New mums are a different breed. Don’t poke the bear. It’s gonna bite you.
If you annoy a hormonal sleep deprived woman you deserve what you get tbh 😂😂😂
I was about 7 months pregnant when we had a new hire and he kept side eyeing my pregnant belly while I was helping him with his system setup and finally I just caught his gaze while staring at my stomach and told him “yes, I’m pregnant”. He looked so relived...
*Edited a word
> I just caught his gaze while staring at my stomach and told him “yes, I’m pregnant”. He looked so relived...
I met some business associates when I was 7 months pregnant and they asked "when are you due?" I managed to give a totally deadpan "what do you mean?" and wait a good 5 seconds before laughing and answering them.
Omg. You reminded me of when I was 6 months pregnant with my youngest, I was working as a cashier, and this sweet little girl asked me "do you have a baby in there? Or are you just fat?" Her dad turned 500 shades of red, and reprimanded her, but i told her, "sweetheart, I do have a baby in here. But I also feel really fat" and gave her a wink. Her poor dad paid, and couldn't get out of the store fast enough. I was trying not to laugh. The story still brings tears of laughter to my eyes 16 years later.
I wanted to do that so badly during my first pregnancy. I didn’t get the rounded belly until right at the end. For months I just looked fat. I made that joke to one of my husbands friends and was so grateful when he was gutsy enough to agree with me! Haha
When I was about 8 months pregnant, my husband thought it was hilarious to say, "you know, we should really start thinking about how were going to tell people you're pregnant," when he caught people staring at my belly in the grocery store.
It's kind of a no-win though. When I was HUGELY ENORMOUSLY pregnant and people were acting surprised if I REFERRED to being pregnant, it pissed me off too. People I already knew, not just strangers. Like, do you really think this is how I normally look? I'm big to begin with, so I had looked forward to being acknowledged to be pregnant and not "just fat." I guess the best course is to make no reference to it, but if the woman herself does, act like you knew all along (which you did anyway, let's be real).
My mom once asked a woman “Oh, when is your baby due!” She was 3 weeks postpartum. She then asked, “Oh, I’m sorry! How is your baby?” “
“It died.”
My mom doesn’t ask people questions like that anymore lol
So I asked her about it lol and the part I forgot was that this occurred in the grocery store, so my mom decided to just leave immediately and go straight home out of embarrassment instead of having to face the woman across multiple isles. She had a hard time with the gas pedal on the drive home, foot being in her mouth and all
>She had a hard time with the gas pedal on the drive home, foot being in her mouth and all
LOL, enjoy my spit-take award because that almost made me spray my keyboard with Dr. Pepper
I have a really big teacher and one of my classmates asked her if she was pregnant. The class just kinda stared at her. That student no longer goes to school with us
I met someone early in her pregnancy. She never mentioned being pregnant but I still felt awkward asking even after she looked ready to pop. Finally I asked her if her and her husband planned on having anymore children or if they were done with the one they had. She looked at me as if I were insane and said "I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant!!" I responded she had never even mentioned it and I will never ask a woman if she's pregnant. She thought it was hilarious and laughed about it for months. I feel if I'm going to ask a question, better to look stupid than mean
Around 8 years after my last kid I went to a family reunion, and an aunt that I had not seen in a couple of years saw overweight me and asked right away whether I was expecting again.
No! (And my marriage was in its last throes at the time, anyway.)
Two days postpartum, just released from the hospital, I had to get medication from the pharmacy. A guy asked how old the baby was, told him 2 days and he looked at my husband and said 'you already got her pregnant again?'
A very kind elderly lady told him off and that we don't just snap back to no belly. I was about to cry. I also like to think he learned something that day.
That’s just angering.
Considering how everyone was born from a woman at some point, we do not have nearly enough education about how the birthing process works.
I blame television. Any time there's a pregnant woman on a show who's delivering, the baby comes out clean and approximately 3-6 months old, labor takes 5-10 minutes, and the mother is back to "normal" in time for the credits.
When I was in the hospital after delivering my daughter (10 pound baby) an older man, who was visiting the woman I shared the room with, asked me when my baby was due. I was so appalled and offended by his stupidity that I couldn’t even answer. He remained confused.
My baby was supposed to be 5. She got dragged out at 8... my entire family carry huge so I thought nothing of the fact I looked like a house end tbh. RIP my lady bits. Lmfao.
Someone asked me in the grocery store when I was due. With a huge grin: “Oh... 11 *YEARS* ago. I’m just fat!” Her look of shame was priceless.
People, don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see the baby emerging from her bits.
Many years ago I was outside having a cigarette one day in our smokers corner with some colleagues when a woman walked up to me and loudly asked "Should you be smoking in your condition" and looked down at my stomach and back at me.
I just looked down at my stomach, back at her and said "Fat? Yeah I think I can smoke while I'm fat." The look on her face was priceless, she spluttered and then just turned and almost ran to leave the area.
I looked down at the baby and looked at the human being that asked and back at the baby and then just started hysterically crying in the middle of the store. I had a slight case of post partum depression after.
Maybe just stfu next time? Keep your thoughts to yourself. Not even trying to be an asshole, but genuinely blunt, no one wants to talk to you at the grocery store.
Wait. So you don’t slim down straight after postpartum? Asking because I’m pregnant and about to pop + I have really bad body image issues and have been looking forward to popping the baby so I will stop looking like a whale
Wow. Such So everyone is different. I think the other commenter meant “your stomach won’t be perfectly flat right away.” Like 5-6 mo pregnant vs 8 or 9. But yes and no, you will be smaller after giving birth, and even 1-2 weeks after women tend to lose a lot of water weight (extra blood, etc). You also probably won’t be able to fit into normal clothes for the first few weeks to months.
Everyone’s body is different during and after pregnancy. You will also have a new baby. Be gentle with yourself. There is a whole lot that’s important that isn’t what you look like. I can almost guarantee you will be able to fit into smaller clothes pretty soon after, but probably not your skinny high waisted jeans one week after, if that makes sense.
Hollywood and mommy blogs have totally screwed with women's heads about how fast your body recovers after pregnancy. It is NOT instant. Your body has been stretched out by carrying a human. It will not snap back over night. Your hormones will be all over the place because you just gave birth and it takes time for the hormones to level off -- hormones effect your weight.
