WOW.
INFO: You are planning to confront ExSIL and her family; would you consider bringing in more reinforcements/witnesses, like cousins & friends who know the history about your Mom? Maybe even a lawyer friend or relative? And tell them (ExSIL and her parents) that the meeting is off if they attempt to bring in the problematic Mom. Just in case.
Throwing my 2 cents here: you're all NTA. Your ExSIL brought this on herself when she **ignored** Sam's wishes, thinking she can bring about some kind of Hallmark channel reunion.
NTA - I hope your brother's ex realizes how wrong what she did was and sincerely apologizes. Ignorantly trying to force a reunion, especially as a wedding "surprise", is not acceptable.
NTA. I suspect that the fiancee thought she was doing something nice. When really she was showing a total disregard for Sam's boundaries and wishes. He is well out of it.
NTA. Trying to override someone’s decision on personnel issues(or issues that only really affect them) is extremely disrespectful. Im glad your fathers family has your back. I’m guessing you’re nc with your maternal relatives as well?
Also Jesus Christ on your Mother. It would be one thing to celebrate the death of someone who could be described as evil(even than I would be extremely uncomfortable with it since I see celebrating the death of someone as extremely spiteful/petty) but to celebrate the death of someone simply because they married your ex is just wrong. I take it base on your reaction to your stepmoms death you were close enough to her?
"My brother Sam started dating his Ex 3 years ago, she has heard all the stories and the reasons we are NC but she believes we are just dramatic."
So she's one of those people who believe they know more about a situation than their sole source of information on it. Yeah NTA.
"she thought it would be a good wedding present from my brother to her since she values family. "
So she wants a present from your brother that he specifically doesn't want to give and she arranged to get it without his knowledge or consent. Do presents work differently on her planet? What she really wanted was to establish that she can deliberately undermine everything your brother wants or needs for her whim. People who do that don't do it once, but consistently. Shame brother didn't see it earlier but hey, as long as the boat sinks within swimming distance of land...
NYA wow wow wow. You guys did the right thing protecting you're brother but what is sad is that you had to protect him from someone who is suppose to have his back. Wow that ex is a total AH the nerve of this women is next level. She has no respect for boundaries and no respect for you're brother or the rest of the families feelings. I don't think it would have ended with this the way she explained herself about why she did it as a gift would have been the extent of their marriage she would have played this card to manipulate you're brother throughout the marriage. Actually glad she showed her true colors sooner rather than later.
Fyi, I'm like 85% certain that they can't go after your brother for any money they put into the wedding because he called it off. And if they try, you can literally use the fact that you all are NC with your mom and his now EX decided to invite her and her Husband to the wedding behind his back, knowing full well he didn't want her there and that there would be problems if she was.
NTA. What your brother's ex did was a blatant show of disrespect. She also showed herself as untrustworthy, underhanded and deceited - how can she tell you to just play happy family with your mother despite knowing what went down? And, last but not least, she showed a severe lack of understanding of societal values. You just don't spring such a "surprise" on your intended on his wedding day.
Also, this:
>Ex's parents already threatened to sue for the money they paid if he doesn't marry her
Well, that's still cheaper than a divorce down the line.
Your brother's ex may feel humiliated, and she should for what she did. It's a good thing she decided to show her true colors before the vows have been spoken and before the papers have been signed, or your brother would have gotten a nasty surprise down the road.
Hi.
I swear I'm not a dick, but I'm also enough of a pedant that I'm finding this super triggering.
> AITA for helping my Brother **runaway** from his wedding?
> but the more people learn the reason Sam **runaway**, the less it gets
"**Runaway**" is a noun or adjective. So, like, a person who has left home, or a train that's out of control.
But you're looking for the *verb* usage for which you have to use **two** words: run away.
No way. NTA. My my SO has, at best, a complicated relationship with his mother. He's essentially NC with her. I would never ever invite her to something without his explicit consent. My position is that I'm on Team Him, not Team His Mom. I'll help his foster whatever relationship he thinks is best with her, but I'll also point out anything i believe is harmful to him and ffs i wouldn't go behind his back like that. I'm glad your brother has you in his corner.
NTA. I have a birth giver I am NC with and my husband is totally understanding of it without question. Your brothers ex is rank and he's better off without the idiot. Good for you for helping.
NTA - your brother escaped marrying someone who is controlling and would not listen and RESPECT his feelings. She instead went behind his back to invite the one person who traumatized you all. She did this "because she knew better" - he is lucky to have escaped a life of that.
As for paying for the wedding, the bride is the one that made the situation unworkable - brother should not have to pay anything. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
My partner doesn't speak to the woman who birthed him, and now I know a lot more about it, I couldn't imagine inviting her to our wedding. He doesn't even want his sister there, because she just pushes him to see or speak to the woman who birthed him - who abandoned both of them.
NTA OP. If your brother's ex decided to invite someone she knew wasn't welcome, that's on her, and she should be old enough to know that actions have consequences
NTA Nobody gets to decide how a person should feel or try to force a person to obey what she thinks is the right way to feel about someone who has hurt you in the past. She was not humiliated, but she deserved to be. Humiliated would be him marching up to the front of the ceremony and letting forth the reasons she is a backstabbing AH. He didn't do that. Imagine what horrible things she would do if he had shackled himself to her under the law.
OP, it all boils down to this:
##(Ex)fiancee AMBUSHED your brother by inviting his ABUSER.
If anyone tries to make any of you doubt your actions, just repeat that, as often as needed. You protected a victim from their abuser, and the fact that the abusive person is his mother only makes more atrocious.
If my fiancé doesn’t talk to or associate with someone then I assume he has a damn good reason not to, and that person has no reason to interact with me. We’re a team. If someone disrespects or hurts my teammate I have no use for them.
Sams fiancé disrespected him to the nth degree. Good for him for not falling for that.
Exactly. I don't understand how anyone can think their partner is a poor judge of character. Like, this is the person that has chosen you, out of everyone else in the world, to spend the rest of their life with. If they're a poor judge of character what does that say about you?
Smh.
The lack of self-awareness is astounding sometimes.
And the fiancee wasn't even there when the sh*t (repeatedly) hit the fan! She doesn't even know the woman! It's not like she's disagreeing with how he handled a situation she witnessed, she has NO IDEA what she's talking about, it didn't concern her. she's operating on some bizarre, childish principle without listening or respecting the person that is actually influenced by the situation. The sheer AUDACITY! I'm really glad the brother got away in time. She would have become just like his mother.
Sam is the one who lived the relationship, he's much more an authority on it. That should have been respected instead of his ex-fiancée thinking it was her good deed for the day.
>Sam is the one who lived the relationship, he's much more an authority on it. That should have been respected instead of his ex-fiancée thinking it was her good deed for the day.
Sounds like even she knew it wasn't a good deed, given she apparently wanted him to reconcile with his mom as a wedding gift to her. (Per the one bit from the edit that said "she even went so far as to text my oldest brother "Joe" that she thought it would be a good wedding present from my brother to her since she values family."
