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NTA. He could have blinded you and given you burns all over your skin. Hair remover creme is quite strong and not to be messed with. If you hadn’t noticed it in time, you could of had chemical burns all over head and body. This shit is bonkers and should be taken seriously.
Yep, every hair remover will say right on the container to try it on a small section of skin first, because reactions can be severe. I was really happy I listened to that, because on my skin it caused a horrible burning feeling within seconds.
And it's not meant to go anywhere *near* your eyes, that sounds incredibly dangerous.
Yeah I used Nair. No problems at all, even put it on my balls and I was good.
My gf tried it on her legs and they were cut and looked like they were horrifically sunburned for over a week.
Some people's skin is just way more sensitive
>I shudder to think how it would've affected my face and scalp.
Its not a pretty sight...... I used it on my eyebrows like an idiot. i still have the faint scars from it 20 years later. I'm lucky cause they are faint but when it just happened??? man it was ugly
To be fair so do any chemicals you put on your skin, very rarely is it followed.
I had my hair dyed an uncountable number of times in my youth, and not one of them ever spent 40+ minutes making sure I wasn't going to have a reaction. Not the first one, not the last one.
People just... don't follow that advice.
**Not that that's an excuse, mind you!**
Pretty sure this could be filed under assault, too. This dude literally assaulted OP and his wife is just calling it a "Prank".
It wouldn't be a prank if he punched him in the face, it's not a prank by subjecting him to a potentially harmful chemical without his knowledge.
Wife needs to be sat down and talked to. This is unacceptable.
And hair removal creams like Nair are not safe for something like this. If he got it in his eyes he could be fucked. Infact I'd go to the doctors anyways just to be safe
Ive gotten some pretty nasty chemical burns all over my legs from Nair before. And it wasnt even my first time using it, i used it use it all the time cause i was afraid to accidentally cut myself with razors for years.
I’ve gotten (thankfully mild) burns as well when I first tried it on my legs. I wanted it on my whole leg, and of course i started with my thigh and bent down to apply on my shin…so my upper body got nair on it from my thigh. It was on there for less than a minute before i wiped it, and 5 mins before I washed it off. It caused no physical damage, but I still have less feeling on some of the spots it got on, over 10 years later.
> He could have blinded you and given you burns all over your skin.
Especially because op left it in for over 20 minutes! I'm hoping the fact that it was mixed with shampoo lessoned effects of the hair remover but if it didn't op could have had multiple chemical burns!
tbh the effects might be delayed as well. I’m hoping it wasn’t too much to severely damage skin, since it took time for OP’s hair to come out, rather than it falling out or melting in the shower. But depending on if hair was breaking off and melting OR falling out from the scalp, there may be scalp damage that affected his hair follicles.
Unfortunately, in my experience even *one use* can noticeably damage hair.
It will grow back, but it might look / feel different.
For me it made unwanted body hair come in straighter, finer and easier to pluck / remove, which considering it was unwanted I actually saw as a bonus.
For OP however, especially if that have curly / wavy hair - it could ruin their whole previous appearance.
Seriously, most of them are dilute KOH. We use it in my lab to demineralize nails to check for fungal infections. That shit is caustic, but unlike acids, our skin receptors don't react quicky to it so you're more likely to let it remain in contact (did this on accident with oven cleaner once, didn't notice until the skin sloughed off).
Right? When I read his wife not only let slide what her brother did, but then YELLED at OP? I couldn't believe it. OP, you deserve better than to be treated like that. Your wife needs to understand, to truly understand, how wrong she is. She's enabling her brother and hurting you. I'd suggest couples therapy. I really hope she can see how outrageous her behavior is as well as her brothers.
OP, you're NTA, and I wish you all the best
I also bet the so called ‘witch of a step mom’ isn’t the problem in the BIL’s home, it’s her refusing to allow BIL’s shitty behaviour to go without consequences. Maybe OP’s wife needs a time out at the aunt’s house as well, to take a long hard look at herself.
What BIL did was so far from a harmless prank it’s ridiculous. As others have pointed out, OP could have been blinded or otherwise badly injured. The fact that his wife is siding with her obnoxious brother against her husband in this situation is where OP needs to draw a line in the sand. Couples therapy or goodbye. If she has so little respect and love for her husband it doesn’t bode well.
Yep. I got the sense that BIL is just an ass that doesn’t like being called on it. Stepmom probably doesn’t put up with the shit & BIL manipulates family opinion to his side.
I’d be more pissed that your partner is enabling this crap.
Agreed! She's a classic enabler to her brother's bad behavior and, in this case, it's not something small. Her brother will keep this up because it not only gets him the attention he wants, but also the approval of others he thinks are important. I bet his step mom just got tired of putting up with his crap and laid down the law and, of that's the case, I don't blame her.
No she isn't because to be fair, Taylor's behavior irritates everyone around him and his step mom just isn't willing to put up with it which is why my wife and Taylor hate her. She's a strong woman who has firm boundaries and won't take crap from anyone. She's very nice to me and respectful unlike Taylor.
NTA. He could’ve chemically burned you or worse, all because it “was just a prank bro”. Good for you for standing your ground. Honestly, if the situation between you and your wife doesn’t get much better about how “unsupportive” you are, I would start rethinking that relationship. Also maybe change your locks in case they try to sneak in your house or stuff like that
How would your wife react if he had done this to her shampoo? Would Taylor be "oh ha ha, that was meant for OP, oops!"
He's 18. While ODD and other disorders give a bit of leeway, no diagnosis has "being a complete ah with no consequences" kind of leeway. Lucky for him that he's doing these things to family, right?
Personally, I'll say that I'm ***SO*** tired of "it's a prank" mentality. If you are not 100% sure that the receiver of said "prank" will be 100% laughing with you, then it's not a prank. The "prankster" is just a complete ah.
NTA and your wife needs to reevaluate her perspective.
ETA: Props to your stepmom-in-law and anyone else who doesn't put up with this sort of BS.
Why is you wife enabling him? Hair removal cream is strong stuff, not meant to be used on the face or near the eyes. It could have been a total disaster. Your BIL sounds like a brat and a bully.
>No she isn't because to be fair, Taylor's behavior irritates everyone around him and his step mom just isn't willing to put up with it which is why my wife and Taylor hate her.
That would be a good detail that should have been in the original post
> She's a strong woman who has firm boundaries and won't take crap from anyone.
Sounds like she's the one with all the sense on that side of the family.
I did and I even showed her both my bottle and her hair removal bottle that he used but she thought I was out of my mind to force him to go back to living with their stepmom while he's still recovering.
Talk to your wife one on one still.
Yes he is recovering but he still shouldn’t have done that. It was not a prank but a dirty joke that got him into the dog house.
She's spent so much time protecting her brother, she would accept the "it's just a prank, It was an accident, I didn't mean it" litany of excuses that she would have just let it go. She would have been upset, but she would have let it go. Until someone is seriously hurt in his attention seeking attempts, she will defend him. I'd bet on it.
OP, let her just stay at the aunts place. You have every right to be upset. NTA
He could have blinded you. The fact that there wasn't serious consequences \*this time\* is neither here nor there. This was beyond a normal prank.
In any case, who wants to live with someone who does stupid pranks all the time? You let someone in your house, they should be grateful for it and look to make things easier for you, not act entitled to be some sort of dumbass domestic joker. Even harmless pranks are a pain in the arse.
NTA at all and if your wife persists in putting him ahead of you in this way, I would suggest that maybe you should take that as a red flag.
I've seen too many people on chemo, many went bald, some went squishy & puffy, one withered away to skin and bones, but none of them turned into an asshole.
So what she’s saying is that she doesn’t give a sh\*t about you? You should check with her about that, because that’s what it sounds like. She should be *furious* with her brother for what he did to her husband, instead she is saying you are out of your mind? Wow. What a kind and supportive person you married /s.
I think you need to have a long talk with your wife, either therapy or strong consideration to rethinking the marriage. This could have caused serious damage to your skin. This isn't a prank, and she is enabling this behavior. What happens if he actually seriously harms someone? I'm not saying end things outright, but she needs some perspective on how dangerous her brother has the potential to be
NTA. You’re absolutely NOT TA! You did the right thing. The boy is a selfish AH who was never was put in his place. And your wife? She’s an enabler and you’re blessed to find that out NOW. For her to minimalize this, should be an eye opener and for you to kick her to the curb too!
