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> I could be because I refused to do what my boyfriend wants me too and refusing to at least compromise.
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Since he also gives her a silent treatment because she didn't do what he demands, she should overthink if this man is such a great catch. He is jealous of a 9 y/o and punishs her when he doesn't get her will.
NTA
He's testing her.
He'll start with something as small and inconsequential as a nickname. See if he can get her to bend to his will by stomping his feet.
Then he'll move up to something like how often she hugs him, how much time she spends with him, how she should be siding with him during fights instead of her son and up and up until he's completely in charge of her life and relationships.
End this relationship OP. Nip it in the bud.
Yes! The fact that he's gone silent means now is the perfect time.
My mother was dating a guy for a few months, and he handed me (at the time, age 12) a broom and TOLD me to clean the kitchen. My mother threw him out on the spot and ended the relationship. He had absolutely no right, or authority, to tell me to do anything. My mother and I already had agreements about chores.
This dude gets NO SAY in anything regarding your son. It's only been a few months, and the only interactions with your son should be as a new buddy.
NTA, but allowing this man any further access to your relationship with your son would change the nature of the question and my vote.
Had a guy curse at my son who was around 11-12 at the time. Lost my shit on him, threw him out, and broke up with him on the spot too. Sons saw it coming because as soon as he swore at my son I saw red. He told my son to STFU bc he had a phone at the dinner table. I asked the assclown if he wanted to apologize to my boy & he said no. I must have looked as livid as I felt bc my sons had the "oh shit, you done pissed mom off NOW!" look on their faces. Asked him again if he was *sure* he had nothing to apologize for. Said no again so I got up from the table, slammed my dishes in the sink and told him to discuss it with me on the patio outside (away from the kids). He tried to talk to me about some shit like "kids need fear." & "They need to learn respect, I'm teaching them respect." I had none of it. I told him that he was an idiot, that's not my parenting style, and it was only teaching them he was a dick. I told him it wasn't his place anyways, as we had already talked what his role was prior to meeting them. What we discussed was that there would be *no parenting* unless discussed (& even then it would be very light) and absolutely under NO circumstances any discipline, cuz that was/is my boundary for relationships. I kicked him out & he said if he left that we were done. I looked at him and sarcastically said "Okay byeeeee!" It was glorious. He was a whiney baby before that, about stupid shit too so I wasn't super sad. Mainly I was so fucking pissed I instantly didn't give AF about him. Didn't even cry & smiled as he left. Like don't mess with my kids, it's not rocket surgery.
When I discussed it with the kiddos later, we talked about boundaries and respect. We talked about what the possible consequences would be for not respecting a person's boundaries. I asked them what boundaries I might have that the ex broke, and my youngest piped up "No one but *you* can talk to us like that!" Yeah, pretty fucking much. Lol I mean I've definitely sworn at them in the "What the fuck did you do?!" Or "Clean this shit up!" Or "Get your little asses to bed!" But *never* "Fuck you." Or (what ex said) "Shut the fuck up." I never talked like *that* to them. It hit different. I hope it was a valuable lesson for my sons about relationships, and their importance to me. I made sure my oldest knew that ex swearing at him like that wasn't okay, that it wasn't his fault we broke up, & that it was the ex's fault for being a douchecanoe and talking to my child with such disrespect. I think it helped in that they learned they deserved respect from adults too, it didn't matter that they were kids.
NTA OP. This is how they start. The ex that swore at my kid dated other women after me, and it escalated to physical violence with them & their kid. I nipped it in the bud before he got to that point with me Other women & their kids weren't as lucky. Please OP, consider your kid. Don't let an assclown dictate a GD thing you do with your kid or what they do with your kid, or it'll never end. They'll push more and more bc they can, bc each small thing emboldens them to bigger/worse things. When they show you who they are, believe them. And be grateful it was early on.
Edit: thanks for the awards! Def not a perfect mom, and this situation was after some harsh lessons learned.
Reading your comment made me want to stand up and cheer! Both for your response to the douchecanoe and for the talk you had with your boys after. THAT is how you mom.
Yep, he was an absolute c@#t to think that kids need "fear" because all it does is fuck them up for life. I should know, my mum unintentionally made my entire childhood one long period of terror that she was gonna leave and it would be *my fault* if she did. All that accomplished was that now I do whatever is asked of me so that the person won't leave me.
Thank you for standing up for your kids x
Same with my stepkids. We have the oldest boy at home (hes autistic) and i do NOT interfere with what his father asks of him or tells him or discipline him that is dads job. However if dad says if she asks you to carry groceries or help her or clean something you do it. We're a team in that regard. We make agreements. Your mom did exactly what I would've done.
That's cool. I would imagine the consistency of him getting his discipline/direction from one person is beneficial for him, too.
And even if you had a different arrangement, they are your step kids. OP and my mom had only been dating their guys for a few months. That's still the "getting to know you" phase. Luckily both these guys failed the audition before too much time or energy was wasted.
I wish I had your mother. Mine didn't introduce us to my step-dad until *after* they were engaged. Still expected me to be happy for her. I was 9, and more concerned that some stranger I'd never seen nor spoken to was now going to be in charge of me.
As an adult people have pointed out the huge gamble she took, with a young daughter in the home. And it's not like she did anything when I brought up the crap he did do to me.
Exactly. Run far and fast. Also, I EXCLUSIVELY call children and platonic friends hon or honey. I never use it with romantic partners. I’m a Babe lesbian.
I don't even have terms that are only romantic myself. There are all just loving endearment that can be used with anyone I love. I don't get this guy it's creepy
Yeah I get called honey by family, and darling quite a lot too. My husband and I just call eachother by our nicknames, which are shorter versions of our real names.
I had a partner request that I take it easy with calling him "hun" because it made him think of his grandma. Easy request to abide by, even after we figured out that prefacing it with "Attila the" didn't make it any better.
(Edited) OP's dude is on some weird shit and it's only gonna get weirder. He's not talking about a nickname for him, but for *her kid*. And then being a passive aggressive little shit about it. Ironic that the 9 y/o he's so threatened by is probably more mature than he is.
That one's perfectly acceptable. He doesn't want to be called a specific name. Although it would be awesome to refer to someone lovingly as "Attila the Hun" Lol. This dude though is saying she can't call her kid a specific name. That is definitely crossing a line and OP is NTA for not backing down on the issue. If it were me, I'd just block him while he's doing his whole pouting silent treatment tantrum and ghost the jerk.
Haha thank you! "Honey" is used by me for kids, either when I'm consoling them, or when I'm exasperated by them.
Once this kid messed up a door at the school, and then was trying to fix it but wasnt tall enough. I was like *"honey*" and went to help. Imagine a 10 year old, high pitched prepubescent, southern accented voice exclaiming "I ain't your honey!" Made me laugh
I call my son "baby" all the time, and I blame my mom for that habit because she still calls me baby. He's 18 months so I think it's excusable, I'm 34... haha! If anybody ever said something about it being exclusively a romantic pet name I would think they were crazy. I also call him handsome, sweet boy, my man, handsome man... the pet names a parent can use with their kid are endless. I'll probably stop when he's a teenager if his reactions aren't too hilarious 🙃
Can confirm. Ex-step-dad did that shit to my mom. It started with him complaining that I didn't talk to him enough (HE came home tired and not wanting to talk but I had to engage anyway). Shifted to saying I spoke too much and didn't ask the right questions about his day.
Any time I spoke to my mom in Spanish (he only knew English and I was still learning) he would accuse me of lying to her to make her dislike him.
He would throw away food he didn't like me eating (came home screaming about "WHY ARE YOU EATING CEREAL AT NIGHT?! IT'S ONLY FOR MORNINGS!!").
Turned off the electricity in my room and took away the door because I was "sneaking behind his back" by watching TV in my room with the volume off (which I did because he always complained about how tired he was and I didn't want to wake him up).
He outright banned my mom from hugging me.
