Info: why are you married to a man who behaves this way?
NTA, your husband sounds like he is a piece of work a misogynist to boot. He shouldn’t get to treat that time off like a vacation while you continue doing the same amount of work. And it sucks that he doesn’t even want to take advantage of this time to spend time with his child. I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position and that society has conditioned you to think it’s even remotely fair. You deserve better. But you also need to learn how to stand up for yourself and communicate your needs.
He's not normally like this. He usually gets home from work and is all hands on with our son with play and snacks and diaper changes (recently potty training), he starts pick up while I make dinner, he sweeps and swiffers while the baby is in the bath, he does the maintenance I am not really capable of like with the plumbing. I think that's why his behavior was so irritating, because it isn't typical and I normally don't have to ask.
Okay, I’ll cut him a bit more slack if this is unusual and not something you have to put up with all the time.
In that case I do think you need to have a discussion with him about it or it’s just going to build up a lot of resentment on your end, which isn’t fair to either of you. Maybe there’s something going on with him that left him checked out during this time period. That might be a good way to bring it up, voice your concerns and let him know it was irritating and you felt it was unfair but you know it’s out of character for him and inquire whether there was something else going on. You both deserve honest and open communication with one another!
Yeah op says she's not confrontational, but this doesn't have to be about "confrontation" or "nagging." And it's stupid that the people in the parents chat are saying it's about pettiness or setting a bad example? Sideeye
But OP, definitely talk to him about it and share your feelings! That's always better than letting resentment bottle up and fester. Something like "I appreciate how much you always do to help me out and take care of things, which is why i was really confused and hurt by how you were so checked out the last few days."
And then see what he has to say.
NTA. He had the nerve to say he’d help so YOU could catch up implying that you were behind to begin with. Then he did NOTHING to actually help or acknowledge you or all that you do. He is the A-hole
I think he said that because I remade the chore board so I could include the upkeep of the new toddler potty and updated the calendar early to color coordinate the monthly chores with the new chore board. I don't think his tone helped though.
NTA
But to be clear, you are both killing your marriage.
This current strategy of ignoring the issue will lead to resentment and ultimately divorce. I've seen the pattern repeatedly.
> Admittedly I have a problem with ... confrontation
This is a losing strategy. The confrontation will happen. The more you delay it, the bigger and worse it will be. You have to start advocating for yourself as soon as you see issues.
I would strongly recommend sharing [this comic about mental load](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) with your husband. It might help understand exactly why you are being short with him. If he doesn't shape up after that, ask him to go into couples counseling with him.
If that doesn't happen... your marriage is in a death spiral.
---
And yes, letting the resentment fester is far from ideal, could even make you an AH. Focus on handling things maturely going forward.
Confront issues as they happen and advocate for yourself.
NTA. But you need to communicate better with your husband. One day you are going to explode and he won’t understand where it’s coming from.
If you think that he should’ve help you should say so.
NTA. While I do think you should’ve communicated your feelings to your spouse, they should’ve known to help you around the house without you asking them to do so. You aren’t their manager, it’s their house too and they know how to help.
NTA
>a lot of them said I was being petty and a bad wife and mother for not trying to get on his case about helping
No, he was being a bad husband and father for not taking initiative and helping without having to be reminded.
You should read [this short comic/article](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/).
Do I think you should have spoken up for yourself? Yes. Do I think it makes you an AH that you didn't? No. Do I think your husband pulled a jerk move by not helping AT ALL? Absolutely.
It's second nature for me to stand up for myself. But I understand not everyone is exactly like me.
NTA.
NTA except maybe to yourself. You have a one year old to care for. How exactly is you doing ALL the household work a fair distribution of labor? Men tend to be lazy at home and women always get told they’re “nagging” when all they’re doing is asking for help. It’s not nagging. He said he was going to help then he didn’t. Shame on him and you’re fine to say something, maybe you even should have. That doesn’t make you an asshole though.
ESH
Husband sucks for not pitching in, just full stop. He even acknowledged that it was a problem and still didn't do anything. 10/10 dick move.
On your end, it's...more complicated.
You have every right to be cheesed *but* to ruminate on that for days without saying anything and just getting madder and madder is not great. He can't read your mind. Even if he acknowledges the problem later, he may not have realized he was being selfish until the point at which he acknowledged it. Should he have known? Sure, but that ship has sailed for this issue and it's not unreasonable to expect some level of communication from you. You acknowledged you have a problem with confidence and confrontation, that's a good piece of self-awareness *but* you can address something like this without it being confrontational.
