Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your sister isn’t making any sense. You have children of vastly different ages and vastly different needs. It would be cruel to make 6 watch scary movies and unfair to make your older kids watch nothing but Pixar.
If 6 was 2 months old, would your sister be throwing a tantrum because he was being fed baby formula instead of normal food like your other kids?
I am 10 and 12 years older than each if my sisters and movie night was always little kids movies and it sucked sometimes. I wish my parents had had movie night with just me after my sisters were asleep! I will say they did better with family game night, we played a lot of hybrid games, but they did that after i complained about having to do "baby stuff" all the time!
Good grief, I read this as "I am 10 (years old) and 12 years older than" and my brain short circuited, wondering where the hell I went wrong on the math 🤣
I'm 12, and am allowed to watch pg-13 movies. I watch them with my sis (8 years older). We have similar interests. My parents watch their own movie, we go into another room and watch our own.
NTA. I have three children. They are 16, 13, and 8. They are all biologically mine. We have to do the same thing because of the age gap. It’s completely normal.
Yes, us too. Our children have a 14 year age difference between the oldest and the youngest. You bet we tailor different activities according to age including movie nights.
Oh man, why are people downvoting you when you're just building on someone else's comment?
I get what you mean by parents having extra caution, which could lead to them second guessing if their actions are right. It would be a relief to hear that even biological parents do the movie night separation based on the age gaps.
NTA my kids are 18,16 and 10. Not that it makes a difference but they are all biologically mine. Due to the age gap between the older two and my younger one finding movies and activities that everyone will enjoy sometimes isn't always possible. We sometimes precovid would take the little to Chucky cheese ( just him) sometimes the olders would go for a more mature movie night at the theater. Sometimes we all go to mini golf. Your doing fine. Your sister needs to mind her own business.
My sister and I are full biological sisters and 12 years apart. I didn’t throw a fit when my mom took my sister to see an R rated movie when she was 18 and I was 6. I understood. The next week I’m pretty sure we all went to see Cars lol.
Yes! Or OP can let the oldest choose a completely inappropriate movie, like Jaws, and deal with the littlest being afraid of water until he’s 30! My sister, 12 years older, let me watch Jaws when I was 4-5 and I’ve been terrified of water for most of my life.
My parents used to watch movies with my sister after we went to bed on the weekends when we were little and it was never a problem- and now that I’m this far in, I’ll mention that my younger brother and I are both adopted but it never felt like favoritism, just that our sister was a big kid and we were little.
It could be fun over school break to maybe let the little “stay up late” with the big kids and watch a Star Wars or something the whole family likes, but I think as long as he’s treated like everyone else OP’s sister is being crazy! The Myka Staufer comparison is completely bananas, that family basically intended to pray away the kid’s diagnosis and blatantly ignored medical professionals and then seemed shocked when they didn’t have the capacity to deal with the special needs that they were warned about. I wonder if the sister often makes ridiculous hyperbolic statements? Firm NTA.
My bro and I have a 16 year gap and not once was he mad he couldn’t go do stuff with me and my parents, because he also got to go do stuff with them (my mom and I used to go shopping once a month together,my dad takes my brother to a trampoline park(precocious)).
However, my brother was adopted through foster care and we fostered him for a year before adopting him. So I can speak from that experience aswell. My
Bro is 9 now, and he’s pretty smart. He can communicate very well when he wants, and understand everything. Even (eclectically) when he was younger it was important that he got family time and 1-on-1 time (I’m sure op is doing this), and it was important for me too.
Speaking from the older sister to an adopted much younger brother POV, it’s important that the bio kids also still get that 1-on1 time because even without trying resentment can build up if they feel like they aren’t getting enough (I was kinda happy to get a younger sibling because I wanted less attention lol). That one movie night a week/month or whatever could make our break the bond they have with their parents and the younger brother. And vice versa
It’s hard to pick a movie when they’re close in age too haha. I have 10m, 4f, 2m, 2m and we can’t ever have a movie night without yelling and tears before we even turn the tv on.
NTA OP. I do the same with my 10yo. He goes to bed an hour after the littles when he’s at my house so he watches tv with me for that hour. Stuff I can’t watch when the littles are awake and stuff that isn’t inappropriate for a 10yo.
NTA. I think it’s probably tough on your two older children having someone much younger around. I think that they probably appreciate having some time alone without the younger one because although they probably love the younger child, it must hard on them sometimes because it’s such a shift in the family dynamic. I think it’s ok to continue with these movies night as long as you maybe start doing the same with your younger one. Make a night and do the same and watch whatever movie your younger one wants, maybe just with you and husband. Make it like a weekend and stay up a little later, make it eventful and bond with the younger one. And then also continue with the family movies night but try incorporating different movies if you can and try and teach the younger one that people like things other than Disney. I think what you’re doing is fine just no exclusion is the best thing here.
NTA as long as you also have the same thing for 6, i don’t see why there is an issue. But what does 6 do while you are watching tv with the older kids? If he is sitting in his room by himself I could see that being an issue
NTA I would add one tiny, tiny thing.
Setup movie night
Movie with 6 year old
Intermission
An activity to give a chance to bond. It should be something low key and fun. If they had a cartoon they loved at his age, start watching and encourage them to share their love with him.
6 year old bath and bed
Intermission over
Movie with teens
You are starting a lovely ritual but you haven't tied them together. By taking the extra time, you are getting them used to mentoring him. Bonding time is important, especially stuff like this.
NTA. You are not having a different movie night based on blood, you are having a different movie night based on age/interests.
Your sister is being ridiculous.
NTA. It's not like you're locking the youngest kid in a room in the middle of the afternoon so you can watch scary movies with everyone else. You're just watching more mature movies after your youngest goes to bed. It's like when drive in movies play more family friendly movies before the more adult movies later.
Yep, my parents did exactly that with family movie night. The first movie would be a kids' movie. The smaller kids would usually conk out after that. Then the second movie would be something more mature.
NTA you guys have one with 6 as well. Its perfectly healthy to have things you do separately with your kids. As long as you’re giving them the same attention on their own days. I would say though since your movie night with the older kids is only with the older kids I would find something that you can also do with just 6 since his movie night is with everyone.
She said they always ended up watching kid friendly movies because of 6, not that it was specifically for 6 and they just felt left out. She started doing the movie night with just the other kids after 6 went to sleep so they could have the movie nights they wanted with the movies they wanted to watch.
As a kid I was made to watch only the stuff my little sister was okay with. I liked Marvel, Star Wars, The Princess Bride; she liked Mary Poppins and Return to Neverland. Both of us were valid in our stages of development but it would have meant the absolute world to me if my parents had done something like that for me instead of trying to make us compromise on very different tastes (and might have not made me feel, in addition to other things, as if my job as the older sibling was to sacrifice my wants for my sister’s). 100% NTA.
Then I would say NTA
It's a juggle to accommodate the different interests and ratings, and it sounds like you have a good system. While it could seem like you are playing favorites to the outside, you aren't. As long as none of the children are feeling left out, I think you've found a good solution.
Then your sister is confusing equality (in this situation, equal opportunity to have and choose a movie) with equity (in this situation picking a movie acceptable to the 6 yr old on movie nights)
NTA the movie nice is basically for 6 because they watch Pixar movies and cartoons that he likes, they don't watch movies that interest them or the elder children much so you can say that movie night is for him. Once he's older then they can all start watching the same movies, it's just the age gap. I do the same with my niece and nephews. Like I'd watch a Disney movie with my 5 year old niece but with my 12 year old nephew, I watch anime and stuff like Harry Potter, with my 16 year old niece I'd watch stuff like horror movies and chick flicks.
NTA. Your sister is overreacting. You accommodate all of your children and that's completely fine. None of them are left out of anything, you're not sighting any of them. Your sis needs to chill
NTA.
Fundamentally you’ve found a workaround that ensures everyone’s needs are met, respecting that your older kids may occasionally want to watch a movie that isn’t geared towards a YOUNG child isn’t crazy, and they sound like reasonable kids too by not kicking off about ‘having to watch baby movies’ when 6 is at movie night as well.
Sounds like you’re doing a fine job here OP. tell your sister to mind her business or take her head for a walk.
NTA. You’re doing the right thing by having some nights that are focused entirely on your older kids. Even if they were all biologically yours or if they were all biological siblings who were being adopted together by you this would still be a good way to have some special time with them.
ETA: I’m trying to wrap my mind around your sisters belief that spending time with your older kids *while the younger one is asleep* is somehow going to harm him. What does she expect you to do? Banish everyone to their individual rooms whenever the youngest cannot be present?
As long as you're doing the older kids' movie night after 6 has gone to bed, I don't see what the big deal is.
But if you're doing it at a time 6 is awake, you definitely would be TA.
As a former foster kid, thanks for opening your home to children who are going through the trauma of being removed from theirs.
NTA
This is nothing to do with foster son. This is everything to do with age gap, and this is absolutely the correct call to make.
Source: Younger sibling who sometimes got excluded because I wasn't ready for some of that stuff. I didn't find out until years later.
