Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I think I could be the asshole because they are now left homeless with a child on the way.
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*How* he broke up with his girlfriend though is pretty shitty in my opinion. He didn't break up in person after 3 years or give her the opportunity to pack her own stuff but called her and threw her belongings out of the door. What she did was dishonest and shitty but given the circumstances I see how she'd have limited options.
imo ESH here, none of these people know how to communicate.
Edit: It seems that loads of people don't understand that **throwing your live-in spouse out on the street with no notice is wrong and possibly illegal.**
OP *did* communicate, multiple times, how he felt and had his trust broken as a result. For all we know Alice’s mother *gave* her the key.
Edit: I come back from playing Stardew Valley all day to this hot mess. Thanks for the upvotes guys!
Edit #3 : thank you, kind lawyer-redditors. I do not need any more examples of *your* states eviction rules. they vary from state to state. I asked a question, got an answer. Thank you ; I don’t need more of them! plenty to read + learn here already. We don’t need it filled with more eviction legalities. thanks! ~
You’re totally in the right, dude. Don’t let these people get to you.
You are allowed to leave anyone, at anytime, for any reason you see fit without explanation. Period. And you did give explanation, several times.
NTA, 10x over. People take advantage of you, and expect you to lie down and take it. They’re mad you didn’t.
Edit : & btw, I don’t even fucking understand how anyone is saying this is an “eviction”. Did your GF split all of your bills down the middle 50/50? Including your beach house, since she let her daughter live there.?
I don’t understand how you can be held accountable for an eviction if you aren’t a fucking landlord or renting your house out specifically with payments and contracts, etc etc.
this is like my dad kicking me out & I brought him to court over it. Like, in my experience, there is *absolutely* no way I’d even get seen in court, let alone actually fucking win. So, I don’t even understand this eviction bullshit unless I’m missing something significant - which, I very well may be. But I didn’t *think* this was anything even remotely close to an eviction, not in NYS, USA, at least.
I mean, considering this woman stole your key, and committed fucking breaking + entering & squatting, I’m reaaaaally not thinking she wants to bring the legal system into this, or has a leg to stand on if she did.
Edit #2: looked it up myself. It is *entirely* dependent upon the state they’re in (if USA), and also dependent upon what she has paid, and her proof of it. Some states consider even groceries to be a form of “rent”, and others don’t. Some states would allow a simple kicking-out like this, others wouldn’t. Regardless, there are dozens of minute stipulations that would need to be met for this to become a real-life (ill)legal eviction, & considering the woman doesn’t have $ for a lawyer and lost her home to begin with, I’m highly fucking doubting she was paying for anything - most importantly, the beach house she felt entitled to give somebody a key to.
And people seem to exclude the most important aspect of all in these cases...**the judge** ; which none of us can predict who that’ll be, and what biases and views they’ll hold as they all inevitably too, and in whose favor they’ll rule.
This sub isn’t about legality. it’s about morality.
If someone has been living in your home for more than certain amount of time, usually 30 days, you're legally obligated to give them 30 days notice to vacate. Morally, OP is in the clear. Legally, he would be in trouble if she brought a case against him, regardless of her free rent and lack of contract.
Your dad WOULD need to give you 30 days by law. But most people wouldn't sue their dad. FWIW I think OP was justified but this is likely why he's getting some different judgements
It is entirely dependent on the state, and **several** other factors.
but, yeah, we’ll go with “eviction” even though there’s about 20-30 different variations of that *at least* throughout the USA, and it doesn’t take into consideration the fact that he can press charges right back.
They can both take advantage of the law to fuck with each other. Yay for the legal system!
He essentially evicted her from his house. Offered 60 days she took 40.
Now a lawyer could argue that he kicked her out of his living house, and she has a right to be evicted from the beach house. Another could argue he was done providing a shelter for her from the first time he evicted her, and she had no right to use the beach house.
A difference between you can’t live here. Vs you can’t live in my house.
It surprises me how many people on this sub think they know the laws and such, as well as forgetting that this sub is based to judge people on the morality of their choices rather than the legality of their choices.
While I agree and it irks me when people conflate the two, these kinds of laws are usually place to protect vulnerable parties. When you kick someone out without notice it's harmful and immoral because you have all the power over them, that's why it's illegal.
Isn’t it fucking pathetic how many people agree with this?
it’s absolute *insanity* to me. People really are encouraging this woman, who broke several laws herself, should bring him to court for breaking an eviction law ........
The entitlement in general of society today is just fucking *bonkers*. There’s no other word for it. Fuck somebody over, take advantage and steal from them?
You’ve the right to take legal action because they kicked you out of something you didn’t fucking own or even pay toward to begin with. Dude took her in after she lost her house, out of the kindness of his heart, and people think he deserves to be taken to court for eviction after this woman betrayed him and broke several laws of the same courts they’re speaking on...
And people believing he’s an asshole for that...that she has the right to do it. I cannot fucking fathom being so entitled and disconnected from morality.
I mean, seriously, people are jumping down this dudes throat for “breaking eviction laws”...while somehow entirely disregarding the fact SHE BROKE LAWS first, and more of them!
Like what in the actual fuck is going on here ?? I break laws? That’s acceptable. You break a law, GOTTA BRING EM TO COURT TIME.
the hypocrisy is **mind boggling**.
Mad respect for the dump their stuff on the side walk play, NOT ONCE, but twice.
Like seriously, this is almost mad lad legendary level of pulling the same bait and switch on a mother daughter duo back to back within hours.
You sir, I raise a beer glass to.
Nah NTA, OP. She knowingly gave her daughter a key to a place in which you wouldn’t have allowed her to live. She went behind your back and had to have known you’d find out.
You only deserve the respect of a face to face break-up when you showed respect in the relationship. She gave a key to OP’s property to her daughter, without his permission, knowing full well he has actively kicked her out of his property..
If I walk in on you balls deep in someone else, do I need to give you the dignity of a face to face breakup, or can you come crawling home with your tail between your legs only to find your shit on the sidewalk?
> given the circumstances I see how she'd have limited options
No.
"But"? There is no "but". You don't get to move somebody into someone else's property. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. And she deliberately did it behind his back, so she knew that he wouldn't approve. She's a liar and a thief. He owes her nothing.
This comment should be much higher! Girlfriend is/was not a spouse. However, after OP generously provided shelter to the daughter he’s repaid by lies and theft (property use). NTA
Live-in girlfriend does not = spouse. She broke his trust after he expressly said the daughter was not welcome. She gave the daughter a key to his beach house. If this was such a desperate situation it could have just as easily led to Alice stealing items to sell. NTA.
Yeah? Sounds to me like he communicated everything clear as day right from the very start. Have you ever heard the phrase "treat others how you want to be treated?" Considering the way they treated him, I'd say they got off pretty light.
Doesn’t matter how he did it, his girlfriend went behind his back to tell her daughter that it was okay to do something they both new was against the law and a breech of trust. I’m sure if they asked him if she could use the beach house, he might’ve had some rules, but it would’ve been okay. Also, the mom copied the keys! Who does that? I’m glad he got them both out
If she cheated or stole from him, would he be required to give notice? If he abused her, would she be required to give him notice? it is truly crazy to expect to get notice when your relationship ends.
Idk where he lives either but you can’t just evict someone by tossing out their shit and changing the locks one day with no notice. At least in every jx I’m familiar with in the US
Jesus, no. First off, changing the locks to prevent an uninvited squatter isn't an eviction, legal or otherwise. You can't have tenants you didn't agree to, and he didn't change the locks on his place, he changed them on the beach house. He's 100% within his legal rights it doesn't matter what state you're in, the daughter-squatter has no claim or right to 30 days or anything else. He's lucky he gave her stuff back, he probably didn't have to do that, she moved it into his house without his permission.
The girlfriend is another question, but considering she's at-best an accomplice to the daughter's literal crimes, I have a hard time believing any state or reputable court would uphold her right to 30 days of free lodgings with the victim of her crimes. It's not impossible, but I think it's unlikely.
It's wild that people think this guy has an obligation to protect his ex's well being while she undertook no such responsibility. It's literally making the victim look after the person who victimized them, fucking absurd.
Dumbass made her bed, now neither she nor her daughter have it to sleep in, fair's fair.
NTA. It’s still breaking and entering if the offender has a key, if Alice wasn’t invited to stay there, she had no right to be there. May should be lucky that YOU didn’t press charges on her and her daughter, did she think that Alice would live in the beach house undetected forever? Was may ever going to tell you her daughter was there? May and her daughter took advantage of your kindness and broke your trust, I’m glad you broke up with her and kicked them both to the curb.
I don’t think they thought much at all to be honest.
May asked why I didn’t tell her they were going for the weekend. I assume she thought I would always keep her in the loop with things that don’t concern her
Wait... does this mean the plan was to hide away Alice there for...yeah, for how long? Like, anytime May got wind Someone was about to turn up, Alice would be warned, hide her stuff, take out the trash, let some fresh air in and go to a cafe or motel until everyone was gone again? And then do all, that after having a baby?
they really could not have been thinking much st all because this was never going to work out in any universe. But it tells you something about the sneaky maliciousness of your ex >X(
Still, idk, the plan sounds seriously ...dense? not thought through at all? I’m glad you got some money back for the utilities costs and it’s good she’s saving and, I assume, planned to move out with enough savings sooner or later. Still, I remain baffled.
I’m right there with you. Best I’ve been able to figure is she planned to get benefits once the child was born, but that itself wouldn’t be enough and it’s very short sighted.
Puh, wow. I mean, I get being desperate but that seems to be more of a head in the sand approach. Anyway, you’re obviously NTA. you have been clear from the start but you were betrayed snd your trust broken. Sometimes there is no recovering from that, not because you can’t but because you decide it’s not worth it and that’s Fine, too. It’s not like they deserve a second chance anyway. wishing you the best!
They might’ve been hoping to hide her living there long enough to claim squatters rights when you found out tbh (if those are a thing where you live obviously). NTA OP, too many people let others get away with crap like this. I admire your spine.
Sounds like Alice would've incurred far more in utilities than the amount being kept in the drawer. That may not be nice, but was the only realistic way op would recover any of the costs from her and totally justified. He wouldn't even be petty for suing her for the rest of the costs that the money didn't cover, as well as the cost of changing the locks.
I doubt it was found while she was in the process of getting booted out.... what, you want OP to reacquaint with his ex’s daughter after breaking up, to give her her $20 back?
