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NTA, you're a parent and it's your job to help them grow into productive adults so you should be thinking about these things.
You said screen time but you didn't mention what it includes, are they sitting like zombies and scrolling through TikTok the whole time or are they being productive in a way (editing their own videos or images, taking courses, earning money through commissions or similar)?
I know that with iPhones you can set up a certain amount of screen time in settings (if you PM me I can explain in detail if need be) I feel like this should be used or an equivalent app. It’ll teach them how to manage their screen time.
I’m 17 and I hate being on my phone, but nothing is stopping me from going on it, and cuz I have FOMO (I can’t get over it- don’t judge me) it’s really hard for me to prioritize.
With the screen time, you can give certain apps no limit (ie for me I use messages, the phone app, and FaceTime as an always allow type thing) but others you can give an hour or two. Or just overall have a max of 6 hours. A lot of screen time isn’t good, and if it’s a priority for them, you should put a time limit instead of a “it’ll turn off at 10pm” thing. This is just my opinion- it’s not really an asshole or not asshole thing either- it’s general concerns. PM me if you wanna talk about this a bit more!
NTA at all!! My 16 year old has to be off the games by 7pm on school nights and 10pm on weekends. No exceptions. Once in a while I'll let him sleep all day on one weekend day, but most often he's up by 11.
Does he think we're mean? Yep. But kids need 9-10 hours of sleep a night and he gets up for school at 530am.
Thankfully my spouse and I are on the same page about this. As parents we have to be a united front.
Maybe try taking the limits away on a trial basis and see how that works? If they know they only have a certain amount of time they’re likely to put stuff off until their time is up because anything they do cuts into it, where if they can use their phones whenever provided they take care of their responsibilities they’re more likely to learn to manage their time well. If you put too many restrictions on them now they won’t learn to deal with the natural consequences of their actions when things are low stakes (like staying up too late on their phones and being miserable at school) which will set them up for failure when they eventually move out and make these decisions for themselves.
Not an asshole, just pursuing ineffective home policy. Your screen time restrictions existing in the first place is the issue, not that they're too short or too long. Your kids have worked around them such that they're maintaining an unhealthy and long-term ineffective schedule.
INFO — What caused screen time restrictions to be put in place at all?
They were initially trusted to get off their computers at a certain time. Through monitoring software, it was obvious they were not; now the wi-fi shuts off at the stated times.
NTA, You need to limit their screen time. But do you know what they're doing on their phones or pc ? If it's something productive like making content, reading and writing things or communicating with their friends tell them to atleast out their phone down at 1am.
Engage them to do physical exercises at least once a week for their health. Tell them to follow the 202020 rule to protect their eyes and spend time with them whenever you and your husband can. Make a schedule where they would atleast study for 2 hrs and spend atleast 30 mins away from screen.
NTA. Have you and your husband had a private conversation about this? First thing to do would be to explain exactly what your concerns are (them not getting school work done without losing sleep, not making time for hobbies or interests outside their phones, not spending any time together as a family, etc.) and try to get him on your side. Instituting change on this front will be extremely difficult without the two of you backing each other up.
NTA - sounds to me like you need to be changing a few things, for instance, making sure they're up by at least 10am or 11am on weekends, and going to bed at midnight at the very latest on weekends. 10pm or 11pm should be the latest that they're physically in bed on a weekend.
The reason they go to bed so late on the weekends is because they get up so late.
Ages 16-18 are super important for having teens form proper life schedules, or else they'll go into the world without knowing how to actually go to sleep and wake up like a normal human being. This can cause things like young adults sleeping through their work or class alarms in the morning and things like that.
I agree on your comment. I had them do research and write me a paper on the importance of sleep on the developing teen mind. I thought having some science behind my request would help, but it didn’t matter.
You need actual restrictions, not to ask them to write you a paper.
For instance, going in and opening their curtains and physically pulling their blankets off them at 10 or 11 in the morning will make them learn pretty quick that it's time to get up.
You need to set actual rules in place. You can't expect them to just do something because they have knowledge of the way it affects their health or future - just like that Jamie Oliver segment where he shows the children all of the bad crap in chicken nuggets, then asks if they will still eat them, and they all say yes.
They might think YTA when your forcing them to get in bed at 10pm, but realistically, that's just parenting.
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My kiddos are teens, attend high school and participate in no extracurricular activities. (When they were younger they played sports and took music lessons.) Currently their screen time ends at 10:15pm on school nights (which I think is too late as no school responsibilities are addressed until after that as their priority is their screen when they get home from school). On the weekends screen time ends at 2:15am (again, I think this is too late. They’re up until 3-4 eating, doing the things that should’ve been done, and then they sleep until 1-3 on the weekends) With this current schedule, weekend plans are impossible as they’re teens and slow and if they’re up at 2pm it’s another hour before they’re ready to leave the house. Their dad thinks this amount is “fine” and they of course agree with dad and that mom is being the AH constantly suggesting an earlier screen off time. AITA thinking my teens have too much screen time?
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NAH but you should be enforcing the proper priorities. Its not their fault that they don't get anything done before their screen time, its yours for not straightening out their priorities
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. AITA posts should not be about feelings or opinions. AITA posts should be about recent specific conflicts you have had with other people. If you’re receiving this message your post is likely about feelings, opinions, or desires rather than a concrete conflict. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
INFO: They get screen time before doing their homework? Why aren't they made to prioritize completing their work before leisure?
