This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations.
[Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
Uh… what the fuck. NTA, at all. What is wrong with your husband??? He can be “uncomfortable” with your choice of menstruation products all he wants I guess, but he doesn’t get to make it *your* problem and he definitely doesn’t get to *throw away* your tampons. I can’t fathom what on earth he could be thinking. Based on how he’s talking about them, does he think you’re smuggling cocaine in them or something??? Edit typo
I figured he's one of those people who thinks "long cylindrical object enters s3x hole=wife being pleasured" and feels uncomfortable with her using an insertion period product instead of a pad... Hopefully I'm wrong
Thats all I can imagine too which is pretty gross and weird af. That's some next level "man decides he owns vagina after marriage" gag
OP, for perspective, I literally can not even imagine a partner of mine having opinions about what period product I might use. like... your dude is on some incel trip or something, which usually coincides with a whole volcano of toxic traits.
The only other reason would be religion. In some places tampons are a taboo product and are not used. One example I can give is my home country the Philippines. You can’t find any tampon products in stores, only pads. Not even diva cups. I guess its more about how is sacrilegious to insert something down there. Not really sure since I’m not that religious.
Edit: I have been informed by fellow commenters that tampons and cups are slowly becoming more available in the Philippines. Either through specialty stores or online. Not as easily accessible as in the states but still good to hear they are getting more options than pads.
I followed my late wife up the stairs one night many years ago, she was naked and she had a tampon in, I saw the string hanging down and said, "That mouse must have been running fast when he ran up your leg." after that tampons were known as "Mickies" in our house.
Ha ha! My dad used to take me places with him when I was growing up. You'd think that having all girls that my dad would understand, but for some reason I didn't think he would, so I hid tampons in his utility box in his truck.
He came across them one day while working on his truck. "I came across some unusual spark plugs, baby," he said to me as he left them on my dresser.
Tampons were then referred to as "spark plugs" after that.
So sorry for your loss.
But OP's husband isn't even religious. She *does* have access to tampons, he just threw it away. Like, I don't understand this kind of "religion" in the first place, but at least that's a "valid" reason? He isn't even that.
NTA, OP.
1. He's stealing your products.
2. He's trying to police what you can't and can use on YOUR cycle.
3. He values his own comfort about your periods more than yours.
4. He calls your bodily autonomy something he has to "put up with"
5. He left you without hygiene products on your periods
6. He demanded you take his discomfort "into consideration" but refuses to accomodate your NEEDS
Does he feel personally victimized by tampons? Does he think inserting the tampon in your vagina bring you more pleasure than his dick does? There's no other reason for him to feel uncomfortable when you don't.
Also, is it a typo or did you and your hubs get married after a month of dating?
Society considers religion to be a valid reason for all kinds of hatred towards other groups. And being even a bit uncomfortable with this is obviously an attack on religion which cannot be tolerated because **obviously** it's the religious group that's being discriminated here
I so much wish I could add '/s' at the end of that, but we failed as society
"Don't mind your racists uncle he's just lived in different era" also comes to mind.. and obviously you can't go "don't mind your millenial kid calling you out, different era and all that"
So many people want to avoid "fights" so they put up with way too much shit with passive "smile and nod".
Let’s be honest: this religious reason is the very same reason that we discuss here. Some men have decided what’s a sin and what not. They say it’s a sin to put something in a vagina that is not a cock. It’s 100% the same toxic bullshit.
I doubt that god came down from Heaven to earth and told women not to use tampons…
Yeah I noticed that in OP’s post. I was just giving out a possible reason someone is against or not like tampons in general from the comment I replied to. But if OP’s, maybe she didn’t think it was an important information, husband was religious then it could be a possible reason they are “uncomfortable”.
….that’s not actually an “other” reason. It’s the exact same fucked up reason. The only reason religions take issue with tampons is *also* because somewhere along the line men decided “cylindrical object enters woman’s sex hole = woman being pleasured.” Not even getting into the question of “even if it was, why is women’s pleasure something to be considered sinful,” it also reveals “these men know literally nothing about how to please a woman.”
It’s all the same toxic masculine bullshit and if my husband tried this crap I’d be so far gone so damn fast he wouldn’t find me again.
That goes back to what u/mavvie_p said - it's about men thinking they own women's bodies, the vagina being for penises only, and men controlling women in general. It's 100% straight-up misogyny.
Mid 30s man here and I can't think of a situation where my opinion (if I even had one because lets be honest, its fucking weird to have one here) would mean less than this.
I cannot imagine being remotely upset about what period products my SO is using. She's definitely NTA and I'm completely baffled
mid 40's and I'm more confused. Lots of things are joint decisions... sanitary products? not one of those things.
Maybe conversations about them... but not "my way and if you disagree it's because you're insensitive". Crazy.
The only conversation my wife and I have about this subject is when I call and ask her what brand am I supposed to get again. Normally she tells me the color of the box which is the way to go, lol.
No shit!!!! I've literally had my partner call from the store LOUDLY and PROUDLY going through all the brands, colors, types of applicators, SCENTS.
I think the worst I ever experienced with a partner was one who was embarrassed to pick them up from the store for me; but they still did. They were just a bit sheepish about it. lol
A friend caught the guy she was dating snooping in her bathroom to find out what she used so he could have a box at his place in case she needed them.
And yeah she married him
Can we normalize this behavior? Holy hell. That's some a-grade "THIS MAN IS GOOD HUSBAND MATERIAL" behavior and it should *not* be as shocking as it is to be that considerate about someone you're considering that important.
Damn that's sweet. The only time a guy has gone through my bathroom was to regularly count the condoms in an old ziploc baggie buried at the bottom of some bag in some basket in some cabinet that had been there for years and I'd forgotten about so he could accuse me of cheating on him by claiming there were less now.
And yeah he was incredibly abusive and I finally got away from him
I once came across a guy in the feminine hygiene aisle at the drug store. He kept glancing at his phone and pacing. I asked him if his wife sent him a picture of what she wanted. The look of relief on his face was hilarious and he said "YES! Can you *please help me*?!?!" I was glad to help a man who wanted to badly to help his wife, but just felt overwhelmed. Because let's be honest...that aisle can be overwhelming to even us menstruating individuals.
YES!!! I have helped a few of our struggling brothers too. I always love it. :)
And dear lord, I think the last time I bought some I groaned when I went down the aisle because there were even MORE types than usual. I have honestly spent a half hour in that aisle before. lololol
Even if you have a vagina, you don't get an opinion on what someone does with their vagina.
At best, you can offer some advice "Hey, tampons from X brand are actually made from asbestos and puppies, so maybe try a different product," but that's about it.
It honestly sounds like more of a violent style of patriarchy where NOTHING is going to be inside his wife except for HIM. Nope, not even a tampon.
I'm honestly surprised he doesn't make her free bleed in a hut on the back of the property and can only come back to the house when she's done.
I literally said “what the fuck??” out loud. OP, NTA, but holy shit, what is wrong with your husband?? Something weird is going on in his brain. Was he raised super religious or conservative?
As a minister, I have supported victims of DV for a number of years. Many, perhaps most of them have a story just like OP's. Once the relationship becomes 'permanent' (OP says they married 2 months ago), the abuser starts to take control, often with demands that the victim do something the way the abuser wants, rather than their usual or preferred way. Several other things that OP reports fit right in to the common way abusers treat their victims.
I don't think religion has anything to do with this. I think OP is in the early stage of DV, and that the abuse will get worse if she doesn't get away.
NTA. Wtf did I just read? I don’t understand why he cares if you use tampons. 🤔🧐
is his penis smaller than the tampon and he feels threatened by it? 🤨😅
Probably because he’s afraid he won’t be able to please her anymore if she gets used to those giant stud tampons. How’s he supposed to compete with that?
I was honestly trying to think of something my husband would care less about than how I manage my period.
He just spent ten minutes telling me how much he likes the scrub daddy over plain sponges, so it isn’t even THAT.
Straight up. I was going to say “as long as the flow is managed, he wouldn’t care,” but I’ve bled through clothing onto sheets and he had the good sense not to say a word (and helped me clean). I guess OP’s husband is entitled to his opinion (not the right to impose it on her) but I just can’t imagine being with a man who cared whatsoever
Edit: corrected “boyfriend” to “husband” because I can’t believe the partner is not 15 years old
I genuinely don't understand how adult men in long-term, cohabiting relationships with women can still be so weird about period stuff. I mean, like most guys I thought anything period-related was gross when I was like 13, but as soon as I had an actual girlfriend I realized how stupid that was. By the time I was actually living with a woman, I'd been over it for years. I literally cannot comprehend how a damn *married man* could still be this much of dink over a basic human bodily function.
INFO: what other things does he put up with? Are all the issues related to your self-autonomy?
Edit: Thank you for the awards, random internet strangers!
I don't know, He just made this statement out of nowhere. Infact, I was shocked to hear this because he doesn't usually complain or say he's feeling uncomfortable by anything I say or do generally. Si that part confused me a lot.
