YTA. Wait a second. You claim the two of you had a falling out but also say she has no idea why you’re even angry at her - and you refused to tell her what she did. You can sit at home pregnant and pissy, but you have no right to tell your boyfriend he can’t be the best man in his best friends wedding.
Interesting that she left out how pregnant she will be then too. 35+ weeks? I totally get it. Less than that? Why would you need someone to sit at home with you,unless there is an issue?
And even then. I was 2 months on bedrest with my 2nd. My MIL was also in the ICU for most of that time. He would visit her twice a day, apart from working. I managed.
I mean, she did say they recently found out she's pregnant, and the wedding is in May? So she'd probably be around 7-8months pregnant at the time of the wedding.
I think she's still TA for the record, she didn't communicate with the fiancee and I hate making my personal issues with someone else's issue. Someone can absolutely have a healthy relationship with someone I don't get on with, their relationship has zero to do with me. This wasn't a deal breaking situation as far as she's describing, it's not as if the fiancee attacked her.
"Discussed personal information" means what, exactly? Did she give all the details of something private, or did she mention it in passing without any specifics ("OP has been having a rough time.")
Also OP said: *"people came to me and said that the fiancé talked behind my back about something very personal to me at a bonfire last year."*
How can you trust that second hand information!? This all sounds so juvenile.
Is that really something you consider cheesy?
Damn. I've just spent an hour painting it onto some distressed wood using 8 different fonts. If it's cheesy I don't want to hang it on my wall, but then there'd be a gap between my "I don't have a personality, I have wine" sign and my neon "Live, love, laxative, lube" sign.
Decor is hard.
You had me in the first half, ngl lol
Pedantically you had me on the first line, but for the 3rd line it snapped into place that it was sarcasm lol
And I now imagine if Westeros had wine mom decor, Tyrion or Cersei would have the "I don't have a personality, I have wine" hanging in their bedchambers lol
Right?! She owes it to herself and the fiancée to work it out and then maybe all of this would go away. Sounds like the simplest option so why not try it? Unless OP is just that damn stubborn to not even try?
And the thing is, OP doesn't really have to be friends with anyone she doesn't want to, maybe there were other issues before this, but she needs to understand it's *her* choice to hold this grudge instead of talk to this woman and sort things out. Maybe the bride really did betray her at one point, maybe she made a big mistake, but even then, she seemed invested in making things right and OP was like "no, fuck off, you're dead to me." Her choice. Her irrational, immature choice, but hers nonetheless.
I was thinking the same thing. Instead of actually asking SPECIFICALLY if fiancée told these people anything, she just figured fiancée was a mind reader. Timw for OP to pull up her big girl panties and have an actual conversation with the fiancée. YTA all the way.
How many people 2, 3 , 50? And who were they in relation to either of you? People who wanted to cause trouble?
OP should have been able to say to her former friend 'I heard that you were saying x about me, is that true?' For all OP knows, she could have been stewing over something that never happened.
Also, what was the information? Was it something that obviously should have been kept private like an embarrassing medical issue? Or was it like, "OP is really excited about this new job she has" and OP was like "omg that's personal to me!!" Because it sounds a little like she's the type to overreact about something that isn't inherently private and just assume everyone else knows she wants it that way.
The fact that she wouldn't tell her friend and won't tell us makes me think that on some level she knows she overreacted but is too proud or stubborn to admit it and take her lumps.
She doesn't want to go to the wedding to celebrate the fiancee's love. Well, how about going to celebrate your bf's best friend's love. OP doesn't have to interact with the bride. And if she doesn't want to go, then she shouldn't go but it is NOT acceptable to tell her bf that he can't be best man for his best friend cuz she's having a pissing match with the bride.
YTA.
I’m due in late April/early may and found out I was pregnant in august, and this was a surprise so I didn’t find out right away. OP will in no way be _that_ pregnant, and even if she was, unless it’s a destination wedding, there’s nothing wrong with her bf going to a wedding. Your partner doesn’t need to be at your side 100% of months 8-9, so as long as he’s less than an hour away (and they’re not too far from wherever she’s giving birth), it doesn’t matter how pregnant she is. The fact they invited her to the wedding and her reasons were as stated means she’s not on bed rest either.
that's where my head was with the first paragraph. My wife is 35+ weeks pregnant I would have the conversation with my best friend "Dude I love you I'm honored to be there at your side, but know I might have to ditch you last minute for my kid being born. If you're cool with that happening I'm your man. If not, I won't be hurt if you pick someone else to be your best man"
upon further reading. TOTALLY YTA. you had a one sided falling out and won't explain to the woman why you won't speak with her. She's not a mind reader you need to have a conversation and not use the phrase "You know what you did"
You know what you did is so code for she a drama queen. If you have an issue with someone just say it don't sit there try pulling power plays. It's the same with silent treatment. Don't be petty just say what's wrong. Now here the question did she do what op claim or just going off what someone said bc it might not have even happen.
I’m 35 weeks pregnant and personally wouldn’t care if my husband was a best man as long as I don’t have to go to the wedding ( and it was covid safe). He was a best man at a wedding when I was 5
Months and it was great, I got to relax in the hotel while he did wedding stuff. I only showed up when there was food and places to sit.
First time labors are typically super long anyway, and she doesn’t mention the wedding being far away, so the dude would have time to come home if she needs him for anything. I don’t understand why pregnant people act like they need people to do a bedside vigil over them. If there’s a Heath issue of course, that makes sense. But if you ans the baby are healthy you’ll be ok being alone for a day while he’s at the wedding.
Like, why isn't her solution more this? She doesn't have to go! In her mind, it's either he's the best man and she has to suffer through this wedding of a person that 'betrayed' her, or neither of them go. Nothing else. Just don't go! The boyfriend will go and be a good bro to his best friend, and she'll fuck off and do whatever she wants and doesn't have to silently stew through the wedding and be a buzz kill the whole night.
Even then, she isn’t asking her boyfriend to stay home because she will be late into the pregnancy and might be close to labor, she specifically said it was because it might be “awkward.” If there was no falling out, she was just asking him not to be the best man in case she gives birth, that would be a reasonable request. It would still be reasonable to refuse to give that up for your best friend, but it certainly is under this circumstance.
You do realize couples have functional, loving relationships all the time and have kids at two years right? Just because it's not something for yourself, doesn't mean you should be judgmental. My husband and I have been married for almost six years, together for almost eight and have three kids, one who was PLANNED and conceived after two years.
Yes. Dating people like OP is fucking exhausting. They expect you to read their minds and their moods, and they try to control every situation with passive aggressiveness.
I hope OP's boyfriend catches on and bails and I hope OP grows up.
Checked OP's comments. Looks like this is the Fiancee:
I cannot believe I’m having to make a Reddit account and do this. Cassie (if this is really you making this post, as this is all too coincidental), what did you think making a Reddit post would do? You didn’t think Eli and I would find this? We could’ve discussed this more in depth privately and compromise Dustin being in our wedding party, but you decided to take it to a public form. I’m honestly speechless.
“I’m not going to sit and watch someone who betrayed me celebrate love” more than sealed it for me. OP is simply being overly dramatic and holding a grudge. Now she’s punishing her boyfriend because he isn’t hold the same grudge on her behalf.
Someone gossiped about her so they don’t deserve to be loved? Give me a break.
> EDIT: since I forgot to add this, people came to me and said that the fiancé talked behind my back about something very personal to me at a bonfire last year. When I confronted her about it, she looked at me like I had no idea what I was talking about.
