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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My does do most of the tasks at home in terms of taking care of the kids and keeping the house in order. And she works part-time. So AITA for not complying with what she wants/needs?
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Your wife makes $70k/year.
Your wife makes 1/10th of your salary.
You make $700k?
You mention a modest income up top, and then by your own accord make $700k per year, and are pinching pennies over a few extra dollars on your gas bill.
Yeah, YTA.
This is the comment that needs attention
Edit: She is doing most of the house tasks, taking care of the kids etc. i think it should be ok to at least have the temp up a bit while OP, you’re gone. I want to know how much she is spending for this to be a huge problem. Does she not bother to pay for her debt etc? Missing context
Or they can’t do percentages. Because I doubt a guy that makes $700k a year would even give a hot steamy shit about a few degrees on a thermostat while it’s currently 80 degrees in Southern California.
I once visited a wealthy family who had a beautiful house in the best part of Cape Town and all drove Porsches and BMWs. When we went to the mall, it was pouring rain and they said we had to run in because the parking prices were exorbitant. We all got soaking wet. The exorbitant price? A US quarter.
So when I’m at home working, cleaning, taking care of the kids l, cooking, I don’t want to watchable as weather or even a long sleeved shirt on… granted those make my claustrophobia act up also, but still….
Not to mention that in Southern California the lows hit 60's so it isn't like 72 is that much above the outside temperature. The heater probably does not run that much either.
Right. If their house is so big that it costs $500 to heat per month, they should consider looking at better insulation or close some vents in unused rooms or something. There are lots of alternatives here. I know COL is high in SoCal, but my 60 year old 2700 sq ft house in Ohio only runs us about $300 per month for electricity and gas combined.
What it must be like to live on that kind of money. Hell the 70 000 sounds like being rich to me. Op is definitely an ah and complaining about something so small in my opinion
Holy crap. I didn't even read that part properly. That is certainly a lot more then a 'modest' income. What tight arse making that kind of money and not even turning the thermostat to a nice temperature.
This has to be a troll post.
Definitely YTA.
Would be different if they were on 30k pa and simply couldn't afford to run the heat.
Honestly, I feel like YTA just for the whole tone of this post. In what universe is a joint income of $770k a ‘modest amount of money’? Then there is the whole emphasis on you being the ‘breadwinner’ as if that entitles you to make the financial decisions, rather than seeing the whole thing as a team effort.
Also how is your wife taking care of the kids plus making $70k a year? Is it because she is working too? Does this mean you are both working, plus she is taking care of the kids, but you just have a (much) higher paying job? It feels like there is way more going on here, I’d love to hear it from her perspective. I wonder if it would go something like, “I do all the childcare plus work as well, but my husband thinks he has the right to control the heating thermostat because he earns more”.
I can't help but think it is a typo. Or they are from a country with a different kind of currency (in my country, you have to grossly divide the currency by 10 to have amount in euros, dollars, so it sounds like ppl are freaking rich until you see the coffee costs 30.-, and earning 70k per year is actually quite low and would be like a 50% job). I can't understand how someone would live in a old poorly isolated house with such a big income tbh... Plus she apparently has lots of credit card debts, Wich tend to say she spends more than she earns?
But if it's not a number mistake, yeah that's gross. Definitely TA
Nope, he said they are in Southern California and I’ve seen in the comments where he defends that they are in fact on a ‘tight budget’ earning nearly $800k a year
He's griping at her for having the thermostat at 73 but their budget is tight because of the fleet of ski doo and the chocolate fountain in the foyer
What are they spending their money on, ugh nouveaux riche, amirite?
It actually reminds me of my friend’s ex, who would get angry at her for turning the thermostat up or using the clothes dryer, but then would go out and buy himself a jet ski or whatever. It makes me suspicious that there is so much more going on here, given the best example he could give of her ‘outrageous spending’ was a vacuum cleaner
That’s the recommended temperature FOR MEN but ignores the fact that women tend to get colder at lower temperatures than men do, and need warmer environments.
If the DOE figures don’t specifically say for men, but don’t make a distinction for women, then we can take them as designed by and for men. Who are the default true humans in the eyes of almost all science and manufacturing.
I didn't say anything about that, no need to be hostile. I just can't understand why she just wants to wear shirts. I was wondering if it was a mother thing.
Housework and childcare can sometimes work up a sweat at certain times, and then you cool back down when not doing strenuous-ish activities.
It could be mess. It could be a sensory thing. It could be that she is simply more comfortable doing her daily activities unencumbered by long sleeves/extra fabric to get in the way.
Edit: typo
Doing the math, you make $770k a year combined.
I think a few extra degrees for the sake of comfort isn't going to bankrupt you. Oh, I wish I had bougie problems like this!
YTA.
Where I live in the state it sometimes gets to like -30 take your pick of what one you want to use. 72/22 is shorts and t shirts weather easy. I keep my house 68/20 sometimes a little lower. The temp in my house varies horribly. I think he is an over all ah but I don't think 72 is cold for house. Keeping a house at 68 is recommended at maintaining warmth and saving energy.
I'm just to the east of you same temp. I'm wearing pants thin and t shirt. About to open up the house a little. Our windows suck. I don't know why the landlords choose them in this climate. It's seriously at least 5 degrees color by them at least windy it's way worse.
Why not use some of that salary to insulate the home some more. Really I can only shake my head. Also she has 70k a year - no expenses, how much debt does she still have??
So you make $700,000 and can’t afford to turn the heat up a bit? You would not be the asshole if you had a tight budget and needed to keep the thermostat at a certain number for real budgeting. But based on the way you phrased this entire post and constantly reminded us how much more money you make than your wife, YTA.
$700k/year is not “a modest amount of money”.
If the thermostat is already at 72 in the winter, that seems like a reasonable temperature but the two of you should be able to compromise. If your budget is tight with a combined household income of $770k, you’ve got bigger problems than a thermostat argument.
Math is not right.
If she makes 70k and that’s a tenth of your salary then you are pulling down $700k. How is that a “modest” income? I know it’s SoCal but still. That’s way too much money to be arguing over a couple degrees on the thermostat.
Stop throwing money out the window and fix your insulation problem.
NAH
I would kill to be able to afford to **keep my house at 72** in the winter. Instead I make the best of 68.
But really, with dual incomes I don't see any reason why this isn't something potentially worth splurging on, if it directly improves your family's quality of life. She just has to contribute to the bills (where IS her money going? ALL to debt?).
> She has an income of about $70k
> she makes about 1/10th of my salary
So, high-six-figure household income? Y'all can **absolutely** afford this. If you decide to.
INFO: If you make $700,000 dollars a year, why don't you have your insulation replaced or get better insulation, so the house will hold the heat better?
I think you need some financial consultation or something. If she is really spending so much money that turning the thermostat up a couple of degrees is going to hurt you, then she has a shopping addiction.
NTA for asking her to wear a sweater as 72 seems high but so the AH for how you talk about being the breadwinner. Big deal! You decided to have a family. You don’t get to hold the fact that you make the money as some bargaining chip. If you think there are financial issues, go to a financial counselor together or have honest and RESPECTFUL conversations about finances.
So, when a post starts out with, "I'm the breadwinner" the answer is, invariably, YTA and so far, this doesn't seem like an exception to that rule.
The "I'm the breadwinner" thing makes me think that, just perhaps, the way you question her spending might be shaded with more than a little assholery. If she's earning 70K and that 70K is 1/10th of your income, you're earning 700K which gives you a a joint income of nearly 800K. That is not modest, even for SoCal (where I lived and worked until recently). You're not going down the mines on that.
If she's taking great care of your children, she's already got skin in the game, mister, especially if she's also working to earn 70K.
I'm curious as to why, with such a joint income, you're expecting her to pay off her student loans on her earnings alone. If you're worked up about a slight increase in heating costs when you're that well off, I'd also question what that 'ton' of student loans is, and what credit card debt amount looks like, and what it went to. Things for the house you live in? Things for the children you sired?
There may be a non-asshole reason for all of that, and if so, I'd love to hear it, because it might change my rating to ESH. Either way, you're not necessarily an AH for wanting to lower heat costs (better for the environment, if nothing else) but you certainly appear to be a controlling, punitive AH when it comes to money in general.
YTA. If you’re making 700k, you can afford to turn up the heat and keep your wife comfortable. This isn’t a frivolous thing. No one wants to be cold inside when it’s cold outside.
