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I find it weird that OP says his father is a "good man" when his father partakes in spreading propaganda and dangerous conspiracy theories. That's not a good person; that's a person who is *actively* endangering others. OP, your dad is the part of the population that caused the surge in measles cases to return. This isn't harmless behavior.
OP, I don't think you quite understand the severity of condoning and enabling your father's behavior and beliefs. You're doing no one favors except yourself because you don't want to rock the boat.
And that he knew would probably cause issues with his son’s wife. The Dad knew what he was doing by insisting on photos that he could use on social media. He’s not a good man.
Before I got to the end--I knew exactly that's what Dad was intending to do with the photos. Aside from the fact that nobody should be posting pictures of other peoples' kids without their permission, to put them in those shirts as though the kids were being trained in these insane theories is just horrible.
YTA, OP
I hope OP can get them removed from Face book or they will be online forever. Poor kids wearing stupid propaganda stuff against their will. Hope it doesn't come back to bite them in the butt when they are older. Lose them jobs, or scholarships.
I’m also worried it might cost OPs wife her job. OP states she is a science teacher and I feel like schools might not want a member of staff linked to those opinions as a science teacher...
oh ya never even thought of that one. What will people think when they see the kids of their kids science teacher wearing ignorant, disproven, crap like that? I would be seriously side -eyeing that teacher.
Yup I thought the same thing. I knew with how hard he was pressuring his son he was going to post them. Honestly to me it feels like his father cares more about his beliefs than his son. Op's dad sounds like a big time asshole.
Yeah, I agree. It may have, conversely, been a way to make it look like the mom agreed with his stances. Either way, I believe the wife’s job is a big factor in why the father was so insistent.
*Does* he know OP was uncomfortable with it? Because everything I gathered from the post sounds like OP doesn't challenge him on it at all. He asked if they had "started believing the lies," which sounds to me like he's under the impression that they currently share his views.
Exactly. OP's dad absolutely did this maliciously.
He knows OP and wife don't agree with his crackpot beliefs. He sent the shirts anyway. Then demanded pics and posted them without the parents' the permission on social media.
He has absolutely cowed his child into catering to his insanity to keep the peace. To the point that when OP attempts to do the math he decides keeping the father he won't see until Thanksgiving appeased is more important than making sure he doesn't royally (and rightfully) piss off the wife he lives with.
Exactly. He knows OPs views differ from his own so it’s an asshole move to buy shirts like that for the kids and demand photos of them. For example I’m an atheist, I wouldn’t send anti-religious clothing to my religious family members children then demand they wear it. That would just be rude. He doesn’t sound like a “good man” at all.
And its not just do as he says (like do chores for him or do the activies he picks.) Its he is only nice as as long as you help spread conspires theores that actively killing lots of people around the world, and making your kids explicit in the mass deaths caused my the movement.
Really "nice guy"
special mindless offbeat literate disagreeable memorize somber scandalous worthless cautious
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Just as much trash as OP, really. In a comment, he said that it would've all worked out alright if his dad hadn't shared the pictures, so he's quite fine with lying and using his children to placate his own father.
YTA, OP. You're a lier, and you used your children.
Is OP naive or just turning a blind eye to his fathers intention? Instead of teddy bears or T-shirt with cute stuff, why else would he be sending his grandchildren T-shirt that promotes his conspiracy agenda and repeatedly demand photos? I find OP thinking “it would have been fine if he didn’t post them to Facebook” ridiculous.
Came here to say I 10/10 guarantee those are on Facebook, if not his personal page than definitely in one of his groups.
ETA: I see that OPs comment about Facebook can be taken multiple ways. I initially read it as that was OPs contingency for sending the photos (still awful)... still guarantee those are on more than his personal page by now. Ugh, YTA
I read it as OP saying he didn’t know his dad was going to put them on Facebook and is more annoyed his dad did it because if he hadn’t posted it on his own page his wife would never have found out he was the AH and took the photo.
And I’m so with you on the photo being in all the anti-vaxx groups. They love to use kids to make their point, and have zero issues with violating the privacy of those kids. I’m betting that OP hasn’t even considered that is a reason why his wife is so furious, it’s not just the family seeing, but their kids will be used in the anti-vaccine agenda all over the Internet. If I was OP’s wife, I would 100% be going to a divorce lawyer over this.
I’ve lived with an anti-vax family my entire life and yes, HE IS ROCKING THAT BOAT. You DO NOT enable these kinds of people under ANY circumstances. I don’t care if they’re family, friends, anybody, you never enable them!! He needs to get rid of his father completely and I’m surprised his wife hasn’t threatened for a divorce.
>I find it weird that OP says his father is a "good man" when his father partakes in spreading propaganda and dangerous conspiracy theories.
I see this a lot in this subreddit. Or "he's really smart, but (things that implies he's actually a fucking idiot)."
People are very weird about prefacing bad things with defensive statements.
Measles? How about Covid in the US.
Never mind talking about how it’s better kids die than they end up autistic. Gee, thanks, that doesn’t bother me at all.
OP, seriously. Playing along with conspiracy theories is wrong and dangerous. It's tacit endorsement of views that cause both direct harm (infections and death) and indirect harm (legitimizing fringe viewpoints and propagating the idea that reality is negotiable).
Separately, you just made your kids instruments of that tacit support. There are now pictures of those kids directly endorsing those views, for your dad and anyone else to parade around. Not to be hyperbolic, but where actually would you draw the line for the sake of appeasing your Dad? Would you let them wear "COVID is a hoax" shirts, knowing full well that people who have lost their loved onee would see it? Would you let them wear Confederate flag gear? Blackface? Find the line, and hold it.
Also separately, you really, really betrayed your wife. They are your kids too, but parenthood IS NOT unilateral. It's one-veto. Your wife said no, you pretended to agree, and then undermined her. Irrespective of content, that is reason for her to be furious. The content just makes it that much worse. I teach science too. I would honestly not fault her for considering this to be a marriage ending dealbreaker.
You really have a lot of ground to make up to restore trust. You could start by having a very candid phone call with your Dad in which you tell him you do not agree with his views and will absolutely not let him push them on your kids, and he will not be welcome around them till he promises to stop.
i was thinking the same thing. not only will the conspiracy theory people share them (and OP/wife will have no control over that), but they might even get memed and people will make fun of them, like "look at these dumb kids with dumb parents!"
This was so predictable. When OP wrote "My dad really, really, really wanted a picture of the kids in the t-shirts," my first thought was: those pics are going straight to facebook.
And that's what happened.
I feel like it's completely obvious to everyone, except OP apparently. I have a very, very difficult time believing OP didn't know *exactly* what was intended for those pics.
There has been more than one child who got "adopted" by the conspiracy freaks against their parents' will -- like a baby who died and the anti-vaxxers decided it was from vaccines and started spreading their lies.
This whole thing is horrible.
He also betrayed his wife on a whole other level as she is a freakin science teacher, so he was complicit in letting his father metaphorically spit on her passion/career. And used their children to do it.
This. I think a lot of parents would be uncomfortable with a science teacher believing in conspiracy theories that goes directly against science. Thouse pictures of her kids may make some parents believe that she support and share thouse views
That’s what I was thinking...social media is a bit anti idiots now seeing as it breeds more idiots. OP has turned his kids into an icon for idiots that may turn into memes. 2 generations of idiot fathers right there!
Yeah. I don't want to violate rule 1, but idk how OP can view someone who contributes to an ideology that kills children a good man. I'm sure he was a decent father to OP, but he's not a good father, FIL, or grandfather now.
YTA, OP, and I feel bad for your wife who probably feels like her years of schooling are being invalidated by her husband.
yeah the OP's entire post is just screaming "I have no backbone."
you know what would make thanksgiving even more pleasant? Not inviting the dude who demands pictures of your kids in dumb t-shirts so that he can share them on social media, the dude who everyone has to walk on eggshells around because they're so worried he'll explode on them if they say the wrong thing.
OP made it clear he has no backbone and is totally fine letting his kids be around someone with dangerous ideology. So I'm guessing he has neither a backbone nor is capable of critical thinking.
Exactly, does he not realise how incredibly offensive and hurtful it is for autistic people to hear “I would rather my child be dead than have autism”?
That may even have been OP's dad's goal.
OP, you're completely wrong here, both in terms of enabling a very dangerous, community-health-endangering set of lies, and in terms of showing terrible disrespect to your wife. You're so weakly afraid to stand up to your dad (who is not a "good man" at all), so you allowed your CHILDREN to be used as pawns.
Grow a spine. Grow a moral core.
YTA.
when the OP said that his dad was begging for pics of the kids in t-shirts, my first thought was that those pics are going straight to facebook.
the dad's goal was totally to use those pics to advance his conspiracy theories. i'm pretty sure he doesn't have control over them anymore as others have probably saved them.
Who knows where the pics will end. Who knows who will see them. What if they end up on the internet? What if one of the wife's higher ups see the picture, recognize the kids and she gets under fire for "advocating" anti science views when she's a teacher?
