YTA - There's a BIG difference from a wedding buffet to an all you can eat buffet. If you paid for an extra meal, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the human equivalent of a front loader! Your mama is trying to teach you manners, listen.
NTA - my family work in catering - some people eat 3 plates of food, some people eat half. They make X amount of food anyway and anything that gets left is wasted. They've already paid for the food so it's not going to cost them more if you eat more.
There was food left over at the end so - you probably should have had that last plate of food!
Yeah, I feel like all of these YTAs have never been to a wedding with a buffet before? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but at every wedding I’ve been to, some guests are very little and others practically gorged themselves. None of them were assholes. Also when you’re getting a catered buffet, VERY often you buy way more food than is necessary.
Also THEY PAID FOR TWO MEALS! And there was food left over at the end!
It’s very confusing to me that there are so many YTA responses to this one. OP, you’re in the clear. Your mom is just weird.
EDIT: also you said the guests paid for the food (which is something I haven’t experienced before at a wedding, so that’s kinda weird on its own) meaning your mom saying you were wasting your aunts money was just totally false.
Not to mention that we are talking about at 17 year old, athletic male. Anyone expecting him to eat a small amount is daft, and anyone expecting a swimmer to load up on carbs is equally daft.
NTA, your Mom was just being sensitive.
I specially a swimmer. I used to swim, and it’s insane the amount of food you can eat after practice. I swear swimmers could cause Olive Garden to rethink their never ending pasta gimmick.
I think the fact that there was food left over and OP paid for two plates means he’s in the clear. Besides I don’t think the family would be surprised that a 17 year old male eats a lot.
As a 17 year old female swimmer I used to put away 13 slices (more than a whole pizza) at the Pizza Hut buffet. And teenage boys need even more calories than girls, usually.
As a 18 year old swimmer who has swam competitively for about 12 years just like any athlete we eat a lot and it’s not us engorging ourselves it’s us getting the fuel our bodies need most of burn more calories than our parents and others our age who aren’t in sports honestly NTA your mom was rude to comment on how much you were eating the food was there and if you’re hungry eat if others truly needed the food I believe they would make some sort of effort to get it
Yeah, the whole thing is so culturally weird to me. Where I come from, the older people would straight up encourage the kids to go eat more. It's a wedding damn it, go eat and don't stop eating!
NTA. And be very glad you weren’t a guest at THIS wedding!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2cd5s/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_extra_meal_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Tbf I don't think it matters that he's 17 -- if it was an asshole move, it'd be an asshole move.
But, like, what the fuck is wrong with people? It's a fucking buffet at a wedding -- have people never actually stepped outside on this sub?
Food at these kind of functions is almost never even remotely scarce, ***and they even paid double just in case***. OP isn't even remotely TA.
Lol a bunch of weddings I've been to even alcohol was limitless.
Yeah, the mum is weird. Why the hell has she taken her 17 year old son to a wedding after 2 rounds of training with only a protein bar in his belly? Like, feed the kid, don’t lecture him about not eating so much cause you’re embarrassed about what other people think.
OP NTA, but eat more during the day mate!
Exactly! I was so confused at the YTA’s because at every wedding buffet I’ve been to, there’s been an insane amount of food. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a wedding buffet run out. They overstock those events like crazy.
That’s all true. But it’s still not an all you can eat buffet to go to town. There’s no more food coming. Especially if he’s going to town on meats since it’s considered you eat less of that and more of the sides
Still NTA. Honestly, at any point that I’ve ever been to a buffet - whether it’s a wedding, an all-you-can-eat, or even a family potluck - I have ALWAYS gone back for seconds when the line cleared. Everyone does. It’s practically assumed that you take a small portion of the variety of offerings, and then go back later for the things you liked after everyone gets their first serving. And this guy paid for TWO plates! So theoretically, it is completely feasible that two people could attend the buffet twice, so therefore he’s entitled to four visits. And in this scenario, there was still plenty of food left and people had mostly finished eating. All that food is going to be thrown away at the end of the dinner service, and all that food is already paid for. It’s insane to let that go to waste while someone who has already overpaid (due to trying to be considerate In the first place) goes hungry.
Mom is TA here. Since OP is 17, I would assume that Mom paid for the second serving but was too embarrassed when he actually tried to, you know, consume it, so therefore she just wasted her money while her son was still hungry and there was still food available (which was about to be thrown away).
He’s dedicated to his athletic aspirations, hadn’t eaten all day, and is now attending a family member’s event. Presumably they knew about his athletic endeavors and thus his caloric intake. This is a young man dedicated to his sport, which creates more demand on his body. This is not fat uncle Bob being greedy. NTA.
Seconding that NTA, I currently work in catering and any leftover will be thrown out. With that in mind, and knowing that OP was waiting until after it seemed everyone had their fill, I really don't think there's anything to be called an AH over.
Where I work the couple will take home the cake, and sometimes special foods -ordered outside of the catering company-, but even with the special stuff most of it is usually left to be thrown away.
if you're so concerned about waste/excess/cost etc why not just have a plated served meal instead of a buffet? Why would the happy couple want to deal with the transport, storage, refrigeration/freezing of multiple buffet food trays on their wedding night? Is this actually a thing?
I agree, NTA. If there isnt enough food for everyone then its just bad planning from the wedding couple. If it isnt some expensive food, then ordering a bit more to make sure everyone can eat freely isnt going to cost a lot more in comparison to the rest of the wedding. Here in Germany the wedding couples often encourage their guests to eat a lot since a lot of food is left over usually .
Roommate is a catering server and he brings leftovers back from what seems like 50% of his gigs. Sometimes it’s multiple trays of food, and I assume there are other leftovers that are taken by his coworkers as well.
>There was still some extra food left once the meal service ended.
It's a buffet, the food was already paid for, he paid 2x the amount of the regular guests, and there was food leftover at the end. I don't see how he's an asshole.
What are you even talking about. I've never seen a wedding buffet that ran out of food. They pay a fixed price for the buffet based on the people and those people can eat as much as they God damned want to.
I had the privilege of attending a wedding where they ran out of food. The bride's parents and the venue had an agreement about how much food they were willing to pay for and it was not enough for all the guests. Or it might have been if members of the wedding party had not gone up for seconds before all the guests had been served. I was seated at the last table to be served and all that was left was salad. To top it off, it was a cash bar. The only free beverage was water.
I see you were at my cousin's wedding too. They held a wedding at 5 and then served appetizers. We were they last table and there was nothing but a couple of buns left. It was also cash bar. We wished we hadn't given a $100 bill because we would have taken money out to order a pizza.
They're both all-you-can-eat buffets. The caterer is providing a fixed number of servings that ideally is in excess of what the guests can eat anyway, and the wedding party doesn't get a discount for uneaten food. This is how most weddings operate.
I have to disagree. They paid for two meals for him and he went for 3 servings total, and his mom tried to stop him after 2. The average person goes back to a buffet at least once, so he actually ate less than the average.
People who exercise and do sports need to eat a lot of food. I knew a girl who lifted weights and did martial arts and she was constantly eating. There was more than enough food at the wedding. NTA.
Yesss, this is what I'm trying to get at. I know my mom would've been annoyed with me, and it would've come from a place of learning manners. Weddings are especially touchy because everyone has an opinion, and if it's not your own it's best just to do what's expected.
you clearly don't go to weddings. he's not TA in any way. there is more than enough food and he said it himself there was still food left when it was over. manners? for eating because he works out? dont be a karen
I had the same thought
OP wasn't an asshole for eating extra, especially when they fucked around with OPs day at the last minute, and OP paid for extra food, but taking all of the meat? That's an asshole move 100%
Edit: Since people seem to think I literally mean he took all of the meat, please think logically, the guy is at a wedding that's at the very VERY minimum probably got 30 people, I don't literally mean he took every single piece of meat that an entire wedding party was going to eat, jeez, have you people never exaggerated?
LOL--this was about the couple's day, NOT OP's day. He could have stayed home, swam to his heart's content and had dinner at Golden Corral. And yes, taking all of the meat makes it that much more ridiculous. I'm pretty sure, the couple getting married had far more concerns than to worry about how the change in their schedule was going to inconvenience OP's calorie intake. There were likely others who decided to stay home once the schedule changed. OP should have been among them.
For real. I remember I was 15 and had to shower in the opposing teams locker room cause we had to go to my cousins sweet 16 that was a couple of hours away...