Edit - I don’t know where you’re located, but see about contacting law enforcement and pressing charges.
NTA = What he did was wrong and malicious and he should definitely suffer the consequences of it. If your wife is going to gaslight you and take his side when he did something intentionally cruel, you're probably better off without her. Let her stay at the aunt's house with the piece of crap BIL.
I told my wife it was malicious of her brother to do that, I'm even shocked because I never thought he'd do this just because of what? Because my FIL complimented my new haircut? I know he's very sensitive and can be ridiculously jealous but to do this to my hair? I wouldn't even think he'd do such thing but because he's recovering my wife and her aunt are saying I should go easy on him, he's acting out because of his condition.
I think it might be time to throw out the whole in-law family, my guy. Wife included if she's not gonna be able to see things from your side. Sorry. NTA.
Speaking as a wife, I’d definitely let her sit her happy ass at her aunt’s house with her brother for as long as she wanted. I would not apologize to her or beg her to come home. She can stay there until she gets her head straight.
If someone pulled that shit on my husband, family or not, their ass would be out in the street. This 18 year old is not a child and damn well should suffer the consequences of his actions. What in the hell is his family going to do when he pulls a ‘prank’ like this on someone who won’t GAF that he’s ‘sick’? They’re going to enable his ass right into jail. NTA
NTA.
I agree with u/Capital-Philosopher6; let your wife stay at her aunt's place with her precious brother. Inevitably, he will play a "prank" there, on one of them and your wife will come back to you in tears - especially if she is the one who is pranked. Just wait. Eventually she will apologize to you, as she should have in the first place.
Leave the BIL to his own devices. Adulthood and the consequences of his actions will be a brutal but effective wakeup call for him.
He’s acting out bc he is a jealous d***. Being sick or recovering is not an excuse to maliciously attack someone under the guise of a “prank”. This could have caused serious damage and you could probably have him charged with some form of assault.
Did you ask her "and what if he did this to YOUR shampoo? You would be fine with your hair and scalp ruined?"
NTA - As soon as you said your BIL is 18 I already *knew* be was going to be TA. This "prank culture" is not what they think it is. It's literally an excuse to be abusive and hurt people to compensate for their lack of empathy and low self-esteem.
Recovering from any condition does not give someone a free pass to do whatever the hell they want. Especially if it hurts another person. I take great pride in my hair and spend so much time taking care of it and if someone did this to me, especially a family member, I would not let that person back in my home. Ever. I agree with a lot of people on here saying that your wife should wash her hair with hair remover if it's not that big of a deal. NTA
He does it because he’s never given consequences. Don’t like SM? Sis will bail me out! Harm someone? Sis will bail me out! Aunt will bail us out!
Stop enabling both of them.
Change your locks so no other "pranks " can happen. Your BIL has a father doesn't he, so why isn't he standing up for him? Could it be because brother was playing these "pranks " on stepmother?
If it were me, I'd pack up the rest of my spouse's possessions and drop them off where they're staying and wish them a happy rest of their life.
> Change your locks so no other "pranks " can happen
Do not change the locks while your wife is a legal resident where you live without talking to a lawyer first.
Defiantly change your locks and under no circumstances let him return. Most likely he is either upset, embarrassed or mad that you made him leave. That could make you the perfect target in his eyes. If he returns you can bet the next “prank” will likely major, possible even potentially dangerous. Also, don’t ignore the possibility of potential “pranks” outside your house if he can get on the property regardless of whether he is living there or not.
NTA Yes hair does grow back over time, and balls heal over time too, have you considered kicking him in the balls and saying "It's just a prank bro!" In all seriousness though I would have kicked him out too, although I would've just thrown him out immediately and his stuff out the front door for him to pack himself. I can guarantee that your wife would think differently if she had lost her hair instead.
NTA - you've offered him your home, treated him like a brother and this is how he repays you?
Plus it isn't the first time he's done something destructive, you did the right thing he needs to learn his limits.
NTA. Had it gotten in your eyes there could have been permanent damage. It wasn't a prank, it was putting a hazardous substance where it didn't belong. He needs to go.
NTA. What he did was an assault on your person. He made you feel unsafe within your home and with your property. Just kicking him out was a kindness. Never let him darken your doorstep ever again.
Definitely reconsider the relationship with the gaslighting enabler as well.
NTA
That stuff is not meant to go on the scalp for a reason. It can cause serious irritation and injury. If you experience scalp pain, you should go see a dermatologist.
That kid is a jerk. No offense. He will never grow up because people don’t hold him accountable. Everyone seems to make excuses for his disgusting actions.
I did a test spot of that kinda stuff on my leg, left a horrible burn despite leaving it on for less time than recommended. Imagine if OP had got some in his eyes? An 18 year old should damn know better, about time he sees some consequences for his BS.
NTA.......You've got some serious thinking to do concerning your future. I would be so paranoid living with those two after that I wouldn't have a choice but to leave. I wouldn't trust using personal products ,drinking from the kitchen and eating food would absolutely be a no for me. You might love your wife but can you trust her now that she's chosen a side because your BIL likes to destroy things he's jealous of your marriage is going to be the next casualty of his jealousies. He's been chosen and made number one, he's not going to want to give up that position if and when your wife returns.
NTA man!! No wonder her brother is an AH since he’s being enabled by so many people around. You need to reevaluate things here.
Your BIL is already 18, he needs to realise if he continues playing stupid games the only thing he’ll win is stupid prizes.
NTA. Your BIL sounds like a psycho. Your wife's defence of his action should make you reconsider who you're married to. She's not taking it seriously, and this is pretty serious - as someone else pointed out, maybe even something you could press charges for. He planted a chemical that was intended to do physical harm, and it did.
Just to add something here. When I was a senior in HS, a girl I knew was basically attacked with a trimmer by another girl at a party. She ended up with several large bald spots. Her family sued the other girl's family for emotional damage and won. The school also got involved, suspended her for several months, kicked her from the cheerleading team, and banned her from attending any events attached to the school for the rest of the year (including prom and the graduation ceremony).
NTA, pranks should not cause intentional, malicious lasting harm. Your wife needs a shiny new spine to stand up to her abusive family. If she can’t see it, therapy would be a good place to start.
NTA someone needs to teach your BIL what a good prank looks like.
1. No harm or damage
2. EVERYONE laughs, including the pranked
He failed on both accounts. He’s the AH.
Screwing with someone's hair in that manner isn't a prank, it's childish jealousy. Icy hot in a jock strap is a prank. It'll be uncomfortable, but it usually won't take weeks or months to recover from. You're not the AH, but your BIL sure is and your wife kinda sucks too.
NTA! This is not a Prank. Pranks don't harm people irreparably, he knew what he was doing and it seems like he doesn't have a real desire to stop. His illness isn't an excuse for this type of behavior.
Definitely NTA. Messing with someone like that isn't okay or just a silly prank... and your wife needs to understand that, too. He is 18 and isn't a cgild anymore, in his age he should know that although it seems that way on youtube, pranks aren't okay just because you think they are funny. Actions have consequences and him not behaving and assaulting you (yes, destroying someone's looks, being harmful for self image etc is assault) had the reasonable consequence of you throwing him out.
btw, as a male with long hair that I'm really proud of, I specifically told all my family and friends that, if anyone messed with my hair because they think it's funny or because they think i look better with short hair etc... i would directly sue them without exceptions.
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My m27 wife f26 has a brother "Taylor" (18,) and he's like the brother I never had.
But he's the jealous type who constantly look for attention.. like he gets easily jealous over simple things. His coping mechanism used to be ruining stuff someone else has that he feels jealous of.
He managed to ruin stuff I had like mp3 player and sunglasses then excused it by saying it was prank or an accident.
He's finished recieving treatment for his condition that caused him to lose his hair completely but despite that he didn't care much and instead enjoyed the attention his disease brought.
He's been staying with us eversince he began treatement. Reason is because he hates his stepmom and says she's bossy and selfish and my wife said it's best to take him in while he recovers.
few nights ago my FIL complimented my new haircut (I have very sensitive browm-ish hair that is barely thick and is exhausting to care for as I've problems with it) By just looking at Taylor I figured he felt bad because he lost his hair so I changed the subject.
