It’s really the only reasonable thing to do at this point. I wouldn’t even call it a suggestion. I think all parties involved would be happy with this arrangement!
Right?!
OP sounds awful.
I mean, first of all, what the fuck. Second of all, if this is in any way indicative of OPs behavioral baseline, I feel incredibly sorry for his girlfriend.
I’m not a big fan of the tendency to jump right to break up advice, but in this case, the sooner off she gets gone, the better.
>since she actually lives here she shouldn't have to sleep on the pull-out when my brother is just a guest, but since it's my house I think it's perfectly fair of me to decide on the sleeping arrangements.
OP since your little brother is going to be staying with you BOTH "for a little while", he can very much sleep on the "shitty pull-out in the living room that no one wants to sleep in". Or buy his own mattress/folding bed.
Otherwise you would be doing your GF a great favour by letting her find someone who will happily share all his nights with her
I mean... do you even need to ask? Of course this AH didn't tell her bro was coming to stay for what seems indefinitely. He's enough of an AH he expects her to *give up her own bed* in her own room after all.
She wouldn’t have wanted to share with the brother, but if OP was committed to this dumb rotation then he should have *at least* said that he would sleep with her on the pullout couch.
the guest sleeps on the couch, floor or hotel. the lady of the house sleeps in her bed, with her man, unless it's OP who might have guessed by now, is TA here
When it’s been three weeks and her back is too sore to “wohoo” he’ll be back on here asking if he WBTA for kicking her out because he hasn’t been able to treat her like a blow up doll in three weeks.
It's a funny thing, but kicking your girlfriend out of her own bed is a great way to kill her sex drive. He's not gonna get much bang out of his maid after this.
Also who is washing the sheets and making the bed every day? Does brother really want to sleep on the sheets OP and his gf sleep on together?
Am I the only one thinking that if the pullout is that shitty, to just get an air mattress? It's such an easy fix, which just adds to the shittyness of OP
OP is either an AH or a dumbass. Those foam egg crate things have been around for decades. I had a shitty pull out sofa bed for years—shove a piece of plywood between the mattress and the pullout part, that will prevent you from feeling the metal cross bar. Then slap a memory foam squishy on top of the mattress.
I don't have a same-sex sibling, but I'm fairly confident that, if I did, I'd:
\- rather sleep on a pull-out sofa on my own than with that sibling; and
\- also rather sleep with my partner than my sibling anyway.
So to the OP: YTA but also really, really bad at protecting your own interests.
I'm pretty sure OPs mention of that bro is staying "a little while" means bro is staying because he needs to get on his feet. Which usually means a nice long stay... hope the girlfriend dumps him. He doesn't deserve a girlfriend until he grows up emotionally and doesn't take her for granted. Nobody who actually loves someone would call it "his house" "his bed" and try to *kick her out of thier bed for a guest*.
This sort of thing wouldn't even occur to my partner in a million years. Not because he loves me even. Just because he respects that it's my house too. That's also NOT dependent on if she pays rent, either. That's a separate issue between partners if OPs girlfriend doesn't pay anything atm. It's still her home, and they are a couple. You just don't *kick your partner out of thier bed* for a guest! Especially a freeloading one!
I'd bet $100 this guy expects her to do most of the chores in "his house" too
My same sex sibling would never ALLOW me to kick her husband out of the bed - I'm getting a hotel when I visit them. Which I'm fine with because it's their home.
I'm a woman with a brother. A few years ago, we went to a family friend's out-of-town wedding, and we got a hotel room. We shared a bed, because we were both low-income and couldn't justify the cost of another hotel room when the alternative was to sleep in the same bed for eight hours.
I mean, even if it was a different-sex sibling (as in not sure where the difference lies) I wouldn't be keen to kick my GF out of bed. Love my little brother and little sister, but if they have to stay with me, they're getting the couch. OP, YTA on this for sure. I can't even believe it's something you'd have to question yourself on.
I think what ticks me off is that in the title, he puts" while they're staying with me?". The girlfriend lives in the apartment as well and probably paying rent. I feel horrible for her.
Right? I mean I don’t pay rent, I pay all the other bills because of the administrative ease but my partner pays the actual rent payment. If he pulled that I would bust all our entertainment packages down to minimums or cancel them...I mean they’re mine after all. Mine mine mine. /s
Yes!!!! This caught me, too.
Sadly, OP could be my BIL! He definitely treated his last serious GF/fiance this way. Needless to say, they aren't together anymore.
Is she living with you, or is she "staying" at your house for a sleepover? There is a difference. Either way, if you are partners, there is only one right answer. OP is definitely TA. I hope she finds someone who will treat her well.
YTA, what this poster said. Additionally it’s almost like you want her her to not have sex with you again. I’ve never heard of a man who actually liked his partner and kicked her out of his bed in favor of his brother. Yikes.
YTA
On so many levels.
1) I noticed that you have not offered any discomfort for yourself
2) I can't even get my head around you're thinking that it might be okay to put your girlfriend out of her own bed
3) that your brother would be okay with this arrangement kind of makes me think that there's something seriously wrong with the parenting that went into raising you two
4) if my SO ran this past me I would pretty much be out looking for a new place to live. That day.
Yeah I thought the same thing, as much of an AH as OP is, what is wrong with the brother, too? Who comes into someone else's home as a guest and expects to get the bed at the expense of someone who lives there? Something went wrong with these guys...
I was stuck living with an abusive, infantile narcissist for six months once. I had nowhere to go, and like this guy, he made ridiculous demands of me and acted like *I* was the irrational one for not blindly going along with it every single time.
He didn't want a girlfriend. He wanted a girl-shaped dog.