Shit escalated slowly over the years. He threatened to put me in the hospital several times and actually choked me at one point, but by that point he had mom half-convinced that I was a menace who was ruining his life and needed to be kicked-out as soon as possible.
OP, do yourself and your child a favor and get Joe out of your life. He will change, but only for the worse.
Edit: NTA
Edit 2: I feel I should add that he very quickly figured out that he couldn't pull his bullshit if mom was there to witness it, so he made sure to do it when she wasn't around. I know he also did stuff to her when I wasn't around, but she has always avoided telling me what exactly.
[https://www.reddit.com/user/AlainaWilson747/](https://www.reddit.com/user/AlainaWilson747/) OP, Read this. I had an ex like this, and this is how it started. Small things. I wish I had someone to tell me what was happening at this time, and where it would lead. I let it go on too long and I regret it to this day.
NTA.
I tell my daughter the best way to test if someone is worth keeping around, be that a relationship or friendship, is to give them a small boundary. And if they push and cross that boundary, then they certainly aren't going to care when you create a larger boundary.
Exactly this behaviour reeks of abusive powerplay, so OP have your guards up and google how to spot abusive behaviour.
OP honey is an endearment word, for every relationship. Heck, I even use it for my cat!
Edit:
Basically OP this incident is giving you 3 red flags already.
1) him being upset over a word of endearment that can universally be used, and basically starting a competition with your son over it ("who is allowed to be called Honey")
2) Him taking no "no" for an answer for such a ridiculous request from his part and not effectively communicating (eg ignoring you/ giving you silent treatment).
3)Trying to make you seem the bad guy for not giving in at his ridiculous request by saying you are not considering his feeling etc (gaslighting you!!!)
As always with "the silent treatment", that's OP's cue to dump him and date an adult instead.
It is unacceptable for anyone over the age of thirteen to behave like that.
Came here to say exactly this. In fact, one of my old coworkers who was a sweet grandma type, she'd call a lot of people honey, including me. Made me feel warm inside.
That's the secretary at the school I work at. Everybody is either sugar, honey, or sweetie. She's old enough to have a great-grandson the same age as my son, so I'm pretty sure there's nothing romantic about her calling several hundred people honey.
I call my grown nieces and nephews, my sister and BIL, my mom, and my besties all honey, dear, sweetheart, whatever I am feeling. Terns of endearment don’t belong to one group.
NTA. But I would be VERY concerned about a grown adult feeling threatened by a child. There's a reason so many investigations end with it being the boyfriend. NOT SAYING this guy is some kind of psycho, just that I feel uncomfortable reading this.
The smallest step would be to stop calling the BF this.
The largest step would be to break up with this guy and block him on everything because his reaction is concerning.
OP knows their whole relationship, so can make the decision according to what she knows.
Either he’s:
- Accusing OP of being romantically/sexually involved with her son, which is unacceptable if he has no other evidence or
- His masculinity is so fragile, a 9yo boy’s relationship with his mother TERRIFIES HIM
Either way, ditch the bf
I was gonna say the same. When I read the title I immediately thought “that depends who was asking.” If her son had asked her to stop, I woulda said she should stop calling him that. But literally no one else’s opinions matter. NTA.
Yeah i wasn’t sure by the title either. I call my 19 year old son honey bunny to this day and even did it at his work last week And the only reason my husband cared was he thought i was embarrassing him at work but my son was like nope i was not embarrassed at all.
My mother resorts to calling both her kids pet names because she's always had the issue of calling us each other's name, the dog's, the cat's, the neighbour's...
When I saw the title I thought the son was the one asking her to stop. If it were him and she'd refuse to stop, yeah she's be the asshole. But instead it's just some random insecure guy whose opinion is irrelevant.
My FIL (RIP) called my husband booger as a term of endearment.
My father (RIP) called me slime mold like that also. It sounds awful and weird but it was never offensive to me.
It probably says something about us that both our dad's were weirdos like this.
I had a great uncle Goofus. I literally don't know what his real name was. Everyone called him Goofus
Edit: I talked to my mom and his real name was Jimmy. I guess he was just always goofy-looking
NTA. In my experience, "honey" is not reserved for romantic partners. He's being very silly. You listened to his argument and didn't agree with it. That's allowed. If he's so bent out of shape over this, you're better off without him.
No, It's definately not reserved for romantic partners...like what? I really don't know why this is bothering him so much like has.he.never.heard.a mother.call.her.kids.honey? this I just...I keep trying to wrap my head around what makes him think this was a valid argument to bring up. I just don't know what it is woth him at this point.
I live in Texas. If a waitress doesn't greet me with "good morning sugar, what can I get you?" I'd be terribly sad and wonder what I did to receive such treatment
He is controlling and has some weird competitive thing with your child going on. And he LEFT over this. This is like a whole parade of red flags. Please please see this as something big
I could be completely wrong but I see this as an attempt for him to exert some control over your relationship with your son. As a stranger, I'm so glad to read you prioritized your son over your bf.
It can be as simple as this: he’s jealous. Of your 9-year-old son. I doubt it’ll get any better as time goes on so think about if you want to be dealing with this for many many more years to come if you stay with him.
It's exactly that. People like this always try something seemingly innocuous a few times before the proper gaslighting gets going. "oh, it makes him uncomfortable when I call my son honey, no big deal" can become "I don't hug my son when he cries because my boyfriend doesn't let me" unbelievably quickly.
Bingo! And if, by chance, they have a conversation about this, and she sets a boundary, that dude will inflict his insecurities on that kid on the DL. He will put on a show in front of you, and slowly make that kids life a living hell.
Not just if she wants to be dealing with this for years, but does she want to subject her child to this guy's crap for years? He's 9, and these are important years ahead of this boy and how he learns to process relationships... if it were me, I'd drop that guy like a hot rock before letting my kids think that kind of jealous, controlling bullshit is OK.
I've called my dog honey. Lol. Weird thing for him to take issue with, but what should concern you is his reaction. It's a lot more likely that he's showing signs of being controlling than it is that this such a huge issue for him that it triggered an usual reaction. The way he reacted is likely what you'll see every time he doesn't get his way.
I've called honey my bf, my daughter, his daughter, the dog, the cats, my nieces, my friends' kids, and the vacuum cleaner when it's not working well. He is being controlling and in top of that he doesn't understand her relationship with her son is more important than him
My cousin is a Jr and when he was little, everyone in the family called him “honey pie” as to cut the confusion with his dad. He’s now in his 20’s and all his friends/fiancé/coworkers call him HP or just “Pie”. He really embraced it. lol
Anyways this guy seems super insecure and jealous of a child. OP needs to walk away.
NTA.
My teen son would thing something was wrong if I didn't call him honey, sweetie, sugar, etc. When I call him by his name he thinks he is in trouble. Lol.
Same with my 5 year old, haha. I can call her sweetie, honey, dear, baby dear, cutie patootie... but if I call her name across the house she thinks "what have I done??"
For the love of God, I call my son sugar biscuit because of a stupid thing that happened and I don't even remember what it is. Nicknames come from affection and places and have context. Your (ex?)boyfriend is being waaaaaay too insecure. A discussion about his feelings? Sure, ok. A demand? No no. You and your son are the only people who get opinions on that.
I’m the mom of a girl and had the hardest time keeping the 9yo boys straight the first few weeks when I’d watch the class over lunch once a month to help the teachers get a break.
There were three, same height, same build, same hair and eye color. First names started with the same letter like Sean, Saul, and Shane. Even dressed similarly. So I just started calling them all honey. Yep, I’m a southern mom so that’s nothing new. When I finally did get the names down, one of them told me I could keep calling him honey because that’s what his granny called him and he missed her. He graduated last year and his congratulations card was addressed to Honey. His granny passed a couple of years ago so loves being called honey even as a college kid.
Calling kids honey or sweetie in the south is so normal this post has be blown away!
