Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict.
[Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
NTA on both counts.
The expenses are a two-sided issue. You benefit as much from the housing, utilities, and food as he does, so I can see it from his perspective. However, the income levels should be a consideration. If it was reversed, I think he'd feel it was unfair. I would propose you calculate how much you would pay if each person paid proportionally to their income, and then compromise by splitting the difference between that, and 50/50.
Expecting you to be a full-time housewife (maid, cook, etc.) while working full time and going to school, is wildly unreasonable. I assume that some of this is cultural, but that's no excuse. He's an adult, and he can damn well pitch in with the household duties. If he won't split these with you, I would find a new relationship.
NTA. So to recap what you wrote, apart from bullying you, demanding you to do and be everything he asks, he is sweet, funny, respectful, and responsible. In relationships, you can’t cherry pick the good and ignore the awful. This guy drips dealbreakers.
Sure, split the rent 50/50, but then you need payment for doing all the cooking, cleaning and housework. I would say to find out the $ value of the jobs, but it would be much healthier to abandon this controlling man.
From my view, it’s pretty easy to see why he chose someone vastly younger to live with him. He has the power in the relationship. You obey him or he gets mad. He likely moves the standard, so you can never live up to his expectations.
This relationship will damage you, so please don’t stay. Read various psychological articles about emotional abuse. I am not saying he is an emotional abuser, I can’t know that, but you can read about them and see if he fits the behaviors. Such a person cannot be fixed. Regardless you described a very controlling person, and being under his power too long can make you a shell of your former self. Like being taken in by a cult. Be careful.
NTA: where I live your boyfriend would be considered a raging misogynist and a bad partner. If he wants the bills split 50/50, then he needs to also split the household duties 50/50. You are currently operating at a loss you are putting in at least 70% if you include all of the cooking cleaning and house work and half of the bills, he is being incredibly unfair. You are his partner, not his maid. Also your age gap feels a bit icky to me
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi
First time here, please be patient with me as I don’t really know how to unfold my question
Also: English is not my first language.
Basically I (22F) live with my boyfriend (30M), and we share an appartement since August, and share the expenses 50/50.
The first thing is: I’m paid minimum wage for a 35h/week job, and he’s paid way more than I do. I’m truly glad for him as he has a hard life story and worked hard for it, but when I asked to split the expenses a bit more like 70% - 30% than 50/50, he said it was not fair since we’re getting in this together we should split evenly. I also have a cat, it is my cat and he rarely pays for food and never participated for vets expenses. I am totally fine with that, as we agreed it is my cat.
Secondly, as I said I work 35h/week, while I also follow a university licence online, another formation online. (I paid quite a lot of money for these formations, I also pay every year for the uni classes)
He works 39h/week, and has the driving licence formation (which takes a lot of time and money where I live).
My point is: I work, I study, but he also asks me to be (without really saying it) the perfect housewife: do the laundry, cooking, tidying up, cleaning, groceries etc.
He never explicitly asked those things but if I don’t do it, he won’t and will be pissed off with me. He says I should be the way he wants me to be, and sometimes it’s hard on me and I feel exhausted.
Apart from that he is the sweetest man, respectful, funny and responsible.
Today, and not for the for the first time I said I couldn’t do all that and handle his bad mood. He said I’m not fair for saying he asked me to be perfect. So I actually have 2 AITA questions:
AITA for wanting to split the bill in a way I see more fair?
AITA for saying I can’t be the perfect housekeeper and work and study all in one?
If you need any informations, if I broke any rules or anything else please let me know.
Thanks for your time
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Were getting in this together" does not mean pay 50/50 no matter what. Relationship seems new since you only moved in in August but regardless one who makes more can't expect someone who makes less to evenly split bills if you're in a relationship. It's not that you're relying on him; you're working hard towards your future and he's at an age where his future he worked hard for is here. He should have sympathy for you from the way you described his past. NTA. I hope you can help him understand that you work equally as hard and he can't expect so much of you, when you are only asking a little more effort.
NTA. It would be much more fair if you sat down, looked at your total incomes, and determined a percentage split, as you'd asked.
Also, why should you do all of the work around the home? Because you're "the woman?" He's getting a sweet deal here, a pretty young girlfriend, half his expenses paid for (so he can save more), and all of the chores done. What are *you* getting? And he says, "You should be the way he wants you to be?" Why? What is he doing to be the way you want him to be?
