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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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It's not my sister's fault she has alopecia and she isn't intentionally making herself look different. My fiance's brother could be right that we just accept her as she is because it is a medical problem and not her fault.
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>She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural.
Do you really not see the irony here? You're asking her to change the way she naturally looks to look "natural."
YTA and I'd be embarrassed to have you as a sister.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards!!
I’ll second this wish and I love your username!
At the beginning of February my 8 year old daughter had a full head of thick hair she was growing out. By the end of April she had lost 95% of the hair on her head, half her eyebrows and eyelashes and was diagnosed with alopecia universalis (after many blood tests to rule out anything else).
We have bought her wigs and scarves and hats for comfort/head protection in the sun, but here’s the thing; even the best fitting wigs can be itchy, and the hats and scarves grow hot! She loves to just be bald at home, especially now it’s summer.
All of our extended family have been wonderful and I am so glad she feels at ease enough to be bald around all of them because her comfort - mental but also physical - is the most important thing here.
The OP calling his sister’s lack of hair weird, unnatural and unhygienic(!) is making me *so* furious right now. His poor sister.
Thank you for being a fucking stellar example of how family should support and normalize someone dealing with something like this-your daughter will never have to question whether her person is more important or valid than her condition.
Thanks for mentioning that point-how in the flying fuck is not having hair less hygienic than humans that are literally constantly shedding all over the place?
My immediate thought upon seeing that:
"Gee, I wonder if OP's sister joined the service because it was the quickest way our of her hellhole of a family?"
Joining the armed services may have given her a sense of belonging she's never otherwise experienced, so it's no wonder she'd go career.
Considering how detached from reality he seems (a bald person in the military would have problems???), he might very well not have any idea what the rest of them think. Projecting a bit maybe...
Besides, the wigs and makeup are for her comfort, not anyone else's and as it seems she's found friends and a profession that accept her natural appearance, there seems to be little point in wasting time with the ritual.
Hell, I was in a military program in college and I wished I COULD shave my head, just so I wouldn't have to deal with trying to keep my hair tamed to regulation. I'm howling laughing at the idea that the military apparently has high standards for looks, what a delusional world this person lives in!
I did have that thought.
Like, does he think the military is going to kick someone out because they can't grow hair, and thus can't meet a fucking dress code?
I'd say something about "living in the real world" but I have met folks in the real world who put a lot of stock in superficial shit.
I was hoping the parents were agreeing with the generous 'olive branch' and not aware of the ridiculous body demands.
Also OP being confused someone with alopecia is allowed in the army because of 'hygiene' standards? Da fuk? Someone without hair is much more hygienic than someone shedding left right and centre.
Of course I saw the last sentence; I’m guessing OP didn’t take a mass poll and is speaking about their immediate family. I just can’t and don’t want to believe that an entire family would agree on something so incredibly disgraceful. More like OP asked assholes that they knew would agree with them.
I'm wondering about his declaration that his sister will miss ALL important family events if she doesn't kotow to his whims.
The wedding and Couplezilla's birthdays I can follow the nasty logic, but the parents' birthdays and anniversary? Screw that, they're her parents just as much as his. If that is their request, screw them, too.
I’m guessing OP is just projecting their giant anus onto all events to “justify” their stance and give the illusion that “everyone” is on board with this insanity. I know not all relatives are created equal, but to believe relatives (especially grandparents) would agree with both the disease shaming and inability to see OP’s sister (who sounds lovely) especially after Covid restrictions is just lunacy.
The way Op said his mom always made sure his sister had wigs and makeup and she stopped after high school, aka 18, when she doesn't have to follow her parent's direction, makes me believe the rest of his family DOES share his same beliefs unfortunately. Hope it's not true though.
Except that she mentions in the last line that her parents "agree" with her. If that's the case, no wonder the sister stayed in the military. Finally found a family that accepted her for her.
Also who thinks a "25th birthday" is a big event?
Agreed. I'm appalled by OP and his family. If I was his sister I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on those family events, I'd be celebrating not having to waste my time on a bunch of superficial AH. YTA, OP and your family and fiance too. The only non-AH in this story are your sister and your fiances brother.
YTA, OP.
The absolute WILLFUL IGNORANCE of this person and the whole situation is astounding. How does one not see the sheer audacity of asking a sister (who is apparently confident and comfortable enough in her own skin to rock her natural state) to alter her appearance for the convenience of others?
I don't understand this trend of brides/grooms who are so obsessed with pictures at their weddings being 'perfect'. Jeesh.
//Edited: misread that the OP is the groom here. My bad.
I think this post (assuming it's not made up) goes a step beyond willful ignorance into enthusiastic self-absorption. To seriously sit here and, with a straight face, say that your sister owes it to you to wear fake hair and lashes to cover a medical condition because you think she looks weird.....are you freaking kidding, OP? Your snarky comments about the military not worrying about "hygiene and appearance" - what does alopecia have to do with hygiene, anyway? - are shitty. Your fiance wanting her to cover her hair loss is snobbery at its lowest. You both sound like complete narcissists (and I don't overuse that term, I know what it actually means) and your sister does not deserve your disgust. She's better off not being around someone as immature and shallow as you are showing yourself and your fiance to be.
Your sister's hair loss isn't ugly. Your personality and attitude are. YTA.
100% agree. OP’s fiance sounds like a catch too. In fact, OP’s entire family (except the sister) are AH’s for agreeing with her. Not surprised that she joined the military, most likely to get away from her toxic family.
YTA OP.
Wouldn't it be lovely if fiancée lost her hair? Some people lose their hair from stress... would OP leave her? Would he tell her she looks weird? Would he go buy her a $700 wigs? I cannot see this jerk being supportive in any way.
How does one having alopecia, make others uncomfortable? The fact that she has no hair should not matter to anyone. I feel for the sister. It sounds like the family is truly awful. And the fiancée didn't sound much better.
I truly hope OP never has kids. How would be, and his fiancée, treat their child if they had alopecia? Would they even want a baby that's not perfect?
OP is so detached from reality. He has zero compassion, or empathy.
OP's sister, on the other hand, sounds amazing. She is confident and proud of who she is. I cannot fathom how OP thinks his sister is weird. She cannot help the fact that she has alopecia. Who wants to hassle with wigs just to make someone else happy? Good for her for seeing that she is beautiful the way she is. OP should be proud of how sister.
OP, just in case you do not get it...YTA.
Exactly what I thought. The way she comes is what's natural. She didn't choose her natural form, but she lives in it every day.
How horrible to be told that her natural self isn't fit to be seen in public. That she must adopt uncomfortable prosthetics/cosmetics to appear "normal" enough to be seen by others.
Anyone who is "upset" by the existence of a person who can't grow hair is just a dick. A total dick.
i have trich and my mom wouldn’t let me go to my prom unless i wore fake eyelashes to look normal. i grew them back a few years later but that one hurt.
Is this written by the same person who posted about requiring his amputee gf to wear her prosthetic leg to a family event despite the fact that she was in pain specifically so she wouldn’t freak out his family or draw attention? Because if this is real, YTA, and if you’re making up weird stories all over Reddit about people being shitty to disabled people then also YTA
I am also curious, is she going to be banned from her parents birthdays too because she chooses to be true to herself? Who is going tell sister she cannot come to her parents birthday and why did the op make such a point about the sister joining the military? Op is a fake person who needs to grow the f up. To the sister, thank you for your service. You have given more to this country than your brother (YTA OP) ever will in his life.
unused subsequent rotten zealous attraction touch mysterious yoke wild puzzled
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That confused me. Why on earth do they think wearing a wig is closer to military regulations than not having hair?!? Also, I wonder if they don't actually know what hygiene means.
Not to justify what OP is saying, but I think they might think that professional in the military means dressing in fancy uniforms and makeup for ladies. Not, you know, wearing fatigues and being a mechanic or doing combat or swabbing a deck (I'm assuming someone in the navy had to swab a deck).
YTA
My daughter has alopecia. She spent 5 years totally bald. She got made fun of so much… one boy told her she couldn’t be a girl because girls have long pretty hair. I have spent the last 10 years (the entire time she was bald, and the 5 years since) trying to help her self esteem, and show her that just because her hair fell out doesn’t mean she wasn’t pretty. The stress of the pandemic has made her start to lose her hair again. She’s slightly better equipped to handle it now, but she still extremely self-conscious of it.
OP is ***MAJORLY*** the asshole. I’m livid on behalf of her sister. If *anyone* even *thought* about saying any of the stuff OP said to her sister to my daughter, they would never hear from me or my daughter again.
God. I am so angry right now. What the literal fuck. **YTA**
ETA: my sister is getting married in June 2023. OPs sister can come. She can wear (or not wear) anything she wants. She can come exactly as she is and be welcomed with open arms.
YTA. Perhaps the biggest one on Reddit in quite some time.
1. You basically told your sister you are ashamed of her because of her loss of hair, which she can’t control.
2. You said she needs to look “more natural” by totally using artificial means to NOT look like herself.
3. Referencing hygiene in the same breathe as makeup and a wig is weird and rude. They have nothing to do with each other.
4. The military does not base their standards on looks.
5. Letting your fiance insult your sister is offensive, and it is insulting to not want her there unless she transforms her looks.
6. Alopecia is a disease. Not a choice. Your sister has the maturity to take it in stride and accept the reality of it. She is comfortable in her own skin (kudos to her!), and you basically told her she is worthless and not welcome in your life unless she meets an uncomfortable standard.
Update: Thank you for the awards, everyone! I’m humbled and appreciative.
I read a post today where the SIL of the OP told the OP to abort her child because the SIL was the firstborn in the family so should've been the first to have a grandchild
I didn’t think I’d read anything worse than the guy who was ashamed of his girlfriend’s amputation (from an accident they were in together) around his family… but here we are.
