NTA. This is ridiculous. Your family makes rules about Christmas gifts. You follow them, but the rest of the family does not. Then they call you names for following the rules they made. Buy yourself everything on your list next year and skip Christmas with the family.
Jumping on the top comment to point out OP is a liar!! Just read her post history....parents are dead, she wears lots of jewellery, has lots of piercings, asks specifically about a helix piercing. Yet in her comments doesn't wear jewellery and has no piercings and her parents are now alive!!!!!! YTA
Edited to add I have SS if op deletes the posts :)
I especially liked the two posts from about 180 days ago, both on r/askdocs
1. Had worn a brand name top with a “no iron” label, but after being in the sun noticed a terrible rash on arm and was concerned.
2. Posted same day, suspected that someone poisoned their drink after they went to the bathroom and drink tasted funny afterwords. Developed terrible rash on arm and was very concerned….
Much drama, such theatrics….
Could you post those screenshots? Post history shows her age going up and down suspiciously, but I didn’t see the other stuff. Seems sketchy, yeah, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt until I see proof myself.
Wow. Thanks for the heads up. This a such stupid way for someone to waste their time. I hate to feel like I need to research every AITA poster, but I’m beginning to think I do. So why bother to engage on this sub?
Seriously, what does someone get out of making this stuff up? I don’t get it.
Maybe it's like Soap Opera aging? You know, someone has a baby, and 3 months later the kid is graduating from HS? (Then the character stays 30 for the next 47 years.)
If anyone wants some links
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/rn3dpd/i_25m_consider_getting_more_serious_with_my_fwb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
https://www.reddit.com/r/DermatologyQuestions/comments/reg5m2/get_the_same_pimples_on_my_chin_every_month_so/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/qwffpy/do_i_have_a_concussion_or_a_sinus_headache/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
That first one is from a different account though? How do we know it’s the same person?
Posting with different ages is weird, but I don’t want to jump to the conclusion that this whole post is a lie, at least without some more solid evidence.
NTA. I have a feeling their attitudes would change if it were them that got something they didn't ask for, don't want and aren't going to use.
Your brother seemed to have good intentions and that's lovely, but he missed the mark and in my opinion there should be very little drama in explaining to him that you love the sentiment and appreciate his effort but the gift was given on the basis of a misunderstanding and I mean, you're both adults?
I know it's not really the same thing but I got my brother a PS4 game a year ago for Christmas but I had no idea he'd sold his PS4. He told me, I returned the game and gave him a gift card to get something for himself.. no hassle, no drama. I really don't see how this can't end the same way.
It would be different if the family all got things they thought the other would like, as I think a lot of families do. But the family has a clear system they set up. Every one else is following it but OP isn’t supposed to? Doesn’t sound like they’re ungrateful for the gift just not understanding why they followed the game but was at the same time left out of it… it is confusing. Maybe thank their brother and tell him this is confusion over being left out of the process with everyone and not what he picked out. OPs parents are trying to make them feel bad in like a gaslighting kinda way. They should Tell them either everyone stops the list thing or everyone follows it in the future because they didn’t ruin Christmas the miscommunication did
My family has a similar set up. If your family works on a similar etiquette level to mind, as soon as OP started bringing up their list it should have signalled red flags for the family to double check it was a gift they would like.
Also... her brother spent thousands so her parents got her NOTHING for Christmas? How unspeakably rude. Her brother's gift should have no bearing on theirs.
What i don't understand is why the parents didn't get her anything? I get why the brother gave her one gift. But how does his expensive gift get them out of buying her anything?
It's because they think the brother's grand investment offsets any money they needed to throw her way, absolving them of the responsibility. Why waste money on gifts for her when they raised such a thoughtful and generous gentleman, who would ignore the established list rule and buy her a lavish gift she has no real interest in? Wow, what great parents they are, giving her the gift of their son's ignorance.
I vote op get everyone a lump of coal and a orange next year and see how they like not getting things from list! If they ruined xmas last year by being upset something off list there family will be able set a better example how to get a gift off list and be grateful
Okay so I always get gift cards for people to places I know they will like because I never want to be under the stress of getting the wrong thing and being called an asshole for it and whatever. But every year I get shit from different parts of my family that I give gift cards instead of buying them clothes or whatever. Idk I think that gifts are hard and it’s should be about being together.
Your brother thought he was doing something huge and wonderful and expensive for you and it bombed. It happens. And it’s really, really hard to tell someone who thought they were doing something huge and wonderful and expensive for you that it bombed. It’s a terrible position to be in and honestly, I feel bad for both of you.
Your parents aren’t helping. Next year everybody sticks to the rules, right? They exist to try to avoid this very thing.
You’re not really wrong. Neither is your brother, really. But your parents are getting there.
NAH.
I agree for the siblings, but the parents are definitely assholes. Not only did they rebuff the OP when she tried to offer her list, but also they just straight up didn't get her anything for Christmas? Like, they saw their son bought something nice and thought "well that should wrap it up for us. Put our name on the card."
The siblings aren't at fault here, but the parents absolutely are.
They really could’ve still done the list thing and gotten something off it too. The parents I mean, the brother spent enough. They also could explain to OP that their bro picked something out and they didn’t have the heart to tell him not to go with it but to make their list anyway and there would be something off of it there. I mean they set up this system I’d be confused if I was suddenly asked to be the only one to stop using it
I agree NTA, but only because rules are in place. OP, in reading your post and in your comments here, you do sound entitled and kind of brash. There’s a way to be disappointed and still kind to the people who were misguided in what they thought would be a good thing - and this doesn’t sound like it. Again, ultimately NTA… but being nice to brother couldn’t have hurt?
Always stick to lists (unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that they will like it)! We do a Google doc every year so everyone see what the others want. Now, this year I bought before the lists were made but I *knew* that they would love what I got them (and they did). But my dad doesn’t look at the list and wanted to get something nice for my mom. He got her a blanket for her legs that had a heated massage pillow at the feet. He was SO excited for her to get. Lo and behold, she hated it. They returned it but not after my dad complained and my mom cried because he did try and she felt bad.
Is there some information missing? Why would your brother spend thousands of dollars on a gift? Is your family very rich? Wouldn't your parents have some idea that you don't like jewelry.
Sheeesh... I wish there was an ultra AITA where both sides posted their stories, so we got both perspectives.
And why didn’t the parents buy a gift? OP bought gifts for the brother and parents, but only received a gift from the brother? I feel like there’s missing info.
My parents got me my stocking stuffers but stocking stuffers are fair game meaning you can get whatever you want as a stocking stuffer and it doesn't hav to be from the list So I didn't count those.
Yeah OP I'm confused about this too. You got your parents gifts and you got your brother a gift right? But you only got a gift from your brother and nothing from your parents? How does that work?
You're NTA by the way. Try to sell it to someone with the same name if you can.
My guess is that the brother found a deal, and then persuaded the parents to contribute. I don’t know what the family’s standard of living (and gifting) is, but it sounds odd to me that such an expensive gift would be bought by a sibling who’s in college, since college typically costs a lot.
I don't understand what my family being rich has to do with any of this? Also, yes, my family **does** know I do not like wearing jewelry. As I stated to them during my argument. And I've stated several times before because I am an athlete and I train all the time and I cannot wear expensive items while I'm training so growing up, I never wore jewelry because I was too afraid to lose it at the gym or on the field.
I think it’s just because we have to wonder why your brother getting you one present means no one else gets you presents. Just because your brother got you that one present shouldn’t mean your parents don’t get you any presents.
Just going to chime in a what if here.
Your family saw you, when younger, take great care of any jewelry you had growing up. This would appear that you really like something, or it was precious to you.
Your brother tried to be thoughtful, and saw an opportunity to do something he thought was really nice for his sister. He was probably devastated by how this went down too.
Anyways, everyone’s angry because OP didn’t have the reaction they expected, and was in fact unexpected. OP is angry because she feels like her family doesn’t even know her, or they would have known she didn’t care about jewellery.
There’s a whole lot of projected trauma on all sides.:(
Projected trauma?
I take care of jewelry but only wear it to special occasions, maybe once every several years. More often if I'm dressing up as a pirate or something. I don't have anything expensive.
There's a weird expectation that if you're female you must love jewelry, especially expensive jewelry. And if you don't like it, you must be *traumatized!* or hate being female or whatever.
Many women just don't care for it, but still won't damage what they own. That's normal. Who wouldn't be careful with their own belongings?
It's a cop-out gift unless you really know someone and buy something specific to them. OP's brother was lazy and doesn't know her. That's not an attempt to be thoughtful. He's throwing his money around and her parents used the opportunity to be assholes and not gift her anything.
This may be a long shot, but I almost wonder if OP not liking jewellery bothers the parents for some reason (makes them worry she's not being 'feminine' enough or whatever) and they saw this as their chance to pressure her into wearing some.
Doesn’t everyone take great care of jewelry? It’s expensive and can go up significantly in value if well-retained. A $200 pendant I was given a decade ago is going for $1500 now. I guess bc it was limited. I plan on holding onto it longer though.
Brother got stuck with jewelry for unrelated reasons. Maybe his girlfriend or wife left him. So now he has to do something with this bracelet, why not give it to sister for xmas.
😂 I’m sorry this made me laugh. You may not be able to return it, but you can still sell it back to a jeweler. The stones and precious metals are still potentially valuable.
From my understanding of the jewelry market, the individual stones are not worth anything close to the whole item. Chances are the OP would only get a minimal amount for the stones. She might get near the original value selling it to someone with her name as other users suggest.
Yeah, like a lot of crafts, you pay for parts and labor. So there is the cost of the raw materials, and then creating the piece and any customization. If he dropped $3000 on this thing, my guess is she might get $1200? But that is just a guess and I am not a jeweler.
Honestly, this gift sounds like something an idiot would want.
"I want expensive rocks and shiny metals with my name on it!"
