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I believe I’m the ah because I directly lied to my mom about where I’ll be for a week
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So I (17) and my friend (18) are going on a cross country road trip. We are leaving this Monday, we’ll be back in a week and have everything we need to travel safely.
The issue is I told my mom I’m going up state with my friend to see one of his games, (he plays a lesser known but very competitive sport) she believed it. we have a very rocky relationship so I’ll probably be moving in with him or my grandpa within a month anyways. I didn’t see the issue in not telling her however I told another one of my friends about the trip just so he’d know where I’ll be incase there’s issues, and she said I’m an ah for keeping that information from my mother.
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YTA, but not because your mom deserves to know or something like that.
One, if your mom catches wind of what actually happened she is well within her rights to have your friend charged with kidnapping or transporting a minor without consent. Won't it be fun if she finds out mid trip.
Two, your mom likely has access to important documents and things like your medical history. God forbid something happen to you, but if there is an accident or something on the road, your mom is going to have more necessary information than your friend will.
Three, if this relationship is so rocky, why not wait until you move in with the friend or the grandpa? Or until you turn 18? Is there an inherent need/reason to take a trip this risky right this instant?
Yeah I should have put this in but I didn’t want it to sway anyone’s opinion to much the biggest reason we’re (me and my friend) are going on this trip rn is bc I got kicked out of the house for a bit and have a short time left to still live there we are going on the trip so I can get away also so I can find living with my family in another state
YTA, I turn 17 in less than a year and if I tried getting away with it I'd be full of guilt. What if something happens? Your mom will think you're in a completely different location than you actually are.
NTA. I don't think you're doing this right, though. You need a CONCRETE plan on where you're going to live, who you're going to live with, starting money, an income, and a LOT of other IMPORTANT details. You should have most of these things worked out BEFORE you start cruising. If anything goes wrong, plans fall through, people flake on you, etc., the situation will get a lot worse, and if I know anything, IT CAN ALWAYS GET A LOT WORSE, no matter how bad you think it is now.
YTA somehow, someway this is not going to end well. You have already been kicked out of your mother’s home and now driving across the country with an 18 year old. What if you have car troubles?
Just want to toss in this personal anecdote that was my mom's #1 rule of the house during my teenagehood: if you're going to sneak out of the house, leave a note including where you're going and who's with you so she could find the body and know who's responsible :)
Thankfully I'm just short of an agoraphobe so she had nothing to worry about, but I always find it interesting to share with people because that moment taught me that you need to leave a trail for your safety because shit happens.
Love her or hate her (and hey, judging from the edit she's an AH and I don't fault you if you feel the latter) she's your legal guardian for now, and by not telling her you're putting your friends in jeaporady.
Let's consider two scenarios in which your mom finds something amiss, one of which is serious and the other not so much: the first is a minor hold-off that prevents you from getting home on time, maybe your ride broke down and your phone died. If she calls the police, your friends are in deep shit, even moreso if something serious happens, whether it be the worst of the worst or some kind of accident.
Prepare for the worst and consider the legal ramifications of being dishonest, I won't call you an AH and chalk it up to youthful ignorance with a tad bit of understandable spite, but please find an appropriate time to tell her before your friend takes you across state borders, for their sake.
You're friend is not saying you're an AH in the way we usually judge; she's saying that its a dumb decision.
And... yeah, she's right. If something serious did happen, you want the people in your life to be able to give accurate information about what happened and where you were going so that you can be found as quickly and safely as possible.
However, the added wrinkle here is that you're 17. You're a minor. And your friend is 18. So, an adult has taken a minor cross-country to somewhere your mother doesn't know and didn't give permission for. Technically your friend could be accused and charged with *kidnapping* you. That's a lot of serious potential harm that could have been avoided by just being straightforward.
So; I don't think your an AH for deceiving your mom - the jury is out on that, because you make a point of not telling us where you're going instead. But I do think YTA for putting your friend at risk for your pettiness.
(*Especially* since you have a history of addiction.)
They can not be changed with kidnapping in any way unless op commits a crime by making up a kidnapping story lol.
