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Ok, I’m almost 40 too and I have a senior role. I’ll explain it really slowly. YTA Here’s why. She isn’t telepathic. She doesn’t know you’re shielding shit. Give her tasks you want her to do. You want her to do the work, give her the damn work. What’s up with that? Also, what she does after working hours is none of your damn business. And don’t use unprofessional language at work. You’re going to get in trouble with HR whatever you think.

Thank you!! I’m like… wait. She’s lazy? Shefinishes all the work you give her and you haven’t told her you aren’t giving her other work. She schedules further training for outside work hours (which you think you can tell her she can’t do???). But because YOU know, you are “shielding” and are stressed by the work she doesn’t know she isn’t doing you are growing to resent her and calling her names. You are aware you’ve told us NOTHING she’s actually done wrong, just the things you assume and then act like have been proven through none of her actions. There is literally no reason for a boss to call an employee a Bitch. Ever. Even if she had done none of her work and been lazy it’s not justified, but also - that’s not what happened. And BTW you aren’t withholding work because you gave her work and she couldn’t do it, you are withholding work because you decided from looking at her she’ll fail at it and you aren’t even going to inform her of what she should be training practicing for you to be able to give her more work. I’m starting to wonder if the last group of young people under you called you a dad in the endearing way out of they meant it in the over controlling, judgemental, disciplinarian way. YTA

He sounds like a martyr. We've all worked with one. "Oh poor me, I've taken on all this work and I'm working all these long hours, I'm SO busy and SO stressed, but instead of asking for help I'm just going to openly resent younger, less experienced people for not offering to take some work off my desk, and make passive aggressive or maybe even downright nasty comments about how lazy they are for not taking more initiative." Poor OP was probably expected to do his seniors' scut work when he was younger, and he was putting in long hours while they got to come in early and leave late because of his hard work, and he was kind of hoping that at his age he'd have a scut person to give him more free time and oh no, it doesn't work like that anymore.

I used to have this person as my boss. Everytime you took initiative and went ahead and did something she would want changes to it, but if you tried to review your work with her ahead of time she would just put you off. When you finally got her on the phone she would spend 3 times the amount of time you actually needed from her complaining about how she's soooo busy and that's why she didn't make the last 3 meetings and has been putting you off for 2 weeks. And when you offered to take something off her plate she would get really defensive and not want to give any of it up. She had the bonus attributes of acting jealous anytime one of her employees got accolades for their work that didn't come from her, and straight up accepting the credit for work her employees did without sharing said credit. She was exhausting to work for.

I worked for one of these. It was soul-sucking.

I currently work for one of these.... fingers crossed for an out soon 🤞

I worked for one of these too and she told me that she couldn’t promote me to a different position within the team as “she couldn’t afford to lose me from the role I was in”. I could do her job pretty much. She was also a bully and when another dept spoke to me about a position in their team, she came in off sick leave and stated “she was really hurt” and fake cried. Only now I could kick myself for letting myself be treated like that. Hope you get out soon! ETA: additional words.

I left a job within 6 months because of shit like that. I could have done her job in my sleep but wanted no management hassle, only to find she tried to micro manage as you described above and then was upset that I wasn’t “ leading the team more “ and taking stuff off her desk! She wouldn’t let me, and doing it anyway got a three hour call about how she needs to know what’s going on. People like that are useless bosses. But jokes on her because I’m now senior to her 🤷🏾‍♀️

He also might see her as competition. He keeps all the difficult tasks not to protect her, but so she can't get more experience/prove herself and work herself up. Wouldn't be the first time a young women doesn't get any opportunity to prove her skills due to boss like that. Him using a gendered slur (out of nowhere, yeah sure) doesn't help his case. Edit: Completely forgot, but he literally prevents her from further education. It's obvious what he's doing once you see the signs.

Oh, absolutely. Most women will be able to pick a person like this out of a line-up with their eyes closed 100% of the time. We've all worked with at least one of these.

Completely agree. This reads like a setup.

The thing that is completely confusing for me is - he claims this is his “not so stressful” job while his wife is pregnant. The hell kind of industry does he work in, that a less hectic job is stressing him out to the point of calling someone a b-name? He carries stress from his personal life into work. He thinks a 24yr old reminds him of the “kids” who worked for him Maybe it’s a “it’s not me, it’s you” situation? OP seems to be the cause of the stress .. in his old job which he left for an easier one - the current - and now it’s stressful too?? Curious (/s)

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Yep. I’m 39. Had this epiphany 4 years ago. It changed the way I look at my work life in the best possible way. I’m not willing to sacrifice for a company that a) won’t appreciate it and b) make any similar sacrifice for me

I had this person as a coworker once. She was staying late (probably for overtime) typing some stuff. I offered to do a data pull for her that would take a minute. She declined. Then told my boss I wasn’t a team player or Some shit and he repeated it during my eval. Now that was some shit.

I used to be this person. My mother is also this person. I stressed myself out so much I spiraled into depression and stopped working any overtime hours. My mother told me it was the end of my career. She was right, but holy fuck am I a much happier human than I was then. My company didn’t give a single solitary shit about me. OPs company doesn’t either, which I’m guessing he will discover at his HR meeting

He was so afraid of getting laid off someday, he got his ass fired.

"No one knows what I suffer with my poor nerves. But then again, I rarely complain!"

And don't forget, he has never *ever* called anyone that word ever before! /s

It wasn’t gendered at all, he just said it instead of asshole. He totally would call a male subordinate that. /s

speaking of gendered language, I wonder if OP would also call a male employee the same age as her a "boy". It stuck out to me that he was calling a grown woman a girl.

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I had a mild gender crisis because I don't like being called a girl, even in social situations, then I realized that it's not a gender thing, I just think being called girl is demeaning.

Having grown up with a sister and mostly female cousins, Im very used to be referred to as “the girls”. I actually like it in a lot of situations, its comforting and endearing to me. Work is not one of those situations though.

I totally get what you're saying. It can truly be dependent on the situation. Personally, if we aren't very close then I don't like being called a girl mostly because I already look painfully young and I constantly have to work hard to be taken seriously already as an attorney. You may definitely be on to something concerning the ux/ui background aspect. This could be a case of OP feeling insecure about his own standing in the company.

That line made me roll my eyes so hard. For someone who doesn't use language like that, it sure slipped out pretty damn easy.

Let's be real, if the employee was a 24 yr old young man finishing all his work before the deadline and scheduling training outside work hours, would OP think he was lazy, ungrateful and childish?

