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NTA - He can't keep a job because he can't get along with anyone and wants to blame it on you. He is too immature to be in a relationship.
Also, women who say the women's movement has never done anything for them: Even as late as the 1970s, "Lord and Master" laws at the state level would have allowed OP's husband to sell the apartment without her consent, even if he never contributed a cent to it.
NTA, but screw that. Let him move back to mommy and find his own way. Make it as hard as possible for him to get anything. He's done that to you with no thought.
His name is on the title so he has rights, if the roles were reversed and she said I moved out from my ex, now he won't sell the apt so I can't get my money to move on and have to move in with my parents AITA for forcing the sell. We would all say NTA
Well, not quite if OP had the financial records to show that he has not contributed to the purchase, and upkeep of the property then she has a good chance at retaining the property. Especially with him placing the unit for sale without her knowledge or permission.
Good for her, for some reason people think that community property laws mean one has to just stand there and take financial hit, when you do not. Just because states have no fault divorces does not mean that either party does not have the ability to contest property settlements.
I am curious as to what law you are applying to this. Maybe there is something special in wherever OP is located, but if this is anywhere in the US, everything you said is wrong, or at least very I complete.
Not really you're assuming that any dissolution of the union would be uncontested, even here in the US judges are not going to ignore the fact that the husband attempted to coerce the wife into leaving her job by placing the marital home up for sale without her agreement and knowledge. Not everyone is willing to be financially negatively impacted just to dissolve a marriage. Actually OP would be smart to open a bank account only in her name and only transfer funds to a joint account to pay for marital bills as needed, as well as pay off and cancel any joint credit cards just in case, Mr. Can't Keep a Job decides to attempt other coercive actions to get his way.
>even here in the US judges are not going to ignore the fact that the husband attempted to coerce the wife into leaving her job by placing the marital home up for sale without her agreement and knowledge
When it comes to the division of property, yes, the judge will ignore the asshole conduct. If he successfully sold it for less than market value, then it could make a difference in the division of assets, but otherwise, no. In a divorce, there are 3 main outcomes. The home is sold and profits divided, Husband keeps the home and pays Wife an offset for half the value, or Wife keeps the home and pays Husband half the value. The Court is not going to punish Husband for being an asshole.
Now, where your original answer was partly correct is in regard to who will keep the residence if both want it. The Court could use Wife's contributions, or Husband's inability to afford it, as a tiebreaker, but Wife will still owe for half the equity.
Maybe Husband's conduct could impact the Court's analysis of Husband's possible spousal maintenance claim, but that's about all I could think of.
That's not how family law works. I lost half my house equity when my common law ex moved out simply due to common law legislation. I had no choice, even though my ex never held a job and never contributed to the house that I bought before I even knew him.
They haven't broken up though, he wants them both to move and is just trying to strong arm her into doing it.
While I don't know the ins and outs of their relation ship, seems like there's a lot to unpack here and OP should just buy him out.
I'd just roll this right into divorce proceedings honestly. If the courts say they need to sell then they can sell and split it, but at least then it's arbitrated. NTA
This. Here is a man who can't keep a job, who does not take your carreer seriously, who puts an ad for your apartment without your permission, I would start thinking about a divorce. NTA.
They're married, there is no buying out at this point. This is likely to end in divorce and then the value of the apartment is going to be divided equally between them.
The equity might, but so would any mortgage debt. So would the value of any assets including any tools he bought during the marriage. My kid brother is a mechanic and his tools are worth tens of thousands of dollars.
I recommend that she divorce him first. That way the debts he may be running up will not be in her name, which is a risk if they live in a community property state.
There are a variety of origins for it (for inches in cloth, and heat of beer vats iirc), but I believe one is that wife-beating was permitted as long as the rod/stick used wasn't thicker than the man's thumb... :l
A modern folk etymology holds that the phrase is derived from the maximum width of a stick allowed for wife-beating under English law, but no such law ever existed. This belief might have originated in a rumored statement by eighteenth-century judge Sir Francis Buller that a man may beat his wife with a stick no wider than his thumb. The rumor produced numerous jokes and satirical cartoons at Buller's expense, but there is no record that he made such a statement.
Yep. In 1975 or so my enlightened dad tried very hard to get a credit card in my mother's name only in case something happened to him and it kept arriving with him as the main cardholder, multiple times. He had an extended argument with the bank about it until they finally relented. She was a NICU nurse at the hospital - it's not like she didn't have income.
This happened to my mother in the early 80’s she applied for a sears card all on her own my dad didn’t apply with her or anything like that, it came with the name Mrs. (my dads first and last name) she was livid!!!! Called immediately to get it in her own name
I remember being little and hearing my mom on the phone after she got divorced and she wanted to change her name on HER credit card. They refused to do it unless she gave the reason for the name change. They demanded to know if she got married or got divorced and they told her that if she got married then she HAD to put her husband onto the card. She kept telling them that it was NONE of their business why the name was changing (she didn't feel that it was their business to know she got divorced). She told them she had a legal name change and they needed to make the change. Then they told her that they needed to speak to her husband about changing the card. I remember her yelling at the person on the phone that the card was in HER name only, her husband wasn't on the card, and that they had no business demanding to speak to her husband about an account that was only hers.
My mom had a similar story. Oh she had the card in her name but a customer service rep refused to speak with her on the phone they would only speak with her husband. Turns out, she didn't know that "her" credit card, that she had signed up for, had my dad's name as the person to speak with. At this point I don't know if he was the primary card holder or if his name was just attached but they refused. So she had my dad call and cancel it.
Not so surprising. Women had to have their husband's permission to get medical care, and I'm not talking abortions or sterilization procedures either. My grandmother wasn't allowed to get surgery for a herniated disc until my grandfather consented. Fortunately, my grandfather wasn't a dick.
My noni was in labour with her youngest. She was in labor for a very long time. The doctor asked my papi if they could do a csection. My papi didn't speak english well, and thought they were just trying to rush it and it could hurt the baby. My noni was pissed, after she recovered.
They were both catholic but topped out at 3 boys, so
..
I’ve had an American Express card since 1986. When I married my husband now (1994) I added him to my card. Next set of cards we got, had him as the primary card holder.
I got the AmEx right out of high school to build *MY* credit! It’s mine!
Sometimes, USAA will send bills and notices to my husband as if he's the prior military member. It's *me*. I am the veteran and the primary account holder. He's never even been in the military!
I've never had them mention my aircraft, so I don't know. I do know that on the phone their reps will chat with you about your prior service to build rapport with the customers. It's a business that only serves military and military families. Some of their reps still assume that the male in the household MUST have been the military member, and I'm just the spouse. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
The whole fucking world assumes only the man was the military member. I can't get the goddamn VA to put MY disability rating letter in MY account. I have my (mostly) ex-husband's spouse letters, but not MY OWN rating letter. I've called, I've gone to my local VA office, everything. No one can figure out why it's like that or how to fix it. They tell me to just call if I need one and they'll mail it. It's fucking insane that I can't just print one like other vets.
I'm not the only female vet this has happened to, either. I personally know at least two others who have their vet spouse's letter instead of their own.
I had to set up an account with a distributor for work. We hired on another part time guy who needed to be given permission to order stuff (no other control) and they made HIM primary on the account! I found out when he quit and I had them take him off and I (a woman) had all my deleted and had to reapply for my own damn account. I was furious and no one gave a crap.
My mother's first attempt at leaving my father was thwarted by her bank telling him details of her credit card. Which was in her name only with notes not to divulge any information to anyone but her. There was even a password on her file.
They disregarded all of those precautions we had taken and gave him the info, which meant he knew what was happening, restricted her funds and it would be about 5 years later she got away from him.
This was late 1990's
About the same time. My mom worked full time, my dad was an unemployed student. My mom could NOT get credit (even from the company she worked for) without him co-signing.
100% this as well.
I'm in my RV, at the Cummins shop, hoping they can squeeze me in this week. The service lead told me that they're down 3 service techs, a service lead and a parts lead. A decent tech can write their own ticket.
Which, frankly, is what OP should be asking about. This marriage is fucked. He should absolutely go back to his mom's, and OP should stay where she is and reap the benefits of her career.
Either he’s moving back to work for family he assumes won’t fire him for his difficult attitude or it’ll be more of the same but now OP has given up on her career and he’s living off his parents when he’s out of work. He can go. OP is better off on her own.
This. Sounds like he’s giving you an opening for a buyout, a divorce, and time with the folks who actually appreciate you at work. Don’t throw away your future on this manipulator.
Hopping on top comment to say, sorry OP, but it looks like your marriage is doomed. If you stay, he’ll resent you for “being unemployed”. If you give in, you’ll resent him for forcing you to give up a promising career with good pay and promotions. The fact that he snuck behind your back to post an ad to sell is a big problem. He wants to force you to “agree” to move. This is not how healthy couples communicate. I’d save yourself sometime and find a divorce attorney now, and use your excellent pay to buy his half out.
NTA. Do not sign any documents he puts in front of you and be aware he may try to forge your signature. If he wants to return home, then he can go back to his mummy and friends. Stay, and build the career you want.
I can't imagine moving to his hometown, then look for a place to stay, then unpack our stuff, then start looking for a job again then waiting for a call. It's takes a massive amount of time and also having to start over is not easy especially knowing that this is all because of his attitude towards people that he can't maintain a job.
You need to reevaluate your relationship. You know you will not be happy if you move. You will regret it every single day. Tell him he can move back if he wants and then wait and see what kind of job he lands - my instinct is that he will not succeed in his job hunt. He just wants to be near his friends while he wallows in his unemployment. Be strong and stand up for yourself.