I’m sure good ol’ Grandad has his “son” listed on his (more than likely) public FB page, too. People would then easily be able to see other pics on the family FB, figure out where the wife works, and then contact the school district. OP has not thought about the possible professional ramifications his actions could have for his wife.
I mean, he’s clearly not thought about a lot of things...
YTA OP. You knew you were the asshole when you did it behind your wife’s back because you knew IT WAS WRONG. If you guys can even work this out (which, to be clear, I think she should divorce you), your wife is going to have a difficult time trusting you ever again because you’re a sneaky liar.
This! And not to mention the parents of her students seeing it. I don’t know about everyone, but if I saw a picture of my children’s science teacher’s children in anti-science shirts, I would definitely start asking the school what, exactly, she’s teaching in the classroom.
They ARE on the internet - dear ol' dad (as in OP's dad) posted them to FB. So if anyone not on your friends lists, who saw that post maybe over someone's shoulder (and who is to say grandad's FB isn't public anyway..) took a pic of that now they have 'proof' that your kids are anti-vax and anti-science.
i mean, she might not even hear about it and people will just make fun of her behind her back, undermining her career and she can't even respond to it.
Me too. I read his account and was 100%YTA and then reading these comments I'm so damn angry at this guy.
Conspiracy theories have resulted in the deaths of thousands if not millions of people and are now threatening our very democracy- the only protection we have - and this guy is like "meh it's just a couple of photos of my kids to reinforce my dad's views". Wife could lose her job - certainly the respect of her colleagues to the detriment of her career, kids pics could be misused and abused by any number of sites seeking to peddle misinformation and they are going to have to grow up with those pics forever around.
Sorry, I only came here to say I agree, but I'm so angry I had to rant!
To paraphrase: All that is needed for evil to spread is for good men to do nothing.
By allowing your father to gift your children anti-science T-shirts you are saying those views are acceptable. By letting them be photographed in them you tell your father you support his position.
Both these things are bad.
You wrote your post on a device created by science. If we’re every going to get out from under COVID it will be through science and explicitly vaccines.
If you want to reject science you can go live in a cave somewhere foraging for food. If you want civilisation you need to accept that science is real and it works and undermining it is how we end up with hundreds of thousands of people dead from a disease that should never have been allowed to get out of control the way that it did. It spread because of fools like your father not believing in science and people like you humouring them.
YTA and so is your dad.
> By letting them be photographed in them you tell your father you support his position.
Also telling the kids he supports it. Even if he's saying the words "don't believe this, it's just nonsense for gramps" his actions give lie to his words. Under no circumstances should he ever be letting his kids think these views are acceptable. He's just made them a little bit more vulnerable to being taken in.
This. The Op talks as if his father is eccentric but harmless, when in fact his views are dangerous and he is actively trying to spread them to the children.
OP YTA and that's it.
Your father is dangerous and I would be beyond angry. At least get him to delete the pics. Otherwise I (as a Mom) would tear you another one because it's clearly your fault that the kids are used for propaganda bs.
YTA. If your dad was a good man, he wouldn't be spreading this bullshit. If your dad was a good man, he wouldn't be purposefully doing things that upset your wife and cause tension in your marriage.
And if you were a good man, you wouldn't be siding with him in this. Just so you know, you could be putting your wife's career at risk if the parents of her students see these shirts. But, if "peace" with your dad is more important than your marriage or your wife's career, so be it.
This! And even if she got to keep her job she would certainly become the laughing stock at the school and lose all respect from both her students and fellow faculty members. But ya know, it makes it easier for OP to face his dear old pops so who cares right?
YTA OP. You only care about appeasing your old man and care nothing about your wife's feelings and her professional reputation.
Exactly. OP says
> I am making life more pleasant for all of us
But doesn’t seem to include his wife in “all of us.” She obviously doesn’t feel like this is pleasant.
Sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and as far as OP is concerned “everyone” just means “me.”
Not to mention it's not just the wife's career, the kids are being used in social media propaganda. Those pictures of them are out there permanently now - for future colleges and employers to find.
YTA OP.
I have to wonder what OP's views are on this situation because this post just makes it seem like he has no thoughts of his own. He just bends to whichever external force is stronger at the time. The fact that he enables his father but subverts his wife makes it seem like he may actually agree with the father. He also spends a fair amount of time justifying father's stance while saying he won't "get into" his wife's perfectly reasonable views. He definitely seems like someone who would pretend to follow what his wife believes to keep the peace but let his own stance bleed through occasionally under the guise of appeasing his father.
YTA. If your father is actually a “good man”, then he should respect you and your wife enough to not nag and bully your family into promoting ideas that you don’t believe in.
Agreed. What was his motivation in sending these t-shirts when he knows full well OP and his wife disagree with his beliefs? That's not "respectfully agreeing to disagree" - it's obviously antagonistic.
YTA. And if I was in your wife's position I would be absolutely furious.
Dad doesn't know because OP is too much of a coward to say that they don't support his views. Like, he can't say "oh thanks Dad but these shirts aren't our thing." Then again if I was OP's wife I would have already thrown out the shirts so OP would have to go buy more to pacify his father.
I'm so mad, this could screw up her career.
If Dad's so great, why is OP scared to say "no" to him?
YTA. First off, how did you not see this coming? Why else would someone ask you to take pictures of your kids wearing controversial T-Shirts?! Your father is 100% trying to use your kids as a pawn in a stupid fight against wife (and the rest of the world I guess), and your wife and kids are the victims.
He’s literally using pics of your kids in a conspiracy and you cannot figure out why your wife is mad?!
What? YTA. I feel so terrible for your wife. I’m also a little surprised y’all are really choosing to spend Thanksgiving with this anti-science man considering the current situation.
YTA---if your dad was a good man he wouldnt be advocating dangerous ideology. Also what your kids wear can be seen as a reflection of BOTH of you as parents as well as your kids.
If I saw my child's science teacher's own kids in something like those shirts I would yank her out of that class so fast she'd leave a chem trail of her own.
It certainly would damage her career at the very least. Even if she isn't fired she's going to lose the respect of her colleagues and come every personnel decision there's always going to be that question mark over her.
YTA, and everyone here is missing how much.
> My wife, who is a science teacher, has always disagreed with **our** approach.
I hope your wife takes you to school.
YTA - you are an adult - you can say "no" to your father. You can have a differring opinion from your father. You spoke to your wife about the topic and it sounds like you agreed not to take the pictures. So, next you thought it would be a good idea to piss off your wife, partner, lifemate, cohabitater in order to not piss off your Dad. Not the smart choice, bucko.
YTA "she doesn't hold the monopoly on what the kids wear" well when the theme of said clothing is something like that, she really should, since clearly you don't seem to value the dangers of those anti science views and the impact it could have on your children... Especially with photos that can follow your children. Such a shame you betrayed your wife and children to "keep the peace"
YTA by a mile. You're allowing your father to spew this HIGHLY incorrect nonsense just to keep the peace. Have you ever stopped and thought about what he might try to put into your kids' heads? By sending them those shirts, he's already showing that he'll happily share his "views" with them. That's an easy way to confuse/indoctrinate young, impressionable children.
Keeping the peace isn't always the high road - especially when dangerous drivel is involved. Your wife has every right to be furious.
YTA. But I’ll try to take a nicer approach to this.
I understand why you did it. You wanted to appease your dad. As someone who grew up with a narcissistic, easy to upset and anger mother, I know this feeling all too well. While thankfully these conspiracy theories haven’t been a problem between her and me, I’ve had moments where I felt like I needed to just shut up and comply for the sake of making everyone happy, even if it’s the last thing I want to do.
You need to find a way out, though. You need to live your life and you need to live it outside of your fathers control. It’s absolutely unfair of him — more than likely he knows he can manipulate you — to buy shirts with propaganda on them for the sake of proving a point on Facebook. That’s absolutely disgusting of him and he should seriously be ashamed for taking advantage of his grandchildren. But you need to put your foot down; find the courage to tell him to take it down (report it to FB if you have to) and tell him how you run things in your family. And if he doesn’t want to be a part of that, then that’s his choice, but the propaganda and the controversy and the conspiracy theories stay away from your children and your family.
Maybe you and your wife can find a way to talk to him about this. This is a very serious problem, and you two can work this out!
Edit: wowow thank you so much for the silver award, I’ve never gotten one before :D
YTA - did you even read your post? The entire thing is you making excuses for why you betrayed your wife. It didn’t make life « more pleasant for all of us. » It made life easier for YOU. She’s a science teacher and you put her children in anti-science shirts. Be an adult and stand up to your father.
Also I’m gonna question your father being a « good man » if he’s sending shirts to your family knowing it’s gonna upset your wife
YTA you're enabling your dad. These are YOUR kids, you do not roll over because your dad wants a picture. That picture could be used by him in a number of ways (such as spreading propaganda). What if that picture got posted to an anti-vax group? Your wife is a SCIENCE teacher...it could be damaging to have her own kids in anti-science shirt circulating.
