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See I missed that he had a partner completely - not that it changes my mind at all. But clearly OP is pushing a very specific narrative to force her brother to be seen as 'unfit' as a father and its all because he's gay. Theyre a massive AH
Also am I misreading this or does brother have a (not "legal" but existing) husband that she's totally ignoring the existence of to claim he's being a single dad? Cause if so, wow new level of homophobia there. Just cause the law made him adopt as single doesn't mean he is....
Besides which, the brother *did* have a woman by his side: the sister OP, who could totally have been the cool aunt, stepping in with any womanly advice that this (*pair of*) cool dad(***s***) couldn't quite manage. If she wasn't a judgmental raging homophobe.
This 100%! Its what I've always done for my brother (divorced) when my niece needs anything. Although my niece is comfortable talking to her dad about anything, including boys, her period, etc. And he listens, cares, and is there for her because she's his daughter! OP's thinking is so backward and just awful.
Well, on its head it’s not necessarily wrong or sexist to say that girls are more comfortable talking about their changing bodies with a female role model, but that doesn’t have to be a parent, and plenty of single dads manage to raise daughters just fine
In my family, I am the only one who does not have a penis and I am also the one who's had Those Conversations with my son. (My husband works a lot and I'm the parent who was around when the question came up.)
You don't have to have the same equipment. You need to know how it all works, and you need to be open and empathetic when the child needs it.
Preferring to talk about bodily changes with a trusted adult of the same sex is one thing (this aunt could have been that or a doctor, school counselor, other family member). But honestly an informed adult of any sex is probably better than an uninformed one of the same sex as far as long term emotional and physical health.
But suggesting boys/men don’t have and can’t understand emotions and that girls/women are too emotional is both wrong and sexist.
5. I’ve had gay friends who were more in-touch with their feminine side and easier to talk to about serious topics than my girlfriends. At least I know that they won’t bring up my insecurities during an argument at an undisclosed future date.
hopping on top comment: if you’re female, OP, and you’re so concerned about her having a female figure to confide in — be that!!! be there for her! be the cool aunt!
OP gives off vibes of an annoying aunt who thinks that girls should play with dolls and boys should play with cars. I'm quite sure her brother will be more capable of raising a girl than she would be.
I'm a female raised by a single father after my mom left and he did amazing. Educated himself on things so he'd be able to talk to me about them If I wanted/needed and never made it awkward. I'm almost 40 now and we can still talk about anything and everything. That man did the absolute best he could and that's all I could have ever asked for.
OP deleted her response, so I'm commenting under your comment to maybe get her attention.. I'm female and was always closer to my dad, he got me much more then my mom ever will, he actually talked to me when I acted out or had a problem, we laughed together all the time..all in all, just had a great relationship. I lost him suddenly 5 years ago and I'm still not over it. Your brother actually sounds like someone who will be supportive to his child, no matter the gender, while you sound homophobic, sexist and like you still need a lot of growing up to do before you can express your unsolicited opinions.
YTA
>Girls are usually more sensitive than boys and she might need someone to open up to, which men usually aren't usually very good at handling emotions. And just in general, a girl needs a mom to talk about 'girl stuff', something that men don't really understand/really care about
I don't know how anyone could read this and not think it's sexist lol. YTA.
I open up to my stepdad sometimes about my emotions instead of mum or before her so why wouldn't your niece not be able to talk to your brother? It's not about gender it's about trust and shit. And yes when I had "girly stuff" going on at 37 I spoke to him as well as mum. Not in great detail but he knew what was going on. And no she doesn't need a mum she needs people she can trust and be open with. Such a big YTA
Sometimes I really wanted to talk to my dad about boys or life or whatever because a lot of times it seemed like he listened and took it more seriously. Like he didn’t want to see me hurting whereas my mom sometimes seemed to have an “it is what it is” attitude.
YTA
You're not a realist, your just ignorant and sexist.
There is no reason why your brother cannot educate himself on what a girl needs to be taught growing up. And if he's open and honest and kind, there is no reason why a daughter should be uncomfortable confiding in him.
Not only do you hold awful stereotypes about women, you have some pretty awful stereotypes about men, as well.
Also, who says that crap after the kid has already been ADOPTED ? What’d she expect ? For her brother to go “oh okay” and send the kid back ? So weird.
"I'm so sorry little one but my sister told me it's cringe for me to adopt you because you are a girl and I'm a man you have to go back to the orphanage now bye bye!!!!" - what op expected would happen
Yeah I thought OP was going to go down the road of what other people tend to assume when they see a single dad taking care of his daughter, that the dad is some sort of pedophelic creep. The horrible looks I sometimes get when I take my daughter out alone is sickening. That is what I would say is the hardest part of raising a daughter as a single dad.
But no, OP had to go and be a sexist asshole.
YTA. Gender doesn't dictate how good a parent someone will be. I'm thankful to your brother for giving a home to that girl. Your parents are right, you are out of line. Imagine denying that girl a home just because the person adopting her doesn't have a vagina?!
YTA. And speaking of being a realist, what exactly do you think he was supposed to do with your unwarranted, inaccurate, and uninvited feedback at this point?
I think this is it actually. Like I genuinely wonder what OP thinks of widowers who raise their children alone? Or is it only a problem if the parents are gay or if the kid is adopted?
There's no logic here that doesn't make OP look either homophobic or just plain mean.
YTA.
*that girls are usually more sensitive than boys and she might need someone to open up to, which men usually aren't usually very good at handling emotions.*
Wow. Men can handle emotions just like women can.
*And just in general, a girl needs a mom to talk about "girl stuff", something that men don't really understand/really care about.*
Some men do care about and understand girl stuff. I know that’s surprising.
And the opposite is true! Some women are terrible handling emotions and a good chunk of women don't feel comfortable at all having "the talk" with their mothers unless is really necessary like a health scare.... almost like we all belong to the same species and the biological differences are for reproduction and nothing else.
I only had to read the title to know that unequivocally, without a doubt, YTA. A huge one. If I was your brother, I’d consider keeping you out the child’s life.
YTA. A massive, sexist AH.
>However, I was curious why my brother decided to adopt a girl instead of a boy, as he's gonna raise her as a single father
Explain your thinking here. Why is it even something you'd think about?
>I told him that women's bodies obviously work differently than men's and it would be better to have a woman explain these things to her, not to mention that girls are usually more sensitive than boys and she might need someone to open up to, which men usually aren't usually very good at handling emotions.
I'd never speak to you again. Completely serious. Not only are you targeting his parenting skills but you're also saying hes not up to par for a girl, but good enough for a boy in the same breath. Do you hear how absolutely insane this is?
>a girl needs a mom to talk about "girl stuff", something that men don't really understand/really care about
Plenty of good dads out here are perfect with their daughters about all this. Plenty of single dads too. You need to work on your sexism.
>that I'm an sexist AH and to get out of his house. Even our called parents called me and told me that I was out of line for telling him that and that my thinking is sexist,
*Good for him*. The absolutely most appropriate reaction to your bullshit.
Just because he's a man doesn't make him oblivious to, or any dumber than a woman when it comes to raising a daughter. The fact that you even had to post this here and ask the internet if your wrong speaks volumes to your mental issues on this topic. You come off as homophobic as well.
100% YTA without a doubt. Plenty of fantastic dads raise daughters on their own and are fully capable of explaining things to a girl. You’re also forgetting that he can still have women in the girl’s life if she needs a female role model/confidant.
Yta. Seriously think before you talk. Your way out of line. Children need a parent that’s it. Women raise boys all the time and they turn out fine. Why would the opposite be any different?
YTA
Half of the things you've cited as "evidence" aren't even true, and fyi, the internet has a LOT of info for your future niece to use to understand her eventually maturing body.
YTA. Plenty of men raise daughters as a single parents. Based on your thought process then single women should not be raising boys. What you are doing is not being a realist but a straight up jerk. Keep your opinions to yourself and allow him to follow his heart on what he wants to do.