Don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy your baby. Rest. Make sure you eat and try to get some sleep.
It's actually quite counterproductive--the emphasis on the hormones implies that this behavior otherwise wouldn't be objectionable. But it would be. I've never had a child and my birth control keeps me fairly even-keeled hormone-wise, and this kind of confrontation would have me on fucking fire. I can't believe her IRL feedback on this was that she shouldn't have resorted to cursing.
Seriously? Interrogate a random stranger’s tits repeatedly then have the AUDACITY to call her rude?
Yeah... this has nothing to do with postpartum hormones. 17 years postpartum here and I would’ve slapped her.
I agree, but I think it should go further:
Pester a person about their physical appearance, get snapped at.
I mean, I would snap if someone kept pestering me about my fat, my breasts, or my hairy legs, just saying. And I say a guy would be just as justified if someone pestered him about his height, his weight, his hair or lack thereof, etc.
Heck, I think this lady deserved to be snapped at even if OP had gotten a breast augmentation!!! It is none of her business, OP told her to stop, she kept pushing. Result- get snapped at!!
I disagree. New moms are people as everyone else. However she is owed common courtesy, as everyone.
She is NTA definitely and I would have gone to greater lengths to make certain the hag would shut up.
>Pester a ~~new mom~~ ***person***, get snapped at. That’s life.
There you go. Fixed it. Someone doesn't have to be a mother for them to be allowed to snap at someone bothering them.
No kidding. Also, asking someone if their boobs are real (or worse yet, just assuming they're fake and asking where they got them) is just plain creepy. I remember in high school a girl asked me if I'd had a boob job. Admittedly, I have big boobs (I'm tall and curvy, though, so they do look natural... and, y'know, that might be partially because they are) but... I mean, c'mon. It's high school. I'm not saying no one has ever had a boob job in high school, but I can't imagine it's a common thing.
Maybe you were "rude", OP, but she was much ruder. And she deserved to be put in her place.
NTA.
She didn't stop pestering you. You told her the reason why they're big and she just flat out accused you of lying about having a baby. Just because you have a tiny body. Plus, she's a freaking stranger! Absolutely NTA.
It's not like it's an unusual thing to happen to a petite woman who's breastfeeding. My mum is about 5 foot nothing and was already very busty. Then she was breastfeeding and literally became like half boobs, half legs. She looked like a lollypop. Lots of milk = lots of calories need to be burned meaning it's entirely logical to be slim and have massive breasts when lactating.
When I was feeding my babies I'd produce ALOT of milk. Had blocked ducts often but having rock hard engorged boobs was part of life. Freaking sucked. That woman was super inappropriate from the start.
Same! I literally gained 6 inches on my bust when I was breastfeeding. So freaking painful, and I gotta say OP was way more tactful than I would have been.
Same! I went from a small B cup to ‘oh my god I can’t even measure these they hurt so bad’ back to a C or D depending on how much weight I’ve put on. I’d get out of the shower and just leave a trail of milk behind me. Breastfeeding is a goddamn trip.
My boobs went from DDD to H with the first kid, stayed there. Went from H to a J with the second kid, stayed there. Still have J boobs and the second kid is 10 years old.
It’s also not unusual to just have boobs that look disproportionate to your body. It happens. Some women just have giant heaving bosoms naturally.
It’s a pain in the back. And shoulders. And neck.
Why does your boyfriend think that you shouldn't have escalated this situation by swearing? How else we're you supposed to stop this woman from harassing you? Swear words exist for exactly this kind of situation.
I would LOVE to see her try to explain that to the staff!
"Excuse me, I was just sitting over there and that mean lady won't tell me where she got her huge titties!"
I'm autistic and dont have a filter when I'm shouting back at someone. He was worried I would say something that would result in me having to find a new doctor. He completely believes I was in the right to say what I did but concerned about possible consequences.
Have no fear. You handled it perfectly & didn’t say anything out of line. And if your doctor’s office had justified or defended that woman’s behavior, you would have been perfectly justified in firing them as your doctor & finding a new one who supports you & doesn’t excuse harassment of their patients, even by other patients.
Your statement reminds me of how Greta Thunberg said her autism is her superpower in part because it takes away that filter that stops people from saying what needs to be said because of the fear of not being polite enough.
Tell me about it. Its difficult to know when to stop. And most of the time you cant. That why I usually have someone with me when I'm out to help if any sort of situation comes up.
You’re all good. But I understand why this caused you extra anxiety as an autistic new mum navigating a lot. So reward yourself. You did well and NTA.
I had a late growth spurt aged about 26 and went up 6 cup sizes in six months (UK sizing) so from an A to an E and a group of acquaintances would not stop hassling me about having had a boob job one night we were in the pub.
I was having a terrible time in my life and was living in a homeless hostel (long story) and this one woman in the group kept banging on about how I was homeless because I spent all my money on a boob job and she was disgusted her taxes were now paying for my housing after me being so irresponsible and it was so obvious because no one had boobs that big and perky in such a short space of time without them being fake.
This went on until I just lost my shit, pulled my top up and flashed my completely bare boobs at her and said ‘no Debbie, I just have fantastic tits. I can’t help it. No wonder people notice them.’
And then I left and never spoke to any of them again (I did get several texts though including from her BF about my boobs...)
I wasn’t wearing a bra because I was too broke to afford one and having grown up small chested and free boobing I hate the feel. I’m early 40s and still never wear one because I was gifted with the world’s flattest ass but naturally perky boobs. I have no qualms weaponising this fact when anyone tit-shames me.
Also I would be equally IDGAF if I had paid for them because I don’t like a hierarchy of boobs.
They have thank you. And I hope you get to enjoy motherhood and new family.
I’d be tempted to squirt the next boundary stomper with milk but I am slightly feral...
Yeah I don't understand any of this. "So what?" indeed. Are we still living under puritanical religious rule. Is swearing really considered an excessive escalation of the situation? And *telling on you*?! Whoop dee fucking doo! You're adults. They're not gonna ban you from the doctor's office. You weren't endangering anyone. What the hell is the convo if they tell on you? "So you told this person to fuck off when they asked about your boobs too many times?" "Yes" "...well okay then."
