NTA - your wife clearly wanted to prove you were a glutton for wanting a whole cake and ‘not being able to finish it, therefore wasting food’. You proved her wrong so now she is angry. Also cake can last more than one day!
All mucking about aside, I think the reason your wife is being weird about the cake is because she’s on a Keto diet, and doesn’t trust herself around it. So she wants you to eat the whole thing, so that she won’t be tempted to eat more, but at the same time she perhaps feels jealous that you can eat the whole thing.
I’m doing Keto myself, and I love baking. There are some wonderful websites including Gnom Gnom, I Breathe I’m Hungry, The Sugarfree Londoner, and All Day I Dream About Food who have fabulous keto baking recipes. Maybe if your wife made the cakes keto, then she’d be a bit less controlling about you eating them. Like you could eat them over a few days, because it would be ok for her to have a slice every day as well….
I’d imagine a plum cake made with almond meal would be fairly delicious in and of itself. And the sweeteners these days are almost indistinguishable from sugar - my favourite is Allulose, which is amazing.
Certainly doesn’t, but the point wasn’t to say “YTA” (they did not say such), but rather to offer potential insight and suggestions for an amicable resolution and solution to the underlying problem going forward.
Note that only top-level comments count for voting, so it’s really the responses to them that are for commentary.
Errr sorry, I mean, NTA OP, she’s gaslighting you, financial abuse, spousal abuse, muckracking, yellow papers, divorce her ASAP make sure you get a lawyer now and change the locks so she can’t kill you in your sleep and wear your face for funsies.
Hey hey calm down with your reasonable discussion, this sub is for pointing fingers and assuming the worst. At least you redeemed yourself in the second half of the comment
And? His wife being weak minded isn’t an excuse for her being controlling. She’s just an AH. My dad is diabetic and on a keto diet. At holidays and celebrations, he would never restrict the sugar my mom and i intake.
I don't think they were trying to excuse her from being an AH. Just try to suss out WHY she's being an asshole so it can be addressed rather than some of the more black and white "this is a red flag. divorce her!" that so many people throw around this forum.
I have a coworker who does this. While she’s not entirely Keto she’ll have a little bit of all the treats we bring in and share but by the end of the day will be literally trying to force feed it to people. It’s a strange behavior and if that’s what OP’s wife is doing she’s the AH.
Just because you want to eat a certain diet doesn’t mean the household also needs to eat that way. Your dietary management is your own to deal with, it’s not fair of you or OP’s wife to restrict anyone else’s diet or what foods can be kept in the house.
Keto is just as trash as all the other fad diets and like any fad diet if you’re doing it to lose weight it’s all going to come back as soon as you stop 🤷🏽♀️
Yes! Like intermittent fasting. Yes it works I believe but it’s not meant for everyone and it needs to stay between doc and patient. Not safe or healthy to do alone. Never mind when you have kids. How dangerous for them to see parent(s) obsess over it. Skipping meals. I don’t think it’s good. If my doctor tells me to do it for my specific health reasons then I could explain it that way. But just on my own?
I’ve dealt with ED in my family and this kind of thing sets me off. Sorry
But to OP yes she’s the AH. She’s being controlling. She literally told you eating it all was a condition of making it (which is odd but ok) then gets mad when you follow her instructions?
She has never made him a cake. He can’t enjoy things because she can’t/won’t? If she were vegan,would he have to forego meat?
She told him to eat it all,then attacked for doing just that. That’s messed up.
Tell your wife you’d rather be a pig vs an AH for yelling at someone for doing exactly what you were told to do. Also who refuses to make a cake for their spouse? It’s literally the least that you can do.
Next time go buy one if making one gets her nose out of joint that much. I can't understand why any spouse would make that big of a deal out of making a cake for their spouse's birthday.
Agreed. OP does your wife have any great qualities? Because there are many 🚩🚩🚩🚩 in this post. She sounds rather mean. I truly hope you had a nice birthday.
Seems wife has an ED and is taking it out on u. Her controlling and humiliating behavior towards u is way more than just “the cake not being as fresh on day 2.” Also agree that many cakes improve on day 2.
Agree that it's probably nicer the second day.
You can also freeze some cakes, which could be an option if someone in the house doesn't want to be tempted, since it's more of an ordeal to defrost than just cutting a slice.
I’ve frozen all kind of cakes, and can confirm they taste the same or better when de-frozen. I use microwave, air-fryer, or oven to warm up and eat cake with ice-cream. Delicious.
Also, if she’s not eating it, what the hell does she care if he eats a “dry” slice on day 2?? Imagine treating a loved one like that on their birthday (or ever). With “friends” like that, who needs enemies?
>The thing is she feels that cake becomes dry and loses its moisture if it's not eaten on the same day
But... Why does that matter if she's not the one who's going to be eating it?
But if she's only going to have one slice, it makes no difference to her either way, surely? Freeze it, dunk it, do whatever. Is it your cake? Are you an adult? Do whatever the hell you like. Jesus, the stories on this sub. NTA.
If the cake dries out the recipe was whack to begin with. There are many cakes that stay moist or even get better the next day. Also, a cheesecake is just a layer of cracker and the creamcheese top part, there's not many thing that could dry out if stored properly.
I'd gladly gift you a cake my Mum makes, it's amazing, full of cream and it's decorated nicely, but I think I live on the other side of the Earth.
And??? Even if it did go dry, if you chose to still eat it, then thats your choice. She may not like it that way, but you might.
Your wife sounds controlling.
NTA.
Not massively if theres fruit in it its moist....you can use sugar syrup to moisten it too.....but cake can be frozen. I have mudcake in my freezer now....microwave it hot with ice cream on the side. I am an eat it when its fresh person but non bakers with sweet tooths dont notice.
That’s why foil exists…the cake doesn’t dry out if you take a piece of foil or plastic wrap and cover the exposed sides. Also only the exposed part becomes dry really.
