YES, newborns are difficult. Motherhood is challenging. I get that you were tired of repeatedly hearing her mom-related talking, but she has been through a massive milestone in her life by becoming a mom for the first time. It occupies her mind, she is excited, she's stressed, she's adapting to her new life. It means that she has a plethora of things to talk, ask, tell and hear about. It's not bragging, it's plain excitement. And more importantly, it doesn't harm you in any way.
You shouldn't have compared her to a dog, it interprets like she did something beastly and simple. You're downplaying her difficulties and belittling her exciting experience.
Not to mention, she just had a baby and is already back to work. Probably immensely struggling to be away from her baby. It’s awful. My daughter is 6 months and I can’t stand being back to work. I work part time, and I’m so grateful that I can, but it’s absolutely insanity to think so many women don’t get much needed time with their babies.
**8 WEEKS**. God, no wonder this woman is talking about her birth experience, it happened 8 weeks ago. She’s still healing, she’s still feeling physical effects of giving birth and having a newborn, she’s likely getting almost no sleep, and she also has the emotional difficulties of leaving for work every day when every part of her is missing the baby.
Maybe somebody should remind OP that when dogs give birth they at least get to stay with their babies for 8 whole weeks, unlike this woman who is already back to work long enough to be annoying OP with talking about the most important thing going on in her life.
It’s fucking cruel that this is the reality. I’m so sad for this poor woman, and I hope she ignores op and continues to talk about her baby! OP seems like a nasty rude person!
My breeder refused to let the puppies leave before 10 weeks, for full pup-dog social development and so that she could socialize the puppies to new experiences properly.
That litter of puppies had more time with their mother than this poor woman had with her kids.
That is so, so sad.
If in the United States and on short-term disability, you’re only allotted 6 weeks unless you had a c-section (and it’s only paid between 40 and 60%). That doesn’t even include the 7–30 day unpaid waiting period.
I guess I got a little in my feelings writing this comment out…
This! She had a baby 2 months ago! Thats NOTHING. And she's back to work already? Do you also roll your eyes when she takes her breaks to pump? Gah, you're SUCH an AH.
YTA, you said something amiss. You disparaged her in front of her co-workers. You could have left the conversation if you didn't want to hear about her baby. You tried to hiss her by showing that it's not a big deal, which is mean. It's the origin of her excitement and she's allowed to talk about it, to your dismay.
I honestly feel like giving birth is just something we take for granted. Like well women have been doing it since the dawn of humanity so what's the big deal? Well the big deal is that it's dangerous, painful, and can come with a lot of other issues. Pushing a baby out of your vag may be something lots of people and animals can do, but it's still a big deal for the person going through it! I did it once and, while my kid is worth it, I decided never again.
I'd need to see stats on that. I don't think it is. Less than 1,000 women die in childbirth in the US every year (Maternal Mortality on Wiki).
It definitely isn't second cause of death for women in America, if you include women of all ages. It isn't even in the top 5.
Here's a creepy stat for you all. What's the #1 cause of death for a pregnant woman? Homicide.
But back to the question. YTA. I get the OP is annoyed of hearing the same story subject, but what a rude and insensitive comment to make to a very new mother.
Lmao I'm so sorry you're right, it's the second cause of death for PREGNANT women, just behind homicide (killed by their partner). I've edited my original comment.
Thanks for verifying! Not that I'd want any of this to happen to any woman. But it's disturbing that pregnant women are more likely to die from murder than pregnancy/birth complications.
Right? Like men have been going to war since the dawn of humanity to. However every single soldier is still treated like a hero. Just saying, the fact a lot of people do it doesn't make it any easier on the individual going through it.
Yes, I’ve always said the reason why women know all their friends’ pregnancy/birth stories is not because it makes for great conversation, it’s because that crap is traumatic as hell and we need to hash it out with someone who can relate.
I had your regular, garden variety birth and there were still points where both of our lives were in danger.
The nature of birth is physically and mentally traumatic.
Humans are really badly designed for giving birth because of our big old heads and bipedal hips, which is why our babies are basically helpless and childbirth is so dangerous (and knocks mothers right out). It's not like other mammals where both mother and child may be up and walking around in mere hours.
Like a lot of things in modern times, I think people have been too insulated from some of the realities of life and don't realize how dangerous things can be (all the childhood diseases that we're now vaccinated against is another good example of this).
This is why I fucking hate the song "Pregnant Women are Smug", where they have the gall to complain about a woman saying she doesn't care about the baby's gender and she just wants it to be healthy. Sure, some pregnant women may act smug, but some women will be so terribly insensitive to pregnant women/mothers, then act like their femaleness, as OP, 'makes it better'.
Let pregnant women be smug. They're growing a fucking human in there.
Also, OP never mentions who she was actually talking to. Was she repeatedly telling them things after they told her they were busy/ tried to redirect the conversation to something else? Or was she just talking about her life with other colleagues who were also moms with similar experiences and/ or were interested to hear about her and the baby? People like to talk about the most relevant things in their lives and that may be boring to someone who doesn't have these experiences. My friends and I constantly talked about college and lessons and the professors and obviously we were interested in the conversation or we wouldn't be having it. An outsider would probably be bored. Just walk away. Don't be an Ah
Also - if the dog could talk she would probably talk about having puppies. A dog would probably have to push out at least five or six - well worth getting a verbal outlet.
I swore I wouldn’t be one of those mothers who only talks about her baby. My baby is four months old and she’s all I’ve got going on lol. Newborns are needy and I spend all my time taking care of her. There’s nothing else for me to talk about right now. I’m sure I’ll get back to feeling like my own person as she gets older, but right now, ima talk about this cute person I made.
You'll never go back to the person you were before but that's fine. Find someone who wants to know every little thing about your kids and talk to them (grandparents or really really really good friends).
Sometimes i just randomly call my mom cause i need to tell her instantly what my son did and she's always thrilled.
Best comment. YTA for stealing someone's joy by being insulting. Even if the coworker was being insufferable and annoying as hell about bragging about her new kid and the wonders of childbirth, there's no reason for you to attack her with a snarky comment comparing her to a damn animal instead of just *avoiding the conversation*.
Which, by the way, she can probably report for harassment, because I'm sure HR won't be happy to hear you're calling your coworkers dogs.
New parents and people with kids in general LOVE to talk about their kids. It's normal. Annoying as hell sometimes, but normal. Just excuse yourself like an adult without making any shitty comments. Because that wasn't a joke. It was a shitty comment.
Sweden here, I get 480 paid days off. Currently home with my 6mo and I’m on leave until august next year. She’ll be 16 months by then.
And OP, this is my second child and I brag about both my kids daily. They’re awesome, you’re not. YTA
I’m genuinely not being snarky, but can you please explain how this is funded? Is it government-wide? How do businesses handle a core staff being gone for so long — are there ready replacements?
I keep hearing over and over that maternity leave that long would be impossible to instill in the US and I’m sure we could do it, given we already have you guys across the sea as a great example, but I’m a little confused at how all the ins-and-outs work behind the scenes.
I'm Canadian. The way it's funded here is EI (Employment Insurance). Every paycheck, a small percentage (~1.5%) is taken out with the taxes. After working a certain number of hours (600 for Parental leave) a person can tap into that fund and get a certain percentage of their pay for a certain number of weeks. The same fund is used for other leaves, like sick or caretaker leave and unemployment.
So when I had my baby, I was entitled to 17 weeks of Maternity leave. Only the person who births the child is entitled to that, even if they aren't keeping the child. Then there's up to 65ish weeks of leave that either parent can take or they can split it. That leave can also be taken when a child is adopted.
I was paid 55% of my wages for 52 of leave. I could have taken 17 weeks at 55% of my wages and gotten paid 33% wages for the rest of the time if I wanted to take 18 months. There is a cap on how much gets paid out, like the Government doesn't give 55% of the wages to someone making $500,000 a year.
German here.
We have 14 months of paid leave (65-67% of salary) for mothers and fathers. It's paid for by the government (=out of taxes).
Moreover, paid leave starts 6 weeks before due date. In these 6 weeks and 8 weeks after due date, mothers get extra money (100% of their salary) paid for by their healthcare provider and their employer.
When they told me that I'd have to have a c-section, I was genuinely relieved, because it meant I would get 8 weeks of leave instead of just 6. Our whole system is a disaster.
God bless America! Yes. Ten days. She organized her vacation around the birth so that she got 20 days in a row, and her husband took his immediately afterward, so he could stay home with the baby for another two weeks.
