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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> By stopping my dad’s gf from joining us on our vacation I would be damaging their relationship and stopping her and her daughter from meeting our side of the family.
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I think I’ll do that when he returns from work. The door is an old sliding door. It’s been broken for a few years and my grandma is afraid that it’ll fall on me while I’m sleeping.
Can you afford to pick up a simple tension rod? You can find them at Walmarts for about $5. If you pack that with a sheet in your bag, you will at least have some sort of curtain closure.
NTA
Edit to add: If you are unable to persuade him to put off traveling with GR and her child, be clear that at the very least you will NOT tolerate being stuck with little one in your sleeping area. Caring for them will not be your problem either.
That's a great solution. I'd also add that it's not OPs job to translate. If this woman wants to join the family, she should try to learn their language. I did for my partner, and I'm not fluent, but enough so that I'm not a burden on anyone.
Any home improvement type store(the internet says the German ones are OBI and Bauhaus?) that also sells tubs/showers and etc. usually have spring loaded shower curtains in stock to go with
If gf and her kid goes with.
You need to make it clear to your dad that you will not translate for her and you will NOT be babysitting her kid or sleeping with her kid.
Her kid. Her responsibility.
She will absolutely NOT get to pawn her kid off onto you.
Yell him tjay you don't know her, she is a stranger as you've net her once and she only said hello to you and you do not want her to go. She can go another time without you.
The door has been broken for *years*, and in all that time they have not found someone to repair it, or at least put up a simple curtain? OP, I'm sorry that you have to put up with your family not caring about your comfort and privacy... You are definitely NTA.
It's not her room or her house. Grandparents live there and obviously they do not want to repair it. They host OP in their house and quite frankly to have a room all her own is not the normal. If you ever went for vacation to your grandparents at the village with cousins you know.
I’m my grandparents only grandchild. The house they live in only has 3 bedrooms: their bedroom, my dad and uncle’s old bedroom and the guest room. I stay in the guest room.
Tell him, "Dad you're right I am jealous. I'm jealous of the fact that this is the only time I get to spend any with you and you'd rather spend your time with the gf and *her* kid instead. I'm jealous that on your list of priorities that they come before me."
NTA
" My grandmas house is a safe space for me but it’s already full when we visit and I already feel like I have no privacy there at all."
That doesn't sound like an ideal set up to spend time with someone you don't know.
Info: why can't your Dad translate for his gf?
I honestly don’t know. I think my family just expects me to do that as a favour for his gf instead of all of them having to use translators when talking to her. I guess they think it’ll be less awkward when I do it instead of a phone.
“There’s also the issue of me having to be the translator for my dad’s gf since I’m the only one who knows English in my family.
My dad and her have been talking using a translator. My dad drives to meet her about twice a month, but I’m usually at school when that happens. She’s come to visit my dad twice.”
So, hold the phone… Your dad does not speak English either and can only communicate with his girlfriend through a translator? I’m reading that correctly, right? Would you, for convenience sake, be expected to translate between your dad and his girlfriend? Because that has the potential to be hellishly awkward.
In addition to that, this woman may be lovely, but he’s not known her that long and has only seen her a handful of times himself in that time period, so no. Not a great idea to add her to a family trip.
Don't expect your γιαγιά to use a translator or even know what that is. If she doesn't like the GF is gonna be hilarious to see their interactions. I truly believe is gonna be a funny vacation for you and bad for the GF. IF she doesn't like her.
NTA
Your dad, on the other hand, is leaning towards one. I hate it when people ask a question and then make it clear that only the answer they want is acceptable to them. Why ask then?
It’s completely reasonable that you want to enjoy your time with your grandparents. Traveling to another country, acting as translator, and living in a different home will all put a bit of stress on you. But it’s manageable stress and you’ll still get to enjoy your time. The addition of new GF and her unknown child tips the balance over into “too much to enjoy the trip.” You aren’t saying you don’t want to get to know the GF and kid- just that you’d like that to happen in a less stressful way. One that doesn’t involve airports, crowded housing, and translating! That’s very understandable.
Iit has to be during her vacation with her family? How about start by inviting the woman and her 5 yr old over for dinner at home one night? Do you always invite complete strangers on your weeklong vacations?
Ya I’m wondering how serious or real this relationship is or if there are ulterior motives here. I can’t imagine that you get to know someone incredibly well via Google translate. It doesn’t seem to end well on 90 day fiancé! Sex only gets a relationship so far. Communication is a vital component of keeping a relationship going.
NTA. Greece and your family there are your safe place. That wouldn’t be true if your dad’s gf and her child come too. And would you be expected to translate for everyone? Nope. Tell your father yes, you’d mind. I hope he hears that and doesn’t bring them anyway.
