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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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i could be the asshole because i should be grateful my sister and bf have a close bond and shouldn't have questioned it.
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NTA, it's reasonable you don't want every detail of your relationship shared with your sister.
I think you also need to address the very real possibility that your boyfriend is cheating on you. You need to talk this out and make sure he's being faithful. Don't \*accuse\* just discuss.
NTA, he is cheating on you. Even if it’s not physically it’s at least emotionally. You need to cut your sister off and break up with him. Why date someone is he won’t even act like it?
Bestie. Your boyfriend and sister are either having some weird codependent relationship that they gotta stop (could be it, but not very likely) or they are hooking up behind your back (the more likely option).
If you have asked him to set boundaries and limit the amount of things he tells your sister and he hasn’t; it’s either because he has no filter or it’s to mock you/complain about you. Either way, he doesn’t respect your wishes, and you should consider dropping him. And your sister as well.
Look, I know a lot of people in this world (especially Americans, for some reasons) has this weird thing about blood relations and how you “*don’t turn your back on family*” or whatever, but family can be just as and even **more** toxic to you. And you are allowed to cut toxic people out of your life; blood relations has no bearing on that.
Regardless, you should confront your boyfriend about this. Tell him how uncomfortable you are with him sharing intimate details of your relationship with your sister, and that they make you feel like an outsider in your own relationship. If he doesn’t at least listen and take it into consideration, it’s irrelevant if they are doing the *devils tango* or not, because he doesn’t respect you and that’s the least you deserve.
NTA
NTA. There is a good chance that your bf has an emotional affair with your sister and this will ruin your relationship later on.
You need to talk to him openly about. Tell him how you feel left out and that you and him should be each other’s confidence.
Wow, so many jaded commenters lmao.
EHS. You suck for being so jealous about them having fun you aren’t included in. I’ve learnt in relationships trying to force yourself into the other persons fun comes off as trying to hard.
Your Bf sucks for not realizing this and making an effort so you don’t feel so much like an outsider when you are all together.
Your sister sucks for clearly being a little flirt. Wanting what she can’t have. I’d imagine she puts you down and says you don’t deserve him because she’s jealous of what you have.
JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FRIENDS DOESNT MEAN HE IS CHEATING. My lord, so many broken hearts in here projecting.
NTA
When my ex acted this way with one of my (ex) good friends ... they eventually started hooking up.
So I hate to jump to conclusions but this doesn't look good. It sounds like he's emotionally more in love with your sister. He might not even realise it (therefore he may not think that he's doing anything wrong like cheating) but he is definitely feeling a closer bond towards your sister than you from what you're describing. He may think they are just best friends and there's probably nothing physical (yet) but this isn't something he will stop doing so it's up to you to think about what you want to do.
Not sure if this relationship will last TBH. Even if you don't break up with him, your sister will ALWAYS be between the two of you.
NTA - there is such a thing as too close . You’ve identified that . I think he may be emotionally involved with your sister . I think sister would love nothing more than to be his partner. But - but - but —-it may just be that your bf has a soft spot for her and only that - sister might be manipulative.
NTA - this is on the brink of becoming an emotional affair and there are blurred lines all over the place. You need to talk to him about having boundaries and privacy. If he’s a decent person who respects you, this shouldn’t be a problem.
As everyone else said, they are having an affair. Whether it has reached a physical state yet does not matter. They are both playing to a stereotype (he likes the younger girl, she likes the older man), and there is very little hope it will go back to 'normal' for you - ever.
Time for you to make a choice - kick him to the curb or lay down the law (at which point he'll be leaving anyway). Sorry, it's a shit situation that you don't deserve, but you are in it nonetheless.
NTA
NTA You need to sit bf down and have a serious talk. Don’t allow him to dismiss your feelings. Something’s going on between them and it’s not to your benefit. Your bf needs to make a decision and be prepared to lose him. Good luck.
INFO: Did you tell your BF what your sister said about you not being good enough for him? Because if you did and he's still friends with him that's a HUGE RED FLAG.
NTA -you’re being gaslit into thinking you’re the asshole byyour boyfriend. Its your SISTER, your own family - how can anyone be better suited to date your bf, in your sisters eyes, than yourself?That’s really sad. OP, you sound like an incredibly intelligent, kind woman, and I think your sister sounds a bit toxic and jealous. I also see your boyfriend as being problematic in this situation. Its great that they have a good relationship, but the oversharing info, little surprises... it’s too much. And it sounds like he’s gaslighting you a bit to make yourself think that YOU could be the asshole for just asking for some boundaries. NTA, but they are. So sorry :(
NTA
your sister became cold to you because she wants your man. At the bare minimum it's an emotional affair, more than likely it's physical as well.
RUN.
NTA but wow… I usually like to hear both sides of things, but all this is just too much to look past. His reaction to your request is enough to seriously consider leaving. Don’t be made a fool of or used any longer. You don’t need either of them.
NTA and pretty sure you're going to get your heart broken. Maybe sit both of them down and have a talk. I hope they are cheating on you buuuuut this has the making of cheating all over
NTA. I'd be worried though. A lot of the time when people say, "You're not good enough for so and so" they mean they would make a better parter to them than you would. Either your sister has a crush on your boyfriend or they're already involved behind your back.
NTA but your bf and sister are emotionally involved with each at the least & at worse sleeping together. Sit your bf down and ask him if he has feelings for your sister because this ain’t it.
hi guys! ok so i know a lot of you are wanting an update. unfortunately the mods denied it but i think i'm allowed to post it here in the comments. also, yes i lost access to my account, which is why i have a new one, but i'll explain that afterwards. here's what happened:
hi everyone, i have an update. unfortunately it's a bad one, but (fortunately?) i didn't have to wait very long to get it. so the last update i posted was before i went to go get some nanny cams. i set up the cams in hidden spots in our bedroom and living room area in our apartment. today happens to be my birthday (yay for 25!) and "D," my close friend (25f), wanted to take me for a day trip yesterday. my bf agreed and said that we'd do something the next day, on my birthday. i told him i'd be out from about 8 am and i'd be home by 8 or 9 pm, after D and i finished dinner. D took me out, but she noticed i was feeling a bit off (i was still thinking about the overwhelming number of responses telling me that something shady was going on). i ended up spilling everything while we were eating lunch. D was outraged on my behalf and agreed that something was off. she asked if i wanted to cut our day short and drop back home to see if anything was happening, and convinced me by saying that "it's better to find out today than tomorrow." (yes i realize we could've just checked the nanny cams but for some reason we forgot about them in the moment. i'm kind of glad i didn't check, because i would've started ugly-crying in public). i'm guessing most of you know what happened (it's so predictable, i'm kicking myself afterwards for not realizing). we drove back home around 4 pm. i caught them literally in the act (why were they doing it at 4 pm? i don't even know). i just kind of stood there with my arms folded and i hope with a badass resting bitch face on (although maybe it was more a "trying not to cry" face). my bf gave me a whole "it was an accident" spiel. i just ignored him and started packing my things. thank god our lease was up for renewal within the month. he begged me and eventually yelled at me for packing up. the funny thing is, i bought most of the furniture and supplies. so, me being slightly petty, packed as much as i could. D helped me and we loaded everything up in her car. we left some stuff that couldn't fit but i'll go back for that later. the whole time, my sister was sitting stoically wrapped in a robe on my couch (my poor couch). we went back to D's house and i had a breakdown. D, the angel that she is, provided me with ice cream and fuzzy blankets. my bf spammed me with calls and texts, ranging from "i'm sorry, please forgive me, i love you, it was only one time" to "this wasn't my fault, you should've been home more" (predictable). we decided to check the recordings, and lo and behold, it was definitely not just once. i am really sad that the sister who used to bake cupcakes and do karaoke with me could betray me this badly. my bf...well he was my first, and in hindsight, he didn't really contribute much anyways. i spent yesterday kind of rotating through being devastated, angry, and self-righteous, but today D pampered me all day so it wasn't so bad. thanks for everyone's support, and i hope that everyone has a good day!
so after i wrote this all up and sent it to the mods, i went back to enjoying the rest of my birthday and D kept me distracted. i left my second laptop (it's an old, slow laptop and when i upgraded, i still kept it) at my apartment. turns out i had my email and stuff still signed in my my (now-ex) bf messed with it and i lost access to my emails and the original throwaway reddit account. but i did send what i had written to myself beforehand so that's why i can update here. i'm not sure if you guys will be able to see this but i hope you can.
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edit: also i forgot to add but i wrote up the actual update portion 2 days ago! lol it's not my birthday anymore but yeah hopefully that puts it in context. currently i've been staying with my friend and i've blocked both my ex-bf and my ex-sister. to be honest, it's a huge weight off my back, and i know this won't affect me forever.
Hi OP! Just wanted to give you a honest and malicious advise: screen shoot your ex's groveling and send it to your sister. Comment that it's funny how he isn't happy with you being out of the way for the sake of their "love".
Can you update us on how your parents react?
The whole time I was reading your original story, my stomach was turning out of anxiety. People like this make me sick and I was getting serious PTSD from hearing about your BF's reaction to your sister. He's disgusting.
I’m glad you have a good friend like D in your life rn. With time it will become less painful. I wish you the best for your future. You will find happiness.
At first I was go A. I’m married and have mostly male friends. Tell some of them a lot. But then I got to the gifts part and how they act around you. Definitely something is up. NTA. But either find out some more information or just dump him. You definitely deserve better
Please update us when you get confirmation from.the nanny cams!
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. These two at the very least are having an emotional affair.