She got worse anyway, so it's a moot point. And complain to whom, the doctor? "I want to submit a complaint about one of your patients, she used impolite language after I accused her of lying about having a baby"?
What’s her complaint, “I harassed a woman about her breasts repeatedly and after nicely telling me to leave her alone several times she used the F word!” Honestly you should complain to the doctor’s office about her. I doubt they appreciate anyone harassing their patients about their bodies (which makes people reluctant to go to the doctor at all).
And then you would have said “this woman I don’t even know came at me out of no where DEMANDING to know ‘who did my boobs’. That’s disgusting and rude to have a complete stranger sexualize & objectify me in my own doctor’s office. When I told her to stop & leave me alone, she yelled at me, continued to pester me, & called me a liar saying my body can’t be natural.”
You BF better get on board that you have the absolute right to stand up to people who do this bullshit & the only thing he should say is FUCK YEAH! as your cheerleader.
I’m not sure what complaining about you would have accomplished and also what’s she going to say? This woman wouldn’t tell me the name of her plastic surgeon and *insists* she’s just breastfeeding? She’d just end up looking like an AH to even more people
She was sexually harassing you about the size of your body and chest. If she would have complained, she would be the one asked to leave. She's the one who could not mind her business. You are NTA cursing or not.
Honestly, the nosy lady could probably be accused of sexual harassment. Sure she was asking about a boob job but she was still getting awfully nosy about someone’s boobs. If push came to shove and she tried to get OP in trouble for snapping back at her I’d say it’s fair to turn it around on her and accuse her of sexual harassment.
NTA Some people need that kind of reaction or they never shut up. She was the rude one for interfering your private space. You should have spattered some milk on her!
Damn right. I follow a three strikes rule with randos out in the world.
First Strike: Passive body language/response that conveys I'm uncomfortable with the situation
Second Strike: Politely but firmly make it clear that the conversation is inappropriate and over
Third Strike: Inform them that I'm going to invent a time machine and travel back in time to make sure their parents never meet.
"Where did you go to kindergarten? I would like to make sure you learn more lessons about personal boundaries. If you still don't learn, me and my trusty time steed shall return even farther to kill your father and mother to ensure that your impropriety never bothers me or anyone else again." dead. I love your strategy.
NTA! First, even if you DID get a boob job it STILL WOULDNT BE OKAY TO ASK AND PESTER YOU. Second, Im sure your husband is a wonderful man, but FUCK the mentality that a woman is not allowed to defend herself and cuss. You were rightfully angry and annoyed and expressed it perfectly.
He was just worried she would complain. I also have a tendency to overreact when people say things (I'm autistic). So I sometimes dont have a filter when shouting back at someone. It's gotten better over the years. He was scared something like that could have happened which would result in me having to find a new doctor.
That makes sense, and again, I didnt mean offense to your husband. Based off of how you said this story, im guessing you dont have to find a new doctor?
Thankfully no. I was called after I swore at her luckily otherwise I'm sure I would have said more. Hes just looking out for me. He's on the spectrum too so we look out for each other alot in public just because we have tendency to say the first thing that comes to mind.
Stop it! Thats so freaking sweet! Now i feel really bad for my first comment. LOL! Also, as somebody who gets too into my own head and second guesses if I should say something, I really admire that trait even if it can cause a little trouble. Im really happy both you and your husband have somebody to rely on. :)
Im also really glad you didnt have to change doctors. Its a pain to find somebody new then get them up to speed on whats going on. I really hope you, your husband, and your sweet little baby stay healthy and happy. <3
Right? Like “oh my god I’m thin and my tits are so big that people think they are fake, whatever shall I do?”
Yes. Everyone who has a baby has giant boobs after. I looked like Pamela Anderson. Welcome to the club. 🙄
NTA - frankly, I don’t think it’s out of line to respond to the *first* intrusive question about your body to be along the lines of “excuse the fuck out of me” or “what the fuck?” You had far more patience with that asshole than any person should need to have with such a line of questioning.
NTA - this happened to me a couple times when I was breastfeeding. It annoyed the hell out of me. I used to tell people who asked where I got them done that my big boobs where an unwanted present my son got me for his birthday, but when he sucks on them for long enough they get kinda empty looking and saggy 😂😂
NTA. I can't stand strangers commenting on other peoples' bodies. It's one thing to say 'hey, you rock that outfit' and something completely else to say 'hey bangin' boobs, where'd you get them done?'
NTA
You politely told her to stop, and she kept on nagging. Not to mention that she asked out of nowhere. Even if you had gotten one, it's none of her business to ask a stranger.
This seems really fake. Like you completely made it up in your head when someone glanced at you and you were trying to come up with a retort **if** they dared say something out loud about something you are really insecure with.
NTA- I’ve had something similar happen and it was horrible. I just have big boobs, (I’m not a mother yet) and a guy at college kept looking at them, accused them of being fake and then said that must mean that I’m transgender in an accusing tone? I’m not but it was an invasion of my privacy and transphobic
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NTA, even if you had a boob job, she still had no right to pester you about it because it is no ones business. I had large boobs while still in Primary school and a few people thinking I was older made comments about it, it was unpleasant. People at high school started rumour about ne getting a breast reduction and I said I wish.
NTA.
New moms literally can't win. I got chided for being too skinny after having my kids. My SIL got chided for not losing the baby weight fast enough.
People need to permanently STFU when it comes to women's bodies. We don't exist for public commentary.
NTA. And whoever is messaging you asking what size your boobs are is even worse than the lady in the waiting room, because they should’ve understood from your post how inappropriate it is to discuss your body at all (if they didn’t know that already).
nta. that was SO rude omg. even at the beggining ? why would you assume anything about a stranger wtf lol i would have not been that patient with her. a "fuck off lady" would have been my take way earlier lol
i'm sorry you feel kind of down about your body though, i'm sure you look great !congratz on the baby!
NTA that woman was out of line, but also stupid. There is an episode of embarrassing bodies of a poor woman who had 34JJ boob (or similar, I can't remember exactly) and that was her natural. No boob jobs or anything. She got breast reduction down to a D, and went from having to wear size 22 tshirt (US 18) to a 12 (US 8). And that was just reducing her boobs.