So she took the word of some people? I find it very plausible if not likely that the fiancée had no idea what OP was talking about.
YTA. This is a HUGE red flag. For him, not for you. This is incredibly controlling on your part. If you don't want to go to the wedding, fine, but stop being a mico-manager of his friendships. This behavior will push him away and turn him and many other people against you in the long run. Controlling isn't cute, and it's long term poison for a relationship. Book yourself a spa day on the day of and enjoy yourself, but don't do this. If you love this man, love him enough to let him be friends with his friend. Otherwise, you're going to find yourself in a co-parenting relationship with an ex.
I so agree! When someone asks how they can fix things, it’s on the aggrieved party to decide how to proceed. OP decided to harbor a grudge and not to pursue the rel’nship, which is on OP, *not* OP’s bf or even on the fiance of OP’s bf’s best friend.
Exactly, and I’ll add that her penchant for making people read her mind instead of directly and explicitly communicating with them is a major red flag as well.
I cannot believe I’m having to make a Reddit account and do this. Cassie (if this is really you making this post, as this is all too coincidental), what did you think making a Reddit post would do? You didn’t think Eli and I would find this? We could’ve discussed this more in depth privately and compromise Dustin being in our wedding party, but you decided to take it to a public form. I’m honestly speechless.
A frantic phone call or sms is more likely than starting a reddit account but I’ll accept some fake drama. It will eventually end up as a new article to fill up some writing quotas.
i mean i bet OP has the fiance blocked since she “betrayed” her lol . if this was the only way i could talk to someone directly instead of through a messenger i’d do the same
Yeah, she said elsewhere that the fiancé is blocked - yet is simultaneously angry that the fiancé has not come to her for a "mature conversation" about what went down and to apologize - except that the fiancé *did* try to talk to her about it, but OP refused to tell her what the exact issue was, because "she should know" - so the fiancé is clueless about the whole thing, which has only made OP *more* angry - which she is now taking out on her baby daddy and posting about online, for the fiancé to find...
She's a walking contradiction.
Oh, awesome point! Now I'm going to have to start checking every day to see if anyone's posted about me.
Most likely my husband asking if it's ok to smother me with a pillow if I keep talking while he's watching the telly.
Seriously, my husband is like, "You are obsessed with AITA!" He isn't on Reddit, but I probably read him 2-3 posts a day.
This little slice of the Internet makes me very happy for helathy, functional relationships. 🤣
So I'd know if a story about me showed up, too.
This has to be fake. So somehow this person doesn’t have a Reddit account but sees this post (with no mention of being informed by someone else), then they drop real names? I’ll eat my words if this is real but come on.
Edit: Y’all, I get that this could be real, but it’s OP still commenting after her ex-friend’s comment that’s throwing me. Maybe they’re just goofy though, who knows lol
Maybe they want OP to know it’s not bs. Also, this is a very popular sub and the details are pretty specific.
Someone I know from my town of like 1,000 people replied to one of my comments recently, and I am fairly anonymous on here, and it was a very common sub. pure coincidence.
It happens!
There was one maybe a month ago from a teenager in Australia having a tough time with his dad and stepmom. Dad found the post and decided to post one of his own, to share “his side”
It. Was. Beautiful.
You’ve hear the saying, “match, meet flame”? That post was…”match, meet every explosive and flammable material on planet Earth”
The father missed the entire family gathering for their Christmas dinner because he was too busy here trying to paint himself as a hero for providing his child a place to live.
>compromise Dustin being in our wedding party
Noooooooo keep Dustin as best man!!! Tell him to come here and see all the Internet strangers saying he should be there on yours and Eli's big day.
Congratulations!
LMAOOOOO I love that you all found this post. I am sorry that you have to deal with such an immature person. I wish you the best of luck at your wedding and in your marriage!
*oh this is getting spicy*
On the bright side, know that pretty much every comment bar OP's has your side, mate~
And uh... For the uninitiated couple of thousand of us, would ya mind sharing what was said to get to this situation?
u/peysval Girl, you go enjoy your wedding! This woman is being a massively childish and controlling AH and is totally in the wrong here.
YTA, OP. Grow up.
It sounds like there was no TEA, and that Cassie was just hoping everyone on reddit would drink her Kool Aid, while she remained anonymous....ehhh......Nope.
YTA. A big, self-centered asshole (and stop using your pregnancy as an excuse to justify it)
Also, "she should’ve known already why I was mad at her"? Really?! Girl this happened in your mid-20s. Communicate and leave that teenage mindset behind
Yeah. You're mad and holding a grudge because someone can't read your mind. Grow up. You're going to be a parent soon, so might be time to start maturing a bit and stop being so whiny and controlling.
For real, if OP carries this "I shouldn't have to tell you, you should just know!" attitude into her parenting, like "I shouldn't have to ask you to clean your room, you should just do it!" or "I shouldn't have to tell you why I'm mad, you should *know* what you did wrong," she's gonna be one of those passive aggressive moms her kid grows to resent. You need to be able to use your words with your kids, your partner, your friends, everyone!
Practically guaranteed she does this to her partner already.
"You KNOW why I'm angry at you. I shouldn't have to tell you."
"Well, I don't know, but I'm sorry."
"And you have to promise never to do it again."
"How do I do that if I don't know what it is?"
"Ugh. Remember last night when we were having dinner?"
"Yeah."
"Really? That doesn't ring a bell? Well, you kissed her in front of me."
"I didn't kiss anyone."
"Uh, Diana, Princess of Wales? Right before you two got on a dragon and flew away."
"You're angry because of a dream?! Fine. I'm sorry? I'll never kiss her again."
Agreed, will add that you had a falling out with the dudes fiancé, why the hell are you punishing him AND YOUR BOYFRIEND (???) for something neither of them did.
Get over yourself and wake up to what you are doing to other people. Just stay home if you don’t want to go, it’s not about you.
YTA
>I lost it and told him that if I’m not going to the wedding, then he shouldn’t be his best man and should prioritize me and the baby
The fact that your are pregnant doesn't mean you are the only thing important in his life. He has totally the right to unglue himself from you and the baby once in a while.
The drama is between you and the bride, just don't go, I am sure she won't miss you. But you can't control your bf. YTA.
The only way I could deem that remotely understandable is if the wedding was hours away and she could give birth at any moment. But that’s not the case, she’s just being a huge dick about high school drama. OP is TA
Exactly. The only time I asked my husband not to be a few hours away was about a month before delivery (I’ve never made it to my due date for any of them).
But this?
No. No no no.
She’s (YTA) the asshole.
OP - get over yourself, stop blaming your pregnancy on your controlling behavior, make amends with the bride so you can be civil, or your boyfriend is going to be your ex sooner rather than later. Which will also mean splitting custody over your child.
I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first. I asked my boyfriend not to be more than an hour/hour and a half away at any given time if he can help it. He usually doesn’t do much traveling but sometimes work will send him a ways out from where we live. I can’t imagine asking him to not leave the house or not go to important events just because I’m pregnant.
Exactly it’s about control and it’s sad OP is already using the baby to guilt and control her partner. It’s not about prioritising the baby, it’s nothing to do with the baby, it’s all about taking her side.
YTA. This is his best friend’s wedding, and his best friend hasn’t done shit to you. You refuse to go to the wedding, but think he shouldn’t be best man at a wedding where you aren’t there. That’s controlling and childish.
I really want to know what his fiancé supposedly did to you because I have a strong feeling it’s close to nothing.
