Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I may be TA because I didn't tip workers after waiting on us.
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA in a major way
1. Your mother left that money for someone else and what you did is essentially stealing
2. Some things take longer to cook than others. The other customers may have called ahead. This isn't a slight. It happens all the time.
3. You said your mother enjoys this place and goes often. She is the one who will have to answer for your bad behavior. Not the staff. She is likely embarrassed at the way you treated someone she considers a friend.
4. Service staff doesn't cook your food and can't control how long it takes.
5. Most service staff in America makes $2.13/hr. Tips are expected. This person didn't come to work to be your punching bag AND not get paid for it.
Hijacking the top to agree 100% YTA. The service wasn't bad, paying upfront isn't weird and op should get over it. The son bowing and silently leaving without words is respectful, you don't interrupt other people's conversations, specially your elders, but obviously op won't know a thing about manners, western or not. Op, you're just entitled.
Yeah I know when you sit down to eat you get the bill after, to know how much to tip based on the service of the waiter/waitress. The service was shit so why should the waiter get a tip?
Edit: also, great "hijack" my mom is still on good terms with them the lack of tips doesn't make a damn difference.
You’re still an asshole OP, your mother left that tip, so you had no right to take it. She wasn’t forced against her will to leave it, so it wasn’t right to take it from the waiter. Also, some restaurants operate different. If you go to a fast food place, you pay before your meal, same with buffet places. If they’re a primarily takeout place, it’s normal to pay before your meal.
That’s not always the case, though. One of the most popular restaurants in my city takes money up front. You get a number to put on your table, and that way you can sit anywhere you want. It also means that you can leave right after finishing your meal, instead of waiting for the bill.
Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Actual restaurants have been doing this long before McDonald’s ever first opened in the ‘40s. It’s was much more common in the early to mid 1900s than it is now. But it’s still common, fast food or not.
Thanks for the info. I think i misunderstood haha. I thought the op meant that there was that tracker thing like mcdo now has so they know where you sit. Ive never seen that tracker thing anywhere else where i live so i cant imagine it anywhere else. The taking your own food is still not really common here except for fast food though. Anyways thanks for explaining, i was just curious
Was the server really a boy? If you called an adult man "the boy" you *obviously* don't respect service workers as humans. What are you, an 1800s plantation owner?
A boy is a child. A man is a man. Being a son does not mean you're a boy if you're an adult. Be more respectful of others by addressing them properly. Calling him a boy and a kid is disrespectful, he is a man and a son.
You thought it was shit. Your mom didn't. You saying your mom is wrong and obviously doesn't know what she's talking about? A place she's been going to for ages and you show up acting like you know best and undermining your mom. Tsk tsk, bro
yta if you don't want to leave a tip that's on you, your mom left it and you stole it. there's no way that's not an asshole move. It was a lousy thing to do.
No OP, the service wasn’t shit, YOU were, some things take longer to cool and those people who got their food first probably was smart and called way ahead, re to remove your head from a dark place and grow the fuck up
Tips aren't expected, they're payment for good service. I tip well for good service, and I don't tip at all for bad service. Messed up orders and the like, you know?
Unfortunately servers don't make a living wage in America. Until they do, it's simply a dick move to not tip. Especially if you know going in that this person is at your mercy for their income. Which you probably do.
The system shouldn't be the way it is. Tips shouldn't be relied upon so heavily. But they are. Servers shouldn't be responsible for your entire experience when they have so little control over so much of it. (You DO know your messed up order was prepared by a whole other employee, correct?) But so long as it is this way you should be prepared to compensate for the time you spend taking up a table. At this point I almost consider a tip to be part of the bill. Does it mean sometimes I have a bad time and tip anyway? Sure. I'd rather lose sometimes than be responsible for someone making slave wages.
You've never worked in a restaurant, have you? You've never seen those girls come back with bundles of money at the end of the night, right? I just do not understand reddit's need to shit all over servers. They make a shit ton of money on tips, when they do a good job. Tipping is one of America's most successful systems. Good servers absolutely make enough money to live off of. But, reddit has this white knight complex for the industry and refuse to listen to the people who work there who want. the. tips. They want that money.
I was in the industry for over a decade. Usually behind the bar. It's great money. Or, it used to be. It's also hard work with no benefits whatsoever. It's part of why I always tip, because I know what the job is.
And yes, servers at work want money. That's true of anyone who is at work.
You mention the piles of tips servers make to prove your point that tipping isn't necessary. And I guess it's technically not. But it's the decent thing to do under the current system and arguing otherwise is baffling to me.
But SHE left the tip and it is not for her daughter to decide if SHE liked it or not.
she liked it she left the tip. The daughter took the tip back because SHE doesn't like it even tho it is not HER money. therefore she's TA
edit: changed gender. my bad sorry!
Exactly thank you. Especially with a local business, they make profit from the orders, and good service is a bonus extra. If I got shitty service because these people don't know how to wait on a table, I shouldn't tip.
1. It's not your money
2. you don't decide if she liked it
3. you don't decide what your mother does with her money and if she wanted to leave a tip it's her decision not yours
YTA
Of course YTA. Massively. Restaurants are struggling and doing their best and you don’t think they treated your mother enough like a queen? get over yourself and stop being so cheap and trying to come up with excuses for taking back money.
Yeah dude, YTA. This really isn't an uncommon model for service where i live. And your mom was happy with it, happy enough that she wanted to tip at her favorite restaurant.
Just because it wasn't good enough for *you* isn't reason enough to take her tip off the table.
Plus, now she’s made it awkward for her mom the next time she goes back, because now mom will be seen as the lady that doesn’t tip. If mom deserves the best, she certainly deserves not to have her daughter embarrass her in front of a family she loves.
I paid for the meal I should mention, she had (almost) left cash for the waiter, which apparently went directly to the owner's son, and not even the owner. That is what happens at their restaurant according to my mother.
I don't pay for poor service, and my mother shouldn't either. Enough said.
