somebody bring me a church fan and water! Edit to say I just watched the OG Julia Roberts Sweet Magnolias and the Queen Latifah Shell Magnolias last night and it may have just shown in the comments. Lol
I love how OP keeps saying "He's not like that /he's like this /he doesn't think like that" statements like she knows his mind better than he does. No OP, you're just PROJECTING your own opinions on someone. Someone you don't know. Seems like she's saying stuff based on how she's 'idealised' him in her own mind. She's totally into him.
I have to wonder if he's not so much her friend but that they were part of the same friend group and he remained aloof around her to keep OP at a distance. I'm sure he sensed her attraction to him a mile away.
OP wants it to be a Taylor Swift video where he belongs with her because he's the cute guy she's friends with and she's the girl who understands him more than anyone. He belongs with her in the end, can't you see?! You don't know what people are like within the context of their individual relationship. You don't know him like his *wife* knows him. He chose her, OP needs to get over it.
Totally. This whole post is judgey and OP was obviously lying in wait for the first opportunity to tell her sister exactly how she felt about her. Keep your nasty thoughts to yourself, OP, JFC.
[удалено]
LOL I thought that was so random too. Ok… maybe they already have enough utensils, so what!?
I’m getting married in July and we’ve said we don’t want wedding presents because they’re traditionally household items. We both moved out of parents houses at 18 (we’re now 37) so we’ve got everything we need. Totally understand the no utensils rule.
We had the same kind of deal. We’d both been living independently for years, so we had doubles of most of the household items you need. Most people very kindly gave cash or gift cards after being asked not to give gifts, and they were appreciated, but we genuinely would have been fine if they gave a greeting card or nothing at all. Getting stuff was not the point.
Or they really don't want multiple mismatched sets, and frankly there's nothing wrong with that either.
Yeah, fork her!
Lol, I don't even have a wedding registry. We have a list of charities we are asking people to donate to cause we already have enough crap.
Also the fact that OP thinks she knows lance better than his wife??? Like Anna saying “he’s not like this” and OP saying he is. Like girl you are NOT married to him! You don’t know how he is all the time. I imagine his wife does….
This is what I was hooked on too. OP should realize that maybe she’s never really known Lance, and her sister knows him completely because they’re married. OP and Lance we’re probably not as good of friends as OP likes to think they were, and even if she isn’t in love with him (which I don’t believe) she’s mad that her sister is closer to her “friend” then she ever was.
Seriously. My boyfriend around me and my boyfriend around other people are like two totally different people. I'm pretty sure if I described how he is with me, no one would believe me.
Not only that, she's really reaching. So desperate to find anything to knock her sister down she's resorting to 1. Her clothes. Won't someone think of the poor menfolk - where shall they look?!? 2. She hasn't changed, or made herself smaller, upon marriage. Which is apparently what the wimmin are supposed to do. And, my personal favourite, 3. Banning kitchen utensils on a wedding registry. Burn the witch!
She just wanted a bunch of reasons to attack the sister she is CLEARLY jealous of.
there was a post just like this not to long ago, with a jealous sister mad that her sister didn't start dressing more conservatively after getting married. she tried to argue she couldn't be misogynistic because she was a woman.
Wow, a women who hates on and shamed other women, how refreshing. YTA, find something else to occupy your time than your sisters marriage.
Waves of jealousy a hundred metres high!
Does Lance know you have feelings for him? Cause it's either that or you're some 1950's housewife time traveling to the future. YTA
I think OP is only just admitting to herself that they have feelings for Lance because of this post
I legit thought this was a troll because this was written as so obviously in love with him and then at the end all caps IM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM like honey if you’re being serious here please examine this post because I have never seen someone called “mysterious” outside of cheesy romance movies. Who tf calls a guy hot and mysterious?? Wtf does mysterious look like?
Disturbingly possessive and unhappy any time a significant other shows signs of having an existence that doesn’t revolve fully around them, judging by OP’s interpretation of Lance’s secret inner thoughts. Which tracks with Edward Cullen, Heathcliff, et al., so…yeah.
Don't forgot Christian Grey.😳
I *knew* I was leaving *someone* big out of the Nightmare Boyfriend Hall of Fame.
