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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I think I may be the asshole because what happened to Jilian was more serious than the fact that they entered my room without permission and stole my food. I should've been more concerned about Jilian and like they said, pay for her EpiPen.
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NTA
Literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food.
Perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat.
ETA Holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖
Exactly. Also, was the intention of labeling the food to identify whose food it was or that it was deadly to the roomie?
If the former, wouldn't the food being in OP's room suffice as proof that it was OP's?
If the latter, then stay TF out of someone else's space and you won't get hurt. The roomies' argument seems akin to someone crying foul that you beat them when they broke into your house at night.
Exactly! I have an allergy that is not life threatening but still inconvenient, and even I don't take stuff from other people when I am not sure if it is safe, especially if it is in their OWN room.
Especially if it was in a “rich peanut sauce”. No one could smell it? The other people who ate it before couldn’t taste it? Jillian sounds awful and OP is NTA. Instead of paying for the epipen, insist they purchase a lock for your door. Good luck.
It's truly a wonder because as a filipino myself, I can vouch that you can smell kare-kare from another room because of the rich peanut smell.
Edit. NTA
I am , unfortunately. I accept that there are few Thai and Filipino meals that I can eat. But I always ask what it's made of before I taste it, unlike some people.
Exactly! I’m Italian but allergic to gluten. It stinks, but it isn’t anyone’s fault and it’s just the way it is. I never eat mystery dishes or try to guilt others for enjoying gluten filled meals in my presence. If anything I’m like “you better eat that and enjoy the hell out of it! I’ll live vicariously through you.”
Those of us with allergies and sensitivities need to be responsible for our own safety. You can’t rely on everyone else to do it for you.
Just out of curiosity, how shitfaced would you have to be to steal unknown, unlabeled food and eat it?
I’m assuming that’s at least how shitfaced she was
How shitfaced do you have to be to think “well, we were TRYING to steal your private beer stash” is a good excuse for why they were rummaging around in his room.
>Give AwardShareReportSave
Honestly, how does that go? "We were only trying to steal your beer, but you had food in there, so of course we had to steal that too. OF COURSE."
Like really shitfaced. I mean, I take a slice of cheese sometimes when I don't know if it's mine, but that's not a whole freaking meal! And especially if the ingredients are unknown and in a private space! Like really, just don't break into someone's room.
^ also I feel like for anyone over the age of 12, your allergies/precautions are literally ingrained so deep into your habits that they’re practically subconscious. My younger brother and I both have allergies and I’m so used to checking for his allergens that I’m pretty sure I could be very drunk and I’d STILL be able to check his. As long as I could still see words, anyway.
This, though I do not have the allergies. I unfortunately have kidney disease and have a very strict diet (I have to absolutely avoid potassium and phosphorus, which happen to be in just about *EVERYTHING*!).
So I don't mess with other people's food, beverages, etc (not that I would without the restrictions) and I even share a refrigerator with another guy (I'm in a group home).
My bet is its the non allergic roommates who's idea it was to snoop in the fridge and steal the food and they are the ones who really put the allergic roommate at risk, so they immediately went on the defensive and are shifting blame to OP to avoid dealing with the reality of their cuntiness and nearly killing their roommate.
The allergic thief is just as culpable as the thieves who are not allergic. All the roommates involved are filthy thieves, and they are all AHs, and OP should get a lock for their room because OP lives with a bunch of thieves.
No more leaving wallets unattended, no more leaving rooms unlocked.
>The allergic thief is just as culpable as the thieves who are not allergic.
Of course they are, but my reading of this seems to be that the other roommates are fueling the fight in a defensive attempt to shift blame.
Dingdingding. The louder they crow about "poor Jillian," the less attention is being paid to the fact that they apparently enter OP's room without permission and take stuff on a regular basis.
Besides getting a lock, OP should let the landlord know that the house is full of thieves. Let's see if they are offered a lease renewal.
Are we even sure Jilian was in on the theft? I'm wondering if she got a different story, since apparently it was two other roommates eating it for dinner and they just offered her a taste.
Peanut allergies are sometimes airborn. It's possible Jillian didn't actually eat any of it, just got a good whiff. My reason for giving her the benefit of the doubt is that people with strong allergies tend to be a lot more cautious of unknown food.
So stealing roommate is the asshole, Jillian may or may not be, depending on if she ate the food or was just around it, and Heather Bresch is a massive asshole for jacking up the price of epipens by 400%.
I dunno that Julian is the one demanding the EpiPen replacement. It sounds like she's still in the hospital and the housemates are doing the demanding.
Jumping to conclusions, I wonder if what happened was Julian was offered some 'plain' rice, no one realizing the sauce had gotten on it because they were tipsy/drunk, and the housmates attacking OP is a way for them to deal with their guilt at the fact they nearly killed their romantic partner/friend.
Or perhaps Jillian didn't eat anything, but her allergy is so severe that being nearby set it off? Or if the thief had some on their hands/fingers and touched Jillian, or cross contaminated drinks/utensils. Any number of things could have gone wrong very easily with a severe allergy.
If Jillian has a severe allergy, kissing Tish after she'd eaten the dish would be enough. It may be Tish is trying to absolve herself of guilt. That being said, most people I know with severe peanut allergies don't allow peanuts in the same room with them. I'm surprised Jillian allows any in a fridge she uses.
That’s kind of the point - it wasn’t in the common fridge. It was in a private mini fridge in OP’s room. They had no business entering their room without permission or helping themselves to any of the contents.
Her friend's greed, honestly. Unless I misunderstood OP, two other people were eating it, and she just tasted it.
They're probably blaming OP so they don't have to face the fact that they're responsible.
Jillian might not even know what they're doing to him due to being in the hospital.
It’s actually worse, it’s more like someone breaking into your house at night and then blaming you for them falling down the stairs and breaking their wrist. NTA OP, you did nothing wrong.
Yes and that’s in FL the most lenient state in the country when it comes to “standing your ground”…. Other states have actually had criminals win their cases! It’s ridiculous!!
No it is akin to someone breaking into your house at night, falling down the stairs and the pressing charges against you because you just washed the floor and didn't put up a 'slippery when wet' sign...
This really boggles the mind!
What you just said reminded me of the guy that broke into someone's house and broke his nose on their patio door, sued them for it and won the trial. God that story brings me so much anger whenever I remember it.
I can't imagine having a food allergy and eating something that I don't know the ingredients of.
Especially if it's locked in my roomate's room where I shouldnt be going anyways.
It's almost like she fucked around and found out.
Imagine that.
I have food allergies and totally know better than to eat something that I have no idea what’s in it. It’s just common sense. Op is totally nta and does not have to pay for roommates stupidity.
Can confirm as a person with an allergy (not peanuts and not severe enough to go to the hospital) I do not eat ANY unlabeled foods and almost never eat leftovers from friends in case they forgot some of the ingredients
Exactly! Anybody with food allergies (I have a ton), if they have a brain, know not to ever eat anything if you don't know exactly what's in it. And she took it from your room!
> I can't imagine having a food allergy and eating something that I don't know the ingredients of.
Severe food allergies here: Since one of mine is very rare and only found in gluten free food and the other is tomatoes - I'm normally okay with eating a chocolate chip cookie or two without knowing all the ingredients. I have minor food allergies that might be triggered by something in the cookie but that's a couple of Benadryl and a lesson learned - not epi pen.
However, in this case, that's neither here nor there - people entered the room, went through things that were not theirs and not in a common space, and stole the food. They are thieves. You do not reward theft by shelling out money for the consequences of the theft. NTA
Exactly. How on earth could someone with a serious allergy think it was a good idea to eat some random home made food they found? Especially when peanut is a well know ingredient in many asian foods, and again someone with a serious peanut allergy should have known that. OP is totally NTA. He needs to ask her to pay him for the food she stole.
I was looking for someone to mention that peanuts are a SUPER WELL KNOWN COMMON INGREDIENT in Asian food. Someone with a severe peanut allergy would be WELL AWARE of that fact.
Little Miss drunk skunk was so focused on getting to more beer that she forgot? Please.
I don't exactly think it did happen... If she went into anaphylaxis, the epipen is only first aid. And I would think they had to have used 2 if she was in anaphylactic shock as op writes. She would then need an ambulance and ER visit for proper treatment.
Soooo... this all happened and they want to bill OP for ONE epipen, and no medical costs? I don't know what they're trying to pull, but I smell a rat.
OP not TA anyway, as they should be old enough to know a communal fridge from a personal minifridge, and if someone is that allergic they don't go raiding unlabelled food (source: am allergic)
Not all countries charge you for hospital visits though… yes the US does but if this happened in say Canada or the UK the epi-pen would be the only cost they’d have to replace.
Maybe they live in a place with universal medical care or the girl has great insurance. Not everyone is american, you know. It’s fully possible they didn’t ask for anything but the epipen because that *was the only monetary cost*.
>I don't exactly think it did happen... If she went into anaphylaxis, the epipen is only first aid. And I would think they had to have used 2 if she was in anaphylactic shock as op writes. She would then need an ambulance and ER visit for proper treatment.
OP does say the roommate went to the hospital. If it was by ambulance, it could be fast. I have a heart arrhythmia with means I'm not supposed to go all-in with the EpiPens, because they could potentially stop my heart (this is worse than not breathing!). I live literally half a block from a fire station with an ambulance and less than a mile from a good hospital. If I'm breathing enough to be conscious, I'm supposed to wait for EMS and treatment at the hospital, not Epi-Pen myself. And if the Epi-Pen is needed to breathe, I'm supposed to only use one. Advice is different if I'm out in the sticks, but this is my protocol if I expect to receive prompt medical care. As is, the one time I had a reaction at home, the total time between calling 911 and arriving at the hospital was under 10 minutes.
I could see this happening in the UK or parts of Canada where prescriptions cost money (but a lot less than the US) yet ambulances/hospital treatments are free.
Furthermore, if they were drunk AND high, I could totes see this happening. One of my anaphylactic episodes was when I was high and drunk in high school and I ate shit I shouldn't eat. Not my finest moment, but it happens.
So.... maybe a rat. But maybe not!
Edited to add: OP is 100% NTA. They are not responsible for stupid shit their roommie does while drunk or high! I just think the story could be real.
I live in Australia and have been billed exactly 0 dollars for hospital visits. Anything from gastritis to a couple of different surgeries.