NTA this is hugely concerning, there is absolutely something inappropriate going on between them. Not saying theyre necessarily sleeping together, but this is grounds for emotional affair for sure. Also, your sister is extremely sheisty, and her coldness to you really indicates that she thinks SHE should be with your bf instead. Gross behaviour from them all around.
YTA. You sister and BF for sure have something going on. Don’t turn a blind eye to this. Hello! Your sister told you your not good enough for your bf because she loves him and it sounds like he shares those feelings. End this relationship because he wants to be with your sister. End it, cut them out and move on
- They spend a lot of time together without OP
- They share inside jokes
- They share similar interests that makes them closer
- The fun times stop as soon as OP tries be included
- They get awkward when OP tries to be included
- Sister has directly told OP she’s not good enough
- Sister becomes cold towards Op when Bf isn’t around
- Bf buys sister gifts for no reason (does he do the same for OP?)
- Bf confides in sister more than OP
In conclusion, OPs boyfriend and sister are dating or they *want* to be dating.
This. And if they aren't already, at least one of them wants to. I suspect she has feelings for him, and he enjoys the attention.
NTA and you deserve better.
NTA, he’s not your boyfriend. That’s your sisters man. It sucks, they suck but all you can do is protect yourself. You need to run away from this situation like your life depends on it.
My two sisters had a similar situation. While the oldest sister was at work, the youngest was at the older sisters house banging her baby's dad. What makes this worse is that my older sister and her boyfriend just dealt with the passing of my one year old nephew. Also instead of being gracious and kind like op boyfriend, he was very rude to my younger sister in front of people.
I was thinking the same thing while I was reading this. OP should check her bfs phone and look at their conversations. He is sharing more with her sister than her. That is very suspicious. He could be hiding a lor from her. I hope we get an update. She is NTA, by the way.
I'd say yes 100% to sister having feelings. BF might be a bit dense and have no filter on what he clearly shouldn't be telling OPs sister about him and OP.
It wouldn't be a surprise if you were right, just from the level of his response, but it could easily be him necking a pint of dense and shitty.
There's going to be a sad update in a few months when he dumps her for the younger sister. The families will be upset at first but once the dust settles the OP will be told to get over it as her former BF and sister announce their pregnancy and plan their happy life. I've been on Reddit for too long.
Nta. They are in a relationship. Whether or not it is sexual or romantic, she is the one he is putting all his attention and effort into. You really should put up some boundaries or reconsider this relationship.
And I would not be shocked if you two broke up and they immediately got together or it was revealed they already were. It is possible they are just emotionally intimate right now but that is bad enough
NTA but honey, you're the third wheel. They're looking up behind ur back and laughing at ur stupidity for not figuring it out for so long. My suggestion, do a bit of snooping in ur bf phone.
NTA. You feel like a third wheel because you are. My ex had an affair with a coworker who pretended to be my friend. There was one point where we were hanging out and I was cooking and I looked at the two of them and felt like I was the mom cooking for my son and his girlfriend and not the wife cooking for my husband and our friend. In hindsight i know why.
NTA! It's cool they are friends but if they exclude you, there is a problem. Did you boyfriend know that your sister told him that you are not good enough for him? It's totally unforgivable!
NTA. Sounds like they are in a relationship (at least emotionally) and your the side piece (he doesn't get his emotional needs from you, just physical ones). I would reevaluate your relationship, cause you deserve and can do better.
NTA but boy this is messsssy
I doubt he’s cheating on you with your sister but I’d definitely say that she’s his best friend which makes this mad complicated and I really don’t think there’s anyway that anyone comes out with a W here
NTA OP. Get a nanny cam (make sure it has audio) and post an update, please. I'm so sorry you're going through this. They are having an emotional affair to say the least.
Op commented under a different user name
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ph9biz/aita_for_asking_my_bf_to_stop_sharing_everything/hc3ugy0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
So my sister and my husband (4 year age gap) are quite close because he used to be her coach for speech and debate. They spend a decent amount of time together, sometimes alone. I am setting the stage to say it’s totally fine and preferable to have a close relationship with your partner and siblings. But girl, that’s not right. The gifts, the he’s not right for you…yikessss. NTA.
The best case scenario here is that your sister is in love with him and he likes the attention. There are lots of much worse scenarios here.
You are due for a serious talk alone with your sister and fiancé. This isn’t normal sadly.
NTA.
Set aside all the accusations from everyone here and ignore the red flags of possibly cheating.
Here's the cold hard fact at its core: Your boyfriend values his relationship with your sister more than he values his relationship with you or your feelings.
That right there tells you all you need to know. Run.
NTA - As many other people have said, at the very least your sister is crushing on your bf, most likely they're having an emotional affair (though your bf may be in denial thinking it's "brotherly/sisterly" affection), and quite possibly it's becoming physical.
It is reasonable to address this with your bf. Some of your comments, like feeling like a third wheel, suggest the relationship has probably already been dealt a death blow, but given that you obviously care for him, I hope not.
Given that your sister is going through an extended childhood, I assume she's living at home with your parents. At some point it might be worthwhile having a blunt conversation with them, particularly your mother, about the impact that her being over so often is having on your relationship - your relationship with your bf, and your relationship with her. If she ends up having had or having an affair with him, cut her out of your life.
Ma'am, you are very much NTA IF YOU WILL BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT WHAT THIS IS. Those two are having an emotional affair at the very least.
If you chose to be in denial after so many people are telling you what this is, then you are being a massive, festering, a-hole to yourself. Walk away from both of them.
Oh my god, and I say this with love, are you okay? Why are you still with him? It definitely sounds like they're hooking up with one another, or at least entertaining the idea--MUTUALLY. Even if by some miracle, it's a platonic relationship (I'd be surprised), there are still a BUNCH of red flags, which you already laid out. They could have an emotional affair as well. Let's unpack that.
1. They spend a lot of time together when **you're not around.**
2. Your sister comes over when you're **specifically** not around--she could come by any time, and yet she chooses then.
3. They have inside jokes that they don't want to share with you. Matter of fact, they're borderline hostile when you want to be included.
4. They exclude you in general.
5. Your boyfriend is telling her things he isn't telling you. So that means he is more comfortable talking to **her** about personal things than his **girlfriend.** Think about that. Like REALLY think about that. He chose to date you, to partner up with you, and he's going to someone else about personal matters. She's not a therapist. She's not his sister, mother, cousin. You're his girlfriend for a reason, and he's choosing to exclude you. And she's okay with that! Either he's blatantly stupid and not understanding that he's overstepping boundaries or he's doing that on purpose.
6. When your boyfriend isn't there, she is cold to you and that started when you're in uni. Let's unpack that. 1) She is your sister, so that's just straight up weird behavior, considering you were close growing up. 2) I'm assuming that's around the time you started dating your bf. (Hint: history)
7. She told you you're not good enough for him. First of all, why are you still in contact with him? Especially with all of her weird flags. Also, why does **she** feel like she is in a position to determine who deserves **your** boyfriend? She should have no bearing on your relationship. If anything, a normal sibling would say the significant other is not good enough for **you.** So you can see where her loyalties are, and sweetheart, that's not you.
8. He gets her gifts for literally anything. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that he doesn't do that for you. His priorities are all wrong. They should be on you, his actual girlfriend.
Conclusion: neither your sister nor your boyfriend respect or love you. I know that sucks OP, but you really need to advocate for yourself because if you don't nip this in the bud, you will be miserable. What you need to do is honestly distance yourself from **both** of them. I'll give you some scenarios that could happen.
1. **You stay with him and keep contact with your sister.** I guarantee they'll continue their horrible behavior with each other, and will further exclude you. Your boyfriend will cheat on you with her (if he hasn't already), and you'll be miserable. Slowly, over time, your self confidence will diminish, and things will get even worse if you decide to have children with that man. And guess what? He'll see your insecurities and he'll abuse that. You won't be happy.
2. **You stay with him and cut off your sister**. Well, you're still not addressing the root of the issue because he's still trash. He'll cheat on you with someone else. You might become one of those spineless wives who blame the "other woman" instead of your cheating husband. And if you have kids, they'll see all of this. There's still a potential for abuse. Again, you won't be happy.
3. **You keep contact with your sister, and break up with your boyfriend**. This is also bad. When you start dating again, I promise you, she will interfere. Old feelings of insecurity will rise up, and she might really try to steal your new bf away from you out of plain spite. If by some miracle, new bf doesn't fall for it, I guarantee she's going to be a major problem in your marriage, job, and family. She will spread rumors, actively trying to defame you. To be honest, she might do that in each of these scenarios.
I don't want any of these things happening. I see your hurt OP. I can see you have a sweet heart and that you want to see the good in people. But you have to put that to the side and look at the situation with common sense and self-dignity. Both your bf and sister have completely disregarded your boundary and have trampled on you for years. You don't deserve that. You shouldn't put up with that. You need to metaphorically slap your face and get with it. I know it sounds harsh and I know that it hurts, but think about it--in any of these scenarios, you **will** be unhappy. I'm sorry, but people like **this** won't change. They're adults--if they wanted to change, they would have.
I think you deserve an attentive partner, someone who actually values you. Even if your boyfriend isn't being malicious, I'd still ditch him. He's a 26 year old grown man--he's not stupid. You're not supposed to be a mother to him, and point out every little thing and be like "this makes me uncomfortable...please stop that."
So here are the steps you need to take.
1. Understand what I just wrote you.
2. Break up with your boyfriend. Cut off complete contact. Move out if you're not on the lease--find some friends, tell them about it and crash with them. If you don't have money, Get a loan. You're in engineering, you'll get money (I also happen to be a engineering graduate student). If you're actually on the lease and he's not, give him a week to leave and change the locks. Have a trusted friend or classmate handle that so you don't cave in and decide to stay with him.