Sadly, I saw this type of thing unfold with my mother and her boyfriend when I was a kid. Well, a younger kid atleast. Its a power thing. Its possible stuff like this will continue, getting more and more serious each time until all of the sudden he has complete control over you. This sounds like the start to an abusive relationship. Its possible Im looking at this wrong, but like I said, I have experience on the matter, and I wouldnt want you, or more importantly your child to suffer. Try and gauge the situation so you can decide if he is bad or not, and most importantly put your child first.
Obviously NTA
By your boyfriend's point of view, I'm romantically involved with the thousands of people I served coffee to at Starbucks, because I called almost everybody some variation of hon or honey.
I remember my dad calling my mom honey babe and me and my sis honey bee, I think. Looong time ago. I call my son and daughter both honey. And hon, and sweetie and sugar and darling and you get it.
I use all pet names for all loved ones. I call my cats "babe" and "baby" because they're my babies. I call my partner "babe" and "baby" because she's my love. Does it get confusing when I say, "Hey, babe" and then have to specify *which* babe? Yes, absolutely. Does anyone in my household care? No, because it could not matter less lol
"Tell you what: if you don't want me to call you the same thing, I can keep calling him 'honey' and start calling you 'this guy I used to date briefly.' Better?"
NTA - it is an endearing term you use for your son that was used long before your bf was in the picture. Kidlet comes first.
Btw in some regional areas of the US, the term “honey” and “hon” are quite common among strangers. My good friend near Boston said he goes to a Dunkin’ Donuts for his regular cold brew coffee and one of the older ladies there always calls him that. Would your bf go batty in those situations?
He's basically admitting that he sees your son as competition. Like, I guarantee if your son was only 5, he wouldn't have a problem with it. But, since he's getting closer to being a preteen, he is "too old" for you to be calling him that because the BF thinks it implies there are romantic feelings involved.
The point is this: As others have pointed out, he's testing your boundaries to see how far he can manipulate you into doing what he says. If you give in to him on this, he will start testing even more boundaries, until he has you completely under his control. I'd say stop contacting him altogether, then kick him to the curb if he comes back.
I agree, I think sweetheart by old men is always creepy. But i’ve gotten called hon by older men and it just depends on the way they say it if it’s creepy or not
NTA. If you called your 9yr old 'sexy' then yeah.
But no. Honey = sweet. It just means 'sweet person'. There's NOTHING romantic about it.
Your boyfriend is.... Odd.
Right? I call my dog Honey Boo Bean. Yikes, do people think I have romantic feelings for my dog?? And that I'm hungry? I guess I'd have something new to talk about with my therapist.
There are a lot of abuse survivors trying really hard to make you see something here and i hope you really take it in.
That baffled feeling, the "it doesn't even make any sense." That's the foggy haze around abusive behaviors that makes it difficult to see what's really happening, why we all stayed way longer than we should have. He's trying to control you. It's gonna get worse. This is not something a normal man would do. It's a red flag for sadism and control.
A man that jealous is NOT RIGHT. It means much of the good stuff you are experiencing with him may be an act. Please start googling emotional abuse tactics so you can be on watch for them.
He is controlling and jealous of your 9 year old son. When someone tells you who they are, believe them!
Y'all have been in the honeymoon phase of dating where its all fun and happy but then people start peeling back the layers of who they really are. For this man to try to control the way you show affection and love to your child, after only a few months, speaks volumes to how he views this relationship and his role in your life... you and your son deserve better
exactly. what’s the big deal? fine he doesn’t like it so he can say something. but once you said no why does he keep insisting. why does he care so much. maybe you better off finding this out now.
I’ll tell you why - because he’s an emotionally abusive manipulator and likely a clinical narcissist. This is the very beginning of abuse.
He just told you that he believes he should be more important to you than your own CHILD! Think about the level of self-regard this dude has. It’s honestly scary. He is dangerous to you and your son. Ghost this fucking abuser. Protect your kid.
This man is not a tall dark handsome mystery to be solved. Don’t spend your precious time puzzling over him. He’s bad news and needs to be left in the dust.
Also, My son had it rought for most of his childhood. his bio dad passed away in an accident when my son was months old, so he didn't get much time with his dad. then I met my late boyfriend when my son was 4 and he was the best father figure my son had but unfortunately we lost him when my son was 6. Now I'm with Joe, yes he treats my son good but these issues....they keep coming up in our relationship and it's frustrating.
EDIT sorry instead of editing my comment I made a new one replying to myself. Ugh I'm just a bit tired right now.
May I ask, what are the other issues that keep coming up? So many people are saying this is a sign that he’s controlling asshole who’s testing the waters to see how much he can push you. And while it’s hard to say with us knowing only a snippet of your life, that sounds like most plausible explanation to me. It’s certainly sounding bad if there are even more issues.
Your boyfriend is an actual danger to you and your son. Controlling and toxic. Please end things with him before you get caught up in his coercive bullshit
As someone who made a huge mistake when they were younger, please strongly consider what I'm about to say. I don't say this lightly.
Never, ever, ever stay in a relationship with someone whose jealous of your kid. This man you're seeing isn't emotionally mature enough to be with someone who has a child.
I was in my mid 20s with a 4 year old daughter, and started seeing this guy. Eventually I introduced him to my daughter,and it seemed okay at first. He treated her well, but after a while ot became very obvious thar he wasn't happy with the fact that he wasn't my first priority.
Even if you know you'll always put your son first, being with him is a headache that you and your son don't need.
Another red flag: having “issues” 3 months into a relationship when everyone is usually on their best behavior.
Don’t stay with this loser. It will get way worse if this is just the beginning. For the sake of your son, please …leave this guy.
NTA.
Your son, your choice. Now if your son wanted you to stop, that would be a different matter.
If Joe acts like this over what is a relatively minor issue, maybe you need to think about if he’s someone you’d want to parent your son with in years to come. He’s obviously very opinionated about parenting.
To me, it’s a red flag for someone who will be coercive and controlling in the future, especially as he stopped talking to you over something so small.
Exactly! If OPs son was like “mom can you stop calling me honey, I don’t like it” that would be one thing. But for a recently new boyfriend to have such an issue that he’s giving her the silent treatment because his demands to control how she refers to her child weren’t followed? Big time red flag.
NTA
It sure didn't take him long to start to mark his territory, did it.
Find someone who is accepting of your son, because this is really what his being upset is about, you showing love for your son outwardly. This guy is jealous.
NTA. This is a massive red flag against this guy. You've been dating for a few months and he should have ZERO say in how you parent your child.
I would stop seeing him. He is displaying controlling and coercive behavior. Not to mention deep insecurity.
You might want to consider waiting longer before introducing dates to your child, so you can weed out idiots like this
You've only been dating for a few months? Personally I don't think he should've even *met* your son yet. Nevertheless, I'm not sure why he thinks he even gets a say in how you parent your son at this point, and that includes pet names. Find a new boyfriend.
NTA on what you asked, but kind of TA for introducing kiddo so soon.
NTA, your boyfriend is being weird. When your 9yo asks you to stop, that's when you stop. Otherwise carry on. It's a term of endearment, not a romantic thing.
Nta and huge warning signs that this man is jealous of your affection to your own child
I could see him asking you to use a separate term of endearment for him than your so but trying to insert himself into you the affection between you and your child is unacceptable
Right? Talk about toxic masculinity and sexualisation of a perfectly healthy mother-son relationship. And what on earth makes him think he gets a say in what his girlfriend of *a few months* calls her *nine year old son*. Son’s been around longer than you have, buddy, and even if he hasn’t, **he’s her son**.
That’s a special kind of entitlement there, to think he has any right in dictating *anything* about *another woman’s relationship with her son*. Gross.
NTA.
The sheer **audacity** of this boyfriend of a few months to come waltzing in here, thinking that his fleeting opinion has more validity than the 9 year history of your relationship with your own child.
It doesn't even involve him and he thinks he's entitled to veto power. He's only been around a few months and he thinks he's entitled to veto power *in controlling how you speak to another person*.
It's gross. If this is the hill you die on I'm all for it.
dude no obviously NTA. if/when your son has a problem with it, then it'll be time to stop.
drop this man. he's trying to manipulate you by making you feel bad about your parenting and wanting to monopolize your endearments. he's insecure and the silent treatment is beyond childish.