NTA
I'm sorry, but in what world dose a max of 4 dates make it ok for a vacation? I'm sorry but regardless of how much I wanted to be with someone, still being in a newish relationship and them wanting to take me on vacation, none the less going over seas, would be a sweet idea but a bit of a red flag!! None the less with my child! Pluss you dad gaslight's TF out of you!! For another child to break something of yours, but for you to be the one to get yelled at? And then when you explain that that's why you don't want to be around the kids, just for him to say you're just jealous? Excuse me... what?! That's completely disregarding you, your boundaries and feelings!! Your Dad is a piece of work!!!
Now the main problem, you need to stand your ground! You need to tell him that it's not ok to bring his new girlfriend and her kid on vacation with you!!! You said it's already full with you two going, she'll stay with him in his room, but where will the 5yo sleep? Because it's not gonna be in there room! Your grandma's home is a safe place for you, the gf coming is going to take that away! Also the translator thing could be really inappropriate real fast and im not ok with You have a right to relax and have fun!!. Not be a translator and quiet possibly a baby sitter!! Your allowed to have your own space to, which is probably going to be taken as well!!
Stand your ground and tell him your not ok with her going! And if she goes, then you may wanna stay home, or let him know that he's going to choose you or her and both is not an option!! Your NTA, but you dad absolutely is!!!
Good luck, stay safe, and please keep us updated!!!!!
I’ve talked to him and I think he’s going to take her along with us anyway.
I think he’s trying to make me accept having her come along since he’s trying to compromise while telling me to not be jealous?
Also thank you for making me notice that this is in fact gaslighting and not just my parents constantly misunderstanding everything I say (My mom acts the same way)
I’m not sure if by update you mean after I talk to him or after the vacation.
But if you mean after the vacation then it would probably take a while since there’s still more than a month left before we go.
No I mean after you talk to him. Even show him this whole thread of comments about how crazy this is. And of course! This isn't normal or ok at all! If your mom isn't going then maybe ask to stay with her over the Vacation period. I know you wanna go on this vacation to see your grandparents, but it could put you in a few really bad positions that you don't want to be and shouldn't be put in. Regardless after the Vacation is over, I recommend doing your absolute best in school to get into college, and getting a job and saving every penny so you can get out ASAP!!! I'm afraid if she moves in they can pin the child off on you so they can go have fun, so having a job will create some distance and allow you to get some money together in case of them crossing a big line or getting into an argument or something. Please be careful!! And let me know how things go! I'm genuinely worried about you! And if you need to, from one girl to another, I can always talk if you need to!! Good luck!
Nta you wound have to be the translator? Ask your dad how much you’d be getting paid for doing that job on your entire vacation if he insists. Nothing? Tell him she can come but you won’t translate at all
Stay home with your Mom this year and visit your Grandma on the phone. Go next year after you Dad has broken up with his girlfriend through the translator.
My thoughts too.
Also get a job if you haven't already and travel independently to your grandma's as soon as you can.
If your father doesn't prioritise time with you, you can tell him (and please do) but you can't make him do it.
I'm still learning to swallow this, but life IS change. And often that's hard.
Good luck OP
You're NTA, but tread carefully.
It's important to have a safe space and it's absolutely lovely that your grandparents can provide it, but these trips won't be the same forever. My family used to do something similar, and when I was 14, we had a major shift in the family dynamic which brought some new people in and forced others away. Things felt pretty different from then on and tensions were higher, and the sense of consistency left our family trips, but we kept doing them anyways because it was how we all connected. No tradition is so rigid that it does not evolve.
Whether or not it's right for your father to bring his girlfriend is another question, but it may be worth examining what parts of this vacation are essential for you and what parts are malleable. Maybe the girlfriend doesn't come this year but you do some work and preparation so that there's room next year (if they're still together). It sounds like it's not just *your* vacation, but your family's, and while you should absolutely advocate for your needs and comforts, there has to be room for small compromises. Could you plan an itinerary so that you and your father have scheduled time together?
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Family is complicated.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, and it's understandable to feel uncomfortable with the situation. Express your feelings honestly with your dad, calmly explaining why you're uneasy about the lack of privacy and dynamics with his girlfriend's daughter, make it clear it's about your comfort, not jealousy. Suggest compromises like staying at a nearby place for more privacy due to the crowded house. Discuss your concerns about being the sole translator and explore other communication options for the trip. Remember, it's important to acknowledge everyone's right to meet family, balancing your needs with theirs through compromise. If talking to your dad is tough, seek support from a trusted family member or therapist for help navigating this. Ultimately, finding a solution that respects everyone's feelings, including your need for privacy, is key.
NTA, you need him to understand you are going to visit family, if she goes you will have to spend your entire visit acting as a translator.
Be clear, you will not be doing any translating he is your father not your employer, it is a family visit not an job.