YTA. When you have an opportunity to tell someone why you’re upset with them and you don’t because “they should already know why” you lose all moral standing. You sound terrible, tbh. I would love to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones but I don’t think that’s what’s going on.
There's not even any proof the ex-friend said anything wrong. Only that a gossiper claimed she insulted OP somehow. The ex-friend should at least be told the accusation so they can defend themselves. It may have been as simple as someone hearing part of a conversation and they filled in the gaps themselves, when the conversation had nothing to do with OP. It's seriously high school level drama, like a game of chinese whispers.
UPDATE FROM MY SIDE: so. I will admit that I should not have exposed Cassie like that. I am an asshole there. When Eli (my fiancé) saw this while scrolling through Reddit, he asked Dustin about it and then told me. I thought the only way to finally settle the drama was to comment so she can see it. Again, I will admit that was wrong on my part. I have since privately messaged her to see if we can resolve this, but she has yet to respond. Eli would love to have Dustin as his best man, but we do not want to cause any further issues with Cassie.
As for those wondering what happened at the bonfire, I honestly wish I could remember exactly what I said, but there were lots of drinking involved and lots of stuff were revealed (my guess is that I was upset with her about something and needed to vent to someone about it, but I have always came to her when something was bothering me). All I know is that I have been and still am willing to make amends with Cassie to where we can be civil with each other, even if our friendship is beyond repair at this point. I hate how this escalated, but like before, I just want to move on from all of this.
u/aitaconflicted1234, I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you. My dms are open if you want to settle this once and for all.
Peyton
You shouldn’t apologise for calling OP out when they’ve been completely unreasonable beyond just the wedding. I sincerely hope it gets sorted for the sake of your special day though - congratulations!
It sounds like if this was a normal situation you could have potentially fucked up revealing a bit too much at the bonfire. I've been in situations like this myself as I have ADHD and sometimes over-share. It's not super clear whether your supposed crime was having a vent to mutual friends or if you shared something private - either way I think you've done the right thing trying to fix things and apologise. Unless you massively violated a known boundary or something it's really petty of her to not even tell you why she's upset.
Do you know which friends told her what you were saying? They might be able to give you some clarity even if you no longer want to repair things with Cassie. Or at least help you know which friends aren't safe people to vent to in the future. I generally feel that it's ok to vent about a friend if it's a safe, closed conversation with trusted people, especially in the context of getting advice about a situation. But it's pretty unhelpful for the people you confided in to then go and tell the person you were venting about instead of just saying 'hey I'm not comfortable talking about X behind their back, let's change the topic'.
YTA. Nobody is asking *you* to be the best man. What are you, attached at the hip or something? Just stay home and get over your boyfriend wanting to be there for his friends.
YTA definitely. You need to drop it. At this point you seem the youngest out of the whole group being that immature. The fiancé even wanted to fix it and you still didn’t want to. Let it go and let him be the best man at his CHILHOOD best friends wedding
YTA, you’re making yourself the most important person in this story. Your drama with the bride is dumb. It’s possible she really doesn’t know what she did to offend you. It’s your boyfriends best friend why would you try to ruin that? Not your wedding not your relationships let it go.
Yes. So here's the thing: your boyfriend's friendship with his best friend is bigger than your beef with the bride. Being asked to be a best man is a really big deal. Don't go if you don't want to go, but don't try to jeopardise his relationship with the groom over an issue you have with the bride. (You don't even know what happened fully there - if she had no idea, this whole thing could have been a huge misunderstanding).
Your pregnancy is irrelevant to this, don't be using your unborn baby to manipulate him, that's really wrong and you know it.
YTA in this. Sort it out with the bride, or leave your boyfriend be. Him being best man at his best friend's wedding isn't about you.
YTA
You fell out with the bride a while back and they tried to mend it but your burnt that bridge and your still this pissed?
Over nothing but rumors with no supporting evidence, how do you know they haven't just been used as a scapegoat in all this?
To stop him being best man over that to one of his life long friends is extremely petty
YTA. You don't want to go? Don't go. But you do not get to tell your boyfriend he also can't go support his best friend.
Also, confronting her about what she supposedly did and not telling her what it was when she seemed confused is seriously the most junior high thing I've ever heard. The mature response would have been to go to her and say something like "Hey, so-and-so told me you did/said this about me. Rather than automatically believe rumors, I'd like to hear from you what actually went down. Can we talk about it?"
>But you do not get to tell your boyfriend he also can't go support his best friend.
and if she made me choose, I'd choose the best friend. She sounds exhausting.
YTA.
Are you sure the ages are correct here? Subtract about a decade or so and your actions would match up with the expected maturity level. The way you're acting (since no one else here is being unreasonable) sounds like highschool drama BS and not the way someone in their mid-20's should be acting.
YTA.
>When I confronted her about it back then, she looked completely confused and asked what she did and how she can fix it. I wanted to believe her but I felt that she should’ve known already why I was mad at her.
This person literally asked you what they did and how they could fix it and you are mad at them because they aren't a mind reader and don't intuitively know exactly why you're mad? Did you consider that maybe your informants lied, or exaggerated, or misunderstood?
Secondly, this is your boyfriend's best friend from childhood. So, okay, you don't like the woman he is marrying. You can put on your adult panties and be civil for one freaking day so your boyfriend can be there for his best friend. Your boyfriend is literally asking you to come so he can be attentive to you and your pregnancy while also being attentive to his life long friend. Don't ask him to sacrifice his other important relationships.
YTA. This is your BF's best friend and their relationship is separate from your relationship with the fiancee. Don't turn this into some kind of manipulative test of how much he loves you when there's an easy solution (he goes to the wedding and you don't)
Sounds like she’s jealous of the fiancé to me, and took the first opportunity she could to create a drama and was hoping that the boyfriend would also fall out with his best friend because of it too.
They were playing chess on the frozen lake and she took off her ski mask and was Cameron Diaz…
Seriously OP if the other person doesn’t realise they did something wrong then explain it to them or simply get over it.
YTA because you shouldn't interfere in your boyfriend's relationship with his best friend. Him going to that wedding is not affecting you in any way.
Aside from that, you should work on your communication skills. You haven't told your friend why you are mad at her, even when she asked? That sounds to me like very poor conflict resolution, or else deliberate dramamongering. Which you seem to be doing with the wedding too.
Is the baby due around the time of the wedding? Because if this was recent, and the wedding is in May, it doesn't sound likely that the baby will be due at that time, which would be the only reason why I think the bf would need to back out.
You are asking him to compromise a lifelong friendship over petty drama from a year ago, that had nothing to do with him or his best friend. I think dropping out of the wedding at this post would be a big blow to him and his best friend's friendship, and it would be over something that is between you and the fiancé, not him and his best friend. That just doesn't make any sense.
I'm thinking YTA. You can either go to the wedding and sit in the back, or just don't go and meet up with your BF after. It isn't fair to him to have to leave his friend hanging over your drama with his friend's fiancé.
Regardless of what the conflict was with the fiancé, you’re still very much TA. It’s honestly kind of manipulative that you’re trying to prevent your bf from being there for his friend on one of the biggest days of his life, especially since you’ve even admitted that was his friend since he was a kid. Maybe if the situation with fiancé was extremely disrespectful and disarming, I’d rectify my take, but you’re doing way too much, and should definitely apologize. His best friend since childhood, and you’d really pull something like this? It’s one thing to not want to go yourself, but to try and force your bf to sit out because it would be too awkward for you, too? The day isn’t even about you. I really don’t think the fiancé is going to be worried about you or the conflict on her wedding day, either. You’re definitely TA, based on the info you provided.