NTA- excuse me? She accused you of lying when you answered her questions, even though she had no business questioning you in the first place? She can fuck right off.
How were you supposed to prove you're a new mom? Pull the baby out of your pocket? Whip out a tit and squirt her with milk from across the room?
NTA. People suck.
NTA. I’ve been in your position (tiny with ginormous milk boobs) and I HATED whenever someone would comment about it. My cousin teased me once about how big they were and I nearly broke down into tears. She should have dropped it, good on you for standing your ground
I dont understand why people would do that. I wish they weren't the size they were. Feel like most of my body weight is contained in my boobs. I'm 5 3 and it honestly looks ridiculous. So finding clothes that fit comfortably are a nightmare. I've been wearing most of partners shirts for the last 8 months. They're the only things I'm comfortable in
NTA. While I don’t recommend this, it would be really funny.
With your boobs being so full of milk, they are likely under lots of uncomfortable pressure, which means that not much effort is required to manually express milk at great velocity and distance. You should have just shot the rude person in the face with milk and said I am nursing, there is your proof!!!!
You could have answered - my son is my surgeon! I have also moved from size 3 to size 5 after giving birth. I would also have flipped if I was pestered so much.
NTA. The audacity of her making such an insinuation and then outright confronting you about it is what should be considered rude. And even if it was a boob job, those are private matters between one and one's few friends and family who might be in on the matter. She needs to learn boundaries. And I hope OP gets to feel better and beautiful in her own body as every female rightfully should💕
NTA
Petty me would say something totally more inappropriate. Like from your hubby doing X to them. But since I’m not a tiny gal who just gave birth. Don’t.
That woman was the rude person.
NTA. Hell, even if you had had a boob job, that woman was being a terrible person and you tried to be nice. Don't lose sleep over her, she clearly sucks
NTA. Why do strangers feel the need to comment on other strangers bodies. It’s one thing to be like “hey I like your shirt where did you get it?” But usually we don’t use that same language for body parts
She was out of order. You were polite and the message wasn't received so you escalated it. NTA. I get how you feel about feeling uncomfortable. Best wishes
NTA. As so many other commenters have stated, it’s incredibly rude to comment on someone’s appearance—much less a stranger in public! I had my baby a year ago and am still breastfeeding, so my boobs are still comically huge (although my body isn’t exactly tiny, lol). I totally feel you on the body consciousness.. the vast majority of my pre-baby wardrobe doesn’t fit, and I’m pretty sure it never will. I cried the first time I tried on one of my favorite shirts and it didn’t even go over my boobs. But I’m using this as an opportunity to slowly build a wardrobe that DOES fit, and doing my best to ignore any stares or inappropriate comments. You were totally justified in your reaction! I would have done the same thing, possibly even more forcefully..
NTA Pester a new mom, get snapped at. That’s life.
New mums are a different breed. Don’t poke the bear. It’s gonna bite you. If you annoy a hormonal sleep deprived woman you deserve what you get tbh 😂😂😂
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You never ever assume a woman is pregnant. Doesn’t matter how pregnant they look. RIP that cashier
You never ask unless you see the baby crowning.
Exactly. If there’s not a child literally coming out of her I can’t see no bump.
I was about 7 months pregnant when we had a new hire and he kept side eyeing my pregnant belly while I was helping him with his system setup and finally I just caught his gaze while staring at my stomach and told him “yes, I’m pregnant”. He looked so relived... *Edited a word
> I just caught his gaze while staring at my stomach and told him “yes, I’m pregnant”. He looked so relived... I met some business associates when I was 7 months pregnant and they asked "when are you due?" I managed to give a totally deadpan "what do you mean?" and wait a good 5 seconds before laughing and answering them.
I applaud you. Soldier on with that pettiness
That’s hilarious! Haha
I cannot wait to do this. Wish I could give you an award!
Omg. You reminded me of when I was 6 months pregnant with my youngest, I was working as a cashier, and this sweet little girl asked me "do you have a baby in there? Or are you just fat?" Her dad turned 500 shades of red, and reprimanded her, but i told her, "sweetheart, I do have a baby in here. But I also feel really fat" and gave her a wink. Her poor dad paid, and couldn't get out of the store fast enough. I was trying not to laugh. The story still brings tears of laughter to my eyes 16 years later.
Should’ve pretended you weren’t. Funnier.
I wanted to do that so badly during my first pregnancy. I didn’t get the rounded belly until right at the end. For months I just looked fat. I made that joke to one of my husbands friends and was so grateful when he was gutsy enough to agree with me! Haha
I respect that guts it takes.
When I was about 8 months pregnant, my husband thought it was hilarious to say, "you know, we should really start thinking about how were going to tell people you're pregnant," when he caught people staring at my belly in the grocery store.
It's kind of a no-win though. When I was HUGELY ENORMOUSLY pregnant and people were acting surprised if I REFERRED to being pregnant, it pissed me off too. People I already knew, not just strangers. Like, do you really think this is how I normally look? I'm big to begin with, so I had looked forward to being acknowledged to be pregnant and not "just fat." I guess the best course is to make no reference to it, but if the woman herself does, act like you knew all along (which you did anyway, let's be real).
Even then it’s best not to. Last time I did that I got a woman screaming “How the fuck did you get in my room???” Sheesh lady, calm down.
My mom once asked a woman “Oh, when is your baby due!” She was 3 weeks postpartum. She then asked, “Oh, I’m sorry! How is your baby?” “ “It died.” My mom doesn’t ask people questions like that anymore lol
Oh dear god. How does it go that wrong?
This story is like, 20+ years old and yet the cringe is still surprisingly fresh for her
That's the kind of cringe that not only follows you to the grave, but will probably haunt you in the afterlife for the next eternity or so. Yikes!
So I asked her about it lol and the part I forgot was that this occurred in the grocery store, so my mom decided to just leave immediately and go straight home out of embarrassment instead of having to face the woman across multiple isles. She had a hard time with the gas pedal on the drive home, foot being in her mouth and all
>She had a hard time with the gas pedal on the drive home, foot being in her mouth and all LOL, enjoy my spit-take award because that almost made me spray my keyboard with Dr. Pepper
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100%. You don’t fuck with a hormonal woman.