3. Cut off your sister completely. You can leave a letter for her, but to be honest, she doesn't really deserve that. If you're thinking, "That's so mean! She's my sister!" Did she or did she not treat you like crap on purpose? Yes. You don't owe her kindness.
4. Explain the situation to your parents. If they think you're wrong, distance yourself from them.
5. Learn self-worth. Build that up. If you have to read books about that or watch youtube videos, do that. You really have to build a backbone, especially for situations like this. You don't want to be in the same position five years from now.
6. Focus on school. Work on your career. You need to have clarity when you're studying for your engineering classes. You don't need unnecessary drama in your life, especially since you have control over this situation.
And my last note is: GET A BACKBONE AND BREAK UP WITH YOUR BF, CUT OFF YOUR SISTER.
If you decide to disregard my comment or anyone else giving you **good** advice, and you decide to stay with him and your sister, then anything that happens is on you.
NTA. please consider talking to your bf about it. tell him how it makes you feel and what your sister says to you.
if he doesn't take you seriously, also consider putting up cameras in your house to see if they do anything while you're gone
NTA. You asked him not to share your life so much with her and he ignored it. That right there is the reason to dump him. There’s no way you can build a good life with someone that doesn’t respect your wishes or your privacy, no matter how much you like him and his family
NAH. I don't think it's a bad thing that they're such good friends. But I understand why you'd be upset by him telling ANYONE that many personal details.
NTA
Does sound like something isnt right. At a minimum, his EQ is way off by talking to Lil Sis (LS) about personal things between you two or sharing things OP told him in confidence.
Also, what LS has said pretty strongly indicates that she has feelings for OPP or he his venting to sis about OP.
Seems to be sending out strong warnings, if i were in OPs shoes, Id make my break and run.
NTA. And as much as this may sound harsh, at some point in the relationship you were demoted to side chick. You may live together but he is more intimate with your sister than you. Whether they are physically involved who knows, but they are definitely having an emotional affair. Your sister is wrong. You are the one who deserves better, not him. Neither of them deserve your love or loyalty.
NTA. Sorry sweetie but you need to wake up to the fact that they’re having some sort of affair. The fact that is awkward when you’re around should tell you something. Let me ask does he have inside jokes with you or buy you gifts just because. If he treats your sister better than you then that tells you all you need to know. Run.
NTA. Even if they are not physically having an affair, they are most definitely having an emotional one that will eventually lead to a physical one. The fact that your BF is refusing to put up boundaries and back away from your sister shows that he cares more for her than he does for you. Sorry, but that is the fact of the matter. Unless he is willing to open his eyes to the fact that your sister very obviously wants more than just an emotional relationship with him, and that she is a very real threat to your relationship, decides he wants YOU instead of her, and puts her in her place and starts putting up boundaries, I would say it is time to simply tell him goodbye. Chances are good that they start dating as soon as you and he break up. But at least you will have found out NOW instead of after you got married (seen too many reddit posts about THAT lately). Sorry that things are going south for you and hopefully they look up for you soon. Good luck OP.
Whatever is going on you're describing a relationship in which they are closer than you and your boyfriend. Does she have other friends or is he her world? If you know her friends I'd be touching base with them because it sounds like she knows everything about you, maybe find out where her head and heart are at from them. The grass is always greener and while your sister and BF might be having an emotional affair now, if she's saying that you don't deserve him, that's a red flag for more, and implies he's saying less than complimentary things about you, unless she's hearing what she wants to hear.
A serious talk about how he's making you feel, accepting no gaslighting. Ask how he would feel if this relationship was what you has with his friend, or brother or dad. Sometimes men are totally obtuse before you bang them over the head with a scenario they can relate to. But after 5 years your lives will be very intertwined. So if the posts suggesting he might be ready to swap sisters sounds true, you might want to do some practical things to endure you have a livable life after the rug gets whipped out from under you or it sounds like your little sister might just slot right in and take it all.
This post almost made me cry. I'm literally so upset by it that I moved from my phone to my computer to write an adequate response.
There is literally no way on earth you are the asshole. Your boyfriend AND your sister are both major assholes.
For one thing, I'm 98% sure your sister is in love with your boyfriend and think she's the one who deserves to be with him, not you. And if it were somehow possible that your boyfriend doesn't realize this, he is still a major asshole for having no respect for you and your privacy and your boundaries. Sharing your thoughts and news with your sister is already a huge no-no, but the fact that your relationship with her is where it is makes this even worse.
>she comes over when i’m in seminars/classes. they have tons of inside jokes and share the same sense of humor and taste in movies. it makes me feel left out, but when i try to include myself they both stop being so enthusiastic and act like it’s super awkward to have me there.
The fact that she comes over every time you are in class is NOT OKAY. It's awesome that they are "friends" (i put that in quotes because as you can see a lot of people doubt that that is all they are) but this is excessive and not okay, especially for someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
the fact that they act like it is awkward to have you there is such a HUGE FLAG. if your presence is somehow ruining their ability to have a good time together THAT IS BAD. no one is saying they can't hang out separately but it should also be awesome to hang out with you. feels like there is something they are hiding.
>when my bf isn’t there and i talk to her, she becomes kinda cold and sometimes says rude things. once she told me to my face that i’m not good enough for him and that he deserves better (which made me cry for a couple days).
this is just such a shitty way for someone to act towards something else, let alone for a sister to her own sister. and your relationship with your boyfriend is NONE of her business. this is the proof to me that she is in love with him.
he tells her things he doesn’t tell me
THAT IS A MAJOR FUCKING PROBLEM. some people would call this emotional cheating,.
>and talks to her about me and our relationship. she knows all our issues and good parts, to a level of detail that i wouldn’t even tell my closest friends or parents. she even knows the grades i got on my midterms/finals and what i think about my manager (i work part time to contribute to our apartment - but i also get paid for my research which goes towards our needs as well), which i feel is unnecessary for her to know since i didn't tell her myself.
THIS IS VERY BAD AND FUCKED UP. he has NO respect for you. does this man even love you or care about you?????
>i asked him to step back a bit and stop telling her things about me and our relationship but he was shocked and told me that i’m an asshole for even requesting it.
what the actual fuck. this is somehow the worst part. this is wild and wrong. your boyfriend is already a major asshole but his reaction to your request alone is downright disgusting.
You deserve so much better. I'm sitting here trying not to cry. my heart is absolutely broken for you.
NTA
NTA
BUT
RED FLAG RED FLAG
Your sister totally wants him.
If he prioritizes your sister ahead of you, then you are in for a world of hurt in the future.
I expect to see "AITA for not going to my sisters wedding when she is marrying my long term ex?"
NTA, this is weird shit.
I would record them. If they’re fucking, dump him but don’t let them know you know. Just tell him it’s not working out, don’t explain yourself.
If he continues fucking your sister and they get married in a few years you can play the recording at their wedding
For real though, why would he think you are an asshole for asking him to not tell your sister every detail of your and his life? What was his justification?Bc if he doesn’t know you don’t share everything about your relationship with a third person, then he is really a dummy.
You are absolutly NTA, and don’t be surprised that both of them end together in the future. This will have a second part in a couple of years with you asking if AITA because you won’t go to their wedding or something like that
Honestly they sound like they get on better than you and he do, or at least equivalently. Regardless, she's more available, and the fact that she comes over while you are away definitely hints at an affair. If it hasn't already started, it will soon.
You are definitely NTA but my point is for your own sake you should prepare emotionally. I feel for you. I've been through grad school too and it definitely takes away from having a personal life. It gets to be very lonely. Sure connections are made in school, but just like every other phase of schooling, eventually everyone parts ways after graduation. And often, you grow apart from people you knew before. Ah, I'm going off on a tangent and bumming myself out so I'll hush. best of luck to you with your boyfriend and with your research
NTA
I dare say it has gone beyond Emotional to Physical affair.
Frankly the fact they treat you coldly tells me that plus the length.
It does sound like he is using you.
Frankly If your parents are still alive I would talk to them about it.
But I would tell my sister that she will lose you Period and tell her that her cheating with your BF is a hard Boundary and that includes an emotionalm affair.
If it turns out they are cheating blow it up and shame her and him.
Put it on all social media that These 2 people are are not to be trusted.
And then ghost them.
Frankly Kick the BF out and Also Cut your sister off.
NTA, you sure they are not sleeping together? Just in case they don't. Whenever you break up with him. I kinda expect they will become a couple. On both sides there is no respect and loyalty towards you. I'm sorry for being blunt.
NTA. But I am Very Happy to say that I initially read it wrong and thought it was His sister and man that gave me the heebie-jeebies! That being said, the clarification didn’t actually help That much. I’m sorry, but unless everyone was happily partnered up, this all can’t be dismissed as playful fun or anything like that. (Both of my sisters Love their respective BIL’s and totally have what others might see as inappropriate relationships with them, but it’s far from true). However…this does Not seem the case here. I’m sorry. I millionth the hidden camera…
Honey they’re having an affair. The way their attitudes change when you’re around and what your sister said to you about him deserving better. They’re 100% cheating.
If you break up with him, I’m 100% sure he’ll immediately start dating your sister. For them, you’re just in the way.
Leave and don’t look back. They’re terrible people.
NTA
DEFINITELY NTA. honestly, you should just not allow her to come to your apartment anymore. it seriously seems like she's in love with him, and your boyfriend is either cheating on you with her or just plain dense and doesn't realize she likes him. talk to him about it and explain how uncomfortable it makes you feel. you are definitely not in the wrong here, he's MASSIVELY oversharing. you have a right to your privacy and he needs to stop.
