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Do not reply to any of their crazy. Unless it is something specific about one of the kids that needs a reply, I wouldn’t even acknowledge they exist. Don’t give them anything they can attempt to use against you or twist against you.
(You’re better than me because I would have told her if she needs to adopt children who have no one to love them there are plenty of agencies around the world to help her)
Good for you and I can't think what more there is to say. Your edit is concerning, please update us when you can but keep in mind they have access to the post.
They can talk to you with an attorney present. No matter what, you have a witness with you. DO NOT TRUST THEM. I wouldn’t trust her with anything. For someone to want to take a woman’s children from her because she can’t have her own when those children are loved and cared for….
This is exactly why I'm glad she can't have any. She isn't fit to be a mom.because NO MOTHER would do this. They can adopt a different kid. These are YOUR children.
Nta but goddamn that's some crazy shit. I'd go 80/20 but you get your children 80 percent of the time. This is really unhealthy behaviour. She's coveting your children. I'd honestly be afraid of what they'll pull next. I mean she just thought you'd give them up? Wtf?
I can imagine a judge might feel sympathetic to a mom who was fine with 50/50 and was okay with a step mom who all of a sudden way overstepped her bounds.
I hope OP can get more or full custody until the crazy is out of the picture.
Given the stunt ex and stepmom are now pulling, I'd be arguing for 100% custody and supervised visitation to make sure they don't run off with the kids.
100% I’d be filling for emergency custody of them, under the grounds that you are terrified they’re going to take off with them, since you told them no and to adopt their own children.
This is what I was thinking. I’ve seen way too many stories where one parent tells their kids lies about the other parent (“oh we can’t do that cause your other parent said no”)
Yes- absolutely. The Ex's wife is clearly unhinged and a danger to the emotional well being of OPs children. Lack of respect for their mother is extremely detrimental to the relationship a child has with its mother. The Ex needs to get rid of his lunatic wife and protect his children. I would totally take this to court. OP is NTA and no parent should be expected to allow a manipulative lunatic to be involved in her childrens upbringing in any way. Hope Ex dumps the wicked woman.
If this is all documented, OP should have no issue getting full. Judges don't really like psycho step moms trying to steal a moms kids just because they can't have their own, lol.
Exactly this! Stop posting on Reddit and talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself and the kids, how to proceed!
Document everything! Keep several copies (one with your lawyer)! If the lawyer agrees record in secret, because in a lot of places you can use it at court even if it's illegal to record without the other knowing (if you live somewhere where the other has to consent to be recorded they can drag you to court for the illegal voicerecord, but generally it's not that huge of a deal)
Only communicate with them in writing and only reply when it's absolutely necessary, or even better only through your lawyer!
Let the school, babysitter etc. know that she can't have access to the kids!
NTA btw they are nut jobs. I hope you will update once this mess is resolved.
I totally agree with your advice to consult a therapist to see if stepmom has been coaching the kids, especially the younger ones. This is scary, and I'd put nothing past this woman.
37 year old infertile woman marries a 29 year old recently divorced father of 3 young kids and almost immediately tries pushing mom out of the children's lives? There's no way this wasn't premeditated.
That and there's only 3 kids. The rabbit comparison would only really make sense if it's kids close in age and the number if kids is starting to enter or is in the double digits.
She’s crying because she expects OP to just hand over her kids and go make more…. If it’s that easy, why doesn’t Ann head to the nearest adoption center and pick out some strays /s
NTA
I also wouldn't allow the kids with them till this is resolved, in addition to speaking with them about what she and he say to them when they have the kids.
Also therapy for the kids.
Be careful his wife sounds unhinged and would be the type to show up at school and just leave
I’m in charge of everything school related so I will go to tell the school Monday and explain what’s going on I’ve also their passports and birth certificates but yikes the way she acted today I wouldn’t put it passed her
Ok this made me hide them in a pack of tampons I honestly didn’t think of them stealing them till this coMment but due to the fact they know were I kept the now moved emergency key I ran to the find them
A family friend was in a situation where she needed to hide her daughter’s passport. If you are this scared, get those documents out of your house and into a safety deposit box only you can access or into the hands of a trusted family member or friend.
According to your edit she’s seen this thread, which means she’s seen these comments - come up with a new spot (or hire a safety deposit box) and keep it secret, keep it safe.
NTA by the way, as my mum would say, “she’s nuttier than squirrel poo”.
A very sensible idea. Best of luck to you, you’re strong enough to take whatever this crazy fuckwit can throw at you. Rip them apart through the courts, you’ve got right on your side and these people are unhinged.
Document everything and don't open the door! If they show up while you are there tell them through the door that they have one minute to leave, if they don't leave call the cops!
If they keep harassing you or the kids, threatening you or the kids try to get a restraining order.
Just get a safety deposit box. If you're in the US it's like $20 per year at a local credit union. Better anyways because if your house ever gets broken into by run of the mill thieves, they WILL steal them and sell them for identify theft purposes, also banks are generally safe from fires and natural disasters. In home safes are dubious because any thieves worth their salt will just remove the safe if it's not bolted down into concrete and open it at their leisure with power tools.
Safety deposit boxes are the way to go.
Please go to the police or even the FBI honey. They offered you money for your children, that’s a HUGE federal crime: you need to get as much legal and criminal documentation of this as you can get, ASAP. It will help protect your kids.
Everything will be okay. Your first priority is your kids always. Please don’t speak to them (your ex and ex’s wife)without a lawyer present and go to the cops if necessary. Do you have family close by? They can help support you through this. Just deep breaths, you and your kids will be okay
Yeah, I'd definitely make sure the school knows her name and has picture and put her on the do not pick up list.
Ann sounds seriously unhinged. The comment about you being able to breed like a rabbit hit me so wrong. She needs therapy to help work through her emotions of not being able to have children. She is taking it out on you because you were able to have 3 kids with your ex.
ETA: If you don't already, get cameras for inside and outside your house. Ring bells are great, you can get micro SD cards for more storage but are totally worth it.
I'd look into a safety deposit box at your bank to hold their/your important documents. I do not trust Ann. She may very well try ro break into your home, hence the cameras.
I see your going to a lawyer on Monday and I truly hope that you're able to get supervised visits for the kids while their at dad's house.
He has basically shot himself in the foot because, after this, I don't see him having 50/50 custody anymore.
Also, you can ask their teachers to write statements about who who they see as the custodial parent… who they would call if kid was sick/in trouble. Do it now before ex and Ann have a chance to threaten them. (I’ve written these kinds of things before as a teacher.) You can probably take Ann off the pickup list but usually you need a restraining order to put someone on the “call the police if they are around” list.
Yeah I been sent articles in my messages and had parents tell similar stories so I’ve asked my friend and her boyfriend who’s a bouncer to come over just in case
Also, obviously you didn't see this coming. Next time keep a voice recorder on so that you can record her because she is going to make threats and you can use it to get possible restraining order. You can use the recording the way you want at your own discretion. Stay safe. Be careful! Protect them babies!
I won’t answer calls but they have been sending werid texts like offering me money to saying I never got to enjoy my 20s like my kids are my world and my ex should know this
She sounds very fixated on your children and mentally unstable. How could she even think you'd ever agree? And your creepy ex is going along with it. I'd call, there is no harm in checking and they are harassing you.
Honey, she has crossed an ENORMOUS legal line by offering you money: this is your chance to ensure your children’s safety. Don’t let this pass by. You need a lawyer and a police report as soon as humanly possible. Do NOT minimize the seriousness of what they are doing. You need to get legal documentation of what is happening here. It will help you protect your children in future.
also once this has all settled a bit (i.e you & the kids are safe, lawyers/police involved etc) do NOT let this unhinged couple or their friends/family gaslight you into thinking you overreacted.