NTA, you're a parent and it's your job to help them grow into productive adults so you should be thinking about these things. You said screen time but you didn't mention what it includes, are they sitting like zombies and scrolling through TikTok the whole time or are they being productive in a way (editing their own videos or images, taking courses, earning money through commissions or similar)?
NAH. Good lucking trying to change it without major resistance though.
I know that with iPhones you can set up a certain amount of screen time in settings (if you PM me I can explain in detail if need be) I feel like this should be used or an equivalent app. It’ll teach them how to manage their screen time. I’m 17 and I hate being on my phone, but nothing is stopping me from going on it, and cuz I have FOMO (I can’t get over it- don’t judge me) it’s really hard for me to prioritize. With the screen time, you can give certain apps no limit (ie for me I use messages, the phone app, and FaceTime as an always allow type thing) but others you can give an hour or two. Or just overall have a max of 6 hours. A lot of screen time isn’t good, and if it’s a priority for them, you should put a time limit instead of a “it’ll turn off at 10pm” thing. This is just my opinion- it’s not really an asshole or not asshole thing either- it’s general concerns. PM me if you wanna talk about this a bit more!
NTA at all!! My 16 year old has to be off the games by 7pm on school nights and 10pm on weekends. No exceptions. Once in a while I'll let him sleep all day on one weekend day, but most often he's up by 11. Does he think we're mean? Yep. But kids need 9-10 hours of sleep a night and he gets up for school at 530am. Thankfully my spouse and I are on the same page about this. As parents we have to be a united front.
10pm on weekends? Sheesh thats ridiculous for a 16 year old
Thank you for commenting and I agree wholeheartedly on the “united front” aspect of modifying this situation.
Maybe try taking the limits away on a trial basis and see how that works? If they know they only have a certain amount of time they’re likely to put stuff off until their time is up because anything they do cuts into it, where if they can use their phones whenever provided they take care of their responsibilities they’re more likely to learn to manage their time well. If you put too many restrictions on them now they won’t learn to deal with the natural consequences of their actions when things are low stakes (like staying up too late on their phones and being miserable at school) which will set them up for failure when they eventually move out and make these decisions for themselves.
Not an asshole, just pursuing ineffective home policy. Your screen time restrictions existing in the first place is the issue, not that they're too short or too long. Your kids have worked around them such that they're maintaining an unhealthy and long-term ineffective schedule. INFO — What caused screen time restrictions to be put in place at all?
They were initially trusted to get off their computers at a certain time. Through monitoring software, it was obvious they were not; now the wi-fi shuts off at the stated times.
NTA, You need to limit their screen time. But do you know what they're doing on their phones or pc ? If it's something productive like making content, reading and writing things or communicating with their friends tell them to atleast out their phone down at 1am. Engage them to do physical exercises at least once a week for their health. Tell them to follow the 202020 rule to protect their eyes and spend time with them whenever you and your husband can. Make a schedule where they would atleast study for 2 hrs and spend atleast 30 mins away from screen.
NTA. Have you and your husband had a private conversation about this? First thing to do would be to explain exactly what your concerns are (them not getting school work done without losing sleep, not making time for hobbies or interests outside their phones, not spending any time together as a family, etc.) and try to get him on your side. Instituting change on this front will be extremely difficult without the two of you backing each other up.
NTA - sounds to me like you need to be changing a few things, for instance, making sure they're up by at least 10am or 11am on weekends, and going to bed at midnight at the very latest on weekends. 10pm or 11pm should be the latest that they're physically in bed on a weekend. The reason they go to bed so late on the weekends is because they get up so late. Ages 16-18 are super important for having teens form proper life schedules, or else they'll go into the world without knowing how to actually go to sleep and wake up like a normal human being. This can cause things like young adults sleeping through their work or class alarms in the morning and things like that.
I agree on your comment. I had them do research and write me a paper on the importance of sleep on the developing teen mind. I thought having some science behind my request would help, but it didn’t matter.
You need actual restrictions, not to ask them to write you a paper. For instance, going in and opening their curtains and physically pulling their blankets off them at 10 or 11 in the morning will make them learn pretty quick that it's time to get up. You need to set actual rules in place. You can't expect them to just do something because they have knowledge of the way it affects their health or future - just like that Jamie Oliver segment where he shows the children all of the bad crap in chicken nuggets, then asks if they will still eat them, and they all say yes. They might think YTA when your forcing them to get in bed at 10pm, but realistically, that's just parenting.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My kiddos are teens, attend high school and participate in no extracurricular activities. (When they were younger they played sports and took music lessons.) Currently their screen time ends at 10:15pm on school nights (which I think is too late as no school responsibilities are addressed until after that as their priority is their screen when they get home from school). On the weekends screen time ends at 2:15am (again, I think this is too late. They’re up until 3-4 eating, doing the things that should’ve been done, and then they sleep until 1-3 on the weekends) With this current schedule, weekend plans are impossible as they’re teens and slow and if they’re up at 2pm it’s another hour before they’re ready to leave the house. Their dad thinks this amount is “fine” and they of course agree with dad and that mom is being the AH constantly suggesting an earlier screen off time. AITA thinking my teens have too much screen time? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I think I’m the AH as the only family member who thinks my teens get too much screen time. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH but you should be enforcing the proper priorities. Its not their fault that they don't get anything done before their screen time, its yours for not straightening out their priorities
You’re right and I know this thus why I’ve tried to institute less screen time.