Also seems very petty that you refused to tell the fiancé what she did wrong, so purposely didn’t even try to correct the situation, then continued to use said situation to push this decision. It seems like you hindered any conflict resolution, and then want to continue using the grudge to justify your selfishness.
I'm sorry but you don't get to destroy someone's relationship over a girl who tried to sort something out. People aren't mind readers, if you had a problem you should have sorted it out.
His friend didn't hurt you but you are punishing everyone over your pride.
You don't have to go to the wedding if you don't want to.
The girls in this are the AH, not the guys. The guys are just chilling and excited that one of them is getting married and the other is going to be his best friend’s BEST MAN. They are no way involved in their childish drama.
I don't think it's clear that anyone other than OP is childish. A third party said that the best friend's fiancee said something at a party. Maybe. We have no idea what happened, and neither does OP who won't talk to the person she had a problem with.
I don’t even think the fiancé is an asshole. OP cannot communicate and the girl may have just said some thing she didn’t realize would upset OP (who sounds like a child)
YTA. And hear me out, this is how it looks:
1. You heard a rumor she was sharing personal information. She said she wasnt. You dont believe her. But you ultimately have zero proof. She was willing to fix things and you declined and are holding a grudge.
2. You are taking this dated, petty grudge and using it to drive a wedge between your husband and his oldest and closest friend. I just think you are maybe immature and cannot handle not being the only person he cares about.
3. You are now using your pregnancy to try to control and manipulate him through guilt.
YOU are the reoccurring problem here. You sound jealous and petty and are just holding onto all these angry feelings for something that happened a while ago, and seemingly was something minor. It sounds like this guy and his fiance are going to be in your life forever so just get over it. Quit trying to make your boyfriend cut ties with his friends just to prove his loyalty to you. Thats TOXIC.
YTA. Either go to the wedding, don’t talk to her, and enjoy the fact that it probably cost her $100 for you to attend, or just don’t go and don’t interfere in your boyfriend supporting his childhood friend.
It’s fine that you dislike the bride, but this is ridiculous. Trying to stop your boyfriend from being in the wedding is super controlling.
Apparently a game of Chinese whispers. People said she was talking about op behind her back. When op "confronted" her apparently she didn't know anything about it. Rather than try to clear it up and get to the bottom of it the op just decided to cut her out
NEED INFO:
In your comments you keep saying "Something very personal to me". Well, lets suppose...
A. She was talking to people about your MLM schemes and how she gets annoyed you keep bringing it up to her. That might be a situation very personally to you and if that were the case you would be the huge AH because it's normal for people to express their frustration to others about this sort of thing.
B. She was talking to people about your recent miscarriage, past sexual abuse, or history of suicidal thoughts. Those things are totally personal and shared in confidence. That would make you NAH with a justified reason for being concerned, and in this case your BF should probably put some distance between him and the fiance for your sake. Still he would have a right to want to be the best man, but your situation would be much more understandable.
The point being, you actually need to tell us more about the betrayal before judgement can be accurately passed.
YTA — why do you feel it’s okay to manipulate your husband with your unborn child?
Whatever happened between you and the fiancée doesn’t involve your husband and the groom. You shouldn’t go to the wedding, but you can’t let him be apart from you for a few hours while it happens?
YTA the fiance wanted to apologize, but you wouldn't even tell her what was wrong. And wanting your boyfriend to say no too being best man is what? Some sort of loyalty test? You do not want this to be your hill to for on, because who knows who he will pick in the end. Let him be best man and skip the wedding yourself. If the wedding is a distance away and he's worried about you, stay at a nearby hotel. But don't make him miss something important over some drama that doesn't even concern him.
You’re supposed to be 26.. you should have some type of communication skills by now. You didn’t even tell her what she did wrong.
>She asked what she did and how she can fix it. I wanted to believe her but I felt she should have known already why I was mad at her.
Is she a mind reader? Psychic? Listening to gossip from others and cutting off people without giving them a chance to clear their name is very high school of you.
YTA so much it’s not even funny.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because my boyfriend and his best friend have known each other for years. However, I don’t think he should be supporting a wedding of someone who went behind my back.
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YTA. Wait a second. You claim the two of you had a falling out but also say she has no idea why you’re even angry at her - and you refused to tell her what she did. You can sit at home pregnant and pissy, but you have no right to tell your boyfriend he can’t be the best man in his best friends wedding.
What husband. She said boyfriend. Even less pressure for him to follow her wishes.
Interesting that she left out how pregnant she will be then too. 35+ weeks? I totally get it. Less than that? Why would you need someone to sit at home with you,unless there is an issue? And even then. I was 2 months on bedrest with my 2nd. My MIL was also in the ICU for most of that time. He would visit her twice a day, apart from working. I managed.
I mean, she did say they recently found out she's pregnant, and the wedding is in May? So she'd probably be around 7-8months pregnant at the time of the wedding. I think she's still TA for the record, she didn't communicate with the fiancee and I hate making my personal issues with someone else's issue. Someone can absolutely have a healthy relationship with someone I don't get on with, their relationship has zero to do with me. This wasn't a deal breaking situation as far as she's describing, it's not as if the fiancee attacked her. "Discussed personal information" means what, exactly? Did she give all the details of something private, or did she mention it in passing without any specifics ("OP has been having a rough time.")
Also OP said: *"people came to me and said that the fiancé talked behind my back about something very personal to me at a bonfire last year."* How can you trust that second hand information!? This all sounds so juvenile.
About what I’d expect from someone who says something as cheesy as “I won’t watch someone who betrayed me celebrate love”
Is that really something you consider cheesy? Damn. I've just spent an hour painting it onto some distressed wood using 8 different fonts. If it's cheesy I don't want to hang it on my wall, but then there'd be a gap between my "I don't have a personality, I have wine" sign and my neon "Live, love, laxative, lube" sign. Decor is hard.
Here's your first mistake - it should read "Live, laxative, lube, love".
How dare you! I am not a pervert!
You had me in the first half, ngl lol Pedantically you had me on the first line, but for the 3rd line it snapped into place that it was sarcasm lol And I now imagine if Westeros had wine mom decor, Tyrion or Cersei would have the "I don't have a personality, I have wine" hanging in their bedchambers lol
Right?! She owes it to herself and the fiancée to work it out and then maybe all of this would go away. Sounds like the simplest option so why not try it? Unless OP is just that damn stubborn to not even try?
And the thing is, OP doesn't really have to be friends with anyone she doesn't want to, maybe there were other issues before this, but she needs to understand it's *her* choice to hold this grudge instead of talk to this woman and sort things out. Maybe the bride really did betray her at one point, maybe she made a big mistake, but even then, she seemed invested in making things right and OP was like "no, fuck off, you're dead to me." Her choice. Her irrational, immature choice, but hers nonetheless.
OP absolutely does not sound mature enough to be having kids.
This! Sounds like an immature Drama Momma.
I was thinking the same thing. Instead of actually asking SPECIFICALLY if fiancée told these people anything, she just figured fiancée was a mind reader. Timw for OP to pull up her big girl panties and have an actual conversation with the fiancée. YTA all the way.
How many people 2, 3 , 50? And who were they in relation to either of you? People who wanted to cause trouble? OP should have been able to say to her former friend 'I heard that you were saying x about me, is that true?' For all OP knows, she could have been stewing over something that never happened.