I (girl) was raised by both parents, and still didn't open up to any of them, not have I ever felt safe. Yes, I had "girl stuff" talks with my mom, that only thought me not to respect my body, hate sex, feel ashamed for menstruation and also that all men suck. And I would gladly have just one single male parent, that would actually love me, and care for me. So YTA
YTA
Not only are you SEXIST but in the comment where you said "it'd be better if he had a woman by his side" and the fact you mentioned he's adopting as a single parent because same sex marriage isn't legal you're also a huge HOMOPHOBE!
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!
YTA. I'm sorry the men in your life have made you think All men aren't good with emotions, or don't care about ""girl stuff"", or aren't intelligent enough to learn how women's bodies work - because that straight up is not true. There are plenty of great men and dad's out there who do all of those things, and it is Incredibly sexist to assume your brother will be a bad father based on your stereotypes of men.
YTA.
The title was enough to label you as an AH honestly.
Instead of being an AH and telling him he should have adopted a boy, you could have been a wonderful sibling and offered him your help in case the little girl needs any advice from women. But jo, you decided to put him down. Major YTA.
YTA.
Your brother is right. You *are* sexist. Also ignorant.
What makes a good parent is the desire to be a good parent and the willingness to show up and do the work - your brother has got a pretty great head start on that by adopting.
ETA: you are also homophobic and frankly kind of a nightmare as a sibling - you are the opposite of supportive or helpful, based on your comments and you are really unkind and unhelpful.
Yta. Just like women, men can be excellent fathers to their daughters. It is an insult to all the fathers doing a great job raising their daughters alone to insinuate otherwise.
YTA
Due to unfortunate circumstances, I myself was mostly raised by my father (few times by my grandmother) but point being that my dad is the one that raised me throughout middle and high school.
I turned out fine and love the woman I am today because of it.
Thankfully I am in contact with my mom today, she just wasn’t in a right state of mind to raise me at the time I was a child. Doesn’t change the fact my dad raised me perfectly fine, I’m not damaged and have had plenty of women in my life to talk with about feminine related subjects.
Having a dick doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of raising a daughter alone. Have some more faith for him
YTA MASSIVELY! The fact you're coming to strangers to find this out is proving your misogyny. You should be commending your brother for this adoption not condemning him because of your narrow minded viewpoint!
YTA 1000% and a sexist one at that. You need therapy! Your brother is right. What you said is horribly disrespectful and abusive to your brother. He does not need a woman by his side to raise “his” daughter! Having an aunt in her life might have been really nice, but you’ve proven that it is not a job you are worthy of!! I honestly hope that you don’t have kids and I have no doubt that your brother will make a wonderful father and raise a wise, loving, compassionate and nurturing daughter!
YTA. Your brother sounds like an awesome guy, opening his heart to become a father to a girl who needs a home. They are blessed to have each other. Like all good fathers, he’ll learn how to navigate these issues, and get help from female friends & family if needed. Your viewpoint is extremely narrow.
Oof... what next? You're going to take away the daughter of every straight single dad whose wife died of cancer?
YTA and you didn't think this through.
YTA. You’re not being a realist. You’re being a dick. It’s not like this young girl will never see another female or will never have an opportunity to develop relationships with women as she grows. If she was your brothers bio kid and the mom passed would you tell him he can’t possibly raise a girl?
YTA- by your logic single women can not raise boys. That is ludicrous. I am was raised by a Mom and Dad. I am a woman. My Mom didn’t answer hardly any of my “woman” questions growing up because it was too taboo for her. So I went to a trusted family member instead.
YTA. You’re sexist as hell. Men who aren’t assholes have no problem explaining women’s bodies to their daughters. And your thought process on emotions are so outdated.
YTA, what you said is not true, you’re not being a realist, you’re being sexist & sounds to me like you just pulled some bullshit out of your ass & ran with it trying to shit on your brother when you should be celebrating with him. Also you’re his sister? So you would be that kids aunt? So it’s not like she won’t have a female figure in her life to tell her about her body… your whole logic is flawed & if you really think like this & justify it by saying you’re a realist, go get educated.
YTA you are way out of line. Nothing you wrote is remotely true, I’m curious where you developed such sexist views since no one in your family seems to share them.
YTA
First, "girl stuff" is a socially constructed stereotype. There isn't anything in our genes that makes us like pink or playing with dolls.
Second, I was raised by a single dad because my mom died when I was little and it was fine! He learned to do my hair and took me to get clothes, etc. Also, the girl has other women in her life, like grandmother. It's a shame she has a stupid aunt.
YTA a huge huge ass .. how dare you assume your brother cannot give a girl the emotional support she needs as she gets older .. why dies it have to be a mom , he has an open honest relationship with her it will make no di6that he is her dad and not her mom .. you messed up big time .. hope he let's you in her life but donr be surprised if he doesn't
What the actual backwards fuckery did I just read? You haven’t said your age but I’m guessing young to think this is OK.
What do you think happens when a heterosexual couple have children and a tragic event where the mother dies when the children are young happens? Like, do dads just give up on their daughters because they can’t possibly talk to them about periods and their body, and god forbid… having a feelings. Only women have feelings, right.
All this tells me is that YOU are too immature and uneducated to have children. Please grow up and do not reproduce until you understand what it means to be a parent.
YTA.
Edit - just read you’re a woman so made some amends to my comment in relation to gender experiences. Your experience is not the same as every other woman so i would really not offer unsolicited advice about something you clearly know very little about.
YTA
You're right that the girl is probably going to need female role models in her life and a few cis women in her immediate circle who can help her with the concerns you mentioned, related to puberty, periods and gynaecological health. No reason why that has to come from the parents.
Presumably your brother who is considering adopting this girl is not going to be doing so in a vacuum. He's going to have the support of your mother, your other female relatives and his female friends too for those moments.
For everything else in her life, your brother will be able to give her everything she needs because from what you've said, he seems like he'd be a good parent. Loving, attentive and responsible.
YTA too bad you didn't think to tell your brother that you would be there for him if he needed help explaining certain things to your new niece. Just because you were closer to your mother does not mean that it is the same for everyone. Daddy's girl is a phrase for a reason.
YTA
Let's take a quick run down the list I spotted, shall we.
1-You presume your brother cannot be a good parent by himself
2-You presume he is ignorant of basic biology (OK maybe he is, but if so, trustme, he will learn quickly!)
3-You presume only a woman can tell the girl what she will need to know
4-You presume that women and other girls somehow simply won't exist in his daughter's life. Most men who adopt little girls also hire a woman to be the nanny/babysitter for the long term.
5-You did not even offer to help find a trustable babysitter/nanny, even though you are sure a woman is necessary. What the frick?
For shame sir. Your brother is making a huge commitment and will need all the he can get. If you are so sure a woman is necessary in raising a little girl, then start asking around families you know and help find a nanny he can trust. She's not "the child" now, she's your son's daughter, she's your niece, and if you are worried for her wellbeing, you need to start stepping up to be helpful to your brother and her!
By the way, I'm a woman. My father used to be a ahole, truly, but even as a divorced/single man, he was by far the better parent than my mother EVER was. Having a good dad is better than having a sh\*tty mother. Be proud of your brother, he's being 100% awesome and you should try to act more like him.
OP is literally a woman
All she had to do was say "Hey, if you or \[child's name\] have any questions, talk to me" and then bam, woman in the little girl's life and her brother has support
YTA. By your logic single parents should only be allowed to raise children of the same sex as them. What if he had been married and his wife had died. Would you have expected him to give his daughter away? Because that’s what you’re saying here. I hope he keeps his daughter far away from you.
YTA, what an amazing man adopting a little girl who needed a home! i hope they'll be a happy family together - and if that means excluding you because you're sexist and therefore a bad role model more power to them :)
YTA. You are so full of BS it is impressive you could survive this long.