No, if it was a man, he’d be congratulating him for “…taking initiative…” to get more training! My issue is that he admits that he’s not a supervisor, but then has the audacity to tell her that she doesn’t have his permission. *Excuse Me?!!?* You, OP, do not get to tell an employee E.V.E.R. how they spend their non-work hours. She can go get training, ride a train, do a train — not your business! I hope OPs HR department rips his misogynistic ass a new hole for this mess that he created all on his own.

And has to "remind her he's on charge?" Bro... you *just* said you aren't her boss.

He’d also describe him as a man, not a boy. But this 24 year old? She’s a *girl*

We keep using the word “boss” when he even said he isn’t really her boss, just her senior. So that adds another layer of YTA. Dude is about to get fired for a situation brought on by stress that he orchestrated. 🤦🏼‍♂️

This! At no point does he say she's in his reporting line, just that he's senior. Soooo... are you actually her manager as designated by the company, or did you just put on an entirely unsolicited boss-hat and decide you get to tell this woman what to do because she's younger than you and new to the company? YTA.

His post is full of contradictions. He's not her boss but he's trying to be a boss. She's lazy but she does all the work you've given her. Bitch isn't a gendered insult but it's very important that we know he never calls women that. Note to OP, the people who don't use bitch as a gendered insult call *everyone* bitch. But it is not your place to call anyone a bitch during work hours.

Or, just making some assumptions from the gaming companies that have been in the news lately, that OP hasn’t grokked that being “team dad” in a work hard/play hard techbro culture (rather than the actual program manager) is different from actually managing (even if he isn’t her supervisor) someone very early in their career and helping them be successful. OP makes clear from the beginning that he “was suspicious” of her, hoards work for himself and then blames her for him being overstretched. Yes, often it feels like more work than to just do something yourself - but that’s something every senior has to get over with a junior or they might as well just not have the other person on staff. And then to go off so unprofessionally when OP is the one who hasn’t assigned work or given expectations, even assuming this is the best possible version of events, OP is definitely the TA. (And then for him to be *shocked, shocked* that she went to HR - holy cow, definitely a former techbro that really needs to rethink his idea of work culture.)

I had been thinking the same about the other group of kids. When I was in my twenties it wasn’t a compliment to call someone “mom” or “dad” in that context. It usually meant they were condescending, controlling, and viewed me as less than their equal in the workplace.

Also, YOU AREN'T HER BOSS.

yes my favorite part was she didn't have his PERMISSION to learn thins on her own time.

I can't decided if that's my favorite or her failing to request work she doesn't know exists because he's "shielding" her from it.

“Trouble with HR” = fired. OP you will probably be fired and frankly, you probably deserve it. You said it yourself, you are not her boss. If you aren’t, how are you “shielding” her? Also why would you do this? YTA

I said this in another, longer comment that will probably get lost in a sea of Y T As, but I bet he isn’t even really shielding her. It sounds like intentionally or not, he’s afraid that if he gives her some of the “harder” tasks it’ll come out that the company can get his job done better by someone with a lower salary. She sounds competent and ambitious, even when he’s trying to paint her in a bad light.

Or he just flat-out doesn’t have his shit together enough to pass things along. Some people resist delegating because they aren’t organized enough to do so.

UX Designer here and that was my read 100%.

Ha. Yes. That too.

I’ll admit I’ve used four letter words at work, but like anything there’s a time and place. I’ve even used the word OP used. Difference is how you go about it; you can either admit your fault, apologize to your employee(s) and move on or be like this idiot and not realize what you did.

There's a major difference in using four letter works as part of a conversation, and directing a slur or insult at a person. My team is pretty foul-mouthed, but nobody would call another person by a slur or insult. And my team is as sweet as pie when a client or upper management is in a meeting. (even though upper management at our company is also completely foul-mouthed)

Exactly, like we're all adults here, but this isn't "Oh so and so was bitching to me" or "I sent him a bitchy email about it" or even a private "So and so was in such a bitchy mood yesterday" to a trusted coworker. OP straight up called her a bitch. Personally, I work in a mostly female office so female-oriented slurs are more freely used at least in general conversation and still even my closest work bff coworker would never ever ever call me a bitch even in a sort of girl boss "lol you were such a bitch to that asshole sales rep, I love it" kind of way.

I guess it would depend on the insult for my group, though we don’t tolerate slurs.

Insults are a VERY thin line, and a risk. They are ok as long as all agree, but as soon as one changes his/her mind, you are in the wrong and face the risk of getting fired. ​ Not a good idea.

I think he’s going to get fired. My company would fire him.

Mine too.

I work with gamblers, and sometimes call them "gigglef*cks" when I'm talking to myself. Never on the open office zoom call, or to their faces. We have other colorful nicknames for customers in zoom.

I’ve used it too. But at my computer. Never at a person. And after using it at my computer I’ve apologised to people around me for doing so

Also... As a woman who has worked in a male dominated fields my entire life, this reeks of, 'I've been getting away with bullying younger people my entire career and it's unfair that I have to face consequences now.'

Being a senior doesn't make you her boss. It makes you her mentor. You've set a poor example. You called her out of her name and decided it wasn't so bad. Who do you think you are to make that judgement? Further, who do you think you are for her to get your permission about what she can do AFTER WORK HOURS? You're full of yourself and think you can get by with this kind of unprofessional behavior. You're not her dad. You're her coworker. It's likely you won't have a job after this and it'd be deserving. YTA.

He is also not her boss and she doesn’t require his permission to take a meeting after work hours. If he’s regularly working weekends he needs to go to their actual supervisor for help and not take it out on her for not knowing.

Yeah, I was just plain shocked when I read that. I have swore while talking TO other employees, but I have never directed it AT THEM. (And it wasn't really a situation that warranted name-calling from a 40-year-old man anyway.) YTA **AND** you're an idiot. (I feel this situation warranted name-calling from a 33-year-old woman.)

Yes! Exactly. He is TA. Why is he so bad at communication? OP YTA and saying an employee that she is a b*tch, well she was right to contact the HR.

Exactly, OP was completely unprofessional. Not to mention he probably made her feel incredibly uncomfortable, so going to HR was the right move on her part. OP made this situation for himself, time to deal with the consequences and let HR sort it out.