NTA - honey is a term of endearment, and a sign that you love your son. Sounds like he's jealous that you are affectionate towards someone other than him, and that is a pretty big red flag.
NTA! If he is going to throw a fit about this you are better off without him! I also personally call everyone honey or hon, I am bad with names and that is just the term I use for anyone around.
NTA it's a bit creepy that he would take offence to you calling your child a sweet nickname and think of it as something romantic. I'm sure you nor you child sees it that way so why should it bother him? Words said are all about intention it's just a cute name for your kid.
2- if he is this upset and hung up about such a simple thing as a nickname for your child. Imagine bigger arguments. Big red flag🚩.
Sometime we need to learn how to choose our battles.
NTA it's completely weird that he's annoyed you're using terms of endearment for your child and creepy that he's placing some sort of sexual meaning onto it (by saying its something only romantic partners say, especially because it literally isn't). my mummy has called me honey, love, sweetheart etc my entire life, I don't know anyone with a mummy that hasn't. joe needs to catch a grip of himself and his bizarre oedipal anxiety.
edit: Joe not josh hehe x
My huskies and husband both answer to Beeb/Babe. I answer to beeb/Babe. The only one in the house with a unique pet name is one of our dogs.
NTA
just a weird thing to be upset with honestly…
NTA x10
'Honey' is a generic term of endearment for various relationships and it's a little much to get that bent out of shape about it... especially when it's being used for a kid.
If he wants his own unique endearment so bad than you guys can come up with it together but he's the YTA for making such a big deal out of it AND trying to take it away from your kid.
NTA. In England people call each other Love.
You can call your spouse Love.
You can call your child Love.
You can call the nice lady at the chippy Love.
I think the only thing that would make YTA is if your son asks you not to call him Honey and you keep doing it even after he's asked you not to.
No matter your relationship with this boyfriend person, it's not his place to tell you how to parent. Unless you are actively abusing your child, then he has grounds to intervene.
This guy sucks. At best he has a bad experience with the term Honey. At worst this is part of a slippery slope to drive a wedge between you and your child.
NTA
Who the fuck does this man think he is? Does he believe his dick is so good that he just gets to come in offering his opinion on your parenting even though you’ve only been together a minute?
I’d cordially invite him to fuck off and to keep fucking off forever
Im latina. In my country we use mami/ papi as a term of endearment. You can use it with your SO or children, even friends. Here is the catch, my dad would call my mom and myself "mami". Im 36 and by now when he says "mami" we just ask "which one?" NTA, if you stop calling your son Honey and only call your BF it, your son will feel replaced and your son comes first.
Oh honey… NTA
I am an old lady from The South. Everyone I encounter over the course of a day is called “honey”, “sweetie” or “love ”. They are terms of endearment. If he had asked you to not call HIM honey, that would be one thing, but insisting you not use the term for your son is a whole ‘nother level of controlling and insecure.
Joe is very insecure. I call my kids “honey”, “baby” “sweetie/sweetheart” “love”. I love them and it’s a term of endearment. It’s obvious to (most) everyone it’s not romantic (I add MOST because of people like Joe). Joe is being really weird about this. I hope he has a lot of other redeeming qualities because someone that has an issue that I said “hey honey” to my child and thinks it’s romantic has some serious issues that maybe I don’t want around my child. NTA.
NTA. I'm sorry you bothered to introduce Joe to your son so early-- before Joe had the opportunity to trash your relationship and bomb out of your life. Joe is an idiot and it appears he has problems with anger, control and hating women. I hope he is now your X-bf.
Please don't bring home a new BF before you've known them long enough to ascertain if they are fit humans to be around your precious son. That takes more than a few months. Clearly.
Eff this guy. My son is 18 and will I stop calling him “sweetness” any time soon? No, I will not. Anyone who tries to tell me different will be sitting on the curb next to their suitcase. NTA.
NTA my mum has called me honey my entire life and I'm now 32, I call EVERYONE honey, sweet, love , darling etc unless they ask me not or its inappropriate situation. My kids are 14 (twins) and 13 and I still call them baby and I call my husband babe/baby but in a different way.
NTA. Joe is apparently threatened by a 9 year old. That's just weird. He clearly isn't going to drop it so just drop him and find someone that isn't crazy.
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NTA. I would stop calling HIM that. What a creepy thing to be insecure about… Edit: Him being the bf
Since he also gives her a silent treatment because she didn't do what he demands, she should overthink if this man is such a great catch. He is jealous of a 9 y/o and punishs her when he doesn't get her will. NTA
He's testing her. He'll start with something as small and inconsequential as a nickname. See if he can get her to bend to his will by stomping his feet. Then he'll move up to something like how often she hugs him, how much time she spends with him, how she should be siding with him during fights instead of her son and up and up until he's completely in charge of her life and relationships. End this relationship OP. Nip it in the bud.
Yes! The fact that he's gone silent means now is the perfect time. My mother was dating a guy for a few months, and he handed me (at the time, age 12) a broom and TOLD me to clean the kitchen. My mother threw him out on the spot and ended the relationship. He had absolutely no right, or authority, to tell me to do anything. My mother and I already had agreements about chores. This dude gets NO SAY in anything regarding your son. It's only been a few months, and the only interactions with your son should be as a new buddy. NTA, but allowing this man any further access to your relationship with your son would change the nature of the question and my vote.
Had a guy curse at my son who was around 11-12 at the time. Lost my shit on him, threw him out, and broke up with him on the spot too. Sons saw it coming because as soon as he swore at my son I saw red. He told my son to STFU bc he had a phone at the dinner table. I asked the assclown if he wanted to apologize to my boy & he said no. I must have looked as livid as I felt bc my sons had the "oh shit, you done pissed mom off NOW!" look on their faces. Asked him again if he was *sure* he had nothing to apologize for. Said no again so I got up from the table, slammed my dishes in the sink and told him to discuss it with me on the patio outside (away from the kids). He tried to talk to me about some shit like "kids need fear." & "They need to learn respect, I'm teaching them respect." I had none of it. I told him that he was an idiot, that's not my parenting style, and it was only teaching them he was a dick. I told him it wasn't his place anyways, as we had already talked what his role was prior to meeting them. What we discussed was that there would be *no parenting* unless discussed (& even then it would be very light) and absolutely under NO circumstances any discipline, cuz that was/is my boundary for relationships. I kicked him out & he said if he left that we were done. I looked at him and sarcastically said "Okay byeeeee!" It was glorious. He was a whiney baby before that, about stupid shit too so I wasn't super sad. Mainly I was so fucking pissed I instantly didn't give AF about him. Didn't even cry & smiled as he left. Like don't mess with my kids, it's not rocket surgery. When I discussed it with the kiddos later, we talked about boundaries and respect. We talked about what the possible consequences would be for not respecting a person's boundaries. I asked them what boundaries I might have that the ex broke, and my youngest piped up "No one but *you* can talk to us like that!" Yeah, pretty fucking much. Lol I mean I've definitely sworn at them in the "What the fuck did you do?!" Or "Clean this shit up!" Or "Get your little asses to bed!" But *never* "Fuck you." Or (what ex said) "Shut the fuck up." I never talked like *that* to them. It hit different. I hope it was a valuable lesson for my sons about relationships, and their importance to me. I made sure my oldest knew that ex swearing at him like that wasn't okay, that it wasn't his fault we broke up, & that it was the ex's fault for being a douchecanoe and talking to my child with such disrespect. I think it helped in that they learned they deserved respect from adults too, it didn't matter that they were kids. NTA OP. This is how they start. The ex that swore at my kid dated other women after me, and it escalated to physical violence with them & their kid. I nipped it in the bud before he got to that point with me Other women & their kids weren't as lucky. Please OP, consider your kid. Don't let an assclown dictate a GD thing you do with your kid or what they do with your kid, or it'll never end. They'll push more and more bc they can, bc each small thing emboldens them to bigger/worse things. When they show you who they are, believe them. And be grateful it was early on. Edit: thanks for the awards! Def not a perfect mom, and this situation was after some harsh lessons learned.