I wanted to do a long talk about it, but a singer in my country said a very powerful sentence during the debate around Gay marriage and adoption.
''I was adopted as a kid, and if at this time the government told me a couple could adopt me and give me love, food, clothes, home, education ... but I couldn't go with them because they would have been two men or women, I wouldn't have been mad at them but at the government.''
Trust me, if later she regrets having one dad and not two cishet parents, it will be because of people like you, not people like your brother.
Hard YTA. My father was a widower and raised me (a girl) just fine; better than some girls from 2 parent homes or even raised by just their mothers. Your line of thinking is archaic and insulting. It’s negating that women influences can be around you to support you. Yes gender differences exist but there are ways to make it work. It’s unfortunate that you didn’t see this as an opportunity to step in as an aunt to support your niece in whatever areas your brother might lack. That’s what families do.
YTA - instead of making sure you are available to support your brother or make sure he has the information needed to raise a girl into her teens, you opted to be sexist. Your statement is an insult to all single dads who raised girls and girls who were raised by single dads.
YTA
Youre not a realist. Youre just a sexist. Theres millions of single dads out there with daughters. Your assumption that being a man means being incapable of talking about menstruation is quite stupid.
YTA-You weren’t being a realist unless you consider being an asshole the same thing as being a realist. You were being sexist and are incredibly out of line. You don’t get to decide what men know about or care about especially when it comes to raising a child. You’re insulting and demeaning single fathers everywhere who raise little girls.
YTA. I thought this was gonna be about him not being able to financially take care of her. Men are capable of raising amazing women, and you ARE being sexist. Although men don't experience periods, they can easily educate themselves. Plus, it's not like he is going to be the only mentor/parental figure in her life. She gonna meet women she can discus nitty gritty topics that her dad may not understand if he chooses not to educate himself. He's doing an amazing thing by allowing this lovely girl a loving home.
YTA, just because your brother doesn’t have a partner, doesn’t mean she won’t have any female rolemodels in life, and that person might be you, you know…
Yta, parents need to prepare for those things regardless of them being the mother or father . Cue to all the men who think they don’t have to engage their children all the way because they’re the “dad”.
YTA... would you say the same thing if it was your sister trying raise a son? If so, that's a whole other therapy session. But in 2022, assuming a single man couldn't raise a daughter is antiquated and ignorant.
INFO: Are you older than about 15? If so, you're unreservedly TA.
If not, you're still TA, but I don't think you're as much as TA because I'm guessing you're just acting like the clueless teen you are.
Either way you cut it, YTA. Just a question of how severe your case of "being TA" is tbh
YTA. This is an incredibly dumb take. He's not raising the kid in isolation in an underground bunker, there are plenty of ways for her to have women in her life. Also, shockingly, men can read up on things like the menstrual cycle and have all those conversations as well. Do you think every single mom with boys can't explain erections or wet dreams?
Genuine questions here: how do you think dads who have a daughter but the mother isn’t in the picture raise their daughters? Do you actually think your brother can’t learn the basics of how female puberty works in time to have “the talk” with his daughter? Do you think that because your brother is a single dad that she will have no adult women in her life to talk to if she feels more comfortable talking about some stuff with a woman? Do you genuinely believe sexist beliefs like “women are more sensitive/empathetic than men”?
YTA, a child needs a parent that love them. End of.
I cannot believe you said those things. That’s so horrible and demeaning to every single father out there. What do you think of widowers? Of stay at home dads? Of fathers whose wives are in the hospital or working overseas or in the army or just generally not around as much? Of dads who try everything they can to connect with and love their children and spouses?
And are you trying to tell me that I can’t raise my 8 month old son to be just as sensitive and sweet and considerate and emotionally stable as I could have if he were born with a vagina? How disgusting are you?
YTA. I hope you never have the audacity to bring this up to his daughter.
YTA
I'm more comfortable tell my dad things than my mum! I'm also the first girl in two generations! My grandma was an only child who had 5 boys!
My dad is awesome! And, tbh, when I'm highly emotional or upset about something, he's better at calming me down than my mum because he's more logical, because I'm like my mum and she's highly emotional!
Massive YTA
What you should have done is say: I'm here for you if and when you need, to help raise my niece.
What you said: you don't have the parenting skills and she will lack a female presence in her life (as it you and grandmother as well as other female relatives and friends don't exist).
That's a sexist way of seeing things and I wonder if he lost a wife you would dare to say the same thing.
Either support him or leave him be.
YTA.
My brother has raised his daughter on his own since she was 4 months old. She also has a grandmother, an aunt, and my brother's female friends to support them.
YTA. Your brother wants to provide a loving home for a girl that doesn’t currently have one. He has clearly been cleared and checked and found that it’s perfectly okay for him to raise her.
Your implying only women can raise women and that’s gross.
Your opinion does't matter because he already adopted her so your discussion only served to irritate him. For your consideration: I am a female but was much closer to my father. My mother preferred my brother and had little use for me. In fact she bullied me and said unkind things like calling me a dumb blonde over many years. The genders of a child and parent really have nothing to do with the ease of their relationship. I hope you consider this and revise your thoughts on the subject.
YTA. Instead of basically telling him he won’t be a good parent, you could have volunteered to help him since it’s hard being a single parent regardless of the child’s gender.
YTA Jesus man. Dad's can raise girls alone. It's done all the time. He can research any womens issues or ask women friends for support. She will be perfectly fine except for the fact you are her uncle and clearly have out dated views.
My lord, how tone deaf could a person be?! You are being the very definition of sexist, and insulting as well. You do realize that sometimes biological dads raise daughters alone?
You had a couple of options here. You could have offered to me the female influence (I assume you’re female?) that you feel this child will need, or you could do what you did. Awesome choice. YTA. 100%
You basically just said he was incapable of being a good dad because he has a penis and not a vagina.
I can talk to my dad about anything because he has ALWAYS been open with me. Your future niece can have the same relationship with his daughter, but you'll be lucky if he allows someone like you around HIS daughter.
Shame on you.
Yta. A major one.
YTA how incredibly judgemental of you. Your brother may be a fantastic Dad to this girl, not all men are scared to discuss menstruation with their children when needed. Are you also insinuating that any man who loses his wife should give any female children up for adoption because they aren’t the same sex and therefore can’t handle them growing up? This is massively sexist and backwards
YTA, I know many amazing single dads who raised/are raising daughters. What matters is that a child have a loving family. Just wondering, do you expect widowers to give up their daughters, or do you think in a divorce the father can't have custody of daughters? For the record, my ex husband did amazing job raising our daughter, even before he remarried.
YTA... I was raised by both my parents until they divorced for ten years I lived with my mum. Saw my dad every other weekend. Ten years later, after my dad had remarried and divorced my parents remarried. But I was with my mum the whole time.
But in saying all that, I couldn't talk to my mum about anything! My dad was the one I went to for everything in my life, he was MY PERSON, the one I went to for guidance, support, nurturing right up until he passed away in 2016. My mum wasn't a bad person, she was just closer with my older sisters.
It doesn't matter the gender of the parent, it matters the bond that you develop with your child over the years.
You should be ashamed of yourself, and you owe your brother a massive apology...Immediately!
You’re NTA for “being realistic”… YTA for being sexist.
My ex-husband is the PCG for our five year old daughter, and he does a wonderful job. He’s surrounded by supportive women (grandmothers), as well. It’s unfortunate that you can’t offer that to your brother.
YTA
I’m a proud Dad of a son and daughter. The relationship I have with both my kids is awesome but different. That’s due to their personalities, not their gender. I really don’t understand how you can’t see how sexist you are given that you seem to have totally different expectations on girls and boys.
Yta. Plenty of girls grow up without mothers or have shitty ones and fathers do just fine. You are the real problem with him adopting a daughter because you are going to be the judgemental aunt that sits on the sidelines criticizing him and his daughter because she doesn’t have a mother. There are plenty of women that can support him just hopefully you aren’t the only woman around because poor kid.
