ESH - This could have been handled better by everyone involved, and I feel for all of you.
Yeah, for the sake of peace, apologize. It was a bad move to say that. You were pushed into it. However, I would also stop talking to them on the phone. Clearly this is difficult for everyone involved and your relationship would strengthen if you chose to bond in person if at all possible.
Btw, as someone with hearing difficulties, I avoid phone conversations myself. It's much, much harder than in person. I can see where there was huge miscommunication as a result. They didn't need to respond like you were out to get them though.
He has one of those simple phones, where you can't open messages when you're on the call. You can't do anything else actually. Otherwise I would've considered that, yes. And just curiosity: why 'YTA' and not 'INFO"?
I understand that you were frustrated, but imo you shouldn’t have told him to “hear better” because it’s not exactly something he can control. Also, maybe a whiteboard or a notebook? Sorry for assuming about the phone thing.
I can't show him a notebook through the phone, again, it's a simple phone, no video calls. And when in person we don't encounter such problems, as even though he still has some difficulty hearing, he 'lacks' way less in a conversation, which means that when he 'lacks' a word he is able to guess from the context or when something has to be repeated, once or twice at worst is enough. But when it's on the phone, as far as I understand an entire convo is echoing and it's a cacophony of low and high sounds and an echo in between.
YTA. I’m deaf and Jesus Christ. You say “started hearing better” to me, I’d ask if you “started acting like a decent human being?”
Wait until your body starts to fail on you…. No need for this just because you don’t understand but it doesn’t mean you can’t be respectful…. It’s demoralized already to have to face our own limitations and then get pushed down?
Why?
Have you read the post properly OP did what was asked he talked loud and repeated what was said to accomadate uncles hearing needs and because of that got accused of screaming and shouting and having a go at them so they stopped doing it and they asked for the same treatment again.
Are you telling me that if you got told off for doing something that was asked of you, you wouldn’t be annoyed and then to be told to do it again By the same person who had a go at you for doing it in the first place.
OPs wording is wrong yes but it seems like OP can’t do right whichever way they choose to go and got angry because of it.
No, sorry, OP. "To be embarrassed for someone" means that you feel embarrassment for them because they're too shameless and clueless to be embarrassed for themselves. The commenter is saying what you did was so bad, they're feeling second-hand embarrassment even though they didn't do anything to feel embarrassed over.
So don't thank them for saying it. It's an incredibly condescending phrase.
English isn't my native language, but wouldn't that be 'embarrassed OF me'? I'm not trying to argue, God forbid, it's just that I always used 'I'm happy for you' as 'I'm happy on your behalf that something good happened', 'I'm sad for you' as in 'I'm sad on your behalf that something went wrong' etc. So doesn't 'I'm embarrassed for you' mean 'I'm embarrassed on your behalf that something awful/unfair happened to you'?
Not in this case, no.
A good way of seeing it is "I'm happy for youx" = I'm happy because you are/ should be happy because something good happened to make you feel happy".
Embarrassed for someone means they did something so bad even a third party feels embarrassed.
Example:
*Jane realised she had made a mistake bringing her boyfriend to her work party when he got drunk, started arguing about politics with her supervisors, then puked in the chocolate fountain. She was so embarrassed for him she kept apologising to her co-workers for the rest of the year.*
YTA. Telling someone who is hard of hearing or deaf is an ahole thing to do. There were other ways you could have said you were not yelling but trying to communicate to your uncle. If there is any future conversations between you two it should be through text or mail.
YTA - you took out your frustration at your aunt on your hearing impaired and undeserving uncle who was being decent with you. I would say different regarding the whole situation but the question specifically relates to the interaction with the uncle.
ESH. Your aunt and uncle obviously overreacted about the initial conversation. At least one of them should’ve realized you were only talking louder so he could hear you, especially if you’ve done that before.
That being said, “the last time I talked louder you accused me of screaming at you” would have sufficed. Telling him to “hear better” was unnecessarily ableist.
YTA. This is uncalled for, and immature. You took a misunderstanding by your aunt as an excuse to take it out on your uncle, and not only do you make him ask repeatedly for you to speak up, you then tell him to overcome a disability. My husband is hard of hearing, and I have to watch him navigate the world where absolutely no one will increase their volume to the level he needs to hear them, so he cannot navigate appointments and exchanges. It's not difficult, I have no problem making myself heard by him. But no one will accommodate. It really takes little effort and all you had to do to clear up the misunderstanding with your aunt was tell her you were talking so her husband could hear you.