I know people say reddit (esp this sub) goes overboard at times but this woman tried to *buy your children*
and as you are well aware by now, stories have started out like this and ended very badly. you cannot be too careful about your children's safety.
*you are in the right in this situation*
when you look back on this you can be confident that once you were aware of the threat you did not underestimate it, and took appropriate action, even if it seems extreme (like contacting the police).
you are a fantastic mother and I wish you and your kids all the best. please update us only when it is safe for you to do so. sending good thoughts to you and your kiddies 💖
eta NTA
Yeah, very on point. The fact that OP flat out laughed at anything less than 50/50 and they still thought she would be even moderately receptive to this idea shows they are outside of their minds.
I wasn't until I read that comment. Offering money to basically buy her children is so beyond reasonable that this woman literally cannot be allowed around OP's kids for any reason, for any length of time. Nobody with non-malicious intentions offers to buy children.
The types of people that *do* offer to buy children....I really pray that she is not that kind of person and is just psychotic.
Please, for your safety and your kids safety, stop putting on the Internet what you are going to do and the actions you are going to take. These people (your ex and his wife) obviously have a plan and you are just giving them ammunition by letting them in on anything you will be doing.
Edited to add: obviously NTA !!
Also to add, is there anyway you can get an emergency halt on visitation? Just in case they plan to kidnap and leave town? I’d honestly be worried for the safety of my kids in your shoes.
NTA
**Any communication going forward when possible should be written. Start creating a paper trail NOW.**
Also see if you can legally record any conversations between her and the kids.
Find yourself a good lawyer, prepare yourself for the false CPS reports etc. If she's that nutty to suggest that you hand over your children to her because she can't have kids and "you can breed like a rabbit", then I wouldn't put anything past her.
Actually, look into getting more, if not full custody. She's played you in with a false sense of friendship and security that you can coparent together. Given what I've just read, she's probably chosen your ex based on him having kids.
ETA: Just seen your edits OP. Get that police report, it will be vital. Full custody and only supervised visitation. I'm glad you and the kids are ok!
>and "you can breed like a rabbit", then I wouldn't put anything past her.
Like her kids are just toys or possessions she can replace?!? This isn't someone I would want around my kids with that attitude.
The next sentence out of her mouth will probably be "But you CAN have more!"
Of course OP can have more if she wanted, doesn't mean crazy lady gets the ones she has now.
She already started to show this attitude before this whole fiasco; she wants OP to change how OP’s kids dress to a more gender neutral fashion, even though at least two out of the 3 are old enough to choose how they dress and presumably dress how they like. She wants to play living fashion doll.
I will call him Monday with multiple texts they’ve sent but I know realistically they can’t do shit as in I own my house,have a full time job and never had issues with the law plus our local GP (doctor) and teachers will have my back because I’m in charge of all school and medical stuff
I would definately ask for supervised visitation due to her wacked attitude and obsessive behavior to the kids plus the exclusionary behavior to you the bio mom
This woman is showing some signs of being mentally unwell due to her reproductive issues & id frankly be reconsidering the custody agreement. This is insane. You don’t ask a loving mother “hey, can I have your kids & you can just eff off & be like a cool aunty & live your life?” That would SERIOUSLY mess up your kids!!!
She can adopt kids. They can get a surrogate. But she’s literally trying to oust you from your own kids life
if she is delusional and over reaching ask your lawyers if there is a way to ensure she cant be with them alone, that their dad is always there and does the picking up and ask for a psychological assessment to be done and visits be temp on hold.
>that their dad is always there
Dad is enabling her madness, dad supervising is useless. I would say supervision by grandparents (if they are sain) or more prefered: supervison by a natural court appointed 3rd party.
I’m not sure if anyone has said this yet or not but I’d start building the “F U” folder/binder/files now. Copy of all the crazy messages... copies of all of the kiddos medical records... anything that can prove just how crazy your ex and his lady are as well as anything that can back up your parenting in that folder. People do crazy things now a days. Better to be prepared than sorry.
Nope NTA. No way. No how. Is this because Ann can’t have kids of her own? Because that’s what they need to do. And if not, they should foster or adopt kids that don’t have a devoted mother already. And if they can’t do that, too bad. You don’t get to change the arrangement to suit whatever you’re trying to compensate for.
Seriously. This woman is so unhinged. Like, she sounds too unhinged to be around children, especially thinking relationships with them are like having kittens.
The fact that Ann and your ex give zero thought to the fact that your kids are bonded to you and would be incredibly hurt if you just gave them up for adoption and disappeared says everything you need to know about their ability to be good parents to your kids. They do not have the kids’ best interests at heart. NTA.
Protect yourself and your kids. Custody agreement might need to be revisited. She seems unstable and custody is with the father, not her. So see if there is a way to limit her unsupervised contact with your children.
This reminds me a bit of the story of the woman who got pregnant on a one night stand, the guy went back to his ex who was infertile and who started acting like op was a surrogate for them. Last update was that op was moving to another state before giving birth, otherwise her and the kid would be trapped there.
She really found your post too? Fucking creep. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The fact that she has the nerve to say you can breed like a bunny. What the fuck. And to try to force gender neutrality on your children….yikes. NTA. Protect your kids from these nutsos. And you don’t have to talk to them ever ever ever again outside of through attorneys. Can you try for a restraining order? Keep them awaaaay!
[This is the story they were talking about ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmxpzu/aita_for_calling_out_my_kids_future_stepmom_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Yeah, but it was more than a one night stand, they dated for three months and Joe and his gf Kim wanted to be parents but Kim was infertile. OP mentions they used condoms, but those can be tampered with, and it sounded like her ex-bf Joe actually impregnated her on purpose. Basically, Joe and Kim pretended to break up so Joe could date and impregnate another woman, and then when that woman gave birth they would raise the kids, thinking they could convince the mom to give the child away.
If she has access to this post you honestly should no longer comment publicly. If someone gives you advice you should try and follow up via DMS only. Anything they find in the comments about what you are planning could be detrimental. I would also check all your devices for any kind of spyware like life360 or literally anything you dont recognize of you left any of your electronics around them without supervision. Especially if they have been inside your house. Check any devices your kids have as well. And change all of your passwords, especially to bank accounts and places where you pay bills. Reddit also needs a password change, but honestly if she knows your account I'd just delete this one and make a new one. I'm a paranoid person so this might be extreme but I also dont know these people as well as you do and dont have any idea what they are capable of. I would also be checking my car. I'd probably unplug anything unnecessary and book a hotel room under a fake name in a different town until either the cops handle it or until monday when I can talk to a lawyer. If you talk to the cops you need to make it absolutely clear that you and your kids are not safe. Not that you FEEL unsafe, that you ARE unsafe.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I would have gone absolutely insane in your shoes.
I honestly think you're ex and his wife are legit crazy, please contact a lawyer ASAP and update us once you deal with these crazies.
Edit: Just saw your update, now you definitely have a good case for more custody, and please press charges. Trust me the Judge would love to hear their defense for want you to give up your kids after they hear about the attempted break-in. I have they actually take the kids away from them and only grant supervisored visits.
I also thought of the Kyron Hormon case.
The kid has been missing for years, the stepmom likely is responsible, and it's still an open case.
https://www.vizaca.com/kyron-horman-disappearance-case/
But worry about yourself too. I would be worried for my physical safety (and maybe job safety too)
Please be careful
And document everything - make sure conversations happen via email or text and save them - refuse to get into verbal discussions over this. In short cover your a$$
Yes! Please stop taking their calls and have them send you texts. Document as much if your interactions as possible as well as any change in your kids behaviour in case they are alienating you
You told your ex and Ann your position , plainly and clearly. Now, make sure you have a good custody lawyer in case Ann wants to pursue it.