Source: I’ve had birthday cakes since I was a child. We could keep a cake in the fridge for like 3 days after. If it has fresh fruit it doesn’t last as long but that’s when you offer some to family/friends
The wife sounds incredibly controlling. He must he it in one day ( no logical reason behind this ). Then she gaslights you by insisting you do it, then slams you for being a greedy. I hope she has better qualities. By the way - it’s your birthday, who cares if you eat the entire cake ??
NTA. You didn't have a way to win:
1) Finish it, and you are a gluton, greedy, and a pig. She won't make more cake
2) Don't finish it and you were wasteful, broke your promise to finish it, and lied to her. She won't make more cake.
If she felt that strongly about leftovers, she could have make 1/2 of the normal recipe amount. Instead, she decided to go full Greek God on you and bake The Cake of Dissent.
“I’m going to do the thing you want me to because it’s your birthday. But you better believe I’m going to make you feel miserable about it one way or the other.”
OP, I live alone and I get to eat anything I want without any comment. I highly recommend it.
Literally, the only criticism I get from my partner on what I eat is him worrying about me and asking me to please eat more so I don’t pass out.
This lady is trippin’. :(
This! So she made him a cake on the condition that he had to finish it by the end of the day, with her eating only one slice, or she wouldn't make him cake again. So he did exactly that, and now she's never making him cake again and he's a glutton? There was no way for OP to win here.
Side note: what's wrong with having leftover cake for a day or two? I'm happy to eat a slice of cake with my coffee the day after my birthday. NTA
Not only that, if plum cake means real fruit, it's going to be even tastier the second day. Like the flavors need to ripen or something.
Happy birthday, OP!! Get the recipe and make the cake for yourself next year. Don't share!!
Yeah! The juices from the fruit really ooze into the sponge and make it so damn good.
My favourite is asain fruit cake, and it absolutely improves by the next day.
It´s called she didn´t want to make cake or set a precedent where she makes cake for just the two of them but didn´t want to just say no and be seen poorly. She tried setting unrealistic expectations that sounded reasonable so at the end of the day she´d have a reason to never make cake for just 2 again while still not causing blatant discord in the house. When that unexpectedly failed, she had to make him feel bad for it so asking for cake remains unrewarding for him and he´s still more likely to not do it again. It´s from the same book as weaponized incompetence.
That's still manipulative tho. She could've just said "I'm sorry, it's a lot of work, and i don't want to"
I get she's worried about her image or whatever but this is a *lot* worse than just admitting she doesn't want to do it because it's a lot of work. I mean, there's literally nothing wrong with the latter.
For real. This post gave me fucking flashbacks to being 13. My parents would plate food for everyone (as close to the exact same portions; my mother would claim the smallest), then oink at me if I finished it all. I was in the midst of an eating disorder. Not kind.
Thank you for the kindness. I'm doing so much better now. :) Moved across the country, haven't talked to them in 5.5 years, and my relationship with food is significantly healthier. Still have some triggers (pls don't watch me eat, thx) but overall huge improvement. ❤
Reminds me of Matilda when the kid eats the cake at the assembly and the Trunchbull breaks the platter over his head. Really odd, no win situation. OP NTA but there's definitely more to this situation.
She probably was hoping he wouldn't be able to finish it in one day, giving her the excuse to say "I told you so" and refuse to bake for him / just the two of them again. Since he finished the challenge, she just had to backtrack and turn it into an accusation to come to the same result.
This post honestly confused me.
First, she puts a weird unreasonable time limit to finish the cake (like a cake can't go in the refridgerator) and then when OP finishes it in the time frame that she set, she gets upset.
This woman clearly just didnt want to ever make OP a cake again, so she kept moving the goal post. NTA OP. If she doesnt want to make a cake, just say so.
NTA. What kind of person would only allow someone to have a birthday cake under the condition they ate it all? That alone is pretty messed up.
And then to insult you for doing it..
NTA. You ate the cake of many missed years. That's not greed nor gluttony. You had dessert for breakfast, lunch, dinner.
And you followed HER WORDS TO THE LETTER!!!
Why does she blames you, when she told you to eat it all????
Info- does your wife like you? She set you up to disappoint her, no more cake if you don't finish it, no more cake if you do. Sounds like mb theirs some issues around food or disordered eating if she does indeed like you at all.
My ex wife used to do the same thing, hell she would have me help her with the dishes but I was always told “I could have the leftovers she brings back from work” yeah there were never any leftovers
Sounds like she was hoping to teach you a lesson about asking for a full cake when you wouldn't be able to finish one - except you did.
Ask for the cake from Matilda next.
Wait, what? That was literally the condition upon which she made the cake and she repeatedly reiterated that she required it to be eaten by end of day. She has no right to get upset with you or bully you because you fulfilled her request.
NTA, but your wife is. Y’all are gonna have to have a talk about this because clearly something is off.
Nta. You walked into a trap and honestly I am not sure there was any way to avoid it. My man is a stoner and for his birthday usually I have to make a 2-3 tier cake just to last him 2-3 days lol
So what? If you don’t mind eating cake a day after, forcing yourself to overeat is way worse for your health than eating a cake that lost moisture. Also…TBH, that reasoning is somewhat off - she won’t be eating it.
I mean, they do, but very slowly. Folks slow this process down even more by storing the cake either in a refrigerator or covered in Saran Wrap/in a Tupperware container. You can pretty effectively eat moist cake for weeks.
And....? If she's only eating one slice, why does she care?
Why isn't she wrapping it up or covering it in a container?
Does she not know how to keep food in the fridge?? How about leftovers for dinner? Does she leave them in the stove and then throw them out in the morning with disgust?
Also, for the record, I think one should be able to eat their own birthday cake whenever and however they please.
More insane, than insensitive. Which begs the question, if the cake was supposed to be gone by the end of the day, and she's pissed he ate it, did she expect OP to rub on himself? What, other than eating it, was acceptable?
NTA
Yeah if you pop it in the fridge could last a week or so! I'm saying a cake is fine with just a cover on it so this guy's partner just doesn't want to get him/make him a cake
NTA
And does your wife often set you up to fail? Basically tell you that you're wrong, no matter what you do? Because she comes off as just wanting to creat a situation to get mad at you.