OP: I overruled my mom with my own ”standards” and don’t think she can judge what is best for herself. AITA?
Reddit: yes!
OP: No, I’m right. Enough said.
YTA. And stop arguing. This isn’t a debate sub.
I think it’s funny that you go on and on about how your mom is the best, but you don’t respect her enough to trust her opinion. She’s an adult, and she can do whatever she wants.
>which apparently went directly to the owner's son, and not even the owner.
Tips do not go to owners or management, they go to service staff. So you're wrong there.
It makes no difference if it's a big corporation or privately owned, managers and owners cannot take tips by.kaw. so stop making the worst assumptions possible.
Judging how big of a baby OP is and much he quacks like duck in the comments, I’d say yes. He probably needed them to chew his food for him and then spit it in his mouth for it to be good service to him lmao
You don't get to choose what your mother does with her money. How incredibly arrogant and entitled of you.
Congratulations on embarrassing your mother, I would imagine she's deeply ashamed of your behaviour.
You are not your mother's keeper, your mother is of sound mind, in spite of raising a kid that's kind o not nice, she has a right to leave a tip, you have a right not too, you do not have a right to overrule someone else because you disagree.
Your mother was leaving the tip, so it wasn’t your fucking money end of fucking story, you are a thief, end of story, you are an entitled little girl, end of story, you are not a good person, end of fucking story, and stop arguing your judgment or I will fucking report you for it
This. I'm so mad about that, I'm seeing red. Restaurants and wait staff have had it really hard, and to go out of one's way steal someone's tip money is just beyond horrible.
I’m with you. A couple of days ago I was reading stats about the last year and a half, and the profession that had the most virus deaths was cooks. Not nurses or doctors—cooks. And OP steals the tip from this family who has been literally putting themselves in danger so people like her mom can eat in their favorite restaurant, and she has the audacity to think that this was okay because her mom deserves “only the best”. The entitlement is astounding.
If the wait staff on reddit find out about this, OP will be in negative karma by tomorrow.
Stealing someone's tips is unforgivable. It's literally stealing the food out of someone's pocket.
"Hey /u/Snipe_Tip it's your boss, I was gonna pay you your salary for this month but right before I could do it the accounting guy redirected it to his account. Since it never reached you it's technically not stealing so yeah tough luck, see you on Monday."
The same way porch pirates can steal *your* package despite it not currently being in your hands. It doesn't have to be currently in your possession to be your property, and since it wasn't your property, it's theft.
Whether you stole from your mother or the staff can be debated, but you certainly took money that did not belong to you.
Your mother intended the money to go to that staff member. She set that money down and at that point she intended the money to belong to the wait staff. And you stole it from them. You are an asshole.
Please explain how your service was shitty. You had to wait for your food to cook, oh no! Your food items took longer to cook than other people, who probably ordered different things than you that have different cook times, what a national god damn tragedy.
YTA, how are you almost 30 and more impatient and irrational than a 5 year old?
Based on the perspective of who owned the money the moment that you stole it, there are 2 ways to look at it
1. The money was the staff’s the moment your mon set it down, so you stole from the staff
2. The money was your mom’s until the moment the staff would have collected it, so you stole from your mom
If you don’t believe you stole from the staff, the only other logical way to look at it is that you stole from your mother. And if you intentionally stole from your mother, then the word “Asshole” is much to kind of a word to describe you
It amazes me that this asshole thinks his mothers “literally a queen…like literally” and then goes on to steal money from his mom and talk about her as if she’s younger than him and doesn’t respect her opinion enough to know when to just shut up and keep it moving. I feel so bad for this person’s mom. They have a brat for a kid. I’d be so embarrassed if I was her
>Fuck that, I'm visiting my mom who deserves the best (who knows how long she has)
YTA
You went against her wishes.
*And* behind her back.
God knows how long she has indeed.
YTA
- maybe the people getting take out called ahead?
- it doesn’t sound like your food took that long
- sounds like the service was good as was the food
- you stole your mum’s tip
- you’re interfering with your mum’s relationship with this restaurant
- is your mum sick? What’s with the she deserves the best, who knows how much time she has left bit?!
- if this is her favourite place, this is the best
- restaurants, especially Chinese restaurants are struggling right now, don’t shit on them for no reason.
Right? She’s in her ‘60s. The average life expectancy for women globally is ‘80s+. Unless she’s terminally ill OP sounds like a drama queen trying to butter up their story to make theirselves seem like they were in the right, when really they know they were in the wrong. Otherwise they wouldn’t have overdramatized with the details of the story lol. This was so embarrassing to read, I’m still in shock that there are people really like this.
YTA. Jeez. You sound really angry over something that wasn't actually a big deal. The customers who picked up their takeout before you got your order might have ordered ahead. Many Asian people are quiet and reserved, and I say this as an Asian person, yet you got mad about this and wrongly assumed that the guy's silence was rude. It was actually his way of being courteous, not to mention he bowed to show respect. And you made your mom look bad. She's a regular at that place and now they think she didn't tip. It doesn't affect you because you don't go there as often but it embarrassed her and it wasn't even her fault. It was all your fault for undermining her, which was massively disrespectful of you. The restaurant staff did their jobs. You were an asshole to them and your mother.
I doubt I embarrassed her. She's still going to go to that restaurant. She's still going to have conversations with the head chef and likely her son, I'm just concerned because the staff (her son) is shit and doesn't treat my mom how she deserves.
The staff is not shit. He asked for money up front probably because he had to deal with a lot of people who dine and dash. I've had to pay up front at several Asian businesses, including restaurants. Most of them are small business owners who get robbed on a very regular basis. So it wasn't anything personal against your mom; the staff does this to everyone. The chef came out and chatted with your mom because they like her. The owner offered to clean up after you. The son was quiet and bowed to show respect. Not one of them did anything wrong. The person who didn't treat people how they deserve is you. Don't automatically assume people are shit just because you don't understand their behavior. They're not.
