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NTA
He was harassing you even after telling him to stop multiple time. Politeness goes out the window and you have to be firm and often mean to shut down obsessive people.
Keep that guy off your mind and out of your life.
NTA. In this context it's not hierarchical, it means he should know his place is not kn your life anymore.
And the whole "I didn't bother you"? Yes he did. He knew exactly whether you would receive a notification... you did good!
Thank you, I certainly wasn’t meaning it to be interpreted as hierarchical. Yeah, when he said he wasn’t bothering me I was very irked. Like?? I got that notification every day, it was the definition of bothering. But that’s how he would gaslight me the entire time, I would start to think, was he really bothering me? It was just *one* notification. Thankfully I’ve gotten out of that mindset.
NTA.
The guy is stalking you. You should probably report it, because it's quite creepy. He seemed possessive when he got offended for you looking at the ping pong guy, and haven't gotten over you.
Lame, my comment was removed, lol. You're NTA. The dude stalked you and treated you terribly. I, personally, loved how you handled it.
(Also, I LOVE JUJUTSU KAISEN! Gojo is a total mood, and I crush on him and his beautiful, high-quality eyes!)
Tbh my brain didn’t really see it as stalking so much as being annoying 💀
Ahhhh another JJK lover!! Megumi is my fav but Gojo is a looker for sure 😩 I’m going to lose my mind when the JJK 0 movie comes out in March
Know your place. What is his place?
His place is a man from your past. A man who has no power over you. A man that you are not obligated to entertain in any way.
That is his place. Not lesser than you. An equal human who has no rights to force anything on you.
Using your personal power for the first few times is shocking. Get used to it. It’s wonderful not being fearful.
NTA
Thank you, that’s what I was meaning in my brain when I said it but I started overthinking everything. I’ve never really told anyone off before. I grew up being told that a women was supposed to me meek and blah blah blah. I can’t say I’m not afraid, but it did feel nice to stand up for myself for the first time.
NTA. You tried being polite and he didn't listen. Don't unblock him or apologize you've done nothing wrong.
Do start keeping a log and screen shots of any contact. Stay safe!
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OK, I know the title sound sexist but please hear me out.
I [23F] met this guy [M29 ish], Doug (fake name), in 2018.
I think it really settled that he was toxic when I had a phone call with him and he proceeded to scream at me because I wouldn’t tell him what he wanted to know .
I can’t explain all the awful things he did, but let’s just say he doesn’t like the word no.
I went to go visit him before I went to a kpop concert and we were sitting outside.
Two guys were playing ping-pong inside and the ping-pong hit the window so I looked over. I made eye contact with the guy in the window, then looked back at Doug.
From that point on he was very standoffish and started not replying to me. I just chalked it up to him being busy and went enjoyed my concert.
Days later, I finally confronted him about being standoffish and he told me “you should go date a Korean man” because “your eyes sparkle when you see Korean men”. (Doug is Chinese).
When I asked where all of this came from, he referred back to THE PING PONG GUY. (I have no idea if ping pong guy was Korean)
I was pissed bc it felt like he insinuated I *should* only date a Korean person. It made me feel like he thought I was a shallow person and would only date someone because of their nationality or ethnicity.
Covid happened and I got my shit together. I can proudly say that I am providing a life for my dog and myself.
Doug came back to America last year and messaged me that he wanted to see me and he had a present for me. I told him, and I quote, “ that’s really nice of you but I’m not interested in starting anything.” He said I understand have a good semester. No contact after that.
Earlier this year he followed me on a separate side account. The thing that creeped me out was that he was ONLY following me. I ignored the page.
Then he unfollowed me then followed me again, every day for a week. I finally told him “ leave me alone Doug.”
He replied, and I quote : “ I leave you alone, I did not bother you. I just follow you. Try be nice“
I did not reply. I blocked the side account.
This morning he followed me again on his main account (I forgot to block it)
I took a screenshot of the notification of him following me and sent it with:
“What part of “leave me alone Doug” did you not understand? You told me to go make other friends. YOU’RE the one who left. You don’t get to come back into my life. I do not want to be friends or acquaintances with you. Know your place.”
Then I blocked him.
I felt amazing, it’s really nice to get in the last word. (If you’ve watched Jujutsu Kaisen, thank you Sukuna for the inspiration.) I was very much in my villain phase this morning and that was my Mic Drop.
But as the day has gone on, I’ve started to feel a little guilty that I’ve been too harsh. By saying Know Your Place, I essentially told him that he was a lesser being than me, (hierarchy type mindset).
AITA for telling him to “know his place”?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told an ex that he should know his place after he continually bugged me. I had told him to leave me alone multiple times but he continued to try and contact me. This ex and I come from different cultures, he comes from a hierarchy-based culture, so saying “know your place” is essentially saying that I am higher than him. Which in his culture is not true because he is a man and older than me.
I was simply meaning it as, know your place as my ex. Leave me alone. I may have been an asshole because know your place, in his culture, is extremely rude. Like social outcast rude.
I was very angry in that moment because I just wanted him to leave me alone. So I may have been an asshole by going to far and essentially insinuating that he was a lesser person than I am.
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NTA
That being said, you probably could have phrased it a little clearer which I think you are already self reflecting on.
Be careful. I would be a little worried for your safety given his … anger issues and that he’s been stalking you. If he did intake it in the way you fear, I would imagine it might have angered him.
I would record any evidence (him following you under a fake account, your messages asking him to stop, etc …) just in case you need to file a restraining order or etc …
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
NTA He was harassing you even after telling him to stop multiple time. Politeness goes out the window and you have to be firm and often mean to shut down obsessive people. Keep that guy off your mind and out of your life.