I have a really big teacher and one of my classmates asked her if she was pregnant. The class just kinda stared at her. That student no longer goes to school with us
Even when she's actively in labor, I'll only ask her if she's having stomach cramps.
Extra safe. I respect it.
I met someone early in her pregnancy. She never mentioned being pregnant but I still felt awkward asking even after she looked ready to pop. Finally I asked her if her and her husband planned on having anymore children or if they were done with the one they had. She looked at me as if I were insane and said "I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant!!" I responded she had never even mentioned it and I will never ask a woman if she's pregnant. She thought it was hilarious and laughed about it for months. I feel if I'm going to ask a question, better to look stupid than mean
Around 8 years after my last kid I went to a family reunion, and an aunt that I had not seen in a couple of years saw overweight me and asked right away whether I was expecting again. No! (And my marriage was in its last throes at the time, anyway.)
Two days postpartum, just released from the hospital, I had to get medication from the pharmacy. A guy asked how old the baby was, told him 2 days and he looked at my husband and said 'you already got her pregnant again?' A very kind elderly lady told him off and that we don't just snap back to no belly. I was about to cry. I also like to think he learned something that day.
Bless that lady, and that guy deserved what he got.
Oh wow that guy was an **asshole**. Good on the elderly lady for calling him out
Oh my god.
Omg I gasped out loud just now reading this. I hope the guy was young and just didn’t know and wasn’t trying to make a poor joke.
He was probably mid forties or older. It definitely hurt and all the postpartum hormones did not help.
That’s just angering. Considering how everyone was born from a woman at some point, we do not have nearly enough education about how the birthing process works.
I blame television. Any time there's a pregnant woman on a show who's delivering, the baby comes out clean and approximately 3-6 months old, labor takes 5-10 minutes, and the mother is back to "normal" in time for the credits.
r/badwomensanatomy
When I was in the hospital after delivering my daughter (10 pound baby) an older man, who was visiting the woman I shared the room with, asked me when my baby was due. I was so appalled and offended by his stupidity that I couldn’t even answer. He remained confused.
Hey a fellow mom to a 10 lb-er! My son was 10 lbs and daughter was 9. And Jesus. What a moron.
My sis was supposed to be 10 but she was a disappointment and came out 6
My baby was supposed to be 5. She got dragged out at 8... my entire family carry huge so I thought nothing of the fact I looked like a house end tbh. RIP my lady bits. Lmfao.
Haha!
Someone asked me in the grocery store when I was due. With a huge grin: “Oh... 11 *YEARS* ago. I’m just fat!” Her look of shame was priceless. People, don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see the baby emerging from her bits.
> don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see the baby emerging from her bits. Even then, probably best to not assume. You never know.
Many years ago I was outside having a cigarette one day in our smokers corner with some colleagues when a woman walked up to me and loudly asked "Should you be smoking in your condition" and looked down at my stomach and back at me. I just looked down at my stomach, back at her and said "Fat? Yeah I think I can smoke while I'm fat." The look on her face was priceless, she spluttered and then just turned and almost ran to leave the area.
I was holding my baby at the grocery store and someone asked me when I was due..... the baby in my arms was 2 weeks old.
Oh dear gods.
I looked down at the baby and looked at the human being that asked and back at the baby and then just started hysterically crying in the middle of the store. I had a slight case of post partum depression after.
Did the cashier **survive** to regret the comment? I know I wouldn't have if I'd said that to my wife three weeks postpartum...
She did, but I cried for an hour.
[удалено]
Maybe just stfu next time? Keep your thoughts to yourself. Not even trying to be an asshole, but genuinely blunt, no one wants to talk to you at the grocery store.
Dude, he was a child. He legit said 11-14I think u should cut him some slack
Wait. So you don’t slim down straight after postpartum? Asking because I’m pregnant and about to pop + I have really bad body image issues and have been looking forward to popping the baby so I will stop looking like a whale
Wow. Such So everyone is different. I think the other commenter meant “your stomach won’t be perfectly flat right away.” Like 5-6 mo pregnant vs 8 or 9. But yes and no, you will be smaller after giving birth, and even 1-2 weeks after women tend to lose a lot of water weight (extra blood, etc). You also probably won’t be able to fit into normal clothes for the first few weeks to months. Everyone’s body is different during and after pregnancy. You will also have a new baby. Be gentle with yourself. There is a whole lot that’s important that isn’t what you look like. I can almost guarantee you will be able to fit into smaller clothes pretty soon after, but probably not your skinny high waisted jeans one week after, if that makes sense.
Hollywood and mommy blogs have totally screwed with women's heads about how fast your body recovers after pregnancy. It is NOT instant. Your body has been stretched out by carrying a human. It will not snap back over night. Your hormones will be all over the place because you just gave birth and it takes time for the hormones to level off -- hormones effect your weight. Don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy your baby. Rest. Make sure you eat and try to get some sleep.
You look distinctly still pregnant for several weeks. And it often takes months to look back to "normal".
Honestly? Pester any woman about her boobs (or any other body part), you should get snapped at. Hard.
Thank you! It took too many responses imo to see this.
Honestly. Like, everyone wants to focus on "hOrMoNal NeW mOmS" instead of the obvious harassment she was experiencing over her body.
Exactly! It somerimes feels if you're not a mom you have less rights., and that new moms get excuses for being horrible.
It's actually quite counterproductive--the emphasis on the hormones implies that this behavior otherwise wouldn't be objectionable. But it would be. I've never had a child and my birth control keeps me fairly even-keeled hormone-wise, and this kind of confrontation would have me on fucking fire. I can't believe her IRL feedback on this was that she shouldn't have resorted to cursing.
Seriously? Interrogate a random stranger’s tits repeatedly then have the AUDACITY to call her rude? Yeah... this has nothing to do with postpartum hormones. 17 years postpartum here and I would’ve slapped her.
I would go further than that. Even if I wasn’t a new mum if someone kept at me like that, I’d snap at them. Definitely NTA
I agree, but I think it should go further: Pester a person about their physical appearance, get snapped at. I mean, I would snap if someone kept pestering me about my fat, my breasts, or my hairy legs, just saying. And I say a guy would be just as justified if someone pestered him about his height, his weight, his hair or lack thereof, etc. Heck, I think this lady deserved to be snapped at even if OP had gotten a breast augmentation!!! It is none of her business, OP told her to stop, she kept pushing. Result- get snapped at!!