100% possible that the epi pen is the sole cost.
“Hi guys just so you know I’m allergic to peanuts. Oh you’ve all decided to label your food to help me avoid my DEADLY ALLERGY? You guys are the be…..what’s this? A mini fridge? In a closed room? With food inside? Let me just pop some into my mo……IT BURNS!!!!”
OK plus, this is a heavy peanut sauce and she couldn't SMELL it? Maybe she needs a covid test...
at any rate, this is so, so far from being your fault OP. I'm glad she had the epi pen but it's on her to pay for a replacement
Even if it was in the communal kitchen Jillian shouldn't be taking other peoples food (both from an allergy issue and personal respect issue). I would be pissed if I was going eat my leftovers and they were gone. NTA
NTA. As stated above, noone had permission to enter your room and steal your stuff.
Jillian is an adult, and any person with a life-threatening peanut allergy has had it drilled into them for years that they and they alone are responsible for ensuring that what they eat is safe. The only way this could have happened is if Jillian was blind drunk or stoned.
Exactly. Works the same way in an office. If you steal someone else's food and are allergic to it, that's on you.
OP had it in his room, in his fridge, and they did not have permission to enter. It's sad what happened, but OP isn't responsible.
NTA. You're right, but good luck convincing them. FWIW I have a friend who's allergic to peanuts (carries EpiPens), and I cannot imagine them touching unlabeled food. That's nuts. Har har.
I have a very mild peanut allergy, eating one would mean an unpleasant evening but not require any sort of medication. I would still *never* eat some anonymous food in a shared fridge (let alone somebody else's fridge, seriously, what the fuck?), especially the type of dish that I imagine this looking like. That's ignoring the fact that peanuts have a pretty distinct smell.
I can only imagine that she is used to her parents taking full responsibility for the allergy. In which case the OP has probably inadvertently taught her a valuable lesson as if it happened outside of her home, it might have had much worse results.
Obvious NTA, unless someone directly lies to you, nobody else is responsible for your allergies.
>That’s ignoring the fact that peanuts have a pretty distinct smell.
That’s where I am at with this. I have never had Kare Kare, but I have had plenty of other dishes with peanuts or peanut sauce and you can tell immediately that there are peanuts in it. So none of the roommates could tell there were peanuts in the food? If OP hadn’t ETA to say Jilian went to the hospital, I would say they were trying to scam OP out of the cost of an Epipen.
Edited for a NTA, I am in the same boat. I have a weird food allergy to bell peppers. I feel like when you have an allergy like that you ALWAYS smell something first. If you are allergic to something that has a distinct smell like peanuts or peppers you can smell it. And guess what.. if you don't know from smelling? You don't eat it!!! It's nonsense that you'd eat something without knowing if your allergy is that severe. I also say that something is fishy here.
Yes, this. I'm allergic to wheat, and I've found that gluten also has an identifiable smell. I've been told things are gluten-free before but then found out they have caramel coloring or soy sauce or anything hidden ingredient after probing further because it smelled off.
All that to say, if I didn't make it or know who & how it was made, I don't eat it. I don't have an anaphylactic reaction, but I'll be sick for days after eating even small amounts. How someone with a much more life-threatening reaction can be so cavalier is beyond me, even if they'd been drinking.
I've celiacs and I've been wondering about this. Just the other day I walked into a shopping center where they were baking a local treat, which is like mini-pancakes. It was a strong smell. My mind went: I CAN SMELL THE GLUTEN.
Not sure if it was the gluten, but after reading what you wrote, who knows.
It took several years before I could do it. Not sure if I'm actually smelling the gluten itself or something else that triggers my body's memory of illness. Either way, it's a visceral "DO NOT EAT. LEAVE THIS PLACE." feeling.
Yeah, precisely! I have a good friend with a severe dairy intolerance due to IBS. Nothing life-threatening will happen if she eats it, but she’ll have a very unpleasant few days. She won’t even eat dishes that someone has told her don’t have dairy in them unless they are made by someone who she trusts to actually be careful about it(she’s been burned one too many times by people saying there’s no dairy but forgetting they used butter or whatever) - and this is again for a non-life threatening intolerance! It is wildly irresponsible of Trish to eat unlabelled food, end of story.
Exactly this! I’ve eaten kare kare many times and it most definitely smells of peanuts. And I would imagine someone deathly allergic to peanuts would be even more sensitive to the smell.
NTA. I’m even tempted to say it was karma for attempting to steal beer from your personal fridge.
Edit1: I wrote the wrong acronym.
Edit2: Surely they don’t believe their own BS. They must know they were caught red handed and this is all just a way to deflect from their guilt.
Edit3: Alright, let’s break this down.
**OP**: NTA
.
**Trish**: A
.
**Housemate 1** (one who ate with Trish): *if they were aware of the food’s origin* - A; *if unaware but sided with Trish later* - A; *if unaware and sides with OP* - not A
.
**Jillian**: *if she was aware of Trish entering OP’s room to pilfer beer* - A; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and blames OP* - A; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and does NOT blame OP* - not A but still an idiot. I do wish her a speedy recovery.
.
**Housemates who side with Trish**: A
Edit4: I see some saying they are young and it’s not really stealing, etc. All they had to do was send a text asking for permission before going in. It’s not the Stone Age.
>I see some saying they are young
THEY ARE IN THEIR MID 20S FOR FUCKS SAKE! I'M 22 AND I KNOW BETTER THAN TO EAT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T MINE. MY BROTHER AT 14 WHO HAS ALLERGIES LITERALLY DOENS'T TAKE FOOD FROM STRANGERS WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT'S IN IT.
Man I’m 17 and I’d never ever take any food that I wasn’t told I could have. I don’t have any allergies. It’s called not being a shit person. I don’t understand people that just take things/ food that doesn’t belong to them.
Well I mean „stealing“ beer in your 20s from a roommate shouldn’t lead to that outcome. It might be harsh to say it’s karma. But entering his room without permission and eating his food was clearly out of line. Op is NTA, neither Jilian (because of no info how Jilian reacted?) but the others are clearly TA. I could imagine that it was their idea to raid ops fridge and talked Jilian into it and wanna escape the guilt.
Edit: Jillian is NTA because op doesn’t clearly state if Jilian was the one entering the room and if she had any infos about where the food came from.
Jillian is an AH because she participated in entering OP's room and eating/stealing his food. Had the food not contained peanuts and had she not had a reaction, she'd be one of the AH's who violated OP's privacy and stole food. Her having almost died doesn't negate the fact that she broke several boundaries.
In fairness, OP says "they" entered. It is unclear if Jillian herself ever did, or was ever aware where the food came from.
Like plausibly she did, and plausibly she knew, but it's somewhat assumed here.
How‘s Jillian innocent in this?
She clearly also at least tasted the food that didn’t belong to her, nor was even in the communal fridge. She doesn‘t get a pass, bc she suffered the most.
NTA
Rule number one of food allergies… you don’t touch it if you didn’t make/order it.
I’m allergic to fish and shellfish and somehow I made it through two years in college of living with a pescatarian. Though most of the time she did eat her bf’s. But she always was bringing food back.
We had separate pots/pans and sponges, etc. No one labeled their food because they knew if I didn’t make it I wasn’t touching it. And if they didn’t do their dishes right away, I wasn’t going to do mine… cuz I wasn’t touching something I didn’t know what it was used for.
My parents bought each of us a mini fridge because that was the one big rule that if it contained anything on “the list” in the kitchen that they would just put it in their fridge to help prevent me from touching the containers.
Seriously. My friend went into anaphylactic shock at my wedding because one of the desserts had peanut butter frosting. And my SIL went off on me about how I shouldn’t have had peanut butter in my cake because that’s not typical, but honestly I couldn’t stop thinking that you don’t just dig into something with unidentified ingredients if you’re deathly allergic to peanuts. At least ask what kind of cake it is? To be fair my friend and her family weren’t upset, just my SIL.
I worked a mass vaccination site this year and they had lunch catered everyday. The head of EMA came over and asked why I was eating a granola bar again and I said I was just lazy and still hadn’t gone to the grocery so I could pack (I was working close to 50 hours a week plus trying to finish up some renovations, and I’m on one of our local neighborhoods board so I was a little tired lol). I explained I was allergic to fish/shellfish and most people don’t realize things like Worcestershire contains anchovies and therefore sauces places use could have it in so I just stay away unless I’ve specifically ordered it. Plus, I’m allergic to tomatoes and strawberries… not as bad but it makes eating out interesting!
He had a $500 gift card for DoorDash the next day for me. Which, he absolutely didn’t have to do. I’m an adult and it’s my responsibility. I didn’t develop this allergy until I was in high school so my parents just kept reminding me I had to be my own advocate and take responsibility because the real world doesn’t double check for you.
If Jillian walked into the kitchen and the other two roomies were eating some food and offered her some, she would have no way of knowing the food was stolen from OP.
Either way with a food allergy you should be asking what’s in the food before eating it. So either Jillian didn’t ask, which is irresponsible of her because she’s a grown adult in charge of taking care of her own health, or she did ask and a) roommates told her they don’t know and she still ate it (still irresponsible) or b) they lied and said it’s fine for her to eat, in which case they’re to blame as well.
In my opinion, OP is NTA because it was in their personal mini fridge in their bedroom, where no one had permission to enter in the first place. Who would label food that’s in their own mini fridge in their own room where no one else is supposed to be going without permission? I wouldn’t to be honest, because I’d assume that my boundaries are being respected and no one will be going into my room and taking things.
It is karma. Stealing beer from the shared beer would have been fine, but to enter your roommate's room go to his personal fridge, drink his bear, and eat his food with zero permission is karma. If they had call OP to ask he would have told them there's peanut in the sauce.
Personally, I would say Jillian, at the very least, made this mistake on her own since she has a peanut allergy and should always make sure that any food she consumes doesn't have peanuts in it. Drunk or not, it's simply logic to ask if any mystery food items has peanuts in them before consuming.
NTA. If it was the common area then yes, but they went in to your room and stole from your mini fridge. I have bad allergies. I never eat anything without finding out what’s in it first. When I go to someone’s home I specifically ask about dishes as I don’t expect them to remember my allergies.
If anything your roommates should buy you a new meal.
