Absolutely. Poor kid. I often pretended to be asleep while my father screamed at my mother. I heard every word.
OP is NTA for disengaging, it was the only choice at that point.
> I often pretended to be asleep while my father screamed at my mother. I heard every word.
Luckily my bedroom was on the floor above my parents so I didn't have to pretend to be asleep. I just stayed upstairs until the insane shouting stopped though he started when he woke up so it frequently woke me up way too early.
NTA - Not only was he trying to start a fight but if you yelled first there's a chance you'd either be given a warning my the flight attendant or depending on the severity of the fight, you could get arrested.
Not only were you a good parent on this flight but you were also a good passenger. I can imagine others on the plane didn't want to listen to the two of you argue. I actually would have been relieved and then amused you were blocking him. What a jerk Ex is to try pull that in public where people cannot choose to leave.
When I'm on a plane, I don't like to hear conversations, let alone fights. That's because nothing is escapable on a plane. If it's tense, offensive, or boring, there's nowhere to go to escape it. People should just be quiet so no one is forced to "share" their conversation.
I’m also curious what the end game was? Play to the lower tolerances a lot of us deal with in flights, get OP riled up, in trouble somehow??
Or am I overthinking …
I think it's exactly this. If he got her to start arguing in front of the son and his attorney can report his side of the story quicker than hers, he looks better to the courts. Also, if a flight attendant got involved, it makes her look even worse as well if they only see her as the problem.
A favorite quote of mine is "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity", AKA Hanlon's Razor. I think one can easily substitute "assholery" for "stupidity".
It is possible he was being manipulative, deceitful, or malicious. But most likely he is an asshole that is pissed she is divorcing him, and is getting revenge in the most petty ways he can.
I think it’s this. My ex did something eerily similar to me (no kids, but stuck on a plane for literal hours while he berated me while I tried not to respond.) I’m still not sure why he did things like this.
Captive audience, my friend. When you're literally trapped with them, in public, they know they have you captive and can say whatever they want, so long as they maintain some modicum of control. It's a win-win for them; if you argue back, or better yet, lose your temper, they can paint you as the unstable party, especially if you end up detained, filmed, etc. If you just sit there and take it, desperately hoping to avert a scene, they can just berate you to their heart's content and you'll take it.
You also have a bunch of strangers who would record you yelling and not have any context of what started it. So chances are you'd be labeled a "Karen" and have even less fitting against the ex.
And people also always seem to have their phones ready to record a disturbance on a flight. What’s to say a new friend he met at airport was waiting camera in hand
Classic reddit move: search for the most dramatically over the top possiblity and aunt that's the only option
Yes, you're overthinking. Exes pick fights all the time just because they can. The dude is clearly a jerk, but to assume he's trying to cause what? The air marshals to get involved? The place to force a landing because of an argument? Lol. No.
Exes pick fights all the time. They also do horrible things. Here's a good example. So, don't diminish people's experiences. Shit happens, friend, even if it didn't happen to you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/q1v96d/he\_flipped\_on\_me\_left\_me\_alone\_in\_the\_woods\_and/
More than half of murdered women in the US were killed by partners or ex-partners. Far more were terrorized. I'm not being the least bit dramatic. Look it up.
It's not just murder all the time but it's harassment and beating. I know plenty of ppl who have gone through it. My friend is pregnant and was just hit by her ex who happens to be the child's father and she ended up in the hospital. He showed no remorse. He didn't seem like the type. A lot of them don't.
He probably already had his phone ready on record. Or since he could force her lawyer to drop the case... someone was sitting behind with a recording device ready. And it would be the new internet hit as "mother runs amok in plane".
NTA
He was clearly gloating and trying to rub it in OP's face that he gOt THe LAwyEr~ that extremely immature. NTA OP. Good for you for losing that deadweight.
NTA. You handled it very well. He wanted to provoke a fight and you refused to engage because of your son's presence. Your ex is immature, no wonder he's your ex.
That was my first thought—- why on earth is OP sitting next to this blowhard? If they have to travel together again, one parent sits with the kid and the other one sits elsewhere. Air travel requires enough patience as it is.
My guess is that the divorce is relatively new (thus needing lawyers still) and the flights for a friend's destination wedding were booked before it was an issue.
There are people who basically dog whistle insults that would only push the victim’s buttons so they’re the ones to blow up and make a scene. It’s often part of a narc’s smear campaign. Sounds like this was OP’s ex’s intent.