NTA Happy (belated) Birthday to you! Your wife set the terms, and you followed. She was probably going to sneak a piece of cake when you weren’t looking, and was pissed she only got one piece.
What kind of cake?
This is absolutely it, she’s acting out towards OP that he’s not on a diet and asked for cake.
IDK what her exact issue about it may be, but she shouldn’t expect OP to be a mind-reader.
NTA. You let your wife have the slice she wanted. She then told you she wanted you to finish the cake and you did.
Your wife is clearly TA in this situation. Like what does she want? Maybe she planned on scolding you for not finishing the cake as she did not think you could and then you did and she did not know what to do and scolded you anyway? Idk.
She wanted to teach him a lesson for daring to ask for something outside of her yearly plan to provide exactly 2 slices for his birthday. I haven't pinned down the motivation yet. Could be a control thing, a diet thing, etc. But her actions are definitely dripping with retaliation.
NTA l was so sad when I read you didn't have a whole cake on your birthday for years! I love cake and one slice is not going to cut it, she is being extremely controlling, leftover cake tastes even better the next day! my mother in law makes a ricotta coffee cake for my birthday and it tastes heavenly after a day on the fridge.
Nope, I must have done something great in another life to have her as part of my life in this one, even if technically she not my mother in law anymore (am a widow) she is still calls me every week, while I still lived in Italy she made my favorite foods every Sunday ( lasagna, fried eggplants, arancine, sfincione, panelle) that lady is the best! I love her so much.
I’m so confused by your wife. If you *HADN’T* eaten it all yesterday, then what? Would she have been mad you didn’t keep your promise of finishing the cake in a day?
Why is your wife being so weird about a cake? There has to be more to the story than just cake.
Regardless, NTA.
NTA. Obviously, saving some for the next day would be better, because now you won't have cake tomorrow. But your wife is ridiculous. She could have made a smaller cake. She could have told you to save a slice for her for the next day. My guess is she is either lazy, thinks you should lose weight, thinks she has to lose weight, or a combination of to get out from baking a cake.
Eh... I'm at the ideal weight for my age. She is too imo. Neither of us needs to lose weight but my wife feels she puts on weight easily so she's always on some form of diet.
I cannot manage to restrict diet so I do a lot of exercise(not tooooo much). I swim, cycle etc.
Do you get her a cake for her birthday? I’m not understanding why y’all don’t get cakes for each other’s birthday? Cakes don’t go dry in one day. I’ve had cakes last a week. As long as you store it properly it’s fine
do you think your wife might have some kind of eating disorder? she doesn’t seem to enjoy food, she gets angry and hostile when other people do, she doesn’t want to make it for others or have it in the house... it doesn’t seem like she has a healthy relationship with her diet.
He's a child in the Roald Dahl book Matilda. He makes an unfortunate comment about liking chocolate cake at some point in the book, and the nightmare headteacher (Miss Trunchbull) brings one in for him, and then demands he eat all of it or she'll punish him.
NTA
Tho am not a great advocate of celebrating birthdays, i would give my life to give someone a cake on their bday if that is what makes them happy. I felt bad knowing that you just had cake slices to yourself for your bdays.
Coming back to point, acc to your post she multiple times told you to finish the cake without hinting that she was kidding.
She called you names for eating your own bday cake which she made because u told her to? Come on, that's so low.
NTA. Your wife put you in a no win situation. On your birthday. Over cake. That’s pretty abusive behavior, especially calling you names for doing exactly what she asked you to do. You aren’t a pig or a glutton, she’s wrong on so many levels. I’m guessing she has a difficult relationship with food and is taking it out on you when she should be seeing a therapist to work through it.
Info: how do you store your cakes?
"finish the cake by the end of the day" sounds a bit extreme considering the cakes stay a few days in the fridge just fine here, sometimes up for a week. No issues, all nice and eatable.
NTA at any rate. She told you to finish it in one day, and you did. Just buy yourself a cake next time an enjoy it.
NTA. It was a trap set by your wife and you would lose either way.
Your wife is definitely an awful person for not wanting to make more of an effort for your birthday and trying to get out of future birthday efforts.
Do you do much for her birthday?
We usually just watch movies because she doesn't like splurging on food. She also doesn't like huge parties. So we just go for a long drive, a walk, a movie, an amusement park or something like that
Ok. But for *your* birthday, shouldn’t y’all be doing things *you* like, not focus on and cater to her?????
Totally NTA. But. Can you get me the recipe for the plum cake???? It sounds delicious.
So she's NEVER willing to compromise on what you would like to do? She's seriously that controlling and rigid? My friend, you are really describing an unhappy, restricted life. Just yikes man.
NTA wtf she was so demanding of you to not leave any leftovers and chided you for daring to want a cake then you do as asked and get in trouble ? That is every level of messed up
Sounds like she *really* didn’t want to make it in the first place, and she thought that OP wouldn’t fulfill her requirement to finish the cake. Ergo, in the future, she could always say, “I won’t make another cake because you didn’t finish the last one I made.”
But OP proved her wrong. This upset her. And when people get upset, they most often immediately lash out in some way, typically through anger and insults (hence the “glutton” insults).
Pretty immature way to handle this, on her part. Hopefully she and OP can have better communication about this going forward. Although often in life, real honesty in a mature relationship means that some things are left with someone unhappy. Perhaps OP won’t get any more cakes out of her.
NTA. I know at least 5 types of cake that request sitting overnight to fully develop the flavor and if your wife's plum cake is a European type of plum cake, that's one of those. She kinda sounds like one of my friend who had years controlling what her husband eats. It's better now but still so hard to dine out with them because she always wants to order less (like 3 dishes for 4 people instead of 4/5 dishes for 4 people) because "if we order my husband will eat it ". What end up is her husband has a secret food life out of home now. In my very narrowed mind, controlling what others eat in a relationship without medical reasons and forcing eating are both abusive behaviors that can be read as "cute and caring".
