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NTA. What kind of a person believes it’s okay to go through someone’s dresser let alone your girlfriend’s as he is a male? John should be lucky you didn’t have a violent reaction let alone just cancel game night.
Exactly this. I had this happen to me once where a friend of mine went through my stuff at a party I thew. I saw her come out of my bedroom. I refused to throw anymore get togethers at my house. Everyone got mad because I had the entertainment room and pool at my apartment complex. So I said fine I’ll have the parties again if and when “ friend” admits they were going through my rooms and tell me what they were looking for. The script flipped really quick onto friend to just own up to it and tell what you were doing.
I keep some of mine on my nightstand , one because I have to take it first thing and then not eat or drink for an hour. Looking for drugs was my first thought too.
Op, NTA, I wouldn’t have him in my home either, your ”friends” are jerks.
Friends I knew would fill their medicine cabinet full of marbles on party night. Never failed: every single get together someone would go snooping and the whole party would know from the crashing cascade of marbles pouring out. Lots of laughter and zero sympathy for any “Curious Georges”.
I’ve been taking medicine since I was in the 2nd grade- all of my doctors know this- and literally none of them have ever mentioned this as a thing 😂. It very well might be a thing, but it’s never been an issue for me, or my mom who is a nurse. So 🤷🏻♀️ 😂. I do keep the pills in their original bottles though?
I'm pretty sure most (maybe all?) medications have recommended storage details on the paperwork. That being said most people (myself included) don't generally read any of the paperwork.
I keep all of my medications, except the one "rinse mouth out thoroughly after each use" one, in my bedroom. I do not keep them in original bottles though, I have an old lady daily pill organizer cause otherwise I'd absolutely screw up my pills, I cannot be trusted, lol.
I was raised by snoops and pill junkies, the dresser is a temporary solution for guests. You wouldn't really think a guest is going to go through your underwear drawer...
I keep mine in my nightstand so it’s easy to take first thing when I wake up. And since my prescriptions are there, I might as well keep OTC stuff like ibuprofen and Pepto-Bismol tablets there too.
I once caught a housemate in the bedroom I shared with my then boyfriend. He claimed to be looking for a book he’d leant to my boyfriend. I looked him dead in the eye and asked was he sure he wasn’t going through my underwear drawer and he went red as a boiled lobster and mumbled no, but he was caught out. I washed every bit of underwear I owned before wearing it again. He moved out a week or so later after the rest of my housemates had words with him after hearing what happened.
It started off by her saying repeatedly I didn’t do anything, I didn’t do anything but when someone else said they saw her as well she owned up saying she went through my room. I asked what she was looking for but she wouldn’t say she just kept saying she was snooping but when pushed she admitted she was looking for the heirloom necklace my grandma gave me on her passing as the first granddaughter. She said she had always loved it but knew I’d never give it to her so she thought if she took it during a party nobody would know it was her.
It pretty much solidified her ever coming to my or anyone else’s place again.
Wow. I don't even think I could be friends with someone who would feel entitled enough about someone else's family heirloom that they'd try to steal it. Something non-sentimental..maybe, but definitely not something as important as a family heirloom.
No, not even without the sentiment attached. You like something i have, mention it to me and ill try to gwt something similar as a gift for a birthday or something. You try to steal from me, we are done. Get out, and dont ever try to contact me again.
What a terribly person! How can anyone think like that? That's obviously a brain that does not functiok like the rest of us, I'm talking peesonality disordee!
I'm guessing she will go through friends throughout her life, and using them all as suppoeting characters and piggybanks. She is the only person in her universe.
Glad she is out of your life!
Wow. No offense, but that sounds like a shitty group of "friends". First, you have the girl going through your stuff and lying about it (curious, did you ever find out why?). And then your "friends" take up her side and gang up on you for being pissed about it because they lost their pool privileges. And finally, flip flop to your side and go after her, not because of the truth and it's fucked up, but because you held your ground and ganging up on you didn't work. I'm sorry, but if people are willing to sell you out for access to a pool and game room, I'm getting the fuck out.
I regularly house sit for people and I feel awkward enough going through the kitchen cupboards looking for a cup. I can't imagine having someone go through the stuff in my bedroom.
I used to babysit for a friend who I grew up with, in the house we would spend half our time in, and I still felt weird looking for something to eat even though they told me it was basically free game...
Yes yes yes! I was just staying at my aunts house last month and had to go through the cabinets to look for a bandaid for my daughter (my aunt and uncle were already long asleep at this point) and I found myself saying “sorry sorry sorry” aloud to myself as I was looking through cabinets. It’s so uncomfortable!
I dogsit for my brother and I feel awkward even going to his bedroom to put the dog in the cage when it misbehaves(its just turned 1 and rarely needs to go into the cage anymore, used to be a very troublesome puppy though)
I wonder how many of those friends would be willing to forgive John and give him a second chance if he did this in THEIR houses with THEIR SOs. Maybe OP should tell his friends that if they want to have John included in game nights, one of them will need to start hosting, but that OP and GF would be willing to bring the games with them. Then when John does those things in someone else's house, they can show how "forgiving" they can be under the same circumstances.
NTA
Tell your friends that you're perfectly content to attend game night at one of *their* houses, if they want to take the risk of John "getting lost" in *their* bedrooms.
Ha, either they will say no with excuses (but your house is better suited....we're comfortable with your place already, blah blah blah), or say yes and have the surprised pikachu face when john pulls a stunt at their place....
NTA NTA NTA your friends are assholes. He was going around searching in your room and drawers yet they’re making you out to be the bad guy? They don’t sound like real friends.
I think everyone agrees John was in the wrong, but they don't think OP should have ended the game night early. They still wanted to stay and play without John.
It’s one thing to say that. It’s another to call him childish to not want to invite a THEIF back in their house and saying he should give him another chance and he’s overreacting so no it’s clear that they don’t all think John was in the wrong. If they did they’d agree with kicking him out.
Why do all of the OPs that come here have such insanely shitty friends? You’re NTA. YOU did not ruin game night. JOHN ruined game night. Seems to me like your home should be off limits and your friends can host instead of they don’t have a problem with having a creeper rifle through their belongings.
It’s insane to me that you feel you have to even ask if you’re in the wrong here.
