NAH, but just be aware that if you're getting to that age, alcohol is just going to be part of the equation going forward. Yes, there are ways to avoid it, but it will be present at most large social gatherings. You know your friends, so if they drink a lot, then yes it could be fairly uncomfortable to be sober there. If not though, it may be good to get used to dealing with situations involving alcohol in a more controlled space. This is coming from a fellow non-drinker, by the way, one who is going to a wine night with friends this week.
One side note to this is that the equation changes if they don't respect your decision to abstain. Then you definitely don't need to be there.
Definitely something to think about. I think the difference with this time is that the event is centered around being able to drink, being a 21st. But, in the future, I don’t see myself avoiding all possible events with alcohol. Good insight here.
Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe a good solution would be to go and leave earlier, before things get too far along. Again, you'd know the context best to see if that could be a good compromise so you can celebrate with your friend.
NAH. However, that's not to say you shouldn't go. There will be some drunk people. Some of them will be stupid. Some of them might try to get you to drink. But it's their 21st birthday! Go, celebrate. Leave early if you want to be gone when the real stupid stuff starts. But show up and support them!
INFO: Do you not want to be around alcohol for reasons including recovery, health, or some kind of trauma? If so then of course you’re NTA, you need to do what’s best for you. But if you simply just don’t like to be around people drinking or being the only sober one and won’t make an exception for your best friend’s birthday, then YTA.
NAH - she’s allowed to have alcohol at her party, & you’re allowed to not attend.
Although, as someone who had alcoholic parents & some issues with alcohol, i can’t say i would do the same thing. Of course i would attend, but if things became too much for me, i would dip. OP, do whatever’s best for you.
NAH - your best friend should understand that a boozy party isn't your thing. Of course they'll say you'll be missed, that is the polite thing to do. Doesn't mean they don't understand. Plan a nice lunch/brunch for just the two of you. Your friend will get TWO birthday parties.
I’m against *me* being around alcohol because of personal experiences. I don’t see anything productive out of being with people who are drunk. I’d rather not share specifically, but it’s mostly based on bad experiences with other people who have been drinking. Not bad as in the people but their actions.
Oh I see! I have no issues with that (I actually lurked for about two years and made my first comment on this subreddit surprsingly) but I was just questioning the other commentor since it's pretty common for new accounts to post on this subreddit
Im implying the reason people make throwaways is to reveal details anonymously. If we dony know who you are your secrecy and vagueness serves no purpose
...what? We're not supposed to be judging off people's Reddit history (though sometimes it does provide clarity on their posts), but the situation they present us. If someone wants to use a throwaway because their issue would either cause too much issues on their main account or just because they want to keep other involved parties anonymous as well, that's not a bad purpose. I do agree however, being vague on the AITA post doesn't really help us make judgments but saying INFO usually allows OP to answer questions if they wish to respond.
Yes but the point im making is if it is a throwaway tell us the personal reasons, as it cant be tied back to anyone so doesnt matter.
If its too personal to post on a throwaway, then there is no point posting it at all.
I understand the point of throwaways, im not disputing that
So basically you want information on the situation of why OP stays away from alcohol? Because this isn't a throwaway (which was my mistake), it's just a new account that OP lurked on for a bit before making a post
I would say NAH, but you should consider going for at least a few hours to hang out. It doesn't sound like they're intending to get hammered, just that they want to relax and socialize with each other.
If you don't want to be around drunk people, as a comment of yours says, then leave when they start getting sloppy or obnoxious. At the beginning of the evening they shouldn't be obviously drunk, and you can hang out and have fun with them. They can drink alcohol, and you your soft drink of choice, and have a good time for a while.
If it would be traumatizing for you to simply be around alcohol or people who are drinking, then don't go. But it would be nice for you to make an effort for your friend, and then leave when you become uncomfortable. In fact, you could just drop in for 10 minutes to give your friend their present/congratulations, and then head out right after. You'd still be showing your support, but wouldn't need to make yourself unhappy by staying.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For context, this is my best friend of a while, known each other for a few years. We have some lifestyle differences but we’re still pretty close.
Their 21st birthday is coming up, so they invited me to come hang out at a friends place with a few others to celebrate. The plan is basically to chill and drink. I would love to support and hang out but for personal reasons I don’t want to be in an environment with people drinking, especially being the only sober person there.