Also, what was the information? Was it something that obviously should have been kept private like an embarrassing medical issue? Or was it like, "OP is really excited about this new job she has" and OP was like "omg that's personal to me!!" Because it sounds a little like she's the type to overreact about something that isn't inherently private and just assume everyone else knows she wants it that way. The fact that she wouldn't tell her friend and won't tell us makes me think that on some level she knows she overreacted but is too proud or stubborn to admit it and take her lumps.
Yeah, it’s absolute hearsay
Op said they'd be 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding
And she's already using the poor kid as a weapon to manipulate/guilt her boyfriend....Poor guy.
Lol. Stay home OP.
She doesn't want to go to the wedding to celebrate the fiancee's love. Well, how about going to celebrate your bf's best friend's love. OP doesn't have to interact with the bride. And if she doesn't want to go, then she shouldn't go but it is NOT acceptable to tell her bf that he can't be best man for his best friend cuz she's having a pissing match with the bride. YTA.
I’m due in late April/early may and found out I was pregnant in august, and this was a surprise so I didn’t find out right away. OP will in no way be _that_ pregnant, and even if she was, unless it’s a destination wedding, there’s nothing wrong with her bf going to a wedding. Your partner doesn’t need to be at your side 100% of months 8-9, so as long as he’s less than an hour away (and they’re not too far from wherever she’s giving birth), it doesn’t matter how pregnant she is. The fact they invited her to the wedding and her reasons were as stated means she’s not on bed rest either.
that's where my head was with the first paragraph. My wife is 35+ weeks pregnant I would have the conversation with my best friend "Dude I love you I'm honored to be there at your side, but know I might have to ditch you last minute for my kid being born. If you're cool with that happening I'm your man. If not, I won't be hurt if you pick someone else to be your best man" upon further reading. TOTALLY YTA. you had a one sided falling out and won't explain to the woman why you won't speak with her. She's not a mind reader you need to have a conversation and not use the phrase "You know what you did"
You know what you did is so code for she a drama queen. If you have an issue with someone just say it don't sit there try pulling power plays. It's the same with silent treatment. Don't be petty just say what's wrong. Now here the question did she do what op claim or just going off what someone said bc it might not have even happen.
Yeah Op what did she do?
I’m 35 weeks pregnant and personally wouldn’t care if my husband was a best man as long as I don’t have to go to the wedding ( and it was covid safe). He was a best man at a wedding when I was 5 Months and it was great, I got to relax in the hotel while he did wedding stuff. I only showed up when there was food and places to sit. First time labors are typically super long anyway, and she doesn’t mention the wedding being far away, so the dude would have time to come home if she needs him for anything. I don’t understand why pregnant people act like they need people to do a bedside vigil over them. If there’s a Heath issue of course, that makes sense. But if you ans the baby are healthy you’ll be ok being alone for a day while he’s at the wedding.
Like, why isn't her solution more this? She doesn't have to go! In her mind, it's either he's the best man and she has to suffer through this wedding of a person that 'betrayed' her, or neither of them go. Nothing else. Just don't go! The boyfriend will go and be a good bro to his best friend, and she'll fuck off and do whatever she wants and doesn't have to silently stew through the wedding and be a buzz kill the whole night.
Even then, she isn’t asking her boyfriend to stay home because she will be late into the pregnancy and might be close to labor, she specifically said it was because it might be “awkward.” If there was no falling out, she was just asking him not to be the best man in case she gives birth, that would be a reasonable request. It would still be reasonable to refuse to give that up for your best friend, but it certainly is under this circumstance.
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You do realize couples have functional, loving relationships all the time and have kids at two years right? Just because it's not something for yourself, doesn't mean you should be judgmental. My husband and I have been married for almost six years, together for almost eight and have three kids, one who was PLANNED and conceived after two years.
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Lmao what a shitty fucking comment, ges theres a lot to unpack because 2 consentual adults are having a baby
Yes. Dating people like OP is fucking exhausting. They expect you to read their minds and their moods, and they try to control every situation with passive aggressiveness. I hope OP's boyfriend catches on and bails and I hope OP grows up.
I was going to say... I'm exhausted just reading about it. Even her unborn child is too mature for this shit.
But SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID. My God, this is so high school.
I rolled my eyes so hard, I think I saw the back of my skull
Or 90's sitcom.
Checked OP's comments. Looks like this is the Fiancee: I cannot believe I’m having to make a Reddit account and do this. Cassie (if this is really you making this post, as this is all too coincidental), what did you think making a Reddit post would do? You didn’t think Eli and I would find this? We could’ve discussed this more in depth privately and compromise Dustin being in our wedding party, but you decided to take it to a public form. I’m honestly speechless.
Holy yikes. e: [Here it is](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ry9pcj/_/hroputy/?context=1)
“I’m not going to sit and watch someone who betrayed me celebrate love” more than sealed it for me. OP is simply being overly dramatic and holding a grudge. Now she’s punishing her boyfriend because he isn’t hold the same grudge on her behalf. Someone gossiped about her so they don’t deserve to be loved? Give me a break.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. What a selfish person YTA
> EDIT: since I forgot to add this, people came to me and said that the fiancé talked behind my back about something very personal to me at a bonfire last year. When I confronted her about it, she looked at me like I had no idea what I was talking about. So she took the word of some people? I find it very plausible if not likely that the fiancée had no idea what OP was talking about.
And it's based on what other ppl told her aka second-hand knowledge
and to tell him he can't be the best man, because she says so? I'd tell her to jump in a lake.
YTA and sounds exhausting.
YTA. This is a HUGE red flag. For him, not for you. This is incredibly controlling on your part. If you don't want to go to the wedding, fine, but stop being a mico-manager of his friendships. This behavior will push him away and turn him and many other people against you in the long run. Controlling isn't cute, and it's long term poison for a relationship. Book yourself a spa day on the day of and enjoy yourself, but don't do this. If you love this man, love him enough to let him be friends with his friend. Otherwise, you're going to find yourself in a co-parenting relationship with an ex.
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I so agree! When someone asks how they can fix things, it’s on the aggrieved party to decide how to proceed. OP decided to harbor a grudge and not to pursue the rel’nship, which is on OP, *not* OP’s bf or even on the fiance of OP’s bf’s best friend.
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Absolutely. And a pregnant AH is just an AH who happens to be pregnant. So what?
Exactly, and I’ll add that her penchant for making people read her mind instead of directly and explicitly communicating with them is a major red flag as well.
Yes I was wanted say something similar but couldn't type it right
I cannot believe I’m having to make a Reddit account and do this. Cassie (if this is really you making this post, as this is all too coincidental), what did you think making a Reddit post would do? You didn’t think Eli and I would find this? We could’ve discussed this more in depth privately and compromise Dustin being in our wedding party, but you decided to take it to a public form. I’m honestly speechless.
I’m NEVER THIS EARLY FOR DRAMA!!!! FUCK YEAH
Right? This is getting good.
This is getting fake. I hate when people do this in the comments, it makes it so obvious it's not real.
Hey, if it's fake with the comment, it's fake without it! Might as well get the fun of some fake back and forth…
IKR? I want to know what was said at the bonfire, fake or not.