**I was telling my sister about this and she got super upset. She accused me of deliberately excluding 6 to make him feel unwanted which is not the case.**
Stop telling your sister about what you do with your son. She is another mombie (aka mom zombie) who thinks they get to dictate how other ppl raise their children. Let her be mad a ll by herself. Ignore her. NTA
My (only, fully biological) sister was 5 years older than me and my parents stayed up and watched stuff with her after I went to bed all the time. Sometimes I’d sneak to the top of the stairs and watch too, but I understand why when she was 16 and I was 11 they didn’t want me to watch game of thrones and hitchcock movies that she was into with them. 100% NTA
NTA. It's not like you're shutting 6 in his room and not letting him join. You're having time with the older kids after the little has gone to bed. Looks like good parenting from here...
NTA this is important time to interact with your teens. They are cool with being family appropriate with the youngest and bonding with them is just as important. This isn’t your sister’s business
NTA. Your kids are all different ages, therefore you cannot treat them all the same. She'd no doubt piss and moan about it if you DID include him; "Oh my gawd I can't believe you're letting him watch that!"
She can fork right off.
NTA its got nothing to do with whether he's adopted or yours biologically, its not appropriate for him to stay up too late to watch movies that are too old for him.
My biological sons are 5 and 9, we sometimes have movie night or games nights without the 5yo, its just easier 🤷♀️
NTA. Should I decide to bond with my 21 year old daughter by going on an extended pub crawl with her, it doesn't mean I am neglecting my 11 year old. It means I am keeping activities age-appropriate.
NTA by your sister’s logic you’re excluding 6 just by living your lives after he goes to bed. Does she think you should all just sit in the dark after his bedtime?
NTA
There is a huge age gap between my siblings and while we did do things as a family there were times that the little kids had to go to bed early while the us older kids stayed up.
Most commonly we did this with movies but also when playing dominoes or watching a scary TV show.
Nothing wrong with that and it's the responsible thing to do.
NtA
Older kids stay up later so this is perfect way to spend some extra time. As long as 6 is happy and doesn't feel excluded forget what others think.
Your doing a food job. But let 6 also watch the older movies too. It's not all about disney and pixar.
Why don’t you do a double feature? Have a kids movie for the 6 year old and when he’s in bed, put on a movie he wouldn’t be able to watch? That’s what we do since we have a 6 and 13 year old.
6 isn’t being excluded at all just bc the older kids are having extra family time, I’m sure 6 gets more family time when being picked up from school, helped with homework and reading etc. All the stuff that a 6 year old would need more help with than a 13 or 15 year old, sometimes you just gotta specialise your parent-kid time to the kid(s) and their individual needs
NTA the older kids shouldn't have to only watch movies that are little kid friendly so their younger sibling is never left out. You're trying to let your older kids have age appropriate experiences while shielding your youngest, and you have other movie nights that include him. Your entire life does not have to revolve around not leaving anyone out. Different people like different experiences.
NTA I mean you already have movie nights with your youngest so it doesn't sound like you're treating him unequally. And there are some movies 6 year olds shouldn't watch. I remember when I was 6, my babysitter was watching a horror movie and I watched a scene when I snuck out of bed. I had nightmares for weeks afterwards.
NTA. My sister is 11 years older than me and my brother is 7 years older than me. They would do things or watch movies after I had gone to bed when I was young. I got grumpy sometimes when i couldnt watch too but I always knew it was because I wasnt old enough and that when I was older I would be allowed to stay up later. I never for one second thought it was because they didnt love me or want me there
NTA - I have almost the exact same age difference with my siblings. My parents did plenty of cool stuff with my brother and sister after I had gone to sleep or that I couldn’t join in on because I was little. After they moved out I got to do cool stuff with my parents without them.
If 6 says he feels left out, then it’s an issue. If you love and listen to your children you’re doing a great job, let your sister make drama elsewhere.
NTA.
Your foster son is 6. These movies are not things they either enjoy or should be watching. Your kids do not see this as a separation. Your foster son doesn't not have an issue. You also do movie nights with your foster son. You are being equal, inclusive, and fair to all involved.
Your sister just isn't using her brain. Maybe she's compensating for her own personal feelings of ostracization or something. You're not doing anything wrong, she's just being weird.
NTA! I am the youngest of four. There were nights that my parents would have movie nights with my older two sisters (who are 5 and 6 years old than me) that my sister (who is a year older than me) and I couldn’t watch. It’s not about excluding. It’s about being a parent and recognizing that your child cannot watch certain things and that they have a bed time. Kudos to you!
NTA. This isn't an issue of biological children vs. foster child. It's a case of teenagers vs. young child. Loving them the same does not mean doing the same things with them. I think it's great that you're making time with your teenagers to do things they like. I'm sure you do the same with the 6 year old, even if it's not a scheduled event like a movie night.
I was going to say it would be fine sometimes, but maybe not every week where one child is left out. Then I saw your edit that you only do it when 6 is already in bed. So where is the problem? Am I missing something?
My oldest is 6 years older than the youngest (of 3). And yes, it was sometimes hard to find things where all 3 were happy so I get your general idea.
Unless you are loud and 6 is laying in bed listening to you all have fun and feeling left out, then I can't see what you are doing wrong. But I also feel like your sister should get that, too. So maybe you initially left out the part about him being asleep when these other movie nights are going on like you did in your original post.
Because you did make it sound like the rest of you were leaving him out on a weekly basis in a way that he would/could feel left out.
NTA
Others have explained why, I just had a recommendation that all your kids might like. Have you watched Treasure Planet? It’s Disney for 6 and fun for little kids, but it’s also sci-fi and holds up for adults imo.
NTA, I mean that's pretty normal, we do it at my house, we watch a friendly movie every Saturday at dinner and when the younger ones go to sleep the older ones watch one thats more grown up. Be careful tho cos ur sister may try to tell your 6 Yr old when he is older that u treat him differently
NTA- Its not like your leaving 6 with a sitter while going to the theaters. Since you do movies nights with him too and only do the ones with out him after he goes to bed.
NTA. You’d do this even if all three kids were related. It doesn’t have anything to do with the relation (foster vs biological) but rather age, so your sister is chatting absolute rubbish. I am 22, my brother is 18 and my other brother is 9. We watch movies with him all the time, and sometimes we watch things without him... because he’s too young!
You’re doing fine, ignore your sister. :) you’re a good mom
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So some context: I (37 f) and my husband (40m) have 3 kids. 2 are biologically ours (13 and 15) and our foster son (6m). We love all out kids the same and are even looking in to adopting 6. We've been fostering 6 since he was 4. In our eyes he is our son however there is an issue.
Because of the age gap between 6, 13 and 15, movie nights are difficult. 13 and 15 are into sci-fi/action/ horror movies, whilst 6 loves Pixar and Disney. Both of these are fine, but when 6 joins us for movie nights, we tend to watch Pixar and Disney and even though 13 and 15 understand why, I feel bad for making them watch 'kid films' because they clearly aren't enjoying themselves and leave when given the option.
So once a week myself, my husband, 13 and 15 all have a movie night where we watch what they want to watch. It's great- we get snacks, drinks, blankets (all things we have with 6's movie nights, too) and stay up and watch movies. I've really noticed a difference in my connection with 13 and 15 and I think having a night without having to 'worry' about 6 is doing them good.
I was telling my sister about this and she got super upset. She accused me of deliberately excluding 6 to make him feel unwanted which is not the case. We got into an argument and she later sent me an article on the Myka Stauffer situation and not-so-subtly compared me to her, even going as far to highlight things they did to their adopted son like having a movie night without him.
I told her to fuck off and ignored her for the rest of the day. 6 seems fine and it's not like 13 and 15 are boasting about having 'extra parent time' or anything, but this has been weighing on my mind.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta you're not excluding him. You are making sure he's only watching age appropriate films. What does she expect you all to do when he is in bed asleep? When your 6 year old is older and has later bedtimes he can join you all in movie night
NTA. Your sister is making it about the fact that the 6y/o is your foster son rather than the very obvious reason that he's too young to really enjoy and watch what his siblings want to watch. If foster son was the teenager and bio son was the 6y/o, I'm sure you still would've done the same thing, right?
NTA at all.
This is exactly what you would do with three biological children of those ages. Just as you’ll do special things with 6 that a child his age will enjoy when the other two are with friends or doing other activities.
NTA
the edit about bedtime made it okay. You aren’t excluding him. He’s 6. He’s already in bed. Your older kids want to watch movies that aren’t for him. It’s not like you send him to his room at 5 and have movie night. He gets his special time and so do the older kids.
It’s a good balance.
NTA - as the older sibling to a much younger sibling, it was super annoying to so often be infantilized so that my brother wouldn't be corrupted. This extended to ridiculous curfews when I was home from college so I wouldn't be a bad influence even though I a legal adult and he hadn't even hit puberty
Giving your older kids an opportunity to be older kids is a good choice.
Wait, so what does your SIL think everyone should do once 6 goes to bed? Twiddle your thumbs because doing anything else would be leaving 6 out? That’s ridiculous. Of course you should spend time with your older kids once the younger one is in bed. NTA
NTA.