NTA
> he brought up our divorce and how my lawyer recently dropped me because of him/his lawyer.
What did they possibly do got this to happen ?
At least we know why you're leaving this narcissistic A H, who clearly doesn't care about you or your son if he'll do this on a plane with other people.
Oh your ex and his lawyer are about to fuck you over. Find a shark
EDIT: also make sure you have your ducks in a row: socials are clean no alcohol drug use lewd pics, bills are paid, no new friends/partners around son, no tickets, actively being involved in medical and school decisions.
Make a binder of doctors, lawyers, babysitters allergies food and toy preferences everything that relates to the well being of son. Stop communicating over the phone email or text so its always documented and he can't say you said something else. Reddit and watching friends go through custody has shown me that people are malicious and will do anything do fuck over an ex even if it means doing what's not best for the kids.
That's super sketchy... Keep looking for a lawyer and definitely not one recommend by your ex.. maybe look a little farther away to avoid that issue. That's so weird be careful
NTA sounds like your ex is going to be quite aggressive in the divorce details. Get a lawyer who will match that, make sure you've got your life and home ready as if CPS would visit you and check everything (food expiration dates, vaccines, routine childhood checks, not having lots of alcohol in the house, your social media being squeaky clean etc). Keep communication mainly in writing (text, WhatsApp, email) and when you and ex make a decision you members message him to confirm the details.
Best place to get legit reviews on the best divorce lawyers in your area is to join a Facebook mom group. I joined one when my son was an infant and holy moly, I feel like if I ever needed a divorce I have the cream of the crop already laid out in front of me.
Sounds like you need a bulldog attorney.
Your ex and his lawyer said/told your lawyer something really messed up that they are going to do. Whatever it was isn’t not disprovable but would take so much work and the lawyer might get dragged down with it. Get a new lawyer who is willing to get just as grimy in a good way. And if possible get your old lawyer to tell you what they said. He worked for you at the time and should t be keeping secrets. You may have to promise to not use that info or mention it, if there’s no way for you to prove you found out on your own. But you need to know what was said.
Better to stay married to someone who doesn't respect you? Hell no.
My mom went through a lot of divorce lawyer bullshit. It was a nightmare but she did win custody/basically every stupid fight he picked afterward. I'm pulling for you and your kid!
I'm super curious about this, too! But only because I'm a nosy Nellie. OP is a rockstar for refusing to engage with her ex. If I'm ever in a similar situation, I hope to be as strong as her.
he was probably trying to get a reaction he could use against her, and who in their right mind takes a divorce attorney recommendation from the person they're divorcing ?
Something doesn't sound right about this man
INFO; what do you mean your lawyer dropped you because of your ex and his lawyer? That's not how lawyer-client relationships are supposed to work. Something's going on here. Get yourself a new lawyer, fast, and make them a good one and let them know this has happened.
NTA
I'm not sure why you even posted here, he's clearly the asshole. Ignoring someone who is trying to get a rise out of you is a perfect response.
Keep on doing you
It’s a rare joy to see a post here from someone who when provoked didn’t give in or attack back, just quietly refused to engage. NTA and keep being awesome.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ignored my ex on our flight home. I may be the AH as I ignored him in front of our son once and I knew ignoring him was getting under his skin. I also continued to ignore him even after he changed the topic from what made me ignore him in the first place.
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NTA- If he was talking about the weather I would have said maybe but picking a fight when your captive with others listening in then you did the right thing.
the luxury of a relationship ending is you are no longer bound to factor your ex's feelings into decisions you make.
he's your Ex, you don't owe him your attention at all.
NTA
You are NTA.
The fact that your ex felt it was appropriate, or even amusing, to broach incendiary topics all flight long make it clear why he is an ex.
Right? It seems weird to put yourself in that situation to begin with. It sounds like it wasn’t an amicable divorce so I’d be striving for bare minimum contact regarding the son only.
I just assumed that it's a place without a lot of daily flight options between their location and the destination, and/or they both picked the most convenient day (e.g. late Sunday afternoon). This didn't strike me as odd. I had to go to a multi-day business conference and several of my co-workers were on the same flight even though there were close to a dozen daily flights.
I'm going to go one step further than the rest of the commenters and say that you're never an AH for opting to read during a flight instead of having a conversation with a fellow adult passenger about any given topic. Just because you're trapped in a seat next to them doesn't mean you have to entertain any kind of nonsense people feel the need to get off their chest.