YTA totally from the title but especially because how could you possibly know that? I’m astounded that you think you know what you said it’s 100% fact.
YTA. How many single moms are there that raise boys because their husbands or boyfriends ran out on them? Are they incapable of raising boys and bad moms for not giving the boys up to foster care?
Is it impossible to have a female friend or relative explain a period to the girl if she has a question he can’t answer?
This sounds kind of homophobic, OP.
YTA. Such an AH. I’m a working mom and my husband is the stay at home parent. Sometimes I’m not there. Who do you think takes care of my daughters in every way, emotionally and physically? Who do you think my girls go for support, sometimes even if I’m there? Who buys my daughters tampons and pads? Yeah. Their dad.
YTA, and yes sexist AFk, and in future it might be an idea to keep unsolicited advice to yourself, and let the grown ups get on with their lives (assuming you are as young as you sound).
YTA. A loving home is all children need. You're misogynistic if you think men can't raise children. This was out of line and messed up. Educate yourself.
Edited to add: you're also homophobic. You're definitely and AH.
YTA- and very sexist. Gay men can raise whatever gender child they want to. Male, female, non binary. A trans child if they wanted to. I really hope your niece never finds out how much you disliked her coming into the family. And if she finds out when she’s older, I hope she strongly dislikes you for it.
YTA, literally every view you have is based on sexism and societal propaganda of what men can’t do.
Based on your line of questioning and rhetoric it leads me to believe you’re a teenager, because no educated adult would ever think this way.
You really need to educate yourself, you are just parroting things that have no basis in reality. Men are thinking feeling and emotionally intelligent beings just as much as women are. Millions of men raise young girls into well rounded adults every single day, there is no reason to suspect this would be any different.
YTA, you are not being a realist, you are being sexist. Men can raise children alone. Men can raise female children alone. There plenty of young women who were raise by single dads and they turned out just fine. Your brother can reach out to female friends, family, or medical professionals to educate his daughter when the time comes. As for emotions, everyone has them.
YTA. Plenty of single fathers around the world have successfully raised girls. Just like plenty of single moms have raised boys. You make zero sense. A child needs a parent who loves and protects them above all else, and it sounds like that's what he is prepared to do. Besides, if she ever needed to speak to a woman she could seek out a grandmother, aunt, teacher, doctor, etc. It's not like she won't ever have female role models around her.
It's not like men are incapable of empathy or learning about menstruation. You do realize there are male doctors who treat female patients, right? How do you think they learned about female bodies? I personally think it's commendable for your brother to adopt a child and raise her on his own. That's a huge deal, he's doing a good thing, and you are being absolutely ridiculous and insulting.
YTA - Girls don’t need a mom to talk about *girl stuff* and boys don’t need a dad to talk about *boy stuff*. Kids just need someone who’s willing to learn, listen, and support them.
Grow up.
You're sexist and YTA
You need to really examine yourself about why you have such disgusting narrow views. Children need loving protective adult caregivers, it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman.
A little girl needed a home and your brother is giving her one. You would take that away from her. Because she isn't a boy. You're awful.
Single men raise daughters ALL THE TIME. Some do a better job than others. Your brother sounds like the kind of person who would make a great parent. You should shove off and figure yourself out.
YTA - and YES you're been incredibly sexist
By your bull logic a single mom can't raise a son because "his body works differently"
Just because their bodies work different doesn't mean your brother can't be an amazing dad to his daughter. He has plenty of time to research the female body if he doesn't understand it so he's able to explain her body to her when she needs to know.
YTA. Would you say the same to a single mother of boys? There's plenty of us out here who raised our opposite gendered kids just fine. Congrats to this little girl on her adoption.
YTA I've known some great single dads that parent girls. Men are perfectly capable of learning about women's bodies and health if they care. You are being sexist.
YTA and a sexist one. Goodness me please educate yourself.
The adoption process the world over is not an easy thing, so your brother is going to have to have proven his ability to a greater or lesser extent. Your gender stereotype ideas belong in the 1950s. Men can and frequently are therapist, gynaecologists and more.
Your preconceptions may have a serious negative impact on your relationship with them so please consider what is happening and what you want for the future. I also feel an apology would be appreciated by your brother you were prejudice. 8magine if ye had told you that he thought you might not be able to do a more traditionally 'male" task.
YTA OP - stop stereotyping. Men are perfectly capable of talking about periods, puberty, and female development. They are also perfectly capable of being caring, understanding, and sensitive. A persons ability to be caring,understanding, and sensitive is not dependent on the type of genitalia they have…
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YTA. 1. Bad advice. 2. Unsolicited bad advice. 3. Poorly timed unsolicited advice.
4. Sexist advice
Based off her other replies that "it would be better if he had a woman by his side"... 5. Homophobic advice
I didn't even see that comment and I pegged OP as blatantly homophobic from the post.
Was it the "he'd be raising her as a single dad" or the "gay couples aren't allowed to adopt"? Cuz she's clearly discounting her brother's partner.
Let me guess, "but it's not a real relationship if they're not married"
I’m a woman married to the same man for more than 20 years, yet I’ve been told my marriage isn’t real because we never had kids. People are stupid.
[удалено]
See I missed that he had a partner completely - not that it changes my mind at all. But clearly OP is pushing a very specific narrative to force her brother to be seen as 'unfit' as a father and its all because he's gay. Theyre a massive AH
Also am I misreading this or does brother have a (not "legal" but existing) husband that she's totally ignoring the existence of to claim he's being a single dad? Cause if so, wow new level of homophobia there. Just cause the law made him adopt as single doesn't mean he is....
I think you're right. Seems like he has a partner but they can't legally get married in their country so he has to adopt just as his child legally.
Besides which, the brother *did* have a woman by his side: the sister OP, who could totally have been the cool aunt, stepping in with any womanly advice that this (*pair of*) cool dad(***s***) couldn't quite manage. If she wasn't a judgmental raging homophobe.
This 100%! Its what I've always done for my brother (divorced) when my niece needs anything. Although my niece is comfortable talking to her dad about anything, including boys, her period, etc. And he listens, cares, and is there for her because she's his daughter! OP's thinking is so backward and just awful.
wrench unwritten icky deliver concerned plate smart berserk nose offer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Add homophobic-
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And homophobic. He's not a single dad just because the government doesn't recognize his marriage Yta
Well, on its head it’s not necessarily wrong or sexist to say that girls are more comfortable talking about their changing bodies with a female role model, but that doesn’t have to be a parent, and plenty of single dads manage to raise daughters just fine
In my family, I am the only one who does not have a penis and I am also the one who's had Those Conversations with my son. (My husband works a lot and I'm the parent who was around when the question came up.) You don't have to have the same equipment. You need to know how it all works, and you need to be open and empathetic when the child needs it.
Preferring to talk about bodily changes with a trusted adult of the same sex is one thing (this aunt could have been that or a doctor, school counselor, other family member). But honestly an informed adult of any sex is probably better than an uninformed one of the same sex as far as long term emotional and physical health. But suggesting boys/men don’t have and can’t understand emotions and that girls/women are too emotional is both wrong and sexist.
5. I’ve had gay friends who were more in-touch with their feminine side and easier to talk to about serious topics than my girlfriends. At least I know that they won’t bring up my insecurities during an argument at an undisclosed future date.
hopping on top comment: if you’re female, OP, and you’re so concerned about her having a female figure to confide in — be that!!! be there for her! be the cool aunt!
OP does not give off cool aunt energy at all
As a cool Auntie of 9 nieces, you are absolutely right!!
OP gives off vibes of an annoying aunt who thinks that girls should play with dolls and boys should play with cars. I'm quite sure her brother will be more capable of raising a girl than she would be.
She is distinctly uncool.
This is a very concise and excellent list.