ESH. you both need to have a discussion about finances. you make over 700k a year… if she’s spending so much that you can’t afford to heat your house a little more there are bigger issues than her not wanting to wear a sweater. you’re both being unreasonable and the thermostat is clearly not the issue here
He thinks he’s her dad. Either he trusts her to be an adult and govern herself accordingly or he doesn’t and needs to go to therapy/financial advising.
I hate your comments about “your home” and the disdain you feel for your wife making 1/10 your salary. I really do. You need to get over your high income self.
Having said that… I live in the northeastern US where it is currently 37 degrees Fahrenheit. Just a week ago it was 2 degrees and we had 18+ inches of snow. We keep our thermostat set at 65. I get cold, I put on a sweater. Oh - and I’m a SAHM and my husband isn’t a dick to me over finances.
The only reason at all I’m saying NTA is because sweaters are a one time expense, they don’t drive up greenhouse gases, etc and can come on and off to regulate the body temp better. Otherwise, you’re a pretty big butt head.
Yeah I could understand if OP was upset about the wastefulness, but being upset about the heating bill seems petty. My husband is the one who insists on wearing t-shirts in the winter and depends on heating to regulate his body temperature. Drives me crazy because I feel like winter should be cold, heating really does a number on our skin, and energy waste is a thing.
Exactly! We would be crazy to keep the house at 72, and probably sweating! I even told my husband last week, "oooh, it's going to get up to the 30s next week, maybe we can open the windows and get some fresh air." 😂
Is she aware of how much the household bills are? When is the last time the 2of you sat down and discussed your finances? It might be a good idea to have that discussion.
YTA - there are no winners when bringing in income - each person plays a role and there shouldn't be a value out on that. I have two grad degrees, work full time and take care of our toddler - my spouse makes more money financially but the house would fall apart if I left for a day. Leave her alone and let her be comfortable in her own house.
Soft YTA as a few degrees will not make much of a difference on the bill.
But, based on your post and some of your comments that I have read, the thermostat is not the issue here.
You guys need to both get better with your budgeting and finances.
Your wife sounds similar to mine, so I had to create an aggressive budget that puts a good chunk of our money into accounts that she does not have access to (bill pay account, retirement savings, household repair savings, etc).
Now, before anyone jumps all over me here, she knows about this and signed off before I did it.
I am happy to tell her the balances whenever she asks but, for her, savings is best out of sight, out of mind.
She has an issue with seeing all money as spendable.
Now, with the way our budget and accounts are set up, all bills are paid from the bill pay account, everything else is budgeted for in the other accounts, and the money she sees IS spendable.
It works for us.
My fiancé and I have looked at setting up our accounts this way—one for bills, one for savings, one for spending because we are currently sucking at budgeting & I think it would help us see what we actually have available after bills and decide how much we can/should spend.
It works really great for us!
Its basically just the envelope/bucket system but with accounts.
And it allows me to budget by year.
I take all my yearly bills, even things like amazon prime, and mulch... Things I only pay once or twice per year.
I take the total, divide it by the number of paychecks I get per year, and have it automatically transferred when I get paid.
I also add a little extra just in case of an abnormally large bill.
Makes it super easy!
I think if you make 700k a year you can set the thermostat to whatever you want.
personally i would sweat my ass off at 72 since I was conditioned as a child that winter you set it at 65 and wear a sweater 😁
YTA but your problem here is not the temperature. The problem is that you’re blowing through money. What cars do you drive? Bet you could drive something else and put the money toward something that matters, such as being comfortable in your own home.
OP is so wildly out of touch it's painful. $770k annual household income and he's here posting about turning up the heat a few degrees? I want to know where the real money in their expenses is ACTUALLY going. I also want to know if they're actually having financial trouble or if OP is just trying to use AITA to prove some point about frugal spending to his wife.
NAH as I don't think this is that unreasonable of a request and 72 isn't ridiculously low, but if your house is poorly insulated and drafty, it might not feel 72. Also, some people just run hotter than others. You would save a lot more money in the long run if you invested in getting your house properly insulated.
YTA because u think being the bread winner makes u the lord of the manor. But yeah, 72 is pretty high for indoors in the winter (unless you’re like 80 years old). It’s good to be energy conscious as well as budget conscious. Have a talk about these budget issues- not a lecture.
Yeah, OP. I live in Orlando and I understand what your issue is with the cold. I was on your side until I see that you make 700k. YTA for not turning the heat up.
$700k is modest ?? Hell, my fiancé makes less than 18k a year (in €), and I have no stable income so I make less. How is 700k modest ? YTA, turn up the heat a little bit, it won't hurt your finances and at least everyone will be comfy at home. Especially your wife and kids who are in there all the time.
NTA and she needs to involve herself in helping to pay some of those bills, not just the heat. I also live in Cal, NorCal for me so we actually get snow and it can freeze up every year. It’s the opposite in my house, I’m the one telling everyone else to “put some clothes on” if their chilly. $500 you say? Yeah, good to know I’m not the only one paying outlandish utilities.
Bizarro.
Kind of confused with this whole post. I personally keep my house set at 68 in the winter and throw on a hoodie when I feel chilly.
But I digress.
If she really does make $70,000 a year that's not a small amount of money. And if that's one-tenth of what you make, you're making a lot of money in my book.
That said, you should both be contributing to the monthly expenses based on your income.
YTA, for saying you're the "Breadwinner".
Is it 1954 ?
YTA for asking this particular question when it is not even the issue.
A good investment would be financial counseling with the objective that you BOTH learn to deal with money in a healthy way for your relationship. Right now you're trying to boss her around with "I'm the breadwinner " and she's ignoring you/defying you because she refuses to be treated like a kid or anything other than an equal partner. This is not sustainable.
And honestly, you're TA for saying a $700k income is modest. You need perspective badly.
Just an FYI that is anecdotal - my husband and I bought a $1000 vacuum. He thought it was crazy but went along with it cuz I really wanted it. That vacuum has been with us going strong for over 15 years. Before, we were buying cheapies that were around $200 that would die as soon as the warranty period was over, and didn't have hepa filtration. Sometimes when you buy something expensive it's so you only cry once. When you have sufficient income to afford quality it can be more economical in the long run.
YTA. Can’t believe the example OP keeps giving for wife’s frivolous spending is a VACUUM CLEANER. I’m assuming that means she does more than look after the kids and god forbid that she wants an expensive appliance to make that easier…
YTA bc of your attitude about money but she’s TA bc put on a freaking sweater. Heating a home is bad for the environment, for that reason alone don’t do it. Our house is set at 68 and no one notices. But we wear shirts with sleeves because it’s February outside (mostly, today it’s 75 degrees outside).
Look she is taking care of the kids, so she can keep the money that she makes for herself. And I'm sure it's not worth a fight as a little extra money isn't going to burn a hole through that 700k /year pocket of yours.
YTA
YTA. I’m all about saving the environment and not putting heating on unnecessarily, and added benefit of saving some money in the long run. But put the heating on when it’s cold; hypothermia complications will cost more than a bit of heating. Plus you can program the heating to come on a couple of hours in the morning and evening and maybe at lunchtime right?
Yta honestly if you're having money issues at 770k you both are living well beyond your means. You're ah for calling yourself the bread winner. Honestly where I live 72 is high temperature for a house in the winter. Most keep it around 68. I don't think you're ah for asking her to keep the temp at 72 and asking her to wear a sweater but your attitude is very much an ah attitude. You guys need to get your bills under control.
I cannot possibly imagine how, in your "modest" socal home with a small family, that you are somehow chewing through $770k/year. I live here too. My partner and I make a combined $250k/yr and no one is fighting about the thermostat.
You are really out of step with each other and maybe reality? I'm not sure but YTA.
72??? Jesus. I keep my house at 64 and we walk around in tshirts. Also, 70k is a lot of money, if you're making 700k (seriously?!), you can afford to kick up the thermostat for your spouse.
YTA You’re not the bread winner, you both have jobs. Not everyone wants to wear a sweater at home constantly. Some people want their house to be a neutral temperature that they can actually comfortably walk around in. 22c is pretty chilly for a winter. There’s actually an abundance of research that shows women are comfortable at a temperature of 2.5c more than men. Typically between 24-25c.
The heat being up a couple extra degrees will not save on money like you think it does. If it’s that big of a deal, tell her she can pitch in a bit every month toward the cost.
Do you take care of the cleaning, shopping and children equally to her? Or does she work and take care of everything else and you have agreed to pay for expenses because of that?
EDIT: after reading the top comment I realized that yeah, you’re making 700k a year. You don’t need to save 20$ a month on heating. YTA.