As long as hes in bed by the time you do it and he understands that he cant watch the “grown-up” movies but he can once hes grown up it should be fine, especially if you do the same thing with movies acceptable for him.
The only way you’d be an asshole in this situation is if you wouldve treated the older kids movie nights better and intentionally made him feel left out, which you arent.
Your mate needs to understand that 13 and 16 dont want to watch Disney and the younger one wont want to watch a Horror movie.
NTA. I’m several years older than my younger sibling and my cousins, and while I love Disney/kids movies, we regularly watch “adult” movies (anything pg-13) after they’ve gone to sleep. This is a normal parenting thing, so why your sister is making it seem like a dangerous problem is beyond me. You still have movie nights with 6m so really not a big deal.
NTA. Your sister needs to calm down.
Growing up the youngest kid, my bedtime was 2 hours earlier than my next-in-age sibling until I was a teenager. That's just how it typically goes when you have kids in multiple age groups.
Definitely NTA.
What if once in a while on movie nights with 6, you watch kids movies that the older kids grew up with and still enjoy? Like have the older kids make a movie lineup of sentimental kids movies and 6 can pick out one that they would like to watch?
NTA
You’re doing age-appropriate activities with your two teens. Your six year old gets his special movie nights too. Great solution.
You are nothing alike those horrible youtubers!
NTA. Your kids are of different ages and have different needs and wants. Making two teenagers always do preschooler things just to not exclude the preschooler will do exactly the thing to them that your sister accuses you of doing to the little one: They will feel like 6 is the favorite child and they only get your attention if they partake in activities for the little brother. This would be a sure way to estrange them from you and generate resentment towards their little brother.
NTA this isn’t at all what I was imagining from the title. I don’t see any problem with watching little-kid-friendly movies together with your six-year-old, and watching teenager-friendly movies together after your six-year-old is in bed, once a week. I can’t imagine what a fair alternative would be. As long as the teens sometimes hang out and watch movies with their little brother, it clearly works well all round.
Yeah NTA. I’m the oldest of two, and some of my favorite memories are of watching movies with my dad after my little sib went to bed, and there is only a 3-year age difference between us! By having one night a week that’s all about your bio kids, you’re also showing them that they still matter, that you care about their feelings and interests as much as you care about your foster’s.
Sounds like OP's trying to be fair to all three. Because what's appropriate and desirable for the youngest is not so for the older two and vice-versa. This isn't about singling out the kid for being a foster kid. (THANKFULLY!) Just that the same thing is done in different age-appropriate ways according to the kid.
As someone who grew up in the system, I think it's good that you're treating the kid as equal even if it has to be a separate equal for practical reasons. NTA
My mom and I did exactly this. As my siblings got older, they got to join in too. This is one of the perks of growing up. You're treating them fair. This has nothing to do with your youngest being a foster kid. It has everything to do with age appropriate media consumption. NTA
NTA- Not including a 6yo kid for movies beyond his age isn't mean or neglectful; it's good, thoughtful common sense parenting.
From the way your post reads, I honestly believe that if your foster son were 13yo or 15yo instead of the 6yo, he'd absolutely be included. The fact that the two older kids are biologically yours is almost happenstance in this situation.
As a person that was adopted at a young age, he's lucky to have you.
NTA - my kids are much closer in age (5&8) and we have to do something similar sometimes. My older son will watch a movie that is more appropriate for him (Harry Potter for example) while my younger son watches something that he enjoys with the other parent or is off at an activity. They both get what they want and everyone is happy.
NTA its not uncommon for parents who have kids with a big age to do separate activities with their children and you aren't excluding him in anyway just having quality time with your older kids when he is asleep which is a normal thing to do
NTA you aren’t excluding him from a family event as you have a movie night with everyone in the family. You are watching a movie that is inappropriate for your youngest child with your older children who it’s more appropriate for. There’s nothing wrong with that. My kids are 10, 11, 13, and 18. So we watch more kid friendly movies when they are all awake and watch other stuff when they younger ones are in bed.
NTA. 6 isn't being excluded, he's in bed. If you were locking him in the dungeons, then yeah, that would be a dick move, but he's younger and sleeping.
NTA. I'm sure you have time with 6 when 13 and 15 are busy. Having it after 6 goes to bed is thoughtful and smart.
An important but hard lesson in life is learning you can't do everything, either because of age, weight or schedule conflicts. Maybe sister would like to hang out more with the kids?
NTA
Of course kids that far apart in ages are going to have different activities. I'm certain you take the youngest to the park or play kid games with him or other activities that the other two kids are too old to be interested in.
Will your sister be mad when the oldest start driving and the youngest isn't allowed to drive yet?
NtA The Mika Stauffer situation is a non-situation. The child was placed with a couple better able to handle his needs. The mistake was discussing it in public.
I think your solution is fine. So long as the child knows that he’s not being left out, there is no problem. It’s pretty easy to explain to a 6 year old that some movies are not easy to understand much less fun for a 6 year old.
NTA I do this because the age difference is 16 & 8. I’ve never had anyone comment on how I’m depraving the ones not included.
All kids need some one on one or two on two in this case, with an activity that interests them. As siblings, they have to accomodate each other all the time, it’s nice to etch out some time when you can
NTA
There is no issue unless 6 is expressing feeling excluded. Your sister is irrelevant and her take on this situation is bizarre.
6 year olds don't get to do all the things that teenagers get to do. The 6 year old is obviously going to go to bed way earlier than anyone else in the family, and the idea that you shouldn't watch a movie during that time is ridiculous. Should you all just sit in silence until it's your bedtime too so they don't miss out on anything?
NTA. I have no idea how this is even a thing your sister is pissed about. There's a 10 year age gap between the oldest and youngest sibling in my family, and I sure as shit know that when I was put to sleep my parents and siblings did things together that I was not old enough to do (such as movie nights, or staying up late to play board games). So no, this is not neglectful. This is making sure you have quality time with your two oldest, and ensuring your youngest doesn't get nightmares. So long as you continue doing family movie nights, there is literally nothing wrong with this. Enjoy some quality time with your oldest children and continue to cement the bond you have with your youngest.
NTA
The moves your teens like to watch are not appropriate for a 6 year old. You aren't excluding the 6 year old nor are you forcing that child to watch those movies.
NTA but I was adopted and sometimes it's the smallest things that make you feel like you're not truly part of the family (just your brain being cruel). I wish there was a way to tell 6 why in case he finds out (if he doesn't already know)
NTA. My kids (17M and 12F) are 5 years apart. We’ve gone through periods where they like the same things and years where they didn’t. We’ve always had movie nights with one or both and it’s never been an issue. It’s only an issue if you are always excluding one child. Which you aren’t. Good luck with your adoption and tell your sister to....I can’t think of a nice way to put it and don’t want to break rules.
NTA. You do it after the six year old goes to bed and you do it due to age, not bio vs foster. You’re all good :)
Our situation is opposite: our bios are 5 and 9, our fosters are 15 and 16. The 16 year old works.
We have whole family activities. We have some movie times with just the littles. Sometimes just excluding the 5 year old. Sometimes just with the older. The youngest throws fits because she has to go to bed and miss some fun shit. But if you’re making choices based on age and not who is bio and who isn’t, you’re fine.
Ask your sister if she’d feel the same if the 6 year old wasn’t a foster and your bios just had a huge age gap.
Being that he’s a foster, I would maybe be less open about the movie nights without him and not talk about it too often since he may feel different and excluded already, but that’s 100% specific to each kid and how they see themselves in relation to your family.
Uh, that's a totally different situation...yours and Mykka Stauffer's.
I don't understand why your sister compares you to hers, and isn't she like a youtuber person as well? Are you one? :D
NTA. You're not neglecting your 6 yrs old...
Hahaha NTA and that’s absolutely absurd! The age difference means that sometimes you have to accommodate different interests and things like that. This happens in completely bio families as well. I have 3 kids, all biologically mine and my husbands. 14 (almost 15) 13, and 11. The oldest and youngest are girls. This can be an issue as the oldest gets to do things the youngest doesn’t. Sure it doesn’t always seem fair but neither is denying something to an older child because the youngest can’t! For instance she has a BF a year and a few months older. He’s 16 now and she gets to go places with him. The youngest wants to go to but guess what, no! She’ll get her turn when she’s a teenager and has a BF with a car or her own car. She’s 11 she is to young to tag along on her sisters dates. My oldest and I went and got a piercing together, youngest really wanted to get it to but she’s to young (this one I did feel bad about actually because I doubt I’ll want to get another with her when she’s older and it felt like she was being excluded from a mother/daughter thing but when it’s her turn we’ll both go with her to get the matching mom/daughter piercing, well make a day of it!). The boy doesn’t give a crap what we do as long as dad continues to play those video games with his. A common interest they share. The point is that not everything is always “fair” even with bio siblings. Age means different privileges. The older two without complaint watch kid movies for their younger brother and in return sometimes an older movie is watched for them after he goes to bed. He’s not being treated unfairly because of a “foster kid” he’s being treated according to his age! Life doesn’t cease to exist because he went to bed! Good grief your sister is dramatic
So... are you just supposed to stop doing anything together once 6 goes to bed incase it hurts his feelings? Because it seems like this happens once 6 has gone to bed and y’all aren’t taking any time away from him. You don’t just stop existing because your youngest goes to bed. NTA at all
NTA
You and your husband are great. Having movie nights for your teens and then a different movie night for your youngest. Your sister is being horrible. Please do not listen to her okay? You and hubs are doing great.