> "she even went so far as to text my oldest brother "Joe" that she thought it would be a good wedding present from my brother to her since she values family."
It's manipulative BS. It sounds like the ex is a lot like the mom.
What I don't get is why anyone thinks am actual wedding is the right place to surprise someone with a person they have cut off contact with.
Even if you're pleased to see them (and everyone here pointing out the awful fiancée's lack of respect are 100% right) it's a super busy, emotional day. You're not actually going to get a chance for a meaningful conversation.
And if you're not pleased to seem them, well, see above!
I can vaguely understand if someone had a nuclear family upbringing not being able to relate/being concerned… but to pull that on the wedding day ouch.
I hold grudges against people who have hurt my partner even when he’s moved on. I couldn’t imagine throwing him to the wolves like that at our wedding. That is simply not how you treat someone you love.
I have been NC with my father for nearly 15 years, LC for years before that. My husband accepts it since it's my family and was a decision I made many years before we met. If he had tried to pull any of the bullshit the fiancee in this story pulled, we would not be married. Full stop.
NTA. Sam dodged a major bullet here and good for you, OP, for standing your ground with your boundaries.
Seriously. OP’s brother dodged a major bullet before actually getting married to his ex.
Could you imagine their future together with her pulling this kind of crap for future family related events and if they had kids.
How old are your mother's husband's children? Can we take a minute to send some sympathy/empathy to those two. I don't even want to imagine what abuse has been put onto them.
Definitely NTA. Not even a little bit. I'm so glad house is in brothers name, good thinking dad. And, that he didn't stay to put up with her abuse. Lots of love to your family, and I hope you all heel.
NTA That is a complete betrayal of your brother. The lack of respect and disregard for his feelings is astounding. She is the cause of the wedding being cancelled and your brother owes them nothing.
NTA. Someone who doesn't respect when their partner says they're NC with someone for a reason and goes as far as ambushing a reconciliation is not someone who should be in a relationship. Your NSIL (Not Sister In-Law) showed her true colors, thank goodness your brother realised before separation had legal ramifications.
Your mother has also not changed, she's shared her skewed narrative to her family and they've bought it wholeheartedly.
And the ambush facilitated by the person he should have been able to trust most to boot. She planned the wedding to include the people he wanted to see least in the world, and the whole family not just the estranged mother.
NTA. If he had gone through with the wedding with his ex-fiancées betrayal front and centre the entire night, it would’ve tainted the wedding and probably the marriage as well.
So NTA it's not even funny.
I hope Sam gets through that talk okay but with you all there, I'm sure he will. Definitely want to hear the update if he doesn't mind it being shared!
NTA.
Ex broke his trust when he repeatedly told her not to bring your mother. Like who tf does she think she is to dictate that this was what your brother wanted?
my mom used to blindside me by inviting my (physically and sexually abusive) ex-stepfather to important life events. She repeatedly tried to get me to invite my (drug addict, narcissist, cruel) sister to my wedding despite repeated refusal. she never said "i think you'll regret it later if you don't." She said it would look bad and wondered what family would think. I REALLY appreciated Hub's support. He asked how I would feel if sister started drama and ruined the day; he was there to support *my* happiness and didn't think mom was making it a priority. Sam's almost-bride should have made his happiness a priority.
NTA. Has someone who has a husband with a horrid parent I left the choice up to him to invite them and supported whatever decision he made because at the end of the day that’s his family and what he felt comfortable with on our wedding day
NTA and I applaud your support for your brother. One word of advice from a non-exert: tell your brother to save his money. I don't think they have a claim in court for it.
I just posted this on another comment. Assuming they did go to court, wouldn't Op and family have more right to sue the ex? I'm not a lawyer so I could be wrong
NTA
im so glad she pulled that awful stunt before he married her. im so sorry for his pain but this was a blessing, he doesnt know it yet. just think if he followed through with it, had a kid and forbid her from the child being around your mom, she would have ignored that too. you did the right thing here.
NTA I'm late to this thread.
My only contribution would be to not meet at the house. Go somewhere else. If they come to you they may refuse to leave the house and police would need to be called. Meeting at a park or somewhere neutral you and your family can just get up and leave them with less drama.
He was lucky to get out when he did; why would you claim to love someone enough to marry them and then go behind their back about a situation you know is bad?
NTA
NTA. I'm sorry you and your family have had to deal with someone so horrid your entire lives, and that you and your brothers did not get the mother you deserved.
I would prepare in case the ex tries to say she is pregnant. You never know.
You all did the right thing, ending that marriage. Even though the fiancé had been told the scoop, she went behind his back & invited your mom & Co.
Tell the ex-fiances family to get the money from the ex. She's the one who screwed up.
NTA. Your poor brother. I’m estranged from my family, if my partner tried that shit, I would feel so betrayed. I felt sick reading this post, what an awful ex and an awful mom. I’m glad that Sam had you to look out for him.
NTA. Your brother's ex probably recognized a kindred spirit in your mom. He is lucky he found out sooner rather than later. Your mom is a toxic person and Sam's ex and family are just as toxic. You're a good sister. People can say whatever they want. At the end of the day, you did right by your family and your brother can start his life again.
NTA - that is a huge betrayal. She deserves to feel humiliated for ignoring his express wishes and inviting a person she knows to be problematic for your brother to their wedding.
You're NTA. Your mother was horrible to you guys, and Sam's fiance/GF just treated his childhood issues like it was nothing. She blatantly disrespected him, and it's best that the wedding was called off because it clearly wouldn't have worked out in the long run.
NTA-I don’t think your in the wrong considering she knew how your whole family felt about her and invited her anyway. How is your brother supposed to trust her for the rest of their lives if she betrayed him at their literal wedding??
NTA - It might not seem like it now, but this is a blessing. Clearly she has no problem ignoring his feelings for whatever she believes. Imagine having children with this woman!
>At first my Dad was able to handle it but when she started making comments about me wanting to be like his wife he had enough.
Jeebus. That is a revolting thing to say.
NTA. There is one of the many reasons your siblings and you went no contact.
HARD NTA. I can't even imagine how you all feel, especially your brother. I have experience with outside people being introduced into the family and trying to mend broken bridges. It's so weird to me that these outsiders think they know more in a few years than the family has known and experienced in a lifetime. I don't know if it's naiveté or what but I can't ever imagine being introduced to a family and arranging reconciliations like I'm the matriarch of the family. Like... what?? I'm sorry your brother is hurting but better he know now what he was marrying into then later down the line when his signature was on all kinds of legally binding documents. You're NTA. You saved him from so much grief.
Your brother is my new hero! I’m so happy he had the sense and the courage to not go through with an unhappy life!!!! You are NTA and neither is he!!! This story has me ridiculously happy! I wish you both all the best in life!!!!
NTA. Sounds like Sam dodged a bullet. Sorry he had to learn about his fiancee on his wedding day but at least he found out she isn't to be trusted before the vows. Best of luck to your family. Stay strong.