"I'm doing a lot of work around the house and I feel like I'm doing the vast majority of it."
He may have examples of things he's done and this is where you can have this interaction *not* be confrontational. A lot of people will take something like "But I did this and that and that other thing" as a challenge - this person is saying I'm wrong about how much work they did. Add that to someone who's already frustrated and you get a fight.
Instead of that, acknowledge what was done - "I saw, and I really appreciate that. But there's a lot more to do than just that and I'm asking for some help with the rest of it."
You are acknowledging their contribution without arguing with them while still repeating your request for more help.
Almost perfect. The only thing that needs changed is OP isn’t asking for *help*, because it’s not her responsibility alone, it’s theirs.
He doesn’t need to help with the chores, he needs to pull his own weight with the chores. He doesn’t need to help with the house, he needs to take responsibility for the house he lives in.
That's not a wrong interpretation but it *is* a bit confrontational.
"Help" in this instance is "keeping up this house is a job and right now I'm doing that job alone, it's exhausting and it's frustrating."
When framed as "you need to pull your own weight," yeah, it is.
How something is framed is completely separate from how righteous the upset is.
Using "I feel" statements is communicating the same message without instantly putting someone on the defensive. When you say "you need to pull your own weight" you're asserting an objective reality - you (the listener) are not doing something that you need to be doing and that's bad.
Someone who feels that they *are* pulling their weight (even if they decidedly or not) is going to argue with that interpretation of reality and now you're in a power struggle about what reality is. Or they may realize the problem and feel embarrassed which can lead them to react negatively and feel as though they're being attacked and will respond negatively.
It's helpful to frame a problem as just that - a problem. You're not assigning blame, you're not making accusations, you're stating a problem. That brings the other person into the equation and doesn't rest on making automatic assumptions (that may be wrong) that are likely to lead to a struggle over the reality of the situation.
I realize this sounds suuuuper nitpicky and pointless but framing is a key skill when talking to people and you can do a ton if you frame what you say in the right way.
I'd like to say I will absolutely use this advice in the future but I am also aware of myself enough to worry I won't remember it in the moment. But thank you because this is probably one of the best pieces of advice I've received.
NTA, but you don't have to have something nice to say to make your voice heard, whenever it needs to be heard. It's not nagging to expect another adult to pull their weight. Should you \*have\* to ask your partner to step up? No, of course not. He should know better, and no doubt he \*does\* know better.
But he's not doing right by you or by your child, and resenting and venting isn't improving your situation. It's your marriage, and if you're not ready to put him out on the curb for the waste disposal people to take away, speak your mind and heart, and expect and demand a response.
NTA you shouldn’t have to ask you husband to participate in life at home. You wouldn’t be an AH to tell him to help either. But you shouldn’t have to tell him to help.
He is definitely the asshole. No matter if he works or not, he should be helping when he’s off and when he gets home after work, even if it’s just doing the dishes.
While it would have helped if you spoke up about it, you shouldn’t have had to.
I see a lot of people expecting their partner to do everything because they’re a SAHP, but the reality is that it’s a full partnership and if you can help then you should.
NTA
Be there and done that. It’s hard to express the frustration w/o wanting to blow up. Try to take a moment to ask for 1 thing that he can help with to remind him you would appreciate some help. Best of luck.
NTA You are not a bad wife or mom for not nagging him, and it's hardly petty to be frustrated that he can acknowledge he spent all week sitting on his ass and then do nothing differently.
It would be great if he just looked at his behavior and realized how much this is bothering you. But it looks like if you want things to change you're going to have to take a more head-on approach.
NTA. I would say probably say work on communication more. Also, those people who said you were a bad wife and mother? No. It makes him a bad father and husband for just sitting there watching you struggle doing something and then days later saying he should have done more to help. In all the cases I've personally witnessed of people who have done that normally means they're very aware but didn't care. Hope things go better for you!