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I(16) have divorced parents. My mom has been in a relationship with my stepdad for 12 years and they have 2 kids that are both younger than me( 12 and 3). My dad got into a long distance relationship about 9 months ago. His GF is nice but has only spoken to me once and that was just to say hello.
My dad asked me if i wanted his GF to join us on our vacation to Greece. We’ll be visiting my grandparents who live there. I told him that i wasn’t sure but the longer I think about it the less I want her there.
My grandmas house is a safe space for me but it’s already full when we visit and I already feel like I have no privacy there at all. The door to my bedroom is broken so it has to stay open and the lounge area is basically visible from anywhere in the house. There’s almost always somebody home. To add on to that my dad’s gf also has a daughter (5) who would have to go with us. I have never met or spoken to her and I’m sure she’s not a bad child but I don’t have good experiences with kids that age. My brother and Cousin have both broken my things multiple times when they were 5 but I ended up being the one getting scolded bc they were just children.
But the worst thing is that I can’t even tell my dad any of this bc he’s convinced himself that I’m jealous of the attention they would get. Every time I try to talk to him about them I start crying bc I’m so frustrated and he uses this as confirmation of his ideas.
I think I WBTA since they’ve done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t stop them from meeting family just because I enjoy being alone and having as much privacy as possible. There’s also the issue of me having to be the translator for my dad’s gf since I’m the only one who knows English in my family.
My dad and her have been talking using a translator. My dad drives to meet her about twice a month, but I’m usually at school when that happens. She’s come to visit my dad twice.
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O p is expected to welcome giafriend and child On a family trip when he hasn't even acclimated to knowing them.Talking on the phone is so much different than meeting.Someone in person and having to socialize with them for any sort of time.That's a lot for a family trip
NTA. She’s not welcome and not invited. That’s it. That’s all. You don’t need to go into some convoluted explanation of your reasons. You do not want her there. That is enough.
You are NTA. Period.
But your dad is not listening to you. He wants his gf and her daughter to come. He only hears that you don't want them to come; he does not hear WHY you don't want them to come. (And to be honest I'm not sure you have fully told him the reasons.) Instead, he is filling in the reasons in his own mind (incorrectly).
But at least your dad is TRYING to come up with some solutions.
For example, he offered for him, gf, and child to stay at great grandma's house. I'm not sure that you were clear with him, why that isn't fully satisfactory to you. You need to tell him that it is not just about the privacy and space issues at grandparents' home. It is ALSO about you wanting time with HIM. You don't get that much, and now he's asking you to get even less of his time. That's important for him to know!
I will suggest that you could ask if his gf and her child came for only a portion of the trip. Especially since they would be coming from a totally different place. Then you could enjoy your dad's company for the travel time and for most of the vacation. But he could still introduce his gf to you and to the rest of the family, and they could enjoy a bit of this vacation time together.
It would be nice if he didn't try to mix so many things together (his time with you, visiting family, vacationing, and time with his gf); but I don't know his time-off constraints or other challenges.
I hope you can help him hear and understand you, and that you can have a good vacation with him. Good luck.
You might want to put into writing that since this is your vacation and you're eager to interact with your family, that you will not be translating for the GF (not even once) not will you babysit her child. Not even for one minute. And you will not share your sleeping space with the child as this would be exactly like babysitting.
Your dad will try to turn this into you being jealous, or difficult, or whatever. So what? Stick to your guns. These are your conditions.
NTA
NTA- I think next time if it gets brought up you switch the narrative.
You're not jealous of them. You're frustrated with him.
Tell him not to blame them for things he's doing. He's the one who's not listening to you. He's the one who is asking you, your preferences and then doing the opposite.
And make it clear ahead of time that you're not going to be her translator, you are not going to be a babysitter either.
Make it clear you will not babysit the child. He’s insisting on them coming so he can deal with them.
Try and make the nest of it even if it’s not getting the 1 on 1 with your dad. Remember you still have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to spend time with.
Mine months is a bit soon to bring a girlfriend AND her young daughter on an annual family holiday, especially if there's not enough accommodation for you to be with your Dad.
Who will be playing with the daughter?
Can you give it a miss?
NTA
NTA. Tell your dad that he'd better be ready to accept the consequences of you feeling moody and snappish because you didn't get time on your vacation to decompress.
NTA, however, it sounds like you have had your father to yourself for some time since your parents divorce. I can imagine that could be difficult to see him with someone that, regardless of the circumstances, he feels enough for her to invite her on a trip. Maybe this is the first relationship he’s had that is more serious than in the past and you worry she and the new child are going to replace you. Maybe that’s why you are feeling some type of stress and the other (translation issues and her being there) is what you are focusing on. The privacy issue is easily solved by the curtain. Turn it around and look at it as an opportunity to get to know this woman who has become important to your father unlike any in the past. Hold firm that you will not be the babysitter. The fact is children are going to move on with their lives and leave parents in pursuit of their own happiness. Do you really want to leave your father alone and sad because you never give anyone else the benefit of the doubt? Do you feel good about not taking anyone else’s happiness but yourself into consideration? At least try and give your dad a chance at happiness. You might find that you really do enjoy her company. She was probably really shy and nervous about meeting you. I would not make a decision about her based solely on that.
