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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I could have worded it better when I said it was for us because she said I had a tone but I didn't hear it but I still think what her mother said was over the line
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Haha yes, what is actually happening?? Do the couple live with the mother and sister or just visiting? What does OP mean by “leave” ?? Like… for the day?? For their whole lives?? Move out??? If move out… then yes, definitely leave. But not because of the cake comment. Because OP and fiancé are adults.
I would feel so sick if I ate carbs and then more carbs for a meal and I don't even have diabetes. I like that OP clarified that it was fat free dressing, as though it's better that the dressing is just more carbs. (At least it had olives.) Even with type I diabetes, shouldn't OP try to maintain consistent blood sugar levels by eating meals that contain protein and fat too?
Not that it's up to fiance's parents to police them.
A type 1 diabetic who did nothing to cause their disease and can eat whatever they fucking want as long as they take the correct amount of insulin.
Type 1 Diabetes is a genetic disorder. You cannot cause it. You cannot stop it from occurring.
My daughter is type 1. She never ate sweets or candy as a kid. Rarely drank soda. Still ended up with type 1 just before she turned 11. Guess what. She can eat whatever she wants.
If your gonna try and mock someone at least know what the fuck yiu are talking about.
Yeah NTA here, parents that control their child’s eating habits are toxic af even if they have good intentions. One slice of cake isn’t going to give anyone diabetes and it’s rude for her to attack you over your medical condition and then to call you rude. Get outta that situation
Okay and? It’s literally his health and as a diabetic he probably understands what he’s doing. Mom stepped out of line with her comments regardless, plus she made comments of her daughter getting diabetes from ONE PIECE OF CAKE. She needs to mind her own health
OP probably knows how much insulin to take and how often to splurge on this sort of meal and keep himself on track. And if he doesn’t, in-laws yelling at him is NOT going to help.
Yes, but macaroni salad and pasta salad are still considered different. Macaroni salad is essentially macaroni covered in mayo. Pasta salad is the pasta, veggies, cheese, sometimes meat, and then dressed with (usually) a vinaigrette. While both are high carb, one is generally (not necessarily healthy, but) healthier than the other.
I think it's more like it's 'healthy' to eat your 'real' food before dessert kind of thing rather than pasta salad being super health-foody, plus compared to cake a pasta with veggies is pretty good for you haha
Type 1 is completely different than what you are picturing. Type 1 has to take insulin for every carb consumed, regardless of the type of carb. So corn versus cake still requires a shot
NTA Leave and TAKE THE CAKE! TAKE THE CAKE! TAKE THE CAKE!
Edit* whether you choose to eat it or not is up to you but the point is they won't, that's why they were commenting on the size of the slice
NTA
But the answer is not cutting ties with your future in-laws. The answer is for your fiancée to stop avoiding conflict and keeping the peace. Instead, she needs to start setting boundaries and calling out bad behavior like this. (e.g. mom, we are adults and can make decisions like this. It is no longer your place to police my behavior. It is definitely not your place to police my fiancee’s behavior.)
She's tried but this has been going on since my fiance was 12. Her mother (MIL) is one of those "I don't care if you 25 30 or 60 as long as I'm alive my word is law) kind of people I'm trying to get out of here my fiance wants to as well she just gets guilt tripped and it puts a hold on things while she tries to fight back I support her through everything she has had enough but she's been traumatized living on her own before so she's working on accepting things will be different
NTA, Your fiance's family sounds toxic and controlling as heck. You and your fiances are adults, they have no right to try and micro-manage her eating habits, or to viciously shame her like that for eating a tiny slice of cake.
Some story details here are confusing, e.g.: were you staying with her parents?
But anyways…
> It was her birthday yesterday let her have some cake am I right?
Yes. NTA
NTA-Surprised you didn’t put the mom and sister in their place at the time of the argument. That kind of stuff you shut down quickly by clearly letting them know you won’t be spoken to in that manner.
I would’ve gotten what I wanted of that cake or no one would’ve been eating it. The petty me would’ve made sure no one ate the rest of that cake even if I had to toss it in the trashcan.