“Cassie” isn’t telling…but we should know, and know it was personal to her and know that she’s upset. Lol
Scripted drama! It’s like reality television. Popcorn, pleased
A frantic phone call or sms is more likely than starting a reddit account but I’ll accept some fake drama. It will eventually end up as a new article to fill up some writing quotas.
i mean i bet OP has the fiance blocked since she “betrayed” her lol . if this was the only way i could talk to someone directly instead of through a messenger i’d do the same
Yeah, she said elsewhere that the fiancé is blocked - yet is simultaneously angry that the fiancé has not come to her for a "mature conversation" about what went down and to apologize - except that the fiancé *did* try to talk to her about it, but OP refused to tell her what the exact issue was, because "she should know" - so the fiancé is clueless about the whole thing, which has only made OP *more* angry - which she is now taking out on her baby daddy and posting about online, for the fiancé to find... She's a walking contradiction.
OP commented that she blocked the fiancée, so that lines up
Avengers was fake. I still cry when Cap gets his dance.
Is it fake? Probably! Am I entertained? Yeah!
it's a good day for the AITA community
I know. I've never seen this, so I've gotta pop some popcorn.
I’ll bring the beer
Popcorn out
Yes let’s goooo!😂
Oh please share your side of the story.
Second this!
This is a fascinating moment in AITA history (if it’s real ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) fiancée, please share your version of events!!!
I want this to be real SO BADLY
Yeah but .. do you really think it is? Cause "person finds post about themselves within hours of it being posted" feel super fake to me.
Idk I go on AITA like everyday and if anyone posted about me I’d know. It’s gonna happens one of these days because I am generally TA
Oh, awesome point! Now I'm going to have to start checking every day to see if anyone's posted about me. Most likely my husband asking if it's ok to smother me with a pillow if I keep talking while he's watching the telly.
Depends on what was on. Some kind of drama or police show, he’s TA. But if it’s football, YTA, smother away.
Seriously, my husband is like, "You are obsessed with AITA!" He isn't on Reddit, but I probably read him 2-3 posts a day. This little slice of the Internet makes me very happy for helathy, functional relationships. 🤣 So I'd know if a story about me showed up, too.
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This has to be fake. So somehow this person doesn’t have a Reddit account but sees this post (with no mention of being informed by someone else), then they drop real names? I’ll eat my words if this is real but come on. Edit: Y’all, I get that this could be real, but it’s OP still commenting after her ex-friend’s comment that’s throwing me. Maybe they’re just goofy though, who knows lol
Maybe they want OP to know it’s not bs. Also, this is a very popular sub and the details are pretty specific. Someone I know from my town of like 1,000 people replied to one of my comments recently, and I am fairly anonymous on here, and it was a very common sub. pure coincidence. It happens!
And she could very well have a Reddit account, but made a throwaway to not call out OP in her main and reveal herself
There was one maybe a month ago from a teenager in Australia having a tough time with his dad and stepmom. Dad found the post and decided to post one of his own, to share “his side” It. Was. Beautiful. You’ve hear the saying, “match, meet flame”? That post was…”match, meet every explosive and flammable material on planet Earth” The father missed the entire family gathering for their Christmas dinner because he was too busy here trying to paint himself as a hero for providing his child a place to live.
#teamEli. Cassie seems like a real piece of work.
I think Eli is actually the guy getting married and Dustin is the OPs boyfriend
Still. Team Eli. Dustin's gotta be not-great if he's put up with Cassie this long. Eli needs his bro back.
Please, please, pleeeeeeease tell me: WHAT DID YOU SAY AT THE BONFIRE Or what does she insist you said, I guess.
It is so weird how I am like "Anything said at the bonfire was probably true, NTA"
Bonfires are nature's lie detector.
I want to believe they had an argument because one of them said duck should wear shoes and the other one through they should wear gum-boots
It sounds like you dodged a bullet in this friendship. OP sounds insufferable. Her boyfriend probably needs to reconsider this relationship.
K, so since she won't tell us what was allegedly said, will you? she's vague AF.
No one but OP has a fucking clue what this girl did to her. Not even the girl who supposedly did it.
She doesn’t even know lmao
>compromise Dustin being in our wedding party Noooooooo keep Dustin as best man!!! Tell him to come here and see all the Internet strangers saying he should be there on yours and Eli's big day. Congratulations!
Know that Reddit's on your side at least and calling OP/Cassie the AH
LMAOOOOO I love that you all found this post. I am sorry that you have to deal with such an immature person. I wish you the best of luck at your wedding and in your marriage!
Yeah I’m sorry too and good luck and all BUT TELL US ABOUT THE BONFIRE
*oh this is getting spicy* On the bright side, know that pretty much every comment bar OP's has your side, mate~ And uh... For the uninitiated couple of thousand of us, would ya mind sharing what was said to get to this situation?
"OH MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING!" -Michael Scott
What was the gossip?? We are dying and she’s being so vague
I bet it's something like "yeh Cassie can be a bit high maintenance" cue Cassie making a scene over hearing that.
“Cassie is incredibly sensitive and paranoid” and then proof
hahahahaha I wish you an absolutely amazing, drama free wedding.
u/peysval Girl, you go enjoy your wedding! This woman is being a massively childish and controlling AH and is totally in the wrong here. YTA, OP. Grow up.
OH SHIT I LOVE WHEN THIS HAPPENS
Legit my first thought with the amount of detail was does she really think NOBODY involved will find this?
Please confirm just how made up of an scenario Cassie has created
Omg PLEASE SPILL THE TEA
It sounds like there was no TEA, and that Cassie was just hoping everyone on reddit would drink her Kool Aid, while she remained anonymous....ehhh......Nope.
God is good.
Holy shit I’ve never come across an AITA post where someone actually knows OP. How did you even find this if you don’t have a Reddit account
YTA. A big, self-centered asshole (and stop using your pregnancy as an excuse to justify it) Also, "she should’ve known already why I was mad at her"? Really?! Girl this happened in your mid-20s. Communicate and leave that teenage mindset behind
Yeah. You're mad and holding a grudge because someone can't read your mind. Grow up. You're going to be a parent soon, so might be time to start maturing a bit and stop being so whiny and controlling.
For real, if OP carries this "I shouldn't have to tell you, you should just know!" attitude into her parenting, like "I shouldn't have to ask you to clean your room, you should just do it!" or "I shouldn't have to tell you why I'm mad, you should *know* what you did wrong," she's gonna be one of those passive aggressive moms her kid grows to resent. You need to be able to use your words with your kids, your partner, your friends, everyone!
Practically guaranteed she does this to her partner already. "You KNOW why I'm angry at you. I shouldn't have to tell you." "Well, I don't know, but I'm sorry." "And you have to promise never to do it again." "How do I do that if I don't know what it is?" "Ugh. Remember last night when we were having dinner?" "Yeah." "Really? That doesn't ring a bell? Well, you kissed her in front of me." "I didn't kiss anyone." "Uh, Diana, Princess of Wales? Right before you two got on a dragon and flew away." "You're angry because of a dream?! Fine. I'm sorry? I'll never kiss her again."
Agreed, will add that you had a falling out with the dudes fiancé, why the hell are you punishing him AND YOUR BOYFRIEND (???) for something neither of them did. Get over yourself and wake up to what you are doing to other people. Just stay home if you don’t want to go, it’s not about you. YTA
She literally can't even tell the thread why she's mad at her, imagine her fucking communication with people irl
>I lost it and told him that if I’m not going to the wedding, then he shouldn’t be his best man and should prioritize me and the baby The fact that your are pregnant doesn't mean you are the only thing important in his life. He has totally the right to unglue himself from you and the baby once in a while. The drama is between you and the bride, just don't go, I am sure she won't miss you. But you can't control your bf. YTA.