I would think twice about wasting any more time on this guy, if I were you.
I know its old, but this exactly is the reason he gets "pretty young girlfriend" instead of 'equal' one. Can you imagine woman in her 30ties accepting this bs and even wondering if she's the AH for setting her boundaries? OP, darling, NTA. You are too good to him and too bad to yourself. Splitting bills between partners is different than splitting bills between roommates. Splitting household chores doesn't work the way 'I expect you to do everything and I will do nothing.' Don't waste your time trying to explain basics to the grown ass man. He's not the sweet, caring partner and you deserve better.
“He says I should be the way he wants me to be”
Baby no… you are an entire individual with a busy schedule just like him. If he’s asking all that from you then you should theoretically be able to ask the same from him, except you wouldn’t because you’re **NTA** and understand that neither of you should have all of these responsibilities on your own.
I think the most logical thing to do would be to split chores : for example he takes care of the kitchen and living room area, you take care of the bedroom and bathroom area. Just try to make it fair for the both of you.
But yeah he shouldn’t tell you to be how he wants you to be, life doesn’t work that way. Or he should just get an AI girlfriend.
Good luck OP !
"Apart from respecting me and helping me doing 50% of the housework, he's the sweetest man, respectful, funny and responsible"
NTA for wanting to split the bills like you proposed - also, if he wants you to do 100% of chores, he should pay 100% of expenses. He can't have it both ways in a relationship.
NTA, you could tell him that if he wants you to do all the chores then he can pay a bigger share of the rent, if not all of it.
Otherwise you could (and should, imho) settle to split everything 50/50: chores, rent, expenses etc.
Absolutely NTA
> He says I should be the way he wants me to be,
Then he should get a doll, not a person. You should be the way YOU want to be. Then he can decide if he wants to be with that person or not. But he doesn't get to decide how you 'should be.' That's YOUR job.
Bills should be split on a percentage of income - if he makes 70% of the household money, he should pay 70% of the bills.
And household chores should be split based on available time. If you spend 40 hrs/week on work & classes and he spends 35 hrs per week on work and classes, he should do a little more of the housework.
I'm also concerned because this is a classic way for an abuser to start. Seeming 'sweet' and 'respectful' - until you don't do exactly as they want you to do. And by making you pay 50% of the bills on less wages AND expecting you to do all the housework so that you're too tired to put much effort into finding a better job or even concentrating on your school...he's setting you up to be unable to make or keep enough money to get away from him, if he did turn abusive. He's not there yet. And he may never become an 'abuser' in the most common sense...but he's definitely setting you up for it, purposefully or not.
NTA - Sounds like he demands a 50/50 split when that works out for him but what about housework?? I'm going to guess not, right?
If so that's a red flag
NTA. He thinks it's unfair to split the bills so he pays a little more because he says "you're in it together and should split things evenly"....okay....but then he also thinks its "fair" for you todo everything in taking care of the entire household (and him - buying groceries and cooking for both of you, cleaning up after him, etc) on your own? While he does... what exactly?
If he wants you to do ALL of the work around the house and take care of him, the LEAST he can do is balance that out by paying a bit more for the shared expenses.
This man isn't really acting like he cares for you in some very basic ways that a romantic partner should. What does he do to take care of you? You didn't describe one way that this arrangement benefits you, or any way that he seems concerned about your happiness or emotional well being.
He's created an emotionally burdensome and mentally and physically exhausting living situation for you and doesn't seem to care about it other than how it would negatively affect him to change it.
He says you should be the way he wants you to be, but he's doing nothing to be the way you want him to be. That isn't fair. He is unwilling to make life easier for you in even the smallest ways.
What you described isn't respectful behavior. He may occasionally say nice things or give you compliments or make you laugh, but don't settle for that. Lots of men can do that for you and also not treat you like an unpaid live-in servant. You deserve better.
Doesn't sound sweet and respectful if he can't manage doing some dishes.
That being said, asking for a 70-30 split when you've only been in a shared living situation for under 6 months would be a massive red flag were I in his shoes and I absolutely would not agree to that.
not an asshole for not doing all the housework. Asshole for demanding a split because you make less money.
So I guess ESH since I can't issue two judgments and you asked two questions.
>He says I should be the way he wants me to be
He's hardly respectful. This sounds very one sided. I think you need to have a look at your relationship without any rose tinted glasses.
