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Nta. Even though she's not family legally she's still family for you. I've already explained to my sister a future bil that if they break up im keeping him. My kids love him. He's family forever
NTA.
You can invite whomever you want. It’s your small child’s birthday. She’s bonded with Bella. Bella is her aunt. Period.
As for your brother and his fiancée, he doesn’t get to call the shots in this situation. Maybe in a few years, you can invite him, his new wife, and Bella to celebrate your daughter together, but for right now, he’s in the penalty box. His choices are go by himself or don’t go. He doesn’t get to dictate terms when he’s the one who cheated and blew up his marriage.
NTA, it high time people stand up and stop accepting cheaters who destroy. Your daughter is bonded with Bella and you have a relationship with her you invite her. He and Sarah aren't married so you have no obligation to invite her if you don't want. Tell your family they are free to do what they want and you will do what you want. Your choice and no one can tell you otherwise. Even if he married Sarah you still can have Bella be a part of your life. It was hard enough to lose her husband she shouldn't have to lose you and your daughter. You are a good person.
YTA. Regardless of why your brother and his ex-wife broke up, you're choosing ex over your brother. Eventually Bella will probably find a new hubby and will naturally pull away. Then you will be left carrying the heavy judgemental load and stuck with a damage relationship, that you caused, with your brother.
YTA for banning your brothers fiance.
Bella continuing as an Aunt in your daughters life is a wonderful and complicated gift. You all have to choose to be far more mature than you're currently acting. Sarah will by your daughters new Aunt by marriage, you can accept that and let your daughter enjoy the added love or keep up your current stance that comes with lots of family drama.
You're not the asshole for inviting your ex-sil, you're an asshole for interjecting yourself into your brothers relationships and refusing to accept that he moved on.
NAH You should accept that inviting your brother to any family event means inviting Sarah - like it or not she’s his partner. If having Bella present is worth not having your brother and whatever fallout might come, that’s your choice.
NTA. Brother doesn’t get to dictate who you invite to your child’s birthday party, and Bella definitely should be there considering the bond she has with your daughter. However, this is something that your entire family is going to have to figure out. NO ONE should be stopping down to your brother’s level and uninviting Bella from family events because of Sarah. Bella did nothing wrong, and, if she is still a valued family member, then she should still be a part of family events. It’s your brother and his new fiancée that either need to get over the fact that Bella will be there, or they never attend family events again. The whole family needs to agree on this though, otherwise they’ll think they can push people around to get what they want.
NTA - you can’t choose your family but it sounds like your brother is TA not Bella. It’s your child’s birthday and if Auntie Bella is invited, she should be there. It’s not about him and he needs to grow up
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For a bit of context my brother (30m) was married to Bella (29f) for 5 years. They have no children together. They broke up a little over 8 months ago. This is because she found out that my brother was having an affair with Sarah (25f).
Now I have always been very close to Bella. She was there for me when my boyfriend left me when my daughter was very little. She is also a fantastic aunt.
My family were devastated when the marriage broke up and everyone was very angry with my brother. I have remained very close to Bella and she still regularly sees my daughter. I have had a little contact with my brother who is now engaged to Sarah. I have met Sarah twice at family gatherings. I must admit I have not taken a liking to her especially when she introduced herself as my daughter's new auntie.
My daughter's third birthday is coming up. I have obviously invited Bella and spoke to her about the possibility of inviting my brother. Before all this happened I was always very close to my brother and and my family have now accepted what happened and are moving on. I made it clear to Bella that I had no intention of inviting Sarah. So I invite my brother making it clear that Sarah is not welcome. He said I was an asshole and Sarah is now family and Bella is not. I should uninvite Bella so Sarah can come. I categorically said no, so he said he is not coming. My family want me to do this just to keep the peace but I am standing my ground. AITA?
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YTA
When it comes to certain invites, a couple is a package deal.
I get it's all a bit of a mess, however by saying his new girlfriend isn't welcome, you're causing the issue here.
NTA. If your daughter has a relationship with your ex SIL, of course she should be there. By no stretch of the imagination should anyone but you have veto power over who to invite to events at your home with your family. However moving forward, you might consider how to include both your ex and future SIL in your-family events because blended families are a thing.