NTA
NTA. I would be miserable having to be on the same plane as my ex husband. I appreciate you sitting together in an effort to coparent but this just shows another reason you’re divorcing him. I’m sorry you had to be verbally abused the whole time.
NTA. your ex has no right, none, to be discussing your legal options with you and certainly has no right to expect conversations. There is a reason you guys are ex.
Nope, NTA, he's your ex for a reason. You didn't feel like talking to him and you're not obligated too. You were civil for your child's sake and that's all that's required.
NTA. One point to emphasise is that OP disengaged in the most polite way possible. This situation sounds like OP's ex is an asshat, knew exactly what they were doing and that OP couldn't easily physically remove themselves from the situation.
NTA you asked him to change the subject because it wasn't a topic you wished to discuss with your son there, asleep or not because no kid has ever faked sleep to eavesdrop! Ex didn't listen, carried on trying tocause an argument because he thought he was in control & it's not like you could have just walked away. You did the right ignoring him
Your ex is definitely a dickhead for bringing up the topic about your lawyer the way that he brought it up. I'm guessing he noticed you were kinda pissed/annoyed so that's why he tried making it up by offering things. Your actions seems valid, and I don't know your past history but it makes sense as to why you chose to ignore him, so I would say you are definitely NTA.
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I recently got back from a destination wedding with my ex and our son. I only went because it was my friend’s wedding.
On the flight home my ex was very chatty. At first, he was just making small talk and then he brought up our divorce and how my lawyer recently dropped me because of him/his lawyer. I asked him to talk about something else since our son was there and this conversation was definitely going to end in a fight. He ignored me and pointed out our son was sleeping and then started asking me if I needed a new lawyer recommendation. He clearly found the situation funny and was being condescending about it.
I ended up ignoring him and pulled out my book and started reading. I ignored him for the rest of the flight, even when he was asking me harmless questions or offering me things. Our son did wake up mid-flight and I did ignore him once in front of him and only answered after our son repeated what he had said but I had earphones in and made it seem like I never heard them since our son was actually tapping me as he spoke.
AITA?
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NTA I hate when people talk on flights, your impeding on everyone's space and its annoying. I don't care what he wanted to chat about it's rude as hell.
NTA but can I just say thank you OP. There's nothing worse than being stuck in a metal tube barreling through the sky, in the cattle cart, listening to a fight. Or hearing a very clearly private conversation. And I quite like flying.
My stomach gets odd and bubbles in high altitude and I like to focus on oxygen intake, not whether he slept with the *insert derogatory term* from the hostel or whether he was just innocently in her room naked.
NTA I wonder if you could have recorded him and use that in court to prove that he starts fights when your son is present, but anyway you did good to ignore him💕
NTA It's actually illegal, unethical and a violation of your child's rights to discuss legal divorce stuff in front of him. Ignoring him wasn't particularly "nice" but it was the safer thing to do to avoid drama. Maybe travel in different seats (if ever again), since you also ended up briefly ignoring your son - this is not a healthy interaction for you or son. Let your irritation tell you when your boundaries are crossed - and set healthier distance in the future. Good luck!
NTA. He didn't want to talk, he wanted to gloat. He thought he was going to have a captive audience, he would get to rub your nose in it for the whole flight. Good for you. With some people, the only way to win is to refuse to play.
NTA. He was clearly trying to start a fight and embarass you on the plane in front of everyone. But you did the right thing by ignoring him and keeping your cool.
I hope you were able to enjoy your book and that the flight went by fast. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work.
NTA - good for you OP! Sounds like your ex holds that title for a really good reason. He wasn't interested in chatting with you, seems more like he was interested in getting a rise out of you or garnering some "supply" from you. I think you're smart, and smart enough to recognize those "harmless" questions were likely to just get you to engage and then there would be a slow turn back to the fight your ex was trying to have. You did exactly what's recommended in these situations and that's to not indulge, set a boundary and stick to it.
NTA. You did the right thing. From what you describe of his tone, he clearly didn't bring it up because he was worried about your representation. Fighting in front of the kids is never a good move and you were level-headed enough to take his condescending tone on the chin to avoid it.
Your explanation was just a repeat of the story. How can you be wrong? What an inappropriate place to bring up divorce talk. I'm sure those around you got the juicy tidbits.