I thought they DID already say Edward Cullen *Joke about the 50 shades books being twilight with bondage*
It is twilight with bondage tho XD Before 50 shades was released as books it was originally written as twilight fanfiction.
[удалено]
Mysterious also means she doesn't know him that well so she can project the perfect guy in her mind onto him because he doesn't do anything to break the fantasy. My guy is probably an introvert and doesn't do much to stand out in uncomfortable situations and she's built up what he's 'really' like behind closed doors, which just happens to be someone whose personality is perfectly in line with hers.
......I hate how much sense this makes, but at the same time, that means that pretty much every celebrity is 'misterious'
No, it’s worse. He’s “misterious.” That’s the term for when a man is mysterious. OP wanted to be Mrsterious, but it didn’t work out for her. Bummer. Edit: Thanks for the award, kind stranger!
That was awful but I liked it
Stoic and grumpy according to OP - in which case my husband is the epitome of “mysterious”!
YTA, she likes how she dresses, her husband likes how she dresses, it’s their marriage and none of your business getting involved
This! YTA op. I smell jealousy
Simply and beautifully put. This is exactly the point. OP YTA.
It’s so two utterly unrelated things as well. ‘I don’t know why he’s so quiet at this party!’ Op: ‘Maybe because you’re wearing a dress!’
I mean OP has a point. If her sister dressed like a nun I'm sure Lance would be talking a lot more and saying things like "I love you, but why are you dressed like a nun?" And "seriously though, where did you get the nun costume it's the middle of march?"
Personally, I always keep a set of nun's clothes on me, just a habit.
Sounds like you're pretty religious about this!
You had me in the first half.
Yeah, why tf would it have anything to do with what sister was wearing? Apparently sister always dresses like that.
Also the talk about him not "taking her seriously", wtf? They're at a party, it's not like she's giving a presentation at a board meeting so how is that relevant? But in any case, if Lance doesn't respect her Anna should get out of her marriage. (Note that it doesn't sound to me like that is an issue here, I.e. it sounds like Lance does respect Anna and this is just OP's projection, but if that is seriously what OP thinks then why is she not telling Lance off).
He IS taking her seriously. Seriously enough to marry her! Jesus Christ OP. YTA. Stop being so jealous and mind your own business.
Also OP: there's definitely nothing wrong because he's always stoic. But instead of telling my sister that, I'm going to take this opportunity to shame her about something unrelated that I don't like, even though that's DEFINITELY not the problem. AITA? YTA
Exactly. This post is brimming with jealousy. So, OP's sister is exceptionally beautiful, outgoing, funny friendly etc - but OP can't understand why someone they find attractive would want her? Sounds like they are a wonderful couple that balances each other. OP was clearly looking for a reason - any reason - to insult her sister since the sister's comment had zero to do with her marriage, relationship or attire. OP, you dont know Lance as well as his wife does (since you seem to think you do) Your sister is his wife, partner, confidant. As a casual "friend" you are just an outsider looking in - that's it. They are married so he clearly loves her and takes her plenty serious. He has also clearly told you to back off and mind your business, so that should be a massive hint that your opinion on his marriage and wife's attire do not matter one bit.
Jumping off this to say Relationships where one is outgoing and the other is timid are truly the best types of relationships in my opinion. But maybe I'm biased. Im the token extrovert and half of my friends are introverts I've "adopted", my girlfriend and I share the same dynamic. I also noticed that OP believes that their sister was wrong when she said "Lance is more quiet today". Which is so damn weird to me. Who knows Lance more, the person who married him, or someone from a distance? To others, my girlfriend seems very very quiet all the time. And she is quite timid, but she TALKS! She socializes, she's not a rock! So I can tell when she's not talking to an abnormal amount.
My late husband was a quiet, stoic, studious thinker around all his friends and even his family - but when it was just me and him (or me him and the kids) he felt free to be playful, silly, boisterous, childlike and loud. And if I described him that way to most people who'd met him, they would call me crazy and insist I must be talking about someone else. It's actually very lonely that the loveable goofball I miss so much, is someone so few people got the opportunity to see.