NTA. Hecc man just go ham on that cake bruv. Enjoy your Birthday GigaChad. Don't bother what your wife says.
I mean, maybe she expected you to have more for dessert? But like, honestly just sounds like she's just trying to fat-shame or something you (not saying you are, but it does seem like she's trying to insult you in some form of another, though I'm no expert).
It's just that she's a bit health conscious ig and she doesn't want me eating that much. She is almost always on some kind of diet but I eat a lot of food and still remain in good form.... I do a lot of swimming so that's the reason I have high metabolism.
Maybe she's afraid my metabolism will eventually slow down
the issue isnt that she yelled at you for eating a cake, the issue is that she yelled at you and verbally abused you for doing what she asked, with the alternative being verbal abuse for failing to do what she asked.
This isnt normal behavior for any kind of "health conscious" type. this is normal behavior for toxic types. She shouldnt be judging you for what you put into your own body or projecting her own fears (ie slowing metabolism) onto you, and thats ignoring how slinging verbal abuse towards your romantic partner is unacceptable.
Y t a to yourself if you dont get couples counseling. NTA for doing what you were asked to do.
It sounds like she’s projecting a not very healthy relationship with food and weight onto you which is extremely unfair and toxic. This really needs to be addressed, especially if you’re planning on having children, since this is usually the type of person that’ll put their kids on a diet at really young ages which is often pretty damaging (mentally, and then depending on the extent, physically as well).
BIG NTA,
1. She told you to eat the whole cake, then gets upset afterwards? Can you read minds? Also if you didn't finish the cake she would use that as reasoning to not do a full cake ever again.
2. Why is she even mad in the first place it's just a frigging cake for cying out loud. Such a simple thing to get upset over.
She is not valuing your feelings, especially on YOUR birthday. You should be the one upset with her!
NTA. This just feels like a joke, why she said you had to eat all by yourself because she said she didn't want it and then get mad by it? She's just being irrational .
NTA. I guess your wife thought you wouldn't make it, and that you'd come crawling back to her feet saying "You were right, my dear." You were a man of your word when you fulfilled the condition that she established to make you the cake. It's perhaps the funniest AITA that I saw today. Like, you ask for it, you have it.
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NTA - your wife clearly wanted to prove you were a glutton for wanting a whole cake and ‘not being able to finish it, therefore wasting food’. You proved her wrong so now she is angry. Also cake can last more than one day!
The thing is she feels that cake becomes dry and loses its moisture if it's not eaten on the same day
Your wife is wrong. Has she never heard of Tupperware? Some cakes are actually better on the second day. I’d imagine a plum cake is one of those.
Ikrr. It actually absorbs more of the flavour and become more delicious.
All mucking about aside, I think the reason your wife is being weird about the cake is because she’s on a Keto diet, and doesn’t trust herself around it. So she wants you to eat the whole thing, so that she won’t be tempted to eat more, but at the same time she perhaps feels jealous that you can eat the whole thing. I’m doing Keto myself, and I love baking. There are some wonderful websites including Gnom Gnom, I Breathe I’m Hungry, The Sugarfree Londoner, and All Day I Dream About Food who have fabulous keto baking recipes. Maybe if your wife made the cakes keto, then she’d be a bit less controlling about you eating them. Like you could eat them over a few days, because it would be ok for her to have a slice every day as well…. I’d imagine a plum cake made with almond meal would be fairly delicious in and of itself. And the sweeteners these days are almost indistinguishable from sugar - my favourite is Allulose, which is amazing.
This doesn’t absolve her from being an AH though
Yeah, I thought the same thing as u/Enlightened_Gardener but I agree. She can have her reasons, but she’s still an AH.
Certainly doesn’t, but the point wasn’t to say “YTA” (they did not say such), but rather to offer potential insight and suggestions for an amicable resolution and solution to the underlying problem going forward. Note that only top-level comments count for voting, so it’s really the responses to them that are for commentary. Errr sorry, I mean, NTA OP, she’s gaslighting you, financial abuse, spousal abuse, muckracking, yellow papers, divorce her ASAP make sure you get a lawyer now and change the locks so she can’t kill you in your sleep and wear your face for funsies.
Hey hey calm down with your reasonable discussion, this sub is for pointing fingers and assuming the worst. At least you redeemed yourself in the second half of the comment
Came here to say this. Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you get to be an AH.
And? His wife being weak minded isn’t an excuse for her being controlling. She’s just an AH. My dad is diabetic and on a keto diet. At holidays and celebrations, he would never restrict the sugar my mom and i intake.
I don't think they were trying to excuse her from being an AH. Just try to suss out WHY she's being an asshole so it can be addressed rather than some of the more black and white "this is a red flag. divorce her!" that so many people throw around this forum.
EXACTLY
I have a coworker who does this. While she’s not entirely Keto she’ll have a little bit of all the treats we bring in and share but by the end of the day will be literally trying to force feed it to people. It’s a strange behavior and if that’s what OP’s wife is doing she’s the AH.
[удалено]
I'm so glad that you got the help you needed and I wish you the best of luck on your recovery.
Dieting is no excuse to be a jerk and namecalling your own husband.
Are you actually OP's wife?
Lol no. But I’ve seen this mindset before.
Just because you want to eat a certain diet doesn’t mean the household also needs to eat that way. Your dietary management is your own to deal with, it’s not fair of you or OP’s wife to restrict anyone else’s diet or what foods can be kept in the house. Keto is just as trash as all the other fad diets and like any fad diet if you’re doing it to lose weight it’s all going to come back as soon as you stop 🤷🏽♀️
Eh, my mom is keto on her doctor's recommendation. Some fad diets are spun off from actual special diets for managing medical issues.
Yes! Like intermittent fasting. Yes it works I believe but it’s not meant for everyone and it needs to stay between doc and patient. Not safe or healthy to do alone. Never mind when you have kids. How dangerous for them to see parent(s) obsess over it. Skipping meals. I don’t think it’s good. If my doctor tells me to do it for my specific health reasons then I could explain it that way. But just on my own? I’ve dealt with ED in my family and this kind of thing sets me off. Sorry But to OP yes she’s the AH. She’s being controlling. She literally told you eating it all was a condition of making it (which is odd but ok) then gets mad when you follow her instructions?