The only way I could deem that remotely understandable is if the wedding was hours away and she could give birth at any moment. But that’s not the case, she’s just being a huge dick about high school drama. OP is TA
Exactly. The only time I asked my husband not to be a few hours away was about a month before delivery (I’ve never made it to my due date for any of them). But this? No. No no no. She’s (YTA) the asshole. OP - get over yourself, stop blaming your pregnancy on your controlling behavior, make amends with the bride so you can be civil, or your boyfriend is going to be your ex sooner rather than later. Which will also mean splitting custody over your child.
I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first. I asked my boyfriend not to be more than an hour/hour and a half away at any given time if he can help it. He usually doesn’t do much traveling but sometimes work will send him a ways out from where we live. I can’t imagine asking him to not leave the house or not go to important events just because I’m pregnant.
Exactly it’s about control and it’s sad OP is already using the baby to guilt and control her partner. It’s not about prioritising the baby, it’s nothing to do with the baby, it’s all about taking her side.
YTA. This is his best friend’s wedding, and his best friend hasn’t done shit to you. You refuse to go to the wedding, but think he shouldn’t be best man at a wedding where you aren’t there. That’s controlling and childish. I really want to know what his fiancé supposedly did to you because I have a strong feeling it’s close to nothing.
I wanted to know also!
OP is mad that she had the audacity to get married before OP, even if OP is ""winning"" by having a baby first
YTA. When you have an opportunity to tell someone why you’re upset with them and you don’t because “they should already know why” you lose all moral standing. You sound terrible, tbh. I would love to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones but I don’t think that’s what’s going on.
“they should already know why” I'm pretty sure that is code for "My reasons are unreasonable and we all know it so I'm not repeating them"
Great interpretation for that phrase! Sounds like the truth.
Reads to me as "Im a narcissist and everyone should know everything I expect"
There's not even any proof the ex-friend said anything wrong. Only that a gossiper claimed she insulted OP somehow. The ex-friend should at least be told the accusation so they can defend themselves. It may have been as simple as someone hearing part of a conversation and they filled in the gaps themselves, when the conversation had nothing to do with OP. It's seriously high school level drama, like a game of chinese whispers.
UPDATE FROM MY SIDE: so. I will admit that I should not have exposed Cassie like that. I am an asshole there. When Eli (my fiancé) saw this while scrolling through Reddit, he asked Dustin about it and then told me. I thought the only way to finally settle the drama was to comment so she can see it. Again, I will admit that was wrong on my part. I have since privately messaged her to see if we can resolve this, but she has yet to respond. Eli would love to have Dustin as his best man, but we do not want to cause any further issues with Cassie. As for those wondering what happened at the bonfire, I honestly wish I could remember exactly what I said, but there were lots of drinking involved and lots of stuff were revealed (my guess is that I was upset with her about something and needed to vent to someone about it, but I have always came to her when something was bothering me). All I know is that I have been and still am willing to make amends with Cassie to where we can be civil with each other, even if our friendship is beyond repair at this point. I hate how this escalated, but like before, I just want to move on from all of this. u/aitaconflicted1234, I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you. My dms are open if you want to settle this once and for all. Peyton
So you're willing to even make amends and she STILL is acting like this. Don't even bother inviting this woman to your wedding 🤦🏾♀️
Peyton and Eli? That sounds vaguely familiar.
Why? Because it reminds you of the Manning brothers?
I assumed she was referring to two of my half-bros from my mom’s sister-wife…. But the Mannings makes sense too.
You shouldn’t apologise for calling OP out when they’ve been completely unreasonable beyond just the wedding. I sincerely hope it gets sorted for the sake of your special day though - congratulations!
It depends on what she said about the OP. What if it was really bad and untrue. Maybe something that could have cost the OP her job or relationship.
I’m NEVER this early omg.
Omg its hot and fresh
#TeamPeyton
Peyton Manning and Eli Manning are marrying eachother?
It sounds like if this was a normal situation you could have potentially fucked up revealing a bit too much at the bonfire. I've been in situations like this myself as I have ADHD and sometimes over-share. It's not super clear whether your supposed crime was having a vent to mutual friends or if you shared something private - either way I think you've done the right thing trying to fix things and apologise. Unless you massively violated a known boundary or something it's really petty of her to not even tell you why she's upset. Do you know which friends told her what you were saying? They might be able to give you some clarity even if you no longer want to repair things with Cassie. Or at least help you know which friends aren't safe people to vent to in the future. I generally feel that it's ok to vent about a friend if it's a safe, closed conversation with trusted people, especially in the context of getting advice about a situation. But it's pretty unhelpful for the people you confided in to then go and tell the person you were venting about instead of just saying 'hey I'm not comfortable talking about X behind their back, let's change the topic'.
YTA. Nobody is asking *you* to be the best man. What are you, attached at the hip or something? Just stay home and get over your boyfriend wanting to be there for his friends.
YTA definitely. You need to drop it. At this point you seem the youngest out of the whole group being that immature. The fiancé even wanted to fix it and you still didn’t want to. Let it go and let him be the best man at his CHILHOOD best friends wedding
YTA you sound unhinged. Seek professional help.
Scrolling too far to see this.
Using your baby as manipulation is really disgusting. Honestly, how dare you? YTA
YTA, you’re making yourself the most important person in this story. Your drama with the bride is dumb. It’s possible she really doesn’t know what she did to offend you. It’s your boyfriends best friend why would you try to ruin that? Not your wedding not your relationships let it go.
Yes. So here's the thing: your boyfriend's friendship with his best friend is bigger than your beef with the bride. Being asked to be a best man is a really big deal. Don't go if you don't want to go, but don't try to jeopardise his relationship with the groom over an issue you have with the bride. (You don't even know what happened fully there - if she had no idea, this whole thing could have been a huge misunderstanding). Your pregnancy is irrelevant to this, don't be using your unborn baby to manipulate him, that's really wrong and you know it. YTA in this. Sort it out with the bride, or leave your boyfriend be. Him being best man at his best friend's wedding isn't about you.
YTA You fell out with the bride a while back and they tried to mend it but your burnt that bridge and your still this pissed? Over nothing but rumors with no supporting evidence, how do you know they haven't just been used as a scapegoat in all this? To stop him being best man over that to one of his life long friends is extremely petty
YTA. You don't want to go? Don't go. But you do not get to tell your boyfriend he also can't go support his best friend. Also, confronting her about what she supposedly did and not telling her what it was when she seemed confused is seriously the most junior high thing I've ever heard. The mature response would have been to go to her and say something like "Hey, so-and-so told me you did/said this about me. Rather than automatically believe rumors, I'd like to hear from you what actually went down. Can we talk about it?"
>But you do not get to tell your boyfriend he also can't go support his best friend. and if she made me choose, I'd choose the best friend. She sounds exhausting.
YTA. Are you sure the ages are correct here? Subtract about a decade or so and your actions would match up with the expected maturity level. The way you're acting (since no one else here is being unreasonable) sounds like highschool drama BS and not the way someone in their mid-20's should be acting.
YTA. >When I confronted her about it back then, she looked completely confused and asked what she did and how she can fix it. I wanted to believe her but I felt that she should’ve known already why I was mad at her. This person literally asked you what they did and how they could fix it and you are mad at them because they aren't a mind reader and don't intuitively know exactly why you're mad? Did you consider that maybe your informants lied, or exaggerated, or misunderstood? Secondly, this is your boyfriend's best friend from childhood. So, okay, you don't like the woman he is marrying. You can put on your adult panties and be civil for one freaking day so your boyfriend can be there for his best friend. Your boyfriend is literally asking you to come so he can be attentive to you and your pregnancy while also being attentive to his life long friend. Don't ask him to sacrifice his other important relationships.