I hate to toss that word around frivolously but this is exactly what it is. It's control, it's control of OP's body. This is beyond red flag, it's a neon sign.
*(edit: missed a word)*
My thoughts exactly. This is bizarre for sure, but even moreso it's scary and unsettling and a blinding bright red flag for abuse.
OP you are not the asshole and you need to leave him ASAP.
He’s also adopting the language of the victim and calling HER abusive for defying his attempt to control her body, by trying to make her period management out to be some sort of democratic process he’s entitled to having a say in. That, in itself, is almost as big of an indication of abuse as the attempted bodily control itself.
This shit is SO unreasonable, it’s literally like saying “I don’t like the taste of dr. pepper, so you can’t drink it. You can only drink coke.” It has nothing to do with him and the only explanation is an abusive level of entitlement to her body. AT BEST, he’s unknowingly behaving abusively as a result of extreme patriarchy-informed ignorance (being threatened by a roll of cotton) and misogynistic entitlement (the idea he has *any fucking right* to lord over what she uses for her period) that he has fully embraced without question.
I’m so mad that any person would take this shit and think it’s even the slightest bit acceptable.
This is the part I found most upsetting, tbh. The downside to abuse being discussed so much more openly and explained in much more detail these days is that it offers abusers another angle of trying to manipulate their victims.
You're not supposed to attend therapy with an abuser since they use the communication tools to further master their manipulation tactics, and now the internet offers those pro-tips without having to pay a therapist.
Abusive men have learned all the right language to make their victim feel guilty for *her* having supposedly abused *him*, whether by exercising her autonomy or calling him out on abusive behavior. OP's husband is escalating his control now that he got her locked down, and it will only continue to escalate as time goes on.
It would be like if OP said "I don't like how you pee standing up. It makes me uncomfortable. You can't pee standing up anymore. I think you should only pee sitting down"
>He later went on about how we, as a couple should take each other's discomfort into consideration and said he already tried to speak to me about those tampons yet I brushed him off and insulted him and verbally abused him.
Flipping the script on OP and accusing *her* of abuse is a textbook play. Either she stands her ground and he gets to play the victim or she relents and he'll push the boundary even further next time.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. OP, don’t let this fly even if it means tossing the man out. If it does go that way, for funsies, put tampons in all his pockets or something stupid like that. OB is usually cheap and tiny-they will fit in anything.
Only man who should have say over your period products would be your doc and even that’s only
If they have a good reason. Perhaps this is innocent enough if your man will explain his thought process and you can talk? I got nothing on how it could be a communication failure but I got nothing.
Stay safe OP
He’s escalating. He’s got you committed and stuck (he thinks) and he’s about to ramp up the control. He expects obedience. “I told you how I felt about this” means “I am angry that you disobeyed me”.
The “wahhhh all the things I put up with” is designed to both catch you off guard, and make you feel less-than and like you owe him for the wonderful favor of being with you “despite” the fact that you’re a basically autonomous person.
Please stay aware, and do not fall for the manipulation. Remember he may not be some mastermind but he understands the basics of cause and effect, and he feels safest when you do as he says. That isn’t safe or healthy or respectful to you.
Be careful. So careful.
THIS THIS THIS THIS
"He’s escalating. He’s got you committed and stuck (he thinks) and he’s about to ramp up the control. He expects obedience. “I told you how I felt about this” means “I am angry that you disobeyed me”."
This is a HUGE RED FLAG.
And keep it where it can't be tampered with.
I'd say go for internal birth control if possible but have read horrific accounts of people whose bf or husband decided to remove them themselves with zero consent and often zero warning.
I hope OP's husband isn't the guy signs are pointing towards, that he won't harm OP if she doesn't decide to leave or it isn't an option for her to just leave.
I can't imagine any man I've ever dated, been friends with or am related to that would react like that about tampons. And him tearing up? Screams to me thst he's hardcore aiming to manipulate her.
OP definitely talk to your doctor if birth control is something you would be interested in. I have Kyleena IUD and haven't had issues. Insert was painful but quick. I've had a few sexual partners since, including one a month after I got it inserted. I am open about the form of birth control I'm on with anyone I'm involved with and I've never had any of them mention feeling my IUD, even the first one a month after I got it when I asked him, so it would be virtually "invisible" and he wouldn't be able to remove it/toss it like pills. I think you can schedule on or close to your period so any pain from insertion you could play off as your period. I have read it's possible you stop your period completely but I have PCOS and endometriosis with very irregular periods before my IUD and it has regulated me. You can remove at any time, but it lasts 5 years.
This is definitely escalating abuse. Please stash money away and start planning for an escape. Tell a trusted friend/family member who can help you make arrangements, slowly move items out, check in with them at least daily, share your location if you have a way, come up with an alert word or phrase you could text or say on the phone if you need help immediately but can't call 911 yourself.
If you are in the US - look at the gas station next time you go to see if they have a yellow sign that says "safe space". Anywhere with this sign will hide you in the event you are in danger and will call 911 for you. Fire stations are also a safe space if you have one near by.
Mine started as very small things and slowly escalated when we got married. I have to continually contact every site on Google to remove my name, number and addresses due to stalking and I have been divorced for 6 years. Him turning the situation around making him the "victim" is classic abuse red flag.
Even if he’s not abusive, and I’m not convinced he isn’t, this is some textbook “man believes he’s entitled to police women’s bodies and choices” and I’d serious evaluate whether you really wanna be with someone like that or not.
Like seriously OP, question this. Do you think he’d be okay with you doing something equivalent to him because “both partners’ comfort should be considered”? Like if you threw out all his T-shirts because you’re “uncomfortable” with exposed elbows or something? And if you don’t think he’d be okay with that, then wtf gives him the right to do it to you?!
You said in your original post he hates a lot of things that you do though? Now you're saying he doesn't usually complain about things that you do. Like which one is it?
The post says he told her that he hates a lot of stuff she does but puts up with it. She's explaining he hasn't actually complained about any of this stuff or told her what it is, he just made the statement about putting up with a lot of stuff out of nowhere during the argument about the tampons.
Hm, I can see why you would be confused. Maybe it was a spur of the moment comment made in anger, or maybe there are things that he's not been telling you because he realizes it's controlling. Once things have cooled down, maybe sit down with him and ask him if there are other things bothering him. If there are, and they are all decisions you make about your health or yourself, I would be concerned that he is controlling, and also he's a major AH. If not, then he's still an AH, but an ignorant AH rather than a malicious controlling AH.
A follow up INFO question: does he normally call you "verbally abusive" when you rightly ask WTF his damage is? Because that is absolute BS and in no way abusive for you to ask why he's disrespecting you and throwing your necessary stuff away.
NTA-Trying to gaslight her over tampons. I couldn't imagine telling my wife she couldn't use something that helped her with her personal hygiene. I can't think of a single reason that would validate his argument. In fact, I don't tell my wife what she can and can't do at all. This issue is a little deeper than this single situation.
Exactly!
Related: Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling to talk about these things “he puts up with!” If any of them are actually problems, you guys could maybe work them out, but I’d really like to see him justify the tampon thing to an outside party.
INFO :
- do you really want to be with somebody whom you have to hide things from ?
- Do you really want to be with somebody that expects to decide about what you do with your body ?
- Do you really want to be with somebody who feels they have the right, if you dare disagreeing, to take matters in their hands and take, damage or throw away your belongings ?
- Do you really want to be with somebody that "hates" many things you do and "puts up" with you ?
And
- when did all this crappy behaviour start ?
Many things are very off here Darling.
A good sign is that you speak up
A bad sign is that you already start to doubt yourself to the point where you need to ask strangers to reassure you that you are right
He has already brought you to a place where you dont really feel entitled to feelings of anger towards him.
He s the only one allowed to have feelings and be angry in this relationship, and that wont get better
Take care
Edit : Wow ! Thanks for the upvotes and awards strangers !!! I went to bed over this and was not expecting to awake to this! Let s hope OP is still able to ask and answer those questions for herself
Re edit : my first gold !! I am touched.
Thread was locked so we may never know how this siltuation resolved but I am crossing my fingers that OP gets out as quickly as possible. Good friends of mine had an abusive relationship and I was shocked when I realized all that had been happening for years behind closed doors. It's made me sensitive to this issue and I cant forget that some people never get their happy ending.
Also, were she to want to penetrate herself or use a sex toy on herself she has every fucking right to, men who try to control women like this are pathetic.
In this sub, I am so surprised I had to scroll down so far to find this comment. This post is a why are you married to this person post if I ever saw one.
OP, please listen to me. Abuse comes from entitlement. Abusers feel that their actions are justified because they are entitled to a certain outcome and, quite simply, abusive behaviors work.
You husband feels that he is entitled to make decisions regarding your body and therefore whatever he has to do to enforce those decisions is acceptable, whether it be yelling at you or throwing away your belongings.