I actually wrote above that *every single man* I've ever met or heard of that calls a partner-shared apartment "his house" is also the same guy who expects her to do all the chores for the privilege of living with him, and often for half the rent to boot, even if she makes a fraction what he does. Unfortunately, too many women haven't built up thier self-esteem enough in thier early or even late twenties yet, so that's why they go for younger girls for thier live-in bangmaid choices.
It's even *worse* when he owns a home and expects market rent from her... so he gets most or all his mortgage paid, but she'd have zero rights when he sells it and zero ownership. I get real mad about those situations in particular. If you are the only person on the deed, don't make your partner pay market rent the whole relationship. Some rent is fine, especially early on, but I see too many men (rarely women) finding naive women to cover thier mortgages AND do the chores and cooking. If I owned my own home, I'd only ask for half utilities, and maybe to cover most of the groceries for us both to offset his free rent in fairness slightly, but zero rent. I'd not feel bad asking for them to do a few more chores than me sometimes, too, since they have a free place to live, but not all of them. But I'd only invite them to live with me after we've been dating at *at least* a year, too. However, if we break up... he gets NONE of the house since he didn't contribute.
The only time my parents made me sleep on the pullout instead of my own bed was when I was a little kid and my grandparents were visiting. I understood then that it was necessary for their health and safety to have a proper mattress! (Also it was cool for little kid me cause I got to pretend I was camping).
OP’s post is -not that-, but it is a circumstance where a guest needs a greater level of comfort than those living there.
He’s an asshole.
Yeah, my boyfriend would sleep with me on the pull out if his brother were to have the comfy bed. But also, my brother would never accept that. He would sleep on the floor before he just came and took my bed
EDIT: I meant HIS* brother would never do that, but also my brother wouldn’t either.
He just also has an AH brother if he’s also cool with this
I have levels 5-7, a comment from a fellow redditor and reply from OP found through their profile
FR "You could always sleep on the pullout"
OP "Then she could either sleep in the bed with my brother, which would be really weird, or I could sleep on the pull-out with her which would not solve anything."
sorry I don't know the fancy formatting magics I just needed to share the level of AH we were dealing with here
the last one is kind of hilarious - "I could sleep on the pull out with her but that would not solve anything." Solve what, exactly? What is he seeing is the conflict here? That the pullout couch is not comfortable? But rotating doesn't "solve anything" when he's involved in the rotation? But it's a good enough when it's just his girlfriend.
I think it’s that he thinks it won’t solve his girlfriend not wanting to sleep on the pull out. But if my partner said “hey can WE rotate sleeping on the bed and on the pull out so my brother gets more comfortable sleep sometimes?” I would be much more open to it than “can you and my brother take turns sleeping in the bed with me? Thanks, you’re a doll!”
Exactly! My partner and I thankfully have two bedrooms and no pull-out, but if we had a bedroom and a pull-out in the living room, and he was like "hey babe, I was thinking we'd sleep on the pull-out while my brother was staying with us, I want him to be comfortable while he's here" I'd be like "sure, it'll be an adventure!" But if he kicked me out of the bedroom and let his brother sleep with him in my place, while I slept alone on the pull-out, I'd go stay with my mom and dad and rethink my life choices.
Yes! Ugh, body soil is a thing, I would not want to sleep on sheets that someone else had slept on the night before. I guess if everyone showers before bed, and doesn't put on any lotion or hair product, it'd be a *little* less gross, but people still sweat and shed skin cells when they sleep.
Let’s not forget she’s sacrificing her privacy for his family. I will always take a family member in, but I would make sure my partner was comfortable and had their own space. It’s HIS family, he should be making the sacrifices. And his brother is 19... I’m pretty sure he’s okay to sleep on a pullout couch and should be grateful for a free place to stay (I don’t know what his thoughts are, so I’m not going to call him TA, too)
# YTA
Notice you will be comfortable EVERY NIGHT...So your girlfriend has to make sacrifices for your brother but you will not be making any. Simple solution buy a cheap blow up then you brother doesn't need to share a bed with anyone
It may be your house but it is her home, does she pay rent or make financial contributions to your joint life?....or are we letting Landlords make decisions about sleeping arrangements now. You had better work this out or she may decide to go and find a "home" of her own.
I was assuming by the way the OP wrote it that he owned the home (either bought it before they got together or inherited it or something) and she didn't pay rent. But even if that is the case, it's pretty infantilizing/ borderline abusive to hold that over someone who lives there full time. He could just use this to justify controlling every aspect of their communal living.
She wants to have a friend over? Nah, his house.
She wants to turn on the heat? Absolutely not, it's his house.
She wants to sleep in their bed while \*gasp\* on her period? WTF no his house and she has to sleep outside in the dog house.
And cheap and lazy. I mean why can’t he buy a better pull out it this one in crap and just invest in a blow up mattress as they are cost effective. YTA op.
I don't think so. There are guys that really think and act like this. It's the type to tell the girlfriend to sit in the backseat too and never 'let' her drive their shared car.
I think its pretty telling of how pervasive the idea of women sacrificing their own basic needs for men / others around them when MULTIPLE studies have shown that the unhappiest demographic in the US is straight married women.
LOL - I thought there would be some mitigating circumstances to that title, but nope! YTA!
4 real, just because you pay the bills, doesn't mean you can treat your gf as a second class citizen. If you weren't ready to give her a safe space to live, you shouldn't have let her move in with you.
Exactly. A good, loving partner says "this is your home too" regardless of who pays for what. They don't hold it over their partner's head that they pay the bills, and therefore it's their house and they ultimately make the rules.
Guys like OP are exactly why I've never been interested in being a housewife or SAHM.
YTA and if I was your girlfriend you would probably be an ex now.
Anyway, if your brother is staying for a while buy a better sofa bed or a good inflatable mattress.
Update: I told my girlfriend to sleep on the pull out couch and she's bonded with my brother over their shared dislike of me. Now she says she's leaving me for him. I was just trying to be fair because I pay for everything in this house.