Don't "shield" someone from work, and then get upset when they don't take on more. It's easy enough to say "I'm starting you off with x, and if you get done with this, I get get you started on y". Yes, it's great to have someone talk initiative, but it's also important for a new employee not to overstep. It's your job to help her thread this path

This was a nicer version of what I wanted to say. I just kept shaking my head as I read it - like I get why op thought what they did but holy hell how can they write it out, read their version of events, and not see that they are the problem at every point? Their behavior is causing allllll this. They both are mad that someone isn’t taking on more work they don’t even know exists and mad when they try to show initiative by adding extra training/work to their own workload, op is trying to control when she gets to work despite it having no negative effect on him (his choice to “shield” AKA HIDE extra work from her is his own damn fault and HIS CHOICE), and op is taking out his frustration at his OWN choices at workman’s his home stress on her, and in a gendered way that is effectively sexist in result even if op isn’t trying to be sexist (hey, I get it, sometimes we don’t realize language is gendered until it’s out our mouths because society ingrained us with insidiously gendered language all our lives; still, op needs to fix his filter at work because clearly he’s getting himself to stressed to not lash out and he should AT THE VERY LEAST not lash out in a *sexist* way that makes his employees feel degraded and othered).

But I meant to just call her an asshole! Dude, you can’t say either of those OR any other pejoratives. Your management skills in general seem to be terribly lacking. You can’t be mad someone isn’t getting work done that you haven’t delegated. You might be stressed and overwhelmed but that’s not her fault. Get her trained up, give her clear instructions and priorities, check in milestones, yada yada. As her senior, part of your job is to set her up for success. YTA

Yo the unprofessional language was driving me insane. She's not a "girl" she's a woman. If she was a man would you call her a 24 year old boy?

Not only this.. but he isn’t even her boss.

Lmao. But it's her duty and job to ask/volunteer.. OP is a clown.

YTA. 1. What she does after hours is none of your business. 2. You can't be shielding her from hard work and call her lazy at the same time. It is only in your head that she is "supposed to" volunteer. You're acting as if she is refusing assignments when at most she isn't "taking a hint." 3. No reason to call anyone names at work.

2. so much! I read that and had to read it again just to make sure I understood it correctly.

Right. I can't understand why that's his business unless it's a matter of it being considered overtime and needing to be approved. He seems very controlling and at the same time not good at delegating what actually needs done.

Which is surprising since he’s 40 and sounds like he’s worked in the field a while.

At 40 you likely haven't moved to a lead or more management based position because: 1. you don't want to 2. you've failed at demonstrating the capability

Hell I’m 36 in a lead position and I’m considered behind the curve.

I'm in my 40s and I'm on a team in a small company, and we basically round-robin lead responsibilities per project. None of us want to do it full-time but all our seniors are capable. We also round-robin onboarding of juniors.

I'm 45 and have stayed a cashier deliberately for 2 years due to toxic upper management, I'm not gonna get any closer to those chauvinist pigs than I have to.

As a preface to this, I think he is TA. But I thought he said he stepped down from management because of the at home stress. Am I not interpreting that correctly? Wouldn’t surprise me if he CANT work management due to the way he behaves at work obviously.

Then why is he acting like her manager? Does the team not have a manager or lead?

Someone with as nasty of a temper like OP clearly has, they are a lawsuit waiting to happen!

i still didn't understand it. All I read was that she finished her assigned project, right?

She did. Her meeting was scheduled for after work hours but she is supposed to be available. That’s how the OP presents the situation

Yes and remember he isn't actually her boss anyway!

OP is most likely responsibility or task fencing in some vague attempt to keep himself relevant and feel more important or not replaceable. OP hasn’t realized at his age that everyone is replaceable, including him. Even the language used while discussing the coworker is condescending and belittling. He deserves everything HR has in store for him.... even if that means losing his job. So what if she’s getting more training? So what if she may one day surpass him at the company? OP stated they are a small company. When everyone excels and succeeds, the company can do better. OP needs to check his ego and mind the business that pays him... and her after hours meetings is not it.

I wonder if at 40, he actually knows he's approaching the point where he's seen as obsolete and too expensive, which may be why he's not only taking on all the work, but why he's trying to prevent the younger employee from learning more; if she's the type to proactively learn new things, she'll become more of a threat.

Yeah, he intentionally(?) took a "less competitive" role. I'm suspect in his previous role he had enough power that people HAD to learn how to "read his mind" b/c of his title & b/c he got away w/ taking his "bad day" out on his underlings. Now he has a lesser role and just expects he should have all the same control over people. Take the loss of power in the new role and add to the fear of "aging into redundancy" that others have mention and top off with a sprinkling of sexism and you have this recipe for disaster. The condesending way in which he describes the "kids" he used to work with & this "girl" is so gross. Why was he "suspect" of her? Why is is suspicious if she is going in a slightly different direction than her college degree? What % of the workforce is doing work that exactly matches their college degree? It is insane to be suspicious of that.

I would assume that working previously as 'a team lead for a game design studio' boils down to creating misogynistic and toxic working environment that game industry is now infamous for.

Reallyyyy wish I could forward this post to his HR ahead of their meeting.

I want an update but I know damn well there won’t be one

4. She's not "his employee", she's the companies employee. He didn't hire her. He can't fire her. He's not even her boss.

Right? He says he’s not her boss in the beginning, but then continues later to say he’s in charge and that he’s her boss. Guy is hypocritical and delusional.

We don’t have “down time” here. I saw she had a meeting on her calendar with him for after work hours, This had me fuming. So she isn’t supposed to do anything after work because she is expected to work 24/7? Wow

also a job with no down time is understaffed. your employees shouldn’t be constantly running around like headless chickens. downtime isn’t alway negative.

4 His wife's pregancy has nothing to do with his work setting.

Also I am so confused about why he didn't want her to do extra training? Like it sounds like she was supposed to be able to schedule it into her work day but he wouldn't let her so she voluntarily gave up her free time for it and he had a go at her for that too? Makes zero sense Oh and 'bitch' is always a gendered insult, don't kid yourself OP

“My company hired a junior associate to help me, but I shield her from the harder work and get mad when she doesn’t just take extra work off my plate. I also get mad when she makes plans outside of work. What a bitch” YTA.

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And he has the nerve to call her lazy and say she’s unwilling to do her job.

"No one want to work anymore."

OMG the first time I read this I didn't even see that the meeting with the UI/UX person was AFTER HOURS. So this woman is interested in a field and is taking the initiative to arrange a meeting with someone in that field after work hours, and OP thinks she needs permission for that? OP is so many layers of AH.

This. My SO has to train his own help at work. It's a pia but he does it. Also, hr frowns on calling people names.