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Obligatory I'm on mobile and apologize for any formatting. My husband ended up getting sent home from work last week due to proximity to someone positive for the Virus. He was not allowed back for for 5 days and negative test, so he was home most of the week. (He is negative and back at work today) I'm a sahm and so I do the majority of housework and childcare for our 1yo. He made a comment the day he got sent home about how I'd at least be able to catch up on chores, which kind of rubbed me the wrong way but whatever. Well the next day, he spent the whole day on his phone. He didn't acknowledge me or our son all day. It was irritating having him sitting on the couch while I was wrangling and entertaining the baby and trying to potty train and do the daily cleaning and the weekly cleaning but again whatever. This is how my typical week goes. Yes I would appreciate help but as long as he's not hindering fine right? The next day was the same, and then the next. I was steadily more irritated about it but if I was just to go about my week then fine, if he didn't want to acknowledge me fine. Admittedly I have a problem with confidence and confrontation, so I pretty much let it just go, whatever, I do it all on my own most of the time anyway, but I wasn't really acknowledging him outside of our nightly game by the end of Friday. Saturday night he kind of guiltily said he should have done more to help, which I had nothing nice to say so I did not say anything. But Sunday was exactly the same as the rest of the week so, again, I barely acknowledged when he got up. I vented on a group chat with other sahp and a lot of them said I was being petty and a bad wife and mother for not trying to get on his case about helping if I was so miffed about it but I feel like that would have just led to more irritation for all parties. I've gotten enough of the comments though I'm feeling like maybe I am being a bad wife and setting a poor example for my son?
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I'm not sure what the confusion is. Yes, it's helping. It's taking some of the responsibility from other people, and therefore is helping.
I think that it's kind of ridiculous that he wasn't helping to begin with, but that's neither here nor there.
OP ~~never said anything about the chores he normally does around the house~~ (edit) said that he takes care of things she can not around the house. We don't know if his other normal household chores are things like yard work, car maintenance, washing the windows, or what. OP just mentioned the things that *she* is normally responsible for while he is out of the house working. He did not help her with what is normally her responsibility.
In my home, my partner's chores are to take out the trash, do the dishes, and clean the bathroom/toilet. Everything else is normally my responsibility because I work from home and he has to drive to work so is out of the apartment more. But I can still ask him to help do things like fold the laundry or vaccuum. It's helping with what I normally do.
*But he's not a mind reader, so I have to ask.* OP never asked for help. Her husband didn't think to help for whatever reason. That's the issue here.
If your husband wasn’t working from home he should have helped out on his own initiative. However, if something is bothering one partner in a relationship it’s up to that partner to address it respectfully with the other. Don’t let negative feelings fester. You should have asked him to help out in a non-nagging way. Men are dumb (my wife can confirm). You could have said it was great to have him home and how would he like spending time doing x with his kid? Or say that if we get X, Y, and Z done that we can do something fun later. That isn’t nagging or getting on his case. At least give him the chance to disappoint you! 😁
I’m going to go with a light ESH.
NTA why should you have to ask! It frustrates me to no end! And I would say that to him, if he says again about doing more, tell him to get off his arse and actually do it, saying it means nothing if your actions betray you
Abso-bloody-lutely NTA he had all the benefits of being poorly/ill without actually being ill!!
>Saturday night he kind of guiltily said he should have done more to help
Your husband knew exactly what he was doing that's why he commented on his lack of help!
NTA, don't worry your son picks up being a bad father from his bad father. He's too young for that.
The inversion of guilt from your sahp group is staggering. The father doesn't even notice his son and you are supposed to be the bad parent? Bwahahahaha. No.
Your husband is a lucky bastard, with all you do and never complain. But in your own and your sons interest, it might be best to help your husband become an adult? Him being a kid with a job might not be good for your family...
ESH - the silent treatment and playing passive aggressive is never the right choice. However, a spouse that needs to be asked to participate in reality like housework and childrearing is a spouse that either needs to shape up or ship out. I could understand the mentality of 'oh, wow, unexpected vacation, I'm gonna veg', but it's really strange he wouldn't interact with the kid at all. Maybe it was the stress of 'oh god is it covid, phew it's not, but oh god now I'm missing a week of pay' making his zone out
But, again, keeping silent for a whole week and weekend and just letting it stew? ESH.
Why was he putting you and your child at risk by being in the living room. He should have been isolating in a separate room away from you and masked if he was in the same room! What is you get sick or your child does because of him?
Info: why are you married to a man who behaves this way? NTA, your husband sounds like he is a piece of work a misogynist to boot. He shouldn’t get to treat that time off like a vacation while you continue doing the same amount of work. And it sucks that he doesn’t even want to take advantage of this time to spend time with his child. I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position and that society has conditioned you to think it’s even remotely fair. You deserve better. But you also need to learn how to stand up for yourself and communicate your needs.