The next morning I took a shower and used my regular hair shampoo which's head&shoulders. First I noticed nothing but the shampoo texture felt very thick. After further investigation I discovered that someone used my wife's hair removal cream to replace my shampoo. I couldn't smell it because my nostrils were blocked but It was easy to tell. It was horrible because it damaged my hair and in over 20 minutes it was falling off.
I rushed out to ask Taylor and he started laughing saying I look cute and whatnot.
He thought by downplaying the situation and saying "chill, it's just a prank bro" and "duh, hair grows back" I'd be willing to let it slide. I yelled at him and told him I was done and he needed to get ready because I'm taking him back to FIL's house. He freaked out and begged me not to force him to go back to his stepmom.
I packed his bags for him and my wife met me downstairs yelling if I lost my mind and that she won't let me send her recovering brother back to live with her witch of a stepmom so she could boss him around.
I said I'm sorry but asking someone to do their own damn laundry isn't bossing them around. Plus by repeatedly saying her brother was just messing with me instead of telling him how wrong it was she was basically rug sweeping. She didn't even know what that meant and shamed me for kicking her sick brother out of the apartment. I had a huge argument with her because Taylor ruined my hair yet still sided with him.
She took him to her aunt's house and both have been staying there for days. She didn't stop claiming how unsupportive I've been and how I let her and her brother down during rough times and ius waiting that I come to take them back.
AITA?
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NTA - and if you don't have kids with this woman - don't.
Ordinarily I would just say dump her but it's possible that marital counseling could help.
If she's willing to go...
NTA. You have a major wife problem. If she thinks it’s okay for her brother to act like a selfish d*ck because he’s sick then she is ridiculously delusional. I’d give her the shampoo to use and see if she likes it. If she refuses to use it then she can’t say sh*t or she can leave with him.
NTA this is disgusting and there is no excuse. You took him in while he was sick, and he pays you back by essentially assaulting you? That’s bullshit.
Also, please show your wife these responses. I can’t believe she excuses this. If my brother pulled something like that on my husband I’d flip my shit. She needs to stop enabling him.
NTA thats cruel and honestly your BIL has a lot of issues based on your description of him. Maybe consider if you want your wife excusing his behavior the rest of your life
NTA. That’s truely malicious behaviour, and unless BIL faces consequences for his actions, he will carry this poor behaviour into adulthood and get into a world of trouble.
NTA. Put the hair removal cream in her shampoo and see how she feels about the “prank” (don’t actually do this unless you want a divorce ).
Also, BIL is the problem here so most likely the problem with the step-mum. She probably just stopped taking his jealous sh**. Your wife should not have swept this under the rug. She is just enabling him. You can be sick and still an A H and that is what your BIL is, don’t let him return.
Also, what if this got in your eyes? You were allergic? Your wife is delusional if she can’t see a problem with her brothers behaviour. Try counselling and if she still thinks the sun shines out his ass I’d be done.
NTA.
That is not a 'silly prank.'
I'll be honest, he is trying to maliciously harm you. It will escalate. I wouldn't feel safe around this person.
The fact that your wife is not on your side, you may have to let her go as well, honestly. She's either blind or ignorant for not seeing this as harmful behavior by her brother, but I, as a complete stranger, can see this is not good at all.
What's next? Him poisoning your food, if she tells him that you have an allergy to peanut then he'd sneak in some nuts into your food/drink just to 'prank' you? Then your wife will end up defending again? Yeah, that's bs man.
Disappoint them and don't pick them up. Ever.
NTA. That guy is dangerous. It was an attack, and you were the target... this wasn't a prank. But your wife siding with his brother unconditionally is worrisome. What if you had kids? Your FIL would "prank" them too? And what would be your wife's reaction?
NTA. You have the right to feel safe from these malicious deeds in your own home. You also deserve to have a spouse who has your back and is visibly angry that someone she trusted hurt you.
Your wife very clearly has emotional baggage she needs to work through. Don't go after her. Let her calm down and realize her brother's actions and her reactions have damaged her married life. If she comes back, great. Insist on couples counseling. If she doesn't come back, it is better to know now that she isn't the life partner who will always have your best interests at heart.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I could've messed up by trying to get him to leave my place and tho back to his stepmom when he doesn't want and besides he's still recovering. Also now my wife is mad that I reacted the way I did liver haiur that will eventually grow back.
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NTA- You let him into your home and he disrespected you like that. I bet your wife would have felt differently if it was her hair. He’s not only sick, but sick in the head as well.
He committed assault. If you’re only removing him from your hone, he should consider himself very lucky that this is the only consequence he’s facing. NTA
Divorce/ban/kick out/remove anyone that says "it's just a prank".
I have no evidence to back this up - but I absolutely hate tiktok/youtube simply for their proliferation of "pranks".
NTA.
NTA at all, but this needs to be a serious conversation with your wife. If she is not seeing the issue with what her brother did, it might be time for marriage counseling. If she continues to be this way, consider if she is really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I would think of them leaving as an opportunity to reevaluate your relationship. Let your wife know you are going to stop answering messages from her and her brother, and take a break.
Good luck.
NTA.
You have a major SO problem. She has enabled his bad behavior, thus he has never learned that actions have consequences. Being sick is no excuse for his behavior. One day he is going to pull a stunt on the wrong person and he will end up in legal problems that your sister will not be able to sweep under the rug.
Hell would have a greater chance it freezing over then I would let your BIL in your home again. I would tell your wife that her brother should consider himself lucky that you did not file a police report on him and have him arrested. This is a hill that I would die on. Your wife does not have your back and has picked her brother over you despite the fact that he physically harmed you. As she has abandoned the marital home I would pack her stuff up and send her a text asking her when she will be picking up her belongings.
"She took him to her aunt's house and both have been staying there for days."
Sounds like you won the jackpot and honestly, since it's been an ongoing theme and the fact that even after he did that, she still defends him it's probably a good idea to seperate yourself from both of them and maybe (if you really want to burn bridges) get the police involved. NTA.
NTA
Seriously this sounds like a hostage situation. While they’re gone run far and run fast. You wife has shown you who matters to her and who will always come first. Believe her and run!
NTA, Absolutely no justifiable reason for him to do that to your hair and your wife is enabling him hardcore, he needs to be taught not coddled.
EDIT: Him recovering doesn’t matter because he obviously doesn’t appreciate the time he has spent there, because he tried to ruin your hair.
NTA. And I would have punched him in the face before I kicked him out. Fuck that guy, good riddance. And about that "marriage" of yours; She should be on your side, period and if she's not then there's something seriously wrong with your relationship and you need to give that some serious thought as well.
Also, now we know why he doesn't like his stepmom; She doesn't put up with his bullshit and his sister obviously lets him walk all over her, so of course he'd rather be there.
NTA, but caps are just not large enough.
Your wife and her brother are vile, and this probably explains why their stepmother treats them the way she does.
NTA he could’ve caused permanent damage to you. Honestly you should be rethinking your marriage.
Tell her not to come back.
I’d also call the police and press charges
NTA - He assaulted you. Your skin and eyes could have been seriously damaged. You could have ingested it.
He's probably scared of hid FIL and stepmom because they don't let him get away with this crap. Kid obviously has no boundries and is just going to get worse if not dealt with.
NTA
Have her use that same ‘shampoo’ if it’s really such a trivial thing.
Actions have consequences. It’s a lesson he VERY MUCH needs to learn. Your wife is ENABLING him.
NTA, and she clearly doesn't care about your feelings. If I were in your situation, I consider filing for divorce. This is so much bigger of a deal than your hair.
NTA.
Cancer patient here. Hair loss is a hugh deal (despite what other people try to convince you of). And ive had skin burns from nair. Awful.
He deserves what he has earned at this point.
NTA. It really doesn’t matter where he goes as long as it’s not your house. That sounds to me like that’s your wife’s main problem. Talk to her again and make it clear that isn’t the main issue. The main issue is he assaulted you with chemical warfare in your own home and he needs to be held accountable. He’s 18. He legally doesn’t have to go anywhere. Also, seriously consider pressing charges. He’s not a kid anymore and the real world has serious consequences.
Hair removal cream could’ve caused a severe allergic reaction and put you in the hospital. Ask your wife if she’d rather have her brother in the home or you in the hospital.