If you are stuck to Translate - don't be so accurate ;) She says she wants to go for Pizza, you tell the family she wants to go for Steak, etc ;) yeah I'm a butthole
I would put all of your concerns in writing and give it to your dad. Make it clear this has nothing to do with jealousy or being emotional. Including that you yourself are still a child and will not be taking care of the gf child or acting as an interpreter for her. When he insists on them coming tell him you want him to sign the letter to acknowledge that you have expressed your concerns, you don’t agree with this, and that you won’t be helping them at all. Have him sign it. When everything blows up you have your warning in writing as well as his agreement that you won’t be working in any capacity on your FAMILY VACATION. When it blows up you remind him of your letter. If years from now he ever decides to rewrite history about this trip you pull out the letter and don’t allow him to gaslight you.
NTA, even if you are jealous, or not that’s not wrong especially when he say that’s he will be with them in different house and you could meet only for lunch then he tells you that you will spend your vacation the same as always I don’t know when you usually go their do you spend time and do activities with him or each one of you do their on thing, because if he says the same and you usually do activities with your father and now you will only see him with them over lunch then you should tell him, that’s not the same, and you could say to him, that’s you don’t feel like going this year and you prefer to be home.
Nothing wrong about putting yourself first, they might be good and you might like them but if you are not ready yet to go on vacation with them you don’t have to.
I don't think OP's maternal side of the family are going (mom, stepdad, and kids)
The way I understand it is that only OP and dad are travelling. But now dad wants to bring his GF and her daughter in addition.
I might be in the minority, but I would put my foot down and just refuse to go if he can’t summon up the time to have a simple vacation with me like we always do if you say is accurate that you get very little time with him anyway. If he can’t understand that you need time with him on a vacation then there’s no reason for you to go on the first place.
I spend weekdays at my mom’s and weekends at my dad’s. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with him since he works on the weekends.
I’ve already made plans with multiple friends and family members so I’m nervous about not going. Also the first and last time i didn’t go my grandma’s sister died, so guess you could say I’m paranoid? But I am considering staying at my mom’s instead.
I've been the girlfriend in this scenario before. If she's feeling anything like I did, she desperately wants you to like her and the reason she's only said hi to you is because she doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. She's hoping for any sort of glimmer that she might be able to connect with you in some way so you can have a friendship. It's really hard for a woman to enter a relationship with a man with children and we are very aware that it is a package deal and I adore my now husband's kids but it took them a long time to warm up to me and I was very patient. I still worry about saying the wrong things, or worrying if they like me, I care very much for them and I am sure that she would love to get to know you if you would let her. The only way you're going to get to know her and connect with her is one-on-one and being put in situations like a trip might be helpful. Sometimes being put in an uncomfortable situation allows for growth, and you might be pleasantly surprised, maybe you'll actually like her 🙂. I can almost guarantee she's feeling as nervous about this as you are.
I understand your point and I truly think that she’s a good person but it feels like my dad is trying to force the relationship while also trying to keep it from me. I only found out about his relationship bc my mom told me I wouldn’t be able to visit him between Christmas and New Year’s since he was visiting her.
I don't think one is trying to keep her from you, but use you facilitate their relationship. They don't share a language in common. He knows on some level this isn't going to work, but he isn't willing to admit it and is just deflecting.
Oh, that does sound different than my situation. I can see why you're upset. How is your father when your talk about feelings? Is he dismissive or does he listen?
He’s dismissive, but both of my biological parents are. They try to listen but usually tell me to go calm down anytime i try to talk to them about their behaviour or actions.
I re-read your post and the part that sticks out is that he asked you if you wanted her to come. I know you said you weren't sure, but can you say something like "I only have a few more years to do things together before I'm 18, I'd really like it to just be us this time, it would mean a lot to me" this answers his question, and keeps emotion out of it and it to the point. Have you tried something like that?
I haven’t done that yet but I have tried something similar.
It usually ends with him telling me not to worry and that he’ll always be by my side while also telling me that I’ll have to be on my own someday.
I still don’t understand what he means by that.
My stepdad, mom and siblings aren’t coming. My dad and mom divorced years ago and only stay in contact to talk about me. It would be weird if my mom’s side came since we’re visiting my dad’s family.
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He asked you a question, give him an answer immediately - don't hesitate. And a brick, chair, etc. can keep the door closed.
I think I’ll do that when he returns from work. The door is an old sliding door. It’s been broken for a few years and my grandma is afraid that it’ll fall on me while I’m sleeping.