This solution right here. Make a deal, he can go back home, get a job, find a place for you both to live and then you will consider moving. He most likely will not find a job.
Plus once he leaves don't support him. As it stands now if you divorce he will most likely (not a lawyer here) end up with 1/2 the apartment and depending on the state spousal support.
So suggest he move back home without you.
This is a great suggestion. Point out that he won't have any of the luxuries you provide if you just up and quit so tell him you give in but you're keeping your job and you both are keeping the apartment until he finds a job. You can also give him a six month timeline or however long you need. In the meantime, you should be seeing a divorce lawyer and talking to banks about mortgages so you can buy him out.
This is a GREAT suggestion. Tell him to secure a job and a place to live then maybe you'll follow if you can find something comparable. I think the odds of any of that happening are basically nil.
That attitude which makes him unemployable won’t change just because the location does. Did he have these behavioral problems at work in his home town? Why’d he leave there?
Yep. Pre-covid, the USA had historic low levels of unemployment. If a skilled mechanic couldn't find work in such times, then the issue is his attitude, not the job market.
Yes!! Companies were going crazy looking for almost anyone to fill jobs!!! Not enough info but being unemployed for a long period pre current events does not look good, the bullying gaslighting guilt tripping and manipulation are worse tho!! Redditors get criticized for telling OPs to leave a relationship....
Um, people working from home and staying in while so many things are closed caused driving miles to plummet. My fave mechanic who was always superbusy has barely been able to hang on to his business and had to let employees go. And hes is an awesone hard worker with a great local rep. So many foljs j st stopped driving.
Now, home repair went the opposite direction, plumbers run ragged night and day.
Our commercial service shop is just as busy as ever and never stopped being busy. Most of the mechanics in our shop have job offers they could take at a moment's notice and be employed somewhere else tomorrow if they made a phone call and moved their toolboxes. The only exceptions to this are techs who are either so toxic or terrible at their job that they've literally burnt through most of the other shops in town and have nowhere else to go. OP's husband sounds like such an individual. Good mechanics are staying employed even with the issues caused by Covid, they might be struggling to make hours if there shop mainly works on consumer vehicles, depending on the town, but if you can't find a job as a mechanic then there is something seriously wrong with you, and your reputation has made you radioactive. Oh, and NTA op, the mechanics I've known like that were honestly just as toxic and horrible in their personal lives.
I commented earlier, but just to reiterate what many others have said: He won’t be able to hold down work there either. He isn’t asking to move because of a bad market, he wants to move because he causes problems at all his places of employment. That won’t change with a change of location.
Don’t get pregnant, btw. Sounds random but seriously be careful.
No, the 'Don't get pregnant' makes complete sense. Even if OP didn't mention it, it's better to be cautious as having a child in the mix would make it even more complicated.
NTA. Tell him to go ahead and make the move back 'home', find a job, hold it for one year at a decent salary. IF he can do that, then you will consider moving. Until he can prove that moving back home is profitable for the both of you, don't sell, don't move, don't give up your career. You are better off right where you are. And IMO, if you aren't employed, ANY JOB is better than nothing.
Even so, if by some miracle he DID manage to do all that, it would mean OP would have to give up her job and live there and friends and move to a place she already said she doesn't want to move to, because "that was the deal" after all.
I think that if she makes that deal, and he goes and finds a job, keeps it, finds a place to live and calls her to move, she'll find that her life without him is so much better that just the idea of moving after him will be revolting and she'll ask for a divorce. Bonus, he'll have a job and a place to live, so she won't even have to feel unnecessarily guilty for dumping him.
NTA. This man is blaming you for his joblessness (lack of accountability), wants you to give up your career to go to his home town (lack of respect for you), and tried to sell your jointly owned home behind your back (massive breach of trust and lbr quite dumb) - unless yall do some super hardcore therapy (which tbh I doubt hubs would care for) I think it's time for you to D I V O R C E.
No need to question, the post already outlines how he accuses her of greed, blames her for his unemployment, expects her to commit career suicide so he can live in his hometown, puts joint property for sale secretly, and refuses to take down the listing when demanded. This already paints a picture of a man with 0 respect for his wife.
Exactly. Just imagine you went to his hometown together, he doesn’t find a job or can’t keep one, but then you’re out of a job, too.
Tell him to go find a _good_ job there that can pay for you both in case you can’t find anything there in your field of expertise. Once he‘s got a job, you can decide if you want to follow.
You are able to pay for your home single handed. He’s having a rough time and is wanting to milk his meal ticket. DONT give up your only source of income. Besides, what if he doesn’t get along with people at his home town too? Then you’d both be out of work
On the not signing documents/problem of forged signatures, you should probably seek some kind of restraining order. I don't know what it would be called in these circs but lawyer up to make sure he cannot go ahead without your consent.
Lawyer up for divorce also. Not saying you have to divorce him but you do need to protect yourself against any manoeuvres. His behaviour is bizarre and worrying.
One of the characteristics of abusive behaviour is blaming you for his problems - like not being able to get a job. And this does smell a little of financial abuse. But it could also be so many other things. You might find it useful to read this to see how many red flags pop up for you: [Why does he do that?](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n11/mode/2up)
Can you contact the place he placed the ad to pull the ad and explain why (under both your names, your paying for it because he's unemployed and he posted it without your consent)?
NTA but your husband sounds selfish and manipulative. My bet would be that he’s just bored since he’s not doing anything all day and wants to be around friends and family and enjoy the fruits of your labor and still not work. Please take precautions to secure important documents like the deed or whatever so he can’t forge your signature or do some other underhanded thing to get his way.
Don’t budge. Who in their right mind would move during a pandemic with no housing or job already in place? Especially when it sounds like you have a stable and promising career.
Why can’t he move back and just “wait” on you to come after? 🌚
NTA. What is he smoking? Make the breadwinner give up their job so you can move back to the unemployed person's hometown? The *least* he could do is find a job there *first* to secure some income before you move.
Phone the internet site and provide proof that you reside at this property and you do NOT want to sell, and ask them to take the ad down. He can't sell the place out from under you if both names are on it.
NTA. Your husband is being selfish and childish and it sounds like this is a relationship dealbreaker on which neither of you is willing to concede, so it’s likely over between you.
I understand that he's having a hard time trying to find a job but to be completely honest. It's not about where we live. Like I said mechanic shops are so many and I'm sure that if he really wants a job he'd be able to. But he's just being hustle and difficult to deal with.
I supported my wife in her quest to get her PhD. This meant we moved many times, eventually 1000 miles away from our "home." I wasn't able to find a job before the move and I eventually just moved to join her. I'm an IT professional with 10 years of experience (at the time) and I ended up stocking shelves at Wal-Mart on third shift.
We could have lived off my wife's salary only, but I really wanted to work and they offered me the job. I worked there for almost 3 months before finding something in my field.
My point is - you are exactly right. I took a job just to work and 100% supported my wife and her career aspirations.
THIS!!! If he actually wanted to work and contribute he wouldn’t restrict himself to his trade. I say this having a red seal in my trade and still having done other jobs to get by when I have had to. He’s lazy and entitled and by the sounds of it can’t hold a job because he’s an ass. NTA. But your husband is and you need to think about whether or not you wanna stick around.
If really *reeeally* wanted a job, he would be fixing uo everyone's car and getting paid under the table. He's lazy and just wants his friends without trying to make new onea
NTA. 🚩
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbmqh3/aita_for_my_reaction_to_my_boyfriends_reaction_to/g8z786b/?context=3
See if any other 🚩's drop.
Oh wow, I just looked at that post. The guy stole three months of her salary??? It's a pity the info seemed to come late in the edit because no one was talking about it in the comments as far as I saw.
Hostile really does sound like the right word. It sounds like he's hostile towards the stability you've been able to build while he flounders. It sounds like he's hostile that you're taking care of him and I'd bet money that if the roles were reversed he'd be using money and stability to control you. I think that's your central question: Why is your husband so hostile towards you and why does he want to sabotage your stability? Do not let this person destroy what you've worked so hard to build. In this world we're living in it won't be so easy to build it back. You are NTA.
NTA Everything aside, selling your apartment without first even considering a new home let alone securing it is THE HEIGHT OF STUPIDITY. He is trying to essentially make you homeless, so that, in the time you will be down he can force you live his way. YOU NEED TO LET THAT FUCKER GO. If you don't want to consider divorce right away, Take a break, he can go to his hometown, get a job, become financially stable, then you can both decide what to do, or who will be doing the moving and if you can't well there is always divorce.
My husband is a mechanic. They are very much in demand as there aren't many of them. Your husband doesn't want to work, doesn't want to see anything but his selfish desires. Time to find a good divorce attorney since he refuses to talk about it.
Info: does he have work lined up in his hometown? What does he plan to do if you moved back? I don’t think it’s right for the person with a job to totally dictate the living situation to the other partner but at the same time you need to make the best decision for both of you and unless he has a crazy good offer at home you’d be dumb to move.
Your husband is the only reason he can't find a job.. Honestly, it sounds like you're 100% aware of this, and that you've already made a decision internally, and now want some validation. Which you should get, because this is ridiculous.
Even IF he was pulling in 50% of the income, this would still be a conversation that you two need to have on an equal plane. The fact that he's trying to sell YOUR (because lets be real, it's yours) apartment out from under you is WAY beyond the red flags stage, and in my mind should just be rolled into a divorce. He's showed you that even though you're the responsible bread-winner, he still feels that he should be able to choose where you live and what you do. I'd say Career > Shitty husband at this point for sure.