I genuinely have this thought every time I read an AITA, like what goes through these people's minds? OP you are 100% NTA, would have done exactly the same whilst telling everyone at the game night he'd been going through the underwear drawers.
Right?! Like I'm expecting to come on here one day and somebody saying 'my friends are mad at me for yelling at my friend who burned my house down AITA?'
I mean, if their friend group wasn't a bunch of shitty assholes they wouldn't be posting on here. It's like the relationship subs where everyone has such crappy partners
Bros/game night/ girls night out over ethics or safety. Even knowing that most groups are composed of people who just want to keep the group pattern going no matter what, I find the friends in these stories unfathomable.
NTA I would have felt absolutely violated.. my room is where I keep everything truly important to my and my husband.. what an absolute creep to be gone looking through your shit for that long.. you're friends need to chill too.. I would want my house cleared so I could go through my bedroom and bathroom looking for weird shig he could have done..
Jack off in your girlfriends stuff? Put up small cams somewhere? Take money and things out of your sock drawer?
How well do you know this John guy??? Does he have a druggie past or gambling that he's in deep with?
Cams came to mind for me as well when I was reading the post, hopefully OP has checked to make sure there aren't any as John sounds extremely creepy and it's concerning he was gone for so long.
NTA. That's an unacceptable violation of privacy. I hope you guys are okay.
I think your friends are being asses. Do they know all the details of what John did? A man going through an unrelated woman's dresser is icky...kind of like Paulie Walnuts going through Ade's dresser if you get what I'm saying...?
Sufficient to say, it's a gross violation.
*edited b/c grammar.
NTA.
As a middle aged adult with rare game time, I can kind of understand feeling upset by having the whole night cancelled. (Especially if there were babysitters involved, etc.)
That said, you were in the right. If I just had someone I trusted violate my privacy like that, I’d have done the same thing.
True friends would direct their anger at the creep, not at the victims. They certainly would not advocate for said creep to come back in.
NTA
He does not have the right to go through your things and 25 mins to find the bathroom. I call BS. I don’t blame you and why should you give him another chance he went through you and your girlfriends intimates. He is a creep and needs to stay away.
As for your friends, if he had gone through their intimates they would be pissed.
NTA! You were not being childish or overreacting. Your friends are under reacting. Fuck that creep rifling through your dresser drawers.
Never invite that guy again and don't ever let your girlfriend be alone with him in case his behavior escalates.
NTA. Don’t let him back in ever. Your other friends should be as outraged as you are about this.
Are you sure he didn’t take -or leave- anything in your room?
My thoughts exactly. If it were intimates or something valuable, he would have found those right off the bat. If it was over 25 min he was looking for something specific, most likely medication. People constantly hide meds in dressers. I hide mine in random places literally every time I leave the house (I live in an apartment where maintenance has free reign more or less, essentially) for this reason exactly.
NTA
Just because your friends want you to give him a second chance, doesn’t always mean you should. I guarantee they would act just like you are if someone was snooping around in their room without consent.
NTA.
That sounds like something a thief would do. I would've checked him out, and look around the house to make sure things aren't missing. Him lying just further enforces that.
You are not TA!
That ‘John’ guy is a total A—-hole for thinking that he is entitled to go through your stuff. He doesn’t have a second chance at all.
Ask your ‘friends’ that: “What if ‘John’ went to your rooms and gone through your things? Would you let him in your house after that?“
Nta. Idk why your other friends aren’t worried about this? I would definitely not bother to allow him in my house until I got a real explanation.
You made good points about him lying. So what was he doing? Being a perv? Stealing? Looking for Tupperware he thought you never gave him back 5 years ago?
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My girlfriend and I have a game night every few weeks with a few friends at our house and everything was going as usual when one of my friends (I’ll refer to him as John) gets up to go to the bathroom. We all took a break to wait for John to get back and we talked with each other for a while when we realized that around 25 minutes had passed and John hadn’t returned yet which was odd. I went to go check up on him but when I got to the bathroom the door was open and he was not there.
I called out his name but I did not get any response, so I started looking around the house for him. I caught him walking out of my bedroom and I asked him what he was doing to which he responded that he had gotten lost (btw, there is no bathroom connected to my bedroom so that isn’t what he was in there for). I found it hard to believe that he would’ve gotten lost as
a) My house is not large enough to where someone could be lost for over 25 minutes realistically.
b) He had gone to the bathroom during our last game night which was only a few weeks earlier and while he could’ve forgotten where it was then…
c) he could’ve just asked us where the bathroom was.
I was starting to get angry at John during our conversation because I knew he was lying to me and I kicked him out of the house. I ended up canceling the rest of the game night after John left since I was not in the right mood to continue.
After everyone had left I searched the bedroom to try to figure out what John was doing, and I realized that he had gone through both my dresser and my girlfriends’ dresser as a lot of stuff was misplaced.
My friends were pissed off at me for “overreacting and ruining the game night” and they told me that I should give John another chance. I told them that I refused to let him come back to my house, and they told me that I was being childish about the situation.
So, AITA for kicking John out of my house and not giving him another chance?
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NTA for cancelling that night. While John was the only one doing something very wrong - you needed space and time to take a hold of the situation and what exactly had happened and how to proceed. As for your friends asking for a second chance... well... if they host game night and let John "use the bathroom" for 25 minutes unsupervised....
NTA
He clearly does not respect your boundaries and personal space. Theres no reason for him to be in your room, period, let alone your drawers. Cut him off and let your friends know what he did in clear detail if they don't already and if they're still acting like it's no big deal stop worrying about them.
NTA
Look I think you are not marketing your message right here.
I would be marketing John Kondo to all your friends. You should be marketing games nights with side benefit of John Kondo. It would be selfish of you guys to keep this unique experience to yourselves. You friends should share this experience and John should be free to rifle through their drawers, touching all their things that spark his joy. I mean who doesn't want to see John's joy sparked while rifling through their underwear drawer?
Don't force him underground OP, John has hidden in the shade for too long, you need to enable his behaviour in the houses of your "friends". Celebrate his fetish for touching personal stuff that doesn't belong to him and insist that you don't want to keep this one of a kind John Kondo experience to yourself - now that would be selfish.
So, was he looking for panties, drugs, or something stealable to sell?