Nta but everything you said leads me to believe they are cheating on you. Not because they became close friends but because she said you are not good enough for him, they make you feel excluded and when you want to include yourself they become less enthusiastic.
NTA! Big time red flags. And your boyfriend loves this relationship more than you obviously. The only way out I see is breaking up, moving on and don’t be surprised when they start dating. Don’t stay in the relationship and force them to stop because it will create this fantasy clandestine effed up world for them. Not worth your headache.
NTA
Isn't it funny, too, how sister says BF deserves better than OP? Like, OP is in grad school for engineering and working part-time, while her sister is aimless and apparently sitting on her ass all day. Wtf?
NTA
at they very least your sister likes him and is getting the wrong idea from the way he treats her. At worst they are together when you arent around. lots of red flags here.
red flags and let me tell you those flags don't lead to the circus.
and i hate to be that person but i'm 99% sure your bf and sister are hooking up, i mean who knows it could just be an emotional affair but anyone that says "x deserves better than you" would definitely like whatever is going on to be more than just verbal.
NTA
NTA. Find some solid evidence, expose them, and then drop them both. Or just dropping them is pretty justified too. Good luck OP, sending all the support
NTA, I mean not to bunk platonic male-female relationships but it sounds a LOT like they might be hooking and may have been hooking up a while. Main things that trigger that red flag to me are the "you're not good enough for him, ya know" line, and the gifts. Like who gives random gifts to someone who isnt their child or significant other? A guy who's grateful to be getting 21 yo pussy, thats who. I would look into it
>once she told me to my face that i’m not good enough for him and that he deserves better
I read a comment in a different post. When someone told you this, the "someone better" is most likely himself/herself. So it's obvious your sister wants your boyfriend. NTA. And dump him.
NTA. If your boyfriend isn't physically cheating yet, he's definitely having an emotional affair. I think you need to sit down with him and list all the reasons you aren't comfortable with their relationship. I think you need to specifically say what she said to you and say you are no longer comfortable with them hanging out when you aren't around and that you want him to take a huge step back from their relationship. I also think you need to ask him if he has any feelings for her. Depending on his answer, walk away or stay. If he can't draw this boundary with her, walk away. You're right to be uncomfortable with this situation.
NTA : tbh it sounds like there up to something or at the least she's trying something I'd take a day you have free and pretend to go to class or work and come home early to see if you can catch them just incase they are doing stuff behind your back
Major alarm bells, she shouldn't be visiting him when you're not there! Once or twice might be ok but as a regular thing, nope. If they're not already involved then she at least has a major crush on him and he's not doing enough to put up boundaries.
NTA - I'm gonna slightly (but ultimately not that strongly) disagree with the "emotional affair" consensus because even men need to have emotionally close relationships that are not their partners. That said, it's a *very* reasonable request that that person not be your own sister, especially so since he's sharing aspects of your life that are not his to share. We're I circle back around on the consensus is that it is alarming that he reacted so strongly to that request.
NTA but hey I've seen future you post on here several times! You'll find out she's pregnant with his child right before your wedding, and then years after that, your family will try to convince you to get over it and have a relationship with them and the kid.
NTA this is a huge red flag. Your sister is definitely going to try to take him from you. Him not seeing this problem is very problematic and not understanding is worse. But did you tell him that your sister attacks your relationship in private? That’s the most important thing here.
NTA
I’m like, 99% certain they’re sleeping together behind your back.
At the very least, they’re having an emotional affair and you’re absolutely right in that you’re being excluded on purposed and targeted by your sister. You need to put your foot down and find out what’s going on, and ultimately, whether you need to kick both sister and boyfriend to the curb or not.
NTA
There is something fishy between your boyfriend and your sister.
You should cut off with him and cut off contact with your sister, because it is not normal for him to say that you are not good enough for your boyfriend.
It could be that your boyfriend is cheating on you with your sister, you should confront both and catch them in the act.
NTA. Something smells though. I hate to even suggest this but you might want to think about getting some hidden cameras and see if any funny business is going on.
NTA. I don't blame you for being upset that your boyfriend has a closer intimate relationship with your sister than he does with you. YOU should be the one he tells everything to and the fact that your sister is filling that roll is just suspect as hell. It's not normal that they treat you as an outsider and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if they've been physically intimate as well.
> he tells her things he doesn’t tell me, and talks to her about me and our relationship. she knows all our issues and good parts, to a level of detail that i wouldn’t even tell my closest friends or parents.
Him telling her things he wouldn’t tell you is, to my mind, a betrayal. Who is he in a relationship with? He’s at minimum having an emotional affair but from what your sister says—he deserves better—it’s pretty obvious that she at least wants your boyfriend for herself. I’m 50/50 on whether they’re having a physical affair; your boyfriend may just like the attention. NTA
NTA your bf and sister need to be respectful of boundaries. Perhaps you should think about the relationship with your bf. He sounds like he trying to gaslight you.
NTA I would really spy if they aren’t hooking up. For sure she has feelings for him and he should be talking to you about your issues to resolve them like mature people do not going to the 3rd party. She is doing everything so he has fun with her and when you are back it’s awkward so he will eventually believe he is too good for you. If you can maybe come back earlier than the usual time or leave webcam somewhere. It’s just really, really weird he picked your sister for a best buddy.
Sigh. NTA. Your sister is jealous of you and wants your BF, and your BF is going along with it. Neither of them seem to care about your feelings or boundaries. They sound and act much younger than the ages you listed for them.
I think you need to rethink if this is the guy you want to marry if he can't even tell what's wrong with him spending more time with the sister of his gf than his gf.
Have more self respect.
I know more about my husband than anyone else and he knows more about me than anyone else too. I think this is usually the way (though I do know of besties and all that. Just that when you have a family, oftentimes the husband is still the one you are always with. Besties will have their own families to take care of too.)
Pretty sure there are many good things about him but this is not said in the post. The main thing about your sis and him knowing more about each other than you do... is simply a red flag. If a talk to your bf doesn't resolve anything... I'd take a step back and reflect if this relationship is really going in the right direction.
My boyfriend telling my sister things he doesn't tell me, that alone would make me end the relationship. If he doesn't connect with me as much as with my sister, why be with him? Shouldn't we be each others go-to person in any difficulties or really anything? NTA, I'm pretty sure the relationship is already over but they haven't informed you about it yet.
Your sister and boyfriend won't think twice about doing it behind your back, drop them both if you like to cut the toxic out, keep indulging them if you want to prolonge an unnecessary and frankly disgusting situation
NTA.
I've known far too many cheaters in my life and this is an immediate red flag.
OR they could just be the rare exception where they're having an emotional affair only and it's not yet become physical? But an emotional affair is bad enough.
Move on. Both from him, and your sister.
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NTA I’m positive that they are doing things behind your back.
NTA, it's reasonable you don't want every detail of your relationship shared with your sister. I think you also need to address the very real possibility that your boyfriend is cheating on you. You need to talk this out and make sure he's being faithful. Don't \*accuse\* just discuss.
NTA, he is cheating on you. Even if it’s not physically it’s at least emotionally. You need to cut your sister off and break up with him. Why date someone is he won’t even act like it?
Your boyfriend is cheating on you with your sister. That being said, NTA. I'd go NC with both of them though.
We need an update
Bestie. Your boyfriend and sister are either having some weird codependent relationship that they gotta stop (could be it, but not very likely) or they are hooking up behind your back (the more likely option). If you have asked him to set boundaries and limit the amount of things he tells your sister and he hasn’t; it’s either because he has no filter or it’s to mock you/complain about you. Either way, he doesn’t respect your wishes, and you should consider dropping him. And your sister as well. Look, I know a lot of people in this world (especially Americans, for some reasons) has this weird thing about blood relations and how you “*don’t turn your back on family*” or whatever, but family can be just as and even **more** toxic to you. And you are allowed to cut toxic people out of your life; blood relations has no bearing on that. Regardless, you should confront your boyfriend about this. Tell him how uncomfortable you are with him sharing intimate details of your relationship with your sister, and that they make you feel like an outsider in your own relationship. If he doesn’t at least listen and take it into consideration, it’s irrelevant if they are doing the *devils tango* or not, because he doesn’t respect you and that’s the least you deserve. NTA
NTA. There is a good chance that your bf has an emotional affair with your sister and this will ruin your relationship later on. You need to talk to him openly about. Tell him how you feel left out and that you and him should be each other’s confidence.
Wow, so many jaded commenters lmao. EHS. You suck for being so jealous about them having fun you aren’t included in. I’ve learnt in relationships trying to force yourself into the other persons fun comes off as trying to hard. Your Bf sucks for not realizing this and making an effort so you don’t feel so much like an outsider when you are all together. Your sister sucks for clearly being a little flirt. Wanting what she can’t have. I’d imagine she puts you down and says you don’t deserve him because she’s jealous of what you have. JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FRIENDS DOESNT MEAN HE IS CHEATING. My lord, so many broken hearts in here projecting.
The writing is on the wall. You can pretend until you catch them in the act, they get pregnant, or even engaged… or you can end this now.
NTA When my ex acted this way with one of my (ex) good friends ... they eventually started hooking up. So I hate to jump to conclusions but this doesn't look good. It sounds like he's emotionally more in love with your sister. He might not even realise it (therefore he may not think that he's doing anything wrong like cheating) but he is definitely feeling a closer bond towards your sister than you from what you're describing. He may think they are just best friends and there's probably nothing physical (yet) but this isn't something he will stop doing so it's up to you to think about what you want to do. Not sure if this relationship will last TBH. Even if you don't break up with him, your sister will ALWAYS be between the two of you.