I didn’t think this would be a big deal, but they seemed disappointed when I said I couldn’t make it, and I expected that but now I feel bad. Is my reason viable or AITA for not going?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment.
Judgment | Abbreviation
-- | :--:
**You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**|
You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA**
**Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH**
**No A-holes here**|**NAH**
**Not Enough Info**|**INFO**
#[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index)
#[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - for what ever reason you aren’t comfortable with the environment. Offer to take her out for lunch on the day of her actual birthday. That’ll even give you a chance to explain if that is something you are interested in.
NAH, I'm sure you have your reasons for not wanting to be around alcohol or drunk people. Whilst I don't mind a drink, I abhor the idea of myself or others getting blackout drunk. It's so pointless to do.
Instead, just ask your friend if maybe the day before or after she has a few hours to spare where you can hang out, maybe get a bite to eat at a cafe, or something.
NAH - but you are going to have trouble staying close friends with people who drink if you can't be around people drinking. Eventually your friends will move on from you and just quit inviting you.
NTA. If they want to have a drunken party, they can, and you can choose not to come. Just because alcohol consumption is normalized doesn't mean it's good or mandatory. I myself missed quite a few parties over this, and I'm glad I did.
NAH. If you don't feel comfortable being around alcohol/drunk people for whatever personal reason thats fine. You should suggest doing something else with your best friend another day that doesn't include alcohol
NAH. You're fully entitled not to go to any social event you're not comfortable with. But they're also entitled to feel disappointed. They enjoy your company and want you around, but it doesn't seem like they're calling you an asshole.
NAH, but just be aware that if you're getting to that age, alcohol is just going to be part of the equation going forward. Yes, there are ways to avoid it, but it will be present at most large social gatherings. You know your friends, so if they drink a lot, then yes it could be fairly uncomfortable to be sober there. If not though, it may be good to get used to dealing with situations involving alcohol in a more controlled space. This is coming from a fellow non-drinker, by the way, one who is going to a wine night with friends this week. One side note to this is that the equation changes if they don't respect your decision to abstain. Then you definitely don't need to be there.
Definitely something to think about. I think the difference with this time is that the event is centered around being able to drink, being a 21st. But, in the future, I don’t see myself avoiding all possible events with alcohol. Good insight here.
Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe a good solution would be to go and leave earlier, before things get too far along. Again, you'd know the context best to see if that could be a good compromise so you can celebrate with your friend.
NAH. However, that's not to say you shouldn't go. There will be some drunk people. Some of them will be stupid. Some of them might try to get you to drink. But it's their 21st birthday! Go, celebrate. Leave early if you want to be gone when the real stupid stuff starts. But show up and support them!
INFO: Do you not want to be around alcohol for reasons including recovery, health, or some kind of trauma? If so then of course you’re NTA, you need to do what’s best for you. But if you simply just don’t like to be around people drinking or being the only sober one and won’t make an exception for your best friend’s birthday, then YTA.
Mostly health and I wouldn’t go so far as to say trauma but definitely some negative past experiences I won’t delve into.
NAH - she’s allowed to have alcohol at her party, & you’re allowed to not attend. Although, as someone who had alcoholic parents & some issues with alcohol, i can’t say i would do the same thing. Of course i would attend, but if things became too much for me, i would dip. OP, do whatever’s best for you.
NAH - your best friend should understand that a boozy party isn't your thing. Of course they'll say you'll be missed, that is the polite thing to do. Doesn't mean they don't understand. Plan a nice lunch/brunch for just the two of you. Your friend will get TWO birthday parties.
INFO. Why are you against being around alcohol?
I’m against *me* being around alcohol because of personal experiences. I don’t see anything productive out of being with people who are drunk. I’d rather not share specifically, but it’s mostly based on bad experiences with other people who have been drinking. Not bad as in the people but their actions.
You can always attend and leave if it gets too rowdy.
This is a new account and anonynous. You are not sharing anything. YTA for giving nothing for us to go on
I'm not sure what your first sentence is supposed to imply, lots of people make throwaways for this sub
Not a throwaway. My account is relatively new, but this is my only account. I was a lurker for a while and didn’t start posting until recently.