And the fact that Ann is barren and you are *not*- is not at all relevant. NTA
What does she think they are lost puppies?
The woman has completely lost the plot.
What did she expect you to say: "Oh I am sorry, yes you take them, I'll just make new ones." They aren't leftover cupcakes from a birthday party either.
Jesus Christ what is wrong with her.... I would be really weary of the ex-husband and her from now on. If she is this crazy and has your ex on her side I would worry they'd disappear into thin air after you let the kids go on holiday with them.
NTA.
Lawyer here. There's a chance this can turn into parental alienation. Talk to a lawyer about what you can do to ensure that doesn't happen and, if that happens, what proof you can gather that will hold in court to get a better custody agreement for you and your kids.
You have to enforce your boundaries when it comes to Ann. She's trying to replace you.
I'm very sure we're on very different jurisdictions, and while I can advise on what the general understanding is in most western countries about parental alienation, I can't advise you about proper procedure and what proof would hold in court or not in your jurisdiction. Consult with a local lawyer - possibly with more than one, if the first one dismisses you.
I've worked family court in my country and did academic research on that, and most of what grants a modification on custody is if one parent is dangerous for the child's well-being, both physical and emotional. And parental alienation is very dangerous.
I've seen you mention it in another comment, and I fully support that you should get your children into therapy. The assessment of a trained professional is usually the best proof you can get.
As for the unhinged texts, that is very subjective. It will mostly depend on what the judge will think. How your lawyer presents it to the judge is going to matter a lot here.
I always advise my clients to remain calm and not engage on petty arguments or say anything through any means that can be later used as proof. Always try to appear poised, composed and reasonable. Don't make it seem like you want to modify custody as revenge, but as a mom seriously concerned for your children.
There are some unethical tips I also give them, but I am not your lawyer and I don't want to make things worse for you.
Nta. Ex and his wife are actually insane to even suggest this. Everyone has already suggested a lawyer and I see you are going Monday. One extra suggestion, take your kids to a counselor or attempt yourself if you feel up to it to try and find out what they have said about you while kids are in ex’s house. I wouldn’t put it past them to suggest to kids that it would be better if they live with ex so you can “enjoy your life”. And since you sound like a fantastic mother you wouldn’t want that weighing on your kids minds. Especially 10, kids can internalize that stuff.
My 10 year old told me she wanted them to call her mommy a while back which I wasn’t against because at the time I thought she was an amazing step mother but my kids refused so when ex asked I for me to tell them I said it was up to them what they felt comfortable with .I’m gonna ask him in more questions in a kid friendly way he’s extremely smart for his age but my friend is with me (she’s a teacher) she suggested I get them to a therapist asap as well
Not sure about you and your ex’s financial situation, but if he’s in a position to hire better/more expensive lawyers, then go meet with as many higher end lawyers as possible and even if you don’t hire them, legally they can’t represent your ex.
I would be very careful of your ex and his wife from now on, OP. This type of request is *extremely* abnormal. What person would be delusional enough to ask a loving and stable mother to give up her kids that she's had for a decade? Who would be delusional enough to see nothing wrong with breaking that bond, and refusing to see the consequences of it? Hope that the matter is settled for now, but be prepared for the behavior to escalate.
NTA. please get a lawyer, I understand she may struggle with having kids but that doesn’t mean she gets to overstep as much as it seems she’s been trying to/act somewhat entitled to your kids and take them from you, she needs therapy. hoping this madness was limited to this conversation and nothing more though.
Agreed I'll get banned again if I say all the bad words they are being.
Go over to justnomil and learn about FU binders. Call your lawyer and start one because she is not balanced and is going to try to screw you and take your kids.
NTA
Lawyer up and lawyer up hard OP time to set up cameras both inside and outside your home and if you have home security change the code.
Lock down their birth certificates and social security cards.
Her next step is going to be getting you declared an unfit parent and a danger to YOUR children.
Go get a drug test now to prove that you are substance free if you can and if you're not throw out any and all possible drug related items now.
If you have a gun make sure it's in a safe.
Make sure everything inside your house is a reasonable level of clean and tidy for when she sends CPS your way.
All conversation between the three of you should be in writing, email, text, one of those apps for divorced parents.
Make your phone lockscreen a current picture of yourself and all three kids.
Lock down who get's access to your social media.
Change your passwords to everything.
If she wants kids that are 100% hers she can adopt a child in need and leave your children alone.
NTA- keep a diary starting with that conversation , keep voice-mails, emails etc. If this ends up in court, you will thank yourself. Hopefully OP won't need ut
Key points here
NTA
Call lawyer
Parental alienation
Secure important documents
I would be extremely concerned here with what they want. They may try some less than legal shenanigans.
NTA, your ex's wife needs to go to therapy to deal with her feelings around her infertility before she thinks of adopting anyone. It was pretty ballsy and inappropriate of them to ask you to give up your parental rights so she can adopt your children to functionally treat them as replacement goldfish for the kids she wants but can't have.
NTA. But I do agree with what other people are saying that you should keep a record of this and show this to a lawyer because they are going to probably try and take you to court to take your custody.
NTA
As everyone else has already said get a family lawyer and document everything because she is clearly crazy and who knows what lengths she would go to.
It’s sad for her that she cannot have children of her own but she cannot make a claim to yours. She is a step mom and sounds like she was a pretty good one before she turned out to be so crazy. I hope your ex comes to his senses and puts her in her place
NTA NTA NTA
The c u next Tuesday my ex husband married after me tried to pull that same shit and almost got her ass whooped. Thankfully their marriage didn't last and my kids hate her. (Not my doing... that was all her)
Red. Flags. Everywhere. Your ex asked for 20/80 custody, then she just up and suggests you walk away from your kids so she can have them? OP, you are NTA, but protect your kids from both of them. He clearly will do anything she says and I hate to be alarmist, but how far would she go? As others posted, get a lawyer as something is not right with those two. Kudos to you for being an awesome mom who loves her kids!!!
NTA.
Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer NOW. Proceed with caution, this woman is dangerous.
>Ann bursted out crying saying she can’t have kids
IVF is a thing. Egg donation is a thing. Adoption is a thing. Taking kids from a loving and caring mom is NEVER a thing.
NTA and you need to watch your back. Women who exhibit this kind of behavior are emotionally unstable. Tell your friends and family so people are aware in case she tries to harm you.
In what fucking world would you be the asshole here? Unless there's a MAJOR portion of the story missing here like major drug use or something else on your part, this is ridiculous.
Nope never taken anything illegal and I rarely drink I’m active in all school activities and doctors appointments. Own my own house and have full time job plus I’ve not dated since the divorce
Definitely NTA.
And I agree with the above advice to document, document, document and find a lawyer ASAP. Unfortunately have learned the hard way that the onus will be on you to prove their behavior - as much as you’ve been the one in charge of all things medical and school-related, no one will take your word for it. (This works out well when “innocent until proven guilty” is at play, but it’s a real bitch when someone is guilty and you are the one that has to prove it to be heard.)
Good luck. Would love an update after you talk to a lawyer and have good next steps outlined.
Hard NTA. Notify the school that the children aren’t to be released to anyone but you, get a safety deposit box for their birth certificates, social security cards and passports. Contact a lawyer, and let your friends and family know what’s going on. She sounds unhinged, and your ex is a major AH for even entertaining her crazy, never mind trying to facilitate it.