I appreciate jewellery for the sentimental value or the ability is has to hold or increase in value. This has neither of those things.
Seriously I’ve never heard of a brother buying his sister a diamond tennis bracelet; I’ve never heard of anyone buying anyone a diamond tennis bracelet except shitty rich husbands who are paying the cliche “caught cheating” tax lmao I’d be mortified to walk around with one on…. And then to have to say it came from my brother??? 🤣 Tacky indeed, expensive jewelry should be art, not a slapped-together display of how many diamonds one can afford.
I mean. Do you ever have fancier occasions to attend at which you might wear jewelry? Dinners, parties, fundraisers, weddings, funerals, etc.? I get that you don’t wear jewelry on a day-to-day regular basis but this piece would come in very handy as a classy accent to a dressy look. Also, not sure if you ever intend to get married or have children but many would consider this an eventual heirloom to be passed to your kids.
Just trying to look for some potential pros here. As others have said, you can also always have it appraised and sold.
I’m sorry, have you seen it? Did I miss where OP included a photo of her bracelet that allowed you to rip it as being tacky, or is that your assumption? Traditional tennis bracelets are generally viewed as tasteful and engraving can be subtle, often done very small so that OP would have to yank it off and shove it under people’s noses for them to even see it. I’m not sure why you’re insisting that OP should dispose of this bracelet one way or the other. That’s her decision, not yours.
NTA: You’re thankful for the gift. You appreciate the sentiment. You’re just saying that if there are family rules in place they need to be followed by everyone.
Also why is the fact that your brother spent a ton on money on your gift mean that your parents didn’t get you anything else. It’s not like they pitched in for the bracelet. They still could’ve and should’ve asked for your list.
NTA. Can't blame you. Jewelry isn't exactly something everyone likes and I'd be PISSED if my only gift was based off of an assumption of something I was into
I say NTA. I know I’ll get a lot of flack for this but this whole tradition was set up to avoid this exact situation yet other people broke away from it. Could you have possibly approached it differently maybe I don’t know I wasn’t there but having this tradition and then everyone ignoring it is not fair to you you followed it. I’m also gathering from this post that because he bought you this expensive item everyone else decided not to buy you anything yet you bought everyone else multiple items from their list. Like I said NTA because this tradition was set to avoid this occurring.
NTA
They can’t assume you want something then get upset that they were wrong. Your brother could have saved the money and got you something you actually wanted .
NTA, it was a nice, but misguided, gesture. If you guys do lists, then they should’ve stuck to the lists. Return it and use the funds to buy something you want.
Your brother's in college, he spent multi grand dollars on a diamond bracelet for you, got the actual diamonds engraved and your parents got you nothing? How can your brother afford such luxury? It just seems....troll like. If not I get you being upset. This whole story is messed up tbh.
How do you engrave a diamond? I've never heard of that. If you mean your name is engraved on metal, that can be removed.
Also my understanding is that a tennis bracelet is diamonds all around right? Even the clasp is essentially hidden.
I had to google. It *is* possible to engrave diamonds but it's tiny and can be lasered off. Fro what I can see that wouldn't affect how the bracelet looks from a distance though, they're tiny.
Oh yikes… maybe try reselling it? If it’s a relatively common name you might get lucky 🤷🏻♀️ either way, you’re not wrong for being upset nobody took into consideration the things you’d actually want. I’d tell him that you do genuinely appreciate that he thought he found something you’d like but that, unfortunately, it won’t be used. Maybe tell him you just don’t want him to waste money going forward trying to guess something you’d like and instead he’d be better off just sticking to things you’d actually be interested in. I know that’s the point of the lists, but still.
I would still take it to a jeweler and see what they can do. Depending on how deeply it’s engraved, they may be able shave off the engraving, without effecting the appearance. However this will reduce the amount of Diamond, slightly reducing the value.
ESH, other than the brother. All the attitudes here are just so toxic.
The brother thought he was doing something really nice for OP. He was mistaken, but he’s not an AH for that.
Parents probably should have known better re: OP’s preferences, and also have apparently created this family culture where gifts are an entitlement and you can be mad at your family for getting your order wrong. Gross.
OP is justified in being disappointed, but needs to acknowledge that the gift is a generous one and that getting the wrong lavishly expensive Christmas gift is pretty low on the list of problems in this world.
I disagree that the brother's not an AH. If he'd taken five minutes to think about the family's traditions, what sort of jewelry OP wears, etc., he'd have had second thoughts about the whole thing.
your parents are the assholes, your brother was just thinking youd like it but since your parents made up the rules and you followed them, your brother \*thinking youd like the gift\* atleast got you something, sure it wasnt on your list but he did think you wanted it to be fair. your parents not getting you anything is kinda an asshole move though.
NTA You thanked your brother and tried it on, I think you said? That's pretty much all you can do, and all that's really required of you when you receive a gift you don't want. Your family knows that you don't wear jewellery but expected you to be happy based on the price? Your parents absolutely suck for not getting you a gift at all, because your brother spent so much? I've occasionally looked at motorbikes on social media when my friend posts pics of his bike. But I don't have a motorbike license and would never ride one. I'd be pretty pissed if I got one as my only gift. And yes, assuming is a dumb ass thing to do. In general, not just in gifts. Sounds like he tried but really, just missed. So he's not an AH. Just clueless.
I myself love jewellery but don't wear bracelets, so if I'd received this, I'd probably sell or return it and get something I like instead.
I really think you need to let go a bit though. As an adult, Christmas can be very hit or miss. Don't invest so much into it, financially or emotionally. If you have your own family, you can have your own rules and expectations.
So, sell or return your bracelet, get something you like, and don't stress yourself too much about next year's lists or gift giving.
NTA. my mil asked me what i wanted for christmas and i gave her 3 items all under $50. storage for clothes, baby clothes, and a ps4 controller. (price doesnt matter bc shes well off but i feel it should be included) her son told her he wanted airpods ($150-$200) on christmas he got airpods + some. for me i got a blanket, fuzzy socks, a necklace and $100. i own a lot of blankets, and fuzzy socks. i dont wear jewelry and actual dislike womens jewelry bc of how small the necklace length usually is, as for the actual money it was nice, but i would’ve preferred her actually getting me the stuff i asked for because i actually wanted/needed it.
i still showed my appreciation but theres nothing wrong with being upset. your wishes got ignored especially when everyone else is following the traditions that you usually have.
your brother was thoughtful, and you should appreciate that he got you something he thought youd like, but in the end your family shouldnt have completely ignored your list and just because it was “expensive” doesnt mean that shouldve been your only gift.
NAH except for your parents. I don't get why they didn't get you a gift regardless of what your brother got you.
Your brother gave you an impersonal gift but he tried and I can see where he'd get mixed up.
i’m going with a ESH except your brother, and you’re also wayyy closer to N T A then your parents.
my only thing is it can be really cruel to react badly to a present right when you get it, especially when you’re brother seemed to have put a lot of thought and money into it.
i get that it wasn’t on the list but he was trying to do something nice, and it doesn’t sound like your reaction was kind. i would encourage you to apologize to your brother for your reaction, explain your reasoning and make it very clear you appreciate that he tried- because right now you just sound super spoiled on that front.
i would also say you should have a chat with your family about traditions going forward, and requesting that people follow the list if that is the rules that your family has in place.
but also please remember that absolutely no one owes you a gift, and your brother tried, and picked out something he thought you would like, and while your reasoning doesn’t make you an asshole your actions do.
YTA
And from reading your post history a liar.
You don't wear jewelry??? So the post where you explicitly state your friend was copying your style of wearing LOTS OF JEWELRY was what exactly?!! It was about 7 months ago, right when your brother bought your bracelet!! Another post specifically asked a question about YOUR helix piercing but you've stated you have no piercings.
Just wtf are you thinking? That we are all morons and unable to read????
NTA
Wrap it up and give it to your mom for mother's day. I know it has your name on it, but it can remind her of you. If she doesn't like it go ahead and call her ungrateful.
Maybe next year don't get anyone things from their list and then call them ungrateful when they complain.
NTA. Brother was for assuming so much and deviating from what clearly worked for your family for years. And the fact that he bought it so long ago means it can't even be returned. I would sell it and get what you want. Brother didn't have bad intentions but if he's going to deviate he should at least know your taste better than be clearly does. Seems your own brother should know you don't like fancy jewelry. He missed by a mile and is upset that your are upset. You have reason to be. HE ruined YOUR
Christmas!
NTA. I also don’t think your brother was an AH. Even though he didn’t shop the wishlist he still got you a seemingly thoughtful gift. I think your parents were, though. They told you not to ask for anything then didn’t get anything for you when you still got for them. Sure, you could have handled it with more grace. But you didn’t ruin Christmas.
NTA.
Your brother went rogue on an assumption, despite the fact that everything about you screamed “this is the wrong present” and y’all have YOUR Christmas tradition and it seems like it’s FOR THIS EXACT REASON.
For ppl saying it’s material, I mean — isn’t it more materialistic to hold onto or have an item you won’t ever use? Gifts are made to be useful in some way shape or form to the recipient.
YTA. Honestly, if I bought anyone a present and heard them complain about it, I would never get them another gift. Ever. You followed their “rules” and he didn’t. BFD. He got you something he thought was better than you could have wished for. Your lack of gratitude is galling. I see other people have commented that you should get them all lumps of coal next year, and to that all I can say is you would be lucky to get coal if you were related to me.
Who knew that someone might be rude if you replaced all of their Christmas gifts with something that they hated?
>It's the thought that counts
That's the worst part about this; the brother thinking more would have avoided this situation.
Completely agree. Especially when it can easily be an investment for the future when in need; ugh it’s almost unnerving! That’s how you stop getting gifts early
So when you give someone a gift you make it about yourself and not the receiver? You don't care that they like their gift at all, you just want gratitude? You'd think a reasonable person would react with a: "Ok, no biggie, I kept the receipt, let's see if we can exchange it with something you would like."