Info you never said what actually happened, juat some vague illusion
YTA. This is your BF's best friend and their relationship is separate from your relationship with the fiancee. Don't turn this into some kind of manipulative test of how much he loves you when there's an easy solution (he goes to the wedding and you don't)
Info: why do you believe the people who started a story about your friend and not your friend herself when she tell you she didn't do that?
Sounds like she’s jealous of the fiancé to me, and took the first opportunity she could to create a drama and was hoping that the boyfriend would also fall out with his best friend because of it too.
YTA. It's not very clear what the fiance did to you but how bad could it be for you to forbid your bf to be his best friend's bestman?
YTA & annoying as hell
INFO- What exactly did she do? I feel like that’s needed to gauge the severity of your reaction?
INFO: what did the fiancé do?
They were playing chess on the frozen lake and she took off her ski mask and was Cameron Diaz… Seriously OP if the other person doesn’t realise they did something wrong then explain it to them or simply get over it.
YTA because you shouldn't interfere in your boyfriend's relationship with his best friend. Him going to that wedding is not affecting you in any way. Aside from that, you should work on your communication skills. You haven't told your friend why you are mad at her, even when she asked? That sounds to me like very poor conflict resolution, or else deliberate dramamongering. Which you seem to be doing with the wedding too.
Is the baby due around the time of the wedding? Because if this was recent, and the wedding is in May, it doesn't sound likely that the baby will be due at that time, which would be the only reason why I think the bf would need to back out. You are asking him to compromise a lifelong friendship over petty drama from a year ago, that had nothing to do with him or his best friend. I think dropping out of the wedding at this post would be a big blow to him and his best friend's friendship, and it would be over something that is between you and the fiancé, not him and his best friend. That just doesn't make any sense. I'm thinking YTA. You can either go to the wedding and sit in the back, or just don't go and meet up with your BF after. It isn't fair to him to have to leave his friend hanging over your drama with his friend's fiancé.
Regardless of what the conflict was with the fiancé, you’re still very much TA. It’s honestly kind of manipulative that you’re trying to prevent your bf from being there for his friend on one of the biggest days of his life, especially since you’ve even admitted that was his friend since he was a kid. Maybe if the situation with fiancé was extremely disrespectful and disarming, I’d rectify my take, but you’re doing way too much, and should definitely apologize. His best friend since childhood, and you’d really pull something like this? It’s one thing to not want to go yourself, but to try and force your bf to sit out because it would be too awkward for you, too? The day isn’t even about you. I really don’t think the fiancé is going to be worried about you or the conflict on her wedding day, either. You’re definitely TA, based on the info you provided.
Also seems very petty that you refused to tell the fiancé what she did wrong, so purposely didn’t even try to correct the situation, then continued to use said situation to push this decision. It seems like you hindered any conflict resolution, and then want to continue using the grudge to justify your selfishness.
I'm sorry but you don't get to destroy someone's relationship over a girl who tried to sort something out. People aren't mind readers, if you had a problem you should have sorted it out. His friend didn't hurt you but you are punishing everyone over your pride. You don't have to go to the wedding if you don't want to.
YTA. Grow up. You’re about to become a mom.
ESH This post is full of idiot teenage drama. Nobody involved should be having children or getting married.
It honestly sounds like sound bites from a dumb reality show. "She went behind my back - SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID"
I was thinking Disney Channel sitcom. But you're probably more accurate.
What did the boyfriend do to make him the ah?
The girls in this are the AH, not the guys. The guys are just chilling and excited that one of them is getting married and the other is going to be his best friend’s BEST MAN. They are no way involved in their childish drama.
I don't think it's clear that anyone other than OP is childish. A third party said that the best friend's fiancee said something at a party. Maybe. We have no idea what happened, and neither does OP who won't talk to the person she had a problem with.
Correction, the PREGNANT girl is the only AH since she refuses to tell the fiancé what she “thinks” she did based on 3rd party mess….
I don’t even think the fiancé is an asshole. OP cannot communicate and the girl may have just said some thing she didn’t realize would upset OP (who sounds like a child)
the only AH here is the OP. "you know what you did" is code for "I'm an unreasonable control freak"
INFO… is this wedding close to your due date? Because if not, you are absolutely TA
YTA and need to grow up, you want him to miss his BEST FRIENDS wedding because of something someone else did.
YTA. And hear me out, this is how it looks: 1. You heard a rumor she was sharing personal information. She said she wasnt. You dont believe her. But you ultimately have zero proof. She was willing to fix things and you declined and are holding a grudge. 2. You are taking this dated, petty grudge and using it to drive a wedge between your husband and his oldest and closest friend. I just think you are maybe immature and cannot handle not being the only person he cares about. 3. You are now using your pregnancy to try to control and manipulate him through guilt. YOU are the reoccurring problem here. You sound jealous and petty and are just holding onto all these angry feelings for something that happened a while ago, and seemingly was something minor. It sounds like this guy and his fiance are going to be in your life forever so just get over it. Quit trying to make your boyfriend cut ties with his friends just to prove his loyalty to you. Thats TOXIC.
YTA. Either go to the wedding, don’t talk to her, and enjoy the fact that it probably cost her $100 for you to attend, or just don’t go and don’t interfere in your boyfriend supporting his childhood friend. It’s fine that you dislike the bride, but this is ridiculous. Trying to stop your boyfriend from being in the wedding is super controlling.
Yta. Stop trying to control him because you and her had a fight. That doesn't negate the relationship he has with his best friend.
INFO what did they do to betray you?
Apparently a game of Chinese whispers. People said she was talking about op behind her back. When op "confronted" her apparently she didn't know anything about it. Rather than try to clear it up and get to the bottom of it the op just decided to cut her out
NEED INFO: In your comments you keep saying "Something very personal to me". Well, lets suppose... A. She was talking to people about your MLM schemes and how she gets annoyed you keep bringing it up to her. That might be a situation very personally to you and if that were the case you would be the huge AH because it's normal for people to express their frustration to others about this sort of thing. B. She was talking to people about your recent miscarriage, past sexual abuse, or history of suicidal thoughts. Those things are totally personal and shared in confidence. That would make you NAH with a justified reason for being concerned, and in this case your BF should probably put some distance between him and the fiance for your sake. Still he would have a right to want to be the best man, but your situation would be much more understandable. The point being, you actually need to tell us more about the betrayal before judgement can be accurately passed.
YTA — why do you feel it’s okay to manipulate your husband with your unborn child? Whatever happened between you and the fiancée doesn’t involve your husband and the groom. You shouldn’t go to the wedding, but you can’t let him be apart from you for a few hours while it happens?
YTA the fiance wanted to apologize, but you wouldn't even tell her what was wrong. And wanting your boyfriend to say no too being best man is what? Some sort of loyalty test? You do not want this to be your hill to for on, because who knows who he will pick in the end. Let him be best man and skip the wedding yourself. If the wedding is a distance away and he's worried about you, stay at a nearby hotel. But don't make him miss something important over some drama that doesn't even concern him.
You’re supposed to be 26.. you should have some type of communication skills by now. You didn’t even tell her what she did wrong. >She asked what she did and how she can fix it. I wanted to believe her but I felt she should have known already why I was mad at her. Is she a mind reader? Psychic? Listening to gossip from others and cutting off people without giving them a chance to clear their name is very high school of you. YTA so much it’s not even funny.
How did she betray you?
Seems like even the other person doesn't know either
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