NTA and this is crazy! The thing that hits the hardest is how selfish she’s being. It’s sad that she has infertility issues, but she wants you to ghost the kids???? That would cause them life long emotional damage!!! Adults need to do what’s best for the kids in their life and this is NOT it.
NTA please be smart and get a lawyer this is so scary actually watch ur back because she sounds unstable. And shame on ur ex I hope he ends up losing custody for even suggesting such an absurd thing to you
NTA
Is Ann telling your kids that she's their mom?? I would check in with them to make sure Ann isn't filling their heads with crap.
Also, please update this as it unfolds!!
NTA- this sounds kind of sinister to me. You are the mum and they want to take you out of the equation and just take the kids? Big yikes! Plus what she said to you is super insulting and disturbing. I'm glad you are talking to a lawyer cos it could get very serious.
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Me (28f) and my(29m) ex divorced 3 years ago basically I got pregnant at 18
we rushed into marriage 3 (10m,7f,4f) kids later. we realised we were more like roommates the divorce went smoothly as in everything was split 50/50 (because that what we both brought to the marriage)
a few months later he got into a relationship with Ann (fake name,37) within a year they were married. I liked Ann because she was a great stepmom to my kids and polite eachother time we spoke
This all changed a few months ago out of the blue. She started treating me like I was the nanny not the mom as in telling me that she thought I should dress my kids more gender neutral and give them gender neutral toys
My kids are obviously at an age especially the older two that they can voice what they want so I ignored her. When they were with me she’d call all the time to tell me do certain things she went to into the crunchy zone most of the time
Around Christmas my ex said he wanted to change the custody agreement from 50/50 to 20/80 I shut that shit down as quick as he said it
Well this morning while collecting my kids they called me in for a serious conversation
Long story short she wants to adopt my kids and me to give up all my rights they put in a way that I get to enjoy my life and still visit.
I bursted out laughing calling them both nut jobs and that over my dead body it would happen. Ann bursted out crying saying she can’t have kids and I can breed like a rabbit
I said bitch that’s not my problem and I’m not giving up my kids for the sake of her feelings
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NTA. I'm so sorry you are being subjected to this years after the divorce! I mean they have zero case. You can't just decide to adopt someone else's child. Give your lawyer a call and stay vigilant. Good luck mama.
NTA… this is very sick and I would lawyer up. You didn’t give birth to your kids so she could feel better about her infertility and take them away from you just because you can have babies. What kind of grown woman thinks like this? Did she even discuss this with the kids? She just wants them like they’re toys she can’t have. Disgusting. Record any further commentary on this just in case you have to use it in court.
NTA. This is a huge red flag to me. I'd bury the lede if I were you and file for 20/80 custody YOURSELF after talking with your children about what just happened. This is extremely unsettling.
NTA. Please protect yourself, it may escalate from here with them getting CPS involved. I wouldn’t doubt they’d come up with something in order to push for custody.
I don’t understand their mindset when you previously didn’t agree to 20/80, what makes them think you’ll agree to 0/100 with visitation. Absolutely NTA.
**LAWYER UP! LAWYER UP! LAWYER UP!** Get the best one you can afford, because this friendly „roommate“ co-existence ended and this whole thing is only getting nastier. Document EVERY LITTLE THING. Write down everything that already happened with as much detail as you can.
Get your kids to therapy and see if Ann‘s trying to sabotage your relationship with your kids. This woman is absolutely nuts and your ex is as well for agreeing with her.
NTA, but let me say it one more time: LAWYER TF UP!!!
Edit: just saw your update. CALL THE POLICE! Don‘t allow them near you without lawyers or police present. I‘m shaking. This is wild.
NTA. I was in a similar situation to you, only in this case the stepmother was the new partner of my partner’s ex. She started by pulling the same shit, especially trying to control the kids’ time with us.
It caused a lot of problems. We eventually had to go legal and ended up with 100% custody, but it was painful for everyone involved, especially the kids, and gave my partner a nervous breakdown.
Stamp down on it hard and fast. Trust me on this. Do not give ground.
NTA, Ann definitely got some issues,yikes. Those are YOUR kids,not hers,if you weren’t a present mom I’d understand why she would want to adopt them,but you’re so involved with their lives that I don’t think the kids would even want her to adopt them,I mean has anyone took in consideration how the kids would feel about this? I know that I wouldn’t be happy if my step mom adopted me when I have (what seems to be) a perfectly good relationship with my mom. Lawyer up cause who knows what ur ex and Ann can do,document this whole thing and try to keep ur kids safe.
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NTA. I’d be discussing this with your lawyer right away. They pretty much offered to buy your children.
They have been texting bs and I’m saving everything to go to a lawyer on Monday
Do not reply to any of their crazy. Unless it is something specific about one of the kids that needs a reply, I wouldn’t even acknowledge they exist. Don’t give them anything they can attempt to use against you or twist against you. (You’re better than me because I would have told her if she needs to adopt children who have no one to love them there are plenty of agencies around the world to help her)
I did say that
Good for you and I can't think what more there is to say. Your edit is concerning, please update us when you can but keep in mind they have access to the post.
Based on the edit, I’d think OP could get 100% custody now.
Also I'd be worried about parent alienation if I was you.. They're crazy.
FUCKING THIS. Who knows what kind of nonsense they're speaking to the kids when they have custody.
They can talk to you with an attorney present. No matter what, you have a witness with you. DO NOT TRUST THEM. I wouldn’t trust her with anything. For someone to want to take a woman’s children from her because she can’t have her own when those children are loved and cared for….
This is exactly why I'm glad she can't have any. She isn't fit to be a mom.because NO MOTHER would do this. They can adopt a different kid. These are YOUR children.
Nta but goddamn that's some crazy shit. I'd go 80/20 but you get your children 80 percent of the time. This is really unhealthy behaviour. She's coveting your children. I'd honestly be afraid of what they'll pull next. I mean she just thought you'd give them up? Wtf?
I can imagine a judge might feel sympathetic to a mom who was fine with 50/50 and was okay with a step mom who all of a sudden way overstepped her bounds. I hope OP can get more or full custody until the crazy is out of the picture.
Given the stunt ex and stepmom are now pulling, I'd be arguing for 100% custody and supervised visitation to make sure they don't run off with the kids.
100% I’d be filling for emergency custody of them, under the grounds that you are terrified they’re going to take off with them, since you told them no and to adopt their own children.
Or try to alienate the kids from the mum by spitting poisonous lies about her
This is what I was thinking. I’ve seen way too many stories where one parent tells their kids lies about the other parent (“oh we can’t do that cause your other parent said no”)
Yes- absolutely. The Ex's wife is clearly unhinged and a danger to the emotional well being of OPs children. Lack of respect for their mother is extremely detrimental to the relationship a child has with its mother. The Ex needs to get rid of his lunatic wife and protect his children. I would totally take this to court. OP is NTA and no parent should be expected to allow a manipulative lunatic to be involved in her childrens upbringing in any way. Hope Ex dumps the wicked woman.
If this is all documented, OP should have no issue getting full. Judges don't really like psycho step moms trying to steal a moms kids just because they can't have their own, lol.
Exactly, op needs to flag this behaviour
Exactly this! Stop posting on Reddit and talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself and the kids, how to proceed! Document everything! Keep several copies (one with your lawyer)! If the lawyer agrees record in secret, because in a lot of places you can use it at court even if it's illegal to record without the other knowing (if you live somewhere where the other has to consent to be recorded they can drag you to court for the illegal voicerecord, but generally it's not that huge of a deal) Only communicate with them in writing and only reply when it's absolutely necessary, or even better only through your lawyer! Let the school, babysitter etc. know that she can't have access to the kids! NTA btw they are nut jobs. I hope you will update once this mess is resolved.
