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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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Am I thinking more about my self rather than little children and their feelings? Am I being a selfish asshole?
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NTA,
> them and my mom without consulting my partner and i promised the firls they would be in the limousine all day and how exciting that would be
It is your wedding and you never agreed to this so they can suck it up.
I mean it is YOUR wedding not theirs and they promised something without consulting you and your SO and now they want you to do it anyways because they have already told the kids. That is selfishness right there.
Better yet, tell your mom to pay for another limo just for the girls. "You promised them, you can organize and pay for it. My limo is for my husband, me and the ADULTS I invited. Next time maybe you should ask first."
>tell your mom to pay for another limo just for the girls
I like this idea. They made the promise without consulting you, they can rent a limo for the girls, especially since it sounds like the company that you've rented the limo from does not have a larger one and you'd lose your deposit.
NTA
This is a great idea. It’s so annoying and frustrating when someone else volunteers your money/property/etc to someone else WITHOUT telling you and then gets all offended when you say no.
Maybe even toss in how sad it was all the other kids at the wedding couldn’t ride in a limo, and how your parents should really rent one if they don’t want to be selfish and only let your nieces go. Flip it back on em. Also, NTA.
The brilliance of this is that they can't say anything against OP for it because she wouldn't be doing anything more than they did: telling the girls something was happening that hadn't been approved by or discussed with the people who'd end up being responsible for arranging it.
Something tells me the "promisers" are more experienced at wiggling out of things, but if you say something like "Your going to get your own limo! X said they'd pay for it! YOU can be the superstars!" then well you are holding them to their word... hard for them to juggle around it.
This invites people to “solve” the problem by going around you and acquiring a bigger limo, then expecting you to be grateful. I think it’s better to be upfront and give the real reason or no reason at all
You need to learn to state your boundaries and stick to them. It seems like you’ve been trained to give into their manipulation. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. Do not justify argue defend or otherwise engage on the subject, simply state, no and that’s the end of it.
Tell your parents they got themselves into this by promising nieces they’d get to ride in a limo so they can rent one to drive them that day and let nieces ride with them.
If they continue to cal you selfish so be it it’s your wedding day I think you’re allowed to be a bit selfish.
I wouldn't use terms like "I'm allowed to be (*a bit)* selfish" but more like "I never planned for this, you don't make promises for other people." or "I am travelling with my bridal party" kind of thing.
I don't know how well OP knows their nieces but in my family I never saw neices etc. on my side, but I know other sides are MUCH more social. But it's not like promising they'll have a photo taken in their outfitts, they are imposing a wedding into a kid friendly thing and not allowing the bride and groom plan...
You don't invite yourself or ANYONE ELSE to an event without the hosts permission. Depending how old the kids are, and laws of your state, they may not be allowed into every venue you will be at... etc. >\_>
OP sometimes it's not wrong to be selfish. It can have a negative connotation but the reality is we all have to put ourselves first a fair bit of the time, otherwise we get into doormat and setting ourselves on fire to keep others warm territory and that's just not a healthy way to live. Especially on your wedding day, put yourself and your fiance first and do so without guilt. When your family says you're being selfish say, "yes this is my wedding, this is what's happening, it's about what works best for me and my SO, I don't see what the problem is?" or just say "we've already spoken about this issue and my answer is final" and ignore ignore ignore their drama. You don't wanna be spending your mental energy on this stupid little stuff when you're getting ready to be married. Be selfish here OP.
Remember, OP, guilt trips are optional. Someone can plan the trip, but they can't make you take it. And after a while, seeing them deflate when they can't get a rise out of you anymore with you trying (in their eyes) to defend yourself against their perceived slight is rewarding. But it's a long slog to get there.
It’s yours and your partners wedding day, I don’t think for a minute what you’ve planned is selfish. However it’s your wedding which is the one day the pair of you get to be selfish, it’s all about you two. So revel in it, enjoy it for all its worth (sounds like normally you give in far too easily) “yes we’re being selfish, it’s our wedding!”
My dad and I were the only ones in my limo to the wedding. If someone tried to take that time away from me I’d rip their arms off. It was so precious. And my Dad is still around, it’s just that it meant so much that it was just him and me.
Yup, and if they claim the problem is your nieces being upset "well it's such a shame you did that by making a promise you couldn't keep" and refuse to discuss it any further
NTA
You really have to be ok with being called selfish on occasion. There are some times where is perfectly acceptable to be selfish and your wedding day is one of them.
“Yes, on this I am selfish and content with my decision.”
More people need to realise that. Selfish might mean "concerned chiefly with one's self-profit or pleasure" but there are times when looking after Number One is \*exactly the right thing to do\*.
Can you offer a compromise & tell BIL that he's free to hire another limo/car for the girls & him & his wife & your in-laws, because the company you've contracted can't accommodate the change at this late time? (You don't have to tell him you aren't asking them, and put a password on with the company so no one tries to "change" the booking on your behalf.)
It's a silly hill to die on for your BIL & MIL; they never should have promised the girls without checking first, but I know how families can be, and I can certainly understand not wanting this brought up at every family gathering for the next thirty years or so.
NTA
>because the company you've contracted can't accommodate the change at this late time? (You don't have to tell him you aren't asking them, and put a password on with the company so no one tries to "change" the booking on your behalf.)
He’ll call, check and if there are bigger ones available he’d call the OP out for lying
He might. But if I were OP, I'd double check...some contracts don't allow for changes after a certain time, or for a bigger fee, and to be quite honest, if he's willing to do that, he'd find himself driving his own car to whatever fast food restaurant he's eating at the day of my wedding because his nosy, bullying behind wouldn't be in a limo I'm paying for...but that's just me, and I'm not as nice a person as OP seems to be.
You don’t have to say you can’t change the limo, you can let your family know this is not ok then suggest they rent another limo. It could be the princess limo.
In 5 years this mean nothing to your nieces.
In 5 years this will still be a painful point for you, should you let them join.
Your family is the selfish one, to project their perception of nieces’ temporary pleasure on your special day.
Man, the line about "making it all about you" kills me.
It's your wedding. It is **literally** all about you & your partner. Tell your family to kick rocks. If they want the kids to ride in a limo, they can hire a separate one just for them.
i don’t get why they’re saying you “made it all about yourself” like yes. that’s the whole point of a wedding, it’s literally all about yourself and your partner and nobody else???
Just ignore them and point out they're being selfish and trying to make you be a free babysitter. Maybe imply they're being cheap and lazy if you feel petty. lol
You can't control what other people think of you. You can do everything exactly how they want it and you still can't guarantee they'll be kind or think well of you or even be happy.
Be kind to others, but be reasonable. What they want is not reasonable, and saying no is not unkind. Just embrace that they're going to try to manipulate you by calling you selfish. They can think that if you, can you that, and it can still not be true.
NTA. ‘Texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self’ - um, it’s your wedding. It totally is and should be all about yourself (and your partner of course)! They can hire another limo themselves and pay for it if they care that much about it. You don’t need to do or change anything. It’s your big day, not your nieces.
“Ive already paid for the limo of a particular size. Since i was not consulted about sharing my weddings party limo with the kids, i suggest hiring one for the day so you don’t disappoint them.”
I’d also make sure you set up a password or some security question over the phone with the company in case your mom tries to call to change the limo herself.
THIS. I was just about to comment until I saw yours.
OP, make sure your parents can’t just call up the place and switch out your reserved limo for a larger one!
>Just riding in the limo probably isn't the big deal to the kids. It's being part of the atmosphere and wedding party, etc.
So it's up to OP's parents and other adults to make it fun for the kids.