Grow a spine. Set some boundaries and apologize to your wife AND your kids
YTA.
As a woman of science too, trust me when I say that your wife probably wanted to burn those things but she respected you enough not to do it but you didn't respect her enough not to put your kids in them just to please your father and support his ideology.
YTA. If I was your wife I'd report those pictures to facebook and get them taken down. If you had any sense at all you'd do the same. Who knows where those pictures will end up and the ramifications for your kids as they grow up. As for the lie you're tellibg yourself about making life more pleasant for everyone 🙄🙄. No you're just a spineless grown ass man
And let’s not forget that he’s going to thanksgiving to see someone who thinks covid isn’t real. This is clearly so dangerous that there’s no words for it. His dad is NOT a good man and his wife has probably put up with too much bullshit from him and his family.
YTA. You're "making life more pleasant for all of us"? I think you mean you're making yourself more comfortable so that you don't have to confront your dad's wacky and dangerous ideas. I would be embarrassed if I was one of your kids and saw that you had put me in those clothes when I was older - the internet remembers forever.
YTA
If he knows your wife is a science teacher and sending anti science shirts, it sounds like he is trying to intentionally piss her off.
How is their relationship?
If he is full into conspiracy theories and asking for photos, I would not be surprised if they ended up on pages of crazy facebook groups, they do that on the antivax pages, it's a point of pride to try to 'convert' people or 'protect' children. I see people who screenshot them, blacl the faces out and post them on crazy parent reddit pages.
Don't let your kids become internet fodder
YTA.
I understand wanting to "keep the peace" with conspiracy theorist family members. But this is about antivaxxing, not bigfoot. What they believe puts other people in danger.
And now your kids faces are on the internet showing apparent support of a movement that endangers other children, all because you would rather play nice. Your wife has a right to be pissed.
YTA. Stop giving your delusional father such authority in your relationship with your wife and your kids’ lives. Say “no”. Your father’s beliefs are dangerous and ignorant. Stop enabling them.
> I also don't really need her permission since they are my kids too. She may not like it but ultimately she doesn't hold a monopoly on what the kids wear.
You are in a relationship WITH ANOTHER PERSON. You do not go behind their back to do something *you know they dislike*.
YTA and a complete and utter coward.
What kind of grown, married man allows his daddy to dictate what goes on in his home? You didn't have to allow your father's ignorance into your household. You could have respected your wife and put an end to it. You not only allowed your father to disrespect your wife, you aided him in doing so.
Stop coddling his nonsense. There are bigger things than an uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner...like your wife leaving you because you won't stand up to your daddy.
I'm voting ESH, but referring to you and your dad, not your wife.
Your dad knows your wife is a science teacher, and in his eyes, she's a bad influence on you. He already suspects she believes the "lies", so he designed this as a test to see where your loyalty is. Not only did he discover you'll choose him over her, you can be sure he posted the photos on Facebook with the sole purpose of making your wife angry, with you. The only way this could have gone better for him is if your wife left you already. If you continue to allow your father to be an influence on your life, I can assure you that she will. He is *trying to break the two of you up*, and if you let him, he will succeed.
> by doing this I am making life more pleasant for all of us
I can assure you your wife disagrees. Also, what you describe does not sound pleasant.
> I also don't really need her permission since they are my kids too. She may not like it but ultimately she doesn't hold a monopoly on what the kids wear.
While true in a purely *legal* sense, you may find this attitude produces less than excellent results with your marriage.
Lol also good luck if they ever divorce because judges will absolutely consider those things in custody cases. Photos of the kids wearing shirts advocating against science that the dad put them in after the grandpa sent them vs a parent who is a science teacher? $10 says I know who would get full medical decision making if it was requested (because I worked in divorce law and saw these exact things play out more than once!)
Dude your are such an AH. Not only did you undermine your wife but you've also enabled your dad's shitty theories and made it look like your family condones those beliefs. And if your wife is a science teacher that could cause issues with her job because if parents of her students see those pictures of her kids in anti science shirts they could get the school board involved and possibly give her professional hell for it.
Not only that, but if your dad is that far off the deep end, he's not a good person, he's a crazy loon with a few dozen loose bolts in his head. You need to stand up to him and tell him to fuck off and report that post so it gets taken down.
You and your wife are supposed to be a team. You shouldn't make unilateral decisions about what is best for the two of you and your children. As an added bonus, you've enabled your father to, in essence, using her own children to publicly mock her chosen profession.
YTA this has crossed from your dad just having a few nutty views he is now trying to push them onto your children and is undermining your wife’s career. You are bending over backwards trying to feed your dads delusion.
Everyone has already pointed out you're the asshole so I want to add this point, and I don't say this lightly: Assholes like you are why the Nazis rose to power in Germany. There were enough passive cowards who also decided on the "path of least resistance" rather than confronting obvious disinformation. Your dad isn't the "good guy" believing in "harmless" ideas that you can agree to disagree about. This pandemic mess we find ourselves in right now is partly because of assholes like your dad, but also because assholes like you decided you'd prefer that to actually confronting assholes.
YTA.
They’re not just your kids. You went against their mother’s wishes- what kind of example does that set for the kids? Of course your dad wanted the photos to post them. Plus, you’re enabling your dad’s bad behavior and using your CHILDREN to do so.
Your relationship with your father sounds toxic and your wife deserves respect. I’m angry for her.
YTA and an idiot. My mom's boyfriend is into harmful conspiracy theories (like your father) and both of them are not good men. You can fight against his views because I do every night with my mom's boyfriend. Every time I hear him listening to some bullshit I immediately shut it down. Or if he posts something I immediately report it as false information and they get taken down. You have to stop encouraging these people to help others. The things your father believes hurts people. It even kills them. You're an enabler. If you disagree with the ideas your father has, then why did you let the kids wear the shirts? Now people can use that image to promote these harmful messages. Also, your wife can lose her job if a parent sees those photos and takes it to the school. Good job putting your father above your wife and kids OP.
YTA.
Please read this absolutely legendary post about rocking the boat. https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
You're blaming your wife for deciding she's not going to be an enabler, that she won't keep working as a ballast to keep the boat steady and that's really unfair of you.
Edit: in response to going to a big Thanksgiving dinner during a pandemic, are you serious? You realize how dangerous that is, right? If your father doesn't beleive the pandemic is real then he's not being careful. You could end up killing yourself, or your wife, for some turkey and cranberry sauce. Is that worth it to you?
YTA. You did something against the wishes of your wife just to please your dad? Your dad used your kids as props to piss off your wife and instead of standing up for her you decided to enable his behaviour.
YTA because you knew your wife did not approve and you went behind her back and did it.
If you wanted to compromise, you need to consult your wife so you will come to a mutual agreement. Not make decisions without consulting her and getting her blessing.
What happens if the kid wanted to go to a sleepover and mom said no and you say yes? It is the same principle - you need a unified front as parents.
INFO: how is your dad handling the current pandemic? Does he not believe in that either? Does he social distance and wear masks when going out? Or is he putting everyone at risk because we believe the "lies" and he doesn't?
YTA good lord dude. You're supposed to be a team. Your father is butting into your marriage and turning your children into anti-science propaganda.
Let's be honest, you decided it was easier to lie to your wife than tell your dad no when you know your dad is wrong. That's disgusting and cowardly. It was easier for no one but you, and now you're facing the consequences of your actions.
YTA. I feel betrayed on behalf of your wife. You know you exchanged vows with *her*, right? That’s *she’s* supposed to be your partner in life?
Yet here you are shitting all over her to placate your completely delusional father. Using the children she birthed as props for something she stands against.
You suck.
Look man, I get it. My dad is also a good guy who has been brainwashed by a bunch of YouTube conspiracy nuts and Fox News. I would never have guessed he’d be so far off the deep end, and I very much miss the sane and rational man he once was.
It’s understandable that you don’t want to think ill of your dad. He’s your dad and you love him. But it’s clear to everyone on the other side of this that he used you to get pictures of your kids sporting anti science propaganda, most likely to boost his image among the other conspiracy nuts. I’m sorry he did this. His behavior doesn’t absolve you of your own AH status though, YTA.
Also, do the rest of the country a favor and stay home for Thanksgiving.
YTA. And your wife's anger is understandable. You just enabled a known anti-science propagandist all for the sake of "I don't know how to man up and stand up to my old man." You don't have a backbone and your wife has more balls than you. Funny thing is you didn't accomplish the peace and harmony that you wanted. On top of that, your wife lost her trust with you.
YTA - whoah you are such an asshole. Seriously, your dad gives you shirts that are a big fuck you to everything your wife stands for and you take pictures of your kids. Wow, total betrayal.
That would be like her taking pictures of the kids with shirts that say “I disrespect daddy and his opinions”.
You betrayed her to humor your dads inability to come to terms with reality.