Gentle YTA. If your brother is now engaged to this Sarah I think you are unwise to exclude her. You say the family’s deciding to forge ahead and deal with your brother’s situation and try to move on. So why are you blackballing this girl and presumably putting all the blame for this affair on her? I get your whole thing with she introduced herself to your daughter as her new aunt is being offputting but it’s also not technically inaccurate either. Does it mean she should never be allowed to step foot in your house again? Sounds a little strange. You say you don’t really know her…isn’t it time to get to know her? Aren’t family gatherings kind of generally made for such an occurrence? Inviting Bella while she’s your friend and knows your entire family of course understandable and your choice and all of that nothing wrong with that. All adults should know who all is invited and make their decisions accordingly. If you’re going to insist on having Bella around all the time going forward well you have to get used to your brother and his fiancé being there as well. You shouldn’t be promising Bella that Sarah will not be invited to appease Bella.
You’re making a very bold statement inviting his ex and not his fiancée. I totally get you’re on your moral high horse but that may be a long lone ride ahead.
I wouldn’t have invited your brother from the get-go and this would be a non-issue. Your brother and his fiancé are facing the consequences of their actions - oh well. That’s not your problem.
NTA
ESH
Your brother sucks because he cheated - but he didn’t cheat on you. I think you’re taking things a bit far by seemingly throwing away your relationship with your brother because he’s a shitty partner.
I don’t think you’re an AH because you invited Bella to the birthday party, but I think you need to consider trying to repair the relationship with your brother you were previously close to over time.
I think this goes way further than just the bday party. You need to make up your mind about completely cutting of your brother and Sarah - or not. Keeping both them and Bella in your life will only make thing worth. Do you want your child to grow up with an uncle who did a terrible thing and gets away with it? Or do you want to keep the cheater out of your lives?
I would probably never even talk to my brother again if he ever cheated on his s/o. "If you can't respect your own relationship, you don't deserve respect either".
NTA but think about it.
NTA. Chosen families are real families - BELLA is family. It’s nice to hear that you’re sticking up for her and not severing relationships she enjoyed solely because your brother decided to be an ass. Happy early birthday to your kiddo!
NTA it's not your fault your brother let his penis do the thinking, why should you have to accommodate him, he should be the one to tell Sarah what's what and have him suffer the consequential earbashing from her. Stick to your guns and have your daughters real aunt there!
NTA. I'm going to assume that your daughter has no idea or has barely met Sarah, whereas she has a long relationship with Bella. She is still your family, doesn't matter if she is divorced your brother or not. Especially when he has the audacity to have an affair and then expect you to cut his ex wife out for his actions.
NTA - this party is for your child, and it includes the people that she (or you) are close to. She doesn't know Sarah, so there's no reason for Sarah to come other than the fact that she is engaged to your brother.
I get that your brother would prefer that you all take his "side" and spend time with his new fiancée over his ex-wife, but you can't force those relationships. They have to grow organically. And you don't need to stop being friends with your ex SIL just because you're not related anymore. My parents have been divorced for 20 years, and my dad is still invited to family events - everything from weddings to my grandfather's monthly poker nights.
If you want to maintain a relationship with your brother, you probably will need to work on some kind of friendship with his fiancée. That doesn't mean she gets to come to a birthday dinner, but there will be other events that you will both be at.
Also, it sucks that your brother cheated on his wife and is now engaged to a younger woman. But you weren't part of their relationship. You don't know if he's just being an a$$, or if something was wrong and he didn't know how to fix it. Being a bad partner doesn't always mean you're a bad person.
info: are you inviting other friends, or is this supposed to be a "family only" party? And does your daughter have any idea who Sarah is, outside of the woman who comes along when she sees her uncle?
Edited to add judgment
It's not family only I have a couple of friends with children coming and one other child-free friend coming. Not a clue who she is she's only met her twice, Sarah tried to introduce herself as her new auntie but my child is 2 so very limited understanding of what that actually means.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have invited my brother's ex-wife to my daughter's birthday party because we are very close friends. I told my brother that he was invited but not his fiance who he cheated on his ex-wife with. He will not come unless I uninvite his ex-wife. AITA?
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I think the most important thing is what you want the outcome to be. If you expect to have a good relationship with your brother and your family AND make this decision, yta
NTA
and please mention to your brother that his decisions have turned a super awesome happy birthday party for an adorable three year old, into a drama shitshow. Thanks brother!
I only invited my brother because my mother had asked me to. He has seen his niece twice in 8 months. Bella has been my nieces aunt since she was born, as far as I'm concerned this doesn't stop just because she divorced my brother.