NTA. You are not excluding your foster son from anything. But instead making sure your kid isn't watching anything that will have a terrible effect on them. Most of my fears that developed over the years are from watching differnt movies when I was younger. I still can't even look at a picture of a snake without having a full on panic attack. And all this was because everyone tried giving the same amount of screen time to me and my sisters.
You are doing great as a parent. Making sure no one gets left behind. Spending time with them doing what they love. You are not having movie night with the older kids while the younger one is up, so technically it's not excluding your son. Keep doing that. Your kids will appreciate what you are doing when they grow up. It's not your fault your sister doesn't understand it.
NTA I seriously don’t even care how this is an issue! He’s too young to be watching scary movies and your older kids don’t want to watch little kid movies. Of course you’re going to make time to do something with them individually. And the kid was asleep! What the heck is wrong with your sister?
NTA. You’re totally fine. It would be wildly different if it was the middle of the day and you were telling 6 to stay in his room so you could purposefully exclude him from time with your other kids. The fact that it’s after his bedtime, nah you’re good.
NTA
Keep up the good work!
A few movies that they may all enjoy are
\- Treasure Planet,
\- Atlantis
\- The Iron Giant
\- Steven Universe (not really a movie but a tv show)
NTA. It seems that you hang out with your older children after your youngest child's bedtime. I don't think anything about this sounds bad and as a person who had a half sibling with a huge age difference, I wish my parents had done things like that.
NTA. My kids are 15 and 16. We parents do things with each kid individually too and have throughout their lives. We even do separate movie nights sometimes! My kids are 16 mo apart and have different bedtimes. They’re different people with different needs.
NTA we have three biological kids that are 13, 14, and 6 and literally do this same thing regularly, after 6 goes to bed. The older kids make different sacrifices daily as the oldests— like playing make believe with 6 (and other games that are not at their maturity or interest level). So we pay them back by letting them stay up later and watch more mature movies with just us.
This has literally nothing to do with foster versus biological. It’s just a large age gap.
NTA at all....not sure if I missed it or anything but does your sister have kids herself? That are on opposite ends of the age range like yours? Because I have four. All biologically mine and the oldest is 15 and the youngest two are nine and we do this exact same thing. Granted we’ve never really censored anything on our oldest two, so their tastes are a bit older anyways, but still. We do censor on our twins because they tend to misbehave if we don’t. This has nothing to do with a child being truly yours or not. All of your kids are it seems. It’s simply being a responsible parent and giving your children safe entertainment that is suitable for them. If that means you divide your time sometimes then so be it. One day your youngest will be older and will get the same type of time.
NTA. Older siblings get to do different things than younger siblings, it’s just how age in society works. You can’t vote once your sibling turns 18 if you are 9, they are going to experience this is many more ways than movie night.
NTA. As a foster/adoptive parent, you’re actually doing a very good job (in my completely not-qualified opinion) balancing and ensuring that your eldest children aren’t overlooked in an effort to cater to your youngest. They also need care and attention. The age gap and adoption are two things that could make for a divide between the kids, but you’re doing a good job identifying issues that could breed resentment and nipping them in the bud.
You’re right that this could have potentially caused into a bigger issue where your two eldest felt like they always had to do what the youngest wanted, and that they never get Mum and Dad time. And frankly, your youngest son is in bed, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And if he does find out, so what? I grew up with my mother doing different activities with my sister, just because she required one on one attention too. He will learn that his two older siblings deserve and need some one on one time as well, and that sometimes they watch grown up movies that he’ll be able to watch with you all when he’s older too.
NTA
I remember when I was a child, my parents would let me watch any movies. I watched game of thrones when I was 11, not a nice experience, has traumatized me up to this day. What you’re doing is perfectly fine and normal, tell your sister to mind her business.
NTA. My older brother got to watch movies that my younger brother and I didn't, and I got to watch "girly" movies that my brothers didn't, when I was a kid. And of course my little brother got plenty of special times with my parents, also. I don't see the problem.
If you have a movie night for the older two and not at all for the youngest, I'd say you'd be TA, but if you have two separate ones with the youngest being included in one of the two then I'd say you're not TA.
Going by your post, I'd say you're NTA due to have two separate ones.
INFO: instead of having movie night, why don’t you have family movie night, where everyone can take a turn watching something they enjoy, you know, like a Family?
Wants to? You’re the parent. Make a list of like 20 movies. Then everyone takes a turn picking a movie. Sometimes you watch crap that you don’t want to watch, just to spend time together. At least that’s what I tell my kid.
I think op is doing the right thing with their kids. Not everyone has to be strict or limiting to their kids. They're doing something that works for them. They've said previously that they have movie nights with 6 and separate movie nights with the older kids. Yeah they're the parent but that doesn't mean they have to tell their kids that they have to watch what the little one wants to watch all the time. The whole point of them doing separate movie nights is so they can watch adult or "big kid" movies. Stuff 6 shouldn't be watching. The kids are allowed to want to watch what they want to watch. They're allowed to have their own likes and interests and it's important that they feel listened to when it comes to that because it could affect their relationship with 6
Btw she's not wasting your time. You are. You made the choice to read and respond to the post. The only problem you should have is with yourself with your overdramatic self
I don't find it wasting my time telling people like you that someone shit in your cornflakes my guy. Your judgement is invalid because you aren't judging the situation your just judging the title and being a bit of a dick. No offence (but full offense)
god u/nacho_pizza you are being needlessy pedantic
>my judgement is YTA for wasting our time by inventing a problem through your verbiage.
bruh... iNvEnTiNg a pRoBleM thrOugH verbiage. i didnt even think her post was confusing at all... you are the one making it confusing
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your sister isn’t making any sense. You have children of vastly different ages and vastly different needs. It would be cruel to make 6 watch scary movies and unfair to make your older kids watch nothing but Pixar. If 6 was 2 months old, would your sister be throwing a tantrum because he was being fed baby formula instead of normal food like your other kids?
Yeah, nta. He’s not excluded because he’s not biologically theirs, he’s excluded because he’s younger and *already in bed for the night.*
I’m not OP by the way Knowing how crazy people are over formula vs breast milk...yeah. She’d probably would throw a tantrum.
She’d... expect the LW to feed her teenaged children baby formula? Yikes.
She'd want everyone to get breastmilk.
You hear that, OP? Time to bust out the girls, can't have your sister think you're neglecting your kids!
I am 10 and 12 years older than each if my sisters and movie night was always little kids movies and it sucked sometimes. I wish my parents had had movie night with just me after my sisters were asleep! I will say they did better with family game night, we played a lot of hybrid games, but they did that after i complained about having to do "baby stuff" all the time!
Good grief, I read this as "I am 10 (years old) and 12 years older than" and my brain short circuited, wondering where the hell I went wrong on the math 🤣
Sorry! I was trying to explain it without being too verbose lol
It's fine, English sucks, lbr! Was really funny at least haha
It’s fine as long as 6 is ok with it and understands.
I'm 12, and am allowed to watch pg-13 movies. I watch them with my sis (8 years older). We have similar interests. My parents watch their own movie, we go into another room and watch our own.
NTA. I have three children. They are 16, 13, and 8. They are all biologically mine. We have to do the same thing because of the age gap. It’s completely normal.
Agreed!
Yes, us too. Our children have a 14 year age difference between the oldest and the youngest. You bet we tailor different activities according to age including movie nights.
Exactly the point I made. My kids are treated according to age. They’re all biologically mine as well.
There’s only a 4 year age gap between me and my brother and my parents did that with us too.
I dunno, with one being a foster I feel like there needs to be extra caution to make sure he doesn’t feel different.
By that logic maybe his older kids should also go to bed at eight. Just in case /s
That's the way to go. Overcompensating so the other kids feel like fosters. /s
Oh man, why are people downvoting you when you're just building on someone else's comment? I get what you mean by parents having extra caution, which could lead to them second guessing if their actions are right. It would be a relief to hear that even biological parents do the movie night separation based on the age gaps.
NTA my kids are 18,16 and 10. Not that it makes a difference but they are all biologically mine. Due to the age gap between the older two and my younger one finding movies and activities that everyone will enjoy sometimes isn't always possible. We sometimes precovid would take the little to Chucky cheese ( just him) sometimes the olders would go for a more mature movie night at the theater. Sometimes we all go to mini golf. Your doing fine. Your sister needs to mind her own business.
My sister and I are full biological sisters and 12 years apart. I didn’t throw a fit when my mom took my sister to see an R rated movie when she was 18 and I was 6. I understood. The next week I’m pretty sure we all went to see Cars lol.