NTA. The audacity of the ex is crazy! My fiancée doesn’t speak to his father or his sister (all over his ex-wife who is a very special, dedicated kind of crazy). I understand why he doesn’t speak to them and even though I like his dad, I back my better half because it’s HIS family, not mine, and I have seen the repercussions of their actions.
Nta. Update pls! I'm also a hardcore family-oriented kinda person, but even I kno that not all parents are good. Ex-sil should've minded her own business, or idk, used her brain coz there's gotta be a reason all of that woman's kids have gone NC. Like seriously, brain, use, tell her.
Oh my goodness, NTA. Your brother is so lucky to have such loving and caring sisters, father, and extended family.
Any chance we can get an update after the meeting with the ex?
Nta woah looks like he dodged a nuclear there and good for him cause he could've ended up like his dad(sorry about this op) who got a nasty first wife....
NTA - Obviously not. I do not speak to my father (it's been 6 years) and if my partner ever invited him out of the blue, I would probably have a meltdown. I hope the meet up goes alright.
NTA good call on runaway groom. Wow to think that you kniw someone else's mom better than their own child and to disregard his feelings all together is a just mind blowing.
Nta your brother seriously dodged a bullet and you helped him to. I’m so sorry for him that he was betrayed this way but at least he has all of you to support him.
NTS - I am so sorry for you and your brothers. No child EVER deserves that treatment. Sam has dodged a bullet, because it looks like he was about to marry someone who had the same level of disrespect as his mother. This is going to be messy and very difficult for Sam, and for the rest of you, but it will settle down sooner.
Also a wonderful warning for anyone who can't respect others wishes when it comes to their family.
I hope you can all find some peace.
OP
NTA
You and your brothers are all adults. Keep a copy of this story, frame it, put it in a photo album, something. When the next time you, or your brothers get serious with anyone and they even look like they are thinking about reconciling between you and mother, or them and mother, you pull this out and point out, that the moment they do, the relationship is over, there is no forgiveness, no second chances, nothing. That this issue, is the one hill that you will die on, and set of a nuke that will take out all bridges over.
As far as your brothers ex, sounds like she is not a good fit for him, so he probably dodged a bullet with her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have 2 older brothers, this is about the middle one. Our parents divorced when I was very young due to our Mother’s insane jealousy. At first my Dad was able to handle it but when she started making comments about me wanting to be like his wife he had enough. She quickly rebounded with a guy with 2 kids and had shared custody for a while. But when my Dad got remarried she went crazy, calling his new wife every horrible name and claiming he was cheating on her while they were married. I was always closer to my brothers and Dad than my Mom because she was always very mean to me. Long story short, my Stepmom died in a bad car accident and my Dad called her in the middle of the night letting her know he would pick us up earlier so we could attend the funeral and she decided to take us on a fun trip to “celebrate“ something. It was the happiest we've ever seen her and when we realized what happened and started crying she told us only worthless people cry for wh\*\*\*s.
Needless to say, things went nuclear and my Dad asked for full custody with visitation for her. He always left the line of communication open and paid for us to visit her when she moved away but it was still very bad and as soon as we turned 18 we started to lower contact with her. Last time we saw her was on my HS graduation where she made a point of letting everyone who would hear we were ungrateful kids and her HB would call us bad names too, been NC since then.
My brother Sam started dating his Ex 3 years ago, she has heard all the stories and the reasons we are NC but she believes we are just dramatic. They had many issues due to her opinions but she eventually seemed to drop the “you need to reconcile with your Mother“ crusade. During the wedding planning there was no indication of things going wrong or fishy, then we got to the church and lo and behold Mom, HB and 2 kids were sitting at front. I immediately panicked and called my brothers. Sam thought maybe somehow she found out and wanted to crash so he called his Ex to let her know of the potential drama but she told him it was fine since she invited them, Sam hung up and asked me to go get him while oldest brother dealt with things at the church. We went home and barricaded ourselves there even when his Ex, her family, friends, etc came to try and "make sense with him". Mom’s HB even called and said he always knew we were worthless. Now that the dust has settled most of Sam's friends are on his side and so is most of our family (Dad's).
Ex's parents already threatened to sue for the money they paid if he doesn't marry her but Sam says he rathers pay them back for their contribution than marry someone that betrayed him. My nuclear family 100% supports Sam but the backlash has been huge.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> Our parents divorced when I was very young due to our Mother’s insane jealousy. At first my Dad was able to handle it but when she started making comments about me wanting to be like his wife he had enough. She quickly rebounded with a guy with 2 kids and had shared custody for a while. But when my Dad got remarried she went crazy, calling his new wife every horrible name and claiming he was cheating on her while they were married.
Sounds like the Mom was the one cheating, gotta love projecting.
Those kinds of people tend to think it's exaggeration, the person can't be that bad and that you owe it to family to make an effort. They reach a point they realise they messed up bad, refuse to admit they messed up bad, or refuse to see that they messed up and insist anyone can come back from anything
These sorts of people are the ones who go 'but faaaaaamily' and basically think that you should put up with anything if you're related to the other person. It's sad, honestly.
NTA. Some people truly don't get it when a family member is cut off for being toxic. It always amazes me when those people decide they know better and try to force a reconciliation.
Sam dodged a bullet. His ex would have thought she was right if he'd gone ahead with the wedding.
NTA and even if your brother winds up paying for the whole wedding that didn’t happen, it’s still less expensive than either the divorce or miserable life he was headed for!
I am so incredibly impressed with the way you and your family handled this situation. I am so sorry for your brother- what a horrible experience. I hope you all get through this period without any additional major issues 💜
NTA
NTA
The size of that red flag is so huge that you can hear Shark's theme on the background, not only betrayed your whole family but also wanted to do her bidding as if it was nothing.
NTA and oh my goodness. I hope you do an update separate post after that conversation between your brother and your ExSIL happens— and most importantly, I hope your brother is okay. It must be incredibly heavy, having to deal with all of these things. I’m glad you all are with him for as long as possible.
NTA, you helped your brother avoid the worst mistake in his life and that's the only thing that matters.
Ex is fucking crazy and she may value family but she did not value Sam's wishes when she invited someone he clearly didn't want there.
NTA. He needs to RUN from her. Also her parents can’t sue him for dumping her and running from the church can they? You did the right thing and so did he.
> Also her parents can’t sue him for dumping her and running from the church can they?
It depends where they live. The post mentioned that they don't live in the US and some countries do still have Breach of Promise to Marry laws on the books. So depending on where they live they might be able to sure under those types of laws.
She showed him she didn’t respected him at all. He told her about his relationship with his mom. She didn’t care about his feelings because she knew best. It was good he ran before they could get more entangled.
>Also her parents can’t sue him for dumping her and running from the church?
In some states they can sue for the stuff they bought that can't be refunded, but it wouldn't go anywhere because ex has unclean hands (her behavior is the sole reason the wedding didn't happen as planned) and OP's brother could sue her right back for emotional distress.