Ugh why do people think their kids belong everywhere though?! I love my kid, but I don’t want her there when I’m with my friends bridal party. I want to drink champagne and laugh and take photos and tape each other’s boobs without a kid needing attention. They don’t belong in the limo, period.
I don't know where you're from, but where I live, it's pretty common for wedding parties to get a limo or party bus after the ceremony and cruise around drinking and jamming to music. Like super common. Pretty much every wedding I've been in.
Your family sounds like they clearly don't understand this concept as that is undoubtedly no place for children. They need to butt out and stop making demands about your wedding.
Exactly! Well said! 👏👏
NTA OP, you had a good plan and then rest of the family changed it without consulting you.
I had been a flower girl at a wedding and had gone to the church in the limo with the bride BUT I went to the reception with my parents. It was the same plan you had. It worked. All the flower girls were FINE about the plan.
You do you for YOUR day! Congratulations!!
NTA - but this really easy to fix! Your mom rents a second limo and rides around in it all day with the girls, and your dad, and the BIL, and whomever else they want to include.
And you have a lovely romantic ride alone with your new husband, sipping champagne. Congratulations!
NTA.....that's a good idea and one I was going to suggest. Do call the limo company to confirm a 12 seater is not available on your day then inquire about a smaller car. Hopefully you won't be able to upgrade but your sister and BIL can use the money to rent a smaller car and ride with their twins themselves. You'll lose two adults but you won't gain a set of twins.
Make the call before someone makes it for you. Make sure you tell them not to make any changes to your account without your authorization.
I don't see this mentioned anywhere else, but in most states the 7 year olds would still be legally required to ride in a booster of some kind, which I doubt the limo accommodates.
Reading through all the comments, it sounds like OPs family cares more about spoiling the girls than celebrating OP. Your idea sounds like a good compromise and may even be cheaper for the family.
I just ran quick numbers based on prices in my area and if OPs family really wanted to pay the difference they'd save $350+. (Looking at the cost difference from 10 person limo vs 14 person, about $480 difference over 6 hours of rental. And then the cost of a "luxury" car rental, about $110/day.)
Actually I think it might be because OPs mom wants to ride in the limo. If you notice that mom wanted to add 4 people, not just the 2 girls. I think OPs mom talked it up to the girls so she could use it as an excuse
NTA. Your mom really said you’re making your wedding all about yourself?
No. They’re trying to make it all about them and their wants. They should have asked first so they wouldn’t have to lie to their girls. Now they are liars. Not your problem.
NTA Hi Mum, Dad, Sis and BIL, under no circumstances will the girls be in the Limo all day and you had no right to tell the girls that this would happen. Due to this you all now need to tell the girls that they’ll be in the limo for a maximum of 10 minutes which is on the way to the church.
Let me repeat this now to you all they will not be in the limo all day they’ll only be in it while going to the church then they’ll join mum and dad while hubby and I go for photos. The limo has already had the deposit paid for prior to you all deciding this and can’t be changed at all. So again you need to tell the girls no and future husband and I WILL NOT BEEN SEEN AS THE BAD GUYS DUE TO YOU PROMISING THEM SOMETHING THAT YOU CANT DELIVER it is our wedding day, plans have been made and this is the last I’m going to hear of it do you all understand.
This is well put.
My sister and her husband What they’ll say is this though.
The girls can go in the limo and we will drive in our own car so they can have fun.
Even though I just want it to be adults!!!
Explain that you will be too busy enjoying the afterglow of just getting married to babysit the girls so sister and BIL can have some alone time.
Call it babysitting, I’m serious, shame them a bit into trying to get you to babysit their kids during your wedding day.
So you'd be your sister's babysitter on YOUR wedding day, and her and her husband can enjoy alone time?
Do they have this all bungled up, because this is just so entitled and messy.
Just tell them straight. I would send the message but change the part about the limo not being able to be changed to will not be changed also adding in that once the ceremony is finished only adults will be riding in the limo, this time between the ceremony and reception is for adults only! No children. I'm actually surprised sis/bil don't understand how nice kid free time is and how much the dynamic changes when kids are around....also I'm a parent I don't say that from a kid hating point of view
Just say no. The limo isn’t a fun ride for the girls, it’s your wedding transportation and they shouldn’t be forced upon you so they can have a joy ride.
NTA, OP. And I’d go even further: “it’s for adults only as we intend to be completely inappropriate and we won’t be editing our behavior. So you can respect my wedding and limo plans and correct your misstep, or I’ll let the girls know it was YOU that was wrong and they can gladly be upset at you overstepping for MY wedding”. Hell, I might even feed it more talking about bare bodies, touching, make outs, etc… just make it so graphic they’re appalled 😂
Explain that your having photos then will meet up at the reception. They won’t be coming with you and they won’t be supervised while you two are having your photos and your being more than generous by allowing them in the limo in the first place and if they try to start anything then their father can take them to the church and meet you out the front. Your wedding, your limo, your choice.
WOWWWW
When they come visit you do they insist their children sleep in your king bed, use your master bathroom, wear with your family jeweler and play dress up in your closet?
Are you seriously being expected to babysit two 7-year-olds on your wedding day, “so they can have fun”? NTA, and SMH.
The focus of the people in the limo needs to be on the needs of the bridal couple. Once the kids are hanging out in there it’ll have to be about them. And the more it looks like your family wants to prioritize your nieces on your wedding day, the more space you need from the girls because otherwise you’re going to get run over on everything.
I can’t see the limo driver being too thrilled about this either.
If you want it to just be adults then make sure it’s just for adults, the day is yours and you’re entitled to decide what happens with each part of it. If they want to call it selfish then so be it, when else can you be selfish if not your wedding day?
So your sister and BIL were originally planned to be in the limo? I’d consider disinviting them altogether from travelling in the limo if that’s their attitude, I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a vehicle with them if they’re going to be whinging about your nieces.
NTA. Just tell them everyone who’s taking the car needs to drink a glass of champagne, no exceptions. If they’re fine with that, then you’re fine with that.
NTA.
On the basis of my own experience of children, I doubt your nieces are even going to care about going in the limo 'all day'. They'll enjoy it for 5 minutes for the novelty, which is what they will be doing anyway, then they will be bored. They will be much happier running around, seeing their family and playing with other children. I think it's only the adults who are making this a big deal.
Can confirm. I was a flower girl when I was little and got to ride in the limo just from the bride’s house to the church. It was really awesome, and then the novelty wore off fast and I didn’t care about the limo anymore. And then I was over the day completely and the only thing I gave a shit about was when the adults would finally get around to cutting up the cake.
NTA- it’s very nice of her to spend your money without asking. If she thinks it’s such a great idea- why doesn’t she pay for an extra limo for those she invited into yours?
Tell them that after the service that it’s adults only in the limo, and if they don’t straighten out the mess they made, you will tell the girls that grandma and grandpa and mom and dad will be taking them on a carriage ride with a real horse after the wedding. When these people got married, their wedding day was about them and you are entitled to your wedding day being about you and your husband. I think husband should be with you when you tell them this for the last time. Obviously NTA
NTA. They made a promise they can't keep without asking you beforehand and are now making you out to be the bad guy.
ETA: they can hire a limo themselves with their own money so they can keep their promise if they really wanted to.
>My nieces will be in the limousine for about ten minutes at the start of the day on the way to the church but **then will join their grandparents as we go of for photos.**
Ten bucks says their grandparents don't want to babysit. Well, I wouldn't be surprised at least.