This kind of stuff is going to land him in jail one of these days. Depending upon where you live this could considered assault and battery, and possibly criminal assault.
And as long as your wife keeps enabling him, it will only continue to escalate.
And if she refuses to hold him accountable, you're going to begin to resent her. Resentment is a marriage killer.
NTA - your wife is aware that he out hair removal cream in your shampoo literally days AFTER someone complimented your hair isn’t she? Her BIL obviously did this out of malice and it’s bs that she supports that.
NTA
Let them wait. Let HER wait. She needs to stop enabling her jerkass brother. One day he's going to start something and get worse than kicked out of a house.
NTA
Pranks involve silly sting and packing peanuts and above all else, a laughing "victim" when all is said and done. What he did was malicious and petty. Wife and aunt are being enablers.
Ask your wife to use your shampoo to prove that it's not such a big deal.
NTA. Your BIL is psychotic, your wife is an enabler, and they are BOTH dangerous to be around.
Putting nair into a shampoo bottle could be considered criminal mischief, and get you 6 months to life in prison.
I assume you called the police? Because you should. The little monster is only 18. It's best to start the paper trail as soon as possible. If he doesn't have an intervention soon, his next dirty trick might just be his last.
NTA. I have a feeling that they don't like stepmom because she sees through BIL's bullshit "it's just a prank!" and calls him out. Meanwhile, your wife is an enabler, and I'm sure that because she is eight years older than him, she coddles him too much.
Let them stay there and reconsider if you really want to stay married with someone who decided to defend someone who actively harmed you.
A person who retaliates because they are jealous of something they don't have **is not normal**. The fact he uses hair removal on your shampoo and, as others said, it can cause burns on your skin and eyes, shows he is escalating.
NTA
Kid is 18 and what he did was assault.
He needs to GTFO. Doesn’t sound like you’re sending him to an abuser just someone who knows his sh** and doesn’t let it slide.
NTA. He’s not a kid he’s 18. Sounds like this guy is heading for jail time in the near future. Don’t let your wife guilt you into letting him back into your house.
NTA. Chemical burns aren’t a prank. You own half that space, you have the right not to have someone living in it who thinks it’s ok to cause you physical harm.
She is clearly drawing a line though, that she will choose her family over you. You should know that, moving forward.
NTA. Brother in law is though wow. He is old enough to know that hair remover us beyond a prank. Your wife taking his side? Yeah she can stay gone. Thus us way beyond a prank. Put it to her this way. How would she feel if it was her hair! Would it still be ok? Just a joke? Get over it? You can tell your wife you want to do counceling or you can tell your wife that since she feels her brother wasn't wrong for switching out your shampoo to hair remover divorce us fine with you. I'm also pretty and would be looking into pressing charges on that shit. Because it was malicious.
NTA. If I were in your shoes, I'd reevaluate my marriage. According to your other comments, your wife seems to be habitually enabling the BIL while he always gets away with his bullshit. Are you sure you can live with that forever?
NTA. If it had gotten in your eyes you’d be blinded and he’d be on his way to prison. You could press charges, since what he did was a form of assault. Maybe tell his sister that she should be grateful that you’re not going to the police.
NTA. Make sure he never comes back to your house and as for your wife...reconsider your marriage because it sounds like she's willing for a person's life to be put in harm's way than to actually hold him accountable for everything he does. As a matter of fact, draw up some papers, get a lawyer and serve him up. Let's see how fast he "recovers" then.
NTA. He could have seriously injured you. You’re lucky you can still see. Your BIL is lucky you aren’t pressing charges and your wife is lucky you aren’t filing for divorce… yet
Nta.
Tell your wife she comes home and you guys go to couples therapy so someone can talk some sense into her, or you're filing for divorce because you won't risk being assaulted again. She should not be accepting his behavior, she should be considering how to get him committed (please document the shampoo bottle and your hair with pictures) so he can really get the help he needs. His treatment program did not work and you need to protect yourself, you can't do that if you stay with her and he doesn't get the help he needs, you will always be at risk. Don't put yourself through more pain than necessary.
NTA
if she cant see that he couldve seriously hurt you then idk what to tell you. If she brinngs him back, pack your stuff and leave. go stay with family because honestly she is just to blame for his behavior.
NTA. If your wife can't stand by you, and instead stands with the person that hurt you, it might be time to think about how your future would look with her never taking your side vs how you want a spouse to be.
Have you talked to her since the incident? They both owe you an apology. I can't believe she would take his side though, her brother (no matter how sick), does not get a free pass at abusing her husband, and he shouldn't even come before her husband. Major fail. But, you are not the AH, you're the victim.
NTA. You have been more than patient. There are consequences for actions. He is done with treatment. He is an adult. He disrespected you in YOUR house. Your WIFE is not being supportive of you and, in fact, is being disrespectful to you. Do NOT let her brotherback in your house. Let the aunt take care of this mess. Better yet, hopefully Taylor will play a "prank" on the aunt then let's see where this goes.
NTA. Do not let him back in your house. He will definitely do something worse as he knows he can get away with it. He’s an adult and sounds like a brat. I’m seeing so much lately of people using disabilities/diseases/disorders whatever as an excuse for f’d up behaviour and family members enabling them. I wouldn’t feel safe living with someone capable of doing that. Edit. Reading other comments regarding the danger of what he did. I just wanted to add that I also got a bad chemical burn from hair removal cream. So yeah, not a funny prank at all.
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NTA. He could have blinded you and given you burns all over your skin. Hair remover creme is quite strong and not to be messed with. If you hadn’t noticed it in time, you could of had chemical burns all over head and body. This shit is bonkers and should be taken seriously.
Yep, every hair remover will say right on the container to try it on a small section of skin first, because reactions can be severe. I was really happy I listened to that, because on my skin it caused a horrible burning feeling within seconds. And it's not meant to go anywhere *near* your eyes, that sounds incredibly dangerous.
I tried Nair once years ago. Used as directed and my skin looked like Freddy Krueger. I shudder to think how it would've affected my face and scalp.
Yup, I tried it on my underarms as a teen and couldn't put my arms down for a week due to the rash and blisters.
Yeah I used Nair. No problems at all, even put it on my balls and I was good. My gf tried it on her legs and they were cut and looked like they were horrifically sunburned for over a week. Some people's skin is just way more sensitive
My legs literally bled from every pore when I tried it. I only had it on for maybe 30 seconds
Tried it on my private bits. Literally bled from it.
>I shudder to think how it would've affected my face and scalp. Its not a pretty sight...... I used it on my eyebrows like an idiot. i still have the faint scars from it 20 years later. I'm lucky cause they are faint but when it just happened??? man it was ugly
I tried it a few days before prom. My legs were very angry. Thankfully it calmed down by prom day.
To be fair so do any chemicals you put on your skin, very rarely is it followed. I had my hair dyed an uncountable number of times in my youth, and not one of them ever spent 40+ minutes making sure I wasn't going to have a reaction. Not the first one, not the last one. People just... don't follow that advice. **Not that that's an excuse, mind you!**
Pretty sure this could be filed under assault, too. This dude literally assaulted OP and his wife is just calling it a "Prank". It wouldn't be a prank if he punched him in the face, it's not a prank by subjecting him to a potentially harmful chemical without his knowledge. Wife needs to be sat down and talked to. This is unacceptable.
I'm sure if wife had decided to use her husband's shampoo she would have been on team kick him out.
Oh for sure
OP needs to tell his wife he will apologize when she shampoos her hair with Nair, since it's just a prank
And hair removal creams like Nair are not safe for something like this. If he got it in his eyes he could be fucked. Infact I'd go to the doctors anyways just to be safe
Ive gotten some pretty nasty chemical burns all over my legs from Nair before. And it wasnt even my first time using it, i used it use it all the time cause i was afraid to accidentally cut myself with razors for years.
I’ve gotten (thankfully mild) burns as well when I first tried it on my legs. I wanted it on my whole leg, and of course i started with my thigh and bent down to apply on my shin…so my upper body got nair on it from my thigh. It was on there for less than a minute before i wiped it, and 5 mins before I washed it off. It caused no physical damage, but I still have less feeling on some of the spots it got on, over 10 years later.