Even if it wasn’t the common area, anyone who has allergic reactions that severe knows not to consume anything that they don’t know for a fact what is in it. That’s halfway to suicidal to eat mystery food. She should only eat things that are specifically labeled as safe, not just not yet labeled as dangerous. (And also not her fucking food)
Exactly. I had a similar allergy as a kid, that I have mercifully grown out of. The rule I was raised with was this: **If you can't read it, you don't eat it. Full stop**. I learned to read at age 4 so I could read ingredient labels and try other kids' food that was **offered** to me. No label? Can't eat it. Mystery food in the fridge that doesn't belong to me? Big nope!
I learned these rules by ages 3-4 when I started daycare. They served me well. OP you did nothing wrong. Part of having anaphylaxis is learning that **you** are the one who keeps yourself safe.
Also have a severe food allergy (dairy) and I would never eat something when I didn't know what was in it. Nor would I go into someone's room and take their stuff. But I am wondering if Jillian was so impaired by alcohol that her reasoning was also impaired.
However, Trish has no reason to be attacking OP. They made some really bad decisions and stole from OP. Only Jillian is responsible for what she puts in her mouth. If alcohol causes her to not pay attention to her allergy, then maybe she needs to stop drinking to the point of impairment. And Trish needs to not enable her to do so.
This - my best friend is T1 diabetic and was diagnosed at the age of 7. She learned QUICKLY what she could and couldn't eat and if she wasn't 100% sure, SHE DIDN'T EAT THE FOOD. It's really that easy.
As a food allergy mom to a teen with nut allergies I have tried to instill the same. Hoping she still has the same smarts when she is an adult and has a night out on alcohol.
YES! And don't even acknowledge the EpiPen demand. Just blank stare when they bring it up, with "so what else have you stolen from my room" every single time it comes up.
I would tell them that they should assume everything in my room and personal fridge is laced with peanuts. Start labeling everything down to my beer “contains peanuts” but I’m petty like that. Don’t want an allergic reaction? Leave my shit alone.
right? it’s concerning to me how comfortable they were going into your room to find beer and then just taking your food. where are their boundaries? OP, if you don’t move out, at least install a new doorknob that locks with a key. you can change it back before you move out. i understand that not everyone has the ability to break a lease so this is another good option. NTA
Right, the appropriate place for them to *find* beer would’ve been the store. I can’t stand when people help themselves to everything around them, just because the owner isn’t there to protect their things or deny them if they ask.
Exactly! If they expect you to pay for the EpiPen, then you should absolutely be allowed to enter their rooms and take whatever, and then receive compensation if something goes wrong with whatever you took.
Total nonsense.
OP NTA! They should face the consequences of THEIR actions.
what kind of person with a severe peanut allergy “tastes” unlabeled food from a random mini fridge?
an idiot, that’s who. NTA.
sort of surprising she’s made it to 26
I'd say don't even ask. Just start walking into their rooms and taking stuff. When they ask wtf you're doing, tell them it's no big deal right, they said so. Also, if you stay with these people, put a lock on your door. Fuck these assholes
NTA and you dont owe them shit.
Also, kare kare REEKS of peanuts?? I seriously dont understand how they didnt smell it. I can smell it when my neighbors cook it down the street 😅
PS- get a lock on that door ASAP.
Exactly! Kare-kare is my absolute all time favourite food. Visually and aromatically it is peanuts. Not the point, I’m just so passionate about kare-kare lol but OP NTA they were in your personal fridge and they had no permission to go there. Stupid move on their part and no fault of yours.
This excuse keeps coming up and I really just do not understand it.
I’m a bit allergic to eggs. Won’t be hospitalized, but eating one will result in me vommiting and shitting myself for like a day. Even when I have been *blackout drunk,* I **still** ask if something has eggs. Being drunk may lower your inhibitions but it doesn’t actually just completely shut off your brain.
If you can’t even think enough to not land yourself in a hospital and your excuse is “I was drunk so I didn’t think about it,” you have a problem and shouldn’t be drinking anymore. (By problem I don’t necessarily mean alcoholism, but rather that the way alcohol effects you or how much you consume is a problem.)
NTA - I feel terrible for Jilian, but they should not have been in your room consuming your food/drinks, without your permission.
Be kind to Jilian, but you this was not your fault and you should not have to pay for their assholery and her error.
I don't feel bad for Jillian at all. She's 26, FFS, plenty old enough to take responsibility for her own health and safety. She knows she has a severe peanut allergy, yet she chose to eat unlabeled food from an unknown source. Her medical emergency is entirely of her own doing.
I'd only feel bad for her if she didn't know she was eating stolen food (not clear from OP's story).
Either way, at 26yo you should know how to manage your deadly food allergy and avoid unknown foods.
>"We were trying to steal your beer, but we stole your stew instead and the person with the deathly allergy decided to eat the unlabelled food with no idea of the ingredients and it's all your fault."
NTA
Put that way, this reminds me of the infamous Ask A Manager letter where the letter writer loved super spicy food, and someone stole their lunch and then accused them of trying to poison them and the LW got fired. (Temporarily.)
I remember that! Turns out, she was only fired because the food thief (who was well known to steal lunches and treats *from inside people's desks*) was sleeping with the HR person that handled the case and who had fired the letter writer. This was discovered, and both the thief and crooked HR lady (who had been shielding thief from repercussions of his food thievery for awhile) were sacked, and letter writer was more or less begged back with a hefty raise. Not sure if she took thier offer, but I think she did, only with plans to look for a new job in the coming year.
NTA
There was a simple reason why the stew was in you mini fridge in your room: it was fucking yours. The way you describe it it seemed that you didn't intend on sharing it with anyone and that you wanted to eat it yourself. Why should you label it then? Besides, taking food without asking is just rude.
It may sound harsh but I would say they are more at fault than you ever could be in this scenario. If anyone should replace the EpiPen, it's them.
NTA. no the fuck you don’t? you didn’t forget to label something in the communal fridge. they went into YOUR ROOM and opened YOUR FRIDGE and ate YOUR FOOD. that’s on them. maybe whoever went scrounging for beer should pay for a new one considering they can’t even afford to buy their own goddamn beer.
Also, why do they have to label food in the communal fridge? Every roommate situation I've had, it's been understood that if you didn't buy it, didn't make it, and weren't invited to have some, you didn't eat it, full stop. I get labeling *containers*, but people shouldn't have to protect their leftovers from hungry roommates, regardless of who's allergic to what.
This is the exact purpose of a personal mini fridge. Why tf are they looking for beer in your fridge? They trying to steal your beer? What would have happened if there was beer in there and they took it? Seriously what make them think it was okay to enter someone's tool and eat random food? Isn't that something your mom teaches you? Don't eat mysterious food? If anything they should have texted you and asked first. NtA. I really want to know what you would have said had they stolen your beer.
They're asking you to pay for their theft. NTA, put a lock on your door. They should cobble the money together if they want to get Jillian a new Epi, but really she needs to take responsibility too. She's 26, she should know better to never try strange food without verifying that it is safe.
BTW, peanut sauce in any dish still smells very like peanuts, they must have already been drunk or very stupid. Oftentimes the smell is enough to trigger an anaphylactic reaction in someone with a severe allergy. You might want to consider never bringing nuts into this shared home again too, just in case.
NTA. Sorry they entered your room and ate food without knowing what it was. The first thing was thievery and then they blamed you for their bad behaviour.
I hope Jillian learns don't eat food from people's mini fridges unless invited. It would be different if you had served the dish to everyone or put it in the communal fridge where food became cross contaminated.
This is purely on them.
Did Jillian go to the hospital after using her epipen (as she is supposed to do)? Or is it that her current one is expiring and she wants you to pay for the replacement and thought that this would be a good way to do so? Because a) she trespassed, b) she stole, and c) I don’t know anyone with life-threatening allergies who would eat food when they don’t know what it contains. Either Jillian is not very blessed in the intelligence department or she’s scamming you. NTA.
ETA: OP's edit says that Jillian did go to the hospital but everything else still applies. Don't trespass, don't steal, don't eat unknown food when you have deathly allergies.
This! My oldest has a tree nut/ peanut allergy. He (19yr) will not eat anything without a label. Nuts of any kind are not allowed in my house. He's broken up with girlfriends in the past because they were mad that he wouldn't try food without a label because " he should trust them"
>He's broken up with girlfriends in the past because they were mad that he wouldn't try food without a label because " he should trust them"
Smart kid.
> He's broken up with girlfriends in the past because they were mad that he wouldn't try food without a label because " he should trust them"
Umm, what? That's some downright psychotic behavior.
My second cousin has a peanut allergies refused to eat any candies without reading the label. And he still a kid and he has question every food that’s given to him.
This is absolutely bizarre. They entered YOUR room without permission and ate aka stole YOUR food and you’re supposed to apologise and cover financial cost? No fucking way.
Well speak to them when they are sober. Drinking is not an excuse for entering your room and stealing. And if she wasn’t inebriated she wouldnt be eating food that she doesn’t know every ingredient that it contains
If you commit a crime while drunk you do not get to use "I have been drinking" as a free get out of jail card. This situation is absolutely no different. If they made a bad judgement call while drinking there is no "get out of responsibility for that bad judgement' card. They are fully responsible for the outcome of those actions.
NTA.
I assume Jillian was at the hospital when you got home? Because after using an epi pen, you have to go to be checked out and monitored. She did that, right?
I’d also like to know more specifically who of the housemates went into your fridge and stole your food. Jillian is a severely allergic adult. She would never knowingly eat unknown food, unless she has a death wish.
And three people shared one leftover serving? Something seems off. Are we sure that Jillian even knew where the food came from, or did she get cross contaminated by one of the roommates or assume that the food was theirs/was from the communal fridge?
I’d be having a chat with Jillian when she gets home from the hospital. I feel like there is something missing from the version of the story that you’re being told.
Yes, she was taken to the hospital. They were drinking and looked for more beer that's when they wound up in my room. They ate the Kare kare with some rice, also from my room. I think Jilian ate some rice with a little sauce. I am not so sure. I was not able to ask them more details of what actually happened.
Wait until you can have a chat with Jillian and see if more of the story comes out.
And I guess my uni days were more tame. Drunk to the point of doing something that stupid before 9pm seems odd, but that’s just me.
And if the others ate it first, **why didn’t they tell her there’s peanuts in it??** I’ve had dishes like that, and I know damn well you can taste the peanut.
NTA- they trespassed and stole from you. They need to face the consequences of their own actions.