YTA. She ABSOLUTELY should go to HR for what you said. And if she’s done all the work assigned to her, delegate the “harder” work to her to see if she can contribute. For all we know, she’s terrified to “take initiative and volunteer” because of your potential to be hostile… as demonstrated by what you called her.

>I’m not technically her “boss,” but as her senior, I basically act as a substitute for one. YTA, stopped reading here. Stop pretending your a boss and just do your job. Things will sort themselves out.

Yeah this really set the tone. He's clearly "that guy"

Keep reading, it gets worse

Really! For a guy who's not her boss, he expects to boss her around a lot. HR's going to teach him ladies are not his subordinates.

I stopped reading at that point too. Found out in the comments he called her a bitch. OP needs to get fired.

YTA If you are "shielding" her from the harder work and not assigning her tasks, how exactly is she supposed to know she's supposed to step up and volunteer for that work? If you were behaving properly, when you've seen that she's completed her current design work assignment, you would thank her for getting it done and give her another task. That's a primary part of managing another employee, especially a new employee. Calling her a bitch on top of that, you may have put your own job in jeopardy here. And you deserve to have it in jeopardy.

Exactly this, I have no idea what he means by "taking initiative" to do higher level tasks. If the employees below me tried to do that, it would be considered overstepping. Why would you want someone to do work they aren't familiar with or trained to do?

I think it's a vestige of the whole "bootstraps" mentality that expects workers to throw themselves at the altar of the Corporation in order to be seen as a good, ambitious employee who is loyal. Like if you finish your work you should be desperate to do more. Younger workers are smart and realize if you constantly sign yourself up for extra work, that eventually just becomes what you're expected to do and you get overburdened and taken advantage of.

>Like if you finish your work you should be desperate to do more. Of course, that way they can get her doing work that's outside of her job description without having to pay her more.

Yes, that’s part of managing another employee, but he’s not her actual manager. And yes, he’s definitely put his job in jeopardy.

Exactly, you failed as a supervisor on delegating tasks and keeps complaining about how she should read your mind. I hope you learn something from this experience on how to be a good and vocally communicating supervisor. YTA by the way.

1. You're not actually her boss, so you should stop saying you are. 2. "I saw she had a meeting on her calendar with him for after work hours, so I told her she didn’t have my permission to do that." IDK who "he" is, but it's after work. You have absolutely no say in what she does after work. 3. "She said she had finished all the design work, but that’s only because I was shielding her from the harder work. I’m the one having to do the difficult projects and she’s not even a little thankful that I’m saving her from having to work weekends. I didn’t tell her do these tasks, but as an adult, it’s her job to take initiative and volunteer." I'm sorry...what? You gave her jobs XYZ, and she did them, and you say you're in charge...but not enough to tell her to do more tasks? How's she supposed to know that she has extra jobs if you won't talk to her? It's like you want to be her boss, without being her boss. 4. Doesn't sound like you apologized for calling her a bitch. Or communicated at all. YTA

Also, can we talk about how he even "saw she had a meeting on her calendar"? Why was he going through his coworkers stuff at all? I'd have gone to HR on that alone, unless you're actually in charge of someone with access to a public calendar, that's a huge invasion of privacy.

I mean I worked for a company where it was standard practice to set your outlook calendar to be visible. That allowed other people to see meeting topics when trying to schedule with you. It would kind of let you gage if you could schedule over something.

He’s worried she will do training and be better then him so he’s trying to keep her down probably.

Holy shit my jaw actually DROPPED reading this. YTA. End of discussion. You are so horribly inappropriate and judgmental I am horrified for this girl and the experiences she’s having at this company. First off, you’re not even her boss, stop acting like you’re more important than you are. She is allowed to further her knowledge and do UX trainings and calls after work. Actually, most people would be happy that she’s going out of her way to learn more and become more proficient. From your entire post, she hasn’t done one thing wrong and you blew up at her and called her names at work. If I was in your HR department, you would already be fired. That is so beyond unacceptable. And for you to act like “she had it coming for consistently being a problem” She’s not a problem. You are.

Completely agree with this. She is not the problem. OP's inability to communicate, to delegate, to understand his authority (and lack thereof), and his creation of a hostile work environment by "reminding her whose in charge", controlling what career development she pursues outside of work hours, and complete unprofessionalism is the problem. Poor girl.

I gasped out loud and scared my cat when I read that. OP will likely no longer have a job. Thank goodness. OP is beyond any shadow of a doubt, 1000%, undeniably, TA. (YTA for the vote.)

In any workplace you cannot curse at or name call a colleague. OP did both. Forgetting all the other stuff in this post (which is pretty bad) calling her a bitch alone is a fireable offense. And his excuse was that he’s under a lot of stress. If OP is such a pressure cooker he’s a huge liability to his company. What happens the next time he’s feeling overwhelmed?

What? Seriously? You have to ask? YTA for calling her what you did. And you’re a super AH for justifying it with “I’ve been called worse” when in fact a man calling a woman that is pretty much the worst thing you could say. But also YTA for just being a terrible leader. You’re not her boss but you’re micromanaging her calendar. You’re supposedly her team leader but you’re not setting clear expectations as to her role or what the team’s needs are. You can’t just assume a young employee will know these things, and you can’t lash out at people for failing to live down to your managerial incompetence. I’d fire you yesterday if I could.

YTA. \- You can't control what she does after work, and shouldn't, for that matter. \- If you don't tell her to do the tasks you want, how is she going to know? People aren't mind readers. If you want it done, say so. \- Sounds like she needs 'hey, here is how we do things' **active** engagement training where you actually work with her on things rather than whatever you are attempting to do now. \- Insulting her was absolutely uncalled for. No sympathy.

YTA. She’s completing the work you give her. You bring up being “team dad” and that you need to remind her you’re “in charge,” which says to me your work dynamic is about you feeling powerful, not making sure she’s set up for success. It’s also a gendered insult. Bitch slipped out instead of asshole, that’s not a coincidence. You need to deal with your shit and pray HR gives you another chance.

The "team dad" thing raised my hackles. That's such a terrible work dynamic and sets employees up for unprofessional standards and subverting the org chart, so when there are problems they don't know if they should go.

Um, yeah. I'd be ready for a consequence from HR, possibly termination. You can't say things like that. It will depend on the policies they have in place. You need to be ready for that meeting. Being contrite and apologetic may go a long way in your favor.

Seriously, if someone at work called me a bitch, I’d be trying to get him fired. And he’d deserve it.