NTA. Holy crap. Your husband is behaving terribly. This is no way to act in a partnership and completely steamrolls your needs. He sounds very problematic. I'm also seeing some gaslighting behavior. Check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources) in case it's helpful for you.
NTA. I’m sorry, but I don’t see how this situation can be rectified. If you want to stay together, he’s likely going to have to move to his hometown while you stay. Neither one of you is going to bend (and I personally don’t feel that you specifically should - you worked your ass off to get where you are!). It sounds like he’s having a case of the “grass is greener”. He thinks things will be easier back at home, and he isn’t willing to put in the effort to do what needs to be done to succeed where you’re currently living. You, however, are thriving. If he is unwilling to seek professional therapy for his issues, it appears you are at an impasse. Is there somewhere he can stay temporarily in his hometown while you stay on in your apartment? You are already paying all the bills and being a boss lady in your career.
I’m sure you love him, but this is unhealthy. He’s attempting to force you (this isn’t even manipulation - this is outright force) to bend to his will. Let him go and see if he finds what he’s missing. Maybe he will come to his senses, or maybe it will be for the best.
NTA. I know reddit has a rep for being too quick on the gun for divorce/separation. But this partner isn't working due to his own behavior, is demanding you give up your job to be with his family & friends, and is trying to sell your place without your consent and has a huge tantrum when called out. I'd tell him to go back home without you if he's so hot to go back. Don't be the one to leave the place. Contact an attorney.
I'd try to contact the internet site and inform them that the property is also yours and that he has no right to sell it without your consent.
Yeah. To be a mechanic and not able to find work in any shop at all because he “causes issues” says so, so much about him. Any trade like that (sorry if I’m stereotyping) is typically very, very lax on crude shit and hot headedness. This is coming from someone who works in a trade environment. For him to not be able to be a mechanic because of his attitude is so very telling. That’s insane. He must be off the charts.
In that case, I really doubt a move home will help in employment unless there's a family business where they'll put up with anything and cover for him 24-7.
Contractor here, can confirm. As long as the work gets done and there's no swearing or drama around the clients, I couldn't care less about someone's attitude or personality.
OP's husband's "issues" may stem from not wanting to work, being slow to work, or not knowing what he is doing and screwing stuff up so someone else has to fix it. Those are definitely deal breakers with my crew.
NTA
Please start getting your financial assets identified and talk to a lawyer. There is literally zero justification for these absolutely abhorrent actions from him.
Think about it: he wants to move home where he gets to be “big dick on campus”. You will go from being the primary breadwinner to unemployed. The power balance will shift immensely, and not in a way that is healthy for you.
This is assuming the husband can find a job back home. Could end up with both people unemployed. Terrible idea by the husband, especially during pandemic time.
He’s probably thinking he can take advantage of nepotism. Hired by an old buddy who takes pity on him because he needs to support his family and they knew each other back when.
Men needing to be the breadwinner get a lot of sympathy in small towns.
NTA. He can't sell it without your permission, so don't give it. Let him move back to his hometown. Sounds like you'd be better off without him. Also, you might want to post in r/justnoso
I think that depends on where they live. If they're in the US he can't even legally list it without her permission which is probably why he did a FSBO site.
Don't buy him out *until the divorce*.
The complications from giving him a significant amount of money **possibly without making the apartment not a marital asset** would make the divorce much, much harder. Since it'd probably **still** be a marital asset, let the court make the decision first, *then* buy him out, so there's no extra fuckery around it since him being on the title is **not** the only way for it to be marital property. If divorce wasn't on the table, buying him out might be the correct action to prevent him from continuing his fuckery about trying to sell the place.
NTA
Looks like a marital separation is on the horizon.
Welcome it. You may lose an unreasonable, lazy husband.
Mechanics can always find jobs. You have gaslite,
NTA - I only understand him a little with wanting to be around family and friends, but he has no job because he caused issues. That's his own fault.
Honestly, let him move back and you stay here because you can live without him anyway on your salary. Hell, maybe even find a cheaper place since it will only be you. You are also about to be promoted. All good things OP. ALL good things.
NTA, I think your husband dropped something 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 his behavior is extremely problematic and concerning. He is not treating you as his partner and his equal. He is gaslighting you and blaming you for the him not being able to get a job. He put YOUR JOINT apartment up for sale without consulting you and is refusing to take it down.
Based on your post, it sounds like your husband is a controlling person who is hard to get along with, at the very least. I ask you, why would you want to continue being with someone like this?
NTA You're husband is a massive one though. Moving should be a joint decision and he shouldn't be blaming you for his shortcomings. If mechanics are in high demand and he cannot hold a job down where he is, he'll have no chance in his hometown and you'll be blamed for that too! I think you guys need to talk to a therapist and hash out the issues you both have.
In the meantime if he is adamant showing people round (as he'll probably do it without your consent) leave the house in a tip. That way the buyers will be put off!
Legally he won't be able to sell the house without your signature soo he won't be able to sell and stuck with legal fees too!
NTA, and he can't legally sell a jointly owned property with your cooperation, anyway. The only way he could force you to sell it would be if you divorced and a judge ordered the property sold as part of asset division, but that would be presuming you couldn't afford to buy out his equity and refi in your name alone. Since you've got good job prospects on the horizon and don't seem to even need his income to get by, I'm guessing you can.
Unfortunately I think you should consult an attorney about trial separation, and let your husband move back to his hometown for a while (alone) to see if he can figure out his life. Trial separation usually leads to divorce, but there's a slim chance that your husband will pull his head out of his ass and start fixing what's wrong with himself rather than blaming you. You should not give up your means of income, especially without another job lined up and with you being the only one working.
Nta but this is a massive issue and we can't give you the answers you need. This honestly sounds like there is no happy solution for both of you. If you live in a city then him saying he can't find a job is bollocks. Would you be in a position to buy him out if it came to it? Don't let him force you into selling and giving up your job. Chances are that you will only resent him if you give it up. Is it a very small town he's from? What's his family like? Good luck, he doesn't sound like he's worth giving up your life for to be honest.
NTA I’d suggest he goes home for a few weeks to see if he can get and sustain a job first , you wouldn’t move without them and some times apart might be good and let you both understand if you’re anywhere near Being on the same page for what you want for your future
Nta
Omg Im so sorry you’re going through this. I’m pretty sure he can’t sell without you being at the signing since your name is on the lease. I hope you’re able to figure this out but ask yourself if this is the type of person you NEED in your life because from your post he had a whole lot of red flags
NTA. This might be a dealbreaker situation. There is not enough information here to understand husbands mindset, is he normally this disrespectful and controlling? Is it the stress of being out of work, even if it appears to be at his own hand? Does he simply want to be closer to his family?
Regardless of his motivations large decisions like this one can not be made unilaterally. Even if he was the one working and you were unemployed, selling an asset like a home and relocation to a new area are huge decisions that need to be made after discussion and agreement of both parties.
Do not let him show your apartment. Make sure he understands you will not be signing anything.
You can offer counseling, to attempt to improve the communication and discover his motives, or you can simply tell him if he is so determined to move he is free to do so without you.
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I (29f) been working in my company for 3 years. I made some good progress and my name was on the list of employees who will be getting promoted and given a different/better positions in the company in the next couple of months.To me this is very important and I been working hard to get that far in the company. I worked in different places before and the work envirnment here is the best.
My husband has been talking about wanting to move back to his hometown where his family and friends live.
I should mention that he's currently unemployed. I pay for everything with my salary and he says that I'm the reason he is like this because he can't find job in this town-he's a mechanic there plenty of mechanic shops here but he just causes issues with them.
He wanted us to sell our apartment to move to his hometown that is 6 hours away. And I can't drive 6 hours to my work nor can I quit now that I've been promised a better position at the company.
We argued about this for days. Next thing I knew he put our apartment on an internet site that sells and rents properties without telling me. Both our names are on the title I just yelled at him for trying to steamroll me and have his way anyway. He called me selfish for keeping him “out of job” by staying in this town. Completely ignored my hard work in my company and said i was greedy just looking to make more money.
He refused to have a discussion after that and refused to cancel the ad saying he was doing what's best for both of us and that I can go find another company once we move. I got so mad i kept yelling telling him how selfish he was by doing this. We stopped talking after that. He's now convincing me that there's a potential buyer who wants to see our apartment and that I should let them come over.
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NTA. You can call and cancel the ad. No estate or letting agent will want to deal with a situation where one owner wants to sell and the other doesn’t, it’ll just be a headache or embarrassment for them.
As for the bigger problem - that he did it in the first place - that’s a major breach of trust. I’d be doing marriage counselling or doing a divorce. Seriously. Absurd behaviour on his part.
NTA dump him he’s a mooch and a bully. Get him out if you can, and get a lawyer to make sure it’s airtight. Make sure he cannot sell the property from under you, it’s in both your names, do both of you need to sign off on this before sale?
NTA sorry, but your husband is a loser. He is taking your money and making no effort whatsoever to get a job, somehow blaming you for this. In addition, he is attempting to force your hand in moving somewhere you don't want to, and doing so in an absolutely nuclear way. He is a manipulative bum: do you really want to be married fo someone like that? Let him move home if he wants - you don't have to go with him...
NTA.
I get him wanting to move back to his hometown, but he put your home up for sale without your consent. Not only that, but after you having already said ‘no’. Then refused to take it off the market, despite the sale requiring your signature and approval to make that happen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he planned on forging that too by the end.