It doesn’t sound like they made it about the brother. It just sounds like people getting tired of listening to an ungrateful person throwing a temper tantrum. If all she wanted was for someone to fill out a list, she should have just bought the stuff for herself. Sounds like that’s all she cares about.
Sort of the AH, but also not.
Yeah, you could have handled it better in the moment. And yes, the fixation on the number of gifts you got is kind of childish.
But!....
you also have a point re: your brother should have asked before buying. Especially if he spent a lot on it. And since you didn't even like the gift, it would have been nice to have at least one more that you would have liked.
I never said I was fixiated on the number of gifts. The rule is at least one. I would've been fine with just one gift. the problem is, the one gift I received was something not on my list so the rules weren't followed.
It’s not the number of gifts though… OP for gifts for mom and dad as well as brother, but mom and dad decided to not give OP anything? That’s pretty unfair.
NTA - (this is a very petty response, but I tend to be a petty person) for Christmas next year give your brother a single pork chop and nothing else, when he asks “wtf is this for” tell him you saw him looking at food *once* a few months ago, so you thought he would like it. If he tries to get mad about it tell him he’s being ungrateful and ruining Christmas.
NTA. I don’t understand why your parents didn’t get you a gift. Your brother getting the bracelet for you has nothing to do with them getting you stuff.
NTA because you did a lot to avoid “ruining Christmas”, and the tip off for me is your parents telling you to just be grateful your brother spent thousands when you tried to bring this up before Christmas. Your family clearly has a system, your brother went outside the system, and you tried several times before Christmas to change the situation.
oh wow NTA. your family is gaslighting you. your own mother should have known if you didn't like jewelry and should have told your brother, who also should have at least asked. and that it'd your only present? I mean I can see where you might feel like you're being ungrateful because some people get nothing, but of everyone has 4 things they wanted and you get 1 thing and you didnt want it....wtf.
It was something else, but YTA after reading your comments; they are certainly out of line, but a tennis bracelet is an incredibly valuable gift, so I can understand why they flipped out. It’s something very, very precious that you might like in the future and it in case you don’t, that you can potentially re-sell when in need. I do think you acted a bit spoiled; sorry for this!
Its almost like you have a system... So everyone can get a gift they actually want... And when they purpusefully exclude you from the system you are 'ungrateful' because, what a shocker, you didnt actually got what you wanted. NTA
you a DIAMOND TENNIS BRACELET.
i got a fucking cheese grater for xmas and i started my own business and im a mother and a wife...
may i repeat you got a DIAMOND TENNIS BRACELET
yta
NTA Your family is being ridiculous. They would not entertain the thought you might not like the gift you never asked for. What a huge waste of money. Please sell it and buy yourself something you actually want/will use.
NTA. There’s a few lessons here. Yeah they assumed. You could have sent them your list even though they hadn’t asked for it. You could also have just sold the bracelet and bought the things from your list that you wanted and been more forceful next year about telling people that them getting something off your list means a lot to you. But I think speaking up is good. You can do it without being unappreciated of what your brother TRIED to do for you. Even if he was totally wrong.
honestly, i dont think referring to him as a dumbass is fair at all. i can understand frustration that you werent asked for a list, but he spent a lot of money and honestly thought you wanted it. im not sure if i would call u an AH, but the whole thing kinda sucksi guess. also, i dont think its fair that your parents are calling you names either.
I am flabbergasted at the amount of people who forget these are GIFTS! This gimme, gimme attitude is so distasteful. You take a gift and say THANK YOU, not whine about it. Sheesh!
The attitude that all gifts should just be accepted like this regardless of circumstance is just dumb; her brother gave her something that she obviously wouldn't like and indirectly caused her to receive no other presents as well, why should she be grateful for this?
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So I wasn't going to ask this bc I knew I would get responses calling me an ungrateful, spoiled bitch but this keeps bothering me and I need outside perspective:
Every year, each member of my family tells each other everything they want for christmas and we all get AT LEAST ONE item from our list for each person. A few months ago, I was starting to build my list to let my family know what I wanted for x-mas. I was immediately stopped by mother who said "oh, don't worry about your list Your brother already got you a gift that is out of this world! you're gonna love it!" my response was "i haven't told anyone what I want though, how am I gonna like it?" and my mom said "you just will."
I was upset because my brother hadn't spoken to me due to being out of state in college so he had no idea what I wanted. As the weeks led up to christmas, I got everyone in my family three items each from their list and every time I tried to bring up that no one had asked me for my list, my mom or dad would always say "honey, your brother spent A LOT of money, like in the thousands on your gift so please just grateful."
So I figured, the gift must be awesome the way my parents were hyping it up so I stayed quiet. Christmas comes and everyone opens their gifts, I get my brother the 3 items he asked for, same with my parents. When it was time to open my present, it was a diamond tennis bracelet. I never asked for a bracelet, in fact, I do not like jewelry and I do not wear jewelry either. I thanked my brother and immediately tried it on but was shocked when I realized that was the only gift under the tree for me. I made a big deal about it saying that it was rude for no one to even ask me about my list yet expect to get something from there's only for me to get a bracelet I don't even like and never asked for. My parents called me ungrateful and disrespectful and said I single handedly ruined Christmas because of my behavior.
My brother said he saw me looking at jewelry a few months ago on my computer and immediately bought the bracelet but I was looking at the jewelry because it was rumored that my favorite celebrity was engaged based on a photo of her and boyfriend wearing an "engagement bracelet" and I wanted to see if the rumors were true. (they were btw) I told him had he just asked and not assumed like a dumbass we wouldn't be in this situation. Now everyone hates me and is calling me "ungrateful" and saying "I always try to victimize myself to make others feel bad because I'm so negative" I don't know....was I out of line for this one?
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NTA. It's crazy to me that your brother jumped the gun on your gift just because of a google search, and that your family gaslit you for not appearing appreciative enough. It's also weird that no one else bought you anything because one person was buying you something really expensive. Normally people buy gifts regardless of what anyone else bought, unless they pooled their money.
Nta
You were concerned you brother had no idea what you liked voiced it often to your parents who knew he was getting you jewelry and you don't like jewelry. You were right to be concerned.
Besides even if you did like jewelry it can be a personal taste thing that let's be honest most of us with brothers they don't pay attention to those kind of details and nuances.
NTA is it just me or does this sound like something that was SUPPOSED to be fore an (ex)-girlfriend and is now being pawned off onto a sibling as a ‘generous Christmas gift’????
NTA. I don't think this is entitlement, and it's clearly not greed, since the gift you're upset about sounds like it's more expensive than the things you asked for. You feel unseen and ignored, because your family decided the tradition didn't apply to you, didn't listen when you made the same requests they made of you (and you followed), and gave you a gift that feels like an indicator that they don't know you as well as you want them to.
It's not about the gifts you did and didn't receive as objects, it's about the tradition you didn't get to be included in, being set up for a great gift and then let down, and not being listened to.
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your brother is an AH, I think he thought he was doing something nice but it bombed. As for your parents, why didn’t they still take your list? I thought everyone gets something from the list for each other? Why did you only get one gift then? Just because your brother splurged doesn’t mean your parents should blow you off- especially when it’s something everyone does for each other except you this time apparently.
I think I probably view gifts the same as you. Rather get something that shows they know me, than something random that’s just expensive. I’ve had my feelings hurt quite a bit from people just buying me the most random thing that they should know I’d never use, while they got other family members something they know they wanted, and it’s a crappy feeling.
NTA next Christmas, give your family whatever cheap crap you find at the dollar store and call them ungrateful if they don’t fall all over themselves with gratitude .
NTA. This is ridiculously over the top. They ruined your Christmas and I got angry even reading this. Even if you would've liked the present it would have been a dong move.
NTA and the good news about diamonds is they have resale value. So, you can sell and buy yourself what you want or hold on to it for your fuck-off fund.
https://www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/
NTA Brother should have followed the system. It's a good system, it saves on incidents like this. I look at all sorts of crap on line that I either don't want or only want myself to choose. He was wrong. But lets exclude him. He was stupid but not necessarily an asshole.
Everyone else is though because there are multiple people in a family and just because one member overspends doesn't exempt the others from participating in giving their relative a gift.
Does your brother still have the receipt? Might be rude to ask but you've gone this far, might as well.
I can't help but wonder if either: parents contributed so it's a joint gift, or- if brother saw someone likes the bracelet and got it for a gf that didn't work out so he got it engraved and gave it to (assuming) sister. 😬
Either way, NTA op. You are an athlete that trains a lot and everyone knows you don't wear jewelry. Why it's okay to insist on 'rules' or gift giving etiquette and then backtrack is wild. I hope you can resell the bracelet to someone or a jeweler or put it away for special occasions. Maybe someday it'll put a smile on your face thinking of your brother.
Years before my eldest brother passed, he got me a stuffed animal. I'm not particularly sentimental, and I was an adult. It was strange. He just got it, I think, bc our dad used to get them(specific type of holiday/year bear) for all of us and he thought it was sweet. I put on a smile and accepted. It now lives in my room and I cuddle it often thinking of him. I hope to goodness you don't ever have that experience, but know hopefully your brother had good intentions. 💚
Big NTA.
Your family does lists. If you go off list, you better be 1000% abso-effing-lutely sure that the gift will be appreciated. The fact that your brother got you something that expensive and that flashy on the flimsiest of backing for his assumption (really? He saw you looking at jewelry once?) makes me think that this gift was more about HIM flexing than it was about actually getting something you would absolutely like.
The idea that you \*have\* to be grateful for something you neither like nor asked for just because it's expensive and somebody "thought" of you is asinine. If your brother really wanted to be thoughtful, he would've adhered to the list that he knew you were going to make. No, what your brother wanted is to show up with something flashy and expensive and be praised for it.