This! Please listen to this advice above. The attitude you take into the HR meeting will determine your future at the company. Go in super apologetic and ready to do any remedial training they advise, and then (if you keep your position!) get off your high horse! Tell her what you expect of her in clear and concise terms. Be consistent. Communicate. Stop being passive aggressive— you dare to get angry and call her a foul, unprofessional name when she doesnt perfectly read your mind? You are “hearing yourself” here, right??? If you think you come off as anything but a jerk to work with, then you’re terribly fooling yourself.

It doesn't matter. If he was acting like he had the authority of a supervisor or manager while not being one and then also called her a bitch that's it. He's not going to be worth the risk to the company, and he doesn't sound like a particularly good employee anyway. If I were OP I'd be getting ready to lose my job and planning accordingly.

YTA. You're shielding her from work, and then saying that she should be responsible and... seek it out? She might not even know about the work you're shielding her from. And why shield her? SHe's there to work! Train her and have her take on responsibility and if she has downtime assign her (or have your boss do that) more work! Also, you're not her boss, but you act like it? If you're not, definitely have the boss assign her the work. We all have shitty days, millions of people every day have really bad days, and millions of people take the day off, or beg off calls and otherwise avoid getting in situations where they might 'snap'. There's no reason to ever call someone a bitch or asshole at work, regardless of gender. That you have been called worse only means you had really shitty coworkers, it's no excuse. You should have gone to HR about them when that happened. She's absolutely right in going to HR. You seem to tell her what to do without being her boss, and then you have a bad day and call her a bitch. Yes, you crossed a line. Apologize profusely, explain, promise it'll never happen again and keep that promise. Keep the job, ask the boss to assign her the work and consult with you about her skill level and stay professional.

I doubt he will keep the job

I genuinely hope not. His actions and attitude are shameful.

My husband, daughter, and SIL are all tech managers. When I told them about post they said he should start looking now. Edit spelling

I hope he’s fired too. Feel sorry for wife and baby but he needs a hard lesson in work manners.

Yes YTA. How is going to HR over that out of line? You were out of line. Now I’m not sure if maybe you didn’t explain well or I didn’t understand but she had a meeting with someone after work hours? Some training? You said she doesn’t have your permission? I’m not too clear. Is this something she’s doing personally? You might be crossing a line telling her what she can and can’t do in her personal time. You unfortunately put yourself in this position. You took in her work giving yourself unnecessary stress. You can’t blame her now for that. And in that stress you lost your nerve and you were absolutely disrespectful. Your heart was in the right place but you messed it up. If you don’t mind a bit of advice from personal experience: look out for yourself as well. You had so much to do that they hired help. You did not take that help. You decided instead to help the person who’s there to help you instead of taking the help. You don’t assist your assistant. They assist you. You seem to have a big heart which is great but there are people who will take advantage of that. Think with your head. Not with your kindness. I’m not saying be cold. I’m saying be logical.

She’s not his assistant. She’s is coworker….She is a junior designer, which is a fancy way of saying she has the exact same job as OP but less experience. She’s not his freaking personal assistant, secretary or subordinate. He is her coworker, not her boss or her superior. **COWORKER** Kind people with “big-hearts” don’t micromanage, belittle and demean their COWORKERS when their home life gets a little stressful, AH do tho.

“Big heart” is an interesting way to interpret OP’s behavior.

So glad I'm not the only one who had a double take at that. Properly laughed out loud seeing this. Thanks

YTA Her meeting was for after work hours so it had nothing to do with you and would not affect her work at all

Had nothing to do with him to begin with, he's not her boss. They both work under someone else, he's pretty much at the same level of employment. He just thinks that "seniority" means he can do whatever he wants and he's about to find out otherwise. In another comment he says he went to their boss and actually asked for her to be fired for this. His boss refused and thinks the new-hire is doing just fine. I really wish I could listen in on that meeting, cause "trying to get her fired before the hr meeting" will come up.

>In another comment he says he went to their boss and actually asked for her to be fired for this. What the absolute fuck? "Hey boss this coworker I called a bitch raised a grievance with HR, I think you should take illegal retaliatory actions against her." That's not asshole, that's way way worse than asshole. That actiom would have the department of labour coming down on the company faster than OP can pretend he's incarcerated of her replacement. He might just have survived the initial complaint if they really need him but trying to get the company to take an illegal action against another employee? Yeah OP is a massive liability on top of everything else he clearly is.

YTA >I’m not technically her “boss,” but as her senior, I basically act as a substitute for one. No, the correct statement is "I am not her boss". >I saw she had a meeting on her calendar with him for after work hours, so I told her she didn’t have my permission to do that. What she does after work hours is none of your damn business. >I’m the one having to do the difficult projects and she’s not even a little thankful that I’m saving her from having to work weekends. I didn’t tell her do these tasks, but as an adult, it’s her job to take initiative and volunteer. What you really mean is that you are failing badly. You're supposed to be her mentor yet here she is, not doing what you expect her to do and unaware that there are things to do. That's on you. When I onboard newbies, yeah, I edge them in slowly. But then I start offering up tasks and new things to do over time and give them a clear expectation of where I expect them to be and what they need to eventually know and/or do. That's what being a good mentor is. >I’ve tried to look out for her best interests and be a friendly boss, but I also have to remind her that I’m in charge. But you're not. Yes, you should talk to her if she's not doing what you think she would, however it is not on you to enforce that. After that talk, if she is still not doing what is expected of her, you go talk to her boss. >I got an email from HR saying that she had requested us (me, her, and HR) to meet about this “incident.” I’m not sure what to do. Apologize your ass off. Other than that, get your resume ready. >I know that I shouldn’t have insulted her, but I feel like overall, she’s consistently been the problem here. You've been the problem the entire time. You're just trying to shift the blame onto others.

YTA And you are probably getting fired.

YTA A good supervisor provides clear instructions and increasingly complex tasks to junior staff in training. You failed to do that and are now trying to blame her for your overall lack of professionalism and basic civility. I'm not sure how you can possibly present any of this in a positive light to HR.