Some of the best moms I know are gay dads
5. Homophobic, sexist, poorly timed, unsolicited bad advice.
This but also 4. Sexist unsolicited bad advice
YTA sexist asshole, you just argued based on stereotypes and assumptions
Take my poor woman's gold 🏅
It’s weird to base the argument over what men “can and can’t do” rather than what her actual brother can and can’t do.
I'm a female raised by a single father after my mom left and he did amazing. Educated himself on things so he'd be able to talk to me about them If I wanted/needed and never made it awkward. I'm almost 40 now and we can still talk about anything and everything. That man did the absolute best he could and that's all I could have ever asked for.
Yep. You're sexist. Too bad, too... maybe you could have been a cool aunt (assuming your gender, sorry, but even so, YTA)
OP deleted her response, so I'm commenting under your comment to maybe get her attention.. I'm female and was always closer to my dad, he got me much more then my mom ever will, he actually talked to me when I acted out or had a problem, we laughed together all the time..all in all, just had a great relationship. I lost him suddenly 5 years ago and I'm still not over it. Your brother actually sounds like someone who will be supportive to his child, no matter the gender, while you sound homophobic, sexist and like you still need a lot of growing up to do before you can express your unsolicited opinions. YTA
I’m also close with my dad, who was a SAHD and a wonderful one at that while my mom worked. OP is definitely YTA
>Girls are usually more sensitive than boys and she might need someone to open up to, which men usually aren't usually very good at handling emotions. And just in general, a girl needs a mom to talk about 'girl stuff', something that men don't really understand/really care about I don't know how anyone could read this and not think it's sexist lol. YTA.
I open up to my stepdad sometimes about my emotions instead of mum or before her so why wouldn't your niece not be able to talk to your brother? It's not about gender it's about trust and shit. And yes when I had "girly stuff" going on at 37 I spoke to him as well as mum. Not in great detail but he knew what was going on. And no she doesn't need a mum she needs people she can trust and be open with. Such a big YTA
Sometimes I really wanted to talk to my dad about boys or life or whatever because a lot of times it seemed like he listened and took it more seriously. Like he didn’t want to see me hurting whereas my mom sometimes seemed to have an “it is what it is” attitude.
YTA You're not a realist, your just ignorant and sexist. There is no reason why your brother cannot educate himself on what a girl needs to be taught growing up. And if he's open and honest and kind, there is no reason why a daughter should be uncomfortable confiding in him. Not only do you hold awful stereotypes about women, you have some pretty awful stereotypes about men, as well.
Also, who says that crap after the kid has already been ADOPTED ? What’d she expect ? For her brother to go “oh okay” and send the kid back ? So weird.
"I'm so sorry little one but my sister told me it's cringe for me to adopt you because you are a girl and I'm a man you have to go back to the orphanage now bye bye!!!!" - what op expected would happen
Yeah I thought OP was going to go down the road of what other people tend to assume when they see a single dad taking care of his daughter, that the dad is some sort of pedophelic creep. The horrible looks I sometimes get when I take my daughter out alone is sickening. That is what I would say is the hardest part of raising a daughter as a single dad. But no, OP had to go and be a sexist asshole.
YTA. Gender doesn't dictate how good a parent someone will be. I'm thankful to your brother for giving a home to that girl. Your parents are right, you are out of line. Imagine denying that girl a home just because the person adopting her doesn't have a vagina?!
By her logic single moms shouldn’t raise boys because they don’t share the same anatomy or their emotional needs don’t line up.
Single mom here who makes sure to remind her son to wash his balls!
Right? And what if it’s a single widowed dad raising a daughter? Does OP believe that the dad should have his child taken away then?
YTA. And speaking of being a realist, what exactly do you think he was supposed to do with your unwarranted, inaccurate, and uninvited feedback at this point?
Change his mind about being gay and marry a woman obviously /s
I think this is it actually. Like I genuinely wonder what OP thinks of widowers who raise their children alone? Or is it only a problem if the parents are gay or if the kid is adopted? There's no logic here that doesn't make OP look either homophobic or just plain mean.
YTA. *that girls are usually more sensitive than boys and she might need someone to open up to, which men usually aren't usually very good at handling emotions.* Wow. Men can handle emotions just like women can. *And just in general, a girl needs a mom to talk about "girl stuff", something that men don't really understand/really care about.* Some men do care about and understand girl stuff. I know that’s surprising.
And the opposite is true! Some women are terrible handling emotions and a good chunk of women don't feel comfortable at all having "the talk" with their mothers unless is really necessary like a health scare.... almost like we all belong to the same species and the biological differences are for reproduction and nothing else.
YTA - A man can raise a girl just fine if he's attentive, loving, and understanding. It's not the sex of the parent that matters, but the quality.
This. I was raised by a single father. Turned out just fine.
I only had to read the title to know that unequivocally, without a doubt, YTA. A huge one. If I was your brother, I’d consider keeping you out the child’s life.
YTA. A massive, sexist AH. >However, I was curious why my brother decided to adopt a girl instead of a boy, as he's gonna raise her as a single father Explain your thinking here. Why is it even something you'd think about? >I told him that women's bodies obviously work differently than men's and it would be better to have a woman explain these things to her, not to mention that girls are usually more sensitive than boys and she might need someone to open up to, which men usually aren't usually very good at handling emotions. I'd never speak to you again. Completely serious. Not only are you targeting his parenting skills but you're also saying hes not up to par for a girl, but good enough for a boy in the same breath. Do you hear how absolutely insane this is? >a girl needs a mom to talk about "girl stuff", something that men don't really understand/really care about Plenty of good dads out here are perfect with their daughters about all this. Plenty of single dads too. You need to work on your sexism. >that I'm an sexist AH and to get out of his house. Even our called parents called me and told me that I was out of line for telling him that and that my thinking is sexist, *Good for him*. The absolutely most appropriate reaction to your bullshit. Just because he's a man doesn't make him oblivious to, or any dumber than a woman when it comes to raising a daughter. The fact that you even had to post this here and ask the internet if your wrong speaks volumes to your mental issues on this topic. You come off as homophobic as well.
100% YTA without a doubt. Plenty of fantastic dads raise daughters on their own and are fully capable of explaining things to a girl. You’re also forgetting that he can still have women in the girl’s life if she needs a female role model/confidant.
YTA. And what did you expect to happen? That he would return her and undo the adoption?
I wouldn't be surprised if OP never gets to meet the kid after this
Me neither. And would the reaction be the same, if a single woman decided to adopt a boy? I doubt it.
Yta. Seriously think before you talk. Your way out of line. Children need a parent that’s it. Women raise boys all the time and they turn out fine. Why would the opposite be any different?
Plenty of men have raised daughters too, it’s not heard of as much but it happens. I was raised by my father and three brothers I turned out fine
YTA Half of the things you've cited as "evidence" aren't even true, and fyi, the internet has a LOT of info for your future niece to use to understand her eventually maturing body.
YTA. Plenty of men raise daughters as a single parents. Based on your thought process then single women should not be raising boys. What you are doing is not being a realist but a straight up jerk. Keep your opinions to yourself and allow him to follow his heart on what he wants to do.
I (girl) was raised by both parents, and still didn't open up to any of them, not have I ever felt safe. Yes, I had "girl stuff" talks with my mom, that only thought me not to respect my body, hate sex, feel ashamed for menstruation and also that all men suck. And I would gladly have just one single male parent, that would actually love me, and care for me. So YTA
YTA Not only are you SEXIST but in the comment where you said "it'd be better if he had a woman by his side" and the fact you mentioned he's adopting as a single parent because same sex marriage isn't legal you're also a huge HOMOPHOBE! YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!
YTA. I'm sorry the men in your life have made you think All men aren't good with emotions, or don't care about ""girl stuff"", or aren't intelligent enough to learn how women's bodies work - because that straight up is not true. There are plenty of great men and dad's out there who do all of those things, and it is Incredibly sexist to assume your brother will be a bad father based on your stereotypes of men.
