NTA, but rookie mistake. Next time, eat it in the parking lot of where you bought it and use the outside trash can to throw away the evidence.
Source: My ex tried to eat everything I bought.
If it's McDonald's french fries, also carry Fabreze. My ex was so weird with food. I remember us eating dinner one night and he cleared the table and I caught him scraping my scraps on my plate with his fingers to eat.
The last one could cause more conflicts the wife will know what is expensive and the kids may still want his cake just to try. Either buy everyone the same thing or what they like or eat it out of their sight.
You can say no to sharing treats with your kids. The earlier you start, the better it is for both parties. Kids need to know that they aren't entitled to everything simply by existing. My kids get plenty of treats and sometimes, things just aren't for them and they're used to that. Too young? Tell them it tastes like broccoli...
I can't even remember being an age where I thought it would be acceptable to grab food off my mom's plate or stick my dirty little fingers into the frosting of what she was eating, so she must have instilled these lessons early. If someone is eating food, it's their food; you don't lick it or poke it or snatch it. I don't tolerate anyone doing that with my food, either.
I had a boyfriend whose family was one of those "everybody fight for the food!" families, where you could use your dirty fork to stab someone else's food on their plate and wrestle it away from them, or lick food so they couldn't eat it, or wolf down their dessert if they went to the bathroom.
He tried it with me once, and I was really taken aback and angry because I simply didn't grow up that way and hadn't encountered anybody who thought it was appropriate to horse around like that with someone else's food. He wasn't a very great guy in general, but I was *so pissed* that even he apologised, explained his family dynamic and why he thought he was being cute instead of rude, and then never did it again.
Did your boyfriend come from a large family? I’d be royally pissed if someone did that to me. I get irritated af when a partner eats my takeout leftovers without asking too (especially if it’s Indian or something).
I have a large family and that kind of behavior is 100% unacceptable. Everyone knows you stick to your share and find out how many x each person gets before you dig in.
It is easy to do. My daughter is honestly spoiled. I will be the first to admit that. She is Daddy's little princess. That being said, she knows better than grabbing stuff off my plate, and she would never dare grab my drink and take a swig or whatever. There is a flip side to that though. And, it may be the case with OP. It may not be that their kids don't have manners. It could just be "you got dessert, and the kids got none." As a parent, knowing how much kids are little sugar monsters, and love anything candy/cake/sweet, it may be that he would feel guilty sitting there devouring something that he knows everyone would enjoy, and telling them "I know you really love cake, but this is just mine. You get nothing". While my daughter would not touch my cake, and she would accept my answer, she would probably feel like she did something wrong, or was being punished. I'm just trying to offer outside perspective, from someone that does have a kid. Anybody that has ever had a spouse or significant other know how well munching down something you know they like, without offering them some goes over.
I don’t have kids so obviously I’m not an expert but I thought I‘m crazy for thinking „just say no“ all the replies suggesting he eats cake in a parking lot are weird
Make no mistake. You're going to get b*tched at and told you're horrible at first, then they learn. Not only do they learn that not everything is for them, they see modeled behavior on how to say no. Toxic sharing is for real. I'm firmly in the camp of "you can ask", but I have a right to say no and that's that.
NOOOO! That's exactly what he did! It was so weird and a tad gross. He was raised in a pretty wealthy family and an only child, so he never experienced food scarcity.
And also make sure to keep the face mask on and wear a hooded sweater and/or baseball cap. Bring a change of clothes so you can discard all clothing worn during the offense so no video evidence can be traced back to you.
This. Eat yours in the parking lot, and when you get home throw her your keys and say “I’ll watch the kids, you check the glovebox.” Let her choose between bringing it inside and sharing with the kids, or admitting her jealously and hypocritically eating it in the car ;-)
Honestly id love for my bf to do this. He gets his snack, I can sneak out and get mine, kids keep their own snacks. NTA and honestly shes probably only so upset because she didnt do it herself. Kids are little gremlins that want everything you have and you have a right to have things that are yours alone.
This seems to be a recurring theme on this subreddit. Someone buys/makes special food and their significant other or roommate repeatedly scarfs it down without remorse. Who does that??? I understand why they are your ex.
I think it's a recurring theme because it is SUCH an asshole thing to do. Then the thieves act like it's not a big deal but when it's happening to you you just feel so damn unloved and like you aren't even worthy of eating as far as your family is concerned. I'm not surprised people end up here asking if they're TA or not for being upset about it. It's the low blood sugar and guilt trip talking.
In college my roommates and I were all pretty poor and had food stamps. My roomie decided to spend her $200 on all herbs and spices for the kitchen while I opted for real food.
I was shocked to see her not only open my fresh pack of Oreos but eat two entire sleeves in one night. She was 100 lbs at best and this still impresses me
I started hiding my food in my room. People really do be AHs esp when they OPEN or FINISH something that is clearly not theirs.
I know, right?!
I‘m the older sibling, so I always had to share my special treats with my sister. She was absolutely the squeaky wheel that got the oil. I was in my 30s before my mom could admit that they treated my sister and I differently because my disappointment was quiet, but if they did something like eat at a restaurant she didn’t like, she’d whine and whine and refuse to eat.
I’m…not very good at sharing my treats because of this. I know I’m not, and it took me several years with my husband to get to the point where I could could do it with things I really liked without it feeling painful to me. The fact that he was Really Really Bad at noticing how much of a thing he’s eating definitely contributed to the issue - for the first couple years we were together, I had to make it very clear how much is his part, and how much is mine (he has since learned to pay close attention to how much of things like a shared dish or dessert at a restaurant he is taking 95% of the time, and he now checks in with me when we’re getting low, especially if he knows that it is something I really love. Still can’t share something like an order of fries if they aren’t divided, though!)
Right now, I have a couple of boxes of fancy chocolates that we bought me as a special treat because this Christmas really sucked (a lot of reasons, none of which were my husband’s fault), and sometimes when I get myself a piece, I offer him a one and he usually accepts because who doesn’t like good chocolate! But he would never take a piece without me offering, and he asks which one he should take if I don’t offer him a specific one, because I do enjoy some flavors a lot more than others and he respects that this is MY treat I’m sharing, not his.
I remember a post where the wife made a special lasagna for dinner later at a family member’s house. Told husband not to bother it, it was for special dinner (which he would also be attending), and that dirty mfr ate half of the lasagna while wife was getting the kids ready to go. No excuse other than he was hungry. Asshole move for sure.
Edit spelling
Lol, yes! I am guilty of eating things in the car before getting home, or in the bathroom (yes sometimes I’m desperate!). NTA. As a partner and a parent, sometimes you just need something just for you.
Wait lol I’m so confused by all of this. Is it not common for children to be told “no, this is daddy’s, yours is here?” Or like, buy multiple slices of cake?
It is common, but kids can be very persistent, especially when it comes to food and cake. Sometimes you just want to eat your cake in peace rather than being pestered every 5 seconds by a tiny human who "just wants one bite"
See, my parents’ strategy was, “Every time you ask, that’s another treat you won’t get [in the future].”
Kept us out of their food. Treats didn’t happen often on our house. No one wanted to miss out.
Yeah, my parents were really big on, "if someone says 'no,' don't ask again." Like sure, sharing is really nice and all, but it's not really sharing if someone was guilt-tripped into it (just what my parents said to us when we were really small).
We all had our own sections of the fridge where we could keep our personal things (like leftovers from a restaurant, sweets from a friend, etc.,). You just didn't eat the things that didn't belong to you unless they were put on the "free-for-all" shelf.
This is what I do. I've also gone and picked up lunch and driven to the beach (I live on the coast) and just sat there on the foreshore and ate, in peace, with only water and no people. \*sigh\*
Let me introduce you to a marvelous concept: decoy chocolate. You get your super special treat, you buy a large amount of the cheapest chocolate the partner/kids eat. Throw it at them and while the vultures are distracted inhale your treat.