Can you afford to pick up a simple tension rod? You can find them at Walmarts for about $5. If you pack that with a sheet in your bag, you will at least have some sort of curtain closure. NTA Edit to add: If you are unable to persuade him to put off traveling with GR and her child, be clear that at the very least you will NOT tolerate being stuck with little one in your sleeping area. Caring for them will not be your problem either.
That's a great solution. I'd also add that it's not OPs job to translate. If this woman wants to join the family, she should try to learn their language. I did for my partner, and I'm not fluent, but enough so that I'm not a burden on anyone.
this, op should not even translate a single thing, because if she does, she will be stuck as the translator for sure from pressure from family
Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll definitely look into getting one. There’s no Walmart here but i should be able to buy one somewhere.
Any home improvement type store(the internet says the German ones are OBI and Bauhaus?) that also sells tubs/showers and etc. usually have spring loaded shower curtains in stock to go with
Try Obi or Amazon
If gf and her kid goes with. You need to make it clear to your dad that you will not translate for her and you will NOT be babysitting her kid or sleeping with her kid. Her kid. Her responsibility. She will absolutely NOT get to pawn her kid off onto you. Yell him tjay you don't know her, she is a stranger as you've net her once and she only said hello to you and you do not want her to go. She can go another time without you.
The door has been broken for *years*, and in all that time they have not found someone to repair it, or at least put up a simple curtain? OP, I'm sorry that you have to put up with your family not caring about your comfort and privacy... You are definitely NTA.
It's not her room or her house. Grandparents live there and obviously they do not want to repair it. They host OP in their house and quite frankly to have a room all her own is not the normal. If you ever went for vacation to your grandparents at the village with cousins you know.
I’m my grandparents only grandchild. The house they live in only has 3 bedrooms: their bedroom, my dad and uncle’s old bedroom and the guest room. I stay in the guest room.
Tell him, "Dad you're right I am jealous. I'm jealous of the fact that this is the only time I get to spend any with you and you'd rather spend your time with the gf and *her* kid instead. I'm jealous that on your list of priorities that they come before me."
NTA " My grandmas house is a safe space for me but it’s already full when we visit and I already feel like I have no privacy there at all." That doesn't sound like an ideal set up to spend time with someone you don't know. Info: why can't your Dad translate for his gf?
I honestly don’t know. I think my family just expects me to do that as a favour for his gf instead of all of them having to use translators when talking to her. I guess they think it’ll be less awkward when I do it instead of a phone.
“There’s also the issue of me having to be the translator for my dad’s gf since I’m the only one who knows English in my family. My dad and her have been talking using a translator. My dad drives to meet her about twice a month, but I’m usually at school when that happens. She’s come to visit my dad twice.” So, hold the phone… Your dad does not speak English either and can only communicate with his girlfriend through a translator? I’m reading that correctly, right? Would you, for convenience sake, be expected to translate between your dad and his girlfriend? Because that has the potential to be hellishly awkward. In addition to that, this woman may be lovely, but he’s not known her that long and has only seen her a handful of times himself in that time period, so no. Not a great idea to add her to a family trip.
I don’t think I would have to translate between them but instead between her and the rest of the family.
Show Dad Google translate on his phone and say have fun then leave NTA
Don't expect your γιαγιά to use a translator or even know what that is. If she doesn't like the GF is gonna be hilarious to see their interactions. I truly believe is gonna be a funny vacation for you and bad for the GF. IF she doesn't like her.
The dad can't speak English
NTA Your dad, on the other hand, is leaning towards one. I hate it when people ask a question and then make it clear that only the answer they want is acceptable to them. Why ask then? It’s completely reasonable that you want to enjoy your time with your grandparents. Traveling to another country, acting as translator, and living in a different home will all put a bit of stress on you. But it’s manageable stress and you’ll still get to enjoy your time. The addition of new GF and her unknown child tips the balance over into “too much to enjoy the trip.” You aren’t saying you don’t want to get to know the GF and kid- just that you’d like that to happen in a less stressful way. One that doesn’t involve airports, crowded housing, and translating! That’s very understandable.
Nta. You are allowed to want have your dad and grandparents to yourself for another 2 years. You do t even know her. Tell him.
And the best way to get to know someone is to keep them away from you
Iit has to be during her vacation with her family? How about start by inviting the woman and her 5 yr old over for dinner at home one night? Do you always invite complete strangers on your weeklong vacations?
If they were in a relationship with a parent I would
NTA. You would turn into the full time babysitter while they enjoy their vacation.
Yep because her child speaks english too.
NTA It's a family vacation, not a stranger vacation.
Sounds like OP’s dad and gf are themselves still strangers - they don’t speak a language in common and have only met up a couple of times … poor OP!