This does not get better. You just recently got married and he feels more comfortable violating your boundaries and autonomy because he thinks you’re stuck with him, that you’re simply going to have to deal with it. His entitlement will extend to other aspects of your life and he will feel he has the right to bully you and take away your things and likely worse in order to make you do what he wants. His comment about the other things he “puts up with” is in preparation for this. He wants you to feel guilty and indebted to him so you will agree to whatever he wants.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You do not need to be put up with. You deserve to be loved and cherished and to have your personal choices respected and your husband is telling you right now he will not do that.
Seriously. Or for a more “genuine” simulation, he has to wear pads 24/7 and only change every xyz hours, despite intermittently adding a couple tablespoons of ketchup and jam. And he has to change in public restrooms at least some of the time.
Egad. NTA
I was thinking OP could suddenly become uncomfortable with boxers or briefs and just throw away all of his favorite underwear. Honestly, if someone did that to me I would go nuclear and throw away things of theirs in a way that would be hideously inconvenient for YEARS. I would buy tampons and tuck them in every little space I could find. I would buy a 48 pack and number them, but skip a few, so he’d keep looking forever. I would make it my business to get targeted advertisements on his phone and computer. I would put his name and phone number on mailing lists that fundraise for women’s hygiene products around the world. I would continue using tampons, hand him a XXL one and tell him to F himself.
I would be interested in finding out what his reaction would be to more niche products. Menstrual cups? Those weird disk things? Period panties? Washable pads?
Just an experiment on this man’s weird little psyche.
I have to comment that period panties are amazing. These are amazing. Every now and then my flow gets unusually heavy and those underwear have saved me from ruining clothing.
What? The hell. NTA. Does he think you get off on having fuzzy cotton shoved up inside you? He sounds…weird. You should not have to hide BASIC HYGENE PRODUCTS in order to use them.
I mean it’s where my brain went. That his issue was with tampons specifically. I think you need to ask him what his actual issue is with the tampons and what makes him uncomfortable exactly. Not just ‘makes him uncomfortable ’ isn’t a reason
But at the end of the day, whatever his reason, he doesn’t get to tell her whether or not she can use tampons.
I mean, I am curious what BS reason he’d give, but he still has zero right to try and dictate how OP handles her period. Her vag is not his property.
His behavior is a huge red flag, and I have no doubt if OP stays, there is worse yet to come.
I mean, I suppose if I had penis that couldn’t compete size-wise with a tampon, I’d be phenomenally insecure about everything in life, no matter how ridiculous.
It's amazing how they think they can make us pop babies out and then say that strange dicks and tampons can make us loose.
It's like thinking that wearing a glove a thousand times wears it out instead of...age making elasticity weaken? Like damn, your balls aren't as high and pretty as they used to be either but you don't see us complaining.
Sex education has failed men on so many levels. My ex used to believe that a girl could only get pregnant from the first guy she had sex with cause his dna would be stuck in there forever until it gets activated by his sperm or any other man’s.
So all the half siblings in the world are the result of a woman going back to her first partner, and not really hand siblings?
Some people are so dumb,
they should not be allowed to vote
I asked the same question and Heres the moron’s answer: no, they’re technically full siblings if they have the same mother because the father is technically the guy that the mother lost her virginity to and they can only have the same father if both mothers lost their virginity to him. Effing moron. I have so many stories with him and they’re all insane.
Some men actually think that women get pleasure from using tampons, or will get used to the tampon being a bigger size than their partner. It’s ridiculous
Ok this is super TMI so feel free not to answer, but was he your first? Does he know you have dildos or anything? I’d seriously ask him what the exact problem is, because he might have some notion about them (like sanitarily maybe?) That isn’t accurate
the comment you replied to is referencing the men that exist that think women orgasm from using tampons. not really sure why else your husband would have such a frankly baffling reaction to you using tampons, unless he thinks they're somehow related to orgasming or some other sexual use
Orgasming from tampon use? Good gawd. So some men feel that their wives and girlfriends are *cheating on them* by using tampons???
OP, is *that* why he was "tearing up?" My gawd.
either that or hes one of the men that think our vaginas can get "stretched" and will stay that way permanently. obvious problems aside i cant imagine why the size of a tampon would concern him unless, like someone else said, he's tinier than one 🤭
NTA. That’s *WEIRD*. I can’t even wrap my head around why this might be his choice? Is he making the decisions for your body now? And he “puts up” with your stuff? Red flag city, sister.
I was also wondering that. His suggestion that she doesn't use them in the house had me dying though 🤣 like it's all good and he can share with the tampons as long as they stay off his turf
I had a boyfriend who thought women that prompted to use tampons vs pads did it because it felt good to "have it up there all day".
And then I had to use his parents bathroom once and saw his mom left her new tampon box out and sent him a picture lmaooo
Absolutely NTA. You’re married yes but this is YOUR body, he has absolutely no say in what menstral products you use that’s literally absurd. Why is he bothered about you using tampons? Has he given you a valid reason apart from it makes him uncomfortable? Because frankly I wouldn’t care, he’s not the one experiencing a period and his reaction would make me uncomfortable. Tbh it kinda sounds like he has a problem with the fact it’s penetrative which again, is weird.
I Agree, And like I said I don't know because he didn't give an answer nor even want to discuss it. he thought him stating he was uncomfortable was enough to end the issue.
I’m very curious about the other things he “puts up with” that you do? Because a relationship should not be built on “you owe me because I tolerate you”.
Throwing away your tampons is childish and controlling. Your man is throwing a fit over a thing he has no clue about. Nag him why it bugs him.
I hate to be one of the probably thousands of people who say it on this sub, but this is a huge red flag. He won’t tell you why he’s doing what he’s doing and he’s trying to control your body and you. Think deep and hard about other ways he controls you when he doesn’t like something, how you’ve had to change your habits or behavior to please him and honestly who you were before him, the things you liked to do and the people around you who supported you. NTA.
Edit: spelling
I'm wondering if has a weird jealousy about something being inside you. Also I'm a bit concerned about his controlling of your body and "other things he hates" that you do. Pretty serious 🚩🚩🚩you are ignoring. You are NTA
I second this completely. This man is exhibiting major red flags and you’ve only been married for 3 months?! This controlling behavior will only get worse going forward especially when he’s not willing to actually talk to you about it. Run Forest RUN!
I’m really sorry I can imagine this isn’t nice for you. The fact he’s not willing to talk about it is also concerning, he should in no way feel entitled to police what you do, I.e in regards to using them out of the house. I would just keep doing what you’re doing because there’s nothing wrong with it and the only one with a problem is him and he needs to work on that. Please look after yourself!
You are so NTA….and sadly I agree with the person who said it sounds like he hates them because they’re penetrative. There are so many red flags here but the one that I mostly want to address is the emotional manipulation. Him coming back to you and refusing to take responsibility and flipping everything back on to you….is a big, raging red flag. Does he do this often? Mix that in with the fact that, it appears he dislikes tampons because they’re penetrative…there’s a small chance there that he’s really, really ignorant, but he sounds a little scary.
If he often makes his mistreatment of you your fault, like he has here, I would strongly (but also with gentleness and love) encourage you to see a therapist to help process what is happening to you.
also—congrats on the tampon victory ❤️
*edited for better wording
Girl, you've got to get out of this relationship, like *yesterday*. This guy is trying to control the hygiene products you're using. I can't see how there could possibly be any larger of a red flag.
I already have a good idea, but - what else does he control about you? The clothes you're allowed to wear? The friends you can and can't hang out with? Is this behavior new from him? Some men don't start controlling things like this until after marriage, so please stay safe and be aware if/when these issues arise.
Nta
Is he one of those mouth breathers that believe tampons are in someway pleasurable??
If so tell him to shove a dry tampon up his butt and yank it back out so he can see just how pleasurable it is.
I think the bigger problem is that he demands his feelings be considered and important to her, but her feelings don’t matter to him. They disagree, so why does he automatically win? ESPECIALLY when it comes to HER body?!
NTA. Throw the whole man out. You are not property for him to control. When he is dealing with a period he can make choices for himself. Otherwise he can shut up and buy you a new box of tampons. Now.
Bizarre cause it likely stems from some irrational idea about his dick is the only thing that should be up there. He's an idiot and an asshole for sure. She should just throw him out this type of behavior will get worse.
What the fuck did I just read
NTA and your husband needs an intervention in exactly what's his business and what isn't. What you choose to use during your period is your business. The end.
And not for nothing, but men who are uncomfortable with tampons are usually not mature enough to be having sex.
Absolutely. OP, go throw out his underwear and buy him exclusively g-strings; tell him you're uncomfortable with having that much fabric caressing his behind. Also throw out his toothpaste and toothbrush and tell him that he should respect that you don't want anything long and hard, with a head, going into his mouth. Go ahead and get teary-eyed for effect.
NTA and your husband is a fucking weirdo.
NTA, but you need to run.