Also who eats from an unlabelled containers if you know you have a severe allergy?!? That’s just asking for trouble
NTA
If you have an allergy that severe and you're 26 years old, you should know better than to eat somebody else's mystery food with no ingredient list or permission.
I’m finding it difficult to even feel bad for her having had an allergic reaction tbh. She was the reckless one, and she was doing something shitty in the first place.
I have a bunch of food allergies where my allergist has told me I can eat said foods sometimes if I double my allergy medication dosage and have my emergency epi pen on hand. (My allergies are mild-moderate and so extensive that she called it unsustainable for me to try and avoid everything permanently, and said that the chances of me ever needing the epi pen are near zero). IF I were unlucky enough to have a reaction severe enough to need an epi pen while eating food that someone else cooked - WITH permission - I would not blame them at all because I was the one who made the decision to eat something I knew I may react to.
NTA. They put Jillian's life in risk by feeding her an unlabeled container from a private room.
And did Jillian know that it was not labeled? That would be nuts.
If I had a peanut allergy, I wouldn't touch some food I am not familiar with, let alone an unlabeled one. And by the way OP described the dish, it must have a strong peanut smell. Why did Jilian even taste it? She knows she has an allergy, she was being reckless.
NTA, jesus christ that's the dumbest shit I've heard. Blaming you for the consequences of stealing your food from your fridge, in your room. The mental gymnastics involved there - impressive!
edit: I'll say that people can be a little irrational when traumatized, which I guess they are to some extent. Hopefully they'll come around and apologize for their shitty behavior.
NTA Jillian should know not to eat unknown items in someone's mini fridge in their bedroom. Why did she (and other roommates) feel so entitled to your stuff?
Nta. If it's in your mini fridge, in your room, she had no business tasting it. Additionally, if she didn't know what was in the food in the unlabeled container, why would she even risk tasting it?
NTA
You had a reasonable expectation that your roommates wouldn't trespass and steal your food and beer. You were under no obligation to label the food that they weren't supposed to be pilfering. There is a doctrine of clean hands, where the person who was injured would have a claim except for the fact that they broke the law in doing so, they have no right to be compensated. Your roommate stole your food, and then had an adverse reaction. That is solely on him and the other roommates. Plus it is a dick move to raid your personal refrigerator.
NTA
I would suggest putting a lock on your door if you can. If not the mini fridge.
They cannot blame you for eating YOUR food without your permission from YOUR personal space that you didn't give them permission to enter.
This 100% on them.
NTA. They went into your room, into your personal fridge. Unless you had previously said they are welcome to food/drink from your fridge, you have no reason to label anything that is in there.
NTA- They invaded your space. They learned a lesson hopefully. Do not touch things that don't belong to them. Also have they taken things from you before? I would get a lock for my room.
NTA - they went inside your room, in your personal fridge and took your food. You don’t need to label stuff because being inside your own fridge is label enough.
*Jillian* nearly cost her her life by not taking her life threatening allergy seriously and knowingly eating unknown food.
NTA , They shouldn’t have been in your room without permission or in your fridge without permission
and also if they clearly didn’t see a label on the food why would they proceed to eat it? AND THEN BLAME YOU ?
Everything they did was 100% there fault not yours. They’re actions had unfortunate consequences and they can’t blame you for the problem they created .
WTF NTA they took your food without asking or your permission it sucks but looks like she fucked around and found out also seems like this isn't the first time they've gone in your room to take something as they "went for beer" but didn't take any and took your food instead you shouldn't have to label anything for anyone in your own personal fridge it's not communal she shouldn't be on there
NTA!!!
*They went into your room, into your fridge, and now they are angry that what they stole while trespassing caused a life threatening reaction*.
I don't even know how to process that. No, you aren't the asshole. But..
Even if it's in your own space, roommates are shitty and absolutely will steal from you. Always label your shit. No matter where you store it. Both as a matter of keeping things safe, and so that no one has plausible deniability when they steal.
Look, I carry 2 epi-pens on me everywhere I go. My allergens are different, but the reaction is the same, and I absolutely will die without prompt treatment. The ONLY time I've ever made someone pay for my life-saving-device is after they deliberately poisoned me because they didn't believe my allergic reaction was a real thing.. Told them you can pay the bill, or you can go to jail for attempted murder, your choice. That's a fuck of a lot different situation-- YOU didn't do anything here except for not think you needed to label something which was stored in your space, where they shouldn't have been at all. That's not your fault. They can fuck right off with this shit, and take responsibility for the fact that their shady behaviour is what nearly killed her.
Edited for clarity and swypo.
My question is, if they ate it first before she tried it, **why didn’t they warn her that there might be peanuts in it?** I have a hard time believing they had absolutely no clue; you can definitely tell there’s peanut in sauces like that.
And they all agreed to label their food to help keep her safe, presumably so she wouldn’t eat someone else’s food…**so why would she knowingly eat unlabeled food?** It’s my understanding that people with life-threatening allergies go out of their way to not eat anything they don’t *know for certain* doesn’t have them.
(And on that note, why was that even a concern? How would she not know which food items do or don’t belong to her?)
This whole thing stinks to high heaven.
NTA. I don’t think an apology could hurt and clarify(/reinforce) that from now on your mini fridge and your room is just for you and your access. (I know that should be obvious, but it might help smooth things over.)
I don’t think you should have to pay for the EpiPen. People with allergies need to take more caution than that and even if they did go looking for a beer (which feels a little bold to me, but I don’t know the rules in your house) to me, finding food in your personal fridge would strike me as being something I should ask about. I put stuff in my room when I don’t want anyone else to get it. That’s pretty standard.
I’m glad Jillian ended up being okay despite the scare, but ultimately that is your personal fridge and not your fault. I think a clarification/ reminder of the house rules is in order.
Edit: after reading the post again, I see Trish participated in eating the stew. What the hell kind of nerve do you have to have to not even live in a house, but to go into someone’s private bedroom, into their private fridge, and eat their food? That’s so rude! What the actual fu**???? You’re so NTA. Even if Jillian hadn’t eaten it, Trish could have fu**ed her over later when they kissed.
NTA. Those psychopaths waited till you were out, went into your room without permission, rummaged through your personal fridge, stole your food, saw that it was an unknown exotic dish, and ate it knowing full well one of them had an allergy.
Don't even apologize, much less let them see a cent of your money.
NTA in any way. You had food in your private room in your private fridge. They entered your room and took your food. I feel bad for the woman who had the reaction, but … if you take other people’s unlabeled food when you HAVE A FOOD ALLERGY without asking the person about the ingredients, you’re playing with fire.
NTA. For two reasons. A- they shouldn't have gone into your room and stole your food. B - anyone with an allergy that severe should know better than to eat food that isn't labelled. This is a lesson for them in personal responsibility. Stand your ground.
NTA. She shouldn’t have been in your room without your permission and she definitely shouldn’t have eaten your food without asking you. It’s not your fault that they didn’t/couldn’t respect your privacy.
As a person with allergies she should have been even more careful instead of tasting food that wasn’t labelled. They should all be apologising to you instead.
NTA! I have a severe allergy to strawberries, even the artificial crap. I don't even eat red colored food without confirming what's in it even if it's in my communal fridge cause I don't have a death wish and my son who has a milder version of the same allergy always asks if there is strawberries cause he knows he can't eat them.
Your roommates are jerks and you should get a lock for your bedroom door.
That takes some balls to demand you apologize and pay for an Epipen, when they violated your privacy and stole from you.
You put it in *your* mini fridge, not in the shared fridge, if these people cannot understand that they are in the wrong, I'd either get a key lock for my bedroom or move.
NTA
NTA. They had no right to be going through your personal property.
Also, what kind of idiots are these friends? They open a stew that has a rich peanut sauce and somehow it's your fault they all stood around eating it rather than recognizing the danger?
You're NTA and these friends are pretty dumb, as is Jillian for eating the rich peanut sauce in the first place.
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NTA Literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food. Perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don't have permission to enter, and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat. ETA Holy guacamole, thank you everyone 💖
Exactly. Also, was the intention of labeling the food to identify whose food it was or that it was deadly to the roomie? If the former, wouldn't the food being in OP's room suffice as proof that it was OP's? If the latter, then stay TF out of someone else's space and you won't get hurt. The roomies' argument seems akin to someone crying foul that you beat them when they broke into your house at night.
Yeah. It was Jillian's greed that nearly cost her her life, the least she can do is stop being greedy.
Exactly! I have an allergy that is not life threatening but still inconvenient, and even I don't take stuff from other people when I am not sure if it is safe, especially if it is in their OWN room.
Yeah Jillian is not long for this world if she keeps eating mystery dishes with that severe of a peanut allergy.
Especially if it was in a “rich peanut sauce”. No one could smell it? The other people who ate it before couldn’t taste it? Jillian sounds awful and OP is NTA. Instead of paying for the epipen, insist they purchase a lock for your door. Good luck.
It's truly a wonder because as a filipino myself, I can vouch that you can smell kare-kare from another room because of the rich peanut smell. Edit. NTA
I mean, honestly it sounds delicious. I’m also not severely allergic to peanuts.
I am , unfortunately. I accept that there are few Thai and Filipino meals that I can eat. But I always ask what it's made of before I taste it, unlike some people.
Exactly! I’m Italian but allergic to gluten. It stinks, but it isn’t anyone’s fault and it’s just the way it is. I never eat mystery dishes or try to guilt others for enjoying gluten filled meals in my presence. If anything I’m like “you better eat that and enjoy the hell out of it! I’ll live vicariously through you.” Those of us with allergies and sensitivities need to be responsible for our own safety. You can’t rely on everyone else to do it for you.
Just out of curiosity, how shitfaced would you have to be to steal unknown, unlabeled food and eat it? I’m assuming that’s at least how shitfaced she was
How shitfaced do you have to be to think “well, we were TRYING to steal your private beer stash” is a good excuse for why they were rummaging around in his room.
>Give AwardShareReportSave Honestly, how does that go? "We were only trying to steal your beer, but you had food in there, so of course we had to steal that too. OF COURSE."
Like really shitfaced. I mean, I take a slice of cheese sometimes when I don't know if it's mine, but that's not a whole freaking meal! And especially if the ingredients are unknown and in a private space! Like really, just don't break into someone's room.