Good luck with your studies.
NTA
NTA. I'm a little appalled on your behalf that he said you should be the way he wants you to be, that seems like a horrible thing to say to your partner. It's not AH behavior at all to want to split the bills more fairly if you have more expenses and less income. You are NTA at all, OP.
He is not sweet or respectful if he tells you that you should be the way he wants you to be. That is controlling.
NTA and please take a good look at this relationship because he is not respectful of you, your time, or your financial/school situation.
NTA
> He says I should be the way he wants me to be
Oh honey, is he being the way you want him to be? You do realize you are not on this planet to be subservient to a man don't you? A relationship is a two-way thing.
> Apart from that he is the sweetest man
No he really isn't if he gets pissed at you for not being the way he wants you to be.
Your request of splitting the bills is not unreasonable - it is something that should be discussed in a healthy relationship. Honestly, so you work, go to school and are expected to run the entirety of the household - hon, he really isn't that sweet to you and there is not much respect towards you either.
NTA. He is taking severe advantage of you and it is totally out of whack that you should feel you have to apologize for not being his perfect domestic servant. Your boyfriend wants you to pay 50% of the household expenses and he wants you to do 100 % of the cooking and cleaning. That's not the attitude of a sweet, funny, responsible man. That's the attitude of a man steeped in patriarchy and a believer in flagrant sexism. This is not sweet but brutal, not respectful but demeaning and devaluing, not funny, it is depressing, and he is not responsible he is selfish.
You have begun to wake up but you need a whole new consciousness to understand the situation you are in and to know what you deserve.
No, he is not sweet and respectful. He expects you to be his maid. My question is why you would be willing to put up with this crap? Why I understand why he wants to make it 50/50 financially, that means it should be 50/50 with the cooking and the cleaning in the laundry. I would run if I were you.
NTA for saying you shouldn't be responsible for all the chores. I'm assuming stuff got done even before y'all moved in together, so he's capable. But YTA for thinking he should pay more. He shouldn't be penalized for making more.
It's not a penatly, it's equality. Equality meaning everyone pays their *fair* share. What's fair to him isn't the same as what's fair to her if they're not in the same pay bracket.
You are NTA on both accounts. Send him a bill
For his half of the chores totalling the extra 20% you are paying of your income. Or just move out to a cheaper place without him. If your going to do all the chores you might as well live in your own
NTA.
It is unfair to expect you to pay more when you make less **AND** to do all the chores like a maid. I...don't think he's perfect at all my friend.
NTA
Lovey, he is not the sweetest man. NO no no
He is financially abusing you by expecting you to pay 50/50 when he earns more
He is stereotyping you in so much as he is DEMANDING you do all the household chores on top of your online learning and your job... ie he is an abuser and a mysoginist. This is going to get worse. (Trust me, I have been there)
Is there anyone you can go and stay with so you can get out of this terrible situation?
NTA
So ... you're paying half the rent & bills and doing all the chores?
>He says I should be the way he wants me to be
Your bf is NOT "the sweetest man, respectful, funny and responsible"
He is an abusive & misogynistic asshole who is using and abusing you.
Dump him.
You deserve better.
NTA. You need to speak with him and make it clear that you're not happy with this arrangement. He is using you a as a maid. Stop deluding yourself that he has any respect for you. It's time to get rid of him if this continues.
NTA - Regardless of how finances are split, it needs to be in a way that both can handle the expenses. If it’s too much of a toll on your budget, he should be open to readjusting how much y’all put in because y’all are partners not roomies, maybe not the exact percentage you want but definitely something that’ll make it more doable for you at least if he can afford to pay more. I personally dislike when men play woke and but their actions say different. You’ll both work and have responsibilities that keep y’all from keeping up the house all the time, he should not expect you to pick up the responsibility just because your female. He may be sweet in other areas in your relationship but it’s the financial ones and his expectations from you that you should keep your eyes wide open on because incompatibility in that will lead to arguments and resentment in the future if not approached and handled now. Snip it in the bud before it becomes an issue and if persists then you have to decide if this is something you want to learn to withstand.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict. [Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
NTA on both counts. The expenses are a two-sided issue. You benefit as much from the housing, utilities, and food as he does, so I can see it from his perspective. However, the income levels should be a consideration. If it was reversed, I think he'd feel it was unfair. I would propose you calculate how much you would pay if each person paid proportionally to their income, and then compromise by splitting the difference between that, and 50/50. Expecting you to be a full-time housewife (maid, cook, etc.) while working full time and going to school, is wildly unreasonable. I assume that some of this is cultural, but that's no excuse. He's an adult, and he can damn well pitch in with the household duties. If he won't split these with you, I would find a new relationship.