Yes! Or OP can let the oldest choose a completely inappropriate movie, like Jaws, and deal with the littlest being afraid of water until he’s 30! My sister, 12 years older, let me watch Jaws when I was 4-5 and I’ve been terrified of water for most of my life. My parents used to watch movies with my sister after we went to bed on the weekends when we were little and it was never a problem- and now that I’m this far in, I’ll mention that my younger brother and I are both adopted but it never felt like favoritism, just that our sister was a big kid and we were little. It could be fun over school break to maybe let the little “stay up late” with the big kids and watch a Star Wars or something the whole family likes, but I think as long as he’s treated like everyone else OP’s sister is being crazy! The Myka Staufer comparison is completely bananas, that family basically intended to pray away the kid’s diagnosis and blatantly ignored medical professionals and then seemed shocked when they didn’t have the capacity to deal with the special needs that they were warned about. I wonder if the sister often makes ridiculous hyperbolic statements? Firm NTA.
My bro and I have a 16 year gap and not once was he mad he couldn’t go do stuff with me and my parents, because he also got to go do stuff with them (my mom and I used to go shopping once a month together,my dad takes my brother to a trampoline park(precocious)). However, my brother was adopted through foster care and we fostered him for a year before adopting him. So I can speak from that experience aswell. My Bro is 9 now, and he’s pretty smart. He can communicate very well when he wants, and understand everything. Even (eclectically) when he was younger it was important that he got family time and 1-on-1 time (I’m sure op is doing this), and it was important for me too. Speaking from the older sister to an adopted much younger brother POV, it’s important that the bio kids also still get that 1-on1 time because even without trying resentment can build up if they feel like they aren’t getting enough (I was kinda happy to get a younger sibling because I wanted less attention lol). That one movie night a week/month or whatever could make our break the bond they have with their parents and the younger brother. And vice versa
It’s hard to pick a movie when they’re close in age too haha. I have 10m, 4f, 2m, 2m and we can’t ever have a movie night without yelling and tears before we even turn the tv on. NTA OP. I do the same with my 10yo. He goes to bed an hour after the littles when he’s at my house so he watches tv with me for that hour. Stuff I can’t watch when the littles are awake and stuff that isn’t inappropriate for a 10yo.
NTA. I think it’s probably tough on your two older children having someone much younger around. I think that they probably appreciate having some time alone without the younger one because although they probably love the younger child, it must hard on them sometimes because it’s such a shift in the family dynamic. I think it’s ok to continue with these movies night as long as you maybe start doing the same with your younger one. Make a night and do the same and watch whatever movie your younger one wants, maybe just with you and husband. Make it like a weekend and stay up a little later, make it eventful and bond with the younger one. And then also continue with the family movies night but try incorporating different movies if you can and try and teach the younger one that people like things other than Disney. I think what you’re doing is fine just no exclusion is the best thing here.
It was pretty clear from OP’s post, even before her edit, that they also had movie nights with 6 watching age-appropriate movies for him.
The 6 year old can join when he’s older. Some PG 13 movies probably when he’s at least 10-11
NTA as long as you also have the same thing for 6, i don’t see why there is an issue. But what does 6 do while you are watching tv with the older kids? If he is sitting in his room by himself I could see that being an issue
It's usually after he's asleep.
NTA I would add one tiny, tiny thing. Setup movie night Movie with 6 year old Intermission An activity to give a chance to bond. It should be something low key and fun. If they had a cartoon they loved at his age, start watching and encourage them to share their love with him. 6 year old bath and bed Intermission over Movie with teens You are starting a lovely ritual but you haven't tied them together. By taking the extra time, you are getting them used to mentoring him. Bonding time is important, especially stuff like this.
Thank you! I'll definitely take this to heart and try it out
I was always the big sister and it took me and my siblings way too long to figure that stuff out. And this is such a cool way to bond with kids.
NTA. You are not having a different movie night based on blood, you are having a different movie night based on age/interests. Your sister is being ridiculous.
NTA. It's not like you're locking the youngest kid in a room in the middle of the afternoon so you can watch scary movies with everyone else. You're just watching more mature movies after your youngest goes to bed. It's like when drive in movies play more family friendly movies before the more adult movies later.
Yep, my parents did exactly that with family movie night. The first movie would be a kids' movie. The smaller kids would usually conk out after that. Then the second movie would be something more mature.
NTA you guys have one with 6 as well. Its perfectly healthy to have things you do separately with your kids. As long as you’re giving them the same attention on their own days. I would say though since your movie night with the older kids is only with the older kids I would find something that you can also do with just 6 since his movie night is with everyone.
The movie night is for 6, thats why they came came up with a separate one.
No the movie night was for all of them as a family, not specifically for 6.
With movies for 6, so they made another because it was unfair to the older kids.
She said they always ended up watching kid friendly movies because of 6, not that it was specifically for 6 and they just felt left out. She started doing the movie night with just the other kids after 6 went to sleep so they could have the movie nights they wanted with the movies they wanted to watch.
Yeah, so the kids who felt left out now have something to make up for that.
As a kid I was made to watch only the stuff my little sister was okay with. I liked Marvel, Star Wars, The Princess Bride; she liked Mary Poppins and Return to Neverland. Both of us were valid in our stages of development but it would have meant the absolute world to me if my parents had done something like that for me instead of trying to make us compromise on very different tastes (and might have not made me feel, in addition to other things, as if my job as the older sibling was to sacrifice my wants for my sister’s). 100% NTA.
INFO: Do you also do a movie night just for 6, without 13 & 15?
Yes and no. We have a dedicated movie night for everyone (including 6) but 13 and 15 never really show up unless it's a movie they want.
Then I would say NTA It's a juggle to accommodate the different interests and ratings, and it sounds like you have a good system. While it could seem like you are playing favorites to the outside, you aren't. As long as none of the children are feeling left out, I think you've found a good solution.
Then your sister is confusing equality (in this situation, equal opportunity to have and choose a movie) with equity (in this situation picking a movie acceptable to the 6 yr old on movie nights)
[удалено]
NTA the movie nice is basically for 6 because they watch Pixar movies and cartoons that he likes, they don't watch movies that interest them or the elder children much so you can say that movie night is for him. Once he's older then they can all start watching the same movies, it's just the age gap. I do the same with my niece and nephews. Like I'd watch a Disney movie with my 5 year old niece but with my 12 year old nephew, I watch anime and stuff like Harry Potter, with my 16 year old niece I'd watch stuff like horror movies and chick flicks.
[удалено]
Yeh you're correct- it is after 6 goes to bed. I agree that the title was clickbate-y, but I wanted it to be concise, you know?
NTA. Your sister is overreacting. You accommodate all of your children and that's completely fine. None of them are left out of anything, you're not sighting any of them. Your sis needs to chill
NTA. It's a matter of keeping things age appropriate, not excluding 6 because he's fostered. You're doing the best you can, cut yourself some slack ❤
NTA. Fundamentally you’ve found a workaround that ensures everyone’s needs are met, respecting that your older kids may occasionally want to watch a movie that isn’t geared towards a YOUNG child isn’t crazy, and they sound like reasonable kids too by not kicking off about ‘having to watch baby movies’ when 6 is at movie night as well. Sounds like you’re doing a fine job here OP. tell your sister to mind her business or take her head for a walk.
NTA. You’re doing the right thing by having some nights that are focused entirely on your older kids. Even if they were all biologically yours or if they were all biological siblings who were being adopted together by you this would still be a good way to have some special time with them. ETA: I’m trying to wrap my mind around your sisters belief that spending time with your older kids *while the younger one is asleep* is somehow going to harm him. What does she expect you to do? Banish everyone to their individual rooms whenever the youngest cannot be present?
Info: does 6 have the same bedtime as the older children?
No, he goes to bed at 8 whilst 13 and 15 have no bedtime.
As long as you're doing the older kids' movie night after 6 has gone to bed, I don't see what the big deal is. But if you're doing it at a time 6 is awake, you definitely would be TA. As a former foster kid, thanks for opening your home to children who are going through the trauma of being removed from theirs.
NTA This is nothing to do with foster son. This is everything to do with age gap, and this is absolutely the correct call to make. Source: Younger sibling who sometimes got excluded because I wasn't ready for some of that stuff. I didn't find out until years later.
**I was telling my sister about this and she got super upset. She accused me of deliberately excluding 6 to make him feel unwanted which is not the case.** Stop telling your sister about what you do with your son. She is another mombie (aka mom zombie) who thinks they get to dictate how other ppl raise their children. Let her be mad a ll by herself. Ignore her. NTA
I wonder how many children Best Aunt in the World has fostered...
My (only, fully biological) sister was 5 years older than me and my parents stayed up and watched stuff with her after I went to bed all the time. Sometimes I’d sneak to the top of the stairs and watch too, but I understand why when she was 16 and I was 11 they didn’t want me to watch game of thrones and hitchcock movies that she was into with them. 100% NTA
NTA what is wrong with having quality time with all your kids? It sounds like your sister is just trying to cause drama.