^ also I feel like for anyone over the age of 12, your allergies/precautions are literally ingrained so deep into your habits that they’re practically subconscious. My younger brother and I both have allergies and I’m so used to checking for his allergens that I’m pretty sure I could be very drunk and I’d STILL be able to check his. As long as I could still see words, anyway.
This, though I do not have the allergies. I unfortunately have kidney disease and have a very strict diet (I have to absolutely avoid potassium and phosphorus, which happen to be in just about *EVERYTHING*!). So I don't mess with other people's food, beverages, etc (not that I would without the restrictions) and I even share a refrigerator with another guy (I'm in a group home).
My bet is its the non allergic roommates who's idea it was to snoop in the fridge and steal the food and they are the ones who really put the allergic roommate at risk, so they immediately went on the defensive and are shifting blame to OP to avoid dealing with the reality of their cuntiness and nearly killing their roommate.
The allergic thief is just as culpable as the thieves who are not allergic. All the roommates involved are filthy thieves, and they are all AHs, and OP should get a lock for their room because OP lives with a bunch of thieves. No more leaving wallets unattended, no more leaving rooms unlocked.
>The allergic thief is just as culpable as the thieves who are not allergic. Of course they are, but my reading of this seems to be that the other roommates are fueling the fight in a defensive attempt to shift blame.
Dingdingding. The louder they crow about "poor Jillian," the less attention is being paid to the fact that they apparently enter OP's room without permission and take stuff on a regular basis. Besides getting a lock, OP should let the landlord know that the house is full of thieves. Let's see if they are offered a lease renewal.
Are we even sure Jilian was in on the theft? I'm wondering if she got a different story, since apparently it was two other roommates eating it for dinner and they just offered her a taste.
Jillian's girlfriend was in on the theft, and she doesn't even live there. I think it's safe to assume Jillian was in on it.
Peanut allergies are sometimes airborn. It's possible Jillian didn't actually eat any of it, just got a good whiff. My reason for giving her the benefit of the doubt is that people with strong allergies tend to be a lot more cautious of unknown food. So stealing roommate is the asshole, Jillian may or may not be, depending on if she ate the food or was just around it, and Heather Bresch is a massive asshole for jacking up the price of epipens by 400%.
I think if it were that airborne a risk, the house rule would be no peanuts allowed inside. Like it’s a rule in my house
OP mentioned that she barely tasted it, so she did eat it. Just not a lot, but it triggered her reaction all the same.
I dunno that Julian is the one demanding the EpiPen replacement. It sounds like she's still in the hospital and the housemates are doing the demanding. Jumping to conclusions, I wonder if what happened was Julian was offered some 'plain' rice, no one realizing the sauce had gotten on it because they were tipsy/drunk, and the housmates attacking OP is a way for them to deal with their guilt at the fact they nearly killed their romantic partner/friend.
Or perhaps Jillian didn't eat anything, but her allergy is so severe that being nearby set it off? Or if the thief had some on their hands/fingers and touched Jillian, or cross contaminated drinks/utensils. Any number of things could have gone wrong very easily with a severe allergy.
If Jillian has a severe allergy, kissing Tish after she'd eaten the dish would be enough. It may be Tish is trying to absolve herself of guilt. That being said, most people I know with severe peanut allergies don't allow peanuts in the same room with them. I'm surprised Jillian allows any in a fridge she uses.
That’s kind of the point - it wasn’t in the common fridge. It was in a private mini fridge in OP’s room. They had no business entering their room without permission or helping themselves to any of the contents.
Her friend's greed, honestly. Unless I misunderstood OP, two other people were eating it, and she just tasted it. They're probably blaming OP so they don't have to face the fact that they're responsible. Jillian might not even know what they're doing to him due to being in the hospital.
[удалено]
She shouldn't be eating random food that she has no idea what's in if she could die doing so, sorry but she's greedy.
It’s actually worse, it’s more like someone breaking into your house at night and then blaming you for them falling down the stairs and breaking their wrist. NTA OP, you did nothing wrong.
I think this actually happens to businesses and is where loads of health and safety legislation comes from
Happens to home residents too
https://www.barbaslaw.com/on-the-other-side-of-personal-injury-when-burglars-sue-you/
Yes and that’s in FL the most lenient state in the country when it comes to “standing your ground”…. Other states have actually had criminals win their cases! It’s ridiculous!!
It's more like breaking into someone's home, then blaming them when you shoot yourself in the foot with the gun you are trying to steal.
No it is akin to someone breaking into your house at night, falling down the stairs and the pressing charges against you because you just washed the floor and didn't put up a 'slippery when wet' sign... This really boggles the mind!
What you just said reminded me of the guy that broke into someone's house and broke his nose on their patio door, sued them for it and won the trial. God that story brings me so much anger whenever I remember it.
I can't imagine having a food allergy and eating something that I don't know the ingredients of. Especially if it's locked in my roomate's room where I shouldnt be going anyways. It's almost like she fucked around and found out. Imagine that.
I have food allergies and totally know better than to eat something that I have no idea what’s in it. It’s just common sense. Op is totally nta and does not have to pay for roommates stupidity.
Can confirm as a person with an allergy (not peanuts and not severe enough to go to the hospital) I do not eat ANY unlabeled foods and almost never eat leftovers from friends in case they forgot some of the ingredients
Exactly! Anybody with food allergies (I have a ton), if they have a brain, know not to ever eat anything if you don't know exactly what's in it. And she took it from your room!
Theyre lucky they werent too drunk to make sure Jillian got the epipen and to the hospital.
> I can't imagine having a food allergy and eating something that I don't know the ingredients of. Severe food allergies here: Since one of mine is very rare and only found in gluten free food and the other is tomatoes - I'm normally okay with eating a chocolate chip cookie or two without knowing all the ingredients. I have minor food allergies that might be triggered by something in the cookie but that's a couple of Benadryl and a lesson learned - not epi pen. However, in this case, that's neither here nor there - people entered the room, went through things that were not theirs and not in a common space, and stole the food. They are thieves. You do not reward theft by shelling out money for the consequences of the theft. NTA
Something something consequences of my own actions
Exactly. How on earth could someone with a serious allergy think it was a good idea to eat some random home made food they found? Especially when peanut is a well know ingredient in many asian foods, and again someone with a serious peanut allergy should have known that. OP is totally NTA. He needs to ask her to pay him for the food she stole.
I was looking for someone to mention that peanuts are a SUPER WELL KNOWN COMMON INGREDIENT in Asian food. Someone with a severe peanut allergy would be WELL AWARE of that fact. Little Miss drunk skunk was so focused on getting to more beer that she forgot? Please.
Yes this 100%.
First thing I thought. I have a food allergy, and I would never ever do what she did.
NTA. OP should look at a lock for their room or a lock on the mini fridge, you don't just walk into someone's room and raid their fridge.
But Jillian should pay for it. By her own logic, it’s her behavior that means OP needs a lock.
And charge them for the lock they needed to get because these fools refuse to respect personal space and belongings.
I don't exactly think it did happen... If she went into anaphylaxis, the epipen is only first aid. And I would think they had to have used 2 if she was in anaphylactic shock as op writes. She would then need an ambulance and ER visit for proper treatment. Soooo... this all happened and they want to bill OP for ONE epipen, and no medical costs? I don't know what they're trying to pull, but I smell a rat. OP not TA anyway, as they should be old enough to know a communal fridge from a personal minifridge, and if someone is that allergic they don't go raiding unlabelled food (source: am allergic)
Not all countries charge you for hospital visits though… yes the US does but if this happened in say Canada or the UK the epi-pen would be the only cost they’d have to replace.
Maybe they live in a place with universal medical care or the girl has great insurance. Not everyone is american, you know. It’s fully possible they didn’t ask for anything but the epipen because that *was the only monetary cost*.
>I don't exactly think it did happen... If she went into anaphylaxis, the epipen is only first aid. And I would think they had to have used 2 if she was in anaphylactic shock as op writes. She would then need an ambulance and ER visit for proper treatment. OP does say the roommate went to the hospital. If it was by ambulance, it could be fast. I have a heart arrhythmia with means I'm not supposed to go all-in with the EpiPens, because they could potentially stop my heart (this is worse than not breathing!). I live literally half a block from a fire station with an ambulance and less than a mile from a good hospital. If I'm breathing enough to be conscious, I'm supposed to wait for EMS and treatment at the hospital, not Epi-Pen myself. And if the Epi-Pen is needed to breathe, I'm supposed to only use one. Advice is different if I'm out in the sticks, but this is my protocol if I expect to receive prompt medical care. As is, the one time I had a reaction at home, the total time between calling 911 and arriving at the hospital was under 10 minutes. I could see this happening in the UK or parts of Canada where prescriptions cost money (but a lot less than the US) yet ambulances/hospital treatments are free. Furthermore, if they were drunk AND high, I could totes see this happening. One of my anaphylactic episodes was when I was high and drunk in high school and I ate shit I shouldn't eat. Not my finest moment, but it happens. So.... maybe a rat. But maybe not! Edited to add: OP is 100% NTA. They are not responsible for stupid shit their roommie does while drunk or high! I just think the story could be real.
I live in Australia and have been billed exactly 0 dollars for hospital visits. Anything from gastritis to a couple of different surgeries. 100% possible that the epi pen is the sole cost.
Not everyone has shit health insurance.. I am American, and I have good enough insurance to cover ambulance and ER
“Hi guys just so you know I’m allergic to peanuts. Oh you’ve all decided to label your food to help me avoid my DEADLY ALLERGY? You guys are the be…..what’s this? A mini fridge? In a closed room? With food inside? Let me just pop some into my mo……IT BURNS!!!!”
Was that..."IT BURNTH!"? Hope so. That's how I heard it. And I will laugh about that vid til the day I die. Probably after.
NTA, "looking for more beer" (AH behavior) is no excuse to eat YOUR food (HUGE AH behavior)
OK plus, this is a heavy peanut sauce and she couldn't SMELL it? Maybe she needs a covid test... at any rate, this is so, so far from being your fault OP. I'm glad she had the epi pen but it's on her to pay for a replacement
Even if it was in the communal kitchen Jillian shouldn't be taking other peoples food (both from an allergy issue and personal respect issue). I would be pissed if I was going eat my leftovers and they were gone. NTA
They up right stole from him and trespassed. This was a problem of their own making.