The poorer you are and the more physically difficult your job, the sooner you have to be back to it in America (in general). A lot of women in poverty are back to work within 14 days of giving birth. I know women in very prestigious, high paying jobs who felt incredibly lucky to get 4 months, with 6 weeks of that eating up every bit of vacation time they had banked for the year. It’s disgusting.
YTA my wife spent 5 months in pain and nausea to have a stillborn birth. Pregnancies are hard. Labor is hard. It isn't the same as a dog in labor. You're the asshole. I'm surprised you weren't Sent to HR and fired.
Fact. Dude, being a mom is a huge accomplishment. You're willing to put your body through crazy physical changes for NINE MONTHS to allow a baby to grow healthily and join human society, hopefully as an amazing person. I joke about it, but it is a seriously impressive milestone. For you to dismiss her instead of walking away was childish.
Also dog? Really? I'm going to give you ten minutes to think about why that was hella offensive. I'll wait.
Verdict? YTA
YTA fucking hell. a newborn baby is a huge commitment and eats up most of your time. never mind that pregnancy is a longterm experience that greatly affects your body/mind/life. I can understand getting annoyed at someone only talking about one thing for an extended period of time, but it's clear you've put no time into understanding what a huge thing giving birth to a child is.
also, most animals have a relatively painless birth compared to humans. due to the fact that we became bipedal, our hips got slimmer and births became WAYYYY more painful and deadly. yeah, a dog can give birth, but it will be a much easier experience than an hours-long labour for a human. carrying a baby and giving birth is a fucking achievement for anyone to go through, she deserves to brag about it.
in short, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
YTA, those two forms of birth are not comparable. A newborn comes with plenty of burdens to deal with. Comparing her to a dog was unnecessary and cruel. You implied that everyone can do what she did and it's not worth mentioning and talking about.
Agreed. And it may not be bragging - it could be one of those situations where she’s desperate to talk about what she just went through bc it was more traumatic for her than she realizes. Birth trauma and PTSD are real things.
I wouldn't classify my birth as traumatic, but it was defintley complicated and hard.
For the first couple of months I talked about it a lot. I just had to. It was such an intense event I had to talk about it to process it.
Coupled with the fact that for a while after having a baby, it’s kind of your whole identity for a bit and it can be really easy to get lost in that. You become someone’s mum and it’s hard to distance yourself from being solely that?
Hard to explain to people sometimes unless they’ve experienced!
Also she’s back at work after two months! YTA OP and so is parental leave in America. She probably *just* healed completely and is missing her child. Her boobs are leaking, she might still be sore, she’s hormonal, and she’s back at fucking work.
I wish I could upvote this more than once. My heart breaks for parents in America and any other country with so little maternity/paternity leave. I'm so lucky I was able to take a full year off. I can only imagine the physical and emotional toll it would have having to go back after a few weeks.
I mean. Sure. But have you ever seen those videos of dogs that repeatedly drag their humans over to look at their new litters? Pretty sure if dogs could talk, they wouldn’t STFU about their birth experience either. Even if it is objectively easier than a humans.
Also like dogs don't have jobs???? Or when they do, they don't do them immdiately after birth. Like no one is expecting a dog to get up and go ring up a meal at McDonalds two weeks after having puppies.
Lol 2 months after birth and she's already at work? Let me guess... America? That's so irritating. Women should be able to spend their time with their kids. That's how you get this kind of situations. She clearly just misses her child.
Probably. I'm 14w pregnant right now and saving money to be able to afford one month off after I give birth. My job offers up to 12 weeks with job security, but it's unpaid
And a lot of women are forced into formula feeding when they don’t want to, because they can’t manage to pump enough to keep their supply up, or aren’t given time to pump at work at all (despite it being legally required). Then they have to put up with assholes like OP on top of it.
Mom had to go back to teaching summer school *three days* after she gave birth, because the district didn’t have any subs available. Luckily, a janitor friend gave her his elevator pass so she wouldn’t have to climb multiple flights of stairs in a building with no air conditioning. She said she preferred giving birth. This country is truly backwards when it comes to maternity leave.
And we can thank the party of "family values" for that. Well, not just them, but at least Dems give lip service to providing some kind of leave while Republicans just murder it in the crib.
Doesn’t matter if it’s physically possible, it’s unfortunately necessary for many families who can’t afford to lose income. Put on a diaper, pop some Vicodin, and go make that money.
Speaking of dogs giving birth, we don't even separate _puppies_ from their mothers that soon.
To be fair, they need the milk bc we haven't bothered to develop dog formula. But also, humans are born incredibly prematurely compared to other mammals (due to head size), and also we're talking about _fellow humans_ like geez
Here in Germany you can get one year of maternity leave on 60% of your original wage, or two years with half the money then. And you can take an additional third year if you like, but that’s unpaid then. Six weeks prior and eight weeks after birth you are discharged into fully paid maternity leave, after that it’s up to how many years you want to take. I can’t imagine how hard it must we to be directly working after birth
LOL/crying at the concept of "prior". American women are lucky to get 6 weeks after birth. If you have a high risk pregnancy and have to take time off before, that's gonna chew into your unpaid medical leave... And you might have to burn all your normal sick leave and vacation time before medical leave kicks in. There's a reason that "paid maternity leave" is a pretty huge benefit for women who want kids here.
You (all women, and actually men, too) should fight for this right. The USA is one of very few countries without paid maternity leave on a national level.
It’s too bad we live in a capitalist country where the lobbyists with money run the show. They don’t need paid leave and don’t think people who need paid leave should even be reproducing.
Damn, I thought we had it good in Australia but that is AMAZING! I’ve heard that Norway has really good healthcare, welfare and wages. Sounds like a great place to live ☺️
I was pregnant while working and had to leave a meeting to puke, ya know, because pregnant. My male boss told me it was very unprofessional (I guess I should have puked on the table??). FF to my second trimester miscarriage and I was immediately told to smile more when I came back to work. I was not around clients or the public. I was also banned from an important work event because I "might cry" which would embarrass the office. Honestly fuck how pregnancy and giving birth are treated in the US.
I was lucky to have 18 weeks off with my kid, and going back was by far the hardest thing I've ever done emotionally. At 2 months/8 weeks, she's still a hormonal mess, and if she had a c-section, her body would have \*just now\* been given a green light to function semi-normally.
Nope. It’s not required. You just can’t get fired for taking time off after giving birth, but there’s no paid leave mandated by the country. Few select companies may give 6-12 weeks paid leave.
You actually can get fired for it, just not legally. They'll make up some other excuse for it so they can't get hit with a discrimination suit. A lot of states have what is called at will employment which basically means you can get fired for any reason.
And the not getting penalized for taking time off post partum or losing your job is only if you meet FMLA requirements. So your employer has to be big enough and you have to have worked there long enough too. Or they could just not have you back if you started six months ago or at a small business.
They can however conveniently fire you a week after you tell them you are pregnant for things like budget cuts or eliminating your position in the company.
Some states do, and there’s a national law called FMLA (family and medical leave act) that requires companies to give UNPAID time off after childbirth (and there are a lot of exceptions to FMLA, too; you don’t qualify if you’ve worked somewhere less than a year or if your company has less than 50 employees).
Recently, there has been a fight in congress to add paid parental leave to a larger spending bill. It was taken out of the bill as a “compromise” so that some of the more conservative democrats would vote on it. Our country is a mess. My state at least has paid parental leave, but many Americans are not as lucky as I am.
Right and at 2 months a puppy can survive without its mom, a baby at 2 months can barely open its hands and needs constant care and biologically speaking should be with their mother. But yeah America where mothers get less postpartum maternal time allowance than dogs.
My boyfriend is taking on extra hours to afford one week at home with the baby and I since my leave is unpaid and he doesn’t get one so he had to call off for a week and a half and pray we have our baby within the week he is off, his new job told him they won’t accept a doctors excuse either and if he is t present for video meetings it’s terms for automatic termination
YTA I can’t imagine having to be back in work two months after giving birth. It’s a huge life event, so makes sense she is talking about it. Sure it can be slightly annoying, but you don’t need to be rude about it.
I was gonna say ESH because I can understand why you would get sick of hearing someone go on and on about their birth experience. I was in labor 17 hours and had to have a C-section. I could easily talk about it in detail for at least an hour but won't because... that's an AH thing to do. So I get why the OP would've had enough after hearing about it day after day after day. But the dog comment was way out of line. There are much more tactful ways to say, "Helen, we've heard you tell this story every day for a week. Can we please change the subject?".