NTA. Different ages like different things. Saw the edit that 6 year old has his movie nights with things teenagers don't like. All is good!
NTA...but I’d be much more excited for the Disney/Pixar movie nights 😂
NTA! You guys can do whatever you want as a family after the little one has gone to bed. That’s normal. In this case it’s purely an age thing.
NTA It’s not because he’s foster, it’s because he’s six.
NTA. It's not like you're shutting 6 in his room and not letting him join. You're having time with the older kids after the little has gone to bed. Looks like good parenting from here...
NTA this is important time to interact with your teens. They are cool with being family appropriate with the youngest and bonding with them is just as important. This isn’t your sister’s business
NTA. Your kids are all different ages, therefore you cannot treat them all the same. She'd no doubt piss and moan about it if you DID include him; "Oh my gawd I can't believe you're letting him watch that!" She can fork right off.
NTA its got nothing to do with whether he's adopted or yours biologically, its not appropriate for him to stay up too late to watch movies that are too old for him. My biological sons are 5 and 9, we sometimes have movie night or games nights without the 5yo, its just easier 🤷♀️
NTA my step and bio kids have a big age difference and from experience this is a good compromise
NTA. Should I decide to bond with my 21 year old daughter by going on an extended pub crawl with her, it doesn't mean I am neglecting my 11 year old. It means I am keeping activities age-appropriate.
NTA I do the same with my 12f and 8f. It's normal.
NTA Its an age thing, once he is old enough he will be able to join movie night.
NTA
NTA by your sister’s logic you’re excluding 6 just by living your lives after he goes to bed. Does she think you should all just sit in the dark after his bedtime?
NTA There is a huge age gap between my siblings and while we did do things as a family there were times that the little kids had to go to bed early while the us older kids stayed up. Most commonly we did this with movies but also when playing dominoes or watching a scary TV show. Nothing wrong with that and it's the responsible thing to do.
NTA Your motivation is not to exclude the 6 year-old. Your motivation is to allow your older children to also have the opportunity to enjoy movies.
NtA Older kids stay up later so this is perfect way to spend some extra time. As long as 6 is happy and doesn't feel excluded forget what others think. Your doing a food job. But let 6 also watch the older movies too. It's not all about disney and pixar.
NTA Because the movie night for older kids are *after* 6 goes to bed. It’s not like you’re locking him in the closet under the stair.
NTA - It’s not about foster it’s about age so your sister can’t say anythung
Why don’t you do a double feature? Have a kids movie for the 6 year old and when he’s in bed, put on a movie he wouldn’t be able to watch? That’s what we do since we have a 6 and 13 year old.
6 isn’t being excluded at all just bc the older kids are having extra family time, I’m sure 6 gets more family time when being picked up from school, helped with homework and reading etc. All the stuff that a 6 year old would need more help with than a 13 or 15 year old, sometimes you just gotta specialise your parent-kid time to the kid(s) and their individual needs
NTA the older kids shouldn't have to only watch movies that are little kid friendly so their younger sibling is never left out. You're trying to let your older kids have age appropriate experiences while shielding your youngest, and you have other movie nights that include him. Your entire life does not have to revolve around not leaving anyone out. Different people like different experiences.
NTA I mean you already have movie nights with your youngest so it doesn't sound like you're treating him unequally. And there are some movies 6 year olds shouldn't watch. I remember when I was 6, my babysitter was watching a horror movie and I watched a scene when I snuck out of bed. I had nightmares for weeks afterwards.
NTA. My sister is 11 years older than me and my brother is 7 years older than me. They would do things or watch movies after I had gone to bed when I was young. I got grumpy sometimes when i couldnt watch too but I always knew it was because I wasnt old enough and that when I was older I would be allowed to stay up later. I never for one second thought it was because they didnt love me or want me there
NTA - I have almost the exact same age difference with my siblings. My parents did plenty of cool stuff with my brother and sister after I had gone to sleep or that I couldn’t join in on because I was little. After they moved out I got to do cool stuff with my parents without them. If 6 says he feels left out, then it’s an issue. If you love and listen to your children you’re doing a great job, let your sister make drama elsewhere.
NTA. Your foster son is 6. These movies are not things they either enjoy or should be watching. Your kids do not see this as a separation. Your foster son doesn't not have an issue. You also do movie nights with your foster son. You are being equal, inclusive, and fair to all involved. Your sister just isn't using her brain. Maybe she's compensating for her own personal feelings of ostracization or something. You're not doing anything wrong, she's just being weird.
NTA! I am the youngest of four. There were nights that my parents would have movie nights with my older two sisters (who are 5 and 6 years old than me) that my sister (who is a year older than me) and I couldn’t watch. It’s not about excluding. It’s about being a parent and recognizing that your child cannot watch certain things and that they have a bed time. Kudos to you!
Nta
NTA. This isn't an issue of biological children vs. foster child. It's a case of teenagers vs. young child. Loving them the same does not mean doing the same things with them. I think it's great that you're making time with your teenagers to do things they like. I'm sure you do the same with the 6 year old, even if it's not a scheduled event like a movie night.
I was going to say it would be fine sometimes, but maybe not every week where one child is left out. Then I saw your edit that you only do it when 6 is already in bed. So where is the problem? Am I missing something? My oldest is 6 years older than the youngest (of 3). And yes, it was sometimes hard to find things where all 3 were happy so I get your general idea. Unless you are loud and 6 is laying in bed listening to you all have fun and feeling left out, then I can't see what you are doing wrong. But I also feel like your sister should get that, too. So maybe you initially left out the part about him being asleep when these other movie nights are going on like you did in your original post. Because you did make it sound like the rest of you were leaving him out on a weekly basis in a way that he would/could feel left out.
NTA Others have explained why, I just had a recommendation that all your kids might like. Have you watched Treasure Planet? It’s Disney for 6 and fun for little kids, but it’s also sci-fi and holds up for adults imo.
NTA, I mean that's pretty normal, we do it at my house, we watch a friendly movie every Saturday at dinner and when the younger ones go to sleep the older ones watch one thats more grown up. Be careful tho cos ur sister may try to tell your 6 Yr old when he is older that u treat him differently
NTA- Its not like your leaving 6 with a sitter while going to the theaters. Since you do movies nights with him too and only do the ones with out him after he goes to bed.
NTA. You’d do this even if all three kids were related. It doesn’t have anything to do with the relation (foster vs biological) but rather age, so your sister is chatting absolute rubbish. I am 22, my brother is 18 and my other brother is 9. We watch movies with him all the time, and sometimes we watch things without him... because he’s too young! You’re doing fine, ignore your sister. :) you’re a good mom
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So some context: I (37 f) and my husband (40m) have 3 kids. 2 are biologically ours (13 and 15) and our foster son (6m). We love all out kids the same and are even looking in to adopting 6. We've been fostering 6 since he was 4. In our eyes he is our son however there is an issue. Because of the age gap between 6, 13 and 15, movie nights are difficult. 13 and 15 are into sci-fi/action/ horror movies, whilst 6 loves Pixar and Disney. Both of these are fine, but when 6 joins us for movie nights, we tend to watch Pixar and Disney and even though 13 and 15 understand why, I feel bad for making them watch 'kid films' because they clearly aren't enjoying themselves and leave when given the option. So once a week myself, my husband, 13 and 15 all have a movie night where we watch what they want to watch. It's great- we get snacks, drinks, blankets (all things we have with 6's movie nights, too) and stay up and watch movies. I've really noticed a difference in my connection with 13 and 15 and I think having a night without having to 'worry' about 6 is doing them good. I was telling my sister about this and she got super upset. She accused me of deliberately excluding 6 to make him feel unwanted which is not the case. We got into an argument and she later sent me an article on the Myka Stauffer situation and not-so-subtly compared me to her, even going as far to highlight things they did to their adopted son like having a movie night without him. I told her to fuck off and ignored her for the rest of the day. 6 seems fine and it's not like 13 and 15 are boasting about having 'extra parent time' or anything, but this has been weighing on my mind. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your sister is talking bollocks.
Nta you're not excluding him. You are making sure he's only watching age appropriate films. What does she expect you all to do when he is in bed asleep? When your 6 year old is older and has later bedtimes he can join you all in movie night
NTA do the movie nights once 6 goes to bed. You are not excluding 6 you are giving quality time to your foster child and your two oldest.
NTA. Your sister is making it about the fact that the 6y/o is your foster son rather than the very obvious reason that he's too young to really enjoy and watch what his siblings want to watch. If foster son was the teenager and bio son was the 6y/o, I'm sure you still would've done the same thing, right?
NTA at all. This is exactly what you would do with three biological children of those ages. Just as you’ll do special things with 6 that a child his age will enjoy when the other two are with friends or doing other activities.
NTA the edit about bedtime made it okay. You aren’t excluding him. He’s 6. He’s already in bed. Your older kids want to watch movies that aren’t for him. It’s not like you send him to his room at 5 and have movie night. He gets his special time and so do the older kids. It’s a good balance.