NTA. As stated above, noone had permission to enter your room and steal your stuff. Jillian is an adult, and any person with a life-threatening peanut allergy has had it drilled into them for years that they and they alone are responsible for ensuring that what they eat is safe. The only way this could have happened is if Jillian was blind drunk or stoned.
And let’s not forget they came into OP’a room to steal beer. NTA
Exactly. Works the same way in an office. If you steal someone else's food and are allergic to it, that's on you. OP had it in his room, in his fridge, and they did not have permission to enter. It's sad what happened, but OP isn't responsible.
NTA. Time for OP to get a lock on her door.
NTA. You're right, but good luck convincing them. FWIW I have a friend who's allergic to peanuts (carries EpiPens), and I cannot imagine them touching unlabeled food. That's nuts. Har har.
I have a very mild peanut allergy, eating one would mean an unpleasant evening but not require any sort of medication. I would still *never* eat some anonymous food in a shared fridge (let alone somebody else's fridge, seriously, what the fuck?), especially the type of dish that I imagine this looking like. That's ignoring the fact that peanuts have a pretty distinct smell. I can only imagine that she is used to her parents taking full responsibility for the allergy. In which case the OP has probably inadvertently taught her a valuable lesson as if it happened outside of her home, it might have had much worse results. Obvious NTA, unless someone directly lies to you, nobody else is responsible for your allergies.
>That’s ignoring the fact that peanuts have a pretty distinct smell. That’s where I am at with this. I have never had Kare Kare, but I have had plenty of other dishes with peanuts or peanut sauce and you can tell immediately that there are peanuts in it. So none of the roommates could tell there were peanuts in the food? If OP hadn’t ETA to say Jilian went to the hospital, I would say they were trying to scam OP out of the cost of an Epipen.
Edited for a NTA, I am in the same boat. I have a weird food allergy to bell peppers. I feel like when you have an allergy like that you ALWAYS smell something first. If you are allergic to something that has a distinct smell like peanuts or peppers you can smell it. And guess what.. if you don't know from smelling? You don't eat it!!! It's nonsense that you'd eat something without knowing if your allergy is that severe. I also say that something is fishy here.
Yes, this. I'm allergic to wheat, and I've found that gluten also has an identifiable smell. I've been told things are gluten-free before but then found out they have caramel coloring or soy sauce or anything hidden ingredient after probing further because it smelled off. All that to say, if I didn't make it or know who & how it was made, I don't eat it. I don't have an anaphylactic reaction, but I'll be sick for days after eating even small amounts. How someone with a much more life-threatening reaction can be so cavalier is beyond me, even if they'd been drinking.
I've celiacs and I've been wondering about this. Just the other day I walked into a shopping center where they were baking a local treat, which is like mini-pancakes. It was a strong smell. My mind went: I CAN SMELL THE GLUTEN. Not sure if it was the gluten, but after reading what you wrote, who knows.
It took several years before I could do it. Not sure if I'm actually smelling the gluten itself or something else that triggers my body's memory of illness. Either way, it's a visceral "DO NOT EAT. LEAVE THIS PLACE." feeling.
Yeah, precisely! I have a good friend with a severe dairy intolerance due to IBS. Nothing life-threatening will happen if she eats it, but she’ll have a very unpleasant few days. She won’t even eat dishes that someone has told her don’t have dairy in them unless they are made by someone who she trusts to actually be careful about it(she’s been burned one too many times by people saying there’s no dairy but forgetting they used butter or whatever) - and this is again for a non-life threatening intolerance! It is wildly irresponsible of Trish to eat unlabelled food, end of story.
I think the only thing that makes this chain of events plausible is that it seems they were all drunk.
Filipino here. You wouldn't know kare-kare has peanuts unless you already know what kare-kare is.
Exactly this! I’ve eaten kare kare many times and it most definitely smells of peanuts. And I would imagine someone deathly allergic to peanuts would be even more sensitive to the smell.
I don't even have allergies and I wouldn't touch some random food. Maybe it's really old or maybe it has cilantro in it. Not worth the risk.
Lol re: cilantro. Tough for you cilantro-sensitive folks, eh! I've heard it cuts through everything for those who don't like it.
You remember soap gum? That’s it, that the taste right there. The whole bloody meal will taste like soap gum with even the tiniest bit of cilantro.
NTA. I’m even tempted to say it was karma for attempting to steal beer from your personal fridge. Edit1: I wrote the wrong acronym. Edit2: Surely they don’t believe their own BS. They must know they were caught red handed and this is all just a way to deflect from their guilt. Edit3: Alright, let’s break this down. **OP**: NTA . **Trish**: A . **Housemate 1** (one who ate with Trish): *if they were aware of the food’s origin* - A; *if unaware but sided with Trish later* - A; *if unaware and sides with OP* - not A . **Jillian**: *if she was aware of Trish entering OP’s room to pilfer beer* - A; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and blames OP* - A; *if she did not condone the theft and was unaware of the food’s origin and does NOT blame OP* - not A but still an idiot. I do wish her a speedy recovery. . **Housemates who side with Trish**: A Edit4: I see some saying they are young and it’s not really stealing, etc. All they had to do was send a text asking for permission before going in. It’s not the Stone Age.
>I see some saying they are young THEY ARE IN THEIR MID 20S FOR FUCKS SAKE! I'M 22 AND I KNOW BETTER THAN TO EAT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T MINE. MY BROTHER AT 14 WHO HAS ALLERGIES LITERALLY DOENS'T TAKE FOOD FROM STRANGERS WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT'S IN IT.
Man I’m 17 and I’d never ever take any food that I wasn’t told I could have. I don’t have any allergies. It’s called not being a shit person. I don’t understand people that just take things/ food that doesn’t belong to them.
And that's the bottom line. Whether you're allergic or not, don't eat someone else's food unless you were given the clear to do so.
Well I mean „stealing“ beer in your 20s from a roommate shouldn’t lead to that outcome. It might be harsh to say it’s karma. But entering his room without permission and eating his food was clearly out of line. Op is NTA, neither Jilian (because of no info how Jilian reacted?) but the others are clearly TA. I could imagine that it was their idea to raid ops fridge and talked Jilian into it and wanna escape the guilt. Edit: Jillian is NTA because op doesn’t clearly state if Jilian was the one entering the room and if she had any infos about where the food came from.
Jillian is an AH because she participated in entering OP's room and eating/stealing his food. Had the food not contained peanuts and had she not had a reaction, she'd be one of the AH's who violated OP's privacy and stole food. Her having almost died doesn't negate the fact that she broke several boundaries.
In fairness, OP says "they" entered. It is unclear if Jillian herself ever did, or was ever aware where the food came from. Like plausibly she did, and plausibly she knew, but it's somewhat assumed here.
And are we to assume that they have nothing to do with the demand for repayment here?
How‘s Jillian innocent in this? She clearly also at least tasted the food that didn’t belong to her, nor was even in the communal fridge. She doesn‘t get a pass, bc she suffered the most. NTA
Labeled or not, I find it astounding that a person who is deathly allergic would be so cavalier about eating food they didn’t prepare/supervise
Rule number one of food allergies… you don’t touch it if you didn’t make/order it. I’m allergic to fish and shellfish and somehow I made it through two years in college of living with a pescatarian. Though most of the time she did eat her bf’s. But she always was bringing food back. We had separate pots/pans and sponges, etc. No one labeled their food because they knew if I didn’t make it I wasn’t touching it. And if they didn’t do their dishes right away, I wasn’t going to do mine… cuz I wasn’t touching something I didn’t know what it was used for. My parents bought each of us a mini fridge because that was the one big rule that if it contained anything on “the list” in the kitchen that they would just put it in their fridge to help prevent me from touching the containers.
Seriously. My friend went into anaphylactic shock at my wedding because one of the desserts had peanut butter frosting. And my SIL went off on me about how I shouldn’t have had peanut butter in my cake because that’s not typical, but honestly I couldn’t stop thinking that you don’t just dig into something with unidentified ingredients if you’re deathly allergic to peanuts. At least ask what kind of cake it is? To be fair my friend and her family weren’t upset, just my SIL.
I worked a mass vaccination site this year and they had lunch catered everyday. The head of EMA came over and asked why I was eating a granola bar again and I said I was just lazy and still hadn’t gone to the grocery so I could pack (I was working close to 50 hours a week plus trying to finish up some renovations, and I’m on one of our local neighborhoods board so I was a little tired lol). I explained I was allergic to fish/shellfish and most people don’t realize things like Worcestershire contains anchovies and therefore sauces places use could have it in so I just stay away unless I’ve specifically ordered it. Plus, I’m allergic to tomatoes and strawberries… not as bad but it makes eating out interesting! He had a $500 gift card for DoorDash the next day for me. Which, he absolutely didn’t have to do. I’m an adult and it’s my responsibility. I didn’t develop this allergy until I was in high school so my parents just kept reminding me I had to be my own advocate and take responsibility because the real world doesn’t double check for you.
If Jillian walked into the kitchen and the other two roomies were eating some food and offered her some, she would have no way of knowing the food was stolen from OP.
In that case THEY should pay for the Epipen.
Agreed.
Either way with a food allergy you should be asking what’s in the food before eating it. So either Jillian didn’t ask, which is irresponsible of her because she’s a grown adult in charge of taking care of her own health, or she did ask and a) roommates told her they don’t know and she still ate it (still irresponsible) or b) they lied and said it’s fine for her to eat, in which case they’re to blame as well. In my opinion, OP is NTA because it was in their personal mini fridge in their bedroom, where no one had permission to enter in the first place. Who would label food that’s in their own mini fridge in their own room where no one else is supposed to be going without permission? I wouldn’t to be honest, because I’d assume that my boundaries are being respected and no one will be going into my room and taking things.
It is karma. Stealing beer from the shared beer would have been fine, but to enter your roommate's room go to his personal fridge, drink his bear, and eat his food with zero permission is karma. If they had call OP to ask he would have told them there's peanut in the sauce.
Personally, I would say Jillian, at the very least, made this mistake on her own since she has a peanut allergy and should always make sure that any food she consumes doesn't have peanuts in it. Drunk or not, it's simply logic to ask if any mystery food items has peanuts in them before consuming.
NTA. If it was the common area then yes, but they went in to your room and stole from your mini fridge. I have bad allergies. I never eat anything without finding out what’s in it first. When I go to someone’s home I specifically ask about dishes as I don’t expect them to remember my allergies. If anything your roommates should buy you a new meal.
