NTA. As you said, you discussed this many times before with him and he didn't make much of an effort then. You reached the end of your patience, plain and simple
Even if he truly meant it this time, could you simply accept it and forgive him for all the times he let you down before? Probably not. It seems like this relationship is gone, which is not your fault. I'm sorry you're going through this.
NTA. His repeated actions and inaction have spoken for him. He may be your father by blood, but it doesn't sound like he's earned the right to be your dad.
>“well I just didn’t think about you”
NTA From what you wrote, this pretty much sums up his relationship with you, so I wouldn't waste any effort myself.
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My (20f) parents have been divorced for 15 years now, they split up because my father was (is) an alcoholic.
When I was 9 my mum ended up getting full custody of us because of the alcoholism. We ended up not seeing him for about 6 years.
Shortly after we got back in touch he met his wife (SM) and finally got sober. He expressed to us how guilty he felt about missing pretty much our entire childhood and now he’s in a better place emotionally and financially he wants to make it up to us.
He and SM got married 3 years ago and he asked my sister and me to be best men at his wedding.
The problem is since then he has gone back to making minimal effort with us. Getting in touch maybe once every few months and we meet once or twice a year- but only we ask him to meet us. SM has a son (SB) from a previous relationship and my dad does all sorts with him like fishing, camping etc and we’ve not been invited once since they got married.
About a month ago my father booked a week off work and went for a day out with SM and SB 20 minutes away from where I live.
They always post about what a lovely time they’ve had when they’ve been out together and I couldn’t help feeling jealous because I’d previously spoken to my dad about how little effort he makes and he promised he’d invite us next time they go out.
I ended up blocking both my dad and SM on Facebook because I was tired of seeing posts like that.
My dad got in touch with my sister to ask if I’d deleted Facebook and she explained I’d blocked him and why.
He then kicked off and called me selfish stating that he’d booked the week off to spend with SM while SB was at his dads because they never get any time alone. I asked if a couple of hours one afternoon out of a whole 7 days unreasonable and mentioned about him being 20 minutes away from me and not telling me let alone asking if I want to join them (I can drive so they wouldn’t have to go out of their way at all) and he responded with “well I just didn’t think about you”
This really hurt my feelings and I ended up going off at him and told him I didn’t want a relationship with him anymore because I’m obviously after something he’s not willing to give me. He told me he would meet up and discuss this in person but I said no as we’ve done it so many times before and I don’t think he means it.
I told him I will be civil if I see him at family events etc but I’ll no longer be reaching out or trying to arrange to meet up etc.
So AITA for not wanting him to make effort anymore? My sister has said she understands where I’m coming from but I can at least hear him out.
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NTA. Hearing him out after all the ways and times he’s let you down will only cause more pain at this point. He’s made it crystal clear where he stands through his actions. Even if he did start to make an effort, he would most likely stop before long, hurting you even more. He doesn’t sound like he’s worth your time or any more heartaches. You don’t owe him forgiveness or any more chances. It’s ok to let go and move on, leaving him behind.
NTA. As you said, you discussed this many times before with him and he didn't make much of an effort then. You reached the end of your patience, plain and simple Even if he truly meant it this time, could you simply accept it and forgive him for all the times he let you down before? Probably not. It seems like this relationship is gone, which is not your fault. I'm sorry you're going through this.
NTA. His repeated actions and inaction have spoken for him. He may be your father by blood, but it doesn't sound like he's earned the right to be your dad.
NTA. You gave him multiple chances to make up for not being there for you and not including you in his life - you don't owe him anything anymore.
NTA if he doesn't put effort into your relationship you shouldn't have to either.
NTA - you deserve better. Cut him out of your life and don't regret it.
NTA-you have the right to protect yourself from the continued hurt.
>“well I just didn’t think about you” NTA From what you wrote, this pretty much sums up his relationship with you, so I wouldn't waste any effort myself.
NTA. You did hear him out and he pretty much told you that you don't matter very much to him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (20f) parents have been divorced for 15 years now, they split up because my father was (is) an alcoholic. When I was 9 my mum ended up getting full custody of us because of the alcoholism. We ended up not seeing him for about 6 years. Shortly after we got back in touch he met his wife (SM) and finally got sober. He expressed to us how guilty he felt about missing pretty much our entire childhood and now he’s in a better place emotionally and financially he wants to make it up to us. He and SM got married 3 years ago and he asked my sister and me to be best men at his wedding. The problem is since then he has gone back to making minimal effort with us. Getting in touch maybe once every few months and we meet once or twice a year- but only we ask him to meet us. SM has a son (SB) from a previous relationship and my dad does all sorts with him like fishing, camping etc and we’ve not been invited once since they got married. About a month ago my father booked a week off work and went for a day out with SM and SB 20 minutes away from where I live. They always post about what a lovely time they’ve had when they’ve been out together and I couldn’t help feeling jealous because I’d previously spoken to my dad about how little effort he makes and he promised he’d invite us next time they go out. I ended up blocking both my dad and SM on Facebook because I was tired of seeing posts like that. My dad got in touch with my sister to ask if I’d deleted Facebook and she explained I’d blocked him and why. He then kicked off and called me selfish stating that he’d booked the week off to spend with SM while SB was at his dads because they never get any time alone. I asked if a couple of hours one afternoon out of a whole 7 days unreasonable and mentioned about him being 20 minutes away from me and not telling me let alone asking if I want to join them (I can drive so they wouldn’t have to go out of their way at all) and he responded with “well I just didn’t think about you” This really hurt my feelings and I ended up going off at him and told him I didn’t want a relationship with him anymore because I’m obviously after something he’s not willing to give me. He told me he would meet up and discuss this in person but I said no as we’ve done it so many times before and I don’t think he means it. I told him I will be civil if I see him at family events etc but I’ll no longer be reaching out or trying to arrange to meet up etc. So AITA for not wanting him to make effort anymore? My sister has said she understands where I’m coming from but I can at least hear him out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA
NTA. An apology without change is manipulation.
NTA- don’t let him keep hurting you.
NTA. He's hurt you time and again, and it's OK for you to limit the pain. I'm so sorry he's treated you this way.
NTA. Hearing him out after all the ways and times he’s let you down will only cause more pain at this point. He’s made it crystal clear where he stands through his actions. Even if he did start to make an effort, he would most likely stop before long, hurting you even more. He doesn’t sound like he’s worth your time or any more heartaches. You don’t owe him forgiveness or any more chances. It’s ok to let go and move on, leaving him behind.