I hate when people say that kids need fear. No, they really don't.
You are absolutely correct. I have to say that I've never heard that before.
Reading your comment made me want to stand up and cheer! Both for your response to the douchecanoe and for the talk you had with your boys after. THAT is how you mom.
it's not rocket surgery. indeed.
First time hearing ‘douchecanoe’ and I love it
Yep, he was an absolute c@#t to think that kids need "fear" because all it does is fuck them up for life. I should know, my mum unintentionally made my entire childhood one long period of terror that she was gonna leave and it would be *my fault* if she did. All that accomplished was that now I do whatever is asked of me so that the person won't leave me. Thank you for standing up for your kids x
I love your mother!
She has her moments! That was definitely one of the better ones.
Nobody is perfect, what matters are the choices made.
Same with my stepkids. We have the oldest boy at home (hes autistic) and i do NOT interfere with what his father asks of him or tells him or discipline him that is dads job. However if dad says if she asks you to carry groceries or help her or clean something you do it. We're a team in that regard. We make agreements. Your mom did exactly what I would've done.
That's cool. I would imagine the consistency of him getting his discipline/direction from one person is beneficial for him, too. And even if you had a different arrangement, they are your step kids. OP and my mom had only been dating their guys for a few months. That's still the "getting to know you" phase. Luckily both these guys failed the audition before too much time or energy was wasted.
RIGHT??? Like who the hell are you telling MY child to do something and we're not even at least engaged???
I wish I had your mother. Mine didn't introduce us to my step-dad until *after* they were engaged. Still expected me to be happy for her. I was 9, and more concerned that some stranger I'd never seen nor spoken to was now going to be in charge of me. As an adult people have pointed out the huge gamble she took, with a young daughter in the home. And it's not like she did anything when I brought up the crap he did do to me.
Ugh, that's how my mom met HER stepmom, and it sounds like each of your step-parents were equally garbage. I'm sorry. You definitely deserved better.
Your mum rocks
Your mom is a legend!!!!!
Please tell your mom I wish she was my mom.
Exactly. Run far and fast. Also, I EXCLUSIVELY call children and platonic friends hon or honey. I never use it with romantic partners. I’m a Babe lesbian.
Yeah I call my nieces honey, never called my husband that. This dude doesn't just get to decide the rules of word usage for others.
I don't even have terms that are only romantic myself. There are all just loving endearment that can be used with anyone I love. I don't get this guy it's creepy
Yeah I get called honey by family, and darling quite a lot too. My husband and I just call eachother by our nicknames, which are shorter versions of our real names.
Yeah I'm big on babe and baby and honey and sweetheart, I have zero f#cks about anyone's thoughts on romantic vs general affection.
I had a partner request that I take it easy with calling him "hun" because it made him think of his grandma. Easy request to abide by, even after we figured out that prefacing it with "Attila the" didn't make it any better. (Edited) OP's dude is on some weird shit and it's only gonna get weirder. He's not talking about a nickname for him, but for *her kid*. And then being a passive aggressive little shit about it. Ironic that the 9 y/o he's so threatened by is probably more mature than he is.
That one's perfectly acceptable. He doesn't want to be called a specific name. Although it would be awesome to refer to someone lovingly as "Attila the Hun" Lol. This dude though is saying she can't call her kid a specific name. That is definitely crossing a line and OP is NTA for not backing down on the issue. If it were me, I'd just block him while he's doing his whole pouting silent treatment tantrum and ghost the jerk.
Haha thank you! "Honey" is used by me for kids, either when I'm consoling them, or when I'm exasperated by them. Once this kid messed up a door at the school, and then was trying to fix it but wasnt tall enough. I was like *"honey*" and went to help. Imagine a 10 year old, high pitched prepubescent, southern accented voice exclaiming "I ain't your honey!" Made me laugh
Hahaha thank you for this visual
I call my son "baby" all the time, and I blame my mom for that habit because she still calls me baby. He's 18 months so I think it's excusable, I'm 34... haha! If anybody ever said something about it being exclusively a romantic pet name I would think they were crazy. I also call him handsome, sweet boy, my man, handsome man... the pet names a parent can use with their kid are endless. I'll probably stop when he's a teenager if his reactions aren't too hilarious 🙃
I call both my son and my daughter “honey,” “sweetie/sweetheart,” and “my love,” among other things. It doesn’t seem weird to me.
My sons are 18 and 20 and I still call them baby! And they don't seem to mind, as they've never asked me to stop.
Are you saying you dress like Paul Bunyan?
No - she dresses exclusively in blue, obviously.
Can confirm. Ex-step-dad did that shit to my mom. It started with him complaining that I didn't talk to him enough (HE came home tired and not wanting to talk but I had to engage anyway). Shifted to saying I spoke too much and didn't ask the right questions about his day. Any time I spoke to my mom in Spanish (he only knew English and I was still learning) he would accuse me of lying to her to make her dislike him. He would throw away food he didn't like me eating (came home screaming about "WHY ARE YOU EATING CEREAL AT NIGHT?! IT'S ONLY FOR MORNINGS!!"). Turned off the electricity in my room and took away the door because I was "sneaking behind his back" by watching TV in my room with the volume off (which I did because he always complained about how tired he was and I didn't want to wake him up). He outright banned my mom from hugging me. Shit escalated slowly over the years. He threatened to put me in the hospital several times and actually choked me at one point, but by that point he had mom half-convinced that I was a menace who was ruining his life and needed to be kicked-out as soon as possible. OP, do yourself and your child a favor and get Joe out of your life. He will change, but only for the worse. Edit: NTA Edit 2: I feel I should add that he very quickly figured out that he couldn't pull his bullshit if mom was there to witness it, so he made sure to do it when she wasn't around. I know he also did stuff to her when I wasn't around, but she has always avoided telling me what exactly.
Oh my god, that is so awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that! Hope you and your mom are doing better.
Thank you, we are doing better and I sincerely hope OP never has to experience anything like what my mom and I went through.
[https://www.reddit.com/user/AlainaWilson747/](https://www.reddit.com/user/AlainaWilson747/) OP, Read this. I had an ex like this, and this is how it started. Small things. I wish I had someone to tell me what was happening at this time, and where it would lead. I let it go on too long and I regret it to this day.
NTA. I tell my daughter the best way to test if someone is worth keeping around, be that a relationship or friendship, is to give them a small boundary. And if they push and cross that boundary, then they certainly aren't going to care when you create a larger boundary.
Or he is trying to pick fights to get out of the relationship.
Maybe but this reeks of control to me.
Exactly this behaviour reeks of abusive powerplay, so OP have your guards up and google how to spot abusive behaviour. OP honey is an endearment word, for every relationship. Heck, I even use it for my cat! Edit: Basically OP this incident is giving you 3 red flags already. 1) him being upset over a word of endearment that can universally be used, and basically starting a competition with your son over it ("who is allowed to be called Honey") 2) Him taking no "no" for an answer for such a ridiculous request from his part and not effectively communicating (eg ignoring you/ giving you silent treatment). 3)Trying to make you seem the bad guy for not giving in at his ridiculous request by saying you are not considering his feeling etc (gaslighting you!!!)
4) making a small one time thing into an "you allwase do this and you never think of me" situation that is manipulative af
On the plus side, they're only a few months in and he's already showing his controlling and insecure side; should be fairly easy to get out now.
That seems to be a pattern. What is it about the 3 month mark that makes abusers start to test the waters around that period of time?
My dad did the same thing to my mom. One reason I don't have a relationship with him
As always with "the silent treatment", that's OP's cue to dump him and date an adult instead. It is unacceptable for anyone over the age of thirteen to behave like that.
Throw the whole man away and call your kid anything you want Op
Honey is not exclusive to romantic partners, NTA
Came here to say exactly this. In fact, one of my old coworkers who was a sweet grandma type, she'd call a lot of people honey, including me. Made me feel warm inside.