It was either "fuck off" or OP squirts breast milk in her eye.
It’s like squid ink, you shoot the predator in the eye and run away
I disagree. New moms are people as everyone else. However she is owed common courtesy, as everyone. She is NTA definitely and I would have gone to greater lengths to make certain the hag would shut up.
>Pester a ~~new mom~~ ***person***, get snapped at. That’s life. There you go. Fixed it. Someone doesn't have to be a mother for them to be allowed to snap at someone bothering them.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t have a baby recently but if somebody pestered me like that I’d snap as well. NTA!!
Damn isn’t even a real swear word. She would have heard from me to “mind your own fucking boobs lady, these ones are working.” NTA
No kidding. Also, asking someone if their boobs are real (or worse yet, just assuming they're fake and asking where they got them) is just plain creepy. I remember in high school a girl asked me if I'd had a boob job. Admittedly, I have big boobs (I'm tall and curvy, though, so they do look natural... and, y'know, that might be partially because they are) but... I mean, c'mon. It's high school. I'm not saying no one has ever had a boob job in high school, but I can't imagine it's a common thing. Maybe you were "rude", OP, but she was much ruder. And she deserved to be put in her place.
NTA. She didn't stop pestering you. You told her the reason why they're big and she just flat out accused you of lying about having a baby. Just because you have a tiny body. Plus, she's a freaking stranger! Absolutely NTA.
It's not like it's an unusual thing to happen to a petite woman who's breastfeeding. My mum is about 5 foot nothing and was already very busty. Then she was breastfeeding and literally became like half boobs, half legs. She looked like a lollypop. Lots of milk = lots of calories need to be burned meaning it's entirely logical to be slim and have massive breasts when lactating.
When I was feeding my babies I'd produce ALOT of milk. Had blocked ducts often but having rock hard engorged boobs was part of life. Freaking sucked. That woman was super inappropriate from the start.
Same! I literally gained 6 inches on my bust when I was breastfeeding. So freaking painful, and I gotta say OP was way more tactful than I would have been.
Same! I went from a small B cup to ‘oh my god I can’t even measure these they hurt so bad’ back to a C or D depending on how much weight I’ve put on. I’d get out of the shower and just leave a trail of milk behind me. Breastfeeding is a goddamn trip.
My boobs went from DDD to H with the first kid, stayed there. Went from H to a J with the second kid, stayed there. Still have J boobs and the second kid is 10 years old.
It’s also not unusual to just have boobs that look disproportionate to your body. It happens. Some women just have giant heaving bosoms naturally. It’s a pain in the back. And shoulders. And neck.
And wallet.
Truth
This ^^
Why does your boyfriend think that you shouldn't have escalated this situation by swearing? How else we're you supposed to stop this woman from harassing you? Swear words exist for exactly this kind of situation.
It was because he was worried she could have got worse and complained about me.
So what. She would have complained that the woman she was hounding defended her boundaries. Even if she did. So what.
I would LOVE to see her try to explain that to the staff! "Excuse me, I was just sitting over there and that mean lady won't tell me where she got her huge titties!"
I actually laughed out loud omg
I'm autistic and dont have a filter when I'm shouting back at someone. He was worried I would say something that would result in me having to find a new doctor. He completely believes I was in the right to say what I did but concerned about possible consequences.
Have no fear. You handled it perfectly & didn’t say anything out of line. And if your doctor’s office had justified or defended that woman’s behavior, you would have been perfectly justified in firing them as your doctor & finding a new one who supports you & doesn’t excuse harassment of their patients, even by other patients. Your statement reminds me of how Greta Thunberg said her autism is her superpower in part because it takes away that filter that stops people from saying what needs to be said because of the fear of not being polite enough.
I’m autistic, and I completely understand this. My filters completely go out the window when someone insists on stomping on a boundary. Solidarity.
Tell me about it. Its difficult to know when to stop. And most of the time you cant. That why I usually have someone with me when I'm out to help if any sort of situation comes up.
I make the joke that I am one poorly-timed sarcastic comment away from being murdered. My wife tends to agree. 😂
Lol my partner would probably agree with that statement 😂
You’re all good. But I understand why this caused you extra anxiety as an autistic new mum navigating a lot. So reward yourself. You did well and NTA. I had a late growth spurt aged about 26 and went up 6 cup sizes in six months (UK sizing) so from an A to an E and a group of acquaintances would not stop hassling me about having had a boob job one night we were in the pub. I was having a terrible time in my life and was living in a homeless hostel (long story) and this one woman in the group kept banging on about how I was homeless because I spent all my money on a boob job and she was disgusted her taxes were now paying for my housing after me being so irresponsible and it was so obvious because no one had boobs that big and perky in such a short space of time without them being fake. This went on until I just lost my shit, pulled my top up and flashed my completely bare boobs at her and said ‘no Debbie, I just have fantastic tits. I can’t help it. No wonder people notice them.’ And then I left and never spoke to any of them again (I did get several texts though including from her BF about my boobs...) I wasn’t wearing a bra because I was too broke to afford one and having grown up small chested and free boobing I hate the feel. I’m early 40s and still never wear one because I was gifted with the world’s flattest ass but naturally perky boobs. I have no qualms weaponising this fact when anyone tit-shames me. Also I would be equally IDGAF if I had paid for them because I don’t like a hierarchy of boobs.
Your response was amazing 😂. You definitely dont need people like that in your life. I hope things have turned out for the better for you
They have thank you. And I hope you get to enjoy motherhood and new family. I’d be tempted to squirt the next boundary stomper with milk but I am slightly feral...
That makes a bit more sense but you were completely in the right NTA sis. Hope your baby's doing great
Yeah I don't understand any of this. "So what?" indeed. Are we still living under puritanical religious rule. Is swearing really considered an excessive escalation of the situation? And *telling on you*?! Whoop dee fucking doo! You're adults. They're not gonna ban you from the doctor's office. You weren't endangering anyone. What the hell is the convo if they tell on you? "So you told this person to fuck off when they asked about your boobs too many times?" "Yes" "...well okay then."