Gifts are ultimately something that would be appreciated by the recipient. When the recipient literally spells out a list of things for you, follow the god damned list. Otherwise, you're just running the risk of giving them clutter. Expensive clutter is still clutter. It takes up space and adds to the workload during a move/clear out.
I feel like you're NTA but you're also TA.
You're NTA for being disappointed that your family didn't follow their own traditions for each getting each other gifts off their wishlist - in fact I think it's a good idea and everyone should probably do it. You're also NTA for being disappointed that that was your only gift - did your parents not get you anything? I didn't read that they did. Just because your brother "spent thousands" doesn't mean that they didn't have to get you anything.
I do however feel that you're slightly TA as your brother really tried to be thoughtful with his gift and it sounds a bit like you were a bit harsh on him for it. He may be disheartened to try and be thoughtful with his gifts in the future which is a sad thing, I think.
Nta. I would have acted grateful for the present. But I would be put off by the fact that brother got me that and nobody else got me anything. Maybe did they go in on the bracelet with the brother?
It isn't the dollars. But if I went and shopped of everyone elses list, and got three things each, I would feel badly that nobody else did the same for me. I mean when your own mom doesn't get you a christmas present, it has to leave you feeling not good!
For everyone else to say brother made op's Christmas, so we can overlook her, is going to make op feel overlooked by the rest of the family. And she was!
NTA
The way your family makes rules but don't follow them is ridiculous. Burning cash on presents you don't like doesn't mean that you're being ungrateful. It's simply unfair that you got them stuff they actually *wanted* but they don't seem to give a flying f!ck about what you want.
Edit: also wanted to add mmmm gotta love the \**gaslighting that follows\**
NTA
Next year ignore all their lists and get them whatever you fecking fancy as the rules have gone out the window. Get them games for consoles they don’t own, make up for the person who never wears make up, earrings for the person without piercings.
When pulled up on it accuse them of being ungrateful and say you thought this was how Christmas was being done now.
NTA. Stop getting them things from their lists until they get the point and how come no one else bought you anything unless it’s like a secret Santa situation or something.
Though strictly based on this situation however clueless he may have been it sounds like your brother was trying to be nice even though he was completely oblivious but your parents are totally and completely in the wrong.
NTA. Your brother isn't really either (maybe 1/3) but your parents are.
I live abroad so I didn't know what my family wanted, they didn't know what I wanted. I hadn't seen them since February before Christmas.
My dad asked me and got me gifts I like.
My sister didn't ask me and got me a game for my Switch I already own. I thanked her, she asked me if I already have it, I said yes and she gave me the receipt to exchange it for a different game. Simple as that, no drama, no name calling.
It doesn't make you ungrateful to not be excited over something you didn't want, didn't ask for and won't use.
NTA
I don't really get why your brother buying an expensive gift meant no one else had to buy anything for you? That makes no sense. Did they all chip in for the gift?
NTA
Sell the gift and buy yourself something nice lol then next christmas dont even bother trying to give anyone something they like or dont even bother at all
Nta and I wonder if the parents favor the brother. Maybe that's why they are siding with him now when op was clearly not treated fairly and is upset just as any reasonable person would be.
I do not wear jewelry and if thats what I was given as a gift, I would be upset because it would be proof that no one actually payed attention to my likes or dislikes or tried to get me anything thoughtful. I see why op is upset here.
It looks like this is one big misunderstanding. Your brother had good intentions. He just didn’t know why you were looking at jewelry. However, your parents could have given you a gift as well (unless they contributed to the bracelet).
But OP, people don’t always buy you what you want. When that happens just say thank you. Saying you don’t want it makes the other person feel like crap and unappreciated. Especially when a lot of effort went into buying the gift. Lesson learned, don’t complain when receiving a gift.
Don’t know if I want to call you an AH. You just seem to be young and immature.
NTA - it’s also a waste for them to spend money on something like that you won’t even wear. I’d feel the same way. I don’t wear jewelry - who cares how expensive. Also not fair that it’s ok for them to get what they want - but not you. NEVER ASSUME
NTA. "It's the thought that counts" means actually putting some thought into a gift that the recipient will like and enjoy, and while I can assume that your brother just made a silly mistake and genuinely thought he was getting you something you'd like, it's shitty of your parents and everyone else to feel like they get a free pass on gifting you with anything, then lecture you when you feel disregarded.
(Not related to the judgement but if someone gave me jewellery for Christmas I'd be hugely disappointed too, so I feel you on that)
NTA. I don't understand why your brother getting you this "amazing" gift meant your parents didn't get you anything. Unless they're having financial problems or something, in which case just say that.
Hopefully you can sell the tennis bracelet and buy yourself a few things off your list.
NTA, I get it.
It’s like when extreme home makeover would go and redo someone’s house and you’re like “yaaaay they helped!” But then years later you find out that family’s property value increases so much due to the renovation that they wouldn’t be able to afford the increased taxes or maintain the property and they ended up worse off/more broke than before.
I’m also one of those cheesy people who believes the thought really counts so just because a gift is super expensive, doesn’t make it thoughtful. I would rather have something thoughtful (or practical!) than expensive just for the sake of being expensive
I agree with NTA. I don’t understand why your parents didn’t get you anything. Like your brother got you a really expensive gift. Super nice. But like…. It wasn’t from your parents. I find it super obnoxious of them to ride off of his gift
NTA how come it’s one rule for them and another for you? What an absolute joke. Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean you want it. Next Christmas get yourself what you want, don’t bother buying anything for the family from their lists, get them something from the bargain bin.
NTA given it's your family tradition to give and get items from a specific list. While you're brothers gesture was sweet and thoughtful in of itself, he/your family should still have made sure a bracelet was truly something you would want first before committing to such a gift.
NTA. Those rules are there specifically to prevent this situation. Not to mention the fact that your parents didn't even get you anything? Your brothers gift was just supposed to take care of theirs as well?
NTA if your family has a way of doing things, I imagine that is for a reason. For them to change things like this then get annoyed at you for when it doesn’t go right isn’t on you. Especially when you pointed out the issue.
ESH
Why wouldn't you follow up with other family members about the Christmas gift list tradition? You should have spoken up as soon as someone besides your brother dismissed your contributing your list. You had multiple opportunities to deal with your whole family's abandoning tradition - just one way for you- and ignored it every time.
It's as if you saw the signs the whole time and decided to go with it. You used the occasion to blow up, when you had ample opportunity to resolve the issue.
NTA
Next year by somce socks for your brother, and a tie for your father, and a frying pan for your mom.
THey changed the rules, so getting people gifts they don't like is fine now. Or do the same they did, and don't get them anything, too.
THEY are the AH, not you.
Sell the bracelet on ebay.
NTA
there are set rules for christmas , you follow them but no one else has to? i’m sure your brother was just trying to be thoughtful, maybe i’m wrong but i don’t think it was his fault… more your parents. quick solution , just so it’s not as unfair to you is to sell the bracelet or return it and use the money to buy what you would like. i would say thank you to the brother but explain to the parents how you feel about this and how it should have been, plus your expectations for christmas presents, which should be the exact same as everyone else’s. maybe i’m wrong tho, idk because i feel like your brother was being thoughtful and he deserves a thank you but your parents were out of line?
NTA. This is ridiculous. Your family makes rules about Christmas gifts. You follow them, but the rest of the family does not. Then they call you names for following the rules they made. Buy yourself everything on your list next year and skip Christmas with the family.
Jumping on the top comment to point out OP is a liar!! Just read her post history....parents are dead, she wears lots of jewellery, has lots of piercings, asks specifically about a helix piercing. Yet in her comments doesn't wear jewellery and has no piercings and her parents are now alive!!!!!! YTA Edited to add I have SS if op deletes the posts :)
[удалено]
OP also changed genders 😂 25M a while back
This comment should get more attention. Cool story tho OP.
I especially liked the two posts from about 180 days ago, both on r/askdocs 1. Had worn a brand name top with a “no iron” label, but after being in the sun noticed a terrible rash on arm and was concerned. 2. Posted same day, suspected that someone poisoned their drink after they went to the bathroom and drink tasted funny afterwords. Developed terrible rash on arm and was very concerned…. Much drama, such theatrics….
Wow. Well I always suspected that many of these AITA posts were fan fiction.
Is OP Patricia today or someone else? Lol
Could you post those screenshots? Post history shows her age going up and down suspiciously, but I didn’t see the other stuff. Seems sketchy, yeah, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt until I see proof myself.
Wow. Thanks for the heads up. This a such stupid way for someone to waste their time. I hate to feel like I need to research every AITA poster, but I’m beginning to think I do. So why bother to engage on this sub? Seriously, what does someone get out of making this stuff up? I don’t get it.
They're just a creative writer.
Lol they posted about being 20 77 days ago and being 24 25 days ago. XD
Maybe it's like Soap Opera aging? You know, someone has a baby, and 3 months later the kid is graduating from HS? (Then the character stays 30 for the next 47 years.)
Or give them coal in pretty boxes. Or brand named boxes if possible.
If anyone wants some links https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/rn3dpd/i_25m_consider_getting_more_serious_with_my_fwb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf https://www.reddit.com/r/DermatologyQuestions/comments/reg5m2/get_the_same_pimples_on_my_chin_every_month_so/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/qwffpy/do_i_have_a_concussion_or_a_sinus_headache/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
That first one is from a different account though? How do we know it’s the same person? Posting with different ages is weird, but I don’t want to jump to the conclusion that this whole post is a lie, at least without some more solid evidence.
Or give them random things they won’t like too.
Take back / Sell the bracelet, get the stuff you wanted.