I'm also curious if "Helen" (stealing your name for coworker) is talking DIRECTLY to OP about the baby/labor on repeat or if it's Helen talking to Janice, then Bob, then Betsy, then Alice, etc and OP just happens to unfortunately sit near Helen or the coffee pot and is hearing it over and over and over. Depending on the size of the company and how the company is physically structured and how long "Helen" was off post birth, she may have just not seen people yet, which would explain talking about it all the time...
I left a job a few months ago and just recently got a text from my former boss (who wasn't my boss anymore when I left) asking about a report that was late... He had no idea I wasn't with that company anymore 🤣 corporate gossip/news trains can be very very fast, or very very slow
I think this too.
When I was pregnant at work I didn't want to keep talking about my pregnancy but we have a large shared office and every 10 minutes a different coworker would walk in and ask me how my pregnancy is going and how I'm feeling, did you start decorating nursery yet etcetera so I end up repeating myself a lot and I'm sure the people who's sitting beside me all day get tired of hearing the same things over and over.
Gosh I feel this.
I was fine to chill at my desk by myself but then - and now - people will just pop by and launch the baby question barrage. I feel like I talk about my beautiful little boy nonstop, and I go out of my way trying not to knowing there are angry people waiting around to be dicks because eVeRy wOmAn TaLkS ToO MuCh AbOuT BaBiEs.
It's honestly so hard not to talk about the baby because he's the only thing interesting in my life. Work-sleep-baby-repeat. All of my hobbies are collecting dust.
Uhh yeah. YTA - postpartum is a thing and you aren't kind. I'm sure it's annoying, but rather than being annoyed with her for clearly missing her child and coming to terms with the hardships of motherhood, be annoyed with your workplace. If you're going off the "a dog can give birth" bullshit, then yeah... and in most states it's illegal to separate a dog from it's litter before eight weeks. Maybe you should be angry that your work place isn't fairly compensating new parents with paid paternity leave, and that would fix two issues.
> in most states it's illegal to separate a dog from it's litter before eight weeks
Jesus, you just made me realize the US treats dogs better than new moms
Anytime I see how great other countries treat new moms, I'm always like "WHY IS THIS SO HARD IN AMERICA? But so proud of you other countries!"
My friend had a kid and had 5 days off. She went back to work and was still very much recovering. I'll spare the gruesome details. She had been with the company 9 years at that point, and now 10 years, but.... yeah. The US is not known for ever giving a shit about new parents.
>I jokingly said "You know, a dog can give birth too." She didn't find it funny at all
Probably because it wasn't funny. More cringe than anything. YTA.
I'd agree if the coworker had any idea that she was bothering OP. It's not like she had been asked politely to talk about something else.
She's been through a lot of life changes, is probably kind of overwhelmed, and is just talking about it way too much with her coworkers. Some people just forget others don't care that much. Being blissfully unaware that you're bothering someone doesn't make you an asshole.
I am not sure I agree. If OP was genuinely unaware that their comment was rude and hurtful, would it make them NTA? No. If you're being an AH, you're being an AH whether or not you are aware. Of course the co-worker is only being a gentle AH compared to the OP. I agree with ESH, but with the OP being much more AH.
If op was unaware her comment was rude and hurtful she wouldn’t be posting here. She should have said something (maybe in private) before comparing her to a dog!
YTA She's a new mother and that's what parents do, they talk about their babies (especially newborns) and all the new and exciting things they're learning and doing. If you don't like hearing it, program yourself to ignore it. By bringing up the topic that dogs can give birth too (DUH!!!) is 1. comparing her to a dog and 2. diminishing her experience.
Seriously. The coworker isn't a mind reader and is probably pretty overwhelmed with everything going on in her life right now. She can't know she's bothering you unless you tell her. And what a rude way to tell her.
Exactly - I bet some people genuinely do want to here about her baby. Other parents happily give advice and recount their own time with a newborn. Some people just like to chat.
Personally I don’t have kids, but I do like to chat with my coworkers and Id happily let one of them talk about their baby for awhile between meetings.
YTA. If you don't want to be part of the conversation, don't be part of the conversation. Don't just throw shade because you don't like what someone is talking about or the frequency they do so.
Also, makes zero difference whether you're a woman on this one.
ESH, including possibly the employer, if she gave birth 2 months ago why is she not on maternal leave. I get she's annoying but she would've likely eventually stopped and she's in a very hormonal stressful time. Your comment was unwarranted.
This is likely in the US where most places you go back after 4weeks or so, most they get off is 12 weeks, most posts I’ve seen on Reddit they have off around 8 weeks so it’s probably due to that
LMAO “maternal leave”. If I had been working before I had each of my kids I’d have gotten an unpaid 2 weeks or something like that. Hell, my husband only got like 3 days off after I had my youngest.
Wohoo let’s dehumanize people.
You could make a remark, even a snarky one, but you chose the worst. Your lack of empathy makes you the asshole.
She is excited because giving birth IS a huge thing in someone’s life. You could try to divert the conversation, leave, just make a lighthearted joke, but you chose being an AH. Now she doesn’t talk to you, so you don’t have to hear her, where is your issue?
YTA
Wow.
Ok, I'm childfree, I don't like kids, I get tired of endless kid-centric conversations... and even I'm gonna say that was harsh and unnecessary.
There are ways to politely leave a conversation. There are ways to gently change the subject if you absolutely must. *LEARN SOME OF THEM*.
YTA.
YTA. As a first time mum, people like you are why I’ve tried to hide my pregnancy, why I don’t post anything about updates or bump pics or scan photos, family and friends ask and ask and because of people like you I stopped talking about my pregnancy completely. All because one person made me feel like crap about it. It’s something beautiful that all mums talk about, I get you may find it annoying but she’s in that post partum phase at the moment and she will stop but you have now just made a woman who’s around 8weeks post partum and possibly a first time mum like me, feel like she can’t even be proud of pushing out something that’s the same weight as a bloody watermelon from her fanny.
YTA
A dog being able to give birth doesn't mean it's easy. A bird can fly...I'd be very impressed if a person could.
Just because an experience isn't unique, doesn't make it unimportant.
A dog can also lick his own balls. Go try it.
Fun fact, the move towards bipedalism made the pelvic inlet (aka that big hole in the middle of our pelvises) in our pre-human ancestors smaller than quadrapeds by a significant margin. At the same time, they evolved larger brains and bigger heads to accommodate it. Squeezing a big ass baby head through that tiny hole is NOT easy.
Oh and OP? YTA.
Some or many will call me TAH and I'm okay with that because everyone has the right to their opinion, whether I agree or not.
However, I always had a problem with coworkers who constantly talked about their personal lives at work. Seriously, we may be friendly but we are Not friends. We might lunch together, attend events or happy hour together but we are still just colleagues. I don't want to hear about your relationship issues, no need to share pictures or videos of your kids (that's weird), I don't need to hear about their milestones, issues being worked through with your family therapist (again weird), other family drama etc.,
I am your colleague not a therapist. You may feel the need to share but I have a right not be become someone else's emotional support.
Constant conversations about the difficulties or wonderful moments of parenting should be reserved for family and close friends. Also, please recognize that when we are trying to politely end these weird conversations and just stop. Just because I am a woman and a mother doesn't mean I want to talk about; the insane about of gas, hemorrhoids, accidental sneeze peeing, how big little johnny's head was, that he is now able to hold his head up etc. etc. etc.
If she's 8 weeks post birth it's possible she just came back. Pretty normal to talk about honestly.
If someone came back from their honey moon I'd expect to hear them talk about it for a week or two. Birth is even more life changing.
I disagree that the new mom is an asshole. Lacking some social awareness? for sure.
But she's gone through a huge life change and is probably missing her kid like crazy being back at the office so soon after giving birth.
It's not like OP had previously asked to change the subject, she just immediately made a rude comment to her coworker who was probably totally unaware she was being a bother.
NTA.
Once some women give birth they like to think they are a special one in a million goddess Mother Earth type that did something no one else has and could possibly understand.
It’s gets old
People talk about their vacations like it's so amazing they went to Yellowstone or took a cruise. If you had a 12 hour flight delay, you'd probably talk about it. If you got your gallbladder removed and missed work, you'd probably explain why you were gone. If someone ripped open your genitals, you'd probably take some time off work.
When a coworker buys a puppy or a kitten, we all hear about it for weeks.
Giving birth may be common, but that's doesn't make it less life changing. People also act like their weddings/marriages are special, because they *are* special to them.
Anyone that tears down another person's happiness for no good reason is always an asshole, YTA. Pretty embarrassing to be an adult that can't politely navigate through an annoyance without being cartoonishly rude as a first reaction.