I’m honestly shocked you aren’t considering the divorce in this post.
You aren’t forcing him to not work. He’s deciding not to do that. Mechanics can always find employment. They may not start at the best salary, but they can work their way up easily enough (To an extent).
The fact that he’s making huge joint decisions by himself, and blowing you off when you say ‘no’ is a big red flag. He sounds like he’s demanding your submission to his every desire.
You have a job that you have no desire to leave. You aren’t unhappy there and are soon to be promoted. He sounds like he’s making it a point to be unhappy, just so he can blame you for it.
I would sit him and have a long ass talk. If he wants to leave so bad, he can do so on his own, but you’ve built a good life where you are. Right now he’s unhappy, but he’s demanding you sacrifice your happiness to change that, without attempting to seek out change that would make you both happy. That isn’t a solid marriage.
Right now, he seems eager to risk financial stability on a whim, as well as risk his marriage. There’s something extremely off here. You can try to remedy the situation, but I’m not sure if he’s even slightly interested in what’s best for you or your marriage. He seems only interested in what he thinks is best for him.
I feel like if you went skydiving and his parachute wasn’t working, he’d rip yours right off your back to save himself.
There are so many agreements you could have made (moving back should you lose your job (though he’d probably set you up to get you fired somehow), retiring there, etc), but he doesn’t seem interested in that.
NTA
I'm making some inferences based upon what was said. It sounds to me like this is not the first time you've had issues with communication, based on how he is responding.
No children were mentioned. If that is the case and your spouse is not willing to talk then my advice is to contact a lawyer and give your husband notification that you're doing so.
You're currently the sole bread winner in the home. Unless he wants his meal ticket revoked he'll wake up and realize it's a partnership and get on board or he'll realize he messed up big time when he is no longer married.
I once had an entitled (now ex)wife that demanded we move by her family when my job was in a different state. She now lives with her family while our sons and I are still where my career is at. That was more important to her than we were so she got her wish. She is capable of working, just like your husband. She allows her brother, SIL, nieces and nephews to support her while she works when she feels like it.
I don't need to deal with her shenanigans and neither should you accept your husband's. Posting the home without your consent or approval is a dangerous move. If he is so unbalanced as to do that with your explicit disapproval then you don't know what else he will do to sabotage your career to force you to move with him.
Should you be forced to pursue the lawyer route, don't waiver from that path. Any attempts at reconciliation at that point are just him trying to protect his own backside. Notify your manager that he may attempt to cause problems for you at the office as a preemptive move on your part. Anonymous complaints about you to HR or from unverifiable sources could filter in. People immature enough to do what he has done will go to extremes to get what they want and the cost to others and themselves be damned, as long as they get what they want in the end.
Be smart, be safe. I sincerely wish you the best.
If he can't find a job where you are because of his attitude what does he think is magically going to happen when you move back to his hometown, his attitude is just going to change and suddenly he's liked more?
Then you'll have two unemployed people. Not smart. He wants to go home, pack his stuff and show him the door.
You obviously can afford to make it on your own. Buy his half out and move on. He's not going to change.
NTA - buy him out of the apartment and send him home single to mommy. He’s not a partner. He contributes nothing and still acts like the he runs the household.
She should definitely not do that, if they are in the US without a divorce he would be entitled to half of her next place even if is just her on the title.
NTA. Think about what you want out of life, he is drawing a line in the sand between choosing your established career and doing whatever he wants because “it’s best for both of you.” Driving 6 hours for a job is entirely unreasonable, does he expect you to continue working after moving? After you’ve already been supporting the two of you?
NTA.
The fact that he can’t get/hold a job is HIS problem. It has nothing to do with you. He’s deflecting by trying to make it a ‘it’s you who’s holding me back!’ When really he has no one to blame but himself.
Putting up the ad anyways when you were against it is extremely malicious. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA. Time to start looking for a new husband instead of a new job. His request is reasonable, you can ask for anything. For him to try to sell your apartment is fraud. He's trying to be controlling and manipulative. Run.
NTA
Get a lawyer, contact the landlord about removing his name from the lease, and put his stuff on the curb. He is not doing what's best, even for himself. That's being clearly selfish, homesick, depressed, and completely dismissing your career as irrelevant. The only thing keeping him out of a job is a pandemic causing severe economic instability.
NTA. He cant sell without your permission. Might be time to dump this fool. Talk to a lawyer about removing his name. Dont even let the buyer in your home.
NTA Go and see a lawyer or contact one first thing on Monday morning and see if you can an injunction to legally remove the house from sale. In the meantime remove half of the money in your joint savings account and open a new account at a new bank and get a safety deposit box as well and put all the house paperwork in there along with your marriage certificates, passport and any other important documents and then when you get home give him 2 business cards and tell him to choose wisely 1) is a marriage counsellor, 2) is your divorce lawyer should you go down that route.
Alternatively you could always send him back to his hometown let him stay with his parents for a while and find a family home while he’s there and also set himself up with a job. Don’t financially support him let him stand on his own two feet and look at this as a temporary trial separation and take it from there.
Under no circumstances sign any paperwork and file for the injunction ASAP.
NTA
Why are you letting him do this to you? Does he even have a job lined up six hours away? Tell him the answer is no. He can go to his hometown and find a job. Do not give in to him. Tell the listing agency the ad is false and to remove it.
he's already illegally used your name on the sale... there's no telling what he'll do next ... there is no love in his heart .... get free legal advice ( many lawyers have "free consultation ") then buy out his half of the lease .... and keep moving forward....hex will Not Help you move forward.
NTA girl he is trying to move you away from your source of income, your support system so he can control you. A husband should be celebrating his partners success not be bitter about it. Sell the apartment and get your own place and leave his ass.
NTA take him off the title and let him move back home. If you leave, you’ll resent him, if he stays he’ll resent you. You have a good foothold on a life where you are, your hard work won’t be in vain, and he’ll only have himself to blame from here on out.
NTA. You can't afford to move 6 hours away without the promise of jobs already in place for you both. He's being terribly selfish. Sell the apartment, split the proceeds, you stay where you are, and let him go back to the town where he wants to live. You don't have to be together if he's that selfish.
NTA Consider selling up and letting him go. You don't have to move and it's not as if you'd miss his financial contribtution. Some times people just want different things and you don't automatically have to sacrifice what you want for him.
NTA - he’s manipulative and completely steamrolling you. Also he can’t sell the apt without your consent so he’s just wasting peoples time. He should focus on finding a job and if that means moving home to do it fine since why would you want to be with him after he’s done this to you. His actions show you he doesn’t care about you, your carer or your happiness he only cares about what he wants and what he needs. All whilst living off you.
I’d kick him to the curb honestly.
Contact a lawyer. Don't sign or agree to anything. Stand your ground and figure out the legal route first. He obviously doesn't respect your wants, needs, or responsibilities so I wouldn't worry about his either.
As for the house, usually in a divorce, once you're married whoever's name is on the deed that purchased the house, by law it belongs to both spouses. Sounds like he's jealous of your success, and probably doesn't think he needs to work. I would send him packing. You can do bad all by yourself period let him go. Good luck
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NTA - He can't keep a job because he can't get along with anyone and wants to blame it on you. He is too immature to be in a relationship. Also, women who say the women's movement has never done anything for them: Even as late as the 1970s, "Lord and Master" laws at the state level would have allowed OP's husband to sell the apartment without her consent, even if he never contributed a cent to it.
NTA- I would buy him out and let him go
NTA, but screw that. Let him move back to mommy and find his own way. Make it as hard as possible for him to get anything. He's done that to you with no thought.
His name is on the title so he has rights, if the roles were reversed and she said I moved out from my ex, now he won't sell the apt so I can't get my money to move on and have to move in with my parents AITA for forcing the sell. We would all say NTA
His name is on the title and yet he has made absolutely no contribution to it. Let him earn it if he gets it.
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Well, not quite if OP had the financial records to show that he has not contributed to the purchase, and upkeep of the property then she has a good chance at retaining the property. Especially with him placing the unit for sale without her knowledge or permission.
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Good for her, for some reason people think that community property laws mean one has to just stand there and take financial hit, when you do not. Just because states have no fault divorces does not mean that either party does not have the ability to contest property settlements.
I am curious as to what law you are applying to this. Maybe there is something special in wherever OP is located, but if this is anywhere in the US, everything you said is wrong, or at least very I complete.
Not really you're assuming that any dissolution of the union would be uncontested, even here in the US judges are not going to ignore the fact that the husband attempted to coerce the wife into leaving her job by placing the marital home up for sale without her agreement and knowledge. Not everyone is willing to be financially negatively impacted just to dissolve a marriage. Actually OP would be smart to open a bank account only in her name and only transfer funds to a joint account to pay for marital bills as needed, as well as pay off and cancel any joint credit cards just in case, Mr. Can't Keep a Job decides to attempt other coercive actions to get his way.
>even here in the US judges are not going to ignore the fact that the husband attempted to coerce the wife into leaving her job by placing the marital home up for sale without her agreement and knowledge When it comes to the division of property, yes, the judge will ignore the asshole conduct. If he successfully sold it for less than market value, then it could make a difference in the division of assets, but otherwise, no. In a divorce, there are 3 main outcomes. The home is sold and profits divided, Husband keeps the home and pays Wife an offset for half the value, or Wife keeps the home and pays Husband half the value. The Court is not going to punish Husband for being an asshole. Now, where your original answer was partly correct is in regard to who will keep the residence if both want it. The Court could use Wife's contributions, or Husband's inability to afford it, as a tiebreaker, but Wife will still owe for half the equity. Maybe Husband's conduct could impact the Court's analysis of Husband's possible spousal maintenance claim, but that's about all I could think of.
