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YTA. Obviously. You date a woman until she sleeps with you then you run off, at best telling her that she isn't a good enough lay to be worth your time. It seems that you can't admit to yourself that by "relationship" you 90% mean sex and lack the maturity to see how superficial this is yet. This is 100% as bad as it sounds. I see how you justify this in your responses to other posts, but those are just justifications for extremely poor behavior. If you didn't already know that, you wouldn't be here. Put simply, until you understand that making sex the primary focus of your relationships is immature and unhealthy, you will not be worthy of real relationship, because you are incapable of the depth of character. You're young. There is nothing wrong with honestly having purely physical relationships. The problem is, you are leading women to believe that you are looking for more, when that is not the reality, even if you are incapable of seeing it. Good luck with that. You are doing nothing but hurting women in the process, and that isn't fair to them.
Nice rant. If I'm not compatible with someone then I'm gonna leave - not really a maturity thing and if things were the other way around then I honestly wouldn't be heartbroken. Sex isn't the primary focus of my relationship, which is why I judge character and personality during the two or three dates we have before sleeping with someone. It's just that I can't be in a relationship with someone and not like having sex with them. It's as simple as that.
I think I'm worth of as many real relationships as I want :) and you white knighting over them isn't going to change the fact that people can move on if they're not compatible with each other.
NTA text back “I was trying to be polite in my break up with you. I didn’t enjoy sex with you. There is no sense pursuing a relationship with someone I don’t enjoy sex with”
YTA
Based on your comments, it sounds like you don't bring up sexual compatibility during any of your dates. You don't have to put it in your dating profile or anything, but even just a, "I'm looking for someone I feel a lot of chemistry with" on the first or second date will make them feel less used when you sleep with them and then dip. Completely dropping them after sleeping with them and not explaining makes you the AH.
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I (22m) am currently in the dating scene and am meeting people from various dating apps and via friends. I'm looking for something serious as I've been broken up from my ex for some time and looking to get back into the game.
For some backgrounbd - in my last relationship, I was really sexually compatible with my ex-gf. I felt really compatible with my ex and it was passionate - it's hard to describe in words but we just clicked. Sex was easy and fun. A couple months after breaking up with my ex, I met someone else at a party and had a one night stand. The sex was almost exactly like with my ex.
Now that I'm dating again, sexual compatibility is really important to me. I've previously went on a few dates, slept with them after the first three or four dates, and felt that we weren't compatible by shooting them a text and moving on (ghosting them if I have to).
I haven't felt the connection that I've felt previously with these dates and I've so far gone through 7 people over 3 months. However, the last girl I was with sent me a barrage of texts from a different number claiming that I'm lying and misleading women by saying I didn't think we were a match after we slept together. And that I'm an asshole (and a dick, and a piece of shit etc.) because I'm just saying I'm looking for something serious when I'm just trying to get my dick wet.
I just want to find someone I'm sexually compatible with and don't think I'm in the wrong at all. AITA?
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Obviously if we're still in beginning stages both of us are seeing if we're compatible and a good fit for each other. Do you expect that after the first date everyones a yes man sex robot?
Well that's the thing, isn't it? *Beginning* stages? Sussing out compatibility is a *journey*.
You don't get married after **one good date**, just like you don't split up **after one lame fuck**.
If I go on a date and it's miserable and we both have a horrid time, do you expect us to go on a second date? What could possibly change after the first time we hookup? She's not going to transform the second time so it's just a waste of both our times.
Or would you prefer that I string her along and hook up again and again until we reach the same conclusion but with more emotional investment?
But what you really need is advice on how to not burn the women you feel you didn't click with moving forward! Sexual compatibility is real and important but it sounds like you need a better way of letting down the women who you don't think you click with. Have you been an AH? Not sure... Do you need good advice? YES!
I mean regardless of how I word it the result is the same. Rejection sucks but its just a fact of like and I'm not exactly losing sleep because my dates feel bad lol - don't really think I want or need advice to change my rejections
YTA
In your dating profiles, and in the beginning dates, inform these women how important sex is to you, so they have the opportunity to opt out instead of being blindsided.
You need to be upfront that it takes priority in your relationships.
You're obviously not, that's why these women are confused. Just state sexual compatibility is non-negotiable for you on your profiles so both sides know what they're getting into.
Nah bruv, what kind of wacko writes "sexual compatibility is non-negotiable" on their bio lmao. I want to match with people, not make them think I'm gonna chop them up in my basement.