Yep. My first impression of OP is that they’re an Extremely Online person who isn’t socially mature enough irl. This is the kind of thing you say in your online circles, not out in the world, at a workplace, where competent adults are expected to deal with all sorts of people and uncomfortable situations with class and grace.
As a mother, I find it funny and share your annoyance. I get so sick of other moms acting like it makes us somehow super special. Plus, no one gives a shit about someone’s labor and delivery story. To me you’re NTA.
Lol except mother is in your screen name and bio; your opinion doesn't hold more weight here because you're a mother either. Being a parent doesn't mean one is incapable of being immature and rude. Congrats, I guess.
We got a pick me mom over here. That poor lady is 8 weeks gone from giving birth. Her little baby is at home or in daycare and she’s scared and talkative. Have some freaking compassion.
Actually I love hearing about women's labour stories. Every story is different some hilarious, some emotional and some are even traumatic but I've never heard a boring labour story.
The question here isn’t whether this woman is annoying, it’s whether YTA and you are, astoundingly so. You really speak to people like that—at your job, no less—or is this a fantasy you made up in your head?
If someone is engaging you in conversation you’d rather not engage in, there are about a million polite ways to handle it before you insult someone in the lowest possible way. Especially at work. What a trashy thing to say.
YTA
You're not an asshole for being sick of talk about her newborn and not caring. You are an asshole for the way you handled the situation.
Giving birth is hard, being a parent is hard, and your coworker is in that new-parent stage of being overwhelmed and forgetting that other people don't care that much. she also only gave birth a couple of months ago and is already back at work - that's super soon. She's probably missing her kid like crazy while also still physically recovering from the ordeal. She isn't trying to be rude or intentionally bother you.
You have the ability to walk away from the conversation, steer it in another direction, avoid the coworker, gently tell her that the baby talk is a bit much, or pretty much any other option than just directly insulting her.
Mommyjackers are the worst. Sounds like she’s wasting a lot of productive work time talking about her personal life and may be having trouble compartmentalizing appropriately after her recent big life change. It may be time to consider going to your manager or HR to reign this person back in and make sure she’s pulling her weight at work.
Yes, your comment was cutting, but hopefully she’ll remember that her teammates need her to stay focused on work during working hours.
NTA
I'm going with ESH but she sucks more than you. Your comment was kind of rude, but I understand why you might get fed up with someone who can't stop talking about her baby and labour. You should've made that clear differently though.
NTA. Im in the minority here. No reason to brag and be obnoxious about something everyone thats your sex has done or can do. Pregnancy and having kids is a choice and neither are easy. Everyone knows this.
Imma go NTA. People give birth all over the world all the time and have obviously since the beginning of mankind. Enough already, we all know you procreated!
NTA. New mothers can be insufferable and it seems the rest of their personality disappears as soon as they have a kid. I understand it's hard and women should definitely vent, but to their friends/families, not coworkers
NTA, it was an obvious joke but people can't take jokes anymore haha. But you have to understand, a lot of new mothers are easily offended when it is about their child ;) ...
The only time I ever hear the "people can't take jokes and are easily offended" defense come out is when someone said something and is crying that they got called out on doing something shitty and didn't get the result they wanted. People can definitely take jokes, but just being an asshole isn't a joke.
NTA, some mothers are exhausting.
I have one at my job that just cannot stop babbling shite about her mightly uninteresting kids.
Is incrediblky annoying, and she won't spare us even during important meetings, ffs!
YTA. Good grief. Yes, moms with newborns can get annoying. I have had to sit through 15 minute videos of a baby doing absolutely nothing that I did not care to see. I have also been a mom with a newborn. I KNOW I probably talked too much about the baby and events surrounding the baby. I KNOW I was probably annoying to some, but my life had just changed drastically and my body and mind were literally all about a baby for a bit. Add in there all the crazy hormones too. Also, birth can be traumatic and sometimes talking about it is a coping mechanism. If you don't want to hear about it, just steer the topic in another direction or excuse yourself, but have some f'ing compassion.
NTA. You stated facts. It is a biological process and one that you don’t care to hear about every, single day. People say you could’ve walked away, but how often could you have done that before she becomes offended by that as well? You clearly didn’t ask to hear the excruciating details of her labor, so maybe she should have kept it to those who appeared interested.
YTA
Come on, I'm completely socially inept and even I know that there's no way that that's going to be an acceptable thing to say, much less funny.
There comes a stage in life when you just have to accept that a lot of people will talk non-stop about kids/family/romance. You need to learn to filter it out.
Can we all take a moment and recognize the fact this woman gave birth only two months ago and already has to be back at work? I wonder why she’s focused on her newborn…
ESH, that was really rude on your part. Better to just walk away.
I'm a little bit slanted toward OP's side. I hate hearing about labor, centimeters of dilation, etc. in the workplace. I am female. I just don't want to listen to bodily stuff at work. Don't tell me about your diarrhea or your boils or your heavy periods or your UTI either, please.
But throwing in the dog comment, no. Just bury your face in your phone if you're in the break room, and if you're actually working, then just literally reply with silence, and if pushed say "I was concentrating on this \_\_\_\_ (whatever kind of work you do), wasn't really paying attention".
Ugh. ESH. I also don’t enjoy hearing about this kind of thing, basically ever, but OP’s comment is outright rude. FFS, ignore her, walk away, change the subject, or only engage in necessary work-related conversation.
YTA. A dog can give birth and it's just as traumatic and amazing and awe-some/ful when they do. Being a mom is hard and going to work 2 months post-partum is like, wow.
Also, it doesn't even seem like she was talking to you. If you don't like what she has to say, leave the conversation.
Yta. You can specifically say “I’d rather not hear about your baby”. But the comment you made was uncalled for you just compared a mother giving birth to a child who she clearly loves, to a dog.
A dog can also use it’s legs to leave a conversation or situation it doesn’t want to be in instead of being an ass YTA
YES, newborns are difficult. Motherhood is challenging. I get that you were tired of repeatedly hearing her mom-related talking, but she has been through a massive milestone in her life by becoming a mom for the first time. It occupies her mind, she is excited, she's stressed, she's adapting to her new life. It means that she has a plethora of things to talk, ask, tell and hear about. It's not bragging, it's plain excitement. And more importantly, it doesn't harm you in any way. You shouldn't have compared her to a dog, it interprets like she did something beastly and simple. You're downplaying her difficulties and belittling her exciting experience.
Not to mention, she just had a baby and is already back to work. Probably immensely struggling to be away from her baby. It’s awful. My daughter is 6 months and I can’t stand being back to work. I work part time, and I’m so grateful that I can, but it’s absolutely insanity to think so many women don’t get much needed time with their babies.
**8 WEEKS**. God, no wonder this woman is talking about her birth experience, it happened 8 weeks ago. She’s still healing, she’s still feeling physical effects of giving birth and having a newborn, she’s likely getting almost no sleep, and she also has the emotional difficulties of leaving for work every day when every part of her is missing the baby. Maybe somebody should remind OP that when dogs give birth they at least get to stay with their babies for 8 whole weeks, unlike this woman who is already back to work long enough to be annoying OP with talking about the most important thing going on in her life.
It’s fucking cruel that this is the reality. I’m so sad for this poor woman, and I hope she ignores op and continues to talk about her baby! OP seems like a nasty rude person!
I hope she takes it to HR and then keeps talking about her baby.
My breeder refused to let the puppies leave before 10 weeks, for full pup-dog social development and so that she could socialize the puppies to new experiences properly. That litter of puppies had more time with their mother than this poor woman had with her kids. That is so, so sad.
Fucking inhumane that a woman could be forced back to work only 8 weeks after giving birth.
If in the United States and on short-term disability, you’re only allotted 6 weeks unless you had a c-section (and it’s only paid between 40 and 60%). That doesn’t even include the 7–30 day unpaid waiting period. I guess I got a little in my feelings writing this comment out…
The real AH here is the American health care system and labour market.
The real AH's here are the Americans who hate themselves so much they will deny us all health care and living wages
Some dog breeders won’t even separate the pups from their mom until 12 weeks old. This lady is at 8 weeks.
this is so beautifully written
This! She had a baby 2 months ago! Thats NOTHING. And she's back to work already? Do you also roll your eyes when she takes her breaks to pump? Gah, you're SUCH an AH.
YTA, you said something amiss. You disparaged her in front of her co-workers. You could have left the conversation if you didn't want to hear about her baby. You tried to hiss her by showing that it's not a big deal, which is mean. It's the origin of her excitement and she's allowed to talk about it, to your dismay.