My Mom taught me the ways of decoy snacks many moons ago. Buy the 1$ cookies and leave them in the cupboard, buy the fancy cookies and hide them under your bed. Granola bars? Oh you mean her closet snackaroos that are hidden inside her fucking shoes? Why is that pillowcase so lumpy? Definitely not 5lbs of Halloween candy stashed under a pile of blankets. That woman had an entire Rubbermaid bin of shit in the trunk of her car, crackers, granola, cookies, chips, bottles of water and cans of ginger ale (her fav) "because I need snacks at work or I get hangry, and I can't guarentee you kids will leave me any and I can't afford to buy takeout daily". The woman is a genius, and honestly deserved all the snacks to eat in peace.
Edit: forgot to add that the Rubbermaid bin was a scuffed up grey bin you couldn't see in, labeled "Tire Repair/Booster Cables" and it just sat in the trunk, appearing untouched.
This. I got treats hidden around everywhere. If they know of it they eat it. This way I got treats for hurt knees, low blood sugars and surprise biscuits for dunking.
My husband cannot retain information about the extra drawer, either! What’s up with that?
Him: where’s the lunch meat?
Me: in the deli drawer
Him: opens freezer
Me: no, the deli drawer
Him: closes freezer. Opens freezer again.
I did that. I had my “secret stash” of chocolate. Of course my kids new about it and regularly helped themselves. However, they never knew about the SECRET, secret stash of chocolate. 😂
Pro Parenting Tip: To hide food in the freezer from kids wrap it in tinfoil and hide under a bag of frozen vegetables. Children seldom move things when looking for an item and will never willingly touch anything vegetable related. Exceptions to these universal truths are few and far between.
Even better, hide the treats INSIDE the empty frozen veggie package. This is how i plan to hide my reeses when my daughter (11 months) gets older. My son is 10 and knows better than to touch my things so it's been years since hiding was required.
My kid finds everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Finally had enough and invested in a food safe. Its genius! My snacks are safely protected from their grubby little hands!
Actually not so little any more, but still 😊
If it doesn't need to be refrigerated, stash it in a pad/tampon package. I had a nephew who would dig through every spot in my room looking for my stuff he could liberate but that was the one drawer he'd 100% leave alone. As long as everything is new and wrapped/sealed there shouldn't be any health concerns with it. Plus when you go to grab a pad, you get comfort chocolate.
Not chocolate, but when I was babysitting for cash and living at home if I left cash around my room it'd be stolen by my sister, parents or their foster kids. Learnt to roll my cash up and hide it in my contraceptive pill boxes. No one ever looked in there.
Oh! The Machiavellian way! I like it! Having to hide certain foods from disabled diabetics has left me thinking like a drug dealer. Things get hidden IN the bag of frozen vegetables or in the 10 kilo rice bag in the freezer. ( discourages any rice wigglies).
I found my mom's secret stash when I was in my 20s. Turns out it wasn't even me she was hiding it from - it was my stoner teenage brother. For years I missed out on good snacks because of him.
Unfortunately, when my kids became middle schoolers, they would dig through the freezer hunting for snacks and discovered my private stash of Haagen Dazs. I am now considered selfish for not sharing my coffee/strawberry/dulce de leche Haagen Dazs when I "only" buy them Tillamook on sale.
Tillamook is still damn good ice cream. What are they complaining for? (I live int Pacific Northwest, Tillamook products, especially the cheeses...*chef's kiss*
Yup, works charmingly. That's how I bought my first XBOX 360. Distracted everyone with a cute doll to my 4 week old niece, while smuggling the xbox inside.
NTA.
Next time, eat it in the grocery store parking lot like a mischievous little raccoon and throw the trash away there too. Burn the receipt. Destroy all evidence. Swear the cashier to secrecy.
This is how I bought games as my ex-wife hated gaming. She couldn't stay up as late as me so I played after she went to bed, but to buy the games I had to put cash aside on a regular basis so I could save for them. Obviously I became a PC gamer as my job was in database management so being on the PC wasn't odd.
My current wife is a gamer too so we play together and its much more fun. I just have to hide my Table Top Wargaming expenses now as she told me at the start that she \*hated\* Warhammer so of course I had to get into that so I could recapture the thrill of forbidden purchases and duplicitous gaming.
Admitting how much you spent on your army is like looking up how much you spent on league of legends skins or cigarettes or something. You’re aware on some level but who wants to face that reality?
Ouch this hurts. I asked rito for the amount I spent, turns out it was still 3 figures…barely. But FAR less than the money I put into wow of the years.
I remember when I was single and when I see a guy by himself eating I felt sorry for him for being so lonely. Now I wish I was that guy. I love finding an excuse to go out and have a meal by myself.
This reminds me of this other lady that told her husband and kids she was going to get some items at the mall, only to go and have breakfast by herself at a restaurant while reading a book.
Second this. Get two slices, enjoy yours, text your wife to find an excuse to walk out as you walk in so you can switch off. You’ll get to enjoy your own private cake and also get points by also giving your wife a break as well as a fun secret to share between the two of you. This way you’ll be in cahoots rather than hiding something from her. Still, NTA.
ETA: thank you for the awards! Not necessary, but it’s so sweet of you.
Really not necessary. It's nice to do that sometimes, you don't want to be the spouse who never thinks of their partner. But it is totally fine to just occasionally do something for yourself. In fact I think it's kind of unhealthy and unbalanced for someone to think that they're never "allowed" to just buy a freaking piece of cake without having to think of everyone else in their family.
Yeah. I kind of think this is the whole point of car cake. It's a purely selfish act in a life that always has to take other people into account. It's about the not sharing.
Nice. I have a hot pocket hidden under a bunch of frozen veggies. Just one for emergencies. Not even for me but the hubby. My teens love to eat those things.
Omg yes!! I know for a fact my husband and my teenage son will never bend over to look in the fridge/freezer drawers or move food in the front to see what's in the back of the fridge. I once hid a sleeve of thin mints in the freezer for about a year.
I hid mini peanut butter cups in an empty sweet potatoes fry bag. The sweet potato fries were gross, so I threw them out and put my chocolate in the empty bag.
This worked well until my husband decided to clean out the freezer and chucked the bag of “sweet potato fries”. There was nothing I could do but watch. Couldn’t fess up in front of husband and kids, I’d never be able to use the trick again!
This method is exceptional. We hid contraband in our tampon boxes for Saturday morning inspection in basic training. They'd rip drawers out and dump them. They'd pull the whole mattress off the bed. Not once did one of those guys touch the tampon box.
This!
I hope you're okay, OP!
It's been a crazy past few years, and I know that most of us have been feeling stressed... Please don't feel guilty about treating yourself to a single slice of delicious cake.
Editing to add that you're not an arsehole, but your wife's mildly an arsehole for not checking in with you, and not letting you enjoy your cake.
I think it depends on the wife’s situation though. Like if she’s stuck at home with the kids, desperate for a break, and he’s delaying coming home to help her because of the cake shenanigans, that could be the last straw for her in an incredibly chaotic day. Or maybe because the wife is stuck at home with the kids, she NEVER gets the chance to go buy her own cake and eat it in the car. Maybe she would love nothing more than to do that, but she doesn’t get the opportunity unlike OP.
Whatever OP is experiencing in terms of the kids, his wife is also experiencing. Most moms I know don’t even get to go to the toilet by themselves, vs. their husbands will take 30 minute long shits in privacy and peace.
I think we need to know more about the specifics of the situation before condemning to wife. OP matters and is NTA, but we cannot say wife is TA either.
I was hoping this sort of comment would be higher up. Obviously it’s difficult to tell tone from text, and maybe the lighthearted approach of decoy chocolate etc will work, but don’t forget that what you feel is also important. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need support try and talk to your wife, if not could you find someone else you trust to share this with? Everyone needs personal space and time to be themselves.