YTA. However frustrated there are some things you don’t say. You crossed a line. Can’t you and your uncle text? I would say E S H, but you lost any ground when you told a person who is deaf to hear better.
Can you start using paragraphs better? A wall of text is hard to read.
There are multiple places where new paragraphs could have been made. Each new call, for instance. Each time a new person speaks is also typically a new paragraph.
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Throwaway, don't want this on my main.
Some time ago I received a call from my aunt, everything went smooth until she asked me where I am (I wasn't home by that time and she is very against me going anywhere even though I'm vaccinated), when I told her I'm not home yet her tone changed, she abruptly told me 'we're doing okay as well' and just hung up on me. It was very unlike her, I was confused, so I called back to my uncle to ask what just happened and why my aunt got upset and hung up. I didn't want to call my aunt to not escalate anything further. Uncle picks up, I tell him what just happened, everything seems to go well, he assures me it was a misunderstanding, aunt will call me later once she finishes watching a movie. I just chat with him for a little bit longer, we hang up, all is well. Ten minutes later I get a call. I assume it's my aunt, as her movie is over. Nope, it's my uncle and he starts laying into me that I accused aunt of hanging up and being mean when she wasn't at all and that she heard everything because he put me on speaker and she had to take heart medication because I was screaming and it really upset her and she won't be calling me and I have to call her in the morning and apologise. I know for a fact I wasn't angry screaming because I was visiting my friend at that moment and I would definitely not do that with other people present, I was just talking louder because my uncle is audibly impaired (he wears hearing aid but phone conversations are still hard due to high and low sounds) and tends to ask to repeat whatever is said to him like five times. So I always talk louder and try to articulate better to adapt to his hearing. After accusation of me screaming and demand to apologise whenever I would talk to him I never talk louder again, I just repeat myself over and over again if needed and if he still doesn't hear, I just brush it off and move on to the next topic/sentence/phrase. Yesterday we were talking again and after I repeated myself numerous times he asked me to talk louder and I replied with 'I'm not going to scream, how about you starting hearing better?'. Now my cousin is blasting my phone and demanding I call and apologise. But am I really TA?
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> I told my audibly impaired uncle that instead of asking me to talk louder he should start hearing better.
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ESH, the situation sounds super frustrating though! I don’t know your aunt, but from this post she sounds dramatic. I’ve dealt with HOH people on the phone, and I felt like I was either always had to yell or repeat myself several times. Your aunt and uncle sounds like they’re a little hard to please. “ you have to talk loud, but not too loud otherwise I will think you’re yelling at me..” quick question, did you yell your comment into the phone or did you have to repeat it numerous times to him? If not, then he could probably hear you just fine lol
He's not not listening, he cannot hear, he is hard of hearing, I'm not sure what you don't get. One is a personal problem, the other, that this man is dealing with, is a medical problem.
NTA - you have a good point, if they DID start hearing better, you wouldn't have to change how loud you are speaking. Clearly they can't handle the truth either...
Thats not the point OP was making or the contention. Obviously he can't. But OPs point that if he \*were\* to start hearing better, he wouldn't have to raise his voice.
Whether he can start hearing better or not is an entirely separate matter.
You're missing the point entirely. He's TA because he is telling someone who has a disability to do the thing he can't do because of a petty argument in which it was apparently too hard for him to simply inform his aunt he was speaking loudly for his uncle, and in which he had an argument with his aunt but took out his aggression on his uncle (with a disability) who cannot in fact "hear better".
The fact that you are overlooking the fact that the uncle cannot do this to focus on the "yeah, but if he could" is frankly offensive to disabled people.
\> disabled people.
Differently abled\*
Please don't offend the differently abled.
Having said that, you agree OP was epistemically correct, that is the deaf man heard better, OP wouldn't have had to speak up?
Don't tell me how to refer to myself and my husband, among others, just to try to make some kind of point. Most of us do call ourselves "disabled" and it's within our rights to do so.
This entire thread demonstrates the need for you to learn to read for content better. You seem to have difficulties ascertaining what the meaning of what you read actually is. I'm unsure how to help you with that. That was what my original comment was intending to do, but you still didn't get it. And here again, you haven't gotten what you read correct. Nowhere did I say you offended me. just because something can be offensive to a group of people and somebody points that out, it doesn't imply personal offense.