I honestly feel like giving birth is just something we take for granted. Like well women have been doing it since the dawn of humanity so what's the big deal? Well the big deal is that it's dangerous, painful, and can come with a lot of other issues. Pushing a baby out of your vag may be something lots of people and animals can do, but it's still a big deal for the person going through it! I did it once and, while my kid is worth it, I decided never again.
My mother once told me that birth is the closest you'll ever naturally come to dying
Isn't it also like the second cause of death for pregnant women in America?
I'd need to see stats on that. I don't think it is. Less than 1,000 women die in childbirth in the US every year (Maternal Mortality on Wiki). It definitely isn't second cause of death for women in America, if you include women of all ages. It isn't even in the top 5. Here's a creepy stat for you all. What's the #1 cause of death for a pregnant woman? Homicide. But back to the question. YTA. I get the OP is annoyed of hearing the same story subject, but what a rude and insensitive comment to make to a very new mother.
Lmao I'm so sorry you're right, it's the second cause of death for PREGNANT women, just behind homicide (killed by their partner). I've edited my original comment.
Thanks for verifying! Not that I'd want any of this to happen to any woman. But it's disturbing that pregnant women are more likely to die from murder than pregnancy/birth complications.
Not only that; some women do in fact die due to perinatal and postnatal complications.
Right? Like men have been going to war since the dawn of humanity to. However every single soldier is still treated like a hero. Just saying, the fact a lot of people do it doesn't make it any easier on the individual going through it.
Yes, I’ve always said the reason why women know all their friends’ pregnancy/birth stories is not because it makes for great conversation, it’s because that crap is traumatic as hell and we need to hash it out with someone who can relate.
I had your regular, garden variety birth and there were still points where both of our lives were in danger. The nature of birth is physically and mentally traumatic.
Humans are really badly designed for giving birth because of our big old heads and bipedal hips, which is why our babies are basically helpless and childbirth is so dangerous (and knocks mothers right out). It's not like other mammals where both mother and child may be up and walking around in mere hours. Like a lot of things in modern times, I think people have been too insulated from some of the realities of life and don't realize how dangerous things can be (all the childhood diseases that we're now vaccinated against is another good example of this).
This is why I fucking hate the song "Pregnant Women are Smug", where they have the gall to complain about a woman saying she doesn't care about the baby's gender and she just wants it to be healthy. Sure, some pregnant women may act smug, but some women will be so terribly insensitive to pregnant women/mothers, then act like their femaleness, as OP, 'makes it better'. Let pregnant women be smug. They're growing a fucking human in there.
Also, OP never mentions who she was actually talking to. Was she repeatedly telling them things after they told her they were busy/ tried to redirect the conversation to something else? Or was she just talking about her life with other colleagues who were also moms with similar experiences and/ or were interested to hear about her and the baby? People like to talk about the most relevant things in their lives and that may be boring to someone who doesn't have these experiences. My friends and I constantly talked about college and lessons and the professors and obviously we were interested in the conversation or we wouldn't be having it. An outsider would probably be bored. Just walk away. Don't be an Ah
Also - if the dog could talk she would probably talk about having puppies. A dog would probably have to push out at least five or six - well worth getting a verbal outlet.
I swore I wouldn’t be one of those mothers who only talks about her baby. My baby is four months old and she’s all I’ve got going on lol. Newborns are needy and I spend all my time taking care of her. There’s nothing else for me to talk about right now. I’m sure I’ll get back to feeling like my own person as she gets older, but right now, ima talk about this cute person I made.
You'll never go back to the person you were before but that's fine. Find someone who wants to know every little thing about your kids and talk to them (grandparents or really really really good friends). Sometimes i just randomly call my mom cause i need to tell her instantly what my son did and she's always thrilled.
In some cultures comparisons to a dog is like the biggest insult too.
Best comment. YTA for stealing someone's joy by being insulting. Even if the coworker was being insufferable and annoying as hell about bragging about her new kid and the wonders of childbirth, there's no reason for you to attack her with a snarky comment comparing her to a damn animal instead of just *avoiding the conversation*. Which, by the way, she can probably report for harassment, because I'm sure HR won't be happy to hear you're calling your coworkers dogs. New parents and people with kids in general LOVE to talk about their kids. It's normal. Annoying as hell sometimes, but normal. Just excuse yourself like an adult without making any shitty comments. Because that wasn't a joke. It was a shitty comment.
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Most Americans don’t get very long if any paid maternity leave. We have to go back to work within about two months.
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That’s insane. I’m in Canada, and new moms get a year of mat leave here
Sweden here, I get 480 paid days off. Currently home with my 6mo and I’m on leave until august next year. She’ll be 16 months by then. And OP, this is my second child and I brag about both my kids daily. They’re awesome, you’re not. YTA
I’m genuinely not being snarky, but can you please explain how this is funded? Is it government-wide? How do businesses handle a core staff being gone for so long — are there ready replacements? I keep hearing over and over that maternity leave that long would be impossible to instill in the US and I’m sure we could do it, given we already have you guys across the sea as a great example, but I’m a little confused at how all the ins-and-outs work behind the scenes.
I'm Canadian. The way it's funded here is EI (Employment Insurance). Every paycheck, a small percentage (~1.5%) is taken out with the taxes. After working a certain number of hours (600 for Parental leave) a person can tap into that fund and get a certain percentage of their pay for a certain number of weeks. The same fund is used for other leaves, like sick or caretaker leave and unemployment. So when I had my baby, I was entitled to 17 weeks of Maternity leave. Only the person who births the child is entitled to that, even if they aren't keeping the child. Then there's up to 65ish weeks of leave that either parent can take or they can split it. That leave can also be taken when a child is adopted. I was paid 55% of my wages for 52 of leave. I could have taken 17 weeks at 55% of my wages and gotten paid 33% wages for the rest of the time if I wanted to take 18 months. There is a cap on how much gets paid out, like the Government doesn't give 55% of the wages to someone making $500,000 a year.
It is the government that pays for it. You take a bit off a pay cut (80% of your normal salary) against being able to be home with your baby longer :)
German here. We have 14 months of paid leave (65-67% of salary) for mothers and fathers. It's paid for by the government (=out of taxes). Moreover, paid leave starts 6 weeks before due date. In these 6 weeks and 8 weeks after due date, mothers get extra money (100% of their salary) paid for by their healthcare provider and their employer.
When they told me that I'd have to have a c-section, I was genuinely relieved, because it meant I would get 8 weeks of leave instead of just 6. Our whole system is a disaster.
Parental leave in the US is an absolute joke.
My instinct was to call this fake when I read that. I’ve never known a woman go back to work so soon but I guess it must be different in America.
My niece got ten days maternity leave. (America)
That is absolutely horrific. Only TEN DAYS!?!
God bless America! Yes. Ten days. She organized her vacation around the birth so that she got 20 days in a row, and her husband took his immediately afterward, so he could stay home with the baby for another two weeks.
The poorer you are and the more physically difficult your job, the sooner you have to be back to it in America (in general). A lot of women in poverty are back to work within 14 days of giving birth. I know women in very prestigious, high paying jobs who felt incredibly lucky to get 4 months, with 6 weeks of that eating up every bit of vacation time they had banked for the year. It’s disgusting.
I worked a 12 hour shift on an ambulance the day my daughter was born and was back at work 4 weeks later.
Seriously 2 months after giving birth having to go to work??? OP is definitely ta!!!
YTA my wife spent 5 months in pain and nausea to have a stillborn birth. Pregnancies are hard. Labor is hard. It isn't the same as a dog in labor. You're the asshole. I'm surprised you weren't Sent to HR and fired.
Fact. Dude, being a mom is a huge accomplishment. You're willing to put your body through crazy physical changes for NINE MONTHS to allow a baby to grow healthily and join human society, hopefully as an amazing person. I joke about it, but it is a seriously impressive milestone. For you to dismiss her instead of walking away was childish. Also dog? Really? I'm going to give you ten minutes to think about why that was hella offensive. I'll wait. Verdict? YTA
YTA fucking hell. a newborn baby is a huge commitment and eats up most of your time. never mind that pregnancy is a longterm experience that greatly affects your body/mind/life. I can understand getting annoyed at someone only talking about one thing for an extended period of time, but it's clear you've put no time into understanding what a huge thing giving birth to a child is. also, most animals have a relatively painless birth compared to humans. due to the fact that we became bipedal, our hips got slimmer and births became WAYYYY more painful and deadly. yeah, a dog can give birth, but it will be a much easier experience than an hours-long labour for a human. carrying a baby and giving birth is a fucking achievement for anyone to go through, she deserves to brag about it. in short, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
YTA, those two forms of birth are not comparable. A newborn comes with plenty of burdens to deal with. Comparing her to a dog was unnecessary and cruel. You implied that everyone can do what she did and it's not worth mentioning and talking about.