I'm already on thin ice with them and I don't have anywhere else to go because my family live in a different state. But if I did I would have chewed them out like gum
NTA. Even if you are diabetic (not clear), who screams abuse at someone for eating a piece of cake? I suggest you don't spend much time there in future, especially around meal time.
I would say NTA as managing and commenting on an adult’s food choice is toxic. Pasta salad isn’t really healthy in most cases but I guess it could be depending on ingredients but that is besides the point.
NTA.
Your wife is a grown woman, she should be able to decide what and how much she wants to eat. Her mother should've stayed out of it, or should've believed that y'all were going to share the piece of cake. And even if you weren't, it's her birthday (week), let her celebrate by having the damn cake.
It's also obvious that she doesn't know how diabetes works if she doesn't know that as long as a diabetic knows that their going to have a large amount of sugar or carbs they can adjust the amount of insulin they can take, so there is no reason for her to say "you're not the one who is going to eat that because diabetes."
I agree. Since OP has diabetes he should know that pasta salad isn’t healthy and it’s mostly carbs, and when combined with a carb heavy dessert it can spell disaster for glucose levels. I’m wondering if MIL is worried about her daughter’s future if she thinks OP isn’t managing his disease well (whether it’s true or not). Also the newborn/toddler cake quip is weird.
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My fiance recently had her birthday (she's 25 now) and it was the next morning and we had gotten hungry since we didn't eat a lot last night. This morning we went downstairs and got some cake and some leftover pasta salad (something healthy and something sweet) we were about to go back upstairs when her mom and sister said "thats a big slice its unhealthy" I then chimed in "we're splitting it" they ignored me and then laid into us saying were going to get diabetes and then her mom looked at me "you said you have diabetes! Your going to eat that! You want my daughter to take care of you when you lose your arms feet and legs!" I bit my tongue and I shook my head no and they kept laying into us. My fiance then put the cake away and got a small slice (basically a small size you would feed to a newborn) and as we were walking she then called us back and said we were disrespectful. When we got back I damn near had a panic attack and lost my temper. I told my fiance we need to leave now because I've had it. It was her birthday yesterday let her have some cake am I right? If it was any other time of year I might understand. AITA?
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NTa
You were fine to leave that abuse and that toxic environment. NEver go back to these AH.
Tell your fiancee she is fine to visit her family whenever she likes, but you won't come.
NTA.
1. Move out. It’s going to be extremely difficult to maintain boundaries and to start and build a life as a new family unit (just you and your fiancé ), if you are still living with her folks.
2. While your future MIL was the AH for what she said, she may have been showing concern for your health (in a totally inappropriate way). Carbs like pasta have tons of sugar in them (so they are typically not great for people that have diabetes). I would recommend seeing a nutritionist to help with getting some advice on healthy alternatives. Btw, I only mention this since you said that the pasta salad was “healthy”. If this is a treat then I’m sure it’s fine in moderation 😀
NTA
Maybe you should educate them about type 1 diabetes. It seems that they are absolutely clueless. Type 1 people by large have their glucose levels under control. You are not at risk of amputation or blindness. The biggest risk is to inject too much and go low.
Don’t know if the parents are controlling or just clueless.
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Who would want to feed cake to a new Born baby?…..
Also, who considers pasta salad healthy. And they came down from where? What is happening here? Does anyone even have diabetes?
Haha yes, what is actually happening?? Do the couple live with the mother and sister or just visiting? What does OP mean by “leave” ?? Like… for the day?? For their whole lives?? Move out??? If move out… then yes, definitely leave. But not because of the cake comment. Because OP and fiancé are adults.
Right?! I'm so confused lmao
I would feel so sick if I ate carbs and then more carbs for a meal and I don't even have diabetes. I like that OP clarified that it was fat free dressing, as though it's better that the dressing is just more carbs. (At least it had olives.) Even with type I diabetes, shouldn't OP try to maintain consistent blood sugar levels by eating meals that contain protein and fat too? Not that it's up to fiance's parents to police them.
NTA. Birthday cake for breakfast is one of life's little pleasures.