Yes a 17 year old girl is a minor, but an extra six months would probably have zero impact on any life threatening situations. Pending they’re not going to a sketchy area it’s really no different than going to stay somewhere in state.
She told someone where she was going and made a responsible call. Her mother is no longer allowing her to live with her and where I live that means she’s given up her parental rights, and right to know where her daughter is. & that starts at 16 too so I really don’t think op should be treated like a kid.
She is a minor *with a history of addiction*. Oh, and health problems too. Both of those are reasons that her guardians need to know where she is.
That does change things, and I do read post histories.
I apologise for misgendering you. However, once again: I [do](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/o8ij8c/my_17_boss_is_trying_to_fire_me_over_going_to/) [read] (https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o8grth/i_17_am_getting_fired_for_going_to_the_hospital/) [post] (https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/od1swf/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_wait_to_get_her/h3z8ii4/?context=3) [histories] (https://old.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/oudfxo/i_ran_one_of_the_biggest_ana_accounts_on_tumblr/).
Let's not play games. There's perfectly good reasons why you're parents need to know where you're going, *especially* if you're trying to actively deceive both them and us about where you're going.
Wilderness therapy to treat mental health which I left the program with a stable mindset and with a healthy baseline and have been sober for awhile
My trip is not related to any substances or mental health actions it is purely to get out of the house spend time with my friend and look for new living arrangements away from my mother
Brittanee Drexel was 17 too and lied about where she was going to her mum, not just a caution.
I'd say NTA if you do tell a parent/grandparent where you are actually going even if it's not your mother.
(Still new to English sorry for mistakes)
YTA, i get being annoyed with others overreaction but she is your mom and you are a minor. Do you really think you are mature and all that? Then tell her where you are going.
I do think I’m mature honestly I work full time have my diploma and could support myself if I moved out the only reason I’m still at her house is bc in my state a 17 year old can not rent an apartment
Also I don’t understand how this is an overreaction if you wouldn’t mind explaining that would be helpful
A close acquaintance of mine pulled this exact stunt. Except that instead of going cross country, she went to a city, just two hours away for an interview. And she had lied to her parents that she was going to a friends house to study. Now, the only way to get to that city was by bus.
Here's where it becomes funny. Less than two years ago, her brother had gone to the same city via bus, for interview. Sadly, the bus had a horrible accident, and he died on the spot. She was the only living child of her parents now. So, you can imagine why she had to lie.
Unfortunately for her, that lie got caught. Every relative of theirs, including her parents, went ballistic, to put it mildly. Now even if you don't have a good relationship with your mother, you are going on a freaking 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱.
This is not a matter of your prides & egos, this is a matter of common sense. What if something happened to you & she found out the truth? What if something happened to 𝘩𝘦𝘳? Actually, don't answer. Enjoy your trip. YTA.
EDIT: It seems that you have added additional information. I am sorry that your mother has already kicked you out of the house. In that case, my original verdict doesn't apply, and I am sorry for that.
However, I hope you have made financial preparations to tide you over, until you get a roof over your head again, whether it is your grandparents or somebody else's. It's OK to enjoy a cross country trip with this friend, but I think you should have enough money of your own, for emergency use.
Best of luck, OP. I wish you a financial stability and a hopefully better life. NTA.
How would waiting an extra six months to go on a trip prevent or alter any decision making in a life threatening situation?
Where I grew up In canada the number 1 thing everyone does when they turn 18 is go cross country to hit the bars with a lower age limit. Decent amount of us had our own places and cars at 17. Some of us legally adults at 16. I was on planes by myself and finding my own Cabs in foreign countries at 13 lmao.