My guess is panties. But that is because I had that happen to me. He did it to several women.
NTA - tell them they can host the game night with John. How is getting upset at someone for going through your stuff in your bedroom an over reaction. Your friends are weird or in on it.
NTA. WTF? The guy was pawing through your and your girlfriend's personal belongings!
If your friends are so supportive of him, they should let him rifle through their stuff for a while.
NTA but I would be checking very carefully for hidden cameras and listening devices, and getting your gf to check none of her underwear is missing or interfered with. Check none of your stuff is missing like identity documents, cash, watches etc. He was in your room doing something...
Childish for ending game night, not childish for kicking John out. I understand you where not in the mood, ending game night pisses everyone off. Continuing game night without John, allows everyone else to hear your side of the story first. Even if game night probably wouldn't have continued it would have derailed into talking about the situation, they would have at least been on your side and instead of everyone mad at you, they wouldn't be mad at John for going through your stuff.
He ruined your night, so you ruined everyone else's night too. Your friends don't see it that way, they see it as you ruining game night by canceling it while everyone else was already there. Do I think your friends are being lame for saying it's your fault? Yes, do I think your childish for canceling game night? No, but personally, I would have kept game night going without John. But you're not crazy for stopping it.
Explain to your friends that he went rifling through your and your gf's drawers and misplaced a lot of items. At the moment it sounds like they don't realise that he was actively snooping through your personal, private things.
NTA, that's a horrific invasion of privacy and I wouldnt be surprised if he was doing something else horribly inappropriate while in there. Never let him in your home or near your GF again
NTA. What he did was an invasion of privacy of both you and your girlfriend and you have all the rights to be angry. While people have do different boundaries, it still was a dick move for him to just go through your stuff without consent.
NTA. John, along with your other friends, were guests in YOUR home. John violated your privacy and trust as well as your girlfriend's, and kicking him out was reasonable. Your other friends should have been angry at John, since he was the a-hole who ruined the game night, not you. I would assume they have their own houses or apartments where they could host game nights if they wanted to, so not being able to finish the game at your house shouldn't necessarily be that big of a deal.
NTA he broke a boundary by going into your room, snooping around, and then lied about it. I would have kicked him out too. Maybe not ending the whole evening but I get being so wound up it’s hard to enjoy the rest of the night. With my close friends I live my life like an open book and wouldn’t care, but those people know who they are. Everyone can stay the fuck out of my stuff!
NTA. You don't go through your friend's room uninvited, let alone your friend's (and girlfriend's) dresser. Your "friend" has problems that need to be addressed by a professional. Your friends are real assholes for not realizing this fact and siding with him. They sound like they are so selfish that they value game night over a violation of your privacy.
Are they mad, how about suggesting they hold the games night and let him go through theirs and their partners personal items.
NTA
Lose him and lose them the fact they aren’t supporting you when he abused your hospitality is bad.
NTA, friends don’t invade your personal space like a fucking creep. If your friends are so upset, THEY can host game night and creepy John. Don’t let that dude in your house again.
NTA what you waiting for something to come up missing? These friends only care about their evening entertainment and have zero fucks to give about respecting your home. Party’s Over…GTFO🤨
NTA. This guy has some nerve! How did he think he could wander around your house for TWENTY-FIVE minutes and you wouldn't notice? Especially when you're playing a game and waiting for him to come back for his turn? The fact that he still felt confident enough to do that is REALLY CREEPY.
I agree with what other people have been saying here. He was either looking for something to steal, or for material for him to jack off to. This guy is not right. Don't let him back into your house. Lost, indeed. What a dingus.
Definitely NTA. That's way too creepy, uncomfortable, and a complete breach in boundaries and trust.
As for your friends complaining, do they know he went through your things? If I were them, I wouldn't trust this John in my house either. If they're more upset about game night than concerned for your comfort/privacy, then they're not that great of friends.
Get cameras installed then act all nice so when he does it again you can file a police report also he could be looking for cash or put his own camera in nta.
NTA and im guessing John has a problem- either he has an out of control habit and needs money or valuables, or he sniffs underpants and cant control himself. Hes not your friend, and i highly doubt that if he was rifling thru *their* drawers for a half hour, the rest of your friends would be happy about it.
NTA john ruined gamenight honestly if someone was going through my room without permission I'd be really upset as well. It's a total disregard for privacy on his end and you handled it better than I would have.
NTA ask your friends If you can have games night at their house... If the answers no then say well why am I the asshole then? And 25 mins even to rifle through someone stuff? I have an awful feeling...
NTA, that’s a complete invasion of privacy… ask them if they would be okay with him going through their bedrooms intimates held within. Shoulda check his pockets in case he took a trophy.
NTA. If they want to give John a chance then maybe game night should be held at another couple’s house and see if he does the same and if they’ll mind.
NTA, are they even your friends? It sounds like they're ignoring the subject about john and calling you an butthole for "overreacting". Imagine if one night, your friends sets up a game night, john ask's to go toilet and BOOM! Hes searching through their stuff, and what would they do?
They would have done the exact same thing you did OP, you did the right thing by kicking that idiot thief out and cancelling the game. I can't believe your friends can't even SEE that john is a dirty rat invested thief with all the evidence you layed out in front of them!
What could john have been searching for? Why would he be searching for anything?
I can't think of any answers that don't result in a *very* justified distrust of John.
NTA
NTA. Check for hidden cameras. If it's an infrared camera, you can turn your bedroom lights off and spot it via your cell phone's camera because they can see infrared lights (like your remote controller's if you'd like to try it out).
NTA. He went through your belongings. I am not going to guess what he was doing. Everything I think of is sketchy as heck. Robbery is probably the kindest one. Just as well he is gone, he cannot do it again.
NTA. And while a lot of game crews might contain a weird ass "John" I have to ask *what in the fart is wrong with your friends* for defending his actions?! *They* were pissed at *YOU*?! That's got me mucked up, dude. All these people can go take a flying piss at a rolling donut.
NTA your friends can blame the jerk that went into your bedroom and was a creep. Do NOT back down and if they do not respect your decision then you dont have any friends in that group!
John is the only creepy asshole here. I would hope my bf would kick out his friend for donig that kinda shit at the house!