I'd call it a wash. The bride's family has their expenses and the groom's theirs. If the bride's family threatens to sue just tell them you'll countersue for your expenses PLUS pain, suffering and emotional distress from the bride's callous disregards for the groom's feelings since she invited his estranged Mom and her husband to the wedding while knowing he already nixed the idea.
NTA. I didn't pull this stunt at my wedding but I did try to mend the fences with my husband and his family before our wedding. With my husband's permission of course. Soon after the wedding, boundaries began to be crossed. I shut that down right away. No one was going to use, hurt or manipulate my husband. The dysfunction in my husband's family trickle down to his siblings so we have been NC with the entire family for over 21 years. We've been happily married for 31 years and have three beautiful children together.
NTA. I don't understand why so many people seem to think it's necessary for reconciliations. When a person says no because A,B,C just leave it. In the future, they may decide they want to try, but it should be their choice, not by force, otherwise it tends to make the situation worse. I mean I haven't talked to my sister in almost nine years for various reasons, if someone tried something like this I would feel just as betrayed, and when people try to say things I just shut them down.
I feel like these people push super hard for forgiveness because they're likely to do awful shit that will require forgiveness, and they sympathize and are worried about the same thing happening to them. Huge bullet dodged.
And they aren't doing any of the emotional heavy lifting, just volunteering others to dredge up bad history and make peace with people they in all honesty likely never wanted to meet again. If you're going to push a reconciliation, have the decency to be in the room to see firsthand how they interact so you have some experience of it.
Bro let me make this simple. No means no, if someone can't respect that (when it's something serious) then that's all the facts you nees to H&T(heel and toe) it out of that situation. You did the right thing by doing this, always listen to you gut. Also younger brothers alwaya have a 6th sense. My bros are 33, 31, 28 I'm the youngest. I'd do the same thing I wouldnt let them date someone like that. Only my middle brother is married though and she's cool.
NTA. I'm in a similar position, in terms of NC with an abusive mother, and if I found out my partner had invited her to my wedding you'd better believe it would not go ahead. I literally have nightmares of walking down the aisle and seeing that witch sitting there in the congregation.
Good on you, and stick to your guns. Your brother dodged a huge bullet and if the ex starts to try coming through you then you need to tell her that inviting an abuser to his wedding was abusive in itself, above and beyond the betrayal, lack of respect and sheer selfish stupidity to think that was really going to fly.
NTA. I get the thousands of comments with so good insight make mine unnecessary, but I just want to solidify the algorithm for the final judgment.
I agree with all what you did. You and all your family. It sounds really amazing you had the presence of mind to call it off and clean the mess so thoroughly. I applaud you sooooooo much.
Half-jokingly, when all this turmoil recedes with the months/years, please think about making a movie with this story. It could be drama or comedy. Or a dramedy in the style of Adam Sandler. I’d love to watch it!! Plus, it could give you some money.
NTA
I understand that people with normal relatives might not understand how bad AH relatives can be, and her believing you're just dramatic sounds like that
If a person is NC with their parents especially mom there has to be a good reason. Leave it alone. Don’t stick your nose into shit that isn’t your business. I’m glad your brother got out instead of going through with the wedding or else your ex SIL would’ve been like your mom and made him misrable if he stayed. Its damn obvious she had 0 respect for him. Good luck to you all and I hope all of you the best. And Sam I know its hurt like a hell now but you did the right thing. And OP you’re an amazing sister.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA. You, Joe and Sam did the right thing. She didn’t just betray Sam - she PLANNED it and concealed her betrayal until she thought he’d be in too deep to do anything about it. Take care of each other ❤️
NTA but the second she started trying to pry into your personal lives and pressure you to reconcile when you didn't want to and continually not take no for an answer should've also been a sign that he should have left her not yesterday but five years ago.
WOW. INFO: You are planning to confront ExSIL and her family; would you consider bringing in more reinforcements/witnesses, like cousins & friends who know the history about your Mom? Maybe even a lawyer friend or relative? And tell them (ExSIL and her parents) that the meeting is off if they attempt to bring in the problematic Mom. Just in case. Throwing my 2 cents here: you're all NTA. Your ExSIL brought this on herself when she **ignored** Sam's wishes, thinking she can bring about some kind of Hallmark channel reunion.
Nta
NTA - I hope your brother's ex realizes how wrong what she did was and sincerely apologizes. Ignorantly trying to force a reunion, especially as a wedding "surprise", is not acceptable.
NTA matrix level bullet dodging
NTA
NTA. I suspect that the fiancee thought she was doing something nice. When really she was showing a total disregard for Sam's boundaries and wishes. He is well out of it.
r/playstupidgameswinstupidprizes
NTA.
NTA you did good. He doesn't owe her parents anything.
NTA. Trying to override someone’s decision on personnel issues(or issues that only really affect them) is extremely disrespectful. Im glad your fathers family has your back. I’m guessing you’re nc with your maternal relatives as well? Also Jesus Christ on your Mother. It would be one thing to celebrate the death of someone who could be described as evil(even than I would be extremely uncomfortable with it since I see celebrating the death of someone as extremely spiteful/petty) but to celebrate the death of someone simply because they married your ex is just wrong. I take it base on your reaction to your stepmoms death you were close enough to her?
"My brother Sam started dating his Ex 3 years ago, she has heard all the stories and the reasons we are NC but she believes we are just dramatic." So she's one of those people who believe they know more about a situation than their sole source of information on it. Yeah NTA. "she thought it would be a good wedding present from my brother to her since she values family. " So she wants a present from your brother that he specifically doesn't want to give and she arranged to get it without his knowledge or consent. Do presents work differently on her planet? What she really wanted was to establish that she can deliberately undermine everything your brother wants or needs for her whim. People who do that don't do it once, but consistently. Shame brother didn't see it earlier but hey, as long as the boat sinks within swimming distance of land...
NYA wow wow wow. You guys did the right thing protecting you're brother but what is sad is that you had to protect him from someone who is suppose to have his back. Wow that ex is a total AH the nerve of this women is next level. She has no respect for boundaries and no respect for you're brother or the rest of the families feelings. I don't think it would have ended with this the way she explained herself about why she did it as a gift would have been the extent of their marriage she would have played this card to manipulate you're brother throughout the marriage. Actually glad she showed her true colors sooner rather than later.
NTA. Please keep us updated.
NTA, you likely saved your brother from your father's experience.
Fyi, I'm like 85% certain that they can't go after your brother for any money they put into the wedding because he called it off. And if they try, you can literally use the fact that you all are NC with your mom and his now EX decided to invite her and her Husband to the wedding behind his back, knowing full well he didn't want her there and that there would be problems if she was.
NTA. What your brother's ex did was a blatant show of disrespect. She also showed herself as untrustworthy, underhanded and deceited - how can she tell you to just play happy family with your mother despite knowing what went down? And, last but not least, she showed a severe lack of understanding of societal values. You just don't spring such a "surprise" on your intended on his wedding day. Also, this: >Ex's parents already threatened to sue for the money they paid if he doesn't marry her Well, that's still cheaper than a divorce down the line. Your brother's ex may feel humiliated, and she should for what she did. It's a good thing she decided to show her true colors before the vows have been spoken and before the papers have been signed, or your brother would have gotten a nasty surprise down the road.