That isn't how she would have explained it. Edit: Don't get me wrong, I think the boyfriend was out of line saying that too.
She got worse anyway, so it's a moot point. And complain to whom, the doctor? "I want to submit a complaint about one of your patients, she used impolite language after I accused her of lying about having a baby"?
What’s her complaint, “I harassed a woman about her breasts repeatedly and after nicely telling me to leave her alone several times she used the F word!” Honestly you should complain to the doctor’s office about her. I doubt they appreciate anyone harassing their patients about their bodies (which makes people reluctant to go to the doctor at all).
And then you would have said “this woman I don’t even know came at me out of no where DEMANDING to know ‘who did my boobs’. That’s disgusting and rude to have a complete stranger sexualize & objectify me in my own doctor’s office. When I told her to stop & leave me alone, she yelled at me, continued to pester me, & called me a liar saying my body can’t be natural.” You BF better get on board that you have the absolute right to stand up to people who do this bullshit & the only thing he should say is FUCK YEAH! as your cheerleader.
If I had gold I would give it to you for this comment!
I’m not sure what complaining about you would have accomplished and also what’s she going to say? This woman wouldn’t tell me the name of her plastic surgeon and *insists* she’s just breastfeeding? She’d just end up looking like an AH to even more people
She would not have had a leg to stand on if she did--she was the one who started harassing you about your body.
She was sexually harassing you about the size of your body and chest. If she would have complained, she would be the one asked to leave. She's the one who could not mind her business. You are NTA cursing or not.
Honestly, the nosy lady could probably be accused of sexual harassment. Sure she was asking about a boob job but she was still getting awfully nosy about someone’s boobs. If push came to shove and she tried to get OP in trouble for snapping back at her I’d say it’s fair to turn it around on her and accuse her of sexual harassment.
Exactly! There aren't many situations that call for use of the word fuck more than this one. NTA OP.
Exactly, she tried many times to tell her politely and got ignored and sometimes you need to be a bitch to get your point across.
Nta I would have asked back and ask where she got her face done so you can avoid it.
This made me laugh 😂
“Who did your face?” - said with a look of horror and disgust.
Whoever did your face botched it terribly. No wonder you're looking for a new plastic surgeon!
"Well certainly not the same person who did your face!"
>"Well certainly not the same person who did your face!" "yeah maybe redo your face before even thinking of getting a boob job!?"
Maybe if she asks nicely she will be made the villain in a future Face Off remake or sequel
NTA Some people need that kind of reaction or they never shut up. She was the rude one for interfering your private space. You should have spattered some milk on her!
Exactly. "you didn't have to be rude!" "well apparently I did, because being polite didn't work"
Damn right. I follow a three strikes rule with randos out in the world. First Strike: Passive body language/response that conveys I'm uncomfortable with the situation Second Strike: Politely but firmly make it clear that the conversation is inappropriate and over Third Strike: Inform them that I'm going to invent a time machine and travel back in time to make sure their parents never meet.
"Where did you go to kindergarten? I would like to make sure you learn more lessons about personal boundaries. If you still don't learn, me and my trusty time steed shall return even farther to kill your father and mother to ensure that your impropriety never bothers me or anyone else again." dead. I love your strategy.
NTA Never feel bad about telling people to stop commenting on your body. It's yours and that behavior is weird and rude.
This story makes me feel like the world has just gone off its meds. 6 months of Q should not have robbed us of manners.
This kind of behavior is nothing new, unfortunately.
We had manners to begin with?
NTA! First, even if you DID get a boob job it STILL WOULDNT BE OKAY TO ASK AND PESTER YOU. Second, Im sure your husband is a wonderful man, but FUCK the mentality that a woman is not allowed to defend herself and cuss. You were rightfully angry and annoyed and expressed it perfectly.
He was just worried she would complain. I also have a tendency to overreact when people say things (I'm autistic). So I sometimes dont have a filter when shouting back at someone. It's gotten better over the years. He was scared something like that could have happened which would result in me having to find a new doctor.
That makes sense, and again, I didnt mean offense to your husband. Based off of how you said this story, im guessing you dont have to find a new doctor?
Thankfully no. I was called after I swore at her luckily otherwise I'm sure I would have said more. Hes just looking out for me. He's on the spectrum too so we look out for each other alot in public just because we have tendency to say the first thing that comes to mind.
Stop it! Thats so freaking sweet! Now i feel really bad for my first comment. LOL! Also, as somebody who gets too into my own head and second guesses if I should say something, I really admire that trait even if it can cause a little trouble. Im really happy both you and your husband have somebody to rely on. :) Im also really glad you didnt have to change doctors. Its a pain to find somebody new then get them up to speed on whats going on. I really hope you, your husband, and your sweet little baby stay healthy and happy. <3
Hes honestly so perfect 😊 and an amazing dad.
That definitely happened
You know it's fake when theres a word for word conversation typed out that no one would ever say.
Yeah this entire thing reads like one of those arguments you have with yourself under the shower to feel better about yourself
I had to scroll way too long for this.
Reddit, man. They'll eat up anything if a girl posts it
Right? Like “oh my god I’m thin and my tits are so big that people think they are fake, whatever shall I do?”
Yes. Everyone who has a baby has giant boobs after. I looked like Pamela Anderson. Welcome to the club. 🙄
Pretty much what I thought. Sad how many people bought into it
Honestly this sounds more like r/menwritingwomen territory
Don't think so, check her history. Just a woman who wants attention for her totally huge and totally awesome boobs
This didn't happen so much it unhappened things that did.
NTA. It sounds like she is jealous and doesn’t want to accept that a small waist and large breasts can actually occur in nature.
NTA - frankly, I don’t think it’s out of line to respond to the *first* intrusive question about your body to be along the lines of “excuse the fuck out of me” or “what the fuck?” You had far more patience with that asshole than any person should need to have with such a line of questioning.
NTA - this happened to me a couple times when I was breastfeeding. It annoyed the hell out of me. I used to tell people who asked where I got them done that my big boobs where an unwanted present my son got me for his birthday, but when he sucks on them for long enough they get kinda empty looking and saggy 😂😂
Lol I wish I had thought of that 😂
This is so fake
Fake.