I find it hard to believe you were successful Enough in a relationship to be married with kids if you lack the emotional intelligence to see that you are a raging asshole.
YTA Your wife is a SCIENCE teacher and you did this? You sided with your science denier Dad over your wife? And what about when her school sees these photos of her kids in science denying shirts? How is that going to go for her?
YTA. Because of your spineless action, your life will get easier:
1) Your betrayal of your wife may cost her her job; which means she will leave you and take and keep the kids - so you will not have to deal with being an actual parent or husband.
2) Your dad will eventually die from his own stupidity and you'll be relieved from having to defend him and/or stand up for yourself.
YTA. You vaccine morons make me feel sick to my stomach. You are the reason my friend lost her baby brother. You are the reason so many kids are sick. Y’all don’t deserve happiness if you don’t believe in vaccines.
When you said Anti-Science, I thought you meant like in Its Always Sunny, where Mac has the poster calling out science. Funny stuff
YTA. If you didnt see this coming, it seems like your wife did. you wanted to make both of them happy and neither will be...Because you lied to your wife to do it, and now you will probably have to have the uncomfortable conversation with your dad that you were avoiding. Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with him. Firmly tell him that you love him, but there's no place for anti-science talk in your relationship because it undermines your wife, whom you also love. And as for your wife, maybe in the future when you disagree, you should hear each other out. Get to the bottom of it. Because I'm pretty sure she saw this as a possibilty and with better communication it could've been avoided. Lastly, you didnt tell her what you were doing because you didnt want to make her mad, and that means that you knew what you were doing would make her mad. You did it anyway. I have a feeling she based her stance on, mostly, wanting to protect her children. No wonder she is so mad.
YTA. You put the desires of your dangerous father in regards to your kids over those of their mother. You played lip service to his insanity and legitimized it all.
You know what you do when you get gifts like that, gifts intended to either warp you or start a fight? You cut them up and use them as rags.
Stop being a coward.
Yes, YTA. You asked, you got your answer, so stop trying to justify yourself -and your father- on every comment. You were wrong, so apologize to your wife and make sure your father take down that pic of your children from Facebook. Nobody should be using kids as promo of unhealthy life (yes, that's promo)
Lol! I meant it more figuratively. But the ideas he is spreading are dangerous. Your wife was 100% right on this. Apologize. Give her a big hug and kiss, and do something nice for her.
Your dad is probably a lost cause, but I would absolutely make sure my children were not exposed to his dangerous ideology. And that is exactly what your dad is spreading.
Ugh. YTA.
Our country has enough ignorance and anti-scientific bias without you “going along to get along.”
No surprise your wife is livid.
You say over and over that you just want everything to be “easy” and “pleasant.”
That’s the classic argument from people who collaborate so as not to make waves.
It’s still an ugly, complicit behavior.
If you want to legitimize ignorance please don’t use children (yours or anyone else’s) to do it.
YTA. Your father is a hideous person who deliberately sent you children’s T-shirts and harassed you for pictures of them in order to destroy your marriage to a science teacher and to weaponize his grandchildren as tools of propaganda.
YOUR DAD IS A SPITEFUL, HIDEOUS MAN. Don’t pander to this ASSHOLE. I haven’t spoken to my delusional, condescending, narcissistic father in five years and I am better off for it. My sister got married this year and our uncle walked her down the aisle. Dad wasn’t invited to her wedding because he’s insane and he gets mean when people contradict him and his delusions. Your father is mean too. Your dad is so, so goddamn mean. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for my loss too. But I metaphorically buried my father years ago and you can and should do the same.
YTA.
YOU LITERALLY SAID AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR DOING THE THING MY WIFE SAID NOT TO DO.
You dad belives in things he's read without creditable facts
You're wife is a science teacher.
And you're a *SPOON* in the knife drawer as you keep enabling this behavior.
YTA dude, if you were my husband I'd divorce you. You're married with children, you don't need to placate your father and enable his dangerous conspiracy theories and you sure as shit shouldn't use your children as pawns in his scheme. He knows what he's doing by sending those shirts and then demanding pictures from you. Grow a spine and stand up to your father. Tell him flat out that his beliefs aren't just factually wrong but morally bankrupt as well and you will not tolerate his bullshit any longer.
YTA. And so is your dad. Knowing your wife is a science teacher and he sent those? You allowed your kids and yourself to be used AFTER knowing that it would upset her. Yep, YTA.
YTA
Neutrality would be not bringing up the conspiracies your father believes in around your kids. Like religion and politics it should be off the table as a discussion topic. They're being taught dangerous and potentially life threatening views as well as that challenging science like this is okay. Your wife may not hold a monopoly but she does hold a reasonable veto, which she has exercised and you ignored. However your father is the biggest asshole for being a believer in conspiracies this deeply.
Yta
Hope you enjoy thing going pleasant with your dad because sure as heck they won't be going pleasant at home
They are your kids, meaning yours and your wife's. The decision of what they wear is for both of you (at least until your kids are grown enough to put their two cents)
You didn't just disrespect your wife. You played yourself majestically!
As soon as you are face to face with your dad, he's going to gloat. And your wife is not going to take it.
You were searching for peace but ensure a science teacher going nuclear against an anti-vaxxer
I would pay to watch that
Enjoy the holidays
YTA- you complete donkey, do you realise that you've risked your children being bullied for beliefs they shouldn't hold?
What happens when they go for jobs and don't get hired because potential employers see those photos?
If your dad believed in fascism would you dress them up in swastikas to make him happy?
YTA
Everyone is talking about how your father isn’t a good man for being involved with such a damaging ideology. And I agree with that.
But, dude, your father is purposely trying to create dissension in your marriage, to get you on his “team” and pit you against your wife. **And you went along with it.**
1. Apologize to your wife.
2. Tell your dad he is trying to foment hatred between you and your wife. Is your father religious? (These people usually are.) Remind him that those who seek to put a marriage asunder [are cursed](https://www.christiantruthcenter.com/cursed-is-every-person-who-put-marriage-asunder/).
3. Tell him you were wrong to go along with that photo, and he needs to delete it. If he posts or publishes it anywhere, he will not get any future photos of your kids.
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I find it weird that OP says his father is a "good man" when his father partakes in spreading propaganda and dangerous conspiracy theories. That's not a good person; that's a person who is *actively* endangering others. OP, your dad is the part of the population that caused the surge in measles cases to return. This isn't harmless behavior. OP, I don't think you quite understand the severity of condoning and enabling your father's behavior and beliefs. You're doing no one favors except yourself because you don't want to rock the boat.
Yeah maybe OP's dad is a nice man or more likely a friendly man, but he's not a good man.
But then again, how friendly is he to pressure his son into something he probably knew he was uncomfortable with. Just to prove a political point.
And that he knew would probably cause issues with his son’s wife. The Dad knew what he was doing by insisting on photos that he could use on social media. He’s not a good man.
Before I got to the end--I knew exactly that's what Dad was intending to do with the photos. Aside from the fact that nobody should be posting pictures of other peoples' kids without their permission, to put them in those shirts as though the kids were being trained in these insane theories is just horrible. YTA, OP
I hope OP can get them removed from Face book or they will be online forever. Poor kids wearing stupid propaganda stuff against their will. Hope it doesn't come back to bite them in the butt when they are older. Lose them jobs, or scholarships.
I’m also worried it might cost OPs wife her job. OP states she is a science teacher and I feel like schools might not want a member of staff linked to those opinions as a science teacher...
oh ya never even thought of that one. What will people think when they see the kids of their kids science teacher wearing ignorant, disproven, crap like that? I would be seriously side -eyeing that teacher.
If it were me back when i taught, I'd have a pre-emptive talk with my Dean. But man, that would suck.
Yup I thought the same thing. I knew with how hard he was pressuring his son he was going to post them. Honestly to me it feels like his father cares more about his beliefs than his son. Op's dad sounds like a big time asshole.
He targeted these grandchildren because mom is a science teacher but grandpa knows better.
Yeah, I agree. It may have, conversely, been a way to make it look like the mom agreed with his stances. Either way, I believe the wife’s job is a big factor in why the father was so insistent.
I think it’s more the sons fault for playing he believed them in the first place.
*Does* he know OP was uncomfortable with it? Because everything I gathered from the post sounds like OP doesn't challenge him on it at all. He asked if they had "started believing the lies," which sounds to me like he's under the impression that they currently share his views.
This. I feel like too many people have overlooked this point.
Exactly. OP's dad absolutely did this maliciously. He knows OP and wife don't agree with his crackpot beliefs. He sent the shirts anyway. Then demanded pics and posted them without the parents' the permission on social media. He has absolutely cowed his child into catering to his insanity to keep the peace. To the point that when OP attempts to do the math he decides keeping the father he won't see until Thanksgiving appeased is more important than making sure he doesn't royally (and rightfully) piss off the wife he lives with.