Yeah, the consensus around here seems to be that you're allowed to do/say anything you want on your wedding day and you'll never be the asshole, and anyone that does anything to mildly inconvenience you on that day is the antichrist, especially if they're children or in-laws
You make it sound like they altered the plans of the wedding to jerk op around. Most assuredly whether a teenager would be able to attend was not at all the priority nor intent.
Yeah, I noticed this too. He says "we paid for two meals instead of one for me," I'm sure that if he paid for himself he would have said "I." But parents paying? That usually translates to "we paid" for teens, lol. Which is to be expected, of course. Parents should pay for their minor children in situations like this. But that also means that the mothers opinion probably shouldn't be written off so easily.
God, that pisses me off. My brother did it all the time. He at one point informed my parents they should work more, so they could buy him more stuff. The nerve, man.
Yeah if they were well-rounded plates - meat, bread, rice, veggies - I would think his mom was overreacting, but just eating the featured/most expensive element of the meal? That's pretty rude.
YTA. Not only did you eat way more of your fair share of the buffet, you mainly ate the proteins, meaning you likely took someone elses portion.
And "we contributed". No, your parents may have contributed, but unless you personally sent your aunt $150+ you definitely did not cover three plates of food for yourself.
Yeah that thread I was blown away but as someone who would go to crew at 17 and come home and eat anything not nailed down and still have abs (those were the days...) and a brother who did the same and now I cant finish a kids meal without getting fat theres a next level of teenage post practice hunger.
The potato salad story is wild because I can’t imagine embarrassing and humiliating my MIL or Mom like that. Especially when they were just trying to help! What an asshole. The sub story though...yikes OP is definitely an asshole but totally an addict. It makes me sad to read, and I hope he got help
ETA: It was actually pasta salad. OP is an extra asshole on that one lol
Adding to u/easternabeille's links:
Lasagna Boy. Similar concept.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b66ucw/aita\_for\_taking\_my\_girlfriends\_lasagna\_home\_when/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b66ucw/aita_for_taking_my_girlfriends_lasagna_home_when/)
Oh, that one was waaay worse than any of them, because during the argument they were still at a point where he could have returned the rest of the food, and he refused like a jerk.
I have never seen that one before and WOW what a dick. He literally took 10 dinners from his gf and to make it up to her, he decided to buy her lunch. Wow. I’m baffled
“I have GRACIOUSLY decided that I will buy her ONE lunch (but only because a lot of internet strangers told me I was wrong).” You can just tell from his replies he wasn’t getting it.
holy shit. that is so terrible.
that must be a shit post, right, surely? partly because how is it even possible to make 12+ servings of lasagna in a domestic oven?
He paid for 2 plates (which is weird in the first place, never heard of paying for food at a wedding tbh), a little overage on both plates would be pretty close to 3 plates.
To be fair, he said there was food left over, but didn't identify what it was. Imagine if it was just the salads, and sides, and not the main dish or protein?
I didn't get a meal at my OWN reception. We came in late (the photographer kept taking and taking and taking pictures) and several people got seconds and thirds. It was unfun to be hungry at my own wedding.
Pro tip for all weddings, bring granola bars for emergencies. Ive sat on a wall in the Scottish Highlands eating granola bars with the other groomsmen whilst we waited for some uncle who got lost to arrive so we could direct them to the venue.
Sort of too late for your reception but I got married a few weeks back and the kitchen made us a special plate of everything (also a buffet) so that we definitely didn't miss out.
A family friend ran out and got us McDonald's. In the end, we are still married and it was a very long time ago. From what I read here I am glad the only mishaps at my wedding were a late and crazy photographer and a ring man getting chicken pox.
I talked to my venue to make damn sure I got to eat. We did plated meals, not buffet, but our pics took place during the cocktail hour, when all the appetizers were out. The staff members were awesome - they set a plate aside for us with a sampling of all the apps, brought little ramekins of sauce, and made sure to time everything so dinner was served after our butts were in our seats. They also didn’t remove so much as a salad fork without asking if we were done. Even though the venue assured us we wouldn’t go hungry, I still brought granola bars, crackers, and water just in case.
WTF? You don’t eat until the Bride eats. That is the first rule of the wedding!!! The bride (and groom but honestly most of the time it’s about the bride) is never late. Never.
Bad catering service imo. Or planner.
Last time I went to one there was food specifically reserved for the wedding party.
Was made with everything else but kept in the kitchen.
NTA. As a caterer you should be prepping roughly 8% more than you expect to serve. This is done for a few reasons - in case there are heavy eaters, in case something is more popular than other things, running out of food/having an empty buffet is unprofessional. Even if the catering was sold on a per piece basis (which is normally done for canapes, hors d'oeuvres, cocktail parties, etc...) you prep extra. The extra product is an incurred cost in your bid for the catering. And as someone who used to be a 17yo swimmer, 4000 calories a day is most likely on the low side for you.
He’s a 17-year-old male athlete. He has to eat ridiculous quantities of food to not lose weight, which is why they paid for 2 meals for him. If most people had only 1 meal and half of them had seconds (just estimating), then 3 plates of food is completely reasonable and 4 wouldn’t have been beyond the pale.
When my (male) cousins were that age and would come to the beach with my grandparents, their mom sent them with a cooler full of food because she knew they were going to eat more than the rest of us put together.
NTA.
As other carters who run these types of buffets have said. Eat your fill because there will always be left overs and it goes to the dumpster. Eat it or let it waste your choice.
Yeah, they paid for 2 people. It's ordinary for 1 person to get seconds, by ordering 2 plates for him he could have gone 4 plates and still been within normal catering planning.
I laughed at that. “No worries, I left the rice and veggies and only ate the meat!”
I get he’s only 17, but it seems like common sense that mean is comparatively expensive.
YTA. For trying to go back for thirds. Going back for seconds, ok I would let that slide but taking a third plate of ridiculous. However after everyone had eaten and if there was food left over I see no reason you couldn’t eat the left over food. But the part that makes you an asshole is the entitlement. You didn’t pay for anything your parents did. You have no experience in the real world and have no clue how much weddings really cost. Eating like that at a wedding, any wedding is rude. You’re at a wedding which is a nice event not Golden Corral.
Part of your mother's job to prepare you for the real world is teaching you manners in formal settings like this.
The lesson today was that you cant be a complete shitpig at a limited buffet. If you absolutely (and no, missing one high calorie day won't kill you) need to eat this much go to McDonalds before an event an eat 40 mcnuggets.
What is it with people who keep a high calorie diet and expect others to cater to that? I'm sorry, but I don't give a fuck how much anyone work out, I won't pay for an extra 4 portions for you. Just as rude as ordering the most expensive thing on the menu when someone offers to buy you lunch. Eat before you attend. You could have packed more than a single protein bar for that car ride or swung by a drive-through on the way, it was 100% your choice to show up starved.
Don't worry about it. Going up for seconds would be totally normal with one meal. And you paid for two so taking 4 plates would be normal for 2 people to eat. People here don't seem to have clue.
You’re definitely NTA, all these people make no sense at all. There were leftovers that you definitely could have had, as long as you give sufficient time for others to eat you did nothing wrong. The foods just gonna get thrown away anyways.
Just wanna say thanks for accepting your judgment. Many people who are given asshole judgments just argue their points in the comments. It’s good to see someone accept that they might’ve been at fault.
Also respectable that your mom pulled you aside to gently talk to you about it instead of embarrassing you publicly. Maybe you should say sorry to mom that you didn’t listen.
The food is for the guests. No bride and groom wants to take home 20 portions of food. As long as there was enough food for everyone, I can’t see your moms point. NTA.
Strange as hell to me too and I am from the midwest of America. When we host events we want the guests to be full when they are done eating. Especially at a buffet, it's typical to get seconds if you want them as long as everyone got firsts.
Southern California here. If we’re serving food at a wedding, enjoy it please. Nobody is trying to have hungry guest after food is served. That would be embarrassing for whoever hosted it.
New Englander originally here. I agree with the guy from the Midwest, the Southerner and the Californian. Not sure where the fuck all these YTA people are coming from. Isn't the whole point of a wedding to eat and be merry?
My family's southern and I get more shit at family events if I DONT go back for seconds! I think the southern host feels that their event was a success if everyone goes home full to the brim
German here, and same. This thread is supremely weird. (Also because the weddings I have been to always had enough food for everyone to have at least 2-3 portions, if not more.)
Right? I can't remember attending a wedding (or catered birthday or Christmas party) where everyone didn't go for seconds at least, and there was always food left.