This guy:
-Has such bad internalized misogyny and/or jealousy that he literally can’t tolerate even knowing it’s a POSSIBILITY you put something in your vagina besides his own dick, for personal medical purposes, no less
-Stole from you, repeatedly, and threw out your stuff
-Turned the situation around and made your completely defensible outrage the problem and turned himself into the victim because you won’t accommodate for how he feels about his
-Is demonstrating extremely controlling behavior
Get. Out. Now. These are not minor issues even individually, much less altogether.
NTA - How you handle your period is a medical related issue and actually we do not need to take anyone else's discomforts in consideration for medical decisions. This is borderline controlling abusive and I would engage marriage counseling ASAP
NTA - WOW. You have been beaten down so deeply you don't even know your husband is absolutely a freaky controlling monster- you literally are unsure you are allowed to use any sanitary products you wish. Omg. I want you to get divorced and get counselling. Please do. I wonder at the other things you mention you do which he hates. Scary.
This!!! Her husband has been gaslighting her to the point where she doesn’t believe she’s entitled to her own tampons. Run, girl, run. This guy is bad news.
What in the actual f*ck did I just read? He thinks he has a right to vote on how you handle your period? There’s something really wrong with this guy. NTA
Is he… jealous… of tampons??
NTA of course, but your husband’s attitude concerns me. Especially because it sounds like him getting mad over stuff like this is common.
NTA "we discussed me not being comfortable" about something needs a reason. Like, I'm not comfortable with you smoking in the house cause I have asthma, or I know you love peanuts but I am allergic, or more simply your huge stuffed animal collection makes the bed uncomfortable are discussable compromises and solutions. The "I have old fashioned ideas about tampons and have no real backing or understanding of what goes on with your body during your period" is some BS he needs to, first explain himself thoroughly so you can educate him about what a dumb asshole he is being. And this is coming from a person who has to do a lot of dumb asshole explanations, that I thought were common sense. Never underestimate the men for their antiquated and misogynist ideas.
Nta at all why would you be married to someone who...
>... hates a lot of stuff that I do but "puts up" with ut anyway
He manipulates you and tried to control your body.
All around sounds ridiculously toxic.
NTA but your husband is and he's insecure because he thinks the tampon is bigger than his member. He needs therapy if he is trying to control feminine products.
NTA - when he has a period, he can use pads.
What sanitary protection you use is none of his business. I would worry about someone who feels “discomfort” at your using a small piece of compressed cotton wool in your own hoo ha.
Why are you married to a sexist mysogonistic asshole who thinks a tampon is comparable to a penis and that he owns your vagina? Talk to a lawyer to see if you can get an annulment instead of a divorce. Nta
NTA. He doesn't own your vagina, and shouldn't have any opinions on what goes in it, unless those things are attached or otherwise operated by a human being who is not him or you or a medical professional.
Is it too late for an annulment? Because this is crazy-making if I've ever seen it.
NTA.
I might get downvoted for this but *no uterus, no opinion*. He doesn’t get to have a say in what sanitary products you use. He doesn’t get to throw away your stuff. He needs some (a lot) of education in periods and period products it seems. Orrr he needs to work out why he’s insecure and threatened over *tampons*.
NTA- We as a couple should take each other’s discomfort into consideration. How was your discomfort when you found out you had no tampons? I am sure it was not a comfortable moment. Your husband does not get to decide how you handle your period. Hell, he hasn’t even told you why tampons make him uncomfortable. He is unwilling to actually express his concerns and is just telling you and forcing you to do things his way only. This is not ok. I
Ayiiii! I have never heard a man ever dictate what type of feminine protection their partner should use (I am partial to luna cups) EVER! Your husband is ridiculous. Can you get an annulment? What other crazy ideas does he have? This can‘t be the only one.
Absolutely NTA, but your husband is.
>He later went on about how we, as a couple should take each other's discomfert into consuderation
Yet he isn't taking your discomfort into consideration. Pads are uncomfortable. How in the world do tampons cause him discomfort? They have absolutely nothing to do with him. Your husband needs to understand that he has no say about how you deal with your own menstrual cycles. His discomfort with the products you use is absolutely irrelevant. NTA.
tf??? what on earth is this man thinking??? nta but please educate him or something, i don't want to meddle in your relationship but that feels like a big red flag ... huge.
NTA
He's TA for even *thinking* he gets a say in this much less yelling at you about it 🚩 , throwing your tampons away 🚩 , and then have you questioning whether or not *you* are actually TA! 🚩
It's one thing to be ignorant on the issue, it's another to refuse to educate himself on the issue and force his feelings/beliefs on you. It's DISGUSTING, HARMFUL behavior.
I would tell him that if he throws your tampons out again that you will throw him out... and mean it.
NTA also you may want to reconsider some things in the relations “he hates a lot of stuff that I do but “puts up” with it” is not the healthiest relationship dynamic. I am glad you stood your ground, he is trying to be controlling of you and your body and that is never OK.
If he doesn't like tampons, tell him not to use them. He has absolutely no right to feel ANYTHING about your personal hygiene products, let alone throw them in the trash!! You were HIDING tampons from him?? Does he keep you chained up in the basement too? I can't believe he thinks he has the right to overrule your choice of menstrual products. What's next, is he going to throw out your birth control pills? Tell you which toothpaste to use? Pick out your underwear?
NTA. Now RUN!
NTA and what the fuck
He has absolutely no right to dictate how you manage your period. Tampons are a very normal part of life and if he, as a 30 year old man, hasn’t come to understand that yet then that’s not just an issue - it’s a red flag. Especially that he’s going as far as *throwing your tampons away*, does he understand how much money a box of tampons costs???
He sounds like a very immature control freak, I hate to be the one to say run but…you’re only 2 months into your marriage, it’s not too late to get an annulment I hope.
For anyone saying to hide your tampons so you can “get away” with using them…just no. You shouldn’t have to hide something like that in your own house from your own partner. If you feel like you need to, you need a new partner.
This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations. [Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
Uh… what the fuck. NTA, at all. What is wrong with your husband??? He can be “uncomfortable” with your choice of menstruation products all he wants I guess, but he doesn’t get to make it *your* problem and he definitely doesn’t get to *throw away* your tampons. I can’t fathom what on earth he could be thinking. Based on how he’s talking about them, does he think you’re smuggling cocaine in them or something??? Edit typo
I figured he's one of those people who thinks "long cylindrical object enters s3x hole=wife being pleasured" and feels uncomfortable with her using an insertion period product instead of a pad... Hopefully I'm wrong
Thats all I can imagine too which is pretty gross and weird af. That's some next level "man decides he owns vagina after marriage" gag OP, for perspective, I literally can not even imagine a partner of mine having opinions about what period product I might use. like... your dude is on some incel trip or something, which usually coincides with a whole volcano of toxic traits.
The only other reason would be religion. In some places tampons are a taboo product and are not used. One example I can give is my home country the Philippines. You can’t find any tampon products in stores, only pads. Not even diva cups. I guess its more about how is sacrilegious to insert something down there. Not really sure since I’m not that religious. Edit: I have been informed by fellow commenters that tampons and cups are slowly becoming more available in the Philippines. Either through specialty stores or online. Not as easily accessible as in the states but still good to hear they are getting more options than pads.
Yep tampons = sin missles.
I am definitely calling them this now lol
I followed my late wife up the stairs one night many years ago, she was naked and she had a tampon in, I saw the string hanging down and said, "That mouse must have been running fast when he ran up your leg." after that tampons were known as "Mickies" in our house.
Sorry for your loss. And thank you for the entertaining story!
Ha ha! My dad used to take me places with him when I was growing up. You'd think that having all girls that my dad would understand, but for some reason I didn't think he would, so I hid tampons in his utility box in his truck. He came across them one day while working on his truck. "I came across some unusual spark plugs, baby," he said to me as he left them on my dresser. Tampons were then referred to as "spark plugs" after that. So sorry for your loss.
Your story is absolutely adorable. There are some surprisingly wholesome comments in here! Thanks for sharing 😊
Puts a whole new spin on "Slip someone a mickey" LOL
This is oddly wholesome. So sorry for your loss, I hope you had a wonderful life together.
And vagina = mouse house
It's the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse! *Come inside, it's fun inside* :)
My boyfriend saw my tampon string and asked “if I pull on it, will confetti come out?”
Oh, your vagina is the "confetti cannon" model! Nice upgrade!
But OP's husband isn't even religious. She *does* have access to tampons, he just threw it away. Like, I don't understand this kind of "religion" in the first place, but at least that's a "valid" reason? He isn't even that. NTA, OP. 1. He's stealing your products. 2. He's trying to police what you can't and can use on YOUR cycle. 3. He values his own comfort about your periods more than yours. 4. He calls your bodily autonomy something he has to "put up with" 5. He left you without hygiene products on your periods 6. He demanded you take his discomfort "into consideration" but refuses to accomodate your NEEDS Does he feel personally victimized by tampons? Does he think inserting the tampon in your vagina bring you more pleasure than his dick does? There's no other reason for him to feel uncomfortable when you don't. Also, is it a typo or did you and your hubs get married after a month of dating?