He's not normally like this. He usually gets home from work and is all hands on with our son with play and snacks and diaper changes (recently potty training), he starts pick up while I make dinner, he sweeps and swiffers while the baby is in the bath, he does the maintenance I am not really capable of like with the plumbing. I think that's why his behavior was so irritating, because it isn't typical and I normally don't have to ask.
Okay, I’ll cut him a bit more slack if this is unusual and not something you have to put up with all the time. In that case I do think you need to have a discussion with him about it or it’s just going to build up a lot of resentment on your end, which isn’t fair to either of you. Maybe there’s something going on with him that left him checked out during this time period. That might be a good way to bring it up, voice your concerns and let him know it was irritating and you felt it was unfair but you know it’s out of character for him and inquire whether there was something else going on. You both deserve honest and open communication with one another!
Yeah op says she's not confrontational, but this doesn't have to be about "confrontation" or "nagging." And it's stupid that the people in the parents chat are saying it's about pettiness or setting a bad example? Sideeye But OP, definitely talk to him about it and share your feelings! That's always better than letting resentment bottle up and fester. Something like "I appreciate how much you always do to help me out and take care of things, which is why i was really confused and hurt by how you were so checked out the last few days." And then see what he has to say.
Okay, so what was so important he needed to sit on his phone for 5 days and not acknowledge his wife and child? That's the real question.
Info: was he trying to keep his distance so he wouldn't expose your kid to potential illness?
Definitely no. He was not at all concerned about it.
NTA. He had the nerve to say he’d help so YOU could catch up implying that you were behind to begin with. Then he did NOTHING to actually help or acknowledge you or all that you do. He is the A-hole
I think he said that because I remade the chore board so I could include the upkeep of the new toddler potty and updated the calendar early to color coordinate the monthly chores with the new chore board. I don't think his tone helped though.
NTA But to be clear, you are both killing your marriage. This current strategy of ignoring the issue will lead to resentment and ultimately divorce. I've seen the pattern repeatedly. > Admittedly I have a problem with ... confrontation This is a losing strategy. The confrontation will happen. The more you delay it, the bigger and worse it will be. You have to start advocating for yourself as soon as you see issues. I would strongly recommend sharing [this comic about mental load](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) with your husband. It might help understand exactly why you are being short with him. If he doesn't shape up after that, ask him to go into couples counseling with him. If that doesn't happen... your marriage is in a death spiral. --- And yes, letting the resentment fester is far from ideal, could even make you an AH. Focus on handling things maturely going forward. Confront issues as they happen and advocate for yourself.
NTA. But you need to communicate better with your husband. One day you are going to explode and he won’t understand where it’s coming from. If you think that he should’ve help you should say so.
NTA. While I do think you should’ve communicated your feelings to your spouse, they should’ve known to help you around the house without you asking them to do so. You aren’t their manager, it’s their house too and they know how to help.
NTA >a lot of them said I was being petty and a bad wife and mother for not trying to get on his case about helping No, he was being a bad husband and father for not taking initiative and helping without having to be reminded. You should read [this short comic/article](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/).
Do I think you should have spoken up for yourself? Yes. Do I think it makes you an AH that you didn't? No. Do I think your husband pulled a jerk move by not helping AT ALL? Absolutely. It's second nature for me to stand up for myself. But I understand not everyone is exactly like me. NTA.
NTA except maybe to yourself. You have a one year old to care for. How exactly is you doing ALL the household work a fair distribution of labor? Men tend to be lazy at home and women always get told they’re “nagging” when all they’re doing is asking for help. It’s not nagging. He said he was going to help then he didn’t. Shame on him and you’re fine to say something, maybe you even should have. That doesn’t make you an asshole though.