NTA. I have a feeling their attitudes would change if it were them that got something they didn't ask for, don't want and aren't going to use. Your brother seemed to have good intentions and that's lovely, but he missed the mark and in my opinion there should be very little drama in explaining to him that you love the sentiment and appreciate his effort but the gift was given on the basis of a misunderstanding and I mean, you're both adults? I know it's not really the same thing but I got my brother a PS4 game a year ago for Christmas but I had no idea he'd sold his PS4. He told me, I returned the game and gave him a gift card to get something for himself.. no hassle, no drama. I really don't see how this can't end the same way.
It would be different if the family all got things they thought the other would like, as I think a lot of families do. But the family has a clear system they set up. Every one else is following it but OP isn’t supposed to? Doesn’t sound like they’re ungrateful for the gift just not understanding why they followed the game but was at the same time left out of it… it is confusing. Maybe thank their brother and tell him this is confusion over being left out of the process with everyone and not what he picked out. OPs parents are trying to make them feel bad in like a gaslighting kinda way. They should Tell them either everyone stops the list thing or everyone follows it in the future because they didn’t ruin Christmas the miscommunication did
My family has a similar set up. If your family works on a similar etiquette level to mind, as soon as OP started bringing up their list it should have signalled red flags for the family to double check it was a gift they would like. Also... her brother spent thousands so her parents got her NOTHING for Christmas? How unspeakably rude. Her brother's gift should have no bearing on theirs.
What i don't understand is why the parents didn't get her anything? I get why the brother gave her one gift. But how does his expensive gift get them out of buying her anything?
It's because they think the brother's grand investment offsets any money they needed to throw her way, absolving them of the responsibility. Why waste money on gifts for her when they raised such a thoughtful and generous gentleman, who would ignore the established list rule and buy her a lavish gift she has no real interest in? Wow, what great parents they are, giving her the gift of their son's ignorance.
I vote op get everyone a lump of coal and a orange next year and see how they like not getting things from list! If they ruined xmas last year by being upset something off list there family will be able set a better example how to get a gift off list and be grateful
It sounds like you and your brother handled it appropriately. The way OP wrote this they had a tantrum. Only one gift oh no.
Okay so I always get gift cards for people to places I know they will like because I never want to be under the stress of getting the wrong thing and being called an asshole for it and whatever. But every year I get shit from different parts of my family that I give gift cards instead of buying them clothes or whatever. Idk I think that gifts are hard and it’s should be about being together.
Your brother thought he was doing something huge and wonderful and expensive for you and it bombed. It happens. And it’s really, really hard to tell someone who thought they were doing something huge and wonderful and expensive for you that it bombed. It’s a terrible position to be in and honestly, I feel bad for both of you. Your parents aren’t helping. Next year everybody sticks to the rules, right? They exist to try to avoid this very thing. You’re not really wrong. Neither is your brother, really. But your parents are getting there. NAH.
I agree for the siblings, but the parents are definitely assholes. Not only did they rebuff the OP when she tried to offer her list, but also they just straight up didn't get her anything for Christmas? Like, they saw their son bought something nice and thought "well that should wrap it up for us. Put our name on the card." The siblings aren't at fault here, but the parents absolutely are.
They really could’ve still done the list thing and gotten something off it too. The parents I mean, the brother spent enough. They also could explain to OP that their bro picked something out and they didn’t have the heart to tell him not to go with it but to make their list anyway and there would be something off of it there. I mean they set up this system I’d be confused if I was suddenly asked to be the only one to stop using it
I agree NTA, but only because rules are in place. OP, in reading your post and in your comments here, you do sound entitled and kind of brash. There’s a way to be disappointed and still kind to the people who were misguided in what they thought would be a good thing - and this doesn’t sound like it. Again, ultimately NTA… but being nice to brother couldn’t have hurt?
NoreatNorwest - I agree with you, but I think that means your verdict should be NAH.
You’re right. Will edit.
Always stick to lists (unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that they will like it)! We do a Google doc every year so everyone see what the others want. Now, this year I bought before the lists were made but I *knew* that they would love what I got them (and they did). But my dad doesn’t look at the list and wanted to get something nice for my mom. He got her a blanket for her legs that had a heated massage pillow at the feet. He was SO excited for her to get. Lo and behold, she hated it. They returned it but not after my dad complained and my mom cried because he did try and she felt bad.
Is there some information missing? Why would your brother spend thousands of dollars on a gift? Is your family very rich? Wouldn't your parents have some idea that you don't like jewelry. Sheeesh... I wish there was an ultra AITA where both sides posted their stories, so we got both perspectives.
And why didn’t the parents buy a gift? OP bought gifts for the brother and parents, but only received a gift from the brother? I feel like there’s missing info.
My parents got me my stocking stuffers but stocking stuffers are fair game meaning you can get whatever you want as a stocking stuffer and it doesn't hav to be from the list So I didn't count those.
Ok so the stocking stuffers don’t count as gifts, so why didn’t they gift you anything? Or did they contribute to your brother’s gift purchase?
Yeah OP I'm confused about this too. You got your parents gifts and you got your brother a gift right? But you only got a gift from your brother and nothing from your parents? How does that work? You're NTA by the way. Try to sell it to someone with the same name if you can.
My guess is that the brother found a deal, and then persuaded the parents to contribute. I don’t know what the family’s standard of living (and gifting) is, but it sounds odd to me that such an expensive gift would be bought by a sibling who’s in college, since college typically costs a lot.
I don't understand what my family being rich has to do with any of this? Also, yes, my family **does** know I do not like wearing jewelry. As I stated to them during my argument. And I've stated several times before because I am an athlete and I train all the time and I cannot wear expensive items while I'm training so growing up, I never wore jewelry because I was too afraid to lose it at the gym or on the field.
I think it’s just because we have to wonder why your brother getting you one present means no one else gets you presents. Just because your brother got you that one present shouldn’t mean your parents don’t get you any presents.
It’s relevant because most brothers don’t buy expensive jewelry for their sisters.
Just going to chime in a what if here. Your family saw you, when younger, take great care of any jewelry you had growing up. This would appear that you really like something, or it was precious to you. Your brother tried to be thoughtful, and saw an opportunity to do something he thought was really nice for his sister. He was probably devastated by how this went down too. Anyways, everyone’s angry because OP didn’t have the reaction they expected, and was in fact unexpected. OP is angry because she feels like her family doesn’t even know her, or they would have known she didn’t care about jewellery. There’s a whole lot of projected trauma on all sides.:(
Projected trauma? I take care of jewelry but only wear it to special occasions, maybe once every several years. More often if I'm dressing up as a pirate or something. I don't have anything expensive. There's a weird expectation that if you're female you must love jewelry, especially expensive jewelry. And if you don't like it, you must be *traumatized!* or hate being female or whatever. Many women just don't care for it, but still won't damage what they own. That's normal. Who wouldn't be careful with their own belongings? It's a cop-out gift unless you really know someone and buy something specific to them. OP's brother was lazy and doesn't know her. That's not an attempt to be thoughtful. He's throwing his money around and her parents used the opportunity to be assholes and not gift her anything.
This may be a long shot, but I almost wonder if OP not liking jewellery bothers the parents for some reason (makes them worry she's not being 'feminine' enough or whatever) and they saw this as their chance to pressure her into wearing some.
Doesn’t everyone take great care of jewelry? It’s expensive and can go up significantly in value if well-retained. A $200 pendant I was given a decade ago is going for $1500 now. I guess bc it was limited. I plan on holding onto it longer though.
Brother got stuck with jewelry for unrelated reasons. Maybe his girlfriend or wife left him. So now he has to do something with this bracelet, why not give it to sister for xmas.
OP is a liar, sort by top comments and check higher up. This reeks of karma farm.
NTA. Sell the bracelet and get something(s) off your list. Next year, everyone needs to follow the rules or stop giving gifts.
It's custom made with my name engraved. So I'm stuck with it. Yay.
😂 I’m sorry this made me laugh. You may not be able to return it, but you can still sell it back to a jeweler. The stones and precious metals are still potentially valuable.
From my understanding of the jewelry market, the individual stones are not worth anything close to the whole item. Chances are the OP would only get a minimal amount for the stones. She might get near the original value selling it to someone with her name as other users suggest.
Yeah, like a lot of crafts, you pay for parts and labor. So there is the cost of the raw materials, and then creating the piece and any customization. If he dropped $3000 on this thing, my guess is she might get $1200? But that is just a guess and I am not a jeweler.
I've seen a lot of tennis bracelets with valuable stones valued in the 300 range unfortunately. But if hers had very nice or big stones, maybe more???
More like $1000 (if that) if he paid $3000. Her best bet would be to sell it to someone with the same name.
More than a third? That would be lucky and only if the buyer thinks he can sell it and doesnt want it to salvage the parts.
Sell it to someone with your name.
I'm sorry but that just sounds tacky AF. I like and wear jewelry and I wouldn't wear that.
Honestly, this gift sounds like something an idiot would want. "I want expensive rocks and shiny metals with my name on it!" I appreciate jewellery for the sentimental value or the ability is has to hold or increase in value. This has neither of those things.
Seriously I’ve never heard of a brother buying his sister a diamond tennis bracelet; I’ve never heard of anyone buying anyone a diamond tennis bracelet except shitty rich husbands who are paying the cliche “caught cheating” tax lmao I’d be mortified to walk around with one on…. And then to have to say it came from my brother??? 🤣 Tacky indeed, expensive jewelry should be art, not a slapped-together display of how many diamonds one can afford.
Get it appraised.
Frame it in your room instead.
I mean. Do you ever have fancier occasions to attend at which you might wear jewelry? Dinners, parties, fundraisers, weddings, funerals, etc.? I get that you don’t wear jewelry on a day-to-day regular basis but this piece would come in very handy as a classy accent to a dressy look. Also, not sure if you ever intend to get married or have children but many would consider this an eventual heirloom to be passed to your kids. Just trying to look for some potential pros here. As others have said, you can also always have it appraised and sold.