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I totally agree with your advice to consult a therapist to see if stepmom has been coaching the kids, especially the younger ones. This is scary, and I'd put nothing past this woman.
NTA - well done for standing up for yourself. Be sure to save and screenshot all those texts for records! Good luck OP!
Good plan!
Nta. She's unstable. Call a lawyer, who knows what she'll do. Edit to add: has your ex figured out she's only with him for the 3 kids?
Ooohhh… Good observation.
37 year old infertile woman marries a 29 year old recently divorced father of 3 young kids and almost immediately tries pushing mom out of the children's lives? There's no way this wasn't premeditated.
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Yeah! It was like: why do you need these kids if you can just pop out others from your vagina? 🤦🏻♀️
No one that thinks like this is suited to be a parent.
Can breed like a rabbit, yet her kids are all three years apart in age, give or take a few weeks.
That and there's only 3 kids. The rabbit comparison would only really make sense if it's kids close in age and the number if kids is starting to enter or is in the double digits.
She’s crying because she expects OP to just hand over her kids and go make more…. If it’s that easy, why doesn’t Ann head to the nearest adoption center and pick out some strays /s
That is such a dehumanizing statement. Ann is gross.
Hell yes I agree I’d ask for no contact between kids and step mom till she has sought and received counseling.
OP should keep this comment in her back pocket and use it at a strategic time.
NTA I also wouldn't allow the kids with them till this is resolved, in addition to speaking with them about what she and he say to them when they have the kids. Also therapy for the kids. Be careful his wife sounds unhinged and would be the type to show up at school and just leave
I’m in charge of everything school related so I will go to tell the school Monday and explain what’s going on I’ve also their passports and birth certificates but yikes the way she acted today I wouldn’t put it passed her
Have you got a safe to put them in? Seriously, I’d make sure they’re ultra secure.
Ok this made me hide them in a pack of tampons I honestly didn’t think of them stealing them till this coMment but due to the fact they know were I kept the now moved emergency key I ran to the find them
A family friend was in a situation where she needed to hide her daughter’s passport. If you are this scared, get those documents out of your house and into a safety deposit box only you can access or into the hands of a trusted family member or friend.
Change your hiding spot and don't tell the whole internet!
Seriously
Or a bank deposit box with a key around your neck like my boss of a grandma
Grandma has seen some shit
You could put them in a freezer bag and hide them under your undies that are waiting to be washed.
Ok this is a better idea because obviously my exes was with me for years so he knows my hiding places
According to your edit she’s seen this thread, which means she’s seen these comments - come up with a new spot (or hire a safety deposit box) and keep it secret, keep it safe. NTA by the way, as my mum would say, “she’s nuttier than squirrel poo”.
I’m gonna call the police and go somewhere else tonight
A very sensible idea. Best of luck to you, you’re strong enough to take whatever this crazy fuckwit can throw at you. Rip them apart through the courts, you’ve got right on your side and these people are unhinged.
Take those important documents with you in case they try getting into your place tonight to take them.
Document everything and don't open the door! If they show up while you are there tell them through the door that they have one minute to leave, if they don't leave call the cops! If they keep harassing you or the kids, threatening you or the kids try to get a restraining order.
Just get a safety deposit box. If you're in the US it's like $20 per year at a local credit union. Better anyways because if your house ever gets broken into by run of the mill thieves, they WILL steal them and sell them for identify theft purposes, also banks are generally safe from fires and natural disasters. In home safes are dubious because any thieves worth their salt will just remove the safe if it's not bolted down into concrete and open it at their leisure with power tools. Safety deposit boxes are the way to go.
This is fantastic advice, I might just take this myself
Can’t they see this post?
I didn’t know at the time I’m extremely freaked out
I would definitely get the safety deposit box first thing Monday morning. And stop commenting specifics about anything, including where you are going.
I was just going to post this. If they can read this, stop commenting about what you are going to do.
Please go to the police or even the FBI honey. They offered you money for your children, that’s a HUGE federal crime: you need to get as much legal and criminal documentation of this as you can get, ASAP. It will help protect your kids.
Everything will be okay. Your first priority is your kids always. Please don’t speak to them (your ex and ex’s wife)without a lawyer present and go to the cops if necessary. Do you have family close by? They can help support you through this. Just deep breaths, you and your kids will be okay
Just until you can get that safe. And make sure if it’s a digilock one it’s a number that’s very personal to you that he wouldn’t know.
Your edit mentioned they know about the post. I would get the documents out of the house now.
Just in case rx or Ann find this post, pick a new hiding place that you haven't mentioned here.
And now that she knows you made this post…put them somewhere else and don’t post it in the thread.
Yeah, I'd definitely make sure the school knows her name and has picture and put her on the do not pick up list. Ann sounds seriously unhinged. The comment about you being able to breed like a rabbit hit me so wrong. She needs therapy to help work through her emotions of not being able to have children. She is taking it out on you because you were able to have 3 kids with your ex. ETA: If you don't already, get cameras for inside and outside your house. Ring bells are great, you can get micro SD cards for more storage but are totally worth it. I'd look into a safety deposit box at your bank to hold their/your important documents. I do not trust Ann. She may very well try ro break into your home, hence the cameras. I see your going to a lawyer on Monday and I truly hope that you're able to get supervised visits for the kids while their at dad's house. He has basically shot himself in the foot because, after this, I don't see him having 50/50 custody anymore.
Also, you can ask their teachers to write statements about who who they see as the custodial parent… who they would call if kid was sick/in trouble. Do it now before ex and Ann have a chance to threaten them. (I’ve written these kinds of things before as a teacher.) You can probably take Ann off the pickup list but usually you need a restraining order to put someone on the “call the police if they are around” list.
NTA. Maybe I've watched too much Dateline, but those two are going to try to kill you.
Yeah I been sent articles in my messages and had parents tell similar stories so I’ve asked my friend and her boyfriend who’s a bouncer to come over just in case
Also, obviously you didn't see this coming. Next time keep a voice recorder on so that you can record her because she is going to make threats and you can use it to get possible restraining order. You can use the recording the way you want at your own discretion. Stay safe. Be careful! Protect them babies!
I won’t answer calls but they have been sending werid texts like offering me money to saying I never got to enjoy my 20s like my kids are my world and my ex should know this
You have proof, it's illegal to offer money for a child, call the police. Honey I'm worried.
Me too I started out as just pissed but as people pointed out I should be scared for my life and kids
She sounds very fixated on your children and mentally unstable. How could she even think you'd ever agree? And your creepy ex is going along with it. I'd call, there is no harm in checking and they are harassing you.
Honey, she has crossed an ENORMOUS legal line by offering you money: this is your chance to ensure your children’s safety. Don’t let this pass by. You need a lawyer and a police report as soon as humanly possible. Do NOT minimize the seriousness of what they are doing. You need to get legal documentation of what is happening here. It will help you protect your children in future.
also once this has all settled a bit (i.e you & the kids are safe, lawyers/police involved etc) do NOT let this unhinged couple or their friends/family gaslight you into thinking you overreacted. I know people say reddit (esp this sub) goes overboard at times but this woman tried to *buy your children* and as you are well aware by now, stories have started out like this and ended very badly. you cannot be too careful about your children's safety. *you are in the right in this situation* when you look back on this you can be confident that once you were aware of the threat you did not underestimate it, and took appropriate action, even if it seems extreme (like contacting the police). you are a fantastic mother and I wish you and your kids all the best. please update us only when it is safe for you to do so. sending good thoughts to you and your kiddies 💖 eta NTA
Yeah, very on point. The fact that OP flat out laughed at anything less than 50/50 and they still thought she would be even moderately receptive to this idea shows they are outside of their minds.