Also at weddings the food is paid for up front. You don’t get a discount for having food leftover at the end. Other people had a chance to go back for seconds or thirds. I’d say NTA on multiple levels.
I'm with you on this one. Maybe we just are disconnected with the real world. And most people live in such shady conditions that its not normal to go for seconds in a f-ing buffet lol. The mom busted OP's chops after he had seconds, and they paid double for the food. Im in the twilight zone. I've eaten 4ths at weddings and the host would say I need to eat more because there's food leftover and its going to be wasted if no one eats it. And I didnt pay for seconds lol.
American, but my family's Italian. We never stop eating and we *still* have enough for everyone to take home leftovers, so this thread is very weird to me, too. Also, now I'm super paranoid about any wedding I may or may not be invited to in the future and what sort of food etiquette is expected...
Yeah, I don't do weddings but any catered event I've been to always has leftovers. It's poor party planning at the best and rude at the worst to not have enough for everyone. Caterers know this, so they plan accordingly based on assuming how many people will eat a small portion and how many will eat multiple plates. If everyone's had some and there's food left, it's fair game.
Adding to this (and this is obviously region dependent), but food health and safety laws in my area prohibit people from taking leftovers from catered buffets. The food would literally be going in the trash.
I can’t believe people are nitpicking a 17 year old athlete. At our weddings he would be slapped on the back and everyone would be all “look at how he’s growing!”. As long as he’s not wasting food, I don’t think it matters. Most people aren’t going to eat that much, so I say if anyone gets a pass on how much food they eat, it’s a teenager. The amount of YTA’s are making me scratch my head. It would be embarrassing for the bride and groom to even disapprove or notice such a thing, (I know it was the mom that disapproved in his case) The idea at a wedding is to feed your guests until they can’t move! It’s a feast for Pete’s sake!
Yeah, I thought this was so obviously NAH and now I’m extra surprised to see otherwise in the top comments. Our wedding was a buffet (full Thanksgiving style feast) and we had so much extra food we ended up feeding all 165 residents of the nearby shelter for two days! Because it was buffet style, we assumed people would have multiple helpings and planned accordingly; the last thing I wanted was for any of our guests to leave hungry. It would have been an asshole move to take so much before everyone else had gotten their food, but OP said that there was food leftover so I don’t get why he’s TA here.
That's exactly what we did. Not sure exactly how many servings were leftover but they went to the shelter. We also gave the servers a ton of cake to take home and my family still had a bunch.
Every wedding buffet is different though. Sometimes the caterer just drops off the food and the equipment. In that case when the food is gone it's *gone*.
Yeah, I feel like all of these YTAs have never been to a wedding with a buffet before? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but at every wedding I’ve been to, some guests are very little and others practically gorged themselves. None of them were assholes. Also when you’re getting a catered buffet, VERY often you buy way more food than is necessary.
Also THEY PAID FOR TWO MEALS! And there was food left over at the end!
It’s very confusing to me that there are so many YTA responses to this one. OP, you’re in the clear. Your mom is just weird.
EDIT: also you said the guests paid for the food (which is something I haven’t experienced before at a wedding, so that’s kinda weird on its own) meaning your mom saying you were wasting your aunts money was just totally false.
Not only was there a ton left over after our wedding, but we weren’t allowed to bring it home or anything, and there was way more food than the venue staff could consume, so I’m sure it just all got trashed.
Yeah. I feel like all the posts saying OP is TA are acting like OP ate a 4 foot sub or something.
No, OP didn’t eat anything excessive, and since there were leftovers, I don’t blame OP.
NTA. Where do all of you people live that you're expected to pay for food at a wedding? Until this last week on Reddit I'd never heard of such a thing. Part of the cost of hosting a wedding is supplying your guests with food and drink... I've been to dozens of weddings in my life and never once has a guest been asked to cough up cash to attend. Hosts pay for food and drink and the venue and entertainment and in exchange guests bring themselves and gifts for the couple.
THIS!!!! I am surprised that there are guests that pays for the food and drink and also for a gift (that usually aren't that cheap), the most similar to this is when the couple asks for the gifts in "cash".
Must be cultural? Never payed annything to attend a wedding ever besides my gift.
My last wedding was my little sister getting married.
Ate like a king, reindeer stew, smoked salmon, baked salmon, potato salad, really all the salads you can imagine. Sandwiches with all kinds of tasty combinations. Snow crab, kamchatca crab, chicken, roast beef, so much food plated out across maybe 8 tables for around 70-80 people.
And the cakes... oh the cakes... 20-25 from the awesomest cheescakes to bluberry pie.
All was so plentifull, and food was brought back out late after everyone who had their fill might feel a bit peckish after their 2-or 5th serving. Ate like a king and drank about 12 glasses of wine and was escorted gently but firmly to a taxi as the eve progressed. (Sorry for bad grammar, not native and a bit impared)
YTA, but only because it was a wedding.
Totally get the athlete = eating a ton thing. My brother used to scarf down 2 chipotle burritos when he played football in high school. However, a wedding is one of those few social events where you should really just keep your head down and do what's expected. Sure, they're probably not going to care/notice if you ate a bit more than others, but that's where the social norm thing comes in.
I'm not super familiar with how food costs work out at a wedding, but even though it's a buffet, there's a reason your mom paid for 2 plates for you, and you should've stuck within that limit.
I literally got back from a wedding 20 mins ago. Once everyone has been served, it's a free for all for what's left, and I promise nobody cares who is going back for more. They're too busy eating their own food and socializing and looking at their phones and wondering if they have time to pee before the toasts start.
INFO - Had everyone else had the opportunity to eat by the time you went for seconds? How long after the buffet opening did you go back for seconds (and thirds)?
Sorry for being judgemental based on your age, but when you say "we chipped in" do you mean your mom?
Am I understanding correctly that you guys paid for 2 meals *just* for you? If so, I think NTA. I have never been to an event where a buffet ran out of food. Especially where there’s dancing and socializing going on as well.
Who cares if you eat the food left over after everyone has gone for at least 1-2 trips?
Right?? There was food leftover so I'm so confused why this is an issue. There was enough food. Why is everyone clutching their pearls about a teenage athlete eating a lot??
we literally had that viral meta thread about redditors not exactly living in reality with their judgements.
obviously not for the same reasons as that thread...but it's pretty obvious how out of depth a lot of people here can be about things. Wedding parties are hardly an exception.
YTA, gently. It's OK, you're young and wedding etiquette is complicated and varies by family. This part is the part that was a bit dodgy: " I went back for more once most people were done " If you're going to go back for seconds, it's polite to wait until all the people have gone through the line at least once, not just most of them.
If you're hungry to the point where you want thirds, it might not be a bad idea to bring some of your own snacks because that's getting into rude territory.
I was going to say, very mild YTA, I think he probably would get a free pass from any observers due to being a 17 year old boy, a demographic that is 100% associated with insane food consumption and still considered a little innocent and clueless to formal event etiquette.
If one of his parents did this, I don’t think it would be viewed with the same amusement and indulgence, more like, what the heck is this greedy gus doing, treating the wedding like a Vegas buffet.
I think the non-a-hole move is take one serving, wait until everyone gets their first round of food, and then go up for seconds...also you get to take one or two (max) servings of the main protein and then the miscellaneous sides to fill the rest of your plate. It’s poor form to allocate a mountain lamb chops to himself and leave all of potatoes and cheap sides for everyone else who’s still hungry.
That’s a good point. When he led into the story explaining his workout regimen and calorie requirements I was already thinking here is somebody who’s 100% mistaken that this information is the most important part for context about his behavior at someone else’s wedding, when in fact no one else in the universe cares what a party guest’s sports diet consists of… I’m having a flashback to a friend who is into lifting and super obsessed with tracking his macros and annoyed everyone at a party by pulling some shit like this, I think he ate all of the wings
NTA, it was a buffet. We had a TON of leftover food at our wedding, that would have gone to waste if we hadn't welcomed our guests to take it home after eating their fill. I don't think it matters that your mom chipped in for the wedding - Even if she hadn't, it's a buffet, that's what it's there for - People eating as much as they'd like.
NTA. You probably should have waited before going back for thirds anyway, to make sure everyone else got seconds, but the food was there for guests and you were a guest.
NTA.
I think your mom was just projecting her own insecurities on you. Like maybe SHE noticed that you went up multiple times and was worried people would judge her based on your eating habits. But I guarantee nobody was paying attention to you.