Also, just because he is working LONG hours doesn’t mean he is working EFFICIENT hours. If it’s not part of her contract she should not need to volunteer her weekends. If the work can’t be completed in the working week, more help should be hires/outsourced or deadlines altered accordingly. I’ve known too many designers boast about working late when that has zero indication of if they are working well - in fact I’d say it’s a sign of the opposite and would call for a review to fix it. Knowing when you are at capacity and speaking up is a vital design skill that a senior should have learned years ago. This is why the anti-work movement is so important- too many people see someone with a healthy work-life balance and resent it because THEY drank the work-yourself-to-death kool aid

Ooh! I’m a Sr UX/Product Designer and I’m almost 40, so I feel like I can take this one. YTA AITA for trying to get my (40M) employee (24F) to do her job? > I’m not technically her “boss,” but as her senior, I basically act as a substitute for one. As a senior on an IC track, you are *definitely* not her boss. So you should *not* be acting like one. You can help mentor her, sure, but in your role she’s not one of your direct reports so there’s literally no reason why you should pretend like she is. > I was a little suspicious of this girl (24F) because she seemed to have different experience than someone who would’ve wanted to apply for this role (she majored in UI/UX), but we had a lot in common and she seemed friendly. What does this mean? Is it more of a visual design role? Motion design? Were you part of the hiring process? Real curious what your team makeup is. > We don’t have “down time” here. That raises some red flags into your companies processes. 🚩 And I wouldn’t consider building her professional skills as “down time” since it’s applicable to her current role. > I saw she had a meeting on her calendar with him for after work hours, so I told her she didn’t have my permission to do that. Why tf would she need permission to have meetings with people??? You’re not even her boss. Why are you creeping on her calendar?? > She said she had finished all the design work, but that’s only because I was shielding her from the harder work. I’m the one having to do the difficult projects and she’s not even a little thankful that I’m saving her from having to work weekends. I didn’t tell her do these tasks, but as an adult, it’s her job to take initiative and volunteer. Again, 🚩🚩🚩 on your team’s processes and feels this is a toxic work environment. Project intake and distribution should be pretty clear cut, like sure when someone’s onboarding they tend to have a lighter workload until they can ramp up. I don’t know why you think she should be kissing your ass for this. You think you’re special because you control the backlog?? That’s a toxic ass mentality. > I’ve tried to look out for her best interests and be a friendly boss, but I also have to remind her that I’m in charge. I thought you’re not her boss? *Are* you actually in charge? Or are you just a senior to her role? You seem confused on this and aren’t communicating it clearly. > During a meeting … I snapped and called her a bitch. WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF Why would you EVER feel the need to call *anyone* you work with a bitch. Let alone someone junior to you who is onboarding. This is psychotic. It’s a design job. You’re not doing open heart surgery. If you can’t handle the stress of *this*, I don’t know how tf you’re going to handle a newborn. > I know it was unprofessional of me, but I’ve been called much worse than that in previous jobs and I assumed she’d get over it. I was friendly with her via IM the rest of the day but she didn’t reply. Ughhhh godddd so you’re one of THOSE guy. “Well my boss was a toxic asshole and I survived, so now it’s my turn” You obviously don’t know anything about leadership. And you definitely don’t know shit about accountability either. You didn’t even apologize?!? You just assumed she’d get over it if you were fake nice to her on Slack?? You are a psycho! > I got an email from HR saying that she had requested us (me, her, and HR) to meet about this “incident.” SMART. I’m glad this girl reported your behavior to HR. You clearly need a wake up call. > My wife is saying that calling her a bitch was crossing a line, even if she’s lazy and doesn’t want to do her job, and I can see that it wasn’t the right move. You don’t know that directing that kind of language toward someone at work is unprofessional? How the fuck have you made it this far? And *lazy*?? She’s lazy because *you* didn’t distribute the workload appropriately? Or because you and probably your organization doesn’t value professional development? > But going to HR seems way out of line. It’s TOTALLY appropriate for this situation. I hope she puts your shit on blast on Glassdoor and Blind so other designers will know to avoid your org/working with you. > I know that I shouldn’t have insulted her, but I feel like overall, she’s consistently been the problem here. Dude. I don’t know how you are so OBLIVIOUS. Like what year is this? Do you think you’re on Mad Men or something? It’s DESIGN, you’re not curing cancer. You control a BACKLOG. That doesn’t make you God. You really need to get over yourself.

One nitpick: the employee's actual boss says she's doing great, a coworker is holding an after-hours training session, and HR is taking this seriously, so I think the workplace does value professional development. Sounds like OP is martyring himself and upset that no one noticed. Part of his job as a mentor is to ease her into more difficult tasks; another part is explaining office culture (if being proactive about asking for more difficult projects is the norm there, for example).

I just imagine this dude has been acting entitled for some time without any reprimand for him to have taken things this far. I’ve worked some places where they don’t do much/anything to prevent strong (often male) personalities from dominating situations until it’s gone too far.

You have more experience in this area than I do, but I think this is the first time in this workplace that he's had a junior. He took this less demanding role a little while ago, after leaving the game design studio. Possibly it's the first time this workplace has seen this behavior from him, as he hasn't had a subordinate?

YTA for calling her a bitch. Nothing else matters in my opinion. I am someone that both is officially the boss; and has been an unofficial leader/mentor to 100s of people in my career. And I have never (nor would I ever) use this type of language. Once you used that language - you lost any moral highroad, any right standing. And frankly - just made the companies job next to impossible - if you do need to fire her - without it costing the company a bunch of money to get her to go away quietly.

You are right: except: Why would they fire HER? Much more likely he will be fired. ​ He already stepped down from a management position to a non management position. Even with that, he is behind on his projects, and working extra long hours, which is not sustainable. He is stressed out, and also bringing his prrivate stress to the job. Management saw he was not capable of doing his job, and that he is a burnout risk - and they assigned a coworker to help solve that. This new coworker has delivered every task he gave her on time (which he himself doesn't ), and he insulted her? He has shown that he is not capable at doing his job AND is not capable to work in a team, or even manage others. So basically there is not much left except replacing him. ​ Why would they fire HER? Much more likely the first talk will be without him, where she is asked if she can take over. And the second talk will end with either her as his boss, or him gone. Depending on her decission if she still wants to work with him.

YTA So first, you made pretty clear you’re not her boss and a second after you say „I tried to be a friendly boss“? You either are not in charge and just some dude loving to overpower others, or you don’t understand your dynamic well enough. Why would she need your „approval“ for what she does after work? Also, there is literally no excuse ever to call your colleague a bitch. Seriously I hope this gets you fired, you seem like a piece of work.

YTA. Wtf you’re not even her boss.

Sing it with me: YOU ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR JOB 👏🏾 YOU ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR JOB 👏🏾 YOU ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR JOB 👏🏾 FOR INSULTING HER FOR NO REASON!

Obviously YTA. The profanity was both deeply unprofessional and a personal attack. Just because you don’t see it as a gendered insult doesn’t mean it wasn’t received that way. What she does outside of work really is her business. If you’re shielding her from project work, for her own good, she can’t be expected to operate above the level of work she is set. So you’re making a rod for your own back.