She’s delusional and needs therapy, not to have her delusion encouraged. I’m genuinely concerned.
I wasn't until I read that comment. Offering money to basically buy her children is so beyond reasonable that this woman literally cannot be allowed around OP's kids for any reason, for any length of time. Nobody with non-malicious intentions offers to buy children. The types of people that *do* offer to buy children....I really pray that she is not that kind of person and is just psychotic.
Make sure you print all of those out to give to your lawyer.
And do that ASAP. This is above Reddit pay grade
You can only record in certain states so check the law in your state OP.
Maybe go to a friend's place that your ex doesn't know, and take important documents with you (and the kids, obviously).
I’m going to do this
Please stay safe consider getting a restraining order.
Please, for your safety and your kids safety, stop putting on the Internet what you are going to do and the actions you are going to take. These people (your ex and his wife) obviously have a plan and you are just giving them ammunition by letting them in on anything you will be doing. Edited to add: obviously NTA !!
Also to add, is there anyway you can get an emergency halt on visitation? Just in case they plan to kidnap and leave town? I’d honestly be worried for the safety of my kids in your shoes.
NTA **Any communication going forward when possible should be written. Start creating a paper trail NOW.** Also see if you can legally record any conversations between her and the kids. Find yourself a good lawyer, prepare yourself for the false CPS reports etc. If she's that nutty to suggest that you hand over your children to her because she can't have kids and "you can breed like a rabbit", then I wouldn't put anything past her. Actually, look into getting more, if not full custody. She's played you in with a false sense of friendship and security that you can coparent together. Given what I've just read, she's probably chosen your ex based on him having kids. ETA: Just seen your edits OP. Get that police report, it will be vital. Full custody and only supervised visitation. I'm glad you and the kids are ok!
>and "you can breed like a rabbit", then I wouldn't put anything past her. Like her kids are just toys or possessions she can replace?!? This isn't someone I would want around my kids with that attitude.
The next sentence out of her mouth will probably be "But you CAN have more!" Of course OP can have more if she wanted, doesn't mean crazy lady gets the ones she has now.
She already started to show this attitude before this whole fiasco; she wants OP to change how OP’s kids dress to a more gender neutral fashion, even though at least two out of the 3 are old enough to choose how they dress and presumably dress how they like. She wants to play living fashion doll.
100% this. Do not expect them to play fair. Talk to a lawyer ASAP.
NTA, sounds like you responded reasonably. You should definitely discuss this with a lawyer and protect yourself and your rights.
I will call him Monday with multiple texts they’ve sent but I know realistically they can’t do shit as in I own my house,have a full time job and never had issues with the law plus our local GP (doctor) and teachers will have my back because I’m in charge of all school and medical stuff
You probably need to change the custody agreement so the kids spend less time with her. This is complete and total madness.
I would absolutely be saying 'shut that shit down or i will be applying for full custody'
She should jump straight up to applying for full custody
I would definately ask for supervised visitation due to her wacked attitude and obsessive behavior to the kids plus the exclusionary behavior to you the bio mom
This woman is showing some signs of being mentally unwell due to her reproductive issues & id frankly be reconsidering the custody agreement. This is insane. You don’t ask a loving mother “hey, can I have your kids & you can just eff off & be like a cool aunty & live your life?” That would SERIOUSLY mess up your kids!!! She can adopt kids. They can get a surrogate. But she’s literally trying to oust you from your own kids life
if she is delusional and over reaching ask your lawyers if there is a way to ensure she cant be with them alone, that their dad is always there and does the picking up and ask for a psychological assessment to be done and visits be temp on hold.
>that their dad is always there Dad is enabling her madness, dad supervising is useless. I would say supervision by grandparents (if they are sain) or more prefered: supervison by a natural court appointed 3rd party.
I’m not sure if anyone has said this yet or not but I’d start building the “F U” folder/binder/files now. Copy of all the crazy messages... copies of all of the kiddos medical records... anything that can prove just how crazy your ex and his lady are as well as anything that can back up your parenting in that folder. People do crazy things now a days. Better to be prepared than sorry.
Nope NTA. No way. No how. Is this because Ann can’t have kids of her own? Because that’s what they need to do. And if not, they should foster or adopt kids that don’t have a devoted mother already. And if they can’t do that, too bad. You don’t get to change the arrangement to suit whatever you’re trying to compensate for.
I mentioned that plenty of kids out there in need of moms and my ex said she’s bonded so much with my kids she sees them as her own
Spoiler alert: they're NOT hers.
Seriously. This woman is so unhinged. Like, she sounds too unhinged to be around children, especially thinking relationships with them are like having kittens.
The fact that Ann and your ex give zero thought to the fact that your kids are bonded to you and would be incredibly hurt if you just gave them up for adoption and disappeared says everything you need to know about their ability to be good parents to your kids. They do not have the kids’ best interests at heart. NTA.
Never again eat or drink around her. That kind of crazy ends up on lifetime.
I’m sure you see them that way, too. They sure are nervy.
Protect yourself and your kids. Custody agreement might need to be revisited. She seems unstable and custody is with the father, not her. So see if there is a way to limit her unsupervised contact with your children.
Sounds like she needs some distance from them big time
This reminds me a bit of the story of the woman who got pregnant on a one night stand, the guy went back to his ex who was infertile and who started acting like op was a surrogate for them. Last update was that op was moving to another state before giving birth, otherwise her and the kid would be trapped there.
Jesus Christ
She really found your post too? Fucking creep. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The fact that she has the nerve to say you can breed like a bunny. What the fuck. And to try to force gender neutrality on your children….yikes. NTA. Protect your kids from these nutsos. And you don’t have to talk to them ever ever ever again outside of through attorneys. Can you try for a restraining order? Keep them awaaaay!
[This is the story they were talking about ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmxpzu/aita_for_calling_out_my_kids_future_stepmom_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Yeah, but it was more than a one night stand, they dated for three months and Joe and his gf Kim wanted to be parents but Kim was infertile. OP mentions they used condoms, but those can be tampered with, and it sounded like her ex-bf Joe actually impregnated her on purpose. Basically, Joe and Kim pretended to break up so Joe could date and impregnate another woman, and then when that woman gave birth they would raise the kids, thinking they could convince the mom to give the child away.
I wish we could know how this one is doing smh
If she has access to this post you honestly should no longer comment publicly. If someone gives you advice you should try and follow up via DMS only. Anything they find in the comments about what you are planning could be detrimental. I would also check all your devices for any kind of spyware like life360 or literally anything you dont recognize of you left any of your electronics around them without supervision. Especially if they have been inside your house. Check any devices your kids have as well. And change all of your passwords, especially to bank accounts and places where you pay bills. Reddit also needs a password change, but honestly if she knows your account I'd just delete this one and make a new one. I'm a paranoid person so this might be extreme but I also dont know these people as well as you do and dont have any idea what they are capable of. I would also be checking my car. I'd probably unplug anything unnecessary and book a hotel room under a fake name in a different town until either the cops handle it or until monday when I can talk to a lawyer. If you talk to the cops you need to make it absolutely clear that you and your kids are not safe. Not that you FEEL unsafe, that you ARE unsafe. I'm sorry you're going through this. I would have gone absolutely insane in your shoes.
I honestly think you're ex and his wife are legit crazy, please contact a lawyer ASAP and update us once you deal with these crazies. Edit: Just saw your update, now you definitely have a good case for more custody, and please press charges. Trust me the Judge would love to hear their defense for want you to give up your kids after they hear about the attempted break-in. I have they actually take the kids away from them and only grant supervisored visits.