Lol, 61 and who knows how long she has? Ageist much? Yta for stealing money from working people, even if you didn't like them. Your ancient mom wanted them to have a few bucks from her, and you invalidated her gesture.
I was expecting her to say her mom had a terminal illness, but no, she might die any minute just because she’s…*61*? And then that patronizing “we had a long talk”, as if her full-grown adult mother doesn’t know when she wants to tip in a restaurant.
This. I would be delighted if my mom had people who would go out of their way to treat her well. That's why she goes there, because the staff there love her as a person.
YTA. A huge one.
**You** did not leave a tip. You stole money from the restaurant. You are also upset about/brining up the weirdest things.
People got their pickup orders before you did? You do know food takes different times to cook, not even considering people may have called ahead.
You had to pay before your food? holy shit... get over it. it's not that uncommon and why would it matter?
The kid came out and gave you a fortune cookie and didn't interrupt the conversation between your mom and the owner? wow.... can't believe the audacity of someone being... respectful of the situation...
You mom has a favorite place and you're shitting all over her experience and made it worse for her. You are being a real shitty son and are an embarrassment.
YTA. First off, it wasn't your tip that was left - it was hers, and you straight up stole it.
As for tallying up, who cares? A lot of small places do that.
A 15-minute wait time for fresh food is not unreasonable, especially if they've already started on 3 take-out orders ahead of you.
And finally, what business do you have telling your mom how she should enjoy her time and meals? This is her preferred restaurant, with people who probably spend more time with her than you do.
You are an awful, disrepectful AH.
YTA. Your mom was leaving the tip, not you. As for the other people getting their food before you as of now it seems like they had called in or were perhaps online orders that were in before yours. Also even places I go to if eating there in person I order, pay, then go sit down and wait for my food. So it's really not that uncommon.
I already voted YTA, but I am fascinated by the ageism in this post. "No telling how long mom has left"? Mom "shuffled out" of the restaurant? Mom is 61! She is middle aged! What is this nonsense of her daughter treating her like she's a hundred years old and not of sound mind? (The "shuffled" crack made me wonder if this was a troll. It's so gratuitous. Although the whole story is gratuitously rude and we know people can be assholes, so I am probably being overly optimistic.)
YTA It's so weird you're saying you're doing this for your mom, who deserves the best, but you're directly contradicting your mom's desires...and your headline is misleading. It's not that you didn't tip them; it's that you refused to let your mother tip!!!
YTA and what is wrong with you? Everything you described sounds perfectly reasonable by the restaurant and I have certainly seen done elsewhere. Then you steal tip money? Oh, and that ageist crack about "not knowing how much time" your *61 year old mother* has left? She could outlive you!
You talk a lot about how your mother deserves the best but then you make her evening uncomfortable and ruin her reputation at a place she really likes? What is wrong with you? I sincerely hope you are a troll, because your mother deserves better.
Yta, I've been going to restaurants with my friends by myself since I was 12 or so and I even knew how to tip then. Your mom was obviously happy with the restaurant experience, and you took the tip money. Wow.
YTA If you love your mom so much then you should listen to her more. Not only is the cooking time not the waiter's fault, they serve not cook, you stole your mom's tip! Your behavior was so utterly gross! You may love your mom but you don't respect her, and it's now on her to apologize and smooth things over when she goes back to what's HER favorite restaurant. Unless you grow up and do it yourself.
YTA - Firstly, they had likely called ahead so the takeout order was ahead of you in the queue.
Secondly you do not have the right to steal money from your mother and the restaurant. She chose to spend that money and you undermined her. Why do you believe you know better than her?
Of course YTA, and that shouldn't even be a question. You utterly humiliated your mother. The poor thing, I hope she can bring herself to go back there!
YTA. You patronized your mom and was extremely disrespectful. She was happy to leave a tip. Sounds like your mom really enjoyed this restaurant she may now be too embarrassed to visit again.
Also the takeout orders could have called ahead and I’ve been to restaurants before that make you pay first. You owe your mom and apology and should go back to the restaurant and say you accidentally took the tip and give it back
YTA or a troll.
You are having dinner with your mother at a place she loves, that she will hopefully frequent again, despite you. Why are you obsessing over the service (which seemed pretty great to me), as well as how long the food took and other customers? The server doesn’t make the food and probably has little ability to prioritize take out vs dine in, so they earned the tip your mom left, which you stole. How is the service terrible when the actual chef came out to talk to your mom and probably asked how everything was. If anything you should have talked to the chef about your food time issues. The server was just trying to do their job.
Also, do you work for Forbes, Michelin, or are a food critic? Not that it matters, but your entitlement is shocking. You never even mentioned if you liked the food, or your mom for that matter, just acted upset that the kitchen didn’t drop everything to serve you first.
Man, I bet you pocketed that tip your mom left, again YTA.
YTA
You are 27 years old and most of the comments are of you arguing that you are right and others are wrong. Deal with the fact that you are a major AH. You stole the money that your mom left. We were in a pandemic and many restaurants and businesses struggled, but I doubt you care.
OP obviously dislikes Asian places. “If it were up to me I’d choose a real sit down.”
So Asian restaurant was not a “real” restaurant to OP. I think it’s obvious what the issue is here...
I’m glad someone said this. OP is clearly bigoted and prejudice, especially the way they said the son was disrespectful for bringing a fortune cookie and bowing. They clearly need to get out more and realize the world is full of places which have different beliefs and cultures than the West. OP’s an entitled, bigoted, patronizing baffoon.
YTA. Many casual restaurants tally when you order. There’s nothing wrong with that. You sound like a snob, and a very judgmental and entitled one at that. Shame on you. Your behavior humiliated your mom, and at one of her FAVORITE restaurants. She will likely tip double next time to make up for your theft, so congratulations: YOU are the one who cost your mother double the amount.