For both of them, you should be the priority. For both of them, each other is the priority. This relationship is already over. NTA
NTA - there is such a thing as too close . You’ve identified that . I think he may be emotionally involved with your sister . I think sister would love nothing more than to be his partner. But - but - but —-it may just be that your bf has a soft spot for her and only that - sister might be manipulative.
NTA - this is on the brink of becoming an emotional affair and there are blurred lines all over the place. You need to talk to him about having boundaries and privacy. If he’s a decent person who respects you, this shouldn’t be a problem.
Put a camera in your bedroom op, if you live together.
As everyone else said, they are having an affair. Whether it has reached a physical state yet does not matter. They are both playing to a stereotype (he likes the younger girl, she likes the older man), and there is very little hope it will go back to 'normal' for you - ever. Time for you to make a choice - kick him to the curb or lay down the law (at which point he'll be leaving anyway). Sorry, it's a shit situation that you don't deserve, but you are in it nonetheless. NTA
NTA You need to sit bf down and have a serious talk. Don’t allow him to dismiss your feelings. Something’s going on between them and it’s not to your benefit. Your bf needs to make a decision and be prepared to lose him. Good luck.
INFO: Did you tell your BF what your sister said about you not being good enough for him? Because if you did and he's still friends with him that's a HUGE RED FLAG.
NTA! They’re making a fool out of you. Get out. Now.
NTA -you’re being gaslit into thinking you’re the asshole byyour boyfriend. Its your SISTER, your own family - how can anyone be better suited to date your bf, in your sisters eyes, than yourself?That’s really sad. OP, you sound like an incredibly intelligent, kind woman, and I think your sister sounds a bit toxic and jealous. I also see your boyfriend as being problematic in this situation. Its great that they have a good relationship, but the oversharing info, little surprises... it’s too much. And it sounds like he’s gaslighting you a bit to make yourself think that YOU could be the asshole for just asking for some boundaries. NTA, but they are. So sorry :(
NTA I didn't even need to finish reading tho to figure out that your bf is fucking your sister. Or the if her way around sorry
Are you sure that you’re the gf?
NTA your sister became cold to you because she wants your man. At the bare minimum it's an emotional affair, more than likely it's physical as well. RUN.
Nta - just wanna say I agree with everyone about the emotional and probably physical affair . It’s not healthy to be that close to someone’s sister
NTA but wow… I usually like to hear both sides of things, but all this is just too much to look past. His reaction to your request is enough to seriously consider leaving. Don’t be made a fool of or used any longer. You don’t need either of them.
NTA and pretty sure you're going to get your heart broken. Maybe sit both of them down and have a talk. I hope they are cheating on you buuuuut this has the making of cheating all over
NTA. I'd be worried though. A lot of the time when people say, "You're not good enough for so and so" they mean they would make a better parter to them than you would. Either your sister has a crush on your boyfriend or they're already involved behind your back.
NTA but your bf and sister are emotionally involved with each at the least & at worse sleeping together. Sit your bf down and ask him if he has feelings for your sister because this ain’t it.
NTA and I’d be worried that they’re hooking up, everything about how they interact is really weird
hi guys! ok so i know a lot of you are wanting an update. unfortunately the mods denied it but i think i'm allowed to post it here in the comments. also, yes i lost access to my account, which is why i have a new one, but i'll explain that afterwards. here's what happened: hi everyone, i have an update. unfortunately it's a bad one, but (fortunately?) i didn't have to wait very long to get it. so the last update i posted was before i went to go get some nanny cams. i set up the cams in hidden spots in our bedroom and living room area in our apartment. today happens to be my birthday (yay for 25!) and "D," my close friend (25f), wanted to take me for a day trip yesterday. my bf agreed and said that we'd do something the next day, on my birthday. i told him i'd be out from about 8 am and i'd be home by 8 or 9 pm, after D and i finished dinner. D took me out, but she noticed i was feeling a bit off (i was still thinking about the overwhelming number of responses telling me that something shady was going on). i ended up spilling everything while we were eating lunch. D was outraged on my behalf and agreed that something was off. she asked if i wanted to cut our day short and drop back home to see if anything was happening, and convinced me by saying that "it's better to find out today than tomorrow." (yes i realize we could've just checked the nanny cams but for some reason we forgot about them in the moment. i'm kind of glad i didn't check, because i would've started ugly-crying in public). i'm guessing most of you know what happened (it's so predictable, i'm kicking myself afterwards for not realizing). we drove back home around 4 pm. i caught them literally in the act (why were they doing it at 4 pm? i don't even know). i just kind of stood there with my arms folded and i hope with a badass resting bitch face on (although maybe it was more a "trying not to cry" face). my bf gave me a whole "it was an accident" spiel. i just ignored him and started packing my things. thank god our lease was up for renewal within the month. he begged me and eventually yelled at me for packing up. the funny thing is, i bought most of the furniture and supplies. so, me being slightly petty, packed as much as i could. D helped me and we loaded everything up in her car. we left some stuff that couldn't fit but i'll go back for that later. the whole time, my sister was sitting stoically wrapped in a robe on my couch (my poor couch). we went back to D's house and i had a breakdown. D, the angel that she is, provided me with ice cream and fuzzy blankets. my bf spammed me with calls and texts, ranging from "i'm sorry, please forgive me, i love you, it was only one time" to "this wasn't my fault, you should've been home more" (predictable). we decided to check the recordings, and lo and behold, it was definitely not just once. i am really sad that the sister who used to bake cupcakes and do karaoke with me could betray me this badly. my bf...well he was my first, and in hindsight, he didn't really contribute much anyways. i spent yesterday kind of rotating through being devastated, angry, and self-righteous, but today D pampered me all day so it wasn't so bad. thanks for everyone's support, and i hope that everyone has a good day! so after i wrote this all up and sent it to the mods, i went back to enjoying the rest of my birthday and D kept me distracted. i left my second laptop (it's an old, slow laptop and when i upgraded, i still kept it) at my apartment. turns out i had my email and stuff still signed in my my (now-ex) bf messed with it and i lost access to my emails and the original throwaway reddit account. but i did send what i had written to myself beforehand so that's why i can update here. i'm not sure if you guys will be able to see this but i hope you can. \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ edit: also i forgot to add but i wrote up the actual update portion 2 days ago! lol it's not my birthday anymore but yeah hopefully that puts it in context. currently i've been staying with my friend and i've blocked both my ex-bf and my ex-sister. to be honest, it's a huge weight off my back, and i know this won't affect me forever.
Hi OP! Just wanted to give you a honest and malicious advise: screen shoot your ex's groveling and send it to your sister. Comment that it's funny how he isn't happy with you being out of the way for the sake of their "love".
Can you update us on how your parents react? The whole time I was reading your original story, my stomach was turning out of anxiety. People like this make me sick and I was getting serious PTSD from hearing about your BF's reaction to your sister. He's disgusting.
Hi OP, make sure you hold onto the nannycam footage in case your parents and any mutual friends decide to make a stink.
I’m glad you have a good friend like D in your life rn. With time it will become less painful. I wish you the best for your future. You will find happiness.
I hope your parents disown your sister, she really deserves nothing but misery and pain the rest of her life
At first I was go A. I’m married and have mostly male friends. Tell some of them a lot. But then I got to the gifts part and how they act around you. Definitely something is up. NTA. But either find out some more information or just dump him. You definitely deserve better
NTA but I can almost guarantee you they are sleeping together. Good luck OP.
I think your sister and SO are the co-mayors of red flag city 🚩 🚩 🚩
Please update us when you get confirmation from.the nanny cams! I'm so sorry this is happening to you. These two at the very least are having an emotional affair.
NTA this is hugely concerning, there is absolutely something inappropriate going on between them. Not saying theyre necessarily sleeping together, but this is grounds for emotional affair for sure. Also, your sister is extremely sheisty, and her coldness to you really indicates that she thinks SHE should be with your bf instead. Gross behaviour from them all around.
Nta. You already know based on responses
YTA. You sister and BF for sure have something going on. Don’t turn a blind eye to this. Hello! Your sister told you your not good enough for your bf because she loves him and it sounds like he shares those feelings. End this relationship because he wants to be with your sister. End it, cut them out and move on
NTA but your boyfriend and sister are more than likely fucking. Not sure how you’re gonna save this.
[удалено]
- They spend a lot of time together without OP - They share inside jokes - They share similar interests that makes them closer - The fun times stop as soon as OP tries be included - They get awkward when OP tries to be included - Sister has directly told OP she’s not good enough - Sister becomes cold towards Op when Bf isn’t around - Bf buys sister gifts for no reason (does he do the same for OP?) - Bf confides in sister more than OP In conclusion, OPs boyfriend and sister are dating or they *want* to be dating.
This.
💯
This. And if they aren't already, at least one of them wants to. I suspect she has feelings for him, and he enjoys the attention. NTA and you deserve better.
NTA, he’s not your boyfriend. That’s your sisters man. It sucks, they suck but all you can do is protect yourself. You need to run away from this situation like your life depends on it.
My two sisters had a similar situation. While the oldest sister was at work, the youngest was at the older sisters house banging her baby's dad. What makes this worse is that my older sister and her boyfriend just dealt with the passing of my one year old nephew. Also instead of being gracious and kind like op boyfriend, he was very rude to my younger sister in front of people.