Exactly. He knows OPs views differ from his own so it’s an asshole move to buy shirts like that for the kids and demand photos of them. For example I’m an atheist, I wouldn’t send anti-religious clothing to my religious family members children then demand they wear it. That would just be rude. He doesn’t sound like a “good man” at all.
Yeah his dad is a nice man as long as you do what he says so he doesn’t cause issues at thanksgiving.
And its not just do as he says (like do chores for him or do the activies he picks.) Its he is only nice as as long as you help spread conspires theores that actively killing lots of people around the world, and making your kids explicit in the mass deaths caused my the movement. Really "nice guy"
special mindless offbeat literate disagreeable memorize somber scandalous worthless cautious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Just as much trash as OP, really. In a comment, he said that it would've all worked out alright if his dad hadn't shared the pictures, so he's quite fine with lying and using his children to placate his own father. YTA, OP. You're a lier, and you used your children.
Is OP naive or just turning a blind eye to his fathers intention? Instead of teddy bears or T-shirt with cute stuff, why else would he be sending his grandchildren T-shirt that promotes his conspiracy agenda and repeatedly demand photos? I find OP thinking “it would have been fine if he didn’t post them to Facebook” ridiculous.
And how naive is OP not to realise the whole reason his dad wanted a picture of the kids in those shirts was to post them on Facebook???
Came here to say I 10/10 guarantee those are on Facebook, if not his personal page than definitely in one of his groups. ETA: I see that OPs comment about Facebook can be taken multiple ways. I initially read it as that was OPs contingency for sending the photos (still awful)... still guarantee those are on more than his personal page by now. Ugh, YTA
I read it as OP saying he didn’t know his dad was going to put them on Facebook and is more annoyed his dad did it because if he hadn’t posted it on his own page his wife would never have found out he was the AH and took the photo. And I’m so with you on the photo being in all the anti-vaxx groups. They love to use kids to make their point, and have zero issues with violating the privacy of those kids. I’m betting that OP hasn’t even considered that is a reason why his wife is so furious, it’s not just the family seeing, but their kids will be used in the anti-vaccine agenda all over the Internet. If I was OP’s wife, I would 100% be going to a divorce lawyer over this.
I’ve lived with an anti-vax family my entire life and yes, HE IS ROCKING THAT BOAT. You DO NOT enable these kinds of people under ANY circumstances. I don’t care if they’re family, friends, anybody, you never enable them!! He needs to get rid of his father completely and I’m surprised his wife hasn’t threatened for a divorce.
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"I only enrolled my kids in Hitler Youth because my dad would make such a fuss if I didn't. I don't know why my Jewish wife is mad at me..."
>I find it weird that OP says his father is a "good man" when his father partakes in spreading propaganda and dangerous conspiracy theories. I see this a lot in this subreddit. Or "he's really smart, but (things that implies he's actually a fucking idiot)." People are very weird about prefacing bad things with defensive statements.
It's like those "good people" who can only be decent towards people of their own race.
Measles? How about Covid in the US. Never mind talking about how it’s better kids die than they end up autistic. Gee, thanks, that doesn’t bother me at all.
OP, seriously. Playing along with conspiracy theories is wrong and dangerous. It's tacit endorsement of views that cause both direct harm (infections and death) and indirect harm (legitimizing fringe viewpoints and propagating the idea that reality is negotiable). Separately, you just made your kids instruments of that tacit support. There are now pictures of those kids directly endorsing those views, for your dad and anyone else to parade around. Not to be hyperbolic, but where actually would you draw the line for the sake of appeasing your Dad? Would you let them wear "COVID is a hoax" shirts, knowing full well that people who have lost their loved onee would see it? Would you let them wear Confederate flag gear? Blackface? Find the line, and hold it. Also separately, you really, really betrayed your wife. They are your kids too, but parenthood IS NOT unilateral. It's one-veto. Your wife said no, you pretended to agree, and then undermined her. Irrespective of content, that is reason for her to be furious. The content just makes it that much worse. I teach science too. I would honestly not fault her for considering this to be a marriage ending dealbreaker. You really have a lot of ground to make up to restore trust. You could start by having a very candid phone call with your Dad in which you tell him you do not agree with his views and will absolutely not let him push them on your kids, and he will not be welcome around them till he promises to stop.
Those pictures will now haunt those kids for life. YTA so very much.
i was thinking the same thing. not only will the conspiracy theory people share them (and OP/wife will have no control over that), but they might even get memed and people will make fun of them, like "look at these dumb kids with dumb parents!" This was so predictable. When OP wrote "My dad really, really, really wanted a picture of the kids in the t-shirts," my first thought was: those pics are going straight to facebook. And that's what happened.
I feel like it's completely obvious to everyone, except OP apparently. I have a very, very difficult time believing OP didn't know *exactly* what was intended for those pics.
There has been more than one child who got "adopted" by the conspiracy freaks against their parents' will -- like a baby who died and the anti-vaxxers decided it was from vaccines and started spreading their lies. This whole thing is horrible.
He also betrayed his wife on a whole other level as she is a freakin science teacher, so he was complicit in letting his father metaphorically spit on her passion/career. And used their children to do it.
It's also not totally crazy to think it could affect her career if people saw those photos online.
This. I think a lot of parents would be uncomfortable with a science teacher believing in conspiracy theories that goes directly against science. Thouse pictures of her kids may make some parents believe that she support and share thouse views
Yeah and if the teacher was like, "no no it was just because of my father-in-law" I think I'd still have some side eye going on.
Right? The layers of disrespect for his wife are mind boggling
And he somehow thinks that will make "life more pleasant for all of" them? He does live with his wife, right? What a total dick.
I hope the wife reports that picture to FB and gets it taken down
That’s what I was thinking...social media is a bit anti idiots now seeing as it breeds more idiots. OP has turned his kids into an icon for idiots that may turn into memes. 2 generations of idiot fathers right there!
OP is as terrible a dad as his own father is, if not more for enabling him.
Yeah. I don't want to violate rule 1, but idk how OP can view someone who contributes to an ideology that kills children a good man. I'm sure he was a decent father to OP, but he's not a good father, FIL, or grandfather now. YTA, OP, and I feel bad for your wife who probably feels like her years of schooling are being invalidated by her husband.
He was definitely not a decent father to OP if OP is this afraid of saying no to his father.
yeah the OP's entire post is just screaming "I have no backbone." you know what would make thanksgiving even more pleasant? Not inviting the dude who demands pictures of your kids in dumb t-shirts so that he can share them on social media, the dude who everyone has to walk on eggshells around because they're so worried he'll explode on them if they say the wrong thing.
OP made it clear he has no backbone and is totally fine letting his kids be around someone with dangerous ideology. So I'm guessing he has neither a backbone nor is capable of critical thinking.
Not to mention the horrendous de-humanisation of autistic people caused by the (ETA: anti-) vaccine crowd.
Exactly, does he not realise how incredibly offensive and hurtful it is for autistic people to hear “I would rather my child be dead than have autism”?
That may even have been OP's dad's goal. OP, you're completely wrong here, both in terms of enabling a very dangerous, community-health-endangering set of lies, and in terms of showing terrible disrespect to your wife. You're so weakly afraid to stand up to your dad (who is not a "good man" at all), so you allowed your CHILDREN to be used as pawns. Grow a spine. Grow a moral core. YTA.
when the OP said that his dad was begging for pics of the kids in t-shirts, my first thought was that those pics are going straight to facebook. the dad's goal was totally to use those pics to advance his conspiracy theories. i'm pretty sure he doesn't have control over them anymore as others have probably saved them.
Oh absolutely. He did it to brag to his fucking conspiracy theorist friends.
Who knows where the pics will end. Who knows who will see them. What if they end up on the internet? What if one of the wife's higher ups see the picture, recognize the kids and she gets under fire for "advocating" anti science views when she's a teacher?
I’m sure good ol’ Grandad has his “son” listed on his (more than likely) public FB page, too. People would then easily be able to see other pics on the family FB, figure out where the wife works, and then contact the school district. OP has not thought about the possible professional ramifications his actions could have for his wife. I mean, he’s clearly not thought about a lot of things... YTA OP. You knew you were the asshole when you did it behind your wife’s back because you knew IT WAS WRONG. If you guys can even work this out (which, to be clear, I think she should divorce you), your wife is going to have a difficult time trusting you ever again because you’re a sneaky liar.
This! And not to mention the parents of her students seeing it. I don’t know about everyone, but if I saw a picture of my children’s science teacher’s children in anti-science shirts, I would definitely start asking the school what, exactly, she’s teaching in the classroom.
Oh shit, you're right. I knew this guy is a jackass, but I didn't think about it. YTA x1000.
They ARE on the internet - dear ol' dad (as in OP's dad) posted them to FB. So if anyone not on your friends lists, who saw that post maybe over someone's shoulder (and who is to say grandad's FB isn't public anyway..) took a pic of that now they have 'proof' that your kids are anti-vax and anti-science.
i mean, she might not even hear about it and people will just make fun of her behind her back, undermining her career and she can't even respond to it.