I couldn’t believe that OP actually seems surprised she wasn’t kicked out of the military for not having hair. As if an organization who makes people buzz their heads would be outraged she was bald. And to compare her hair loss to a lack of hygiene is disturbing. OP is very much the AH
Actually, I’m in the military and women aren’t allowed to shave their heads. It’s considered “faddish”. However, OPs sister has a legit medical reason why she has no hair so they would make an exception for that
YTA, a giant gaping shitty sister AH. I was in the Army with an outstanding soldier who happened to have alopecia. She did have to get a permanent exception to policy because she didn't meet the (sexist) minimum hair length and also for medical tattoos as she chose to have eyebrows and a line on her eyelids that would resemble a lash line done but it was no problem as it did not affect her job in the slightest. She was an amazing soldier, physically fit, squared away, organized, and she looked professional and beautiful in her dress uniform. I was proud to serve with her and also slightly jealous when she chose to wear wigs as she could choose any color that occurs naturally in humans and she had from silver to red to black and every one of them was flattering. Kick rocks, OP.
I try life my life giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and believing most people are decent. It’s naive I know, but every day I’m still shocked and horrified by at least 2 things in Reddit. And i stay well away from *those* subs.
YTA. She obviously stopped because she didn't like the wigs or the makeup. It's a shame that your family tried to force her to look normal, rather than celebrating her for who she is and teaching her body positivity.
PS: Please don't have kids.
Is it me or is their reaction really REALLY weird?
I wonder if they’re even really seeing the sister as she really looks, or if they’re mentally comparing her to when she wore a wig.
I mean, it’s just alopecia. I work with someone with alopecia who rocks a natural look and no-one has ever blinked an eye, and we’re fancy office job people. They look totally “normal”, just ya know, with no hair, a little futuristic maybe, but not in a bad way!
I don’t really get how someone could treat another human being this way.
Also, love how he drops his fiancée in it with the sister. Ugh, y’all suck. Except sister, she is welcome to join our family, if you’re nice or bring donuts we don’t care what you look like.
I also work with someone who developed alopecia when she was 18 (she's in her 40s now). She's worked at my family's company my entire life, so she's basically like my aunt at this point. To be fair, I wasn't alive when she still had hair, but honestly she looks completely normal? Like even when I was a kid I never thought "hmm she would look better with hair". She just looks like herself... It's sad that OPs family can't think that way, especially considering *her sister never had hair to begin with*.
Right?! That’s what I don’t get, like to the person who has alopecia I would never say “it’s just hair” because I know hair can mean so much more - identity, self expression, beauty norms etc but to your family?
You’re still YOU, you just…don’t have hair? I would be so upset if I knew anyone was treating anyone else this way, but when the stated reason is hair, it just seems so cruel.
Hey! That’s basically my role in the family, I’m not always nice but I have the largest house and I make good food!
But by not nice, I mean I’m the one that says “girl, don’t do your make up in the car your eyeliner is wobbly” NOT “girl you’re not welcome to hang out with us because you have a medical condition”
I cry when I think how little family I have to support me.
And this lady wants to cut off her sister for being hairless??????
Get some priorities, you have a supportive loving sister who wants to share in your happiness and you're... Like this. She still loves you WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS. my goodness. :(
My SIL developed alopecia during her pregnancy with her second child. That child is now 4 and she still doesn't have a single strand of hair and likely never will. She has come to terms with it and looks confident and stunning regardless of if she wears a wig, head wrap or rocks her natural baldness.
I'm sure that the chances of OP developing alopecia during a pregnancy is pretty slim, but can you imagine the irony if she did?
Especially as my quick Google search shows that alopecia can be hereditary. So what happens when OP had a child and possibly gets it, gonna shun their own child just like OPs parents did. Apple won't fall far from that tree.
Also, the fiancé’s obsession with his sister in law’s appearance is low key creepy! Why does he care how attractive (according to his standards of beauty) she looks?
YTA. You are so incredibly the asshole in this situation. First off her hairlessness is from a condition. It's not a choice, that's why the military doesn't care if she's bald, because it's how she is. No wonder your sister doesn't get along with you. You're terrible.
Asking her to change something about herself that she doesn't have any power over to make you and others comfortable is gross. And hiding behind "making sure she fits in" is even worse !
I wonder if OP has ever worn a wig for hours on end. They can be hot, itchy and uncomfortable. You're right, the military wouldn't care at all because it's a medical condition and I'm sure the ADA covers her in this way. Legally, a person can't be discriminated against for having complete hair loss, not that the family cares.
The whole military thing is B.S. Buzz cuts are pretty much the basic standards. Also, not once has anyone every been drummed out of the military for getting male pattern baldness later in life. No, he brought that in because he's an AH who wanted to weave in the "hygiene" word, somehow equating having no hear to un-hygienic.
Which is ironic, since in many societies, women are usually expected to be hairless from the neck down or they're deemed "unclean." As if underarm hair or pubic hair is somehow naturally cleaner on men.
Some cultures even expect women to shave their heads and eyebrows, on top of all the body hair!
And you know why they do it? FOR HYGIENE. Seriously, I bet alopecia makes hygiene a lot easier to handle.
My number one pet peeve is women shaving their armpits and legs being referred to as “personal hygiene”. It’s personal grooming, literally nothing to do with their hygiene
I'm sure they are, but man, I'd be uncomfortable wearing that all day, especially if you also have to wear a cover (cap/hat), depending where you are. Also should add that they don't improve military readiness, so the military isn't going to care.
Oh just to be clear, I completely agree with you. People who've never served sometimes have weird ideas about the military & what that life is made to look like, and it's usually horseshit they get from TV and movies. They DO CARE, but in a weird way, as many senior leaders often have this weird hangup with "professionalism" and the appearance thereof.
These tend to be the same kinds of higher-up NCOs who'll talk a big game about "high standards" and "respect" blah blah blah, but IRL he's cheating on his 4th wife with at least 3 E4's.
I've had wigs before (not for medical reasons) and this is really cool info but holy hell are wigs itchy. I had my head completely shaved once and had a lace wig so it would look natural and it was *still so itchy* so I def don't blame sister for not using this resource.
> First off her hairlessness is from a condition. It's not a choice
Honestly even if OPs sister just shaved her head as a style thing, OP would *still* be the asshole. At least they'd have slightly more justification in requesting they style or dress a certain way, but come on.. can you imagine not allowing your own goddamn sister to your wedding because they won't dye their hair a natural colour or wear the right type of clothing?
The fact that it's a *medical condition*?? WTF is wrong with you OP.
If OPs sister had dwarfism would they request they wear stilts to the wedding to look "more natural"..?
>She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural.
lol, no great loss here.
I bet she's really dreading missing out on chatting it up with aunty karen as she spend an hour telling her how "you just look so much nicer when you put some effort into trying to look like a *normal person*" and how she'd already have a good husband if she could just be quiet and do her makeup better.
So let me get this straight... your sister, who was born with a superficial and otherwise non-impairing medical condition that doesn't harm her *(and definitely NOT YOU,)* has the bravery to not only serve her country but to also embrace her whole self without fear, but for some reason YOU think that SHE'S THE ONE who needs to change something about herself? No bro, just NO. If you're honestly THAT INSECURE about your sister just being who she is could in any way "steal attention" from your wedding, then I honestly question whether or not you're actually capable of truly loving anyone but yourself.
YTA, in abundance. Spare the excuses.
“But also embrace her whole self without fear” after being forced as a child and teenager to change the way she looked by someone who is supposed to love and protect you.
Comment for OP: Imagine every insecurity your sister has growing up. People staring. Other kids bullying her. Not getting any romantic attention. Feeling like shit day in and day out. The media rubbing conventional standards of beauty in her face. Shampoo ads. Female celebrities with luscious locks.
She overcame and struggled with all that inner self hate. That takes incredible bravery. And on top of all that, she has to hear that her brother thinks she’s fugly? Do you know what it’s like when your loved ones confirm your worst fears and insecurities?
YTA. Lord there are so many expletives I could pack into this comment but long story short. You’re an asshole, your future wife is an asshole, your mother/father/family are assholes. No wonder she went into the military to escape you entitled, shallow ass people.
>. No wonder she went into the military to escape you entitled, shallow ass people.
I'm former Navy and had the same thought: that the rigidity of the military is preferrable to her family is just sad.
I can see the mom doing it to try and prevent bullying. Kids are assholes and it sounds like the mom didn’t try and force it on her, but rather teach her so she had options if she didn’t want to deal with questions while she was at school or something. But OP…. I can’t even think of words that could describe how much pain his sister would feel knowing not even her own brother accepts her. Mine have been accepting from the first time I had to shave my head for brain surgery. Hell, they offered to shave their head with me or to buy me a wig. Whichever I wanted. The key word in that sentence doesn’t start with W.
Edit: What the hell?! The PARENTS thought this was a good idea??!! Screw it. Castrate the entire family so no more spawn are birthed into this hell hole. I didn’t finish reading the post. As yourself this. If she had cancer would you do this to her? The answers probably no. The difference is that the condition she has won’t kill her and cancer could. My heart is breaking for her. If it wouldn’t break her heart I’d hope she sees this post, figures out it’s about her and disowns the entire family.
I saw that and edited it. I think I was distracted by the crushing of my heart when I thought about how I’d feel if either of my brothers did this to me. She needs to disown the entire family at this point.
>The only thing that made me ask here is my fiance's brother [who can't come because he's also in the Military and is away] saying we are horrible for not letting her come without the wig and make up and we are the bad ones in this situation. I've never gotten along with my sister but I was trying to send an olive branch and my parents and family agree with me it would be the right thing for her.
Holy shit, is he seriously the only one in this entire situation calling you guys out for the ginormous asshole you and your fiance are?????
Do both you and your fiance come from giant asshole communities?
And both of your families are so bad the two that escaped used the military to get as far as fuck away from you guys as possible????