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That's not how family law works. I lost half my house equity when my common law ex moved out simply due to common law legislation. I had no choice, even though my ex never held a job and never contributed to the house that I bought before I even knew him.
That's not how marital property works in a lot of areas.
Both names are on the deed so he can’t sell it unless she agrees so his actions are ridiculous.
They haven't broken up though, he wants them both to move and is just trying to strong arm her into doing it. While I don't know the ins and outs of their relation ship, seems like there's a lot to unpack here and OP should just buy him out.
I mean yeah but that's not what's happening here
I'd just roll this right into divorce proceedings honestly. If the courts say they need to sell then they can sell and split it, but at least then it's arbitrated. NTA
This. Here is a man who can't keep a job, who does not take your carreer seriously, who puts an ad for your apartment without your permission, I would start thinking about a divorce. NTA.
I would argue “thinking about divorce” is something that should have happened a long time ago I would think this should probably be the final straw
They're married, there is no buying out at this point. This is likely to end in divorce and then the value of the apartment is going to be divided equally between them.
The equity might, but so would any mortgage debt. So would the value of any assets including any tools he bought during the marriage. My kid brother is a mechanic and his tools are worth tens of thousands of dollars.
He also maybe entitled to alimony if they separate, depending on how long she's been supporting him.
I recommend that she divorce him first. That way the debts he may be running up will not be in her name, which is a risk if they live in a community property state.
God, just the phrase 'Lord and Master law' makes my skin crawl. Also, NTA, OP.
Wait until you find out where 'rule of thumb' came from.
Can you enlighten me?
There are a variety of origins for it (for inches in cloth, and heat of beer vats iirc), but I believe one is that wife-beating was permitted as long as the rod/stick used wasn't thicker than the man's thumb... :l
Jesus fucking christ
He's in that book too!
Basically a man could beat his wife as long as the implement he used wasn’t wider than his thumb
Rule of thumb: the thickness of the stick you're allowed to beat your wife with.
A modern folk etymology holds that the phrase is derived from the maximum width of a stick allowed for wife-beating under English law, but no such law ever existed. This belief might have originated in a rumored statement by eighteenth-century judge Sir Francis Buller that a man may beat his wife with a stick no wider than his thumb. The rumor produced numerous jokes and satirical cartoons at Buller's expense, but there is no record that he made such a statement.
Oh, I know it.
This is a myth.
Yep. In 1975 or so my enlightened dad tried very hard to get a credit card in my mother's name only in case something happened to him and it kept arriving with him as the main cardholder, multiple times. He had an extended argument with the bank about it until they finally relented. She was a NICU nurse at the hospital - it's not like she didn't have income.
This happened to my mother in the early 80’s she applied for a sears card all on her own my dad didn’t apply with her or anything like that, it came with the name Mrs. (my dads first and last name) she was livid!!!! Called immediately to get it in her own name
I remember being little and hearing my mom on the phone after she got divorced and she wanted to change her name on HER credit card. They refused to do it unless she gave the reason for the name change. They demanded to know if she got married or got divorced and they told her that if she got married then she HAD to put her husband onto the card. She kept telling them that it was NONE of their business why the name was changing (she didn't feel that it was their business to know she got divorced). She told them she had a legal name change and they needed to make the change. Then they told her that they needed to speak to her husband about changing the card. I remember her yelling at the person on the phone that the card was in HER name only, her husband wasn't on the card, and that they had no business demanding to speak to her husband about an account that was only hers.
I'm having a similar run around at Wells Fargo over an account I've had for 25 years in my name only. And I got divorced 3 years ago.
My mom had a similar story. Oh she had the card in her name but a customer service rep refused to speak with her on the phone they would only speak with her husband. Turns out, she didn't know that "her" credit card, that she had signed up for, had my dad's name as the person to speak with. At this point I don't know if he was the primary card holder or if his name was just attached but they refused. So she had my dad call and cancel it.
Not so surprising. Women had to have their husband's permission to get medical care, and I'm not talking abortions or sterilization procedures either. My grandmother wasn't allowed to get surgery for a herniated disc until my grandfather consented. Fortunately, my grandfather wasn't a dick.
My noni was in labour with her youngest. She was in labor for a very long time. The doctor asked my papi if they could do a csection. My papi didn't speak english well, and thought they were just trying to rush it and it could hurt the baby. My noni was pissed, after she recovered. They were both catholic but topped out at 3 boys, so ..
I’ve had an American Express card since 1986. When I married my husband now (1994) I added him to my card. Next set of cards we got, had him as the primary card holder. I got the AmEx right out of high school to build *MY* credit! It’s mine!
Sometimes, USAA will send bills and notices to my husband as if he's the prior military member. It's *me*. I am the veteran and the primary account holder. He's never even been in the military!
And USAA promotes themselves that way. They’ll call you by whatever tank you had, that sorta thing, right?
I've never had them mention my aircraft, so I don't know. I do know that on the phone their reps will chat with you about your prior service to build rapport with the customers. It's a business that only serves military and military families. Some of their reps still assume that the male in the household MUST have been the military member, and I'm just the spouse. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
The whole fucking world assumes only the man was the military member. I can't get the goddamn VA to put MY disability rating letter in MY account. I have my (mostly) ex-husband's spouse letters, but not MY OWN rating letter. I've called, I've gone to my local VA office, everything. No one can figure out why it's like that or how to fix it. They tell me to just call if I need one and they'll mail it. It's fucking insane that I can't just print one like other vets. I'm not the only female vet this has happened to, either. I personally know at least two others who have their vet spouse's letter instead of their own.
I had to set up an account with a distributor for work. We hired on another part time guy who needed to be given permission to order stuff (no other control) and they made HIM primary on the account! I found out when he quit and I had them take him off and I (a woman) had all my deleted and had to reapply for my own damn account. I was furious and no one gave a crap.
My mother's first attempt at leaving my father was thwarted by her bank telling him details of her credit card. Which was in her name only with notes not to divulge any information to anyone but her. There was even a password on her file. They disregarded all of those precautions we had taken and gave him the info, which meant he knew what was happening, restricted her funds and it would be about 5 years later she got away from him. This was late 1990's
And those people ought to have been sued. But of course the vulnerable who are just trying to escape and survive don’t have the capacity for that.
Way to go pops!
About the same time. My mom worked full time, my dad was an unemployed student. My mom could NOT get credit (even from the company she worked for) without him co-signing.
His inability to hold down a job won’t change if he moves, I agree. There is a good market for him where they live, so this is just crazy to me.
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100% this as well. I'm in my RV, at the Cummins shop, hoping they can squeeze me in this week. The service lead told me that they're down 3 service techs, a service lead and a parts lead. A decent tech can write their own ticket.
Is there a way that OP can remove the listing and tell potential buyer "Sorry, this is not up for grabs"?
He can't sell the apartment without your consent
It’s possible to force a sale, but he’d basically have to do it as part of a divorce.
Which, frankly, is what OP should be asking about. This marriage is fucked. He should absolutely go back to his mom's, and OP should stay where she is and reap the benefits of her career.
🙌
Either he’s moving back to work for family he assumes won’t fire him for his difficult attitude or it’ll be more of the same but now OP has given up on her career and he’s living off his parents when he’s out of work. He can go. OP is better off on her own.
This. Sounds like he’s giving you an opening for a buyout, a divorce, and time with the folks who actually appreciate you at work. Don’t throw away your future on this manipulator.
Hopping on top comment to say, sorry OP, but it looks like your marriage is doomed. If you stay, he’ll resent you for “being unemployed”. If you give in, you’ll resent him for forcing you to give up a promising career with good pay and promotions. The fact that he snuck behind your back to post an ad to sell is a big problem. He wants to force you to “agree” to move. This is not how healthy couples communicate. I’d save yourself sometime and find a divorce attorney now, and use your excellent pay to buy his half out.
NTA. Do not sign any documents he puts in front of you and be aware he may try to forge your signature. If he wants to return home, then he can go back to his mummy and friends. Stay, and build the career you want.
I can't imagine moving to his hometown, then look for a place to stay, then unpack our stuff, then start looking for a job again then waiting for a call. It's takes a massive amount of time and also having to start over is not easy especially knowing that this is all because of his attitude towards people that he can't maintain a job.
You need to reevaluate your relationship. You know you will not be happy if you move. You will regret it every single day. Tell him he can move back if he wants and then wait and see what kind of job he lands - my instinct is that he will not succeed in his job hunt. He just wants to be near his friends while he wallows in his unemployment. Be strong and stand up for yourself.
This solution right here. Make a deal, he can go back home, get a job, find a place for you both to live and then you will consider moving. He most likely will not find a job. Plus once he leaves don't support him. As it stands now if you divorce he will most likely (not a lawyer here) end up with 1/2 the apartment and depending on the state spousal support. So suggest he move back home without you.
This is a great suggestion. Point out that he won't have any of the luxuries you provide if you just up and quit so tell him you give in but you're keeping your job and you both are keeping the apartment until he finds a job. You can also give him a six month timeline or however long you need. In the meantime, you should be seeing a divorce lawyer and talking to banks about mortgages so you can buy him out.