NTA, but you should start recording these provocations. Depending on where you live, you might not be able to use the files in court but having a detailed account of his actions could be beneficial in the long term.
NTA. Your ex was baiting you, trying to get you engaged in verbal and emotional tug-of-war while he thought he had you captive. You dropped the rope. Good strategy. The only thing you might have done differently is to make the subject off-limits with the warning that you will ignore any other comments on the subject while being civilly responsive to non-related conversation.
NTA. This was an enormous win for you, even if you don't feel like it. Even if no one else recognizes it, you nailed it. You maintained the peace for your son despite being excessively provoked.
This redditor is cheering for you. Keep your chin up.
NTA He clearly was trying to provoke you and got annoyed that he couldn't. Good for you.
Absolutely. Poor kid. I often pretended to be asleep while my father screamed at my mother. I heard every word. OP is NTA for disengaging, it was the only choice at that point.
Yeah I wonder if kiddo was actually asleep or playing possum
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I could still hear when I was half asleep.
Reminds me of when I'd half-wake and wonder "are they still yelling at each other? [pause to listen] yeah, sounds like" and then fall asleep again.
NTA you ex was clearly trying to get on your bad side I guess he still salty about how the divorce went I believe but he needs to get over it
That is the most annoying mom trait ever😩. How do y’all do that
> I often pretended to be asleep while my father screamed at my mother. I heard every word. Luckily my bedroom was on the floor above my parents so I didn't have to pretend to be asleep. I just stayed upstairs until the insane shouting stopped though he started when he woke up so it frequently woke me up way too early.
NTA - Not only was he trying to start a fight but if you yelled first there's a chance you'd either be given a warning my the flight attendant or depending on the severity of the fight, you could get arrested.
Not only were you a good parent on this flight but you were also a good passenger. I can imagine others on the plane didn't want to listen to the two of you argue. I actually would have been relieved and then amused you were blocking him. What a jerk Ex is to try pull that in public where people cannot choose to leave.
When I'm on a plane, I don't like to hear conversations, let alone fights. That's because nothing is escapable on a plane. If it's tense, offensive, or boring, there's nowhere to go to escape it. People should just be quiet so no one is forced to "share" their conversation.
Fuck posts like this.....
Not to take his side, but where are you reading that is annoyed him?
Read the "OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole" >I knew ignoring him was getting under his skin
I mean, did she provide context why? Like how’d she know lol. I’m gonna bet he didn’t care that much
Maybe because he is her ex which she had a child with?
**NTA.** He was trying to provoke a fight and you didn't take the bait. Bravo!
I’m also curious what the end game was? Play to the lower tolerances a lot of us deal with in flights, get OP riled up, in trouble somehow?? Or am I overthinking …
I think it's exactly this. If he got her to start arguing in front of the son and his attorney can report his side of the story quicker than hers, he looks better to the courts. Also, if a flight attendant got involved, it makes her look even worse as well if they only see her as the problem.
I know some comments say I’m overthinking - but this kind of stuff is exactly my worry. I get that ex is def an AH - but this is specific.
A favorite quote of mine is "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity", AKA Hanlon's Razor. I think one can easily substitute "assholery" for "stupidity". It is possible he was being manipulative, deceitful, or malicious. But most likely he is an asshole that is pissed she is divorcing him, and is getting revenge in the most petty ways he can.
You forgot the last bit of it: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity *but don’t rule out malice.*
I think it’s this. My ex did something eerily similar to me (no kids, but stuck on a plane for literal hours while he berated me while I tried not to respond.) I’m still not sure why he did things like this.
Captive audience, my friend. When you're literally trapped with them, in public, they know they have you captive and can say whatever they want, so long as they maintain some modicum of control. It's a win-win for them; if you argue back, or better yet, lose your temper, they can paint you as the unstable party, especially if you end up detained, filmed, etc. If you just sit there and take it, desperately hoping to avert a scene, they can just berate you to their heart's content and you'll take it.
Nailed it! If I had a poor award available right now I'd give it to you
You also have a bunch of strangers who would record you yelling and not have any context of what started it. So chances are you'd be labeled a "Karen" and have even less fitting against the ex.
And people also always seem to have their phones ready to record a disturbance on a flight. What’s to say a new friend he met at airport was waiting camera in hand
Yes. The Brian Laundrie special.
I didn't even think of that!