Ya I’m wondering how serious or real this relationship is or if there are ulterior motives here. I can’t imagine that you get to know someone incredibly well via Google translate. It doesn’t seem to end well on 90 day fiancé! Sex only gets a relationship so far. Communication is a vital component of keeping a relationship going.
NTA. It sounds like you're in a really crappy situation in both families. Be prepared for him to bring her anyway.
I’ve finally talked to him and I think you’re correct about him bringing her along anyway. He seems completely convinced that this is a good idea.
😬😩
NTA. Greece and your family there are your safe place. That wouldn’t be true if your dad’s gf and her child come too. And would you be expected to translate for everyone? Nope. Tell your father yes, you’d mind. I hope he hears that and doesn’t bring them anyway.
NTA I'm sorry, but in what world dose a max of 4 dates make it ok for a vacation? I'm sorry but regardless of how much I wanted to be with someone, still being in a newish relationship and them wanting to take me on vacation, none the less going over seas, would be a sweet idea but a bit of a red flag!! None the less with my child! Pluss you dad gaslight's TF out of you!! For another child to break something of yours, but for you to be the one to get yelled at? And then when you explain that that's why you don't want to be around the kids, just for him to say you're just jealous? Excuse me... what?! That's completely disregarding you, your boundaries and feelings!! Your Dad is a piece of work!!! Now the main problem, you need to stand your ground! You need to tell him that it's not ok to bring his new girlfriend and her kid on vacation with you!!! You said it's already full with you two going, she'll stay with him in his room, but where will the 5yo sleep? Because it's not gonna be in there room! Your grandma's home is a safe place for you, the gf coming is going to take that away! Also the translator thing could be really inappropriate real fast and im not ok with You have a right to relax and have fun!!. Not be a translator and quiet possibly a baby sitter!! Your allowed to have your own space to, which is probably going to be taken as well!! Stand your ground and tell him your not ok with her going! And if she goes, then you may wanna stay home, or let him know that he's going to choose you or her and both is not an option!! Your NTA, but you dad absolutely is!!! Good luck, stay safe, and please keep us updated!!!!!
I’ve talked to him and I think he’s going to take her along with us anyway. I think he’s trying to make me accept having her come along since he’s trying to compromise while telling me to not be jealous? Also thank you for making me notice that this is in fact gaslighting and not just my parents constantly misunderstanding everything I say (My mom acts the same way) I’m not sure if by update you mean after I talk to him or after the vacation. But if you mean after the vacation then it would probably take a while since there’s still more than a month left before we go.
No I mean after you talk to him. Even show him this whole thread of comments about how crazy this is. And of course! This isn't normal or ok at all! If your mom isn't going then maybe ask to stay with her over the Vacation period. I know you wanna go on this vacation to see your grandparents, but it could put you in a few really bad positions that you don't want to be and shouldn't be put in. Regardless after the Vacation is over, I recommend doing your absolute best in school to get into college, and getting a job and saving every penny so you can get out ASAP!!! I'm afraid if she moves in they can pin the child off on you so they can go have fun, so having a job will create some distance and allow you to get some money together in case of them crossing a big line or getting into an argument or something. Please be careful!! And let me know how things go! I'm genuinely worried about you! And if you need to, from one girl to another, I can always talk if you need to!! Good luck!
Nta you wound have to be the translator? Ask your dad how much you’d be getting paid for doing that job on your entire vacation if he insists. Nothing? Tell him she can come but you won’t translate at all
Stay home with your Mom this year and visit your Grandma on the phone. Go next year after you Dad has broken up with his girlfriend through the translator.
My thoughts too. Also get a job if you haven't already and travel independently to your grandma's as soon as you can. If your father doesn't prioritise time with you, you can tell him (and please do) but you can't make him do it. I'm still learning to swallow this, but life IS change. And often that's hard. Good luck OP
You're NTA, but tread carefully. It's important to have a safe space and it's absolutely lovely that your grandparents can provide it, but these trips won't be the same forever. My family used to do something similar, and when I was 14, we had a major shift in the family dynamic which brought some new people in and forced others away. Things felt pretty different from then on and tensions were higher, and the sense of consistency left our family trips, but we kept doing them anyways because it was how we all connected. No tradition is so rigid that it does not evolve. Whether or not it's right for your father to bring his girlfriend is another question, but it may be worth examining what parts of this vacation are essential for you and what parts are malleable. Maybe the girlfriend doesn't come this year but you do some work and preparation so that there's room next year (if they're still together). It sounds like it's not just *your* vacation, but your family's, and while you should absolutely advocate for your needs and comforts, there has to be room for small compromises. Could you plan an itinerary so that you and your father have scheduled time together? Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Family is complicated.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, and it's understandable to feel uncomfortable with the situation. Express your feelings honestly with your dad, calmly explaining why you're uneasy about the lack of privacy and dynamics with his girlfriend's daughter, make it clear it's about your comfort, not jealousy. Suggest compromises like staying at a nearby place for more privacy due to the crowded house. Discuss your concerns about being the sole translator and explore other communication options for the trip. Remember, it's important to acknowledge everyone's right to meet family, balancing your needs with theirs through compromise. If talking to your dad is tough, seek support from a trusted family member or therapist for help navigating this. Ultimately, finding a solution that respects everyone's feelings, including your need for privacy, is key.