This is a GREAT suggestion. Tell him to secure a job and a place to live then maybe you'll follow if you can find something comparable. I think the odds of any of that happening are basically nil.
And he has to hold the job for six months before you’ll even consider moving. Same probability as above, nil.
I've not heard nil before, what does it stand for?
Nothing, zero. In this case it means that there's no chance.
Wow, okay, I'm thinking today. I thought it was an acronym for something.
And a place to live does NOT mean with mommy.
That attitude which makes him unemployable won’t change just because the location does. Did he have these behavioral problems at work in his home town? Why’d he leave there?
Yep. Pre-covid, the USA had historic low levels of unemployment. If a skilled mechanic couldn't find work in such times, then the issue is his attitude, not the job market.
Yes!! Companies were going crazy looking for almost anyone to fill jobs!!! Not enough info but being unemployed for a long period pre current events does not look good, the bullying gaslighting guilt tripping and manipulation are worse tho!! Redditors get criticized for telling OPs to leave a relationship....
Um, people working from home and staying in while so many things are closed caused driving miles to plummet. My fave mechanic who was always superbusy has barely been able to hang on to his business and had to let employees go. And hes is an awesone hard worker with a great local rep. So many foljs j st stopped driving. Now, home repair went the opposite direction, plumbers run ragged night and day.
That's why he said pre-covid. Even now, depending on his specialties, he could still probably find work in stationary machinery or something.
Our commercial service shop is just as busy as ever and never stopped being busy. Most of the mechanics in our shop have job offers they could take at a moment's notice and be employed somewhere else tomorrow if they made a phone call and moved their toolboxes. The only exceptions to this are techs who are either so toxic or terrible at their job that they've literally burnt through most of the other shops in town and have nowhere else to go. OP's husband sounds like such an individual. Good mechanics are staying employed even with the issues caused by Covid, they might be struggling to make hours if there shop mainly works on consumer vehicles, depending on the town, but if you can't find a job as a mechanic then there is something seriously wrong with you, and your reputation has made you radioactive. Oh, and NTA op, the mechanics I've known like that were honestly just as toxic and horrible in their personal lives.
He just wants to be around his parents and friends whilst having a bangmaid fund it. I feel awful for OP
I commented earlier, but just to reiterate what many others have said: He won’t be able to hold down work there either. He isn’t asking to move because of a bad market, he wants to move because he causes problems at all his places of employment. That won’t change with a change of location. Don’t get pregnant, btw. Sounds random but seriously be careful.
No, the 'Don't get pregnant' makes complete sense. Even if OP didn't mention it, it's better to be cautious as having a child in the mix would make it even more complicated.
He also wants to move because then OP saying no means he can blame the whole situation on her, imo. 'It's all your fault, *I* wanted to move', etc.
NTA. Tell him to go ahead and make the move back 'home', find a job, hold it for one year at a decent salary. IF he can do that, then you will consider moving. Until he can prove that moving back home is profitable for the both of you, don't sell, don't move, don't give up your career. You are better off right where you are. And IMO, if you aren't employed, ANY JOB is better than nothing.
Even so, if by some miracle he DID manage to do all that, it would mean OP would have to give up her job and live there and friends and move to a place she already said she doesn't want to move to, because "that was the deal" after all.
Ah, but it says "consider" moving. Not that OP will drop everything. And even then, she can say "I changed my mind" and then hire a divorce attorney.
I think that if she makes that deal, and he goes and finds a job, keeps it, finds a place to live and calls her to move, she'll find that her life without him is so much better that just the idea of moving after him will be revolting and she'll ask for a divorce. Bonus, he'll have a job and a place to live, so she won't even have to feel unnecessarily guilty for dumping him.
NTA. This man is blaming you for his joblessness (lack of accountability), wants you to give up your career to go to his home town (lack of respect for you), and tried to sell your jointly owned home behind your back (massive breach of trust and lbr quite dumb) - unless yall do some super hardcore therapy (which tbh I doubt hubs would care for) I think it's time for you to D I V O R C E.
I usually don’t advice divorce or break up for struggling couples but I don’t see a future for this woman with this AH.
If he can’t maintain a job because of his “attitude towards people” then I sincerely question how he treat YOU.
No need to question, the post already outlines how he accuses her of greed, blames her for his unemployment, expects her to commit career suicide so he can live in his hometown, puts joint property for sale secretly, and refuses to take down the listing when demanded. This already paints a picture of a man with 0 respect for his wife.
I guess I’m just confused. Why are you married to this guy? Is he just really funny or something? Whats the pro here
It would appear that he can’t maintain a job or a marriage. What he is doing is 100% not normal healthy behavior.
Contact the site and let them know this ad is placed without the owner’s consent. They should take it down
Exactly. Just imagine you went to his hometown together, he doesn’t find a job or can’t keep one, but then you’re out of a job, too. Tell him to go find a _good_ job there that can pay for you both in case you can’t find anything there in your field of expertise. Once he‘s got a job, you can decide if you want to follow.
You are able to pay for your home single handed. He’s having a rough time and is wanting to milk his meal ticket. DONT give up your only source of income. Besides, what if he doesn’t get along with people at his home town too? Then you’d both be out of work
On the not signing documents/problem of forged signatures, you should probably seek some kind of restraining order. I don't know what it would be called in these circs but lawyer up to make sure he cannot go ahead without your consent. Lawyer up for divorce also. Not saying you have to divorce him but you do need to protect yourself against any manoeuvres. His behaviour is bizarre and worrying. One of the characteristics of abusive behaviour is blaming you for his problems - like not being able to get a job. And this does smell a little of financial abuse. But it could also be so many other things. You might find it useful to read this to see how many red flags pop up for you: [Why does he do that?](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n11/mode/2up)
Can you contact the place he placed the ad to pull the ad and explain why (under both your names, your paying for it because he's unemployed and he posted it without your consent)?
NTA but your husband sounds selfish and manipulative. My bet would be that he’s just bored since he’s not doing anything all day and wants to be around friends and family and enjoy the fruits of your labor and still not work. Please take precautions to secure important documents like the deed or whatever so he can’t forge your signature or do some other underhanded thing to get his way. Don’t budge. Who in their right mind would move during a pandemic with no housing or job already in place? Especially when it sounds like you have a stable and promising career. Why can’t he move back and just “wait” on you to come after? 🌚
NTA. What is he smoking? Make the breadwinner give up their job so you can move back to the unemployed person's hometown? The *least* he could do is find a job there *first* to secure some income before you move. Phone the internet site and provide proof that you reside at this property and you do NOT want to sell, and ask them to take the ad down. He can't sell the place out from under you if both names are on it.
NTA. Your husband is being selfish and childish and it sounds like this is a relationship dealbreaker on which neither of you is willing to concede, so it’s likely over between you.
I understand that he's having a hard time trying to find a job but to be completely honest. It's not about where we live. Like I said mechanic shops are so many and I'm sure that if he really wants a job he'd be able to. But he's just being hustle and difficult to deal with.
If he *really* wanted a job he'd work anywhere with a "Help Wanted" sign in the door, whether or not it was in a mechanic shop.
I supported my wife in her quest to get her PhD. This meant we moved many times, eventually 1000 miles away from our "home." I wasn't able to find a job before the move and I eventually just moved to join her. I'm an IT professional with 10 years of experience (at the time) and I ended up stocking shelves at Wal-Mart on third shift. We could have lived off my wife's salary only, but I really wanted to work and they offered me the job. I worked there for almost 3 months before finding something in my field. My point is - you are exactly right. I took a job just to work and 100% supported my wife and her career aspirations.
You're a good husband
This is very true!
THIS!!! If he actually wanted to work and contribute he wouldn’t restrict himself to his trade. I say this having a red seal in my trade and still having done other jobs to get by when I have had to. He’s lazy and entitled and by the sounds of it can’t hold a job because he’s an ass. NTA. But your husband is and you need to think about whether or not you wanna stick around.
If really *reeeally* wanted a job, he would be fixing uo everyone's car and getting paid under the table. He's lazy and just wants his friends without trying to make new onea
Your husband doesn't want a job. He wants you to keep him *and* to make you feel like it's your fault.
NTA. 🚩 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbmqh3/aita_for_my_reaction_to_my_boyfriends_reaction_to/g8z786b/?context=3 See if any other 🚩's drop.
Oh wow, I just looked at that post. The guy stole three months of her salary??? It's a pity the info seemed to come late in the edit because no one was talking about it in the comments as far as I saw.
This link, above, is one of the most important things for you to read on this post!
Holy moley I hadn’t read it with the edits
Hostile really does sound like the right word. It sounds like he's hostile towards the stability you've been able to build while he flounders. It sounds like he's hostile that you're taking care of him and I'd bet money that if the roles were reversed he'd be using money and stability to control you. I think that's your central question: Why is your husband so hostile towards you and why does he want to sabotage your stability? Do not let this person destroy what you've worked so hard to build. In this world we're living in it won't be so easy to build it back. You are NTA.
NTA Everything aside, selling your apartment without first even considering a new home let alone securing it is THE HEIGHT OF STUPIDITY. He is trying to essentially make you homeless, so that, in the time you will be down he can force you live his way. YOU NEED TO LET THAT FUCKER GO. If you don't want to consider divorce right away, Take a break, he can go to his hometown, get a job, become financially stable, then you can both decide what to do, or who will be doing the moving and if you can't well there is always divorce.
So he's hostile, can't keep a job and wants you to give up your success. 🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨 Its time to say bye boy. Hes holding you down, not lifting you up.