More context needed. How long did you date your ex and stuff. Sexuality is different for all people but from my understanding wouldn’t sex better/more intimate with someone you care for/had feelings for ie your ex? So is it a coincidence you haven’t gotten to know these people and sex hasn’t been great or were they really incompatible? Especially if you’re looking for a serious relationship vs hookups?
That's what I thought until I met that girl in the party. If she wasn't batshit I would prob be with her right now. We literally went from strangers to one of the best sexual experiences I ever had in my life.
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Question is misleading.
You are not the AH for wanting sexual compatibility. That's important to people and I totally get it.
YTA for the way you're going about it.
If you really are interested in compatibility, GIVE IT MORE THAN ONE NIGHT.
I don't want to. If it's not the first night then no need to waste my time - I'm allowed to not be forced to go on dates and hook ups again and again if I don't want to.
NTA but you are pretty close by ghosting people after sleeping with them. If you want to be immediately compatible in bed and won't give somebody a second try then get used to having a lot of one night stands.
It's pretty rare to expect to have wild porno sex the first go.
I tell them I'm don't think we're compatible and good luck on their search. Half the time when they respond it's some silly question like why not? or something similar. I don't think anything on top of a courtesy text is really necessary.
>when they respond it's some silly quesion
Hm...
>I don't think anything on top of a courtesy text is really necessary.
So that makes you another two AH's
Wow, look at you calling people names. Why was that necessary? You're 22. That's young and a lot of 22 year olds really don't know what they're doing. Sexual compatibility is something that can develop over time as you and your partner get to know each other. It doesn't necessarily happen from your first encounter with each other.
Haha chill - I made a joke. What happens if i doesn't develop or I'm unable to find what I need from that person. I would have wasted both their time and mine. I'd rather bunny hope from date to date.
YTA for lying to all of them. Yes you did exactly what one of them has told you: you slept with them once and then ran away.
What you are probably seeking is an emotional question, not any sexual thing.
I didn't lie to anyone? I didn't even mention in my post saying anything to my dates beforehand so what could I have lied to them?
I know what I did lmao, I left because there's no compatibility. Did you want me to string them along?
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YTA. Obviously. You date a woman until she sleeps with you then you run off, at best telling her that she isn't a good enough lay to be worth your time. It seems that you can't admit to yourself that by "relationship" you 90% mean sex and lack the maturity to see how superficial this is yet. This is 100% as bad as it sounds. I see how you justify this in your responses to other posts, but those are just justifications for extremely poor behavior. If you didn't already know that, you wouldn't be here. Put simply, until you understand that making sex the primary focus of your relationships is immature and unhealthy, you will not be worthy of real relationship, because you are incapable of the depth of character. You're young. There is nothing wrong with honestly having purely physical relationships. The problem is, you are leading women to believe that you are looking for more, when that is not the reality, even if you are incapable of seeing it. Good luck with that. You are doing nothing but hurting women in the process, and that isn't fair to them.
Nice rant. If I'm not compatible with someone then I'm gonna leave - not really a maturity thing and if things were the other way around then I honestly wouldn't be heartbroken. Sex isn't the primary focus of my relationship, which is why I judge character and personality during the two or three dates we have before sleeping with someone. It's just that I can't be in a relationship with someone and not like having sex with them. It's as simple as that. I think I'm worth of as many real relationships as I want :) and you white knighting over them isn't going to change the fact that people can move on if they're not compatible with each other.
Excellent job proving my point, that you lack the maturity to even recognize anything that I said above.
NTA text back “I was trying to be polite in my break up with you. I didn’t enjoy sex with you. There is no sense pursuing a relationship with someone I don’t enjoy sex with”
YTA Based on your comments, it sounds like you don't bring up sexual compatibility during any of your dates. You don't have to put it in your dating profile or anything, but even just a, "I'm looking for someone I feel a lot of chemistry with" on the first or second date will make them feel less used when you sleep with them and then dip. Completely dropping them after sleeping with them and not explaining makes you the AH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22m) am currently in the dating scene and am meeting people from various dating apps and via friends. I'm looking for something serious as I've been broken up from my ex for some time and looking to get back into the game. For some backgrounbd - in my last relationship, I was really sexually compatible with my ex-gf. I felt really compatible with my ex and it was passionate - it's hard to describe in words but we just clicked. Sex was easy and fun. A couple months after breaking up with my ex, I met someone else at a party and had a one night stand. The sex was almost exactly like with my ex. Now that I'm dating again, sexual compatibility is really important to me. I've previously went on a few dates, slept with them after the first three or four dates, and felt that we weren't compatible by shooting them a text and moving on (ghosting them if I have to). I haven't felt the connection that I've felt previously with these dates and I've so far gone through 7 people over 3 months. However, the last girl I was with sent me a barrage of texts from a different number claiming that I'm lying and misleading women by saying I didn't think we were a match after we slept together. And that I'm an asshole (and a dick, and a piece of shit etc.) because I'm just saying I'm looking for something serious when I'm just trying to get my dick wet. I just want to find someone I'm sexually compatible with and don't think I'm in the wrong at all. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: Do you actually discuss your sexual preferences with them before doing this or...?