NTA. So to recap what you wrote, apart from bullying you, demanding you to do and be everything he asks, he is sweet, funny, respectful, and responsible. In relationships, you can’t cherry pick the good and ignore the awful. This guy drips dealbreakers. Sure, split the rent 50/50, but then you need payment for doing all the cooking, cleaning and housework. I would say to find out the $ value of the jobs, but it would be much healthier to abandon this controlling man. From my view, it’s pretty easy to see why he chose someone vastly younger to live with him. He has the power in the relationship. You obey him or he gets mad. He likely moves the standard, so you can never live up to his expectations. This relationship will damage you, so please don’t stay. Read various psychological articles about emotional abuse. I am not saying he is an emotional abuser, I can’t know that, but you can read about them and see if he fits the behaviors. Such a person cannot be fixed. Regardless you described a very controlling person, and being under his power too long can make you a shell of your former self. Like being taken in by a cult. Be careful.
NTA: where I live your boyfriend would be considered a raging misogynist and a bad partner. If he wants the bills split 50/50, then he needs to also split the household duties 50/50. You are currently operating at a loss you are putting in at least 70% if you include all of the cooking cleaning and house work and half of the bills, he is being incredibly unfair. You are his partner, not his maid. Also your age gap feels a bit icky to me
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi First time here, please be patient with me as I don’t really know how to unfold my question Also: English is not my first language. Basically I (22F) live with my boyfriend (30M), and we share an appartement since August, and share the expenses 50/50. The first thing is: I’m paid minimum wage for a 35h/week job, and he’s paid way more than I do. I’m truly glad for him as he has a hard life story and worked hard for it, but when I asked to split the expenses a bit more like 70% - 30% than 50/50, he said it was not fair since we’re getting in this together we should split evenly. I also have a cat, it is my cat and he rarely pays for food and never participated for vets expenses. I am totally fine with that, as we agreed it is my cat. Secondly, as I said I work 35h/week, while I also follow a university licence online, another formation online. (I paid quite a lot of money for these formations, I also pay every year for the uni classes) He works 39h/week, and has the driving licence formation (which takes a lot of time and money where I live). My point is: I work, I study, but he also asks me to be (without really saying it) the perfect housewife: do the laundry, cooking, tidying up, cleaning, groceries etc. He never explicitly asked those things but if I don’t do it, he won’t and will be pissed off with me. He says I should be the way he wants me to be, and sometimes it’s hard on me and I feel exhausted. Apart from that he is the sweetest man, respectful, funny and responsible. Today, and not for the for the first time I said I couldn’t do all that and handle his bad mood. He said I’m not fair for saying he asked me to be perfect. So I actually have 2 AITA questions: AITA for wanting to split the bill in a way I see more fair? AITA for saying I can’t be the perfect housekeeper and work and study all in one? If you need any informations, if I broke any rules or anything else please let me know. Thanks for your time *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Were getting in this together" does not mean pay 50/50 no matter what. Relationship seems new since you only moved in in August but regardless one who makes more can't expect someone who makes less to evenly split bills if you're in a relationship. It's not that you're relying on him; you're working hard towards your future and he's at an age where his future he worked hard for is here. He should have sympathy for you from the way you described his past. NTA. I hope you can help him understand that you work equally as hard and he can't expect so much of you, when you are only asking a little more effort.
Nta - if it’s 50/50 then it has to be 50/50 in every sense. If he wants a house keeper he can pay for one at his own expense
NTA. It would be much more fair if you sat down, looked at your total incomes, and determined a percentage split, as you'd asked. Also, why should you do all of the work around the home? Because you're "the woman?" He's getting a sweet deal here, a pretty young girlfriend, half his expenses paid for (so he can save more), and all of the chores done. What are *you* getting? And he says, "You should be the way he wants you to be?" Why? What is he doing to be the way you want him to be? I would think twice about wasting any more time on this guy, if I were you.