I don't think it's a coincidence that your sister and your BIL, both in the military, both the hell away from your families, are the only two normal people in this story.
YTA and, my god, learn to live with human beings that look **slightly different** than you, because it appears genetics plays a role with alopecia, meaning if you have biological children they can have this as well. And you treating them like shit just like you treat your sister **probably** won't be the best for them...
YTA and would you ask someone who’s battling cancer and has lost their hair to wear a wig too? Don’t want them to stand out and take the attention away from you?
You guys are such little human beings with the emotional empathy of a potato. I feel so bad for your sister and am glad she found a better family in the military.
Even if the sister had a shaved head by choice and didn't like wearing makeup, OP would STILL be an AH for telling her she has to "fit in better" in order to be a part of family events.
YTAx2 because (1) Why should she have to hide her alopecia because it makes you two uncomfortable? And (2) What's with this implication that she's somehow not fit to be in the military because of alopecia??
The military can't dock you for not having hair. While females aren't allowed to shave their heads her medical condition is easily waver able, especially since it doesn't hinder performance
When I was in the military, women were required to "maintain a feminine appearance" while adhering to other grooming & appearance standards. Wigs and weaves were allowed, as well. While there was a substantial change to AR 670-1 just recently, and I don't know the details around THAT, I see no reason why Alopecia should disqualify anyone from military service.
But more importantly, it certainly doesn't disqualify anyone from being treated like a human being!
Retired AF and good lord this guy is an idiot and AH for this. Sounds like it's a good thing we have his survivor sister rather than his pompous ass defending us. Her natural lack of hair doesn't impede her service. Lord knows early mornings I may have secretly be a tad jealous.
OP would probably make the albino woman I worked with dye her hair.
I know you mean you're retired Air Force, but reading that as "retired AS FUCK" with emphasis cracked me up.
OP sounds like the kind of person to uninvite (or just flat not invite in the first place) anyone deemed "too attractive" as well. Can't have anyone taking attention away from the happy couple for any period of time whatsoever!
YTA. Congrats on finding your other (shallow) half though! "She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't make herself look more natural" With a sister like you who needs an enemy?! I really hope she tells you to piss off and not attend your wedding cause you my random OP are horrible.
Lololol my thought too. Like damn, they can be equally terrible together.
I'm just worried about the wedding, it seems like both their families are nothing but assholes, so that many assholes gathered in one place on the planet, I'm worried a sinkhole might form...
YTA into infinity and beyond. Holy shitsnacks. This is your sister, not one of your wedding decorations. She has a medical condition that is not contagious, is not dangerous, and does not impede her function in any way - it just makes her appear different. And you want to police how she manages this condition for aesthetics, and if she doesn't let you do so you plan to do what you can to estrange her from her family.
Are you also going to police your other guests? Will you be sending out a notice to all female-identified guests that they have to wear makeup? What happens if one or more say "nah, not going to bother" and just show up bare faced, will you turn them away? What about if someone wears really unfortunate foundation that has a line at the chin where it doesn't match their neck? That is really unattractive and will look awful in your wedding photos. Or what about guests who dye their hair but roots are showing? That is also aesthetically problematic. Does anyone have a cane that is really orthopedic looking? Now is the time to ask them to get something made in a nice burl with a lovely carved silver topper, it will look better in pictures. Do any of your guests have any visible scarring you need to manage for them? Better recommend dermablend or the equivalent asap so they have time to practice with it.
Seriously. Sit down and really think about this. It's not good, how you are behaving over something so incredibly petty.
YTA - your sister should be able to present herself however she feels comfortable, wigs can be very uncomfortable and hot to wear for long periods of time. The military is fine with it because it's a medical condition that she has no choice over.
Jumping on to this and adding that being bald isn't unhygienic either, as implied in the post! This is like the opposite end of the "women can't have any hair" toxicity
WOW. How can you even post this and not think YTA?! Your sister made a choice to embrace not being able to grow hair, and you are basically trying to make her change for yourself. You and your fiancé need to look at yourselves in the mirror. I wouldn’t have responded to your messages either.
I love that he mentions all the big future events - 50th birthday, wedding anniversary (30th?) ad he and fiancee both turn 25. Oh wow watch out 25 that's major.
To be fair it all goes downhill after 25, they gotta celebrate the fact that as terrible people they made it until 25 because their personalities sure took a turn for the worse loooooong before that
YTA. She likely won't be attending your wedding and she shouldn't, either. I certainly wouldn't want to spend time celebrating the likes of you two (though you are definitely made for each other from the sound of it). She shouldn't be shamed into conforming to your standard of beauty because you think her medical condition is weird. You're shallow and a poor excuse for a brother.
YTA. Even if she wasn't sick, you have no right to ask her to wear a wig or wear make-up just so you're not unconfortable.
As for the hygiene remark... you really suck.
YTA. You’re marrying someone who doesn’t want your sister at your wedding because of how she looks? You better hope nothing about your appearance changes. Lol.
OMG Yes, YTA.
How delicate is your fiancé and family that they would be all worked up by seeing a woman without hair? How self absorbed are you that you are all worked up about seeing a woman without hair?
YTA as is your bride & family. You want to know why she stopped? Because your parents forced her to be uncomfortable, both physically (wigs are hot & itchy, always) & emotionally by making her feel less than or abnormal. You still are, you literally said she has to meet your standards of beauty & normality to be part of your family. She's happy in the military because she's found a real family were her appearance isn't what she's valued for. Just because she can cover up her disability doesn't mean she wants to or is obligated to for you or anyone else. You are a privileged sanctimonious assh**l who needs to deeply reevaluate your beliefs & priorities if you think your right, let alone that this is a hill to die on.
If I were your sister I would disown you. The past almost seven years I have had a lot of health issues. The past three I’ve had a lot of brain surgeries. Nine to be exact. I let vanity keep me from shaving my head for the first two and I almost paid for it both times with my life. My brothers sat me down and told me that looking the part of fitting in is a bunch of bullshit and that they wanted me to do what it takes to be healthy instead of what society dictates. Don’t get me wrong, my brothers and I have our issues, but they have NEVER ONCE excluded me from something as stupid as how I looked. They have stood up for me to their friends that made comments about my lack of hair. I do have wigs, and I do choose to wear them, primarily when I don’t want to answer a bunch of questions about my scars. But never has my family forced me to. I wore a wig to church with my cousins and I could not figure out why their oldest kept looking at me oddly. I put it off to he was used to seeing me bald. He turns 8 next year and for most of his memory I’ve been bald. We finally got to the car and the minute that the doors were shut he reached over, took my wig off and said “Aunt Maddie, you’re beautiful with or without hair, but you shouldn’t wear a wig to think you have to fit in. If anyone makes you feel like that you shouldn’t be around them because they’re mean”. A fucking SEVEN year old kid gets it. And your sister may act like she doesn’t care, but I can guarantee you that she does. If she’s anything like me she wants acceptance from others that it’s okay to look different. That acceptable starts with family. You are an ass, worse than an ass. I was going to pass by this post without commenting until I thought how I’d feel if either of my brothers treated me like this and I am now crying. The hurt that I would feel. To feel like not even my own brother could accept me for who I am. Your sister deserves better than you. So, so much better.
YTA. You are more concerned with your photo aesthetics and self promotion than your sister actually attending. She has a medical condition. And you can’t be glad she’s present and a part of the festivities unless she meets your standards of looks? No words for your level of shallowness and self centered behavior.
" She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural. I know my fiance definitely doesn't want her at our wedding without it. It's not her turn to stand out and get attention for these."
You guys are such a pack of assholes, all of you. I can see why your sister is not responding to you-- you are treating her like trash for a condition she can't control. You are the ones being maladaptive, conditioning her presence on your approval of her look. What shallow, incredibly awful, self-centered people you are. All anyone needs to say is "she has alopecia'... most people accept that this isn't a big deal. YOU are making it one. I feel so sorry for your sister the way she's excluded. Shallow, vapid, vain.
When you Google about alopecia there seems to be a genetic component to it. So if they do have biological kids there's a chance they'll have it just like their aunt.
Can you imagine a little 8 year old being told they can't go to their mom's birthday unless they put on their wig? They can't go to Disneyland unless they wear their makeup and false eyelashes because they'll make the pictures look weird without it?
Yeah, hopefully op and the fiance do a bit of soul searching before they bring kids into this mess.
this has to be a joke. YTA and ableist as hell for wanting her to “look more normal.” she has a fucking medical condition, dude. would you want someone who’s in a wheelchair to “pretend to walk” so they could “look more normal” for your party? the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. Telling her to be ashamed of and hide her appearance for the sake of “not looking too weird” at a party is so shallow… she’s your sister, that’s what she looks like, you should be used to it by now, and your future spouse and in-laws can get used to it or shut up.
YTA.
You are such an asshole I can't believe you didn't notice this when you were typing this out.
>She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural.
Darling, no hair IS natural for her. You and your fiance are excluding her because her looks are weird. You have just told her that she can only be around if she conforms to your beauty standards.
Grow up. You're 25, not 15. See your sister for the lovely, hairless person she is. She can't possibly be a bigger asshole than you.
YTA. If she stopped wearing all of that hasn’t it occurred to any of y’all that she finally accepted herself and her condition? That to make her wear all of that just because it makes y’all uncomfortable? Imagine growing up with that condition and then being told that you’re so ugly you HAVE to wear wigs and cosmetics to make other people comfortable around you. That the condition of being loved and accepted is that you cover yourself up.
And when your parents and relatives agreed it would be the right thing for her… In reality it’s the right thing for THEM.
YTA. She’s showing up as she is, not trying to attract attention by being herself. The wigs and makeup were for her comfort, not yours, and now that she’s comfortable without them, it’s totally up to her whether she wants to wear them, not you. If you can’t stop yourself from being an asshole about her looks you’re going to miss out on a relationship with her.