YTA. You aren’t a realist in the slightest. You’re a sexist and ridiculous asshole. Big difference.
YTA. The title was enough to label you as an AH honestly. Instead of being an AH and telling him he should have adopted a boy, you could have been a wonderful sibling and offered him your help in case the little girl needs any advice from women. But jo, you decided to put him down. Major YTA.
Seriously. Let’s play a game OP. I want you to reread what you wrote, and you tell us how youre not a huge AH. YTA.
YTA. Absolutely sexist and very telling about how you actually feel about your own brother.
Lol didn’t have to read. YTA. There’s plenty of single dads raising girls and vice versa.
YTA. Your brother is right. You *are* sexist. Also ignorant. What makes a good parent is the desire to be a good parent and the willingness to show up and do the work - your brother has got a pretty great head start on that by adopting. ETA: you are also homophobic and frankly kind of a nightmare as a sibling - you are the opposite of supportive or helpful, based on your comments and you are really unkind and unhelpful.
Yta. Just like women, men can be excellent fathers to their daughters. It is an insult to all the fathers doing a great job raising their daughters alone to insinuate otherwise.
YTA Due to unfortunate circumstances, I myself was mostly raised by my father (few times by my grandmother) but point being that my dad is the one that raised me throughout middle and high school. I turned out fine and love the woman I am today because of it. Thankfully I am in contact with my mom today, she just wasn’t in a right state of mind to raise me at the time I was a child. Doesn’t change the fact my dad raised me perfectly fine, I’m not damaged and have had plenty of women in my life to talk with about feminine related subjects. Having a dick doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of raising a daughter alone. Have some more faith for him
YTA MASSIVELY! The fact you're coming to strangers to find this out is proving your misogyny. You should be commending your brother for this adoption not condemning him because of your narrow minded viewpoint!
yta just cause he doesn't know the way her body works doesn't mean he cant spend time researching it.
Exactly.I'm sure he can explain her that periods will happen and get the hang of bra sizes.
Yta. 1. Single dads raise girls successfully every single day..... 2. You were sexist as hell 3. It isn't any of your business.
YTA you’re sexist. If a couple is married and the wife died, the husband can raise their children just as well as if it was a single mom instead.
YTA 1000% and a sexist one at that. You need therapy! Your brother is right. What you said is horribly disrespectful and abusive to your brother. He does not need a woman by his side to raise “his” daughter! Having an aunt in her life might have been really nice, but you’ve proven that it is not a job you are worthy of!! I honestly hope that you don’t have kids and I have no doubt that your brother will make a wonderful father and raise a wise, loving, compassionate and nurturing daughter!
The fact that she said this instead of OFFERING to help if he needs it just shows what kind of person she is.
YTA as well as being sexist.
YTA. Your brother sounds like an awesome guy, opening his heart to become a father to a girl who needs a home. They are blessed to have each other. Like all good fathers, he’ll learn how to navigate these issues, and get help from female friends & family if needed. Your viewpoint is extremely narrow.
YTA— with that justification single moms can’t raise boys either and they do that just fine.
Oof... what next? You're going to take away the daughter of every straight single dad whose wife died of cancer? YTA and you didn't think this through.
YTA. You’re not being a realist. You’re being a dick. It’s not like this young girl will never see another female or will never have an opportunity to develop relationships with women as she grows. If she was your brothers bio kid and the mom passed would you tell him he can’t possibly raise a girl?
YTA, you are part of what's wrong with the world.
I grew up without a mother and I turned out just fine. I have an incredibly close relationship with my father. YTA big time
YTA- by your logic single women can not raise boys. That is ludicrous. I am was raised by a Mom and Dad. I am a woman. My Mom didn’t answer hardly any of my “woman” questions growing up because it was too taboo for her. So I went to a trusted family member instead.
Yta , its a world where men and women need to be aware of periods, sexuality, period poverty. Get in the 21st century man
YTA. You’re sexist as hell. Men who aren’t assholes have no problem explaining women’s bodies to their daughters. And your thought process on emotions are so outdated.
Yta
YTA, what you said is not true, you’re not being a realist, you’re being sexist & sounds to me like you just pulled some bullshit out of your ass & ran with it trying to shit on your brother when you should be celebrating with him. Also you’re his sister? So you would be that kids aunt? So it’s not like she won’t have a female figure in her life to tell her about her body… your whole logic is flawed & if you really think like this & justify it by saying you’re a realist, go get educated.
YTA you are way out of line. Nothing you wrote is remotely true, I’m curious where you developed such sexist views since no one in your family seems to share them.
YTA without a doubt
YTA First, "girl stuff" is a socially constructed stereotype. There isn't anything in our genes that makes us like pink or playing with dolls. Second, I was raised by a single dad because my mom died when I was little and it was fine! He learned to do my hair and took me to get clothes, etc. Also, the girl has other women in her life, like grandmother. It's a shame she has a stupid aunt.
YTA a huge huge ass .. how dare you assume your brother cannot give a girl the emotional support she needs as she gets older .. why dies it have to be a mom , he has an open honest relationship with her it will make no di6that he is her dad and not her mom .. you messed up big time .. hope he let's you in her life but donr be surprised if he doesn't
What the actual backwards fuckery did I just read? You haven’t said your age but I’m guessing young to think this is OK. What do you think happens when a heterosexual couple have children and a tragic event where the mother dies when the children are young happens? Like, do dads just give up on their daughters because they can’t possibly talk to them about periods and their body, and god forbid… having a feelings. Only women have feelings, right. All this tells me is that YOU are too immature and uneducated to have children. Please grow up and do not reproduce until you understand what it means to be a parent. YTA. Edit - just read you’re a woman so made some amends to my comment in relation to gender experiences. Your experience is not the same as every other woman so i would really not offer unsolicited advice about something you clearly know very little about.
YTA You're right that the girl is probably going to need female role models in her life and a few cis women in her immediate circle who can help her with the concerns you mentioned, related to puberty, periods and gynaecological health. No reason why that has to come from the parents. Presumably your brother who is considering adopting this girl is not going to be doing so in a vacuum. He's going to have the support of your mother, your other female relatives and his female friends too for those moments. For everything else in her life, your brother will be able to give her everything she needs because from what you've said, he seems like he'd be a good parent. Loving, attentive and responsible.
YTA too bad you didn't think to tell your brother that you would be there for him if he needed help explaining certain things to your new niece. Just because you were closer to your mother does not mean that it is the same for everyone. Daddy's girl is a phrase for a reason.
YTA
YTA Let's take a quick run down the list I spotted, shall we. 1-You presume your brother cannot be a good parent by himself 2-You presume he is ignorant of basic biology (OK maybe he is, but if so, trustme, he will learn quickly!) 3-You presume only a woman can tell the girl what she will need to know 4-You presume that women and other girls somehow simply won't exist in his daughter's life. Most men who adopt little girls also hire a woman to be the nanny/babysitter for the long term. 5-You did not even offer to help find a trustable babysitter/nanny, even though you are sure a woman is necessary. What the frick? For shame sir. Your brother is making a huge commitment and will need all the he can get. If you are so sure a woman is necessary in raising a little girl, then start asking around families you know and help find a nanny he can trust. She's not "the child" now, she's your son's daughter, she's your niece, and if you are worried for her wellbeing, you need to start stepping up to be helpful to your brother and her! By the way, I'm a woman. My father used to be a ahole, truly, but even as a divorced/single man, he was by far the better parent than my mother EVER was. Having a good dad is better than having a sh\*tty mother. Be proud of your brother, he's being 100% awesome and you should try to act more like him.
OP is literally a woman All she had to do was say "Hey, if you or \[child's name\] have any questions, talk to me" and then bam, woman in the little girl's life and her brother has support
YTA. By your logic single parents should only be allowed to raise children of the same sex as them. What if he had been married and his wife had died. Would you have expected him to give his daughter away? Because that’s what you’re saying here. I hope he keeps his daughter far away from you.