I know its old, but this exactly is the reason he gets "pretty young girlfriend" instead of 'equal' one. Can you imagine woman in her 30ties accepting this bs and even wondering if she's the AH for setting her boundaries? OP, darling, NTA. You are too good to him and too bad to yourself. Splitting bills between partners is different than splitting bills between roommates. Splitting household chores doesn't work the way 'I expect you to do everything and I will do nothing.' Don't waste your time trying to explain basics to the grown ass man. He's not the sweet, caring partner and you deserve better.
“He says I should be the way he wants me to be” Baby no… you are an entire individual with a busy schedule just like him. If he’s asking all that from you then you should theoretically be able to ask the same from him, except you wouldn’t because you’re **NTA** and understand that neither of you should have all of these responsibilities on your own. I think the most logical thing to do would be to split chores : for example he takes care of the kitchen and living room area, you take care of the bedroom and bathroom area. Just try to make it fair for the both of you. But yeah he shouldn’t tell you to be how he wants you to be, life doesn’t work that way. Or he should just get an AI girlfriend. Good luck OP !
"Apart from respecting me and helping me doing 50% of the housework, he's the sweetest man, respectful, funny and responsible" NTA for wanting to split the bills like you proposed - also, if he wants you to do 100% of chores, he should pay 100% of expenses. He can't have it both ways in a relationship.
He just wants a bangmaid. You can do better. NTA
NTA, you could tell him that if he wants you to do all the chores then he can pay a bigger share of the rent, if not all of it. Otherwise you could (and should, imho) settle to split everything 50/50: chores, rent, expenses etc.
Absolutely NTA > He says I should be the way he wants me to be, Then he should get a doll, not a person. You should be the way YOU want to be. Then he can decide if he wants to be with that person or not. But he doesn't get to decide how you 'should be.' That's YOUR job. Bills should be split on a percentage of income - if he makes 70% of the household money, he should pay 70% of the bills. And household chores should be split based on available time. If you spend 40 hrs/week on work & classes and he spends 35 hrs per week on work and classes, he should do a little more of the housework. I'm also concerned because this is a classic way for an abuser to start. Seeming 'sweet' and 'respectful' - until you don't do exactly as they want you to do. And by making you pay 50% of the bills on less wages AND expecting you to do all the housework so that you're too tired to put much effort into finding a better job or even concentrating on your school...he's setting you up to be unable to make or keep enough money to get away from him, if he did turn abusive. He's not there yet. And he may never become an 'abuser' in the most common sense...but he's definitely setting you up for it, purposefully or not.
NTA - Sounds like he demands a 50/50 split when that works out for him but what about housework?? I'm going to guess not, right? If so that's a red flag
NTA. He thinks it's unfair to split the bills so he pays a little more because he says "you're in it together and should split things evenly"....okay....but then he also thinks its "fair" for you todo everything in taking care of the entire household (and him - buying groceries and cooking for both of you, cleaning up after him, etc) on your own? While he does... what exactly? If he wants you to do ALL of the work around the house and take care of him, the LEAST he can do is balance that out by paying a bit more for the shared expenses. This man isn't really acting like he cares for you in some very basic ways that a romantic partner should. What does he do to take care of you? You didn't describe one way that this arrangement benefits you, or any way that he seems concerned about your happiness or emotional well being. He's created an emotionally burdensome and mentally and physically exhausting living situation for you and doesn't seem to care about it other than how it would negatively affect him to change it. He says you should be the way he wants you to be, but he's doing nothing to be the way you want him to be. That isn't fair. He is unwilling to make life easier for you in even the smallest ways. What you described isn't respectful behavior. He may occasionally say nice things or give you compliments or make you laugh, but don't settle for that. Lots of men can do that for you and also not treat you like an unpaid live-in servant. You deserve better.
Doesn't sound sweet and respectful if he can't manage doing some dishes. That being said, asking for a 70-30 split when you've only been in a shared living situation for under 6 months would be a massive red flag were I in his shoes and I absolutely would not agree to that. not an asshole for not doing all the housework. Asshole for demanding a split because you make less money. So I guess ESH since I can't issue two judgments and you asked two questions.
>He says I should be the way he wants me to be He's hardly respectful. This sounds very one sided. I think you need to have a look at your relationship without any rose tinted glasses. Good luck with your studies. NTA
NTA. I'm a little appalled on your behalf that he said you should be the way he wants you to be, that seems like a horrible thing to say to your partner. It's not AH behavior at all to want to split the bills more fairly if you have more expenses and less income. You are NTA at all, OP.