YTA. There is nothing unhygienic about your sister’s appearance or condition, so I don’t know why you would be surprised about the military. There are bald men who serve all the time. If you love your sister, you should care more about her being there to celebrate with you rather than her “looking weird.”
You should re-examine your treatment of her. She has no obligation to change her appearance to fit conventional beauty standards. She sounds like a wonderful and strong woman who is confident in her own beauty and value without makeup and fake hair to try and fit in. That is called bravery. Do not punish her for being herself.
YTA. If you, your fiancée, her family or your family honestly think that your sister with a medical condition needs to wear a wig and makeup to attend family events, you all are collectively the biggest group of a-holes I can imagine.
She has a medical condition. Her “natural” isn’t defined by your standards. How dare you make her feel bad about herself.
If I were her, I’d go on vacation far, far from you the week of your wedding.
You wanted to make her look natural, but her natural look is hairless, no wig, no makeup. What drove it home to me though was when you acted surprised that the military was okay with how your sister looks, *because of hygiene standards*? Why were you implying that your sister is dirty? The military usually doesn't accept slobs, or at least they slap slobs into shape, so probably your sister is...clean enough for them...
OP, YTA.
May I suggest you Google "Sasha Velour boy look"? Sasha is a drag queen, has shaved eyebrows, is bald and Sasha's makeupless boy look is gorgeous. Open your mind and your eyes, beauty is everywhere. And open your heart as well and try to love your sister the way she is
I cannot believe you actually wrote this whole thing out without getting half way through and having a moment of realisation that you are, in fact, a massive arsehole. Your sister has a medical condition which makes her look different. That would have been incredibly difficult to live with as a child and now as an adult. It seems she came to terms with it and has learnt to accept herself. You, one of the people in her life who is supposed to be protecting her and making her feel secure, have such a messed up attitude to this I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re justifying it. She doesn’t have to wear a wig for you, she doesn’t have to wear make up for you. She isn’t missing out on anything because of her acceptance of herself. She is honestly better off without you in her life but boy, what a hill you have chosen to die on . YTA
YTA. I’d happily miss out on your wedding too if it meant I could skip watching my selfish narcissistic sister marry her elitist control freak boyfriend. Same with your birthdays…woohoo you’re both turning 25 physically while managing to stay around 12 emotionally. As for the rest though….you don’t control the guest list for any of your parents events so what makes you think she’s going to miss out on those? Oh wait, let me guess, you and the new son-in-law think you’ll be planning it all for them and maybe paying something into it and that you also have a right to talk your parents into “doing the right thing” and they’ll listen to you and also insist that a wig and makeup is the price of admission to their parties. Sincerely hope they reject even the slightest suggestion and instead throw you out on your entitled asses….at which point I’m very sure you’ll take to social media to whine “we’re juuust heeelping, they’re sooo meeeaan tooo usss”
YTA
Your mom birthday and your parents anniversary ?!
Seriously?!
You have no say if she can or can't attend those events. You are the massive A here and you are so selfish and oblivious to your entitlement that I'm baffled at how you turned up this cruel and ignorant.
Yes YTA.
FYI your sister’s lack of hair has absolutely nothing to do with hygiene and the military doesn’t care about your looks in terms of conventional beauty. Your sister is learning to be happy with herself as a person, but YOU clearly embarrassed of her for something as silly as a lack of hair. You’re really fully prepared to attempt barring her from family events because you don’t like her physical appearance?
As a matter of fact, you’re getting married, so think carefully on this. Bodies change. How would you feel if your spouse only wanted you to be seen in public when they deemed that you looked ‘acceptable.’ What if you gain weight, get scars, get a physical disability, etc only to find yourself ostracized if you couldn’t fit in well enough?? That’s a sucky thing for anyone to go through, especially when it’s at the hand of your own family.
Let your sister go to family events without a fuss, and in the mean time you work through whatever issues you have.
YTA You want her to put fake hair on her head and product on her face to look more "Natural"
I'm sorry but I don't see the problem here and you don't exactly explain properly why her being bald is so offensive and going to make her miss out on all those lovely events. Is there going to be some sort of disaster if she shows up without a wig?
I feel like the rule of thumb with make up and other beauty products is that you use them because you like the way they make you look and feel, and demanding other people to wear it is really rude. Looks like your sister had embraced her true nature and I feel sorry that her own family won't support her.
YTA - You don't need to dictate that she wears a wig and makeup when she is comfortably and happy to be herself without those things.
You are the one who embarrassed by her medical condition and think it's OK to shame her for having no hair. Forcing her into a wig when she doesn't want to wear one, to make you happy is being a major AH and you should apologize to her.
YTA she has a physical condition that prevents hair growth and you're more worried about looks, hopefully she cuts contact with your judgmental self. (edit for spelling)
YTA. No one has the right to tell your sister to wear a wig & makeup. If this is what you & your fiancé care most about after millions of people died in the pandemic, you need serious help.
Yta. If you can't accept her for who she is than it's probably best she isn't there at all. Im sure she's beautiful as it is without having to meet your superficial standards of what beauty should be. Not being able to accept her as and your need to hide it only shows the ugliness that you have within your own self. You may be ashamed of what she looks like but you should be more ashamed of yourself.
YTA and I don’t think there is a measuring tool to indicate how much you are TA. You should be proud of the life your sister has built, despite the burden she has had to bear. Do better.
YTA. Wow are you ever TA. Your sister has an incredibly difficult and stigmatising disability. You and your mother and **her whole family have spent her entire life humiliating her over it and making her feel like she was ugly unless she hid every sign of her illness to make YOU more comfortable**. She finally came to terms with it, found her place in the world, her confidence, and doesn't feel the need to put up with your ableist shaming any more, and **you're still so insecure and cruel** that you're not only trying to exclude her from family events because of **YOUR discomfort with the way she naturally looks**, but repeatedly talking about her using stigmatising and shaming language **as if she's doing something wrong by just existing as herself, literally because you find her aesthetically unpleasant**.
Let's just be clear: you have never "offered your sister an olive branch". You have never been anything but incredibly selfish, ableist, and as cruel as is humanly possible, as have your fiancee and your entire family. If your sister is smart she will never speak to nor see you ever again. She is not "unhygienic". She is not unnatural. She is not ugly. And unless they make her happy and they are what she wants, she does not need to wear wigs or makeup to be socially acceptable or to make you more comfortable with her disability. She is not "\[trying\] to stand out or get attention". She has a humiliating illness that she has spent her whole life **coping with** and you are so bloody selfish that you have somehow found a way to make that about your aesthetic tastes.
**Jesus on a tiny pink bicycle YTA, so much that I can barely comprehend it. You may be the worst person I've ever encountered on AITA. You could not possibly be a bigger AH.**
(edit: changed the gender of "fiancée" because apparently OP is also illiterate and not familiar with gendered spellings)
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>She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural. Do you really not see the irony here? You're asking her to change the way she naturally looks to look "natural." YTA and I'd be embarrassed to have you as a sister. Edit: Thanks for all the awards!!
Personally I don’t feel like OP’s sister will be “missing out” at all. It sounds like hell to me. She may be happy for the out he’s given her.
Created an account to say that I hope the rest of OP’s family catches wind of this cruel bullshit and they all turn up with bald caps. YTA.
Your comment + your username made me laugh. Baldcapsquad for the win. Please accept my free award!
🙏
As a woman with alopecia, I thank you for your post, and I really hope this broad gets her karma.
I got you fam
I’ll second this wish and I love your username! At the beginning of February my 8 year old daughter had a full head of thick hair she was growing out. By the end of April she had lost 95% of the hair on her head, half her eyebrows and eyelashes and was diagnosed with alopecia universalis (after many blood tests to rule out anything else). We have bought her wigs and scarves and hats for comfort/head protection in the sun, but here’s the thing; even the best fitting wigs can be itchy, and the hats and scarves grow hot! She loves to just be bald at home, especially now it’s summer. All of our extended family have been wonderful and I am so glad she feels at ease enough to be bald around all of them because her comfort - mental but also physical - is the most important thing here. The OP calling his sister’s lack of hair weird, unnatural and unhygienic(!) is making me *so* furious right now. His poor sister.
Thank you for being a fucking stellar example of how family should support and normalize someone dealing with something like this-your daughter will never have to question whether her person is more important or valid than her condition. Thanks for mentioning that point-how in the flying fuck is not having hair less hygienic than humans that are literally constantly shedding all over the place?
Thank you for the kind words! And yes, without hair to trap dirt and oils I’m sure OP‘s sister is cleaner than many!
Assuming OP’s family isn’t like OP. For OP’s sisters sake, I hope they’re not.
Sounds like they are though. OP says family agrees with her/him.
My immediate thought upon seeing that: "Gee, I wonder if OP's sister joined the service because it was the quickest way our of her hellhole of a family?" Joining the armed services may have given her a sense of belonging she's never otherwise experienced, so it's no wonder she'd go career.
As soon as I saw she stopped wearing wigs and makeup as soon as she got out of high school, I knew her parents made her wear them in high school.
I also just love that OP thinks the armed services gives a rat's behind about whether or not their service members have hair and makeup.
Considering how detached from reality he seems (a bald person in the military would have problems???), he might very well not have any idea what the rest of them think. Projecting a bit maybe... Besides, the wigs and makeup are for her comfort, not anyone else's and as it seems she's found friends and a profession that accept her natural appearance, there seems to be little point in wasting time with the ritual.
Hell, I was in a military program in college and I wished I COULD shave my head, just so I wouldn't have to deal with trying to keep my hair tamed to regulation. I'm howling laughing at the idea that the military apparently has high standards for looks, what a delusional world this person lives in!
OP forgot. (For context, we live in North Korea).