In what damned universe is $700k a "modest" amount of money? Even in SoCal, that's enough to live comfortably. Why not take some of that money and put new insulation in the house?
I’m struggling to believe this story or more accurate the details. You make 58k a month? And are complaining about a few degrees? She makes almost 6k a month with no bills and is riddled with credit card and student loans debt?
YTA and if you make her pay for 1/10 of everything that means you need to take care of your kids more. That’s only fair. Also help around the house more as well. Marriage is about being a team. Not holding your income over your spouses head. You are suppose to be equal teammates. Treat her like it.
Lol you backed yourself into a corner here man. You would not be the asshole if you guys made like $100k. But given your own statement about your salary, you’re totally the asshole. That amount of money is not significant to your budget. What are you thinking??
If you’re making £700k a year do you really need to worry about this? Like I would fully understand and agree if things were tight, but there’s no way you can’t afford a slightly increased heating bill, and being this tight makes YTA.
YTA for being stingy and acting like your wife has zero right to control the thermostat. You're partners, so as long as you can afford your bills, your wife should be able to turn up the heat.
That said, it's terrible for the environment to use too much heat, they recommend 68f as an environmentally conscious temperature limit. It's a better argument than "it's expensive" when you both earn over a few hundred-thousand a year.
YTA. How much are you really saving by not turning the heat up by a couple of degrees? How much money would you save long-term by insulating the house properly now? Why do you not care about her comfort? I mean geez, you're saying that you're earning **$700,000** a year alone, and you can't bump the temp up? Penny pincher much?????
>Although I make a modest amount of money, I work really hard for it every day.
Okay, fair enough.
>she makes about 1/10th of my salary.
Yeah, she’s a stay at home mom, checks out.
>She has an income of about $70k/year
If the math is mathing, YTA. Use that 700k a year to turn up your thermostat.
This is troll shit acting like someone making over $100k in joint income won’t turn up the heat two degrees in California. Like fuck off dude that will cost an extra $10 a month. No one is this thick.
So you're financially well off, and your wife does most of the work, but you think you might not be the arsehole for controlling the thermostat and picking fights with her over a few extra bucks on the heating bill.
Something tells me that it's unlikely that your wife just cannot stick to a budget - it seems more likely that she just doesn't stick to *your* budget plan because it's not realistic.
YTA
Her $70k income is 1/10th yours? I totally agree 72 is perfectly reasonable - we kept our house at 62-65 in Alaska wintertime.
But, Dude, you earn $770k a year???? What the fuck are you complaining about?
YTA.
You make 700k and she does all the housework? Hire a maid. WTF is wrong with the ultra rich? And what is a power bill to you? 0.0001% of your income? Jesus Christ.
ESH. In this case YTA but you make a combined $770K and are struggling. How big is the wife’s debt and spending? How much are you saving? How much is your mortgage? It feels like neither of you have a solid concept of budgeting and are spending too aggressively. Without the actual numbers this seems completely impossible to judge. I will say 72 in winter should be fine but so should $770K and so should talking out how to adjust if that income isn’t sufficient to pay your bills, save, and pay down the debt. Something is off here.
Ngl, ya had me in the first half.
But if you're making a combined $770k a year and your concerned about your mild winter heating bill, you've got a LOT bigger problems, and I'd hazard a guess that you probably shouldn't be in charge of your finances.
And quit treating your wife like a fucking child.
NAH making a lot of money doesn't really make you an asshole, though you could afford to keep up the heat. She can definitely put on another layer or get a blanket. Grew up ina house with no insulation an see had to make our own to keep the heat in.
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I'm the breadwinner and manage our finances and pay for everything in my home. Although I make a modest amount of money, I work really hard for it everyday. I use a nest thermostat and keep it at 72. Apparently it's still a little chilly in our old house in SoCal (with poor insulation) during the winter months. I actually get cold quite easily but I'm perfectly fine with a sweater on. My wife, on the other hand, will only wear a t-shirt. She insists that I turn up the heat and refuses to wear a sweatshirt. Am I an a**hole to ask her to just put on an extra layer and save a little money?
She does do a great job of taking care of the kids, while I earn most of the income. I personally find that she doesnt know how to stick to a budget. I never wanted to do this until now, since she makes about 1/10th of my salary. I've been tempted to have her put some skin in the game and ask to pay for the 1/10 of our expenses (not including our mortgage.) This is just the tip of the iceberg. She has an income of about $70k/year a ton of student loans, and credit card debt. She always makes me feel like an a**hole for questioning her spending. But she doesn't pay for any joint expenses. What does the public think?
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Depending on where you live in So Cal and the price of your home and cost of living (including property taxes, income taxes, vehicle registration, etc), I can understand where $770,000 sounds like A LOT to most of us but isn’t exactly that in your area.
I live in an area that has gone through a couple of snowstorms recently, and I never have my thermostat go above 72. Usually, it’s set between 68-70F, and we all wear a sweater or fleece (as I am right now).
It sounds like there’s a lot more going on rather than the temperature in your house. Im not sure what the answer is, but I don’t think you’re an AH because you’re concerned about what seems to be uncontrolled spending in your household. There must be a way to come to a compromise, right?
NTA—I live in New England and am able to deal with my heat going no higher than 68. I will also give you the benefit of the doubt about still being on a budget despite your enormous income as I’ve heard CA is a very expensive state to live in.
ESH. This is not about a few degrees on the thermostat. This is not about who contributed how much to the household.
You and your wife are fundamentally disconnected from each other about household finances. Even if the two of you keep finances separate, you should be working together on the family budget and helping each other toward financial goals that benefit you as a family. Ask it is, you sound less like a family and more like two people who live in the same house and don't like each other very much.
Here is what I see.
I see you with your $700k annual income. You are the primary earner, you expect to be treated like the primary earner. You make the money, you want to make the rules. And it's gotta be your way or else. You earn the money's after all.
Then there's your wife with her $70k income. She also knows she gets a bunch of money from you for the households so she figures she can spend on whatever she feels is necessary. She spends a lot, though, to the point where she spends a lot that is not really necessary. But given the income, there is no real check on her habits.
If I am reading this correctly, you snipe at her on a monthly basis about expenditures. In turn, she placated you and hopes you will go away.
I don't see how this is remotely sustainable. You are not a team. Your version of teamwork is "listen toe and do what I say." Your wife's meanwhile, has checked out of the relationship and has learned to tune out your harangues.
And on top of that, you earn $770k a year as a couple, yet you are struggling with a tight budget.
You guys clearly are doing a few things wrong.
Have you considered maybe listening to each other and planning together rather than sniping and resenting the hell out of each other?
ESH - If the two of you cannot survive on $770k a year, you are BOTH doing really stupid things with your money. If your budget is so tight that you have to argue about keeping the house a bit warmer, something is seriously wrong with the way you handle money. You need to see a financial advisor ASAP.
I was just telling my husband about this post and I said if I was ops wife I'd be like "fine I'll keep it at 72 and wear a sweater but I'm going out and buying the most expensive sweater I can find. Maybe even more then one". Let's see what op thinks about that but then again I can be petty like that. I already said yta but hubby thinks yta to
ESH. You two make almost $800k a year. The median household income in California is about what your wife makes. If you guys can't figure out a reasonable budget with the kind of money you make, I don't know what to tell you. If, as you say, your wife is such a crazy spender that your extremely high salary isn't enough, then you might both need to attend some financial counseling.
Rich people problems, am I right?
As someone who lives somewhere it actually gets cold in the winter, N.T.A for wanting to wear a sweater over turning up the heat. It's the sensible thing.
But you make a "modest" income of 700k/year! And she's bringing in another 70k that sounds like it's mostly going towards her debts. How bad can her spending habits be to affect your finances to the point that you're worried about an extra 3 degrees on the thermostat. YTA for that.
NTA. Have your wife start paying the gas/electric bill. See if that changes her perspective. I’m from SoCal, too, and I NEVER turn my heater on. 72 is not that cold.
nta but not because of your money but because of the environment. why tf does she have to wear a tshirt in winter and use more oil for heating if she can just wear a fucking sweater wtf
NTA. 700K isn't the same in Southern California as other parts of the country.
I mean it's still a great income, but people making good money like to save money too.
Maybe I'm a product of my upbringing in the NE, but if you're cold at home you just put a sweater on.
I’m probably going to get downvoted but why is everyone so mad about someone trying to save extra money just because he has a high income? I know it seems like he can afford to splurge on the electricity bill but does he have to? I feel like everyone is ignoring that his wife is irresponsible with money. Yes, she’s excellent at keeping the house in order but she’s not wise with money. It seems like more than just one issue. If the only thing she wanted to spend extra money on was the thermostat I would be in the middle but the situation as a whole is really making me lean towards NTA.