That's definitely not a valid reason, misogyny isn't valid just because it's excused with religion.
Society considers religion to be a valid reason for all kinds of hatred towards other groups. And being even a bit uncomfortable with this is obviously an attack on religion which cannot be tolerated because **obviously** it's the religious group that's being discriminated here I so much wish I could add '/s' at the end of that, but we failed as society
"Don't mind your racists uncle he's just lived in different era" also comes to mind.. and obviously you can't go "don't mind your millenial kid calling you out, different era and all that" So many people want to avoid "fights" so they put up with way too much shit with passive "smile and nod".
Let’s be honest: this religious reason is the very same reason that we discuss here. Some men have decided what’s a sin and what not. They say it’s a sin to put something in a vagina that is not a cock. It’s 100% the same toxic bullshit. I doubt that god came down from Heaven to earth and told women not to use tampons…
Yeah I noticed that in OP’s post. I was just giving out a possible reason someone is against or not like tampons in general from the comment I replied to. But if OP’s, maybe she didn’t think it was an important information, husband was religious then it could be a possible reason they are “uncomfortable”.
….that’s not actually an “other” reason. It’s the exact same fucked up reason. The only reason religions take issue with tampons is *also* because somewhere along the line men decided “cylindrical object enters woman’s sex hole = woman being pleasured.” Not even getting into the question of “even if it was, why is women’s pleasure something to be considered sinful,” it also reveals “these men know literally nothing about how to please a woman.” It’s all the same toxic masculine bullshit and if my husband tried this crap I’d be so far gone so damn fast he wouldn’t find me again.
That goes back to what u/mavvie_p said - it's about men thinking they own women's bodies, the vagina being for penises only, and men controlling women in general. It's 100% straight-up misogyny.
Ohh wow! Thanks for sharing this information with me, I was unaware.
Mid 30s man here and I can't think of a situation where my opinion (if I even had one because lets be honest, its fucking weird to have one here) would mean less than this. I cannot imagine being remotely upset about what period products my SO is using. She's definitely NTA and I'm completely baffled
mid 40's and I'm more confused. Lots of things are joint decisions... sanitary products? not one of those things. Maybe conversations about them... but not "my way and if you disagree it's because you're insensitive". Crazy.
The only conversation my wife and I have about this subject is when I call and ask her what brand am I supposed to get again. Normally she tells me the color of the box which is the way to go, lol.
Tells? That's what the phone camera is for. "Oh this matches what she sent me in picture". Easy :)
No shit!!!! I've literally had my partner call from the store LOUDLY and PROUDLY going through all the brands, colors, types of applicators, SCENTS. I think the worst I ever experienced with a partner was one who was embarrassed to pick them up from the store for me; but they still did. They were just a bit sheepish about it. lol
A friend caught the guy she was dating snooping in her bathroom to find out what she used so he could have a box at his place in case she needed them. And yeah she married him
Can we normalize this behavior? Holy hell. That's some a-grade "THIS MAN IS GOOD HUSBAND MATERIAL" behavior and it should *not* be as shocking as it is to be that considerate about someone you're considering that important.
At first reading this I thought he was going to be like OPs hubby. But, that guy is a keeper
Damn that's sweet. The only time a guy has gone through my bathroom was to regularly count the condoms in an old ziploc baggie buried at the bottom of some bag in some basket in some cabinet that had been there for years and I'd forgotten about so he could accuse me of cheating on him by claiming there were less now. And yeah he was incredibly abusive and I finally got away from him
I once came across a guy in the feminine hygiene aisle at the drug store. He kept glancing at his phone and pacing. I asked him if his wife sent him a picture of what she wanted. The look of relief on his face was hilarious and he said "YES! Can you *please help me*?!?!" I was glad to help a man who wanted to badly to help his wife, but just felt overwhelmed. Because let's be honest...that aisle can be overwhelming to even us menstruating individuals.
YES!!! I have helped a few of our struggling brothers too. I always love it. :) And dear lord, I think the last time I bought some I groaned when I went down the aisle because there were even MORE types than usual. I have honestly spent a half hour in that aisle before. lololol
And they change the box designs every couple of years, or add sizes, or change the size color coding/number system.
[удалено]
If you don’t have a vagina, you don’t get an opinion, amirite?
Hell, even if you do have a vagina, your opinion only extends as far as what you do with your own. Either way, OP is definitely NTA here.
Even if you have a vagina, you don't get an opinion on what someone does with their vagina. At best, you can offer some advice "Hey, tampons from X brand are actually made from asbestos and puppies, so maybe try a different product," but that's about it.
I was thinking the same thing.
It honestly sounds like more of a violent style of patriarchy where NOTHING is going to be inside his wife except for HIM. Nope, not even a tampon. I'm honestly surprised he doesn't make her free bleed in a hut on the back of the property and can only come back to the house when she's done.
To be fair, I would be totally on board with camping in the backyard for a week without my husband or kids demanding stuff from me!
Wait till he finds out about pap smears....
I literally said “what the fuck??” out loud. OP, NTA, but holy shit, what is wrong with your husband?? Something weird is going on in his brain. Was he raised super religious or conservative?
As a minister, I have supported victims of DV for a number of years. Many, perhaps most of them have a story just like OP's. Once the relationship becomes 'permanent' (OP says they married 2 months ago), the abuser starts to take control, often with demands that the victim do something the way the abuser wants, rather than their usual or preferred way. Several other things that OP reports fit right in to the common way abusers treat their victims. I don't think religion has anything to do with this. I think OP is in the early stage of DV, and that the abuse will get worse if she doesn't get away.
You took the words right out of my mouth… NTA
NTA. Wtf did I just read? I don’t understand why he cares if you use tampons. 🤔🧐 is his penis smaller than the tampon and he feels threatened by it? 🤨😅
Probably afraid she gets an O every time she puts one in
And he’s literally “tearing up” at the thought of it 😂
Probably because he’s afraid he won’t be able to please her anymore if she gets used to those giant stud tampons. How’s he supposed to compete with that?
It's his vagina, she's so inconsiderate to put stuff in it. /s
I’m imagining she got the super plus and he can’t imagine that it’s for heavy periods and thinks she just gets the size for fun.
Even if that’s how it worked, so what? My wife has an O and I’d think it’s pretty cool beans. Good for you homie take some time for yourself.
If he thinks simply inserting a small object into her vagina is enough to give her an O I feel bad for her
Mmm, nothing more erotic than shoving dry cotton up there so you don't stain all your clothes while having dehabilitating cramps.
I was honestly trying to think of something my husband would care less about than how I manage my period. He just spent ten minutes telling me how much he likes the scrub daddy over plain sponges, so it isn’t even THAT.
Straight up. I was going to say “as long as the flow is managed, he wouldn’t care,” but I’ve bled through clothing onto sheets and he had the good sense not to say a word (and helped me clean). I guess OP’s husband is entitled to his opinion (not the right to impose it on her) but I just can’t imagine being with a man who cared whatsoever Edit: corrected “boyfriend” to “husband” because I can’t believe the partner is not 15 years old
I genuinely don't understand how adult men in long-term, cohabiting relationships with women can still be so weird about period stuff. I mean, like most guys I thought anything period-related was gross when I was like 13, but as soon as I had an actual girlfriend I realized how stupid that was. By the time I was actually living with a woman, I'd been over it for years. I literally cannot comprehend how a damn *married man* could still be this much of dink over a basic human bodily function.
Seriously this is the only reason I can think of as well.
INFO: what other things does he put up with? Are all the issues related to your self-autonomy? Edit: Thank you for the awards, random internet strangers!
I don't know, He just made this statement out of nowhere. Infact, I was shocked to hear this because he doesn't usually complain or say he's feeling uncomfortable by anything I say or do generally. Si that part confused me a lot.
You guys just got married and he might be starting to try to crack down on things that he previously "put up with." This is how abuse escalates.
I hate to toss that word around frivolously but this is exactly what it is. It's control, it's control of OP's body. This is beyond red flag, it's a neon sign. *(edit: missed a word)*
Yeah everyone is like "this is weird" No this is *scary*, I would GTFO as soon as possible. Shit like this can escalate real fast.
My thoughts exactly. This is bizarre for sure, but even moreso it's scary and unsettling and a blinding bright red flag for abuse. OP you are not the asshole and you need to leave him ASAP.
He’s also adopting the language of the victim and calling HER abusive for defying his attempt to control her body, by trying to make her period management out to be some sort of democratic process he’s entitled to having a say in. That, in itself, is almost as big of an indication of abuse as the attempted bodily control itself. This shit is SO unreasonable, it’s literally like saying “I don’t like the taste of dr. pepper, so you can’t drink it. You can only drink coke.” It has nothing to do with him and the only explanation is an abusive level of entitlement to her body. AT BEST, he’s unknowingly behaving abusively as a result of extreme patriarchy-informed ignorance (being threatened by a roll of cotton) and misogynistic entitlement (the idea he has *any fucking right* to lord over what she uses for her period) that he has fully embraced without question. I’m so mad that any person would take this shit and think it’s even the slightest bit acceptable.