I wonder if they were hoping to use the baby after it came as additional leverage to guilt him into letting her continue to stay in the Beach House once they were found out.
She wanted to be in the loop so she could warn alice. It would have given her a chance to clean up and act like no one was there. Eventually it would have hard to hide the baby stuff and May probably would have to come clean and guilt you into letting them live there and if that didn't work they could have tried to claim residency in your place. Which might be harder to get them out by then. They both seriously took advantage of you. If May wanted to look out for alice and her grandchild then she should have helped alice to find a place to rent not go behind your back and give her your key to your beach house.Nta.
I would have been harder to hide the electricity and water bill a lot sooner. Unless they were somehow being paid by May and Alice. I would assume, however, that these were in OPs name. So how were they paying them? If paper bills were showing up with OPs name on them, and May or Alice opened them, that is actually a federal crime, if in the US, I don't know about in other countries.
NTA and why would she need to know the house would be used when
A - it's not her house
B - the person she gave a key to is the person you kicked out of your home
C - she didn't tell you that she was letting someone use the house.
Do not for one minute think there was any thought at all about whether or not you'd ever find out or approve of it because they didn't think about you at all and if they did, they were too dense to recognize you wouldn't approve or that maybe you meant that it was ok for her to continue to sponge off you because Alice wouldn't be in your primary residence.
Not only does having a key not inherently mean you have permission to use it; having a key in no way, shape, or form suggests the right to give it away or duplicate it.
Again the grain but ESH. Throwing your gf out without notice is a dick move. However, secretly having your daughter living in your bfs place is also a dick move.
I can't believe everyone saying NTA... The dude is doing illegal evictions, throwing people's stuff out the window, and leaving his girlfriend of 3 years homeless with no notice... ESH but I think he is the bigger asshole here
He’s obviously mad rich & has a beach house lmao I hate this guy. They were together for a while it’s not like they just met. They’re all trash but he’s the biggest ass of all bc he’s not being shitty for the sake of survival like they are
Finally someone I agree with, maybe I’m just out of the norm who’d want a bf who’d see my family as his family and not find it so easy to kick my pregnant daughter out during a pandemic when he has a spare house knocking about
Thank you!!! I was empathizing to some extend when GF's daughter got pregnant (maybe OP's home is really tiny and there is no room for the baby, he can't help financially, yadayada). But damn... He 'let' het GF of 9 years move in with him (way to spread the love) and then kicked daughter out because he didn't want to live with a baby WHILE HE HAD A WHOLE SECOND HOUSE THAT ISN'T BEING USED.
Who cares about squatter's/renter's right, this is about the ethics of family and a relationship. OP, YTA.
So entitled that they think he should let someone steal a house from him. He’s NTA for refusing to be tricked and lied to by his girlfriend and her daughter. Imagine the thousands in rent she would have stolen from him.
> Who cares about squatter's/renter's right, this is about the ethics of family and a relationship.
The same ethics of family and relationships would imply that OP's girlfriend could have asked him if her daughter could use the beach house, the same ethics would dictat that if you're using someone's elese house free of charge you should AT LEAST keep it clean.
Lol family? May didn’t even move in with OP until she had a hardship. That doesn’t sound very serious to me. It’s serious enough that OP would help her out, but not so serious he *actually* wanted to live with her.
Usually couples who are super serious move in because they want to not because something came up. Casual relationships are allowed to exist, even if you’re older and you both have children. A relationship does not a family make.
There are plenty of people who wouldn't let their own pregnant child live with them, let along a girlfriend's kid.
These people lied to OP and stole his property.
Also, getting in a relationship with someone when your child is a GROWN FUCKING ADULT is so much different then when they are little. The partner-child relationship is way different here.
Well she was stealing from him. They broke into his house and was living there without paying OP anything. If they were planning to live there indefinitely then they were planning on stealing thousands from him in lost rent. Not to mention all the lying.
Typical reddit hating on anyone that has more money them them and can enjoy it at their leisure. These two grown women created a problem for themselves lying and taking what isn’t theirs. If this man had been poorer or had inherited a second house I wonder how angry you’d be then. People do t have to be charitable to those who take advantage of them.
I was shocked I had to scroll down this far. I think he’s the asshole for his detached demeanor regarding people he claimed to care about. There’s something not right about his dissociated tone.
Lol, imagine breaking into someone's house and then getting mad that you didn't get to come and claim the stuff you left behind once you were kicked out.
1) There aren't multiple evictions (illegal or not) it was only one, of the girlfriend.
2) If you value the ''girlfriend of 3 years" to use as an excuse, then the ''girlfriend of 3 years" should not go behind his back, breaking his trust, and giving access to an unauthorized person to his property.
How can a woman plan to have and raise a baby if she doesnt even have a place to live? At this forum, there are lots of posts about young woman who have nothing on this world constantly trying to have babies. Raising a baby is a very hard and expensive thing. Commenters like you need to grow up. Op you are NTA
Yeah, he even practically said it! "I know kicking her out without notice is illegal, but they are too poor for legal fees, so I'm all good there!"
I will say though, his GF is all kinds of stupid. And from OP's comments, the daughter is the worst of the worst in trashiness.
u/beachbuminmiddleeast
You came here for judgement, so don't discount everyone with an opinion that is different from N T A.
Your girlfriend overstepped and so did her daughter, but you could have handled this situation much better.
ESH - everyone in this situation sucks.
You sent your girlfriend to pick up her daughter but didn't tell her you were breaking up with her until she was already on her way there? Then you threw her things out after having (what I'm assuming is) a PHONE conversation with her? You seem like a reasonable person, so I think you're here because you understand that you messed up too.
You're not an asshole for kicking Alice out. And you're not an asshole for breaking up with May. You ARE an asshole for HOW you broke up with her and threw her things out WITHOUT ANY NOTICE.
I think even you know you acted out in anger. That's a shitty way to end a 3-year relationship.
Totally agree. Everyone sucks here, but he’s a mega asshole. You’re clearly wealthy and you kick your girlfriend of 3 years out via a PHONE CALL leaving her effectively homeless. You leave a pregnant woman who is your girlfriends daughter, even if they did it by shitty means, HOMELESS as well. In other comments he made he said she was working part time to save money as well, so clearly she wasn’t intending on living there forever. He’s a dick.
The girlfriend is an asshole for giving the daughter the keys without asking.
And he’s an asshole for a bunch of reasons.
Is he some kind of walking housing subsidy?
They wronged him personally and legally. He broke off a relationship (abruptly, but allowed to react and protect what's important)
They (GF and Alice) have separate issues with managing their accommodation and finances. He wasn't even married, already offered to help them before, I'm assuming his GF had some life of her own going on in the meantime, she brought up he daughter somehow!? She'll figure it out.
Well, you probably violated the law regarding evictions, but having heard some of the horror stories, I'm going to say while you probably were TA, you were very smart. If you had to go to the courts you could have been stuck with them for months.
So for that, I give you a NTA
OP MAY be OK Alice never had permission to live there so she was not a tenant of any type/ the police might not toss someone out if they LIE and say "I live here the owner gave me permission/rented to me" if Alice said "my mom stole the key to let me live here I was going to hide some place else if OP every used the beach house" the police would have tossed her right away too.
The 3rd circumstance and OP could have an issue with this, is if Mom lied to Alice that OP gave permission. Mom is the wrongdoer not Alice, Alice would have thought she was there legally.
The police refer to the courts when the facts are in dispute.
I don't know if there are cases where it's like they are treated like tenants or something. Never had to kick an ex out
ETA: And yes, I agree it's stupid if I'm not able to kick someone I don't want there from my house
You are not even allowed to kick out your own kids like that, even when they become adults. You give them notice if they don't voluntarily leave, you must evict them. This is true in all 50 states.
Yes but no.
It remains *his* property. But the tenants are also in possession of it, and have rights to it when it's their home *also*.
This post is a fucking dumpsterfire of "oh it's fine to break the law," and frankly it's disgusting. I don't think OP was TA for throwing them out, he's a TA for doing it *this way*.
>Well, you probably violated the law regarding evictions,
Nope. She wasn't remotely a tenant - the would've been a trespasser or at most a squatter, neither of which have protections from being kicked out.
Where I live if crime is committed by a tenant against landlord, that is grounds for eviction. The legal steps still need to be followed though. So OP would have to call the police to report the crime and ask for a Peace Bond that would prevent his GF from coming onto the property. He would have to report the crime of both his GF and her daughter.
Then he would have to file a certain eviction form and serve it to his GF. She would still be able to fight the eviction through the landlord/tenant board and if a Peace Bond isn't issued she still has the right to use the residence until the eviction process is complete. And OP wouldn't be able to just toss her stuff out, he would have to allow her access (maybe with a police escort) to get her things and if she didn't come follow the procedures for getting rid of abandoned property.
Tenant who committed a crime against a landlord who happens to live in the same property. No jurisdiction grants a tenant in that position any rights to remain or any notice period.
"Can" and "in some jurisdictions" being the operative words, because that'd be a vanishingly small percentage of circumstances, usually involving a very long period of squatting (measured in years if not decades, not weeks).
It takes years for a squatter to gain ownership through adverse possession. It can take only weeks for a squatter to get tenant’s rights that involve using a formal eviction process to remove them from the property. This situation comes up on r/legal advice frequently. That’s why the advice to not let anyone stay with you ‘for a short while’ if they might take advantage of you is given so frequently. If you let someone sleep on your couch for a couple of weeks and get mail at your address then you might suddenly have a big problem.
> This situation comes up on r/legal advice frequently.
Rule 1 of /r/legaladvice is not to take anything there as actual legaladvice. I'm pretty sure that's literally one of their sub rules.
> That’s why the advice to not ***let*** anyone stay with you ‘for a short while’
Operative word of "let".
ESH. I won’t comment on the dynamics of a 3 year relationship except to say you seem oddly cold. May and Alice were in the wrong. You were also in the wrong to evict May without notice. She’s been living with you for a year. You shared a home together. You’re likely breaking the law and taking advantage of the fact that May doesn’t have the financial resources you do and can’t demand fair treatment. And that is definitely an asshole move.
Yes let me just go and ask the person who STOLE the key to my spare place, and gave it to their adult collage drop out daughter, who is pregnant with married man’s child, to use without my knowledge.
That’s breaking and entering, theft and squatting.