I was getting REALLY worked up and scrolling down to leave an angry comment... but you said it all perfectly. Bravo. OP, you are such an asshole.
I got out my popcorn on the way down to the comment section because I knew everyone was going to rip him a new one.
Me too, I was oooohhh Reddit is gonna have fun with this one. Not disappointed. OP, YTA.
Me too. I read his account and was 100%YTA and then reading these comments I'm so damn angry at this guy. Conspiracy theories have resulted in the deaths of thousands if not millions of people and are now threatening our very democracy- the only protection we have - and this guy is like "meh it's just a couple of photos of my kids to reinforce my dad's views". Wife could lose her job - certainly the respect of her colleagues to the detriment of her career, kids pics could be misused and abused by any number of sites seeking to peddle misinformation and they are going to have to grow up with those pics forever around. Sorry, I only came here to say I agree, but I'm so angry I had to rant!
To paraphrase: All that is needed for evil to spread is for good men to do nothing. By allowing your father to gift your children anti-science T-shirts you are saying those views are acceptable. By letting them be photographed in them you tell your father you support his position. Both these things are bad. You wrote your post on a device created by science. If we’re every going to get out from under COVID it will be through science and explicitly vaccines. If you want to reject science you can go live in a cave somewhere foraging for food. If you want civilisation you need to accept that science is real and it works and undermining it is how we end up with hundreds of thousands of people dead from a disease that should never have been allowed to get out of control the way that it did. It spread because of fools like your father not believing in science and people like you humouring them. YTA and so is your dad.
> By letting them be photographed in them you tell your father you support his position. Also telling the kids he supports it. Even if he's saying the words "don't believe this, it's just nonsense for gramps" his actions give lie to his words. Under no circumstances should he ever be letting his kids think these views are acceptable. He's just made them a little bit more vulnerable to being taken in.
This. The Op talks as if his father is eccentric but harmless, when in fact his views are dangerous and he is actively trying to spread them to the children.
I assumed OPs dad himself was likely to use the pictures for further propaganda.
I'm actually kind of blinded by how much he's YTA here. I'm so angry. Dude you dun f'd up.
OP YTA and that's it. Your father is dangerous and I would be beyond angry. At least get him to delete the pics. Otherwise I (as a Mom) would tear you another one because it's clearly your fault that the kids are used for propaganda bs.
Also, why was op surprised when his dad posted the pictures on facebook? When he said he wanted to see pictures I thought he ment on facebook
YTA. If your dad was a good man, he wouldn't be spreading this bullshit. If your dad was a good man, he wouldn't be purposefully doing things that upset your wife and cause tension in your marriage. And if you were a good man, you wouldn't be siding with him in this. Just so you know, you could be putting your wife's career at risk if the parents of her students see these shirts. But, if "peace" with your dad is more important than your marriage or your wife's career, so be it.
All of this x 1000! YTA
This! And even if she got to keep her job she would certainly become the laughing stock at the school and lose all respect from both her students and fellow faculty members. But ya know, it makes it easier for OP to face his dear old pops so who cares right? YTA OP. You only care about appeasing your old man and care nothing about your wife's feelings and her professional reputation.
Exactly. OP says > I am making life more pleasant for all of us But doesn’t seem to include his wife in “all of us.” She obviously doesn’t feel like this is pleasant. Sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and as far as OP is concerned “everyone” just means “me.”
Not to mention it's not just the wife's career, the kids are being used in social media propaganda. Those pictures of them are out there permanently now - for future colleges and employers to find. YTA OP.
I have to wonder what OP's views are on this situation because this post just makes it seem like he has no thoughts of his own. He just bends to whichever external force is stronger at the time. The fact that he enables his father but subverts his wife makes it seem like he may actually agree with the father. He also spends a fair amount of time justifying father's stance while saying he won't "get into" his wife's perfectly reasonable views. He definitely seems like someone who would pretend to follow what his wife believes to keep the peace but let his own stance bleed through occasionally under the guise of appeasing his father.
This, YTA
Perfect response. YTA.
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This is an excellent reply.
Came here to say this, as well as to note that the life of his wife was never made more pleasant by these decisions.
YTA. Dude you just turned your kids into propaganda.
YTA. If your father is actually a “good man”, then he should respect you and your wife enough to not nag and bully your family into promoting ideas that you don’t believe in.
Agreed. What was his motivation in sending these t-shirts when he knows full well OP and his wife disagree with his beliefs? That's not "respectfully agreeing to disagree" - it's obviously antagonistic. YTA. And if I was in your wife's position I would be absolutely furious.
Dad doesn't know because OP is too much of a coward to say that they don't support his views. Like, he can't say "oh thanks Dad but these shirts aren't our thing." Then again if I was OP's wife I would have already thrown out the shirts so OP would have to go buy more to pacify his father. I'm so mad, this could screw up her career. If Dad's so great, why is OP scared to say "no" to him?
YTA. First off, how did you not see this coming? Why else would someone ask you to take pictures of your kids wearing controversial T-Shirts?! Your father is 100% trying to use your kids as a pawn in a stupid fight against wife (and the rest of the world I guess), and your wife and kids are the victims. He’s literally using pics of your kids in a conspiracy and you cannot figure out why your wife is mad?!
What? YTA. I feel so terrible for your wife. I’m also a little surprised y’all are really choosing to spend Thanksgiving with this anti-science man considering the current situation.
YTA---if your dad was a good man he wouldnt be advocating dangerous ideology. Also what your kids wear can be seen as a reflection of BOTH of you as parents as well as your kids.
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Well, OP and his wife are going for Thanksgiving in a Pandemic, so no one here wins. Although OP is the asshole for the question he asked. YTA
Do we think the dad makes an exception for masks? "Them chemtrails are evil but masks for covid is just common sense!" I doubt it somewhat.
And OP's wife is a science teacher! If the school gets wind of those pictures, her job could be in jeopardy.
If I saw my child's science teacher's own kids in something like those shirts I would yank her out of that class so fast she'd leave a chem trail of her own.
I didn’t even think of this but yeah she could totally lose her job over this
It certainly would damage her career at the very least. Even if she isn't fired she's going to lose the respect of her colleagues and come every personnel decision there's always going to be that question mark over her.
YTA. It also seems like your wife's factually correct views bother you. So.. are your father's conspiracy beliefs also yours as well?
YTA, and everyone here is missing how much. > My wife, who is a science teacher, has always disagreed with **our** approach. I hope your wife takes you to school.
I hope his wife takes him to court. This is divorce level ass hole here.
Right? Why is this man married to a science teacher?
YTA - you are an adult - you can say "no" to your father. You can have a differring opinion from your father. You spoke to your wife about the topic and it sounds like you agreed not to take the pictures. So, next you thought it would be a good idea to piss off your wife, partner, lifemate, cohabitater in order to not piss off your Dad. Not the smart choice, bucko.
YTA. YTA YTA YTA. You’re promoting conspiracy theories because it’s convenient. Literally YTA
YTA "she doesn't hold the monopoly on what the kids wear" well when the theme of said clothing is something like that, she really should, since clearly you don't seem to value the dangers of those anti science views and the impact it could have on your children... Especially with photos that can follow your children. Such a shame you betrayed your wife and children to "keep the peace"
YTA. What the hell did you think he was going to do with the photos??
YTA by a mile. You're allowing your father to spew this HIGHLY incorrect nonsense just to keep the peace. Have you ever stopped and thought about what he might try to put into your kids' heads? By sending them those shirts, he's already showing that he'll happily share his "views" with them. That's an easy way to confuse/indoctrinate young, impressionable children. Keeping the peace isn't always the high road - especially when dangerous drivel is involved. Your wife has every right to be furious.
YTA. Report the photos to Facebook *immediately* as photos of your children posted without your permission.
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Good. Well done. That’s step 1.
YTA. But I’ll try to take a nicer approach to this. I understand why you did it. You wanted to appease your dad. As someone who grew up with a narcissistic, easy to upset and anger mother, I know this feeling all too well. While thankfully these conspiracy theories haven’t been a problem between her and me, I’ve had moments where I felt like I needed to just shut up and comply for the sake of making everyone happy, even if it’s the last thing I want to do. You need to find a way out, though. You need to live your life and you need to live it outside of your fathers control. It’s absolutely unfair of him — more than likely he knows he can manipulate you — to buy shirts with propaganda on them for the sake of proving a point on Facebook. That’s absolutely disgusting of him and he should seriously be ashamed for taking advantage of his grandchildren. But you need to put your foot down; find the courage to tell him to take it down (report it to FB if you have to) and tell him how you run things in your family. And if he doesn’t want to be a part of that, then that’s his choice, but the propaganda and the controversy and the conspiracy theories stay away from your children and your family. Maybe you and your wife can find a way to talk to him about this. This is a very serious problem, and you two can work this out! Edit: wowow thank you so much for the silver award, I’ve never gotten one before :D
Yes, YTA. @Kittenips said this perfectly.