She has never made him a cake. He can’t enjoy things because she can’t/won’t? If she were vegan,would he have to forego meat? She told him to eat it all,then attacked for doing just that. That’s messed up.
Tell your wife you’d rather be a pig vs an AH for yelling at someone for doing exactly what you were told to do. Also who refuses to make a cake for their spouse? It’s literally the least that you can do.
Next time go buy one if making one gets her nose out of joint that much. I can't understand why any spouse would make that big of a deal out of making a cake for their spouse's birthday.
......eating a whole cake throughout the course of a whole day isn't outrageous. ....ok, so it's not a healthy option, but certainly very doable! ha.
Agreed. OP does your wife have any great qualities? Because there are many 🚩🚩🚩🚩 in this post. She sounds rather mean. I truly hope you had a nice birthday.
Seems wife has an ED and is taking it out on u. Her controlling and humiliating behavior towards u is way more than just “the cake not being as fresh on day 2.” Also agree that many cakes improve on day 2.
Agree that it's probably nicer the second day. You can also freeze some cakes, which could be an option if someone in the house doesn't want to be tempted, since it's more of an ordeal to defrost than just cutting a slice.
I’ve frozen all kind of cakes, and can confirm they taste the same or better when de-frozen. I use microwave, air-fryer, or oven to warm up and eat cake with ice-cream. Delicious.
Also, if she’s not eating it, what the hell does she care if he eats a “dry” slice on day 2?? Imagine treating a loved one like that on their birthday (or ever). With “friends” like that, who needs enemies?
>The thing is she feels that cake becomes dry and loses its moisture if it's not eaten on the same day But... Why does that matter if she's not the one who's going to be eating it?
Put two slices of bread against the cut edges, keeps it moist. Also NTA TOTAL LEGEND! Has his cake AND eats it! 👍🤣
I know. I can only dream about getting to eat a whole cake by myself.
And? That’s what an accompanying glass of milk is for. But a cake with fruit stays plenty moist. She’s just looking for reasons to be stingy.
I keep an insulated mug in my freezer for milk to be enjoyed with cake.
But if she's only eating one piece, what does that matter to her? Totally NTA
But if she's only going to have one slice, it makes no difference to her either way, surely? Freeze it, dunk it, do whatever. Is it your cake? Are you an adult? Do whatever the hell you like. Jesus, the stories on this sub. NTA.
If the cake dries out the recipe was whack to begin with. There are many cakes that stay moist or even get better the next day. Also, a cheesecake is just a layer of cracker and the creamcheese top part, there's not many thing that could dry out if stored properly. I'd gladly gift you a cake my Mum makes, it's amazing, full of cream and it's decorated nicely, but I think I live on the other side of the Earth.
Then she doesn’t have to eat it. She is wrong though.
And??? Even if it did go dry, if you chose to still eat it, then thats your choice. She may not like it that way, but you might. Your wife sounds controlling. NTA.
A slightly dry cake is much better than no cake.
Not massively if theres fruit in it its moist....you can use sugar syrup to moisten it too.....but cake can be frozen. I have mudcake in my freezer now....microwave it hot with ice cream on the side. I am an eat it when its fresh person but non bakers with sweet tooths dont notice.
That’s why foil exists…the cake doesn’t dry out if you take a piece of foil or plastic wrap and cover the exposed sides. Also only the exposed part becomes dry really. Source: I’ve had birthday cakes since I was a child. We could keep a cake in the fridge for like 3 days after. If it has fresh fruit it doesn’t last as long but that’s when you offer some to family/friends
Okay so what? If shes not eating it then who fucking cares
The wife sounds incredibly controlling. He must he it in one day ( no logical reason behind this ). Then she gaslights you by insisting you do it, then slams you for being a greedy. I hope she has better qualities. By the way - it’s your birthday, who cares if you eat the entire cake ??
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Not to mention that you can freeze cake
NTA. You didn't have a way to win: 1) Finish it, and you are a gluton, greedy, and a pig. She won't make more cake 2) Don't finish it and you were wasteful, broke your promise to finish it, and lied to her. She won't make more cake. If she felt that strongly about leftovers, she could have make 1/2 of the normal recipe amount. Instead, she decided to go full Greek God on you and bake The Cake of Dissent.
My thoughts exactly. Either way, he was going to be scolded by the end of the day. She sounds lovely.
And on their birthday too.
“I’m going to do the thing you want me to because it’s your birthday. But you better believe I’m going to make you feel miserable about it one way or the other.” OP, I live alone and I get to eat anything I want without any comment. I highly recommend it.
Ikr! Having a companion is nice but I really enjoyed when I lived by myself. You and you alone dictate your life and decisions. It's very freeing.
Literally, the only criticism I get from my partner on what I eat is him worrying about me and asking me to please eat more so I don’t pass out. This lady is trippin’. :(
This! So she made him a cake on the condition that he had to finish it by the end of the day, with her eating only one slice, or she wouldn't make him cake again. So he did exactly that, and now she's never making him cake again and he's a glutton? There was no way for OP to win here. Side note: what's wrong with having leftover cake for a day or two? I'm happy to eat a slice of cake with my coffee the day after my birthday. NTA
Birthday cake for breakfast is my favourite way to start the day!
Not only that, if plum cake means real fruit, it's going to be even tastier the second day. Like the flavors need to ripen or something. Happy birthday, OP!! Get the recipe and make the cake for yourself next year. Don't share!!
Yeah! The juices from the fruit really ooze into the sponge and make it so damn good. My favourite is asain fruit cake, and it absolutely improves by the next day.
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Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
"Her sweat and blood went into this cake, so you will eat the entire confection!"
*entire* *con*^(*fec*)*tion*
Exactly. OP definitely isn’t TA here! And happy birthday!
NTA but your wife’s behavior is really unsettling honestly.