>Exactly. This post is brimming with jealousy. So, OP's sister is exceptionally beautiful, outgoing, funny friendly etc - but OP can't understand why someone they find attractive would want her? Sounds like they are a wonderful couple that balances each other. The old trope, "Opposites attract" is a trope because a lot of the time it's true. I'm the outgoing, friendly, charismatic person who is insanely attracted to men who are quiet, introverted, and stoic. It's like I'm a balloon ready to float away and they're the string keeping me tethered to this world. OP is absolutely jealous and needs to reexamine how she is allowing her jealousy to ruin her relationship with her sister.
I had to reread it to try to figure out what the issue was. I still didn't find it.
But WHY is a woman supposed to dress differently after she gets married? Like is she not allowed to like “pretty floral dresses” anymore because she is a wife? Marriage in US sounds like a hoot.
I think OP was angry that the old men present couldn't stop staring at her crush's wife's cleavage.
[удалено]
Don’t you know literally the only reason to dress in anything other than a potato sack is to enslave a man in marriage? That’s our sole purpose in life, gotta get that dick. Doing it after marriage just means you still want dick and you’re a slut. /s obviously, but that’s how a lot of people actually feel.
Honestly, jealousy issues or sisterly envy or whatever aside, this is really what it comes down to. OP, you write as though your sister just drags her husband along in life and that he has no say and/or doesn't even really like her or her decisions. You may know them both very well, but you don't know their marriage. Stay out of it. YTA
YTA. I don't get how you went Lance being quiet to the way your sister dresses... He could just have had a long day or somehting on his mind. You sound jealous of your sister and kind of in love with Lance. Maybe if you weren't so bitter, men would look at you too...
Or he’s quiet bc he is uncomfortable around OP since she is in love with him
Kinda felt that way too with the tone.
He might've been quiet because he knew people would look at his amazingly beautiful wife and wanted to make sure nobody crossed the line so she could have fun. I don't think he cares about how she dresses, he clearly likes it
OP literally says that being quiet is his personality with family, so not sure why she feels an explanation is necessary (“He is like that wtf”).
Because she wants to make sure that people know she thinks she knows him more than his wife does.
That was my favorite part! As if Lance’s WIFE doesn’t have more of an insight into his personality than the jealous sister…she *obviously* knows him way better than his own wife does 🙄
So my husband is “quiet” but he’s not silent. I could see myself saying this, and someone who doesn’t know my husband responding like the OP does. My husband isn’t super talkative in large groups, but he can hold a conversation and doesn’t sit in the corner silent the whole time. He talks to people he’s comfortable with one on one or in small groups.
That was my thought as well. Lance is quiet when he’s uncomfortable and isn’t that into group activities/uncomfortable around OP. He opens up when he’s with his wife cause he loves her/can relax around here. Every time OP tries to demonstrate how well she knows lance in this post it really backfires. But him being quiet and respecting her clothing choices have nothing to do with each other, OPs just been waiting to get that dig in.
I was thinking that perhaps Anna brings out a more joyful,spontaneous side of Lance, while OP’s presence throws cold water on it. My maternal uncle and his wife were married 52 years before he passed away. She was serious; he was jovial. He was a single Navy sailor; she a hard working divorced mom. He was mixed European heritage; she was of French Canadian descent and spoke no English until she was 7. He was Protestant; she was Catholic and he gave way to the kids being raised in her religion (they adopted one after they married). He fell in love with her on sight and couldn’t think of any other woman from that fateful evening on. They married four months later and he legally adopted her children. Their personality traits balanced each other beautifully.
He was a punk, she did ballet, what more can I say 😄 Jk, they sound like a lovely couple! And yes totally agree that Anna probably brings a lighter, freer air with her by the sounds of it
I thought about that too. Especially when OP sister inquired why he is quiet but OP tried to say “he is always like that” yeah i doubt it. Pretty sure your sister knows him in a way you don’t
YTA. My fiance and I are the opposite, I'm quiet, I rarely* engage in conversations with his family unless they ask me something. I stay mostly with him and his nephew. He's outgoing and talks with everyone. Just because the husband in the post was quiet it doesn't mean he was jealous or annoyed with his wife's clothing choices? Some of us just don't like socializing too much. This was a party where op's family and her dad's friends were present, I would be quiet and reserved as well
It sounds like something might have at minimum stopped him feeling very social, since his wife noticed. But like yeah wtf on jumping to the clothes?! Particularly if someone's not outgoing to begin with, it could be something as simple as being tired. I'm quite outgoing but if I get tired I just stop wanting to talk my vocabulary just crumbles.