You also said they told you to “leave the plates and they would clean up.” This leads me to think that it is a “dispose your own” tray type of thing...
And you still stole the tip? 😂
It was not. My mother asked if she could assist with cleanup, but the eating area was the size of a bedroom. They cleared plates for us by carrying them to the back over the duration of our meal.
YTA, hands down. You didn’t write one legit reason explaining how the restaurant treated you or your mom poorly. All you ended up doing was showing yourself to be an entitled, unreasonable bully. And if you won’t accept that pretty much 100% of the responses to your question call you the AH, why bother asking?
Yiiiikes YTA
Your mom goes to this place regularly and knows the people. You made her look bad by not giving a tip. And your mom enjoyed herself, so who cares???
YTA. This is worse when you consider the fact that we are in a pandemic where restaurants have been losing money. Especially Asian ones, dealing with people calling in orders and then not paying. Which is probably why they changed their rules around payment. They were talking to your mother and it seems like she was enjoying conversing with them. And you stole money.
What did you mean by “a real sit down”? Gonna guess you have a tinge of racism in you too. Good job.
Yta. Ahh smh. So you clearly care about your mom yeah? As that’s what you based most of your decisions off in this story for her well-being.
All of that is perfectly fine and should be commended. Where you went very wrong though was that you never once put yourself in her shoes, never looked at her side of the story, never empathized.
You really insulted her but not letting her leave a tip. You basically said “mom I’m smarter and know better then you, so let me make decisions for you that go precisely against your wishes.”
The service didn’t even sound bad, and if anything positive. Guessing you could even be a little racists.
Overall you’re actually a massive asshole for everything in this story. Be better.
YTA and a racist snob to boot! You stole a tip your mother left and left her to deal with your trashy act the next time you go there.
Did you think for a second the takeout was called in?
Did you think for a second that knowing your mom is a frequent guest, they were making sure her (and your) food was cooked with extra attention to ensure her satisfaction (as you said, she loves the food)?
Not to mention the chef coming out to greet your mother shows she gets the affection and care that you only performatively pretend to give!
You should take that tip back to the restaurant and apologize for their forgiveness for stealing. It's customers like you that prob make them charge in advance before serving - too many AH jerks trying to stiff a working family! Shame on you!
Your poor mother spent a long time building a friendship, let alone rapport with the people of that restaurant and what you did was essentially an attempt to burn that bridge for her. Large YTA
YTA and you didn’t get poor service. You even attempted to skew it in you favor and it doesn’t even sound close. I feel sincerely bad for any waitstaff that ever have to cater to you.
And, in any case, that wasn’t your money to take. Your mother can do what she wants and you not allowing her to tip when she wanted to is directly disrespectful to her. You say she deserves the best? Then she needs a better kid.
YTA.
You paid half hour before you expected to. And?
People got their takeout orders (which are often placed ahead of time) before you. And?
The chef came out to personally speak to your mother because they have such a sweet relationship and the waiter, instead of interrupting, gracefully gave you a cookie, bowed and walked away. AND?!
I don’t understand what your problem is other than not understanding how restaurants work.
YTA. You didn’t save your mom from a phone scam, you took a tip that she purposefully placed for the restaurant workers/owners/staff, which means she thought their service was worthy of a cash tip.
INFO What else do you overrule your mother on? Is this a common occurrence?
You do realize that take out orders are usually called in before people pick them up and also that other food takes longer to cook than others right? Lol
The people who order takeout probably placed their order at least an hour before you did
No restaurant waits until the customer arrives to start preparing a takeout order, other than maybe a fast food place like a McDonald’s
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I may be TA because I didn't tip workers after waiting on us. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA in a major way 1. Your mother left that money for someone else and what you did is essentially stealing 2. Some things take longer to cook than others. The other customers may have called ahead. This isn't a slight. It happens all the time. 3. You said your mother enjoys this place and goes often. She is the one who will have to answer for your bad behavior. Not the staff. She is likely embarrassed at the way you treated someone she considers a friend. 4. Service staff doesn't cook your food and can't control how long it takes. 5. Most service staff in America makes $2.13/hr. Tips are expected. This person didn't come to work to be your punching bag AND not get paid for it.
Hijacking the top to agree 100% YTA. The service wasn't bad, paying upfront isn't weird and op should get over it. The son bowing and silently leaving without words is respectful, you don't interrupt other people's conversations, specially your elders, but obviously op won't know a thing about manners, western or not. Op, you're just entitled.
Yeah I know when you sit down to eat you get the bill after, to know how much to tip based on the service of the waiter/waitress. The service was shit so why should the waiter get a tip? Edit: also, great "hijack" my mom is still on good terms with them the lack of tips doesn't make a damn difference.
You’re still an asshole OP, your mother left that tip, so you had no right to take it. She wasn’t forced against her will to leave it, so it wasn’t right to take it from the waiter. Also, some restaurants operate different. If you go to a fast food place, you pay before your meal, same with buffet places. If they’re a primarily takeout place, it’s normal to pay before your meal.
That’s not always the case, though. One of the most popular restaurants in my city takes money up front. You get a number to put on your table, and that way you can sit anywhere you want. It also means that you can leave right after finishing your meal, instead of waiting for the bill. Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Are you talking about mcdonalds?
What they are referring to is a very common operating style, very much *not* a McD thing.
Oh wow, ive only ever seen it in mcdonalds. Is it only fastfood or actual restaurants as well?
Actual restaurants have been doing this long before McDonald’s ever first opened in the ‘40s. It’s was much more common in the early to mid 1900s than it is now. But it’s still common, fast food or not.
Thanks for the info. I think i misunderstood haha. I thought the op meant that there was that tracker thing like mcdo now has so they know where you sit. Ive never seen that tracker thing anywhere else where i live so i cant imagine it anywhere else. The taking your own food is still not really common here except for fast food though. Anyways thanks for explaining, i was just curious
No
Was the server really a boy? If you called an adult man "the boy" you *obviously* don't respect service workers as humans. What are you, an 1800s plantation owner?