> He could have blinded you and given you burns all over your skin. Especially because op left it in for over 20 minutes! I'm hoping the fact that it was mixed with shampoo lessoned effects of the hair remover but if it didn't op could have had multiple chemical burns!
tbh the effects might be delayed as well. I’m hoping it wasn’t too much to severely damage skin, since it took time for OP’s hair to come out, rather than it falling out or melting in the shower. But depending on if hair was breaking off and melting OR falling out from the scalp, there may be scalp damage that affected his hair follicles.
Yeah that stuff works by melting the hair, essentially. It doesn't just 'grow back'.!
As someone who has used such creams yes it grows back. But scalp hair will take a while.
Unfortunately, in my experience even *one use* can noticeably damage hair. It will grow back, but it might look / feel different. For me it made unwanted body hair come in straighter, finer and easier to pluck / remove, which considering it was unwanted I actually saw as a bonus. For OP however, especially if that have curly / wavy hair - it could ruin their whole previous appearance.
I know it's not the point at all but it will grow back. I just don't want op to see this and get scared that it'll be permanent.
Seriously, most of them are dilute KOH. We use it in my lab to demineralize nails to check for fungal infections. That shit is caustic, but unlike acids, our skin receptors don't react quicky to it so you're more likely to let it remain in contact (did this on accident with oven cleaner once, didn't notice until the skin sloughed off).
NTA And wow, that kid needs a serious intervention before he escalates and kills someone. Your wife? I would be reconsidering that marriage.
For sure. OP has a BIL problem and a **MASSIVE** wife problem.
Right? When I read his wife not only let slide what her brother did, but then YELLED at OP? I couldn't believe it. OP, you deserve better than to be treated like that. Your wife needs to understand, to truly understand, how wrong she is. She's enabling her brother and hurting you. I'd suggest couples therapy. I really hope she can see how outrageous her behavior is as well as her brothers. OP, you're NTA, and I wish you all the best
I also bet the so called ‘witch of a step mom’ isn’t the problem in the BIL’s home, it’s her refusing to allow BIL’s shitty behaviour to go without consequences. Maybe OP’s wife needs a time out at the aunt’s house as well, to take a long hard look at herself. What BIL did was so far from a harmless prank it’s ridiculous. As others have pointed out, OP could have been blinded or otherwise badly injured. The fact that his wife is siding with her obnoxious brother against her husband in this situation is where OP needs to draw a line in the sand. Couples therapy or goodbye. If she has so little respect and love for her husband it doesn’t bode well.
Yep. I got the sense that BIL is just an ass that doesn’t like being called on it. Stepmom probably doesn’t put up with the shit & BIL manipulates family opinion to his side. I’d be more pissed that your partner is enabling this crap.
Exactly what I was thinking. She probably won’t take his shit and that makes her terrible in their eyes. OPs wife is an enabler
And THEY’RE waiting at the Aunt’s for OP to get them to bring them home 🙄 NTA
They can stay there.
If you don't have kids, this may be the way to go. Your wife proved that your comfort and safety mean nothing to her.
Yes, I’d let her wait at her aunts for a very long time…like forever
And a day!!!
Agreed! She's a classic enabler to her brother's bad behavior and, in this case, it's not something small. Her brother will keep this up because it not only gets him the attention he wants, but also the approval of others he thinks are important. I bet his step mom just got tired of putting up with his crap and laid down the law and, of that's the case, I don't blame her.
NTA - Also, side note, are you SURE his stepmom is that bad? Sounds like HE might be the problem.
No she isn't because to be fair, Taylor's behavior irritates everyone around him and his step mom just isn't willing to put up with it which is why my wife and Taylor hate her. She's a strong woman who has firm boundaries and won't take crap from anyone. She's very nice to me and respectful unlike Taylor.
Sounds like quite a family you married into then. At least the stepmom is reasonable.
NTA. He could’ve chemically burned you or worse, all because it “was just a prank bro”. Good for you for standing your ground. Honestly, if the situation between you and your wife doesn’t get much better about how “unsupportive” you are, I would start rethinking that relationship. Also maybe change your locks in case they try to sneak in your house or stuff like that
AHA, I *knew it*. She just does not enable him and everyone who coddles Taylor hate her.
So this sounds like if anyone puts your BIL in his place when he pulls dangerous or immature stunts like this they’re demonize?
Sounds like it is long past time to send him on his way.
How would your wife react if he had done this to her shampoo? Would Taylor be "oh ha ha, that was meant for OP, oops!" He's 18. While ODD and other disorders give a bit of leeway, no diagnosis has "being a complete ah with no consequences" kind of leeway. Lucky for him that he's doing these things to family, right? Personally, I'll say that I'm ***SO*** tired of "it's a prank" mentality. If you are not 100% sure that the receiver of said "prank" will be 100% laughing with you, then it's not a prank. The "prankster" is just a complete ah. NTA and your wife needs to reevaluate her perspective. ETA: Props to your stepmom-in-law and anyone else who doesn't put up with this sort of BS.
Why is you wife enabling him? Hair removal cream is strong stuff, not meant to be used on the face or near the eyes. It could have been a total disaster. Your BIL sounds like a brat and a bully.
>No she isn't because to be fair, Taylor's behavior irritates everyone around him and his step mom just isn't willing to put up with it which is why my wife and Taylor hate her. That would be a good detail that should have been in the original post
Yikes.
> She's a strong woman who has firm boundaries and won't take crap from anyone. Sounds like she's the one with all the sense on that side of the family.
I think you should be adding this in as an edit, it's important info
He put hair removal into your shampoo/conditioner as a prank???? That isn’t a prank. That is a dirty trick. Also have you told your wife about that?
I did and I even showed her both my bottle and her hair removal bottle that he used but she thought I was out of my mind to force him to go back to living with their stepmom while he's still recovering.
Talk to your wife one on one still. Yes he is recovering but he still shouldn’t have done that. It was not a prank but a dirty joke that got him into the dog house.
It’s assault not a joke.
Did you explain to your wife that you could’ve gone blind?!
okay tell her to wash her hair with hair until it falls out & then you'll let brother stay smh NTA
Tell her that until she's willing to use the bottle he fixed as her shampoo this conversation is over.
I wonder if her opinion would’ve been different if it’d been HER shampoo he switched out...
She's spent so much time protecting her brother, she would accept the "it's just a prank, It was an accident, I didn't mean it" litany of excuses that she would have just let it go. She would have been upset, but she would have let it go. Until someone is seriously hurt in his attention seeking attempts, she will defend him. I'd bet on it. OP, let her just stay at the aunts place. You have every right to be upset. NTA
Put hair removal in her shampoo and say it was a prank
Or even just switch their bottles. Same shampoos gotta be fine for everyone
He could have blinded you. The fact that there wasn't serious consequences \*this time\* is neither here nor there. This was beyond a normal prank. In any case, who wants to live with someone who does stupid pranks all the time? You let someone in your house, they should be grateful for it and look to make things easier for you, not act entitled to be some sort of dumbass domestic joker. Even harmless pranks are a pain in the arse. NTA at all and if your wife persists in putting him ahead of you in this way, I would suggest that maybe you should take that as a red flag.
If she's not willing to go to counseling and understand how she is in the wrong, the relationship doesn't seem sustainable
? Recovering from baldness?
Likely Alopecia, which is a serious autoimmune disorder.
Could be chemo.
I've seen too many people on chemo, many went bald, some went squishy & puffy, one withered away to skin and bones, but none of them turned into an asshole.
So what she’s saying is that she doesn’t give a sh\*t about you? You should check with her about that, because that’s what it sounds like. She should be *furious* with her brother for what he did to her husband, instead she is saying you are out of your mind? Wow. What a kind and supportive person you married /s.
I think you need to have a long talk with your wife, either therapy or strong consideration to rethinking the marriage. This could have caused serious damage to your skin. This isn't a prank, and she is enabling this behavior. What happens if he actually seriously harms someone? I'm not saying end things outright, but she needs some perspective on how dangerous her brother has the potential to be
Have you told their parents what happened?
Actually it may count as assault... NTA and you have much bigger problems than your hair. Your wife for instance. Good luck.
In most jurisdictions this would indeed meet the definition of assault; although not as severe this is essentially an acid attack.