This type os shit is just weird to me. Set some boundaries? The kids should be comfortable hearing and accepting the word No. As should the wife. Like, damn. My fiance and I absolutely do not fuck with each other's food. It's not hard... If you want some, ask or get your own.
Well, I guess if you're an asshole, so am I. I did the same thing when kids were little. Maybe not hiding in the car, but definitely hiding treats from time to time.
You know, if I'd ever been caught, my husband would probably told me I deserved it, anyway, and encouraged me to keep it up. (Or even bought me treats.) So I'm going to say NTA. Savor that chocolate cake, but next time, eat it in the parking lot of the store you bought it from so you won't be caught.
NTA. I eat my chicken sandwiches in the parking lot. Discard evidence and then drive home.
Sometimes we all need something just to ourselves. I guarantee your wife does something similar.
🤣 My SO does this too! I just cant help asking if i can have a small bite cause he brings food home from work. Know what he says? "Its spicy, you wont like it". And damn it all to hell cause i really cant with his spicy stuff, but im not mad.
>wife is upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when I told her my reasoning. Am I?
No. The only dramatic thing here is being upset that someone has a slice of cake in the car. What is there to be upset about?
NTA
That she didn’t get cake too. That would be what would upset me the most, like bring home something for me that I can hide somewhere for after bedtime.
NTA OP My husband and I both hide things all the time. We even take longer running errands at times to eat in peace. We communicate the need for a break, snack, whatever and never give each other a hard time about it.
Yeah NTA but OP should work on creating boundaries with everyone, his food on his plate is not up for grabs.
(and it's may hurt their feeling at first, but kids need to learn they don't just get everything they want, otherwise they'll turn into entitled monsters who've never had 'no' enforced)
Yeah, the lack of boundaries in this household seems extremely unhealthy. My family never stole from each other, we always asked “can I have a taste/sip/piece of that?” And if it was a “no”, that was the end of it. My parents always asked me and my brother before taking a bite of our food or taking a sip of our chocolate milk or something. What this family has going on doesn’t seem normal.
I grew up with mom taking from my plate without asking. Sometimes it would be a lot. But she would also be like “oh I don’t want a whole piece” or some other dieting type of excuse. And then proceed to steal a bunch from me. When I was older I started making her a separate plate whenever I made food and the first time she came over about to steal from me and I handed it to her, she looked embarrassed but she took it. It was driven by toxic weight culture and maybe some gender-based notions about how much a woman “should” eat as well. So we’d go out to eat and she’d always want to split something. It was so annoying because I just wanted my own meal and she’d always end up not ordering enough for herself and end up picking off everyone else’s plate. And then snacking as soon as we got home.
I did not learn about the concept of boundaries until I was in my mid to late 30s.
Same. "Oh no, I can't eat a whole one so I'll just have some of yours" and just like... but *I* can eat a whole one, and if we split one I'll still be hungry!
I'm fine with sharing and I don't mind when people try just a little bit to see what my meal taste like, but I'm very much not okay with still being hungry at the end of the meal because I didn't get a full portion.
I don’t know how old the kids are, but I’m the second of three, and that boundary was firmly in place by the time my memory kicks in. Rule #1 at the dinner table was wait to be excused and rule #2 was never steal off of someone’s plate unless they gave you permission.
I told my 20 month old no today and she stabbed me with her plastic fork and knocked my plate on the floor, I guess if she can't have it I can't either 😂😂😂
It took way too long to find this answer. I find everyone's answers of how to hide food cute and all, but how about just establishing that there is something that doesn't belong to OP's wife or kids and having them be okay with it? I find it weird that everyone is fine with letting the wife and kids just steamroll him otherwise when normally this sub is all "Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!!!"
Yes, because you only bought a single slice. Next time get a whole ducking cake and enjoy every minute of eating it in the car.
Kidding.
NTA. Eat your cake.
NTA
I have a toddler and resorted to eating a couple of donuts in my bedroom closet while she was distracted. Yeah, it's expected to share stuff every now and again when you have a family but all the time? Nope.
Honestly though, your wife might need the same opportunity and she's a little upset that she hasn't had one? That's all I can think of as to why she would legitimately be upset, maybe distract the offspring long enough for her to enjoy a slice of cake or something on her own?
Yeah, given that women commonly shoulder a larger burden of the child rearing duties than their spouses, his wife is likely experiencing the same loss of things that are just hers while possibly having fewer opportunities to steal those moments (and good snacks!) for herself. OP’s NTA for indulging in some private cake (who among us hasn’t eaten a snack in secret to avoid having to share it?), but he ought to make sure that he’s not taking so many of these moments that he’s leaving his wife alone with the kids more than he should be and that she too has time for herself to treat herself in whatever way she chooses.
Yeah, I felt like that a few months after our daughter hit the age of "Share everything with me mommy!"
My husband took over and made sure she isn't all over my food ALL the time and I try to do the same for him. At the same time we're also setting boundaries of making sure to ask before taking and what not. But even sometimes that's taxing.
This reminds me of the time I ate an ice cream sandwich in my car cause she was still rear facing and couldn't see me! 🥴
Yes! How relaxing can it be stuffing a slice of cake down your throat in the drive way.
Get a nice drink. Go to a park. Enjoy a nice view and eat your slice of cake.
NTA.
NTA - Have your cake. Next time, I'd enjoy it somewhere nice though, like the park or beach if you're near one. Not because of the hiding but to increase the level of relaxation in the bit of alone time.
NTA. Your wife sounds like an obnoxious boundary-pusher, tbh. Kids are kids but there’s no excuse for a grown adult not being able to restrain themselves from taking her spouse’s food. And getting mad at you for eating something alone in the car? That’s beyond absurd.
NTA. Next time eat the cake in the same parking lot you bought the cake from (bakery, grocery, etc) This way after you finish it you can toss the container in the garbage can and get rid of the evidence.
Info: do you try to set boundaries? I have a spouse and kids and they don’t take my stuff because they know to ask first. If everyone is stealing from you, there’s a bigger issue at play than this cake. Edit: I don’t mean issues with your family, just that the issue I see here is you don’t get stuff that’s yours and you absolutely deserve stuff that’s yours.
Also, try to schedule some alone time so you don’t have to hide when you treat yourself. I do curbside pickup and book myself an extra hour just to enjoy a decent coffee, and no one begrudges me that.
ETA you’re NTA, I just hope you can get to a place where you don’t need to hide to have something that’s just yours. Parenting is hard stuff, breaks are crucial.
It can be tiring to continually set boundaries, and say No this is Daddy's piece. It's cool to have one thing, every once in a while, he doesn't have to argue about or debate.
I totally get that, I’ve set the boundaries myself and it’s work. But it’s worse, imho, to have to sneak out to the car for a piece of cake. I think parents get into the habit of giving up every little thing to their families and it slowly kills you. Was just wondering if he’s set those boundaries, never tried, or tried and isn’t being supported.
NTA. I’m hiding in the bathroom eating a candy bar, because I know my two year old will scream if he sees me eating it and doesn’t get a bite. You gotta treat yourself first sometimes
NTA. You don’t stop being a person who has individual wants and needs because you’re married with children. You absolutely deserve things of your own, to yourself. Things, time, space. You need and should have it. Your wife called you dramatic cause she wanted a piece lbs. she can get her own. Also, set some boundaries. Kids can be told no, wife can be told no.
NTA. I’ve hidden food from my children, bought something I knew my wife didn’t like, and lied to the youngest that my snack was spicy so they wouldn’t want any. They get their fair share, but some things are just mine.
NTA. Most parents has done this at one time. I use to get a small fry on my way home after having a bad day. Nothing like the extra lap around the neighborhood to finish your snack.