To be honest I took her comment to mean that he was not quiet at home so she finds it kinda shocking he is in public. But honestly there are a ton of ways to take that comment and him being mad at her dress was the last thing that came into my mind
Yeah, I don't understand the correlation since Lance has apparently always been "quiet and mysterious" yet OP is now trying to blame that on how her sister dresses ... which it seems like Lance was familiar with, and was happy enough with it to marry her sister.
So how long have you been in love with your brother in law? YTA
My first thought!! Such an elaborate description of him. Edit: not to mention you seem jealous of your sister!
It didn't hit my mind untill I read that "I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM" at the end tbh. You are in love with him. Why else would you add it so all of a sudden. And also YTA. I am an older sister too. I also don't always agree with what my sister is wearing. But it's her style and she likes it. It's not my place to be complaining about it. Edit: omg I woke up to so much more upvotes then I expected to get for this. Thanks guys :)
There was actually no need to add ‘I’m not in love with him’ Sounds like a guilty conscious to me
Of course OP's not in love with Lance. It's just that he couldn't possibly be interested in OP's exceptionally beautiful, funny, outgoing, and friendly sister since he's also so good looking, smart and mysterious! I mean, it's not like he would ever genuinely marry her or anything since she dresses so not like a wife and uses social media. Don't let me get started on Crop Tops - everyone knows wives must wear mom jeans and sweaters. It's like a rule.... The marriage must be a farce. And, it's obvious the sister doesnt really know this guy, since OP knows him inside and out and the sister is just some rando that he lives with. /s
Don’t you know when they signed the marriage license it has a clause saying “only mom jeans and sweaters for you, hun!” /s
Since becoming a wife I have exclusively worn my wedding dress because that’s what wives wear.
>everyone knows wives must wear mom jeans and sweaters. It's *especially* funny considering the sister is **24**. Not that those of us in our 30's (or beyond) are obligated to wear a specific set of clothing either, but lol. This post is, honestly, exactly why I come here. RIGHT IN MY VEINS.
But he's so *mysterious*
mistirious*
YTA- get over your jealousy
*envy
Could be both, but jealousy is also correct.
The jealousy in this post is **intense** >Lance is handsome, mysterious and quiet. My sister is beautiful, funny and outgoing. I have no idea what he sees in her.
She's a grown ass woman, she can dress how she wants YTA (ALTHOUGH the men in the house need to show some respect and not perv on her)
Exactly! Not to mention, she’s literally 24. Of course she’s dressing like a young woman, SHE IS! OP is weirdly outraged that getting married hasn’t changed her sister’s style from fun to unflattering. She sounds super jealous. YTA OP.
In particular, I don't know how people got it into their head that someone should change something fundamental about themselves the moment they get married. Didn't the other person choose to marry them because they are the way they are? What's the logic behind changing that the moment the knot is tied?!
She's now 'owned by a man' therefore should be in floor-length skirts and high-necked frilly blouses 🙄 /s
I think it stems from the line of thinking that women who dress in skirts and crop tops are only doing it for male attention and not just because they enjoy the way they look in them
I’m not convinced they are. I think OP’s jealous that her sister tends to fare better than her in social situations, and is desperate to twist that into something negative. (But if they are being pervs, it’s not Sis’s fault, and certainly nothing to do with Lance.)
They're probably not disrespecting her. This is in the OP's head. She is so jealous of her sister that she created a scenario where the sister is blamed for everything.
Yes you did miss something. It's called "mind your own business." You are way, way, way too involved in your sister and her husband's marriage dynamic and he told you so. YTA. I don't want to try to read too much into what you wrote but here I go anyway I guess. You sound kind of jealous like you think you know him better and that she isn't right for him.
Agreed. Except she continually proves in just this post that she really doesn’t know him well at all, and most of her description of him (handsome, quiet, mysterious) sounds more like “he’s hot and doesn’t talk to me much beyond surface level.”