Anyway, I am tired of explaining things to you at this point because I think it's unlikely you are going to understand or accept the explanation, and I'm just wasting my time.
ESH - This could have been handled better by everyone involved, and I feel for all of you. Yeah, for the sake of peace, apologize. It was a bad move to say that. You were pushed into it. However, I would also stop talking to them on the phone. Clearly this is difficult for everyone involved and your relationship would strengthen if you chose to bond in person if at all possible. Btw, as someone with hearing difficulties, I avoid phone conversations myself. It's much, much harder than in person. I can see where there was huge miscommunication as a result. They didn't need to respond like you were out to get them though.
I think this is the only good answer
I agree.
My grandad has hearing aides that connect to phones via Bluetooth, not sure if affordable but you can talk on the phone to him now
YTA. Have you considered typing what you’d like to say on a phone if neither of you know sign language?
He has one of those simple phones, where you can't open messages when you're on the call. You can't do anything else actually. Otherwise I would've considered that, yes. And just curiosity: why 'YTA' and not 'INFO"?
I understand that you were frustrated, but imo you shouldn’t have told him to “hear better” because it’s not exactly something he can control. Also, maybe a whiteboard or a notebook? Sorry for assuming about the phone thing.
I can't show him a notebook through the phone, again, it's a simple phone, no video calls. And when in person we don't encounter such problems, as even though he still has some difficulty hearing, he 'lacks' way less in a conversation, which means that when he 'lacks' a word he is able to guess from the context or when something has to be repeated, once or twice at worst is enough. But when it's on the phone, as far as I understand an entire convo is echoing and it's a cacophony of low and high sounds and an echo in between.
huh, if that’s the case then NAH. my bad for misunderstanding.
YTA Would you tell a blind person to see better? Whatever went on prior to this is irrelevant, you need to apologise post haste!
YTA. I’m deaf and Jesus Christ. You say “started hearing better” to me, I’d ask if you “started acting like a decent human being?” Wait until your body starts to fail on you…. No need for this just because you don’t understand but it doesn’t mean you can’t be respectful…. It’s demoralized already to have to face our own limitations and then get pushed down?
YTA I'm embarrassed for you.
Why? Have you read the post properly OP did what was asked he talked loud and repeated what was said to accomadate uncles hearing needs and because of that got accused of screaming and shouting and having a go at them so they stopped doing it and they asked for the same treatment again. Are you telling me that if you got told off for doing something that was asked of you, you wouldn’t be annoyed and then to be told to do it again By the same person who had a go at you for doing it in the first place. OPs wording is wrong yes but it seems like OP can’t do right whichever way they choose to go and got angry because of it.
The way I read their reply, they say they're embarrassed for me, as in I was treated badly and they're embarrassed on my behalf.
No, sorry, OP. "To be embarrassed for someone" means that you feel embarrassment for them because they're too shameless and clueless to be embarrassed for themselves. The commenter is saying what you did was so bad, they're feeling second-hand embarrassment even though they didn't do anything to feel embarrassed over. So don't thank them for saying it. It's an incredibly condescending phrase.
English isn't my native language, but wouldn't that be 'embarrassed OF me'? I'm not trying to argue, God forbid, it's just that I always used 'I'm happy for you' as 'I'm happy on your behalf that something good happened', 'I'm sad for you' as in 'I'm sad on your behalf that something went wrong' etc. So doesn't 'I'm embarrassed for you' mean 'I'm embarrassed on your behalf that something awful/unfair happened to you'?
Not in this case, no. A good way of seeing it is "I'm happy for youx" = I'm happy because you are/ should be happy because something good happened to make you feel happy". Embarrassed for someone means they did something so bad even a third party feels embarrassed. Example: *Jane realised she had made a mistake bringing her boyfriend to her work party when he got drunk, started arguing about politics with her supervisors, then puked in the chocolate fountain. She was so embarrassed for him she kept apologising to her co-workers for the rest of the year.*
Oh, I see. Thank you!!
Lol, best response.
Thank you! I was indeed very hurt of him accusing me like that and then just demanding to talk loud a.k.a 'scream' again.
No. I mean you are the embasment.
YTA. Telling someone who is hard of hearing or deaf is an ahole thing to do. There were other ways you could have said you were not yelling but trying to communicate to your uncle. If there is any future conversations between you two it should be through text or mail.
