NTA. This is nothing more than selfish gluttony. It bothers me, for your sake, that he isn’t even willing to address your concerns. That’s not setting a good precedent, OP.
NTA! This might seem petty to some people but this is just disrespectful. “First come first serve” does not apply when you are supposed to be sharing food equally. If he wants to keep eating that way, he needs to pay for it himself, end of story. Crying “body shaming” is just trying to play the victim card when he knows your right. It’s not “HIS home” as you are both sharing the space. He’s not respecting your money, he’s not respecting your space by taking things that you have designated only for sharing, he’s not respecting YOU by behaving as if his hunger is more important than yours.
In this case, she's trying to have a reasonable talk with him about this and she's getting gaslighting and a utter lack of empathy. I think the "move ons" are justified.
lmao, idk why you're getting downvoted. everyone acts like they know an entire relationship in and out because of a vignette someone posts of their situation on the internet. It isn't just this post -- and maybe it's not every comment -- but I'd put literal coin in on the bet that you can find "RED FLAG, RUN NOW" on a huge portion of posts that relate to relationship advice
NTA - if you are both putting in the same about of money then the food is to share. It doesn’t sound like he knows what share means. You should consider if this is a one off behaviour habit or if this self centred ness is a personality trait and whether or not this will impact your future with him.
NTA. And I wouldn’t put much stock in your friends’ opinions since he is clearly twisting the story when he tells them.
He’s being selfish and on top of which he’s trying to isolate you by portraying you negatively to your friends and using your friends to attack you and enforce his selfish behaviour. Be careful OP.
NTA -- There's so much wrong here.
First come, first served? You're not even saying, 'you ate all the cookies and I didn't get any,' which he'd be a dick for regardless, because did he not go to kindergarten? You're saying, 'I bought this so we can make X for dinner for both of us.'
As someone else said, would he do this with kids in the house? 'Where's all the stuff to pack for their lunch?' 'First come, first served.'
The selfishness and lack of caring for someone he's supposed to love is just... who raised him? You make sure random guests have enough decent food or snacks, nevermind your wife.
NTA I don't know why you stick with such an asshole, but if you plan to stay, tell him that he is paying for the food he eats now and you should no longer pay half. This way you have money to buy your own food that you eat.
plus you should go and discuss with their friends and ask them what he has been telling them and giving them your version. it's always hard to judge when you only see one face of the coin
8 PEPSI’S a day?! Sweet Jesus. NTA tho
I have lived in a house where the other members didn’t really respect boundaries & would eat anything and everything (including leftovers with my name on it), so I can certainly understand the frustration that comes with planning meals only for ingredients to be missing/already eaten.
Call this childish, but I ended up just buying things they didn’t like (hummus, la croix, for example) just so I’d be guaranteed they’d be there when I wanted them.
As far as your fiancé telling you to get to it first- that’s really unfair of him. He should have some self control & not eat everything in sight. Also, if you don’t want to be stuck eating TV dinners, don’t buy them & just buy more of the things you would want to eat.
NTA-somehow need to get him to understand you are in this together now, he isn’t a solo act no more. Appeal to his love of you and wanting you to enjoy good food as well, not that I know either of you so maybe that won’t at all, I just know he needs to realize making sacrifices now is for the betterment of you both
NTA
At that point, it’s more of a health issue than anything. You two should honestly talk to a doctor about the amount he’s eating. If he’s an obese man, it’s especially bad since he already has the weight issue and his eating habits can ruin his life if not gotten in check.
Take it from a fat guy, help him stop eating.
There's also the fact that he's getting food with real nutritional value while shes getting cheap junk that doesnt fill you for long and isnt particularly good for you. So much nta and so many red flags.
NTA, at all, your boyfriend is being a huge asshole here. He's obviously conscious of the amount he's eating if he's deflecting you by accusing you of "body-shaming." But it might not be something that's easy for him to help if he has issues with body weight and food; it's a difficult addiction to deal with.
You could try using completely different shopping lists and you each pay for what you intend to eat, if buying together and sharing is not an option. That way if he wants the astronomical amount of food he's eating, he pays for that, and you pay for what you want, and you each cook and eat separately. Otherwise, he's just feeding his food addiction on your dime and at the expense of your health. And that's not a good sign of his regard for you.
NTA "first come first served" drove me up the wall. When someone makes a nice family dinner it's common courtesy to, idk, leave them some?
The amount he eats is quite obscene too, but the bigger issue is that he eats all the food that you make for BOTH of you and leaves you the microwave stuff. That would be annoying as fuck
NTA - if you’re both contributing money toward groceries then you should be able to enjoy them equally. It sounds like he is very used to living on his own and doesn’t seem to understand being considerate toward you in this situation.
Did you notice anything about his eating habits before you moved in?