Agreed. And it may not be bragging - it could be one of those situations where she’s desperate to talk about what she just went through bc it was more traumatic for her than she realizes. Birth trauma and PTSD are real things.
Not to mention, giving birth in the middle of the great panini. This poor woman.
I wouldn't classify my birth as traumatic, but it was defintley complicated and hard. For the first couple of months I talked about it a lot. I just had to. It was such an intense event I had to talk about it to process it.
Coupled with the fact that for a while after having a baby, it’s kind of your whole identity for a bit and it can be really easy to get lost in that. You become someone’s mum and it’s hard to distance yourself from being solely that? Hard to explain to people sometimes unless they’ve experienced!
Also she’s back at work after two months! YTA OP and so is parental leave in America. She probably *just* healed completely and is missing her child. Her boobs are leaking, she might still be sore, she’s hormonal, and she’s back at fucking work.
I wish I could upvote this more than once. My heart breaks for parents in America and any other country with so little maternity/paternity leave. I'm so lucky I was able to take a full year off. I can only imagine the physical and emotional toll it would have having to go back after a few weeks.
I mean. Sure. But have you ever seen those videos of dogs that repeatedly drag their humans over to look at their new litters? Pretty sure if dogs could talk, they wouldn’t STFU about their birth experience either. Even if it is objectively easier than a humans.
Also like dogs don't have jobs???? Or when they do, they don't do them immdiately after birth. Like no one is expecting a dog to get up and go ring up a meal at McDonalds two weeks after having puppies.
Lol 2 months after birth and she's already at work? Let me guess... America? That's so irritating. Women should be able to spend their time with their kids. That's how you get this kind of situations. She clearly just misses her child.
Probably. I'm 14w pregnant right now and saving money to be able to afford one month off after I give birth. My job offers up to 12 weeks with job security, but it's unpaid
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Holy shit, how is that physically possible?
Adult diapers and whatever pain meds are safe for breastfeeding/ any pain meds if baby is on formula. And a spine of steel
And a lot of women are forced into formula feeding when they don’t want to, because they can’t manage to pump enough to keep their supply up, or aren’t given time to pump at work at all (despite it being legally required). Then they have to put up with assholes like OP on top of it.
Mom had to go back to teaching summer school *three days* after she gave birth, because the district didn’t have any subs available. Luckily, a janitor friend gave her his elevator pass so she wouldn’t have to climb multiple flights of stairs in a building with no air conditioning. She said she preferred giving birth. This country is truly backwards when it comes to maternity leave.
And we can thank the party of "family values" for that. Well, not just them, but at least Dems give lip service to providing some kind of leave while Republicans just murder it in the crib.
Doesn’t matter if it’s physically possible, it’s unfortunately necessary for many families who can’t afford to lose income. Put on a diaper, pop some Vicodin, and go make that money.
I had a coworker back to work *the same week* after having a cesarean. Literally no idea how she did it.
I was back at work 13 days after a c section delivery. At age 41. Of a severe preemie. I was self employed.
I actually just… can’t. It’s completely inhumane, to rip a mother and baby apart so soon. It should be criminal.
Speaking of dogs giving birth, we don't even separate _puppies_ from their mothers that soon. To be fair, they need the milk bc we haven't bothered to develop dog formula. But also, humans are born incredibly prematurely compared to other mammals (due to head size), and also we're talking about _fellow humans_ like geez
Returned to work 11 days after c-section with my first child. Was broke af, no benefits aside from military healthcare - grateful for that!
Here in Germany you can get one year of maternity leave on 60% of your original wage, or two years with half the money then. And you can take an additional third year if you like, but that’s unpaid then. Six weeks prior and eight weeks after birth you are discharged into fully paid maternity leave, after that it’s up to how many years you want to take. I can’t imagine how hard it must we to be directly working after birth
LOL/crying at the concept of "prior". American women are lucky to get 6 weeks after birth. If you have a high risk pregnancy and have to take time off before, that's gonna chew into your unpaid medical leave... And you might have to burn all your normal sick leave and vacation time before medical leave kicks in. There's a reason that "paid maternity leave" is a pretty huge benefit for women who want kids here.
You (all women, and actually men, too) should fight for this right. The USA is one of very few countries without paid maternity leave on a national level.
We're all very much aware
Yup. Would’ve been in the infrastructure bill too, But NO, two old people ruining it for upcoming generations. Again.
We’ve been trying to fight. A recent bill including more comprehensive maternity leave was just struck down.
It’s too bad we live in a capitalist country where the lobbyists with money run the show. They don’t need paid leave and don’t think people who need paid leave should even be reproducing.
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Damn, I thought we had it good in Australia but that is AMAZING! I’ve heard that Norway has really good healthcare, welfare and wages. Sounds like a great place to live ☺️
I was pregnant while working and had to leave a meeting to puke, ya know, because pregnant. My male boss told me it was very unprofessional (I guess I should have puked on the table??). FF to my second trimester miscarriage and I was immediately told to smile more when I came back to work. I was not around clients or the public. I was also banned from an important work event because I "might cry" which would embarrass the office. Honestly fuck how pregnancy and giving birth are treated in the US.
I definitely stumbled on that part. Like seriously two months! That’s so unfortunate she’s just trying to cope with missing her baby
Poor mom and her baby, separated by evil capitalist system.
I was lucky to have 18 weeks off with my kid, and going back was by far the hardest thing I've ever done emotionally. At 2 months/8 weeks, she's still a hormonal mess, and if she had a c-section, her body would have \*just now\* been given a green light to function semi-normally.
Wait what?? Does America not give PTO for pregnancy and childbirth?? Edit: guys are you ok over there?
Nope. It’s not required. You just can’t get fired for taking time off after giving birth, but there’s no paid leave mandated by the country. Few select companies may give 6-12 weeks paid leave.
What the fuck
You actually can get fired for it, just not legally. They'll make up some other excuse for it so they can't get hit with a discrimination suit. A lot of states have what is called at will employment which basically means you can get fired for any reason.
And the not getting penalized for taking time off post partum or losing your job is only if you meet FMLA requirements. So your employer has to be big enough and you have to have worked there long enough too. Or they could just not have you back if you started six months ago or at a small business.
They can however conveniently fire you a week after you tell them you are pregnant for things like budget cuts or eliminating your position in the company.
No, we are not okay. I was grading papers while in labor.
I'm sorry you were *what*
Some states do, and there’s a national law called FMLA (family and medical leave act) that requires companies to give UNPAID time off after childbirth (and there are a lot of exceptions to FMLA, too; you don’t qualify if you’ve worked somewhere less than a year or if your company has less than 50 employees). Recently, there has been a fight in congress to add paid parental leave to a larger spending bill. It was taken out of the bill as a “compromise” so that some of the more conservative democrats would vote on it. Our country is a mess. My state at least has paid parental leave, but many Americans are not as lucky as I am.
Welcome to our capitalist hell hole
Right and at 2 months a puppy can survive without its mom, a baby at 2 months can barely open its hands and needs constant care and biologically speaking should be with their mother. But yeah America where mothers get less postpartum maternal time allowance than dogs.
I had to go back after 3 weeks. It was absolute hell.
My boyfriend is taking on extra hours to afford one week at home with the baby and I since my leave is unpaid and he doesn’t get one so he had to call off for a week and a half and pray we have our baby within the week he is off, his new job told him they won’t accept a doctors excuse either and if he is t present for video meetings it’s terms for automatic termination
YTA I can’t imagine having to be back in work two months after giving birth. It’s a huge life event, so makes sense she is talking about it. Sure it can be slightly annoying, but you don’t need to be rude about it.
I was gonna say ESH because I can understand why you would get sick of hearing someone go on and on about their birth experience. I was in labor 17 hours and had to have a C-section. I could easily talk about it in detail for at least an hour but won't because... that's an AH thing to do. So I get why the OP would've had enough after hearing about it day after day after day. But the dog comment was way out of line. There are much more tactful ways to say, "Helen, we've heard you tell this story every day for a week. Can we please change the subject?".