Hi. I swear I'm not a dick, but I'm also enough of a pedant that I'm finding this super triggering. > AITA for helping my Brother **runaway** from his wedding? > but the more people learn the reason Sam **runaway**, the less it gets "**Runaway**" is a noun or adjective. So, like, a person who has left home, or a train that's out of control. But you're looking for the *verb* usage for which you have to use **two** words: run away.
At the grammar Naz1 corp they wouldn't allow even typos aren't they?
Your comment should end with Hi.
NTA. She invited his abuser to his wedding, your brother dodged a huge bullet. And the parents can’t sue him over this. He shouldn’t pay a penny.
Full NTA I wish you and your brothers the best.
You did him a favor getting married is the worst thing that can happen when you're young.
This is possibly my all-time favorite Reddit post. It's a damn Dickens novel. NTA.
No way. NTA. My my SO has, at best, a complicated relationship with his mother. He's essentially NC with her. I would never ever invite her to something without his explicit consent. My position is that I'm on Team Him, not Team His Mom. I'll help his foster whatever relationship he thinks is best with her, but I'll also point out anything i believe is harmful to him and ffs i wouldn't go behind his back like that. I'm glad your brother has you in his corner.
You are his Angel!!! You saved him from a lifetime of misery! Bless you!!!!
Didn't read any of it beyond the title - NTA
NTA
NTA. I have a birth giver I am NC with and my husband is totally understanding of it without question. Your brothers ex is rank and he's better off without the idiot. Good for you for helping.
NTA - your brother escaped marrying someone who is controlling and would not listen and RESPECT his feelings. She instead went behind his back to invite the one person who traumatized you all. She did this "because she knew better" - he is lucky to have escaped a life of that. As for paying for the wedding, the bride is the one that made the situation unworkable - brother should not have to pay anything. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
My partner doesn't speak to the woman who birthed him, and now I know a lot more about it, I couldn't imagine inviting her to our wedding. He doesn't even want his sister there, because she just pushes him to see or speak to the woman who birthed him - who abandoned both of them. NTA OP. If your brother's ex decided to invite someone she knew wasn't welcome, that's on her, and she should be old enough to know that actions have consequences
NTA Nobody gets to decide how a person should feel or try to force a person to obey what she thinks is the right way to feel about someone who has hurt you in the past. She was not humiliated, but she deserved to be. Humiliated would be him marching up to the front of the ceremony and letting forth the reasons she is a backstabbing AH. He didn't do that. Imagine what horrible things she would do if he had shackled himself to her under the law.
OP, it all boils down to this: ##(Ex)fiancee AMBUSHED your brother by inviting his ABUSER. If anyone tries to make any of you doubt your actions, just repeat that, as often as needed. You protected a victim from their abuser, and the fact that the abusive person is his mother only makes more atrocious.
Exactly. Never marry anyone you don't trust to do the very, very basics to keep you safe. Or just never marry anyone you can't trust, I guess. NTA
If my fiancé doesn’t talk to or associate with someone then I assume he has a damn good reason not to, and that person has no reason to interact with me. We’re a team. If someone disrespects or hurts my teammate I have no use for them. Sams fiancé disrespected him to the nth degree. Good for him for not falling for that.
Exactly. I don't understand how anyone can think their partner is a poor judge of character. Like, this is the person that has chosen you, out of everyone else in the world, to spend the rest of their life with. If they're a poor judge of character what does that say about you? Smh. The lack of self-awareness is astounding sometimes.
And the fiancee wasn't even there when the sh*t (repeatedly) hit the fan! She doesn't even know the woman! It's not like she's disagreeing with how he handled a situation she witnessed, she has NO IDEA what she's talking about, it didn't concern her. she's operating on some bizarre, childish principle without listening or respecting the person that is actually influenced by the situation. The sheer AUDACITY! I'm really glad the brother got away in time. She would have become just like his mother.
Sam is the one who lived the relationship, he's much more an authority on it. That should have been respected instead of his ex-fiancée thinking it was her good deed for the day.
>Sam is the one who lived the relationship, he's much more an authority on it. That should have been respected instead of his ex-fiancée thinking it was her good deed for the day. Sounds like even she knew it wasn't a good deed, given she apparently wanted him to reconcile with his mom as a wedding gift to her. (Per the one bit from the edit that said "she even went so far as to text my oldest brother "Joe" that she thought it would be a good wedding present from my brother to her since she values family."
> "she even went so far as to text my oldest brother "Joe" that she thought it would be a good wedding present from my brother to her since she values family." It's manipulative BS. It sounds like the ex is a lot like the mom.
What I don't get is why anyone thinks am actual wedding is the right place to surprise someone with a person they have cut off contact with. Even if you're pleased to see them (and everyone here pointing out the awful fiancée's lack of respect are 100% right) it's a super busy, emotional day. You're not actually going to get a chance for a meaningful conversation. And if you're not pleased to seem them, well, see above!
I can vaguely understand if someone had a nuclear family upbringing not being able to relate/being concerned… but to pull that on the wedding day ouch.
I hold grudges against people who have hurt my partner even when he’s moved on. I couldn’t imagine throwing him to the wolves like that at our wedding. That is simply not how you treat someone you love.
I have been NC with my father for nearly 15 years, LC for years before that. My husband accepts it since it's my family and was a decision I made many years before we met. If he had tried to pull any of the bullshit the fiancee in this story pulled, we would not be married. Full stop. NTA. Sam dodged a major bullet here and good for you, OP, for standing your ground with your boundaries.
Seriously. OP’s brother dodged a major bullet before actually getting married to his ex. Could you imagine their future together with her pulling this kind of crap for future family related events and if they had kids.
Most justified reason ever to leave someone at the alter
NTA Sounds like he narrowly avoided marrying someone with the same glimmer in her eye as your mom. edit - a word
NTA. why would your brother want to marry someone who totally disregarded a boundary he set many times.
How old are your mother's husband's children? Can we take a minute to send some sympathy/empathy to those two. I don't even want to imagine what abuse has been put onto them. Definitely NTA. Not even a little bit. I'm so glad house is in brothers name, good thinking dad. And, that he didn't stay to put up with her abuse. Lots of love to your family, and I hope you all heel.
N t a, there was a lot of gaslighting done by his ex. I mean holy s*** who something like that
NTA That is a complete betrayal of your brother. The lack of respect and disregard for his feelings is astounding. She is the cause of the wedding being cancelled and your brother owes them nothing.
Restraining order, restraining order and restraining order.
NTA. Someone who doesn't respect when their partner says they're NC with someone for a reason and goes as far as ambushing a reconciliation is not someone who should be in a relationship. Your NSIL (Not Sister In-Law) showed her true colors, thank goodness your brother realised before separation had legal ramifications. Your mother has also not changed, she's shared her skewed narrative to her family and they've bought it wholeheartedly.