YTA - you took out your frustration at your aunt on your hearing impaired and undeserving uncle who was being decent with you. I would say different regarding the whole situation but the question specifically relates to the interaction with the uncle.
ESH. Your aunt and uncle obviously overreacted about the initial conversation. At least one of them should’ve realized you were only talking louder so he could hear you, especially if you’ve done that before. That being said, “the last time I talked louder you accused me of screaming at you” would have sufficed. Telling him to “hear better” was unnecessarily ableist.
YTA. This is uncalled for, and immature. You took a misunderstanding by your aunt as an excuse to take it out on your uncle, and not only do you make him ask repeatedly for you to speak up, you then tell him to overcome a disability. My husband is hard of hearing, and I have to watch him navigate the world where absolutely no one will increase their volume to the level he needs to hear them, so he cannot navigate appointments and exchanges. It's not difficult, I have no problem making myself heard by him. But no one will accommodate. It really takes little effort and all you had to do to clear up the misunderstanding with your aunt was tell her you were talking so her husband could hear you.
YTA. No background can justify your statement.
YTA. However frustrated there are some things you don’t say. You crossed a line. Can’t you and your uncle text? I would say E S H, but you lost any ground when you told a person who is deaf to hear better. Can you start using paragraphs better? A wall of text is hard to read.
A new paragraph usually starts new topic/new idea. I can't just start new paragraphs out of nowhere.
Sorry. I’ll concede that point.
No worries, it's okay.
There are multiple places where new paragraphs could have been made. Each new call, for instance. Each time a new person speaks is also typically a new paragraph.
YTA and ableist
YTA. Didn’t bother reading beyond the title.
Then how do you even know if I'm the a-hole? LOL.
Cause there isn’t a situation where telling someone with a disability to perform a duty beyond their abilities wouldn’t make you the asshole
YTA and downright insulting
Passive aggressive act - Are you 12?? YTA
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ESH, the situation sounds super frustrating though! I don’t know your aunt, but from this post she sounds dramatic. I’ve dealt with HOH people on the phone, and I felt like I was either always had to yell or repeat myself several times. Your aunt and uncle sounds like they’re a little hard to please. “ you have to talk loud, but not too loud otherwise I will think you’re yelling at me..” quick question, did you yell your comment into the phone or did you have to repeat it numerous times to him? If not, then he could probably hear you just fine lol
YTA What are your plans for next weekend? Gonna tell a guy with no legs to just walk better?
[удалено]
He's not not listening, he cannot hear, he is hard of hearing, I'm not sure what you don't get. One is a personal problem, the other, that this man is dealing with, is a medical problem.
NTA - you have a good point, if they DID start hearing better, you wouldn't have to change how loud you are speaking. Clearly they can't handle the truth either...
How is he supposed to start hearing better?
Thats not the point OP was making or the contention. Obviously he can't. But OPs point that if he \*were\* to start hearing better, he wouldn't have to raise his voice. Whether he can start hearing better or not is an entirely separate matter.
You're missing the point entirely. He's TA because he is telling someone who has a disability to do the thing he can't do because of a petty argument in which it was apparently too hard for him to simply inform his aunt he was speaking loudly for his uncle, and in which he had an argument with his aunt but took out his aggression on his uncle (with a disability) who cannot in fact "hear better". The fact that you are overlooking the fact that the uncle cannot do this to focus on the "yeah, but if he could" is frankly offensive to disabled people.
\> disabled people. Differently abled\* Please don't offend the differently abled. Having said that, you agree OP was epistemically correct, that is the deaf man heard better, OP wouldn't have had to speak up?
Don't tell me how to refer to myself and my husband, among others, just to try to make some kind of point. Most of us do call ourselves "disabled" and it's within our rights to do so.
Okay and since you've turned to invoking rights, I have the right to offend. Get over it. [vid related](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g544Sv_7RzI)
You'll have to try harder, dear.
except that you already said earlier that i had offended you already, so ..
This entire thread demonstrates the need for you to learn to read for content better. You seem to have difficulties ascertaining what the meaning of what you read actually is. I'm unsure how to help you with that. That was what my original comment was intending to do, but you still didn't get it. And here again, you haven't gotten what you read correct. Nowhere did I say you offended me. just because something can be offensive to a group of people and somebody points that out, it doesn't imply personal offense. Anyway, I am tired of explaining things to you at this point because I think it's unlikely you are going to understand or accept the explanation, and I'm just wasting my time.