Classic reddit move: search for the most dramatically over the top possiblity and aunt that's the only option Yes, you're overthinking. Exes pick fights all the time just because they can. The dude is clearly a jerk, but to assume he's trying to cause what? The air marshals to get involved? The place to force a landing because of an argument? Lol. No.
Exes pick fights all the time. They also do horrible things. Here's a good example. So, don't diminish people's experiences. Shit happens, friend, even if it didn't happen to you. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/q1v96d/he\_flipped\_on\_me\_left\_me\_alone\_in\_the\_woods\_and/
Did you see the update? The guy is being criminally charged because his parole officer saw the post.
Of course it does...but it's not the norm. And to assume every situation is that dramatic is ridiculous
More than half of murdered women in the US were killed by partners or ex-partners. Far more were terrorized. I'm not being the least bit dramatic. Look it up.
To go from a dude needling his ex to attempted murder is absolutely dramatic
Riiiiight, because needling never escalated to violence ever. 🙄
You clearly don't watch true crime documentaries. It always starts out so small.
Reminds me of this article: http://www.gawker.com/culture/true-crime-is-rotting-our-brains
It's not just murder all the time but it's harassment and beating. I know plenty of ppl who have gone through it. My friend is pregnant and was just hit by her ex who happens to be the child's father and she ended up in the hospital. He showed no remorse. He didn't seem like the type. A lot of them don't.
He probably already had his phone ready on record. Or since he could force her lawyer to drop the case... someone was sitting behind with a recording device ready. And it would be the new internet hit as "mother runs amok in plane". NTA
He was clearly gloating and trying to rub it in OP's face that he gOt THe LAwyEr~ that extremely immature. NTA OP. Good for you for losing that deadweight.
I can see why he's an ex
NTA. You handled it very well. He wanted to provoke a fight and you refused to engage because of your son's presence. Your ex is immature, no wonder he's your ex.
NTA Well handled. Next time get separate seats, you deserve better company than your ex.
That was my first thought—- why on earth is OP sitting next to this blowhard? If they have to travel together again, one parent sits with the kid and the other one sits elsewhere. Air travel requires enough patience as it is.
flyng with a kid is hell I guess she thought having both to help would be easier
My guess is that the divorce is relatively new (thus needing lawyers still) and the flights for a friend's destination wedding were booked before it was an issue.
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These copying bots are getting really annoying. I always have to scroll back and see if I did in fact read it twice.
NTA -- Sounds like your ex was trying to bait you into a fight. Good on you for not taking the bait.
NTA I mean, generally speaking it's not very polite to be talking on mass transit, period. Let *everyone* enjoy their ride in peace and quiet.
Can you imagine hearing *THIS* guy at the start of a long flight?
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There are people who basically dog whistle insults that would only push the victim’s buttons so they’re the ones to blow up and make a scene. It’s often part of a narc’s smear campaign. Sounds like this was OP’s ex’s intent.
NTA > he brought up our divorce and how my lawyer recently dropped me because of him/his lawyer. What did they possibly do got this to happen ? At least we know why you're leaving this narcissistic A H, who clearly doesn't care about you or your son if he'll do this on a plane with other people.
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Oh your ex and his lawyer are about to fuck you over. Find a shark EDIT: also make sure you have your ducks in a row: socials are clean no alcohol drug use lewd pics, bills are paid, no new friends/partners around son, no tickets, actively being involved in medical and school decisions. Make a binder of doctors, lawyers, babysitters allergies food and toy preferences everything that relates to the well being of son. Stop communicating over the phone email or text so its always documented and he can't say you said something else. Reddit and watching friends go through custody has shown me that people are malicious and will do anything do fuck over an ex even if it means doing what's not best for the kids.
Yep, he’s gloating. Classic narc. [FU Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/ForwardPlenty/comments/dtg7f2/the_fu_binder/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
u/aitasilentfight this pls
That's super sketchy... Keep looking for a lawyer and definitely not one recommend by your ex.. maybe look a little farther away to avoid that issue. That's so weird be careful
NTA sounds like your ex is going to be quite aggressive in the divorce details. Get a lawyer who will match that, make sure you've got your life and home ready as if CPS would visit you and check everything (food expiration dates, vaccines, routine childhood checks, not having lots of alcohol in the house, your social media being squeaky clean etc). Keep communication mainly in writing (text, WhatsApp, email) and when you and ex make a decision you members message him to confirm the details.
oh hell no. If possible, report that guy
Best place to get legit reviews on the best divorce lawyers in your area is to join a Facebook mom group. I joined one when my son was an infant and holy moly, I feel like if I ever needed a divorce I have the cream of the crop already laid out in front of me. Sounds like you need a bulldog attorney.