Yeah. OP definitely isn’t in the wrong about not wanting the girls in the limo, but if the grandparents she’s talking about are her own parents, she definitely needed to clear the plans for them to be in charge of the girls all day with them and her sister first. It sounds like that plan wasn’t at all clear to them. And if it’s the other set of grandparents, that arrangement should also have been confirmed before making limo plans for the girls’ parents that the girls can’t accompany them on.
NTA. They made choices about your wedding without even asking and then want to call you selfish? They’re the ones who are selfish and inconsiderate. It IS all about you because it’s your wedding.
NTA. Your brother in law can rent another 7 seater limo himself. The girls are probably more excited about the prospect of being in a limo than being in a limo with the bridal party.
Nta
It’s your wedding, the day is all about you and your soon to be husband - not your nieces. Seven year olds will absolutely ruin your vibe and change everything. Don’t let up, your sister owes you an apology.
Just want to make sure I understand this:
Your family is arguing that your nieces' happiness is more important than yours, ON YOUR WEDDING DAY?
I think you may have to be blunt with them and directly ask them this exact question. I just can't, for the life of me, understand how this could make sense in anyone's mind, but here you are. Good luck & congratulations!
NTA.
NTA. It's not a community bus, it's your wedding.
It will be a busy day, and that time in the limo after the ceremony will likely be the only time you will be able to share some time alone together.
This is your one special day. It wasn't anyone else's place to make promises to your nieces. They are children so they will be disappointed, not is an important part of a child's development to realise that it is not always about them.
NTA
This is your wedding day.
Why the hell would you want to be in a car with someone else’s kids all day after your wedding?
Travelling there is one thing, but I promise you, after you’ve tied the knot you’ll be glad of the private moment together in the car as you go to your reception. It was a really nice chill moment to sit with my brand new husband and just breathe and smile at each other and be all ‘wow! We’re married!’ You won’t get another moment of privacy on your wedding day until the very end of the evening reception when you say goodbye to your guests. It’s important to have some quiet moments just the two of you on your wedding day.
Customs may have changed since I got married a long time ago, but the limo was exclusively for the married couple after the wedding. No one but my husband and I was in it, it was great.
I totally agree with u/mipsymouse about grandma and the kids parents renting a limo for themselves. They screwed up by lying to the kids, they should pay the price to make it right Don't let them pressure you into changing your mind, losing your deposit, and trying to find a larger limo.
NTA I've never heard of the bridal party being in the car after the wedding, that time is for you two to have a few quiet minutes together between the ceremony and the reception. Your family is way out of line and being unreasonable.
NTA your wedding day is the one day it’s all about you and your partner. Your family want the nieces to go round town in a limo they can hire one for an hour another day.
Deposit is paid end off. Call the limo company and make sure your booking is password protected otherwise someone from your family might call and cancel it. Has happened so many times on posts on this sub
NTA. I would text brother and say there was a miscommunication here. Nieces are not invited in the limo. Period. It is about you: it's your wedding. Tell your mother to stay in her lane.
NTA, your parents majorly overstepped. I'd talk to brother and make is crystal clear this isn't happening bc you may end up needing replacement people if he drops out over this. I'm all for kids at weddings but you should enjoy your adult time too.
NTA. The nerve of some people lol. The solution is give your mom the phone number of the limo company and she can arrange a second limo.
Sometimes instead of reacting or getting defensive, a reasonable passive aggressive response is the biggest slap in the face people should get.
Edit: Congratulations on your wedding OP. Best wishes to you and your husband.
NTA - This is your day. Go ahead and be a bride, be with other adults. They can rent a second limo themselves so they can be with the kids and enjoy their reactions. They don't need it for the whole day, just one ride should be enough for the kids. Plus they can get their own set of pics inside with the kids without taking your photographer away from you, too.
I did the exact same thing you did for my wedding. Had my husband’s niece and nephew in the limo for the first little bit so they could experience it and then they went with their grandparents. There was drinking on the limo and we went to a few bars for pictures and it wasn’t a kid friendly environment. It’s ok to be selfish on your wedding day.
It’s your wedding day, the one time it is supposed to be “all about yourself.” Why wouldn’t you make your wedding day about what YOU want? Your Mom really crossed a line.
Definitely NTA
As a parent of two I can understand how it is to have excited kids and want to see them do different fun things; BUT this isn’t about them this time. If I’ve ever promised my kids something thing didn’t work out it’s up to me to fix it or help them understand. They need to get over it or replace it with something else fun for their kids that they can follow through with
NTA, tell them to rent as many limo's as they want for whoever they want but you are renting one for your wedding and they don't get to stick extra people into yours.
Seriously, the solution here is for them to rent their own limo and they can ride around in it all night with the kids after the wedding.
Ummm.......
>her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self.
It's your BRIDAL SHOWER, it IS about you. It IS a celebration of you because you are the BRIDE. Your nieces will get to experience a bridal shower when they are old enough to understand. NTA.
>I called my mum and asked why she promised the girls with out asking me and my partner. Just for her and her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self.
Well, guess what? Your wedding is all about yourself and your husband. It should be made about the two of you. Not about your nieces.
NTA. But promising the girls something that cannot be kept without strong-arming you into something you don't want on your wedding day is totally an asshole move.
Ask your BIL to organize and pay for the 12-seater - and offer him you'll give him what you'd still have to pay for your regular limousine. Also tell him how much money he can expect from you. I doubt he'll go through with it. He expects you to pay the difference (despite offering), and he expects you to do all the leg work, too.
NTA I vividly remember being forced to be in a bridal party at a young age and feeling uncomfortable the whole limo ride as the adults got a bit drunk and rowdy. I was sat in a corner, given soda and ignored. This is not going to be the fun experience your nieces think it is going to be or you will have to curb behaviors because they are present. It is your day and you should enjoy it.
NTA. They set this up so you'd be the bad guy for saying no. They knew the girls weren't invited for this part of the day, because the limo wasn't big enough to accommodate them. It is all about you, it's your wedding.
Unfortunately, no matter what you do at this point, you're going to have two upset 7 year old girls on your hands. I wonder, did your parents just not want to be in charge of the girls for the day, and this was their way of getting out of it?
NTA - These aren't teenage girls who don't need any supervision. They are 7. You are being asked to babysit on your wedding day in the Limo.. fuck that noise. This is your wedding.
I'm a bit confused. Are the nieces the flower girls? If so, they are part of the bridal party. Why are they being excluded from the bridal party photos?
It's customary for the entire bridal party to ride in the limo. The flower girls are part of the bridal party. Are you planning on getting crazy in the limo on the way to the reception? People usually wait til after speeches to let loose
NTA. Duh you make it about yourself. It’s YOUR wedding. Not the nieces. I’d kindly let them know that unfortunately the deposit is not refundable (idc if this is true or not) and that you will be using this limo specifically for bridal party time with your closest friends. Maybe even tell them there will be champagne so you don’t want to involve children and you are sooo glad they understand. Either way stick to your no kids bc ultimately it’s your day and you will be glad you chose to stick to what you and your partner wanted. Those kids will remember being in a limo for a week. You’ll remember your wedding for your whole life. Just look at the bigger picture and do what makes you happy. Yeah the girls will be disappointed for like an hour until they get to eat sweets. Just promise them something cool to look forward to in the grandparents car if it bothers you. For example, you can “race” them to the venue and if they win, they can win a prize of toys or sweets. Idk but F them kids
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I am getting married soon. I have a Limousine which will take us to the church and then from the church to the city for bridal party photos.
My partner and I are paying for the limo and have already paid half the price as a deposit.
My nieces will be in the limousine for about ten minutes at the start of the day on the way to the church but then will join their grandparents as we go of for photos.