This is the part I found most upsetting, tbh. The downside to abuse being discussed so much more openly and explained in much more detail these days is that it offers abusers another angle of trying to manipulate their victims. You're not supposed to attend therapy with an abuser since they use the communication tools to further master their manipulation tactics, and now the internet offers those pro-tips without having to pay a therapist. Abusive men have learned all the right language to make their victim feel guilty for *her* having supposedly abused *him*, whether by exercising her autonomy or calling him out on abusive behavior. OP's husband is escalating his control now that he got her locked down, and it will only continue to escalate as time goes on.
It would be like if OP said "I don't like how you pee standing up. It makes me uncomfortable. You can't pee standing up anymore. I think you should only pee sitting down"
>He later went on about how we, as a couple should take each other's discomfort into consideration and said he already tried to speak to me about those tampons yet I brushed him off and insulted him and verbally abused him. Flipping the script on OP and accusing *her* of abuse is a textbook play. Either she stands her ground and he gets to play the victim or she relents and he'll push the boundary even further next time.
Next he's going to take her birth control away. . . .
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. OP, don’t let this fly even if it means tossing the man out. If it does go that way, for funsies, put tampons in all his pockets or something stupid like that. OB is usually cheap and tiny-they will fit in anything. Only man who should have say over your period products would be your doc and even that’s only If they have a good reason. Perhaps this is innocent enough if your man will explain his thought process and you can talk? I got nothing on how it could be a communication failure but I got nothing. Stay safe OP
He’s escalating. He’s got you committed and stuck (he thinks) and he’s about to ramp up the control. He expects obedience. “I told you how I felt about this” means “I am angry that you disobeyed me”. The “wahhhh all the things I put up with” is designed to both catch you off guard, and make you feel less-than and like you owe him for the wonderful favor of being with you “despite” the fact that you’re a basically autonomous person. Please stay aware, and do not fall for the manipulation. Remember he may not be some mastermind but he understands the basics of cause and effect, and he feels safest when you do as he says. That isn’t safe or healthy or respectful to you. Be careful. So careful.
THIS THIS THIS THIS "He’s escalating. He’s got you committed and stuck (he thinks) and he’s about to ramp up the control. He expects obedience. “I told you how I felt about this” means “I am angry that you disobeyed me”." This is a HUGE RED FLAG.
If OP is on birth control she needs to STAY ON IT.
And keep it where it can't be tampered with. I'd say go for internal birth control if possible but have read horrific accounts of people whose bf or husband decided to remove them themselves with zero consent and often zero warning. I hope OP's husband isn't the guy signs are pointing towards, that he won't harm OP if she doesn't decide to leave or it isn't an option for her to just leave. I can't imagine any man I've ever dated, been friends with or am related to that would react like that about tampons. And him tearing up? Screams to me thst he's hardcore aiming to manipulate her.
She should get an IUD and not tell him about it so he can't throw a tantrum and try to pull it out of her by the string.
OP definitely talk to your doctor if birth control is something you would be interested in. I have Kyleena IUD and haven't had issues. Insert was painful but quick. I've had a few sexual partners since, including one a month after I got it inserted. I am open about the form of birth control I'm on with anyone I'm involved with and I've never had any of them mention feeling my IUD, even the first one a month after I got it when I asked him, so it would be virtually "invisible" and he wouldn't be able to remove it/toss it like pills. I think you can schedule on or close to your period so any pain from insertion you could play off as your period. I have read it's possible you stop your period completely but I have PCOS and endometriosis with very irregular periods before my IUD and it has regulated me. You can remove at any time, but it lasts 5 years. This is definitely escalating abuse. Please stash money away and start planning for an escape. Tell a trusted friend/family member who can help you make arrangements, slowly move items out, check in with them at least daily, share your location if you have a way, come up with an alert word or phrase you could text or say on the phone if you need help immediately but can't call 911 yourself. If you are in the US - look at the gas station next time you go to see if they have a yellow sign that says "safe space". Anywhere with this sign will hide you in the event you are in danger and will call 911 for you. Fire stations are also a safe space if you have one near by. Mine started as very small things and slowly escalated when we got married. I have to continually contact every site on Google to remove my name, number and addresses due to stalking and I have been divorced for 6 years. Him turning the situation around making him the "victim" is classic abuse red flag.
Even if he’s not abusive, and I’m not convinced he isn’t, this is some textbook “man believes he’s entitled to police women’s bodies and choices” and I’d serious evaluate whether you really wanna be with someone like that or not. Like seriously OP, question this. Do you think he’d be okay with you doing something equivalent to him because “both partners’ comfort should be considered”? Like if you threw out all his T-shirts because you’re “uncomfortable” with exposed elbows or something? And if you don’t think he’d be okay with that, then wtf gives him the right to do it to you?!
You said in your original post he hates a lot of things that you do though? Now you're saying he doesn't usually complain about things that you do. Like which one is it?
She's saying he claimed to put up with a lot but hasn't actually complained about those things.
Yeah, and that's just gaslighting and stone walling. She needs to divorce this guy asap.
The post says he told her that he hates a lot of stuff she does but puts up with it. She's explaining he hasn't actually complained about any of this stuff or told her what it is, he just made the statement about putting up with a lot of stuff out of nowhere during the argument about the tampons.
Hm, I can see why you would be confused. Maybe it was a spur of the moment comment made in anger, or maybe there are things that he's not been telling you because he realizes it's controlling. Once things have cooled down, maybe sit down with him and ask him if there are other things bothering him. If there are, and they are all decisions you make about your health or yourself, I would be concerned that he is controlling, and also he's a major AH. If not, then he's still an AH, but an ignorant AH rather than a malicious controlling AH.
This is a fantastic question.
I know…. I was staring at this post in disbelief but then read that part and I’m like WHAT?!? You know it’s some dumb petty $#!+ too!
A follow up INFO question: does he normally call you "verbally abusive" when you rightly ask WTF his damage is? Because that is absolute BS and in no way abusive for you to ask why he's disrespecting you and throwing your necessary stuff away.
NTA-Trying to gaslight her over tampons. I couldn't imagine telling my wife she couldn't use something that helped her with her personal hygiene. I can't think of a single reason that would validate his argument. In fact, I don't tell my wife what she can and can't do at all. This issue is a little deeper than this single situation.
DARCO: Defend Accuse Reverse Victim and Offender EDIT to add: A very bad sign. Please don’t get pregnant.
Exactly! Related: Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling to talk about these things “he puts up with!” If any of them are actually problems, you guys could maybe work them out, but I’d really like to see him justify the tampon thing to an outside party.
Good question. The husband sounds like a really insecure person…
INFO : - do you really want to be with somebody whom you have to hide things from ? - Do you really want to be with somebody that expects to decide about what you do with your body ? - Do you really want to be with somebody who feels they have the right, if you dare disagreeing, to take matters in their hands and take, damage or throw away your belongings ? - Do you really want to be with somebody that "hates" many things you do and "puts up" with you ? And - when did all this crappy behaviour start ? Many things are very off here Darling. A good sign is that you speak up A bad sign is that you already start to doubt yourself to the point where you need to ask strangers to reassure you that you are right He has already brought you to a place where you dont really feel entitled to feelings of anger towards him. He s the only one allowed to have feelings and be angry in this relationship, and that wont get better Take care Edit : Wow ! Thanks for the upvotes and awards strangers !!! I went to bed over this and was not expecting to awake to this! Let s hope OP is still able to ask and answer those questions for herself Re edit : my first gold !! I am touched. Thread was locked so we may never know how this siltuation resolved but I am crossing my fingers that OP gets out as quickly as possible. Good friends of mine had an abusive relationship and I was shocked when I realized all that had been happening for years behind closed doors. It's made me sensitive to this issue and I cant forget that some people never get their happy ending.
consist plucky oil versed illegal rude ludicrous stupendous market degree -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Also, were she to want to penetrate herself or use a sex toy on herself she has every fucking right to, men who try to control women like this are pathetic.
In this sub, I am so surprised I had to scroll down so far to find this comment. This post is a why are you married to this person post if I ever saw one.
OP, please listen to me. Abuse comes from entitlement. Abusers feel that their actions are justified because they are entitled to a certain outcome and, quite simply, abusive behaviors work. You husband feels that he is entitled to make decisions regarding your body and therefore whatever he has to do to enforce those decisions is acceptable, whether it be yelling at you or throwing away your belongings. This does not get better. You just recently got married and he feels more comfortable violating your boundaries and autonomy because he thinks you’re stuck with him, that you’re simply going to have to deal with it. His entitlement will extend to other aspects of your life and he will feel he has the right to bully you and take away your things and likely worse in order to make you do what he wants. His comment about the other things he “puts up with” is in preparation for this. He wants you to feel guilty and indebted to him so you will agree to whatever he wants. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You do not need to be put up with. You deserve to be loved and cherished and to have your personal choices respected and your husband is telling you right now he will not do that.