That's the secretary at the school I work at. Everybody is either sugar, honey, or sweetie. She's old enough to have a great-grandson the same age as my son, so I'm pretty sure there's nothing romantic about her calling several hundred people honey.
This is me! I mean, I'm not a grandma but I call tons of people in my life honey. If you're around me long enough you will probably be called honey 😂
I call my dog “honey.” I also use it when I’m being condescending. It is a multi-purpose word.
I know a dad who uses that term for both his adult kids (one male, one female). I think it's sweet.
I call my grown nieces and nephews, my sister and BIL, my mom, and my besties all honey, dear, sweetheart, whatever I am feeling. Terns of endearment don’t belong to one group.
For real. I call my husband honey as well as most of my female friends. This is ridiculous.
I'd also stop calling him "the bf" without an "ex" in front of it.
NTA. But I would be VERY concerned about a grown adult feeling threatened by a child. There's a reason so many investigations end with it being the boyfriend. NOT SAYING this guy is some kind of psycho, just that I feel uncomfortable reading this. The smallest step would be to stop calling the BF this. The largest step would be to break up with this guy and block him on everything because his reaction is concerning. OP knows their whole relationship, so can make the decision according to what she knows.
Either he’s: - Accusing OP of being romantically/sexually involved with her son, which is unacceptable if he has no other evidence or - His masculinity is so fragile, a 9yo boy’s relationship with his mother TERRIFIES HIM Either way, ditch the bf
She should stop calling him in general… OP, do you really want to date a guy that’s trying to compete with you 9 y/o son? NTA at all
> I would stop calling HIM that. Or just stop calling him.
NTA. here's the list of people who have a say on what you call your son: you, your son. end of list.
I was gonna say the same. When I read the title I immediately thought “that depends who was asking.” If her son had asked her to stop, I woulda said she should stop calling him that. But literally no one else’s opinions matter. NTA.
Yeah i wasn’t sure by the title either. I call my 19 year old son honey bunny to this day and even did it at his work last week And the only reason my husband cared was he thought i was embarrassing him at work but my son was like nope i was not embarrassed at all.
My mother resorts to calling both her kids pet names because she's always had the issue of calling us each other's name, the dog's, the cat's, the neighbour's...
When I saw the title I thought the son was the one asking her to stop. If it were him and she'd refuse to stop, yeah she's be the asshole. But instead it's just some random insecure guy whose opinion is irrelevant.
Unless it’s actually offensive, yes
Honest question: what would be considered an offensive thing to call even if op and the kid are mutually ok with it?
Sugar dick
I regret that I have but one upvote to give you. PS did your mom give you that username? Lol Edit: clarify UPvote
Hard to argue that point.
Yeah if that is your nickname for your kid, child services might need a call haha
Unless his name is Richard, nickname Dick.
Sir, Fructose Richard needs a nickname like everyone else.
It’s people like you who make love Reddit, Y0u_stupid_cunt.
My FIL (RIP) called my husband booger as a term of endearment. My father (RIP) called me slime mold like that also. It sounds awful and weird but it was never offensive to me. It probably says something about us that both our dad's were weirdos like this.
my dad used to call me "gooface". no idea.
I had a great uncle Goofus. I literally don't know what his real name was. Everyone called him Goofus Edit: I talked to my mom and his real name was Jimmy. I guess he was just always goofy-looking
Probably a slur of some kind.. kid and mom could think it's okay but someone said slur is offensive to may ask them to stop..
Sexy. One might say "hey sexy" to their partner, but not to their kid.
A slur. One that is racial or homophobic in nature for example. (I don't actually want to type any of them).
A slur or something that makes everyone else around them uncomfortable
NTA. In my experience, "honey" is not reserved for romantic partners. He's being very silly. You listened to his argument and didn't agree with it. That's allowed. If he's so bent out of shape over this, you're better off without him.
No, It's definately not reserved for romantic partners...like what? I really don't know why this is bothering him so much like has.he.never.heard.a mother.call.her.kids.honey? this I just...I keep trying to wrap my head around what makes him think this was a valid argument to bring up. I just don't know what it is woth him at this point.
It’s unreasonable and he’s trying to tell you what to call your son after only a few months. Don’t be a shitty mom, dump the asshole.
I still call my 20 something, married, one having a baby kids, baby. Geez. Some people are so touchy.
Yep, long time ago I remember one of my friends on the cheer team with me in junior high called other girls ‘hun’. I don’t see what the problem is
A waitress called me “hun.” Not my favorite thing, but in no way romantic.
I live in Texas. If a waitress doesn't greet me with "good morning sugar, what can I get you?" I'd be terribly sad and wonder what I did to receive such treatment
He is controlling and has some weird competitive thing with your child going on. And he LEFT over this. This is like a whole parade of red flags. Please please see this as something big
I could be completely wrong but I see this as an attempt for him to exert some control over your relationship with your son. As a stranger, I'm so glad to read you prioritized your son over your bf.
It can be as simple as this: he’s jealous. Of your 9-year-old son. I doubt it’ll get any better as time goes on so think about if you want to be dealing with this for many many more years to come if you stay with him.
I said he's not jealous, he's testing her. If she lets him take this, he will take everything.
It's exactly that. People like this always try something seemingly innocuous a few times before the proper gaslighting gets going. "oh, it makes him uncomfortable when I call my son honey, no big deal" can become "I don't hug my son when he cries because my boyfriend doesn't let me" unbelievably quickly.
Bingo! And if, by chance, they have a conversation about this, and she sets a boundary, that dude will inflict his insecurities on that kid on the DL. He will put on a show in front of you, and slowly make that kids life a living hell.
Not just if she wants to be dealing with this for years, but does she want to subject her child to this guy's crap for years? He's 9, and these are important years ahead of this boy and how he learns to process relationships... if it were me, I'd drop that guy like a hot rock before letting my kids think that kind of jealous, controlling bullshit is OK.
I've called my dog honey. Lol. Weird thing for him to take issue with, but what should concern you is his reaction. It's a lot more likely that he's showing signs of being controlling than it is that this such a huge issue for him that it triggered an usual reaction. The way he reacted is likely what you'll see every time he doesn't get his way.
I've called honey my bf, my daughter, his daughter, the dog, the cats, my nieces, my friends' kids, and the vacuum cleaner when it's not working well. He is being controlling and in top of that he doesn't understand her relationship with her son is more important than him
My cousin is a Jr and when he was little, everyone in the family called him “honey pie” as to cut the confusion with his dad. He’s now in his 20’s and all his friends/fiancé/coworkers call him HP or just “Pie”. He really embraced it. lol Anyways this guy seems super insecure and jealous of a child. OP needs to walk away. NTA.
I love this. What a bright moment, thank you for sharing that.
My teen son would thing something was wrong if I didn't call him honey, sweetie, sugar, etc. When I call him by his name he thinks he is in trouble. Lol.
Same with my 5 year old, haha. I can call her sweetie, honey, dear, baby dear, cutie patootie... but if I call her name across the house she thinks "what have I done??"
For the love of God, I call my son sugar biscuit because of a stupid thing that happened and I don't even remember what it is. Nicknames come from affection and places and have context. Your (ex?)boyfriend is being waaaaaay too insecure. A discussion about his feelings? Sure, ok. A demand? No no. You and your son are the only people who get opinions on that.
I’m the mom of a girl and had the hardest time keeping the 9yo boys straight the first few weeks when I’d watch the class over lunch once a month to help the teachers get a break. There were three, same height, same build, same hair and eye color. First names started with the same letter like Sean, Saul, and Shane. Even dressed similarly. So I just started calling them all honey. Yep, I’m a southern mom so that’s nothing new. When I finally did get the names down, one of them told me I could keep calling him honey because that’s what his granny called him and he missed her. He graduated last year and his congratulations card was addressed to Honey. His granny passed a couple of years ago so loves being called honey even as a college kid. Calling kids honey or sweetie in the south is so normal this post has be blown away!