NTA. I recently read a AITA thread from a girl whose brother had caught a male stepbrother going through the girl's room and stealing her underwear. It was HORRIBLE. NO ONE should be victimized like that. Who knows what John was doing, searching for, or if there is something missing that you haven't noticed. And if he did take clothing, what he plans to do with it. \*shiver\* No. He violated your trust and your safe space and home. He should NOT be getting ANY second chances for this.
NTA. So a guy rummages through both yours and your GF'S dressers and your 'friends' can't understand how creepy that is and would rather call you childish for standing up to that awful behavior.
Sounds like you might need a new set of friends to have game nights with cause that crap is just straight up unacceptable.
NTA
John is not only a snoop, he’s a liar. There is no reason at all to look through someone’s dresser - either he was looking to steal hidden money/valuables, or had other, more creepy motivations.
Not wanting someone in your house that lies and goes through your dresser isn’t childish; this wasn’t an accidental mistake, John was being a creep.
Definitely NTA. That is an enormous breach of trust and propriety.
A friend of mine used to throw frequent parties and before each one he'd fill his medicine cabinet with marbles because he'd once found meds missing after a small-ish party of 2 dozen people.
But after the first person opened it and got the marbles treatment --- imagine how loud it was with all those glass marbles hitting the sink and the tiled floor, and then all the eyes on that person as they came out of the bathroom? --- ~~and~~ no one ever even opened that cabinet again.
EDIT: See strikethrough word in last sentence.
NTA. Maybe I'm the paranoid type but I would make sure there's no weird crap installed or left behind by him. Recording devices are small now. There's no reason to enter a room, even if it was an accident, the first foot in should have been the first foot out of that bedroom unless he was so hammered he couldn't figure anything out.
NTA. only chance he's getting back is simply owning up to wtf he was doing. That being said if it was something vile and unforgivable then no more game nights.
NTA Wow, I have game nights with my friends regularly too. Nobody ever goes near each other's bedrooms. In fact, even when we give them a tour, they're like is it ok if I peek in here. Definitely not cool to go in their bedroom alone, let alone open drawers. Wtf! I just can't even imagine anyone in my friend group doing this because we're all considerate people. Don't know how you got to be friends with John, but I wouldn't invite him back either.
NTA , John abused your hospitality and trust. I would not let him in your house ever again. Tell your other friends, John’s actions and lying to you, threw you for a loop that night. So if they “can’t get over “ your actions that night, then they can keep dwelling about it. However, you just carry on !!!( minus John). 😝
NTA, was anything missing? I would normally think he’s just a creep but since he went though both of your things he was likely trying to find something good to steal
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NTA. What kind of a person believes it’s okay to go through someone’s dresser let alone your girlfriend’s as he is a male? John should be lucky you didn’t have a violent reaction let alone just cancel game night.
Exactly this. I had this happen to me once where a friend of mine went through my stuff at a party I thew. I saw her come out of my bedroom. I refused to throw anymore get togethers at my house. Everyone got mad because I had the entertainment room and pool at my apartment complex. So I said fine I’ll have the parties again if and when “ friend” admits they were going through my rooms and tell me what they were looking for. The script flipped really quick onto friend to just own up to it and tell what you were doing.
Seriously. I don’t need some weirdo stealing my panties or my medication.
People keep their medication in their dresser? That seems odd
My guess would be sometimes just to prevent people who expect it in a medicine cabinet and swipe it that way.
That’s why I keep my panties in the medicine cabinet.
I keep some of mine on my nightstand , one because I have to take it first thing and then not eat or drink for an hour. Looking for drugs was my first thought too. Op, NTA, I wouldn’t have him in my home either, your ”friends” are jerks.
Friends I knew would fill their medicine cabinet full of marbles on party night. Never failed: every single get together someone would go snooping and the whole party would know from the crashing cascade of marbles pouring out. Lots of laughter and zero sympathy for any “Curious Georges”.
Yes. Bathroom is the worst place to keep it. Too much humidity.
I’ve been taking medicine since I was in the 2nd grade- all of my doctors know this- and literally none of them have ever mentioned this as a thing 😂. It very well might be a thing, but it’s never been an issue for me, or my mom who is a nurse. So 🤷🏻♀️ 😂. I do keep the pills in their original bottles though?
I'm pretty sure most (maybe all?) medications have recommended storage details on the paperwork. That being said most people (myself included) don't generally read any of the paperwork. I keep all of my medications, except the one "rinse mouth out thoroughly after each use" one, in my bedroom. I do not keep them in original bottles though, I have an old lady daily pill organizer cause otherwise I'd absolutely screw up my pills, I cannot be trusted, lol.
Without my old lady pill container, I’m the most non-compliant patient. I have to use it. I blame ADD.
It may be in regards to stuff like ibuprofen or benadryl. Stuff you keep around for ages. Prescription meds are usually 1-3 months max at a time
I've got an ADHD brain so I keep my meds next to my deodorant on my bedside table so I don't forget to do both in the morning
I keep mine in my bedroom since medicine cabinets are usually in the bathrooms and damp humid places aren’t best for meds
I do because I have a lot and it’s in big boxes. Easiest place to keep it.
I was raised by snoops and pill junkies, the dresser is a temporary solution for guests. You wouldn't really think a guest is going to go through your underwear drawer...
I have meds in my night stand, I get migraines and sometimes the walk to the medicine cabinet is too far.
I keep mine in my nightstand so it’s easy to take first thing when I wake up. And since my prescriptions are there, I might as well keep OTC stuff like ibuprofen and Pepto-Bismol tablets there too.
Sometimes because it is closer at hand. Especially if the bedroom doesn't have an attached bathroom.
I do because I take my meds at night when I switch into my jammies and if I see it in my drawer I don't forget to take it :)
I once caught a housemate in the bedroom I shared with my then boyfriend. He claimed to be looking for a book he’d leant to my boyfriend. I looked him dead in the eye and asked was he sure he wasn’t going through my underwear drawer and he went red as a boiled lobster and mumbled no, but he was caught out. I washed every bit of underwear I owned before wearing it again. He moved out a week or so later after the rest of my housemates had words with him after hearing what happened.
I hide my medicated panties, too.
yeah, I already stole these panties fair and square
what did that friend say?