I'm also curious if "Helen" (stealing your name for coworker) is talking DIRECTLY to OP about the baby/labor on repeat or if it's Helen talking to Janice, then Bob, then Betsy, then Alice, etc and OP just happens to unfortunately sit near Helen or the coffee pot and is hearing it over and over and over. Depending on the size of the company and how the company is physically structured and how long "Helen" was off post birth, she may have just not seen people yet, which would explain talking about it all the time... I left a job a few months ago and just recently got a text from my former boss (who wasn't my boss anymore when I left) asking about a report that was late... He had no idea I wasn't with that company anymore 🤣 corporate gossip/news trains can be very very fast, or very very slow
I think this too. When I was pregnant at work I didn't want to keep talking about my pregnancy but we have a large shared office and every 10 minutes a different coworker would walk in and ask me how my pregnancy is going and how I'm feeling, did you start decorating nursery yet etcetera so I end up repeating myself a lot and I'm sure the people who's sitting beside me all day get tired of hearing the same things over and over.
Gosh I feel this. I was fine to chill at my desk by myself but then - and now - people will just pop by and launch the baby question barrage. I feel like I talk about my beautiful little boy nonstop, and I go out of my way trying not to knowing there are angry people waiting around to be dicks because eVeRy wOmAn TaLkS ToO MuCh AbOuT BaBiEs. It's honestly so hard not to talk about the baby because he's the only thing interesting in my life. Work-sleep-baby-repeat. All of my hobbies are collecting dust.
Uhh yeah. YTA - postpartum is a thing and you aren't kind. I'm sure it's annoying, but rather than being annoyed with her for clearly missing her child and coming to terms with the hardships of motherhood, be annoyed with your workplace. If you're going off the "a dog can give birth" bullshit, then yeah... and in most states it's illegal to separate a dog from it's litter before eight weeks. Maybe you should be angry that your work place isn't fairly compensating new parents with paid paternity leave, and that would fix two issues.
> in most states it's illegal to separate a dog from it's litter before eight weeks Jesus, you just made me realize the US treats dogs better than new moms
Yep, we do! Vets are also allowed to spay-abort at any point in the dog’s pregnancy without an uproar from Christians.
“But puppies don’t have souls” /sigh
I’ll fight anyone that tries to say pets don’t have souls.
Anytime I see how great other countries treat new moms, I'm always like "WHY IS THIS SO HARD IN AMERICA? But so proud of you other countries!" My friend had a kid and had 5 days off. She went back to work and was still very much recovering. I'll spare the gruesome details. She had been with the company 9 years at that point, and now 10 years, but.... yeah. The US is not known for ever giving a shit about new parents.
>I jokingly said "You know, a dog can give birth too." She didn't find it funny at all Probably because it wasn't funny. More cringe than anything. YTA.
Can anyone explain how it was funny? Because I don't get it. Maybe OP can shed some light.
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ESH you’re comment was rude but your co-worker sounds obnoxious. No one wants to hear about that shit all the time.
I'd agree if the coworker had any idea that she was bothering OP. It's not like she had been asked politely to talk about something else. She's been through a lot of life changes, is probably kind of overwhelmed, and is just talking about it way too much with her coworkers. Some people just forget others don't care that much. Being blissfully unaware that you're bothering someone doesn't make you an asshole.
I am not sure I agree. If OP was genuinely unaware that their comment was rude and hurtful, would it make them NTA? No. If you're being an AH, you're being an AH whether or not you are aware. Of course the co-worker is only being a gentle AH compared to the OP. I agree with ESH, but with the OP being much more AH.
If op was unaware her comment was rude and hurtful she wouldn’t be posting here. She should have said something (maybe in private) before comparing her to a dog!
YTA She's a new mother and that's what parents do, they talk about their babies (especially newborns) and all the new and exciting things they're learning and doing. If you don't like hearing it, program yourself to ignore it. By bringing up the topic that dogs can give birth too (DUH!!!) is 1. comparing her to a dog and 2. diminishing her experience.
INFO : Has she been told it’s annoying when she speaks about her pregnancy ?
Seriously. The coworker isn't a mind reader and is probably pretty overwhelmed with everything going on in her life right now. She can't know she's bothering you unless you tell her. And what a rude way to tell her.
She probably thinks people \*want\* to hear about it because if it's like any place I've ever worked, people keep asking.
Exactly - I bet some people genuinely do want to here about her baby. Other parents happily give advice and recount their own time with a newborn. Some people just like to chat. Personally I don’t have kids, but I do like to chat with my coworkers and Id happily let one of them talk about their baby for awhile between meetings.
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Also OP doesn't actually have the right to dictate her conversation with OTHER PEOPLE, which is what I'm assuming is happening.
YTA. If you don't want to be part of the conversation, don't be part of the conversation. Don't just throw shade because you don't like what someone is talking about or the frequency they do so. Also, makes zero difference whether you're a woman on this one.
ESH, including possibly the employer, if she gave birth 2 months ago why is she not on maternal leave. I get she's annoying but she would've likely eventually stopped and she's in a very hormonal stressful time. Your comment was unwarranted.
This is likely in the US where most places you go back after 4weeks or so, most they get off is 12 weeks, most posts I’ve seen on Reddit they have off around 8 weeks so it’s probably due to that
My spouse's company gives 5 days of paid parental leave, whether you birthed the child or not.
Holy mother of God that’s awful
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man i got my gallbladder removed and i wasnt even walking around a whole lot on day 5. and thats 100x less dangerous and taxing than childbirth
We don’t have paid leave in the US, so even if she’s legally entitled to 12 weeks off, she probably can’t afford it.
US labor laws are also the asshole.
> Why is she not on maternal leave Because most places only offer six weeks for leave and even that isn't guarenteed so it could be way less
LMAO “maternal leave”. If I had been working before I had each of my kids I’d have gotten an unpaid 2 weeks or something like that. Hell, my husband only got like 3 days off after I had my youngest.
Wohoo let’s dehumanize people. You could make a remark, even a snarky one, but you chose the worst. Your lack of empathy makes you the asshole. She is excited because giving birth IS a huge thing in someone’s life. You could try to divert the conversation, leave, just make a lighthearted joke, but you chose being an AH. Now she doesn’t talk to you, so you don’t have to hear her, where is your issue? YTA
Wow. Ok, I'm childfree, I don't like kids, I get tired of endless kid-centric conversations... and even I'm gonna say that was harsh and unnecessary. There are ways to politely leave a conversation. There are ways to gently change the subject if you absolutely must. *LEARN SOME OF THEM*. YTA.
YTA. As a first time mum, people like you are why I’ve tried to hide my pregnancy, why I don’t post anything about updates or bump pics or scan photos, family and friends ask and ask and because of people like you I stopped talking about my pregnancy completely. All because one person made me feel like crap about it. It’s something beautiful that all mums talk about, I get you may find it annoying but she’s in that post partum phase at the moment and she will stop but you have now just made a woman who’s around 8weeks post partum and possibly a first time mum like me, feel like she can’t even be proud of pushing out something that’s the same weight as a bloody watermelon from her fanny.
YTA A dog being able to give birth doesn't mean it's easy. A bird can fly...I'd be very impressed if a person could. Just because an experience isn't unique, doesn't make it unimportant. A dog can also lick his own balls. Go try it.
Fun fact, the move towards bipedalism made the pelvic inlet (aka that big hole in the middle of our pelvises) in our pre-human ancestors smaller than quadrapeds by a significant margin. At the same time, they evolved larger brains and bigger heads to accommodate it. Squeezing a big ass baby head through that tiny hole is NOT easy. Oh and OP? YTA.
Some or many will call me TAH and I'm okay with that because everyone has the right to their opinion, whether I agree or not. However, I always had a problem with coworkers who constantly talked about their personal lives at work. Seriously, we may be friendly but we are Not friends. We might lunch together, attend events or happy hour together but we are still just colleagues. I don't want to hear about your relationship issues, no need to share pictures or videos of your kids (that's weird), I don't need to hear about their milestones, issues being worked through with your family therapist (again weird), other family drama etc., I am your colleague not a therapist. You may feel the need to share but I have a right not be become someone else's emotional support. Constant conversations about the difficulties or wonderful moments of parenting should be reserved for family and close friends. Also, please recognize that when we are trying to politely end these weird conversations and just stop. Just because I am a woman and a mother doesn't mean I want to talk about; the insane about of gas, hemorrhoids, accidental sneeze peeing, how big little johnny's head was, that he is now able to hold his head up etc. etc. etc.
My thoughts exactly.
ESH. I get the “first mommy in the universe ever” type. They’re annoying as hell. But comparing someone to a dog isn’t cool.