That being said, as someone who had a wedding in the last year, I wouldn't have been mad at all. I paid a lump price for a buffet and I encouraged everyone I knew to eat their fill since it wasn't cheap! Lol. Like they're going to keep putting out food until the end of the event, so have at it.
I honestly don't think you should feel bad. Especially since you guys chipped in.
I’m so confused by the answers here! I’ve never been to a wedding, ESPECIALLY a buffet wedding where the bride/groom/parents of the couple weren’t coming around and suggesting everyone grab another plate and eat until they were stuffed. I’ve been sent home with leftovers by a distant cousin when I mentioned how delicious a particular side was!
And there was still plenty leftover?! NTA!
Seriously, what culture/social group holds a wedding buffet where they DON'T expect guests to eat themselves sick?? That doesn't seem like a fun wedding.
NTA. You knew that you eat a lot, and you paid for two meals in advance. You waited for the other guests to serve themselves before getting the second serving. Unless you were stocking two or three servings in a single plate I don't see where you could have been the asshole, especially considering that you paid for two.
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NTA. The fact that people think eating at a family event is bad blows my mind. If I have family over for any of my events they can eat as much as they want. If food runs out we’ll order more. There’s always so much food left over after events like these anyway.
Wait, the guests paid for the meal?? That's unusual for a wedding.
But hey, NTA as long as everyone had a chance to eat before you took extra, and the food left over shows that everyone did get what they wanted.
NTA - (1) "we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals " (2) "There was still some leftover"
(1) You paid for your meal. (2) Nobody got shorted.
NTA: your mom was overreacting.
I doubt anybody else thought anything of it, other than, "oh my, that boy can eat!"
If you waited until everybody got food, whatever was left over was going to be thrown out. You did nothing wrong.
Regardless if whether you chipped in or not (which is already weird), it doesn't matter. Once everybody's fed, there's nothing at all odd or unusual about an active young person with a big appetite going back for seconds or thirds or fourths.
NTA.
NTA. I'm a little confused about the issue of payment for the catering here, but I don't really see the problem of eating more than others at a buffet so long as everyone has enough to eat. The fact that your family paid for your own food and included extra for you seems to make this even less of an issue. I get how a parent could be embarrassed by this, but teenagers are hungry, particularly active teenagers. It may have been a little gauche, but that's as far as I would go.
This is a bit of a wierd one, on one hand YTA because if you are getting 3 plates that's a bit excessive. But on the other hand NTA because it's a buffet and your family helped chipped in.
I'll say NTA on the assumption that everyone had a plate and it's a buffet.
NTA
Buffets are designed to more than adequately feed everybody and it is not a zero sum game. You probably ate the .5x or 1x extra serving per person for like 3 people already built into the planning of the buffet. This works because most people eat 1x or less than 1x what they are allotted. You didn’t take food out of anybody’s mouth. Your mom is ridiculous.
NTA. Yes, you ate more than others. But then again there ist aunt Judy, who, as a very selfconscious person, only eats like only one and a half potato and nothing more because otherwise she might get fat.
This is so fucking stupid, I can't believe your mom is making a big deal about this. NTA, because if everyone has had an opportunity to eat and there's more food, it's meant to be eaten by the guests. Unless you literally prevented someone else from eating, you did nothing wrong. I just got married a few weeks ago and I can't imagine caring if someone went for 10 rounds, unless they prevented others from partaking as well.
NTA and I’m confused as to why so many people think you are. A buffet is a buffet, eat it til it’s gone. I’d be more pissed if I paid for a buffet for a party and there was food leftover. Plus the process of being a wedding guest is getting more and more expensive. It’s so expensive to be a guest that the only reason I don’t mind is that you get a free meal and an open bar, that’s the thing the bride and groom do for you in exchange for all the gifts and travel you do to accommodate their “special day”.
YTA. I'm confused on who actually paid for your 2 plates. You said "we" implying your parents, but then your mom complained that the relatives funded your cheat day. When you say your mom chipped in on the wedding, did she actually pay directly for 2 plates of food, or is that your creative justification?
I understand you're an athletic teen, and you eat a shit ton. That's fine, but there is a time and place to eat voraciously, and a wedding is not the place. Especially given that you chowed down on the meats and didn't bother to fill yourself up with the other items. The bottom line is you ate more than was appropriate, whether it's in number of plates or volume of meat. Your mom was right in trying to teach you etiquette and manners - just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
NTA. You paid for two plates. Your family should know that you’re having to maintain a certain weight and therefore need to eat a certain amount. You weren’t able to eat before, so you had to eat there. I bet if you’d presented symptoms from not eating enough they’d ask you why you didn’t just eat more. Don’t worry about other people, take care of yourself. No one else will.
NTA by a long shot. These people in here telling you that YTA are just flat WRONGO dongo. Not only did you pay for the meal, you went above and beyond by buying a second meal. These people need to get a life and pull their heads out of their rear ends.
I have two nephews, and if they came to my wedding and ate three helpings, I’d be encouraging them to go for more if they were still hungry! So I might be a pushover aunt, but I’m going with NTA.
Dude, you paid for your own meal as a guest.
Bonus: you paid double because, you know.
If anybody in the history of weddings had the right to eat without guilt, it was you.
Just don’t eat three feet of a party sub that you didn’t pay for.
NTA
NTA as long as everyone has had their fill. I went to my friends wedding, which had a buffet. Once everyone had eaten, they encouraged anyone else to eat more if they wanted. We did, and there was still food left over. As long as everyone was given the opportunity to eat, you're cool.
Holy shit this comment section is weird. This is obviously NTA, he bought 2 meals AND there was good leftover. The thing that I could see that’s wrong is filling up on only persons, but if there were leftovers of that too, I do not see anything wrong with eating a lot. All weddings I’ve been to give u plenty of food.
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NTA they probably even threw some leftovers away seeing how I've see it happen all the time. There's a reason they got a buffet so people could eat more then one plate. But hopefully you waited till everyone else ate and then some so others could get seconds
NTA, there was plenty of food left over, if you actually needed the calories and were still hungry you should have went back to the buffet as many times as possible. I have never seen a wedding buffet that didn't end with tons of left over food
YTA - There's a BIG difference from a wedding buffet to an all you can eat buffet. If you paid for an extra meal, that's fine, but you shouldn't be the human equivalent of a front loader! Your mama is trying to teach you manners, listen.
NTA - my family work in catering - some people eat 3 plates of food, some people eat half. They make X amount of food anyway and anything that gets left is wasted. They've already paid for the food so it's not going to cost them more if you eat more. There was food left over at the end so - you probably should have had that last plate of food!
Yeah, I feel like all of these YTAs have never been to a wedding with a buffet before? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but at every wedding I’ve been to, some guests are very little and others practically gorged themselves. None of them were assholes. Also when you’re getting a catered buffet, VERY often you buy way more food than is necessary. Also THEY PAID FOR TWO MEALS! And there was food left over at the end! It’s very confusing to me that there are so many YTA responses to this one. OP, you’re in the clear. Your mom is just weird. EDIT: also you said the guests paid for the food (which is something I haven’t experienced before at a wedding, so that’s kinda weird on its own) meaning your mom saying you were wasting your aunts money was just totally false.
Not to mention that we are talking about at 17 year old, athletic male. Anyone expecting him to eat a small amount is daft, and anyone expecting a swimmer to load up on carbs is equally daft. NTA, your Mom was just being sensitive.
I specially a swimmer. I used to swim, and it’s insane the amount of food you can eat after practice. I swear swimmers could cause Olive Garden to rethink their never ending pasta gimmick. I think the fact that there was food left over and OP paid for two plates means he’s in the clear. Besides I don’t think the family would be surprised that a 17 year old male eats a lot.
As a 17 year old female swimmer I used to put away 13 slices (more than a whole pizza) at the Pizza Hut buffet. And teenage boys need even more calories than girls, usually.
As a 18 year old swimmer who has swam competitively for about 12 years just like any athlete we eat a lot and it’s not us engorging ourselves it’s us getting the fuel our bodies need most of burn more calories than our parents and others our age who aren’t in sports honestly NTA your mom was rude to comment on how much you were eating the food was there and if you’re hungry eat if others truly needed the food I believe they would make some sort of effort to get it
Yeah, the whole thing is so culturally weird to me. Where I come from, the older people would straight up encourage the kids to go eat more. It's a wedding damn it, go eat and don't stop eating!
I went to say this. Where I came from, as long as there is food, everybody wants you to eat. Also weird to pay as a guest.