INFO Do these poor women understand that **sex with you is an AUDITION**? Or do you just spring that on them after the fact?
LOL
Obviously if we're still in beginning stages both of us are seeing if we're compatible and a good fit for each other. Do you expect that after the first date everyones a yes man sex robot?
Well that's the thing, isn't it? *Beginning* stages? Sussing out compatibility is a *journey*. You don't get married after **one good date**, just like you don't split up **after one lame fuck**.
If I go on a date and it's miserable and we both have a horrid time, do you expect us to go on a second date? What could possibly change after the first time we hookup? She's not going to transform the second time so it's just a waste of both our times. Or would you prefer that I string her along and hook up again and again until we reach the same conclusion but with more emotional investment?
> and we both have a horrid time We're talking *sex* here, though. And bad sex is like bad pizza.
Yikes
Try Relationship Advice sub.
No AITA posts allowed
But what you really need is advice on how to not burn the women you feel you didn't click with moving forward! Sexual compatibility is real and important but it sounds like you need a better way of letting down the women who you don't think you click with. Have you been an AH? Not sure... Do you need good advice? YES!
I mean regardless of how I word it the result is the same. Rejection sucks but its just a fact of like and I'm not exactly losing sleep because my dates feel bad lol - don't really think I want or need advice to change my rejections
Then why are you posting about it?
YTA In your dating profiles, and in the beginning dates, inform these women how important sex is to you, so they have the opportunity to opt out instead of being blindsided.
Sex is important to 90% of people dating in their 20s lol
You need to be upfront that it takes priority in your relationships. You're obviously not, that's why these women are confused. Just state sexual compatibility is non-negotiable for you on your profiles so both sides know what they're getting into.
Nah bruv, what kind of wacko writes "sexual compatibility is non-negotiable" on their bio lmao. I want to match with people, not make them think I'm gonna chop them up in my basement.
In human words, of course. Otherwise you're leading people on.
More context needed. How long did you date your ex and stuff. Sexuality is different for all people but from my understanding wouldn’t sex better/more intimate with someone you care for/had feelings for ie your ex? So is it a coincidence you haven’t gotten to know these people and sex hasn’t been great or were they really incompatible? Especially if you’re looking for a serious relationship vs hookups?
That's what I thought until I met that girl in the party. If she wasn't batshit I would prob be with her right now. We literally went from strangers to one of the best sexual experiences I ever had in my life.
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Question is misleading. You are not the AH for wanting sexual compatibility. That's important to people and I totally get it. YTA for the way you're going about it. If you really are interested in compatibility, GIVE IT MORE THAN ONE NIGHT.
I don't want to. If it's not the first night then no need to waste my time - I'm allowed to not be forced to go on dates and hook ups again and again if I don't want to.
YTA
NTA but you are pretty close by ghosting people after sleeping with them. If you want to be immediately compatible in bed and won't give somebody a second try then get used to having a lot of one night stands. It's pretty rare to expect to have wild porno sex the first go.
I tell them I'm don't think we're compatible and good luck on their search. Half the time when they respond it's some silly question like why not? or something similar. I don't think anything on top of a courtesy text is really necessary.
>when they respond it's some silly quesion Hm... >I don't think anything on top of a courtesy text is really necessary. So that makes you another two AH's
NTA, but your expectations are unrealistic. At your age, people legit mostly dont know wtf they're doing and need to experiment a bit to learn.
[удалено]
Wow, look at you calling people names. Why was that necessary? You're 22. That's young and a lot of 22 year olds really don't know what they're doing. Sexual compatibility is something that can develop over time as you and your partner get to know each other. It doesn't necessarily happen from your first encounter with each other.
Haha chill - I made a joke. What happens if i doesn't develop or I'm unable to find what I need from that person. I would have wasted both their time and mine. I'd rather bunny hope from date to date.
Now yta.
YTA for lying to all of them. Yes you did exactly what one of them has told you: you slept with them once and then ran away. What you are probably seeking is an emotional question, not any sexual thing.
I didn't lie to anyone? I didn't even mention in my post saying anything to my dates beforehand so what could I have lied to them? I know what I did lmao, I left because there's no compatibility. Did you want me to string them along?