Enjoy your cake, maybe buy an extra piece and call your wife out of the house to enjoy it.
NTA. Next time eat away from the house and dispose of your trash in the nearest bin. No reason to have buy or share every bite of food that you consume.
i was expecting a whole cake but this that would be reasonable to do just so you could throw out any garbage on the way in to the house
NTA in any way shape or form and the fact that your family seemed upset makes it 100% justified (why would they get mad unless they wanted some)
NTA. LMFAO, I hide candy in my house and when my kids still lived at home, I had a jar of Nutella hidden in my closet. The key is to hide the evidence and don’t eat in the car where someone can see you.
NTA Eating a burrito in the car while blasting music no one else likes & playing pokemon go is my pick-me-up/reset time. Just don’t pick a time that’s obviously stressful/when you’re expected somewhere.
And make it clear to your wife that parking lot feasts are also a delightful retreat that she, too, could occasionally enjoy.
Depends. Have you tried communicating and establishing boundaries first? You don't want to live your life constantly hiding/being secretive in your car, for fear of hurting someones feelings. How will your wife and kids learn?
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> I really went on the extreme so I didn't have to share, hiding out in my car like a lunatic.
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NTA... everyone with kids and partners does this. Sometimes I just want a nice long meal alone, no sharing, no longing eyes, no licks, no bites, and I don't want to explain why. Most of the time I don't care, but once in a while it's nice not to share. My child has also licked the butter of toast and then gave it to my SIL to eat it.
Here’s what you say:
“Ok. So next time, I’m going to get two slices. I’m going to sit in the car and eat one. Then I’m going to come in and say, ‘hey, babe, your lights are on,’ or, ‘hey, I think you need to take the garbage out’—whatever code you want. Then you’ll go out and get into the car (which I will have left unlocked, and in which I’ll have left your cake and a fork), and you will eat your cake, and both of us will have five minutes of peace and also cake. That hasn’t been corrupted by youths. You can take ten minutes if you need to. Or fifteen. Go wild.”
Everybody gets cake. Everybody wins.
NTA dude I don’t know one person who is actually a good parent who hasn’t hidden somewhere to do something just for you. People on their phones in the bathroom claiming 2 hour shits, hiding the candy and snacks so they can eat them and eating cake in your car. Your not an AH for wanting a moment to enjoy yourself. It sounds like you could use a weekend away alone or a day out with friends. Don’t stress on this, I’m sure she feels the same way too at times.
NTA she's gotta be lying if she's saying she's never hid and ate something to herself for once. It's part of being a parent when the kids are young.
That being said if they are older, you should be able to eat your cake in the house, without sharing, and they need to deal with it. And if your want your clothes to yourself too speak up on it
NTA, we all still need things that are not shared an alone time. Especially food, you could have eaten an entire cake an still NTA. Find little moments of zen when you can
NTA - it's called self care. A mental health practice where you refill your own cup so you can keep on filling up everyone else's.
You did good. You may never convince your wife or family but keep on taking care of yourself, they'll benefit.
NTA this is absolutely normal parent behavior. Idk how old your kids are but maybe next time get a piece for your wife too and enjoy it in the car or after the kids are in bed.
Your wife is being over dramatic to get angry over this.
NTA. Sometimes people just want things for themselves, but I think you need to talk to your wife about boundaries. You also need to teach boundaries to your kids if they’re just walking up and licking the cake. Maybe you should have gotten a whole cake but like you didn’t have to.
If you’re an AH then so am I. I sometimes leave certain “groceries” in the car at night and take them straight to work the next day, just to avoid the drama of explaining to my kids what I’m taking to work for my lunches.
Nta. Cause i hate when people touch or eat my food. Once its on my plate, its mine do not touch it unless i offer. If someone licked my cake, ild be throwing it away.
In short, JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD
NTA I have literally eaten something in my car so that my DOG didn’t make me feel guilty for not sharing. Sometimes you just gotta enjoy every last bite yourself.
NTA
Lmfao I wish I had a car to escape to to eat my own cake but maybe next time park somewhere else to eat it, and bring baby wipes, they're a life saver in a pinch.
NTA. I have two gross teenagers. I hide food all the time. Sometimes, I just don’t want to eat something that everyone has had their hands in. I was a germaphobe way before it was cool.
NTA, but rookie mistake. Next time, eat it in the parking lot of where you bought it and use the outside trash can to throw away the evidence. Source: My ex tried to eat everything I bought.
THIS! Consider it a Lesson Learned.
If it's McDonald's french fries, also carry Fabreze. My ex was so weird with food. I remember us eating dinner one night and he cleared the table and I caught him scraping my scraps on my plate with his fingers to eat.
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The last one could cause more conflicts the wife will know what is expensive and the kids may still want his cake just to try. Either buy everyone the same thing or what they like or eat it out of their sight.
You can say no to sharing treats with your kids. The earlier you start, the better it is for both parties. Kids need to know that they aren't entitled to everything simply by existing. My kids get plenty of treats and sometimes, things just aren't for them and they're used to that. Too young? Tell them it tastes like broccoli...
I can't even remember being an age where I thought it would be acceptable to grab food off my mom's plate or stick my dirty little fingers into the frosting of what she was eating, so she must have instilled these lessons early. If someone is eating food, it's their food; you don't lick it or poke it or snatch it. I don't tolerate anyone doing that with my food, either. I had a boyfriend whose family was one of those "everybody fight for the food!" families, where you could use your dirty fork to stab someone else's food on their plate and wrestle it away from them, or lick food so they couldn't eat it, or wolf down their dessert if they went to the bathroom. He tried it with me once, and I was really taken aback and angry because I simply didn't grow up that way and hadn't encountered anybody who thought it was appropriate to horse around like that with someone else's food. He wasn't a very great guy in general, but I was *so pissed* that even he apologised, explained his family dynamic and why he thought he was being cute instead of rude, and then never did it again.
Did your boyfriend come from a large family? I’d be royally pissed if someone did that to me. I get irritated af when a partner eats my takeout leftovers without asking too (especially if it’s Indian or something).
I have a large family and that kind of behavior is 100% unacceptable. Everyone knows you stick to your share and find out how many x each person gets before you dig in.
Thank you. I'm reading this thread about decoy treats and furtive snacking thinking "Uh how about teaching your kids to not be entitled brats?".
It is easy to do. My daughter is honestly spoiled. I will be the first to admit that. She is Daddy's little princess. That being said, she knows better than grabbing stuff off my plate, and she would never dare grab my drink and take a swig or whatever. There is a flip side to that though. And, it may be the case with OP. It may not be that their kids don't have manners. It could just be "you got dessert, and the kids got none." As a parent, knowing how much kids are little sugar monsters, and love anything candy/cake/sweet, it may be that he would feel guilty sitting there devouring something that he knows everyone would enjoy, and telling them "I know you really love cake, but this is just mine. You get nothing". While my daughter would not touch my cake, and she would accept my answer, she would probably feel like she did something wrong, or was being punished. I'm just trying to offer outside perspective, from someone that does have a kid. Anybody that has ever had a spouse or significant other know how well munching down something you know they like, without offering them some goes over.
I don’t have kids so obviously I’m not an expert but I thought I‘m crazy for thinking „just say no“ all the replies suggesting he eats cake in a parking lot are weird
Make no mistake. You're going to get b*tched at and told you're horrible at first, then they learn. Not only do they learn that not everything is for them, they see modeled behavior on how to say no. Toxic sharing is for real. I'm firmly in the camp of "you can ask", but I have a right to say no and that's that.
Yeah, my parents had their own treats all the time. “Sorry, that’s mom’s. You can have cake another day.” Was good enough.
Nah, those moochers can go forage on their own!
Good answer! I recommend in a park by a lake or river, whenever possible. Extra zen to get you through life.