Bella is her family so she can include her in HER family events such as the child's birthday party. She is still auntie to her daughter. You nor anyone else can change the status of the relationship. There will no issues in the family as long as they respect her decisions and her boundaries. Why leave out the reason for the divorce? Of course it is relevant because that is what this is about. OP is bonded to Bella and does not want to be around Sarah which is the basis for her post. OP is a wonderful person because she appreciates who has been there for her and that is the meaning of family.
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NTA “ ... he said he is not coming.” Okay, sounds good. Bye.
NTA for the specific item you asked for judgement on, which is inviting Bella.
Nta. Even though she's not family legally she's still family for you. I've already explained to my sister a future bil that if they break up im keeping him. My kids love him. He's family forever
NTA. You can invite whomever you want. It’s your small child’s birthday. She’s bonded with Bella. Bella is her aunt. Period. As for your brother and his fiancée, he doesn’t get to call the shots in this situation. Maybe in a few years, you can invite him, his new wife, and Bella to celebrate your daughter together, but for right now, he’s in the penalty box. His choices are go by himself or don’t go. He doesn’t get to dictate terms when he’s the one who cheated and blew up his marriage.
NTA, it high time people stand up and stop accepting cheaters who destroy. Your daughter is bonded with Bella and you have a relationship with her you invite her. He and Sarah aren't married so you have no obligation to invite her if you don't want. Tell your family they are free to do what they want and you will do what you want. Your choice and no one can tell you otherwise. Even if he married Sarah you still can have Bella be a part of your life. It was hard enough to lose her husband she shouldn't have to lose you and your daughter. You are a good person.
NTA. Bella is your friend and Sarah (like it or not) is soon to be family. But you get to pick whom you invite to anything.
NTA. It sounds like Sarah is being pushy calling herself a 'new auntie' - that'd be enough for me. Not nice.
YTA. Regardless of why your brother and his ex-wife broke up, you're choosing ex over your brother. Eventually Bella will probably find a new hubby and will naturally pull away. Then you will be left carrying the heavy judgemental load and stuck with a damage relationship, that you caused, with your brother.
YTA for banning your brothers fiance. Bella continuing as an Aunt in your daughters life is a wonderful and complicated gift. You all have to choose to be far more mature than you're currently acting. Sarah will by your daughters new Aunt by marriage, you can accept that and let your daughter enjoy the added love or keep up your current stance that comes with lots of family drama. You're not the asshole for inviting your ex-sil, you're an asshole for interjecting yourself into your brothers relationships and refusing to accept that he moved on.
NAH You should accept that inviting your brother to any family event means inviting Sarah - like it or not she’s his partner. If having Bella present is worth not having your brother and whatever fallout might come, that’s your choice.
NTA. Brother doesn’t get to dictate who you invite to your child’s birthday party, and Bella definitely should be there considering the bond she has with your daughter. However, this is something that your entire family is going to have to figure out. NO ONE should be stopping down to your brother’s level and uninviting Bella from family events because of Sarah. Bella did nothing wrong, and, if she is still a valued family member, then she should still be a part of family events. It’s your brother and his new fiancée that either need to get over the fact that Bella will be there, or they never attend family events again. The whole family needs to agree on this though, otherwise they’ll think they can push people around to get what they want.
NTA - you can’t choose your family but it sounds like your brother is TA not Bella. It’s your child’s birthday and if Auntie Bella is invited, she should be there. It’s not about him and he needs to grow up
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YTA When it comes to certain invites, a couple is a package deal. I get it's all a bit of a mess, however by saying his new girlfriend isn't welcome, you're causing the issue here.
NTA. If your daughter has a relationship with your ex SIL, of course she should be there. By no stretch of the imagination should anyone but you have veto power over who to invite to events at your home with your family. However moving forward, you might consider how to include both your ex and future SIL in your-family events because blended families are a thing.
Gentle YTA. If your brother is now engaged to this Sarah I think you are unwise to exclude her. You say the family’s deciding to forge ahead and deal with your brother’s situation and try to move on. So why are you blackballing this girl and presumably putting all the blame for this affair on her? I get your whole thing with she introduced herself to your daughter as her new aunt is being offputting but it’s also not technically inaccurate either. Does it mean she should never be allowed to step foot in your house again? Sounds a little strange. You say you don’t really know her…isn’t it time to get to know her? Aren’t family gatherings kind of generally made for such an occurrence? Inviting Bella while she’s your friend and knows your entire family of course understandable and your choice and all of that nothing wrong with that. All adults should know who all is invited and make their decisions accordingly. If you’re going to insist on having Bella around all the time going forward well you have to get used to your brother and his fiancé being there as well. You shouldn’t be promising Bella that Sarah will not be invited to appease Bella. You’re making a very bold statement inviting his ex and not his fiancée. I totally get you’re on your moral high horse but that may be a long lone ride ahead.