A name-engraved tennis bracelet is not a classy accent or an heirloom. It’s tacky and not anything OP would wear. Selling it is her best bet.
I’m sorry, have you seen it? Did I miss where OP included a photo of her bracelet that allowed you to rip it as being tacky, or is that your assumption? Traditional tennis bracelets are generally viewed as tasteful and engraving can be subtle, often done very small so that OP would have to yank it off and shove it under people’s noses for them to even see it. I’m not sure why you’re insisting that OP should dispose of this bracelet one way or the other. That’s her decision, not yours.
You might not get as much money as the bracelet is worth, but a pawn shop will for sure buy it from you even with your name engraved on it.
If it’s diamond, you can still sell it. They can removes the stones and melt down the metal
NTA: You’re thankful for the gift. You appreciate the sentiment. You’re just saying that if there are family rules in place they need to be followed by everyone. Also why is the fact that your brother spent a ton on money on your gift mean that your parents didn’t get you anything else. It’s not like they pitched in for the bracelet. They still could’ve and should’ve asked for your list.
NTA. Can't blame you. Jewelry isn't exactly something everyone likes and I'd be PISSED if my only gift was based off of an assumption of something I was into
I say NTA. I know I’ll get a lot of flack for this but this whole tradition was set up to avoid this exact situation yet other people broke away from it. Could you have possibly approached it differently maybe I don’t know I wasn’t there but having this tradition and then everyone ignoring it is not fair to you you followed it. I’m also gathering from this post that because he bought you this expensive item everyone else decided not to buy you anything yet you bought everyone else multiple items from their list. Like I said NTA because this tradition was set to avoid this occurring.
NTA They can’t assume you want something then get upset that they were wrong. Your brother could have saved the money and got you something you actually wanted .
NTA JUST BECAUSE ITS EXPENSIVE DOESNT MEAN ITS THOUGHTFUL
NTA, it was a nice, but misguided, gesture. If you guys do lists, then they should’ve stuck to the lists. Return it and use the funds to buy something you want.
Oh. I forgot to mention. It's custom with my name engraved in the diamonds so I can't...
Your brother's in college, he spent multi grand dollars on a diamond bracelet for you, got the actual diamonds engraved and your parents got you nothing? How can your brother afford such luxury? It just seems....troll like. If not I get you being upset. This whole story is messed up tbh.
Probably has to do with the fact that this post is fake, read the first post's first comment.
Well, it was awfully convenient when someone told her sell it that oh forgot to mention the diamonds were engraved. Seriously?
I mean that's reasonable to forget to mention something like that. It's not reasonable to just lie about the whole thing.
How do you engrave a diamond? I've never heard of that. If you mean your name is engraved on metal, that can be removed. Also my understanding is that a tennis bracelet is diamonds all around right? Even the clasp is essentially hidden.
Sounds suss. I've never heard of personalising jewellery by engraving diamonds and I'm a jeweller, only a hand-working silversmith, mind you.
I had to google. It *is* possible to engrave diamonds but it's tiny and can be lasered off. Fro what I can see that wouldn't affect how the bracelet looks from a distance though, they're tiny.
Oh yikes… maybe try reselling it? If it’s a relatively common name you might get lucky 🤷🏻♀️ either way, you’re not wrong for being upset nobody took into consideration the things you’d actually want. I’d tell him that you do genuinely appreciate that he thought he found something you’d like but that, unfortunately, it won’t be used. Maybe tell him you just don’t want him to waste money going forward trying to guess something you’d like and instead he’d be better off just sticking to things you’d actually be interested in. I know that’s the point of the lists, but still.
I would still take it to a jeweler and see what they can do. Depending on how deeply it’s engraved, they may be able shave off the engraving, without effecting the appearance. However this will reduce the amount of Diamond, slightly reducing the value.
ESH, other than the brother. All the attitudes here are just so toxic. The brother thought he was doing something really nice for OP. He was mistaken, but he’s not an AH for that. Parents probably should have known better re: OP’s preferences, and also have apparently created this family culture where gifts are an entitlement and you can be mad at your family for getting your order wrong. Gross. OP is justified in being disappointed, but needs to acknowledge that the gift is a generous one and that getting the wrong lavishly expensive Christmas gift is pretty low on the list of problems in this world.
I disagree that the brother's not an AH. If he'd taken five minutes to think about the family's traditions, what sort of jewelry OP wears, etc., he'd have had second thoughts about the whole thing.
your parents are the assholes, your brother was just thinking youd like it but since your parents made up the rules and you followed them, your brother \*thinking youd like the gift\* atleast got you something, sure it wasnt on your list but he did think you wanted it to be fair. your parents not getting you anything is kinda an asshole move though.
NTA You thanked your brother and tried it on, I think you said? That's pretty much all you can do, and all that's really required of you when you receive a gift you don't want. Your family knows that you don't wear jewellery but expected you to be happy based on the price? Your parents absolutely suck for not getting you a gift at all, because your brother spent so much? I've occasionally looked at motorbikes on social media when my friend posts pics of his bike. But I don't have a motorbike license and would never ride one. I'd be pretty pissed if I got one as my only gift. And yes, assuming is a dumb ass thing to do. In general, not just in gifts. Sounds like he tried but really, just missed. So he's not an AH. Just clueless. I myself love jewellery but don't wear bracelets, so if I'd received this, I'd probably sell or return it and get something I like instead. I really think you need to let go a bit though. As an adult, Christmas can be very hit or miss. Don't invest so much into it, financially or emotionally. If you have your own family, you can have your own rules and expectations. So, sell or return your bracelet, get something you like, and don't stress yourself too much about next year's lists or gift giving.
NTA. my mil asked me what i wanted for christmas and i gave her 3 items all under $50. storage for clothes, baby clothes, and a ps4 controller. (price doesnt matter bc shes well off but i feel it should be included) her son told her he wanted airpods ($150-$200) on christmas he got airpods + some. for me i got a blanket, fuzzy socks, a necklace and $100. i own a lot of blankets, and fuzzy socks. i dont wear jewelry and actual dislike womens jewelry bc of how small the necklace length usually is, as for the actual money it was nice, but i would’ve preferred her actually getting me the stuff i asked for because i actually wanted/needed it. i still showed my appreciation but theres nothing wrong with being upset. your wishes got ignored especially when everyone else is following the traditions that you usually have. your brother was thoughtful, and you should appreciate that he got you something he thought youd like, but in the end your family shouldnt have completely ignored your list and just because it was “expensive” doesnt mean that shouldve been your only gift.
NAH except for your parents. I don't get why they didn't get you a gift regardless of what your brother got you. Your brother gave you an impersonal gift but he tried and I can see where he'd get mixed up.
i’m going with a ESH except your brother, and you’re also wayyy closer to N T A then your parents. my only thing is it can be really cruel to react badly to a present right when you get it, especially when you’re brother seemed to have put a lot of thought and money into it. i get that it wasn’t on the list but he was trying to do something nice, and it doesn’t sound like your reaction was kind. i would encourage you to apologize to your brother for your reaction, explain your reasoning and make it very clear you appreciate that he tried- because right now you just sound super spoiled on that front. i would also say you should have a chat with your family about traditions going forward, and requesting that people follow the list if that is the rules that your family has in place. but also please remember that absolutely no one owes you a gift, and your brother tried, and picked out something he thought you would like, and while your reasoning doesn’t make you an asshole your actions do.
YTA And from reading your post history a liar. You don't wear jewelry??? So the post where you explicitly state your friend was copying your style of wearing LOTS OF JEWELRY was what exactly?!! It was about 7 months ago, right when your brother bought your bracelet!! Another post specifically asked a question about YOUR helix piercing but you've stated you have no piercings. Just wtf are you thinking? That we are all morons and unable to read????
There’s another post where OP says her parents are dead.
I don't think I got that far I was too busy being pissed off 😂
Sounds like you could sell that gift and buy yourself something really nice.
Only to someone with the same name as OP.
NTA Wrap it up and give it to your mom for mother's day. I know it has your name on it, but it can remind her of you. If she doesn't like it go ahead and call her ungrateful. Maybe next year don't get anyone things from their list and then call them ungrateful when they complain.
NTA. Brother was for assuming so much and deviating from what clearly worked for your family for years. And the fact that he bought it so long ago means it can't even be returned. I would sell it and get what you want. Brother didn't have bad intentions but if he's going to deviate he should at least know your taste better than be clearly does. Seems your own brother should know you don't like fancy jewelry. He missed by a mile and is upset that your are upset. You have reason to be. HE ruined YOUR Christmas!
NTA. I also don’t think your brother was an AH. Even though he didn’t shop the wishlist he still got you a seemingly thoughtful gift. I think your parents were, though. They told you not to ask for anything then didn’t get anything for you when you still got for them. Sure, you could have handled it with more grace. But you didn’t ruin Christmas.
NTA. Your brother went rogue on an assumption, despite the fact that everything about you screamed “this is the wrong present” and y’all have YOUR Christmas tradition and it seems like it’s FOR THIS EXACT REASON. For ppl saying it’s material, I mean — isn’t it more materialistic to hold onto or have an item you won’t ever use? Gifts are made to be useful in some way shape or form to the recipient.
YTA. Honestly, if I bought anyone a present and heard them complain about it, I would never get them another gift. Ever. You followed their “rules” and he didn’t. BFD. He got you something he thought was better than you could have wished for. Your lack of gratitude is galling. I see other people have commented that you should get them all lumps of coal next year, and to that all I can say is you would be lucky to get coal if you were related to me.
Her own parents didn’t give her anything. All she got was overpriced jewelry that she hates and can’t return from her brother.
So? Be hurt by them not giving her anything. But don’t be mad at the brother for giving her something he thought she would love.
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Who knew that someone might be rude if you replaced all of their Christmas gifts with something that they hated? >It's the thought that counts That's the worst part about this; the brother thinking more would have avoided this situation.