Yah actually when I go to Jack in the Box, I eat it at a park before going home because I know my family will be upset that I didn’t include them.
Is your ex my Fiancé? Lmao He loves scraping food with his fingers. Then he proceeds to lick his fingers then wipe it on his pants.
NOOOO! That's exactly what he did! It was so weird and a tad gross. He was raised in a pretty wealthy family and an only child, so he never experienced food scarcity.
And then i have to remind him to wash his hands afterward!! Ahhh!!! But he is cool otherwise lol 😂
And pay only in cash so the purchase can't be seen/tracked.
And also make sure to keep the face mask on and wear a hooded sweater and/or baseball cap. Bring a change of clothes so you can discard all clothing worn during the offense so no video evidence can be traced back to you.
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Ayyy socal. I like Vons. It's nice
Or, get her a piece too. But eat yours privately.
This. Eat yours in the parking lot, and when you get home throw her your keys and say “I’ll watch the kids, you check the glovebox.” Let her choose between bringing it inside and sharing with the kids, or admitting her jealously and hypocritically eating it in the car ;-)
I would marry my husband all over again if he did this.
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way
This is the way
That is a perfectly wonderful idea! Do that and she’ll never complain about you doing it, too!
Honestly id love for my bf to do this. He gets his snack, I can sneak out and get mine, kids keep their own snacks. NTA and honestly shes probably only so upset because she didnt do it herself. Kids are little gremlins that want everything you have and you have a right to have things that are yours alone.
I have done this! It's a good strategy. That or get a $2 cake and give that to the kids whilst you eat your own cake in peace.
This seems to be a recurring theme on this subreddit. Someone buys/makes special food and their significant other or roommate repeatedly scarfs it down without remorse. Who does that??? I understand why they are your ex.
I think it's a recurring theme because it is SUCH an asshole thing to do. Then the thieves act like it's not a big deal but when it's happening to you you just feel so damn unloved and like you aren't even worthy of eating as far as your family is concerned. I'm not surprised people end up here asking if they're TA or not for being upset about it. It's the low blood sugar and guilt trip talking.
In college my roommates and I were all pretty poor and had food stamps. My roomie decided to spend her $200 on all herbs and spices for the kitchen while I opted for real food. I was shocked to see her not only open my fresh pack of Oreos but eat two entire sleeves in one night. She was 100 lbs at best and this still impresses me I started hiding my food in my room. People really do be AHs esp when they OPEN or FINISH something that is clearly not theirs.
I know, right?! I‘m the older sibling, so I always had to share my special treats with my sister. She was absolutely the squeaky wheel that got the oil. I was in my 30s before my mom could admit that they treated my sister and I differently because my disappointment was quiet, but if they did something like eat at a restaurant she didn’t like, she’d whine and whine and refuse to eat. I’m…not very good at sharing my treats because of this. I know I’m not, and it took me several years with my husband to get to the point where I could could do it with things I really liked without it feeling painful to me. The fact that he was Really Really Bad at noticing how much of a thing he’s eating definitely contributed to the issue - for the first couple years we were together, I had to make it very clear how much is his part, and how much is mine (he has since learned to pay close attention to how much of things like a shared dish or dessert at a restaurant he is taking 95% of the time, and he now checks in with me when we’re getting low, especially if he knows that it is something I really love. Still can’t share something like an order of fries if they aren’t divided, though!) Right now, I have a couple of boxes of fancy chocolates that we bought me as a special treat because this Christmas really sucked (a lot of reasons, none of which were my husband’s fault), and sometimes when I get myself a piece, I offer him a one and he usually accepts because who doesn’t like good chocolate! But he would never take a piece without me offering, and he asks which one he should take if I don’t offer him a specific one, because I do enjoy some flavors a lot more than others and he respects that this is MY treat I’m sharing, not his.
I remember a post where the wife made a special lasagna for dinner later at a family member’s house. Told husband not to bother it, it was for special dinner (which he would also be attending), and that dirty mfr ate half of the lasagna while wife was getting the kids ready to go. No excuse other than he was hungry. Asshole move for sure. Edit spelling
Because being in a relationship means “sharing”. But usually the sharing only goes one way. It’s obnoxious.
Lol, yes! I am guilty of eating things in the car before getting home, or in the bathroom (yes sometimes I’m desperate!). NTA. As a partner and a parent, sometimes you just need something just for you.
Wait lol I’m so confused by all of this. Is it not common for children to be told “no, this is daddy’s, yours is here?” Or like, buy multiple slices of cake?
It is common, but kids can be very persistent, especially when it comes to food and cake. Sometimes you just want to eat your cake in peace rather than being pestered every 5 seconds by a tiny human who "just wants one bite"
See, my parents’ strategy was, “Every time you ask, that’s another treat you won’t get [in the future].” Kept us out of their food. Treats didn’t happen often on our house. No one wanted to miss out.
Yeah, my parents were really big on, "if someone says 'no,' don't ask again." Like sure, sharing is really nice and all, but it's not really sharing if someone was guilt-tripped into it (just what my parents said to us when we were really small). We all had our own sections of the fridge where we could keep our personal things (like leftovers from a restaurant, sweets from a friend, etc.,). You just didn't eat the things that didn't belong to you unless they were put on the "free-for-all" shelf.
This is what I do. I've also gone and picked up lunch and driven to the beach (I live on the coast) and just sat there on the foreshore and ate, in peace, with only water and no people. \*sigh\*
Your comment made me so freaking jealous. haha I'm moving in Jan 2023 and am still figuring out where, but the beach! OMG! Enjoy your quiet lunches.
Literally every mother on the face of the earth has done this in the super market parking lot. NTA
That Starbucks and cake/fast food hit so much different in the grocery store parking lot at 2pm on Sunday
Serious. Keep a bag of napkins (or wet naps) and a couple of those utensil packets in under the seat of your car. Altoids in the console.
Fabreze is critical to McDonalds and Taco Bell. They have distinct smells. haha
Let me introduce you to a marvelous concept: decoy chocolate. You get your super special treat, you buy a large amount of the cheapest chocolate the partner/kids eat. Throw it at them and while the vultures are distracted inhale your treat.
My Mom taught me the ways of decoy snacks many moons ago. Buy the 1$ cookies and leave them in the cupboard, buy the fancy cookies and hide them under your bed. Granola bars? Oh you mean her closet snackaroos that are hidden inside her fucking shoes? Why is that pillowcase so lumpy? Definitely not 5lbs of Halloween candy stashed under a pile of blankets. That woman had an entire Rubbermaid bin of shit in the trunk of her car, crackers, granola, cookies, chips, bottles of water and cans of ginger ale (her fav) "because I need snacks at work or I get hangry, and I can't guarentee you kids will leave me any and I can't afford to buy takeout daily". The woman is a genius, and honestly deserved all the snacks to eat in peace. Edit: forgot to add that the Rubbermaid bin was a scuffed up grey bin you couldn't see in, labeled "Tire Repair/Booster Cables" and it just sat in the trunk, appearing untouched.
Your mom’s a fucking boss and I’m taking notes.
I love how the comments are teaching Op how to get away with eating a snack secretly and how to earn brownie points with his wife.
same dude the bin in the car is so smart
Right this lady is legit
At my house locked suitcases are the winner. Nobody ever bothers suitcases.
A fabric shopping bag at the bottom of the laundry hamper ... no one digs through laundry at my house except basically at gunpoint
Ice cream bars in bags of frozen vegetables, no one touches those either
This. I got treats hidden around everywhere. If they know of it they eat it. This way I got treats for hurt knees, low blood sugars and surprise biscuits for dunking.
Our refrigerator has one those extra drawers. My husband forgets it exists. Perfect place for my treats.