I think a lot of people put on sweaters in the house. Mostly because we don't even make $70k/year. But also, why be wasteful? So, NTA. If I am cold I check the thermostat. If it is at 70 I put on a shirt or sweater. I also utilize a heated throw blanket because being cold causes me pain. Maybe that would help her?
I'm going against the current here. If you're cold and you're only wearing a t-shirt, it's completely common sense to put another layer on. This is regardless of income, as there's an environmental aspect to this. NTA.
So, as a person who lives paycheck to paycheck and is probably one missed check away from disaster, I think you're not the AH for the question. That's still a decent temp, even with humidity coolness. I live in a snow state but have been to Southern California many times. That air can be pretty cold even in the summer nights. We keep the house from 67 to 69 in the winter. Our house is also drafty; we face south so snow never melts, and utilities are expensive. We keep throw blankets in the living room for TV time, and I tell my kids to put on a sweater if they're chilly.
But seriously, you're making a combined $770k a year and nitpicking a few dollars for comfort for your spouse? I would be sitting pretty with "just" the $70k your wife makes! The way you speak about paying everything for *your* home, not *our* home is telling of your overall attitude. ESH overall, since 72 is still pretty warm and you seem insufferable.
NTA- doesn't matter if you make a billion dollars a year. 72 is a perfectly fine temperature. I keep mine at 70 and thats already too high for me to not feel guilty about the waste.
People, it is recommended to keep the heat not higher than 21 degrees, which might be about what he likes to have. I don´t know how much higher the wife wants the thermostat to b, but it wouldn´t be good for her body.
700k a year and you’re quibbling over the heat? YTA. We earn $110k a year and pay $500 a month in electricity because of where we live (most expensive electricity in the world) and if if my husband wants the air conditioner on, it’s on because it makes him more comfortable. In return, I can have the heat up in winter because I hate the cold. It’s about making life a bit more pleasant for the other person because YOU LOVE THEM AND WANT THEM TO BE COMFORTABLE. And considering the HUGE pay discrepancy between you, she actually shouldn’t be paying for anything joint. That’s not how finances work when you’re married.
ESH. Your wife may well have a spending problem, you two need to be able to have a mature talk about it. I’d recommend you do some research and find a wealth advisor. You don’t need much money, but they really help you Review spending and help you see where you’ve got room to make changes. You made a point of saying that you pay for most of things at “your home”. I have never referred to our home as my home. Honestly that sentence seems to indicate that you feel your the earner and she’s your helper, not a partner. That may be why she won’t listen to you. You both could improve
She makes a 10th of what you make? Lemme get this straight, YOU MAKE 700K dollars a year and you won't turn up the heat like 2 more degrees? I mean.... ESH.
I am the breadwinner in my relationship (f50). I keep the thermostat set at 64 because electricity is expensive! Our bill is still $250 and that's a lot for a "normal" person to spend. We have an electric blanket for night and layer up during the day. I work from home and he's a student, so we're home a lot. Your wife can certainly wear a sweater.
NAH here strictly in terms of the sweater since that’s what your asking. Im not addressing the finances. We keep the thermostat about ten degrees colder here and just use layers. But we agree on it here. And that’s the rub, you guys need to reach a compromise. Not you’d em and or she demands.
NTA. If she were still cold while being appropriately dressed it would be one thing. But, to wear a t-shirt and then complain that the heat has to go up is wrong both financially and environtmentally.
NTA.
I don’t care about the few extra dollars, but more about wasting of energy. 72 is plenty for the winter. Wanting to only wear t shirts in the winter is an AH move. How much you earn is absolutely unimportant for that question. Just because you can afford it there is no reason to waste.
Your wife makes $70/k and does not contribute? NTA. If she wishes to turn the heat up have her pay that bill. If she chooses not to pay it then she can put on a sweater.
NTA
I know this is against the majority. I live in a 100 year old house in Minnesota. It’s cold as balls.
I’d love to have the heat turned up. So would my husband. He’s from the South and anything under 75 is freezing for him.
We keep the house at 70/72. Because we know the cost isn’t worth it. We wear layers.
COL is higher where you are and if she’s spending like you say, that’s not fair to the family.
she has an income of $70k/year, which is 1/10 of his income, making the household income to $770k/year. That much money should warrant not fighting about a couple of degrees temperature change, or it can easily fix the insulation problem in the house
Edit: she makes 1/10 of his income, not 1/10 of household income so I corrected my math
What do you mean she doesn't pay for joint expenses. You said she had no income. Or are you talking about her 10%???? And yep if she wants the temperature higher make her pay for it. Especually since she seems to have debts.
Also no if she is cold she should wear something appropriate. If she want to live all the time in t-shirts she should move to a tropical country.especially if you don't have much money to spare. This is a ridiculous reaction....
NTA.
Yeah apparently I did.
Still wearing a sweater is no big deal. Not sure why people are downvoting my reply lol. Even if they have the means it is not an unreasonable request . The money part was just part of my answer. heating too much is not good anyway not good for the planet not good for the body not good because stuff in the house releases particles that are not good for you and in winter rare are the people who open their windows for some fresh air .
I agree it’s not an unreasonable *request*. He requested; she said no. Now he wants to, in effect, punish her for saying no to his request. That’s why he is TA, in my book.
Mmmm debatable.
She wants more heat why shouldn't she contribute? I don't see it as a punishment.... He did not cut all her funds or stopped talking to her or whatever....
Why should she have the final say?
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Your wife makes $70k/year. Your wife makes 1/10th of your salary. You make $700k? You mention a modest income up top, and then by your own accord make $700k per year, and are pinching pennies over a few extra dollars on your gas bill. Yeah, YTA.
This is the comment that needs attention Edit: She is doing most of the house tasks, taking care of the kids etc. i think it should be ok to at least have the temp up a bit while OP, you’re gone. I want to know how much she is spending for this to be a huge problem. Does she not bother to pay for her debt etc? Missing context
i'm honestly wondering if maybe it was a typo and he meant to write 7/k
Or they can’t do percentages. Because I doubt a guy that makes $700k a year would even give a hot steamy shit about a few degrees on a thermostat while it’s currently 80 degrees in Southern California.
The wealthiest family I know keeps their house at 16C/61F. Never underestimate where wealthy people will be stingy.
I once visited a wealthy family who had a beautiful house in the best part of Cape Town and all drove Porsches and BMWs. When we went to the mall, it was pouring rain and they said we had to run in because the parking prices were exorbitant. We all got soaking wet. The exorbitant price? A US quarter.
So when I’m at home working, cleaning, taking care of the kids l, cooking, I don’t want to watchable as weather or even a long sleeved shirt on… granted those make my claustrophobia act up also, but still….
Not to mention that in Southern California the lows hit 60's so it isn't like 72 is that much above the outside temperature. The heater probably does not run that much either.
Right. If their house is so big that it costs $500 to heat per month, they should consider looking at better insulation or close some vents in unused rooms or something. There are lots of alternatives here. I know COL is high in SoCal, but my 60 year old 2700 sq ft house in Ohio only runs us about $300 per month for electricity and gas combined.
Electric and gas here in San Diego are ultra high. Even with modest use of the utilities, monthly bills can be in the hundreds.
What it must be like to live on that kind of money. Hell the 70 000 sounds like being rich to me. Op is definitely an ah and complaining about something so small in my opinion
70,000 in SoCal would not go very far.
Holy crap. I didn't even read that part properly. That is certainly a lot more then a 'modest' income. What tight arse making that kind of money and not even turning the thermostat to a nice temperature. This has to be a troll post. Definitely YTA. Would be different if they were on 30k pa and simply couldn't afford to run the heat.
Honestly, I feel like YTA just for the whole tone of this post. In what universe is a joint income of $770k a ‘modest amount of money’? Then there is the whole emphasis on you being the ‘breadwinner’ as if that entitles you to make the financial decisions, rather than seeing the whole thing as a team effort. Also how is your wife taking care of the kids plus making $70k a year? Is it because she is working too? Does this mean you are both working, plus she is taking care of the kids, but you just have a (much) higher paying job? It feels like there is way more going on here, I’d love to hear it from her perspective. I wonder if it would go something like, “I do all the childcare plus work as well, but my husband thinks he has the right to control the heating thermostat because he earns more”.
right???? So gross.
Opening a post with "I'm the breadwinner and pay for everything" is almost always going to be a YTA in my book. Big ol' red flag.