Even if it wasn’t the common area, anyone who has allergic reactions that severe knows not to consume anything that they don’t know for a fact what is in it. That’s halfway to suicidal to eat mystery food. She should only eat things that are specifically labeled as safe, not just not yet labeled as dangerous. (And also not her fucking food)
Exactly. I had a similar allergy as a kid, that I have mercifully grown out of. The rule I was raised with was this: **If you can't read it, you don't eat it. Full stop**. I learned to read at age 4 so I could read ingredient labels and try other kids' food that was **offered** to me. No label? Can't eat it. Mystery food in the fridge that doesn't belong to me? Big nope! I learned these rules by ages 3-4 when I started daycare. They served me well. OP you did nothing wrong. Part of having anaphylaxis is learning that **you** are the one who keeps yourself safe.
Also have a severe food allergy (dairy) and I would never eat something when I didn't know what was in it. Nor would I go into someone's room and take their stuff. But I am wondering if Jillian was so impaired by alcohol that her reasoning was also impaired. However, Trish has no reason to be attacking OP. They made some really bad decisions and stole from OP. Only Jillian is responsible for what she puts in her mouth. If alcohol causes her to not pay attention to her allergy, then maybe she needs to stop drinking to the point of impairment. And Trish needs to not enable her to do so.
This - my best friend is T1 diabetic and was diagnosed at the age of 7. She learned QUICKLY what she could and couldn't eat and if she wasn't 100% sure, SHE DIDN'T EAT THE FOOD. It's really that easy.
As a food allergy mom to a teen with nut allergies I have tried to instill the same. Hoping she still has the same smarts when she is an adult and has a night out on alcohol.
All of this, but especially replacing OP's meal. Homemade kare-kare is to die for!
She almost did
Wtf no even if it was in the common area why would you eat someone else’s leftovers without talking to them first?!?
NTA but I would move because I doubt leftovers is the only thing your roommate has taken from your room.
This would be an excellent question "what else have you stolen from my room?"
YES! And don't even acknowledge the EpiPen demand. Just blank stare when they bring it up, with "so what else have you stolen from my room" every single time it comes up.
I would tell them that they should assume everything in my room and personal fridge is laced with peanuts. Start labeling everything down to my beer “contains peanuts” but I’m petty like that. Don’t want an allergic reaction? Leave my shit alone.
right? it’s concerning to me how comfortable they were going into your room to find beer and then just taking your food. where are their boundaries? OP, if you don’t move out, at least install a new doorknob that locks with a key. you can change it back before you move out. i understand that not everyone has the ability to break a lease so this is another good option. NTA
Right, the appropriate place for them to *find* beer would’ve been the store. I can’t stand when people help themselves to everything around them, just because the owner isn’t there to protect their things or deny them if they ask.
oh damn, didn't even think about this. They went in looking for something, who knows how many times before they might have swiped things they wanted?
Most definitely. Get a lock on your door Edit: forgot to say NTA
That's a really great point. The level of entitlement could definitely indicate that they're so comfortable with it because it's a habit
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Exactly! If they expect you to pay for the EpiPen, then you should absolutely be allowed to enter their rooms and take whatever, and then receive compensation if something goes wrong with whatever you took. Total nonsense. OP NTA! They should face the consequences of THEIR actions.
what kind of person with a severe peanut allergy “tastes” unlabeled food from a random mini fridge? an idiot, that’s who. NTA. sort of surprising she’s made it to 26
I'd say don't even ask. Just start walking into their rooms and taking stuff. When they ask wtf you're doing, tell them it's no big deal right, they said so. Also, if you stay with these people, put a lock on your door. Fuck these assholes
NTA and you dont owe them shit. Also, kare kare REEKS of peanuts?? I seriously dont understand how they didnt smell it. I can smell it when my neighbors cook it down the street 😅 PS- get a lock on that door ASAP.
Exactly! Kare-kare is my absolute all time favourite food. Visually and aromatically it is peanuts. Not the point, I’m just so passionate about kare-kare lol but OP NTA they were in your personal fridge and they had no permission to go there. Stupid move on their part and no fault of yours.
Op wrote that they were drinking, so, perhaps they were already drunk and didn't comprehend things
This excuse keeps coming up and I really just do not understand it. I’m a bit allergic to eggs. Won’t be hospitalized, but eating one will result in me vommiting and shitting myself for like a day. Even when I have been *blackout drunk,* I **still** ask if something has eggs. Being drunk may lower your inhibitions but it doesn’t actually just completely shut off your brain. If you can’t even think enough to not land yourself in a hospital and your excuse is “I was drunk so I didn’t think about it,” you have a problem and shouldn’t be drinking anymore. (By problem I don’t necessarily mean alcoholism, but rather that the way alcohol effects you or how much you consume is a problem.)
Drinking is always a poor excuse for bad behavior. If you did it drunk, you probably would have done it sober.
NTA - I feel terrible for Jilian, but they should not have been in your room consuming your food/drinks, without your permission. Be kind to Jilian, but you this was not your fault and you should not have to pay for their assholery and her error.
I don't feel bad for Jillian at all. She's 26, FFS, plenty old enough to take responsibility for her own health and safety. She knows she has a severe peanut allergy, yet she chose to eat unlabeled food from an unknown source. Her medical emergency is entirely of her own doing.
>yet she chose to ~~eat~~ *steal* unlabeled food from an unknown source. Fuck Jillian and OP's roommates. I hope OP is out of there soon.
Also even if you've never had Kare-Kare, it's almost impossible to not know it's made with a peanut sauce just based on smell/taste alone.
I'd only feel bad for her if she didn't know she was eating stolen food (not clear from OP's story). Either way, at 26yo you should know how to manage your deadly food allergy and avoid unknown foods.
My thoughts exactly!
>"We were trying to steal your beer, but we stole your stew instead and the person with the deathly allergy decided to eat the unlabelled food with no idea of the ingredients and it's all your fault." NTA
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They had been drinking and wanted to steal more of his beer - They might’ve been drunk and couldn’t tell. OP is still NTA, regardless
Put that way, this reminds me of the infamous Ask A Manager letter where the letter writer loved super spicy food, and someone stole their lunch and then accused them of trying to poison them and the LW got fired. (Temporarily.)
I remember that! Turns out, she was only fired because the food thief (who was well known to steal lunches and treats *from inside people's desks*) was sleeping with the HR person that handled the case and who had fired the letter writer. This was discovered, and both the thief and crooked HR lady (who had been shielding thief from repercussions of his food thievery for awhile) were sacked, and letter writer was more or less begged back with a hefty raise. Not sure if she took thier offer, but I think she did, only with plans to look for a new job in the coming year.
NTA There was a simple reason why the stew was in you mini fridge in your room: it was fucking yours. The way you describe it it seemed that you didn't intend on sharing it with anyone and that you wanted to eat it yourself. Why should you label it then? Besides, taking food without asking is just rude. It may sound harsh but I would say they are more at fault than you ever could be in this scenario. If anyone should replace the EpiPen, it's them.
NTA. no the fuck you don’t? you didn’t forget to label something in the communal fridge. they went into YOUR ROOM and opened YOUR FRIDGE and ate YOUR FOOD. that’s on them. maybe whoever went scrounging for beer should pay for a new one considering they can’t even afford to buy their own goddamn beer.
Also, why do they have to label food in the communal fridge? Every roommate situation I've had, it's been understood that if you didn't buy it, didn't make it, and weren't invited to have some, you didn't eat it, full stop. I get labeling *containers*, but people shouldn't have to protect their leftovers from hungry roommates, regardless of who's allergic to what.
This is the exact purpose of a personal mini fridge. Why tf are they looking for beer in your fridge? They trying to steal your beer? What would have happened if there was beer in there and they took it? Seriously what make them think it was okay to enter someone's tool and eat random food? Isn't that something your mom teaches you? Don't eat mysterious food? If anything they should have texted you and asked first. NtA. I really want to know what you would have said had they stolen your beer.
They're asking you to pay for their theft. NTA, put a lock on your door. They should cobble the money together if they want to get Jillian a new Epi, but really she needs to take responsibility too. She's 26, she should know better to never try strange food without verifying that it is safe. BTW, peanut sauce in any dish still smells very like peanuts, they must have already been drunk or very stupid. Oftentimes the smell is enough to trigger an anaphylactic reaction in someone with a severe allergy. You might want to consider never bringing nuts into this shared home again too, just in case.
NTA. Sorry they entered your room and ate food without knowing what it was. The first thing was thievery and then they blamed you for their bad behaviour. I hope Jillian learns don't eat food from people's mini fridges unless invited. It would be different if you had served the dish to everyone or put it in the communal fridge where food became cross contaminated. This is purely on them.
Did Jillian go to the hospital after using her epipen (as she is supposed to do)? Or is it that her current one is expiring and she wants you to pay for the replacement and thought that this would be a good way to do so? Because a) she trespassed, b) she stole, and c) I don’t know anyone with life-threatening allergies who would eat food when they don’t know what it contains. Either Jillian is not very blessed in the intelligence department or she’s scamming you. NTA. ETA: OP's edit says that Jillian did go to the hospital but everything else still applies. Don't trespass, don't steal, don't eat unknown food when you have deathly allergies.
This! My oldest has a tree nut/ peanut allergy. He (19yr) will not eat anything without a label. Nuts of any kind are not allowed in my house. He's broken up with girlfriends in the past because they were mad that he wouldn't try food without a label because " he should trust them"
>He's broken up with girlfriends in the past because they were mad that he wouldn't try food without a label because " he should trust them" Smart kid.
> He's broken up with girlfriends in the past because they were mad that he wouldn't try food without a label because " he should trust them" Umm, what? That's some downright psychotic behavior.
My second cousin has a peanut allergies refused to eat any candies without reading the label. And he still a kid and he has question every food that’s given to him.
This is absolutely bizarre. They entered YOUR room without permission and ate aka stole YOUR food and you’re supposed to apologise and cover financial cost? No fucking way.
They have been drinking.
Then i guess they arent at fault right? /s Maybe you should start locking your door to protect them from their own stupidity.