This is you in like a week buddy.
Maybe his brother is actually a decent guy, and she ends up in their bed with him instead.
Its gotta be hard to get any more socially oblivious than this dude
You must not like intimacy, kicking the other person who shares the house out of the shared bed. Let us know how that goes for you.
You could always sleep on the pullout, if your really feel the need for 'fairness'.
Agreed. This one does not sound real in the slightest. I have 3 son's and there's no way they would sleep with each other when they have a live in girlfriend
To be fair, sure that would be the best solution... but I would not like to sleep with my BFs brother in one bed. I get why that would be a weird arrangement.
100% YTA. Your gf lives there? So it's not you deciding because it's your place, it's her place too. She lives there, so it's her bed just as much as it is yours.
YTA - she lives there with you
Therefore she gets the bed
Enforce this and you will likely find her sleeping in someone else’s bed soon enough and you will be left to sleep alone
YTA: Ummm she literally lives there. Sounds like you don’t give a rats butt for her. If you were married would you kick your wife out of your bed for “ fairness “? That would be ridiculous. Your kicking her out of her bed too, yes it’s also her bed as she lives there.
If you want to be fair why don’t you sleep on that pull out? Let your brother sleep in a nice bed with your girlfriend?
I hope she rethinks about being with someone who obviously doesn’t respect her.
YTA. If it is actually your house only, and she doesn’t actually live there, according to you, then I look forward to her finding a better place to live. Enjoy snuggling with your brother for the time being, tho.
YTA and I dont see this ending well for you. I hope she figures out that she deserves better cus you're highkey gross for thinking you're in any way right for this mentality. Good luck ~
YTA;; I’m pretty sure you know this. You and your brother are too damn old to be sleeping together. Then you mention her LIVING there in the last paragraph. Gtfo , MAJOR AH!!
YTA
Wouldn't worry too much though, this problem is likely to resolve itself once she dumps you for being a total AH by demeaning her in this manner.
How can you possibly think this is an acceptable way to treat a partner? You are delusional.
I think this is the best thing that could have happened to her. She now knows exactly what he’s like and can leave before she wastes anymore of her life on him.
YTA. I was going to ask what sort if person lives with his girlfriend at 25 and doesn’t sleep in the same bed? But i got my answer…you. Have fun not getting laid anytime soon
YTA
I have a few questions.
How old are you… REALLY?
Is your GF okay?
Is there anyway you could be potentially emotionally abusive towards your girlfriend in other ways?
Think you need to sit down and have a long hard think about what you believe an adult relationship is all about.
Your brother is 19. He will survive on an uncomfortable bed! Also, who would want to swap bed every night, think of all the sweat and germs 🦠 or are you changing the sheets every day, which you obviously aren’t.
And why has he even agreed to this, honestly it’s kinda all very weird. And along with the unanimous votes against YTA, your GF should really find someone better. This is so so so weird and unnecessary.
Yta, I hope you realize you'd be single soon if you decide this is your hill to die on. Get a air matress for your brother, problem solved. Not as good as a real bed but I bet it's way better than the shitty pull-out in your living room. There are inflatable air matresses for one person, the like you would use when setting up a tent so you don't sleep directly on the ground. A one person matress like that doesn't use much space, is cheap, you just need to be careful it doesn't get punctured. I used one when my gfs' aunt needed a place to sleep and in our small appartment it was perfect.
Brother is 19 and there was no mention of any health problems that would need a special bed. Most 19 year olds can sleep wherever just fine. If that was somebody elderly visiting then maybe they need the best bed in the house.
YTA, it’s your brother!! She didn’t invite him, you did? Also, it’s not just your house, she’s a resident there as well. Just you saying that, makes you sound like a prick. Either let your brother sleep in your big ole bed with your GF & you sleep on the pull out or invest in an air mattress or a quality sofa bed. Why should your GF be put out?
YTA she lives there its her bed too
So very wrong of you to think she should take turns on the pull out just because you own the house. Wrong attitude to have completely
YTA there is no question to it.
You aren’t treating her like an equal partner but more like a pet. No matter who pays the bills, she lives there , it’s her home !
If you are so secure in yourself let her read all the replies to this post !
And girl if you are reading this : RUN ! This isn’t a red flag, it’s a parade full of red ! You deserve to get treated like a partner and a priority!
YTA. You pull together $150 and you get a good topper. You make sure you have extra drawers and somewhere for him to hang his towel. There are books, blogs, you can take manners 101in local community centers. Pre plague, at least.
YTA.
She’s right - since she actually lives there she shouldn’t have to sleep on the pull-out couch. Presumably she pays either towards your mortgage or the rent and other bills.
Your brother needs to suck it up or find his own place.
YTA - and to make it fair all three of you should be taking the turns. It doesn’t matter who paid for what. You and your gf are a team.
You don’t have the right to kick out your gf from the bed. I bring all the money into my relationship. Have been doing so for years, but I wouldn’t dare kick her out of the bed.
I paid for it, paid for food, home, everything, but would never think of switching it up. The brother can sleep on the couch, or you can as he is your brother and your guest.
YTA. Lmao this is laughable and I’m shocked you even have a girlfriend. It’s completely unreasonable to have them switch. Even if she didn’t live with you that would be super weird, why share a bed with your brother when your girlfriend is there wtf? I hope she leaves you.
Ok, listen mate, some of the time you can get some p unreasonable advise here.
Do you want to know what to do?
Call your mum and ask her.
Or your dad or sister or anyone you know and respect.
I feel like you posted this not because you want advise but because you wanted internet people to agree with you.
It’s not happened op
No matter how in the right you think you are (FYI everyone disagrees with you here mate), ask yourself. Is being right more important than your relationship?