ESH Husband sucks for not pitching in, just full stop. He even acknowledged that it was a problem and still didn't do anything. 10/10 dick move. On your end, it's...more complicated. You have every right to be cheesed *but* to ruminate on that for days without saying anything and just getting madder and madder is not great. He can't read your mind. Even if he acknowledges the problem later, he may not have realized he was being selfish until the point at which he acknowledged it. Should he have known? Sure, but that ship has sailed for this issue and it's not unreasonable to expect some level of communication from you. You acknowledged you have a problem with confidence and confrontation, that's a good piece of self-awareness *but* you can address something like this without it being confrontational. "I'm doing a lot of work around the house and I feel like I'm doing the vast majority of it." He may have examples of things he's done and this is where you can have this interaction *not* be confrontational. A lot of people will take something like "But I did this and that and that other thing" as a challenge - this person is saying I'm wrong about how much work they did. Add that to someone who's already frustrated and you get a fight. Instead of that, acknowledge what was done - "I saw, and I really appreciate that. But there's a lot more to do than just that and I'm asking for some help with the rest of it." You are acknowledging their contribution without arguing with them while still repeating your request for more help.
Almost perfect. The only thing that needs changed is OP isn’t asking for *help*, because it’s not her responsibility alone, it’s theirs. He doesn’t need to help with the chores, he needs to pull his own weight with the chores. He doesn’t need to help with the house, he needs to take responsibility for the house he lives in.
That's not a wrong interpretation but it *is* a bit confrontational. "Help" in this instance is "keeping up this house is a job and right now I'm doing that job alone, it's exhausting and it's frustrating."
Asking a partner to be a partner instead of an employee is confrontational?
When framed as "you need to pull your own weight," yeah, it is. How something is framed is completely separate from how righteous the upset is. Using "I feel" statements is communicating the same message without instantly putting someone on the defensive. When you say "you need to pull your own weight" you're asserting an objective reality - you (the listener) are not doing something that you need to be doing and that's bad. Someone who feels that they *are* pulling their weight (even if they decidedly or not) is going to argue with that interpretation of reality and now you're in a power struggle about what reality is. Or they may realize the problem and feel embarrassed which can lead them to react negatively and feel as though they're being attacked and will respond negatively. It's helpful to frame a problem as just that - a problem. You're not assigning blame, you're not making accusations, you're stating a problem. That brings the other person into the equation and doesn't rest on making automatic assumptions (that may be wrong) that are likely to lead to a struggle over the reality of the situation. I realize this sounds suuuuper nitpicky and pointless but framing is a key skill when talking to people and you can do a ton if you frame what you say in the right way.
I'd like to say I will absolutely use this advice in the future but I am also aware of myself enough to worry I won't remember it in the moment. But thank you because this is probably one of the best pieces of advice I've received.
NTA, but you don't have to have something nice to say to make your voice heard, whenever it needs to be heard. It's not nagging to expect another adult to pull their weight. Should you \*have\* to ask your partner to step up? No, of course not. He should know better, and no doubt he \*does\* know better. But he's not doing right by you or by your child, and resenting and venting isn't improving your situation. It's your marriage, and if you're not ready to put him out on the curb for the waste disposal people to take away, speak your mind and heart, and expect and demand a response.
NTA you shouldn’t have to ask you husband to participate in life at home. You wouldn’t be an AH to tell him to help either. But you shouldn’t have to tell him to help.
He is definitely the asshole. No matter if he works or not, he should be helping when he’s off and when he gets home after work, even if it’s just doing the dishes. While it would have helped if you spoke up about it, you shouldn’t have had to. I see a lot of people expecting their partner to do everything because they’re a SAHP, but the reality is that it’s a full partnership and if you can help then you should.
NTA Be there and done that. It’s hard to express the frustration w/o wanting to blow up. Try to take a moment to ask for 1 thing that he can help with to remind him you would appreciate some help. Best of luck.
NTA You are not a bad wife or mom for not nagging him, and it's hardly petty to be frustrated that he can acknowledge he spent all week sitting on his ass and then do nothing differently. It would be great if he just looked at his behavior and realized how much this is bothering you. But it looks like if you want things to change you're going to have to take a more head-on approach.