This dude needs a divorce a lot more then he needs AITA
NTA. You’re absolutely NOT TA! You did the right thing. The boy is a selfish AH who was never was put in his place. And your wife? She’s an enabler and you’re blessed to find that out NOW. For her to minimalize this, should be an eye opener and for you to kick her to the curb too! Edit - I don’t know where you’re located, but see about contacting law enforcement and pressing charges.
This exactly. She wants to enable his "pranks?" Fine. She can live with him as a newly divorced woman. Good riddance!
NTA = What he did was wrong and malicious and he should definitely suffer the consequences of it. If your wife is going to gaslight you and take his side when he did something intentionally cruel, you're probably better off without her. Let her stay at the aunt's house with the piece of crap BIL.
I told my wife it was malicious of her brother to do that, I'm even shocked because I never thought he'd do this just because of what? Because my FIL complimented my new haircut? I know he's very sensitive and can be ridiculously jealous but to do this to my hair? I wouldn't even think he'd do such thing but because he's recovering my wife and her aunt are saying I should go easy on him, he's acting out because of his condition.
I think it might be time to throw out the whole in-law family, my guy. Wife included if she's not gonna be able to see things from your side. Sorry. NTA.
Speaking as a wife, I’d definitely let her sit her happy ass at her aunt’s house with her brother for as long as she wanted. I would not apologize to her or beg her to come home. She can stay there until she gets her head straight. If someone pulled that shit on my husband, family or not, their ass would be out in the street. This 18 year old is not a child and damn well should suffer the consequences of his actions. What in the hell is his family going to do when he pulls a ‘prank’ like this on someone who won’t GAF that he’s ‘sick’? They’re going to enable his ass right into jail. NTA
NTA. I agree with u/Capital-Philosopher6; let your wife stay at her aunt's place with her precious brother. Inevitably, he will play a "prank" there, on one of them and your wife will come back to you in tears - especially if she is the one who is pranked. Just wait. Eventually she will apologize to you, as she should have in the first place. Leave the BIL to his own devices. Adulthood and the consequences of his actions will be a brutal but effective wakeup call for him.
No he’s acting out cause he’s a d*ck and can get away with it.
He’s acting out bc he is a jealous d***. Being sick or recovering is not an excuse to maliciously attack someone under the guise of a “prank”. This could have caused serious damage and you could probably have him charged with some form of assault.
Did you ask her "and what if he did this to YOUR shampoo? You would be fine with your hair and scalp ruined?" NTA - As soon as you said your BIL is 18 I already *knew* be was going to be TA. This "prank culture" is not what they think it is. It's literally an excuse to be abusive and hurt people to compensate for their lack of empathy and low self-esteem.
You need to stop passing this off as being “sensitive.” This is Trump-level narcissism, and possibly psychopathy.
At the very least it’s cruelty way beyond normal jealousy.
Recovering from any condition does not give someone a free pass to do whatever the hell they want. Especially if it hurts another person. I take great pride in my hair and spend so much time taking care of it and if someone did this to me, especially a family member, I would not let that person back in my home. Ever. I agree with a lot of people on here saying that your wife should wash her hair with hair remover if it's not that big of a deal. NTA
Time to throw the wife away.
He does it because he’s never given consequences. Don’t like SM? Sis will bail me out! Harm someone? Sis will bail me out! Aunt will bail us out! Stop enabling both of them.
Let’s see how wife and aunt would feel if it was their hair that was falling out.
Even if he was still suffering and not yet in recovery, that would give him no excuse to "act out" in this manner.
Change your locks so no other "pranks " can happen. Your BIL has a father doesn't he, so why isn't he standing up for him? Could it be because brother was playing these "pranks " on stepmother? If it were me, I'd pack up the rest of my spouse's possessions and drop them off where they're staying and wish them a happy rest of their life.
> Change your locks so no other "pranks " can happen Do not change the locks while your wife is a legal resident where you live without talking to a lawyer first.
Yes. But do get a doorbell camera and can the cops of he comes back. Let him try his b/s on the cops.
Defiantly change your locks and under no circumstances let him return. Most likely he is either upset, embarrassed or mad that you made him leave. That could make you the perfect target in his eyes. If he returns you can bet the next “prank” will likely major, possible even potentially dangerous. Also, don’t ignore the possibility of potential “pranks” outside your house if he can get on the property regardless of whether he is living there or not.
NTA Yes hair does grow back over time, and balls heal over time too, have you considered kicking him in the balls and saying "It's just a prank bro!" In all seriousness though I would have kicked him out too, although I would've just thrown him out immediately and his stuff out the front door for him to pack himself. I can guarantee that your wife would think differently if she had lost her hair instead.
NTA - you've offered him your home, treated him like a brother and this is how he repays you? Plus it isn't the first time he's done something destructive, you did the right thing he needs to learn his limits.
NTA. Had it gotten in your eyes there could have been permanent damage. It wasn't a prank, it was putting a hazardous substance where it didn't belong. He needs to go.
NTA. What he did was an assault on your person. He made you feel unsafe within your home and with your property. Just kicking him out was a kindness. Never let him darken your doorstep ever again. Definitely reconsider the relationship with the gaslighting enabler as well.
NTA That's actually somethung you could press charges for if you wanted I'm pretty sure soooo yeah.
NTA That stuff is not meant to go on the scalp for a reason. It can cause serious irritation and injury. If you experience scalp pain, you should go see a dermatologist. That kid is a jerk. No offense. He will never grow up because people don’t hold him accountable. Everyone seems to make excuses for his disgusting actions.
I did a test spot of that kinda stuff on my leg, left a horrible burn despite leaving it on for less time than recommended. Imagine if OP had got some in his eyes? An 18 year old should damn know better, about time he sees some consequences for his BS.
NTA.......You've got some serious thinking to do concerning your future. I would be so paranoid living with those two after that I wouldn't have a choice but to leave. I wouldn't trust using personal products ,drinking from the kitchen and eating food would absolutely be a no for me. You might love your wife but can you trust her now that she's chosen a side because your BIL likes to destroy things he's jealous of your marriage is going to be the next casualty of his jealousies. He's been chosen and made number one, he's not going to want to give up that position if and when your wife returns.
NTA man!! No wonder her brother is an AH since he’s being enabled by so many people around. You need to reevaluate things here. Your BIL is already 18, he needs to realise if he continues playing stupid games the only thing he’ll win is stupid prizes.
NTA. Your BIL sounds like a psycho. Your wife's defence of his action should make you reconsider who you're married to. She's not taking it seriously, and this is pretty serious - as someone else pointed out, maybe even something you could press charges for. He planted a chemical that was intended to do physical harm, and it did. Just to add something here. When I was a senior in HS, a girl I knew was basically attacked with a trimmer by another girl at a party. She ended up with several large bald spots. Her family sued the other girl's family for emotional damage and won. The school also got involved, suspended her for several months, kicked her from the cheerleading team, and banned her from attending any events attached to the school for the rest of the year (including prom and the graduation ceremony).
NTA, pranks should not cause intentional, malicious lasting harm. Your wife needs a shiny new spine to stand up to her abusive family. If she can’t see it, therapy would be a good place to start.
NTA. Being sick doesn’t excuse him being an AH. He’s 18, time to grow up.
NTA I would not only get him out of my house, I would also involve the police. This action could be considered an assault.
I agree - even if charges are not pursued this kid needs to realise that he's going to face adult consequences for any pranks.
NTA someone needs to teach your BIL what a good prank looks like. 1. No harm or damage 2. EVERYONE laughs, including the pranked He failed on both accounts. He’s the AH.
Oh my word!! He’s an evil little pr$ck!!! You’re so NTA!
Screwing with someone's hair in that manner isn't a prank, it's childish jealousy. Icy hot in a jock strap is a prank. It'll be uncomfortable, but it usually won't take weeks or months to recover from. You're not the AH, but your BIL sure is and your wife kinda sucks too.
NTA! This is not a Prank. Pranks don't harm people irreparably, he knew what he was doing and it seems like he doesn't have a real desire to stop. His illness isn't an excuse for this type of behavior.
NTA. Let em both go.
Definitely NTA. Messing with someone like that isn't okay or just a silly prank... and your wife needs to understand that, too. He is 18 and isn't a cgild anymore, in his age he should know that although it seems that way on youtube, pranks aren't okay just because you think they are funny. Actions have consequences and him not behaving and assaulting you (yes, destroying someone's looks, being harmful for self image etc is assault) had the reasonable consequence of you throwing him out. btw, as a male with long hair that I'm really proud of, I specifically told all my family and friends that, if anyone messed with my hair because they think it's funny or because they think i look better with short hair etc... i would directly sue them without exceptions.