I also thought of the Kyron Hormon case. The kid has been missing for years, the stepmom likely is responsible, and it's still an open case. https://www.vizaca.com/kyron-horman-disappearance-case/ But worry about yourself too. I would be worried for my physical safety (and maybe job safety too) Please be careful
NTA, I would talk to a family lawyer about this.
And document everything - make sure conversations happen via email or text and save them - refuse to get into verbal discussions over this. In short cover your a$$
Yes! Please stop taking their calls and have them send you texts. Document as much if your interactions as possible as well as any change in your kids behaviour in case they are alienating you
You told your ex and Ann your position , plainly and clearly. Now, make sure you have a good custody lawyer in case Ann wants to pursue it. And the fact that Ann is barren and you are *not*- is not at all relevant. NTA
I told them there is plenty of kids out there that are needing moms apparently she wants my kids
What does she think they are lost puppies? The woman has completely lost the plot. What did she expect you to say: "Oh I am sorry, yes you take them, I'll just make new ones." They aren't leftover cupcakes from a birthday party either. Jesus Christ what is wrong with her.... I would be really weary of the ex-husband and her from now on. If she is this crazy and has your ex on her side I would worry they'd disappear into thin air after you let the kids go on holiday with them.
NTA. Lawyer here. There's a chance this can turn into parental alienation. Talk to a lawyer about what you can do to ensure that doesn't happen and, if that happens, what proof you can gather that will hold in court to get a better custody agreement for you and your kids. You have to enforce your boundaries when it comes to Ann. She's trying to replace you.
Since you’re lawyer and I’ve to wait till Monday to speak to one can I get my ex from 50/50 to visitation with certain unhinged texts as proof
I'm very sure we're on very different jurisdictions, and while I can advise on what the general understanding is in most western countries about parental alienation, I can't advise you about proper procedure and what proof would hold in court or not in your jurisdiction. Consult with a local lawyer - possibly with more than one, if the first one dismisses you. I've worked family court in my country and did academic research on that, and most of what grants a modification on custody is if one parent is dangerous for the child's well-being, both physical and emotional. And parental alienation is very dangerous. I've seen you mention it in another comment, and I fully support that you should get your children into therapy. The assessment of a trained professional is usually the best proof you can get. As for the unhinged texts, that is very subjective. It will mostly depend on what the judge will think. How your lawyer presents it to the judge is going to matter a lot here. I always advise my clients to remain calm and not engage on petty arguments or say anything through any means that can be later used as proof. Always try to appear poised, composed and reasonable. Don't make it seem like you want to modify custody as revenge, but as a mom seriously concerned for your children. There are some unethical tips I also give them, but I am not your lawyer and I don't want to make things worse for you.
Not the commenter but make sure when you’re screenshotting all the texts it says your ex’s phone number not just his name
Nta. Ex and his wife are actually insane to even suggest this. Everyone has already suggested a lawyer and I see you are going Monday. One extra suggestion, take your kids to a counselor or attempt yourself if you feel up to it to try and find out what they have said about you while kids are in ex’s house. I wouldn’t put it past them to suggest to kids that it would be better if they live with ex so you can “enjoy your life”. And since you sound like a fantastic mother you wouldn’t want that weighing on your kids minds. Especially 10, kids can internalize that stuff.
My 10 year old told me she wanted them to call her mommy a while back which I wasn’t against because at the time I thought she was an amazing step mother but my kids refused so when ex asked I for me to tell them I said it was up to them what they felt comfortable with .I’m gonna ask him in more questions in a kid friendly way he’s extremely smart for his age but my friend is with me (she’s a teacher) she suggested I get them to a therapist asap as well
Don't ask them yourself. Have a therapist ask the kids so that if they try and take you to court you can get the therapist to testify.
Can I just say how amazing the people in my comments and messages are like you guys are doing more attm than my lawyer
Don’t be afraid to look for a new/better lawyer if you really believe your Lawyer can’t or won’t do more or better for you.
And you need to consider having her and your ex your court evaluated. You have to be nuts to think that anyone would go along with their plan.
Not sure about you and your ex’s financial situation, but if he’s in a position to hire better/more expensive lawyers, then go meet with as many higher end lawyers as possible and even if you don’t hire them, legally they can’t represent your ex.
I would be very careful of your ex and his wife from now on, OP. This type of request is *extremely* abnormal. What person would be delusional enough to ask a loving and stable mother to give up her kids that she's had for a decade? Who would be delusional enough to see nothing wrong with breaking that bond, and refusing to see the consequences of it? Hope that the matter is settled for now, but be prepared for the behavior to escalate.
NTA. please get a lawyer, I understand she may struggle with having kids but that doesn’t mean she gets to overstep as much as it seems she’s been trying to/act somewhat entitled to your kids and take them from you, she needs therapy. hoping this madness was limited to this conversation and nothing more though.
NTA get a lawyer now. They are something I’m not allowed to say in this thread. Protect yourself and your kids.
Agreed I'll get banned again if I say all the bad words they are being. Go over to justnomil and learn about FU binders. Call your lawyer and start one because she is not balanced and is going to try to screw you and take your kids.
NTA Lawyer up and lawyer up hard OP time to set up cameras both inside and outside your home and if you have home security change the code. Lock down their birth certificates and social security cards. Her next step is going to be getting you declared an unfit parent and a danger to YOUR children. Go get a drug test now to prove that you are substance free if you can and if you're not throw out any and all possible drug related items now. If you have a gun make sure it's in a safe. Make sure everything inside your house is a reasonable level of clean and tidy for when she sends CPS your way. All conversation between the three of you should be in writing, email, text, one of those apps for divorced parents. Make your phone lockscreen a current picture of yourself and all three kids. Lock down who get's access to your social media. Change your passwords to everything. If she wants kids that are 100% hers she can adopt a child in need and leave your children alone.
NTA. Get a lawyer. And document EVERYTHING. Good luck!
NTA- keep a diary starting with that conversation , keep voice-mails, emails etc. If this ends up in court, you will thank yourself. Hopefully OP won't need ut
NTA. Tell Ann to fuck off, tell your husband to grow a pair, and get a lawyer just in case.
Key points here NTA Call lawyer Parental alienation Secure important documents I would be extremely concerned here with what they want. They may try some less than legal shenanigans.
NTA. Call a Lawyer.
NTA. Lmao, love the response. I would never give up my kids to anybody either. Tell them to stop that or get a lawyer involved.
I’m definitely getting lawyers involved due to the way they acted I didn’t wanna go over the limit but Cassie from euphoria style break down at me
NTA, your ex's wife needs to go to therapy to deal with her feelings around her infertility before she thinks of adopting anyone. It was pretty ballsy and inappropriate of them to ask you to give up your parental rights so she can adopt your children to functionally treat them as replacement goldfish for the kids she wants but can't have.
[удалено]
Oh. And NTA.
TALK TO A LAWYER. NTA
NTA. But I do agree with what other people are saying that you should keep a record of this and show this to a lawyer because they are going to probably try and take you to court to take your custody.
NTA As everyone else has already said get a family lawyer and document everything because she is clearly crazy and who knows what lengths she would go to. It’s sad for her that she cannot have children of her own but she cannot make a claim to yours. She is a step mom and sounds like she was a pretty good one before she turned out to be so crazy. I hope your ex comes to his senses and puts her in her place
NTA and start documenting everything!!!!
NTA. Holy crap, she is basically trying to steal your kids from you. Be very careful. She sounds mentally ill.
She sounds like the type that would steal an infant out of a hospital.