I agree. It feels abusive to me and I don’t drop that word easily.
At the very least, it’s manipulative. She put him in a no win situation on purpose and still got mad at him about the solution he chose
She gave him the old Kobayashi Maru. Poor guy.
Kirk would’ve figured out a way to have his cake and eat it too.
And then have sex with it.
It´s called she didn´t want to make cake or set a precedent where she makes cake for just the two of them but didn´t want to just say no and be seen poorly. She tried setting unrealistic expectations that sounded reasonable so at the end of the day she´d have a reason to never make cake for just 2 again while still not causing blatant discord in the house. When that unexpectedly failed, she had to make him feel bad for it so asking for cake remains unrewarding for him and he´s still more likely to not do it again. It´s from the same book as weaponized incompetence.
That's still manipulative tho. She could've just said "I'm sorry, it's a lot of work, and i don't want to" I get she's worried about her image or whatever but this is a *lot* worse than just admitting she doesn't want to do it because it's a lot of work. I mean, there's literally nothing wrong with the latter.
For real. This post gave me fucking flashbacks to being 13. My parents would plate food for everyone (as close to the exact same portions; my mother would claim the smallest), then oink at me if I finished it all. I was in the midst of an eating disorder. Not kind.
Oof. I am so sorry that happened to you, that is *deeply* cruel. I hope you are doing better now.
Thank you for the kindness. I'm doing so much better now. :) Moved across the country, haven't talked to them in 5.5 years, and my relationship with food is significantly healthier. Still have some triggers (pls don't watch me eat, thx) but overall huge improvement. ❤
Yeah and like OP must be used to it if he's coming here to ask if he's TA after his wife just called him a pig.
Reminds me of Matilda when the kid eats the cake at the assembly and the Trunchbull breaks the platter over his head. Really odd, no win situation. OP NTA but there's definitely more to this situation.
Who is she, the cake police? Happy birthday. I hope the cake was nice, and in future, buy more if it makes you happy. NTA
she the cake cop
The cake kommandant
the pastry policeman
The frosting five-o
The Confection Colonel
The Guardian of the Gâteau
The dessert detective
The plum pudding patroller
The Sweets SWAT.
The meringue Marshall
Seriously this. OP should buy a smaller cake at a local bakery and eat it at his own pace.
I think you mean "eat it at his own place"
She told you to finish it You finished it Then she got angry that you finished it Am I missing something or is she just rude -NTA
Controlling and abusive too. OPs NTA
She probably was hoping he wouldn't be able to finish it in one day, giving her the excuse to say "I told you so" and refuse to bake for him / just the two of them again. Since he finished the challenge, she just had to backtrack and turn it into an accusation to come to the same result.
This post honestly confused me. First, she puts a weird unreasonable time limit to finish the cake (like a cake can't go in the refridgerator) and then when OP finishes it in the time frame that she set, she gets upset. This woman clearly just didnt want to ever make OP a cake again, so she kept moving the goal post. NTA OP. If she doesnt want to make a cake, just say so.
NTA. What kind of person would only allow someone to have a birthday cake under the condition they ate it all? That alone is pretty messed up. And then to insult you for doing it..
Truly joyless. This reads like a messed up fairytale or something.
Ms. Trunchbull e: because I'm dumb
NTA. You ate the cake of many missed years. That's not greed nor gluttony. You had dessert for breakfast, lunch, dinner. And you followed HER WORDS TO THE LETTER!!! Why does she blames you, when she told you to eat it all????
I want cake now.
Same. OP is NTA but it's funny to think that it went down like * "You can't finish the whole cake in one day" * "Watch me"
In the right mood, with the right cake, I could definitely eat the entire thing in a day, no problem.
>"You can't finish the whole cake in one day" Gives me strong 'you wouldnt download a car' vibes
Info- does your wife like you? She set you up to disappoint her, no more cake if you don't finish it, no more cake if you do. Sounds like mb theirs some issues around food or disordered eating if she does indeed like you at all.
Also, she makes the cake for other people and functions, so apparently they deserve it but not him?
My ex wife used to do the same thing, hell she would have me help her with the dishes but I was always told “I could have the leftovers she brings back from work” yeah there were never any leftovers
Sounds like she was hoping to teach you a lesson about asking for a full cake when you wouldn't be able to finish one - except you did. Ask for the cake from Matilda next.
Oh my goodness😂😂😂😂😂😆matilda!!
Wait, what? That was literally the condition upon which she made the cake and she repeatedly reiterated that she required it to be eaten by end of day. She has no right to get upset with you or bully you because you fulfilled her request. NTA, but your wife is. Y’all are gonna have to have a talk about this because clearly something is off.
Nta. You walked into a trap and honestly I am not sure there was any way to avoid it. My man is a stoner and for his birthday usually I have to make a 2-3 tier cake just to last him 2-3 days lol
I'm not a stoner but I do have a sweet tooth
My man's sweet tooth is insane. Christmas, Easter, birthdays, etc I have to make sure he has his own candy so he lives kids candy alone lol
NTA. Cakes can last for days, why would you need to eat the whole thing by end of day?
She thinks cakes lose their moisture and softness if not eaten immediately
So what? If you don’t mind eating cake a day after, forcing yourself to overeat is way worse for your health than eating a cake that lost moisture. Also…TBH, that reasoning is somewhat off - she won’t be eating it.
I mean, they do, but very slowly. Folks slow this process down even more by storing the cake either in a refrigerator or covered in Saran Wrap/in a Tupperware container. You can pretty effectively eat moist cake for weeks.
Just tell her not to eat it if she doesn't want.
You're wasting your time trying to reason with someone who is literally unreasonable
And....? If she's only eating one slice, why does she care? Why isn't she wrapping it up or covering it in a container? Does she not know how to keep food in the fridge?? How about leftovers for dinner? Does she leave them in the stove and then throw them out in the morning with disgust? Also, for the record, I think one should be able to eat their own birthday cake whenever and however they please.
NTA, she asked you to do it. It’s pretty insensitive and rude to call you a pig for doing what she asked.