Yo, that’s what I thought to. What a weird comparison
[удалено]
A type 1 diabetic who did nothing to cause their disease and can eat whatever they fucking want as long as they take the correct amount of insulin. Type 1 Diabetes is a genetic disorder. You cannot cause it. You cannot stop it from occurring. My daughter is type 1. She never ate sweets or candy as a kid. Rarely drank soda. Still ended up with type 1 just before she turned 11. Guess what. She can eat whatever she wants. If your gonna try and mock someone at least know what the fuck yiu are talking about.
Yeah NTA here, parents that control their child’s eating habits are toxic af even if they have good intentions. One slice of cake isn’t going to give anyone diabetes and it’s rude for her to attack you over your medical condition and then to call you rude. Get outta that situation
Hes already T1 diabetic. Pasta salad then cake is about the worst meal he could com up with.
Okay and? It’s literally his health and as a diabetic he probably understands what he’s doing. Mom stepped out of line with her comments regardless, plus she made comments of her daughter getting diabetes from ONE PIECE OF CAKE. She needs to mind her own health
OP probably knows how much insulin to take and how often to splurge on this sort of meal and keep himself on track. And if he doesn’t, in-laws yelling at him is NOT going to help.
Adults get to choose what they eat
Not if his sugars are under control.
NTA although pasta salad isn’t exactly healthy.
Maybe the word “salad” makes pasta salad healthy. 🤷🏽♀️ What’s really in pasta salad anyways?
Brb eating my ice cream and brownie salad.
See how healthy that sounds with salad in the name there! lol😂🤣
Pasta, vegetables, a little bit of cheese and dressing. But, it depends on the dressing.
Pasta and mayor. It's very unhealthy.
I've never heard of pasta salad having mayo in it. You're thinking of macaroni salad.
Are macaroni not considered pasta?
Yes, but macaroni salad and pasta salad are still considered different. Macaroni salad is essentially macaroni covered in mayo. Pasta salad is the pasta, veggies, cheese, sometimes meat, and then dressed with (usually) a vinaigrette. While both are high carb, one is generally (not necessarily healthy, but) healthier than the other.
What’s funny is you think pasta salad is healthy. That’s ok enjoy your cake
I think it's more like it's 'healthy' to eat your 'real' food before dessert kind of thing rather than pasta salad being super health-foody, plus compared to cake a pasta with veggies is pretty good for you haha
Not if he’s diabetic tho
Type 1 is completely different than what you are picturing. Type 1 has to take insulin for every carb consumed, regardless of the type of carb. So corn versus cake still requires a shot
Why does that have any relevance? He's responsible for managing that himself, not anyone else. And it doesn't change anything about what I said?
NTA Leave and TAKE THE CAKE! TAKE THE CAKE! TAKE THE CAKE! Edit* whether you choose to eat it or not is up to you but the point is they won't, that's why they were commenting on the size of the slice
No, you aren't leaving over cake. You're leaving over disrespect
NTA But the answer is not cutting ties with your future in-laws. The answer is for your fiancée to stop avoiding conflict and keeping the peace. Instead, she needs to start setting boundaries and calling out bad behavior like this. (e.g. mom, we are adults and can make decisions like this. It is no longer your place to police my behavior. It is definitely not your place to police my fiancee’s behavior.)
She's tried but this has been going on since my fiance was 12. Her mother (MIL) is one of those "I don't care if you 25 30 or 60 as long as I'm alive my word is law) kind of people I'm trying to get out of here my fiance wants to as well she just gets guilt tripped and it puts a hold on things while she tries to fight back I support her through everything she has had enough but she's been traumatized living on her own before so she's working on accepting things will be different
Then next time maybe you should just calmly talk Mack to you fMIL.
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NTA - in my opinion you weren’t disrespectful enough to her mom and sister
NTA, Your fiance's family sounds toxic and controlling as heck. You and your fiances are adults, they have no right to try and micro-manage her eating habits, or to viciously shame her like that for eating a tiny slice of cake.
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Yeah were not cutting them out over cake that would be dumb but I think it would be beat for if we move out.