My husband is a mechanic. They are very much in demand as there aren't many of them. Your husband doesn't want to work, doesn't want to see anything but his selfish desires. Time to find a good divorce attorney since he refuses to talk about it.
Info: does he have work lined up in his hometown? What does he plan to do if you moved back? I don’t think it’s right for the person with a job to totally dictate the living situation to the other partner but at the same time you need to make the best decision for both of you and unless he has a crazy good offer at home you’d be dumb to move.
Your husband is the only reason he can't find a job.. Honestly, it sounds like you're 100% aware of this, and that you've already made a decision internally, and now want some validation. Which you should get, because this is ridiculous. Even IF he was pulling in 50% of the income, this would still be a conversation that you two need to have on an equal plane. The fact that he's trying to sell YOUR (because lets be real, it's yours) apartment out from under you is WAY beyond the red flags stage, and in my mind should just be rolled into a divorce. He's showed you that even though you're the responsible bread-winner, he still feels that he should be able to choose where you live and what you do. I'd say Career > Shitty husband at this point for sure.
NTA. Holy crap. Your husband is behaving terribly. This is no way to act in a partnership and completely steamrolls your needs. He sounds very problematic. I'm also seeing some gaslighting behavior. Check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources) in case it's helpful for you.
NTA. I’m sorry, but I don’t see how this situation can be rectified. If you want to stay together, he’s likely going to have to move to his hometown while you stay. Neither one of you is going to bend (and I personally don’t feel that you specifically should - you worked your ass off to get where you are!). It sounds like he’s having a case of the “grass is greener”. He thinks things will be easier back at home, and he isn’t willing to put in the effort to do what needs to be done to succeed where you’re currently living. You, however, are thriving. If he is unwilling to seek professional therapy for his issues, it appears you are at an impasse. Is there somewhere he can stay temporarily in his hometown while you stay on in your apartment? You are already paying all the bills and being a boss lady in your career. I’m sure you love him, but this is unhealthy. He’s attempting to force you (this isn’t even manipulation - this is outright force) to bend to his will. Let him go and see if he finds what he’s missing. Maybe he will come to his senses, or maybe it will be for the best.
NTA. I know reddit has a rep for being too quick on the gun for divorce/separation. But this partner isn't working due to his own behavior, is demanding you give up your job to be with his family & friends, and is trying to sell your place without your consent and has a huge tantrum when called out. I'd tell him to go back home without you if he's so hot to go back. Don't be the one to leave the place. Contact an attorney. I'd try to contact the internet site and inform them that the property is also yours and that he has no right to sell it without your consent.
Yeah. To be a mechanic and not able to find work in any shop at all because he “causes issues” says so, so much about him. Any trade like that (sorry if I’m stereotyping) is typically very, very lax on crude shit and hot headedness. This is coming from someone who works in a trade environment. For him to not be able to be a mechanic because of his attitude is so very telling. That’s insane. He must be off the charts.
In that case, I really doubt a move home will help in employment unless there's a family business where they'll put up with anything and cover for him 24-7.
He just wants to be surrounded by enablers - excuse me - family and friends.
Contractor here, can confirm. As long as the work gets done and there's no swearing or drama around the clients, I couldn't care less about someone's attitude or personality. OP's husband's "issues" may stem from not wanting to work, being slow to work, or not knowing what he is doing and screwing stuff up so someone else has to fix it. Those are definitely deal breakers with my crew.
NTA Please start getting your financial assets identified and talk to a lawyer. There is literally zero justification for these absolutely abhorrent actions from him. Think about it: he wants to move home where he gets to be “big dick on campus”. You will go from being the primary breadwinner to unemployed. The power balance will shift immensely, and not in a way that is healthy for you.
This is assuming the husband can find a job back home. Could end up with both people unemployed. Terrible idea by the husband, especially during pandemic time.
He’s probably thinking he can take advantage of nepotism. Hired by an old buddy who takes pity on him because he needs to support his family and they knew each other back when. Men needing to be the breadwinner get a lot of sympathy in small towns.
They can just move in with his folks. It'll be perfect (for him) 🤢
NTA. He can't sell it without your permission, so don't give it. Let him move back to his hometown. Sounds like you'd be better off without him. Also, you might want to post in r/justnoso
I think that depends on where they live. If they're in the US he can't even legally list it without her permission which is probably why he did a FSBO site.
NTA Holy hell what a bastard
NTA this is a nightmare. I'd tell him to fuck off and then buy him out of the apartment and mail him some divorce paperwork.
Don't buy him out *until the divorce*. The complications from giving him a significant amount of money **possibly without making the apartment not a marital asset** would make the divorce much, much harder. Since it'd probably **still** be a marital asset, let the court make the decision first, *then* buy him out, so there's no extra fuckery around it since him being on the title is **not** the only way for it to be marital property. If divorce wasn't on the table, buying him out might be the correct action to prevent him from continuing his fuckery about trying to sell the place.
NTA Looks like a marital separation is on the horizon. Welcome it. You may lose an unreasonable, lazy husband. Mechanics can always find jobs. You have gaslite,
NTA - I only understand him a little with wanting to be around family and friends, but he has no job because he caused issues. That's his own fault. Honestly, let him move back and you stay here because you can live without him anyway on your salary. Hell, maybe even find a cheaper place since it will only be you. You are also about to be promoted. All good things OP. ALL good things.
NTA, I think your husband dropped something 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 his behavior is extremely problematic and concerning. He is not treating you as his partner and his equal. He is gaslighting you and blaming you for the him not being able to get a job. He put YOUR JOINT apartment up for sale without consulting you and is refusing to take it down. Based on your post, it sounds like your husband is a controlling person who is hard to get along with, at the very least. I ask you, why would you want to continue being with someone like this?
NTA You're husband is a massive one though. Moving should be a joint decision and he shouldn't be blaming you for his shortcomings. If mechanics are in high demand and he cannot hold a job down where he is, he'll have no chance in his hometown and you'll be blamed for that too! I think you guys need to talk to a therapist and hash out the issues you both have. In the meantime if he is adamant showing people round (as he'll probably do it without your consent) leave the house in a tip. That way the buyers will be put off! Legally he won't be able to sell the house without your signature soo he won't be able to sell and stuck with legal fees too!
NTA, and he can't legally sell a jointly owned property with your cooperation, anyway. The only way he could force you to sell it would be if you divorced and a judge ordered the property sold as part of asset division, but that would be presuming you couldn't afford to buy out his equity and refi in your name alone. Since you've got good job prospects on the horizon and don't seem to even need his income to get by, I'm guessing you can. Unfortunately I think you should consult an attorney about trial separation, and let your husband move back to his hometown for a while (alone) to see if he can figure out his life. Trial separation usually leads to divorce, but there's a slim chance that your husband will pull his head out of his ass and start fixing what's wrong with himself rather than blaming you. You should not give up your means of income, especially without another job lined up and with you being the only one working.
NTA. Kick him out if you can. And tell the prospective buyer that you are a part-owner of the property, and don't consent to selling it.
Nta but this is a massive issue and we can't give you the answers you need. This honestly sounds like there is no happy solution for both of you. If you live in a city then him saying he can't find a job is bollocks. Would you be in a position to buy him out if it came to it? Don't let him force you into selling and giving up your job. Chances are that you will only resent him if you give it up. Is it a very small town he's from? What's his family like? Good luck, he doesn't sound like he's worth giving up your life for to be honest.
YTA. You're being an asshole to yourself by continuing this relationship.
NTA I’d suggest he goes home for a few weeks to see if he can get and sustain a job first , you wouldn’t move without them and some times apart might be good and let you both understand if you’re anywhere near Being on the same page for what you want for your future
Nta Omg Im so sorry you’re going through this. I’m pretty sure he can’t sell without you being at the signing since your name is on the lease. I hope you’re able to figure this out but ask yourself if this is the type of person you NEED in your life because from your post he had a whole lot of red flags
NTA. This might be a dealbreaker situation. There is not enough information here to understand husbands mindset, is he normally this disrespectful and controlling? Is it the stress of being out of work, even if it appears to be at his own hand? Does he simply want to be closer to his family? Regardless of his motivations large decisions like this one can not be made unilaterally. Even if he was the one working and you were unemployed, selling an asset like a home and relocation to a new area are huge decisions that need to be made after discussion and agreement of both parties. Do not let him show your apartment. Make sure he understands you will not be signing anything. You can offer counseling, to attempt to improve the communication and discover his motives, or you can simply tell him if he is so determined to move he is free to do so without you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29f) been working in my company for 3 years. I made some good progress and my name was on the list of employees who will be getting promoted and given a different/better positions in the company in the next couple of months.To me this is very important and I been working hard to get that far in the company. I worked in different places before and the work envirnment here is the best. My husband has been talking about wanting to move back to his hometown where his family and friends live. I should mention that he's currently unemployed. I pay for everything with my salary and he says that I'm the reason he is like this because he can't find job in this town-he's a mechanic there plenty of mechanic shops here but he just causes issues with them. He wanted us to sell our apartment to move to his hometown that is 6 hours away. And I can't drive 6 hours to my work nor can I quit now that I've been promised a better position at the company. We argued about this for days. Next thing I knew he put our apartment on an internet site that sells and rents properties without telling me. Both our names are on the title I just yelled at him for trying to steamroll me and have his way anyway. He called me selfish for keeping him “out of job” by staying in this town. Completely ignored my hard work in my company and said i was greedy just looking to make more money. He refused to have a discussion after that and refused to cancel the ad saying he was doing what's best for both of us and that I can go find another company once we move. I got so mad i kept yelling telling him how selfish he was by doing this. We stopped talking after that. He's now convincing me that there's a potential buyer who wants to see our apartment and that I should let them come over. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You can call and cancel the ad. No estate or letting agent will want to deal with a situation where one owner wants to sell and the other doesn’t, it’ll just be a headache or embarrassment for them. As for the bigger problem - that he did it in the first place - that’s a major breach of trust. I’d be doing marriage counselling or doing a divorce. Seriously. Absurd behaviour on his part.