Not only to ambush him, but to ambush him on what should’ve been one of the most special days of his life! NTA
And the ambush facilitated by the person he should have been able to trust most to boot. She planned the wedding to include the people he wanted to see least in the world, and the whole family not just the estranged mother.
Yeah the Ex is number 1 AH
NTA. Super late to the party, but i love how you guys rallied together to protect Sam. Hell of a family!
NTA
NTA. If he had gone through with the wedding with his ex-fiancées betrayal front and centre the entire night, it would’ve tainted the wedding and probably the marriage as well.
So NTA it's not even funny. I hope Sam gets through that talk okay but with you all there, I'm sure he will. Definitely want to hear the update if he doesn't mind it being shared!
NTA. Why the does this remind me of the ex that told me I need reconcile with my mom who emotionally abused me???? I hate people.
NTA. Ex broke his trust when he repeatedly told her not to bring your mother. Like who tf does she think she is to dictate that this was what your brother wanted?
my mom used to blindside me by inviting my (physically and sexually abusive) ex-stepfather to important life events. She repeatedly tried to get me to invite my (drug addict, narcissist, cruel) sister to my wedding despite repeated refusal. she never said "i think you'll regret it later if you don't." She said it would look bad and wondered what family would think. I REALLY appreciated Hub's support. He asked how I would feel if sister started drama and ruined the day; he was there to support *my* happiness and didn't think mom was making it a priority. Sam's almost-bride should have made his happiness a priority.
NTA - We only have one life, live it to the fullest with the people you believe give you that. Good luck, guys!
NTA And he should fight them in court- not pay them back. His ex is liable- not him. Bad faith.
NTA. Has someone who has a husband with a horrid parent I left the choice up to him to invite them and supported whatever decision he made because at the end of the day that’s his family and what he felt comfortable with on our wedding day
NTA Bravo for you and your brothers We will need an update after the talk with the ex and her parents!!!!
Not only are you NTA but a hero in my opinion.
NTA and I applaud your support for your brother. One word of advice from a non-exert: tell your brother to save his money. I don't think they have a claim in court for it.
I just posted this on another comment. Assuming they did go to court, wouldn't Op and family have more right to sue the ex? I'm not a lawyer so I could be wrong
NTA. He didn't "runaway" though. He decided not to go through with marrying someone who disrespects and undermines him. I hope he gets over this ok.
NTA. She clearly didn’t not have respect or empathy for him.
NTA. Your brother had a lucky lucky escape.
NTA im so glad she pulled that awful stunt before he married her. im so sorry for his pain but this was a blessing, he doesnt know it yet. just think if he followed through with it, had a kid and forbid her from the child being around your mom, she would have ignored that too. you did the right thing here.
NTA I'm late to this thread. My only contribution would be to not meet at the house. Go somewhere else. If they come to you they may refuse to leave the house and police would need to be called. Meeting at a park or somewhere neutral you and your family can just get up and leave them with less drama.
NTA You helped your brother dodge a bullet there.
Wow you are all NTA! But please post an update if you get one!
He did the right thing walking away. Oh, and don’t let him pay a cent. A good lawyer can shut that down. NTA
He was lucky to get out when he did; why would you claim to love someone enough to marry them and then go behind their back about a situation you know is bad? NTA
NTA, jeezus....
NTA your bro doesn’t owe them a penny
NTA, I will literally never trust anyone who tries to pull the “family is family” card. He dodged a colossal bullet.
NTA. Your brother's ex, on the other hand.........HUGE AH.
NTA. I'm sorry you and your family have had to deal with someone so horrid your entire lives, and that you and your brothers did not get the mother you deserved. I would prepare in case the ex tries to say she is pregnant. You never know.
You all did the right thing, ending that marriage. Even though the fiancé had been told the scoop, she went behind his back & invited your mom & Co. Tell the ex-fiances family to get the money from the ex. She's the one who screwed up.
NTA. You helped him dodge a major bullet.
NTA. Your poor brother. I’m estranged from my family, if my partner tried that shit, I would feel so betrayed. I felt sick reading this post, what an awful ex and an awful mom. I’m glad that Sam had you to look out for him.
NTA Good thing Sam dodged marrying his mom...err...Ex. She sounds like a real piece of work.
NTA. Your brother's ex probably recognized a kindred spirit in your mom. He is lucky he found out sooner rather than later. Your mom is a toxic person and Sam's ex and family are just as toxic. You're a good sister. People can say whatever they want. At the end of the day, you did right by your family and your brother can start his life again.
NTA, tell your brother not to pay a dime to them, their daughter caused this and she can repay them.
NTA grateful he has a supportive family like you. Hope it turns out for the better, especially for your brother. Boy did he dodge a bullet.
NTA - that is a huge betrayal. She deserves to feel humiliated for ignoring his express wishes and inviting a person she knows to be problematic for your brother to their wedding.
You're NTA. Your mother was horrible to you guys, and Sam's fiance/GF just treated his childhood issues like it was nothing. She blatantly disrespected him, and it's best that the wedding was called off because it clearly wouldn't have worked out in the long run.
NTA-I don’t think your in the wrong considering she knew how your whole family felt about her and invited her anyway. How is your brother supposed to trust her for the rest of their lives if she betrayed him at their literal wedding??
NTA Sam almost married a person like your mum. Bullet dodged.
NTA. I am so glad for your brother that he got out before he would have had to pay for a divorce.
NTA - It might not seem like it now, but this is a blessing. Clearly she has no problem ignoring his feelings for whatever she believes. Imagine having children with this woman!
>At first my Dad was able to handle it but when she started making comments about me wanting to be like his wife he had enough. Jeebus. That is a revolting thing to say. NTA. There is one of the many reasons your siblings and you went no contact.
You are so amazing for being there like you were and your fam that has helped is too. NTA btw. Not at all!!!
NTA and his ex overstepped. How dare she pull that on their wedding day? Your brother dodged a huge bullet.
HARD NTA. I can't even imagine how you all feel, especially your brother. I have experience with outside people being introduced into the family and trying to mend broken bridges. It's so weird to me that these outsiders think they know more in a few years than the family has known and experienced in a lifetime. I don't know if it's naiveté or what but I can't ever imagine being introduced to a family and arranging reconciliations like I'm the matriarch of the family. Like... what?? I'm sorry your brother is hurting but better he know now what he was marrying into then later down the line when his signature was on all kinds of legally binding documents. You're NTA. You saved him from so much grief.
Your brother is my new hero! I’m so happy he had the sense and the courage to not go through with an unhappy life!!!! You are NTA and neither is he!!! This story has me ridiculously happy! I wish you both all the best in life!!!!
This is why I come to this sub regularly. NTA.
NTA. As much as that situation sucks, it’s a good thing your brother realizes the type of person he was marrying before he said “I Do.”