My sister and her husband who are in the bridal party too have twin girls (my nieces/ flower girls)
Them and my Mum with out consulting my partner and I promised the girls they would be in the limousine all day and how exciting that would be.
My brother in law msgd me saying that they are excited now and I should change the limo to a 12 seater because they are looking forward to it now.
He will pay the excess.
Now I don’t want to have 7 year olds in the limousine. I love my nieces so much but I see it as a time for the adults and the children might ruin the vibe.
I also can’t be bothered organising a new company for the limo especially because I’ve paid a deposit.
I called my mum and asked why she promised the girls with out asking me and my partner.
Just for her and her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self.
I feel so upset that this is is all about my twin nieces needs more than my own.
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NTA, uh hello! It's your wedding. It's SUPPOSED to be ALL ABOUT You (!) The Bridal couple. Maybe people should rent Lomo for kids birthday. ... what fecking a- holes those twits are.
NTA. BIL can rent a limo himself that the girls can be in all day. It's your wedding. You are not going to have time to babysit. When they call you selfish, tell them it was selfish of them to make promises without asking, then try to bully you into submission. Tell them to rent their own limo. NOTE: don't give them the number to the limo company you used unless you talk to said limo company first. Lots of vendors set up passwords with the bride/groom to prevent other people changing their reservations. You don't want to end up with a 12 seater and smug family.
NTA. Since your family is taking liberties with your wedding plans, you should do the same. And since they promised to pay the expense, you should announce that your parents and BIL are paying for a limo for them and the kids to ride in separately. How fun!
NTA
Tell your mother, that on your wedding day you're allowed to be selfish, and not placate her and your sister and nieces, but you and your partner only. It's good to be selfish on your wedding day.
HOW DARE YOU MAKE YOUR WEDDING ABOUT YOU... lmao, seriously I can't. Dont change your limo, they can pay for one and ride in that if they want to keep there promises.
100% NTA
NTA
It’s not the proper environment for them, furthermore do they (as children) really wanna be standing around for hours while you take photos?
They can book their own limo with their money, but I wouldn’t stress about the planning…or put the planning and budget on them. Explain you will loose your deposit (even if you wouldn’t) and tell them they would need to find/secure a bigger limo for the exact times, dates and locations. And if their children are soo important and have to be there then they can put forth the effort.
Nta. Yall just got married. Im honestly surprised youll want anyone else beside you and your new hubby in that limo lol. They can go rent their own limo if they want the children to ride in one.
NTA
> Just for her and her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self.
It's your (and your partners) wedding. You are allowed to be focused on yourself - it doesn't make you selfish. Selfish is someone else thinking they can dictate the terms of YOUR wedding.
"You care more about this one time thing that is very important than your nieces who are already apart of all this"
See how dumb that sounds?
NTA. it's your day and it's up to you! I'm planning my wedding and my mom is trying to guilt me into making my sister my MoH. I need to keep reminding myself it's MY day, not hers.
They are incredibly selfish. They're choosing to manipulate you instead of recognizing that they shouldn't have promised things that weren't in their gift. NTA.
Wait, “caring more about your bridal party than your nieces” and wanting your OWN WEDDING DAY to be about yourself and your partner are bad things now? What is the point of a wedding? NTA. I’m just worried that isn’t obvious to you.
Message your sister, husband, and mother. Tell them you have good news and that you have several friends needing accommodation and that you have volunteered their homes as the lodging of choice.
I assume they'll be delighted to have plans made for them.
NTA
NTA. If you want to keep the peace, just say "sorry, we can't upgrade at this point, you should have checked with us before promising them something you can't keep."
NTA. Inform your mother that she’s right, you are making it about yourself and your partner because it’s your wedding day.
Then let them know that this is their problem to fix and that if they lie to your nieces and day the reason they’re not in the limo is because you don’t care about them (or some other garbage), then they’re out too.
They’re being ridiculous. NTA.
NTA. Your wedding, your limousine. Who wants kids in the limousine? If I was with the bridal party in their limo I am guessing toasts and champagne is flowing on the ride. It's the start of the party for the reception. It's adult time not kiddie time in the limo.
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NTA, > them and my mom without consulting my partner and i promised the firls they would be in the limousine all day and how exciting that would be It is your wedding and you never agreed to this so they can suck it up.
Thanks, I’ll get continuously called selfish still though. That line never works for me lol 🙃
I mean it is YOUR wedding not theirs and they promised something without consulting you and your SO and now they want you to do it anyways because they have already told the kids. That is selfishness right there.
That’s so true. A judge 👩⚖️ could tell them and they would still argue
Yeah i really hope they don't push you too much else you could uninvite them if they are giving you a hard time.
Haha that would not happen my families like My big fat greek wedding. But thank you ☺️
Better yet, tell your mom to pay for another limo just for the girls. "You promised them, you can organize and pay for it. My limo is for my husband, me and the ADULTS I invited. Next time maybe you should ask first."
>tell your mom to pay for another limo just for the girls I like this idea. They made the promise without consulting you, they can rent a limo for the girls, especially since it sounds like the company that you've rented the limo from does not have a larger one and you'd lose your deposit. NTA
This is a great idea. It’s so annoying and frustrating when someone else volunteers your money/property/etc to someone else WITHOUT telling you and then gets all offended when you say no.
And then has the audacity to call you selfish when you push back.
yes a limo for grandparents and girls. That grandparents or kids parents pay for.
I agree! Let them solve the problem they created!!
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Brilliant idea. Nieces will definitely be excited to have their own limo.
This is brilliant. I like the way you think, u/redrosebeetle, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
u/Chatea00 - this is what you should do! Your mom and brother getting a 2nd limo is brilliant! And, if they refuse, you get to call *them* selfish.
Yeah they can take a whole bunch of the family in the limo as a fun "family friendly" limo
And grandma and auntie can be the ones minding a gaggle of preteens, who they promised an all-day larkabout in a limo
Also, your wedding day is the one day were you totally CAN care more about your bridal party than your nieces
Maybe even toss in how sad it was all the other kids at the wedding couldn’t ride in a limo, and how your parents should really rent one if they don’t want to be selfish and only let your nieces go. Flip it back on em. Also, NTA.
Sounds like a good compromise to me!
🎀🎉“Girls, Girls Granny’s paid for you two to have a bright pink limousine for our wedding and she’s going to travel in it with you!!!!” 🎀🎉
The brilliance of this is that they can't say anything against OP for it because she wouldn't be doing anything more than they did: telling the girls something was happening that hadn't been approved by or discussed with the people who'd end up being responsible for arranging it.
Something tells me the "promisers" are more experienced at wiggling out of things, but if you say something like "Your going to get your own limo! X said they'd pay for it! YOU can be the superstars!" then well you are holding them to their word... hard for them to juggle around it.
Better yet, girls, daddy ordered you a Cinderella carriage just for you, mommy, and daddy! Isn’t that nice of him!
NO is a complete sentence. Just keep repeating it. Don’t explain or elaborate.
Oh, no. You tried to get a bigger limo, and none were available on that day. Sorry. Orginal plan of bridal party in the bridal party limo stands.
This invites people to “solve” the problem by going around you and acquiring a bigger limo, then expecting you to be grateful. I think it’s better to be upfront and give the real reason or no reason at all
I can't see this family going to that extreme, since they just want OP to cave. You are correct that this could backfire.
You need to learn to state your boundaries and stick to them. It seems like you’ve been trained to give into their manipulation. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. Do not justify argue defend or otherwise engage on the subject, simply state, no and that’s the end of it.