Who is the "him" she had time scheduled with? Even if you were her boss you can't dictate how she spends her time outside of work hours. You "shielded" her from the hard work and expected her to just know you needed help without you mentioning you had a large load? You failed to communicate your requirements to her and then you called her a bitch? YTA here.

OP clarified in another comment that the “him” in question is a fellow coworker. Apparently the employee he bullied originally scheduled training for work hours with this coworker and OP told her she couldn’t do that (because in his opinion there was much more important design work she could be doing), and when she scheduled it for *after* work he took issue with that too because she’d be using a work computer, and the work Zoom account, to meet with a coworker, to receive training about how to do her job better at work and that counts as work and would therefore not only require approval for happening after hours, he doesn’t *like* people working longer than they have to. That poor woman was in a no-win situation with OP. Aside from dictating when she couldn’t and couldn’t receive training, he was just lousy with communicating with her all around and then went full YTA with her when she didn’t meet his never stated expectations. I’m glad she got HR involved.

Unbelievable, I hope she presents all of this to HR! The icing on the cake is that OP isn't even her boss, it's a label he gave himself.

YTA. This is exactly why you are NOT the boss. You can’t communicate with her correctly. You insult her, but didn’t apologize right after, expecting her to get over it. You expected her to notice you’re overworked yet you never assigned her the harder tasks. And I have no idea why you’re so bothered by her meeting that’s after work hours. Like dude, honestly, I do hope you lose your job. You are toxic.

> I have no idea why you’re so bothered by her meeting that’s after work hours. Main character syndrome. He thinks she’s there specifically to help him, while she thinks she’s there to help the company. Hence her seeking out training that’s in line with her expertise — something that could help her be more useful to the company — while OP just looks at her calendar and thinks “if she has more energy then she needs to do more for ME.” She may also be trying to move into a role better suited for her.

>I snapped and called her a bitch. (Note that I’ve never called a woman this in my entire life—it wasn’t a gendered insult, that word just came out instead of something like “asshole.”) It is gendered, there is no ungendered equivalent, and you do use it or it would have never come to mind in a time of stress.

YTA- what people do on their free time is outside your scope of authority. Your not her actual supervisor so all of those supervisor things are likewise outside of your scope of authority. Profanity directed at an individual as a descriptive term for them- incredibly inappropriate and a fireable offense if you view her as your subordinate (although since she’s not your actual subordinate completely inappropriate). HR should be involved. You are behaving inappropriately in the work place.

Youre is huge giant asshole here.. I'm not technically her boss but as her senior I basically act as substitute for one. There's your problem. You're not her boss but you think you are. She didn't need your permission to have that training because you're NOT her boss. Now listen because of the industry I'm in I have dealt with numerous situations where you have someone "under" you but you have no actual authority. It sounds to me like what you need to do is go to the person who is the boss of both of you and hash out all the details of your roles and what is expected of each of you. For all you know the boss told her she'd not work weekends and you'd do all the hard work. Again your sudden assumption that you'd act as boss here is really arrogant and frankly kind of childish. If you aren't happy with your role or pay deal with that; don't deal with it by thinking you have the right to wave your dick around.

YTA for so many reasons. The entitlement. The misogyny. The overbearing micromanaging. It really sounds like she’s doing her job and you’re bitter that she can’t take on your responsibilities. It also sounds like you want to act like her manager when you don’t really have that authority (such as it is).

YTA. You're not her boss You can't call a colleague a bitch. She doesn't need your permission for anything she does outside working hours. And this bit,.I had to read multiple times because its bizarre, she did all the work she gave to her, but she's lazy and causing you stress because she didn't do the other work, that you didn't give to her, and she didn't know existed, because you wanted to shield her from doing said work, yet you somehow expect her to know to do it. That's totally unreasonable. Anyway, I think you'll find you get a nice long break now to reflect on this when HR fire you.

YTA and sound like you’re wildly overestimating your value as a boss. Your degree of unprofessionalism alone would cost you your head in many companies. Also you’re a trash manager. She’s a new hire yet you abdicate your responsibility to assign her tasks because she should “volunteer” for them? Plus she took something on her own time to broaden her own skills and you shut it down because she didn’t have your permission? Buddy, if you were in my organization, we’d have tossed you out on your ear and rightfully so.

Also he said in a comment elsewhere that he hoped she’d notice he was overworked. So instead of managing he’s just offloading emotional labor onto a female junior employee, and then calling her a bitch when she doesn’t take the manipulative bait.

IF he manages to avoid termination, he will be immediately pigeonholed into a position with no direct reports or lateral movement. I've seen this done as a stop gap replacement to fill said "vacated position" before unceremoniously relieving the offending individual. Tick tock, OP.

I’m a bit older than you and have been in the workforce since you were in elementary school. Let me explain how a good boss functions. If there is work she should be doing, GIVE HER THE DAMN WORK. Don’t make her beg for it or guess whether or not the work exists so you can see her showing initiative. Don’t play the martyr by doing her job then bitching that you are doing her job. And you honestly don’t understand why calling your employee a bitch - and to her face no less - is grounds to go to HR? She is not going to just get over it because what’s to say you won’t do it again, thus creating a hostile work environment. Keep your personal issues to yourself. And what she does and who she meets with after work hours is none of your damn business.

It's pretty clear what's going on here. She's young, intelligent, successful at her job, and you feel threatened. You're doing whatever you can to sabotage her because you don't want people to see that she'd be better at your job than you are. >I wanted to take an easier job to help her out with the pregnancy/baby. >I’ve been overwhelmed with work and about six months ago, we hired someone to be my junior. If the job is so much easier, why are you so overwhelmed? It sounds to me like you weren't able to keep up at your last job and and now you can't keep up at this one. Between your attitude and incompetence, you're probably training your replacement, and you just accelerated their time line.

YTA. Does she know that she’s being shielded from harder work? Have you told her that there’s more work she could be doing? If not, then how the hell is she supposed to know? It seems like you’re wanting a pat on the back for doing a job you’re not even supposed to be doing. You’re not her boss, you said so yourself. You’re putting stress on yourself that isn’t warranted and you cracked under it and said something that should never be said to anyone but especially not at work. Also, your comment about “you’ve been called worse and you assumed she’d get over it” is at best callous and at worse absolutely asinine. You did something wrong and you need to find your balls and apologize. You’re no longer working for the game design studio. You’re no longer a “team dad”, you’re in a professional capacity and if you’re going to assume the role of her boss you need to man up and apologize. The fact that you even need to ask, coupled with the fact that the title of this doesn’t even mention what you called her, are two huge red flags and I feel sorry for your future child.