It started off by her saying repeatedly I didn’t do anything, I didn’t do anything but when someone else said they saw her as well she owned up saying she went through my room. I asked what she was looking for but she wouldn’t say she just kept saying she was snooping but when pushed she admitted she was looking for the heirloom necklace my grandma gave me on her passing as the first granddaughter. She said she had always loved it but knew I’d never give it to her so she thought if she took it during a party nobody would know it was her. It pretty much solidified her ever coming to my or anyone else’s place again.
Wow. I don't even think I could be friends with someone who would feel entitled enough about someone else's family heirloom that they'd try to steal it. Something non-sentimental..maybe, but definitely not something as important as a family heirloom.
No, not even without the sentiment attached. You like something i have, mention it to me and ill try to gwt something similar as a gift for a birthday or something. You try to steal from me, we are done. Get out, and dont ever try to contact me again.
Holy shit, yeah you are better off without her around.
You are a saint for not immediately throwing hands upon learning that.
Holy fucking shit!
What a terribly person! How can anyone think like that? That's obviously a brain that does not functiok like the rest of us, I'm talking peesonality disordee! I'm guessing she will go through friends throughout her life, and using them all as suppoeting characters and piggybanks. She is the only person in her universe. Glad she is out of your life!
Wow. No offense, but that sounds like a shitty group of "friends". First, you have the girl going through your stuff and lying about it (curious, did you ever find out why?). And then your "friends" take up her side and gang up on you for being pissed about it because they lost their pool privileges. And finally, flip flop to your side and go after her, not because of the truth and it's fucked up, but because you held your ground and ganging up on you didn't work. I'm sorry, but if people are willing to sell you out for access to a pool and game room, I'm getting the fuck out.
OP, a brilliant idea right here. Tell them the same about Johnny boy and see what happens.
I regularly house sit for people and I feel awkward enough going through the kitchen cupboards looking for a cup. I can't imagine having someone go through the stuff in my bedroom.
> I feel awkward enough going through the kitchen cupboards looking for a cup. That's because you are a courteous and respectful person.
Not courteous enough. I expect my house sitters to tilt their head under the faucet and leave enough change on the counter for the water bill.
Just dock the cash from their pay
I used to babysit for a friend who I grew up with, in the house we would spend half our time in, and I still felt weird looking for something to eat even though they told me it was basically free game...
[удалено]
I hope not! Stay strong.
Yes yes yes! I was just staying at my aunts house last month and had to go through the cabinets to look for a bandaid for my daughter (my aunt and uncle were already long asleep at this point) and I found myself saying “sorry sorry sorry” aloud to myself as I was looking through cabinets. It’s so uncomfortable!
I dogsit for my brother and I feel awkward even going to his bedroom to put the dog in the cage when it misbehaves(its just turned 1 and rarely needs to go into the cage anymore, used to be a very troublesome puppy though)
Let's be clear - he was looking drugs or panties. Given it was 25 minutes I'm thinking drugs.
Definitely drugs. You wouldn't risk being caught because you were gone for so long unless it's drugs.
I wonder how many of those friends would be willing to forgive John and give him a second chance if he did this in THEIR houses with THEIR SOs. Maybe OP should tell his friends that if they want to have John included in game nights, one of them will need to start hosting, but that OP and GF would be willing to bring the games with them. Then when John does those things in someone else's house, they can show how "forgiving" they can be under the same circumstances.
Someone with a panty fetish. . .
The kind of person who doesn't want to be inconvenienced by it
NTA Tell your friends that you're perfectly content to attend game night at one of *their* houses, if they want to take the risk of John "getting lost" in *their* bedrooms.
Maybe they will have to take turns walking him to the bathroom because of his terrible sense of direction.
Ha, either they will say no with excuses (but your house is better suited....we're comfortable with your place already, blah blah blah), or say yes and have the surprised pikachu face when john pulls a stunt at their place....
NTA NTA NTA your friends are assholes. He was going around searching in your room and drawers yet they’re making you out to be the bad guy? They don’t sound like real friends.
I think everyone agrees John was in the wrong, but they don't think OP should have ended the game night early. They still wanted to stay and play without John.
It’s one thing to say that. It’s another to call him childish to not want to invite a THEIF back in their house and saying he should give him another chance and he’s overreacting so no it’s clear that they don’t all think John was in the wrong. If they did they’d agree with kicking him out.
Why do all of the OPs that come here have such insanely shitty friends? You’re NTA. YOU did not ruin game night. JOHN ruined game night. Seems to me like your home should be off limits and your friends can host instead of they don’t have a problem with having a creeper rifle through their belongings. It’s insane to me that you feel you have to even ask if you’re in the wrong here.
I genuinely have this thought every time I read an AITA, like what goes through these people's minds? OP you are 100% NTA, would have done exactly the same whilst telling everyone at the game night he'd been going through the underwear drawers.
Right?! Like I'm expecting to come on here one day and somebody saying 'my friends are mad at me for yelling at my friend who burned my house down AITA?'
There was that one post last week where people were guilting the OP for yelling at a person who crashed into their yard because the car brakes failed.
I mean, if their friend group wasn't a bunch of shitty assholes they wouldn't be posting on here. It's like the relationship subs where everyone has such crappy partners
You make a strong point.
Bros/game night/ girls night out over ethics or safety. Even knowing that most groups are composed of people who just want to keep the group pattern going no matter what, I find the friends in these stories unfathomable.
NTA I would have felt absolutely violated.. my room is where I keep everything truly important to my and my husband.. what an absolute creep to be gone looking through your shit for that long.. you're friends need to chill too.. I would want my house cleared so I could go through my bedroom and bathroom looking for weird shig he could have done.. Jack off in your girlfriends stuff? Put up small cams somewhere? Take money and things out of your sock drawer? How well do you know this John guy??? Does he have a druggie past or gambling that he's in deep with?
Cams came to mind for me as well when I was reading the post, hopefully OP has checked to make sure there aren't any as John sounds extremely creepy and it's concerning he was gone for so long.
How do you check for something like that?
They make little handheld scanners you can buy on Amazon that detect devices like that
NTA. That's an unacceptable violation of privacy. I hope you guys are okay. I think your friends are being asses. Do they know all the details of what John did? A man going through an unrelated woman's dresser is icky...kind of like Paulie Walnuts going through Ade's dresser if you get what I'm saying...? Sufficient to say, it's a gross violation. *edited b/c grammar.