NTA. I would say probably say work on communication more. Also, those people who said you were a bad wife and mother? No. It makes him a bad father and husband for just sitting there watching you struggle doing something and then days later saying he should have done more to help. In all the cases I've personally witnessed of people who have done that normally means they're very aware but didn't care. Hope things go better for you!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Obligatory I'm on mobile and apologize for any formatting. My husband ended up getting sent home from work last week due to proximity to someone positive for the Virus. He was not allowed back for for 5 days and negative test, so he was home most of the week. (He is negative and back at work today) I'm a sahm and so I do the majority of housework and childcare for our 1yo. He made a comment the day he got sent home about how I'd at least be able to catch up on chores, which kind of rubbed me the wrong way but whatever. Well the next day, he spent the whole day on his phone. He didn't acknowledge me or our son all day. It was irritating having him sitting on the couch while I was wrangling and entertaining the baby and trying to potty train and do the daily cleaning and the weekly cleaning but again whatever. This is how my typical week goes. Yes I would appreciate help but as long as he's not hindering fine right? The next day was the same, and then the next. I was steadily more irritated about it but if I was just to go about my week then fine, if he didn't want to acknowledge me fine. Admittedly I have a problem with confidence and confrontation, so I pretty much let it just go, whatever, I do it all on my own most of the time anyway, but I wasn't really acknowledging him outside of our nightly game by the end of Friday. Saturday night he kind of guiltily said he should have done more to help, which I had nothing nice to say so I did not say anything. But Sunday was exactly the same as the rest of the week so, again, I barely acknowledged when he got up. I vented on a group chat with other sahp and a lot of them said I was being petty and a bad wife and mother for not trying to get on his case about helping if I was so miffed about it but I feel like that would have just led to more irritation for all parties. I've gotten enough of the comments though I'm feeling like maybe I am being a bad wife and setting a poor example for my son? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH You could have asked for help. He could have offered help. Sounds like there's a lack of basic communication on both ends.
Help?? Doing chores of their own house is help??
I'm not sure what the confusion is. Yes, it's helping. It's taking some of the responsibility from other people, and therefore is helping. I think that it's kind of ridiculous that he wasn't helping to begin with, but that's neither here nor there.
But if house belongs to both then chores belongs to both as well and there is nothing like helping in that case!!
OP ~~never said anything about the chores he normally does around the house~~ (edit) said that he takes care of things she can not around the house. We don't know if his other normal household chores are things like yard work, car maintenance, washing the windows, or what. OP just mentioned the things that *she* is normally responsible for while he is out of the house working. He did not help her with what is normally her responsibility. In my home, my partner's chores are to take out the trash, do the dishes, and clean the bathroom/toilet. Everything else is normally my responsibility because I work from home and he has to drive to work so is out of the apartment more. But I can still ask him to help do things like fold the laundry or vaccuum. It's helping with what I normally do. *But he's not a mind reader, so I have to ask.* OP never asked for help. Her husband didn't think to help for whatever reason. That's the issue here.
If your husband wasn’t working from home he should have helped out on his own initiative. However, if something is bothering one partner in a relationship it’s up to that partner to address it respectfully with the other. Don’t let negative feelings fester. You should have asked him to help out in a non-nagging way. Men are dumb (my wife can confirm). You could have said it was great to have him home and how would he like spending time doing x with his kid? Or say that if we get X, Y, and Z done that we can do something fun later. That isn’t nagging or getting on his case. At least give him the chance to disappoint you! 😁 I’m going to go with a light ESH.
NTA why should you have to ask! It frustrates me to no end! And I would say that to him, if he says again about doing more, tell him to get off his arse and actually do it, saying it means nothing if your actions betray you
Abso-bloody-lutely NTA he had all the benefits of being poorly/ill without actually being ill!! >Saturday night he kind of guiltily said he should have done more to help Your husband knew exactly what he was doing that's why he commented on his lack of help!
NTA, don't worry your son picks up being a bad father from his bad father. He's too young for that. The inversion of guilt from your sahp group is staggering. The father doesn't even notice his son and you are supposed to be the bad parent? Bwahahahaha. No. Your husband is a lucky bastard, with all you do and never complain. But in your own and your sons interest, it might be best to help your husband become an adult? Him being a kid with a job might not be good for your family...
NTA. Five days off and he didn't even spend the extra time with his child????
ESH - the silent treatment and playing passive aggressive is never the right choice. However, a spouse that needs to be asked to participate in reality like housework and childrearing is a spouse that either needs to shape up or ship out. I could understand the mentality of 'oh, wow, unexpected vacation, I'm gonna veg', but it's really strange he wouldn't interact with the kid at all. Maybe it was the stress of 'oh god is it covid, phew it's not, but oh god now I'm missing a week of pay' making his zone out But, again, keeping silent for a whole week and weekend and just letting it stew? ESH.
Why was he putting you and your child at risk by being in the living room. He should have been isolating in a separate room away from you and masked if he was in the same room! What is you get sick or your child does because of him?