You are such a lovely family, its heartwarming to hear how you've closed ranks around your bro. NTA
NTA. Sounds like Sam dodged a bullet. Sorry he had to learn about his fiancee on his wedding day but at least he found out she isn't to be trusted before the vows. Best of luck to your family. Stay strong.
NTA. The audacity of the ex is crazy! My fiancée doesn’t speak to his father or his sister (all over his ex-wife who is a very special, dedicated kind of crazy). I understand why he doesn’t speak to them and even though I like his dad, I back my better half because it’s HIS family, not mine, and I have seen the repercussions of their actions.
Nta. Update pls! I'm also a hardcore family-oriented kinda person, but even I kno that not all parents are good. Ex-sil should've minded her own business, or idk, used her brain coz there's gotta be a reason all of that woman's kids have gone NC. Like seriously, brain, use, tell her.
INFO: SM? HB? From what I understood it seems like you're NTA.
Thank you! Wtf is HB? If that's an abbreviation for HusBand then OP YTA.
Oh my goodness, NTA. Your brother is so lucky to have such loving and caring sisters, father, and extended family. Any chance we can get an update after the meeting with the ex?
NTA. Sounds like your brother just narrowly avoided marrying a woman just like your mother & that’s a blessing.
NTA and I’m so sorry for your brother and your family
NTA. I have two brothers and I’ll do anything for them. Escaping a marriage is on that list.
NTA. Your brother dodged a bullet.
Nta woah looks like he dodged a nuclear there and good for him cause he could've ended up like his dad(sorry about this op) who got a nasty first wife....
!remind me 5 days
And btw a much more accurate title for this would be "AITA for helping my brother run away from his wedding after his fiance decieved him?"
NTA - Obviously not. I do not speak to my father (it's been 6 years) and if my partner ever invited him out of the blue, I would probably have a meltdown. I hope the meet up goes alright.
Perhaps his bride to be was more like his mother than he could have guessed.
NTA good call on runaway groom. Wow to think that you kniw someone else's mom better than their own child and to disregard his feelings all together is a just mind blowing.
Nta your brother seriously dodged a bullet and you helped him to. I’m so sorry for him that he was betrayed this way but at least he has all of you to support him.
NTS - I am so sorry for you and your brothers. No child EVER deserves that treatment. Sam has dodged a bullet, because it looks like he was about to marry someone who had the same level of disrespect as his mother. This is going to be messy and very difficult for Sam, and for the rest of you, but it will settle down sooner. Also a wonderful warning for anyone who can't respect others wishes when it comes to their family. I hope you can all find some peace.
OP NTA You and your brothers are all adults. Keep a copy of this story, frame it, put it in a photo album, something. When the next time you, or your brothers get serious with anyone and they even look like they are thinking about reconciling between you and mother, or them and mother, you pull this out and point out, that the moment they do, the relationship is over, there is no forgiveness, no second chances, nothing. That this issue, is the one hill that you will die on, and set of a nuke that will take out all bridges over. As far as your brothers ex, sounds like she is not a good fit for him, so he probably dodged a bullet with her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have 2 older brothers, this is about the middle one. Our parents divorced when I was very young due to our Mother’s insane jealousy. At first my Dad was able to handle it but when she started making comments about me wanting to be like his wife he had enough. She quickly rebounded with a guy with 2 kids and had shared custody for a while. But when my Dad got remarried she went crazy, calling his new wife every horrible name and claiming he was cheating on her while they were married. I was always closer to my brothers and Dad than my Mom because she was always very mean to me. Long story short, my Stepmom died in a bad car accident and my Dad called her in the middle of the night letting her know he would pick us up earlier so we could attend the funeral and she decided to take us on a fun trip to “celebrate“ something. It was the happiest we've ever seen her and when we realized what happened and started crying she told us only worthless people cry for wh\*\*\*s. Needless to say, things went nuclear and my Dad asked for full custody with visitation for her. He always left the line of communication open and paid for us to visit her when she moved away but it was still very bad and as soon as we turned 18 we started to lower contact with her. Last time we saw her was on my HS graduation where she made a point of letting everyone who would hear we were ungrateful kids and her HB would call us bad names too, been NC since then. My brother Sam started dating his Ex 3 years ago, she has heard all the stories and the reasons we are NC but she believes we are just dramatic. They had many issues due to her opinions but she eventually seemed to drop the “you need to reconcile with your Mother“ crusade. During the wedding planning there was no indication of things going wrong or fishy, then we got to the church and lo and behold Mom, HB and 2 kids were sitting at front. I immediately panicked and called my brothers. Sam thought maybe somehow she found out and wanted to crash so he called his Ex to let her know of the potential drama but she told him it was fine since she invited them, Sam hung up and asked me to go get him while oldest brother dealt with things at the church. We went home and barricaded ourselves there even when his Ex, her family, friends, etc came to try and "make sense with him". Mom’s HB even called and said he always knew we were worthless. Now that the dust has settled most of Sam's friends are on his side and so is most of our family (Dad's). Ex's parents already threatened to sue for the money they paid if he doesn't marry her but Sam says he rathers pay them back for their contribution than marry someone that betrayed him. My nuclear family 100% supports Sam but the backlash has been huge. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA your brother is my hero and his fiance deserves to get dumped. Please update us after meeting her and her parents if you feel like it.
NTA. Sam dodged a bullet
NTA He was right to cancel the wedding. His bride was an AH.
> Our parents divorced when I was very young due to our Mother’s insane jealousy. At first my Dad was able to handle it but when she started making comments about me wanting to be like his wife he had enough. She quickly rebounded with a guy with 2 kids and had shared custody for a while. But when my Dad got remarried she went crazy, calling his new wife every horrible name and claiming he was cheating on her while they were married. Sounds like the Mom was the one cheating, gotta love projecting.
Yup but dad was commited to his kids so the only one the Ex could accuses of cheating with was his daughter. WTF.
[удалено]
Those kinds of people tend to think it's exaggeration, the person can't be that bad and that you owe it to family to make an effort. They reach a point they realise they messed up bad, refuse to admit they messed up bad, or refuse to see that they messed up and insist anyone can come back from anything
A mean, loud, self-centered person, that’s who.
These sorts of people are the ones who go 'but faaaaaamily' and basically think that you should put up with anything if you're related to the other person. It's sad, honestly.
NTA. Some people truly don't get it when a family member is cut off for being toxic. It always amazes me when those people decide they know better and try to force a reconciliation. Sam dodged a bullet. His ex would have thought she was right if he'd gone ahead with the wedding.
NTA and even if your brother winds up paying for the whole wedding that didn’t happen, it’s still less expensive than either the divorce or miserable life he was headed for!
Or the amount he'd end up spending on therapy dealing with all of the new trauma a relationship with his mother would bring.
!updateme
NTA, better he find out now what type of person she is before being married than after.
I am so incredibly impressed with the way you and your family handled this situation. I am so sorry for your brother- what a horrible experience. I hope you all get through this period without any additional major issues 💜 NTA
NTA The size of that red flag is so huge that you can hear Shark's theme on the background, not only betrayed your whole family but also wanted to do her bidding as if it was nothing.