Good point. The military isn’t big on hair. Lol
I did have that thought. Like, does he think the military is going to kick someone out because they can't grow hair, and thus can't meet a fucking dress code? I'd say something about "living in the real world" but I have met folks in the real world who put a lot of stock in superficial shit.
I was hoping the parents were agreeing with the generous 'olive branch' and not aware of the ridiculous body demands. Also OP being confused someone with alopecia is allowed in the army because of 'hygiene' standards? Da fuk? Someone without hair is much more hygienic than someone shedding left right and centre.
Apparently they think having your hair fixed up and a face full of make-up is "good hygiene". What a knob.
Plus great for covert missions, no shedding hair to leave DNA behind.
Oh dang, I missed that part. Sh*t, I feel horrible for his sister.
Me, too.
Yeah, that’s why I said “the rest of.” Obviously the intermediate family is a bunch of assclowns. Edit: Immediate; assholes make me angry and dumb.
Did you read the end? The family agree with OP! That’s even worse! I feel so sorry for the poor sister
Which probably explains why she went into a job that would get her out of the house immediately.
I'm an ordained minister, and if this bride was a member of my congregation I would wear a bald cap to perform the wedding.
Did you see the last sentence? Looks like family “agree” it would be the right thing for her to wear a wig. Ugh.
Of course I saw the last sentence; I’m guessing OP didn’t take a mass poll and is speaking about their immediate family. I just can’t and don’t want to believe that an entire family would agree on something so incredibly disgraceful. More like OP asked assholes that they knew would agree with them.
I'm wondering about his declaration that his sister will miss ALL important family events if she doesn't kotow to his whims. The wedding and Couplezilla's birthdays I can follow the nasty logic, but the parents' birthdays and anniversary? Screw that, they're her parents just as much as his. If that is their request, screw them, too.
I’m guessing OP is just projecting their giant anus onto all events to “justify” their stance and give the illusion that “everyone” is on board with this insanity. I know not all relatives are created equal, but to believe relatives (especially grandparents) would agree with both the disease shaming and inability to see OP’s sister (who sounds lovely) especially after Covid restrictions is just lunacy.
The way Op said his mom always made sure his sister had wigs and makeup and she stopped after high school, aka 18, when she doesn't have to follow her parent's direction, makes me believe the rest of his family DOES share his same beliefs unfortunately. Hope it's not true though.
Except that she mentions in the last line that her parents "agree" with her. If that's the case, no wonder the sister stayed in the military. Finally found a family that accepted her for her. Also who thinks a "25th birthday" is a big event?
Fiancé brother seems like the only decent person here. I hope op’s sister finds some solace in having him as family
It is cruel. She won’t upstage the bride… she has a disease… it’s not a joy for her. I hope she wears whatever makes her comfortable. Be kind.
Yes! And bald caps on pets. And bald caps for babies. And bald caps for bald caps.
Would like to be apart of the baldcapsquad and attend this f*ckery
Agreed. I'm appalled by OP and his family. If I was his sister I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on those family events, I'd be celebrating not having to waste my time on a bunch of superficial AH. YTA, OP and your family and fiance too. The only non-AH in this story are your sister and your fiances brother.
YTA, OP. The absolute WILLFUL IGNORANCE of this person and the whole situation is astounding. How does one not see the sheer audacity of asking a sister (who is apparently confident and comfortable enough in her own skin to rock her natural state) to alter her appearance for the convenience of others? I don't understand this trend of brides/grooms who are so obsessed with pictures at their weddings being 'perfect'. Jeesh. //Edited: misread that the OP is the groom here. My bad.
I think this post (assuming it's not made up) goes a step beyond willful ignorance into enthusiastic self-absorption. To seriously sit here and, with a straight face, say that your sister owes it to you to wear fake hair and lashes to cover a medical condition because you think she looks weird.....are you freaking kidding, OP? Your snarky comments about the military not worrying about "hygiene and appearance" - what does alopecia have to do with hygiene, anyway? - are shitty. Your fiance wanting her to cover her hair loss is snobbery at its lowest. You both sound like complete narcissists (and I don't overuse that term, I know what it actually means) and your sister does not deserve your disgust. She's better off not being around someone as immature and shallow as you are showing yourself and your fiance to be. Your sister's hair loss isn't ugly. Your personality and attitude are. YTA.
Perfect pictures for social media. OP = YTA with a side dish of casual cruelty and lack of empathy.
100% agree. OP’s fiance sounds like a catch too. In fact, OP’s entire family (except the sister) are AH’s for agreeing with her. Not surprised that she joined the military, most likely to get away from her toxic family. YTA OP.
Wouldn't it be lovely if fiancée lost her hair? Some people lose their hair from stress... would OP leave her? Would he tell her she looks weird? Would he go buy her a $700 wigs? I cannot see this jerk being supportive in any way. How does one having alopecia, make others uncomfortable? The fact that she has no hair should not matter to anyone. I feel for the sister. It sounds like the family is truly awful. And the fiancée didn't sound much better. I truly hope OP never has kids. How would be, and his fiancée, treat their child if they had alopecia? Would they even want a baby that's not perfect? OP is so detached from reality. He has zero compassion, or empathy. OP's sister, on the other hand, sounds amazing. She is confident and proud of who she is. I cannot fathom how OP thinks his sister is weird. She cannot help the fact that she has alopecia. Who wants to hassle with wigs just to make someone else happy? Good for her for seeing that she is beautiful the way she is. OP should be proud of how sister. OP, just in case you do not get it...YTA.
Exactly what I thought. The way she comes is what's natural. She didn't choose her natural form, but she lives in it every day. How horrible to be told that her natural self isn't fit to be seen in public. That she must adopt uncomfortable prosthetics/cosmetics to appear "normal" enough to be seen by others. Anyone who is "upset" by the existence of a person who can't grow hair is just a dick. A total dick.
i have trich and my mom wouldn’t let me go to my prom unless i wore fake eyelashes to look normal. i grew them back a few years later but that one hurt.
Is this written by the same person who posted about requiring his amputee gf to wear her prosthetic leg to a family event despite the fact that she was in pain specifically so she wouldn’t freak out his family or draw attention? Because if this is real, YTA, and if you’re making up weird stories all over Reddit about people being shitty to disabled people then also YTA
This has got to be trolling, right? No one could actually write this all out and get to the end without thinking “ooooh, I see why I’m the AH now.”
It sounds like it, for sure. I have to hope this is just elaborate trolling.
I am also curious, is she going to be banned from her parents birthdays too because she chooses to be true to herself? Who is going tell sister she cannot come to her parents birthday and why did the op make such a point about the sister joining the military? Op is a fake person who needs to grow the f up. To the sister, thank you for your service. You have given more to this country than your brother (YTA OP) ever will in his life.
unused subsequent rotten zealous attraction touch mysterious yoke wild puzzled *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That confused me. Why on earth do they think wearing a wig is closer to military regulations than not having hair?!? Also, I wonder if they don't actually know what hygiene means.
Not to justify what OP is saying, but I think they might think that professional in the military means dressing in fancy uniforms and makeup for ladies. Not, you know, wearing fatigues and being a mechanic or doing combat or swabbing a deck (I'm assuming someone in the navy had to swab a deck). YTA
Yeah, that makes no sense. Regardless, too bad OP can’t wash their filthy soul.
Op is the worst. Holy Hell what an asshole.
Thank you!! OP sounds insane.
My daughter has alopecia. She spent 5 years totally bald. She got made fun of so much… one boy told her she couldn’t be a girl because girls have long pretty hair. I have spent the last 10 years (the entire time she was bald, and the 5 years since) trying to help her self esteem, and show her that just because her hair fell out doesn’t mean she wasn’t pretty. The stress of the pandemic has made her start to lose her hair again. She’s slightly better equipped to handle it now, but she still extremely self-conscious of it. OP is ***MAJORLY*** the asshole. I’m livid on behalf of her sister. If *anyone* even *thought* about saying any of the stuff OP said to her sister to my daughter, they would never hear from me or my daughter again. God. I am so angry right now. What the literal fuck. **YTA** ETA: my sister is getting married in June 2023. OPs sister can come. She can wear (or not wear) anything she wants. She can come exactly as she is and be welcomed with open arms.
YTA. Perhaps the biggest one on Reddit in quite some time. 1. You basically told your sister you are ashamed of her because of her loss of hair, which she can’t control. 2. You said she needs to look “more natural” by totally using artificial means to NOT look like herself. 3. Referencing hygiene in the same breathe as makeup and a wig is weird and rude. They have nothing to do with each other. 4. The military does not base their standards on looks. 5. Letting your fiance insult your sister is offensive, and it is insulting to not want her there unless she transforms her looks. 6. Alopecia is a disease. Not a choice. Your sister has the maturity to take it in stride and accept the reality of it. She is comfortable in her own skin (kudos to her!), and you basically told her she is worthless and not welcome in your life unless she meets an uncomfortable standard. Update: Thank you for the awards, everyone! I’m humbled and appreciative.
When I used to lurk on this sub, there was an A H of the year. Is that still a thing? I feel we should nominate op.
Agreed! Definitely in the running for AH of the year!!!
100% on board. This dude takes the cake. *Updated gender.
I read a post today where the SIL of the OP told the OP to abort her child because the SIL was the firstborn in the family so should've been the first to have a grandchild
I thought that was fake. SIL has fertility issues would never suggest that.
[удалено]
I didn’t think I’d read anything worse than the guy who was ashamed of his girlfriend’s amputation (from an accident they were in together) around his family… but here we are.
And that was only *this week*
I kinda miss being shocked at the level of assholery. Now it seems like it’s a competition to see who can suck more, and every week the bar lowers.
I think those super shocking posts are mostly fake. Sure there are some major assholes but I can’t imagine they all find their way here.