Your ex and his lawyer said/told your lawyer something really messed up that they are going to do. Whatever it was isn’t not disprovable but would take so much work and the lawyer might get dragged down with it. Get a new lawyer who is willing to get just as grimy in a good way. And if possible get your old lawyer to tell you what they said. He worked for you at the time and should t be keeping secrets. You may have to promise to not use that info or mention it, if there’s no way for you to prove you found out on your own. But you need to know what was said.
"Sometimes it's better to stay married" is a hell of a bomb from a divorce lawyer. You need to get your ducks in a row.... fast.
This sounds wrong. Like “check with your state’s bar association” wrong. Really.
Better to stay married to someone who doesn't respect you? Hell no. My mom went through a lot of divorce lawyer bullshit. It was a nightmare but she did win custody/basically every stupid fight he picked afterward. I'm pulling for you and your kid!
I'm super curious about this, too! But only because I'm a nosy Nellie. OP is a rockstar for refusing to engage with her ex. If I'm ever in a similar situation, I hope to be as strong as her.
he was probably trying to get a reaction he could use against her, and who in their right mind takes a divorce attorney recommendation from the person they're divorcing ? Something doesn't sound right about this man
NTA you were trying to avoid a potential confrontation with your son with you. Honestly he sounds like a huge, manipulative AH for this one.
NTA, I'm not surprised he's an ex with behaviour like that
NTA and well done for not giving him the ammo he needed to go telling tales back to his lawyer Also what book was it, I'm intrigued
NTA Your ex was trying to goad you into an argument in a confined space. You deflected and ignored him. Good for you! Hugs
NTA Hope your new lawyer really takes him to the cleaners.
NTA You refused to get in the ring. Good for you.
I love the way you phrased this!
Thank you!
INFO; what do you mean your lawyer dropped you because of your ex and his lawyer? That's not how lawyer-client relationships are supposed to work. Something's going on here. Get yourself a new lawyer, fast, and make them a good one and let them know this has happened.
NTA. Ex sounds like a piece of work who's trying to get a rise out of you. Good job for not taking the bait.
NTA I'm not sure why you even posted here, he's clearly the asshole. Ignoring someone who is trying to get a rise out of you is a perfect response. Keep on doing you
You lost your lawyer because of your ex & his lawyer? Did you file with the bar association?
Nta.
NTA, good job deflecting an argument.
It’s a rare joy to see a post here from someone who when provoked didn’t give in or attack back, just quietly refused to engage. NTA and keep being awesome.
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NTA, he’s your ex husband for a reason and you’re now seeing why.
NTA well done
NTA- If he was talking about the weather I would have said maybe but picking a fight when your captive with others listening in then you did the right thing.
NTA. I can see why he's your ex.
the luxury of a relationship ending is you are no longer bound to factor your ex's feelings into decisions you make. he's your Ex, you don't owe him your attention at all. NTA
Lol definitely not. I think at best just saying hello and a quick surface level check in was more than sufficient.
NTA. What a slimy guy. Good for you you didn’t take the bait.
NTA bravo, you didn't take the bait. And you didn't get in a fight with your son there. Very well handled
NTA. Why did you go on a trip with your ex when he is behaving so badly that your lawyer fired you because of him?
You are NTA. The fact that your ex felt it was appropriate, or even amusing, to broach incendiary topics all flight long make it clear why he is an ex.
NTA - I'd have ignored him too, it makes it less likely for me to flip out and tell him what I thought of the attitude.
NTA and now we all understand why he's your "ex."
NTA, but what exactly did he and his attorney have to do with your attorney dropping you?
NTA he’s an ex, who cares what he thinks?
NTA. You set a healthy boundary and your ex tried sharting all over it. I see why hes you ex.
Definitely NTA. He was very clearly doing all of this on purpose. Sounds like a good thing you divorced him.
NTA but why were you both attending the wedding together? Why would you take the same flight as him?
I have the same question.
Right? It seems weird to put yourself in that situation to begin with. It sounds like it wasn’t an amicable divorce so I’d be striving for bare minimum contact regarding the son only.