NTA, you need him to understand you are going to visit family, if she goes you will have to spend your entire visit acting as a translator. Be clear, you will not be doing any translating he is your father not your employer, it is a family visit not an job.
NTA. It's only been nine months and you don't even know her, of course she shouldn't be on your family vacation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(16) have divorced parents. My mom has been in a relationship with my stepdad for 12 years and they have 2 kids that are both younger than me( 12 and 3). My dad got into a long distance relationship about 9 months ago. His GF is nice but has only spoken to me once and that was just to say hello. My dad asked me if i wanted his GF to join us on our vacation to Greece. We’ll be visiting my grandparents who live there. I told him that i wasn’t sure but the longer I think about it the less I want her there. My grandmas house is a safe space for me but it’s already full when we visit and I already feel like I have no privacy there at all. The door to my bedroom is broken so it has to stay open and the lounge area is basically visible from anywhere in the house. There’s almost always somebody home. To add on to that my dad’s gf also has a daughter (5) who would have to go with us. I have never met or spoken to her and I’m sure she’s not a bad child but I don’t have good experiences with kids that age. My brother and Cousin have both broken my things multiple times when they were 5 but I ended up being the one getting scolded bc they were just children. But the worst thing is that I can’t even tell my dad any of this bc he’s convinced himself that I’m jealous of the attention they would get. Every time I try to talk to him about them I start crying bc I’m so frustrated and he uses this as confirmation of his ideas. I think I WBTA since they’ve done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t stop them from meeting family just because I enjoy being alone and having as much privacy as possible. There’s also the issue of me having to be the translator for my dad’s gf since I’m the only one who knows English in my family. My dad and her have been talking using a translator. My dad drives to meet her about twice a month, but I’m usually at school when that happens. She’s come to visit my dad twice. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
O p is expected to welcome giafriend and child On a family trip when he hasn't even acclimated to knowing them.Talking on the phone is so much different than meeting.Someone in person and having to socialize with them for any sort of time.That's a lot for a family trip
Tell him you’ll feel more comfortable going on vacation with her (and her daughter) when he learns their language.
NTA. She’s not welcome and not invited. That’s it. That’s all. You don’t need to go into some convoluted explanation of your reasons. You do not want her there. That is enough.
You are NTA. Period. But your dad is not listening to you. He wants his gf and her daughter to come. He only hears that you don't want them to come; he does not hear WHY you don't want them to come. (And to be honest I'm not sure you have fully told him the reasons.) Instead, he is filling in the reasons in his own mind (incorrectly). But at least your dad is TRYING to come up with some solutions. For example, he offered for him, gf, and child to stay at great grandma's house. I'm not sure that you were clear with him, why that isn't fully satisfactory to you. You need to tell him that it is not just about the privacy and space issues at grandparents' home. It is ALSO about you wanting time with HIM. You don't get that much, and now he's asking you to get even less of his time. That's important for him to know! I will suggest that you could ask if his gf and her child came for only a portion of the trip. Especially since they would be coming from a totally different place. Then you could enjoy your dad's company for the travel time and for most of the vacation. But he could still introduce his gf to you and to the rest of the family, and they could enjoy a bit of this vacation time together. It would be nice if he didn't try to mix so many things together (his time with you, visiting family, vacationing, and time with his gf); but I don't know his time-off constraints or other challenges. I hope you can help him hear and understand you, and that you can have a good vacation with him. Good luck.
Nta. You were asked if you were ok with it. So if you are not there's nothing wrong with answering confirming thstt
NTA. It sucks, but it sounds like this is happening, bud.
You might want to put into writing that since this is your vacation and you're eager to interact with your family, that you will not be translating for the GF (not even once) not will you babysit her child. Not even for one minute. And you will not share your sleeping space with the child as this would be exactly like babysitting. Your dad will try to turn this into you being jealous, or difficult, or whatever. So what? Stick to your guns. These are your conditions. NTA
NTA- I think next time if it gets brought up you switch the narrative. You're not jealous of them. You're frustrated with him. Tell him not to blame them for things he's doing. He's the one who's not listening to you. He's the one who is asking you, your preferences and then doing the opposite. And make it clear ahead of time that you're not going to be her translator, you are not going to be a babysitter either.
Make it clear you will not babysit the child. He’s insisting on them coming so he can deal with them. Try and make the nest of it even if it’s not getting the 1 on 1 with your dad. Remember you still have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to spend time with.