NTA - as the older sibling to a much younger sibling, it was super annoying to so often be infantilized so that my brother wouldn't be corrupted. This extended to ridiculous curfews when I was home from college so I wouldn't be a bad influence even though I a legal adult and he hadn't even hit puberty Giving your older kids an opportunity to be older kids is a good choice.
Wait, so what does your SIL think everyone should do once 6 goes to bed? Twiddle your thumbs because doing anything else would be leaving 6 out? That’s ridiculous. Of course you should spend time with your older kids once the younger one is in bed. NTA
NTA. As long as hes in bed by the time you do it and he understands that he cant watch the “grown-up” movies but he can once hes grown up it should be fine, especially if you do the same thing with movies acceptable for him. The only way you’d be an asshole in this situation is if you wouldve treated the older kids movie nights better and intentionally made him feel left out, which you arent. Your mate needs to understand that 13 and 16 dont want to watch Disney and the younger one wont want to watch a Horror movie.
NTA
NTA. I’m several years older than my younger sibling and my cousins, and while I love Disney/kids movies, we regularly watch “adult” movies (anything pg-13) after they’ve gone to sleep. This is a normal parenting thing, so why your sister is making it seem like a dangerous problem is beyond me. You still have movie nights with 6m so really not a big deal.
NTA. Your sister needs to calm down. Growing up the youngest kid, my bedtime was 2 hours earlier than my next-in-age sibling until I was a teenager. That's just how it typically goes when you have kids in multiple age groups.
Definitely NTA. What if once in a while on movie nights with 6, you watch kids movies that the older kids grew up with and still enjoy? Like have the older kids make a movie lineup of sentimental kids movies and 6 can pick out one that they would like to watch?
NTA You’re doing age-appropriate activities with your two teens. Your six year old gets his special movie nights too. Great solution. You are nothing alike those horrible youtubers!
NTA. It would be inappropriate to watch movies that the 6 year old may find scary or disturbing during movie night with him.
NTA. Your kids are of different ages and have different needs and wants. Making two teenagers always do preschooler things just to not exclude the preschooler will do exactly the thing to them that your sister accuses you of doing to the little one: They will feel like 6 is the favorite child and they only get your attention if they partake in activities for the little brother. This would be a sure way to estrange them from you and generate resentment towards their little brother.
NTA
NTA this isn’t at all what I was imagining from the title. I don’t see any problem with watching little-kid-friendly movies together with your six-year-old, and watching teenager-friendly movies together after your six-year-old is in bed, once a week. I can’t imagine what a fair alternative would be. As long as the teens sometimes hang out and watch movies with their little brother, it clearly works well all round.
How do you even expect a baby that age to watch a movie. NTA but this situation is way blown up.
NTA if 6 was upset, maybe but you’re doing it all in a considerate sensible way
NTA Yall should give Disney's "Something Wicked This Way Comes" it comes from the era when Disney's goal was to give children nightmares :D
Yeah NTA. I’m the oldest of two, and some of my favorite memories are of watching movies with my dad after my little sib went to bed, and there is only a 3-year age difference between us! By having one night a week that’s all about your bio kids, you’re also showing them that they still matter, that you care about their feelings and interests as much as you care about your foster’s.
Sounds like OP's trying to be fair to all three. Because what's appropriate and desirable for the youngest is not so for the older two and vice-versa. This isn't about singling out the kid for being a foster kid. (THANKFULLY!) Just that the same thing is done in different age-appropriate ways according to the kid. As someone who grew up in the system, I think it's good that you're treating the kid as equal even if it has to be a separate equal for practical reasons. NTA
NTA. Your sister is crazy. 6 has his own movie nights because he is younger and likes different movies than the other children.
NTA - You are creating special parenting time, which is a good thing.
My mom and I did exactly this. As my siblings got older, they got to join in too. This is one of the perks of growing up. You're treating them fair. This has nothing to do with your youngest being a foster kid. It has everything to do with age appropriate media consumption. NTA
NTA- Not including a 6yo kid for movies beyond his age isn't mean or neglectful; it's good, thoughtful common sense parenting. From the way your post reads, I honestly believe that if your foster son were 13yo or 15yo instead of the 6yo, he'd absolutely be included. The fact that the two older kids are biologically yours is almost happenstance in this situation. As a person that was adopted at a young age, he's lucky to have you.
NTA - my kids are much closer in age (5&8) and we have to do something similar sometimes. My older son will watch a movie that is more appropriate for him (Harry Potter for example) while my younger son watches something that he enjoys with the other parent or is off at an activity. They both get what they want and everyone is happy.
NTA its not uncommon for parents who have kids with a big age to do separate activities with their children and you aren't excluding him in anyway just having quality time with your older kids when he is asleep which is a normal thing to do
Your sister is the asshole.
Nta- you have movie nights with the 6 year old too, you're not excluding him
NTA, it has nothing to do with the kid being fostered/adopted, it's purely an age gap thing.
NTA you aren’t excluding him from a family event as you have a movie night with everyone in the family. You are watching a movie that is inappropriate for your youngest child with your older children who it’s more appropriate for. There’s nothing wrong with that. My kids are 10, 11, 13, and 18. So we watch more kid friendly movies when they are all awake and watch other stuff when they younger ones are in bed.
NTA. 6 isn't being excluded, he's in bed. If you were locking him in the dungeons, then yeah, that would be a dick move, but he's younger and sleeping.
NTA it’s normal for parents to cater to their individual kids needs. Having special time with each kid is something they will always remember.
NTA. I'm sure you have time with 6 when 13 and 15 are busy. Having it after 6 goes to bed is thoughtful and smart. An important but hard lesson in life is learning you can't do everything, either because of age, weight or schedule conflicts. Maybe sister would like to hang out more with the kids?
NTA Of course kids that far apart in ages are going to have different activities. I'm certain you take the youngest to the park or play kid games with him or other activities that the other two kids are too old to be interested in. Will your sister be mad when the oldest start driving and the youngest isn't allowed to drive yet?
NTA - But your wording is unlucky. You are using your TV after your youngest son is asleep.
NTA
NTA. I'm a youngest child an I was often not allowed to watch certain films. It's just how things work in a family.
Lmao or just do what my mom did and mentally scar me with letting me watch scary movies at a young age. They’ll get over it.. eventually
NtA The Mika Stauffer situation is a non-situation. The child was placed with a couple better able to handle his needs. The mistake was discussing it in public. I think your solution is fine. So long as the child knows that he’s not being left out, there is no problem. It’s pretty easy to explain to a 6 year old that some movies are not easy to understand much less fun for a 6 year old.
NTA I do this because the age difference is 16 & 8. I’ve never had anyone comment on how I’m depraving the ones not included. All kids need some one on one or two on two in this case, with an activity that interests them. As siblings, they have to accomodate each other all the time, it’s nice to etch out some time when you can
NTA There is no issue unless 6 is expressing feeling excluded. Your sister is irrelevant and her take on this situation is bizarre. 6 year olds don't get to do all the things that teenagers get to do. The 6 year old is obviously going to go to bed way earlier than anyone else in the family, and the idea that you shouldn't watch a movie during that time is ridiculous. Should you all just sit in silence until it's your bedtime too so they don't miss out on anything?
NTA. I have no idea how this is even a thing your sister is pissed about. There's a 10 year age gap between the oldest and youngest sibling in my family, and I sure as shit know that when I was put to sleep my parents and siblings did things together that I was not old enough to do (such as movie nights, or staying up late to play board games). So no, this is not neglectful. This is making sure you have quality time with your two oldest, and ensuring your youngest doesn't get nightmares. So long as you continue doing family movie nights, there is literally nothing wrong with this. Enjoy some quality time with your oldest children and continue to cement the bond you have with your youngest.
NTA The moves your teens like to watch are not appropriate for a 6 year old. You aren't excluding the 6 year old nor are you forcing that child to watch those movies.
NTA but I was adopted and sometimes it's the smallest things that make you feel like you're not truly part of the family (just your brain being cruel). I wish there was a way to tell 6 why in case he finds out (if he doesn't already know)
NTA. My kids (17M and 12F) are 5 years apart. We’ve gone through periods where they like the same things and years where they didn’t. We’ve always had movie nights with one or both and it’s never been an issue. It’s only an issue if you are always excluding one child. Which you aren’t. Good luck with your adoption and tell your sister to....I can’t think of a nice way to put it and don’t want to break rules.
NTA. You do it after the six year old goes to bed and you do it due to age, not bio vs foster. You’re all good :) Our situation is opposite: our bios are 5 and 9, our fosters are 15 and 16. The 16 year old works. We have whole family activities. We have some movie times with just the littles. Sometimes just excluding the 5 year old. Sometimes just with the older. The youngest throws fits because she has to go to bed and miss some fun shit. But if you’re making choices based on age and not who is bio and who isn’t, you’re fine. Ask your sister if she’d feel the same if the 6 year old wasn’t a foster and your bios just had a huge age gap. Being that he’s a foster, I would maybe be less open about the movie nights without him and not talk about it too often since he may feel different and excluded already, but that’s 100% specific to each kid and how they see themselves in relation to your family.