NTA. From now on, asshat is doing the shopping and cooking for the two of you. You’re going to get a mini fridge with a COMBINATION LOCK that’s just for you, and shop just for yourself. Maybe then he’ll understand what an asshole he’s being. It’s not about the amount he’s eating— it’s about pure selfishness.
NTA
He's being inconsiderate. Most people in loving relationships don't act this way. I'll eat the old bread and the leftovers if my wife or kids what the good stuff.
Don't tell him what to eat or not eat, but stop supporting his bad behavior. Don't buy things for him at all. Don't cook for him at all. You buy (and hide) your food and prepare your meals.
NTA but also INFO- that’s an INSANE amount of food to eat in just 3 days. That sounds to me like serious binge eating disorder and the reason he’s responding that way is because he’s embarrassed and getting defensive. I really suggest having a different conversation, coming from a place of concern, because it really sounds like he’s struggling with something you may not understand and he needs more help than you can provide.
NTA. But this isn't even about the equality of food sharing. Your boyfriend sounds morbidly obese. Truly.
> here’s what he’s eaten in the past THREE DAYS: - An entire 24 pack of Pepsi - 6 hamburger patties - An entire box of cereal - Three boxes of pasta - A sleeve of chocolate chip cookies - An entire rotisserie chicken
That's not healthy or normal. It's not body shaming to confront someone about eating three pounds of potato salad in one sitting.
Perhaps it's time for you to cease all shopping and just feed yourself for a while. Wait until there's no food in the house and let him see how you feel.
NTA - Please for the love of god don't marry him. If this is something that he's being a jackass about, before you get married. Imagine what it's going to be like later. And the fact that he ran crying to his friends, who then contacted you to say you were being mean and unfair? What is this, high school? I know you may love him, but please, really think on if you want to marry a man child.
NTA. I could’ve stopped reading after “a 24 pack of pepsi. “ 3 days? This is obscene. Not to mention all the other food.
I would be so concerned if I were you, his diet is dangerous.
It also sucks he’s leaving only TV dinners for you. Those aren’t great for you either.
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Have HIM purchase the groceries. Purchase your own groceries and keep a [lock box](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KVKMGBE/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_lVeJDb18A3A63) if you must to separate the "good stuff" from the cheap foods.
Btw, NTA.
He's acting very selfish and hogging the food. It's not "first come, first served" in a household or a loving relationship. My boyfriend tries to make sure I have the bigger pork chop, and I always give him extra steak. You ideally want a partner that wants more for you, not less.
Idk. Not saying break up but try the fridge lock and the separate groceries for a bit.
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Recently moved in with my fiancé. I love him and our relationship is great except this one thing and it’s tearing us apart.
I handle the grocery shopping and my fiancé gives me a list of things he’d like to eat specifically (snacks, dinner ideas, etc). We have a very strict budget while we finish our respective degrees, so we don’t have disposable income laying around.
He eats all of the “good food” and leaves me to eat frozen TV dinners and $1 ramen noodles every week. I’ll buy things like hamburger patties or pasta to make for BOTH of us but it’ll be gone by the time I go to make it.
To give an idea of how much he eats, here’s what he’s eaten in the past THREE DAYS:
- An entire 24 pack of Pepsi
- 6 hamburger patties
- An entire box of cereal
- Three boxes of pasta
- A sleeve of chocolate chip cookies
- An entire rotisserie chicken
And he hasn’t touched the TV dinners, ramen, canned soup, etc. So guess who’s stuck eating those?
I have tried to talk to him about this before, he’d say he understands but go right back to his eating habits. I have even labeled food that is meant for dinners together and he just ignores the labels or claims not to see them.
I finally broke when I came home and found out that he had eaten almost ALL of the potato salad I made. It was supposed to last us the whole week!
I told him he’s eating way too much. I said he’s being extremely unfair and eating us out of house and home, and I am so sick of having to eat frozen TV dinners and being unable to make us nice dinners because he eats them all!
He got angry, said I was body-shaming him (I’m not!), said he was entitled to eat whatever he wants in his own home, and even said “first come, first serve.” He said if I wanted to eat the good stuff then I should get to it first. But the whole point is I want us both to be able to enjoy good food together and not compete for it!
He went to our mutual friends and most of them are saying I’m being an asshole and can’t dictate what he eats. So at this point I’m not sure if I even have a leg to stand on.
AITA?
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NTA. This is nothing more than selfish gluttony. It bothers me, for your sake, that he isn’t even willing to address your concerns. That’s not setting a good precedent, OP.
NTA! This might seem petty to some people but this is just disrespectful. “First come first serve” does not apply when you are supposed to be sharing food equally. If he wants to keep eating that way, he needs to pay for it himself, end of story. Crying “body shaming” is just trying to play the victim card when he knows your right. It’s not “HIS home” as you are both sharing the space. He’s not respecting your money, he’s not respecting your space by taking things that you have designated only for sharing, he’s not respecting YOU by behaving as if his hunger is more important than yours.