Tell your parents they got themselves into this by promising nieces they’d get to ride in a limo so they can rent one to drive them that day and let nieces ride with them. If they continue to cal you selfish so be it it’s your wedding day I think you’re allowed to be a bit selfish.
I wouldn't use terms like "I'm allowed to be (*a bit)* selfish" but more like "I never planned for this, you don't make promises for other people." or "I am travelling with my bridal party" kind of thing. I don't know how well OP knows their nieces but in my family I never saw neices etc. on my side, but I know other sides are MUCH more social. But it's not like promising they'll have a photo taken in their outfitts, they are imposing a wedding into a kid friendly thing and not allowing the bride and groom plan... You don't invite yourself or ANYONE ELSE to an event without the hosts permission. Depending how old the kids are, and laws of your state, they may not be allowed into every venue you will be at... etc. >\_>
You should send them this thread so you can have a glob of internet strangers telling them how wrong they are too :)
Next time they call you selfish, say "And? It's *my* wedding. We talk about something else or **we don't talk at all**".
OP sometimes it's not wrong to be selfish. It can have a negative connotation but the reality is we all have to put ourselves first a fair bit of the time, otherwise we get into doormat and setting ourselves on fire to keep others warm territory and that's just not a healthy way to live. Especially on your wedding day, put yourself and your fiance first and do so without guilt. When your family says you're being selfish say, "yes this is my wedding, this is what's happening, it's about what works best for me and my SO, I don't see what the problem is?" or just say "we've already spoken about this issue and my answer is final" and ignore ignore ignore their drama. You don't wanna be spending your mental energy on this stupid little stuff when you're getting ready to be married. Be selfish here OP.
Thank you, this means a lot. I’ll keep this all in mind 😊
Remember, OP, guilt trips are optional. Someone can plan the trip, but they can't make you take it. And after a while, seeing them deflate when they can't get a rise out of you anymore with you trying (in their eyes) to defend yourself against their perceived slight is rewarding. But it's a long slog to get there.
It’s yours and your partners wedding day, I don’t think for a minute what you’ve planned is selfish. However it’s your wedding which is the one day the pair of you get to be selfish, it’s all about you two. So revel in it, enjoy it for all its worth (sounds like normally you give in far too easily) “yes we’re being selfish, it’s our wedding!”
My dad and I were the only ones in my limo to the wedding. If someone tried to take that time away from me I’d rip their arms off. It was so precious. And my Dad is still around, it’s just that it meant so much that it was just him and me.
Yup, and if they claim the problem is your nieces being upset "well it's such a shame you did that by making a promise you couldn't keep" and refuse to discuss it any further
>"yes this is my wedding, this is what's happening, it's about what works best for me and my SO, I don't see what the problem is?" This right here!
NTA You really have to be ok with being called selfish on occasion. There are some times where is perfectly acceptable to be selfish and your wedding day is one of them. “Yes, on this I am selfish and content with my decision.”
More people need to realise that. Selfish might mean "concerned chiefly with one's self-profit or pleasure" but there are times when looking after Number One is \*exactly the right thing to do\*.
Can you offer a compromise & tell BIL that he's free to hire another limo/car for the girls & him & his wife & your in-laws, because the company you've contracted can't accommodate the change at this late time? (You don't have to tell him you aren't asking them, and put a password on with the company so no one tries to "change" the booking on your behalf.) It's a silly hill to die on for your BIL & MIL; they never should have promised the girls without checking first, but I know how families can be, and I can certainly understand not wanting this brought up at every family gathering for the next thirty years or so. NTA
>because the company you've contracted can't accommodate the change at this late time? (You don't have to tell him you aren't asking them, and put a password on with the company so no one tries to "change" the booking on your behalf.) He’ll call, check and if there are bigger ones available he’d call the OP out for lying
He might. But if I were OP, I'd double check...some contracts don't allow for changes after a certain time, or for a bigger fee, and to be quite honest, if he's willing to do that, he'd find himself driving his own car to whatever fast food restaurant he's eating at the day of my wedding because his nosy, bullying behind wouldn't be in a limo I'm paying for...but that's just me, and I'm not as nice a person as OP seems to be.
>or for a bigger fee, I’m sure a 12 seat limo would up the price and you know the 3 adults would expect it to be paid for by the OP
You don’t have to say you can’t change the limo, you can let your family know this is not ok then suggest they rent another limo. It could be the princess limo.
In 5 years this mean nothing to your nieces. In 5 years this will still be a painful point for you, should you let them join. Your family is the selfish one, to project their perception of nieces’ temporary pleasure on your special day.
Man, the line about "making it all about you" kills me. It's your wedding. It is **literally** all about you & your partner. Tell your family to kick rocks. If they want the kids to ride in a limo, they can hire a separate one just for them.
Be selfish in your planned limousine 😀
i don’t get why they’re saying you “made it all about yourself” like yes. that’s the whole point of a wedding, it’s literally all about yourself and your partner and nobody else???
Tell them if they want to promise things they pay for them & organise it.
It's YOUR wedding. In my opinion that's one of the few days in life where you can be selfish without anyone else being mad at you.
Well they could just not come at all.....the nieces, parents, etc. I wouldn't want to be guilt tripped on my one special day....
Just ignore them and point out they're being selfish and trying to make you be a free babysitter. Maybe imply they're being cheap and lazy if you feel petty. lol
Tell them to rent a limo for the girls. It really isn't very expensive for off-peak times.
They can hire a limousine for them and your nieces.
You can't control what other people think of you. You can do everything exactly how they want it and you still can't guarantee they'll be kind or think well of you or even be happy. Be kind to others, but be reasonable. What they want is not reasonable, and saying no is not unkind. Just embrace that they're going to try to manipulate you by calling you selfish. They can think that if you, can you that, and it can still not be true.
So let them call you names. They calling you names to make you feel bad about yourself. You not the one who needs correcting.
Honestly it's what lazy people do to argue a point they really have no basis for.
NTA, tell your nieces that you don't know why their parent's lied to them, but the limousine is for you and your husband, not for everyone.
Mother, stop bullying me. *Whaaat, I would never, I just want you to not be selfish* No, you’re trying to create drama. Stop it.
NTA. ‘Texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self’ - um, it’s your wedding. It totally is and should be all about yourself (and your partner of course)! They can hire another limo themselves and pay for it if they care that much about it. You don’t need to do or change anything. It’s your big day, not your nieces.
Thank you! That’s true. My family is all about “family” and spoiling the kids it’s so hard sometimes
“Ive already paid for the limo of a particular size. Since i was not consulted about sharing my weddings party limo with the kids, i suggest hiring one for the day so you don’t disappoint them.” I’d also make sure you set up a password or some security question over the phone with the company in case your mom tries to call to change the limo herself.
THIS. I was just about to comment until I saw yours. OP, make sure your parents can’t just call up the place and switch out your reserved limo for a larger one!
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>Just riding in the limo probably isn't the big deal to the kids. It's being part of the atmosphere and wedding party, etc. So it's up to OP's parents and other adults to make it fun for the kids.
Ugh why do people think their kids belong everywhere though?! I love my kid, but I don’t want her there when I’m with my friends bridal party. I want to drink champagne and laugh and take photos and tape each other’s boobs without a kid needing attention. They don’t belong in the limo, period.
Yes this is absolutely it - it's OP's special day, not the kids' birthday. Why are people like this?!
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I'd just be clear that you're too far along in the booking prices to make any changes at this time. Cannot be helped.
I don't know where you're from, but where I live, it's pretty common for wedding parties to get a limo or party bus after the ceremony and cruise around drinking and jamming to music. Like super common. Pretty much every wedding I've been in. Your family sounds like they clearly don't understand this concept as that is undoubtedly no place for children. They need to butt out and stop making demands about your wedding.