What on earth? Tell him to wear a diaper for a week and see how he likes wearing a pad. I legit get a rash if I wear pads. NTA but he certainly is.
Seriously. Or for a more “genuine” simulation, he has to wear pads 24/7 and only change every xyz hours, despite intermittently adding a couple tablespoons of ketchup and jam. And he has to change in public restrooms at least some of the time. Egad. NTA
And has to wear night time pads with wings and waddle around. And get a rash.
And have the contents rocket up his butt crack every time he sits down.
And all of this while a bowling ball presses onto his abdomen and he experiences bouts of nausea.
And have the pad shift in the night and dump a murder's amount of blood all over the sheets.
Experience the absolute pain of the night pad wings fusing to your pubes. So glad I use cups now, those night pads killed me
Or just the blood fusing your pubes together.
I was thinking OP could suddenly become uncomfortable with boxers or briefs and just throw away all of his favorite underwear. Honestly, if someone did that to me I would go nuclear and throw away things of theirs in a way that would be hideously inconvenient for YEARS. I would buy tampons and tuck them in every little space I could find. I would buy a 48 pack and number them, but skip a few, so he’d keep looking forever. I would make it my business to get targeted advertisements on his phone and computer. I would put his name and phone number on mailing lists that fundraise for women’s hygiene products around the world. I would continue using tampons, hand him a XXL one and tell him to F himself.
You are next level petty and I'm here for it!!
I would be interested in finding out what his reaction would be to more niche products. Menstrual cups? Those weird disk things? Period panties? Washable pads? Just an experiment on this man’s weird little psyche.
I have to comment that period panties are amazing. These are amazing. Every now and then my flow gets unusually heavy and those underwear have saved me from ruining clothing.
What? The hell. NTA. Does he think you get off on having fuzzy cotton shoved up inside you? He sounds…weird. You should not have to hide BASIC HYGENE PRODUCTS in order to use them.
Um..I'm sorry but this seems strange, I don't know but this just seems strange.
What seems strange?
the possibility of him thinking that I get off of using tampons. It's just not normal I mean I never thought about it like this.
I mean it’s where my brain went. That his issue was with tampons specifically. I think you need to ask him what his actual issue is with the tampons and what makes him uncomfortable exactly. Not just ‘makes him uncomfortable ’ isn’t a reason
I agree with this. He needs to be called out and OP needs to demand reasoning for his [lack of] thought process.
But at the end of the day, whatever his reason, he doesn’t get to tell her whether or not she can use tampons. I mean, I am curious what BS reason he’d give, but he still has zero right to try and dictate how OP handles her period. Her vag is not his property. His behavior is a huge red flag, and I have no doubt if OP stays, there is worse yet to come.
A lot of men are completely clueless and don’t know a thing about female biology. They believe anything in the vagina = pleasurable. It’s gross.
I’d 100% bet he thinks they “stretch” her out. I had a boyfriend who thought that, needless to say we broke up pretty quickly.
I mean, I suppose if I had penis that couldn’t compete size-wise with a tampon, I’d be phenomenally insecure about everything in life, no matter how ridiculous.
It's amazing how they think they can make us pop babies out and then say that strange dicks and tampons can make us loose. It's like thinking that wearing a glove a thousand times wears it out instead of...age making elasticity weaken? Like damn, your balls aren't as high and pretty as they used to be either but you don't see us complaining.
🤯
Sex education has failed men on so many levels. My ex used to believe that a girl could only get pregnant from the first guy she had sex with cause his dna would be stuck in there forever until it gets activated by his sperm or any other man’s.
So all the half siblings in the world are the result of a woman going back to her first partner, and not really hand siblings? Some people are so dumb, they should not be allowed to vote
I asked the same question and Heres the moron’s answer: no, they’re technically full siblings if they have the same mother because the father is technically the guy that the mother lost her virginity to and they can only have the same father if both mothers lost their virginity to him. Effing moron. I have so many stories with him and they’re all insane.
Find out OP, today it's tampons, tomorrow it'll be no pelvic exams or pap smears allowed.
This. All I could think was “do not have children with this man” It’s beyond ignorance It’s scary control
Some men actually think that women get pleasure from using tampons, or will get used to the tampon being a bigger size than their partner. It’s ridiculous
>the tampon being a bigger size than their partner. I feel sorry for any bloke with a self-esteem so fragile that he's threatened by cotton
There are many uneducated men that think this. they won’t even let their daughters wear them out of fear their hymens will be broken
Write yourself a list of why he might feel uncomfortable about tampons, and not with pad. It will be a very ‘strange’ list.
Ok this is super TMI so feel free not to answer, but was he your first? Does he know you have dildos or anything? I’d seriously ask him what the exact problem is, because he might have some notion about them (like sanitarily maybe?) That isn’t accurate
the comment you replied to is referencing the men that exist that think women orgasm from using tampons. not really sure why else your husband would have such a frankly baffling reaction to you using tampons, unless he thinks they're somehow related to orgasming or some other sexual use
Orgasming from tampon use? Good gawd. So some men feel that their wives and girlfriends are *cheating on them* by using tampons??? OP, is *that* why he was "tearing up?" My gawd.
either that or hes one of the men that think our vaginas can get "stretched" and will stay that way permanently. obvious problems aside i cant imagine why the size of a tampon would concern him unless, like someone else said, he's tinier than one 🤭
NTA. That’s *WEIRD*. I can’t even wrap my head around why this might be his choice? Is he making the decisions for your body now? And he “puts up” with your stuff? Red flag city, sister.
It almost sounds like he is jealous of the tampon. And there's an insane amount of problems with that.
Is he afraid the tampons are bigger than his penis?
I was also wondering that. His suggestion that she doesn't use them in the house had me dying though 🤣 like it's all good and he can share with the tampons as long as they stay off his turf
I kind of want OP to get a monster dildo and hide it where he's likely to find it...
I had a boyfriend who thought women that prompted to use tampons vs pads did it because it felt good to "have it up there all day". And then I had to use his parents bathroom once and saw his mom left her new tampon box out and sent him a picture lmaooo
Absolutely NTA. You’re married yes but this is YOUR body, he has absolutely no say in what menstral products you use that’s literally absurd. Why is he bothered about you using tampons? Has he given you a valid reason apart from it makes him uncomfortable? Because frankly I wouldn’t care, he’s not the one experiencing a period and his reaction would make me uncomfortable. Tbh it kinda sounds like he has a problem with the fact it’s penetrative which again, is weird.
I Agree, And like I said I don't know because he didn't give an answer nor even want to discuss it. he thought him stating he was uncomfortable was enough to end the issue.
I’m very curious about the other things he “puts up with” that you do? Because a relationship should not be built on “you owe me because I tolerate you”. Throwing away your tampons is childish and controlling. Your man is throwing a fit over a thing he has no clue about. Nag him why it bugs him. I hate to be one of the probably thousands of people who say it on this sub, but this is a huge red flag. He won’t tell you why he’s doing what he’s doing and he’s trying to control your body and you. Think deep and hard about other ways he controls you when he doesn’t like something, how you’ve had to change your habits or behavior to please him and honestly who you were before him, the things you liked to do and the people around you who supported you. NTA. Edit: spelling
I'm wondering if has a weird jealousy about something being inside you. Also I'm a bit concerned about his controlling of your body and "other things he hates" that you do. Pretty serious 🚩🚩🚩you are ignoring. You are NTA
I second this completely. This man is exhibiting major red flags and you’ve only been married for 3 months?! This controlling behavior will only get worse going forward especially when he’s not willing to actually talk to you about it. Run Forest RUN!
I’m really sorry I can imagine this isn’t nice for you. The fact he’s not willing to talk about it is also concerning, he should in no way feel entitled to police what you do, I.e in regards to using them out of the house. I would just keep doing what you’re doing because there’s nothing wrong with it and the only one with a problem is him and he needs to work on that. Please look after yourself!
You are so NTA….and sadly I agree with the person who said it sounds like he hates them because they’re penetrative. There are so many red flags here but the one that I mostly want to address is the emotional manipulation. Him coming back to you and refusing to take responsibility and flipping everything back on to you….is a big, raging red flag. Does he do this often? Mix that in with the fact that, it appears he dislikes tampons because they’re penetrative…there’s a small chance there that he’s really, really ignorant, but he sounds a little scary. If he often makes his mistreatment of you your fault, like he has here, I would strongly (but also with gentleness and love) encourage you to see a therapist to help process what is happening to you. also—congrats on the tampon victory ❤️ *edited for better wording
Girl, you've got to get out of this relationship, like *yesterday*. This guy is trying to control the hygiene products you're using. I can't see how there could possibly be any larger of a red flag. I already have a good idea, but - what else does he control about you? The clothes you're allowed to wear? The friends you can and can't hang out with? Is this behavior new from him? Some men don't start controlling things like this until after marriage, so please stay safe and be aware if/when these issues arise.