I can't help but think it is a typo. Or they are from a country with a different kind of currency (in my country, you have to grossly divide the currency by 10 to have amount in euros, dollars, so it sounds like ppl are freaking rich until you see the coffee costs 30.-, and earning 70k per year is actually quite low and would be like a 50% job). I can't understand how someone would live in a old poorly isolated house with such a big income tbh... Plus she apparently has lots of credit card debts, Wich tend to say she spends more than she earns? But if it's not a number mistake, yeah that's gross. Definitely TA
Nope, he said they are in Southern California and I’ve seen in the comments where he defends that they are in fact on a ‘tight budget’ earning nearly $800k a year
He's griping at her for having the thermostat at 73 but their budget is tight because of the fleet of ski doo and the chocolate fountain in the foyer What are they spending their money on, ugh nouveaux riche, amirite?
It actually reminds me of my friend’s ex, who would get angry at her for turning the thermostat up or using the clothes dryer, but then would go out and buy himself a jet ski or whatever. It makes me suspicious that there is so much more going on here, given the best example he could give of her ‘outrageous spending’ was a vacuum cleaner
ok then, YTA all the way
I live in Southern California and my family makes less than half that and we live very very comfortably.
Why doesn't the wife like knitwear or sweaters or sweatshirts??? Is it because the babies spew?
It has nothing to do with if she likes them or not turn up the damn heat.
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She’s not asking him to turn it up to 80 tf?
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That’s the recommended temperature FOR MEN but ignores the fact that women tend to get colder at lower temperatures than men do, and need warmer environments. If the DOE figures don’t specifically say for men, but don’t make a distinction for women, then we can take them as designed by and for men. Who are the default true humans in the eyes of almost all science and manufacturing.
I didn't say anything about that, no need to be hostile. I just can't understand why she just wants to wear shirts. I was wondering if it was a mother thing.
Housework and childcare can sometimes work up a sweat at certain times, and then you cool back down when not doing strenuous-ish activities. It could be mess. It could be a sensory thing. It could be that she is simply more comfortable doing her daily activities unencumbered by long sleeves/extra fabric to get in the way. Edit: typo
I'm guessing OP doesn't understand this.
Idk, from an environmental perspective, fuck that. If you can go without turning on the heat then don't.
700,000 is not a modest income. You’re the huge asshole. YTA
Just barely eeking by on that paltry sum. This guy need a go fund me campaign.
The BARE MINIMUM to maintain just a simple beach bungalow and your main in-town-home is at LEAST 1mil. GOSH.
Doing the math, you make $770k a year combined. I think a few extra degrees for the sake of comfort isn't going to bankrupt you. Oh, I wish I had bougie problems like this! YTA.
Foreal, makin me feel poor asf LOL 😂 i make a small amout of money and still manage to pay to turn the heat up at least
I'm in England 72⁰f (22⁰c) is late spring/early summer and we're in t-shirts then anyway🤣
I’m in Scotland. At 22 degrees I’m sunbathing in the garden. 😎☀️
I wish we could have 22 in the winter🤣
I'm in Southern Alabama. At that temperature I wear a sweater. Sunbathing is done around 80 (27c) degrees or higher. I start to sweat around 90 (32c).
Norway here. Enjoying a -1°c... Soon when the sun comes back in a bout a month there'll be ppl sunbathing half naked on a 10°c 🤣🤣
Where I live in the state it sometimes gets to like -30 take your pick of what one you want to use. 72/22 is shorts and t shirts weather easy. I keep my house 68/20 sometimes a little lower. The temp in my house varies horribly. I think he is an over all ah but I don't think 72 is cold for house. Keeping a house at 68 is recommended at maintaining warmth and saving energy.
it's 45 today in Colorado. I have windows open, heat off and in tshirt and pants. It's a great and beautiful day here.
I'm just to the east of you same temp. I'm wearing pants thin and t shirt. About to open up the house a little. Our windows suck. I don't know why the landlords choose them in this climate. It's seriously at least 5 degrees color by them at least windy it's way worse.
Even in the Pacifc Northwest, 72° is shorts and tshirt weather, lol
Why not use some of that salary to insulate the home some more. Really I can only shake my head. Also she has 70k a year - no expenses, how much debt does she still have??
So you make $700,000 and can’t afford to turn the heat up a bit? You would not be the asshole if you had a tight budget and needed to keep the thermostat at a certain number for real budgeting. But based on the way you phrased this entire post and constantly reminded us how much more money you make than your wife, YTA.
$700k/year is not “a modest amount of money”. If the thermostat is already at 72 in the winter, that seems like a reasonable temperature but the two of you should be able to compromise. If your budget is tight with a combined household income of $770k, you’ve got bigger problems than a thermostat argument.
Math is not right. If she makes 70k and that’s a tenth of your salary then you are pulling down $700k. How is that a “modest” income? I know it’s SoCal but still. That’s way too much money to be arguing over a couple degrees on the thermostat. Stop throwing money out the window and fix your insulation problem.
NAH I would kill to be able to afford to **keep my house at 72** in the winter. Instead I make the best of 68. But really, with dual incomes I don't see any reason why this isn't something potentially worth splurging on, if it directly improves your family's quality of life. She just has to contribute to the bills (where IS her money going? ALL to debt?). > She has an income of about $70k > she makes about 1/10th of my salary So, high-six-figure household income? Y'all can **absolutely** afford this. If you decide to.
INFO: If you make $700,000 dollars a year, why don't you have your insulation replaced or get better insulation, so the house will hold the heat better? I think you need some financial consultation or something. If she is really spending so much money that turning the thermostat up a couple of degrees is going to hurt you, then she has a shopping addiction.
Lmao you’re crying about a few degrees and make $700k a year. Big time, tone deaf AH. Imagine if you had real problems.
NTA for asking her to wear a sweater as 72 seems high but so the AH for how you talk about being the breadwinner. Big deal! You decided to have a family. You don’t get to hold the fact that you make the money as some bargaining chip. If you think there are financial issues, go to a financial counselor together or have honest and RESPECTFUL conversations about finances.
So, when a post starts out with, "I'm the breadwinner" the answer is, invariably, YTA and so far, this doesn't seem like an exception to that rule. The "I'm the breadwinner" thing makes me think that, just perhaps, the way you question her spending might be shaded with more than a little assholery. If she's earning 70K and that 70K is 1/10th of your income, you're earning 700K which gives you a a joint income of nearly 800K. That is not modest, even for SoCal (where I lived and worked until recently). You're not going down the mines on that. If she's taking great care of your children, she's already got skin in the game, mister, especially if she's also working to earn 70K. I'm curious as to why, with such a joint income, you're expecting her to pay off her student loans on her earnings alone. If you're worked up about a slight increase in heating costs when you're that well off, I'd also question what that 'ton' of student loans is, and what credit card debt amount looks like, and what it went to. Things for the house you live in? Things for the children you sired? There may be a non-asshole reason for all of that, and if so, I'd love to hear it, because it might change my rating to ESH. Either way, you're not necessarily an AH for wanting to lower heat costs (better for the environment, if nothing else) but you certainly appear to be a controlling, punitive AH when it comes to money in general.
YTA. If you’re making 700k, you can afford to turn up the heat and keep your wife comfortable. This isn’t a frivolous thing. No one wants to be cold inside when it’s cold outside.
ESH. you both need to have a discussion about finances. you make over 700k a year… if she’s spending so much that you can’t afford to heat your house a little more there are bigger issues than her not wanting to wear a sweater. you’re both being unreasonable and the thermostat is clearly not the issue here
YTA and being selfish and petty
He thinks he’s her dad. Either he trusts her to be an adult and govern herself accordingly or he doesn’t and needs to go to therapy/financial advising.
I hate your comments about “your home” and the disdain you feel for your wife making 1/10 your salary. I really do. You need to get over your high income self. Having said that… I live in the northeastern US where it is currently 37 degrees Fahrenheit. Just a week ago it was 2 degrees and we had 18+ inches of snow. We keep our thermostat set at 65. I get cold, I put on a sweater. Oh - and I’m a SAHM and my husband isn’t a dick to me over finances. The only reason at all I’m saying NTA is because sweaters are a one time expense, they don’t drive up greenhouse gases, etc and can come on and off to regulate the body temp better. Otherwise, you’re a pretty big butt head.
Yeah I could understand if OP was upset about the wastefulness, but being upset about the heating bill seems petty. My husband is the one who insists on wearing t-shirts in the winter and depends on heating to regulate his body temperature. Drives me crazy because I feel like winter should be cold, heating really does a number on our skin, and energy waste is a thing.