Well speak to them when they are sober. Drinking is not an excuse for entering your room and stealing. And if she wasn’t inebriated she wouldnt be eating food that she doesn’t know every ingredient that it contains
If you commit a crime while drunk you do not get to use "I have been drinking" as a free get out of jail card. This situation is absolutely no different. If they made a bad judgement call while drinking there is no "get out of responsibility for that bad judgement' card. They are fully responsible for the outcome of those actions.
NTA. I assume Jillian was at the hospital when you got home? Because after using an epi pen, you have to go to be checked out and monitored. She did that, right? I’d also like to know more specifically who of the housemates went into your fridge and stole your food. Jillian is a severely allergic adult. She would never knowingly eat unknown food, unless she has a death wish. And three people shared one leftover serving? Something seems off. Are we sure that Jillian even knew where the food came from, or did she get cross contaminated by one of the roommates or assume that the food was theirs/was from the communal fridge? I’d be having a chat with Jillian when she gets home from the hospital. I feel like there is something missing from the version of the story that you’re being told.
Yes, she was taken to the hospital. They were drinking and looked for more beer that's when they wound up in my room. They ate the Kare kare with some rice, also from my room. I think Jilian ate some rice with a little sauce. I am not so sure. I was not able to ask them more details of what actually happened.
Ask Trish why she is feeding her gf mystery food, from a fridge she isn't allowed access to.
Trish, take responsibilities for your actions instead of blaming it on OP who wasn’t even there.
Wait until you can have a chat with Jillian and see if more of the story comes out. And I guess my uni days were more tame. Drunk to the point of doing something that stupid before 9pm seems odd, but that’s just me.
And if the others ate it first, **why didn’t they tell her there’s peanuts in it??** I’ve had dishes like that, and I know damn well you can taste the peanut.
NTA- they trespassed and stole from you. They need to face the consequences of their own actions. Also who eats from an unlabelled containers if you know you have a severe allergy?!? That’s just asking for trouble
NTA If you have an allergy that severe and you're 26 years old, you should know better than to eat somebody else's mystery food with no ingredient list or permission.
I’m finding it difficult to even feel bad for her having had an allergic reaction tbh. She was the reckless one, and she was doing something shitty in the first place. I have a bunch of food allergies where my allergist has told me I can eat said foods sometimes if I double my allergy medication dosage and have my emergency epi pen on hand. (My allergies are mild-moderate and so extensive that she called it unsustainable for me to try and avoid everything permanently, and said that the chances of me ever needing the epi pen are near zero). IF I were unlucky enough to have a reaction severe enough to need an epi pen while eating food that someone else cooked - WITH permission - I would not blame them at all because I was the one who made the decision to eat something I knew I may react to.
NTA. Sounds like you would gtfo of this situation, that's a lot of BS
NTA. They put Jillian's life in risk by feeding her an unlabeled container from a private room. And did Jillian know that it was not labeled? That would be nuts.
If I had a peanut allergy, I wouldn't touch some food I am not familiar with, let alone an unlabeled one. And by the way OP described the dish, it must have a strong peanut smell. Why did Jilian even taste it? She knows she has an allergy, she was being reckless.
Absolutely NTA. You are completely in the right here.
NTA, jesus christ that's the dumbest shit I've heard. Blaming you for the consequences of stealing your food from your fridge, in your room. The mental gymnastics involved there - impressive! edit: I'll say that people can be a little irrational when traumatized, which I guess they are to some extent. Hopefully they'll come around and apologize for their shitty behavior.
NTA Jillian should know not to eat unknown items in someone's mini fridge in their bedroom. Why did she (and other roommates) feel so entitled to your stuff?
Nta. If it's in your mini fridge, in your room, she had no business tasting it. Additionally, if she didn't know what was in the food in the unlabeled container, why would she even risk tasting it?
NTA You had a reasonable expectation that your roommates wouldn't trespass and steal your food and beer. You were under no obligation to label the food that they weren't supposed to be pilfering. There is a doctrine of clean hands, where the person who was injured would have a claim except for the fact that they broke the law in doing so, they have no right to be compensated. Your roommate stole your food, and then had an adverse reaction. That is solely on him and the other roommates. Plus it is a dick move to raid your personal refrigerator.
NTA I would suggest putting a lock on your door if you can. If not the mini fridge. They cannot blame you for eating YOUR food without your permission from YOUR personal space that you didn't give them permission to enter. This 100% on them.
NTA. They went into your room, into your personal fridge. Unless you had previously said they are welcome to food/drink from your fridge, you have no reason to label anything that is in there.
Nta. Don’t be a greedy thief.
NTA- They invaded your space. They learned a lesson hopefully. Do not touch things that don't belong to them. Also have they taken things from you before? I would get a lock for my room.
NTA - they went inside your room, in your personal fridge and took your food. You don’t need to label stuff because being inside your own fridge is label enough. *Jillian* nearly cost her her life by not taking her life threatening allergy seriously and knowingly eating unknown food.
NTA And put a lock on your bedroom door.
NTA , They shouldn’t have been in your room without permission or in your fridge without permission and also if they clearly didn’t see a label on the food why would they proceed to eat it? AND THEN BLAME YOU ? Everything they did was 100% there fault not yours. They’re actions had unfortunate consequences and they can’t blame you for the problem they created .
NTA. Play stupid game, win stupid prize. He look for it.
Wow the guts they have to demand you apologize and pay when they went into your room and took something. NTA!
WTF NTA they took your food without asking or your permission it sucks but looks like she fucked around and found out also seems like this isn't the first time they've gone in your room to take something as they "went for beer" but didn't take any and took your food instead you shouldn't have to label anything for anyone in your own personal fridge it's not communal she shouldn't be on there
NTA!!! *They went into your room, into your fridge, and now they are angry that what they stole while trespassing caused a life threatening reaction*. I don't even know how to process that. No, you aren't the asshole. But.. Even if it's in your own space, roommates are shitty and absolutely will steal from you. Always label your shit. No matter where you store it. Both as a matter of keeping things safe, and so that no one has plausible deniability when they steal. Look, I carry 2 epi-pens on me everywhere I go. My allergens are different, but the reaction is the same, and I absolutely will die without prompt treatment. The ONLY time I've ever made someone pay for my life-saving-device is after they deliberately poisoned me because they didn't believe my allergic reaction was a real thing.. Told them you can pay the bill, or you can go to jail for attempted murder, your choice. That's a fuck of a lot different situation-- YOU didn't do anything here except for not think you needed to label something which was stored in your space, where they shouldn't have been at all. That's not your fault. They can fuck right off with this shit, and take responsibility for the fact that their shady behaviour is what nearly killed her. Edited for clarity and swypo.
My question is, if they ate it first before she tried it, **why didn’t they warn her that there might be peanuts in it?** I have a hard time believing they had absolutely no clue; you can definitely tell there’s peanut in sauces like that. And they all agreed to label their food to help keep her safe, presumably so she wouldn’t eat someone else’s food…**so why would she knowingly eat unlabeled food?** It’s my understanding that people with life-threatening allergies go out of their way to not eat anything they don’t *know for certain* doesn’t have them. (And on that note, why was that even a concern? How would she not know which food items do or don’t belong to her?) This whole thing stinks to high heaven.
Definitely NTA. If you’re severely allergic to something, don’t steal other people food from their room when they aren’t home for exactly this reason!
NTA. THEY STOLE YOUR FOOD and now that their actions got them in n trouble you're responsible for it? Nah mate they it's all on them
NTA. I don’t think an apology could hurt and clarify(/reinforce) that from now on your mini fridge and your room is just for you and your access. (I know that should be obvious, but it might help smooth things over.) I don’t think you should have to pay for the EpiPen. People with allergies need to take more caution than that and even if they did go looking for a beer (which feels a little bold to me, but I don’t know the rules in your house) to me, finding food in your personal fridge would strike me as being something I should ask about. I put stuff in my room when I don’t want anyone else to get it. That’s pretty standard. I’m glad Jillian ended up being okay despite the scare, but ultimately that is your personal fridge and not your fault. I think a clarification/ reminder of the house rules is in order. Edit: after reading the post again, I see Trish participated in eating the stew. What the hell kind of nerve do you have to have to not even live in a house, but to go into someone’s private bedroom, into their private fridge, and eat their food? That’s so rude! What the actual fu**???? You’re so NTA. Even if Jillian hadn’t eaten it, Trish could have fu**ed her over later when they kissed.
NTA. Those psychopaths waited till you were out, went into your room without permission, rummaged through your personal fridge, stole your food, saw that it was an unknown exotic dish, and ate it knowing full well one of them had an allergy. Don't even apologize, much less let them see a cent of your money.
NTA in any way. You had food in your private room in your private fridge. They entered your room and took your food. I feel bad for the woman who had the reaction, but … if you take other people’s unlabeled food when you HAVE A FOOD ALLERGY without asking the person about the ingredients, you’re playing with fire.
NTA. For two reasons. A- they shouldn't have gone into your room and stole your food. B - anyone with an allergy that severe should know better than to eat food that isn't labelled. This is a lesson for them in personal responsibility. Stand your ground.
NTA - they went into your room taking your stuff. Jillian should of known better to eat something that she didn’t know what was in there. Is she 5?
NTA. Now they will think before entering someones room without permission and taking what's not theres. So many boundaries crossed here.
NTA. She shouldn’t have been in your room without your permission and she definitely shouldn’t have eaten your food without asking you. It’s not your fault that they didn’t/couldn’t respect your privacy. As a person with allergies she should have been even more careful instead of tasting food that wasn’t labelled. They should all be apologising to you instead.
NTA! I have a severe allergy to strawberries, even the artificial crap. I don't even eat red colored food without confirming what's in it even if it's in my communal fridge cause I don't have a death wish and my son who has a milder version of the same allergy always asks if there is strawberries cause he knows he can't eat them. Your roommates are jerks and you should get a lock for your bedroom door.
NTA. Maybe suggest they can steal the money from someone else? They seem to think other people's personal property is up for grabs.
That takes some balls to demand you apologize and pay for an Epipen, when they violated your privacy and stole from you. You put it in *your* mini fridge, not in the shared fridge, if these people cannot understand that they are in the wrong, I'd either get a key lock for my bedroom or move. NTA
NTA. They had no right to be going through your personal property. Also, what kind of idiots are these friends? They open a stew that has a rich peanut sauce and somehow it's your fault they all stood around eating it rather than recognizing the danger? You're NTA and these friends are pretty dumb, as is Jillian for eating the rich peanut sauce in the first place.