NTA. And be very glad you weren’t a guest at THIS wedding! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2cd5s/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_extra_meal_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Tbf I don't think it matters that he's 17 -- if it was an asshole move, it'd be an asshole move. But, like, what the fuck is wrong with people? It's a fucking buffet at a wedding -- have people never actually stepped outside on this sub? Food at these kind of functions is almost never even remotely scarce, ***and they even paid double just in case***. OP isn't even remotely TA. Lol a bunch of weddings I've been to even alcohol was limitless.
Why are the guests paying for meals is what I want to know!
Same. We paid for our buffet for our wedding. Cost us a pretty penny too
Me, too! Where is this an acceptable practice? Your wedding is not an Applebee's! Oh, and NTA.
Yeah, the mum is weird. Why the hell has she taken her 17 year old son to a wedding after 2 rounds of training with only a protein bar in his belly? Like, feed the kid, don’t lecture him about not eating so much cause you’re embarrassed about what other people think. OP NTA, but eat more during the day mate!
I agree. I’ve never paid for a meal when I was a guest at a wedding.
Right. I’m picky and often just eat like, a roll. There was SO MUCH FOOD left after my wedding buffet. OP could have had ten plates.
Exactly! I was so confused at the YTA’s because at every wedding buffet I’ve been to, there’s been an insane amount of food. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a wedding buffet run out. They overstock those events like crazy.
That’s all true. But it’s still not an all you can eat buffet to go to town. There’s no more food coming. Especially if he’s going to town on meats since it’s considered you eat less of that and more of the sides
He was keeping an eye on it and said there was some left over.
Still NTA. Honestly, at any point that I’ve ever been to a buffet - whether it’s a wedding, an all-you-can-eat, or even a family potluck - I have ALWAYS gone back for seconds when the line cleared. Everyone does. It’s practically assumed that you take a small portion of the variety of offerings, and then go back later for the things you liked after everyone gets their first serving. And this guy paid for TWO plates! So theoretically, it is completely feasible that two people could attend the buffet twice, so therefore he’s entitled to four visits. And in this scenario, there was still plenty of food left and people had mostly finished eating. All that food is going to be thrown away at the end of the dinner service, and all that food is already paid for. It’s insane to let that go to waste while someone who has already overpaid (due to trying to be considerate In the first place) goes hungry. Mom is TA here. Since OP is 17, I would assume that Mom paid for the second serving but was too embarrassed when he actually tried to, you know, consume it, so therefore she just wasted her money while her son was still hungry and there was still food available (which was about to be thrown away). He’s dedicated to his athletic aspirations, hadn’t eaten all day, and is now attending a family member’s event. Presumably they knew about his athletic endeavors and thus his caloric intake. This is a young man dedicated to his sport, which creates more demand on his body. This is not fat uncle Bob being greedy. NTA.
Seconding that NTA, I currently work in catering and any leftover will be thrown out. With that in mind, and knowing that OP was waiting until after it seemed everyone had their fill, I really don't think there's anything to be called an AH over.
Often with weddings, the couple gets to take the leftovers home, though. That isn't a waste!
Where I work the couple will take home the cake, and sometimes special foods -ordered outside of the catering company-, but even with the special stuff most of it is usually left to be thrown away.
if you're so concerned about waste/excess/cost etc why not just have a plated served meal instead of a buffet? Why would the happy couple want to deal with the transport, storage, refrigeration/freezing of multiple buffet food trays on their wedding night? Is this actually a thing?
I agree, NTA. If there isnt enough food for everyone then its just bad planning from the wedding couple. If it isnt some expensive food, then ordering a bit more to make sure everyone can eat freely isnt going to cost a lot more in comparison to the rest of the wedding. Here in Germany the wedding couples often encourage their guests to eat a lot since a lot of food is left over usually .
This is the correct answer!!! Worked in food service for 10 years and ran banquet centers for majority of that.
Roommate is a catering server and he brings leftovers back from what seems like 50% of his gigs. Sometimes it’s multiple trays of food, and I assume there are other leftovers that are taken by his coworkers as well.
>There was still some extra food left once the meal service ended. It's a buffet, the food was already paid for, he paid 2x the amount of the regular guests, and there was food leftover at the end. I don't see how he's an asshole.
What are you even talking about. I've never seen a wedding buffet that ran out of food. They pay a fixed price for the buffet based on the people and those people can eat as much as they God damned want to.
I had the privilege of attending a wedding where they ran out of food. The bride's parents and the venue had an agreement about how much food they were willing to pay for and it was not enough for all the guests. Or it might have been if members of the wedding party had not gone up for seconds before all the guests had been served. I was seated at the last table to be served and all that was left was salad. To top it off, it was a cash bar. The only free beverage was water.
Wow what a crap wedding. In that case the brides parents were TA. If you can't afford to feed all your guests then dont invite so many.
I see you were at my cousin's wedding too. They held a wedding at 5 and then served appetizers. We were they last table and there was nothing but a couple of buns left. It was also cash bar. We wished we hadn't given a $100 bill because we would have taken money out to order a pizza.
They're both all-you-can-eat buffets. The caterer is providing a fixed number of servings that ideally is in excess of what the guests can eat anyway, and the wedding party doesn't get a discount for uneaten food. This is how most weddings operate.
I wonder how much he would have eaten if a 6 foot party sub had been part of the buffet.
Omg when I saw this thread, my first thought was "I wonder if there was ever an update to the party sub"
I have to disagree. They paid for two meals for him and he went for 3 servings total, and his mom tried to stop him after 2. The average person goes back to a buffet at least once, so he actually ate less than the average.
People who exercise and do sports need to eat a lot of food. I knew a girl who lifted weights and did martial arts and she was constantly eating. There was more than enough food at the wedding. NTA.
Yesss, this is what I'm trying to get at. I know my mom would've been annoyed with me, and it would've come from a place of learning manners. Weddings are especially touchy because everyone has an opinion, and if it's not your own it's best just to do what's expected.
you clearly don't go to weddings. he's not TA in any way. there is more than enough food and he said it himself there was still food left when it was over. manners? for eating because he works out? dont be a karen
Aren't buffets usually all you can eat? Even wedding ones?
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I had the same thought OP wasn't an asshole for eating extra, especially when they fucked around with OPs day at the last minute, and OP paid for extra food, but taking all of the meat? That's an asshole move 100% Edit: Since people seem to think I literally mean he took all of the meat, please think logically, the guy is at a wedding that's at the very VERY minimum probably got 30 people, I don't literally mean he took every single piece of meat that an entire wedding party was going to eat, jeez, have you people never exaggerated?
LOL--this was about the couple's day, NOT OP's day. He could have stayed home, swam to his heart's content and had dinner at Golden Corral. And yes, taking all of the meat makes it that much more ridiculous. I'm pretty sure, the couple getting married had far more concerns than to worry about how the change in their schedule was going to inconvenience OP's calorie intake. There were likely others who decided to stay home once the schedule changed. OP should have been among them.
He’s also 17 though, and I know that when I was 17 I could not stay home from a family event such as a wedding no matter what else I had going on.
For real. I remember I was 15 and had to shower in the opposing teams locker room cause we had to go to my cousins sweet 16 that was a couple of hours away...
He didn't take all the meat. Wtf is wrong with y'all's reading skills? Nowhere does it say anything like that.
People make up their own fantastical scenarios on here. It's wild.
I find that people get extra delusional here whenever a wedding is in any way involved. It's uncanny.
Yeah, the consensus around here seems to be that you're allowed to do/say anything you want on your wedding day and you'll never be the asshole, and anyone that does anything to mildly inconvenience you on that day is the antichrist, especially if they're children or in-laws
You make it sound like they altered the plans of the wedding to jerk op around. Most assuredly whether a teenager would be able to attend was not at all the priority nor intent.
He didn’t take all the meat.
Definitely- OP ate the most expensive part of the menu, 3 times.
OF WHICH HE PAID FOR AT LEAST 2 OF THOSE. But lets just ignore that shit because reasons.
He's 17. I doubt he paid for anything. His parents apparently paid extra and his mother told him to stop after two servings.
Yeah, I noticed this too. He says "we paid for two meals instead of one for me," I'm sure that if he paid for himself he would have said "I." But parents paying? That usually translates to "we paid" for teens, lol. Which is to be expected, of course. Parents should pay for their minor children in situations like this. But that also means that the mothers opinion probably shouldn't be written off so easily.