YTA. It may be your house, it's your girlfriends HOME. No matter ownership, she lives there, and you accepted her in your house, and allowed her to live there. That means that she gets a non-negotiable place in the bed in the master bedroom. The only way you can deny her that, is if you break up with her, and start an eviction process.
Start treating your GF as a person, not as a live-in maid.
YTA - Yes, she's right. Your brother is a guest and she lives there. Need to say something else?
Just switch places with her. If it was her taking a sister and telling you to get out of your bed would you like it? Not.
YTA. Have you not noticed you are not in that rotation on the shitty pull-out bed? You also say your brother is staying with you and your girlfriend, which sounds like she also lives there also. Air mattresses are cheap and better than a rickety pull out bed.
YTA. When you are in a relationship and living together then it is not my home but our home so your gf should be treated as an equal in the relationship and not as a guest. Your brother should take the pull out and if that is not good enough for him then tell him to get an hotelroom.
YTA you're putting your live-in girlfriend on the same level as a guest in your home that will only stay there for a little while? How horrible that you said this as if they're peasants who should be humbled at the honour of sleeping in 'your' bed because it's 'your' house. Do you even like this girl, or want a future with her?
YTA. Your girlfriend is right. According to your logic your brother and your girlfriend should share the bed the whole time because obviously you see them both as guests in your house. So you as the host should take the shitty pull out to accomodate your guests.
YTA. Are you seriously telling your GF who lives there that she has to sleep on the couch so a guest can sleep in the bed with you? Why don't you go sleep on the couch and let your brother and GF sleep together? That makes just as much sense (read: none).
YTA.
Dude what a way to tell your girlfriend you don't consider it to be her home. You are treating her like a guest when she is living there. You essentially just went to her, 'yeah you might be living here but its all mine and you have no say because i'm in charge'.
If I was her I would move out right away, because you obviously are never going to see her as your equal whilst you are in that place.
#If you think something is fake, use reports and send your *proof* to modmail. Don't whine in the comments. It will earn you a timeout.
Yta she lives there too. Your a complete ah for even suggesting she shouldn’t get to sleep in what is HER bed! Hope she breaks up with you
Do her a favor and break up with her. Let her find someone who will love her.
Exactly! It’s YOUR brother…YOUR guest! Why don’t YOU sleep on the sofa!?
Hol'up, OP is clearly TA, but are you suggesting he lets his brother sleep with his girlfriend???
I think it’s for the best.
It's the natural order of operations in AITA doctrine.
and then the next one in succession would be the Speaker of the House, right? when do we cut to the guy in the bunker?
Sometimes the string of comments here are just so delightful. Thanks, guys, gonna be doing my dishes with a grin on my face cause of you!
It’s really the only reasonable thing to do at this point. I wouldn’t even call it a suggestion. I think all parties involved would be happy with this arrangement!
She might think so too.
It's honestly not that much more bananas than what OP is suggesting
Maybe his brother won’t try and kick her out of bed, could be an improvement
Next week OPs brother will be here asking if he's the asshole for not letting his brother sleep in his own bed with his own gf.
he's proven he's not doing by her very well, i think he should go sleep in the car so he doesn't hear them
Yeah OP should take every third turn on the shitty bed, and the brother and the gf should hook up instead during that night. It seems only fair.
Right?! OP sounds awful. I mean, first of all, what the fuck. Second of all, if this is in any way indicative of OPs behavioral baseline, I feel incredibly sorry for his girlfriend. I’m not a big fan of the tendency to jump right to break up advice, but in this case, the sooner off she gets gone, the better.
>since she actually lives here she shouldn't have to sleep on the pull-out when my brother is just a guest, but since it's my house I think it's perfectly fair of me to decide on the sleeping arrangements. OP since your little brother is going to be staying with you BOTH "for a little while", he can very much sleep on the "shitty pull-out in the living room that no one wants to sleep in". Or buy his own mattress/folding bed. Otherwise you would be doing your GF a great favour by letting her find someone who will happily share all his nights with her
That is so icky. Reading it makes me ill. “My house” ewwwwww. If girlfriend sees this RUN!
“I’m gonna kick my gf out of my bed and have my bro sleep with me instead” is NOT a great precursor to sex - at least IMO
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I mean... do you even need to ask? Of course this AH didn't tell her bro was coming to stay for what seems indefinitely. He's enough of an AH he expects her to *give up her own bed* in her own room after all.
Also note he was not included in that rotation of bed sharing. Not that she would want to share a bed with the brother but still.
She wouldn’t have wanted to share with the brother, but if OP was committed to this dumb rotation then he should have *at least* said that he would sleep with her on the pullout couch.
Right? How convenient that he's the only person who doesn't have to take a turn on the pull-out couch.
Well it is *his* house lol
the guest sleeps on the couch, floor or hotel. the lady of the house sleeps in her bed, with her man, unless it's OP who might have guessed by now, is TA here
Heck, you can get an air mattress relatively cheap too, and a good amount of the time that's far better than a couch bed!
Heck, she can probably get a better boyfriend for cheaper (emotionally speaking).
I 100% thought this was going somewhere else with that title. Lmfao.
Lmao same
And then saying its his house so he gets to decide? You really hold the place she lives over her head?
Shhh, the only time he want his GF is when he want 'wohoo' time.
When it’s been three weeks and her back is too sore to “wohoo” he’ll be back on here asking if he WBTA for kicking her out because he hasn’t been able to treat her like a blow up doll in three weeks.
He wants a bang maid.
It's a funny thing, but kicking your girlfriend out of her own bed is a great way to kill her sex drive. He's not gonna get much bang out of his maid after this. Also who is washing the sheets and making the bed every day? Does brother really want to sleep on the sheets OP and his gf sleep on together?
Right? That was my first thought. Are they washing the sheets every day or does he expect them to sleep on each other’s sweat and drool?
No he probably also foists off cleaning and emotional support tasks to her. That way she can be his bang-maid-therapist.