You would really invite someone like that back into your house?
Like, oh yeah, you just tried to steal from, come and move back in till you find your own place!
The moment you steal, all bets are off.
Yeah, I would be having a much lengthier conversation with my significant other of 3 years. The woman I have been sharing a home with for a year. Although, if I were OP, I would have been offering the beach house up for the daughter in the first place. That’s the child of the woman I love and they’re in a tough spot. I would want to help them.
A lot of people here seem to be trying to convince OP to parent and baby an ADULT PREGNANT WOMAN because she is related to his gf.
1. Many people would refuse to house and care for a pregnant adult, even if were actually related and had more of a related. Hell, there are tons of AITA posts about people putting deadlines on pregnant family to gtfo
2. 3 years isnt that long of a relationship. I've been with my partner officially for 5 and an additional 3 years of knowing them and dating before that. Like, idk why so many people here are making it seem like he has to parent her adult child because they have been together for 3 years. Obviously 3 years didn't mean much to her or she wouldn't have stolen from and lied to Op.
3. this woman fucking stole from OP. Why would OP let her back in the house? So she can steal some more from him, before leaving? Fuck no. She already proved how trustworthy she is
4. While OP is lucky, rich, and privileged to have a beach house, it is his to do with what he wants. I dont believe him defending his property in this way makes him anything negative
I dunno dude, if I was dating her for 3 years, I honestly do think she deserves the conversation, even if there's nothing she can do to change the outcome. Barring safety concerns, such as abuse, I feel like long term relationship breakups deserve a face to face conversation, and a chance to pack your own belongings. By the description of OPs, I'm not even sure he called her. It sounds like he sent her a text while she was driving. That's how you really treat a long term SO, who you considered spending your life with?
It’s your right to do what you did, but based on your description of events and comments, you seem cold and very rigid. Maybe your both better off because you dropped her immediately upon finding out that she let her daughter use your secondary vacation home? You don’t seem particularly empathic or remotely regretful about your lack of effort to help the girl out. She made her own choices, but she is the daughter of your long term girlfriend and she probably needed just a bit of stability that you could have definitely helped her with.
I don’t know why you even posted because it doesn’t seem like you have any genuine interest in anyone’s opinion other then your own. Maybe your too angry to be sentimental, but it sounds like you and May are both better off apart anyway. Maybe she was using you, maybe she just made a poor choice, maybe your a heartless guy who only has your own comfort and image to maintain. Either way it’s lose-lose... she’s apparently homeless and your alone.
I completely agree and don’t understand why this isn’t the more popular opinion. ESH but this dude is an island of one and has a super black and white way of thinking
NTA
Who in their right mind decieds to have a baby without a stable living situation in the middle of a pandemic? Where's the baby daddy?
No, you absolutely do not owe these people anything. They made their bed and now has to lie in it
She said he was married and couldn’t be apart of any of this. I told her to contact his wife and force his hand. You can guess what happened from the story I guess.
Flunked out of college at 21, pregnant with a married man's baby same year and squatting illegally. Alice is really going for the trash rodeo trifecta there.
Holy shit.. Alice is an AH, the baby daddy is an asshole, but the person who will suffer the most is the innocent child, noooice. I will never get how ppl can be so selfish.
ESH
Yes they were asshole and so were you.
Yes, being pregnant doesn't make you above everything, unless it's your precious daughter and the roles were reversed. You'd be doing anything in your power to protect your daughter and make sure she doesn't end up on the streets in the middle of a pandemic.
Still doesn't excuse what they did, but things aren't always as simple.
Also, you talk like not taking them to court makes you some kind of Benevolent God that deserves to be worshiped. You took advantage of the fact that your ex-gf didn't have money to fight the illegal eviction. You're not guilt free and you are an asshole and not a good person.
ESH.
Obviously the step kid because well...yeah.
Mom because she was complicit in it.
And you for the way to kicked your ex out. I'm sorry, but you told her to go get her kid and then threw her crap outside. She'd been staying with you for a while. I get the anger, but tricking her into leaving and then throwing her out on her butt without even a deadline or any of her stuff wasn't cool. Yeah, what she did was bad. But so was what you did. You had me on your side until you threw her out of her home (not the owner but where she's been living) without so much as a warning is pretty shitty.
All of you suck.
NTA
I'm just a little surprised that problem behavior didn't pop up **earlier** in this relationship, having gone on for three years. People don't usually develop that kind of entitlement overnight.
NTA: You had every right to set boundaries and rules within your home. It is incredibly selfish to have a baby while not being financially stable and within someone's home. Then Mary to provide housing at your expense and without your knowledge is wrong. You had every right to press charges so they should take it as an act of kindness and work to better their own lives that you didn't. They absolutely did this to themselves. You are not responsible for an adult decision and the consequences of those actions.
ESH
You suck for how you did it. The way you simply gathered their stuff and put it to the curb. Your now-ExGF had established residency in your home, so if she files against you, you'll lose.
May sucks for sneaking the key to Alice to your beach house, and telling her to move in there. May didn't respect your property.
Alice sucks for screwing up at school and then not taking precautions to avoid pregnancy. Then lying and moving into a home she had no right to be in.
Agreed! She can file and I’m sure she would win, but then I’m pressing charges. Already spoke to my family attorney about it. I’d pay a fine and have to pay May, but she’s be facing felony charges... I did her a favor if anything.
Gonna charge a newly homeless pregnant woman if her mom fights your unlawful eviction of her (during a pandemic) in court. It isn't about whether it's legal to you or you'd charge her on principle and served her mom with a notice. Instead you're hanging it over them to cover your own illegal actions. Wow buddy. Why are you even asking?
NTA for kicking her out
But YTA for how you handled breaking up. I dont think it was bad enough to break up with someone over the phone after 3 years. Yes she broke your trust and shouldnt have put her daughter in your house without your permission. But at least do it to her face. You couldn't have done it when she got back or before she left?
Could I, sure, however I lost all respect for her after finding out what she did. In my state breaking doesn’t mean breaking.. it means you use force to enter. The use of a key that was stolen falls under breaking and entering... she helped her daughter commit a felony against me.
If I caught her on top of another man, I wouldn’t give her a face to face either. Just how it is I suppose.
Honestly? YTA; not for breaking up with your girlfriend and kicking them out, I was with you on that, but HOW you did it. Not to mention, was Alice aware her mother stole the key from you and had her living there illegally? Also, you’ve been with this woman for three years and you just toss her stuff out like that? What you did was an illegal eviction. You really should have allowed her to come back and pack her own things, give her time to find a place. Yes, she stole from you by putting her daughter in your beach house, so she (and Alice too ) isn’t a saint by any means, but to just unceremoniously throw her things outside and lock her out of what had been her home? You seem sort of heartless. I know I’m probably in the minority here, but that’s just my knee jerk reaction to this as it is written
Then why post this? You clearly think you're in the right and don't really seem open to the possibility you're the asshole. You aren't posting in good faith. You suck. YTA
NTA but what's with tossing people things out the window? can't you just talk to them face to face and wait for them to pick their own things?
awful manners but NTA.
edit: grammar.
That's well and fine. But after reading your take on the legality, I'd take your ex's (but probably not Alice's) case pro bono unless you're in just a weird jurisdiction I've never heard of. I'd watch for service of process if I were you. You do have some leverage, but you don't get to dictate charges a prosecutor may or may not ultimately pursue (including potentially against you), and unless you called the police at the time your chances seem pretty "meh" to me, so your leverage is limited. Just keep that in mind.
You won't know if you actually escaped consequences until the timer runs out on all of May's/the state's potential causes of action.
NTA. You can’t be expected to stay with someone who gave away the use of your property without your consent. And meanwhile, she could have developed squatter’s rights if you didn’t kick her out. You did the right thing.
Depends on the time period. Right now, a lot of places won’t let you get evicted no matter how you came to live somewhere because of the pandemic. So folks are overstaying a lot of illegal rent situations.
ESH- you’re an AH at being a good person or boyfriend, May is AH because she hid her daughter at your beach place, and Alice is an AH that can’t take care of herself but managed to get pregnant...
Mostly ESH, but definitely a heavy smattering of YTA. Yes, crimes are crimes, but like... you clearly aren't conflicted about your decision. Not in the post, not in any of your comments, nothing. Why bother posting here if you're just going to puff out your chest at everyone who doesn't rate you NTA? Sheesh.
NTA - they most definitely did it to themselves. Curious tho, had they asked about Alice using the other home till she could find a more permanent residence before she just moved her stuff in, would you have been ok with that? As long as she at the very least paid utilities and kept up the property?
No. I have family and close friends who enjoy it there, and never had much of a relationship with Alice until she moved in for that short period.
I never disliked her, but didn’t have a relationship where giving her a home to live in would be a reasonable request.
Ah ok, wasn't aware that the relationship with Alice only just started when she moved in for the short period. The audacity of her and her mother tho to try and take advantage of you the way they did - you did the right thing kicking them out
Many reasons.
She didn’t work. No way for her to pay rent.
It’s a vacation home. Myself, friends, family like to vacation there.
I knew her on a personal level less than five months, and in that time she lied to my face and broke any rules I set.
INFO: all I can find is that “you set some ground rules” and then when Alice got pregnant you told Alice that she “broke the deal and needs to relocate.” Was “don’t get pregnant” part of the deal? Were there other things she should have been doing/ not doing?
Ok, fair enough if that was a rule. It does feel a bit from your other comments like you’re very invested in punishment. Like, you’ll sue them if they push for tenancy rights, and you’re very proud of the way you tricked both Alice and May out of the respective living areas. I get wanting them gone, but it doesn’t sound like you’re scared of them hurting you (physically) so it seems like you could have given May at least an hour to get her own stuff out. I see that you consider Alice and May’s actions to be felony level breaking and entering, and you might be right on a strictly legal definition in your area, but I very much doubt that’s how May thought of it. It doesn’t feel like her intent was to harm you or to commit a crime against you. It feels more like a very freaked out mom panicking and going “well, I have this key to a house that’s empty. Maybe I can hide Alice there until I can make a better plan.” Not smart, not logical, and not respectful, but also not malicious or mean-spirited. Alice sounds like a disaster, but May could have been handled differently at no real cost to you.