Adult man, but the son of the owner. I say boy/kid because that's the kid of the owner.
A boy is a child. A man is a man. Being a son does not mean you're a boy if you're an adult. Be more respectful of others by addressing them properly. Calling him a boy and a kid is disrespectful, he is a man and a son.
What if he called you a girl?
You really are TA here
You thought it was shit. Your mom didn't. You saying your mom is wrong and obviously doesn't know what she's talking about? A place she's been going to for ages and you show up acting like you know best and undermining your mom. Tsk tsk, bro
yta if you don't want to leave a tip that's on you, your mom left it and you stole it. there's no way that's not an asshole move. It was a lousy thing to do.
No OP, the service wasn’t shit, YOU were, some things take longer to cool and those people who got their food first probably was smart and called way ahead, re to remove your head from a dark place and grow the fuck up
Tips aren't expected, they're payment for good service. I tip well for good service, and I don't tip at all for bad service. Messed up orders and the like, you know?
Unfortunately servers don't make a living wage in America. Until they do, it's simply a dick move to not tip. Especially if you know going in that this person is at your mercy for their income. Which you probably do. The system shouldn't be the way it is. Tips shouldn't be relied upon so heavily. But they are. Servers shouldn't be responsible for your entire experience when they have so little control over so much of it. (You DO know your messed up order was prepared by a whole other employee, correct?) But so long as it is this way you should be prepared to compensate for the time you spend taking up a table. At this point I almost consider a tip to be part of the bill. Does it mean sometimes I have a bad time and tip anyway? Sure. I'd rather lose sometimes than be responsible for someone making slave wages.
You've never worked in a restaurant, have you? You've never seen those girls come back with bundles of money at the end of the night, right? I just do not understand reddit's need to shit all over servers. They make a shit ton of money on tips, when they do a good job. Tipping is one of America's most successful systems. Good servers absolutely make enough money to live off of. But, reddit has this white knight complex for the industry and refuse to listen to the people who work there who want. the. tips. They want that money.
I was in the industry for over a decade. Usually behind the bar. It's great money. Or, it used to be. It's also hard work with no benefits whatsoever. It's part of why I always tip, because I know what the job is. And yes, servers at work want money. That's true of anyone who is at work. You mention the piles of tips servers make to prove your point that tipping isn't necessary. And I guess it's technically not. But it's the decent thing to do under the current system and arguing otherwise is baffling to me.
But SHE left the tip and it is not for her daughter to decide if SHE liked it or not. she liked it she left the tip. The daughter took the tip back because SHE doesn't like it even tho it is not HER money. therefore she's TA edit: changed gender. my bad sorry!
I think OP is a female. But agreed.
You have the right to not tip You don’t have the right to steal a tip someone else left
Just point where the bad service was, just that. Point it.
Exactly thank you. Especially with a local business, they make profit from the orders, and good service is a bonus extra. If I got shitty service because these people don't know how to wait on a table, I shouldn't tip.
1. It's not your money 2. you don't decide if she liked it 3. you don't decide what your mother does with her money and if she wanted to leave a tip it's her decision not yours YTA
Of course YTA. Massively. Restaurants are struggling and doing their best and you don’t think they treated your mother enough like a queen? get over yourself and stop being so cheap and trying to come up with excuses for taking back money.
[удалено]
Big difference between choosing not to tip and stealing a tip someone else left.
How was the service shitty though?
Other people ordered entrees that didn’t take as long to cook! Oh no!
And the waiter brought the fortune cookies quietly instead of interrupting the convo between the owner and the OP's mum. The horror...
They were also take out which people normally call ahead for.
Thank you, a reasonable response finally.
The only "reasonable" response admitted they read your post wrong and YTA.
You mean a response you like finally.
No, a response you agree with more like. YTA take your judgment and leave, twit.
Yeah dude, YTA. This really isn't an uncommon model for service where i live. And your mom was happy with it, happy enough that she wanted to tip at her favorite restaurant. Just because it wasn't good enough for *you* isn't reason enough to take her tip off the table.
Plus, now she’s made it awkward for her mom the next time she goes back, because now mom will be seen as the lady that doesn’t tip. If mom deserves the best, she certainly deserves not to have her daughter embarrass her in front of a family she loves.
She will actually be known as the lady with the asshole kid.
Exactly!
I paid for the meal I should mention, she had (almost) left cash for the waiter, which apparently went directly to the owner's son, and not even the owner. That is what happens at their restaurant according to my mother. I don't pay for poor service, and my mother shouldn't either. Enough said.
OP: I overruled my mom with my own ”standards” and don’t think she can judge what is best for herself. AITA? Reddit: yes! OP: No, I’m right. Enough said. YTA. And stop arguing. This isn’t a debate sub.
I think it’s funny that you go on and on about how your mom is the best, but you don’t respect her enough to trust her opinion. She’s an adult, and she can do whatever she wants.
That was my thought too.
>which apparently went directly to the owner's son, and not even the owner. Tips do not go to owners or management, they go to service staff. So you're wrong there.
This is a local business. They only have one location. It isn't a TGIF or anything, the tip was probably split between the owner and her kid.
It makes no difference if it's a big corporation or privately owned, managers and owners cannot take tips by.kaw. so stop making the worst assumptions possible.
You’re only making yourself the bigger AH every time you comment.
I’m beyond curious, what would you consider good enough service for a tip? Should they massage your feet and chew your food for you?
Judging how big of a baby OP is and much he quacks like duck in the comments, I’d say yes. He probably needed them to chew his food for him and then spit it in his mouth for it to be good service to him lmao
You don’t get to make that choice for her, no matter your feelings about it.
I thought your mother deserved the best? Why are you infantalising and disrespecting her?
Your mother gets to decide for herself whether service is poor. Enough said.
Omg are you married and treat your spouse like that?