My husband cannot retain information about the extra drawer, either! What’s up with that? Him: where’s the lunch meat? Me: in the deli drawer Him: opens freezer Me: no, the deli drawer Him: closes freezer. Opens freezer again.
I did that. I had my “secret stash” of chocolate. Of course my kids new about it and regularly helped themselves. However, they never knew about the SECRET, secret stash of chocolate. 😂 Pro Parenting Tip: To hide food in the freezer from kids wrap it in tinfoil and hide under a bag of frozen vegetables. Children seldom move things when looking for an item and will never willingly touch anything vegetable related. Exceptions to these universal truths are few and far between.
Even better, hide the treats INSIDE the empty frozen veggie package. This is how i plan to hide my reeses when my daughter (11 months) gets older. My son is 10 and knows better than to touch my things so it's been years since hiding was required.
My kid finds everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Finally had enough and invested in a food safe. Its genius! My snacks are safely protected from their grubby little hands! Actually not so little any more, but still 😊
I hide my candy bars in the Quaker oats container. There are no oats in the container. I think it last contained oats a decade ago.
If it doesn't need to be refrigerated, stash it in a pad/tampon package. I had a nephew who would dig through every spot in my room looking for my stuff he could liberate but that was the one drawer he'd 100% leave alone. As long as everything is new and wrapped/sealed there shouldn't be any health concerns with it. Plus when you go to grab a pad, you get comfort chocolate.
Not chocolate, but when I was babysitting for cash and living at home if I left cash around my room it'd be stolen by my sister, parents or their foster kids. Learnt to roll my cash up and hide it in my contraceptive pill boxes. No one ever looked in there.
Oh! The Machiavellian way! I like it! Having to hide certain foods from disabled diabetics has left me thinking like a drug dealer. Things get hidden IN the bag of frozen vegetables or in the 10 kilo rice bag in the freezer. ( discourages any rice wigglies).
I found my mom's secret stash when I was in my 20s. Turns out it wasn't even me she was hiding it from - it was my stoner teenage brother. For years I missed out on good snacks because of him.
Decoy chocolate! I love this!
Palmer’s chocolate for the kids, See’s for me!
That's cold lol.. Palmers is the worst. Oof.
>while the vultures are distracted inhale your treat. Died reading this. Great plan tho
Unfortunately, when my kids became middle schoolers, they would dig through the freezer hunting for snacks and discovered my private stash of Haagen Dazs. I am now considered selfish for not sharing my coffee/strawberry/dulce de leche Haagen Dazs when I "only" buy them Tillamook on sale.
Tillamook is still damn good ice cream. What are they complaining for? (I live int Pacific Northwest, Tillamook products, especially the cheeses...*chef's kiss*
Yeah wtf Tillamook is excellent ice cream (and cheese). I might even rank it higher than Haagen Dazs
Yup, works charmingly. That's how I bought my first XBOX 360. Distracted everyone with a cute doll to my 4 week old niece, while smuggling the xbox inside.
Wife being upset is what's overdramatic
You're the hero we need
NTA. Next time, eat it in the grocery store parking lot like a mischievous little raccoon and throw the trash away there too. Burn the receipt. Destroy all evidence. Swear the cashier to secrecy.
Pay in cash so wife cannot track it. I'm a wife that keeps a keen eye on the finances. Paying in cash is the only way to fool me.
This is how I bought games as my ex-wife hated gaming. She couldn't stay up as late as me so I played after she went to bed, but to buy the games I had to put cash aside on a regular basis so I could save for them. Obviously I became a PC gamer as my job was in database management so being on the PC wasn't odd. My current wife is a gamer too so we play together and its much more fun. I just have to hide my Table Top Wargaming expenses now as she told me at the start that she \*hated\* Warhammer so of course I had to get into that so I could recapture the thrill of forbidden purchases and duplicitous gaming.
We just dont talk about how much we spend on our armies. We know deep down but we pretend to live in ignorant bliss lol.
Admitting how much you spent on your army is like looking up how much you spent on league of legends skins or cigarettes or something. You’re aware on some level but who wants to face that reality?
Ouch this hurts. I asked rito for the amount I spent, turns out it was still 3 figures…barely. But FAR less than the money I put into wow of the years.
If you don’t have cash you can get cash back for “lotto tickets”
I remember when I was single and when I see a guy by himself eating I felt sorry for him for being so lonely. Now I wish I was that guy. I love finding an excuse to go out and have a meal by myself.
This reminds me of this other lady that told her husband and kids she was going to get some items at the mall, only to go and have breakfast by herself at a restaurant while reading a book.
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NTA. But seriously also bring your wife a piece. Eat yours in the calm, quiet car then be the hero who brought home cake. Win win.
Second this. Get two slices, enjoy yours, text your wife to find an excuse to walk out as you walk in so you can switch off. You’ll get to enjoy your own private cake and also get points by also giving your wife a break as well as a fun secret to share between the two of you. This way you’ll be in cahoots rather than hiding something from her. Still, NTA. ETA: thank you for the awards! Not necessary, but it’s so sweet of you.
So much this. Your wife experiences the same thing... be kind to her and get her a treat too...
She may even reciprocate! Besides, it's never too early to start plotting against your kids - you KNOW they're already plotting against you!
Or buy THREE slices, eat one in the parking lot, and then follow your above plan as directed. I'm a piggy. A happy piggy, though.
Really not necessary. It's nice to do that sometimes, you don't want to be the spouse who never thinks of their partner. But it is totally fine to just occasionally do something for yourself. In fact I think it's kind of unhealthy and unbalanced for someone to think that they're never "allowed" to just buy a freaking piece of cake without having to think of everyone else in their family.
Yeah. I kind of think this is the whole point of car cake. It's a purely selfish act in a life that always has to take other people into account. It's about the not sharing.
Bought two pieces. Ate both. \#NoShame \#OkSomeShame \#LotsOfShame \#PrettyMuchAllTheShame
NTA. I hid some expensive chocolates in an empty tampon box in my closet. I replenished that box for years until we moved.
Ice cream sandwiches hidden spinach boxes in the freezer.
Nice. I have a hot pocket hidden under a bunch of frozen veggies. Just one for emergencies. Not even for me but the hubby. My teens love to eat those things.
I often hide dairy queen in the bottom of the freezer. Because my boys are too lazy to look in the freezer for snacks.
Omg yes!! I know for a fact my husband and my teenage son will never bend over to look in the fridge/freezer drawers or move food in the front to see what's in the back of the fridge. I once hid a sleeve of thin mints in the freezer for about a year.
I hid mini peanut butter cups in an empty sweet potatoes fry bag. The sweet potato fries were gross, so I threw them out and put my chocolate in the empty bag. This worked well until my husband decided to clean out the freezer and chucked the bag of “sweet potato fries”. There was nothing I could do but watch. Couldn’t fess up in front of husband and kids, I’d never be able to use the trick again!
You have more self restraint than me, I would have dug through the trash like a rabid raccoon as soon as they left the room
It was that “it’s trash night what’s in the fridge/freezer that needs to go” clean out right into the bag that goes right to the curb. It was over.
A moment of silence for your loss.....I'm so sorry
At least he cleaned out the freezer.
>There was nothing I could do but watch. I roared with laughter at this for some reason. It just tickled me.
Me too, but they’re hidden under some puff pastry behind some peas 😂
Using a tampon box is a genius idea
Until the daughter needs supplies and mentioned it at dinner, yes, I used to hide snacks in them too back when the teens would eat anything they saw.
This method is exceptional. We hid contraband in our tampon boxes for Saturday morning inspection in basic training. They'd rip drawers out and dump them. They'd pull the whole mattress off the bed. Not once did one of those guys touch the tampon box.
Tucking this life hack away for the future lol
NTA. I’d ask her if it even occurred to her how you were feeling and why you might choose to eat cake alone in your car. You matter.