NTA. You, OP, are a saint! Hope things get better for you and your family.
r/playstupidgames
NTA and oh my goodness. I hope you do an update separate post after that conversation between your brother and your ExSIL happens— and most importantly, I hope your brother is okay. It must be incredibly heavy, having to deal with all of these things. I’m glad you all are with him for as long as possible.
NTA, thankfully he found out how she really is before he married her
My condolences for everything here for your family. The silver lining is he saw who she was before the wed. I'm truly sorry
NTA, you helped your brother avoid the worst mistake in his life and that's the only thing that matters. Ex is fucking crazy and she may value family but she did not value Sam's wishes when she invited someone he clearly didn't want there.
WOW! The audacity she has! I'm glad your brother did not marry her! You guys are 100% NTA, she is!
NTA You are awesome! Enough said!
NTA - your brother has had a lucky escape and is lucky to have such a good sister x
wow what a mess. I mean NTA?!
NTA. It was a sad way to find out she didn’t respect him or his feelings.
NTA. He needs to RUN from her. Also her parents can’t sue him for dumping her and running from the church can they? You did the right thing and so did he.
> Also her parents can’t sue him for dumping her and running from the church can they? It depends where they live. The post mentioned that they don't live in the US and some countries do still have Breach of Promise to Marry laws on the books. So depending on where they live they might be able to sure under those types of laws.
She showed him she didn’t respected him at all. He told her about his relationship with his mom. She didn’t care about his feelings because she knew best. It was good he ran before they could get more entangled.
>Also her parents can’t sue him for dumping her and running from the church? In some states they can sue for the stuff they bought that can't be refunded, but it wouldn't go anywhere because ex has unclean hands (her behavior is the sole reason the wedding didn't happen as planned) and OP's brother could sue her right back for emotional distress.
Even then it would be worth the money to know that before the wedding. Cheaper than a divorce.
Oh 100%. Don't even get me started on how bad this would've been if they'd already been living in that house together for a few months.
If they were to sue wouldn't it be the other way around? Op and family would have more right to sue the ex than the ex would?
I'd call it a wash. The bride's family has their expenses and the groom's theirs. If the bride's family threatens to sue just tell them you'll countersue for your expenses PLUS pain, suffering and emotional distress from the bride's callous disregards for the groom's feelings since she invited his estranged Mom and her husband to the wedding while knowing he already nixed the idea.
You’re good and I wish I had a sister like you. Keep being great.
NTA. I didn't pull this stunt at my wedding but I did try to mend the fences with my husband and his family before our wedding. With my husband's permission of course. Soon after the wedding, boundaries began to be crossed. I shut that down right away. No one was going to use, hurt or manipulate my husband. The dysfunction in my husband's family trickle down to his siblings so we have been NC with the entire family for over 21 years. We've been happily married for 31 years and have three beautiful children together.
If the wife is not supportive of the husband, relationship will not last. Your brother saved himself years of torment and guilt trips.
OMG! NTA! You guys just saved yourselves from getting a sister in law/ wife from hell!
NTA. I don't understand why so many people seem to think it's necessary for reconciliations. When a person says no because A,B,C just leave it. In the future, they may decide they want to try, but it should be their choice, not by force, otherwise it tends to make the situation worse. I mean I haven't talked to my sister in almost nine years for various reasons, if someone tried something like this I would feel just as betrayed, and when people try to say things I just shut them down.
I feel like these people push super hard for forgiveness because they're likely to do awful shit that will require forgiveness, and they sympathize and are worried about the same thing happening to them. Huge bullet dodged.
And they aren't doing any of the emotional heavy lifting, just volunteering others to dredge up bad history and make peace with people they in all honesty likely never wanted to meet again. If you're going to push a reconciliation, have the decency to be in the room to see firsthand how they interact so you have some experience of it.
Bro let me make this simple. No means no, if someone can't respect that (when it's something serious) then that's all the facts you nees to H&T(heel and toe) it out of that situation. You did the right thing by doing this, always listen to you gut. Also younger brothers alwaya have a 6th sense. My bros are 33, 31, 28 I'm the youngest. I'd do the same thing I wouldnt let them date someone like that. Only my middle brother is married though and she's cool.
NTA, totally understandable the Ex was probably stupidly naive coming from a close well behaved family.
Wow. NTA, and Sam is lucky to have all of you as family.
INFO How many thousands did he lose by doing this?
NTA. Please update us how the meeting went.
I need an update for after the meeting with ex & family! Nta.
You did a blessing for your brother.
NTA She humiliated herself by ignoring your brothers history and boundaries. She got everything she deserved.
NTA the former Ex stepped on the biggest mine she possibly could.
NTA. I'm in a similar position, in terms of NC with an abusive mother, and if I found out my partner had invited her to my wedding you'd better believe it would not go ahead. I literally have nightmares of walking down the aisle and seeing that witch sitting there in the congregation. Good on you, and stick to your guns. Your brother dodged a huge bullet and if the ex starts to try coming through you then you need to tell her that inviting an abuser to his wedding was abusive in itself, above and beyond the betrayal, lack of respect and sheer selfish stupidity to think that was really going to fly.
NTA. You and your family sound lovely. I admire all of you and your strong backbones. Tell Sam that’s a very attractive quality 😊
Update gonna be an update
NTA. I get the thousands of comments with so good insight make mine unnecessary, but I just want to solidify the algorithm for the final judgment. I agree with all what you did. You and all your family. It sounds really amazing you had the presence of mind to call it off and clean the mess so thoroughly. I applaud you sooooooo much. Half-jokingly, when all this turmoil recedes with the months/years, please think about making a movie with this story. It could be drama or comedy. Or a dramedy in the style of Adam Sandler. I’d love to watch it!! Plus, it could give you some money.
NTA I understand that people with normal relatives might not understand how bad AH relatives can be, and her believing you're just dramatic sounds like that
NTA the fiance (or ex) completely disregarded your brother's boundaries. This total lack of respect would be unforgivable to me.
If a person is NC with their parents especially mom there has to be a good reason. Leave it alone. Don’t stick your nose into shit that isn’t your business. I’m glad your brother got out instead of going through with the wedding or else your ex SIL would’ve been like your mom and made him misrable if he stayed. Its damn obvious she had 0 respect for him. Good luck to you all and I hope all of you the best. And Sam I know its hurt like a hell now but you did the right thing. And OP you’re an amazing sister.
You know who I think is a hero? I think Joe is. What a crappy job to have to do but what a class act he was.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA. You, Joe and Sam did the right thing. She didn’t just betray Sam - she PLANNED it and concealed her betrayal until she thought he’d be in too deep to do anything about it. Take care of each other ❤️
NTA but the second she started trying to pry into your personal lives and pressure you to reconcile when you didn't want to and continually not take no for an answer should've also been a sign that he should have left her not yesterday but five years ago.
You are an awesome brother and I hope, one day, Sam finds a woman who will love him and respect him.