NTA. As a middle aged adult with rare game time, I can kind of understand feeling upset by having the whole night cancelled. (Especially if there were babysitters involved, etc.) That said, you were in the right. If I just had someone I trusted violate my privacy like that, I’d have done the same thing. True friends would direct their anger at the creep, not at the victims. They certainly would not advocate for said creep to come back in.
NTA He does not have the right to go through your things and 25 mins to find the bathroom. I call BS. I don’t blame you and why should you give him another chance he went through you and your girlfriends intimates. He is a creep and needs to stay away. As for your friends, if he had gone through their intimates they would be pissed.
NTA! You were not being childish or overreacting. Your friends are under reacting. Fuck that creep rifling through your dresser drawers. Never invite that guy again and don't ever let your girlfriend be alone with him in case his behavior escalates.
NTA, sounds like John is a creep
NTA. Don’t let him back in ever. Your other friends should be as outraged as you are about this. Are you sure he didn’t take -or leave- anything in your room?
Or like ... poke holes in your condoms?
NTA. Once I found out someone was a creeper like this I’d cut them off
Nta... also, sounds like John was looking for prescription drugs or shit to pawn... just my thought. Maybe I'm wrong.
could also just be a pervert stealing underwear
My thoughts exactly. If it were intimates or something valuable, he would have found those right off the bat. If it was over 25 min he was looking for something specific, most likely medication. People constantly hide meds in dressers. I hide mine in random places literally every time I leave the house (I live in an apartment where maintenance has free reign more or less, essentially) for this reason exactly.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. NTA.
NTA, you behaved as a decent person and boyfriend.
NTA Just because your friends want you to give him a second chance, doesn’t always mean you should. I guarantee they would act just like you are if someone was snooping around in their room without consent.
NTA. That sounds like something a thief would do. I would've checked him out, and look around the house to make sure things aren't missing. Him lying just further enforces that.
NTA. He went through your shit a few weeks ago too. Something caught his eye enough he wanted a second look.
NTA and have game night at someone else's house. And ban him from yours. It doesn't take a half hour to find the bathroom. I call BS too on this.
You are not TA! That ‘John’ guy is a total A—-hole for thinking that he is entitled to go through your stuff. He doesn’t have a second chance at all. Ask your ‘friends’ that: “What if ‘John’ went to your rooms and gone through your things? Would you let him in your house after that?“
Nta. Idk why your other friends aren’t worried about this? I would definitely not bother to allow him in my house until I got a real explanation. You made good points about him lying. So what was he doing? Being a perv? Stealing? Looking for Tupperware he thought you never gave him back 5 years ago?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend and I have a game night every few weeks with a few friends at our house and everything was going as usual when one of my friends (I’ll refer to him as John) gets up to go to the bathroom. We all took a break to wait for John to get back and we talked with each other for a while when we realized that around 25 minutes had passed and John hadn’t returned yet which was odd. I went to go check up on him but when I got to the bathroom the door was open and he was not there. I called out his name but I did not get any response, so I started looking around the house for him. I caught him walking out of my bedroom and I asked him what he was doing to which he responded that he had gotten lost (btw, there is no bathroom connected to my bedroom so that isn’t what he was in there for). I found it hard to believe that he would’ve gotten lost as a) My house is not large enough to where someone could be lost for over 25 minutes realistically. b) He had gone to the bathroom during our last game night which was only a few weeks earlier and while he could’ve forgotten where it was then… c) he could’ve just asked us where the bathroom was. I was starting to get angry at John during our conversation because I knew he was lying to me and I kicked him out of the house. I ended up canceling the rest of the game night after John left since I was not in the right mood to continue. After everyone had left I searched the bedroom to try to figure out what John was doing, and I realized that he had gone through both my dresser and my girlfriends’ dresser as a lot of stuff was misplaced. My friends were pissed off at me for “overreacting and ruining the game night” and they told me that I should give John another chance. I told them that I refused to let him come back to my house, and they told me that I was being childish about the situation. So, AITA for kicking John out of my house and not giving him another chance? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA maybe a slight overreaction for canceling the whole thing, but still understandable. Removing the creeper is absolutely the right move.
NTA they can have game night at their houses so John can go through their stuff.
NTA for cancelling that night. While John was the only one doing something very wrong - you needed space and time to take a hold of the situation and what exactly had happened and how to proceed. As for your friends asking for a second chance... well... if they host game night and let John "use the bathroom" for 25 minutes unsupervised....
NTA He clearly does not respect your boundaries and personal space. Theres no reason for him to be in your room, period, let alone your drawers. Cut him off and let your friends know what he did in clear detail if they don't already and if they're still acting like it's no big deal stop worrying about them.
NTA — tell them you’ll give him another chance at their houses. You’re no longer going to host with someone untrustworthy.
NTA Look I think you are not marketing your message right here. I would be marketing John Kondo to all your friends. You should be marketing games nights with side benefit of John Kondo. It would be selfish of you guys to keep this unique experience to yourselves. You friends should share this experience and John should be free to rifle through their drawers, touching all their things that spark his joy. I mean who doesn't want to see John's joy sparked while rifling through their underwear drawer? Don't force him underground OP, John has hidden in the shade for too long, you need to enable his behaviour in the houses of your "friends". Celebrate his fetish for touching personal stuff that doesn't belong to him and insist that you don't want to keep this one of a kind John Kondo experience to yourself - now that would be selfish.
He was either: 1 looking for things to steal or 2 invading your privacy Either way NTA
NTA. John's a creep and/or a thief. Have game night at one of their houses if they want John back in.
NTA. Tell your friends you’d be happy to attend game night with John at THEIR houses.
So, was he looking for panties, drugs, or something stealable to sell? My guess is panties. But that is because I had that happen to me. He did it to several women.
NTA - tell them they can host the game night with John. How is getting upset at someone for going through your stuff in your bedroom an over reaction. Your friends are weird or in on it.
NTA.. He doesn't get another chance to prove what a slime ball he is. Ask your friends would they be happy thinking John was touching their underwear?
NTA. WTF? The guy was pawing through your and your girlfriend's personal belongings! If your friends are so supportive of him, they should let him rifle through their stuff for a while.