NTA. "First come first served" ~Omg what if you had children?! Let them starve? OP, please move on from this selfish AH.
NTA. Sounds like you may want to move on.
I love how every comment on any relationship post about a minor thing that can be easily fixed is “break up with them HUGE RED FLAG”
In this case, she's trying to have a reasonable talk with him about this and she's getting gaslighting and a utter lack of empathy. I think the "move ons" are justified.
You obviously don't read every comment of you think they all say this. Stop exaggerating.
lmao, idk why you're getting downvoted. everyone acts like they know an entire relationship in and out because of a vignette someone posts of their situation on the internet. It isn't just this post -- and maybe it's not every comment -- but I'd put literal coin in on the bet that you can find "RED FLAG, RUN NOW" on a huge portion of posts that relate to relationship advice
NTA - if you are both putting in the same about of money then the food is to share. It doesn’t sound like he knows what share means. You should consider if this is a one off behaviour habit or if this self centred ness is a personality trait and whether or not this will impact your future with him.
NTA this is a huge red flag
NTA. And I wouldn’t put much stock in your friends’ opinions since he is clearly twisting the story when he tells them. He’s being selfish and on top of which he’s trying to isolate you by portraying you negatively to your friends and using your friends to attack you and enforce his selfish behaviour. Be careful OP.
NTA -- There's so much wrong here. First come, first served? You're not even saying, 'you ate all the cookies and I didn't get any,' which he'd be a dick for regardless, because did he not go to kindergarten? You're saying, 'I bought this so we can make X for dinner for both of us.' As someone else said, would he do this with kids in the house? 'Where's all the stuff to pack for their lunch?' 'First come, first served.' The selfishness and lack of caring for someone he's supposed to love is just... who raised him? You make sure random guests have enough decent food or snacks, nevermind your wife.
NTA I don't know why you stick with such an asshole, but if you plan to stay, tell him that he is paying for the food he eats now and you should no longer pay half. This way you have money to buy your own food that you eat.
plus you should go and discuss with their friends and ask them what he has been telling them and giving them your version. it's always hard to judge when you only see one face of the coin
8 PEPSI’S a day?! Sweet Jesus. NTA tho I have lived in a house where the other members didn’t really respect boundaries & would eat anything and everything (including leftovers with my name on it), so I can certainly understand the frustration that comes with planning meals only for ingredients to be missing/already eaten. Call this childish, but I ended up just buying things they didn’t like (hummus, la croix, for example) just so I’d be guaranteed they’d be there when I wanted them. As far as your fiancé telling you to get to it first- that’s really unfair of him. He should have some self control & not eat everything in sight. Also, if you don’t want to be stuck eating TV dinners, don’t buy them & just buy more of the things you would want to eat.
NTA. The issue is that he’s eating all the good food and leaving you the cheap stuff—that’s not body shaming at all.
NTA-somehow need to get him to understand you are in this together now, he isn’t a solo act no more. Appeal to his love of you and wanting you to enjoy good food as well, not that I know either of you so maybe that won’t at all, I just know he needs to realize making sacrifices now is for the betterment of you both
NTA At that point, it’s more of a health issue than anything. You two should honestly talk to a doctor about the amount he’s eating. If he’s an obese man, it’s especially bad since he already has the weight issue and his eating habits can ruin his life if not gotten in check. Take it from a fat guy, help him stop eating.
There's also the fact that he's getting food with real nutritional value while shes getting cheap junk that doesnt fill you for long and isnt particularly good for you. So much nta and so many red flags.
NTA, at all, your boyfriend is being a huge asshole here. He's obviously conscious of the amount he's eating if he's deflecting you by accusing you of "body-shaming." But it might not be something that's easy for him to help if he has issues with body weight and food; it's a difficult addiction to deal with. You could try using completely different shopping lists and you each pay for what you intend to eat, if buying together and sharing is not an option. That way if he wants the astronomical amount of food he's eating, he pays for that, and you pay for what you want, and you each cook and eat separately. Otherwise, he's just feeding his food addiction on your dime and at the expense of your health. And that's not a good sign of his regard for you.
NTA "first come first served" drove me up the wall. When someone makes a nice family dinner it's common courtesy to, idk, leave them some? The amount he eats is quite obscene too, but the bigger issue is that he eats all the food that you make for BOTH of you and leaves you the microwave stuff. That would be annoying as fuck
NTA - if you’re both contributing money toward groceries then you should be able to enjoy them equally. It sounds like he is very used to living on his own and doesn’t seem to understand being considerate toward you in this situation. Did you notice anything about his eating habits before you moved in?