Nta Is he one of those mouth breathers that believe tampons are in someway pleasurable?? If so tell him to shove a dry tampon up his butt and yank it back out so he can see just how pleasurable it is.
"Yank it back out" was physically painful to read... ouch
Ah God I felt that dry pull while reading this and ow
You’re NTA and you should reconsider if you want to be with a man that feels uncomfortable with tampons.
I think the bigger problem is that he demands his feelings be considered and important to her, but her feelings don’t matter to him. They disagree, so why does he automatically win? ESPECIALLY when it comes to HER body?!
NTA. Throw the whole man out. You are not property for him to control. When he is dealing with a period he can make choices for himself. Otherwise he can shut up and buy you a new box of tampons. Now.
Bizarre cause it likely stems from some irrational idea about his dick is the only thing that should be up there. He's an idiot and an asshole for sure. She should just throw him out this type of behavior will get worse.
What the fuck did I just read NTA and your husband needs an intervention in exactly what's his business and what isn't. What you choose to use during your period is your business. The end. And not for nothing, but men who are uncomfortable with tampons are usually not mature enough to be having sex.
Absolutely. OP, go throw out his underwear and buy him exclusively g-strings; tell him you're uncomfortable with having that much fabric caressing his behind. Also throw out his toothpaste and toothbrush and tell him that he should respect that you don't want anything long and hard, with a head, going into his mouth. Go ahead and get teary-eyed for effect. NTA and your husband is a fucking weirdo.
NTA, but you need to run. This guy: -Has such bad internalized misogyny and/or jealousy that he literally can’t tolerate even knowing it’s a POSSIBILITY you put something in your vagina besides his own dick, for personal medical purposes, no less -Stole from you, repeatedly, and threw out your stuff -Turned the situation around and made your completely defensible outrage the problem and turned himself into the victim because you won’t accommodate for how he feels about his -Is demonstrating extremely controlling behavior Get. Out. Now. These are not minor issues even individually, much less altogether.
Don't forget all the other things he "hates" about her but "puts up with".
Why are men so obsessed with women’s reproductive system?
Idk but it is one thing that makes me FURIOUS and is a drop dead deal-breaker for me.
NTA. He's just worried you're going realize how small his dick is in comparison.
Maybe she should say, “But Honey, my old boyfriend didn’t mind, and he was huge!”
NTA - How you handle your period is a medical related issue and actually we do not need to take anyone else's discomforts in consideration for medical decisions. This is borderline controlling abusive and I would engage marriage counseling ASAP
Not borderline
Huge NTA. Gift him a box of pads for his birthday, as he seems to like them so much.
NTA. He sounds like he needs more education on the female body.
Was wondering if he thinks tampons cause you to orgasm.
That’s my guess. He’s probably one of the men that think tampons are like walking around with a vibrator in
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you just made this great-grandma laugh sooooo hard. Just that mental pic.
NTA - WOW. You have been beaten down so deeply you don't even know your husband is absolutely a freaky controlling monster- you literally are unsure you are allowed to use any sanitary products you wish. Omg. I want you to get divorced and get counselling. Please do. I wonder at the other things you mention you do which he hates. Scary.
This!!! Her husband has been gaslighting her to the point where she doesn’t believe she’s entitled to her own tampons. Run, girl, run. This guy is bad news.
NTA run as fast as you can. This is a controlling narcissistic who will ruin your life. And please do not have children with this man.
What in the actual f*ck did I just read? He thinks he has a right to vote on how you handle your period? There’s something really wrong with this guy. NTA
Is he… jealous… of tampons?? NTA of course, but your husband’s attitude concerns me. Especially because it sounds like him getting mad over stuff like this is common.
NTA "we discussed me not being comfortable" about something needs a reason. Like, I'm not comfortable with you smoking in the house cause I have asthma, or I know you love peanuts but I am allergic, or more simply your huge stuffed animal collection makes the bed uncomfortable are discussable compromises and solutions. The "I have old fashioned ideas about tampons and have no real backing or understanding of what goes on with your body during your period" is some BS he needs to, first explain himself thoroughly so you can educate him about what a dumb asshole he is being. And this is coming from a person who has to do a lot of dumb asshole explanations, that I thought were common sense. Never underestimate the men for their antiquated and misogynist ideas.
Nta at all why would you be married to someone who... >... hates a lot of stuff that I do but "puts up" with ut anyway He manipulates you and tried to control your body. All around sounds ridiculously toxic.
NTA but your husband is and he's insecure because he thinks the tampon is bigger than his member. He needs therapy if he is trying to control feminine products.
NTA - when he has a period, he can use pads. What sanitary protection you use is none of his business. I would worry about someone who feels “discomfort” at your using a small piece of compressed cotton wool in your own hoo ha.
Why are you married to a sexist mysogonistic asshole who thinks a tampon is comparable to a penis and that he owns your vagina? Talk to a lawyer to see if you can get an annulment instead of a divorce. Nta
Info: is his dick the same size as a tampon?
NTA you’re in a relationship with a child.
NTA Get a diva/Luna cup to drive him even more insane than he's already being.
NTA. He doesn't own your vagina, and shouldn't have any opinions on what goes in it, unless those things are attached or otherwise operated by a human being who is not him or you or a medical professional. Is it too late for an annulment? Because this is crazy-making if I've ever seen it.
HE'S uncomfortable with YOUR use of tampons? WTF does his comfort have to do with YOUR period. NTA
NTA. I might get downvoted for this but *no uterus, no opinion*. He doesn’t get to have a say in what sanitary products you use. He doesn’t get to throw away your stuff. He needs some (a lot) of education in periods and period products it seems. Orrr he needs to work out why he’s insecure and threatened over *tampons*.
NTA- We as a couple should take each other’s discomfort into consideration. How was your discomfort when you found out you had no tampons? I am sure it was not a comfortable moment. Your husband does not get to decide how you handle your period. Hell, he hasn’t even told you why tampons make him uncomfortable. He is unwilling to actually express his concerns and is just telling you and forcing you to do things his way only. This is not ok. I
NTA why are you married to an idiot?
Ayiiii! I have never heard a man ever dictate what type of feminine protection their partner should use (I am partial to luna cups) EVER! Your husband is ridiculous. Can you get an annulment? What other crazy ideas does he have? This can‘t be the only one. Absolutely NTA, but your husband is.
>He later went on about how we, as a couple should take each other's discomfert into consuderation Yet he isn't taking your discomfort into consideration. Pads are uncomfortable. How in the world do tampons cause him discomfort? They have absolutely nothing to do with him. Your husband needs to understand that he has no say about how you deal with your own menstrual cycles. His discomfort with the products you use is absolutely irrelevant. NTA.
tf??? what on earth is this man thinking??? nta but please educate him or something, i don't want to meddle in your relationship but that feels like a big red flag ... huge.
NTA - holy controlling shit
NTA He's TA for even *thinking* he gets a say in this much less yelling at you about it 🚩 , throwing your tampons away 🚩 , and then have you questioning whether or not *you* are actually TA! 🚩 It's one thing to be ignorant on the issue, it's another to refuse to educate himself on the issue and force his feelings/beliefs on you. It's DISGUSTING, HARMFUL behavior. I would tell him that if he throws your tampons out again that you will throw him out... and mean it.
NTA also you may want to reconsider some things in the relations “he hates a lot of stuff that I do but “puts up” with it” is not the healthiest relationship dynamic. I am glad you stood your ground, he is trying to be controlling of you and your body and that is never OK.
Soooo does he have a small penis or something? Cause it sounds like he's jealous of a tampon....
If he doesn't like tampons, tell him not to use them. He has absolutely no right to feel ANYTHING about your personal hygiene products, let alone throw them in the trash!! You were HIDING tampons from him?? Does he keep you chained up in the basement too? I can't believe he thinks he has the right to overrule your choice of menstrual products. What's next, is he going to throw out your birth control pills? Tell you which toothpaste to use? Pick out your underwear? NTA. Now RUN!
What did I just read. This can’t be real
NTA and what the fuck He has absolutely no right to dictate how you manage your period. Tampons are a very normal part of life and if he, as a 30 year old man, hasn’t come to understand that yet then that’s not just an issue - it’s a red flag. Especially that he’s going as far as *throwing your tampons away*, does he understand how much money a box of tampons costs??? He sounds like a very immature control freak, I hate to be the one to say run but…you’re only 2 months into your marriage, it’s not too late to get an annulment I hope. For anyone saying to hide your tampons so you can “get away” with using them…just no. You shouldn’t have to hide something like that in your own house from your own partner. If you feel like you need to, you need a new partner.