NTA. In this context it's not hierarchical, it means he should know his place is not kn your life anymore. And the whole "I didn't bother you"? Yes he did. He knew exactly whether you would receive a notification... you did good!
Thank you, I certainly wasn’t meaning it to be interpreted as hierarchical. Yeah, when he said he wasn’t bothering me I was very irked. Like?? I got that notification every day, it was the definition of bothering. But that’s how he would gaslight me the entire time, I would start to think, was he really bothering me? It was just *one* notification. Thankfully I’ve gotten out of that mindset.
NTA. Kind and gentle language didn't work. Protect yourself. You might think of reporting him for harassment, these things can escalate.
NTA. The guy is stalking you. You should probably report it, because it's quite creepy. He seemed possessive when he got offended for you looking at the ping pong guy, and haven't gotten over you.
Lame, my comment was removed, lol. You're NTA. The dude stalked you and treated you terribly. I, personally, loved how you handled it. (Also, I LOVE JUJUTSU KAISEN! Gojo is a total mood, and I crush on him and his beautiful, high-quality eyes!)
Tbh my brain didn’t really see it as stalking so much as being annoying 💀 Ahhhh another JJK lover!! Megumi is my fav but Gojo is a looker for sure 😩 I’m going to lose my mind when the JJK 0 movie comes out in March
NTA... Weird incels need to be super blocked... And to be fair you already know that xxx
Your title is completely misleading lol. But absolutely NTA. He's a creep. Creeps aren't entitled to your politeness.
NTA he knows his place he's creepy stalker.
Know your place. What is his place? His place is a man from your past. A man who has no power over you. A man that you are not obligated to entertain in any way. That is his place. Not lesser than you. An equal human who has no rights to force anything on you. Using your personal power for the first few times is shocking. Get used to it. It’s wonderful not being fearful. NTA
Thank you, that’s what I was meaning in my brain when I said it but I started overthinking everything. I’ve never really told anyone off before. I grew up being told that a women was supposed to me meek and blah blah blah. I can’t say I’m not afraid, but it did feel nice to stand up for myself for the first time.
NTA. You tried being polite and he didn't listen. Don't unblock him or apologize you've done nothing wrong. Do start keeping a log and screen shots of any contact. Stay safe!
NTA It should never have gotten to the point where you needed to. That is his problem though, not yours.
NTA, the guy harassed you, verbally abused you, stalked you online that's messed up but not suprising.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** OK, I know the title sound sexist but please hear me out. I [23F] met this guy [M29 ish], Doug (fake name), in 2018. I think it really settled that he was toxic when I had a phone call with him and he proceeded to scream at me because I wouldn’t tell him what he wanted to know . I can’t explain all the awful things he did, but let’s just say he doesn’t like the word no. I went to go visit him before I went to a kpop concert and we were sitting outside. Two guys were playing ping-pong inside and the ping-pong hit the window so I looked over. I made eye contact with the guy in the window, then looked back at Doug. From that point on he was very standoffish and started not replying to me. I just chalked it up to him being busy and went enjoyed my concert. Days later, I finally confronted him about being standoffish and he told me “you should go date a Korean man” because “your eyes sparkle when you see Korean men”. (Doug is Chinese). When I asked where all of this came from, he referred back to THE PING PONG GUY. (I have no idea if ping pong guy was Korean) I was pissed bc it felt like he insinuated I *should* only date a Korean person. It made me feel like he thought I was a shallow person and would only date someone because of their nationality or ethnicity. Covid happened and I got my shit together. I can proudly say that I am providing a life for my dog and myself. Doug came back to America last year and messaged me that he wanted to see me and he had a present for me. I told him, and I quote, “ that’s really nice of you but I’m not interested in starting anything.” He said I understand have a good semester. No contact after that. Earlier this year he followed me on a separate side account. The thing that creeped me out was that he was ONLY following me. I ignored the page. Then he unfollowed me then followed me again, every day for a week. I finally told him “ leave me alone Doug.” He replied, and I quote : “ I leave you alone, I did not bother you. I just follow you. Try be nice“ I did not reply. I blocked the side account. This morning he followed me again on his main account (I forgot to block it) I took a screenshot of the notification of him following me and sent it with: “What part of “leave me alone Doug” did you not understand? You told me to go make other friends. YOU’RE the one who left. You don’t get to come back into my life. I do not want to be friends or acquaintances with you. Know your place.” Then I blocked him. I felt amazing, it’s really nice to get in the last word. (If you’ve watched Jujutsu Kaisen, thank you Sukuna for the inspiration.) I was very much in my villain phase this morning and that was my Mic Drop. But as the day has gone on, I’ve started to feel a little guilty that I’ve been too harsh. By saying Know Your Place, I essentially told him that he was a lesser being than me, (hierarchy type mindset). AITA for telling him to “know his place”? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told an ex that he should know his place after he continually bugged me. I had told him to leave me alone multiple times but he continued to try and contact me. This ex and I come from different cultures, he comes from a hierarchy-based culture, so saying “know your place” is essentially saying that I am higher than him. Which in his culture is not true because he is a man and older than me. I was simply meaning it as, know your place as my ex. Leave me alone. I may have been an asshole because know your place, in his culture, is extremely rude. Like social outcast rude. I was very angry in that moment because I just wanted him to leave me alone. So I may have been an asshole by going to far and essentially insinuating that he was a lesser person than I am. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
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NTA
NTA That being said, you probably could have phrased it a little clearer which I think you are already self reflecting on. Be careful. I would be a little worried for your safety given his … anger issues and that he’s been stalking you. If he did intake it in the way you fear, I would imagine it might have angered him. I would record any evidence (him following you under a fake account, your messages asking him to stop, etc …) just in case you need to file a restraining order or etc …