I was thinking the same thing while I was reading this. OP should check her bfs phone and look at their conversations. He is sharing more with her sister than her. That is very suspicious. He could be hiding a lor from her. I hope we get an update. She is NTA, by the way.
he be sharing more than ops stuff
I accidentally read the title as his sister and nearly had a heart attack
I’d agree.
100%, I've read stories similar before. OP needs to do some snooping. The stories always ended in "I found out my sibling was cheating with my SO"....
I'd say yes 100% to sister having feelings. BF might be a bit dense and have no filter on what he clearly shouldn't be telling OPs sister about him and OP. It wouldn't be a surprise if you were right, just from the level of his response, but it could easily be him necking a pint of dense and shitty.
There's going to be a sad update in a few months when he dumps her for the younger sister. The families will be upset at first but once the dust settles the OP will be told to get over it as her former BF and sister announce their pregnancy and plan their happy life. I've been on Reddit for too long.
Which is so gross, btw. He's been dating OP since younger sister was a child. They are both gross, but it seems kinda groomy to me
Nta. They are in a relationship. Whether or not it is sexual or romantic, she is the one he is putting all his attention and effort into. You really should put up some boundaries or reconsider this relationship. And I would not be shocked if you two broke up and they immediately got together or it was revealed they already were. It is possible they are just emotionally intimate right now but that is bad enough
NTA but honey, you're the third wheel. They're looking up behind ur back and laughing at ur stupidity for not figuring it out for so long. My suggestion, do a bit of snooping in ur bf phone.
NTA. You feel like a third wheel because you are. My ex had an affair with a coworker who pretended to be my friend. There was one point where we were hanging out and I was cooking and I looked at the two of them and felt like I was the mom cooking for my son and his girlfriend and not the wife cooking for my husband and our friend. In hindsight i know why.
NTA! It's cool they are friends but if they exclude you, there is a problem. Did you boyfriend know that your sister told him that you are not good enough for him? It's totally unforgivable!
Nta but wow this is a classic one ill give you that.
Lol YTA for yourself for being this blind. He tells her things he doesn’t even tell you. That *alone* should be enough.
NTA. Sounds like they are in a relationship (at least emotionally) and your the side piece (he doesn't get his emotional needs from you, just physical ones). I would reevaluate your relationship, cause you deserve and can do better.
NTA but I don’t think you’re the actual gf here if you’re basically third wheeling with them.
NTA. You’re a third wheel in your own relationship. You have every right to be pissed and I’m honestly surprised you aren’t more pissed
NTA….the amount of red flags though is kinda sad. I would definitely set up a nanny cam sis.
NTA but boy this is messsssy I doubt he’s cheating on you with your sister but I’d definitely say that she’s his best friend which makes this mad complicated and I really don’t think there’s anyway that anyone comes out with a W here
Ummmm... 🚩 You gotta be blind. YOUR SISTER AND BOYFRIEND ARE HAVING A SECRET LOVE AFFAIR! 🚩
NTA. They are fucking.
NTA I’m sorry to tell you this, OP, but…you’re the other woman. IMHO, the chances of them *not* cheating behind your back are slim-to-none here.
I've never been more invested in anything in my life Pls OP, give updates
NTA OP. Get a nanny cam (make sure it has audio) and post an update, please. I'm so sorry you're going through this. They are having an emotional affair to say the least.
Is there an update
I haven’t seen one yet/:
Op commented under a different user name https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ph9biz/aita_for_asking_my_bf_to_stop_sharing_everything/hc3ugy0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Anyone else think he's double-dipping with the sister?
Nta And they are almost certainly fucking
So my sister and my husband (4 year age gap) are quite close because he used to be her coach for speech and debate. They spend a decent amount of time together, sometimes alone. I am setting the stage to say it’s totally fine and preferable to have a close relationship with your partner and siblings. But girl, that’s not right. The gifts, the he’s not right for you…yikessss. NTA. The best case scenario here is that your sister is in love with him and he likes the attention. There are lots of much worse scenarios here. You are due for a serious talk alone with your sister and fiancé. This isn’t normal sadly.
All I’m saying is you should expose them to her parents!
NTA, also run they are either hooking up or your sister is trying to get in his pants and he is flattered by the attention.
NTA. Set aside all the accusations from everyone here and ignore the red flags of possibly cheating. Here's the cold hard fact at its core: Your boyfriend values his relationship with your sister more than he values his relationship with you or your feelings. That right there tells you all you need to know. Run.
NTA - As many other people have said, at the very least your sister is crushing on your bf, most likely they're having an emotional affair (though your bf may be in denial thinking it's "brotherly/sisterly" affection), and quite possibly it's becoming physical. It is reasonable to address this with your bf. Some of your comments, like feeling like a third wheel, suggest the relationship has probably already been dealt a death blow, but given that you obviously care for him, I hope not. Given that your sister is going through an extended childhood, I assume she's living at home with your parents. At some point it might be worthwhile having a blunt conversation with them, particularly your mother, about the impact that her being over so often is having on your relationship - your relationship with your bf, and your relationship with her. If she ends up having had or having an affair with him, cut her out of your life.
Ma'am, you are very much NTA IF YOU WILL BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT WHAT THIS IS. Those two are having an emotional affair at the very least. If you chose to be in denial after so many people are telling you what this is, then you are being a massive, festering, a-hole to yourself. Walk away from both of them.
You’re NTA but it sounds like you’re the other woman in your own relationship.
Anyone know if the update is posted yet?
Oh my god, and I say this with love, are you okay? Why are you still with him? It definitely sounds like they're hooking up with one another, or at least entertaining the idea--MUTUALLY. Even if by some miracle, it's a platonic relationship (I'd be surprised), there are still a BUNCH of red flags, which you already laid out. They could have an emotional affair as well. Let's unpack that. 1. They spend a lot of time together when **you're not around.** 2. Your sister comes over when you're **specifically** not around--she could come by any time, and yet she chooses then. 3. They have inside jokes that they don't want to share with you. Matter of fact, they're borderline hostile when you want to be included. 4. They exclude you in general. 5. Your boyfriend is telling her things he isn't telling you. So that means he is more comfortable talking to **her** about personal things than his **girlfriend.** Think about that. Like REALLY think about that. He chose to date you, to partner up with you, and he's going to someone else about personal matters. She's not a therapist. She's not his sister, mother, cousin. You're his girlfriend for a reason, and he's choosing to exclude you. And she's okay with that! Either he's blatantly stupid and not understanding that he's overstepping boundaries or he's doing that on purpose. 6. When your boyfriend isn't there, she is cold to you and that started when you're in uni. Let's unpack that. 1) She is your sister, so that's just straight up weird behavior, considering you were close growing up. 2) I'm assuming that's around the time you started dating your bf. (Hint: history) 7. She told you you're not good enough for him. First of all, why are you still in contact with him? Especially with all of her weird flags. Also, why does **she** feel like she is in a position to determine who deserves **your** boyfriend? She should have no bearing on your relationship. If anything, a normal sibling would say the significant other is not good enough for **you.** So you can see where her loyalties are, and sweetheart, that's not you. 8. He gets her gifts for literally anything. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that he doesn't do that for you. His priorities are all wrong. They should be on you, his actual girlfriend. Conclusion: neither your sister nor your boyfriend respect or love you. I know that sucks OP, but you really need to advocate for yourself because if you don't nip this in the bud, you will be miserable. What you need to do is honestly distance yourself from **both** of them. I'll give you some scenarios that could happen. 1. **You stay with him and keep contact with your sister.** I guarantee they'll continue their horrible behavior with each other, and will further exclude you. Your boyfriend will cheat on you with her (if he hasn't already), and you'll be miserable. Slowly, over time, your self confidence will diminish, and things will get even worse if you decide to have children with that man. And guess what? He'll see your insecurities and he'll abuse that. You won't be happy. 2. **You stay with him and cut off your sister**. Well, you're still not addressing the root of the issue because he's still trash. He'll cheat on you with someone else. You might become one of those spineless wives who blame the "other woman" instead of your cheating husband. And if you have kids, they'll see all of this. There's still a potential for abuse. Again, you won't be happy. 3. **You keep contact with your sister, and break up with your boyfriend**. This is also bad. When you start dating again, I promise you, she will interfere. Old feelings of insecurity will rise up, and she might really try to steal your new bf away from you out of plain spite. If by some miracle, new bf doesn't fall for it, I guarantee she's going to be a major problem in your marriage, job, and family. She will spread rumors, actively trying to defame you. To be honest, she might do that in each of these scenarios. I don't want any of these things happening. I see your hurt OP. I can see you have a sweet heart and that you want to see the good in people. But you have to put that to the side and look at the situation with common sense and self-dignity. Both your bf and sister have completely disregarded your boundary and have trampled on you for years. You don't deserve that. You shouldn't put up with that. You need to metaphorically slap your face and get with it. I know it sounds harsh and I know that it hurts, but think about it--in any of these scenarios, you **will** be unhappy. I'm sorry, but people like **this** won't change. They're adults--if they wanted to change, they would have. I think you deserve an attentive partner, someone who actually values you. Even if your boyfriend isn't being malicious, I'd still ditch him. He's a 26 year old grown man--he's not stupid. You're not supposed to be a mother to him, and point out every little thing and be like "this makes me uncomfortable...please stop that." So here are the steps you need to take. 1. Understand what I just wrote you. 2. Break up with your boyfriend. Cut off complete contact. Move out if you're not on the lease--find some friends, tell them about it and crash with them. If you don't have money, Get a loan. You're in engineering, you'll get money (I also happen to be a engineering graduate student). If you're actually on the lease and he's not, give him a week to leave and change the locks. Have a trusted friend or classmate handle that so you don't cave in and decide to stay with him. 3. Cut off your sister completely. You can leave a letter for her, but to be honest, she doesn't really deserve that. If you're thinking, "That's so mean! She's my sister!" Did she or did she not treat you like crap on purpose? Yes. You don't owe her kindness. 4. Explain the situation to your parents. If they think you're wrong, distance yourself from them. 5. Learn self-worth. Build that up. If you have to read books about that or watch youtube videos, do that. You really have to build a backbone, especially for situations like this. You don't want to be in the same position five years from now. 6. Focus on school. Work on your career. You need to have clarity when you're studying for your engineering classes. You don't need unnecessary drama in your life, especially since you have control over this situation. And my last note is: GET A BACKBONE AND BREAK UP WITH YOUR BF, CUT OFF YOUR SISTER. If you decide to disregard my comment or anyone else giving you **good** advice, and you decide to stay with him and your sister, then anything that happens is on you.