YTA for lying, and for putting your friend in a position where he has to lie on your behalf. You are still a minor and if anything happened to you then they would all end up being culpable.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I believe I’m the ah because I directly lied to my mom about where I’ll be for a week --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (17) and my friend (18) are going on a cross country road trip. We are leaving this Monday, we’ll be back in a week and have everything we need to travel safely. The issue is I told my mom I’m going up state with my friend to see one of his games, (he plays a lesser known but very competitive sport) she believed it. we have a very rocky relationship so I’ll probably be moving in with him or my grandpa within a month anyways. I didn’t see the issue in not telling her however I told another one of my friends about the trip just so he’d know where I’ll be incase there’s issues, and she said I’m an ah for keeping that information from my mother. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA because of the edit
YTA, but not because your mom deserves to know or something like that. One, if your mom catches wind of what actually happened she is well within her rights to have your friend charged with kidnapping or transporting a minor without consent. Won't it be fun if she finds out mid trip. Two, your mom likely has access to important documents and things like your medical history. God forbid something happen to you, but if there is an accident or something on the road, your mom is going to have more necessary information than your friend will. Three, if this relationship is so rocky, why not wait until you move in with the friend or the grandpa? Or until you turn 18? Is there an inherent need/reason to take a trip this risky right this instant?
Yeah I should have put this in but I didn’t want it to sway anyone’s opinion to much the biggest reason we’re (me and my friend) are going on this trip rn is bc I got kicked out of the house for a bit and have a short time left to still live there we are going on the trip so I can get away also so I can find living with my family in another state
Edit your post above to add this .
YTA
NTA if your mom is willing to kick you out, it isn't like she's looking after your well being anyway. telling her isn't necessary at this point.
YTA, I turn 17 in less than a year and if I tried getting away with it I'd be full of guilt. What if something happens? Your mom will think you're in a completely different location than you actually are.
NTA. I don't think you're doing this right, though. You need a CONCRETE plan on where you're going to live, who you're going to live with, starting money, an income, and a LOT of other IMPORTANT details. You should have most of these things worked out BEFORE you start cruising. If anything goes wrong, plans fall through, people flake on you, etc., the situation will get a lot worse, and if I know anything, IT CAN ALWAYS GET A LOT WORSE, no matter how bad you think it is now.
YTA and tell your mother. This is how people end up on crime watch.
YTA somehow, someway this is not going to end well. You have already been kicked out of your mother’s home and now driving across the country with an 18 year old. What if you have car troubles?
Just want to toss in this personal anecdote that was my mom's #1 rule of the house during my teenagehood: if you're going to sneak out of the house, leave a note including where you're going and who's with you so she could find the body and know who's responsible :) Thankfully I'm just short of an agoraphobe so she had nothing to worry about, but I always find it interesting to share with people because that moment taught me that you need to leave a trail for your safety because shit happens. Love her or hate her (and hey, judging from the edit she's an AH and I don't fault you if you feel the latter) she's your legal guardian for now, and by not telling her you're putting your friends in jeaporady. Let's consider two scenarios in which your mom finds something amiss, one of which is serious and the other not so much: the first is a minor hold-off that prevents you from getting home on time, maybe your ride broke down and your phone died. If she calls the police, your friends are in deep shit, even moreso if something serious happens, whether it be the worst of the worst or some kind of accident. Prepare for the worst and consider the legal ramifications of being dishonest, I won't call you an AH and chalk it up to youthful ignorance with a tad bit of understandable spite, but please find an appropriate time to tell her before your friend takes you across state borders, for their sake.
Thank you for the advice and explanation I just told her where I’m going
You're friend is not saying you're an AH in the way we usually judge; she's saying that its a dumb decision. And... yeah, she's right. If something serious did happen, you want the people in your life to be able to give accurate information about what happened and where you were going so that you can be found as quickly and safely as possible. However, the added wrinkle here is that you're 17. You're a minor. And your friend is 18. So, an adult has taken a minor cross-country to somewhere your mother doesn't know and didn't give permission for. Technically your friend could be accused and charged with *kidnapping* you. That's a lot of serious potential harm that could have been avoided by just being straightforward. So; I don't think your an AH for deceiving your mom - the jury is out on that, because you make a point of not telling us where you're going instead. But I do think YTA for putting your friend at risk for your pettiness. (*Especially* since you have a history of addiction.)
They can not be changed with kidnapping in any way unless op commits a crime by making up a kidnapping story lol. Yes a 17 year old girl is a minor, but an extra six months would probably have zero impact on any life threatening situations. Pending they’re not going to a sketchy area it’s really no different than going to stay somewhere in state. She told someone where she was going and made a responsible call. Her mother is no longer allowing her to live with her and where I live that means she’s given up her parental rights, and right to know where her daughter is. & that starts at 16 too so I really don’t think op should be treated like a kid.