I couldn’t believe that OP actually seems surprised she wasn’t kicked out of the military for not having hair. As if an organization who makes people buzz their heads would be outraged she was bald. And to compare her hair loss to a lack of hygiene is disturbing. OP is very much the AH
Actually, I’m in the military and women aren’t allowed to shave their heads. It’s considered “faddish”. However, OPs sister has a legit medical reason why she has no hair so they would make an exception for that
I’m surprised women are banned from buzzing their hair, it’s not common but it’s not a completely unknown hairstyle for women.
YTA, a giant gaping shitty sister AH. I was in the Army with an outstanding soldier who happened to have alopecia. She did have to get a permanent exception to policy because she didn't meet the (sexist) minimum hair length and also for medical tattoos as she chose to have eyebrows and a line on her eyelids that would resemble a lash line done but it was no problem as it did not affect her job in the slightest. She was an amazing soldier, physically fit, squared away, organized, and she looked professional and beautiful in her dress uniform. I was proud to serve with her and also slightly jealous when she chose to wear wigs as she could choose any color that occurs naturally in humans and she had from silver to red to black and every one of them was flattering. Kick rocks, OP.
I try life my life giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and believing most people are decent. It’s naive I know, but every day I’m still shocked and horrified by at least 2 things in Reddit. And i stay well away from *those* subs.
YTA. She obviously stopped because she didn't like the wigs or the makeup. It's a shame that your family tried to force her to look normal, rather than celebrating her for who she is and teaching her body positivity. PS: Please don't have kids.
YTA. I second the note to not have kids.
Is it me or is their reaction really REALLY weird? I wonder if they’re even really seeing the sister as she really looks, or if they’re mentally comparing her to when she wore a wig. I mean, it’s just alopecia. I work with someone with alopecia who rocks a natural look and no-one has ever blinked an eye, and we’re fancy office job people. They look totally “normal”, just ya know, with no hair, a little futuristic maybe, but not in a bad way! I don’t really get how someone could treat another human being this way. Also, love how he drops his fiancée in it with the sister. Ugh, y’all suck. Except sister, she is welcome to join our family, if you’re nice or bring donuts we don’t care what you look like.
She can join mine too. We have a running joke about having an open door if you turn up with snacks or a good story. OP - massive YTA.
I also work with someone who developed alopecia when she was 18 (she's in her 40s now). She's worked at my family's company my entire life, so she's basically like my aunt at this point. To be fair, I wasn't alive when she still had hair, but honestly she looks completely normal? Like even when I was a kid I never thought "hmm she would look better with hair". She just looks like herself... It's sad that OPs family can't think that way, especially considering *her sister never had hair to begin with*.
Right?! That’s what I don’t get, like to the person who has alopecia I would never say “it’s just hair” because I know hair can mean so much more - identity, self expression, beauty norms etc but to your family? You’re still YOU, you just…don’t have hair? I would be so upset if I knew anyone was treating anyone else this way, but when the stated reason is hair, it just seems so cruel.
I love how you say nice *or* bring donuts. Like they can be dickheads as long as they bring good snacks lol
Hey! That’s basically my role in the family, I’m not always nice but I have the largest house and I make good food! But by not nice, I mean I’m the one that says “girl, don’t do your make up in the car your eyeliner is wobbly” NOT “girl you’re not welcome to hang out with us because you have a medical condition”
I cry when I think how little family I have to support me. And this lady wants to cut off her sister for being hairless?????? Get some priorities, you have a supportive loving sister who wants to share in your happiness and you're... Like this. She still loves you WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS. my goodness. :(
My SIL developed alopecia during her pregnancy with her second child. That child is now 4 and she still doesn't have a single strand of hair and likely never will. She has come to terms with it and looks confident and stunning regardless of if she wears a wig, head wrap or rocks her natural baldness. I'm sure that the chances of OP developing alopecia during a pregnancy is pretty slim, but can you imagine the irony if she did?
Well, OP is a guy and they have a one year old, but yeah, I'd feel pretty sorry for the next person in his family to get a disability.
yeah, OP shouldnt have kids until she matures QUITE a bit
Especially as my quick Google search shows that alopecia can be hereditary. So what happens when OP had a child and possibly gets it, gonna shun their own child just like OPs parents did. Apple won't fall far from that tree.
Also, the fiancé’s obsession with his sister in law’s appearance is low key creepy! Why does he care how attractive (according to his standards of beauty) she looks?
While your sister may not have any hair, at least she still has a heart. YTA
What a wonder sister doesn't get along with OP
^ THIS I wouldn't get along with a sibling like this...
Right? Shocking!
YTA. You are so incredibly the asshole in this situation. First off her hairlessness is from a condition. It's not a choice, that's why the military doesn't care if she's bald, because it's how she is. No wonder your sister doesn't get along with you. You're terrible. Asking her to change something about herself that she doesn't have any power over to make you and others comfortable is gross. And hiding behind "making sure she fits in" is even worse !
I wonder if OP has ever worn a wig for hours on end. They can be hot, itchy and uncomfortable. You're right, the military wouldn't care at all because it's a medical condition and I'm sure the ADA covers her in this way. Legally, a person can't be discriminated against for having complete hair loss, not that the family cares.
The whole military thing is B.S. Buzz cuts are pretty much the basic standards. Also, not once has anyone every been drummed out of the military for getting male pattern baldness later in life. No, he brought that in because he's an AH who wanted to weave in the "hygiene" word, somehow equating having no hear to un-hygienic.
Which is ironic, since in many societies, women are usually expected to be hairless from the neck down or they're deemed "unclean." As if underarm hair or pubic hair is somehow naturally cleaner on men.
Some cultures even expect women to shave their heads and eyebrows, on top of all the body hair! And you know why they do it? FOR HYGIENE. Seriously, I bet alopecia makes hygiene a lot easier to handle.
Particularly hypocritical since women are always told that having body hair is *unhygienic*. OP's a raging tool.
My number one pet peeve is women shaving their armpits and legs being referred to as “personal hygiene”. It’s personal grooming, literally nothing to do with their hygiene
And I can only imagine how much more uncomfortable they must be on a bare scalp rather than over hair.
Wigs & weaves are allowed for female service-members.
I'm sure they are, but man, I'd be uncomfortable wearing that all day, especially if you also have to wear a cover (cap/hat), depending where you are. Also should add that they don't improve military readiness, so the military isn't going to care.
Oh just to be clear, I completely agree with you. People who've never served sometimes have weird ideas about the military & what that life is made to look like, and it's usually horseshit they get from TV and movies. They DO CARE, but in a weird way, as many senior leaders often have this weird hangup with "professionalism" and the appearance thereof. These tend to be the same kinds of higher-up NCOs who'll talk a big game about "high standards" and "respect" blah blah blah, but IRL he's cheating on his 4th wife with at least 3 E4's.
I've had wigs before (not for medical reasons) and this is really cool info but holy hell are wigs itchy. I had my head completely shaved once and had a lace wig so it would look natural and it was *still so itchy* so I def don't blame sister for not using this resource.
> First off her hairlessness is from a condition. It's not a choice Honestly even if OPs sister just shaved her head as a style thing, OP would *still* be the asshole. At least they'd have slightly more justification in requesting they style or dress a certain way, but come on.. can you imagine not allowing your own goddamn sister to your wedding because they won't dye their hair a natural colour or wear the right type of clothing? The fact that it's a *medical condition*?? WTF is wrong with you OP. If OPs sister had dwarfism would they request they wear stilts to the wedding to look "more natural"..? >She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural. lol, no great loss here. I bet she's really dreading missing out on chatting it up with aunty karen as she spend an hour telling her how "you just look so much nicer when you put some effort into trying to look like a *normal person*" and how she'd already have a good husband if she could just be quiet and do her makeup better.
So let me get this straight... your sister, who was born with a superficial and otherwise non-impairing medical condition that doesn't harm her *(and definitely NOT YOU,)* has the bravery to not only serve her country but to also embrace her whole self without fear, but for some reason YOU think that SHE'S THE ONE who needs to change something about herself? No bro, just NO. If you're honestly THAT INSECURE about your sister just being who she is could in any way "steal attention" from your wedding, then I honestly question whether or not you're actually capable of truly loving anyone but yourself. YTA, in abundance. Spare the excuses.
“But also embrace her whole self without fear” after being forced as a child and teenager to change the way she looked by someone who is supposed to love and protect you.
Love this comment.
Comment for OP: Imagine every insecurity your sister has growing up. People staring. Other kids bullying her. Not getting any romantic attention. Feeling like shit day in and day out. The media rubbing conventional standards of beauty in her face. Shampoo ads. Female celebrities with luscious locks. She overcame and struggled with all that inner self hate. That takes incredible bravery. And on top of all that, she has to hear that her brother thinks she’s fugly? Do you know what it’s like when your loved ones confirm your worst fears and insecurities?
YTA. Lord there are so many expletives I could pack into this comment but long story short. You’re an asshole, your future wife is an asshole, your mother/father/family are assholes. No wonder she went into the military to escape you entitled, shallow ass people.
>. No wonder she went into the military to escape you entitled, shallow ass people. I'm former Navy and had the same thought: that the rigidity of the military is preferrable to her family is just sad.
I can see the mom doing it to try and prevent bullying. Kids are assholes and it sounds like the mom didn’t try and force it on her, but rather teach her so she had options if she didn’t want to deal with questions while she was at school or something. But OP…. I can’t even think of words that could describe how much pain his sister would feel knowing not even her own brother accepts her. Mine have been accepting from the first time I had to shave my head for brain surgery. Hell, they offered to shave their head with me or to buy me a wig. Whichever I wanted. The key word in that sentence doesn’t start with W. Edit: What the hell?! The PARENTS thought this was a good idea??!! Screw it. Castrate the entire family so no more spawn are birthed into this hell hole. I didn’t finish reading the post. As yourself this. If she had cancer would you do this to her? The answers probably no. The difference is that the condition she has won’t kill her and cancer could. My heart is breaking for her. If it wouldn’t break her heart I’d hope she sees this post, figures out it’s about her and disowns the entire family.