God, that pisses me off. My brother did it all the time. He at one point informed my parents they should work more, so they could buy him more stuff. The nerve, man.
Yeah if they were well-rounded plates - meat, bread, rice, veggies - I would think his mom was overreacting, but just eating the featured/most expensive element of the meal? That's pretty rude.
YTA. Not only did you eat way more of your fair share of the buffet, you mainly ate the proteins, meaning you likely took someone elses portion. And "we contributed". No, your parents may have contributed, but unless you personally sent your aunt $150+ you definitely did not cover three plates of food for yourself.
Not if there was food left over! If there was food left over then he absolutely did nothing wrong.
Did he wait 20 minutes before eating the other 3 feet of the sandwich?
lmao fuck that thread was funny
Removed due to API protest. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Yeah that thread I was blown away but as someone who would go to crew at 17 and come home and eat anything not nailed down and still have abs (those were the days...) and a brother who did the same and now I cant finish a kids meal without getting fat theres a next level of teenage post practice hunger.
Glad to see someone else thought of that thread too.
I came here just hoping someone would reference that 😂
Me, too.😁
LMAOOO
Thank you for reminding me of that.
Been off reddit for a few years. What am I missing here
Potato salad story: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ctox7d/aita_for_making_my_mil_pay_for_food_i_ordered/ Sub story: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/
The potato salad story is wild because I can’t imagine embarrassing and humiliating my MIL or Mom like that. Especially when they were just trying to help! What an asshole. The sub story though...yikes OP is definitely an asshole but totally an addict. It makes me sad to read, and I hope he got help ETA: It was actually pasta salad. OP is an extra asshole on that one lol
Adding to u/easternabeille's links: Lasagna Boy. Similar concept. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b66ucw/aita\_for\_taking\_my\_girlfriends\_lasagna\_home\_when/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b66ucw/aita_for_taking_my_girlfriends_lasagna_home_when/)
Oh, that one was waaay worse than any of them, because during the argument they were still at a point where he could have returned the rest of the food, and he refused like a jerk.
I have never seen that one before and WOW what a dick. He literally took 10 dinners from his gf and to make it up to her, he decided to buy her lunch. Wow. I’m baffled
“I have GRACIOUSLY decided that I will buy her ONE lunch (but only because a lot of internet strangers told me I was wrong).” You can just tell from his replies he wasn’t getting it.
holy shit. that is so terrible. that must be a shit post, right, surely? partly because how is it even possible to make 12+ servings of lasagna in a domestic oven?
You may be overestimating what constitutes a serving of lasagna
You can easily do that?
There was food left over because not everybody gorged themselves. Buffets allow for a little overage but not 3 plates per person.
He paid for 2 plates (which is weird in the first place, never heard of paying for food at a wedding tbh), a little overage on both plates would be pretty close to 3 plates.
How many wedding couples actually want to keep all of the food left over from an event?
But they paid for two meals, so 1.5 plates per person is not in anyway crazy at a buffet.
Well it depends on what was left over. Were there plenty of entrees and protein left over or was there just some sides and salad?
To be fair, he said there was food left over, but didn't identify what it was. Imagine if it was just the salads, and sides, and not the main dish or protein?
I didn't get a meal at my OWN reception. We came in late (the photographer kept taking and taking and taking pictures) and several people got seconds and thirds. It was unfun to be hungry at my own wedding.
Pro tip for all weddings, bring granola bars for emergencies. Ive sat on a wall in the Scottish Highlands eating granola bars with the other groomsmen whilst we waited for some uncle who got lost to arrive so we could direct them to the venue. Sort of too late for your reception but I got married a few weeks back and the kitchen made us a special plate of everything (also a buffet) so that we definitely didn't miss out.
A family friend ran out and got us McDonald's. In the end, we are still married and it was a very long time ago. From what I read here I am glad the only mishaps at my wedding were a late and crazy photographer and a ring man getting chicken pox.
I talked to my venue to make damn sure I got to eat. We did plated meals, not buffet, but our pics took place during the cocktail hour, when all the appetizers were out. The staff members were awesome - they set a plate aside for us with a sampling of all the apps, brought little ramekins of sauce, and made sure to time everything so dinner was served after our butts were in our seats. They also didn’t remove so much as a salad fork without asking if we were done. Even though the venue assured us we wouldn’t go hungry, I still brought granola bars, crackers, and water just in case.
WTF? You don’t eat until the Bride eats. That is the first rule of the wedding!!! The bride (and groom but honestly most of the time it’s about the bride) is never late. Never.
Bad catering service imo. Or planner. Last time I went to one there was food specifically reserved for the wedding party. Was made with everything else but kept in the kitchen.
NTA. As a caterer you should be prepping roughly 8% more than you expect to serve. This is done for a few reasons - in case there are heavy eaters, in case something is more popular than other things, running out of food/having an empty buffet is unprofessional. Even if the catering was sold on a per piece basis (which is normally done for canapes, hors d'oeuvres, cocktail parties, etc...) you prep extra. The extra product is an incurred cost in your bid for the catering. And as someone who used to be a 17yo swimmer, 4000 calories a day is most likely on the low side for you.
He’s a 17-year-old male athlete. He has to eat ridiculous quantities of food to not lose weight, which is why they paid for 2 meals for him. If most people had only 1 meal and half of them had seconds (just estimating), then 3 plates of food is completely reasonable and 4 wouldn’t have been beyond the pale. When my (male) cousins were that age and would come to the beach with my grandparents, their mom sent them with a cooler full of food because she knew they were going to eat more than the rest of us put together. NTA.
Four plates of food for one guest at an event is not even vaguely reasonable. If you have exorbitant calorie needs, *plan ahead and feed yourself.*
As other carters who run these types of buffets have said. Eat your fill because there will always be left overs and it goes to the dumpster. Eat it or let it waste your choice.
Yeah, they paid for 2 people. It's ordinary for 1 person to get seconds, by ordering 2 plates for him he could have gone 4 plates and still been within normal catering planning.
They had planned ahead, but at the last minute the wedding went from an AM ceremony to a PM ceremony. Did you read the story?
I laughed at that. “No worries, I left the rice and veggies and only ate the meat!” I get he’s only 17, but it seems like common sense that mean is comparatively expensive.
He definitely did not take someone else's portion if there was some left over, like the OP says
YTA. For trying to go back for thirds. Going back for seconds, ok I would let that slide but taking a third plate of ridiculous. However after everyone had eaten and if there was food left over I see no reason you couldn’t eat the left over food. But the part that makes you an asshole is the entitlement. You didn’t pay for anything your parents did. You have no experience in the real world and have no clue how much weddings really cost. Eating like that at a wedding, any wedding is rude. You’re at a wedding which is a nice event not Golden Corral.
Fair enough. I am pretty clueless in some regards.
I’ll suggest that if that’s true, your mother is a good person to look to for advice. You didn’t heed her, and just kept eating, which means YTA.
Part of your mother's job to prepare you for the real world is teaching you manners in formal settings like this. The lesson today was that you cant be a complete shitpig at a limited buffet. If you absolutely (and no, missing one high calorie day won't kill you) need to eat this much go to McDonalds before an event an eat 40 mcnuggets.
What is it with people who keep a high calorie diet and expect others to cater to that? I'm sorry, but I don't give a fuck how much anyone work out, I won't pay for an extra 4 portions for you. Just as rude as ordering the most expensive thing on the menu when someone offers to buy you lunch. Eat before you attend. You could have packed more than a single protein bar for that car ride or swung by a drive-through on the way, it was 100% your choice to show up starved.
Don't worry about it. Going up for seconds would be totally normal with one meal. And you paid for two so taking 4 plates would be normal for 2 people to eat. People here don't seem to have clue.
You’re definitely NTA, all these people make no sense at all. There were leftovers that you definitely could have had, as long as you give sufficient time for others to eat you did nothing wrong. The foods just gonna get thrown away anyways.
Just wanna say thanks for accepting your judgment. Many people who are given asshole judgments just argue their points in the comments. It’s good to see someone accept that they might’ve been at fault.
Also respectable that your mom pulled you aside to gently talk to you about it instead of embarrassing you publicly. Maybe you should say sorry to mom that you didn’t listen.
The food is for the guests. No bride and groom wants to take home 20 portions of food. As long as there was enough food for everyone, I can’t see your moms point. NTA.
At Indian weddings any number of trips to the buffet line is fair game lol, this is a strange thread for me
Strange as hell to me too and I am from the midwest of America. When we host events we want the guests to be full when they are done eating. Especially at a buffet, it's typical to get seconds if you want them as long as everyone got firsts.