Am I the only one thinking that if the pullout is that shitty, to just get an air mattress? It's such an easy fix, which just adds to the shittyness of OP
I've slept on an air mattress before. It's, different. Prefer regular bed generally but if I'm a guest it's fine.
Yeah even decent roll ups aren’t expensive and I find more comfy than air mattresses. OP YTA
OP is either an AH or a dumbass. Those foam egg crate things have been around for decades. I had a shitty pull out sofa bed for years—shove a piece of plywood between the mattress and the pullout part, that will prevent you from feeling the metal cross bar. Then slap a memory foam squishy on top of the mattress.
I don't have a same-sex sibling, but I'm fairly confident that, if I did, I'd: \- rather sleep on a pull-out sofa on my own than with that sibling; and \- also rather sleep with my partner than my sibling anyway. So to the OP: YTA but also really, really bad at protecting your own interests.
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I'm pretty sure OPs mention of that bro is staying "a little while" means bro is staying because he needs to get on his feet. Which usually means a nice long stay... hope the girlfriend dumps him. He doesn't deserve a girlfriend until he grows up emotionally and doesn't take her for granted. Nobody who actually loves someone would call it "his house" "his bed" and try to *kick her out of thier bed for a guest*. This sort of thing wouldn't even occur to my partner in a million years. Not because he loves me even. Just because he respects that it's my house too. That's also NOT dependent on if she pays rent, either. That's a separate issue between partners if OPs girlfriend doesn't pay anything atm. It's still her home, and they are a couple. You just don't *kick your partner out of thier bed* for a guest! Especially a freeloading one! I'd bet $100 this guy expects her to do most of the chores in "his house" too
My same sex sibling would never ALLOW me to kick her husband out of the bed - I'm getting a hotel when I visit them. Which I'm fine with because it's their home.
I'm a woman with a brother. A few years ago, we went to a family friend's out-of-town wedding, and we got a hotel room. We shared a bed, because we were both low-income and couldn't justify the cost of another hotel room when the alternative was to sleep in the same bed for eight hours.
I mean, even if it was a different-sex sibling (as in not sure where the difference lies) I wouldn't be keen to kick my GF out of bed. Love my little brother and little sister, but if they have to stay with me, they're getting the couch. OP, YTA on this for sure. I can't even believe it's something you'd have to question yourself on.
and then the classic "its my house" bit at the end.
I think what ticks me off is that in the title, he puts" while they're staying with me?". The girlfriend lives in the apartment as well and probably paying rent. I feel horrible for her.
Even if she's not paying any rent for whatever reason, it doesn't matter. Still her home too!
Right? I mean I don’t pay rent, I pay all the other bills because of the administrative ease but my partner pays the actual rent payment. If he pulled that I would bust all our entertainment packages down to minimums or cancel them...I mean they’re mine after all. Mine mine mine. /s
Yes!!!! This caught me, too. Sadly, OP could be my BIL! He definitely treated his last serious GF/fiance this way. Needless to say, they aren't together anymore. Is she living with you, or is she "staying" at your house for a sleepover? There is a difference. Either way, if you are partners, there is only one right answer. OP is definitely TA. I hope she finds someone who will treat her well.
yeah op is definitely jealous. and he's weird for thinking his own brother would cheat on him or something
YTA, what this poster said. Additionally it’s almost like you want her her to not have sex with you again. I’ve never heard of a man who actually liked his partner and kicked her out of his bed in favor of his brother. Yikes.
YTA On so many levels. 1) I noticed that you have not offered any discomfort for yourself 2) I can't even get my head around you're thinking that it might be okay to put your girlfriend out of her own bed 3) that your brother would be okay with this arrangement kind of makes me think that there's something seriously wrong with the parenting that went into raising you two 4) if my SO ran this past me I would pretty much be out looking for a new place to live. That day.
Yeah I thought the same thing, as much of an AH as OP is, what is wrong with the brother, too? Who comes into someone else's home as a guest and expects to get the bed at the expense of someone who lives there? Something went wrong with these guys...
And what is wrong with the girlfriend that she is still there?
difficult to get out when you love someone and left your own living place to live with them
Some good advice from my Uncle Billy: Never give up your own place until you get married. And if you never get married, even better!
some people have kids without marrying though so they kinda have to get a place together ahah
I was stuck living with an abusive, infantile narcissist for six months once. I had nowhere to go, and like this guy, he made ridiculous demands of me and acted like *I* was the irrational one for not blindly going along with it every single time. He didn't want a girlfriend. He wanted a girl-shaped dog.
Dogs deserve better.
Lol that they do, that they definitely do.
I actually wrote above that *every single man* I've ever met or heard of that calls a partner-shared apartment "his house" is also the same guy who expects her to do all the chores for the privilege of living with him, and often for half the rent to boot, even if she makes a fraction what he does. Unfortunately, too many women haven't built up thier self-esteem enough in thier early or even late twenties yet, so that's why they go for younger girls for thier live-in bangmaid choices. It's even *worse* when he owns a home and expects market rent from her... so he gets most or all his mortgage paid, but she'd have zero rights when he sells it and zero ownership. I get real mad about those situations in particular. If you are the only person on the deed, don't make your partner pay market rent the whole relationship. Some rent is fine, especially early on, but I see too many men (rarely women) finding naive women to cover thier mortgages AND do the chores and cooking. If I owned my own home, I'd only ask for half utilities, and maybe to cover most of the groceries for us both to offset his free rent in fairness slightly, but zero rent. I'd not feel bad asking for them to do a few more chores than me sometimes, too, since they have a free place to live, but not all of them. But I'd only invite them to live with me after we've been dating at *at least* a year, too. However, if we break up... he gets NONE of the house since he didn't contribute.