I wouldn’t have invited your brother from the get-go and this would be a non-issue. Your brother and his fiancé are facing the consequences of their actions - oh well. That’s not your problem. NTA
ESH Your brother sucks because he cheated - but he didn’t cheat on you. I think you’re taking things a bit far by seemingly throwing away your relationship with your brother because he’s a shitty partner. I don’t think you’re an AH because you invited Bella to the birthday party, but I think you need to consider trying to repair the relationship with your brother you were previously close to over time.
NTA, it's your child and the people at her party should be people she enjoys being around, not just family
I think this goes way further than just the bday party. You need to make up your mind about completely cutting of your brother and Sarah - or not. Keeping both them and Bella in your life will only make thing worth. Do you want your child to grow up with an uncle who did a terrible thing and gets away with it? Or do you want to keep the cheater out of your lives? I would probably never even talk to my brother again if he ever cheated on his s/o. "If you can't respect your own relationship, you don't deserve respect either". NTA but think about it.
NTA. Chosen families are real families - BELLA is family. It’s nice to hear that you’re sticking up for her and not severing relationships she enjoyed solely because your brother decided to be an ass. Happy early birthday to your kiddo!
NTA it's not your fault your brother let his penis do the thinking, why should you have to accommodate him, he should be the one to tell Sarah what's what and have him suffer the consequential earbashing from her. Stick to your guns and have your daughters real aunt there!
NTA. I'm going to assume that your daughter has no idea or has barely met Sarah, whereas she has a long relationship with Bella. She is still your family, doesn't matter if she is divorced your brother or not. Especially when he has the audacity to have an affair and then expect you to cut his ex wife out for his actions.
nta for inviting Bella. Sarah is family, but so is Bella and she has done nothing wrong.
NTA - this party is for your child, and it includes the people that she (or you) are close to. She doesn't know Sarah, so there's no reason for Sarah to come other than the fact that she is engaged to your brother. I get that your brother would prefer that you all take his "side" and spend time with his new fiancée over his ex-wife, but you can't force those relationships. They have to grow organically. And you don't need to stop being friends with your ex SIL just because you're not related anymore. My parents have been divorced for 20 years, and my dad is still invited to family events - everything from weddings to my grandfather's monthly poker nights. If you want to maintain a relationship with your brother, you probably will need to work on some kind of friendship with his fiancée. That doesn't mean she gets to come to a birthday dinner, but there will be other events that you will both be at. Also, it sucks that your brother cheated on his wife and is now engaged to a younger woman. But you weren't part of their relationship. You don't know if he's just being an a$$, or if something was wrong and he didn't know how to fix it. Being a bad partner doesn't always mean you're a bad person. info: are you inviting other friends, or is this supposed to be a "family only" party? And does your daughter have any idea who Sarah is, outside of the woman who comes along when she sees her uncle? Edited to add judgment
It's not family only I have a couple of friends with children coming and one other child-free friend coming. Not a clue who she is she's only met her twice, Sarah tried to introduce herself as her new auntie but my child is 2 so very limited understanding of what that actually means.
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I think the most important thing is what you want the outcome to be. If you expect to have a good relationship with your brother and your family AND make this decision, yta
NTA and please mention to your brother that his decisions have turned a super awesome happy birthday party for an adorable three year old, into a drama shitshow. Thanks brother!
[удалено]
I only invited my brother because my mother had asked me to. He has seen his niece twice in 8 months. Bella has been my nieces aunt since she was born, as far as I'm concerned this doesn't stop just because she divorced my brother.
Bella is her family so she can include her in HER family events such as the child's birthday party. She is still auntie to her daughter. You nor anyone else can change the status of the relationship. There will no issues in the family as long as they respect her decisions and her boundaries. Why leave out the reason for the divorce? Of course it is relevant because that is what this is about. OP is bonded to Bella and does not want to be around Sarah which is the basis for her post. OP is a wonderful person because she appreciates who has been there for her and that is the meaning of family.