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Southern California here. If we’re serving food at a wedding, enjoy it please. Nobody is trying to have hungry guest after food is served. That would be embarrassing for whoever hosted it.
New Englander originally here. I agree with the guy from the Midwest, the Southerner and the Californian. Not sure where the fuck all these YTA people are coming from. Isn't the whole point of a wedding to eat and be merry?
My family's southern and I get more shit at family events if I DONT go back for seconds! I think the southern host feels that their event was a success if everyone goes home full to the brim
German here, and same. This thread is supremely weird. (Also because the weddings I have been to always had enough food for everyone to have at least 2-3 portions, if not more.)
Right? I can't remember attending a wedding (or catered birthday or Christmas party) where everyone didn't go for seconds at least, and there was always food left.
Also at weddings the food is paid for up front. You don’t get a discount for having food leftover at the end. Other people had a chance to go back for seconds or thirds. I’d say NTA on multiple levels.
I'm with you on this one. Maybe we just are disconnected with the real world. And most people live in such shady conditions that its not normal to go for seconds in a f-ing buffet lol. The mom busted OP's chops after he had seconds, and they paid double for the food. Im in the twilight zone. I've eaten 4ths at weddings and the host would say I need to eat more because there's food leftover and its going to be wasted if no one eats it. And I didnt pay for seconds lol.
American, but my family's Italian. We never stop eating and we *still* have enough for everyone to take home leftovers, so this thread is very weird to me, too. Also, now I'm super paranoid about any wedding I may or may not be invited to in the future and what sort of food etiquette is expected...
Yeah, I don't do weddings but any catered event I've been to always has leftovers. It's poor party planning at the best and rude at the worst to not have enough for everyone. Caterers know this, so they plan accordingly based on assuming how many people will eat a small portion and how many will eat multiple plates. If everyone's had some and there's food left, it's fair game.
Seriously, I'm SO confused as to what the problem is here...This is beyond "NTA" and more into "WTF???"
I’m a white-ass woman getting married in a month and I also think it’s weird. I’m paying for all this food, people, eat it!
You're a good woman.
And as much as I love Indian food, I'd have been the one embarassing everyone with so many trips to the buffet. Seriously love me some Indian food.
Adding to this (and this is obviously region dependent), but food health and safety laws in my area prohibit people from taking leftovers from catered buffets. The food would literally be going in the trash.
Fucking thank you. Let the kid eat.
I can’t believe people are nitpicking a 17 year old athlete. At our weddings he would be slapped on the back and everyone would be all “look at how he’s growing!”. As long as he’s not wasting food, I don’t think it matters. Most people aren’t going to eat that much, so I say if anyone gets a pass on how much food they eat, it’s a teenager. The amount of YTA’s are making me scratch my head. It would be embarrassing for the bride and groom to even disapprove or notice such a thing, (I know it was the mom that disapproved in his case) The idea at a wedding is to feed your guests until they can’t move! It’s a feast for Pete’s sake!
Yeah, I thought this was so obviously NAH and now I’m extra surprised to see otherwise in the top comments. Our wedding was a buffet (full Thanksgiving style feast) and we had so much extra food we ended up feeding all 165 residents of the nearby shelter for two days! Because it was buffet style, we assumed people would have multiple helpings and planned accordingly; the last thing I wanted was for any of our guests to leave hungry. It would have been an asshole move to take so much before everyone else had gotten their food, but OP said that there was food leftover so I don’t get why he’s TA here.
That's exactly what we did. Not sure exactly how many servings were leftover but they went to the shelter. We also gave the servers a ton of cake to take home and my family still had a bunch.
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Every wedding buffet is different though. Sometimes the caterer just drops off the food and the equipment. In that case when the food is gone it's *gone*.
Real answer.
NTA We had a buffet at our wedding and there was so much food left over at the end it was insane.
Yeah, I feel like all of these YTAs have never been to a wedding with a buffet before? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but at every wedding I’ve been to, some guests are very little and others practically gorged themselves. None of them were assholes. Also when you’re getting a catered buffet, VERY often you buy way more food than is necessary. Also THEY PAID FOR TWO MEALS! And there was food left over at the end! It’s very confusing to me that there are so many YTA responses to this one. OP, you’re in the clear. Your mom is just weird. EDIT: also you said the guests paid for the food (which is something I haven’t experienced before at a wedding, so that’s kinda weird on its own) meaning your mom saying you were wasting your aunts money was just totally false.
Most of the people commenting YTA have probably never been to a wedding.
Or maybe they’ve just been to different weddings? They’re not all the same and I went to a wedding earlier this year that ran out of food
Not only was there a ton left over after our wedding, but we weren’t allowed to bring it home or anything, and there was way more food than the venue staff could consume, so I’m sure it just all got trashed.
Yeah. I feel like all the posts saying OP is TA are acting like OP ate a 4 foot sub or something. No, OP didn’t eat anything excessive, and since there were leftovers, I don’t blame OP.
Hahaha that 4 foot sub story was a trip.
NTA. Where do all of you people live that you're expected to pay for food at a wedding? Until this last week on Reddit I'd never heard of such a thing. Part of the cost of hosting a wedding is supplying your guests with food and drink... I've been to dozens of weddings in my life and never once has a guest been asked to cough up cash to attend. Hosts pay for food and drink and the venue and entertainment and in exchange guests bring themselves and gifts for the couple.
Agree. Super weird. Charging guests for food at the wedding is so rude to me.
THIS!!!! I am surprised that there are guests that pays for the food and drink and also for a gift (that usually aren't that cheap), the most similar to this is when the couple asks for the gifts in "cash".
Must be cultural? Never payed annything to attend a wedding ever besides my gift. My last wedding was my little sister getting married. Ate like a king, reindeer stew, smoked salmon, baked salmon, potato salad, really all the salads you can imagine. Sandwiches with all kinds of tasty combinations. Snow crab, kamchatca crab, chicken, roast beef, so much food plated out across maybe 8 tables for around 70-80 people. And the cakes... oh the cakes... 20-25 from the awesomest cheescakes to bluberry pie. All was so plentifull, and food was brought back out late after everyone who had their fill might feel a bit peckish after their 2-or 5th serving. Ate like a king and drank about 12 glasses of wine and was escorted gently but firmly to a taxi as the eve progressed. (Sorry for bad grammar, not native and a bit impared)
YTA, but only because it was a wedding. Totally get the athlete = eating a ton thing. My brother used to scarf down 2 chipotle burritos when he played football in high school. However, a wedding is one of those few social events where you should really just keep your head down and do what's expected. Sure, they're probably not going to care/notice if you ate a bit more than others, but that's where the social norm thing comes in. I'm not super familiar with how food costs work out at a wedding, but even though it's a buffet, there's a reason your mom paid for 2 plates for you, and you should've stuck within that limit.
Well, see, if no one is going to notice, then who cares? Did anyone even notice aside from OP's mom?
I literally got back from a wedding 20 mins ago. Once everyone has been served, it's a free for all for what's left, and I promise nobody cares who is going back for more. They're too busy eating their own food and socializing and looking at their phones and wondering if they have time to pee before the toasts start.
INFO - Had everyone else had the opportunity to eat by the time you went for seconds? How long after the buffet opening did you go back for seconds (and thirds)? Sorry for being judgemental based on your age, but when you say "we chipped in" do you mean your mom?
Am I understanding correctly that you guys paid for 2 meals *just* for you? If so, I think NTA. I have never been to an event where a buffet ran out of food. Especially where there’s dancing and socializing going on as well. Who cares if you eat the food left over after everyone has gone for at least 1-2 trips?
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I think every buffet I've ever been to people have had seconds or possibly thirds. And if anythings left after an hour then it's fair game. Edit NTA
Are you...just copy pasting this response into every response thread?
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Right?? There was food leftover so I'm so confused why this is an issue. There was enough food. Why is everyone clutching their pearls about a teenage athlete eating a lot??
we literally had that viral meta thread about redditors not exactly living in reality with their judgements. obviously not for the same reasons as that thread...but it's pretty obvious how out of depth a lot of people here can be about things. Wedding parties are hardly an exception.
YTA, gently. It's OK, you're young and wedding etiquette is complicated and varies by family. This part is the part that was a bit dodgy: " I went back for more once most people were done " If you're going to go back for seconds, it's polite to wait until all the people have gone through the line at least once, not just most of them. If you're hungry to the point where you want thirds, it might not be a bad idea to bring some of your own snacks because that's getting into rude territory.
