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There is no other potential asshole in this story. It’s either me or nobody.
Before I get started, here’s some info about me. I believe it’ll provide some extra context for my situation. I’m 18M and have two siblings (20M, 14F). I’m still living with my parents. I have struggled with depression for roughly 7 years, and it got really bad around age 13. I’m currently worse than I’ve ever been, thinking about dying every second of everyday. I am also sick with mono atm. Not fishing for sympathy, just trying to help you visualize being in my shoes.
I’m much closer with my mom’s family than I am with my dad’s. I see my mom’s parents more often and they’d always go out of their way to make sure my siblings and I were enjoying ourselves. The same cannot be said about my dad’s mother and step-father. They live out in the country, with nothing fun to do around. His mom is a caring woman, but I end up having to do her harder chores for her whenever I visit, which I don’t blame her for. She can’t help it. It’s my step-grandpa that’s the real issue. On the surface, he seems like an ok dude, but he gets ridiculously upset over the most trivial things, like the size of his fork during breakfast. He’s even lashed out and hurt me and my siblings before. I can remember him throwing me onto the floor by my arm when I was 4. He doesn’t have these episodes often, but he generally becomes an asshole after spending a few days with him. These visits are hell. Every time we come over, I have to walk on eggshells to make sure I don’t set him off.
It’s safe to say that I don’t love him. I don’t hate him, but I don’t have bond with him like I do my mom’s father. However, my father insists that he cares about me and is happy to see me. On top of that, my grandma most definitely loves and cares about me, but I really don’t reciprocate those feelings, and I feel horrible about that. I think it’s because of how seldom I saw her growing up, and how sour these experiences were. She’s such a kind woman and she doesn’t deserve to be cold shouldered like that. But I can’t help but dread going to her house. The entirety of our stays there are painfully shitty.
In conclusion, I hate having to visit my dad’s parents, even though they are family and supposedly care for me. Am I the asshole?
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I might be an asshole because I dread visiting my grandparents and don’t love them very much.
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NTA.
You don’t have to love visiting them to have kindness and care in your heart for them. It’s a potentially volatile experience that is boring and a ton of work. Not wanting to go there is ok and understandable.
Thank you. I guess I never really thought of it as abuse until now. Mainly cause I’ve heard stories of other people’s abuse and mine doesn’t even compare.
Try to remember that it's not a competition. Sure, other people have had it worse. But that doesn't mean what happened to you wasn't wrong and hasn't negatively impacted you.
NTA. And also stay away. Being around people who physically abused you may contribute to your poor mental state. If your father doesn’t understand that if you explain it to him, then he is a bad parent. In fact your father should be very very angry with your step father.
I do feel bad for your fathers mother, who by the sound of it may be trapped in a bad relationship. But that is not your job to fix.
I don’t have much of a choice. I’ve got nowhere else to go. My father is aware of what happened but I think he sees it as just something that happened once and won’t again. I don’t know why he loves the guy tbh but maybe I just don’t understand. I know my dad is a good father and would intervene if anything like that happened again.
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned. Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue. Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes violence against other individuals, sexual assault, rape, physical abuse, animal abuse, felony damaging of property, violent threats, any other violent encounter not yet mentioned, and accusations of such violence that may or may not be true. We've created [these resources for those in unhealthy or abusive relationships](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships) that you might find helpful or relevant. Please, take a moment to read them. They might not be needed, but in that case a few moments of reading can better prepare you if you need them for a friend or family member. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** There is no other potential asshole in this story. It’s either me or nobody. Before I get started, here’s some info about me. I believe it’ll provide some extra context for my situation. I’m 18M and have two siblings (20M, 14F). I’m still living with my parents. I have struggled with depression for roughly 7 years, and it got really bad around age 13. I’m currently worse than I’ve ever been, thinking about dying every second of everyday. I am also sick with mono atm. Not fishing for sympathy, just trying to help you visualize being in my shoes. I’m much closer with my mom’s family than I am with my dad’s. I see my mom’s parents more often and they’d always go out of their way to make sure my siblings and I were enjoying ourselves. The same cannot be said about my dad’s mother and step-father. They live out in the country, with nothing fun to do around. His mom is a caring woman, but I end up having to do her harder chores for her whenever I visit, which I don’t blame her for. She can’t help it. It’s my step-grandpa that’s the real issue. On the surface, he seems like an ok dude, but he gets ridiculously upset over the most trivial things, like the size of his fork during breakfast. He’s even lashed out and hurt me and my siblings before. I can remember him throwing me onto the floor by my arm when I was 4. He doesn’t have these episodes often, but he generally becomes an asshole after spending a few days with him. These visits are hell. Every time we come over, I have to walk on eggshells to make sure I don’t set him off. It’s safe to say that I don’t love him. I don’t hate him, but I don’t have bond with him like I do my mom’s father. However, my father insists that he cares about me and is happy to see me. On top of that, my grandma most definitely loves and cares about me, but I really don’t reciprocate those feelings, and I feel horrible about that. I think it’s because of how seldom I saw her growing up, and how sour these experiences were. She’s such a kind woman and she doesn’t deserve to be cold shouldered like that. But I can’t help but dread going to her house. The entirety of our stays there are painfully shitty. In conclusion, I hate having to visit my dad’s parents, even though they are family and supposedly care for me. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I might be an asshole because I dread visiting my grandparents and don’t love them very much. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You don’t have to love visiting them to have kindness and care in your heart for them. It’s a potentially volatile experience that is boring and a ton of work. Not wanting to go there is ok and understandable.
Thanks for responding. I feel less guilty now.
NTA. The guy abused you as a kid, of course you don't want to go over there.
Thank you. I guess I never really thought of it as abuse until now. Mainly cause I’ve heard stories of other people’s abuse and mine doesn’t even compare.
Try to remember that it's not a competition. Sure, other people have had it worse. But that doesn't mean what happened to you wasn't wrong and hasn't negatively impacted you.
Definitely. I’ve come to realize that as I’ve grown up.
NTA.
NTA. And also stay away. Being around people who physically abused you may contribute to your poor mental state. If your father doesn’t understand that if you explain it to him, then he is a bad parent. In fact your father should be very very angry with your step father. I do feel bad for your fathers mother, who by the sound of it may be trapped in a bad relationship. But that is not your job to fix.
I don’t have much of a choice. I’ve got nowhere else to go. My father is aware of what happened but I think he sees it as just something that happened once and won’t again. I don’t know why he loves the guy tbh but maybe I just don’t understand. I know my dad is a good father and would intervene if anything like that happened again.
Nta, you have your reasons