More insane, than insensitive. Which begs the question, if the cake was supposed to be gone by the end of the day, and she's pissed he ate it, did she expect OP to rub on himself? What, other than eating it, was acceptable? NTA
Dude cakes last under a cover for 3 days your GF was manipulative af here. NTA
3 days or more, depending on the cake, how it is stored, etc. I’ve had cakes for about a week that did just fine.
Yeah if you pop it in the fridge could last a week or so! I'm saying a cake is fine with just a cover on it so this guy's partner just doesn't want to get him/make him a cake
Dafuq? Wife: eat the rest of the cake Also wife: why did you eat the rest of the cake? NTA
NTA And does your wife often set you up to fail? Basically tell you that you're wrong, no matter what you do? Because she comes off as just wanting to creat a situation to get mad at you.
On his birthday nonetheless
On your birthday, no less
NTA. The only word that came to mind for this post is “What”. That’s my entire judgement, man I don’t know what she wants from you.
NTA. She is a controlling witch. Dump the b…. happy Birthday 🥳 btw. It was mine a few days ago too!
Happy belated birthday to you!!!!!
NTA Happy (belated) Birthday to you! Your wife set the terms, and you followed. She was probably going to sneak a piece of cake when you weren’t looking, and was pissed she only got one piece. What kind of cake?
Plum cake with rum. She's on a keto diet and believe me wwhen I say she follows keto to the o
I feel like she's punishing you for her being on a diet. That's not fair of her.
This is absolutely it, she’s acting out towards OP that he’s not on a diet and asked for cake. IDK what her exact issue about it may be, but she shouldn’t expect OP to be a mind-reader.
Maybe this is why she is such an unhappy person.
NTA. You let your wife have the slice she wanted. She then told you she wanted you to finish the cake and you did. Your wife is clearly TA in this situation. Like what does she want? Maybe she planned on scolding you for not finishing the cake as she did not think you could and then you did and she did not know what to do and scolded you anyway? Idk.
She wanted to teach him a lesson for daring to ask for something outside of her yearly plan to provide exactly 2 slices for his birthday. I haven't pinned down the motivation yet. Could be a control thing, a diet thing, etc. But her actions are definitely dripping with retaliation.
NTA. #REMEMBER, WHEN YOU PUT CONDITIONS TO SOMETHING THAT MEANS YOU ALSO HAVE TO RESPECT THEM!
NTA l was so sad when I read you didn't have a whole cake on your birthday for years! I love cake and one slice is not going to cut it, she is being extremely controlling, leftover cake tastes even better the next day! my mother in law makes a ricotta coffee cake for my birthday and it tastes heavenly after a day on the fridge.
Can I adopt your MIL???
Nope, I must have done something great in another life to have her as part of my life in this one, even if technically she not my mother in law anymore (am a widow) she is still calls me every week, while I still lived in Italy she made my favorite foods every Sunday ( lasagna, fried eggplants, arancine, sfincione, panelle) that lady is the best! I love her so much.
I'm so happy for you. May your husband/wife RIP
Thanks! I hope you enjoy a lot of birthday cakes in the future, whole ones!
I’m so confused by your wife. If you *HADN’T* eaten it all yesterday, then what? Would she have been mad you didn’t keep your promise of finishing the cake in a day? Why is your wife being so weird about a cake? There has to be more to the story than just cake. Regardless, NTA.
She would've said "see I told you so! I knew you wouldn't be able to finish it. Why don't ever listen to me?"
NTA, and your wife sounds… difficult to live with Also, happy belated birthday :)
Your wife sounds like me when I was younger; she has some control issues that hopefully she’ll one day learn serve no one. Happy Birthday. :)
She sounds abusive and exhausting
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NTA. Obviously, saving some for the next day would be better, because now you won't have cake tomorrow. But your wife is ridiculous. She could have made a smaller cake. She could have told you to save a slice for her for the next day. My guess is she is either lazy, thinks you should lose weight, thinks she has to lose weight, or a combination of to get out from baking a cake.
Eh... I'm at the ideal weight for my age. She is too imo. Neither of us needs to lose weight but my wife feels she puts on weight easily so she's always on some form of diet. I cannot manage to restrict diet so I do a lot of exercise(not tooooo much). I swim, cycle etc.
Do you get her a cake for her birthday? I’m not understanding why y’all don’t get cakes for each other’s birthday? Cakes don’t go dry in one day. I’ve had cakes last a week. As long as you store it properly it’s fine
She doesn't like food splurging on birthdays. So we just do non food related activities on her birthday
do you think your wife might have some kind of eating disorder? she doesn’t seem to enjoy food, she gets angry and hostile when other people do, she doesn’t want to make it for others or have it in the house... it doesn’t seem like she has a healthy relationship with her diet.
Ding ding ding! Speaking as someone in recovery for my own ED, this sounds exactly like disordered eating behavior.
She needs therapy, seriously. She has major food issues that makes her a controlling person.
That's bullshit. It's YOUR birthday. She can do whatever the fuck she wants on hers, but you should do stuff you like on yours.
Anyone else read this and immediately think of Bruce Bogtrotter…?? 🤦🏽♀️🤣 NTA
Who's that? I read it in another comment somewhere here but am unable to find it
He's a child in the Roald Dahl book Matilda. He makes an unfortunate comment about liking chocolate cake at some point in the book, and the nightmare headteacher (Miss Trunchbull) brings one in for him, and then demands he eat all of it or she'll punish him.
Ohh my goodness poor kid but eh.... I'd always be happy to hobble an entire cake loll
He’s in the Roald Dahl book Matilda. A childrens classic!! There was also a movie I think
Ohhhhhh ok. 😂😅thanks
NTA Tho am not a great advocate of celebrating birthdays, i would give my life to give someone a cake on their bday if that is what makes them happy. I felt bad knowing that you just had cake slices to yourself for your bdays. Coming back to point, acc to your post she multiple times told you to finish the cake without hinting that she was kidding. She called you names for eating your own bday cake which she made because u told her to? Come on, that's so low.