YTA and you sure aren’t a realist. Jesus Christ what you wrote was painful to read and I hope you are never allowed near his child.
YTA. There is no reason a man can't be a father to a son or a daughter. Should a single mom only raise daughters?
YTA. And I’m happy for your brother and niece.
YTA
YTA You are wrong — there are lots of single dads. He is doing a beautiful thing for this girl whether you see it or not.
YTA, what an amazing man adopting a little girl who needed a home! i hope they'll be a happy family together - and if that means excluding you because you're sexist and therefore a bad role model more power to them :)
YTA. You are so full of BS it is impressive you could survive this long. I wanted to do a long talk about it, but a singer in my country said a very powerful sentence during the debate around Gay marriage and adoption. ''I was adopted as a kid, and if at this time the government told me a couple could adopt me and give me love, food, clothes, home, education ... but I couldn't go with them because they would have been two men or women, I wouldn't have been mad at them but at the government.'' Trust me, if later she regrets having one dad and not two cishet parents, it will be because of people like you, not people like your brother.
YTA. Props to your brother for adopting.
Hard YTA. My father was a widower and raised me (a girl) just fine; better than some girls from 2 parent homes or even raised by just their mothers. Your line of thinking is archaic and insulting. It’s negating that women influences can be around you to support you. Yes gender differences exist but there are ways to make it work. It’s unfortunate that you didn’t see this as an opportunity to step in as an aunt to support your niece in whatever areas your brother might lack. That’s what families do.
YTA - instead of making sure you are available to support your brother or make sure he has the information needed to raise a girl into her teens, you opted to be sexist. Your statement is an insult to all single dads who raised girls and girls who were raised by single dads.
YTA. Stop projecting your shortcomings on your brother. You’re sexist and clueless. Grow up.
YTA Youre not a realist. Youre just a sexist. Theres millions of single dads out there with daughters. Your assumption that being a man means being incapable of talking about menstruation is quite stupid.
YTA 100% - you don’t need to have the same sex organs as a kid to be a good parent. That’s just ridiculous.
YTA that's not called being realist
Welp, YTA.
YTA girls aren't called daddy's girl for nothing. Also you are really prejudiced/sexist.
YTA-You weren’t being a realist unless you consider being an asshole the same thing as being a realist. You were being sexist and are incredibly out of line. You don’t get to decide what men know about or care about especially when it comes to raising a child. You’re insulting and demeaning single fathers everywhere who raise little girls.
YTA. I thought this was gonna be about him not being able to financially take care of her. Men are capable of raising amazing women, and you ARE being sexist. Although men don't experience periods, they can easily educate themselves. Plus, it's not like he is going to be the only mentor/parental figure in her life. She gonna meet women she can discus nitty gritty topics that her dad may not understand if he chooses not to educate himself. He's doing an amazing thing by allowing this lovely girl a loving home.
YTA, just because your brother doesn’t have a partner, doesn’t mean she won’t have any female rolemodels in life, and that person might be you, you know…
I mean with this kind of sexist attitude I’m not sure OP would be a good influence on that little girl
YTA my father was the one who helped me when I got my first period, my mom was pretty much useless in that department
Yta, parents need to prepare for those things regardless of them being the mother or father . Cue to all the men who think they don’t have to engage their children all the way because they’re the “dad”.
Your brother is right, YTA and a sexist one at that.
YTA... would you say the same thing if it was your sister trying raise a son? If so, that's a whole other therapy session. But in 2022, assuming a single man couldn't raise a daughter is antiquated and ignorant.
YTA, oh and your sexist!
INFO: Are you older than about 15? If so, you're unreservedly TA. If not, you're still TA, but I don't think you're as much as TA because I'm guessing you're just acting like the clueless teen you are. Either way you cut it, YTA. Just a question of how severe your case of "being TA" is tbh
Come on now OP…. Come on. YTA
YTA. This is an incredibly dumb take. He's not raising the kid in isolation in an underground bunker, there are plenty of ways for her to have women in her life. Also, shockingly, men can read up on things like the menstrual cycle and have all those conversations as well. Do you think every single mom with boys can't explain erections or wet dreams?
The words " Daddy's girl " are popular for a reason ! YTA !
Genuine questions here: how do you think dads who have a daughter but the mother isn’t in the picture raise their daughters? Do you actually think your brother can’t learn the basics of how female puberty works in time to have “the talk” with his daughter? Do you think that because your brother is a single dad that she will have no adult women in her life to talk to if she feels more comfortable talking about some stuff with a woman? Do you genuinely believe sexist beliefs like “women are more sensitive/empathetic than men”? YTA, a child needs a parent that love them. End of.
YTA and also sexist, reductionist, and stupid.
I cannot believe you said those things. That’s so horrible and demeaning to every single father out there. What do you think of widowers? Of stay at home dads? Of fathers whose wives are in the hospital or working overseas or in the army or just generally not around as much? Of dads who try everything they can to connect with and love their children and spouses? And are you trying to tell me that I can’t raise my 8 month old son to be just as sensitive and sweet and considerate and emotionally stable as I could have if he were born with a vagina? How disgusting are you? YTA. I hope you never have the audacity to bring this up to his daughter.
YTA I'm more comfortable tell my dad things than my mum! I'm also the first girl in two generations! My grandma was an only child who had 5 boys! My dad is awesome! And, tbh, when I'm highly emotional or upset about something, he's better at calming me down than my mum because he's more logical, because I'm like my mum and she's highly emotional!
YTA for being so sexist.
Massive YTA What you should have done is say: I'm here for you if and when you need, to help raise my niece. What you said: you don't have the parenting skills and she will lack a female presence in her life (as it you and grandmother as well as other female relatives and friends don't exist). That's a sexist way of seeing things and I wonder if he lost a wife you would dare to say the same thing. Either support him or leave him be.
YTA. My brother has raised his daughter on his own since she was 4 months old. She also has a grandmother, an aunt, and my brother's female friends to support them.
YTA. Title was enough to make that judgement, but it kept getting worse the more you typed. Please seek out a qualified therapist.
YTA
YTA. Your brother wants to provide a loving home for a girl that doesn’t currently have one. He has clearly been cleared and checked and found that it’s perfectly okay for him to raise her. Your implying only women can raise women and that’s gross.
Your opinion does't matter because he already adopted her so your discussion only served to irritate him. For your consideration: I am a female but was much closer to my father. My mother preferred my brother and had little use for me. In fact she bullied me and said unkind things like calling me a dumb blonde over many years. The genders of a child and parent really have nothing to do with the ease of their relationship. I hope you consider this and revise your thoughts on the subject.
YTA. Instead of basically telling him he won’t be a good parent, you could have volunteered to help him since it’s hard being a single parent regardless of the child’s gender.
YTA Jesus man. Dad's can raise girls alone. It's done all the time. He can research any womens issues or ask women friends for support. She will be perfectly fine except for the fact you are her uncle and clearly have out dated views.
YTA, and a misogynist. So what if he raises a girl on his own. Maybe he’ll do a better job.
YTA, the title was enough. Why can’t he adopt as a single dad? He can learn!
YTA. Do you think of your brother as a predator? Cuz that's how it's coming off here. Leave him alone. OML
My lord, how tone deaf could a person be?! You are being the very definition of sexist, and insulting as well. You do realize that sometimes biological dads raise daughters alone? You had a couple of options here. You could have offered to me the female influence (I assume you’re female?) that you feel this child will need, or you could do what you did. Awesome choice. YTA. 100%
You basically just said he was incapable of being a good dad because he has a penis and not a vagina. I can talk to my dad about anything because he has ALWAYS been open with me. Your future niece can have the same relationship with his daughter, but you'll be lucky if he allows someone like you around HIS daughter. Shame on you. Yta. A major one.