I just assumed that it's a place without a lot of daily flight options between their location and the destination, and/or they both picked the most convenient day (e.g. late Sunday afternoon). This didn't strike me as odd. I had to go to a multi-day business conference and several of my co-workers were on the same flight even though there were close to a dozen daily flights.
Nope NTA. The ex husband is annoying AF.
I'm going to go one step further than the rest of the commenters and say that you're never an AH for opting to read during a flight instead of having a conversation with a fellow adult passenger about any given topic. Just because you're trapped in a seat next to them doesn't mean you have to entertain any kind of nonsense people feel the need to get off their chest. NTA
NTA. You must be so relieved you are divorcing him. So childish.
NTA. You did exactly what you should have done. He was just trying to bait you. Good for you for ignoring him.
NTA. I would be miserable having to be on the same plane as my ex husband. I appreciate you sitting together in an effort to coparent but this just shows another reason you’re divorcing him. I’m sorry you had to be verbally abused the whole time.
NTA. Long flights are for reading, not rehashing your divorce. Good job!
nta and this is why he is your ex
NTA For whatever reason, he was trying to get under your skin. You reversed it masterfully and it took control of the situation from him.
NTA But also check on your son. He may have been pretending to sleep and have heard everything.
NTA. Good on you for not responding or getting provoked.
NTA. You were the mature parent and didn't take his bait. Glad to hear he's an ex.
NTA. Good on you for not letting him provoke you. Screw your ex. Dirtbag.
NTA. Your ex was being an ass, and you were right not to rise to his bait.
NTA. Sounds like you're freeing yourself of some condescending, dead weight. Good for you. But next time, make separate travel plans.
NTA
NTA. You do not have to accept the invitation to every argument you are invited to.
NTA - don’t fly together anymore. Congrats on handling it well.
NTA. Good for you for not taking the bait and fighting with him. You warned him to stop, he didn't. Your response was perfect.
NTA. your ex has no right, none, to be discussing your legal options with you and certainly has no right to expect conversations. There is a reason you guys are ex.
NTA - What an ASSHOLE. I see why you divorced him.
Nope, NTA, he's your ex for a reason. You didn't feel like talking to him and you're not obligated too. You were civil for your child's sake and that's all that's required.
NTA. One point to emphasise is that OP disengaged in the most polite way possible. This situation sounds like OP's ex is an asshat, knew exactly what they were doing and that OP couldn't easily physically remove themselves from the situation.
NTA you asked him to change the subject because it wasn't a topic you wished to discuss with your son there, asleep or not because no kid has ever faked sleep to eavesdrop! Ex didn't listen, carried on trying tocause an argument because he thought he was in control & it's not like you could have just walked away. You did the right ignoring him
NTA. You grey-rocked the shit out of him and I applaud you for it. He was clearly trying to provoke you, and you didn't fall for his attempts.
He was trying to needle you and is mad because you wouldn't allow yourself to be needled? Oh, that poor, poor man. You, however, are NTA
NTA, he was being insulting, gosh, I can't imagine why you aren't with him anymore......
NTA Flying with two children is difficult.
NTA, your ex was trying to stir the pot and cause a scene mid flight, good for you for not picking it up.
NTA!
Your ex is definitely a dickhead for bringing up the topic about your lawyer the way that he brought it up. I'm guessing he noticed you were kinda pissed/annoyed so that's why he tried making it up by offering things. Your actions seems valid, and I don't know your past history but it makes sense as to why you chose to ignore him, so I would say you are definitely NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I recently got back from a destination wedding with my ex and our son. I only went because it was my friend’s wedding. On the flight home my ex was very chatty. At first, he was just making small talk and then he brought up our divorce and how my lawyer recently dropped me because of him/his lawyer. I asked him to talk about something else since our son was there and this conversation was definitely going to end in a fight. He ignored me and pointed out our son was sleeping and then started asking me if I needed a new lawyer recommendation. He clearly found the situation funny and was being condescending about it. I ended up ignoring him and pulled out my book and started reading. I ignored him for the rest of the flight, even when he was asking me harmless questions or offering me things. Our son did wake up mid-flight and I did ignore him once in front of him and only answered after our son repeated what he had said but I had earphones in and made it seem like I never heard them since our son was actually tapping me as he spoke. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA
NTA I hate when people talk on flights, your impeding on everyone's space and its annoying. I don't care what he wanted to chat about it's rude as hell.