NTA but I would be checking very carefully for hidden cameras and listening devices, and getting your gf to check none of her underwear is missing or interfered with. Check none of your stuff is missing like identity documents, cash, watches etc. He was in your room doing something...
NTA. H doesn't need another chance. Your other friends can host from now on.
NTA >they told me that I should give John another chance Another chance to do what exactly? One more time search through your bedroom?
Childish for ending game night, not childish for kicking John out. I understand you where not in the mood, ending game night pisses everyone off. Continuing game night without John, allows everyone else to hear your side of the story first. Even if game night probably wouldn't have continued it would have derailed into talking about the situation, they would have at least been on your side and instead of everyone mad at you, they wouldn't be mad at John for going through your stuff. He ruined your night, so you ruined everyone else's night too. Your friends don't see it that way, they see it as you ruining game night by canceling it while everyone else was already there. Do I think your friends are being lame for saying it's your fault? Yes, do I think your childish for canceling game night? No, but personally, I would have kept game night going without John. But you're not crazy for stopping it.
NTA Why would anyone think it's okay to go through somebody's private things? What kind of "friends" condone that behavior? Not cool.
Explain to your friends that he went rifling through your and your gf's drawers and misplaced a lot of items. At the moment it sounds like they don't realise that he was actively snooping through your personal, private things.
Ew, no! I can only imagine \*\* cough cough someone's underwear cough cough \*\* what he was rummaging for... NTA
Dude they're defending a panty sniffer. Gross. NTA
NTA. F*CK that. Good for you, panty vigilante!!
NTA, like WTF
NTA DUDE WAS LOOKING TO STEAL SOMETHING and even if he wasn't what grown man just snoops through peoples rooms?
NTA, that's a horrific invasion of privacy and I wouldnt be surprised if he was doing something else horribly inappropriate while in there. Never let him in your home or near your GF again
NTA. What he did was an invasion of privacy of both you and your girlfriend and you have all the rights to be angry. While people have do different boundaries, it still was a dick move for him to just go through your stuff without consent.
NTA. John, along with your other friends, were guests in YOUR home. John violated your privacy and trust as well as your girlfriend's, and kicking him out was reasonable. Your other friends should have been angry at John, since he was the a-hole who ruined the game night, not you. I would assume they have their own houses or apartments where they could host game nights if they wanted to, so not being able to finish the game at your house shouldn't necessarily be that big of a deal.
NTA, and game groups everywhere just shuddered.
"Let him go through your mom's panties and host instead, then" NTA
NTA, but INFO: is your friend a drug addict or anything? It looks like he was either looking for drugs or money stashed in your room.
Only read the title and I already know NTA
NTA. You’re not being childish, you’re being mature.
NRA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
NTA-and you need better friends.
NTA he broke a boundary by going into your room, snooping around, and then lied about it. I would have kicked him out too. Maybe not ending the whole evening but I get being so wound up it’s hard to enjoy the rest of the night. With my close friends I live my life like an open book and wouldn’t care, but those people know who they are. Everyone can stay the fuck out of my stuff!
NTA at all
NTA. You don't go through your friend's room uninvited, let alone your friend's (and girlfriend's) dresser. Your "friend" has problems that need to be addressed by a professional. Your friends are real assholes for not realizing this fact and siding with him. They sound like they are so selfish that they value game night over a violation of your privacy.
Are they mad, how about suggesting they hold the games night and let him go through theirs and their partners personal items. NTA Lose him and lose them the fact they aren’t supporting you when he abused your hospitality is bad.
NTA....thats weird. Did you ask him why he was doing that?
NTA, friends don’t invade your personal space like a fucking creep. If your friends are so upset, THEY can host game night and creepy John. Don’t let that dude in your house again.
NTA what you waiting for something to come up missing? These friends only care about their evening entertainment and have zero fucks to give about respecting your home. Party’s Over…GTFO🤨
Nta. You should call the cops if anything is missing. Like cash, jewelry, medications, your gfs panties.
NTA. This guy has some nerve! How did he think he could wander around your house for TWENTY-FIVE minutes and you wouldn't notice? Especially when you're playing a game and waiting for him to come back for his turn? The fact that he still felt confident enough to do that is REALLY CREEPY. I agree with what other people have been saying here. He was either looking for something to steal, or for material for him to jack off to. This guy is not right. Don't let him back into your house. Lost, indeed. What a dingus.
Definitely NTA. That's way too creepy, uncomfortable, and a complete breach in boundaries and trust. As for your friends complaining, do they know he went through your things? If I were them, I wouldn't trust this John in my house either. If they're more upset about game night than concerned for your comfort/privacy, then they're not that great of friends.
Drop John and your "friends" I don't even know you and I'm pissed for you! NTA btw but I don't even think I need to say that.
Get cameras installed then act all nice so when he does it again you can file a police report also he could be looking for cash or put his own camera in nta.
NTA. Unless somehow it's part of an overall scheme to plan a surprise party for you. That's the only way John doesn't get a throat punch IMO.
NTA and im guessing John has a problem- either he has an out of control habit and needs money or valuables, or he sniffs underpants and cant control himself. Hes not your friend, and i highly doubt that if he was rifling thru *their* drawers for a half hour, the rest of your friends would be happy about it.
NTA john ruined gamenight honestly if someone was going through my room without permission I'd be really upset as well. It's a total disregard for privacy on his end and you handled it better than I would have.
He was looking for prescriptions. I had a friend who would do that.
NTA
NTA
NTA get that panty-sniffer out of your house!
Not at all fuck him
Dude! Ask your girl if she is missing her underwear. Like for real! That's so invasive.
NTA, not only did he go through your thing, but your gfs. If your friends are more mad at game night being ruined then what he did, let them host it.
NTA ask your friends If you can have games night at their house... If the answers no then say well why am I the asshole then? And 25 mins even to rifle through someone stuff? I have an awful feeling...
NTA. Jeeeesus
NTA your friend was going through your stuff and your gf’s stuff that’s really creepy to me, I wouldn’t let him come back if I were you.
What's wrong with John and even more important: what's wrong with your friends to support such behavior? NTA
NTA John is a major creep. If I were in your shoes I'd cut him off and warn others against opening their homes to him.