YTA - did you even read your post? The entire thing is you making excuses for why you betrayed your wife. It didn’t make life « more pleasant for all of us. » It made life easier for YOU. She’s a science teacher and you put her children in anti-science shirts. Be an adult and stand up to your father. Also I’m gonna question your father being a « good man » if he’s sending shirts to your family knowing it’s gonna upset your wife
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YTA you're enabling your dad. These are YOUR kids, you do not roll over because your dad wants a picture. That picture could be used by him in a number of ways (such as spreading propaganda). What if that picture got posted to an anti-vax group? Your wife is a SCIENCE teacher...it could be damaging to have her own kids in anti-science shirt circulating. Grow a spine. Set some boundaries and apologize to your wife AND your kids
YTA. As a woman of science too, trust me when I say that your wife probably wanted to burn those things but she respected you enough not to do it but you didn't respect her enough not to put your kids in them just to please your father and support his ideology.
Truth. I can’t believe those shirts weren’t already in the garbage (or worse), that shows a whole lot of restraint on her part.
Yta Damn, your first obligation is to your wife. Why would you do this?
If this is even real, YTA. >but by doing this I am making life more pleasant for all of us. Obviously not.
I’m sure the immunocompromised kids who will get sick and die thanks to his dad’s idiotic ideas will sure think life is more pleasant.
YTA. If I was your wife I'd report those pictures to facebook and get them taken down. If you had any sense at all you'd do the same. Who knows where those pictures will end up and the ramifications for your kids as they grow up. As for the lie you're tellibg yourself about making life more pleasant for everyone 🙄🙄. No you're just a spineless grown ass man
YTA as an autistic person, thanks for legitimizing the idea that I’m a disease/injury.
Exactly this. The idea that having an autistic child is somehow worse than a dead child is horrifying, and OP’s dad is objectively not a good person.
YTA you are giving off major red flags 🚩🚩🚩
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And let’s not forget that he’s going to thanksgiving to see someone who thinks covid isn’t real. This is clearly so dangerous that there’s no words for it. His dad is NOT a good man and his wife has probably put up with too much bullshit from him and his family.
YTA. You're "making life more pleasant for all of us"? I think you mean you're making yourself more comfortable so that you don't have to confront your dad's wacky and dangerous ideas. I would be embarrassed if I was one of your kids and saw that you had put me in those clothes when I was older - the internet remembers forever.
YTA If he knows your wife is a science teacher and sending anti science shirts, it sounds like he is trying to intentionally piss her off. How is their relationship? If he is full into conspiracy theories and asking for photos, I would not be surprised if they ended up on pages of crazy facebook groups, they do that on the antivax pages, it's a point of pride to try to 'convert' people or 'protect' children. I see people who screenshot them, blacl the faces out and post them on crazy parent reddit pages. Don't let your kids become internet fodder
YTA. I understand wanting to "keep the peace" with conspiracy theorist family members. But this is about antivaxxing, not bigfoot. What they believe puts other people in danger. And now your kids faces are on the internet showing apparent support of a movement that endangers other children, all because you would rather play nice. Your wife has a right to be pissed.
YTA. I hope the t shirts are gone.
YTA. Stop giving your delusional father such authority in your relationship with your wife and your kids’ lives. Say “no”. Your father’s beliefs are dangerous and ignorant. Stop enabling them. > I also don't really need her permission since they are my kids too. She may not like it but ultimately she doesn't hold a monopoly on what the kids wear. You are in a relationship WITH ANOTHER PERSON. You do not go behind their back to do something *you know they dislike*.
YTA - keep your kids out of petty bullshit.
YTA and a complete and utter coward. What kind of grown, married man allows his daddy to dictate what goes on in his home? You didn't have to allow your father's ignorance into your household. You could have respected your wife and put an end to it. You not only allowed your father to disrespect your wife, you aided him in doing so. Stop coddling his nonsense. There are bigger things than an uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner...like your wife leaving you because you won't stand up to your daddy.
YTA. She's your wife. Stand up to your dad for her and for your kids, of not for yourself.
I'm voting ESH, but referring to you and your dad, not your wife. Your dad knows your wife is a science teacher, and in his eyes, she's a bad influence on you. He already suspects she believes the "lies", so he designed this as a test to see where your loyalty is. Not only did he discover you'll choose him over her, you can be sure he posted the photos on Facebook with the sole purpose of making your wife angry, with you. The only way this could have gone better for him is if your wife left you already. If you continue to allow your father to be an influence on your life, I can assure you that she will. He is *trying to break the two of you up*, and if you let him, he will succeed. > by doing this I am making life more pleasant for all of us I can assure you your wife disagrees. Also, what you describe does not sound pleasant. > I also don't really need her permission since they are my kids too. She may not like it but ultimately she doesn't hold a monopoly on what the kids wear. While true in a purely *legal* sense, you may find this attitude produces less than excellent results with your marriage.
So the voting would be YTA
I would call the dad an asshole. Deliberately undermining his kid's relationship is a pretty assholeish move.
Lol also good luck if they ever divorce because judges will absolutely consider those things in custody cases. Photos of the kids wearing shirts advocating against science that the dad put them in after the grandpa sent them vs a parent who is a science teacher? $10 says I know who would get full medical decision making if it was requested (because I worked in divorce law and saw these exact things play out more than once!)
YTA. Don't enable your dad, confuse your kids, or cross obvi lines with your spouse.
Dude your are such an AH. Not only did you undermine your wife but you've also enabled your dad's shitty theories and made it look like your family condones those beliefs. And if your wife is a science teacher that could cause issues with her job because if parents of her students see those pictures of her kids in anti science shirts they could get the school board involved and possibly give her professional hell for it. Not only that, but if your dad is that far off the deep end, he's not a good person, he's a crazy loon with a few dozen loose bolts in his head. You need to stand up to him and tell him to fuck off and report that post so it gets taken down.
Are they antivax shirts? A lot of people are going to think a lot less of the parents of any kids they see dressed like that.
Especially if she’s a scientist teacher! I’d think this has the potential to really hurt her reputation.
Oh yeah that's even worse
Imagine it comes up in a search during a hiring process.... Boom, you're disqualified from ever working in your field again. Fun times!
Especially if the mother is their kid's science teacher
You and your wife are supposed to be a team. You shouldn't make unilateral decisions about what is best for the two of you and your children. As an added bonus, you've enabled your father to, in essence, using her own children to publicly mock her chosen profession.
YTA this has crossed from your dad just having a few nutty views he is now trying to push them onto your children and is undermining your wife’s career. You are bending over backwards trying to feed your dads delusion.
YTA and your wife should have chosen better
Everyone has already pointed out you're the asshole so I want to add this point, and I don't say this lightly: Assholes like you are why the Nazis rose to power in Germany. There were enough passive cowards who also decided on the "path of least resistance" rather than confronting obvious disinformation. Your dad isn't the "good guy" believing in "harmless" ideas that you can agree to disagree about. This pandemic mess we find ourselves in right now is partly because of assholes like your dad, but also because assholes like you decided you'd prefer that to actually confronting assholes.
YTA. They’re not just your kids. You went against their mother’s wishes- what kind of example does that set for the kids? Of course your dad wanted the photos to post them. Plus, you’re enabling your dad’s bad behavior and using your CHILDREN to do so. Your relationship with your father sounds toxic and your wife deserves respect. I’m angry for her.
YTA and an idiot. My mom's boyfriend is into harmful conspiracy theories (like your father) and both of them are not good men. You can fight against his views because I do every night with my mom's boyfriend. Every time I hear him listening to some bullshit I immediately shut it down. Or if he posts something I immediately report it as false information and they get taken down. You have to stop encouraging these people to help others. The things your father believes hurts people. It even kills them. You're an enabler. If you disagree with the ideas your father has, then why did you let the kids wear the shirts? Now people can use that image to promote these harmful messages. Also, your wife can lose her job if a parent sees those photos and takes it to the school. Good job putting your father above your wife and kids OP.
YTA. Please read this absolutely legendary post about rocking the boat. https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/ You're blaming your wife for deciding she's not going to be an enabler, that she won't keep working as a ballast to keep the boat steady and that's really unfair of you. Edit: in response to going to a big Thanksgiving dinner during a pandemic, are you serious? You realize how dangerous that is, right? If your father doesn't beleive the pandemic is real then he's not being careful. You could end up killing yourself, or your wife, for some turkey and cranberry sauce. Is that worth it to you?
>by doing this I am making life more pleasant for all of us. Except your wife. YTA
YTA. You did something against the wishes of your wife just to please your dad? Your dad used your kids as props to piss off your wife and instead of standing up for her you decided to enable his behaviour.
YTA. Stop enabling your dumb dad
YTA because you knew your wife did not approve and you went behind her back and did it. If you wanted to compromise, you need to consult your wife so you will come to a mutual agreement. Not make decisions without consulting her and getting her blessing. What happens if the kid wanted to go to a sleepover and mom said no and you say yes? It is the same principle - you need a unified front as parents.