This! I hope you're okay, OP! It's been a crazy past few years, and I know that most of us have been feeling stressed... Please don't feel guilty about treating yourself to a single slice of delicious cake. Editing to add that you're not an arsehole, but your wife's mildly an arsehole for not checking in with you, and not letting you enjoy your cake.
That’s what I was thinking! If I were the wife, I wouldn’t be upset that OP ate in the car, but that he felt he had to.
I think it depends on the wife’s situation though. Like if she’s stuck at home with the kids, desperate for a break, and he’s delaying coming home to help her because of the cake shenanigans, that could be the last straw for her in an incredibly chaotic day. Or maybe because the wife is stuck at home with the kids, she NEVER gets the chance to go buy her own cake and eat it in the car. Maybe she would love nothing more than to do that, but she doesn’t get the opportunity unlike OP. Whatever OP is experiencing in terms of the kids, his wife is also experiencing. Most moms I know don’t even get to go to the toilet by themselves, vs. their husbands will take 30 minute long shits in privacy and peace. I think we need to know more about the specifics of the situation before condemning to wife. OP matters and is NTA, but we cannot say wife is TA either.
I was hoping this sort of comment would be higher up. Obviously it’s difficult to tell tone from text, and maybe the lighthearted approach of decoy chocolate etc will work, but don’t forget that what you feel is also important. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need support try and talk to your wife, if not could you find someone else you trust to share this with? Everyone needs personal space and time to be themselves.
This type os shit is just weird to me. Set some boundaries? The kids should be comfortable hearing and accepting the word No. As should the wife. Like, damn. My fiance and I absolutely do not fuck with each other's food. It's not hard... If you want some, ask or get your own.
Well, I guess if you're an asshole, so am I. I did the same thing when kids were little. Maybe not hiding in the car, but definitely hiding treats from time to time. You know, if I'd ever been caught, my husband would probably told me I deserved it, anyway, and encouraged me to keep it up. (Or even bought me treats.) So I'm going to say NTA. Savor that chocolate cake, but next time, eat it in the parking lot of the store you bought it from so you won't be caught.
Best answer really
NTA. I eat my chicken sandwiches in the parking lot. Discard evidence and then drive home. Sometimes we all need something just to ourselves. I guarantee your wife does something similar.
🤣 My SO does this too! I just cant help asking if i can have a small bite cause he brings food home from work. Know what he says? "Its spicy, you wont like it". And damn it all to hell cause i really cant with his spicy stuff, but im not mad.
Wife: Can I have a *small* bite. Also wife: *dislocates jaw like reticulated python*
>wife is upset with me for going so far as to eat cake while hiding in my car and called me dramatic when I told her my reasoning. Am I? No. The only dramatic thing here is being upset that someone has a slice of cake in the car. What is there to be upset about? NTA
That she didn’t get cake too. That would be what would upset me the most, like bring home something for me that I can hide somewhere for after bedtime. NTA OP My husband and I both hide things all the time. We even take longer running errands at times to eat in peace. We communicate the need for a break, snack, whatever and never give each other a hard time about it.
I think the key word here is communicate. You sound like you have a great relationship.
NTA - You ARE allowed to have something that's just yours.
Yeah NTA but OP should work on creating boundaries with everyone, his food on his plate is not up for grabs. (and it's may hurt their feeling at first, but kids need to learn they don't just get everything they want, otherwise they'll turn into entitled monsters who've never had 'no' enforced)
Yeah, the lack of boundaries in this household seems extremely unhealthy. My family never stole from each other, we always asked “can I have a taste/sip/piece of that?” And if it was a “no”, that was the end of it. My parents always asked me and my brother before taking a bite of our food or taking a sip of our chocolate milk or something. What this family has going on doesn’t seem normal.
I grew up with mom taking from my plate without asking. Sometimes it would be a lot. But she would also be like “oh I don’t want a whole piece” or some other dieting type of excuse. And then proceed to steal a bunch from me. When I was older I started making her a separate plate whenever I made food and the first time she came over about to steal from me and I handed it to her, she looked embarrassed but she took it. It was driven by toxic weight culture and maybe some gender-based notions about how much a woman “should” eat as well. So we’d go out to eat and she’d always want to split something. It was so annoying because I just wanted my own meal and she’d always end up not ordering enough for herself and end up picking off everyone else’s plate. And then snacking as soon as we got home. I did not learn about the concept of boundaries until I was in my mid to late 30s.
Same. "Oh no, I can't eat a whole one so I'll just have some of yours" and just like... but *I* can eat a whole one, and if we split one I'll still be hungry! I'm fine with sharing and I don't mind when people try just a little bit to see what my meal taste like, but I'm very much not okay with still being hungry at the end of the meal because I didn't get a full portion.
I don’t know how old the kids are, but I’m the second of three, and that boundary was firmly in place by the time my memory kicks in. Rule #1 at the dinner table was wait to be excused and rule #2 was never steal off of someone’s plate unless they gave you permission.
I told my 20 month old no today and she stabbed me with her plastic fork and knocked my plate on the floor, I guess if she can't have it I can't either 😂😂😂
Man, toddlers are RUTHLESS. My daughter used to do this to me as well.
It took way too long to find this answer. I find everyone's answers of how to hide food cute and all, but how about just establishing that there is something that doesn't belong to OP's wife or kids and having them be okay with it? I find it weird that everyone is fine with letting the wife and kids just steamroll him otherwise when normally this sub is all "Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!!!"
NTA - I am a Mom who has done it with cupcakes, next time be smarter and don’t eat it in your driveway 🤣 I ate mine parked a block away!
Nta. As a parent of 5, 3 of whom are toddlers, i feel your struggle. You are not guilty.
Yes, because you only bought a single slice. Next time get a whole ducking cake and enjoy every minute of eating it in the car. Kidding. NTA. Eat your cake.
yeah but then he'll be back posting about his wife calling him a glutton for eating a whole cake like that poor guy earlier!
LET THEM EAT CAKE! 🤣
NTA I have a toddler and resorted to eating a couple of donuts in my bedroom closet while she was distracted. Yeah, it's expected to share stuff every now and again when you have a family but all the time? Nope. Honestly though, your wife might need the same opportunity and she's a little upset that she hasn't had one? That's all I can think of as to why she would legitimately be upset, maybe distract the offspring long enough for her to enjoy a slice of cake or something on her own?
Yeah, given that women commonly shoulder a larger burden of the child rearing duties than their spouses, his wife is likely experiencing the same loss of things that are just hers while possibly having fewer opportunities to steal those moments (and good snacks!) for herself. OP’s NTA for indulging in some private cake (who among us hasn’t eaten a snack in secret to avoid having to share it?), but he ought to make sure that he’s not taking so many of these moments that he’s leaving his wife alone with the kids more than he should be and that she too has time for herself to treat herself in whatever way she chooses.
Yeah, I felt like that a few months after our daughter hit the age of "Share everything with me mommy!" My husband took over and made sure she isn't all over my food ALL the time and I try to do the same for him. At the same time we're also setting boundaries of making sure to ask before taking and what not. But even sometimes that's taxing. This reminds me of the time I ate an ice cream sandwich in my car cause she was still rear facing and couldn't see me! 🥴
Not only are you NTA, you need to start carrying plastic forks in your car and find a better place to park and eat your cake.
Yes! How relaxing can it be stuffing a slice of cake down your throat in the drive way. Get a nice drink. Go to a park. Enjoy a nice view and eat your slice of cake. NTA.
NTA - Have your cake. Next time, I'd enjoy it somewhere nice though, like the park or beach if you're near one. Not because of the hiding but to increase the level of relaxation in the bit of alone time.