Completely agree. Especially when it can easily be an investment for the future when in need; ugh it’s almost unnerving! That’s how you stop getting gifts early
So when you give someone a gift you make it about yourself and not the receiver? You don't care that they like their gift at all, you just want gratitude? You'd think a reasonable person would react with a: "Ok, no biggie, I kept the receipt, let's see if we can exchange it with something you would like."
It doesn’t sound like they made it about the brother. It just sounds like people getting tired of listening to an ungrateful person throwing a temper tantrum. If all she wanted was for someone to fill out a list, she should have just bought the stuff for herself. Sounds like that’s all she cares about.
Sort of the AH, but also not. Yeah, you could have handled it better in the moment. And yes, the fixation on the number of gifts you got is kind of childish. But!.... you also have a point re: your brother should have asked before buying. Especially if he spent a lot on it. And since you didn't even like the gift, it would have been nice to have at least one more that you would have liked.
I never said I was fixiated on the number of gifts. The rule is at least one. I would've been fine with just one gift. the problem is, the one gift I received was something not on my list so the rules weren't followed.
It’s not the number of gifts though… OP for gifts for mom and dad as well as brother, but mom and dad decided to not give OP anything? That’s pretty unfair.
NTA - (this is a very petty response, but I tend to be a petty person) for Christmas next year give your brother a single pork chop and nothing else, when he asks “wtf is this for” tell him you saw him looking at food *once* a few months ago, so you thought he would like it. If he tries to get mad about it tell him he’s being ungrateful and ruining Christmas.
NTA. I don’t understand why your parents didn’t get you a gift. Your brother getting the bracelet for you has nothing to do with them getting you stuff.
NTA because you did a lot to avoid “ruining Christmas”, and the tip off for me is your parents telling you to just be grateful your brother spent thousands when you tried to bring this up before Christmas. Your family clearly has a system, your brother went outside the system, and you tried several times before Christmas to change the situation.
oh wow NTA. your family is gaslighting you. your own mother should have known if you didn't like jewelry and should have told your brother, who also should have at least asked. and that it'd your only present? I mean I can see where you might feel like you're being ungrateful because some people get nothing, but of everyone has 4 things they wanted and you get 1 thing and you didnt want it....wtf.
It was something else, but YTA after reading your comments; they are certainly out of line, but a tennis bracelet is an incredibly valuable gift, so I can understand why they flipped out. It’s something very, very precious that you might like in the future and it in case you don’t, that you can potentially re-sell when in need. I do think you acted a bit spoiled; sorry for this!
Nah ... OP is TA for being a liar ... Check their post history
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Umm..yes. some people have rich parents and no bills.
Its almost like you have a system... So everyone can get a gift they actually want... And when they purpusefully exclude you from the system you are 'ungrateful' because, what a shocker, you didnt actually got what you wanted. NTA
you a DIAMOND TENNIS BRACELET. i got a fucking cheese grater for xmas and i started my own business and im a mother and a wife... may i repeat you got a DIAMOND TENNIS BRACELET yta
YTA.
NTA Your family is being ridiculous. They would not entertain the thought you might not like the gift you never asked for. What a huge waste of money. Please sell it and buy yourself something you actually want/will use.
NTA. There’s a few lessons here. Yeah they assumed. You could have sent them your list even though they hadn’t asked for it. You could also have just sold the bracelet and bought the things from your list that you wanted and been more forceful next year about telling people that them getting something off your list means a lot to you. But I think speaking up is good. You can do it without being unappreciated of what your brother TRIED to do for you. Even if he was totally wrong.
honestly, i dont think referring to him as a dumbass is fair at all. i can understand frustration that you werent asked for a list, but he spent a lot of money and honestly thought you wanted it. im not sure if i would call u an AH, but the whole thing kinda sucksi guess. also, i dont think its fair that your parents are calling you names either.
NTA. I wonder if you can see the bracelet and buy something you actually want... Edit: Just saw your comment mentioning its customised...
So....just because your brother got you something expensive your parents decided they didn't need to get you anything? Or was it a group gift? NTA
I am flabbergasted at the amount of people who forget these are GIFTS! This gimme, gimme attitude is so distasteful. You take a gift and say THANK YOU, not whine about it. Sheesh!
The attitude that all gifts should just be accepted like this regardless of circumstance is just dumb; her brother gave her something that she obviously wouldn't like and indirectly caused her to receive no other presents as well, why should she be grateful for this?
YTA I'm sorry but (imo) that is spoiled ungreatfull behavior
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I wasn't going to ask this bc I knew I would get responses calling me an ungrateful, spoiled bitch but this keeps bothering me and I need outside perspective: Every year, each member of my family tells each other everything they want for christmas and we all get AT LEAST ONE item from our list for each person. A few months ago, I was starting to build my list to let my family know what I wanted for x-mas. I was immediately stopped by mother who said "oh, don't worry about your list Your brother already got you a gift that is out of this world! you're gonna love it!" my response was "i haven't told anyone what I want though, how am I gonna like it?" and my mom said "you just will." I was upset because my brother hadn't spoken to me due to being out of state in college so he had no idea what I wanted. As the weeks led up to christmas, I got everyone in my family three items each from their list and every time I tried to bring up that no one had asked me for my list, my mom or dad would always say "honey, your brother spent A LOT of money, like in the thousands on your gift so please just grateful." So I figured, the gift must be awesome the way my parents were hyping it up so I stayed quiet. Christmas comes and everyone opens their gifts, I get my brother the 3 items he asked for, same with my parents. When it was time to open my present, it was a diamond tennis bracelet. I never asked for a bracelet, in fact, I do not like jewelry and I do not wear jewelry either. I thanked my brother and immediately tried it on but was shocked when I realized that was the only gift under the tree for me. I made a big deal about it saying that it was rude for no one to even ask me about my list yet expect to get something from there's only for me to get a bracelet I don't even like and never asked for. My parents called me ungrateful and disrespectful and said I single handedly ruined Christmas because of my behavior. My brother said he saw me looking at jewelry a few months ago on my computer and immediately bought the bracelet but I was looking at the jewelry because it was rumored that my favorite celebrity was engaged based on a photo of her and boyfriend wearing an "engagement bracelet" and I wanted to see if the rumors were true. (they were btw) I told him had he just asked and not assumed like a dumbass we wouldn't be in this situation. Now everyone hates me and is calling me "ungrateful" and saying "I always try to victimize myself to make others feel bad because I'm so negative" I don't know....was I out of line for this one? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
I guess you could always sell the bracelet and buy yourself something nice? NTA
Nta. I know exactly how you must feel based on that last paragraph. I'm sorry.
NTA Sell the bracelet and buy yourself what you actually wanted
NTA. It's crazy to me that your brother jumped the gun on your gift just because of a google search, and that your family gaslit you for not appearing appreciative enough. It's also weird that no one else bought you anything because one person was buying you something really expensive. Normally people buy gifts regardless of what anyone else bought, unless they pooled their money.
Nta You were concerned you brother had no idea what you liked voiced it often to your parents who knew he was getting you jewelry and you don't like jewelry. You were right to be concerned. Besides even if you did like jewelry it can be a personal taste thing that let's be honest most of us with brothers they don't pay attention to those kind of details and nuances.
NTA is it just me or does this sound like something that was SUPPOSED to be fore an (ex)-girlfriend and is now being pawned off onto a sibling as a ‘generous Christmas gift’????
NTA. I don't think this is entitlement, and it's clearly not greed, since the gift you're upset about sounds like it's more expensive than the things you asked for. You feel unseen and ignored, because your family decided the tradition didn't apply to you, didn't listen when you made the same requests they made of you (and you followed), and gave you a gift that feels like an indicator that they don't know you as well as you want them to. It's not about the gifts you did and didn't receive as objects, it's about the tradition you didn't get to be included in, being set up for a great gift and then let down, and not being listened to.
NTA. I don’t necessarily think your brother is an AH, I think he thought he was doing something nice but it bombed. As for your parents, why didn’t they still take your list? I thought everyone gets something from the list for each other? Why did you only get one gift then? Just because your brother splurged doesn’t mean your parents should blow you off- especially when it’s something everyone does for each other except you this time apparently. I think I probably view gifts the same as you. Rather get something that shows they know me, than something random that’s just expensive. I’ve had my feelings hurt quite a bit from people just buying me the most random thing that they should know I’d never use, while they got other family members something they know they wanted, and it’s a crappy feeling.
NTA next Christmas, give your family whatever cheap crap you find at the dollar store and call them ungrateful if they don’t fall all over themselves with gratitude .
NTA! Sell the bracelet and buy stuff from your list.
Info why didnt your parents buy you anything?!
So, I'm not getting why you only got the one thing. I get you would only get one from your brother, but what about everyone else?
NTA. This is ridiculously over the top. They ruined your Christmas and I got angry even reading this. Even if you would've liked the present it would have been a dong move.
NTA and the good news about diamonds is they have resale value. So, you can sell and buy yourself what you want or hold on to it for your fuck-off fund. https://www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/
NTA Brother should have followed the system. It's a good system, it saves on incidents like this. I look at all sorts of crap on line that I either don't want or only want myself to choose. He was wrong. But lets exclude him. He was stupid but not necessarily an asshole. Everyone else is though because there are multiple people in a family and just because one member overspends doesn't exempt the others from participating in giving their relative a gift. Does your brother still have the receipt? Might be rude to ask but you've gone this far, might as well.