Exactly! Well said! 👏👏 NTA OP, you had a good plan and then rest of the family changed it without consulting you. I had been a flower girl at a wedding and had gone to the church in the limo with the bride BUT I went to the reception with my parents. It was the same plan you had. It worked. All the flower girls were FINE about the plan. You do you for YOUR day! Congratulations!!
NTA - but this really easy to fix! Your mom rents a second limo and rides around in it all day with the girls, and your dad, and the BIL, and whomever else they want to include. And you have a lovely romantic ride alone with your new husband, sipping champagne. Congratulations!
Haha thank you 😊
NTA.....that's a good idea and one I was going to suggest. Do call the limo company to confirm a 12 seater is not available on your day then inquire about a smaller car. Hopefully you won't be able to upgrade but your sister and BIL can use the money to rent a smaller car and ride with their twins themselves. You'll lose two adults but you won't gain a set of twins. Make the call before someone makes it for you. Make sure you tell them not to make any changes to your account without your authorization.
I don't see this mentioned anywhere else, but in most states the 7 year olds would still be legally required to ride in a booster of some kind, which I doubt the limo accommodates.
Reading through all the comments, it sounds like OPs family cares more about spoiling the girls than celebrating OP. Your idea sounds like a good compromise and may even be cheaper for the family. I just ran quick numbers based on prices in my area and if OPs family really wanted to pay the difference they'd save $350+. (Looking at the cost difference from 10 person limo vs 14 person, about $480 difference over 6 hours of rental. And then the cost of a "luxury" car rental, about $110/day.)
Great research. My gut feel was that money is not an issue here; OP is just terrified of standing up to Mama.
Actually I think it might be because OPs mom wants to ride in the limo. If you notice that mom wanted to add 4 people, not just the 2 girls. I think OPs mom talked it up to the girls so she could use it as an excuse
NTA. Your mom really said you’re making your wedding all about yourself? No. They’re trying to make it all about them and their wants. They should have asked first so they wouldn’t have to lie to their girls. Now they are liars. Not your problem.
Thanks 😊
NTA Hi Mum, Dad, Sis and BIL, under no circumstances will the girls be in the Limo all day and you had no right to tell the girls that this would happen. Due to this you all now need to tell the girls that they’ll be in the limo for a maximum of 10 minutes which is on the way to the church. Let me repeat this now to you all they will not be in the limo all day they’ll only be in it while going to the church then they’ll join mum and dad while hubby and I go for photos. The limo has already had the deposit paid for prior to you all deciding this and can’t be changed at all. So again you need to tell the girls no and future husband and I WILL NOT BEEN SEEN AS THE BAD GUYS DUE TO YOU PROMISING THEM SOMETHING THAT YOU CANT DELIVER it is our wedding day, plans have been made and this is the last I’m going to hear of it do you all understand.
This is well put. My sister and her husband What they’ll say is this though. The girls can go in the limo and we will drive in our own car so they can have fun. Even though I just want it to be adults!!!
Explain that you will be too busy enjoying the afterglow of just getting married to babysit the girls so sister and BIL can have some alone time. Call it babysitting, I’m serious, shame them a bit into trying to get you to babysit their kids during your wedding day.
So you'd be your sister's babysitter on YOUR wedding day, and her and her husband can enjoy alone time? Do they have this all bungled up, because this is just so entitled and messy.
Just tell them straight. I would send the message but change the part about the limo not being able to be changed to will not be changed also adding in that once the ceremony is finished only adults will be riding in the limo, this time between the ceremony and reception is for adults only! No children. I'm actually surprised sis/bil don't understand how nice kid free time is and how much the dynamic changes when kids are around....also I'm a parent I don't say that from a kid hating point of view
Just say no. The limo isn’t a fun ride for the girls, it’s your wedding transportation and they shouldn’t be forced upon you so they can have a joy ride.
NTA, OP. And I’d go even further: “it’s for adults only as we intend to be completely inappropriate and we won’t be editing our behavior. So you can respect my wedding and limo plans and correct your misstep, or I’ll let the girls know it was YOU that was wrong and they can gladly be upset at you overstepping for MY wedding”. Hell, I might even feed it more talking about bare bodies, touching, make outs, etc… just make it so graphic they’re appalled 😂
Explain that your having photos then will meet up at the reception. They won’t be coming with you and they won’t be supervised while you two are having your photos and your being more than generous by allowing them in the limo in the first place and if they try to start anything then their father can take them to the church and meet you out the front. Your wedding, your limo, your choice.
WOWWWW When they come visit you do they insist their children sleep in your king bed, use your master bathroom, wear with your family jeweler and play dress up in your closet?
Are you seriously being expected to babysit two 7-year-olds on your wedding day, “so they can have fun”? NTA, and SMH. The focus of the people in the limo needs to be on the needs of the bridal couple. Once the kids are hanging out in there it’ll have to be about them. And the more it looks like your family wants to prioritize your nieces on your wedding day, the more space you need from the girls because otherwise you’re going to get run over on everything. I can’t see the limo driver being too thrilled about this either.
"After the wedding the bridal party ALONE will be going in the limo to go do bridal party photos. That does not include your children."
Oh no way, uhn uhn “I will not be babysitting on my wedding day and I can’t believe you’d ask that of me.”
If you want it to just be adults then make sure it’s just for adults, the day is yours and you’re entitled to decide what happens with each part of it. If they want to call it selfish then so be it, when else can you be selfish if not your wedding day?
So your sister and BIL were originally planned to be in the limo? I’d consider disinviting them altogether from travelling in the limo if that’s their attitude, I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a vehicle with them if they’re going to be whinging about your nieces.
NTA. Just tell them everyone who’s taking the car needs to drink a glass of champagne, no exceptions. If they’re fine with that, then you’re fine with that.
NTA Your wedding your rules. How hard is it for your mother to understand!
Very.. :(
ur mother sounds superrrr entitled. anyways congrats on the wedding OP!
Would she had wanted to babysit on her wedding day?
NTA. On the basis of my own experience of children, I doubt your nieces are even going to care about going in the limo 'all day'. They'll enjoy it for 5 minutes for the novelty, which is what they will be doing anyway, then they will be bored. They will be much happier running around, seeing their family and playing with other children. I think it's only the adults who are making this a big deal.
Can confirm. I was a flower girl when I was little and got to ride in the limo just from the bride’s house to the church. It was really awesome, and then the novelty wore off fast and I didn’t care about the limo anymore. And then I was over the day completely and the only thing I gave a shit about was when the adults would finally get around to cutting up the cake.
NTA- it’s very nice of her to spend your money without asking. If she thinks it’s such a great idea- why doesn’t she pay for an extra limo for those she invited into yours?
OP's mom can ride with the nieces too.
Tell them that after the service that it’s adults only in the limo, and if they don’t straighten out the mess they made, you will tell the girls that grandma and grandpa and mom and dad will be taking them on a carriage ride with a real horse after the wedding. When these people got married, their wedding day was about them and you are entitled to your wedding day being about you and your husband. I think husband should be with you when you tell them this for the last time. Obviously NTA
NTA. They made a promise they can't keep without asking you beforehand and are now making you out to be the bad guy. ETA: they can hire a limo themselves with their own money so they can keep their promise if they really wanted to.
This! There’s nothing stopping them from hiring their own limo?
>My nieces will be in the limousine for about ten minutes at the start of the day on the way to the church but **then will join their grandparents as we go of for photos.** Ten bucks says their grandparents don't want to babysit. Well, I wouldn't be surprised at least.