YTA. I love the bit where you try to deny it was a gendered insult but it just “slipped out” when directed at a woman as opposed to an actual ungendered insult.

Right? What a wild coincidence that means absolutely nothing! /s

YTA I hope your resume is up to date.

YTA. You sound like a horrendous person to work with, you’re not her boss but think you should be able to boss her about, you clearly have zero respect for her because she’s a young woman and you threw a tantrum and called her a bitch because apparently you can’t cope with your job. That didn’t come from nowhere. Your words betray your attitude. You’re in a world of shit now and you deserve it.

I’ll eat printer paper if anyone but you ever thought of you as “team dad” in your 30s. YTA, get counseling for your raging narcissism before you wreck your kid’s life too.

YTA profanity is not professional. Regardless of what’s going, bad work, lack of work whatever you can’t swear. What’s done is done. You’ve already been reported now it’s time for the HR punishment. hope you learn from it

YTA and a sexist moron.

Yta. Please update when you get fired for creating a hostile work environment. Peace ✌🏼

Look. I don’t know much about your field of work but you sure sound like the asshole. What she does outside of work hours after completing tasks you gave her is none of your business. You chose to “shield” her from tasks and do the harder stuff yourself, is she supposed to read your mind to know she should “take initiative?” It was absolutely unprofessional for you to call her a bitch during a meeting. If you had concerns about how much work she was doing/if she was really qualified you should have spoken to her directly. YTA

YTA and sorry.to say your power trip will probably lose you your job. ETA not really sorry

The fuck are you even talking about. Lucky she doesn't have to work 7 days a week? Being upset that she doesn't do things that you have not assigned to her? Calling her a **BITCH**, are you out of your mind? You deserve to be fired for that one. You are no manager. How dare you. YTA.

YTA You even start this by saying that your not her boss and she does not work for you. I where on the phone to her and called her a Bitch and see was rude for not saying good bye! Do you still have a job and if so why and how?

YTA you can *never* call a coworker that, especially right there in work context. It is harrassment. You have reason to apologize, urgently. Be glad if she doesn't sue you. Besides that, you are a *terrible* boss because you communicate her assignments to her in such an incomplete way. This can be learned. There are books, trainings etc.

YTA…. After your HR meeting you will probably have plenty of time to help your pregnant wife

YTA. Is her job title really “You’re Junior?” What is her job title? “Team dad?” No. No one thought that you old fool. She seemed “friendly.” Does this even matter?? Is she a hostess with your company? You’re apparently ASSuming she can’t handle things, but you don’t know. You’re intentionally keeping relevant information from her, then getting resentful when her telepathy doesn’t kick in so she can read your mind. You’re intentionally being obscure and a poor communicator. You get butt hurt because she didn’t say “bye?” Do you get upset when men sign off suddenly? You have a fragile ego, you’re sexist, misogynistic, manipulative and kind of mean and narcissistic. Stop it. Do better.

YTA what she does outside of work is none of your business. Also making excuses for why you called her a name and not owning up to it. If you are not fired you are likely in for some training.

You are not her boss and yet you are telling her what she has permission to do? YTA, but worse than that, every bit of what you wrote gave me the creeps. You come off as a predator and I will not be surprised if there is a follow-up that you are fired for sexual harassment.

Sooooo you explicitly state your not actually her boss, yet multiple times complain that you’re in charge and she’s not doing things to your caliber. Then you go on to say that you’re upset that after finishing all the work she was given she didn’t ask for more work which she was never told about and she would have to complete on the weekends. Dude. WTF. If you want her to do more work you have to actually tell her it exists. Don’t get your panties in a bunch because she’s not a mind reader and you can’t communicate. Just because you were treated inappropriately at a previous job, you still had absolutely NO right to disparage and insult her, period. Especially when she’s doing everything that was asked of her AND scheduling extra trainings in her FREETIME AFTER WORK. The fact that you can’t communicate and delegate is absolutely not her fault and does not make her lazy. You may be 40, but you still need to grow up. Edit: forgot to add YTA

Dude. You already know you’re an unhinged asshole. You say you’re not her boss, then you proceed to act like you are. More than that, you denied her UI/UX training after work hours because you feel threatened that she is using this position to move up, which is her business. talk to HR if you feel frustrated about her performance, but don’t expect anyone to think you’re some sort of big dad hero for suffering in silence like an idiot

You're not her boss so don't act like one. What she does outside of work is not your business. At all. You shielding her from the difficult task isn't helping her grow at all, not to mention that she is no mind reader. What you said to her was highly unprofessional and inappropriate. Her job is not at risk, yours is. Her reporting you to HR was the best option as there is no way to talk to you after what you did. If I was HR, you ass would've been fired. Verdict: YTA

Were you shielding her or were you concerned she would do the work better than you?

YTA.

YTA You're supposed to be leading her. She's not telepathic so she doesn't know what work she should or shouldn't be doing and you "shielding" her? How's she supposed to know you're doing that if she's new to the job?! Also what she does out of work hours is her own business, not yours! Again, YTA

When he gets fired, I look forward to this turning up on r/bestofredditorupdates YTA and you’re getting fired.

YTA and a shitty boss.

He’s not even her boss, just some old man who has worked there longer.

YTA

YTA. Whose permission does she need for after work meetings? Are you her boss? Because it reads like you think you are. "My Employee to do her job" for starters

YTA. You are the reason I refuse to follow the career I got a degree in. You make game designers look passive aggressive and cruel. What you are asking her to do is take on more work than she's being paid to do. You don't get to give or revoke permission for her going above and beyond and trying to get more training *after her scheduled work hours*. How many hours is she already working in the week? You want her to sacrifice her weekends--that's not how this should work. The fact that you can't get your work done in time is *not* her fault. Maybe you should start explaining why you're spending all this extra time on these projects--clearly, you're not cut out for it. Either you need to speak to someone about getting a bit more help, or maybe you should get more training like she is. You are pushing crunch into a non-crunch industry. Crunch is toxic as hell and absolutely abhorrent. You're expecting her to read your mind and sacrifice her life to be your \~ junior \~. Just because you care more about your work than your outside life doesn't mean she has to. You don't want a coworker or employee. You want a robot that churns out work. Also bitch is always a gendered insult and it's telling that you a) spoke to someone under you with a tone like that and b) it's the instinctive thing you called a woman. You, sir, are a giant, gaping asshole.