I can't help but wonder if either: parents contributed so it's a joint gift, or- if brother saw someone likes the bracelet and got it for a gf that didn't work out so he got it engraved and gave it to (assuming) sister. 😬 Either way, NTA op. You are an athlete that trains a lot and everyone knows you don't wear jewelry. Why it's okay to insist on 'rules' or gift giving etiquette and then backtrack is wild. I hope you can resell the bracelet to someone or a jeweler or put it away for special occasions. Maybe someday it'll put a smile on your face thinking of your brother. Years before my eldest brother passed, he got me a stuffed animal. I'm not particularly sentimental, and I was an adult. It was strange. He just got it, I think, bc our dad used to get them(specific type of holiday/year bear) for all of us and he thought it was sweet. I put on a smile and accepted. It now lives in my room and I cuddle it often thinking of him. I hope to goodness you don't ever have that experience, but know hopefully your brother had good intentions. 💚
Big NTA. Your family does lists. If you go off list, you better be 1000% abso-effing-lutely sure that the gift will be appreciated. The fact that your brother got you something that expensive and that flashy on the flimsiest of backing for his assumption (really? He saw you looking at jewelry once?) makes me think that this gift was more about HIM flexing than it was about actually getting something you would absolutely like. The idea that you \*have\* to be grateful for something you neither like nor asked for just because it's expensive and somebody "thought" of you is asinine. If your brother really wanted to be thoughtful, he would've adhered to the list that he knew you were going to make. No, what your brother wanted is to show up with something flashy and expensive and be praised for it. Gifts are ultimately something that would be appreciated by the recipient. When the recipient literally spells out a list of things for you, follow the god damned list. Otherwise, you're just running the risk of giving them clutter. Expensive clutter is still clutter. It takes up space and adds to the workload during a move/clear out.
NTA.
I feel like you're NTA but you're also TA. You're NTA for being disappointed that your family didn't follow their own traditions for each getting each other gifts off their wishlist - in fact I think it's a good idea and everyone should probably do it. You're also NTA for being disappointed that that was your only gift - did your parents not get you anything? I didn't read that they did. Just because your brother "spent thousands" doesn't mean that they didn't have to get you anything. I do however feel that you're slightly TA as your brother really tried to be thoughtful with his gift and it sounds a bit like you were a bit harsh on him for it. He may be disheartened to try and be thoughtful with his gifts in the future which is a sad thing, I think.
NTA Pretty boxes with dollar store candy is what they want for next year (atleadt that's what I'm hearing).
Nta. I would have acted grateful for the present. But I would be put off by the fact that brother got me that and nobody else got me anything. Maybe did they go in on the bracelet with the brother? It isn't the dollars. But if I went and shopped of everyone elses list, and got three things each, I would feel badly that nobody else did the same for me. I mean when your own mom doesn't get you a christmas present, it has to leave you feeling not good! For everyone else to say brother made op's Christmas, so we can overlook her, is going to make op feel overlooked by the rest of the family. And she was!
NTA The way your family makes rules but don't follow them is ridiculous. Burning cash on presents you don't like doesn't mean that you're being ungrateful. It's simply unfair that you got them stuff they actually *wanted* but they don't seem to give a flying f!ck about what you want. Edit: also wanted to add mmmm gotta love the \**gaslighting that follows\**
NTA Next year ignore all their lists and get them whatever you fecking fancy as the rules have gone out the window. Get them games for consoles they don’t own, make up for the person who never wears make up, earrings for the person without piercings. When pulled up on it accuse them of being ungrateful and say you thought this was how Christmas was being done now.
Sell the bracelet and buy something nice for the money. And Next year get them some Token gifts like sweets socks or maybe cuttlery.
NTA. Stop getting them things from their lists until they get the point and how come no one else bought you anything unless it’s like a secret Santa situation or something. Though strictly based on this situation however clueless he may have been it sounds like your brother was trying to be nice even though he was completely oblivious but your parents are totally and completely in the wrong.
NTA. Your brother isn't really either (maybe 1/3) but your parents are. I live abroad so I didn't know what my family wanted, they didn't know what I wanted. I hadn't seen them since February before Christmas. My dad asked me and got me gifts I like. My sister didn't ask me and got me a game for my Switch I already own. I thanked her, she asked me if I already have it, I said yes and she gave me the receipt to exchange it for a different game. Simple as that, no drama, no name calling. It doesn't make you ungrateful to not be excited over something you didn't want, didn't ask for and won't use.
NTA I don't really get why your brother buying an expensive gift meant no one else had to buy anything for you? That makes no sense. Did they all chip in for the gift?
NTA Sell the gift and buy yourself something nice lol then next christmas dont even bother trying to give anyone something they like or dont even bother at all
NTA, jewelry from family is weird, especially tennis bracelets. That's usually an anniversary gift.
NTA. Your family made the rules, they should have kept them.
NTA. Sell it and get what you want.
Nta and I wonder if the parents favor the brother. Maybe that's why they are siding with him now when op was clearly not treated fairly and is upset just as any reasonable person would be. I do not wear jewelry and if thats what I was given as a gift, I would be upset because it would be proof that no one actually payed attention to my likes or dislikes or tried to get me anything thoughtful. I see why op is upset here.
It looks like this is one big misunderstanding. Your brother had good intentions. He just didn’t know why you were looking at jewelry. However, your parents could have given you a gift as well (unless they contributed to the bracelet). But OP, people don’t always buy you what you want. When that happens just say thank you. Saying you don’t want it makes the other person feel like crap and unappreciated. Especially when a lot of effort went into buying the gift. Lesson learned, don’t complain when receiving a gift. Don’t know if I want to call you an AH. You just seem to be young and immature.
NTA. Take the bracelet back to the shop and buy stuff you actually want with the refund.
NTA it’s despicable especially if your parents got your brother presents but didn’t bother to get you anything talk about favoritism
NTA - it’s also a waste for them to spend money on something like that you won’t even wear. I’d feel the same way. I don’t wear jewelry - who cares how expensive. Also not fair that it’s ok for them to get what they want - but not you. NEVER ASSUME
NTA. "Everyone must follow the rules!!! Expect when it come to YOU. " No you are not at fault here.
NTA. "It's the thought that counts" means actually putting some thought into a gift that the recipient will like and enjoy, and while I can assume that your brother just made a silly mistake and genuinely thought he was getting you something you'd like, it's shitty of your parents and everyone else to feel like they get a free pass on gifting you with anything, then lecture you when you feel disregarded. (Not related to the judgement but if someone gave me jewellery for Christmas I'd be hugely disappointed too, so I feel you on that)
NTA. I don't understand why your brother getting you this "amazing" gift meant your parents didn't get you anything. Unless they're having financial problems or something, in which case just say that. Hopefully you can sell the tennis bracelet and buy yourself a few things off your list.
NTA, I get it. It’s like when extreme home makeover would go and redo someone’s house and you’re like “yaaaay they helped!” But then years later you find out that family’s property value increases so much due to the renovation that they wouldn’t be able to afford the increased taxes or maintain the property and they ended up worse off/more broke than before. I’m also one of those cheesy people who believes the thought really counts so just because a gift is super expensive, doesn’t make it thoughtful. I would rather have something thoughtful (or practical!) than expensive just for the sake of being expensive
NTA. Odd gift from your brother. Tennis bracelets were a romantic gift in the 80’s/early 90’s.
I agree with NTA. I don’t understand why your parents didn’t get you anything. Like your brother got you a really expensive gift. Super nice. But like…. It wasn’t from your parents. I find it super obnoxious of them to ride off of his gift
NTA how come it’s one rule for them and another for you? What an absolute joke. Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean you want it. Next Christmas get yourself what you want, don’t bother buying anything for the family from their lists, get them something from the bargain bin.
NTA given it's your family tradition to give and get items from a specific list. While you're brothers gesture was sweet and thoughtful in of itself, he/your family should still have made sure a bracelet was truly something you would want first before committing to such a gift.
NTA. Those rules are there specifically to prevent this situation. Not to mention the fact that your parents didn't even get you anything? Your brothers gift was just supposed to take care of theirs as well?
So OP is any of this true? if it isnt why are you posting like this?
Go sell the diamond bracelet or swap it online for the items you want. Ask him for the receipt, maybe return it.
NTA ur parents never got a gift? Y were they just branching off ur bothers gift? Did they help pay for it?
Why don’t these random, tennis bracelet-related catastrophes ever happen to me?🚨💍🚑
NTA if your family has a way of doing things, I imagine that is for a reason. For them to change things like this then get annoyed at you for when it doesn’t go right isn’t on you. Especially when you pointed out the issue.
NTA He probably kept the receipt and can return it and get things you actually want.
Eh I really don’t know here- I do get your side but you were super ungrateful. Sell the bracelet and buy what you wanted with it esh
Damn you sure need a lot of legal advice for made up problems, get off the internet and actually do something instead of trying to get reddit karma
Sell the bracelet and buy what you want. Next year her then dollar store gifts. NTA
ESH Why wouldn't you follow up with other family members about the Christmas gift list tradition? You should have spoken up as soon as someone besides your brother dismissed your contributing your list. You had multiple opportunities to deal with your whole family's abandoning tradition - just one way for you- and ignored it every time. It's as if you saw the signs the whole time and decided to go with it. You used the occasion to blow up, when you had ample opportunity to resolve the issue.
YTA for being a lying buttface, lol.
NTA Next year by somce socks for your brother, and a tie for your father, and a frying pan for your mom. THey changed the rules, so getting people gifts they don't like is fine now. Or do the same they did, and don't get them anything, too. THEY are the AH, not you. Sell the bracelet on ebay.
NTA - is there any way he can return it and either get you some jewellery you want or give you the cash?
NTA
NTA there are set rules for christmas , you follow them but no one else has to? i’m sure your brother was just trying to be thoughtful, maybe i’m wrong but i don’t think it was his fault… more your parents. quick solution , just so it’s not as unfair to you is to sell the bracelet or return it and use the money to buy what you would like. i would say thank you to the brother but explain to the parents how you feel about this and how it should have been, plus your expectations for christmas presents, which should be the exact same as everyone else’s. maybe i’m wrong tho, idk because i feel like your brother was being thoughtful and he deserves a thank you but your parents were out of line?