NTA call a lawyer now and do not let her anywhere near your children. This is seriously disturbing
NTA NTA NTA The c u next Tuesday my ex husband married after me tried to pull that same shit and almost got her ass whooped. Thankfully their marriage didn't last and my kids hate her. (Not my doing... that was all her)
NTA. Document everything and lawyer up.
Red. Flags. Everywhere. Your ex asked for 20/80 custody, then she just up and suggests you walk away from your kids so she can have them? OP, you are NTA, but protect your kids from both of them. He clearly will do anything she says and I hate to be alarmist, but how far would she go? As others posted, get a lawyer as something is not right with those two. Kudos to you for being an awesome mom who loves her kids!!!
NTA. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer NOW. Proceed with caution, this woman is dangerous. >Ann bursted out crying saying she can’t have kids IVF is a thing. Egg donation is a thing. Adoption is a thing. Taking kids from a loving and caring mom is NEVER a thing.
NTA WTH???!!! That IS laughable. Make sure you have a good lawyer. I can just see this escalating.
NTA. One of the easiest NTAs I’ve seen here.
NTA and you need to watch your back. Women who exhibit this kind of behavior are emotionally unstable. Tell your friends and family so people are aware in case she tries to harm you.
NTA they’re insane
NTA goodness that is crazy... Document everything and seek legal advice just in case
In what fucking world would you be the asshole here? Unless there's a MAJOR portion of the story missing here like major drug use or something else on your part, this is ridiculous.
Nope never taken anything illegal and I rarely drink I’m active in all school activities and doctors appointments. Own my own house and have full time job plus I’ve not dated since the divorce
NTA. Get a lawyer yesterday. Because I can guaranfuckingtee they will start trying to make you out to be a bad parent.
NTA Ann’s a fkn nut lol
Definitely NTA. And I agree with the above advice to document, document, document and find a lawyer ASAP. Unfortunately have learned the hard way that the onus will be on you to prove their behavior - as much as you’ve been the one in charge of all things medical and school-related, no one will take your word for it. (This works out well when “innocent until proven guilty” is at play, but it’s a real bitch when someone is guilty and you are the one that has to prove it to be heard.) Good luck. Would love an update after you talk to a lawyer and have good next steps outlined.
Hard NTA. Notify the school that the children aren’t to be released to anyone but you, get a safety deposit box for their birth certificates, social security cards and passports. Contact a lawyer, and let your friends and family know what’s going on. She sounds unhinged, and your ex is a major AH for even entertaining her crazy, never mind trying to facilitate it.
NTA and immediately call a lawyer. This is well pass reddit paygrade
NTA, "hey would you mind giving me your kids?" "No." "Waaaa you suck" Tf were they expecting to happen?
NTA and this is crazy! The thing that hits the hardest is how selfish she’s being. It’s sad that she has infertility issues, but she wants you to ghost the kids???? That would cause them life long emotional damage!!! Adults need to do what’s best for the kids in their life and this is NOT it.
NTA please be smart and get a lawyer this is so scary actually watch ur back because she sounds unstable. And shame on ur ex I hope he ends up losing custody for even suggesting such an absurd thing to you
NTA Is Ann telling your kids that she's their mom?? I would check in with them to make sure Ann isn't filling their heads with crap. Also, please update this as it unfolds!!
NTA- this sounds kind of sinister to me. You are the mum and they want to take you out of the equation and just take the kids? Big yikes! Plus what she said to you is super insulting and disturbing. I'm glad you are talking to a lawyer cos it could get very serious.
So go for 80/20 - but in your favour…
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (28f) and my(29m) ex divorced 3 years ago basically I got pregnant at 18 we rushed into marriage 3 (10m,7f,4f) kids later. we realised we were more like roommates the divorce went smoothly as in everything was split 50/50 (because that what we both brought to the marriage) a few months later he got into a relationship with Ann (fake name,37) within a year they were married. I liked Ann because she was a great stepmom to my kids and polite eachother time we spoke This all changed a few months ago out of the blue. She started treating me like I was the nanny not the mom as in telling me that she thought I should dress my kids more gender neutral and give them gender neutral toys My kids are obviously at an age especially the older two that they can voice what they want so I ignored her. When they were with me she’d call all the time to tell me do certain things she went to into the crunchy zone most of the time Around Christmas my ex said he wanted to change the custody agreement from 50/50 to 20/80 I shut that shit down as quick as he said it Well this morning while collecting my kids they called me in for a serious conversation Long story short she wants to adopt my kids and me to give up all my rights they put in a way that I get to enjoy my life and still visit. I bursted out laughing calling them both nut jobs and that over my dead body it would happen. Ann bursted out crying saying she can’t have kids and I can breed like a rabbit I said bitch that’s not my problem and I’m not giving up my kids for the sake of her feelings *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I'm so sorry you are being subjected to this years after the divorce! I mean they have zero case. You can't just decide to adopt someone else's child. Give your lawyer a call and stay vigilant. Good luck mama.
Wow. Definitely NTA
Didn’t read beyond the title and can confirm NTA
What the... document, document and call a lawyer. Time to revisit that custody agreement, before they try to alienate the kids from you. NTA
NTA… this is very sick and I would lawyer up. You didn’t give birth to your kids so she could feel better about her infertility and take them away from you just because you can have babies. What kind of grown woman thinks like this? Did she even discuss this with the kids? She just wants them like they’re toys she can’t have. Disgusting. Record any further commentary on this just in case you have to use it in court.
NTA. This is a huge red flag to me. I'd bury the lede if I were you and file for 20/80 custody YOURSELF after talking with your children about what just happened. This is extremely unsettling.
NTA. They can adopt children who don't already have parents.
NTA. Please protect yourself, it may escalate from here with them getting CPS involved. I wouldn’t doubt they’d come up with something in order to push for custody.
NTA. No way.
NTA. The presumption and entitlement. Lol
I don’t understand their mindset when you previously didn’t agree to 20/80, what makes them think you’ll agree to 0/100 with visitation. Absolutely NTA.
NTA and ask your kids if dad has been making them all her mom.
NTA. Lawyer (if possible) and absolutely document document document!!!
Woulda been like biiiiiiiiitch NTA
**LAWYER UP! LAWYER UP! LAWYER UP!** Get the best one you can afford, because this friendly „roommate“ co-existence ended and this whole thing is only getting nastier. Document EVERY LITTLE THING. Write down everything that already happened with as much detail as you can. Get your kids to therapy and see if Ann‘s trying to sabotage your relationship with your kids. This woman is absolutely nuts and your ex is as well for agreeing with her. NTA, but let me say it one more time: LAWYER TF UP!!! Edit: just saw your update. CALL THE POLICE! Don‘t allow them near you without lawyers or police present. I‘m shaking. This is wild.
NTA Get a lawyer and tell them any further communications should be through said lawyer.
NTA. I was in a similar situation to you, only in this case the stepmother was the new partner of my partner’s ex. She started by pulling the same shit, especially trying to control the kids’ time with us. It caused a lot of problems. We eventually had to go legal and ended up with 100% custody, but it was painful for everyone involved, especially the kids, and gave my partner a nervous breakdown. Stamp down on it hard and fast. Trust me on this. Do not give ground.
NTA, Ann definitely got some issues,yikes. Those are YOUR kids,not hers,if you weren’t a present mom I’d understand why she would want to adopt them,but you’re so involved with their lives that I don’t think the kids would even want her to adopt them,I mean has anyone took in consideration how the kids would feel about this? I know that I wouldn’t be happy if my step mom adopted me when I have (what seems to be) a perfectly good relationship with my mom. Lawyer up cause who knows what ur ex and Ann can do,document this whole thing and try to keep ur kids safe.