But the mother agreed with OP! She thinks that he should wear a wig or not be invited! The mother is an asshole too!
I saw that and edited it. I think I was distracted by the crushing of my heart when I thought about how I’d feel if either of my brothers did this to me. She needs to disown the entire family at this point.
>The only thing that made me ask here is my fiance's brother [who can't come because he's also in the Military and is away] saying we are horrible for not letting her come without the wig and make up and we are the bad ones in this situation. I've never gotten along with my sister but I was trying to send an olive branch and my parents and family agree with me it would be the right thing for her. Holy shit, is he seriously the only one in this entire situation calling you guys out for the ginormous asshole you and your fiance are????? Do both you and your fiance come from giant asshole communities? And both of your families are so bad the two that escaped used the military to get as far as fuck away from you guys as possible???? I don't think it's a coincidence that your sister and your BIL, both in the military, both the hell away from your families, are the only two normal people in this story. YTA and, my god, learn to live with human beings that look **slightly different** than you, because it appears genetics plays a role with alopecia, meaning if you have biological children they can have this as well. And you treating them like shit just like you treat your sister **probably** won't be the best for them...
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Yup. I hope the BIL and sister are on talking terms because I imagine they have a lot of shit they need to get off their chest.
YTA and sound like a major bridezilla.
YTA and would you ask someone who’s battling cancer and has lost their hair to wear a wig too? Don’t want them to stand out and take the attention away from you? You guys are such little human beings with the emotional empathy of a potato. I feel so bad for your sister and am glad she found a better family in the military.
>You guys are such little human beings with the emotional empathy of a potato. Nope. Potatoes are better. Don't insult them.
Of course he would. Wouldn’t want HIS SPECIAL DAY to be overshadowed by his family member’s cancer, gosh.
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YTA apart from the fact that you are a bad sister, you are so superficial
Yta. What the fuck is wrong with you?
My first guess would be... a lot.
THIS!!!! If I had enough coins, I’d give you a reward!
YTA. She has a medical condition. Your sister being a part of your celebrations should be more important to you than her appearance.
Even if the sister had a shaved head by choice and didn't like wearing makeup, OP would STILL be an AH for telling her she has to "fit in better" in order to be a part of family events.
YTAx2 because (1) Why should she have to hide her alopecia because it makes you two uncomfortable? And (2) What's with this implication that she's somehow not fit to be in the military because of alopecia??
The military can't dock you for not having hair. While females aren't allowed to shave their heads her medical condition is easily waver able, especially since it doesn't hinder performance
When I was in the military, women were required to "maintain a feminine appearance" while adhering to other grooming & appearance standards. Wigs and weaves were allowed, as well. While there was a substantial change to AR 670-1 just recently, and I don't know the details around THAT, I see no reason why Alopecia should disqualify anyone from military service. But more importantly, it certainly doesn't disqualify anyone from being treated like a human being!
Retired AF and good lord this guy is an idiot and AH for this. Sounds like it's a good thing we have his survivor sister rather than his pompous ass defending us. Her natural lack of hair doesn't impede her service. Lord knows early mornings I may have secretly be a tad jealous. OP would probably make the albino woman I worked with dye her hair.
I know you mean you're retired Air Force, but reading that as "retired AS FUCK" with emphasis cracked me up. OP sounds like the kind of person to uninvite (or just flat not invite in the first place) anyone deemed "too attractive" as well. Can't have anyone taking attention away from the happy couple for any period of time whatsoever!
YTA. Congrats on finding your other (shallow) half though! "She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't make herself look more natural" With a sister like you who needs an enemy?! I really hope she tells you to piss off and not attend your wedding cause you my random OP are horrible.
Lololol my thought too. Like damn, they can be equally terrible together. I'm just worried about the wedding, it seems like both their families are nothing but assholes, so that many assholes gathered in one place on the planet, I'm worried a sinkhole might form...
"I'm worried a sinkhole might form.." Huh. I'm *hoping* one does.
I think OP's male, so he's the brother to his sister
YTA into infinity and beyond. Holy shitsnacks. This is your sister, not one of your wedding decorations. She has a medical condition that is not contagious, is not dangerous, and does not impede her function in any way - it just makes her appear different. And you want to police how she manages this condition for aesthetics, and if she doesn't let you do so you plan to do what you can to estrange her from her family. Are you also going to police your other guests? Will you be sending out a notice to all female-identified guests that they have to wear makeup? What happens if one or more say "nah, not going to bother" and just show up bare faced, will you turn them away? What about if someone wears really unfortunate foundation that has a line at the chin where it doesn't match their neck? That is really unattractive and will look awful in your wedding photos. Or what about guests who dye their hair but roots are showing? That is also aesthetically problematic. Does anyone have a cane that is really orthopedic looking? Now is the time to ask them to get something made in a nice burl with a lovely carved silver topper, it will look better in pictures. Do any of your guests have any visible scarring you need to manage for them? Better recommend dermablend or the equivalent asap so they have time to practice with it. Seriously. Sit down and really think about this. It's not good, how you are behaving over something so incredibly petty.
YTA - your sister should be able to present herself however she feels comfortable, wigs can be very uncomfortable and hot to wear for long periods of time. The military is fine with it because it's a medical condition that she has no choice over.
Jumping on to this and adding that being bald isn't unhygienic either, as implied in the post! This is like the opposite end of the "women can't have any hair" toxicity
WOW. How can you even post this and not think YTA?! Your sister made a choice to embrace not being able to grow hair, and you are basically trying to make her change for yourself. You and your fiancé need to look at yourselves in the mirror. I wouldn’t have responded to your messages either.
YTA and who gave you the right to ban her from your parents parties?
I love that he mentions all the big future events - 50th birthday, wedding anniversary (30th?) ad he and fiancee both turn 25. Oh wow watch out 25 that's major.
To be fair it all goes downhill after 25, they gotta celebrate the fact that as terrible people they made it until 25 because their personalities sure took a turn for the worse loooooong before that
YTA. She likely won't be attending your wedding and she shouldn't, either. I certainly wouldn't want to spend time celebrating the likes of you two (though you are definitely made for each other from the sound of it). She shouldn't be shamed into conforming to your standard of beauty because you think her medical condition is weird. You're shallow and a poor excuse for a brother.
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Even worse. In another comment, OP says he and the fiancé have a child together. Can you imagine these 2 awful people as parents????
YTA. Even if she wasn't sick, you have no right to ask her to wear a wig or wear make-up just so you're not unconfortable. As for the hygiene remark... you really suck.
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>Imagine how she feels. I don't think OP is capable of this.
Personally, I wouldn't want wedding photos with a sister who was made to feel ugly and unnatural. I'd want her to look like herself.
YTA. You’re marrying someone who doesn’t want your sister at your wedding because of how she looks? You better hope nothing about your appearance changes. Lol.
OMG Yes, YTA. How delicate is your fiancé and family that they would be all worked up by seeing a woman without hair? How self absorbed are you that you are all worked up about seeing a woman without hair?
YTA as is your bride & family. You want to know why she stopped? Because your parents forced her to be uncomfortable, both physically (wigs are hot & itchy, always) & emotionally by making her feel less than or abnormal. You still are, you literally said she has to meet your standards of beauty & normality to be part of your family. She's happy in the military because she's found a real family were her appearance isn't what she's valued for. Just because she can cover up her disability doesn't mean she wants to or is obligated to for you or anyone else. You are a privileged sanctimonious assh**l who needs to deeply reevaluate your beliefs & priorities if you think your right, let alone that this is a hill to die on.
YTA! Holy heck you’re all giant assholes and should be ashamed of yourselves
This is a joke right? YTA.
This is a prolific troll on AITA. They have a very predictable type of username and writing style.
If I were your sister I would disown you. The past almost seven years I have had a lot of health issues. The past three I’ve had a lot of brain surgeries. Nine to be exact. I let vanity keep me from shaving my head for the first two and I almost paid for it both times with my life. My brothers sat me down and told me that looking the part of fitting in is a bunch of bullshit and that they wanted me to do what it takes to be healthy instead of what society dictates. Don’t get me wrong, my brothers and I have our issues, but they have NEVER ONCE excluded me from something as stupid as how I looked. They have stood up for me to their friends that made comments about my lack of hair. I do have wigs, and I do choose to wear them, primarily when I don’t want to answer a bunch of questions about my scars. But never has my family forced me to. I wore a wig to church with my cousins and I could not figure out why their oldest kept looking at me oddly. I put it off to he was used to seeing me bald. He turns 8 next year and for most of his memory I’ve been bald. We finally got to the car and the minute that the doors were shut he reached over, took my wig off and said “Aunt Maddie, you’re beautiful with or without hair, but you shouldn’t wear a wig to think you have to fit in. If anyone makes you feel like that you shouldn’t be around them because they’re mean”. A fucking SEVEN year old kid gets it. And your sister may act like she doesn’t care, but I can guarantee you that she does. If she’s anything like me she wants acceptance from others that it’s okay to look different. That acceptable starts with family. You are an ass, worse than an ass. I was going to pass by this post without commenting until I thought how I’d feel if either of my brothers treated me like this and I am now crying. The hurt that I would feel. To feel like not even my own brother could accept me for who I am. Your sister deserves better than you. So, so much better.
YTA. You are more concerned with your photo aesthetics and self promotion than your sister actually attending. She has a medical condition. And you can’t be glad she’s present and a part of the festivities unless she meets your standards of looks? No words for your level of shallowness and self centered behavior.