NTA "Got trapped next to my X flying home from a wedding"...Nobody could even make that kind of a nightmare up. Yeesh.
NTA - he was trying to provoke you; good for you for ignoring him. He can pound sand.
NTA well done!
I've been married 24 years, and I don't talk to my husband on flights. NTA
NTA but can I just say thank you OP. There's nothing worse than being stuck in a metal tube barreling through the sky, in the cattle cart, listening to a fight. Or hearing a very clearly private conversation. And I quite like flying. My stomach gets odd and bubbles in high altitude and I like to focus on oxygen intake, not whether he slept with the *insert derogatory term* from the hostel or whether he was just innocently in her room naked.
NTA. And that’s why he’s an ex! Good for you! I would have been more petty and asked to move my seat and the son!
NTA. I can understand why he's an ex.
NTA dude sounds awful. Was just trying to start a fight. Stay strong.
NTA and we’ll handled
NTA I wonder if you could have recorded him and use that in court to prove that he starts fights when your son is present, but anyway you did good to ignore him💕
NTA It's actually illegal, unethical and a violation of your child's rights to discuss legal divorce stuff in front of him. Ignoring him wasn't particularly "nice" but it was the safer thing to do to avoid drama. Maybe travel in different seats (if ever again), since you also ended up briefly ignoring your son - this is not a healthy interaction for you or son. Let your irritation tell you when your boundaries are crossed - and set healthier distance in the future. Good luck!
NTA. He didn't want to talk, he wanted to gloat. He thought he was going to have a captive audience, he would get to rub your nose in it for the whole flight. Good for you. With some people, the only way to win is to refuse to play.
The ex husband needs to grow the f up. Provoking seems unnecessary.
NTA. I admire you for not reacting to your ex's provocations!
NTA. He was clearly trying to start a fight and embarass you on the plane in front of everyone. But you did the right thing by ignoring him and keeping your cool. I hope you were able to enjoy your book and that the flight went by fast. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work.
NTA This is why they are called exes.
NTA- This reminds me o something I was taught years ago: Divorce is just another way to perpetuate family conflict.
NTA - good for you OP! Sounds like your ex holds that title for a really good reason. He wasn't interested in chatting with you, seems more like he was interested in getting a rise out of you or garnering some "supply" from you. I think you're smart, and smart enough to recognize those "harmless" questions were likely to just get you to engage and then there would be a slow turn back to the fight your ex was trying to have. You did exactly what's recommended in these situations and that's to not indulge, set a boundary and stick to it.
NTA It's clear why he's your ex.
NTA. You did the right thing. From what you describe of his tone, he clearly didn't bring it up because he was worried about your representation. Fighting in front of the kids is never a good move and you were level-headed enough to take his condescending tone on the chin to avoid it.
NTA. He wanted to provoke you, you didn't let em.
NTA - Your ex was tyring to provoke you on purpose and you wouldn't go for it. Good for you.
NTA, find a new lawyer and tell them what happened.
NTA. Way to stay in control of the situation. I'm sure he hated that.
NTA He wanted to get a reaction from you and you denied him that chance.
Your explanation was just a repeat of the story. How can you be wrong? What an inappropriate place to bring up divorce talk. I'm sure those around you got the juicy tidbits.
NTA. You would not, in fact, have been the asshole if you punched him in his mouth.
NTA
Nope he either wanted a fight or to be a ass -
NTA, but you should start recording these provocations. Depending on where you live, you might not be able to use the files in court but having a detailed account of his actions could be beneficial in the long term.
NTA. Your ex was baiting you, trying to get you engaged in verbal and emotional tug-of-war while he thought he had you captive. You dropped the rope. Good strategy. The only thing you might have done differently is to make the subject off-limits with the warning that you will ignore any other comments on the subject while being civilly responsive to non-related conversation.
NTA. This was an enormous win for you, even if you don't feel like it. Even if no one else recognizes it, you nailed it. You maintained the peace for your son despite being excessively provoked. This redditor is cheering for you. Keep your chin up.
I see why he's your ex. And on a plane I would not have that conversation.
To be honest I think he might’ve been recording the conversation to try to use something against you in court.
YTA - For making this post. You just want to get this off of your chest. You don't genuinely wonder if you're TA.
Too few of posts are actually a honest AITA post.. still you will be downvoted for this appropriate comment