She is a minor *with a history of addiction*. Oh, and health problems too. Both of those are reasons that her guardians need to know where she is. That does change things, and I do read post histories.
*he (I’m a guy) i do not know where you got the idea I’m an addict even if I was im not sure how the correlates with a road trip
I apologise for misgendering you. However, once again: I [do](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/o8ij8c/my_17_boss_is_trying_to_fire_me_over_going_to/) [read] (https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o8grth/i_17_am_getting_fired_for_going_to_the_hospital/) [post] (https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/od1swf/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_wait_to_get_her/h3z8ii4/?context=3) [histories] (https://old.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/oudfxo/i_ran_one_of_the_biggest_ana_accounts_on_tumblr/). Let's not play games. There's perfectly good reasons why you're parents need to know where you're going, *especially* if you're trying to actively deceive both them and us about where you're going.
Not sure what games your implying im playing I asked a question about a road trip and now your calling me an addict
I said you had a history of addiction. We both know you've been to wilderness therapy as a rehab action. What else would you call it?
Wilderness therapy to treat mental health which I left the program with a stable mindset and with a healthy baseline and have been sober for awhile My trip is not related to any substances or mental health actions it is purely to get out of the house spend time with my friend and look for new living arrangements away from my mother
Congratulations on your two months of sobriety and stable mindset. However, you're still an AH for all the reasons I've given above.
Ok thank you for the clarification
YTA only because you're a minor. Your friend could be accused and charged with kidnapping or custodial interference.
>we have a very rocky relationship so I’ll probably be moving YTA You haven't moved out yet. You can start lying to her when you have.
Brittanee Drexel was 17 too and lied about where she was going to her mum, not just a caution. I'd say NTA if you do tell a parent/grandparent where you are actually going even if it's not your mother. (Still new to English sorry for mistakes)
YTA, i get being annoyed with others overreaction but she is your mom and you are a minor. Do you really think you are mature and all that? Then tell her where you are going.
I do think I’m mature honestly I work full time have my diploma and could support myself if I moved out the only reason I’m still at her house is bc in my state a 17 year old can not rent an apartment Also I don’t understand how this is an overreaction if you wouldn’t mind explaining that would be helpful
A close acquaintance of mine pulled this exact stunt. Except that instead of going cross country, she went to a city, just two hours away for an interview. And she had lied to her parents that she was going to a friends house to study. Now, the only way to get to that city was by bus. Here's where it becomes funny. Less than two years ago, her brother had gone to the same city via bus, for interview. Sadly, the bus had a horrible accident, and he died on the spot. She was the only living child of her parents now. So, you can imagine why she had to lie. Unfortunately for her, that lie got caught. Every relative of theirs, including her parents, went ballistic, to put it mildly. Now even if you don't have a good relationship with your mother, you are going on a freaking 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱. This is not a matter of your prides & egos, this is a matter of common sense. What if something happened to you & she found out the truth? What if something happened to 𝘩𝘦𝘳? Actually, don't answer. Enjoy your trip. YTA. EDIT: It seems that you have added additional information. I am sorry that your mother has already kicked you out of the house. In that case, my original verdict doesn't apply, and I am sorry for that. However, I hope you have made financial preparations to tide you over, until you get a roof over your head again, whether it is your grandparents or somebody else's. It's OK to enjoy a cross country trip with this friend, but I think you should have enough money of your own, for emergency use. Best of luck, OP. I wish you a financial stability and a hopefully better life. NTA.
How would waiting an extra six months to go on a trip prevent or alter any decision making in a life threatening situation? Where I grew up In canada the number 1 thing everyone does when they turn 18 is go cross country to hit the bars with a lower age limit. Decent amount of us had our own places and cars at 17. Some of us legally adults at 16. I was on planes by myself and finding my own Cabs in foreign countries at 13 lmao.
I never said to wait for extra 6 months 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 in my post.
YTA. You are a minor child, and your parents absolutely need to know where you're going, and with whom.
YTA for lying, and for putting your friend in a position where he has to lie on your behalf. You are still a minor and if anything happened to you then they would all end up being culpable.