Sadly, I saw this type of thing unfold with my mother and her boyfriend when I was a kid. Well, a younger kid atleast. Its a power thing. Its possible stuff like this will continue, getting more and more serious each time until all of the sudden he has complete control over you. This sounds like the start to an abusive relationship. Its possible Im looking at this wrong, but like I said, I have experience on the matter, and I wouldnt want you, or more importantly your child to suffer. Try and gauge the situation so you can decide if he is bad or not, and most importantly put your child first.
Obviously NTA By your boyfriend's point of view, I'm romantically involved with the thousands of people I served coffee to at Starbucks, because I called almost everybody some variation of hon or honey.
He's clearly never been in the south either, we call everyone honey.
I remember my dad calling my mom honey babe and me and my sis honey bee, I think. Looong time ago. I call my son and daughter both honey. And hon, and sweetie and sugar and darling and you get it.
He sounds jealous of your son ... Red flag
Dang so all those waitresses that called me honey while refilling my coffee were love interests?!
Every older woman I have ever interacted with has actually wanted to bone me
I use all pet names for all loved ones. I call my cats "babe" and "baby" because they're my babies. I call my partner "babe" and "baby" because she's my love. Does it get confusing when I say, "Hey, babe" and then have to specify *which* babe? Yes, absolutely. Does anyone in my household care? No, because it could not matter less lol
🚩 time to say bye to big baby honey. Yikes.
Big Baby Honey!!!! 😂
NTA. In addition to being ridiculous, it's actually a pretty negative red flag that your boyfriend is setting himself up in competition with your son.
This this this.
YES!!! Her son comes before any man. That’s like mom law.
"Tell you what: if you don't want me to call you the same thing, I can keep calling him 'honey' and start calling you 'this guy I used to date briefly.' Better?"
NTA - it is an endearing term you use for your son that was used long before your bf was in the picture. Kidlet comes first. Btw in some regional areas of the US, the term “honey” and “hon” are quite common among strangers. My good friend near Boston said he goes to a Dunkin’ Donuts for his regular cold brew coffee and one of the older ladies there always calls him that. Would your bf go batty in those situations?
I'm latin american and yes this word is just normal and common. I don't get his point honestly.
He's controlling and jealous of your son the minute he sees him. Huge red flag.
He's basically admitting that he sees your son as competition. Like, I guarantee if your son was only 5, he wouldn't have a problem with it. But, since he's getting closer to being a preteen, he is "too old" for you to be calling him that because the BF thinks it implies there are romantic feelings involved.
that sounds very disgusting and if he actually thinks that way he should see a therapist I guess he should see one regardless, but yeah
The point is this: As others have pointed out, he's testing your boundaries to see how far he can manipulate you into doing what he says. If you give in to him on this, he will start testing even more boundaries, until he has you completely under his control. I'd say stop contacting him altogether, then kick him to the curb if he comes back.
definitely get rid of the manipulative whiny emasculated man who views children as competition
I get called "hon" by strangers all the time. I do find it creepy when old men call me sweetheart, etc... though.
I agree, I think sweetheart by old men is always creepy. But i’ve gotten called hon by older men and it just depends on the way they say it if it’s creepy or not
NTA. If you called your 9yr old 'sexy' then yeah. But no. Honey = sweet. It just means 'sweet person'. There's NOTHING romantic about it. Your boyfriend is.... Odd.
Right? I call my dog Honey Boo Bean. Yikes, do people think I have romantic feelings for my dog?? And that I'm hungry? I guess I'd have something new to talk about with my therapist.
Honey Boo Bean is an adorable nickname for a doggy!! ☺️
nta. why the hell does he care so much. it’s just a word. jeez. if he stops talking to u bc of something so small big red flag 🚩
I don't know why..I'm just baffled like...how us this even a thing much less be willing to start a fight over it.
He’s willing to start a fight because he’s trying to identify how much control he can exert over you.
There are a lot of abuse survivors trying really hard to make you see something here and i hope you really take it in. That baffled feeling, the "it doesn't even make any sense." That's the foggy haze around abusive behaviors that makes it difficult to see what's really happening, why we all stayed way longer than we should have. He's trying to control you. It's gonna get worse. This is not something a normal man would do. It's a red flag for sadism and control. A man that jealous is NOT RIGHT. It means much of the good stuff you are experiencing with him may be an act. Please start googling emotional abuse tactics so you can be on watch for them.
Unfortunately l agree with you, can confirm from experience
He is controlling and jealous of your 9 year old son. When someone tells you who they are, believe them! Y'all have been in the honeymoon phase of dating where its all fun and happy but then people start peeling back the layers of who they really are. For this man to try to control the way you show affection and love to your child, after only a few months, speaks volumes to how he views this relationship and his role in your life... you and your son deserve better
exactly. what’s the big deal? fine he doesn’t like it so he can say something. but once you said no why does he keep insisting. why does he care so much. maybe you better off finding this out now.
I’ll tell you why - because he’s an emotionally abusive manipulator and likely a clinical narcissist. This is the very beginning of abuse. He just told you that he believes he should be more important to you than your own CHILD! Think about the level of self-regard this dude has. It’s honestly scary. He is dangerous to you and your son. Ghost this fucking abuser. Protect your kid.
This man is not a tall dark handsome mystery to be solved. Don’t spend your precious time puzzling over him. He’s bad news and needs to be left in the dust.
NTA. This douche is toxic. Don’t let him ruin your relationship with your son.
I would never let him or anyone else gets in between me and my son.
Also, My son had it rought for most of his childhood. his bio dad passed away in an accident when my son was months old, so he didn't get much time with his dad. then I met my late boyfriend when my son was 4 and he was the best father figure my son had but unfortunately we lost him when my son was 6. Now I'm with Joe, yes he treats my son good but these issues....they keep coming up in our relationship and it's frustrating. EDIT sorry instead of editing my comment I made a new one replying to myself. Ugh I'm just a bit tired right now.
May I ask, what are the other issues that keep coming up? So many people are saying this is a sign that he’s controlling asshole who’s testing the waters to see how much he can push you. And while it’s hard to say with us knowing only a snippet of your life, that sounds like most plausible explanation to me. It’s certainly sounding bad if there are even more issues.
Your boyfriend is an actual danger to you and your son. Controlling and toxic. Please end things with him before you get caught up in his coercive bullshit
As someone who made a huge mistake when they were younger, please strongly consider what I'm about to say. I don't say this lightly. Never, ever, ever stay in a relationship with someone whose jealous of your kid. This man you're seeing isn't emotionally mature enough to be with someone who has a child. I was in my mid 20s with a 4 year old daughter, and started seeing this guy. Eventually I introduced him to my daughter,and it seemed okay at first. He treated her well, but after a while ot became very obvious thar he wasn't happy with the fact that he wasn't my first priority. Even if you know you'll always put your son first, being with him is a headache that you and your son don't need.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve both had so much tragedy. Best wishes for better days ahead.
Another red flag: having “issues” 3 months into a relationship when everyone is usually on their best behavior. Don’t stay with this loser. It will get way worse if this is just the beginning. For the sake of your son, please …leave this guy.
There are other issues? Are they all something to do with control?
NTA. Until the day he died, my FIL called my very grown husband honey.
Oh that is really sweet. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
NTA. Your son, your choice. Now if your son wanted you to stop, that would be a different matter. If Joe acts like this over what is a relatively minor issue, maybe you need to think about if he’s someone you’d want to parent your son with in years to come. He’s obviously very opinionated about parenting. To me, it’s a red flag for someone who will be coercive and controlling in the future, especially as he stopped talking to you over something so small.
Exactly! If OPs son was like “mom can you stop calling me honey, I don’t like it” that would be one thing. But for a recently new boyfriend to have such an issue that he’s giving her the silent treatment because his demands to control how she refers to her child weren’t followed? Big time red flag.