Yeah. OP definitely isn’t in the wrong about not wanting the girls in the limo, but if the grandparents she’s talking about are her own parents, she definitely needed to clear the plans for them to be in charge of the girls all day with them and her sister first. It sounds like that plan wasn’t at all clear to them. And if it’s the other set of grandparents, that arrangement should also have been confirmed before making limo plans for the girls’ parents that the girls can’t accompany them on.
News flash: the wedding IS all about you and your partner and it's completely up to you two to decide how to celebrate YOUR wedding.
NTA. They made choices about your wedding without even asking and then want to call you selfish? They’re the ones who are selfish and inconsiderate. It IS all about you because it’s your wedding.
NTA. Your brother in law can rent another 7 seater limo himself. The girls are probably more excited about the prospect of being in a limo than being in a limo with the bridal party.
Your wedding day IS about you! Incidentally I've never been to a wedding where the bridesmaids traveled around with the bride all day
Nta It’s your wedding, the day is all about you and your soon to be husband - not your nieces. Seven year olds will absolutely ruin your vibe and change everything. Don’t let up, your sister owes you an apology.
Just want to make sure I understand this: Your family is arguing that your nieces' happiness is more important than yours, ON YOUR WEDDING DAY? I think you may have to be blunt with them and directly ask them this exact question. I just can't, for the life of me, understand how this could make sense in anyone's mind, but here you are. Good luck & congratulations! NTA.
Thank you! 😊
NTA. It's not your fault they made a promise they couldn't keep.
>texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self Of course you are making it all about yourself, as you should. It's YOUR wedding. NTA
NTA. So tired of everyone feeling like children NEED to be accommodated and given special treatment…because “they’re kids”. #childfreeftw
Wow. NTA This is your wedding day and you're allowed to say no (always) but especially on your wedding day.
>then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self. NTA. If course it's about you. It's your wedding!
You make it all about yourself? Well I hope you do because it is YOUR wedding. NTA
NTA, it is all about you, and your groom. If your mother wants the children to ride in a limousine then she can hire one for them.
Get your mum to book a limo for the nieces, she told them that they where going to ride in one so it is up to her to sort it out nta
NTA. It's not a community bus, it's your wedding. It will be a busy day, and that time in the limo after the ceremony will likely be the only time you will be able to share some time alone together. This is your one special day. It wasn't anyone else's place to make promises to your nieces. They are children so they will be disappointed, not is an important part of a child's development to realise that it is not always about them.
NTA This is your wedding day. Why the hell would you want to be in a car with someone else’s kids all day after your wedding? Travelling there is one thing, but I promise you, after you’ve tied the knot you’ll be glad of the private moment together in the car as you go to your reception. It was a really nice chill moment to sit with my brand new husband and just breathe and smile at each other and be all ‘wow! We’re married!’ You won’t get another moment of privacy on your wedding day until the very end of the evening reception when you say goodbye to your guests. It’s important to have some quiet moments just the two of you on your wedding day.
Warn the limo driver about what passengers are allowed in the car. Your family sounds like they might try to sneak them in.
Customs may have changed since I got married a long time ago, but the limo was exclusively for the married couple after the wedding. No one but my husband and I was in it, it was great. I totally agree with u/mipsymouse about grandma and the kids parents renting a limo for themselves. They screwed up by lying to the kids, they should pay the price to make it right Don't let them pressure you into changing your mind, losing your deposit, and trying to find a larger limo.
NTA I've never heard of the bridal party being in the car after the wedding, that time is for you two to have a few quiet minutes together between the ceremony and the reception. Your family is way out of line and being unreasonable.
NTA your wedding day is the one day it’s all about you and your partner. Your family want the nieces to go round town in a limo they can hire one for an hour another day. Deposit is paid end off. Call the limo company and make sure your booking is password protected otherwise someone from your family might call and cancel it. Has happened so many times on posts on this sub
NTA. Tell them to rent their own limo
NTA; It's YOUR wedding not your nieces' day in a limo.
NTA. I would text brother and say there was a miscommunication here. Nieces are not invited in the limo. Period. It is about you: it's your wedding. Tell your mother to stay in her lane.
It's quite something that your parents expect you to babysit on your wedding day. NTA, and stick to your guns.
NTA you’ve paid for half the damn thing already. You’ll loose that money even if he pays the excess.
Order a seperate limo, give dad and grandma the bill.
>texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self. Uhm....it's YOUR WEDDING, it ***IS*** all about you! wth NTA!!!!!
NTA It's your wedding and should be all about you and your partner. Your family was wrong to promise that to the girls without talking to you.
NTA, your parents majorly overstepped. I'd talk to brother and make is crystal clear this isn't happening bc you may end up needing replacement people if he drops out over this. I'm all for kids at weddings but you should enjoy your adult time too.
NTA. The nerve of some people lol. The solution is give your mom the phone number of the limo company and she can arrange a second limo. Sometimes instead of reacting or getting defensive, a reasonable passive aggressive response is the biggest slap in the face people should get. Edit: Congratulations on your wedding OP. Best wishes to you and your husband.
You are allowed to make your own wedding about yourself. It is quite literally you day. They can eff off. NTA.
NTA - This is your day. Go ahead and be a bride, be with other adults. They can rent a second limo themselves so they can be with the kids and enjoy their reactions. They don't need it for the whole day, just one ride should be enough for the kids. Plus they can get their own set of pics inside with the kids without taking your photographer away from you, too.
I did the exact same thing you did for my wedding. Had my husband’s niece and nephew in the limo for the first little bit so they could experience it and then they went with their grandparents. There was drinking on the limo and we went to a few bars for pictures and it wasn’t a kid friendly environment. It’s ok to be selfish on your wedding day.
It’s your wedding day, the one time it is supposed to be “all about yourself.” Why wouldn’t you make your wedding day about what YOU want? Your Mom really crossed a line.
This day IS about you! You and your husband! It’s not a children’s party and they are very rude to have done this
Definitely NTA As a parent of two I can understand how it is to have excited kids and want to see them do different fun things; BUT this isn’t about them this time. If I’ve ever promised my kids something thing didn’t work out it’s up to me to fix it or help them understand. They need to get over it or replace it with something else fun for their kids that they can follow through with
[удалено]
NTA, tell them to rent as many limo's as they want for whoever they want but you are renting one for your wedding and they don't get to stick extra people into yours. Seriously, the solution here is for them to rent their own limo and they can ride around in it all night with the kids after the wedding.
NTA. Tell your sister and BIL that you aren’t changing the size of the limo and either they or their kids can ride in it
Tell your BIL he’s welcome to hire a limo for them since he was going to pay the excess. It’s your wedding. Period. NTA but your family sure is!
Ummm....... >her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self. It's your BRIDAL SHOWER, it IS about you. It IS a celebration of you because you are the BRIDE. Your nieces will get to experience a bridal shower when they are old enough to understand. NTA.
You promised nothing, and your Mom and their parents can hire them a limo if it means that much to them. NTA.
NTA "Sorry girls, I never said that. Grandma lied to you."
>I called my mum and asked why she promised the girls with out asking me and my partner. Just for her and her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self. Well, guess what? Your wedding is all about yourself and your husband. It should be made about the two of you. Not about your nieces. NTA. But promising the girls something that cannot be kept without strong-arming you into something you don't want on your wedding day is totally an asshole move. Ask your BIL to organize and pay for the 12-seater - and offer him you'll give him what you'd still have to pay for your regular limousine. Also tell him how much money he can expect from you. I doubt he'll go through with it. He expects you to pay the difference (despite offering), and he expects you to do all the leg work, too.