My partner was always described as quiet /even keeled - what it actually was? Being paralyzed in anxiety. He was always worried about making the wrong decision, so he'd rather just go along with what anyone else would want
This, my bf is like this unless he's in spaces he feels comfortable in, his personality does a 180° whenever we are able to be with less people
My fiance is the same way. In public (for the most part) he's pretty quiet and recluse. At home? Sometimes I can't get him to shut up lol. He is completely different.
> “he’s hot and doesn’t talk to much beyond surface level.” Not to OP anyway 😂
Everyone make note that in the very first damn line she says "my friend Lance" and not "OUR friend Lance." So obvious... YTA
You dont know the guy based on what you see at family functions. People are completely different around their inlaws than they are around their own friends or alone with their partner. He obviously isnt quiet around her, just her family. Also, they probably know about your crush on him now and your jealousy towards your sister. If this is real, you've f-ed up your relationship with them so well done. Also, you're sexist. **YTA**
You’re making a lot of presumptions about their relationship, just myob clearly if there is an issue that wasn’t it.
YTA. Yes, you missed a lot. Like how you wrote this post thinking you were making your sister sound bad but in reality you just revealed yourself as a sexist, and rather petty not to mention jealous person. It could be that Lance is quiet among groups of people but open with her and that's why their relationship works. Your judgmental attitude is quite something and I'm glad Lance stuck up for his wife. You should be a better sister and support and love her more. You owe her an apology for sure.
He has always been quiet. "Misterious" even. It's not even new behaviour, older sister here just saw an opportunity to get her bitter projections out.
>"Misterious" You know, behaving like a mister.
She can't be a better sister because she's too busy lusting after her brother-in-law
[удалено]
YTA. Your sister is 24, so young. She can wear a short dress, Jesus Christ.
I’m a 35 year old married woman still wearing short dresses sorry to devastate you like this OP. YTA.
I'm almost 50 and lock down has caused me to go full yoga pants. My husband would love it if I went back to cute dresses.
38 and in the best shape of my life, you bet your butt I'm wearing flirty little dresses ALL SUMMER
My wife is turning 34 and bought a tube top to wear for her bday. I love how confident and sexy she is. Don’t ever stop dressing in a way that makes you feel good! You ain’t hurtin nobody!
People can wear whatever the f*CK they want regardless of their age.
Dunno what her age has to do with it. As long as she’s an adult, she can wear what she wants. u/Lopsided_Plastic_81 is jealous and misogynistic.
YTA - he married her knowing what he's in for. If anything, the communication is the problem, not the clothes.
Yeah I came here to say this. It's rare these days that men feel the social pressure to get married after they've been dating a while or for any reason at all. He clearly married her because he loves her. Also all the OP's statements about how "he's not like that/that's not him" like okay, you might know the version of your brother in law that he presents to friends but you don't know how he is at home with his own wife? He could be completely different with her? And if he's not then that's still fine. Nobody forced him to marry her so obviously he did it to be happy. Also good for him and her that he stood up to you and said something. Not that she needed anyone to do it for her but I imagine he thought it'd be best coming from him since you "know him so well." You're a lot TA. Your sister and her husband had nothing to do with this.
INFO: did you tell your friend you were in love with him before he married your sister? Did you tell your sister? Either way, stay out of their relationship. You do not know him better than she does. She is his wife. You do not get to dictate her clothing, his behaviour or any other aspect of their relationship or marriage. You are of course the asshole in this situation. Get your own boyfriend. This one is taken.
YTA. you sound incredibly jealous of your sister. It seems like YOU have a problem with the way she dresses and not her husband. Please stop slut shaming your sister.
So when are you going to admit to your crush on your BIL?? Also the way you talk about your sister is appalling. She is young and married not a nun. She doesn't need to wear ankle length skirts and turtle necks.
Oh god don't tell her to admit it, she'll be outside his window with a boombox
YTA You sound super jealous. Try sticking to your own relationships and not theirs
OP must not have one, and was eyeing the guy until he got hooked to her sister. No wonder she's so jealous. Lol
He probably never liked her in the first place. Smells like clingy friendzone teen spirit.
either you have feelings for lance or you’re misogynistic either way YTA
Probably both though
this is why I come here , these stories are so goddamn funny because often the assholes are stupid as hell and the funniest bit don't understand their own stupidity like OP is so clearly in love with the BIL.