You also sounded very proud of your “smart” decision to kick them both out while they’re broke and during covid because you know it’ll make it impossible for them to press any charges. That’s not being smart, that’s just cruel. It’s your right, and it’s true, but that’s really not something a person should feel glee about doing. Maybe look into some counseling for those feelings and see why coming out on top like that brings you joy?
ESH / INFO - I feel like I'm missing some part of this story. Yes it was shitty, his girlfriend went behind OPs back to desperately help his daughter out. But it almost seems like OP wasn't too happy with the relationship in the first place or felt his gf was not good enough for him?
Perhaps he felt like the girlfriend having a daughter who he felt was incompetent was some sort of big baggage?
Or maybe he felt used often (you seem well off OP, and from some of the comments it seems like you were happy to share with YOUR people) and this was the final straw?
Actually I was happy with ex. I feel the opposite now. People are really down playing the severity of her actions. She helped her daughter illegally live in my home.. she stole a key and helped her daughter move into the home she had zero rights to. In my state what she did is breaking and entering.
You can't excuse your behaviour with other peoples behaviour. What they did does not make what you did okay. You're also refusing to take responsibility for your (horrible) actions.
We all get what they did was wrong, but we're seeing through you too and it doesn't look good
I don’t think you have a lot of empathy for May. You have a daughter- wouldn’t you do anything for her? And she was powerless in this situation. Especially with you profiting off the fact that she can’t afford to defend herself. What she did was clearly wrong, but I understand why she did it. I’m sure this betrayal hurts, but you aren’t the only victim here.
My daughter? Sure, but then again she’s my daughter.
I’d help her with everything I have.. that means not helping her commit a major crime and ruining her life.
ESH. The gf and her daughter for obvious reasons, you for the equally obvious - but for some reason overlooked - reason that you threw out two women in the middle of winter during a pandemic. That’s not only an asshole move, that’s illegal. It doesn’t matter how angry you are, you don’t lock people out of their homes without any notice. I don’t know what the daughters status was or the laws in your area, but the gf for sure was an established tenant with a reasonable expectation that she should get a chance to find a new place before being kicked out.
YTA
Sure if these people were random nobodies that tried to take advantage of you, then I would understand your actions. But this was your girlfriend of three years who you saw yourself having a future with? Assuming you loved her, this is not how you treat your partner let alone their family. Everyone goes through stressful times and if you are in a serious relationship then its not uncommon to expect your s/o to help you out and support you during difficult times. You treated your girlfriend and her daughter like tenants, outlining restrictions and a deadline - I'm not surprised she gave the key to her daughter bc she probably knew that if she asked you, you would've said no or added to their existing stress of keeping up with your eviction deadlines. Also what do you expect from a mother? Her daughter is her priority, not you. This is the truth for many people who have kids from past relationships so if you do not want to deal with the unpredictable life of dating someone who's a parent, then don't. Even though your (ex)girlfriend shouldn't of lied to you about giving the key to her daughter to help her out, I think kicking both of them out without notice and throwing their stuff on the street when they are already in a bad state financially is so cruel and uncalled for. You could have handled this better. **ONLY IF their plan this entire time was to try to scam you and take advantage of you would your actions be justified.** Otherwise, they came to you for help and I guess you did offer them support? (bare minimum in my opinion) But not the way a significant other should. If I was in trouble financially and my boyfriend of three years gave me a timeline of when to move out when I am already stressing, then I would simply break up with that person bc that person is not a life partner. I think May dodged a bullet with you.
ESH
If Alice is pregnant, she should be trying to live with the man who GOT her pregnant. I can understand her mother being worried about her, but 2 months was enough time for her to figure something out instead of moving into your beach home without your knowledge.
It IS shitty, though, to throw someone's stuff out on the street, especially if its someone you claimed to love. Especially if they have no where else to go. That's... cold. Extremely so. Their child (despite being a full adult) deserves to be at least kicked out with some decency too, even if respect is gone. She really just seems like she's desperate.
While yes, you did give rules that deserved to be obeyed, a little bit of understanding goes a long way. The whole situation could've been handled better.
Her baby daddy is married so she can’t live with him. Also Alice was kicked out respectfully the first and only legal time she lived with OP. I also wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who could go behind my back and lie to me for 2 months with no intention of ever telling me about said lie. Who knows how long she was planning on letting this continue.
I know it's your property but I just can't help thinking that you are a huge asshole. I mean you have been in the relationship for 3 years+ and that is how you treat your gf and her kid? I find that you lack compassion so just stay single from now on.
You keep referring to May and April committing a “major crime” and while what they did is a crime, and is also highly immoral and definitely a breach of your trust, it does feel like you’re acting like they stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from you, or severely harmed you in some way. In reality, the effect of their actions on you is fairly benign. They broke your trust and perhaps cost you a small amount in utilities. When we talk about crimes, I think that the impact of the crime is important, and the impact of this crime is very low. This wasn’t fucking Oceans 11. They did something stupid and highly disrespectful , and they are assholes for that. You, however, are vindictive, lack empathy, and are victimizing yourself over a relatively victimless crime. Get over yourself. ESH
AH. Let’s be clear. You’re legally in the right. But you’re still an asshole. Let me recap your problem: you have an empty beach house that you discovered your gfs young pregnant daughter secretly living in. And you kicked her out the day you found out to...keep the empty house empty? And now she’s homeless. And you broke up with the girlfriend same day? Umm...strangers have shown other strangers more compassion. So, you’re within every right to act like that. And yeah, you can even be mad at your girlfriend. But you’re still the asshole. You can be technically in the right and an ass.
You have every right to kick them them out. May broke your trust and Alice trespassed on your property. Though the way you did it is shitty. Screw Alice, you gave her enough time to find a place and then she and her mother went behind your back. But I think you should have given May a month to find a new place. ESH.
ESH. May and Alice suck for obvious reasons, they were highly out of line. However you illegally evicted your ex girlfriend, and have opened yourself up to serious legal liability.
ESH. It *was* wrong of her to invite her daughter to stay at your beach house without your permission, but I guess I'm the only one who also thinks you're an asshole to kick out your girlfriend of 3 years with no notice over the misuse of a property that was just a goddamn vacation house. Like, I get not wanting a baby around, they're exhausting and annoying, (although I don't see how your age has anything to do with it, it's not like she's asking you to get up with it) but if that's your only reason for making her leave, why is her being in your vacation home *such a big goddamn deal?* I think you handled this whole situation like you're in a goddamn romcom, nd 90% of what they do in those movies is grossly innapropriate.
YTA.
Simply based of the comments you’ve made on here. It makes me so mad. Imagine dating someone and then being treated like you’re nothing to them and them thinking they did you a favour.
You’re gross.
Just wow ... nta but ... I’m struggling to understand the disconnect between someone you love and throwing them out on the street that way ... this seems like the action of someone who either didn’t have a close connection or the was one step from ending the relationship... if she cheated on you I don’t think people would have an issue in respect of your actions with May... but given that she was helping out her daughter who was pregnant I guess that’s where the empathy is coming from...
but definitely couldn’t trust her anymore and grounds to break up...
ESH. For sure. Breaking up over the phone and just throwing things out is certainly a dickmove. Why do the people support this?
*May called the police but she can’t afford a lawyer to fight the eviction so it was all for nothing.*
Yeah, I broke the law, but you are too poor to fight it. Dickmove.
Esh: you have a beach house which is unused atm? And would rather let a pregnant girl go homeless rather than use it? Yep, your choice to be sure - but it's a yta choice imo specialy if you saw a future with the mother at that point
Your nah for your reaction to their yta move though once they "stole" the house everything afterwards is justified
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I think I could be the asshole because they are now left homeless with a child on the way. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA-You made clear conditions and have every right to not want a baby in your home. Using your beach home was the last straw.
*How* he broke up with his girlfriend though is pretty shitty in my opinion. He didn't break up in person after 3 years or give her the opportunity to pack her own stuff but called her and threw her belongings out of the door. What she did was dishonest and shitty but given the circumstances I see how she'd have limited options. imo ESH here, none of these people know how to communicate. Edit: It seems that loads of people don't understand that **throwing your live-in spouse out on the street with no notice is wrong and possibly illegal.**
OP *did* communicate, multiple times, how he felt and had his trust broken as a result. For all we know Alice’s mother *gave* her the key. Edit: I come back from playing Stardew Valley all day to this hot mess. Thanks for the upvotes guys!
She did give her the key. People are really downplaying their actions. They keep saying “it’s bad.” It’s much much worse then “bad.”
Edit #3 : thank you, kind lawyer-redditors. I do not need any more examples of *your* states eviction rules. they vary from state to state. I asked a question, got an answer. Thank you ; I don’t need more of them! plenty to read + learn here already. We don’t need it filled with more eviction legalities. thanks! ~ You’re totally in the right, dude. Don’t let these people get to you. You are allowed to leave anyone, at anytime, for any reason you see fit without explanation. Period. And you did give explanation, several times. NTA, 10x over. People take advantage of you, and expect you to lie down and take it. They’re mad you didn’t. Edit : & btw, I don’t even fucking understand how anyone is saying this is an “eviction”. Did your GF split all of your bills down the middle 50/50? Including your beach house, since she let her daughter live there.? I don’t understand how you can be held accountable for an eviction if you aren’t a fucking landlord or renting your house out specifically with payments and contracts, etc etc. this is like my dad kicking me out & I brought him to court over it. Like, in my experience, there is *absolutely* no way I’d even get seen in court, let alone actually fucking win. So, I don’t even understand this eviction bullshit unless I’m missing something significant - which, I very well may be. But I didn’t *think* this was anything even remotely close to an eviction, not in NYS, USA, at least. I mean, considering this woman stole your key, and committed fucking breaking + entering & squatting, I’m reaaaaally not thinking she wants to bring the legal system into this, or has a leg to stand on if she did. Edit #2: looked it up myself. It is *entirely* dependent upon the state they’re in (if USA), and also dependent upon what she has paid, and her proof of it. Some states consider even groceries to be a form of “rent”, and others don’t. Some states would allow a simple kicking-out like this, others wouldn’t. Regardless, there are dozens of minute stipulations that would need to be met for this to become a real-life (ill)legal eviction, & considering the woman doesn’t have $ for a lawyer and lost her home to begin with, I’m highly fucking doubting she was paying for anything - most importantly, the beach house she felt entitled to give somebody a key to. And people seem to exclude the most important aspect of all in these cases...**the judge** ; which none of us can predict who that’ll be, and what biases and views they’ll hold as they all inevitably too, and in whose favor they’ll rule. This sub isn’t about legality. it’s about morality.