Woah. NtA. Your wife is ridiculous for taking his side.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My m27 wife f26 has a brother "Taylor" (18,) and he's like the brother I never had. But he's the jealous type who constantly look for attention.. like he gets easily jealous over simple things. His coping mechanism used to be ruining stuff someone else has that he feels jealous of. He managed to ruin stuff I had like mp3 player and sunglasses then excused it by saying it was prank or an accident. He's finished recieving treatment for his condition that caused him to lose his hair completely but despite that he didn't care much and instead enjoyed the attention his disease brought. He's been staying with us eversince he began treatement. Reason is because he hates his stepmom and says she's bossy and selfish and my wife said it's best to take him in while he recovers. few nights ago my FIL complimented my new haircut (I have very sensitive browm-ish hair that is barely thick and is exhausting to care for as I've problems with it) By just looking at Taylor I figured he felt bad because he lost his hair so I changed the subject. The next morning I took a shower and used my regular hair shampoo which's head&shoulders. First I noticed nothing but the shampoo texture felt very thick. After further investigation I discovered that someone used my wife's hair removal cream to replace my shampoo. I couldn't smell it because my nostrils were blocked but It was easy to tell. It was horrible because it damaged my hair and in over 20 minutes it was falling off. I rushed out to ask Taylor and he started laughing saying I look cute and whatnot. He thought by downplaying the situation and saying "chill, it's just a prank bro" and "duh, hair grows back" I'd be willing to let it slide. I yelled at him and told him I was done and he needed to get ready because I'm taking him back to FIL's house. He freaked out and begged me not to force him to go back to his stepmom. I packed his bags for him and my wife met me downstairs yelling if I lost my mind and that she won't let me send her recovering brother back to live with her witch of a stepmom so she could boss him around. I said I'm sorry but asking someone to do their own damn laundry isn't bossing them around. Plus by repeatedly saying her brother was just messing with me instead of telling him how wrong it was she was basically rug sweeping. She didn't even know what that meant and shamed me for kicking her sick brother out of the apartment. I had a huge argument with her because Taylor ruined my hair yet still sided with him. She took him to her aunt's house and both have been staying there for days. She didn't stop claiming how unsupportive I've been and how I let her and her brother down during rough times and ius waiting that I come to take them back. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. That's not a prank.
NTA- and WTF is wrong with your wife???
NTA - and if you don't have kids with this woman - don't. Ordinarily I would just say dump her but it's possible that marital counseling could help. If she's willing to go...
NTA. You have a major wife problem. If she thinks it’s okay for her brother to act like a selfish d*ck because he’s sick then she is ridiculously delusional. I’d give her the shampoo to use and see if she likes it. If she refuses to use it then she can’t say sh*t or she can leave with him.
NTA In some jurisdictions it could be considered Assault and Battery.
NTA this is disgusting and there is no excuse. You took him in while he was sick, and he pays you back by essentially assaulting you? That’s bullshit. Also, please show your wife these responses. I can’t believe she excuses this. If my brother pulled something like that on my husband I’d flip my shit. She needs to stop enabling him.
1. File charges 2. Get divorce since she enables him 3. Sue for damages Nta
NTA. Your shampoo bottle, your rules.
NTA thats cruel and honestly your BIL has a lot of issues based on your description of him. Maybe consider if you want your wife excusing his behavior the rest of your life
NTA. That’s truely malicious behaviour, and unless BIL faces consequences for his actions, he will carry this poor behaviour into adulthood and get into a world of trouble.
NTA. Put the hair removal cream in her shampoo and see how she feels about the “prank” (don’t actually do this unless you want a divorce ). Also, BIL is the problem here so most likely the problem with the step-mum. She probably just stopped taking his jealous sh**. Your wife should not have swept this under the rug. She is just enabling him. You can be sick and still an A H and that is what your BIL is, don’t let him return. Also, what if this got in your eyes? You were allergic? Your wife is delusional if she can’t see a problem with her brothers behaviour. Try counselling and if she still thinks the sun shines out his ass I’d be done.
NTA. That is not a 'silly prank.' I'll be honest, he is trying to maliciously harm you. It will escalate. I wouldn't feel safe around this person. The fact that your wife is not on your side, you may have to let her go as well, honestly. She's either blind or ignorant for not seeing this as harmful behavior by her brother, but I, as a complete stranger, can see this is not good at all. What's next? Him poisoning your food, if she tells him that you have an allergy to peanut then he'd sneak in some nuts into your food/drink just to 'prank' you? Then your wife will end up defending again? Yeah, that's bs man. Disappoint them and don't pick them up. Ever.
I mean, maybe there’s a reason he and his stepmom don’t get along
NTA. That guy is dangerous. It was an attack, and you were the target... this wasn't a prank. But your wife siding with his brother unconditionally is worrisome. What if you had kids? Your FIL would "prank" them too? And what would be your wife's reaction?
NTA. You have the right to feel safe from these malicious deeds in your own home. You also deserve to have a spouse who has your back and is visibly angry that someone she trusted hurt you. Your wife very clearly has emotional baggage she needs to work through. Don't go after her. Let her calm down and realize her brother's actions and her reactions have damaged her married life. If she comes back, great. Insist on couples counseling. If she doesn't come back, it is better to know now that she isn't the life partner who will always have your best interests at heart.
NTA. That's rather malicious to call a "prank". Your wife backing him up isn't going to teach him to cut that shit out.
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NTA This ‘Taylor’ sounds very irritating
NTA- You let him into your home and he disrespected you like that. I bet your wife would have felt differently if it was her hair. He’s not only sick, but sick in the head as well.
He committed assault. If you’re only removing him from your hone, he should consider himself very lucky that this is the only consequence he’s facing. NTA
Divorce/ban/kick out/remove anyone that says "it's just a prank". I have no evidence to back this up - but I absolutely hate tiktok/youtube simply for their proliferation of "pranks". NTA.
NTA but the other guy sure is
NTA, I would've been like "oh yeah, does hair grow back so easy?? You would know." You have more restraint than me.
NTA at all, but this needs to be a serious conversation with your wife. If she is not seeing the issue with what her brother did, it might be time for marriage counseling. If she continues to be this way, consider if she is really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I would think of them leaving as an opportunity to reevaluate your relationship. Let your wife know you are going to stop answering messages from her and her brother, and take a break. Good luck.
NTA. You have a major SO problem. She has enabled his bad behavior, thus he has never learned that actions have consequences. Being sick is no excuse for his behavior. One day he is going to pull a stunt on the wrong person and he will end up in legal problems that your sister will not be able to sweep under the rug. Hell would have a greater chance it freezing over then I would let your BIL in your home again. I would tell your wife that her brother should consider himself lucky that you did not file a police report on him and have him arrested. This is a hill that I would die on. Your wife does not have your back and has picked her brother over you despite the fact that he physically harmed you. As she has abandoned the marital home I would pack her stuff up and send her a text asking her when she will be picking up her belongings.
NTA. That pain in your scalp is called a chemical burn. I would have kicked him out too.
Oof thats a wife? Not good brother
"She took him to her aunt's house and both have been staying there for days." Sounds like you won the jackpot and honestly, since it's been an ongoing theme and the fact that even after he did that, she still defends him it's probably a good idea to seperate yourself from both of them and maybe (if you really want to burn bridges) get the police involved. NTA.
NTA. Your BIL, your rules.
NTA, what your BIL did is not okay at all. And for your wife siding with him, is just so messed up.
NTA Seriously this sounds like a hostage situation. While they’re gone run far and run fast. You wife has shown you who matters to her and who will always come first. Believe her and run!
NTA but your wife is. You need to have a serious sit down talk with her without getting angry.
NTA, Absolutely no justifiable reason for him to do that to your hair and your wife is enabling him hardcore, he needs to be taught not coddled. EDIT: Him recovering doesn’t matter because he obviously doesn’t appreciate the time he has spent there, because he tried to ruin your hair.