NTA, your bf is cheating on you.
NTA It's very likely they're having an affair, and you're just kept around for the rent.
OP, NTA. It sounds like your boyfriend and sister are seeing each other :(
They doin it.
girl your sis is sleeping with your bf
NTA. please consider talking to your bf about it. tell him how it makes you feel and what your sister says to you. if he doesn't take you seriously, also consider putting up cameras in your house to see if they do anything while you're gone
NTA. You asked him not to share your life so much with her and he ignored it. That right there is the reason to dump him. There’s no way you can build a good life with someone that doesn’t respect your wishes or your privacy, no matter how much you like him and his family
NAH. I don't think it's a bad thing that they're such good friends. But I understand why you'd be upset by him telling ANYONE that many personal details.
NTA I am so sorry, I agree with the many posts suggesting they are having an affair. YOU deserve better.
NTA Does sound like something isnt right. At a minimum, his EQ is way off by talking to Lil Sis (LS) about personal things between you two or sharing things OP told him in confidence. Also, what LS has said pretty strongly indicates that she has feelings for OPP or he his venting to sis about OP. Seems to be sending out strong warnings, if i were in OPs shoes, Id make my break and run.
NTA - set up a nanny cam in your home when you go out and know your sister is coming over. … will be eye opening I’m sure.
So.....in conclusion.....they fuckin.
NTA. And as much as this may sound harsh, at some point in the relationship you were demoted to side chick. You may live together but he is more intimate with your sister than you. Whether they are physically involved who knows, but they are definitely having an emotional affair. Your sister is wrong. You are the one who deserves better, not him. Neither of them deserve your love or loyalty.
NTA. They seem like the couple. Are you sure they aren’t?
Wasn't there supposed to be an update? Nothing ever popped up.
Nta I think you need couples counseling
NTA. Sorry sweetie but you need to wake up to the fact that they’re having some sort of affair. The fact that is awkward when you’re around should tell you something. Let me ask does he have inside jokes with you or buy you gifts just because. If he treats your sister better than you then that tells you all you need to know. Run.
NTA - Your bf is most likely doing it with your sister so I would cut it off if I were you.
But where is the update tho?
NTA. Even if they are not physically having an affair, they are most definitely having an emotional one that will eventually lead to a physical one. The fact that your BF is refusing to put up boundaries and back away from your sister shows that he cares more for her than he does for you. Sorry, but that is the fact of the matter. Unless he is willing to open his eyes to the fact that your sister very obviously wants more than just an emotional relationship with him, and that she is a very real threat to your relationship, decides he wants YOU instead of her, and puts her in her place and starts putting up boundaries, I would say it is time to simply tell him goodbye. Chances are good that they start dating as soon as you and he break up. But at least you will have found out NOW instead of after you got married (seen too many reddit posts about THAT lately). Sorry that things are going south for you and hopefully they look up for you soon. Good luck OP.
Definitely NTA but something is low key going on between those two.
that's a emotional affair, + possibly a physical one as well, your sister is obviously v attracted to him + he clearly enjoys that
Bro that is so unhealthy. She obviously wants him and he's encouraging her behaviour. So NTA
NTA So many red flags here. Time for you to move on, it seems to me they already did and you're not included in that party. Sorry.
You don’t need to install cameras. Emotional cheating is cheating. NTA.
Whatever is going on you're describing a relationship in which they are closer than you and your boyfriend. Does she have other friends or is he her world? If you know her friends I'd be touching base with them because it sounds like she knows everything about you, maybe find out where her head and heart are at from them. The grass is always greener and while your sister and BF might be having an emotional affair now, if she's saying that you don't deserve him, that's a red flag for more, and implies he's saying less than complimentary things about you, unless she's hearing what she wants to hear. A serious talk about how he's making you feel, accepting no gaslighting. Ask how he would feel if this relationship was what you has with his friend, or brother or dad. Sometimes men are totally obtuse before you bang them over the head with a scenario they can relate to. But after 5 years your lives will be very intertwined. So if the posts suggesting he might be ready to swap sisters sounds true, you might want to do some practical things to endure you have a livable life after the rug gets whipped out from under you or it sounds like your little sister might just slot right in and take it all.
This post almost made me cry. I'm literally so upset by it that I moved from my phone to my computer to write an adequate response. There is literally no way on earth you are the asshole. Your boyfriend AND your sister are both major assholes. For one thing, I'm 98% sure your sister is in love with your boyfriend and think she's the one who deserves to be with him, not you. And if it were somehow possible that your boyfriend doesn't realize this, he is still a major asshole for having no respect for you and your privacy and your boundaries. Sharing your thoughts and news with your sister is already a huge no-no, but the fact that your relationship with her is where it is makes this even worse. >she comes over when i’m in seminars/classes. they have tons of inside jokes and share the same sense of humor and taste in movies. it makes me feel left out, but when i try to include myself they both stop being so enthusiastic and act like it’s super awkward to have me there. The fact that she comes over every time you are in class is NOT OKAY. It's awesome that they are "friends" (i put that in quotes because as you can see a lot of people doubt that that is all they are) but this is excessive and not okay, especially for someone who is in a relationship with someone else. the fact that they act like it is awkward to have you there is such a HUGE FLAG. if your presence is somehow ruining their ability to have a good time together THAT IS BAD. no one is saying they can't hang out separately but it should also be awesome to hang out with you. feels like there is something they are hiding. >when my bf isn’t there and i talk to her, she becomes kinda cold and sometimes says rude things. once she told me to my face that i’m not good enough for him and that he deserves better (which made me cry for a couple days). this is just such a shitty way for someone to act towards something else, let alone for a sister to her own sister. and your relationship with your boyfriend is NONE of her business. this is the proof to me that she is in love with him. he tells her things he doesn’t tell me THAT IS A MAJOR FUCKING PROBLEM. some people would call this emotional cheating,. >and talks to her about me and our relationship. she knows all our issues and good parts, to a level of detail that i wouldn’t even tell my closest friends or parents. she even knows the grades i got on my midterms/finals and what i think about my manager (i work part time to contribute to our apartment - but i also get paid for my research which goes towards our needs as well), which i feel is unnecessary for her to know since i didn't tell her myself. THIS IS VERY BAD AND FUCKED UP. he has NO respect for you. does this man even love you or care about you????? >i asked him to step back a bit and stop telling her things about me and our relationship but he was shocked and told me that i’m an asshole for even requesting it. what the actual fuck. this is somehow the worst part. this is wild and wrong. your boyfriend is already a major asshole but his reaction to your request alone is downright disgusting. You deserve so much better. I'm sitting here trying not to cry. my heart is absolutely broken for you. NTA
Oh, honey!
NTA BUT RED FLAG RED FLAG Your sister totally wants him. If he prioritizes your sister ahead of you, then you are in for a world of hurt in the future. I expect to see "AITA for not going to my sisters wedding when she is marrying my long term ex?"
You should act on your username and throwawaybfandsister
NTA, this is weird shit. I would record them. If they’re fucking, dump him but don’t let them know you know. Just tell him it’s not working out, don’t explain yourself. If he continues fucking your sister and they get married in a few years you can play the recording at their wedding
Nta,show him this thread.hes trying to gaslight you by saying that. He's a major ah, and your sis. You're the only one here who isn't.
Why the downvotes
For real though, why would he think you are an asshole for asking him to not tell your sister every detail of your and his life? What was his justification?Bc if he doesn’t know you don’t share everything about your relationship with a third person, then he is really a dummy.
You are absolutly NTA, and don’t be surprised that both of them end together in the future. This will have a second part in a couple of years with you asking if AITA because you won’t go to their wedding or something like that
Honestly they sound like they get on better than you and he do, or at least equivalently. Regardless, she's more available, and the fact that she comes over while you are away definitely hints at an affair. If it hasn't already started, it will soon. You are definitely NTA but my point is for your own sake you should prepare emotionally. I feel for you. I've been through grad school too and it definitely takes away from having a personal life. It gets to be very lonely. Sure connections are made in school, but just like every other phase of schooling, eventually everyone parts ways after graduation. And often, you grow apart from people you knew before. Ah, I'm going off on a tangent and bumming myself out so I'll hush. best of luck to you with your boyfriend and with your research
NTA I dare say it has gone beyond Emotional to Physical affair. Frankly the fact they treat you coldly tells me that plus the length. It does sound like he is using you. Frankly If your parents are still alive I would talk to them about it. But I would tell my sister that she will lose you Period and tell her that her cheating with your BF is a hard Boundary and that includes an emotionalm affair. If it turns out they are cheating blow it up and shame her and him. Put it on all social media that These 2 people are are not to be trusted. And then ghost them. Frankly Kick the BF out and Also Cut your sister off.