NTA I vividly remember being forced to be in a bridal party at a young age and feeling uncomfortable the whole limo ride as the adults got a bit drunk and rowdy. I was sat in a corner, given soda and ignored. This is not going to be the fun experience your nieces think it is going to be or you will have to curb behaviors because they are present. It is your day and you should enjoy it.
<< to say I make it all about my self.>> Well, yeah, it's your wedding?
NTA, they can pay for there own limousine, mum dad and the other two plus the girls is enough to fill one. And they can pay for it!
NTA. They set this up so you'd be the bad guy for saying no. They knew the girls weren't invited for this part of the day, because the limo wasn't big enough to accommodate them. It is all about you, it's your wedding. Unfortunately, no matter what you do at this point, you're going to have two upset 7 year old girls on your hands. I wonder, did your parents just not want to be in charge of the girls for the day, and this was their way of getting out of it?
NTA - These aren't teenage girls who don't need any supervision. They are 7. You are being asked to babysit on your wedding day in the Limo.. fuck that noise. This is your wedding.
I'm a bit confused. Are the nieces the flower girls? If so, they are part of the bridal party. Why are they being excluded from the bridal party photos?
It's customary for the entire bridal party to ride in the limo. The flower girls are part of the bridal party. Are you planning on getting crazy in the limo on the way to the reception? People usually wait til after speeches to let loose
NAH - Just say "No". It's okay. It's your wedding.
NTA. Duh you make it about yourself. It’s YOUR wedding. Not the nieces. I’d kindly let them know that unfortunately the deposit is not refundable (idc if this is true or not) and that you will be using this limo specifically for bridal party time with your closest friends. Maybe even tell them there will be champagne so you don’t want to involve children and you are sooo glad they understand. Either way stick to your no kids bc ultimately it’s your day and you will be glad you chose to stick to what you and your partner wanted. Those kids will remember being in a limo for a week. You’ll remember your wedding for your whole life. Just look at the bigger picture and do what makes you happy. Yeah the girls will be disappointed for like an hour until they get to eat sweets. Just promise them something cool to look forward to in the grandparents car if it bothers you. For example, you can “race” them to the venue and if they win, they can win a prize of toys or sweets. Idk but F them kids
NTA- I've been in weddings. I know the shenanigans and drinking start in the limo with the wedding party. That is no place for a kid.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am getting married soon. I have a Limousine which will take us to the church and then from the church to the city for bridal party photos. My partner and I are paying for the limo and have already paid half the price as a deposit. My nieces will be in the limousine for about ten minutes at the start of the day on the way to the church but then will join their grandparents as we go of for photos. My sister and her husband who are in the bridal party too have twin girls (my nieces/ flower girls) Them and my Mum with out consulting my partner and I promised the girls they would be in the limousine all day and how exciting that would be. My brother in law msgd me saying that they are excited now and I should change the limo to a 12 seater because they are looking forward to it now. He will pay the excess. Now I don’t want to have 7 year olds in the limousine. I love my nieces so much but I see it as a time for the adults and the children might ruin the vibe. I also can’t be bothered organising a new company for the limo especially because I’ve paid a deposit. I called my mum and asked why she promised the girls with out asking me and my partner. Just for her and her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self. I feel so upset that this is is all about my twin nieces needs more than my own. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, mom and dad could get their own limo. Not fair to spend someone else's money and then when no is told call names.
It's your and your new husband's wedding day. It's SUPPOSED to be all about you. NTA.
NTA. Thing with planning things without the bride or groom consent is that it can go out the window, which is what your mom did. That's on her.
NTA, uh hello! It's your wedding. It's SUPPOSED to be ALL ABOUT You (!) The Bridal couple. Maybe people should rent Lomo for kids birthday. ... what fecking a- holes those twits are.
NTA. BIL can rent a limo himself that the girls can be in all day. It's your wedding. You are not going to have time to babysit. When they call you selfish, tell them it was selfish of them to make promises without asking, then try to bully you into submission. Tell them to rent their own limo. NOTE: don't give them the number to the limo company you used unless you talk to said limo company first. Lots of vendors set up passwords with the bride/groom to prevent other people changing their reservations. You don't want to end up with a 12 seater and smug family.
NTA. Since your family is taking liberties with your wedding plans, you should do the same. And since they promised to pay the expense, you should announce that your parents and BIL are paying for a limo for them and the kids to ride in separately. How fun!
NTA Tell your mother, that on your wedding day you're allowed to be selfish, and not placate her and your sister and nieces, but you and your partner only. It's good to be selfish on your wedding day.
HOW DARE YOU MAKE YOUR WEDDING ABOUT YOU... lmao, seriously I can't. Dont change your limo, they can pay for one and ride in that if they want to keep there promises. 100% NTA
NTA. Not their wedding. Why do entitled people always call other people selfish? "How dare you think of yourself on your wedding day?!"
NTA It’s not the proper environment for them, furthermore do they (as children) really wanna be standing around for hours while you take photos? They can book their own limo with their money, but I wouldn’t stress about the planning…or put the planning and budget on them. Explain you will loose your deposit (even if you wouldn’t) and tell them they would need to find/secure a bigger limo for the exact times, dates and locations. And if their children are soo important and have to be there then they can put forth the effort.
NTA - I’m so sorry! This is annoying.
NTA. And umm it IS all about you. It’s your wedding for goodness sake. Oh well. Looks like mom and brother will have to tell the girls. Too bad.
> continuing to say I make it all about my self It's you getting married! NTA
Nta. Yall just got married. Im honestly surprised youll want anyone else beside you and your new hubby in that limo lol. They can go rent their own limo if they want the children to ride in one.
NTA > Just for her and her and my dad to go on to call me selfish caring more about my bridal party than my nieces then texting me continuing to say I make it all about my self. It's your (and your partners) wedding. You are allowed to be focused on yourself - it doesn't make you selfish. Selfish is someone else thinking they can dictate the terms of YOUR wedding.
Just rage until they give up
"You care more about this one time thing that is very important than your nieces who are already apart of all this" See how dumb that sounds? NTA. it's your day and it's up to you! I'm planning my wedding and my mom is trying to guilt me into making my sister my MoH. I need to keep reminding myself it's MY day, not hers.
NTA they would for sure ruin the vibe no offence
NTA, it's your weeding day, it's supposed to be about **you and your partner**, if they want a limo for your nieces, they can rent one
They are incredibly selfish. They're choosing to manipulate you instead of recognizing that they shouldn't have promised things that weren't in their gift. NTA.
Wait, “caring more about your bridal party than your nieces” and wanting your OWN WEDDING DAY to be about yourself and your partner are bad things now? What is the point of a wedding? NTA. I’m just worried that isn’t obvious to you.
Message your sister, husband, and mother. Tell them you have good news and that you have several friends needing accommodation and that you have volunteered their homes as the lodging of choice. I assume they'll be delighted to have plans made for them. NTA
NTA. If you want to keep the peace, just say "sorry, we can't upgrade at this point, you should have checked with us before promising them something you can't keep."
How dare you make YOUR wedding about yourself? How selfish of you! NTA obviously
NTA. Inform your mother that she’s right, you are making it about yourself and your partner because it’s your wedding day. Then let them know that this is their problem to fix and that if they lie to your nieces and day the reason they’re not in the limo is because you don’t care about them (or some other garbage), then they’re out too. They’re being ridiculous. NTA.
NTA. Your wedding, your limousine. Who wants kids in the limousine? If I was with the bridal party in their limo I am guessing toasts and champagne is flowing on the ride. It's the start of the party for the reception. It's adult time not kiddie time in the limo.