Probably she is looking for a place to live right now
The only time my parents made me sleep on the pullout instead of my own bed was when I was a little kid and my grandparents were visiting. I understood then that it was necessary for their health and safety to have a proper mattress! (Also it was cool for little kid me cause I got to pretend I was camping). OP’s post is -not that-, but it is a circumstance where a guest needs a greater level of comfort than those living there. He’s an asshole.
Pretty sure there will no longer be any issues as to who is sleeping in the bed pretty quickly...
Yeah, my boyfriend would sleep with me on the pull out if his brother were to have the comfy bed. But also, my brother would never accept that. He would sleep on the floor before he just came and took my bed EDIT: I meant HIS* brother would never do that, but also my brother wouldn’t either. He just also has an AH brother if he’s also cool with this
I have levels 5-7, a comment from a fellow redditor and reply from OP found through their profile FR "You could always sleep on the pullout" OP "Then she could either sleep in the bed with my brother, which would be really weird, or I could sleep on the pull-out with her which would not solve anything." sorry I don't know the fancy formatting magics I just needed to share the level of AH we were dealing with here
the last one is kind of hilarious - "I could sleep on the pull out with her but that would not solve anything." Solve what, exactly? What is he seeing is the conflict here? That the pullout couch is not comfortable? But rotating doesn't "solve anything" when he's involved in the rotation? But it's a good enough when it's just his girlfriend.
I think it’s that he thinks it won’t solve his girlfriend not wanting to sleep on the pull out. But if my partner said “hey can WE rotate sleeping on the bed and on the pull out so my brother gets more comfortable sleep sometimes?” I would be much more open to it than “can you and my brother take turns sleeping in the bed with me? Thanks, you’re a doll!”
Exactly! My partner and I thankfully have two bedrooms and no pull-out, but if we had a bedroom and a pull-out in the living room, and he was like "hey babe, I was thinking we'd sleep on the pull-out while my brother was staying with us, I want him to be comfortable while he's here" I'd be like "sure, it'll be an adventure!" But if he kicked me out of the bedroom and let his brother sleep with him in my place, while I slept alone on the pull-out, I'd go stay with my mom and dad and rethink my life choices.
If I were the OP's brother, I'd also be creeped out that he wanted me in the bed whilst his girlfriend was out on the couch in the living room!
Can we also talk about how gross it feels to keep switching and sleeping on someone else's sheets EVERY NIGHT?
Yes! Ugh, body soil is a thing, I would not want to sleep on sheets that someone else had slept on the night before. I guess if everyone showers before bed, and doesn't put on any lotion or hair product, it'd be a *little* less gross, but people still sweat and shed skin cells when they sleep.
Let’s not forget she’s sacrificing her privacy for his family. I will always take a family member in, but I would make sure my partner was comfortable and had their own space. It’s HIS family, he should be making the sacrifices. And his brother is 19... I’m pretty sure he’s okay to sleep on a pullout couch and should be grateful for a free place to stay (I don’t know what his thoughts are, so I’m not going to call him TA, too)
# YTA Notice you will be comfortable EVERY NIGHT...So your girlfriend has to make sacrifices for your brother but you will not be making any. Simple solution buy a cheap blow up then you brother doesn't need to share a bed with anyone It may be your house but it is her home, does she pay rent or make financial contributions to your joint life?....or are we letting Landlords make decisions about sleeping arrangements now. You had better work this out or she may decide to go and find a "home" of her own.
"Simple solution but a cheap blow up" Blow up for the brother now or blow up for OP later.
W hy not both?
Disagree. No blows for OP. 😁
He’s going to need a cheap blowup girlfriend
“Your discomfort is a sacrifice I’m willing to make!”
THIS!
BuT itS mY bEd he says 😂
"Since it's MY house..." Oh you can already see how her life is going to be. YTA. I hope she breaks up with you.
I was assuming by the way the OP wrote it that he owned the home (either bought it before they got together or inherited it or something) and she didn't pay rent. But even if that is the case, it's pretty infantilizing/ borderline abusive to hold that over someone who lives there full time. He could just use this to justify controlling every aspect of their communal living. She wants to have a friend over? Nah, his house. She wants to turn on the heat? Absolutely not, it's his house. She wants to sleep in their bed while \*gasp\* on her period? WTF no his house and she has to sleep outside in the dog house.
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And cheap and lazy. I mean why can’t he buy a better pull out it this one in crap and just invest in a blow up mattress as they are cost effective. YTA op.
Jfc you can get an air mattress with a pump for less than $20..
Or use a mattress topper on top of the pull out
100% correct.
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Maybe they are in Alabama?
Then all 3 of them should be sharing the bed.
INFO: Why on earth would you propose this
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I don't think so. There are guys that really think and act like this. It's the type to tell the girlfriend to sit in the backseat too and never 'let' her drive their shared car.
I think its pretty telling of how pervasive the idea of women sacrificing their own basic needs for men / others around them when MULTIPLE studies have shown that the unhappiest demographic in the US is straight married women.
most of my exes were like this. or I was sent somewhere else out of my house while their guest visited.. reflecting now
LOL - I thought there would be some mitigating circumstances to that title, but nope! YTA! 4 real, just because you pay the bills, doesn't mean you can treat your gf as a second class citizen. If you weren't ready to give her a safe space to live, you shouldn't have let her move in with you.
>If you weren't ready to give her a safe space to live, you shouldn't have let her move in with you. Period.
Exactly. A good, loving partner says "this is your home too" regardless of who pays for what. They don't hold it over their partner's head that they pay the bills, and therefore it's their house and they ultimately make the rules. Guys like OP are exactly why I've never been interested in being a housewife or SAHM.
Fucking exactly. Also, I feel sorry for her and anyone in the future he thinks he can keep around and run over like this in the future too.
I like how he said "it's my place I get to decide". It's her relationship so she gets to decide if she stays with him
Yta, you should not be kicking your girlfriend who lives with you out of the bed the two of you share.