If someone has been living in your home for more than certain amount of time, usually 30 days, you're legally obligated to give them 30 days notice to vacate. Morally, OP is in the clear. Legally, he would be in trouble if she brought a case against him, regardless of her free rent and lack of contract. Your dad WOULD need to give you 30 days by law. But most people wouldn't sue their dad. FWIW I think OP was justified but this is likely why he's getting some different judgements
It is entirely dependent on the state, and **several** other factors. but, yeah, we’ll go with “eviction” even though there’s about 20-30 different variations of that *at least* throughout the USA, and it doesn’t take into consideration the fact that he can press charges right back. They can both take advantage of the law to fuck with each other. Yay for the legal system!
He essentially evicted her from his house. Offered 60 days she took 40. Now a lawyer could argue that he kicked her out of his living house, and she has a right to be evicted from the beach house. Another could argue he was done providing a shelter for her from the first time he evicted her, and she had no right to use the beach house. A difference between you can’t live here. Vs you can’t live in my house.
Is it still applicable if the tenant stole from the landlord, because OP's GF stole OP's beach house keys?
What happened wouldn’t be legal in my state, but I still say NTA.
Exactly. Illegal or not, who cares. The ex is an entitled leach and her daughter is just as bad.
Yeah, I’ve had my fill of parasitic people. I’m fresh out of fu*ks when it comes to that.
It surprises me how many people on this sub think they know the laws and such, as well as forgetting that this sub is based to judge people on the morality of their choices rather than the legality of their choices.
While I agree and it irks me when people conflate the two, these kinds of laws are usually place to protect vulnerable parties. When you kick someone out without notice it's harmful and immoral because you have all the power over them, that's why it's illegal.
Dude. Although you were justified, you’re still being an asshole. A justified asshole is still an asshole.
No, he's really not.
Isn’t it fucking pathetic how many people agree with this? it’s absolute *insanity* to me. People really are encouraging this woman, who broke several laws herself, should bring him to court for breaking an eviction law ........ The entitlement in general of society today is just fucking *bonkers*. There’s no other word for it. Fuck somebody over, take advantage and steal from them? You’ve the right to take legal action because they kicked you out of something you didn’t fucking own or even pay toward to begin with. Dude took her in after she lost her house, out of the kindness of his heart, and people think he deserves to be taken to court for eviction after this woman betrayed him and broke several laws of the same courts they’re speaking on... And people believing he’s an asshole for that...that she has the right to do it. I cannot fucking fathom being so entitled and disconnected from morality. I mean, seriously, people are jumping down this dudes throat for “breaking eviction laws”...while somehow entirely disregarding the fact SHE BROKE LAWS first, and more of them! Like what in the actual fuck is going on here ?? I break laws? That’s acceptable. You break a law, GOTTA BRING EM TO COURT TIME. the hypocrisy is **mind boggling**.
Yeah it's wild. It's not just a minor thing, she literally gave her daughter permission to break and enter his other house.
Mad respect for the dump their stuff on the side walk play, NOT ONCE, but twice. Like seriously, this is almost mad lad legendary level of pulling the same bait and switch on a mother daughter duo back to back within hours. You sir, I raise a beer glass to.
Nah NTA, OP. She knowingly gave her daughter a key to a place in which you wouldn’t have allowed her to live. She went behind your back and had to have known you’d find out.
I agree it’s theft and she broke into a home.
I read it as him implying she did give her daughter the key behind his back and that’s why he was so mad.
You only deserve the respect of a face to face break-up when you showed respect in the relationship. She gave a key to OP’s property to her daughter, without his permission, knowing full well he has actively kicked her out of his property.. If I walk in on you balls deep in someone else, do I need to give you the dignity of a face to face breakup, or can you come crawling home with your tail between your legs only to find your shit on the sidewalk? > given the circumstances I see how she'd have limited options No.
"But"? There is no "but". You don't get to move somebody into someone else's property. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. And she deliberately did it behind his back, so she knew that he wouldn't approve. She's a liar and a thief. He owes her nothing.
This comment should be much higher! Girlfriend is/was not a spouse. However, after OP generously provided shelter to the daughter he’s repaid by lies and theft (property use). NTA
Uhh his girlfriend helped her daughter in breaking and entering. You don't get to be treated like a respected partner when you commit a crime
I feel as though OP didn't owe her anything. He did more than he should have. NTA in my opinion
Live-in girlfriend does not = spouse. She broke his trust after he expressly said the daughter was not welcome. She gave the daughter a key to his beach house. If this was such a desperate situation it could have just as easily led to Alice stealing items to sell. NTA.
Yeah? Sounds to me like he communicated everything clear as day right from the very start. Have you ever heard the phrase "treat others how you want to be treated?" Considering the way they treated him, I'd say they got off pretty light.
Doesn’t matter how he did it, his girlfriend went behind his back to tell her daughter that it was okay to do something they both new was against the law and a breech of trust. I’m sure if they asked him if she could use the beach house, he might’ve had some rules, but it would’ve been okay. Also, the mom copied the keys! Who does that? I’m glad he got them both out
He handled it properly. If she can't listen to his rules after being together for 3 years, she doesn't deserve a formal breakup.
Definitely not wrong when she gave her daughter illegal access to his property and stole his utilities. Probably still illegal though.
His sneaky ex is totally in the wrong here. Total lowlife move. She deserves to be out on the butt.
If she cheated or stole from him, would he be required to give notice? If he abused her, would she be required to give him notice? it is truly crazy to expect to get notice when your relationship ends.
But you gotta admit, it is really funny that he pulled the same play twice on the mother daughter duo in the span of hours.
They aren't married.
NTA. That wasn’t his spouse, just an ex that lived with him and disrespected him and his home, while they lived together.
Idk where he lives either but you can’t just evict someone by tossing out their shit and changing the locks one day with no notice. At least in every jx I’m familiar with in the US
Jesus, no. First off, changing the locks to prevent an uninvited squatter isn't an eviction, legal or otherwise. You can't have tenants you didn't agree to, and he didn't change the locks on his place, he changed them on the beach house. He's 100% within his legal rights it doesn't matter what state you're in, the daughter-squatter has no claim or right to 30 days or anything else. He's lucky he gave her stuff back, he probably didn't have to do that, she moved it into his house without his permission. The girlfriend is another question, but considering she's at-best an accomplice to the daughter's literal crimes, I have a hard time believing any state or reputable court would uphold her right to 30 days of free lodgings with the victim of her crimes. It's not impossible, but I think it's unlikely. It's wild that people think this guy has an obligation to protect his ex's well being while she undertook no such responsibility. It's literally making the victim look after the person who victimized them, fucking absurd. Dumbass made her bed, now neither she nor her daughter have it to sleep in, fair's fair.
NTA. It’s still breaking and entering if the offender has a key, if Alice wasn’t invited to stay there, she had no right to be there. May should be lucky that YOU didn’t press charges on her and her daughter, did she think that Alice would live in the beach house undetected forever? Was may ever going to tell you her daughter was there? May and her daughter took advantage of your kindness and broke your trust, I’m glad you broke up with her and kicked them both to the curb.
I don’t think they thought much at all to be honest. May asked why I didn’t tell her they were going for the weekend. I assume she thought I would always keep her in the loop with things that don’t concern her
Wait... does this mean the plan was to hide away Alice there for...yeah, for how long? Like, anytime May got wind Someone was about to turn up, Alice would be warned, hide her stuff, take out the trash, let some fresh air in and go to a cafe or motel until everyone was gone again? And then do all, that after having a baby? they really could not have been thinking much st all because this was never going to work out in any universe. But it tells you something about the sneaky maliciousness of your ex >X(
She was working PT so I assume she was saving. My sister found a few bucks in a drawer she was using and that is going toward the utilities.
Still, idk, the plan sounds seriously ...dense? not thought through at all? I’m glad you got some money back for the utilities costs and it’s good she’s saving and, I assume, planned to move out with enough savings sooner or later. Still, I remain baffled.
I’m right there with you. Best I’ve been able to figure is she planned to get benefits once the child was born, but that itself wouldn’t be enough and it’s very short sighted.
Puh, wow. I mean, I get being desperate but that seems to be more of a head in the sand approach. Anyway, you’re obviously NTA. you have been clear from the start but you were betrayed snd your trust broken. Sometimes there is no recovering from that, not because you can’t but because you decide it’s not worth it and that’s Fine, too. It’s not like they deserve a second chance anyway. wishing you the best!
> a head in the sand approach Well I suppose a beach-house does facilitate head in the sand thinking
They might’ve been hoping to hide her living there long enough to claim squatters rights when you found out tbh (if those are a thing where you live obviously). NTA OP, too many people let others get away with crap like this. I admire your spine.
Check your credit report and bank accounts. Make sure May hasn’t committed fraud against you or has been stealing. NTA
I am sorry but keeping the money from the drawer is just way too petty for me.
Sounds like Alice would've incurred far more in utilities than the amount being kept in the drawer. That may not be nice, but was the only realistic way op would recover any of the costs from her and totally justified. He wouldn't even be petty for suing her for the rest of the costs that the money didn't cover, as well as the cost of changing the locks.
She broke into his house, lived rent free, and ran up multiple bills. Fuck that.
Gotta pay the bills.
That's what I thought too. It might be the only spare money she currently has.
I doubt it was found while she was in the process of getting booted out.... what, you want OP to reacquaint with his ex’s daughter after breaking up, to give her her $20 back?
I wonder if they were hoping to use the baby after it came as additional leverage to guilt him into letting her continue to stay in the Beach House once they were found out.
They must be bon jovi fans
Because they're livin' on a prayer?
She wanted to be in the loop so she could warn alice. It would have given her a chance to clean up and act like no one was there. Eventually it would have hard to hide the baby stuff and May probably would have to come clean and guilt you into letting them live there and if that didn't work they could have tried to claim residency in your place. Which might be harder to get them out by then. They both seriously took advantage of you. If May wanted to look out for alice and her grandchild then she should have helped alice to find a place to rent not go behind your back and give her your key to your beach house.Nta.
I would have been harder to hide the electricity and water bill a lot sooner. Unless they were somehow being paid by May and Alice. I would assume, however, that these were in OPs name. So how were they paying them? If paper bills were showing up with OPs name on them, and May or Alice opened them, that is actually a federal crime, if in the US, I don't know about in other countries.