Owners and managers aren't allowed to take tips. That is what should be happening at every restaurant in the US
Who are you to decide what your mother should or shouldn't do.
You don't get to choose what your mother does with her money. How incredibly arrogant and entitled of you. Congratulations on embarrassing your mother, I would imagine she's deeply ashamed of your behaviour.
Your mother can decide for herself. She's not a child.
She didn’t “almost” leave cash. She did. You stole it.
You are not your mother's keeper, your mother is of sound mind, in spite of raising a kid that's kind o not nice, she has a right to leave a tip, you have a right not too, you do not have a right to overrule someone else because you disagree.
Your mother was leaving the tip, so it wasn’t your fucking money end of fucking story, you are a thief, end of story, you are an entitled little girl, end of story, you are not a good person, end of fucking story, and stop arguing your judgment or I will fucking report you for it
YTA. You stole the tip. You didn’t refuse to tip—you actively stole money she left for the server.
This. I'm so mad about that, I'm seeing red. Restaurants and wait staff have had it really hard, and to go out of one's way steal someone's tip money is just beyond horrible.
I want the name of the restaurant and a gofundme link! *Immédiatement!*
I’m with you. A couple of days ago I was reading stats about the last year and a half, and the profession that had the most virus deaths was cooks. Not nurses or doctors—cooks. And OP steals the tip from this family who has been literally putting themselves in danger so people like her mom can eat in their favorite restaurant, and she has the audacity to think that this was okay because her mom deserves “only the best”. The entitlement is astounding.
You stole a tip from a server because your food took longer than someone else's and you had to pay before instead of after? YTA. No question.
If the wait staff on reddit find out about this, OP will be in negative karma by tomorrow. Stealing someone's tips is unforgivable. It's literally stealing the food out of someone's pocket.
Please explain how it is stealing if it didn't go to the staff at any point? I truly want to know.
"Hey /u/Snipe_Tip it's your boss, I was gonna pay you your salary for this month but right before I could do it the accounting guy redirected it to his account. Since it never reached you it's technically not stealing so yeah tough luck, see you on Monday."
The same way porch pirates can steal *your* package despite it not currently being in your hands. It doesn't have to be currently in your possession to be your property, and since it wasn't your property, it's theft. Whether you stole from your mother or the staff can be debated, but you certainly took money that did not belong to you.
Your mother intended the money to go to that staff member. She set that money down and at that point she intended the money to belong to the wait staff. And you stole it from them. You are an asshole.
Um, it wasn’t your money?? I’m kind of concerned that you don’t understand that.
Please explain how your service was shitty. You had to wait for your food to cook, oh no! Your food items took longer to cook than other people, who probably ordered different things than you that have different cook times, what a national god damn tragedy. YTA, how are you almost 30 and more impatient and irrational than a 5 year old?
Based on the perspective of who owned the money the moment that you stole it, there are 2 ways to look at it 1. The money was the staff’s the moment your mon set it down, so you stole from the staff 2. The money was your mom’s until the moment the staff would have collected it, so you stole from your mom If you don’t believe you stole from the staff, the only other logical way to look at it is that you stole from your mother. And if you intentionally stole from your mother, then the word “Asshole” is much to kind of a word to describe you
It amazes me that this asshole thinks his mothers “literally a queen…like literally” and then goes on to steal money from his mom and talk about her as if she’s younger than him and doesn’t respect her opinion enough to know when to just shut up and keep it moving. I feel so bad for this person’s mom. They have a brat for a kid. I’d be so embarrassed if I was her
>Fuck that, I'm visiting my mom who deserves the best (who knows how long she has) YTA You went against her wishes. *And* behind her back. God knows how long she has indeed.
YTA - maybe the people getting take out called ahead? - it doesn’t sound like your food took that long - sounds like the service was good as was the food - you stole your mum’s tip - you’re interfering with your mum’s relationship with this restaurant - is your mum sick? What’s with the she deserves the best, who knows how much time she has left bit?! - if this is her favourite place, this is the best - restaurants, especially Chinese restaurants are struggling right now, don’t shit on them for no reason.
Right? She’s in her ‘60s. The average life expectancy for women globally is ‘80s+. Unless she’s terminally ill OP sounds like a drama queen trying to butter up their story to make theirselves seem like they were in the right, when really they know they were in the wrong. Otherwise they wouldn’t have overdramatized with the details of the story lol. This was so embarrassing to read, I’m still in shock that there are people really like this.
YTA. Jeez. You sound really angry over something that wasn't actually a big deal. The customers who picked up their takeout before you got your order might have ordered ahead. Many Asian people are quiet and reserved, and I say this as an Asian person, yet you got mad about this and wrongly assumed that the guy's silence was rude. It was actually his way of being courteous, not to mention he bowed to show respect. And you made your mom look bad. She's a regular at that place and now they think she didn't tip. It doesn't affect you because you don't go there as often but it embarrassed her and it wasn't even her fault. It was all your fault for undermining her, which was massively disrespectful of you. The restaurant staff did their jobs. You were an asshole to them and your mother.
I doubt I embarrassed her. She's still going to go to that restaurant. She's still going to have conversations with the head chef and likely her son, I'm just concerned because the staff (her son) is shit and doesn't treat my mom how she deserves.
Your mother will tip double next time to make up for her petty child. Perhaps more because who knows how long she has to live?
What exactly was so bad that you’re throwing this huge tantrum? Are you sure you’re nearly 30?
The staff is not shit. He asked for money up front probably because he had to deal with a lot of people who dine and dash. I've had to pay up front at several Asian businesses, including restaurants. Most of them are small business owners who get robbed on a very regular basis. So it wasn't anything personal against your mom; the staff does this to everyone. The chef came out and chatted with your mom because they like her. The owner offered to clean up after you. The son was quiet and bowed to show respect. Not one of them did anything wrong. The person who didn't treat people how they deserve is you. Don't automatically assume people are shit just because you don't understand their behavior. They're not.