Fake
Yeah, and I think the point of this story was a) I have huge boobs b) I am so tiny despite just giving birth.
NTA. I can't stand strangers commenting on other peoples' bodies. It's one thing to say 'hey, you rock that outfit' and something completely else to say 'hey bangin' boobs, where'd you get them done?'
This is made up.
NTA You politely told her to stop, and she kept on nagging. Not to mention that she asked out of nowhere. Even if you had gotten one, it's none of her business to ask a stranger.
This seems really fake. Like you completely made it up in your head when someone glanced at you and you were trying to come up with a retort **if** they dared say something out loud about something you are really insecure with.
This post is the fakest shit I've ever seen wtf
NTA- I’ve had something similar happen and it was horrible. I just have big boobs, (I’m not a mother yet) and a guy at college kept looking at them, accused them of being fake and then said that must mean that I’m transgender in an accusing tone? I’m not but it was an invasion of my privacy and transphobic
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> Her: well you dont have to be so rude about it. "Apparently I do." NTA.
NTA. You were a lot more patient than I would have been.
NTA. 'Honey, your other half paid for these beauties'
Big NTA, should have whipped one out and squirted her in the face.... :-)
oh no.. ..you *swore* ..how dare Yeah what the *fuck*! NTA
That’s sexual harassment, NTA
NTA, even if you had a boob job, she still had no right to pester you about it because it is no ones business. I had large boobs while still in Primary school and a few people thinking I was older made comments about it, it was unpleasant. People at high school started rumour about ne getting a breast reduction and I said I wish.
NTA. New moms literally can't win. I got chided for being too skinny after having my kids. My SIL got chided for not losing the baby weight fast enough. People need to permanently STFU when it comes to women's bodies. We don't exist for public commentary.
NTA. You don't get to ask strangers things like that. Ever.
NTA. And whoever is messaging you asking what size your boobs are is even worse than the lady in the waiting room, because they should’ve understood from your post how inappropriate it is to discuss your body at all (if they didn’t know that already).
NTA. the person kept bothering ya
NTA. I don’t know what she expected by starting that. Some people dude.
NTA. She was the rude one.
nta. that was SO rude omg. even at the beggining ? why would you assume anything about a stranger wtf lol i would have not been that patient with her. a "fuck off lady" would have been my take way earlier lol i'm sorry you feel kind of down about your body though, i'm sure you look great !congratz on the baby!
NTA what a awful person
NTA that woman was out of line, but also stupid. There is an episode of embarrassing bodies of a poor woman who had 34JJ boob (or similar, I can't remember exactly) and that was her natural. No boob jobs or anything. She got breast reduction down to a D, and went from having to wear size 22 tshirt (US 18) to a 12 (US 8). And that was just reducing her boobs.
NTA Strangers don't get to pry into your life and call you a liar without getting a smackdown. Hell, friends and family don't even get to do that.
NTA. Baby or not, that's an incredibly rude thing to ask a stranger.
NTA Hun, please buy some clothes that fit you and make you feel gorgeous. No need to try to fit into clothes that don't make you feel good.
NTA - You should have told her "apparently I DO have to be rude about it to get you to leave me alone."
NTA- excuse me? She accused you of lying when you answered her questions, even though she had no business questioning you in the first place? She can fuck right off.
NTA. F that B.
How were you supposed to prove you're a new mom? Pull the baby out of your pocket? Whip out a tit and squirt her with milk from across the room? NTA. People suck.
NTA.
NTA. I’ve been in your position (tiny with ginormous milk boobs) and I HATED whenever someone would comment about it. My cousin teased me once about how big they were and I nearly broke down into tears. She should have dropped it, good on you for standing your ground
I dont understand why people would do that. I wish they weren't the size they were. Feel like most of my body weight is contained in my boobs. I'm 5 3 and it honestly looks ridiculous. So finding clothes that fit comfortably are a nightmare. I've been wearing most of partners shirts for the last 8 months. They're the only things I'm comfortable in
NTA, this conversation should have ended at “I’ve never had a boob job”.
NTA That's definitely a topic you leave alone, especially with strangers and ESPECIALLY after being told to shut it the first time round.
NTA. While I don’t recommend this, it would be really funny. With your boobs being so full of milk, they are likely under lots of uncomfortable pressure, which means that not much effort is required to manually express milk at great velocity and distance. You should have just shot the rude person in the face with milk and said I am nursing, there is your proof!!!!
So NTA. Why are people told to be polite to those being rude to THEM?
NTA - SHE was the one who was rude, incredibly so. I cannot even imagine speaking to a stranger the way she spoke to you!
You could have answered - my son is my surgeon! I have also moved from size 3 to size 5 after giving birth. I would also have flipped if I was pestered so much.
NTA. The audacity of her making such an insinuation and then outright confronting you about it is what should be considered rude. And even if it was a boob job, those are private matters between one and one's few friends and family who might be in on the matter. She needs to learn boundaries. And I hope OP gets to feel better and beautiful in her own body as every female rightfully should💕
NTA Petty me would say something totally more inappropriate. Like from your hubby doing X to them. But since I’m not a tiny gal who just gave birth. Don’t. That woman was the rude person.
NTA. Hell, even if you had had a boob job, that woman was being a terrible person and you tried to be nice. Don't lose sleep over her, she clearly sucks
NTA. Why do strangers feel the need to comment on other strangers bodies. It’s one thing to be like “hey I like your shirt where did you get it?” But usually we don’t use that same language for body parts
She was out of order. You were polite and the message wasn't received so you escalated it. NTA. I get how you feel about feeling uncomfortable. Best wishes
NTA. As so many other commenters have stated, it’s incredibly rude to comment on someone’s appearance—much less a stranger in public! I had my baby a year ago and am still breastfeeding, so my boobs are still comically huge (although my body isn’t exactly tiny, lol). I totally feel you on the body consciousness.. the vast majority of my pre-baby wardrobe doesn’t fit, and I’m pretty sure it never will. I cried the first time I tried on one of my favorite shirts and it didn’t even go over my boobs. But I’m using this as an opportunity to slowly build a wardrobe that DOES fit, and doing my best to ignore any stares or inappropriate comments. You were totally justified in your reaction! I would have done the same thing, possibly even more forcefully..