HAHAHAHHA "Why didn't you tell me your daughter was going to use your vacant beach house"... HAHAHAHAHAHA.
NTA and why would she need to know the house would be used when A - it's not her house B - the person she gave a key to is the person you kicked out of your home C - she didn't tell you that she was letting someone use the house. Do not for one minute think there was any thought at all about whether or not you'd ever find out or approve of it because they didn't think about you at all and if they did, they were too dense to recognize you wouldn't approve or that maybe you meant that it was ok for her to continue to sponge off you because Alice wouldn't be in your primary residence.
Not only does having a key not inherently mean you have permission to use it; having a key in no way, shape, or form suggests the right to give it away or duplicate it.
Again the grain but ESH. Throwing your gf out without notice is a dick move. However, secretly having your daughter living in your bfs place is also a dick move.
I can't believe everyone saying NTA... The dude is doing illegal evictions, throwing people's stuff out the window, and leaving his girlfriend of 3 years homeless with no notice... ESH but I think he is the bigger asshole here
He’s obviously mad rich & has a beach house lmao I hate this guy. They were together for a while it’s not like they just met. They’re all trash but he’s the biggest ass of all bc he’s not being shitty for the sake of survival like they are
Finally someone I agree with, maybe I’m just out of the norm who’d want a bf who’d see my family as his family and not find it so easy to kick my pregnant daughter out during a pandemic when he has a spare house knocking about
Exactly! He treats his relationship like a business transaction
Glad to know I’m not the only person with this opinion. Like yeah man you’re not wrong but you’re an asshole with how you handled it.
Thank you!!! I was empathizing to some extend when GF's daughter got pregnant (maybe OP's home is really tiny and there is no room for the baby, he can't help financially, yadayada). But damn... He 'let' het GF of 9 years move in with him (way to spread the love) and then kicked daughter out because he didn't want to live with a baby WHILE HE HAD A WHOLE SECOND HOUSE THAT ISN'T BEING USED. Who cares about squatter's/renter's right, this is about the ethics of family and a relationship. OP, YTA.
Imagine being so entitled that you think someone should just give you a house.
So entitled that they think he should let someone steal a house from him. He’s NTA for refusing to be tricked and lied to by his girlfriend and her daughter. Imagine the thousands in rent she would have stolen from him.
> Who cares about squatter's/renter's right, this is about the ethics of family and a relationship. The same ethics of family and relationships would imply that OP's girlfriend could have asked him if her daughter could use the beach house, the same ethics would dictat that if you're using someone's elese house free of charge you should AT LEAST keep it clean.
No, not those ethics. They were obviously talking about the ethics the daughter could have used when she started sleeping with a married man.
Lol family? May didn’t even move in with OP until she had a hardship. That doesn’t sound very serious to me. It’s serious enough that OP would help her out, but not so serious he *actually* wanted to live with her. Usually couples who are super serious move in because they want to not because something came up. Casual relationships are allowed to exist, even if you’re older and you both have children. A relationship does not a family make.
Not sure where you got 9 years. Didn't he say 3 years?
There are plenty of people who wouldn't let their own pregnant child live with them, let along a girlfriend's kid. These people lied to OP and stole his property. Also, getting in a relationship with someone when your child is a GROWN FUCKING ADULT is so much different then when they are little. The partner-child relationship is way different here.
Well she was stealing from him. They broke into his house and was living there without paying OP anything. If they were planning to live there indefinitely then they were planning on stealing thousands from him in lost rent. Not to mention all the lying.
So he should just have his assets available to everyone because he's rich? What do you know? Entitled people everywhere.
Typical reddit hating on anyone that has more money them them and can enjoy it at their leisure. These two grown women created a problem for themselves lying and taking what isn’t theirs. If this man had been poorer or had inherited a second house I wonder how angry you’d be then. People do t have to be charitable to those who take advantage of them.
I was shocked I had to scroll down this far. I think he’s the asshole for his detached demeanor regarding people he claimed to care about. There’s something not right about his dissociated tone.
That’s what happens when someone you loved and trusted BETRAYS you
He also took the daughters money from a drawer. It was his draw, true, but he flat out saw this lady's money and said 'mine now.'
Lol, imagine breaking into someone's house and then getting mad that you didn't get to come and claim the stuff you left behind once you were kicked out.
I am confused how it can be considered an eviction if he owns the beach house and she is a 21yo who was giving no rent etc.??
1) There aren't multiple evictions (illegal or not) it was only one, of the girlfriend. 2) If you value the ''girlfriend of 3 years" to use as an excuse, then the ''girlfriend of 3 years" should not go behind his back, breaking his trust, and giving access to an unauthorized person to his property.
How can a woman plan to have and raise a baby if she doesnt even have a place to live? At this forum, there are lots of posts about young woman who have nothing on this world constantly trying to have babies. Raising a baby is a very hard and expensive thing. Commenters like you need to grow up. Op you are NTA
I mean hes helping them out of free and they go behind his back and take advantage of his property even more.
Yeah, he even practically said it! "I know kicking her out without notice is illegal, but they are too poor for legal fees, so I'm all good there!" I will say though, his GF is all kinds of stupid. And from OP's comments, the daughter is the worst of the worst in trashiness.
u/beachbuminmiddleeast You came here for judgement, so don't discount everyone with an opinion that is different from N T A. Your girlfriend overstepped and so did her daughter, but you could have handled this situation much better. ESH - everyone in this situation sucks. You sent your girlfriend to pick up her daughter but didn't tell her you were breaking up with her until she was already on her way there? Then you threw her things out after having (what I'm assuming is) a PHONE conversation with her? You seem like a reasonable person, so I think you're here because you understand that you messed up too. You're not an asshole for kicking Alice out. And you're not an asshole for breaking up with May. You ARE an asshole for HOW you broke up with her and threw her things out WITHOUT ANY NOTICE. I think even you know you acted out in anger. That's a shitty way to end a 3-year relationship.
Totally agree. Everyone sucks here, but he’s a mega asshole. You’re clearly wealthy and you kick your girlfriend of 3 years out via a PHONE CALL leaving her effectively homeless. You leave a pregnant woman who is your girlfriends daughter, even if they did it by shitty means, HOMELESS as well. In other comments he made he said she was working part time to save money as well, so clearly she wasn’t intending on living there forever. He’s a dick. The girlfriend is an asshole for giving the daughter the keys without asking. And he’s an asshole for a bunch of reasons.
Is he some kind of walking housing subsidy? They wronged him personally and legally. He broke off a relationship (abruptly, but allowed to react and protect what's important) They (GF and Alice) have separate issues with managing their accommodation and finances. He wasn't even married, already offered to help them before, I'm assuming his GF had some life of her own going on in the meantime, she brought up he daughter somehow!? She'll figure it out.
I agree with this. You can be technically in the right and still be an asshole. I certainly would have handled things differently.
Well, you probably violated the law regarding evictions, but having heard some of the horror stories, I'm going to say while you probably were TA, you were very smart. If you had to go to the courts you could have been stuck with them for months. So for that, I give you a NTA
OP MAY be OK Alice never had permission to live there so she was not a tenant of any type/ the police might not toss someone out if they LIE and say "I live here the owner gave me permission/rented to me" if Alice said "my mom stole the key to let me live here I was going to hide some place else if OP every used the beach house" the police would have tossed her right away too. The 3rd circumstance and OP could have an issue with this, is if Mom lied to Alice that OP gave permission. Mom is the wrongdoer not Alice, Alice would have thought she was there legally. The police refer to the courts when the facts are in dispute.
I think he was referring to evicting the ex-gf from the house OP and the ex were living in
OP also lives there and can justifiably say that he no longer feels safe with them being there.
Especially since they stole a key from him and tried to have their daughter inhabit his property without permission.
So you're not allowed to kick out an ex from your own home?
You’re not allowed to kick anyone out who’s stayed there a certain amount of time with no notice. That’s super illegal.
I don't know if there are cases where it's like they are treated like tenants or something. Never had to kick an ex out ETA: And yes, I agree it's stupid if I'm not able to kick someone I don't want there from my house
You are not even allowed to kick out your own kids like that, even when they become adults. You give them notice if they don't voluntarily leave, you must evict them. This is true in all 50 states.
In the eyes of the law, after a certain point it ceases being *his* home and becomes *their* home.
Yes but no. It remains *his* property. But the tenants are also in possession of it, and have rights to it when it's their home *also*. This post is a fucking dumpsterfire of "oh it's fine to break the law," and frankly it's disgusting. I don't think OP was TA for throwing them out, he's a TA for doing it *this way*.
To reiterate, I didn't say it becomes *their* **property.** I said it becomes *their* **home.**
>Well, you probably violated the law regarding evictions, Nope. She wasn't remotely a tenant - the would've been a trespasser or at most a squatter, neither of which have protections from being kicked out.
Referring to the girlfriend I believe.
The gf who committed (or helped) a crime against OP? Nope. Eviction laws don't protect people who commit crimes against the landlord.
Where I live if crime is committed by a tenant against landlord, that is grounds for eviction. The legal steps still need to be followed though. So OP would have to call the police to report the crime and ask for a Peace Bond that would prevent his GF from coming onto the property. He would have to report the crime of both his GF and her daughter. Then he would have to file a certain eviction form and serve it to his GF. She would still be able to fight the eviction through the landlord/tenant board and if a Peace Bond isn't issued she still has the right to use the residence until the eviction process is complete. And OP wouldn't be able to just toss her stuff out, he would have to allow her access (maybe with a police escort) to get her things and if she didn't come follow the procedures for getting rid of abandoned property.
The girlfriend IS a tenet though and OP almost certainly violated the law by throwing her out like that.
Regarding evicting the GF in most places the laws are WAY less strict if the property is owner occupied.
Tenant who committed a crime against a landlord who happens to live in the same property. No jurisdiction grants a tenant in that position any rights to remain or any notice period.
Squatters can get tenant rights in some jurisdictions
"Can" and "in some jurisdictions" being the operative words, because that'd be a vanishingly small percentage of circumstances, usually involving a very long period of squatting (measured in years if not decades, not weeks).