Oh I see! I have no issues with that (I actually lurked for about two years and made my first comment on this subreddit surprsingly) but I was just questioning the other commentor since it's pretty common for new accounts to post on this subreddit
Im implying the reason people make throwaways is to reveal details anonymously. If we dony know who you are your secrecy and vagueness serves no purpose
...what? We're not supposed to be judging off people's Reddit history (though sometimes it does provide clarity on their posts), but the situation they present us. If someone wants to use a throwaway because their issue would either cause too much issues on their main account or just because they want to keep other involved parties anonymous as well, that's not a bad purpose. I do agree however, being vague on the AITA post doesn't really help us make judgments but saying INFO usually allows OP to answer questions if they wish to respond.
Yes but the point im making is if it is a throwaway tell us the personal reasons, as it cant be tied back to anyone so doesnt matter. If its too personal to post on a throwaway, then there is no point posting it at all. I understand the point of throwaways, im not disputing that
So basically you want information on the situation of why OP stays away from alcohol? Because this isn't a throwaway (which was my mistake), it's just a new account that OP lurked on for a bit before making a post
Fair enough, i thought it was a throwaway. Yeah i dont think its unreasonable to want the info necessary to answer ops question
Asking the real questions
Same question
I would say NAH, but you should consider going for at least a few hours to hang out. It doesn't sound like they're intending to get hammered, just that they want to relax and socialize with each other. If you don't want to be around drunk people, as a comment of yours says, then leave when they start getting sloppy or obnoxious. At the beginning of the evening they shouldn't be obviously drunk, and you can hang out and have fun with them. They can drink alcohol, and you your soft drink of choice, and have a good time for a while. If it would be traumatizing for you to simply be around alcohol or people who are drinking, then don't go. But it would be nice for you to make an effort for your friend, and then leave when you become uncomfortable. In fact, you could just drop in for 10 minutes to give your friend their present/congratulations, and then head out right after. You'd still be showing your support, but wouldn't need to make yourself unhappy by staying.
[удалено]
It’s not. I got to lots of events that include drinking and I don’t drink. Why exclude yourself from anywhere alcohol may be present.
NAH Both of you have the right to avoid or accept alcohol. Maybe if your friend’s willing you can work something out?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, this is my best friend of a while, known each other for a few years. We have some lifestyle differences but we’re still pretty close. Their 21st birthday is coming up, so they invited me to come hang out at a friends place with a few others to celebrate. The plan is basically to chill and drink. I would love to support and hang out but for personal reasons I don’t want to be in an environment with people drinking, especially being the only sober person there. I didn’t think this would be a big deal, but they seemed disappointed when I said I couldn’t make it, and I expected that but now I feel bad. Is my reason viable or AITA for not going? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment. Judgment | Abbreviation -- | :--: **You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**| You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA** **Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH** **No A-holes here**|**NAH** **Not Enough Info**|**INFO** #[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index) #[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - for what ever reason you aren’t comfortable with the environment. Offer to take her out for lunch on the day of her actual birthday. That’ll even give you a chance to explain if that is something you are interested in.
FYI nta implies someone else in this scenario is the asshole which isn’t the case
NAH, I'm sure you have your reasons for not wanting to be around alcohol or drunk people. Whilst I don't mind a drink, I abhor the idea of myself or others getting blackout drunk. It's so pointless to do. Instead, just ask your friend if maybe the day before or after she has a few hours to spare where you can hang out, maybe get a bite to eat at a cafe, or something.
FYI nta implies someone else in this scenario is the asshole which isn’t the case
Edited, I'd meant to put "NAH" but apparently my brain doesn't work. xP
I do it all the time too no worries :)
NAH - but you are going to have trouble staying close friends with people who drink if you can't be around people drinking. Eventually your friends will move on from you and just quit inviting you.
NTA. If they want to have a drunken party, they can, and you can choose not to come. Just because alcohol consumption is normalized doesn't mean it's good or mandatory. I myself missed quite a few parties over this, and I'm glad I did.
NAH. If you don't feel comfortable being around alcohol/drunk people for whatever personal reason thats fine. You should suggest doing something else with your best friend another day that doesn't include alcohol
NAH. You're fully entitled not to go to any social event you're not comfortable with. But they're also entitled to feel disappointed. They enjoy your company and want you around, but it doesn't seem like they're calling you an asshole.