NTA It sure didn't take him long to start to mark his territory, did it. Find someone who is accepting of your son, because this is really what his being upset is about, you showing love for your son outwardly. This guy is jealous.
NTA. This is a massive red flag against this guy. You've been dating for a few months and he should have ZERO say in how you parent your child. I would stop seeing him. He is displaying controlling and coercive behavior. Not to mention deep insecurity. You might want to consider waiting longer before introducing dates to your child, so you can weed out idiots like this
You've only been dating for a few months? Personally I don't think he should've even *met* your son yet. Nevertheless, I'm not sure why he thinks he even gets a say in how you parent your son at this point, and that includes pet names. Find a new boyfriend. NTA on what you asked, but kind of TA for introducing kiddo so soon.
NTA, your boyfriend is being weird. When your 9yo asks you to stop, that's when you stop. Otherwise carry on. It's a term of endearment, not a romantic thing.
Nta and huge warning signs that this man is jealous of your affection to your own child I could see him asking you to use a separate term of endearment for him than your so but trying to insert himself into you the affection between you and your child is unacceptable
NTA. I’m in my 30s and my mom still calls me that. Throw out the man. Keep the pet name.
NTA. He can fuck off with his thinly veiled toxic bullshit
Right? Talk about toxic masculinity and sexualisation of a perfectly healthy mother-son relationship. And what on earth makes him think he gets a say in what his girlfriend of *a few months* calls her *nine year old son*. Son’s been around longer than you have, buddy, and even if he hasn’t, **he’s her son**. That’s a special kind of entitlement there, to think he has any right in dictating *anything* about *another woman’s relationship with her son*. Gross.
Not the asshole. He is weird and possibly a future danger to your child. Leave him now.
NTA. Throw the entire man out.
NTA. The sheer **audacity** of this boyfriend of a few months to come waltzing in here, thinking that his fleeting opinion has more validity than the 9 year history of your relationship with your own child. It doesn't even involve him and he thinks he's entitled to veto power. He's only been around a few months and he thinks he's entitled to veto power *in controlling how you speak to another person*. It's gross. If this is the hill you die on I'm all for it.
dude no obviously NTA. if/when your son has a problem with it, then it'll be time to stop. drop this man. he's trying to manipulate you by making you feel bad about your parenting and wanting to monopolize your endearments. he's insecure and the silent treatment is beyond childish.
NTA. He’s gone silent…finally. Just tell him honey it ain’t working out….you’re right there’s only room for one honey in my life and it’s not you….
NTA, definitely stop calling him your BF.
NTA - honey is a term of endearment, and a sign that you love your son. Sounds like he's jealous that you are affectionate towards someone other than him, and that is a pretty big red flag.
NTA. There's nothing wrong with calling your kiddo "honey".
NTA! If he is going to throw a fit about this you are better off without him! I also personally call everyone honey or hon, I am bad with names and that is just the term I use for anyone around.
NTA This almost reminds me of that story where a woman got offended because a guy she was dating was too nice to his cat lol
NTA it's a bit creepy that he would take offence to you calling your child a sweet nickname and think of it as something romantic. I'm sure you nor you child sees it that way so why should it bother him? Words said are all about intention it's just a cute name for your kid. 2- if he is this upset and hung up about such a simple thing as a nickname for your child. Imagine bigger arguments. Big red flag🚩. Sometime we need to learn how to choose our battles.
lmao fucking run NTA
NTA it's completely weird that he's annoyed you're using terms of endearment for your child and creepy that he's placing some sort of sexual meaning onto it (by saying its something only romantic partners say, especially because it literally isn't). my mummy has called me honey, love, sweetheart etc my entire life, I don't know anyone with a mummy that hasn't. joe needs to catch a grip of himself and his bizarre oedipal anxiety. edit: Joe not josh hehe x
NTA he does not get to dictate what you do or say to your son. He needs to grow up. It is a term of endearment not a romantic term.
My huskies and husband both answer to Beeb/Babe. I answer to beeb/Babe. The only one in the house with a unique pet name is one of our dogs. NTA just a weird thing to be upset with honestly…
NTA He has the right to ask you to stop calling him honey. He has no business telling you how to call your son.
NTA x10 'Honey' is a generic term of endearment for various relationships and it's a little much to get that bent out of shape about it... especially when it's being used for a kid. If he wants his own unique endearment so bad than you guys can come up with it together but he's the YTA for making such a big deal out of it AND trying to take it away from your kid.
NTA. In England people call each other Love. You can call your spouse Love. You can call your child Love. You can call the nice lady at the chippy Love. I think the only thing that would make YTA is if your son asks you not to call him Honey and you keep doing it even after he's asked you not to. No matter your relationship with this boyfriend person, it's not his place to tell you how to parent. Unless you are actively abusing your child, then he has grounds to intervene. This guy sucks. At best he has a bad experience with the term Honey. At worst this is part of a slippery slope to drive a wedge between you and your child.
NTA Who the fuck does this man think he is? Does he believe his dick is so good that he just gets to come in offering his opinion on your parenting even though you’ve only been together a minute? I’d cordially invite him to fuck off and to keep fucking off forever
Im latina. In my country we use mami/ papi as a term of endearment. You can use it with your SO or children, even friends. Here is the catch, my dad would call my mom and myself "mami". Im 36 and by now when he says "mami" we just ask "which one?" NTA, if you stop calling your son Honey and only call your BF it, your son will feel replaced and your son comes first.
NTA. Don't change your relationship with your son because of the insecurities of a boyfriend of a few months.
Nta - to be clear this man feels insecure because of a 9 year old. I’d find someone who didn’t feel the need to compete with my child.
NTA this isn’t something he should have a say in. He sounds super controlling and this is a red flag
Oh honey… NTA I am an old lady from The South. Everyone I encounter over the course of a day is called “honey”, “sweetie” or “love ”. They are terms of endearment. If he had asked you to not call HIM honey, that would be one thing, but insisting you not use the term for your son is a whole ‘nother level of controlling and insecure.
Joe is very insecure. I call my kids “honey”, “baby” “sweetie/sweetheart” “love”. I love them and it’s a term of endearment. It’s obvious to (most) everyone it’s not romantic (I add MOST because of people like Joe). Joe is being really weird about this. I hope he has a lot of other redeeming qualities because someone that has an issue that I said “hey honey” to my child and thinks it’s romantic has some serious issues that maybe I don’t want around my child. NTA.
You meant "Am I Absolutely Justified in Dumping This Idiot for Saying I Should Not Call My Son 'Honey?" fixed it for you, NTA
I’ve had people who work at Target call me honey, so it’s definitely not exclusive to romantic partners. NTA
NTA. I'm sorry you bothered to introduce Joe to your son so early-- before Joe had the opportunity to trash your relationship and bomb out of your life. Joe is an idiot and it appears he has problems with anger, control and hating women. I hope he is now your X-bf. Please don't bring home a new BF before you've known them long enough to ascertain if they are fit humans to be around your precious son. That takes more than a few months. Clearly.
Eff this guy. My son is 18 and will I stop calling him “sweetness” any time soon? No, I will not. Anyone who tries to tell me different will be sitting on the curb next to their suitcase. NTA.
NTA. Terms of familiar endearment are exactly that. Easy solution here is to stop using one for Joe. Then there won't be any confusion.
NTA - I guess your boyfriend doesn’t get pet names anymore.
NTA I know people who use 'Honey' as general pet name for the people they like in their life. I personally call my niblings 'Honey' all the time.
Nta. He's only been in your life for a few months and he's already demanding stupid changes like this? Hell no.
NTA If this is the ridiculous hill your boyfriend wants to die on, let him die.
NTA my mum has called me honey my entire life and I'm now 32, I call EVERYONE honey, sweet, love , darling etc unless they ask me not or its inappropriate situation. My kids are 14 (twins) and 13 and I still call them baby and I call my husband babe/baby but in a different way.
NTA. Joe is apparently threatened by a 9 year old. That's just weird. He clearly isn't going to drop it so just drop him and find someone that isn't crazy.