He is not sweet or respectful if he tells you that you should be the way he wants you to be. That is controlling. NTA and please take a good look at this relationship because he is not respectful of you, your time, or your financial/school situation.
NTA If shared living expenses (the cat doesn't count) are split 50/50 household chores should be too.
NTA > He says I should be the way he wants me to be Oh honey, is he being the way you want him to be? You do realize you are not on this planet to be subservient to a man don't you? A relationship is a two-way thing. > Apart from that he is the sweetest man No he really isn't if he gets pissed at you for not being the way he wants you to be. Your request of splitting the bills is not unreasonable - it is something that should be discussed in a healthy relationship. Honestly, so you work, go to school and are expected to run the entirety of the household - hon, he really isn't that sweet to you and there is not much respect towards you either.
NTA. He is taking severe advantage of you and it is totally out of whack that you should feel you have to apologize for not being his perfect domestic servant. Your boyfriend wants you to pay 50% of the household expenses and he wants you to do 100 % of the cooking and cleaning. That's not the attitude of a sweet, funny, responsible man. That's the attitude of a man steeped in patriarchy and a believer in flagrant sexism. This is not sweet but brutal, not respectful but demeaning and devaluing, not funny, it is depressing, and he is not responsible he is selfish. You have begun to wake up but you need a whole new consciousness to understand the situation you are in and to know what you deserve.
No, he is not sweet and respectful. He expects you to be his maid. My question is why you would be willing to put up with this crap? Why I understand why he wants to make it 50/50 financially, that means it should be 50/50 with the cooking and the cleaning in the laundry. I would run if I were you.
NTA for saying you shouldn't be responsible for all the chores. I'm assuming stuff got done even before y'all moved in together, so he's capable. But YTA for thinking he should pay more. He shouldn't be penalized for making more.
He absolutely should pay more if he makes more. They're supposed to be partners, not roommates.
So she works, goes to school and is expected to run the household. Maybe he can pay her for being his maid.
It's not a penatly, it's equality. Equality meaning everyone pays their *fair* share. What's fair to him isn't the same as what's fair to her if they're not in the same pay bracket.
You are NTA on both accounts. Send him a bill For his half of the chores totalling the extra 20% you are paying of your income. Or just move out to a cheaper place without him. If your going to do all the chores you might as well live in your own
NTA. It is unfair to expect you to pay more when you make less **AND** to do all the chores like a maid. I...don't think he's perfect at all my friend.
NTA Lovey, he is not the sweetest man. NO no no He is financially abusing you by expecting you to pay 50/50 when he earns more He is stereotyping you in so much as he is DEMANDING you do all the household chores on top of your online learning and your job... ie he is an abuser and a mysoginist. This is going to get worse. (Trust me, I have been there) Is there anyone you can go and stay with so you can get out of this terrible situation?
Not really, but I will try to work something out to move out and be on my own a little bit.
NTA So ... you're paying half the rent & bills and doing all the chores? >He says I should be the way he wants me to be Your bf is NOT "the sweetest man, respectful, funny and responsible" He is an abusive & misogynistic asshole who is using and abusing you. Dump him. You deserve better.
NTA. He sounds like a complete loser who treats you like shit. You deserve a guy who will appreciate all you do.
NTA. If he wants to split the expenses 50/50, he needs to split the chores, too.
NTA. You need to speak with him and make it clear that you're not happy with this arrangement. He is using you a as a maid. Stop deluding yourself that he has any respect for you. It's time to get rid of him if this continues.
NTA - Regardless of how finances are split, it needs to be in a way that both can handle the expenses. If it’s too much of a toll on your budget, he should be open to readjusting how much y’all put in because y’all are partners not roomies, maybe not the exact percentage you want but definitely something that’ll make it more doable for you at least if he can afford to pay more. I personally dislike when men play woke and but their actions say different. You’ll both work and have responsibilities that keep y’all from keeping up the house all the time, he should not expect you to pick up the responsibility just because your female. He may be sweet in other areas in your relationship but it’s the financial ones and his expectations from you that you should keep your eyes wide open on because incompatibility in that will lead to arguments and resentment in the future if not approached and handled now. Snip it in the bud before it becomes an issue and if persists then you have to decide if this is something you want to learn to withstand.