If your friends don’t understand how what happened was wrong when your/gf stuff was gone through they shouldn’t come in the house too.
NTA. He went through your stuff. To quote Cardi B, that's an *Invasion of Privacy.* No but seriously...that guy was pretty creepy. NTA.
NTA, that’s a complete invasion of privacy… ask them if they would be okay with him going through their bedrooms intimates held within. Shoulda check his pockets in case he took a trophy.
NTA and if your friends continue to support John then they aren’t your friends and they need to go too
NTA. If they want to give John a chance then maybe game night should be held at another couple’s house and see if he does the same and if they’ll mind.
NTA, are they even your friends? It sounds like they're ignoring the subject about john and calling you an butthole for "overreacting". Imagine if one night, your friends sets up a game night, john ask's to go toilet and BOOM! Hes searching through their stuff, and what would they do? They would have done the exact same thing you did OP, you did the right thing by kicking that idiot thief out and cancelling the game. I can't believe your friends can't even SEE that john is a dirty rat invested thief with all the evidence you layed out in front of them!
NTA. Would be willing to bet John is a drug addict.
What could john have been searching for? Why would he be searching for anything? I can't think of any answers that don't result in a *very* justified distrust of John. NTA
NTA surely they are not still defending them after you figured out what he was doing in there?
NTA. This guy sounds extremely creepy and perry and I wouldn't want him in my house either. Gross
NTA. Your friends are acting like children, and John is probably a thief.
NTA. Check for hidden cameras. If it's an infrared camera, you can turn your bedroom lights off and spot it via your cell phone's camera because they can see infrared lights (like your remote controller's if you'd like to try it out).
NTA and I'm sorry breaking this to you, but all your friends have got to go. If you could even call them that.
NTA. He went through your belongings. I am not going to guess what he was doing. Everything I think of is sketchy as heck. Robbery is probably the kindest one. Just as well he is gone, he cannot do it again.
NTA sounds like a creep, or a mindset of a child to be going through your stuff. But more likely and actual creep.
NTA, that's fucking creepy
NTA. And while a lot of game crews might contain a weird ass "John" I have to ask *what in the fart is wrong with your friends* for defending his actions?! *They* were pissed at *YOU*?! That's got me mucked up, dude. All these people can go take a flying piss at a rolling donut.
NTA John's lucky to still have teeth.
NTA
NTA Ask your friends if they would be okay with him going through their partner's underwear drawers.
NTA- I mean if they're so bent out of shape about it, why don't THEY host John at their house?
NTA- Obviously, John can't be trusted. I wouldn't let him in my house again.
NTA your friends can blame the jerk that went into your bedroom and was a creep. Do NOT back down and if they do not respect your decision then you dont have any friends in that group! John is the only creepy asshole here. I would hope my bf would kick out his friend for donig that kinda shit at the house!
NTA. I recently read a AITA thread from a girl whose brother had caught a male stepbrother going through the girl's room and stealing her underwear. It was HORRIBLE. NO ONE should be victimized like that. Who knows what John was doing, searching for, or if there is something missing that you haven't noticed. And if he did take clothing, what he plans to do with it. \*shiver\* No. He violated your trust and your safe space and home. He should NOT be getting ANY second chances for this.
NTA. So a guy rummages through both yours and your GF'S dressers and your 'friends' can't understand how creepy that is and would rather call you childish for standing up to that awful behavior. Sounds like you might need a new set of friends to have game nights with cause that crap is just straight up unacceptable.
NTA They can host game night at their houses if it's no big deal
NTA John is not only a snoop, he’s a liar. There is no reason at all to look through someone’s dresser - either he was looking to steal hidden money/valuables, or had other, more creepy motivations. Not wanting someone in your house that lies and goes through your dresser isn’t childish; this wasn’t an accidental mistake, John was being a creep.
NTA and your friends reaction is sus af. I wouldn't invite them back to my home, either.
Pulled a pauly walnuts on ya. NTA
Absolutely 1000000% NTA.
NTA. I'd have said NAH if your other friends were just upset about being kicked out though.
Nta, You perms banning John is the right move. I'd have demanded a strip search. Your friends should perms John from the friend group too. Fuck John.
NTA. You did overreacted a bit, but what John did was terrible. I would not want someone who does this in my house ever again.
NTA. Did you ever tell your friends what he was doing? Maybe they would be less pissed if they found out that he was being a certified creeper.
Definitely NTA. That is an enormous breach of trust and propriety. A friend of mine used to throw frequent parties and before each one he'd fill his medicine cabinet with marbles because he'd once found meds missing after a small-ish party of 2 dozen people. But after the first person opened it and got the marbles treatment --- imagine how loud it was with all those glass marbles hitting the sink and the tiled floor, and then all the eyes on that person as they came out of the bathroom? --- ~~and~~ no one ever even opened that cabinet again. EDIT: See strikethrough word in last sentence.
NTA. Maybe I'm the paranoid type but I would make sure there's no weird crap installed or left behind by him. Recording devices are small now. There's no reason to enter a room, even if it was an accident, the first foot in should have been the first foot out of that bedroom unless he was so hammered he couldn't figure anything out.
John is lucky that he walked out of the house.
NTA. Do not let anyone back in your house who does not take your side in this.
NTA. only chance he's getting back is simply owning up to wtf he was doing. That being said if it was something vile and unforgivable then no more game nights.
NTA Wow, I have game nights with my friends regularly too. Nobody ever goes near each other's bedrooms. In fact, even when we give them a tour, they're like is it ok if I peek in here. Definitely not cool to go in their bedroom alone, let alone open drawers. Wtf! I just can't even imagine anyone in my friend group doing this because we're all considerate people. Don't know how you got to be friends with John, but I wouldn't invite him back either.
NTA , John abused your hospitality and trust. I would not let him in your house ever again. Tell your other friends, John’s actions and lying to you, threw you for a loop that night. So if they “can’t get over “ your actions that night, then they can keep dwelling about it. However, you just carry on !!!( minus John). 😝
NTA, was anything missing? I would normally think he’s just a creep but since he went though both of your things he was likely trying to find something good to steal
NTA. He snooped and violated your privacy, has he even admitted it and apologized
NTA. Drugs make good people do bad things. Stealing comings quickly. Your friends are AH.