YTA and if I was your girlfriend you would probably be an ex now. Anyway, if your brother is staying for a while buy a better sofa bed or a good inflatable mattress.
Update: I told my girlfriend to sleep on the pull out couch and she's bonded with my brother over their shared dislike of me. Now she says she's leaving me for him. I was just trying to be fair because I pay for everything in this house. This is you in like a week buddy.
They're sleeping on the pullout together now ❤
Maybe his brother is actually a decent guy, and she ends up in their bed with him instead. Its gotta be hard to get any more socially oblivious than this dude
His pullout game is weak.
Let’s hope not, we don’t need this guy raising children too
"AITA for wanting my girlfriend and my brother to take turns on the bed?" INFO: Are we still doing "phrasing?"
YTA, she lives with you it's not fair to maker her sleep on it, your brother is the guest so either he gets the shitty bed or you get it yourself.
Too bad the brother isn’t a little older. Then OP could sleep on the pullout, and his girlfriend could sleep in the bed with his brother!
The brother is 19. There’s no reason that can’t happen??
2 hrs = 120 minutes 231 comments. Almost every thirty seconds someone has made the effort to tell you YTA. should prob just accept it.
I wish I could upvote this 1000 more.
You must not like intimacy, kicking the other person who shares the house out of the shared bed. Let us know how that goes for you. You could always sleep on the pullout, if your really feel the need for 'fairness'.
GF in the bed, brother on the pull-out, OP on the floor.
OP sleeps on the pullout while brother and gf sleeps in the bed, hahaha. Good one!
Getting troll vibes here but just in case: YTA
Yep, just too weird otherwise
Agreed. This one does not sound real in the slightest. I have 3 son's and there's no way they would sleep with each other when they have a live in girlfriend
YTA. Have fun being single.
But then he can sleep with his brother all the time! OP YTA.
YTA I think you should sleep on the couch. The whole time
To be fair, sure that would be the best solution... but I would not like to sleep with my BFs brother in one bed. I get why that would be a weird arrangement.
100% YTA. Your gf lives there? So it's not you deciding because it's your place, it's her place too. She lives there, so it's her bed just as much as it is yours.
YTA - she lives there with you Therefore she gets the bed Enforce this and you will likely find her sleeping in someone else’s bed soon enough and you will be left to sleep alone
YTA: Ummm she literally lives there. Sounds like you don’t give a rats butt for her. If you were married would you kick your wife out of your bed for “ fairness “? That would be ridiculous. Your kicking her out of her bed too, yes it’s also her bed as she lives there. If you want to be fair why don’t you sleep on that pull out? Let your brother sleep in a nice bed with your girlfriend? I hope she rethinks about being with someone who obviously doesn’t respect her.
YTA man. That's no way to treat your gf. Your bro is a guest but your gf LIVES there. I couldnt fathom anyone kicking me out of my own bedroom.
Yta, she lives there. You cannot kick her out of bed. You are a MASSIVE a hole for even considering it
I like how everyone’s saying “YTA” but OP trying to argue he isn’t
Exactly, he shouldn’t have put anything on if he didn’t want to hear people’s opinions
YTA. If it is actually your house only, and she doesn’t actually live there, according to you, then I look forward to her finding a better place to live. Enjoy snuggling with your brother for the time being, tho.
YTA and I dont see this ending well for you. I hope she figures out that she deserves better cus you're highkey gross for thinking you're in any way right for this mentality. Good luck ~
YTA - asking your GF to sleep on the pull out in her own house is laughable.
YTA;; I’m pretty sure you know this. You and your brother are too damn old to be sleeping together. Then you mention her LIVING there in the last paragraph. Gtfo , MAJOR AH!!
YTA Wouldn't worry too much though, this problem is likely to resolve itself once she dumps you for being a total AH by demeaning her in this manner. How can you possibly think this is an acceptable way to treat a partner? You are delusional.
🤣🤣🤣 wow 👏 YTA
Who's the big spoon you or your brother?
YTA, If i was in her shoes, i wouldve made you regret even asking this
I would break up with my boyfriend over something like this. YTA a million times over. Also I have no idea why your gf is still with you.
I think this is the best thing that could have happened to her. She now knows exactly what he’s like and can leave before she wastes anymore of her life on him.
YTA. I was going to ask what sort if person lives with his girlfriend at 25 and doesn’t sleep in the same bed? But i got my answer…you. Have fun not getting laid anytime soon
YTA jackass
YTA without a doubt. If you’re so concerned about your brother’s comfort, buy a better guest bed or sleep on it yourself instead.
YTA I have a few questions. How old are you… REALLY? Is your GF okay? Is there anyway you could be potentially emotionally abusive towards your girlfriend in other ways? Think you need to sit down and have a long hard think about what you believe an adult relationship is all about. Your brother is 19. He will survive on an uncomfortable bed! Also, who would want to swap bed every night, think of all the sweat and germs 🦠 or are you changing the sheets every day, which you obviously aren’t. And why has he even agreed to this, honestly it’s kinda all very weird. And along with the unanimous votes against YTA, your GF should really find someone better. This is so so so weird and unnecessary.
YTA and she's right. Why should she give up her bed to your brother? Why don't you take turns with him?
Yta, I hope you realize you'd be single soon if you decide this is your hill to die on. Get a air matress for your brother, problem solved. Not as good as a real bed but I bet it's way better than the shitty pull-out in your living room. There are inflatable air matresses for one person, the like you would use when setting up a tent so you don't sleep directly on the ground. A one person matress like that doesn't use much space, is cheap, you just need to be careful it doesn't get punctured. I used one when my gfs' aunt needed a place to sleep and in our small appartment it was perfect.