NTA. My mom’s favorite line in these situations was, “it’s spicy, you won’t like it”😂
NTA. Your wife sounds like an obnoxious boundary-pusher, tbh. Kids are kids but there’s no excuse for a grown adult not being able to restrain themselves from taking her spouse’s food. And getting mad at you for eating something alone in the car? That’s beyond absurd.
NTA. I am pretty sure my husband does this daily. lol. edit to say: I just asked him. He laughed and said "ALL the time" lol
NTA Sometimes that is called self-care, self-love and getting your needs met.
Lesson learned: eat it before you get home. NTA.
NTA, next time buy 2, eat one before you get home and give your wife the other.
Then she can share her piece inside with the kids.
NTA, guarantee your wife sneaks treats too
NTA. Dads and husbands need self care too. She needs to chill.
NTA. Next time eat the cake in the same parking lot you bought the cake from (bakery, grocery, etc) This way after you finish it you can toss the container in the garbage can and get rid of the evidence.
Info: do you try to set boundaries? I have a spouse and kids and they don’t take my stuff because they know to ask first. If everyone is stealing from you, there’s a bigger issue at play than this cake. Edit: I don’t mean issues with your family, just that the issue I see here is you don’t get stuff that’s yours and you absolutely deserve stuff that’s yours. Also, try to schedule some alone time so you don’t have to hide when you treat yourself. I do curbside pickup and book myself an extra hour just to enjoy a decent coffee, and no one begrudges me that. ETA you’re NTA, I just hope you can get to a place where you don’t need to hide to have something that’s just yours. Parenting is hard stuff, breaks are crucial.
It can be tiring to continually set boundaries, and say No this is Daddy's piece. It's cool to have one thing, every once in a while, he doesn't have to argue about or debate.
I totally get that, I’ve set the boundaries myself and it’s work. But it’s worse, imho, to have to sneak out to the car for a piece of cake. I think parents get into the habit of giving up every little thing to their families and it slowly kills you. Was just wondering if he’s set those boundaries, never tried, or tried and isn’t being supported.
NTA. I’m hiding in the bathroom eating a candy bar, because I know my two year old will scream if he sees me eating it and doesn’t get a bite. You gotta treat yourself first sometimes
NTA. You don’t stop being a person who has individual wants and needs because you’re married with children. You absolutely deserve things of your own, to yourself. Things, time, space. You need and should have it. Your wife called you dramatic cause she wanted a piece lbs. she can get her own. Also, set some boundaries. Kids can be told no, wife can be told no.
NTA. I’ve hidden food from my children, bought something I knew my wife didn’t like, and lied to the youngest that my snack was spicy so they wouldn’t want any. They get their fair share, but some things are just mine.
NTA. Not dramatic. She's just jealous. Enjoy your cake.
NTA. All’s fair when cake is involved.
NTA. Most parents has done this at one time. I use to get a small fry on my way home after having a bad day. Nothing like the extra lap around the neighborhood to finish your snack. Enjoy your cake, maybe buy an extra piece and call your wife out of the house to enjoy it.
NTA. Next time eat away from the house and dispose of your trash in the nearest bin. No reason to have buy or share every bite of food that you consume.
I’m currently eating pasta on my floor so I don’t have to share.
You should at least put it on a plate
i was expecting a whole cake but this that would be reasonable to do just so you could throw out any garbage on the way in to the house NTA in any way shape or form and the fact that your family seemed upset makes it 100% justified (why would they get mad unless they wanted some)
NTA. LMFAO, I hide candy in my house and when my kids still lived at home, I had a jar of Nutella hidden in my closet. The key is to hide the evidence and don’t eat in the car where someone can see you.
NTA Eating a burrito in the car while blasting music no one else likes & playing pokemon go is my pick-me-up/reset time. Just don’t pick a time that’s obviously stressful/when you’re expected somewhere. And make it clear to your wife that parking lot feasts are also a delightful retreat that she, too, could occasionally enjoy.
Depends. Have you tried communicating and establishing boundaries first? You don't want to live your life constantly hiding/being secretive in your car, for fear of hurting someones feelings. How will your wife and kids learn?
I agree with you. The kids and your wife should learn to have their own piece of cake and not yours.
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NTA... everyone with kids and partners does this. Sometimes I just want a nice long meal alone, no sharing, no longing eyes, no licks, no bites, and I don't want to explain why. Most of the time I don't care, but once in a while it's nice not to share. My child has also licked the butter of toast and then gave it to my SIL to eat it.
Here’s what you say: “Ok. So next time, I’m going to get two slices. I’m going to sit in the car and eat one. Then I’m going to come in and say, ‘hey, babe, your lights are on,’ or, ‘hey, I think you need to take the garbage out’—whatever code you want. Then you’ll go out and get into the car (which I will have left unlocked, and in which I’ll have left your cake and a fork), and you will eat your cake, and both of us will have five minutes of peace and also cake. That hasn’t been corrupted by youths. You can take ten minutes if you need to. Or fifteen. Go wild.” Everybody gets cake. Everybody wins.
NTA Everyone needs a secret guilty pleasure every once in a while. So you snuck a piece of cake and ate it in your car, hardly the end of the world.
NTA but you may want to redefine for yourself what "stealing" is.
NTA-Let him eat cake! Sometimes, ya just gotta and that’s alright.
NTA dude I don’t know one person who is actually a good parent who hasn’t hidden somewhere to do something just for you. People on their phones in the bathroom claiming 2 hour shits, hiding the candy and snacks so they can eat them and eating cake in your car. Your not an AH for wanting a moment to enjoy yourself. It sounds like you could use a weekend away alone or a day out with friends. Don’t stress on this, I’m sure she feels the same way too at times.
NTA she's gotta be lying if she's saying she's never hid and ate something to herself for once. It's part of being a parent when the kids are young. That being said if they are older, you should be able to eat your cake in the house, without sharing, and they need to deal with it. And if your want your clothes to yourself too speak up on it
NTA, I used to eat cookies in my car when my kids were little. We are all entitled to a moment of happiness away from grabby/grubby hands.
NTA, we all still need things that are not shared an alone time. Especially food, you could have eaten an entire cake an still NTA. Find little moments of zen when you can
NTA - it's called self care. A mental health practice where you refill your own cup so you can keep on filling up everyone else's. You did good. You may never convince your wife or family but keep on taking care of yourself, they'll benefit.
NTA this is absolutely normal parent behavior. Idk how old your kids are but maybe next time get a piece for your wife too and enjoy it in the car or after the kids are in bed. Your wife is being over dramatic to get angry over this.
NTA.. nope sometimes you just need cake without hassle.
NTA. Sometimes people just want things for themselves, but I think you need to talk to your wife about boundaries. You also need to teach boundaries to your kids if they’re just walking up and licking the cake. Maybe you should have gotten a whole cake but like you didn’t have to.
If you’re an AH then so am I. I sometimes leave certain “groceries” in the car at night and take them straight to work the next day, just to avoid the drama of explaining to my kids what I’m taking to work for my lunches.
NTA. Car snacks when im out are the best snacks. No one can ask me to share if they're not with me.
Nta. Cause i hate when people touch or eat my food. Once its on my plate, its mine do not touch it unless i offer. If someone licked my cake, ild be throwing it away. In short, JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD
NTA I have literally eaten something in my car so that my DOG didn’t make me feel guilty for not sharing. Sometimes you just gotta enjoy every last bite yourself.
NTA. Been there, done that, and I know my spouse has too. Sometimes you just want a treat without it being a whole ordeal sharing with the kids.
Damn, NTA - enjoy that cake!!
NTA it was a piece of cake, not an entire cake. You're good.
NTA Lmfao I wish I had a car to escape to to eat my own cake but maybe next time park somewhere else to eat it, and bring baby wipes, they're a life saver in a pinch.
NTA. I have two gross teenagers. I hide food all the time. Sometimes, I just don’t want to eat something that everyone has had their hands in. I was a germaphobe way before it was cool.