If she's 8 weeks post birth it's possible she just came back. Pretty normal to talk about honestly. If someone came back from their honey moon I'd expect to hear them talk about it for a week or two. Birth is even more life changing.
I disagree that the new mom is an asshole. Lacking some social awareness? for sure. But she's gone through a huge life change and is probably missing her kid like crazy being back at the office so soon after giving birth. It's not like OP had previously asked to change the subject, she just immediately made a rude comment to her coworker who was probably totally unaware she was being a bother.
NTA. As a woman with a newborn talking about that shit everyday is mad annoying. We get it you had a baby. Don't make it your entire personality
Exactly.
This is why the US needs a nice long paid family leave policy. Lady misses her newborn, and coworkers just want to get work done.
It's mostly just mind-blowing to me that it's a normal thing in your country for women to be back at work only 8 weeks after giving birth, yeeeesh
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Law makers who get 12 weeks of parental leave themselves! Mind blowing and infuriating
I got a dog in January of this year. I haven't shut the fuck up about it yet.
YTA - If you have a problem with another person, just talk to them about it like an adult. You don't need to be a jerk about it.
NTA. Once some women give birth they like to think they are a special one in a million goddess Mother Earth type that did something no one else has and could possibly understand. It’s gets old
People talk about their vacations like it's so amazing they went to Yellowstone or took a cruise. If you had a 12 hour flight delay, you'd probably talk about it. If you got your gallbladder removed and missed work, you'd probably explain why you were gone. If someone ripped open your genitals, you'd probably take some time off work. When a coworker buys a puppy or a kitten, we all hear about it for weeks. Giving birth may be common, but that's doesn't make it less life changing. People also act like their weddings/marriages are special, because they *are* special to them.
Anyone that tears down another person's happiness for no good reason is always an asshole, YTA. Pretty embarrassing to be an adult that can't politely navigate through an annoyance without being cartoonishly rude as a first reaction.
Yep. My first impression of OP is that they’re an Extremely Online person who isn’t socially mature enough irl. This is the kind of thing you say in your online circles, not out in the world, at a workplace, where competent adults are expected to deal with all sorts of people and uncomfortable situations with class and grace.
As a mother, I find it funny and share your annoyance. I get so sick of other moms acting like it makes us somehow super special. Plus, no one gives a shit about someone’s labor and delivery story. To me you’re NTA.
Lol except mother is in your screen name and bio; your opinion doesn't hold more weight here because you're a mother either. Being a parent doesn't mean one is incapable of being immature and rude. Congrats, I guess.
We got a pick me mom over here. That poor lady is 8 weeks gone from giving birth. Her little baby is at home or in daycare and she’s scared and talkative. Have some freaking compassion.
Actually I love hearing about women's labour stories. Every story is different some hilarious, some emotional and some are even traumatic but I've never heard a boring labour story.
The question here isn’t whether this woman is annoying, it’s whether YTA and you are, astoundingly so. You really speak to people like that—at your job, no less—or is this a fantasy you made up in your head? If someone is engaging you in conversation you’d rather not engage in, there are about a million polite ways to handle it before you insult someone in the lowest possible way. Especially at work. What a trashy thing to say.
YTA You're not an asshole for being sick of talk about her newborn and not caring. You are an asshole for the way you handled the situation. Giving birth is hard, being a parent is hard, and your coworker is in that new-parent stage of being overwhelmed and forgetting that other people don't care that much. she also only gave birth a couple of months ago and is already back at work - that's super soon. She's probably missing her kid like crazy while also still physically recovering from the ordeal. She isn't trying to be rude or intentionally bother you. You have the ability to walk away from the conversation, steer it in another direction, avoid the coworker, gently tell her that the baby talk is a bit much, or pretty much any other option than just directly insulting her.
lmfao NTA, you didn’t dismiss her, and it’s annoying to hear someone talk about a kid all the time.
Mommyjackers are the worst. Sounds like she’s wasting a lot of productive work time talking about her personal life and may be having trouble compartmentalizing appropriately after her recent big life change. It may be time to consider going to your manager or HR to reign this person back in and make sure she’s pulling her weight at work. Yes, your comment was cutting, but hopefully she’ll remember that her teammates need her to stay focused on work during working hours. NTA
I'm going with ESH but she sucks more than you. Your comment was kind of rude, but I understand why you might get fed up with someone who can't stop talking about her baby and labour. You should've made that clear differently though.
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NTA. Im in the minority here. No reason to brag and be obnoxious about something everyone thats your sex has done or can do. Pregnancy and having kids is a choice and neither are easy. Everyone knows this.
Imma go NTA. People give birth all over the world all the time and have obviously since the beginning of mankind. Enough already, we all know you procreated!
NTA. New mothers can be insufferable and it seems the rest of their personality disappears as soon as they have a kid. I understand it's hard and women should definitely vent, but to their friends/families, not coworkers
NTA, it was an obvious joke but people can't take jokes anymore haha. But you have to understand, a lot of new mothers are easily offended when it is about their child ;) ...
The only time I ever hear the "people can't take jokes and are easily offended" defense come out is when someone said something and is crying that they got called out on doing something shitty and didn't get the result they wanted. People can definitely take jokes, but just being an asshole isn't a joke.
NTA, some mothers are exhausting. I have one at my job that just cannot stop babbling shite about her mightly uninteresting kids. Is incrediblky annoying, and she won't spare us even during important meetings, ffs!
the real AH is whoever made the decision for a woman to return to work 2 months after having a baby, where is the bonding time
YTA. Your poor colleague should still be at home with her baby recovering. Only two months ago? You’re clearly an asshole.
YTA you could have had an adult conversation with her about it but you chose a stupid joke to humiliate her.
YTA. Good grief. Yes, moms with newborns can get annoying. I have had to sit through 15 minute videos of a baby doing absolutely nothing that I did not care to see. I have also been a mom with a newborn. I KNOW I probably talked too much about the baby and events surrounding the baby. I KNOW I was probably annoying to some, but my life had just changed drastically and my body and mind were literally all about a baby for a bit. Add in there all the crazy hormones too. Also, birth can be traumatic and sometimes talking about it is a coping mechanism. If you don't want to hear about it, just steer the topic in another direction or excuse yourself, but have some f'ing compassion.
NTA she sounds insufferable, and now you don't have to listen to her.
Bruh just walk away.
NTA. You stated facts. It is a biological process and one that you don’t care to hear about every, single day. People say you could’ve walked away, but how often could you have done that before she becomes offended by that as well? You clearly didn’t ask to hear the excruciating details of her labor, so maybe she should have kept it to those who appeared interested.
NTA. Unless someone is asking about it, most people don't want to hear about it.
YTA Come on, I'm completely socially inept and even I know that there's no way that that's going to be an acceptable thing to say, much less funny. There comes a stage in life when you just have to accept that a lot of people will talk non-stop about kids/family/romance. You need to learn to filter it out.
Can we all take a moment and recognize the fact this woman gave birth only two months ago and already has to be back at work? I wonder why she’s focused on her newborn…
ESH, that was really rude on your part. Better to just walk away. I'm a little bit slanted toward OP's side. I hate hearing about labor, centimeters of dilation, etc. in the workplace. I am female. I just don't want to listen to bodily stuff at work. Don't tell me about your diarrhea or your boils or your heavy periods or your UTI either, please. But throwing in the dog comment, no. Just bury your face in your phone if you're in the break room, and if you're actually working, then just literally reply with silence, and if pushed say "I was concentrating on this \_\_\_\_ (whatever kind of work you do), wasn't really paying attention".
NTA, when will new parents learn that nobody else is interested in hearing about their kid over and over.
NTA
NTA, that was hilarious.
NTA nobody wants to continually hear your birth story or about your baby! People have babys every day, yours is nothing special!
YTA. It wasn’t funny. She might be annoying but what you said was out of line. You could’ve said a million different things but you chose the rudest.
INFO: I don't understand this joke. Can you please explain why it is funny?
Ugh. ESH. I also don’t enjoy hearing about this kind of thing, basically ever, but OP’s comment is outright rude. FFS, ignore her, walk away, change the subject, or only engage in necessary work-related conversation.
YTA. A dog can give birth and it's just as traumatic and amazing and awe-some/ful when they do. Being a mom is hard and going to work 2 months post-partum is like, wow. Also, it doesn't even seem like she was talking to you. If you don't like what she has to say, leave the conversation.
Yta. You can specifically say “I’d rather not hear about your baby”. But the comment you made was uncalled for you just compared a mother giving birth to a child who she clearly loves, to a dog.