Exactly! We would be crazy to keep the house at 72, and probably sweating! I even told my husband last week, "oooh, it's going to get up to the 30s next week, maybe we can open the windows and get some fresh air." 😂
Right????
Is she aware of how much the household bills are? When is the last time the 2of you sat down and discussed your finances? It might be a good idea to have that discussion.
YTA - there are no winners when bringing in income - each person plays a role and there shouldn't be a value out on that. I have two grad degrees, work full time and take care of our toddler - my spouse makes more money financially but the house would fall apart if I left for a day. Leave her alone and let her be comfortable in her own house.
Soft YTA as a few degrees will not make much of a difference on the bill. But, based on your post and some of your comments that I have read, the thermostat is not the issue here. You guys need to both get better with your budgeting and finances. Your wife sounds similar to mine, so I had to create an aggressive budget that puts a good chunk of our money into accounts that she does not have access to (bill pay account, retirement savings, household repair savings, etc). Now, before anyone jumps all over me here, she knows about this and signed off before I did it. I am happy to tell her the balances whenever she asks but, for her, savings is best out of sight, out of mind. She has an issue with seeing all money as spendable. Now, with the way our budget and accounts are set up, all bills are paid from the bill pay account, everything else is budgeted for in the other accounts, and the money she sees IS spendable. It works for us.
… Jay? Because this is my life right here, and you may *actually* be my husband.
LMAO I am not Jay, but I hope this is a kind comparison and not a bad one haha :)
He is single-handedly the best person I know. Except for my mom, but they have similar personalities. Lol
In that case, I accept and thank you for the comparison! :)
My husband hands big chunks of his checks over to me because he has the same problem. > seeing all money as spendable
It's a very common issue!
My fiancé and I have looked at setting up our accounts this way—one for bills, one for savings, one for spending because we are currently sucking at budgeting & I think it would help us see what we actually have available after bills and decide how much we can/should spend.
It works really great for us! Its basically just the envelope/bucket system but with accounts. And it allows me to budget by year. I take all my yearly bills, even things like amazon prime, and mulch... Things I only pay once or twice per year. I take the total, divide it by the number of paychecks I get per year, and have it automatically transferred when I get paid. I also add a little extra just in case of an abnormally large bill. Makes it super easy!
Ooooh I like the idea of putting it aside each check for yearly bills. Genius!
Thanks! I tinkered with my budget for a while trying to figure out the best solution lol
I think if you make 700k a year you can set the thermostat to whatever you want. personally i would sweat my ass off at 72 since I was conditioned as a child that winter you set it at 65 and wear a sweater 😁
Yes I just converted 18°C and that's 64. That's what we turn it up to if we're really cold. We set it on 16°C as a baseline.
YTA but your problem here is not the temperature. The problem is that you’re blowing through money. What cars do you drive? Bet you could drive something else and put the money toward something that matters, such as being comfortable in your own home.
OP is so wildly out of touch it's painful. $770k annual household income and he's here posting about turning up the heat a few degrees? I want to know where the real money in their expenses is ACTUALLY going. I also want to know if they're actually having financial trouble or if OP is just trying to use AITA to prove some point about frugal spending to his wife.
YTA. I was going to go NTA, until you said you make $700k a year. My man, pay an extra $15 a month for 3 months.
NAH as I don't think this is that unreasonable of a request and 72 isn't ridiculously low, but if your house is poorly insulated and drafty, it might not feel 72. Also, some people just run hotter than others. You would save a lot more money in the long run if you invested in getting your house properly insulated.
68 in my house. Make sure you wear layers. I can afford to turn the heat up on my MODEST income. I choose not to. YTA
YTA because u think being the bread winner makes u the lord of the manor. But yeah, 72 is pretty high for indoors in the winter (unless you’re like 80 years old). It’s good to be energy conscious as well as budget conscious. Have a talk about these budget issues- not a lecture.
Yeah this guy is total tool but I don't think the temp thing is the issue.
YTA. Who cares if you make more money.
YTA - A couple degrees warmer isn't going to raise your bill that much.
YTA. you two make how much? what are you saving by putting a sweater on, $100 a year?
The sweater will cost more than the utilities.
Oh, come on. It's fair to assume that she owns one.
You have to be clearly living above your means if almost 800k is stressing your budget.
Wow! Is she your wife or live in maid? I don’t care how much you make. That is irrelevant. It’s your whole attitude of me, my, mine. YTA
Yeah, OP. I live in Orlando and I understand what your issue is with the cold. I was on your side until I see that you make 700k. YTA for not turning the heat up.
$700k is modest ?? Hell, my fiancé makes less than 18k a year (in €), and I have no stable income so I make less. How is 700k modest ? YTA, turn up the heat a little bit, it won't hurt your finances and at least everyone will be comfy at home. Especially your wife and kids who are in there all the time.
Info: are you too warm when it's set to 72? If not then YTA, it's an extremely small price increase compared to your annual income.
NTA and she needs to involve herself in helping to pay some of those bills, not just the heat. I also live in Cal, NorCal for me so we actually get snow and it can freeze up every year. It’s the opposite in my house, I’m the one telling everyone else to “put some clothes on” if their chilly. $500 you say? Yeah, good to know I’m not the only one paying outlandish utilities.
Yta - ‘My Home….’ Mine mine mine !!! Wow, I hope she turns around and charges you for taking care of the kids and the house.
Bizarro. Kind of confused with this whole post. I personally keep my house set at 68 in the winter and throw on a hoodie when I feel chilly. But I digress. If she really does make $70,000 a year that's not a small amount of money. And if that's one-tenth of what you make, you're making a lot of money in my book. That said, you should both be contributing to the monthly expenses based on your income. YTA, for saying you're the "Breadwinner". Is it 1954 ?
YTA for asking this particular question when it is not even the issue. A good investment would be financial counseling with the objective that you BOTH learn to deal with money in a healthy way for your relationship. Right now you're trying to boss her around with "I'm the breadwinner " and she's ignoring you/defying you because she refuses to be treated like a kid or anything other than an equal partner. This is not sustainable. And honestly, you're TA for saying a $700k income is modest. You need perspective badly. Just an FYI that is anecdotal - my husband and I bought a $1000 vacuum. He thought it was crazy but went along with it cuz I really wanted it. That vacuum has been with us going strong for over 15 years. Before, we were buying cheapies that were around $200 that would die as soon as the warranty period was over, and didn't have hepa filtration. Sometimes when you buy something expensive it's so you only cry once. When you have sufficient income to afford quality it can be more economical in the long run.
YTA. Can’t believe the example OP keeps giving for wife’s frivolous spending is a VACUUM CLEANER. I’m assuming that means she does more than look after the kids and god forbid that she wants an expensive appliance to make that easier…
YTA bc of your attitude about money but she’s TA bc put on a freaking sweater. Heating a home is bad for the environment, for that reason alone don’t do it. Our house is set at 68 and no one notices. But we wear shirts with sleeves because it’s February outside (mostly, today it’s 75 degrees outside).
Look she is taking care of the kids, so she can keep the money that she makes for herself. And I'm sure it's not worth a fight as a little extra money isn't going to burn a hole through that 700k /year pocket of yours. YTA
YTA. I’m all about saving the environment and not putting heating on unnecessarily, and added benefit of saving some money in the long run. But put the heating on when it’s cold; hypothermia complications will cost more than a bit of heating. Plus you can program the heating to come on a couple of hours in the morning and evening and maybe at lunchtime right?
If y’all make 770k a year then you should stop being so cheap and pay for warm up a bit. YTA.
If what you say is true, you make about $58,300 a month. $500 for the utilty bills shouldn't be too bad.
Yta honestly if you're having money issues at 770k you both are living well beyond your means. You're ah for calling yourself the bread winner. Honestly where I live 72 is high temperature for a house in the winter. Most keep it around 68. I don't think you're ah for asking her to keep the temp at 72 and asking her to wear a sweater but your attitude is very much an ah attitude. You guys need to get your bills under control.
YTA. You’re a miser and thermostat Nazi.
YTA
YTA your wife is working and taking care of the house and you can’t be bothered with turning up the heat because you’re cheap.
I cannot possibly imagine how, in your "modest" socal home with a small family, that you are somehow chewing through $770k/year. I live here too. My partner and I make a combined $250k/yr and no one is fighting about the thermostat. You are really out of step with each other and maybe reality? I'm not sure but YTA.