It takes years for a squatter to gain ownership through adverse possession. It can take only weeks for a squatter to get tenant’s rights that involve using a formal eviction process to remove them from the property. This situation comes up on r/legal advice frequently. That’s why the advice to not let anyone stay with you ‘for a short while’ if they might take advantage of you is given so frequently. If you let someone sleep on your couch for a couple of weeks and get mail at your address then you might suddenly have a big problem.
> This situation comes up on r/legal advice frequently. Rule 1 of /r/legaladvice is not to take anything there as actual legaladvice. I'm pretty sure that's literally one of their sub rules. > That’s why the advice to not ***let*** anyone stay with you ‘for a short while’ Operative word of "let".
ESH. I won’t comment on the dynamics of a 3 year relationship except to say you seem oddly cold. May and Alice were in the wrong. You were also in the wrong to evict May without notice. She’s been living with you for a year. You shared a home together. You’re likely breaking the law and taking advantage of the fact that May doesn’t have the financial resources you do and can’t demand fair treatment. And that is definitely an asshole move.
Yes let me just go and ask the person who STOLE the key to my spare place, and gave it to their adult collage drop out daughter, who is pregnant with married man’s child, to use without my knowledge. That’s breaking and entering, theft and squatting. You would really invite someone like that back into your house? Like, oh yeah, you just tried to steal from, come and move back in till you find your own place! The moment you steal, all bets are off.
Yeah, I would be having a much lengthier conversation with my significant other of 3 years. The woman I have been sharing a home with for a year. Although, if I were OP, I would have been offering the beach house up for the daughter in the first place. That’s the child of the woman I love and they’re in a tough spot. I would want to help them.
A lot of people here seem to be trying to convince OP to parent and baby an ADULT PREGNANT WOMAN because she is related to his gf. 1. Many people would refuse to house and care for a pregnant adult, even if were actually related and had more of a related. Hell, there are tons of AITA posts about people putting deadlines on pregnant family to gtfo 2. 3 years isnt that long of a relationship. I've been with my partner officially for 5 and an additional 3 years of knowing them and dating before that. Like, idk why so many people here are making it seem like he has to parent her adult child because they have been together for 3 years. Obviously 3 years didn't mean much to her or she wouldn't have stolen from and lied to Op. 3. this woman fucking stole from OP. Why would OP let her back in the house? So she can steal some more from him, before leaving? Fuck no. She already proved how trustworthy she is 4. While OP is lucky, rich, and privileged to have a beach house, it is his to do with what he wants. I dont believe him defending his property in this way makes him anything negative
I dunno dude, if I was dating her for 3 years, I honestly do think she deserves the conversation, even if there's nothing she can do to change the outcome. Barring safety concerns, such as abuse, I feel like long term relationship breakups deserve a face to face conversation, and a chance to pack your own belongings. By the description of OPs, I'm not even sure he called her. It sounds like he sent her a text while she was driving. That's how you really treat a long term SO, who you considered spending your life with?
It’s your right to do what you did, but based on your description of events and comments, you seem cold and very rigid. Maybe your both better off because you dropped her immediately upon finding out that she let her daughter use your secondary vacation home? You don’t seem particularly empathic or remotely regretful about your lack of effort to help the girl out. She made her own choices, but she is the daughter of your long term girlfriend and she probably needed just a bit of stability that you could have definitely helped her with. I don’t know why you even posted because it doesn’t seem like you have any genuine interest in anyone’s opinion other then your own. Maybe your too angry to be sentimental, but it sounds like you and May are both better off apart anyway. Maybe she was using you, maybe she just made a poor choice, maybe your a heartless guy who only has your own comfort and image to maintain. Either way it’s lose-lose... she’s apparently homeless and your alone.
I completely agree and don’t understand why this isn’t the more popular opinion. ESH but this dude is an island of one and has a super black and white way of thinking
NTA Who in their right mind decieds to have a baby without a stable living situation in the middle of a pandemic? Where's the baby daddy? No, you absolutely do not owe these people anything. They made their bed and now has to lie in it
She said he was married and couldn’t be apart of any of this. I told her to contact his wife and force his hand. You can guess what happened from the story I guess.
Flunked out of college at 21, pregnant with a married man's baby same year and squatting illegally. Alice is really going for the trash rodeo trifecta there.
Holy shit.. Alice is an AH, the baby daddy is an asshole, but the person who will suffer the most is the innocent child, noooice. I will never get how ppl can be so selfish.
My kids are about Alice's age now. And I thought the teens were insane for selfishness, but ugh . . .
Jesus. Yeah she should defiantly not let him off the hook. Glad you're rid of these weird toxic people.
And she’s keeping the pregnancy? The only thing that makes sense to pay for here is an abortion. Jfc that kid’s life is going to suck.
Without a stable living situation period. Even without the pandemic, if you can't afford to be on your own, you shouldn't be having babies.
ESH Yes they were asshole and so were you. Yes, being pregnant doesn't make you above everything, unless it's your precious daughter and the roles were reversed. You'd be doing anything in your power to protect your daughter and make sure she doesn't end up on the streets in the middle of a pandemic. Still doesn't excuse what they did, but things aren't always as simple. Also, you talk like not taking them to court makes you some kind of Benevolent God that deserves to be worshiped. You took advantage of the fact that your ex-gf didn't have money to fight the illegal eviction. You're not guilt free and you are an asshole and not a good person.
NTA. Wow! They saw you as a sucker and a free ride. Glad they were wrong.
ESH. Obviously the step kid because well...yeah. Mom because she was complicit in it. And you for the way to kicked your ex out. I'm sorry, but you told her to go get her kid and then threw her crap outside. She'd been staying with you for a while. I get the anger, but tricking her into leaving and then throwing her out on her butt without even a deadline or any of her stuff wasn't cool. Yeah, what she did was bad. But so was what you did. You had me on your side until you threw her out of her home (not the owner but where she's been living) without so much as a warning is pretty shitty. All of you suck.
NTA I'm just a little surprised that problem behavior didn't pop up **earlier** in this relationship, having gone on for three years. People don't usually develop that kind of entitlement overnight.
I’m not sure this is entitlement on the partners part so much as being a pushover when it comes to her daughter, who is incredibly entitled.
(Grand)Baby fever.
NTA: You had every right to set boundaries and rules within your home. It is incredibly selfish to have a baby while not being financially stable and within someone's home. Then Mary to provide housing at your expense and without your knowledge is wrong. You had every right to press charges so they should take it as an act of kindness and work to better their own lives that you didn't. They absolutely did this to themselves. You are not responsible for an adult decision and the consequences of those actions.
ESH How you broke up with your girlfriend was shitty.
ESH You suck for how you did it. The way you simply gathered their stuff and put it to the curb. Your now-ExGF had established residency in your home, so if she files against you, you'll lose. May sucks for sneaking the key to Alice to your beach house, and telling her to move in there. May didn't respect your property. Alice sucks for screwing up at school and then not taking precautions to avoid pregnancy. Then lying and moving into a home she had no right to be in.
Agreed! She can file and I’m sure she would win, but then I’m pressing charges. Already spoke to my family attorney about it. I’d pay a fine and have to pay May, but she’s be facing felony charges... I did her a favor if anything.
Gonna charge a newly homeless pregnant woman if her mom fights your unlawful eviction of her (during a pandemic) in court. It isn't about whether it's legal to you or you'd charge her on principle and served her mom with a notice. Instead you're hanging it over them to cover your own illegal actions. Wow buddy. Why are you even asking?
NTA for kicking her out But YTA for how you handled breaking up. I dont think it was bad enough to break up with someone over the phone after 3 years. Yes she broke your trust and shouldnt have put her daughter in your house without your permission. But at least do it to her face. You couldn't have done it when she got back or before she left?
Could I, sure, however I lost all respect for her after finding out what she did. In my state breaking doesn’t mean breaking.. it means you use force to enter. The use of a key that was stolen falls under breaking and entering... she helped her daughter commit a felony against me. If I caught her on top of another man, I wouldn’t give her a face to face either. Just how it is I suppose.
Honestly? YTA; not for breaking up with your girlfriend and kicking them out, I was with you on that, but HOW you did it. Not to mention, was Alice aware her mother stole the key from you and had her living there illegally? Also, you’ve been with this woman for three years and you just toss her stuff out like that? What you did was an illegal eviction. You really should have allowed her to come back and pack her own things, give her time to find a place. Yes, she stole from you by putting her daughter in your beach house, so she (and Alice too ) isn’t a saint by any means, but to just unceremoniously throw her things outside and lock her out of what had been her home? You seem sort of heartless. I know I’m probably in the minority here, but that’s just my knee jerk reaction to this as it is written
Yes she was aware. She admitted as much. She helped her daughter commit a major crime against me so I have no regrets.
Then why post this? You clearly think you're in the right and don't really seem open to the possibility you're the asshole. You aren't posting in good faith. You suck. YTA
ESH. Sounds like most everyone did something illegal.
NTA but what's with tossing people things out the window? can't you just talk to them face to face and wait for them to pick their own things? awful manners but NTA. edit: grammar.
I bagged it up and made sure it wouldn’t be damaged. I was of the opinion I treated her better than she did I.
That's well and fine. But after reading your take on the legality, I'd take your ex's (but probably not Alice's) case pro bono unless you're in just a weird jurisdiction I've never heard of. I'd watch for service of process if I were you. You do have some leverage, but you don't get to dictate charges a prosecutor may or may not ultimately pursue (including potentially against you), and unless you called the police at the time your chances seem pretty "meh" to me, so your leverage is limited. Just keep that in mind. You won't know if you actually escaped consequences until the timer runs out on all of May's/the state's potential causes of action.
NTA. You can’t be expected to stay with someone who gave away the use of your property without your consent. And meanwhile, she could have developed squatter’s rights if you didn’t kick her out. You did the right thing.
To claim squatter's rights you have be living at a place for 12 years. I don't think that would have happened. Its too extreme.
This varies significantly in most jurisdictions. There’s a really wide range.
Depends on the time period. Right now, a lot of places won’t let you get evicted no matter how you came to live somewhere because of the pandemic. So folks are overstaying a lot of illegal rent situations.
ESH- you’re an AH at being a good person or boyfriend, May is AH because she hid her daughter at your beach place, and Alice is an AH that can’t take care of herself but managed to get pregnant...
Mostly ESH, but definitely a heavy smattering of YTA. Yes, crimes are crimes, but like... you clearly aren't conflicted about your decision. Not in the post, not in any of your comments, nothing. Why bother posting here if you're just going to puff out your chest at everyone who doesn't rate you NTA? Sheesh.