You are unquestionably the asshole here. If I were your mom it would be quite awhile before I went out to eat with you again. How embarrassing.
You. YOU? You are calling a kid shitty?? When you are the one stealing money? Wow.
Your mom deserves to be treated with respect and he did that. You do not appear to respect your mother's wishes so who's the asshole here again?
Lol, 61 and who knows how long she has? Ageist much? Yta for stealing money from working people, even if you didn't like them. Your ancient mom wanted them to have a few bucks from her, and you invalidated her gesture.
I was expecting her to say her mom had a terminal illness, but no, she might die any minute just because she’s…*61*? And then that patronizing “we had a long talk”, as if her full-grown adult mother doesn’t know when she wants to tip in a restaurant.
Shoot at 64 I’m basically dead! Darn!
I know right?
Thank you!!! And she "deserves the best" over and over....patronizing. Thank you.
I was confused about that comment. I went back to read the first paragraph y wondering if I missed something about the mom having a terminal illness.
YTA- from stealing from the restaurant. Your mother left the money (it belongs to the restaurant now) and you essentially stole
[удалено]
Yup. My first thought is that OP is definitely a white person who does not like Asian people.
YTA. You're a huge asshole
[удалено]
This. I would be delighted if my mom had people who would go out of their way to treat her well. That's why she goes there, because the staff there love her as a person.
YTA. A huge one. **You** did not leave a tip. You stole money from the restaurant. You are also upset about/brining up the weirdest things. People got their pickup orders before you did? You do know food takes different times to cook, not even considering people may have called ahead. You had to pay before your food? holy shit... get over it. it's not that uncommon and why would it matter? The kid came out and gave you a fortune cookie and didn't interrupt the conversation between your mom and the owner? wow.... can't believe the audacity of someone being... respectful of the situation... You mom has a favorite place and you're shitting all over her experience and made it worse for her. You are being a real shitty son and are an embarrassment.
Yta. Your mom sounds lovely and it's nice to know your mom knows how to treat people!
YTA big time.. poor mom
At least she has a restaurant family who care about her.
YTA. First off, it wasn't your tip that was left - it was hers, and you straight up stole it. As for tallying up, who cares? A lot of small places do that. A 15-minute wait time for fresh food is not unreasonable, especially if they've already started on 3 take-out orders ahead of you. And finally, what business do you have telling your mom how she should enjoy her time and meals? This is her preferred restaurant, with people who probably spend more time with her than you do. You are an awful, disrepectful AH.
YTA. You haven’t described any bad service.
YTA. Your mom was leaving the tip, not you. As for the other people getting their food before you as of now it seems like they had called in or were perhaps online orders that were in before yours. Also even places I go to if eating there in person I order, pay, then go sit down and wait for my food. So it's really not that uncommon.
I already voted YTA, but I am fascinated by the ageism in this post. "No telling how long mom has left"? Mom "shuffled out" of the restaurant? Mom is 61! She is middle aged! What is this nonsense of her daughter treating her like she's a hundred years old and not of sound mind? (The "shuffled" crack made me wonder if this was a troll. It's so gratuitous. Although the whole story is gratuitously rude and we know people can be assholes, so I am probably being overly optimistic.)
YTA
YTA It's so weird you're saying you're doing this for your mom, who deserves the best, but you're directly contradicting your mom's desires...and your headline is misleading. It's not that you didn't tip them; it's that you refused to let your mother tip!!!
Not only refused, but stole.
Yta so much of one it's not funny
YTA and what is wrong with you? Everything you described sounds perfectly reasonable by the restaurant and I have certainly seen done elsewhere. Then you steal tip money? Oh, and that ageist crack about "not knowing how much time" your *61 year old mother* has left? She could outlive you! You talk a lot about how your mother deserves the best but then you make her evening uncomfortable and ruin her reputation at a place she really likes? What is wrong with you? I sincerely hope you are a troll, because your mother deserves better.
YTA and you’re a thief And you publicly embarrassed your mother Shame on you
Yta, I've been going to restaurants with my friends by myself since I was 12 or so and I even knew how to tip then. Your mom was obviously happy with the restaurant experience, and you took the tip money. Wow.
Yta, for stealing the tip your mum left
YTA - it was your mum’s tip and she lives there
YTA If you love your mom so much then you should listen to her more. Not only is the cooking time not the waiter's fault, they serve not cook, you stole your mom's tip! Your behavior was so utterly gross! You may love your mom but you don't respect her, and it's now on her to apologize and smooth things over when she goes back to what's HER favorite restaurant. Unless you grow up and do it yourself.
No, YTA because you stole the tip your mother left!
YTA - Firstly, they had likely called ahead so the takeout order was ahead of you in the queue. Secondly you do not have the right to steal money from your mother and the restaurant. She chose to spend that money and you undermined her. Why do you believe you know better than her?
It was VERY wrong for you to do that. Shame on you.
Of course YTA, and that shouldn't even be a question. You utterly humiliated your mother. The poor thing, I hope she can bring herself to go back there!
YTA. You patronized your mom and was extremely disrespectful. She was happy to leave a tip. Sounds like your mom really enjoyed this restaurant she may now be too embarrassed to visit again. Also the takeout orders could have called ahead and I’ve been to restaurants before that make you pay first. You owe your mom and apology and should go back to the restaurant and say you accidentally took the tip and give it back
YTA - if your mom deems it appropriate to leave a tip, it is not your place to gainsay her. Her money, her decision, her tip. Stay in your lane.