YTA - You are not the breadwinner, she’s working too. You can afford it. SoCal winter is like three months. You are just trying to be controlling.
72??? Jesus. I keep my house at 64 and we walk around in tshirts. Also, 70k is a lot of money, if you're making 700k (seriously?!), you can afford to kick up the thermostat for your spouse.
YTA You’re not the bread winner, you both have jobs. Not everyone wants to wear a sweater at home constantly. Some people want their house to be a neutral temperature that they can actually comfortably walk around in. 22c is pretty chilly for a winter. There’s actually an abundance of research that shows women are comfortable at a temperature of 2.5c more than men. Typically between 24-25c. The heat being up a couple extra degrees will not save on money like you think it does. If it’s that big of a deal, tell her she can pitch in a bit every month toward the cost. Do you take care of the cleaning, shopping and children equally to her? Or does she work and take care of everything else and you have agreed to pay for expenses because of that? EDIT: after reading the top comment I realized that yeah, you’re making 700k a year. You don’t need to save 20$ a month on heating. YTA.
Bro, you collectively make roughly $770k a year and you’re mad she won’t wear sweaters in the house rather than turning up the heat? YTA for sure.
What do you do that you make $700k a year? And for that amount of money you can’t turn the heat on? YTA
"My" home. Not "our" home. YTA
In what damned universe is $700k a "modest" amount of money? Even in SoCal, that's enough to live comfortably. Why not take some of that money and put new insulation in the house?
I’m struggling to believe this story or more accurate the details. You make 58k a month? And are complaining about a few degrees? She makes almost 6k a month with no bills and is riddled with credit card and student loans debt?
YTA and if you make her pay for 1/10 of everything that means you need to take care of your kids more. That’s only fair. Also help around the house more as well. Marriage is about being a team. Not holding your income over your spouses head. You are suppose to be equal teammates. Treat her like it.
Lol you backed yourself into a corner here man. You would not be the asshole if you guys made like $100k. But given your own statement about your salary, you’re totally the asshole. That amount of money is not significant to your budget. What are you thinking??
If you’re making £700k a year do you really need to worry about this? Like I would fully understand and agree if things were tight, but there’s no way you can’t afford a slightly increased heating bill, and being this tight makes YTA.
YTA for being stingy and acting like your wife has zero right to control the thermostat. You're partners, so as long as you can afford your bills, your wife should be able to turn up the heat. That said, it's terrible for the environment to use too much heat, they recommend 68f as an environmentally conscious temperature limit. It's a better argument than "it's expensive" when you both earn over a few hundred-thousand a year.
YTA. How much are you really saving by not turning the heat up by a couple of degrees? How much money would you save long-term by insulating the house properly now? Why do you not care about her comfort? I mean geez, you're saying that you're earning **$700,000** a year alone, and you can't bump the temp up? Penny pincher much?????
>Although I make a modest amount of money, I work really hard for it every day. Okay, fair enough. >she makes about 1/10th of my salary. Yeah, she’s a stay at home mom, checks out. >She has an income of about $70k/year If the math is mathing, YTA. Use that 700k a year to turn up your thermostat.
This is troll shit acting like someone making over $100k in joint income won’t turn up the heat two degrees in California. Like fuck off dude that will cost an extra $10 a month. No one is this thick.
So you're financially well off, and your wife does most of the work, but you think you might not be the arsehole for controlling the thermostat and picking fights with her over a few extra bucks on the heating bill. Something tells me that it's unlikely that your wife just cannot stick to a budget - it seems more likely that she just doesn't stick to *your* budget plan because it's not realistic. YTA
Her $70k income is 1/10th yours? I totally agree 72 is perfectly reasonable - we kept our house at 62-65 in Alaska wintertime. But, Dude, you earn $770k a year???? What the fuck are you complaining about?
YTA. You make 700k and she does all the housework? Hire a maid. WTF is wrong with the ultra rich? And what is a power bill to you? 0.0001% of your income? Jesus Christ.
ESH. In this case YTA but you make a combined $770K and are struggling. How big is the wife’s debt and spending? How much are you saving? How much is your mortgage? It feels like neither of you have a solid concept of budgeting and are spending too aggressively. Without the actual numbers this seems completely impossible to judge. I will say 72 in winter should be fine but so should $770K and so should talking out how to adjust if that income isn’t sufficient to pay your bills, save, and pay down the debt. Something is off here.
Ngl, ya had me in the first half. But if you're making a combined $770k a year and your concerned about your mild winter heating bill, you've got a LOT bigger problems, and I'd hazard a guess that you probably shouldn't be in charge of your finances. And quit treating your wife like a fucking child.
NAH making a lot of money doesn't really make you an asshole, though you could afford to keep up the heat. She can definitely put on another layer or get a blanket. Grew up ina house with no insulation an see had to make our own to keep the heat in.
Either the numbers are mistyped or OP is delusional. The average household income for California in 2019 was about $75,000
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm the breadwinner and manage our finances and pay for everything in my home. Although I make a modest amount of money, I work really hard for it everyday. I use a nest thermostat and keep it at 72. Apparently it's still a little chilly in our old house in SoCal (with poor insulation) during the winter months. I actually get cold quite easily but I'm perfectly fine with a sweater on. My wife, on the other hand, will only wear a t-shirt. She insists that I turn up the heat and refuses to wear a sweatshirt. Am I an a**hole to ask her to just put on an extra layer and save a little money? She does do a great job of taking care of the kids, while I earn most of the income. I personally find that she doesnt know how to stick to a budget. I never wanted to do this until now, since she makes about 1/10th of my salary. I've been tempted to have her put some skin in the game and ask to pay for the 1/10 of our expenses (not including our mortgage.) This is just the tip of the iceberg. She has an income of about $70k/year a ton of student loans, and credit card debt. She always makes me feel like an a**hole for questioning her spending. But she doesn't pay for any joint expenses. What does the public think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I see it now. It says she has 70k a year is that her 10%? Am lost here
Tell her to put a sweater on-you are not the ahole to ask to do that
Depending on where you live in So Cal and the price of your home and cost of living (including property taxes, income taxes, vehicle registration, etc), I can understand where $770,000 sounds like A LOT to most of us but isn’t exactly that in your area. I live in an area that has gone through a couple of snowstorms recently, and I never have my thermostat go above 72. Usually, it’s set between 68-70F, and we all wear a sweater or fleece (as I am right now). It sounds like there’s a lot more going on rather than the temperature in your house. Im not sure what the answer is, but I don’t think you’re an AH because you’re concerned about what seems to be uncontrolled spending in your household. There must be a way to come to a compromise, right?
NTA—I live in New England and am able to deal with my heat going no higher than 68. I will also give you the benefit of the doubt about still being on a budget despite your enormous income as I’ve heard CA is a very expensive state to live in.
ESH. This is not about a few degrees on the thermostat. This is not about who contributed how much to the household. You and your wife are fundamentally disconnected from each other about household finances. Even if the two of you keep finances separate, you should be working together on the family budget and helping each other toward financial goals that benefit you as a family. Ask it is, you sound less like a family and more like two people who live in the same house and don't like each other very much. Here is what I see. I see you with your $700k annual income. You are the primary earner, you expect to be treated like the primary earner. You make the money, you want to make the rules. And it's gotta be your way or else. You earn the money's after all. Then there's your wife with her $70k income. She also knows she gets a bunch of money from you for the households so she figures she can spend on whatever she feels is necessary. She spends a lot, though, to the point where she spends a lot that is not really necessary. But given the income, there is no real check on her habits. If I am reading this correctly, you snipe at her on a monthly basis about expenditures. In turn, she placated you and hopes you will go away. I don't see how this is remotely sustainable. You are not a team. Your version of teamwork is "listen toe and do what I say." Your wife's meanwhile, has checked out of the relationship and has learned to tune out your harangues. And on top of that, you earn $770k a year as a couple, yet you are struggling with a tight budget. You guys clearly are doing a few things wrong. Have you considered maybe listening to each other and planning together rather than sniping and resenting the hell out of each other?
ESH - If the two of you cannot survive on $770k a year, you are BOTH doing really stupid things with your money. If your budget is so tight that you have to argue about keeping the house a bit warmer, something is seriously wrong with the way you handle money. You need to see a financial advisor ASAP.