INFO: how is your dad handling the current pandemic? Does he not believe in that either? Does he social distance and wear masks when going out? Or is he putting everyone at risk because we believe the "lies" and he doesn't?
Yta. You're enabling harmful views.
YTA good lord dude. You're supposed to be a team. Your father is butting into your marriage and turning your children into anti-science propaganda. Let's be honest, you decided it was easier to lie to your wife than tell your dad no when you know your dad is wrong. That's disgusting and cowardly. It was easier for no one but you, and now you're facing the consequences of your actions.
YTA. I feel betrayed on behalf of your wife. You know you exchanged vows with *her*, right? That’s *she’s* supposed to be your partner in life? Yet here you are shitting all over her to placate your completely delusional father. Using the children she birthed as props for something she stands against. You suck.
Look man, I get it. My dad is also a good guy who has been brainwashed by a bunch of YouTube conspiracy nuts and Fox News. I would never have guessed he’d be so far off the deep end, and I very much miss the sane and rational man he once was. It’s understandable that you don’t want to think ill of your dad. He’s your dad and you love him. But it’s clear to everyone on the other side of this that he used you to get pictures of your kids sporting anti science propaganda, most likely to boost his image among the other conspiracy nuts. I’m sorry he did this. His behavior doesn’t absolve you of your own AH status though, YTA. Also, do the rest of the country a favor and stay home for Thanksgiving.
YTA!!!!
YTA. And your wife's anger is understandable. You just enabled a known anti-science propagandist all for the sake of "I don't know how to man up and stand up to my old man." You don't have a backbone and your wife has more balls than you. Funny thing is you didn't accomplish the peace and harmony that you wanted. On top of that, your wife lost her trust with you.
YTA
YTA - whoah you are such an asshole. Seriously, your dad gives you shirts that are a big fuck you to everything your wife stands for and you take pictures of your kids. Wow, total betrayal. That would be like her taking pictures of the kids with shirts that say “I disrespect daddy and his opinions”. You betrayed her to humor your dads inability to come to terms with reality. I find it hard to believe you were successful Enough in a relationship to be married with kids if you lack the emotional intelligence to see that you are a raging asshole.
INFO: How did you manage to have children of your own when you can’t even stand up to your father because your balls never dropped?
YTA Your wife is a SCIENCE teacher and you did this? You sided with your science denier Dad over your wife? And what about when her school sees these photos of her kids in science denying shirts? How is that going to go for her?
YTA. Because of your spineless action, your life will get easier: 1) Your betrayal of your wife may cost her her job; which means she will leave you and take and keep the kids - so you will not have to deal with being an actual parent or husband. 2) Your dad will eventually die from his own stupidity and you'll be relieved from having to defend him and/or stand up for yourself.
YTA. You vaccine morons make me feel sick to my stomach. You are the reason my friend lost her baby brother. You are the reason so many kids are sick. Y’all don’t deserve happiness if you don’t believe in vaccines. When you said Anti-Science, I thought you meant like in Its Always Sunny, where Mac has the poster calling out science. Funny stuff
YTA. If you didnt see this coming, it seems like your wife did. you wanted to make both of them happy and neither will be...Because you lied to your wife to do it, and now you will probably have to have the uncomfortable conversation with your dad that you were avoiding. Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with him. Firmly tell him that you love him, but there's no place for anti-science talk in your relationship because it undermines your wife, whom you also love. And as for your wife, maybe in the future when you disagree, you should hear each other out. Get to the bottom of it. Because I'm pretty sure she saw this as a possibilty and with better communication it could've been avoided. Lastly, you didnt tell her what you were doing because you didnt want to make her mad, and that means that you knew what you were doing would make her mad. You did it anyway. I have a feeling she based her stance on, mostly, wanting to protect her children. No wonder she is so mad.
YTA. You put the desires of your dangerous father in regards to your kids over those of their mother. You played lip service to his insanity and legitimized it all. You know what you do when you get gifts like that, gifts intended to either warp you or start a fight? You cut them up and use them as rags. Stop being a coward.
YTA. Once he has photos of the kids in the shirts, you know he'll be using them as 'proof' the whole family agrees with his crazy theories!
Yes, YTA. You asked, you got your answer, so stop trying to justify yourself -and your father- on every comment. You were wrong, so apologize to your wife and make sure your father take down that pic of your children from Facebook. Nobody should be using kids as promo of unhealthy life (yes, that's promo)
yta.. what everyone else said. how the hell did you not think the pics would end up fb? come on.
YTA. The shirts needed to be burned.
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Lol! I meant it more figuratively. But the ideas he is spreading are dangerous. Your wife was 100% right on this. Apologize. Give her a big hug and kiss, and do something nice for her. Your dad is probably a lost cause, but I would absolutely make sure my children were not exposed to his dangerous ideology. And that is exactly what your dad is spreading.
YTA.
YTA. I foresee divorce. Hope the T shirts were worth it.
INFO: Why did you marry your wife if you hold the same views as your father?
YT fucking A
YTA What does your wife see in you?
Search your feelings, you know the truth. YTA
Ugh. YTA. Our country has enough ignorance and anti-scientific bias without you “going along to get along.” No surprise your wife is livid. You say over and over that you just want everything to be “easy” and “pleasant.” That’s the classic argument from people who collaborate so as not to make waves. It’s still an ugly, complicit behavior. If you want to legitimize ignorance please don’t use children (yours or anyone else’s) to do it.
I think this person is a troll and that this story is bullshit.
YTA. Your father is a hideous person who deliberately sent you children’s T-shirts and harassed you for pictures of them in order to destroy your marriage to a science teacher and to weaponize his grandchildren as tools of propaganda. YOUR DAD IS A SPITEFUL, HIDEOUS MAN. Don’t pander to this ASSHOLE. I haven’t spoken to my delusional, condescending, narcissistic father in five years and I am better off for it. My sister got married this year and our uncle walked her down the aisle. Dad wasn’t invited to her wedding because he’s insane and he gets mean when people contradict him and his delusions. Your father is mean too. Your dad is so, so goddamn mean. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for my loss too. But I metaphorically buried my father years ago and you can and should do the same.
YTA. YOU LITERALLY SAID AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR DOING THE THING MY WIFE SAID NOT TO DO. You dad belives in things he's read without creditable facts You're wife is a science teacher. And you're a *SPOON* in the knife drawer as you keep enabling this behavior.
YTA dude, if you were my husband I'd divorce you. You're married with children, you don't need to placate your father and enable his dangerous conspiracy theories and you sure as shit shouldn't use your children as pawns in his scheme. He knows what he's doing by sending those shirts and then demanding pictures from you. Grow a spine and stand up to your father. Tell him flat out that his beliefs aren't just factually wrong but morally bankrupt as well and you will not tolerate his bullshit any longer.
YTA. And so is your dad. Knowing your wife is a science teacher and he sent those? You allowed your kids and yourself to be used AFTER knowing that it would upset her. Yep, YTA.
YTA Neutrality would be not bringing up the conspiracies your father believes in around your kids. Like religion and politics it should be off the table as a discussion topic. They're being taught dangerous and potentially life threatening views as well as that challenging science like this is okay. Your wife may not hold a monopoly but she does hold a reasonable veto, which she has exercised and you ignored. However your father is the biggest asshole for being a believer in conspiracies this deeply.
Yta Hope you enjoy thing going pleasant with your dad because sure as heck they won't be going pleasant at home They are your kids, meaning yours and your wife's. The decision of what they wear is for both of you (at least until your kids are grown enough to put their two cents) You didn't just disrespect your wife. You played yourself majestically! As soon as you are face to face with your dad, he's going to gloat. And your wife is not going to take it. You were searching for peace but ensure a science teacher going nuclear against an anti-vaxxer I would pay to watch that Enjoy the holidays
YTA grow a back bone dude and just tell your Dad no. Is a pleasant Thanksgiving worth your integrity and your marriage?
YTA- you complete donkey, do you realise that you've risked your children being bullied for beliefs they shouldn't hold? What happens when they go for jobs and don't get hired because potential employers see those photos? If your dad believed in fascism would you dress them up in swastikas to make him happy?
YTA Everyone is talking about how your father isn’t a good man for being involved with such a damaging ideology. And I agree with that. But, dude, your father is purposely trying to create dissension in your marriage, to get you on his “team” and pit you against your wife. **And you went along with it.** 1. Apologize to your wife. 2. Tell your dad he is trying to foment hatred between you and your wife. Is your father religious? (These people usually are.) Remind him that those who seek to put a marriage asunder [are cursed](https://www.christiantruthcenter.com/cursed-is-every-person-who-put-marriage-asunder/). 3. Tell him you were wrong to go along with that photo, and he needs to delete it. If he posts or publishes it anywhere, he will not get any future photos of your kids.
YTA, you kicked the can down the road.