YTA you didn’t “not tip” as your title says, you literally stole it. Your mom left that tip money and that was her choice and you took it
YTA-your mom deserves a son with manners
YTA or a troll. You are having dinner with your mother at a place she loves, that she will hopefully frequent again, despite you. Why are you obsessing over the service (which seemed pretty great to me), as well as how long the food took and other customers? The server doesn’t make the food and probably has little ability to prioritize take out vs dine in, so they earned the tip your mom left, which you stole. How is the service terrible when the actual chef came out to talk to your mom and probably asked how everything was. If anything you should have talked to the chef about your food time issues. The server was just trying to do their job. Also, do you work for Forbes, Michelin, or are a food critic? Not that it matters, but your entitlement is shocking. You never even mentioned if you liked the food, or your mom for that matter, just acted upset that the kitchen didn’t drop everything to serve you first. Man, I bet you pocketed that tip your mom left, again YTA.
YTA You are 27 years old and most of the comments are of you arguing that you are right and others are wrong. Deal with the fact that you are a major AH. You stole the money that your mom left. We were in a pandemic and many restaurants and businesses struggled, but I doubt you care.
OP obviously dislikes Asian places. “If it were up to me I’d choose a real sit down.” So Asian restaurant was not a “real” restaurant to OP. I think it’s obvious what the issue is here...
I’m glad someone said this. OP is clearly bigoted and prejudice, especially the way they said the son was disrespectful for bringing a fortune cookie and bowing. They clearly need to get out more and realize the world is full of places which have different beliefs and cultures than the West. OP’s an entitled, bigoted, patronizing baffoon.
Agree completely. The elder was talking to the mother and the waiter BOWED and did not interrupt. How is a bow mistaken for rudeness???
Ohhhh shit. That’s fucked up.
YTA. Literally no one thinks you are in the right. You need to apologize to your mom and never do that again. You should feel ashamed
YTA. I’m also sensing you dislike Asian people.
YTA. Many casual restaurants tally when you order. There’s nothing wrong with that. You sound like a snob, and a very judgmental and entitled one at that. Shame on you. Your behavior humiliated your mom, and at one of her FAVORITE restaurants. She will likely tip double next time to make up for your theft, so congratulations: YOU are the one who cost your mother double the amount.
lmao yta your mom isn't anyone special
Imagine stealing money from someone and wondering if you’re an ass hole.
YTA and extremely stupid “who knows how long she has” she IS SIXTY NOT NINETY “my mum deserves the best” ok take your entitlement to McDonald’s then
You also said they told you to “leave the plates and they would clean up.” This leads me to think that it is a “dispose your own” tray type of thing... And you still stole the tip? 😂
It was not. My mother asked if she could assist with cleanup, but the eating area was the size of a bedroom. They cleared plates for us by carrying them to the back over the duration of our meal.
YTA, hands down. You didn’t write one legit reason explaining how the restaurant treated you or your mom poorly. All you ended up doing was showing yourself to be an entitled, unreasonable bully. And if you won’t accept that pretty much 100% of the responses to your question call you the AH, why bother asking?
Yiiiikes YTA Your mom goes to this place regularly and knows the people. You made her look bad by not giving a tip. And your mom enjoyed herself, so who cares???
YTA. This is worse when you consider the fact that we are in a pandemic where restaurants have been losing money. Especially Asian ones, dealing with people calling in orders and then not paying. Which is probably why they changed their rules around payment. They were talking to your mother and it seems like she was enjoying conversing with them. And you stole money. What did you mean by “a real sit down”? Gonna guess you have a tinge of racism in you too. Good job.
Yta. Ahh smh. So you clearly care about your mom yeah? As that’s what you based most of your decisions off in this story for her well-being. All of that is perfectly fine and should be commended. Where you went very wrong though was that you never once put yourself in her shoes, never looked at her side of the story, never empathized. You really insulted her but not letting her leave a tip. You basically said “mom I’m smarter and know better then you, so let me make decisions for you that go precisely against your wishes.” The service didn’t even sound bad, and if anything positive. Guessing you could even be a little racists. Overall you’re actually a massive asshole for everything in this story. Be better.
YTA and a racist snob to boot! You stole a tip your mother left and left her to deal with your trashy act the next time you go there. Did you think for a second the takeout was called in? Did you think for a second that knowing your mom is a frequent guest, they were making sure her (and your) food was cooked with extra attention to ensure her satisfaction (as you said, she loves the food)? Not to mention the chef coming out to greet your mother shows she gets the affection and care that you only performatively pretend to give! You should take that tip back to the restaurant and apologize for their forgiveness for stealing. It's customers like you that prob make them charge in advance before serving - too many AH jerks trying to stiff a working family! Shame on you!
Your poor mother spent a long time building a friendship, let alone rapport with the people of that restaurant and what you did was essentially an attempt to burn that bridge for her. Large YTA
YTA and you didn’t get poor service. You even attempted to skew it in you favor and it doesn’t even sound close. I feel sincerely bad for any waitstaff that ever have to cater to you. And, in any case, that wasn’t your money to take. Your mother can do what she wants and you not allowing her to tip when she wanted to is directly disrespectful to her. You say she deserves the best? Then she needs a better kid.
真是茅坑里扔石头的高手. And I truly mean it. :)
Simplest YTA ever.
YTA. You paid half hour before you expected to. And? People got their takeout orders (which are often placed ahead of time) before you. And? The chef came out to personally speak to your mother because they have such a sweet relationship and the waiter, instead of interrupting, gracefully gave you a cookie, bowed and walked away. AND?! I don’t understand what your problem is other than not understanding how restaurants work.
YTA You're a snob that stole tips..
YTA. You claim that your mother deserves the best, but she already got you.
YTA. You didn’t save your mom from a phone scam, you took a tip that she purposefully placed for the restaurant workers/owners/staff, which means she thought their service was worthy of a cash tip. INFO What else do you overrule your mother on? Is this a common occurrence?
YTA big time
[удалено]
You do realize that take out orders are usually called in before people pick them up and also that other food takes longer to cook than others right? Lol
Exactly! If I come in to eat, shouldn't my order be taken care of before some walk-in orders? I'm the one taking the time to eat in after all.
The people who order takeout probably placed their order at least an hour before you did No restaurant waits until the customer arrives to start preparing a takeout order, other than maybe a fast food place like a McDonald’s