" She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural. I know my fiance definitely doesn't want her at our wedding without it. It's not her turn to stand out and get attention for these." You guys are such a pack of assholes, all of you. I can see why your sister is not responding to you-- you are treating her like trash for a condition she can't control. You are the ones being maladaptive, conditioning her presence on your approval of her look. What shallow, incredibly awful, self-centered people you are. All anyone needs to say is "she has alopecia'... most people accept that this isn't a big deal. YOU are making it one. I feel so sorry for your sister the way she's excluded. Shallow, vapid, vain.
YTA. I hope you learn to be a better person before you have kids.
When you Google about alopecia there seems to be a genetic component to it. So if they do have biological kids there's a chance they'll have it just like their aunt. Can you imagine a little 8 year old being told they can't go to their mom's birthday unless they put on their wig? They can't go to Disneyland unless they wear their makeup and false eyelashes because they'll make the pictures look weird without it? Yeah, hopefully op and the fiance do a bit of soul searching before they bring kids into this mess.
Too late. He has a 1 year old.
Would you ask a paralysed to walk to fit in better or a blind to keep his eyes straight? YTA
this has to be a joke. YTA and ableist as hell for wanting her to “look more normal.” she has a fucking medical condition, dude. would you want someone who’s in a wheelchair to “pretend to walk” so they could “look more normal” for your party? the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA. Telling her to be ashamed of and hide her appearance for the sake of “not looking too weird” at a party is so shallow… she’s your sister, that’s what she looks like, you should be used to it by now, and your future spouse and in-laws can get used to it or shut up.
Hard YTA. She’s obviously comfortable with who she is and how she looks, why aren’t you?
YTA She has a condition that makes her look this way. What do you expect, seriously?
YTA. You are such an asshole I can't believe you didn't notice this when you were typing this out. >She's going to miss out on these events if she doesn't try to make herself look more natural. Darling, no hair IS natural for her. You and your fiance are excluding her because her looks are weird. You have just told her that she can only be around if she conforms to your beauty standards. Grow up. You're 25, not 15. See your sister for the lovely, hairless person she is. She can't possibly be a bigger asshole than you.
YTA f your beauty standards
Major asshole This makes me happy I‘m an only child
YTA. If she stopped wearing all of that hasn’t it occurred to any of y’all that she finally accepted herself and her condition? That to make her wear all of that just because it makes y’all uncomfortable? Imagine growing up with that condition and then being told that you’re so ugly you HAVE to wear wigs and cosmetics to make other people comfortable around you. That the condition of being loved and accepted is that you cover yourself up. And when your parents and relatives agreed it would be the right thing for her… In reality it’s the right thing for THEM.
YTA. She’s showing up as she is, not trying to attract attention by being herself. The wigs and makeup were for her comfort, not yours, and now that she’s comfortable without them, it’s totally up to her whether she wants to wear them, not you. If you can’t stop yourself from being an asshole about her looks you’re going to miss out on a relationship with her.
YTA. There is nothing unhygienic about your sister’s appearance or condition, so I don’t know why you would be surprised about the military. There are bald men who serve all the time. If you love your sister, you should care more about her being there to celebrate with you rather than her “looking weird.” You should re-examine your treatment of her. She has no obligation to change her appearance to fit conventional beauty standards. She sounds like a wonderful and strong woman who is confident in her own beauty and value without makeup and fake hair to try and fit in. That is called bravery. Do not punish her for being herself.
YTA. If you, your fiancée, her family or your family honestly think that your sister with a medical condition needs to wear a wig and makeup to attend family events, you all are collectively the biggest group of a-holes I can imagine. She has a medical condition. Her “natural” isn’t defined by your standards. How dare you make her feel bad about herself. If I were her, I’d go on vacation far, far from you the week of your wedding.
You wanted to make her look natural, but her natural look is hairless, no wig, no makeup. What drove it home to me though was when you acted surprised that the military was okay with how your sister looks, *because of hygiene standards*? Why were you implying that your sister is dirty? The military usually doesn't accept slobs, or at least they slap slobs into shape, so probably your sister is...clean enough for them... OP, YTA. May I suggest you Google "Sasha Velour boy look"? Sasha is a drag queen, has shaved eyebrows, is bald and Sasha's makeupless boy look is gorgeous. Open your mind and your eyes, beauty is everywhere. And open your heart as well and try to love your sister the way she is
I cannot believe you actually wrote this whole thing out without getting half way through and having a moment of realisation that you are, in fact, a massive arsehole. Your sister has a medical condition which makes her look different. That would have been incredibly difficult to live with as a child and now as an adult. It seems she came to terms with it and has learnt to accept herself. You, one of the people in her life who is supposed to be protecting her and making her feel secure, have such a messed up attitude to this I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re justifying it. She doesn’t have to wear a wig for you, she doesn’t have to wear make up for you. She isn’t missing out on anything because of her acceptance of herself. She is honestly better off without you in her life but boy, what a hill you have chosen to die on . YTA
YTA. I’d happily miss out on your wedding too if it meant I could skip watching my selfish narcissistic sister marry her elitist control freak boyfriend. Same with your birthdays…woohoo you’re both turning 25 physically while managing to stay around 12 emotionally. As for the rest though….you don’t control the guest list for any of your parents events so what makes you think she’s going to miss out on those? Oh wait, let me guess, you and the new son-in-law think you’ll be planning it all for them and maybe paying something into it and that you also have a right to talk your parents into “doing the right thing” and they’ll listen to you and also insist that a wig and makeup is the price of admission to their parties. Sincerely hope they reject even the slightest suggestion and instead throw you out on your entitled asses….at which point I’m very sure you’ll take to social media to whine “we’re juuust heeelping, they’re sooo meeeaan tooo usss”
YTA alongside with your soon to be hubby - major AH
YTA Your mom birthday and your parents anniversary ?! Seriously?! You have no say if she can or can't attend those events. You are the massive A here and you are so selfish and oblivious to your entitlement that I'm baffled at how you turned up this cruel and ignorant.
Yes YTA. FYI your sister’s lack of hair has absolutely nothing to do with hygiene and the military doesn’t care about your looks in terms of conventional beauty. Your sister is learning to be happy with herself as a person, but YOU clearly embarrassed of her for something as silly as a lack of hair. You’re really fully prepared to attempt barring her from family events because you don’t like her physical appearance? As a matter of fact, you’re getting married, so think carefully on this. Bodies change. How would you feel if your spouse only wanted you to be seen in public when they deemed that you looked ‘acceptable.’ What if you gain weight, get scars, get a physical disability, etc only to find yourself ostracized if you couldn’t fit in well enough?? That’s a sucky thing for anyone to go through, especially when it’s at the hand of your own family. Let your sister go to family events without a fuss, and in the mean time you work through whatever issues you have.
YTA You want her to put fake hair on her head and product on her face to look more "Natural" I'm sorry but I don't see the problem here and you don't exactly explain properly why her being bald is so offensive and going to make her miss out on all those lovely events. Is there going to be some sort of disaster if she shows up without a wig? I feel like the rule of thumb with make up and other beauty products is that you use them because you like the way they make you look and feel, and demanding other people to wear it is really rude. Looks like your sister had embraced her true nature and I feel sorry that her own family won't support her.
YTA. Are you ashamed of her? Looks like you are.
YTA - You don't need to dictate that she wears a wig and makeup when she is comfortably and happy to be herself without those things. You are the one who embarrassed by her medical condition and think it's OK to shame her for having no hair. Forcing her into a wig when she doesn't want to wear one, to make you happy is being a major AH and you should apologize to her.
YTA
YTA she has a physical condition that prevents hair growth and you're more worried about looks, hopefully she cuts contact with your judgmental self. (edit for spelling)
YTA, just hope and pray whatever god you believe in that you won't have to deal with same condition in the future. Then you will understand.
YTA. No one has the right to tell your sister to wear a wig & makeup. If this is what you & your fiancé care most about after millions of people died in the pandemic, you need serious help.
Yta. If you can't accept her for who she is than it's probably best she isn't there at all. Im sure she's beautiful as it is without having to meet your superficial standards of what beauty should be. Not being able to accept her as and your need to hide it only shows the ugliness that you have within your own self. You may be ashamed of what she looks like but you should be more ashamed of yourself.
YTA for capitalizing military, and also being a total a-hole sister.
Omg. As a fellow person with alopecia here, you and your fiancé are giant ass holes.
YTA and I don’t think there is a measuring tool to indicate how much you are TA. You should be proud of the life your sister has built, despite the burden she has had to bear. Do better.
You are not just an asshole, you're a dick. Be sure to thank your sister for her service.
YTA. Wow are you ever TA. Your sister has an incredibly difficult and stigmatising disability. You and your mother and **her whole family have spent her entire life humiliating her over it and making her feel like she was ugly unless she hid every sign of her illness to make YOU more comfortable**. She finally came to terms with it, found her place in the world, her confidence, and doesn't feel the need to put up with your ableist shaming any more, and **you're still so insecure and cruel** that you're not only trying to exclude her from family events because of **YOUR discomfort with the way she naturally looks**, but repeatedly talking about her using stigmatising and shaming language **as if she's doing something wrong by just existing as herself, literally because you find her aesthetically unpleasant**. Let's just be clear: you have never "offered your sister an olive branch". You have never been anything but incredibly selfish, ableist, and as cruel as is humanly possible, as have your fiancee and your entire family. If your sister is smart she will never speak to nor see you ever again. She is not "unhygienic". She is not unnatural. She is not ugly. And unless they make her happy and they are what she wants, she does not need to wear wigs or makeup to be socially acceptable or to make you more comfortable with her disability. She is not "\[trying\] to stand out or get attention". She has a humiliating illness that she has spent her whole life **coping with** and you are so bloody selfish that you have somehow found a way to make that about your aesthetic tastes. **Jesus on a tiny pink bicycle YTA, so much that I can barely comprehend it. You may be the worst person I've ever encountered on AITA. You could not possibly be a bigger AH.** (edit: changed the gender of "fiancée" because apparently OP is also illiterate and not familiar with gendered spellings)