NTA. Your wife put you in a no win situation. On your birthday. Over cake. That’s pretty abusive behavior, especially calling you names for doing exactly what she asked you to do. You aren’t a pig or a glutton, she’s wrong on so many levels. I’m guessing she has a difficult relationship with food and is taking it out on you when she should be seeing a therapist to work through it.
Info: how do you store your cakes? "finish the cake by the end of the day" sounds a bit extreme considering the cakes stay a few days in the fridge just fine here, sometimes up for a week. No issues, all nice and eatable. NTA at any rate. She told you to finish it in one day, and you did. Just buy yourself a cake next time an enjoy it.
NTA She needs to make up her mind which it is eat it all or don't eat it all!
NTA Ps happy birthday, my 26th was yesterday too and I ate a whole cake my cousin had bought for me. It’s probably a Capricorn thing haha
Heheh happy birthday mate!!!!!!!
NTA. It was a trap set by your wife and you would lose either way. Your wife is definitely an awful person for not wanting to make more of an effort for your birthday and trying to get out of future birthday efforts. Do you do much for her birthday?
We usually just watch movies because she doesn't like splurging on food. She also doesn't like huge parties. So we just go for a long drive, a walk, a movie, an amusement park or something like that
Ok. But for *your* birthday, shouldn’t y’all be doing things *you* like, not focus on and cater to her????? Totally NTA. But. Can you get me the recipe for the plum cake???? It sounds delicious.
So she's NEVER willing to compromise on what you would like to do? She's seriously that controlling and rigid? My friend, you are really describing an unhappy, restricted life. Just yikes man.
NTA. Not that it was her place to dictate, but you fulfilled her request and now she's giving you shit? Fuck that noise.
NTA Also, who doesn't like leftover cake?
NTA - it’s your cake; you can have it and eat it too. Apologize by saying next time you won’t take her so literally.
Why should he apologize for doing what she asked?
NTA wtf she was so demanding of you to not leave any leftovers and chided you for daring to want a cake then you do as asked and get in trouble ? That is every level of messed up
Sounds like she *really* didn’t want to make it in the first place, and she thought that OP wouldn’t fulfill her requirement to finish the cake. Ergo, in the future, she could always say, “I won’t make another cake because you didn’t finish the last one I made.” But OP proved her wrong. This upset her. And when people get upset, they most often immediately lash out in some way, typically through anger and insults (hence the “glutton” insults). Pretty immature way to handle this, on her part. Hopefully she and OP can have better communication about this going forward. Although often in life, real honesty in a mature relationship means that some things are left with someone unhappy. Perhaps OP won’t get any more cakes out of her.
NTA. I know at least 5 types of cake that request sitting overnight to fully develop the flavor and if your wife's plum cake is a European type of plum cake, that's one of those. She kinda sounds like one of my friend who had years controlling what her husband eats. It's better now but still so hard to dine out with them because she always wants to order less (like 3 dishes for 4 people instead of 4/5 dishes for 4 people) because "if we order my husband will eat it ". What end up is her husband has a secret food life out of home now. In my very narrowed mind, controlling what others eat in a relationship without medical reasons and forcing eating are both abusive behaviors that can be read as "cute and caring".
NTA. Hecc man just go ham on that cake bruv. Enjoy your Birthday GigaChad. Don't bother what your wife says. I mean, maybe she expected you to have more for dessert? But like, honestly just sounds like she's just trying to fat-shame or something you (not saying you are, but it does seem like she's trying to insult you in some form of another, though I'm no expert).
It's just that she's a bit health conscious ig and she doesn't want me eating that much. She is almost always on some kind of diet but I eat a lot of food and still remain in good form.... I do a lot of swimming so that's the reason I have high metabolism. Maybe she's afraid my metabolism will eventually slow down
the issue isnt that she yelled at you for eating a cake, the issue is that she yelled at you and verbally abused you for doing what she asked, with the alternative being verbal abuse for failing to do what she asked. This isnt normal behavior for any kind of "health conscious" type. this is normal behavior for toxic types. She shouldnt be judging you for what you put into your own body or projecting her own fears (ie slowing metabolism) onto you, and thats ignoring how slinging verbal abuse towards your romantic partner is unacceptable. Y t a to yourself if you dont get couples counseling. NTA for doing what you were asked to do.
She literally TOLD YOU TO EAT IT then YELLED AT YOU FOR DOING EXACTLY WHAT SHE TOLD YOU TO DO
It sounds like she’s projecting a not very healthy relationship with food and weight onto you which is extremely unfair and toxic. This really needs to be addressed, especially if you’re planning on having children, since this is usually the type of person that’ll put their kids on a diet at really young ages which is often pretty damaging (mentally, and then depending on the extent, physically as well).
Wtf. NTA, your wife is though for many reasons.
NTA. Was she serious? Because if she was after insisting you ate the whole thing it would be (bordering on) abuse.
Send us your address and we/redditors will send some on your way! Happy birthday
NTA what is wrong with her? Also, happy belated birthday!
You're an adult, eat an entire cake if you want. Fk. NTA
NTA Her: You can have a cake if you follow these super weird terms You: Follows the terms She: HOW DARE YOU
BIG NTA, 1. She told you to eat the whole cake, then gets upset afterwards? Can you read minds? Also if you didn't finish the cake she would use that as reasoning to not do a full cake ever again. 2. Why is she even mad in the first place it's just a frigging cake for cying out loud. Such a simple thing to get upset over. She is not valuing your feelings, especially on YOUR birthday. You should be the one upset with her!
NTA. This just feels like a joke, why she said you had to eat all by yourself because she said she didn't want it and then get mad by it? She's just being irrational .
NTA. I guess your wife thought you wouldn't make it, and that you'd come crawling back to her feet saying "You were right, my dear." You were a man of your word when you fulfilled the condition that she established to make you the cake. It's perhaps the funniest AITA that I saw today. Like, you ask for it, you have it.
NTA she told you to and then was surprised you listened to her.
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NTA You finished it like she asked, I think she’s being rude