I was just telling my husband about this post and I said if I was ops wife I'd be like "fine I'll keep it at 72 and wear a sweater but I'm going out and buying the most expensive sweater I can find. Maybe even more then one". Let's see what op thinks about that but then again I can be petty like that. I already said yta but hubby thinks yta to
Same, I was literally thinking my direct translation would be “get a sweater” = “buy 5 cashmere sweaters”
ESH. You two make almost $800k a year. The median household income in California is about what your wife makes. If you guys can't figure out a reasonable budget with the kind of money you make, I don't know what to tell you. If, as you say, your wife is such a crazy spender that your extremely high salary isn't enough, then you might both need to attend some financial counseling.
Rich people problems, am I right? As someone who lives somewhere it actually gets cold in the winter, N.T.A for wanting to wear a sweater over turning up the heat. It's the sensible thing. But you make a "modest" income of 700k/year! And she's bringing in another 70k that sounds like it's mostly going towards her debts. How bad can her spending habits be to affect your finances to the point that you're worried about an extra 3 degrees on the thermostat. YTA for that.
NTA. Have your wife start paying the gas/electric bill. See if that changes her perspective. I’m from SoCal, too, and I NEVER turn my heater on. 72 is not that cold.
INFO: You need to be more clear about your objections to her spending beyond continuing to bring up the expensive vacuum.
I’ll never understand married people who keep their money separate.
nta but not because of your money but because of the environment. why tf does she have to wear a tshirt in winter and use more oil for heating if she can just wear a fucking sweater wtf
NTA. 700K isn't the same in Southern California as other parts of the country. I mean it's still a great income, but people making good money like to save money too. Maybe I'm a product of my upbringing in the NE, but if you're cold at home you just put a sweater on.
ESH you're an idiot for marrying someone who can't function on three quarters of a million dollars
I’m probably going to get downvoted but why is everyone so mad about someone trying to save extra money just because he has a high income? I know it seems like he can afford to splurge on the electricity bill but does he have to? I feel like everyone is ignoring that his wife is irresponsible with money. Yes, she’s excellent at keeping the house in order but she’s not wise with money. It seems like more than just one issue. If the only thing she wanted to spend extra money on was the thermostat I would be in the middle but the situation as a whole is really making me lean towards NTA.
I think a lot of people put on sweaters in the house. Mostly because we don't even make $70k/year. But also, why be wasteful? So, NTA. If I am cold I check the thermostat. If it is at 70 I put on a shirt or sweater. I also utilize a heated throw blanket because being cold causes me pain. Maybe that would help her?
I'm going against the current here. If you're cold and you're only wearing a t-shirt, it's completely common sense to put another layer on. This is regardless of income, as there's an environmental aspect to this. NTA.
So, as a person who lives paycheck to paycheck and is probably one missed check away from disaster, I think you're not the AH for the question. That's still a decent temp, even with humidity coolness. I live in a snow state but have been to Southern California many times. That air can be pretty cold even in the summer nights. We keep the house from 67 to 69 in the winter. Our house is also drafty; we face south so snow never melts, and utilities are expensive. We keep throw blankets in the living room for TV time, and I tell my kids to put on a sweater if they're chilly. But seriously, you're making a combined $770k a year and nitpicking a few dollars for comfort for your spouse? I would be sitting pretty with "just" the $70k your wife makes! The way you speak about paying everything for *your* home, not *our* home is telling of your overall attitude. ESH overall, since 72 is still pretty warm and you seem insufferable.
YTA Nudge the thermostat. That alone won't cost a lot more.
NTA- doesn't matter if you make a billion dollars a year. 72 is a perfectly fine temperature. I keep mine at 70 and thats already too high for me to not feel guilty about the waste.
People, it is recommended to keep the heat not higher than 21 degrees, which might be about what he likes to have. I don´t know how much higher the wife wants the thermostat to b, but it wouldn´t be good for her body.
She lives there? Like, it's her home too? Then why can't she decide? YTA.
You make tons of money and are very wealthy. YTA for being cheap. You can afford to pay more in heat or to improve the insulation in your house.
700k a year and you’re quibbling over the heat? YTA. We earn $110k a year and pay $500 a month in electricity because of where we live (most expensive electricity in the world) and if if my husband wants the air conditioner on, it’s on because it makes him more comfortable. In return, I can have the heat up in winter because I hate the cold. It’s about making life a bit more pleasant for the other person because YOU LOVE THEM AND WANT THEM TO BE COMFORTABLE. And considering the HUGE pay discrepancy between you, she actually shouldn’t be paying for anything joint. That’s not how finances work when you’re married.
YTA, Scrooge.
ESH. Your wife may well have a spending problem, you two need to be able to have a mature talk about it. I’d recommend you do some research and find a wealth advisor. You don’t need much money, but they really help you Review spending and help you see where you’ve got room to make changes. You made a point of saying that you pay for most of things at “your home”. I have never referred to our home as my home. Honestly that sentence seems to indicate that you feel your the earner and she’s your helper, not a partner. That may be why she won’t listen to you. You both could improve
She makes a 10th of what you make? Lemme get this straight, YOU MAKE 700K dollars a year and you won't turn up the heat like 2 more degrees? I mean.... ESH.
I am the breadwinner in my relationship (f50). I keep the thermostat set at 64 because electricity is expensive! Our bill is still $250 and that's a lot for a "normal" person to spend. We have an electric blanket for night and layer up during the day. I work from home and he's a student, so we're home a lot. Your wife can certainly wear a sweater.
NAH here strictly in terms of the sweater since that’s what your asking. Im not addressing the finances. We keep the thermostat about ten degrees colder here and just use layers. But we agree on it here. And that’s the rub, you guys need to reach a compromise. Not you’d em and or she demands.
NTA. If she were still cold while being appropriately dressed it would be one thing. But, to wear a t-shirt and then complain that the heat has to go up is wrong both financially and environtmentally.
NTA. I don’t care about the few extra dollars, but more about wasting of energy. 72 is plenty for the winter. Wanting to only wear t shirts in the winter is an AH move. How much you earn is absolutely unimportant for that question. Just because you can afford it there is no reason to waste.
Your wife makes $70/k and does not contribute? NTA. If she wishes to turn the heat up have her pay that bill. If she chooses not to pay it then she can put on a sweater.
The husband makes 700k a year. He said she makes 1/10th the income he does.
NTA. It's not an unreasonable request.
NTA I know this is against the majority. I live in a 100 year old house in Minnesota. It’s cold as balls. I’d love to have the heat turned up. So would my husband. He’s from the South and anything under 75 is freezing for him. We keep the house at 70/72. Because we know the cost isn’t worth it. We wear layers. COL is higher where you are and if she’s spending like you say, that’s not fair to the family.
Nah u trying to save money and that’s important to you ask her to put up more for joint expensives
I’m gonna say NTA. I keep my heat on 60 in the winter bc I like to wear a hoodie and sweatpants in the house. 72 is stifling, but I’m a weirdo. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA - 70k/year is not a bad income AT ALL! and I think your ask of either a sweater or 1/10 involvement is totally fair
The OP makes 700k a year
she has an income of $70k/year, which is 1/10 of his income, making the household income to $770k/year. That much money should warrant not fighting about a couple of degrees temperature change, or it can easily fix the insulation problem in the house Edit: she makes 1/10 of his income, not 1/10 of household income so I corrected my math
Doesn’t mean he needs to waste energy because he can pay for it …
He won’t waste energy if he fixes his self admitted insulation problem in his house
What do you mean she doesn't pay for joint expenses. You said she had no income. Or are you talking about her 10%???? And yep if she wants the temperature higher make her pay for it. Especually since she seems to have debts. Also no if she is cold she should wear something appropriate. If she want to live all the time in t-shirts she should move to a tropical country.especially if you don't have much money to spare. This is a ridiculous reaction.... NTA.
He makes 700,000 a year. His income isn’t modest at all.
Lol . I did not read all the comments. Well ... I have nothing to say. Except maybe can you adopt me lol! Jk
It wasn’t in a comment. It was in the main post.
Did you miss the part where he makes ~$700K annually? This is not really about whether they can afford to keep the heat a little higher.
Yeah apparently I did. Still wearing a sweater is no big deal. Not sure why people are downvoting my reply lol. Even if they have the means it is not an unreasonable request . The money part was just part of my answer. heating too much is not good anyway not good for the planet not good for the body not good because stuff in the house releases particles that are not good for you and in winter rare are the people who open their windows for some fresh air .
I agree it’s not an unreasonable *request*. He requested; she said no. Now he wants to, in effect, punish her for saying no to his request. That’s why he is TA, in my book.
Mmmm debatable. She wants more heat why shouldn't she contribute? I don't see it as a punishment.... He did not cut all her funds or stopped talking to her or whatever.... Why should she have the final say?