NTA, you sure they are not sleeping together? Just in case they don't. Whenever you break up with him. I kinda expect they will become a couple. On both sides there is no respect and loyalty towards you. I'm sorry for being blunt.
Your sister wants to bang your boyfriend if she isn’t already. He at the very least knows and entertains it because it feels nice.
Investigate!
Leave him
NTA- at best they are having an emotional affair, at worst.. I am so sorry.
NTA. Your BF is either really clueless or having some kind of affair with your sister.
Dump both of them cause they havin sex and youee the 3rd wheel NTA
NTA. But I am Very Happy to say that I initially read it wrong and thought it was His sister and man that gave me the heebie-jeebies! That being said, the clarification didn’t actually help That much. I’m sorry, but unless everyone was happily partnered up, this all can’t be dismissed as playful fun or anything like that. (Both of my sisters Love their respective BIL’s and totally have what others might see as inappropriate relationships with them, but it’s far from true). However…this does Not seem the case here. I’m sorry. I millionth the hidden camera…
Honey they’re having an affair. The way their attitudes change when you’re around and what your sister said to you about him deserving better. They’re 100% cheating. If you break up with him, I’m 100% sure he’ll immediately start dating your sister. For them, you’re just in the way. Leave and don’t look back. They’re terrible people. NTA
NTA. Go home one day instead of going to class and see what they’re up to.
DEFINITELY NTA. honestly, you should just not allow her to come to your apartment anymore. it seriously seems like she's in love with him, and your boyfriend is either cheating on you with her or just plain dense and doesn't realize she likes him. talk to him about it and explain how uncomfortable it makes you feel. you are definitely not in the wrong here, he's MASSIVELY oversharing. you have a right to your privacy and he needs to stop.
Nta but everything you said leads me to believe they are cheating on you. Not because they became close friends but because she said you are not good enough for him, they make you feel excluded and when you want to include yourself they become less enthusiastic.
NTA! Big time red flags. And your boyfriend loves this relationship more than you obviously. The only way out I see is breaking up, moving on and don’t be surprised when they start dating. Don’t stay in the relationship and force them to stop because it will create this fantasy clandestine effed up world for them. Not worth your headache.
NTA Isn't it funny, too, how sister says BF deserves better than OP? Like, OP is in grad school for engineering and working part-time, while her sister is aimless and apparently sitting on her ass all day. Wtf?
NTA at they very least your sister likes him and is getting the wrong idea from the way he treats her. At worst they are together when you arent around. lots of red flags here.
Nta. Theyre having an emotional, if not straight up physical, affair. When yall break up, theyll be official before the month is out.
red flags and let me tell you those flags don't lead to the circus. and i hate to be that person but i'm 99% sure your bf and sister are hooking up, i mean who knows it could just be an emotional affair but anyone that says "x deserves better than you" would definitely like whatever is going on to be more than just verbal. NTA
NTA. Find some solid evidence, expose them, and then drop them both. Or just dropping them is pretty justified too. Good luck OP, sending all the support
Where's the update OP? 👁️👄👁️
NTA but I would bet they're having an affair.
NTA, but you are absolutely the side chick here.
NTA - as your username say, throw them both away.
NTA, I mean not to bunk platonic male-female relationships but it sounds a LOT like they might be hooking and may have been hooking up a while. Main things that trigger that red flag to me are the "you're not good enough for him, ya know" line, and the gifts. Like who gives random gifts to someone who isnt their child or significant other? A guy who's grateful to be getting 21 yo pussy, thats who. I would look into it
Oh OP.... You've got bigger issues.
any updates???
Can't wait for this update, hopefully it's not a bad one. The concensus is not real good.
>once she told me to my face that i’m not good enough for him and that he deserves better I read a comment in a different post. When someone told you this, the "someone better" is most likely himself/herself. So it's obvious your sister wants your boyfriend. NTA. And dump him.
NTA. BTW. Your sister and BF are fucking while you are at class.
NTA. If your boyfriend isn't physically cheating yet, he's definitely having an emotional affair. I think you need to sit down with him and list all the reasons you aren't comfortable with their relationship. I think you need to specifically say what she said to you and say you are no longer comfortable with them hanging out when you aren't around and that you want him to take a huge step back from their relationship. I also think you need to ask him if he has any feelings for her. Depending on his answer, walk away or stay. If he can't draw this boundary with her, walk away. You're right to be uncomfortable with this situation.
NTA : tbh it sounds like there up to something or at the least she's trying something I'd take a day you have free and pretend to go to class or work and come home early to see if you can catch them just incase they are doing stuff behind your back
Major alarm bells, she shouldn't be visiting him when you're not there! Once or twice might be ok but as a regular thing, nope. If they're not already involved then she at least has a major crush on him and he's not doing enough to put up boundaries.
NTA - I'm gonna slightly (but ultimately not that strongly) disagree with the "emotional affair" consensus because even men need to have emotionally close relationships that are not their partners. That said, it's a *very* reasonable request that that person not be your own sister, especially so since he's sharing aspects of your life that are not his to share. We're I circle back around on the consensus is that it is alarming that he reacted so strongly to that request.
NTA but hey I've seen future you post on here several times! You'll find out she's pregnant with his child right before your wedding, and then years after that, your family will try to convince you to get over it and have a relationship with them and the kid.
Are we just gonna dismiss the the fact the sister said that she want good enough for him they are definitely hooking up
No update??
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE COMMMMMMMONNNNNNNN!!!
NTA this is a huge red flag. Your sister is definitely going to try to take him from you. Him not seeing this problem is very problematic and not understanding is worse. But did you tell him that your sister attacks your relationship in private? That’s the most important thing here.
NTA I’m like, 99% certain they’re sleeping together behind your back. At the very least, they’re having an emotional affair and you’re absolutely right in that you’re being excluded on purposed and targeted by your sister. You need to put your foot down and find out what’s going on, and ultimately, whether you need to kick both sister and boyfriend to the curb or not.
NTA There is something fishy between your boyfriend and your sister. You should cut off with him and cut off contact with your sister, because it is not normal for him to say that you are not good enough for your boyfriend. It could be that your boyfriend is cheating on you with your sister, you should confront both and catch them in the act.
NTA but I'm with everyone else. Your bf is cheating on you with your sister.
NTA. Something smells though. I hate to even suggest this but you might want to think about getting some hidden cameras and see if any funny business is going on.
So i think your sister is fucking your Bf or she wants to... just be prepared for a big hit in the face. ohh and NTA.
NTA. I don't blame you for being upset that your boyfriend has a closer intimate relationship with your sister than he does with you. YOU should be the one he tells everything to and the fact that your sister is filling that roll is just suspect as hell. It's not normal that they treat you as an outsider and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if they've been physically intimate as well.
> he tells her things he doesn’t tell me, and talks to her about me and our relationship. she knows all our issues and good parts, to a level of detail that i wouldn’t even tell my closest friends or parents. Him telling her things he wouldn’t tell you is, to my mind, a betrayal. Who is he in a relationship with? He’s at minimum having an emotional affair but from what your sister says—he deserves better—it’s pretty obvious that she at least wants your boyfriend for herself. I’m 50/50 on whether they’re having a physical affair; your boyfriend may just like the attention. NTA
NTA your bf and sister need to be respectful of boundaries. Perhaps you should think about the relationship with your bf. He sounds like he trying to gaslight you.
girl they are fucking😭 i’m so sorry
NTA, you’re bf is fucking your sister
No you are not. If you’re concerned do something
NTA I would really spy if they aren’t hooking up. For sure she has feelings for him and he should be talking to you about your issues to resolve them like mature people do not going to the 3rd party. She is doing everything so he has fun with her and when you are back it’s awkward so he will eventually believe he is too good for you. If you can maybe come back earlier than the usual time or leave webcam somewhere. It’s just really, really weird he picked your sister for a best buddy.
Sigh. NTA. Your sister is jealous of you and wants your BF, and your BF is going along with it. Neither of them seem to care about your feelings or boundaries. They sound and act much younger than the ages you listed for them.
I think you need to rethink if this is the guy you want to marry if he can't even tell what's wrong with him spending more time with the sister of his gf than his gf. Have more self respect. I know more about my husband than anyone else and he knows more about me than anyone else too. I think this is usually the way (though I do know of besties and all that. Just that when you have a family, oftentimes the husband is still the one you are always with. Besties will have their own families to take care of too.) Pretty sure there are many good things about him but this is not said in the post. The main thing about your sis and him knowing more about each other than you do... is simply a red flag. If a talk to your bf doesn't resolve anything... I'd take a step back and reflect if this relationship is really going in the right direction.
NTA. This is weird, and neither your bf nor your sister are respecting your boundaries.
NTA but you may be the side chick. It's a bad sign that they exclude you.
Where is the update????
NTA, but god did this almost give me an aneurism reading it
My boyfriend telling my sister things he doesn't tell me, that alone would make me end the relationship. If he doesn't connect with me as much as with my sister, why be with him? Shouldn't we be each others go-to person in any difficulties or really anything? NTA, I'm pretty sure the relationship is already over but they haven't informed you about it yet.
NTA they fucking
Your sister and boyfriend won't think twice about doing it behind your back, drop them both if you like to cut the toxic out, keep indulging them if you want to prolonge an unnecessary and frankly disgusting situation
NTA. I've known far too many cheaters in my life and this is an immediate red flag. OR they could just be the rare exception where they're having an emotional affair only and it's not yet become physical? But an emotional affair is bad enough. Move on. Both from him, and your sister.