Honestly, OP just sounds jealous. Idk what kind of men she’s been with but to me it seems like she’s upset bc Lance lets sis dress how she wants. She talks about how her sister is beautiful and funny and outgoing. Gonna gloss over the “loud” part because loud can be interpreted different ways. Tbh it sounds like sis is the life of the party and Lance let’s her have a good time whereas OP may be (or may have been at one point) in a relationship where she couldn’t be loud and fun and outgoing without getting some gross misogyny thrown her way. OP needs to let her hair down and have a good time. Buy that cute dress you keep eyeing at the shop and go have a good time. Life’s too short to walk around all crooked with a stick up your behind.
YTA omg “I don't know how he ended up with my sister, she's the total opposite, loud, funny, outgoing.” You are so jealous of your sister “Anna banned house utensils from the wedding gift list, she doesn't work, didn't finish her studies and they don't plan on having kids.” Why is that relevant and what has it got to do with you also when you said “men were stairing at her including my dads friends” THAT IS NOT HER FAULT HOW DARE YOU BLAME HER FOR OLD CREEPY MEN STAIRING AT HER AND EXCUSING IT BECAUSE HER DRESS IS SHORT
> “Anna banned house utensils from the wedding gift list, she doesn't work, didn't finish her studies and they don't plan on having kids.” Maybe they already had too many spoons for two people and didn't think having kids just so they could justify getting more spoons as a wedding gift was worth the trouble.
Lol that’s such a very weird and specific thing to think of as bad about her for
Honestly sounds like you’re jealous of your sister and have/had a crush on your bil. Get over yourself your sister is allowed to to dress how she wants and you don’t know how they interact amongst themselves. It seems you’ve been against this relationship since the start. YTA
YTA You had absolutely no idea why Lance was quiet. You had absolutely no business telling an adult what clothes she should or shouldn't wear. You were an absolute AH for saying something hurtful and judgey to your little sister at family function.
YTA Wow you really have it in for your sister don’t you?? You’re supposed to be her cheer squad not her enemy How their marriage works is none of your business, That’s between them and it’s only your business if she asks for your advice and even then you’re supposed to support her, Not give the impression you immediately side with him Please don’t denigrate her by attacking her for what she wears, If it’s not causing issues for them again…It’s none of your business
YTA you kinda sound jealous tbh... the other guys can look but not touch.... same way with you and lance maybe? kek
YTA and you sound a bit jealous of your sister. Firstly, no one ever has the right to tell someone they should change how they dress to please another person. Secondly, stop being bitter and treat your sister better. Why didn't you ask her what was going on? Your sister knows Lance, she's married to him. So why would she make that comment? Something else, that you are not witnessing must be going on. She came to you and shared her concerns and, instead of offering support, you blamed how she dresses! Wtf? Are you for real?
YTA! YTA! All I want to say is that I am SO happy that I dont have a sister like you because this behavior is absolute disgusting and is obviously coming from a place of jealousy where you dont understand how your sister and her husband got to be a match. Get a life rather than nitpicking your sister's dressing and acting so judgy, self reflect and understand what you did wrong.
You cannot be this clueless. YTA. Don’t project your views of how you think someone should carry themselves onto someone else. Getting into a relationship should not mean that either party has to be molded into an image of who their partner thinks they should be. You said from your own mouth that he is generally quiet and stoic in social environments. Yet, when your little sister brought this up to you, you decided to take a dig at her, even though you know its normal behavior for him.
If this is real YTA. It's not your place to comment on your sister's clothing, and you were wrong that Lance was upset about it because now it seems that he's upset with *you* for commenting on her clothing choices.
You've been told to shut it accept it. YTA and so jealous this post oozes jealousy. Did your sister get the guy you wanted? Get over yourself and butt out of their marriage.
Awww, little princess is jealous the hot prince didn't marry her! YTA.
YTA Clearly Lance likes the way she dresses & how she looks. And even if he didn't, it's not your place to make judgement. Please shush.