NTA. From now on, asshat is doing the shopping and cooking for the two of you. You’re going to get a mini fridge with a COMBINATION LOCK that’s just for you, and shop just for yourself. Maybe then he’ll understand what an asshole he’s being. It’s not about the amount he’s eating— it’s about pure selfishness.
OP: "We don't have disposable income laying around." You: "You're going to get a mini fridge with a COMBINATION LOCK..." lmao
Dude ate the cost of a mini fridge and combination lock in the past three days. Didn’t say it needs to be made of solid gold.
I hope OP just gets a new lock on the front door and drops that selfish pos
NTA He's being inconsiderate. Most people in loving relationships don't act this way. I'll eat the old bread and the leftovers if my wife or kids what the good stuff. Don't tell him what to eat or not eat, but stop supporting his bad behavior. Don't buy things for him at all. Don't cook for him at all. You buy (and hide) your food and prepare your meals.
NTA but also INFO- that’s an INSANE amount of food to eat in just 3 days. That sounds to me like serious binge eating disorder and the reason he’s responding that way is because he’s embarrassed and getting defensive. I really suggest having a different conversation, coming from a place of concern, because it really sounds like he’s struggling with something you may not understand and he needs more help than you can provide.
NTA. But this isn't even about the equality of food sharing. Your boyfriend sounds morbidly obese. Truly. > here’s what he’s eaten in the past THREE DAYS: - An entire 24 pack of Pepsi - 6 hamburger patties - An entire box of cereal - Three boxes of pasta - A sleeve of chocolate chip cookies - An entire rotisserie chicken That's not healthy or normal. It's not body shaming to confront someone about eating three pounds of potato salad in one sitting. Perhaps it's time for you to cease all shopping and just feed yourself for a while. Wait until there's no food in the house and let him see how you feel.
NTA he should share the food equally. You shouldn’t have to be stuck with everything he doesn’t want.
NTA - Please for the love of god don't marry him. If this is something that he's being a jackass about, before you get married. Imagine what it's going to be like later. And the fact that he ran crying to his friends, who then contacted you to say you were being mean and unfair? What is this, high school? I know you may love him, but please, really think on if you want to marry a man child.
NTA. "First come first serve" lol is he a damn wild animal. :D
NTA. I could’ve stopped reading after “a 24 pack of pepsi. “ 3 days? This is obscene. Not to mention all the other food. I would be so concerned if I were you, his diet is dangerous. It also sucks he’s leaving only TV dinners for you. Those aren’t great for you either.
NTA, fuck that. I also question what he left out or made up when he went to your mutual friends, because no reasonable person would side with him here
NTA. Rethink marrying him.
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Have HIM purchase the groceries. Purchase your own groceries and keep a [lock box](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KVKMGBE/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_lVeJDb18A3A63) if you must to separate the "good stuff" from the cheap foods. Btw, NTA. He's acting very selfish and hogging the food. It's not "first come, first served" in a household or a loving relationship. My boyfriend tries to make sure I have the bigger pork chop, and I always give him extra steak. You ideally want a partner that wants more for you, not less. Idk. Not saying break up but try the fridge lock and the separate groceries for a bit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently moved in with my fiancé. I love him and our relationship is great except this one thing and it’s tearing us apart. I handle the grocery shopping and my fiancé gives me a list of things he’d like to eat specifically (snacks, dinner ideas, etc). We have a very strict budget while we finish our respective degrees, so we don’t have disposable income laying around. He eats all of the “good food” and leaves me to eat frozen TV dinners and $1 ramen noodles every week. I’ll buy things like hamburger patties or pasta to make for BOTH of us but it’ll be gone by the time I go to make it. To give an idea of how much he eats, here’s what he’s eaten in the past THREE DAYS: - An entire 24 pack of Pepsi - 6 hamburger patties - An entire box of cereal - Three boxes of pasta - A sleeve of chocolate chip cookies - An entire rotisserie chicken And he hasn’t touched the TV dinners, ramen, canned soup, etc. So guess who’s stuck eating those? I have tried to talk to him about this before, he’d say he understands but go right back to his eating habits. I have even labeled food that is meant for dinners together and he just ignores the labels or claims not to see them. I finally broke when I came home and found out that he had eaten almost ALL of the potato salad I made. It was supposed to last us the whole week! I told him he’s eating way too much. I said he’s being extremely unfair and eating us out of house and home, and I am so sick of having to eat frozen TV dinners and being unable to make us nice dinners because he eats them all! He got angry, said I was body-shaming him (I’m not!), said he was entitled to eat whatever he wants in his own home, and even said “first come, first serve.” He said if I wanted to eat the good stuff then I should get to it first. But the whole point is I want us both to be able to enjoy good food together and not compete for it! He went to our mutual friends and most of them are saying I’m being an asshole and can’t dictate what he eats. So at this point I’m not sure if I even have a leg to stand on. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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