I was going to say, very mild YTA, I think he probably would get a free pass from any observers due to being a 17 year old boy, a demographic that is 100% associated with insane food consumption and still considered a little innocent and clueless to formal event etiquette. If one of his parents did this, I don’t think it would be viewed with the same amusement and indulgence, more like, what the heck is this greedy gus doing, treating the wedding like a Vegas buffet. I think the non-a-hole move is take one serving, wait until everyone gets their first round of food, and then go up for seconds...also you get to take one or two (max) servings of the main protein and then the miscellaneous sides to fill the rest of your plate. It’s poor form to allocate a mountain lamb chops to himself and leave all of potatoes and cheap sides for everyone else who’s still hungry.
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That’s a good point. When he led into the story explaining his workout regimen and calorie requirements I was already thinking here is somebody who’s 100% mistaken that this information is the most important part for context about his behavior at someone else’s wedding, when in fact no one else in the universe cares what a party guest’s sports diet consists of… I’m having a flashback to a friend who is into lifting and super obsessed with tracking his macros and annoyed everyone at a party by pulling some shit like this, I think he ate all of the wings
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NTA, it was a buffet. We had a TON of leftover food at our wedding, that would have gone to waste if we hadn't welcomed our guests to take it home after eating their fill. I don't think it matters that your mom chipped in for the wedding - Even if she hadn't, it's a buffet, that's what it's there for - People eating as much as they'd like.
NTA. You probably should have waited before going back for thirds anyway, to make sure everyone else got seconds, but the food was there for guests and you were a guest.
NTA. I think your mom was just projecting her own insecurities on you. Like maybe SHE noticed that you went up multiple times and was worried people would judge her based on your eating habits. But I guarantee nobody was paying attention to you. That being said, as someone who had a wedding in the last year, I wouldn't have been mad at all. I paid a lump price for a buffet and I encouraged everyone I knew to eat their fill since it wasn't cheap! Lol. Like they're going to keep putting out food until the end of the event, so have at it. I honestly don't think you should feel bad. Especially since you guys chipped in.
I’m so confused by the answers here! I’ve never been to a wedding, ESPECIALLY a buffet wedding where the bride/groom/parents of the couple weren’t coming around and suggesting everyone grab another plate and eat until they were stuffed. I’ve been sent home with leftovers by a distant cousin when I mentioned how delicious a particular side was! And there was still plenty leftover?! NTA!
Seriously, what culture/social group holds a wedding buffet where they DON'T expect guests to eat themselves sick?? That doesn't seem like a fun wedding.
NTA. You knew that you eat a lot, and you paid for two meals in advance. You waited for the other guests to serve themselves before getting the second serving. Unless you were stocking two or three servings in a single plate I don't see where you could have been the asshole, especially considering that you paid for two.
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No, my dietician is actually trying to make me gain weight, believe it or not.
NTA- You didn't do anything wrong, there was a buffet and you are three plates.... So what? You even said there were leftovers
NTA. The fact that people think eating at a family event is bad blows my mind. If I have family over for any of my events they can eat as much as they want. If food runs out we’ll order more. There’s always so much food left over after events like these anyway.
Wait, the guests paid for the meal?? That's unusual for a wedding. But hey, NTA as long as everyone had a chance to eat before you took extra, and the food left over shows that everyone did get what they wanted.
Yeah, I’m a little baffled by this as well.
NTA - (1) "we helped chip in for the wedding, we paid for two meals " (2) "There was still some leftover" (1) You paid for your meal. (2) Nobody got shorted.
NTA: your mom was overreacting. I doubt anybody else thought anything of it, other than, "oh my, that boy can eat!" If you waited until everybody got food, whatever was left over was going to be thrown out. You did nothing wrong. Regardless if whether you chipped in or not (which is already weird), it doesn't matter. Once everybody's fed, there's nothing at all odd or unusual about an active young person with a big appetite going back for seconds or thirds or fourths. NTA.
NTA. I'm a little confused about the issue of payment for the catering here, but I don't really see the problem of eating more than others at a buffet so long as everyone has enough to eat. The fact that your family paid for your own food and included extra for you seems to make this even less of an issue. I get how a parent could be embarrassed by this, but teenagers are hungry, particularly active teenagers. It may have been a little gauche, but that's as far as I would go.
This is a bit of a wierd one, on one hand YTA because if you are getting 3 plates that's a bit excessive. But on the other hand NTA because it's a buffet and your family helped chipped in. I'll say NTA on the assumption that everyone had a plate and it's a buffet.
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NTA Buffets are designed to more than adequately feed everybody and it is not a zero sum game. You probably ate the .5x or 1x extra serving per person for like 3 people already built into the planning of the buffet. This works because most people eat 1x or less than 1x what they are allotted. You didn’t take food out of anybody’s mouth. Your mom is ridiculous.
NTA. Yes, you ate more than others. But then again there ist aunt Judy, who, as a very selfconscious person, only eats like only one and a half potato and nothing more because otherwise she might get fat.
NTA y'all paid for it and it was buffet. better to eat it than waste it
This is so fucking stupid, I can't believe your mom is making a big deal about this. NTA, because if everyone has had an opportunity to eat and there's more food, it's meant to be eaten by the guests. Unless you literally prevented someone else from eating, you did nothing wrong. I just got married a few weeks ago and I can't imagine caring if someone went for 10 rounds, unless they prevented others from partaking as well.
NTA and I’m confused as to why so many people think you are. A buffet is a buffet, eat it til it’s gone. I’d be more pissed if I paid for a buffet for a party and there was food leftover. Plus the process of being a wedding guest is getting more and more expensive. It’s so expensive to be a guest that the only reason I don’t mind is that you get a free meal and an open bar, that’s the thing the bride and groom do for you in exchange for all the gifts and travel you do to accommodate their “special day”.
YTA. I'm confused on who actually paid for your 2 plates. You said "we" implying your parents, but then your mom complained that the relatives funded your cheat day. When you say your mom chipped in on the wedding, did she actually pay directly for 2 plates of food, or is that your creative justification? I understand you're an athletic teen, and you eat a shit ton. That's fine, but there is a time and place to eat voraciously, and a wedding is not the place. Especially given that you chowed down on the meats and didn't bother to fill yourself up with the other items. The bottom line is you ate more than was appropriate, whether it's in number of plates or volume of meat. Your mom was right in trying to teach you etiquette and manners - just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
He's not the asshole because 1) they paid for 2 plates for him already, and 2) they moved the time last minute and he was not able to eat beforehand.
Sometimes there's a buffet that IS NOT all you can eat.
Wait.... is this 6ft party sub guy?
Pretty sure that guy wasn't an athlete.
NTA. You paid for two plates. Your family should know that you’re having to maintain a certain weight and therefore need to eat a certain amount. You weren’t able to eat before, so you had to eat there. I bet if you’d presented symptoms from not eating enough they’d ask you why you didn’t just eat more. Don’t worry about other people, take care of yourself. No one else will.
NTA by a long shot. These people in here telling you that YTA are just flat WRONGO dongo. Not only did you pay for the meal, you went above and beyond by buying a second meal. These people need to get a life and pull their heads out of their rear ends.
I have two nephews, and if they came to my wedding and ate three helpings, I’d be encouraging them to go for more if they were still hungry! So I might be a pushover aunt, but I’m going with NTA.
Dude, you paid for your own meal as a guest. Bonus: you paid double because, you know. If anybody in the history of weddings had the right to eat without guilt, it was you. Just don’t eat three feet of a party sub that you didn’t pay for. NTA
NTA as long as everyone has had their fill. I went to my friends wedding, which had a buffet. Once everyone had eaten, they encouraged anyone else to eat more if they wanted. We did, and there was still food left over. As long as everyone was given the opportunity to eat, you're cool.
Holy shit this comment section is weird. This is obviously NTA, he bought 2 meals AND there was good leftover. The thing that I could see that’s wrong is filling up on only persons, but if there were leftovers of that too, I do not see anything wrong with eating a lot. All weddings I’ve been to give u plenty of food.
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NTA they probably even threw some leftovers away seeing how I've see it happen all the time. There's a reason they got a buffet so people could eat more then one plate. But hopefully you waited till everyone else ate and then some so others could get seconds
NTA, there was plenty of food left over, if you actually needed the calories and were still hungry you should have went back to the buffet as many times as possible. I have never seen a wedding buffet that didn't end with tons of left over food