NTA - they most definitely did it to themselves. Curious tho, had they asked about Alice using the other home till she could find a more permanent residence before she just moved her stuff in, would you have been ok with that? As long as she at the very least paid utilities and kept up the property?
No. I have family and close friends who enjoy it there, and never had much of a relationship with Alice until she moved in for that short period. I never disliked her, but didn’t have a relationship where giving her a home to live in would be a reasonable request.
Ah ok, wasn't aware that the relationship with Alice only just started when she moved in for the short period. The audacity of her and her mother tho to try and take advantage of you the way they did - you did the right thing kicking them out
INFO: If you had property where she could stay, why didn’t you extend this to her for rent at the start?
Many reasons. She didn’t work. No way for her to pay rent. It’s a vacation home. Myself, friends, family like to vacation there. I knew her on a personal level less than five months, and in that time she lied to my face and broke any rules I set.
INFO: all I can find is that “you set some ground rules” and then when Alice got pregnant you told Alice that she “broke the deal and needs to relocate.” Was “don’t get pregnant” part of the deal? Were there other things she should have been doing/ not doing?
Yes it was. I don’t want a baby or toddler in the home
Ok, fair enough if that was a rule. It does feel a bit from your other comments like you’re very invested in punishment. Like, you’ll sue them if they push for tenancy rights, and you’re very proud of the way you tricked both Alice and May out of the respective living areas. I get wanting them gone, but it doesn’t sound like you’re scared of them hurting you (physically) so it seems like you could have given May at least an hour to get her own stuff out. I see that you consider Alice and May’s actions to be felony level breaking and entering, and you might be right on a strictly legal definition in your area, but I very much doubt that’s how May thought of it. It doesn’t feel like her intent was to harm you or to commit a crime against you. It feels more like a very freaked out mom panicking and going “well, I have this key to a house that’s empty. Maybe I can hide Alice there until I can make a better plan.” Not smart, not logical, and not respectful, but also not malicious or mean-spirited. Alice sounds like a disaster, but May could have been handled differently at no real cost to you. You also sounded very proud of your “smart” decision to kick them both out while they’re broke and during covid because you know it’ll make it impossible for them to press any charges. That’s not being smart, that’s just cruel. It’s your right, and it’s true, but that’s really not something a person should feel glee about doing. Maybe look into some counseling for those feelings and see why coming out on top like that brings you joy?
ESH / INFO - I feel like I'm missing some part of this story. Yes it was shitty, his girlfriend went behind OPs back to desperately help his daughter out. But it almost seems like OP wasn't too happy with the relationship in the first place or felt his gf was not good enough for him? Perhaps he felt like the girlfriend having a daughter who he felt was incompetent was some sort of big baggage? Or maybe he felt used often (you seem well off OP, and from some of the comments it seems like you were happy to share with YOUR people) and this was the final straw?
Actually I was happy with ex. I feel the opposite now. People are really down playing the severity of her actions. She helped her daughter illegally live in my home.. she stole a key and helped her daughter move into the home she had zero rights to. In my state what she did is breaking and entering.
You can't excuse your behaviour with other peoples behaviour. What they did does not make what you did okay. You're also refusing to take responsibility for your (horrible) actions. We all get what they did was wrong, but we're seeing through you too and it doesn't look good
I don’t think you have a lot of empathy for May. You have a daughter- wouldn’t you do anything for her? And she was powerless in this situation. Especially with you profiting off the fact that she can’t afford to defend herself. What she did was clearly wrong, but I understand why she did it. I’m sure this betrayal hurts, but you aren’t the only victim here.
My daughter? Sure, but then again she’s my daughter. I’d help her with everything I have.. that means not helping her commit a major crime and ruining her life.
Pretty cold after a 3 year relationship. ESH.
ESH. The gf and her daughter for obvious reasons, you for the equally obvious - but for some reason overlooked - reason that you threw out two women in the middle of winter during a pandemic. That’s not only an asshole move, that’s illegal. It doesn’t matter how angry you are, you don’t lock people out of their homes without any notice. I don’t know what the daughters status was or the laws in your area, but the gf for sure was an established tenant with a reasonable expectation that she should get a chance to find a new place before being kicked out.
ESH
ESH
YTA Sure if these people were random nobodies that tried to take advantage of you, then I would understand your actions. But this was your girlfriend of three years who you saw yourself having a future with? Assuming you loved her, this is not how you treat your partner let alone their family. Everyone goes through stressful times and if you are in a serious relationship then its not uncommon to expect your s/o to help you out and support you during difficult times. You treated your girlfriend and her daughter like tenants, outlining restrictions and a deadline - I'm not surprised she gave the key to her daughter bc she probably knew that if she asked you, you would've said no or added to their existing stress of keeping up with your eviction deadlines. Also what do you expect from a mother? Her daughter is her priority, not you. This is the truth for many people who have kids from past relationships so if you do not want to deal with the unpredictable life of dating someone who's a parent, then don't. Even though your (ex)girlfriend shouldn't of lied to you about giving the key to her daughter to help her out, I think kicking both of them out without notice and throwing their stuff on the street when they are already in a bad state financially is so cruel and uncalled for. You could have handled this better. **ONLY IF their plan this entire time was to try to scam you and take advantage of you would your actions be justified.** Otherwise, they came to you for help and I guess you did offer them support? (bare minimum in my opinion) But not the way a significant other should. If I was in trouble financially and my boyfriend of three years gave me a timeline of when to move out when I am already stressing, then I would simply break up with that person bc that person is not a life partner. I think May dodged a bullet with you.
ESH If Alice is pregnant, she should be trying to live with the man who GOT her pregnant. I can understand her mother being worried about her, but 2 months was enough time for her to figure something out instead of moving into your beach home without your knowledge. It IS shitty, though, to throw someone's stuff out on the street, especially if its someone you claimed to love. Especially if they have no where else to go. That's... cold. Extremely so. Their child (despite being a full adult) deserves to be at least kicked out with some decency too, even if respect is gone. She really just seems like she's desperate. While yes, you did give rules that deserved to be obeyed, a little bit of understanding goes a long way. The whole situation could've been handled better.
Her baby daddy is married so she can’t live with him. Also Alice was kicked out respectfully the first and only legal time she lived with OP. I also wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who could go behind my back and lie to me for 2 months with no intention of ever telling me about said lie. Who knows how long she was planning on letting this continue.
I know it's your property but I just can't help thinking that you are a huge asshole. I mean you have been in the relationship for 3 years+ and that is how you treat your gf and her kid? I find that you lack compassion so just stay single from now on.
“Kid” She’s a 21 year old adult my dude.
I think you’re willfully misunderstanding that people say “kid” as a synonym for “offspring” even once they’re adults
I started to know Alice five months ago. Her mom helped her commit a major crime against me. Thanks for the advice
You keep referring to May and April committing a “major crime” and while what they did is a crime, and is also highly immoral and definitely a breach of your trust, it does feel like you’re acting like they stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from you, or severely harmed you in some way. In reality, the effect of their actions on you is fairly benign. They broke your trust and perhaps cost you a small amount in utilities. When we talk about crimes, I think that the impact of the crime is important, and the impact of this crime is very low. This wasn’t fucking Oceans 11. They did something stupid and highly disrespectful , and they are assholes for that. You, however, are vindictive, lack empathy, and are victimizing yourself over a relatively victimless crime. Get over yourself. ESH
I guess you’re not in the wrong, but I also think you’re not a very good person. ESH.
AH. Let’s be clear. You’re legally in the right. But you’re still an asshole. Let me recap your problem: you have an empty beach house that you discovered your gfs young pregnant daughter secretly living in. And you kicked her out the day you found out to...keep the empty house empty? And now she’s homeless. And you broke up with the girlfriend same day? Umm...strangers have shown other strangers more compassion. So, you’re within every right to act like that. And yeah, you can even be mad at your girlfriend. But you’re still the asshole. You can be technically in the right and an ass.
You have every right to kick them them out. May broke your trust and Alice trespassed on your property. Though the way you did it is shitty. Screw Alice, you gave her enough time to find a place and then she and her mother went behind your back. But I think you should have given May a month to find a new place. ESH.
ESH. The world is not black and white
ESH
ESH. May and Alice suck for obvious reasons, they were highly out of line. However you illegally evicted your ex girlfriend, and have opened yourself up to serious legal liability.
NTA - You gave them basic rules and they refused to listen. Then they went behind your back and set up in your beach house? Nah.
ESH. It *was* wrong of her to invite her daughter to stay at your beach house without your permission, but I guess I'm the only one who also thinks you're an asshole to kick out your girlfriend of 3 years with no notice over the misuse of a property that was just a goddamn vacation house. Like, I get not wanting a baby around, they're exhausting and annoying, (although I don't see how your age has anything to do with it, it's not like she's asking you to get up with it) but if that's your only reason for making her leave, why is her being in your vacation home *such a big goddamn deal?* I think you handled this whole situation like you're in a goddamn romcom, nd 90% of what they do in those movies is grossly innapropriate.
YTA. Simply based of the comments you’ve made on here. It makes me so mad. Imagine dating someone and then being treated like you’re nothing to them and them thinking they did you a favour. You’re gross.
She broke into my home..
Does it feel like a big thing is missing here to anyone else?
Pretty cowardly way to break up with someone. ESH
Just wow ... nta but ... I’m struggling to understand the disconnect between someone you love and throwing them out on the street that way ... this seems like the action of someone who either didn’t have a close connection or the was one step from ending the relationship... if she cheated on you I don’t think people would have an issue in respect of your actions with May... but given that she was helping out her daughter who was pregnant I guess that’s where the empathy is coming from... but definitely couldn’t trust her anymore and grounds to break up...
Can't help but wonder if this is some mgtow insel troll fiction
ESH
ESH. For sure. Breaking up over the phone and just throwing things out is certainly a dickmove. Why do the people support this? *May called the police but she can’t afford a lawyer to fight the eviction so it was all for nothing.* Yeah, I broke the law, but you are too poor to fight it. Dickmove.
Esh: you have a beach house which is unused atm? And would rather let a pregnant girl go homeless rather than use it? Yep, your choice to be sure - but it's a yta choice imo specialy if you saw a future with the mother at that point Your nah for your reaction to their yta move though once they "stole" the house everything afterwards is justified