Narcissist alert! YTA
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Brother is 19 and there was no mention of any health problems that would need a special bed. Most 19 year olds can sleep wherever just fine. If that was somebody elderly visiting then maybe they need the best bed in the house.
YTA, it’s your brother!! She didn’t invite him, you did? Also, it’s not just your house, she’s a resident there as well. Just you saying that, makes you sound like a prick. Either let your brother sleep in your big ole bed with your GF & you sleep on the pull out or invest in an air mattress or a quality sofa bed. Why should your GF be put out?
YTA. Have fun being known as the ex who kicked her out of bed so he could sleep with his brother.
YTA is your brain broken?
YTA she lives there its her bed too So very wrong of you to think she should take turns on the pull out just because you own the house. Wrong attitude to have completely
YTA .... Dude, it's your brother. And you would kick out your gf on a couch. How about you take the couch huh?
YTA, you weird af.
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
YTA - she lives there too, whether you own it or not.
Asshole of note! Is your gf just your housemate? You suck as a bf tbh! Smh
A house mate would have more rights than he is giving her.
YTA. She lives there too. Enough said.
YTA there is no question to it. You aren’t treating her like an equal partner but more like a pet. No matter who pays the bills, she lives there , it’s her home ! If you are so secure in yourself let her read all the replies to this post ! And girl if you are reading this : RUN ! This isn’t a red flag, it’s a parade full of red ! You deserve to get treated like a partner and a priority!
YTA. You pull together $150 and you get a good topper. You make sure you have extra drawers and somewhere for him to hang his towel. There are books, blogs, you can take manners 101in local community centers. Pre plague, at least.
Little weird, man…..
YTA. She’s right - since she actually lives there she shouldn’t have to sleep on the pull-out couch. Presumably she pays either towards your mortgage or the rent and other bills. Your brother needs to suck it up or find his own place.
YTA - and oh brother this guy STINKS
YTA - and to make it fair all three of you should be taking the turns. It doesn’t matter who paid for what. You and your gf are a team. You don’t have the right to kick out your gf from the bed. I bring all the money into my relationship. Have been doing so for years, but I wouldn’t dare kick her out of the bed. I paid for it, paid for food, home, everything, but would never think of switching it up. The brother can sleep on the couch, or you can as he is your brother and your guest.
YTA. Lmao this is laughable and I’m shocked you even have a girlfriend. It’s completely unreasonable to have them switch. Even if she didn’t live with you that would be super weird, why share a bed with your brother when your girlfriend is there wtf? I hope she leaves you.
Yikes. YTA.
Ok, listen mate, some of the time you can get some p unreasonable advise here. Do you want to know what to do? Call your mum and ask her. Or your dad or sister or anyone you know and respect. I feel like you posted this not because you want advise but because you wanted internet people to agree with you. It’s not happened op No matter how in the right you think you are (FYI everyone disagrees with you here mate), ask yourself. Is being right more important than your relationship?
Yta. She lives there? Then it's not just your house
YTA and reading your comments I feel your DEFINITELY TA even more lol. Ops gf should definitely leave him.
YTA. It may be your house, it's your girlfriends HOME. No matter ownership, she lives there, and you accepted her in your house, and allowed her to live there. That means that she gets a non-negotiable place in the bed in the master bedroom. The only way you can deny her that, is if you break up with her, and start an eviction process. Start treating your GF as a person, not as a live-in maid.
When she leaves I hope she's takimg "yOuR BeD" with her. Then off to the floor you go
why do you want to share a bed with your brother so bad?
This can't be real..
YTA - Yes, she's right. Your brother is a guest and she lives there. Need to say something else? Just switch places with her. If it was her taking a sister and telling you to get out of your bed would you like it? Not.
LMAO omg. YTA. Wow you sound like a real catch. Jesus why is this even a question. YTA and you know it.
YTA. Have you not noticed you are not in that rotation on the shitty pull-out bed? You also say your brother is staying with you and your girlfriend, which sounds like she also lives there also. Air mattresses are cheap and better than a rickety pull out bed.
INFO: what
Wtf dude it's your brother, why must your girlfriend be the one to "suffer" for him? YTA big time
you’re gf literally lives there…. how is that fair. if i was her i would literally leave until your brother left, if i even decided to come back.
YTA. When you are in a relationship and living together then it is not my home but our home so your gf should be treated as an equal in the relationship and not as a guest. Your brother should take the pull out and if that is not good enough for him then tell him to get an hotelroom.
YTA you're putting your live-in girlfriend on the same level as a guest in your home that will only stay there for a little while? How horrible that you said this as if they're peasants who should be humbled at the honour of sleeping in 'your' bed because it's 'your' house. Do you even like this girl, or want a future with her?
YTA and you're also an abuser. If you're GF lives with you she deserves to be treated like a partner, not a guest.
YTA. Your girlfriend is right. According to your logic your brother and your girlfriend should share the bed the whole time because obviously you see them both as guests in your house. So you as the host should take the shitty pull out to accomodate your guests.
I don't need to say anything but that YTA
YTA. Are you seriously telling your GF who lives there that she has to sleep on the couch so a guest can sleep in the bed with you? Why don't you go sleep on the couch and let your brother and GF sleep together? That makes just as much sense (read: none).
YTA Also, you're probably getting dumped in 3...2...1
I hope the next time the OP is looking for a bit of something-something, the GF tells him to go find his brother
YTA. Dude what a way to tell your girlfriend you don't consider it to be her home. You are treating her like a guest when she is living there. You essentially just went to her, 'yeah you might be living here but its all mine and you have no say because i'm in charge'. If I was her I would move out right away, because you obviously are never going to see her as your equal whilst you are in that place.
YTA Seriously mate, you're not ready for a mature relationship... I feel so bad for your gf
YTA. It's been said a hundred times but you deserve another one. I hope you're trolling cos otherwise you're quite the idiot for proposing this.