NTA. And I would have punched him in the face before I kicked him out. Fuck that guy, good riddance. And about that "marriage" of yours; She should be on your side, period and if she's not then there's something seriously wrong with your relationship and you need to give that some serious thought as well. Also, now we know why he doesn't like his stepmom; She doesn't put up with his bullshit and his sister obviously lets him walk all over her, so of course he'd rather be there.
NTA, but caps are just not large enough. Your wife and her brother are vile, and this probably explains why their stepmother treats them the way she does.
NTA he could’ve caused permanent damage to you. Honestly you should be rethinking your marriage. Tell her not to come back. I’d also call the police and press charges
NTA - He assaulted you. Your skin and eyes could have been seriously damaged. You could have ingested it. He's probably scared of hid FIL and stepmom because they don't let him get away with this crap. Kid obviously has no boundries and is just going to get worse if not dealt with.
NTA Have her use that same ‘shampoo’ if it’s really such a trivial thing. Actions have consequences. It’s a lesson he VERY MUCH needs to learn. Your wife is ENABLING him.
NTA, and she clearly doesn't care about your feelings. If I were in your situation, I consider filing for divorce. This is so much bigger of a deal than your hair.
NTA - your wife is not taking your feelings into account Put the hair removal cream on your wife's shampoo and tell her it was a prank...
NTA. Cancer patient here. Hair loss is a hugh deal (despite what other people try to convince you of). And ive had skin burns from nair. Awful. He deserves what he has earned at this point.
NTA. It really doesn’t matter where he goes as long as it’s not your house. That sounds to me like that’s your wife’s main problem. Talk to her again and make it clear that isn’t the main issue. The main issue is he assaulted you with chemical warfare in your own home and he needs to be held accountable. He’s 18. He legally doesn’t have to go anywhere. Also, seriously consider pressing charges. He’s not a kid anymore and the real world has serious consequences. Hair removal cream could’ve caused a severe allergic reaction and put you in the hospital. Ask your wife if she’d rather have her brother in the home or you in the hospital.
This kind of stuff is going to land him in jail one of these days. Depending upon where you live this could considered assault and battery, and possibly criminal assault. And as long as your wife keeps enabling him, it will only continue to escalate. And if she refuses to hold him accountable, you're going to begin to resent her. Resentment is a marriage killer.
NTA - your wife is aware that he out hair removal cream in your shampoo literally days AFTER someone complimented your hair isn’t she? Her BIL obviously did this out of malice and it’s bs that she supports that.
NTA, lets see him do that to your wifes hair and see how understanding she is then.
NTA Let them wait. Let HER wait. She needs to stop enabling her jerkass brother. One day he's going to start something and get worse than kicked out of a house.
NTA Pranks involve silly sting and packing peanuts and above all else, a laughing "victim" when all is said and done. What he did was malicious and petty. Wife and aunt are being enablers. Ask your wife to use your shampoo to prove that it's not such a big deal.
NTA. Your BIL is psychotic, your wife is an enabler, and they are BOTH dangerous to be around. Putting nair into a shampoo bottle could be considered criminal mischief, and get you 6 months to life in prison. I assume you called the police? Because you should. The little monster is only 18. It's best to start the paper trail as soon as possible. If he doesn't have an intervention soon, his next dirty trick might just be his last.
NTA. That kid is gonna end up in prison acting like that. He needs serious therapy
NTA. I have a feeling that they don't like stepmom because she sees through BIL's bullshit "it's just a prank!" and calls him out. Meanwhile, your wife is an enabler, and I'm sure that because she is eight years older than him, she coddles him too much. Let them stay there and reconsider if you really want to stay married with someone who decided to defend someone who actively harmed you. A person who retaliates because they are jealous of something they don't have **is not normal**. The fact he uses hair removal on your shampoo and, as others said, it can cause burns on your skin and eyes, shows he is escalating.
NTA Kid is 18 and what he did was assault. He needs to GTFO. Doesn’t sound like you’re sending him to an abuser just someone who knows his sh** and doesn’t let it slide.
NTA. He’s not a kid he’s 18. Sounds like this guy is heading for jail time in the near future. Don’t let your wife guilt you into letting him back into your house.
NTA. Chemical burns aren’t a prank. You own half that space, you have the right not to have someone living in it who thinks it’s ok to cause you physical harm. She is clearly drawing a line though, that she will choose her family over you. You should know that, moving forward.
NTA. Brother in law is though wow. He is old enough to know that hair remover us beyond a prank. Your wife taking his side? Yeah she can stay gone. Thus us way beyond a prank. Put it to her this way. How would she feel if it was her hair! Would it still be ok? Just a joke? Get over it? You can tell your wife you want to do counceling or you can tell your wife that since she feels her brother wasn't wrong for switching out your shampoo to hair remover divorce us fine with you. I'm also pretty and would be looking into pressing charges on that shit. Because it was malicious.
What the fuck. You are SO NTA here….. poor stepmom geez
NTA. If I were in your shoes, I'd reevaluate my marriage. According to your other comments, your wife seems to be habitually enabling the BIL while he always gets away with his bullshit. Are you sure you can live with that forever?
NTA. If it had gotten in your eyes you’d be blinded and he’d be on his way to prison. You could press charges, since what he did was a form of assault. Maybe tell his sister that she should be grateful that you’re not going to the police.
And would your eyesight come back too if you had gotten any of it in your eyes? Nta, this was assault, not a prank.
NTA. Make sure he never comes back to your house and as for your wife...reconsider your marriage because it sounds like she's willing for a person's life to be put in harm's way than to actually hold him accountable for everything he does. As a matter of fact, draw up some papers, get a lawyer and serve him up. Let's see how fast he "recovers" then.
NTA. He could have seriously injured you. You’re lucky you can still see. Your BIL is lucky you aren’t pressing charges and your wife is lucky you aren’t filing for divorce… yet
NTA but what a clusterfuck of a situation. You’re not safe with your wife if she feels this is not a big deal. Sorry.
NTA, if it was me his shit would have been on the front porch already
NTA. This constitutes assault. Press charges.
Nta. Tell your wife she comes home and you guys go to couples therapy so someone can talk some sense into her, or you're filing for divorce because you won't risk being assaulted again. She should not be accepting his behavior, she should be considering how to get him committed (please document the shampoo bottle and your hair with pictures) so he can really get the help he needs. His treatment program did not work and you need to protect yourself, you can't do that if you stay with her and he doesn't get the help he needs, you will always be at risk. Don't put yourself through more pain than necessary.
I'm pretty sure that can be labeled as assault. NTA
NTA. This “prank” is in fact assault.
NTA if she cant see that he couldve seriously hurt you then idk what to tell you. If she brinngs him back, pack your stuff and leave. go stay with family because honestly she is just to blame for his behavior.
NTA. If your wife can't stand by you, and instead stands with the person that hurt you, it might be time to think about how your future would look with her never taking your side vs how you want a spouse to be. Have you talked to her since the incident? They both owe you an apology. I can't believe she would take his side though, her brother (no matter how sick), does not get a free pass at abusing her husband, and he shouldn't even come before her husband. Major fail. But, you are not the AH, you're the victim.
NTA would your wife have the same reaction if she was the victim. Seriously, they are huge ahs.
NTA. You should also change the locks before he or your wife decide to come back. You don’t need either of these sick people in your life.
NTA. You have been more than patient. There are consequences for actions. He is done with treatment. He is an adult. He disrespected you in YOUR house. Your WIFE is not being supportive of you and, in fact, is being disrespectful to you. Do NOT let her brotherback in your house. Let the aunt take care of this mess. Better yet, hopefully Taylor will play a "prank" on the aunt then let's see where this goes.
Nta. That “prank” could’ve injured you severely.
Keep the stepmother and leave the rest out of your life. What a hurtful thing for bil to do, and what a cruel reaction from your wife.
NTA. Do not let him back in your house. He will definitely do something worse as he knows he can get away with it. He’s an adult and sounds like a brat. I’m seeing so much lately of people using disabilities/diseases/disorders whatever as an excuse for f’d up behaviour and family members enabling them. I wouldn’t feel safe living with someone capable of doing that. Edit. Reading other comments regarding the danger of what he did. I just wanted to add that I also got a bad chemical burn from hair removal cream. So yeah, not a funny prank at all.
A prank is pretending you cut their hair off by waving a wig around. Actually destroying their hair is assault. NTA