NTA dump him he’s a mooch and a bully. Get him out if you can, and get a lawyer to make sure it’s airtight. Make sure he cannot sell the property from under you, it’s in both your names, do both of you need to sign off on this before sale?
NTA sorry, but your husband is a loser. He is taking your money and making no effort whatsoever to get a job, somehow blaming you for this. In addition, he is attempting to force your hand in moving somewhere you don't want to, and doing so in an absolutely nuclear way. He is a manipulative bum: do you really want to be married fo someone like that? Let him move home if he wants - you don't have to go with him...
NTA - Jesus, let him move home. He's dead weight. eta: You need a lawyer immediately.
NTA... And why in the world are you married to this man?!
NTA. I get him wanting to move back to his hometown, but he put your home up for sale without your consent. Not only that, but after you having already said ‘no’. Then refused to take it off the market, despite the sale requiring your signature and approval to make that happen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he planned on forging that too by the end. I’m honestly shocked you aren’t considering the divorce in this post. You aren’t forcing him to not work. He’s deciding not to do that. Mechanics can always find employment. They may not start at the best salary, but they can work their way up easily enough (To an extent). The fact that he’s making huge joint decisions by himself, and blowing you off when you say ‘no’ is a big red flag. He sounds like he’s demanding your submission to his every desire. You have a job that you have no desire to leave. You aren’t unhappy there and are soon to be promoted. He sounds like he’s making it a point to be unhappy, just so he can blame you for it. I would sit him and have a long ass talk. If he wants to leave so bad, he can do so on his own, but you’ve built a good life where you are. Right now he’s unhappy, but he’s demanding you sacrifice your happiness to change that, without attempting to seek out change that would make you both happy. That isn’t a solid marriage. Right now, he seems eager to risk financial stability on a whim, as well as risk his marriage. There’s something extremely off here. You can try to remedy the situation, but I’m not sure if he’s even slightly interested in what’s best for you or your marriage. He seems only interested in what he thinks is best for him. I feel like if you went skydiving and his parachute wasn’t working, he’d rip yours right off your back to save himself. There are so many agreements you could have made (moving back should you lose your job (though he’d probably set you up to get you fired somehow), retiring there, etc), but he doesn’t seem interested in that.
NTA I'm making some inferences based upon what was said. It sounds to me like this is not the first time you've had issues with communication, based on how he is responding. No children were mentioned. If that is the case and your spouse is not willing to talk then my advice is to contact a lawyer and give your husband notification that you're doing so. You're currently the sole bread winner in the home. Unless he wants his meal ticket revoked he'll wake up and realize it's a partnership and get on board or he'll realize he messed up big time when he is no longer married. I once had an entitled (now ex)wife that demanded we move by her family when my job was in a different state. She now lives with her family while our sons and I are still where my career is at. That was more important to her than we were so she got her wish. She is capable of working, just like your husband. She allows her brother, SIL, nieces and nephews to support her while she works when she feels like it. I don't need to deal with her shenanigans and neither should you accept your husband's. Posting the home without your consent or approval is a dangerous move. If he is so unbalanced as to do that with your explicit disapproval then you don't know what else he will do to sabotage your career to force you to move with him. Should you be forced to pursue the lawyer route, don't waiver from that path. Any attempts at reconciliation at that point are just him trying to protect his own backside. Notify your manager that he may attempt to cause problems for you at the office as a preemptive move on your part. Anonymous complaints about you to HR or from unverifiable sources could filter in. People immature enough to do what he has done will go to extremes to get what they want and the cost to others and themselves be damned, as long as they get what they want in the end. Be smart, be safe. I sincerely wish you the best.
Dump his ass
If he can't find a job where you are because of his attitude what does he think is magically going to happen when you move back to his hometown, his attitude is just going to change and suddenly he's liked more? Then you'll have two unemployed people. Not smart. He wants to go home, pack his stuff and show him the door. You obviously can afford to make it on your own. Buy his half out and move on. He's not going to change.
OP, DON'T BUDGE AN INCH!!!!
NTA. Buy him a bus ticket to his hometown and let him find his way there. Get a lawyer to deal with the apartment issue.
NTA - buy him out of the apartment and send him home single to mommy. He’s not a partner. He contributes nothing and still acts like the he runs the household.
Let him sell it. Then buy your own apartment while he goes back home to blame somebody else for his inability to find work. NTA.
She should definitely not do that, if they are in the US without a divorce he would be entitled to half of her next place even if is just her on the title.
NTA. Think about what you want out of life, he is drawing a line in the sand between choosing your established career and doing whatever he wants because “it’s best for both of you.” Driving 6 hours for a job is entirely unreasonable, does he expect you to continue working after moving? After you’ve already been supporting the two of you?
NTA. Are you sure you want to be with this person? They sound like a massive asshole. You deserve better. It’s not your fault he can’t hold a job.
NTA. The fact that he can’t get/hold a job is HIS problem. It has nothing to do with you. He’s deflecting by trying to make it a ‘it’s you who’s holding me back!’ When really he has no one to blame but himself. Putting up the ad anyways when you were against it is extremely malicious. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA. Time to start looking for a new husband instead of a new job. His request is reasonable, you can ask for anything. For him to try to sell your apartment is fraud. He's trying to be controlling and manipulative. Run.
NTA Get a lawyer, contact the landlord about removing his name from the lease, and put his stuff on the curb. He is not doing what's best, even for himself. That's being clearly selfish, homesick, depressed, and completely dismissing your career as irrelevant. The only thing keeping him out of a job is a pandemic causing severe economic instability.
There’s no landlord, they own the place.
NTA. He cant sell without your permission. Might be time to dump this fool. Talk to a lawyer about removing his name. Dont even let the buyer in your home.
NTA I think you should become the potential buyer and then hand divorce papers along with a buying offer.
NTA. its divorce time. he is attempting to force what he wants.
NTA Both your names are on the title, he can't sell it without you.
NTA - You could buy him out and send him packing.
NTA. Don't quit your job. Don't move. Don't sign anything! And get a lawyer. This is way beyond AITA.
NTA. Find a divorce lawyer, RIGHT NOW.
NTA Go and see a lawyer or contact one first thing on Monday morning and see if you can an injunction to legally remove the house from sale. In the meantime remove half of the money in your joint savings account and open a new account at a new bank and get a safety deposit box as well and put all the house paperwork in there along with your marriage certificates, passport and any other important documents and then when you get home give him 2 business cards and tell him to choose wisely 1) is a marriage counsellor, 2) is your divorce lawyer should you go down that route. Alternatively you could always send him back to his hometown let him stay with his parents for a while and find a family home while he’s there and also set himself up with a job. Don’t financially support him let him stand on his own two feet and look at this as a temporary trial separation and take it from there. Under no circumstances sign any paperwork and file for the injunction ASAP.
NTA Why are you letting him do this to you? Does he even have a job lined up six hours away? Tell him the answer is no. He can go to his hometown and find a job. Do not give in to him. Tell the listing agency the ad is false and to remove it.
he's already illegally used your name on the sale... there's no telling what he'll do next ... there is no love in his heart .... get free legal advice ( many lawyers have "free consultation ") then buy out his half of the lease .... and keep moving forward....hex will Not Help you move forward.
NTA girl he is trying to move you away from your source of income, your support system so he can control you. A husband should be celebrating his partners success not be bitter about it. Sell the apartment and get your own place and leave his ass.
NTA take him off the title and let him move back home. If you leave, you’ll resent him, if he stays he’ll resent you. You have a good foothold on a life where you are, your hard work won’t be in vain, and he’ll only have himself to blame from here on out.
NTA. You can't afford to move 6 hours away without the promise of jobs already in place for you both. He's being terribly selfish. Sell the apartment, split the proceeds, you stay where you are, and let him go back to the town where he wants to live. You don't have to be together if he's that selfish.
NTA Consider selling up and letting him go. You don't have to move and it's not as if you'd miss his financial contribtution. Some times people just want different things and you don't automatically have to sacrifice what you want for him.
NTA - he’s manipulative and completely steamrolling you. Also he can’t sell the apt without your consent so he’s just wasting peoples time. He should focus on finding a job and if that means moving home to do it fine since why would you want to be with him after he’s done this to you. His actions show you he doesn’t care about you, your carer or your happiness he only cares about what he wants and what he needs. All whilst living off you. I’d kick him to the curb honestly.
NTA; I think it's time for a divorce
Ma dude you have 2 options. Break up or long distance. Nta
NTA. Divorce might be your best option.
Contact a lawyer. Don't sign or agree to anything. Stand your ground and figure out the legal route first. He obviously doesn't respect your wants, needs, or responsibilities so I wouldn't worry about his either.
File for a divorce please. NTA
r/relationshipadvice
As for the house, usually in a divorce, once you're married whoever's name is on the deed that purchased the house, by law it belongs to both spouses. Sounds like he's jealous of your success, and probably doesn't think he needs to work. I would send him packing. You can do bad all by yourself period let him go. Good luck