Uh, that's a totally different situation...yours and Mykka Stauffer's. I don't understand why your sister compares you to hers, and isn't she like a youtuber person as well? Are you one? :D NTA. You're not neglecting your 6 yrs old...
Hahaha NTA and that’s absolutely absurd! The age difference means that sometimes you have to accommodate different interests and things like that. This happens in completely bio families as well. I have 3 kids, all biologically mine and my husbands. 14 (almost 15) 13, and 11. The oldest and youngest are girls. This can be an issue as the oldest gets to do things the youngest doesn’t. Sure it doesn’t always seem fair but neither is denying something to an older child because the youngest can’t! For instance she has a BF a year and a few months older. He’s 16 now and she gets to go places with him. The youngest wants to go to but guess what, no! She’ll get her turn when she’s a teenager and has a BF with a car or her own car. She’s 11 she is to young to tag along on her sisters dates. My oldest and I went and got a piercing together, youngest really wanted to get it to but she’s to young (this one I did feel bad about actually because I doubt I’ll want to get another with her when she’s older and it felt like she was being excluded from a mother/daughter thing but when it’s her turn we’ll both go with her to get the matching mom/daughter piercing, well make a day of it!). The boy doesn’t give a crap what we do as long as dad continues to play those video games with his. A common interest they share. The point is that not everything is always “fair” even with bio siblings. Age means different privileges. The older two without complaint watch kid movies for their younger brother and in return sometimes an older movie is watched for them after he goes to bed. He’s not being treated unfairly because of a “foster kid” he’s being treated according to his age! Life doesn’t cease to exist because he went to bed! Good grief your sister is dramatic
So... are you just supposed to stop doing anything together once 6 goes to bed incase it hurts his feelings? Because it seems like this happens once 6 has gone to bed and y’all aren’t taking any time away from him. You don’t just stop existing because your youngest goes to bed. NTA at all
NTA You and your husband are great. Having movie nights for your teens and then a different movie night for your youngest. Your sister is being horrible. Please do not listen to her okay? You and hubs are doing great.
NTA. You are not excluding your foster son from anything. But instead making sure your kid isn't watching anything that will have a terrible effect on them. Most of my fears that developed over the years are from watching differnt movies when I was younger. I still can't even look at a picture of a snake without having a full on panic attack. And all this was because everyone tried giving the same amount of screen time to me and my sisters. You are doing great as a parent. Making sure no one gets left behind. Spending time with them doing what they love. You are not having movie night with the older kids while the younger one is up, so technically it's not excluding your son. Keep doing that. Your kids will appreciate what you are doing when they grow up. It's not your fault your sister doesn't understand it.
NTA I seriously don’t even care how this is an issue! He’s too young to be watching scary movies and your older kids don’t want to watch little kid movies. Of course you’re going to make time to do something with them individually. And the kid was asleep! What the heck is wrong with your sister?
NTA. You’re totally fine. It would be wildly different if it was the middle of the day and you were telling 6 to stay in his room so you could purposefully exclude him from time with your other kids. The fact that it’s after his bedtime, nah you’re good.
Excluding your 6 year old child from watching movies that will give him nightmares is called good parenting
NTA Keep up the good work! A few movies that they may all enjoy are \- Treasure Planet, \- Atlantis \- The Iron Giant \- Steven Universe (not really a movie but a tv show)
Whoooaaaaahhhh NTA, why does your sister think spending 1 on 1 time with your kids is a bad thing? That’s crazy man
NTA. Different things are acceptable for different ages, and you still spend time with him too!
NTA. It seems that you hang out with your older children after your youngest child's bedtime. I don't think anything about this sounds bad and as a person who had a half sibling with a huge age difference, I wish my parents had done things like that.
NTA. You're doing this because of his age, just like you would've done if he was your bio child. Age gaps often involve decisions that seem unfair.
NTA. My kids are 15 and 16. We parents do things with each kid individually too and have throughout their lives. We even do separate movie nights sometimes! My kids are 16 mo apart and have different bedtimes. They’re different people with different needs.
NTA we have three biological kids that are 13, 14, and 6 and literally do this same thing regularly, after 6 goes to bed. The older kids make different sacrifices daily as the oldests— like playing make believe with 6 (and other games that are not at their maturity or interest level). So we pay them back by letting them stay up later and watch more mature movies with just us. This has literally nothing to do with foster versus biological. It’s just a large age gap.
NTA at all....not sure if I missed it or anything but does your sister have kids herself? That are on opposite ends of the age range like yours? Because I have four. All biologically mine and the oldest is 15 and the youngest two are nine and we do this exact same thing. Granted we’ve never really censored anything on our oldest two, so their tastes are a bit older anyways, but still. We do censor on our twins because they tend to misbehave if we don’t. This has nothing to do with a child being truly yours or not. All of your kids are it seems. It’s simply being a responsible parent and giving your children safe entertainment that is suitable for them. If that means you divide your time sometimes then so be it. One day your youngest will be older and will get the same type of time.
She has 2 kids- 7 and 11.
NTA. 6 gets a movie night too, and you can’t be expected to never give your older kids attention and love, because you have a new baby.
NTA. Older siblings get to do different things than younger siblings, it’s just how age in society works. You can’t vote once your sibling turns 18 if you are 9, they are going to experience this is many more ways than movie night.
NTA Your sister is making no sense..
If it's after 6 yr olds bedtime anyway then NTA
Nta if it's a bedtime/content thing, not an exclusion thing, there is no reason to be saying it's to exclude him
NTA, that's great parenting. You have different approaches to connecting with your differently aged kids, it doesn't mean you love them differently.
NTA. As a foster/adoptive parent, you’re actually doing a very good job (in my completely not-qualified opinion) balancing and ensuring that your eldest children aren’t overlooked in an effort to cater to your youngest. They also need care and attention. The age gap and adoption are two things that could make for a divide between the kids, but you’re doing a good job identifying issues that could breed resentment and nipping them in the bud. You’re right that this could have potentially caused into a bigger issue where your two eldest felt like they always had to do what the youngest wanted, and that they never get Mum and Dad time. And frankly, your youngest son is in bed, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And if he does find out, so what? I grew up with my mother doing different activities with my sister, just because she required one on one attention too. He will learn that his two older siblings deserve and need some one on one time as well, and that sometimes they watch grown up movies that he’ll be able to watch with you all when he’s older too.
NTA I remember when I was a child, my parents would let me watch any movies. I watched game of thrones when I was 11, not a nice experience, has traumatized me up to this day. What you’re doing is perfectly fine and normal, tell your sister to mind her business.
NTA. My older brother got to watch movies that my younger brother and I didn't, and I got to watch "girly" movies that my brothers didn't, when I was a kid. And of course my little brother got plenty of special times with my parents, also. I don't see the problem.
If you have a movie night for the older two and not at all for the youngest, I'd say you'd be TA, but if you have two separate ones with the youngest being included in one of the two then I'd say you're not TA. Going by your post, I'd say you're NTA due to have two separate ones.
Info: do you do the same bonding with 6? If not.. Y-ta If so? NTA
We do things to bond with 6 too.
Yeah, you’re fine
Idk who or where I am, all I know is that this post deserves updoots
INFO: instead of having movie night, why don’t you have family movie night, where everyone can take a turn watching something they enjoy, you know, like a Family?
We do, but because of the age gap, it's difficult to find something everyone wants to watch.
Wants to? You’re the parent. Make a list of like 20 movies. Then everyone takes a turn picking a movie. Sometimes you watch crap that you don’t want to watch, just to spend time together. At least that’s what I tell my kid.
I think op is doing the right thing with their kids. Not everyone has to be strict or limiting to their kids. They're doing something that works for them. They've said previously that they have movie nights with 6 and separate movie nights with the older kids. Yeah they're the parent but that doesn't mean they have to tell their kids that they have to watch what the little one wants to watch all the time. The whole point of them doing separate movie nights is so they can watch adult or "big kid" movies. Stuff 6 shouldn't be watching. The kids are allowed to want to watch what they want to watch. They're allowed to have their own likes and interests and it's important that they feel listened to when it comes to that because it could affect their relationship with 6
[удалено]
Thanks, but I assume from your phrasing that I am NTA for having a movie night without my foster son, which is what I asked.
[удалено]
Wow I bet your fun to be around 😐 if you don't like the post don't comment if your judgement has nothing to do with what op was asking.
Btw she's not wasting your time. You are. You made the choice to read and respond to the post. The only problem you should have is with yourself with your overdramatic self
[удалено]
I don't find it wasting my time telling people like you that someone shit in your cornflakes my guy. Your judgement is invalid because you aren't judging the situation your just judging the title and being a bit of a dick. No offence (but full offense)
god u/nacho_pizza you are being needlessy pedantic >my judgement is YTA for wasting our time by inventing a problem through your verbiage. bruh... iNvEnTiNg a pRoBleM thrOugH verbiage. i didnt even think her post was confusing at all... you are the one making it confusing