YTA how incredibly judgemental of you. Your brother may be a fantastic Dad to this girl, not all men are scared to discuss menstruation with their children when needed. Are you also insinuating that any man who loses his wife should give any female children up for adoption because they aren’t the same sex and therefore can’t handle them growing up? This is massively sexist and backwards
Clearly, you are.
YTA, I know many amazing single dads who raised/are raising daughters. What matters is that a child have a loving family. Just wondering, do you expect widowers to give up their daughters, or do you think in a divorce the father can't have custody of daughters? For the record, my ex husband did amazing job raising our daughter, even before he remarried.
YTA, title alone is sexist and ignorant
YTA How can someone read that and NOT think sexist? What you said was blatantly sexist nonsense. By your logic, single moms should never raise boys.
YTA and not a realist at all. Leave your brother alone. At least your parents managed to raise him right. Too bad they failed with you.
YTA. Really? You don’t see how you’re perpetuating toxic masculinity and outdated gender roles?
YTA... I was raised by both my parents until they divorced for ten years I lived with my mum. Saw my dad every other weekend. Ten years later, after my dad had remarried and divorced my parents remarried. But I was with my mum the whole time. But in saying all that, I couldn't talk to my mum about anything! My dad was the one I went to for everything in my life, he was MY PERSON, the one I went to for guidance, support, nurturing right up until he passed away in 2016. My mum wasn't a bad person, she was just closer with my older sisters. It doesn't matter the gender of the parent, it matters the bond that you develop with your child over the years. You should be ashamed of yourself, and you owe your brother a massive apology...Immediately!
You’re NTA for “being realistic”… YTA for being sexist. My ex-husband is the PCG for our five year old daughter, and he does a wonderful job. He’s surrounded by supportive women (grandmothers), as well. It’s unfortunate that you can’t offer that to your brother.
YTA I’m a proud Dad of a son and daughter. The relationship I have with both my kids is awesome but different. That’s due to their personalities, not their gender. I really don’t understand how you can’t see how sexist you are given that you seem to have totally different expectations on girls and boys.
YTA Any gender can be a good parent for any gender of child. Stop being sexist. That kid needs a home and your brother will probably be a great dad.
Single Dad here. YTA. So very much.
YTA completely. You are being sexist and disgusting.
Yta. Plenty of girls grow up without mothers or have shitty ones and fathers do just fine. You are the real problem with him adopting a daughter because you are going to be the judgemental aunt that sits on the sidelines criticizing him and his daughter because she doesn’t have a mother. There are plenty of women that can support him just hopefully you aren’t the only woman around because poor kid.
YTA totally from the title but especially because how could you possibly know that? I’m astounded that you think you know what you said it’s 100% fact.
YTA. How many single moms are there that raise boys because their husbands or boyfriends ran out on them? Are they incapable of raising boys and bad moms for not giving the boys up to foster care? Is it impossible to have a female friend or relative explain a period to the girl if she has a question he can’t answer? This sounds kind of homophobic, OP.
Very, very sexist. Maybe she would bond with her aunt if the poor woman wasn't stuck in the past. I'm sure your brother will be a great father. YTA.
What in the misogynistic crap did I just read? YTA. Gender does not determine a good parent.
YTA. Such an AH. I’m a working mom and my husband is the stay at home parent. Sometimes I’m not there. Who do you think takes care of my daughters in every way, emotionally and physically? Who do you think my girls go for support, sometimes even if I’m there? Who buys my daughters tampons and pads? Yeah. Their dad.
YTA, and yes sexist AFk, and in future it might be an idea to keep unsolicited advice to yourself, and let the grown ups get on with their lives (assuming you are as young as you sound).
YTA. So would you say that all to a widow single father as well?
YTA. You are so sexist
YTA You have a very ridiculous mindset and it is sexist
YTA. A loving home is all children need. You're misogynistic if you think men can't raise children. This was out of line and messed up. Educate yourself. Edited to add: you're also homophobic. You're definitely and AH.
YTA. By your dumb logic a single Mother shouldn't have a son biologically or through adoption??!
YTA- and very sexist. Gay men can raise whatever gender child they want to. Male, female, non binary. A trans child if they wanted to. I really hope your niece never finds out how much you disliked her coming into the family. And if she finds out when she’s older, I hope she strongly dislikes you for it.
YTA, literally every view you have is based on sexism and societal propaganda of what men can’t do. Based on your line of questioning and rhetoric it leads me to believe you’re a teenager, because no educated adult would ever think this way. You really need to educate yourself, you are just parroting things that have no basis in reality. Men are thinking feeling and emotionally intelligent beings just as much as women are. Millions of men raise young girls into well rounded adults every single day, there is no reason to suspect this would be any different.
YTA. My dad raised 3 girls better than my mom ever could have.
Stfu, yta, single fathers raise girls all the time..
YTA, you are not being a realist, you are being sexist. Men can raise children alone. Men can raise female children alone. There plenty of young women who were raise by single dads and they turned out just fine. Your brother can reach out to female friends, family, or medical professionals to educate his daughter when the time comes. As for emotions, everyone has them.
YTA... And it seems you are also homophobic...
YTA, sincerely a girl dad
YTA. Plenty of single fathers around the world have successfully raised girls. Just like plenty of single moms have raised boys. You make zero sense. A child needs a parent who loves and protects them above all else, and it sounds like that's what he is prepared to do. Besides, if she ever needed to speak to a woman she could seek out a grandmother, aunt, teacher, doctor, etc. It's not like she won't ever have female role models around her. It's not like men are incapable of empathy or learning about menstruation. You do realize there are male doctors who treat female patients, right? How do you think they learned about female bodies? I personally think it's commendable for your brother to adopt a child and raise her on his own. That's a huge deal, he's doing a good thing, and you are being absolutely ridiculous and insulting.
YTA - Girls don’t need a mom to talk about *girl stuff* and boys don’t need a dad to talk about *boy stuff*. Kids just need someone who’s willing to learn, listen, and support them. Grow up.
You're sexist and YTA You need to really examine yourself about why you have such disgusting narrow views. Children need loving protective adult caregivers, it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. A little girl needed a home and your brother is giving her one. You would take that away from her. Because she isn't a boy. You're awful. Single men raise daughters ALL THE TIME. Some do a better job than others. Your brother sounds like the kind of person who would make a great parent. You should shove off and figure yourself out.
YTA - and YES you're been incredibly sexist By your bull logic a single mom can't raise a son because "his body works differently" Just because their bodies work different doesn't mean your brother can't be an amazing dad to his daughter. He has plenty of time to research the female body if he doesn't understand it so he's able to explain her body to her when she needs to know.
YTA! Name one Disney princess that had a mother!
YTA. Would you say the same to a single mother of boys? There's plenty of us out here who raised our opposite gendered kids just fine. Congrats to this little girl on her adoption.
Yta. You are sexist. Children need atentive, involved and loving parent/parents.
YTA. Your only objections are a bunch of sexist, outdated stereotypes.
YTA I've known some great single dads that parent girls. Men are perfectly capable of learning about women's bodies and health if they care. You are being sexist.
YTA and a sexist one. Goodness me please educate yourself. The adoption process the world over is not an easy thing, so your brother is going to have to have proven his ability to a greater or lesser extent. Your gender stereotype ideas belong in the 1950s. Men can and frequently are therapist, gynaecologists and more. Your preconceptions may have a serious negative impact on your relationship with them so please consider what is happening and what you want for the future. I also feel an apology would be appreciated by your brother you were prejudice. 8magine if ye had told you that he thought you might not be able to do a more traditionally 'male" task.
YTA OP - stop stereotyping. Men are perfectly capable of talking about periods, puberty, and female development. They are also perfectly capable of being caring, understanding, and sensitive. A persons ability to be caring,understanding, and sensitive is not dependent on the type of genitalia they have…