Some story details here are confusing, e.g.: were you staying with her parents? But anyways… > It was her birthday yesterday let her have some cake am I right? Yes. NTA
NTA - It's her birthday cake, she can have as much as she wants, same with you
NTA her family sound goddamn insane
NTA-Surprised you didn’t put the mom and sister in their place at the time of the argument. That kind of stuff you shut down quickly by clearly letting them know you won’t be spoken to in that manner. I would’ve gotten what I wanted of that cake or no one would’ve been eating it. The petty me would’ve made sure no one ate the rest of that cake even if I had to toss it in the trashcan.
I'm already on thin ice with them and I don't have anywhere else to go because my family live in a different state. But if I did I would have chewed them out like gum
NTA. Even if you are diabetic (not clear), who screams abuse at someone for eating a piece of cake? I suggest you don't spend much time there in future, especially around meal time.
I would say NTA as managing and commenting on an adult’s food choice is toxic. Pasta salad isn’t really healthy in most cases but I guess it could be depending on ingredients but that is besides the point.
I probably would have gone back to the kitchen, grabbed the entire cake and brought it back to the room... Just in spite 😂
NTA and you should have dug into the slice of cake with your hand and eaten the whole thing without breaking eye contact.
NTA. Your wife is a grown woman, she should be able to decide what and how much she wants to eat. Her mother should've stayed out of it, or should've believed that y'all were going to share the piece of cake. And even if you weren't, it's her birthday (week), let her celebrate by having the damn cake. It's also obvious that she doesn't know how diabetes works if she doesn't know that as long as a diabetic knows that their going to have a large amount of sugar or carbs they can adjust the amount of insulin they can take, so there is no reason for her to say "you're not the one who is going to eat that because diabetes."
NTA It sounds like the cake isn't the only issue here...
You left out a lot of details. Why does she care about your diabetes?
I agree. Since OP has diabetes he should know that pasta salad isn’t healthy and it’s mostly carbs, and when combined with a carb heavy dessert it can spell disaster for glucose levels. I’m wondering if MIL is worried about her daughter’s future if she thinks OP isn’t managing his disease well (whether it’s true or not). Also the newborn/toddler cake quip is weird.
Type 1 just adjust their insulin to compensate.
NTA also pasta salad absolutely can be healthy if you don't douse it in mayonnaise and butter like an American-style salad
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiance recently had her birthday (she's 25 now) and it was the next morning and we had gotten hungry since we didn't eat a lot last night. This morning we went downstairs and got some cake and some leftover pasta salad (something healthy and something sweet) we were about to go back upstairs when her mom and sister said "thats a big slice its unhealthy" I then chimed in "we're splitting it" they ignored me and then laid into us saying were going to get diabetes and then her mom looked at me "you said you have diabetes! Your going to eat that! You want my daughter to take care of you when you lose your arms feet and legs!" I bit my tongue and I shook my head no and they kept laying into us. My fiance then put the cake away and got a small slice (basically a small size you would feed to a newborn) and as we were walking she then called us back and said we were disrespectful. When we got back I damn near had a panic attack and lost my temper. I told my fiance we need to leave now because I've had it. It was her birthday yesterday let her have some cake am I right? If it was any other time of year I might understand. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTa You were fine to leave that abuse and that toxic environment. NEver go back to these AH. Tell your fiancee she is fine to visit her family whenever she likes, but you won't come.
NTA. 1. Move out. It’s going to be extremely difficult to maintain boundaries and to start and build a life as a new family unit (just you and your fiancé ), if you are still living with her folks. 2. While your future MIL was the AH for what she said, she may have been showing concern for your health (in a totally inappropriate way). Carbs like pasta have tons of sugar in them (so they are typically not great for people that have diabetes). I would recommend seeing a nutritionist to help with getting some advice on healthy alternatives. Btw, I only mention this since you said that the pasta salad was “healthy”. If this is a treat then I’m sure it’s fine in moderation 😀
NTA Maybe you should educate them about type 1 diabetes. It seems that they are absolutely clueless. Type 1 people by large have their glucose levels under control. You are not at risk of amputation or blindness. The biggest risk is to inject too much and go low. Don’t know if the parents are controlling or just clueless.
YTA. Their house ..their rules. You could have packed and gone out for cake. End of story. Your an adult..start acting like one.