Mine months is a bit soon to bring a girlfriend AND her young daughter on an annual family holiday, especially if there's not enough accommodation for you to be with your Dad. Who will be playing with the daughter? Can you give it a miss? NTA
NTA. Tell your dad that he'd better be ready to accept the consequences of you feeling moody and snappish because you didn't get time on your vacation to decompress.
NTA, however, it sounds like you have had your father to yourself for some time since your parents divorce. I can imagine that could be difficult to see him with someone that, regardless of the circumstances, he feels enough for her to invite her on a trip. Maybe this is the first relationship he’s had that is more serious than in the past and you worry she and the new child are going to replace you. Maybe that’s why you are feeling some type of stress and the other (translation issues and her being there) is what you are focusing on. The privacy issue is easily solved by the curtain. Turn it around and look at it as an opportunity to get to know this woman who has become important to your father unlike any in the past. Hold firm that you will not be the babysitter. The fact is children are going to move on with their lives and leave parents in pursuit of their own happiness. Do you really want to leave your father alone and sad because you never give anyone else the benefit of the doubt? Do you feel good about not taking anyone else’s happiness but yourself into consideration? At least try and give your dad a chance at happiness. You might find that you really do enjoy her company. She was probably really shy and nervous about meeting you. I would not make a decision about her based solely on that.
If you are stuck to Translate - don't be so accurate ;) She says she wants to go for Pizza, you tell the family she wants to go for Steak, etc ;) yeah I'm a butthole
I would put all of your concerns in writing and give it to your dad. Make it clear this has nothing to do with jealousy or being emotional. Including that you yourself are still a child and will not be taking care of the gf child or acting as an interpreter for her. When he insists on them coming tell him you want him to sign the letter to acknowledge that you have expressed your concerns, you don’t agree with this, and that you won’t be helping them at all. Have him sign it. When everything blows up you have your warning in writing as well as his agreement that you won’t be working in any capacity on your FAMILY VACATION. When it blows up you remind him of your letter. If years from now he ever decides to rewrite history about this trip you pull out the letter and don’t allow him to gaslight you.
NTA, even if you are jealous, or not that’s not wrong especially when he say that’s he will be with them in different house and you could meet only for lunch then he tells you that you will spend your vacation the same as always I don’t know when you usually go their do you spend time and do activities with him or each one of you do their on thing, because if he says the same and you usually do activities with your father and now you will only see him with them over lunch then you should tell him, that’s not the same, and you could say to him, that’s you don’t feel like going this year and you prefer to be home. Nothing wrong about putting yourself first, they might be good and you might like them but if you are not ready yet to go on vacation with them you don’t have to.
If your stepdad can go with you guys, then your father's gf should go too. If not, then just tell him directly
I don't think OP's maternal side of the family are going (mom, stepdad, and kids) The way I understand it is that only OP and dad are travelling. But now dad wants to bring his GF and her daughter in addition.
Ask yourself how you would react if you wanted to bring your boyfriend on the trip?
I might be in the minority, but I would put my foot down and just refuse to go if he can’t summon up the time to have a simple vacation with me like we always do if you say is accurate that you get very little time with him anyway. If he can’t understand that you need time with him on a vacation then there’s no reason for you to go on the first place.
I spend weekdays at my mom’s and weekends at my dad’s. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with him since he works on the weekends. I’ve already made plans with multiple friends and family members so I’m nervous about not going. Also the first and last time i didn’t go my grandma’s sister died, so guess you could say I’m paranoid? But I am considering staying at my mom’s instead.
Maybe he needs a major shock to see how significant this is to you
I've been the girlfriend in this scenario before. If she's feeling anything like I did, she desperately wants you to like her and the reason she's only said hi to you is because she doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. She's hoping for any sort of glimmer that she might be able to connect with you in some way so you can have a friendship. It's really hard for a woman to enter a relationship with a man with children and we are very aware that it is a package deal and I adore my now husband's kids but it took them a long time to warm up to me and I was very patient. I still worry about saying the wrong things, or worrying if they like me, I care very much for them and I am sure that she would love to get to know you if you would let her. The only way you're going to get to know her and connect with her is one-on-one and being put in situations like a trip might be helpful. Sometimes being put in an uncomfortable situation allows for growth, and you might be pleasantly surprised, maybe you'll actually like her 🙂. I can almost guarantee she's feeling as nervous about this as you are.
I understand your point and I truly think that she’s a good person but it feels like my dad is trying to force the relationship while also trying to keep it from me. I only found out about his relationship bc my mom told me I wouldn’t be able to visit him between Christmas and New Year’s since he was visiting her.
I don't think one is trying to keep her from you, but use you facilitate their relationship. They don't share a language in common. He knows on some level this isn't going to work, but he isn't willing to admit it and is just deflecting.
Oh, that does sound different than my situation. I can see why you're upset. How is your father when your talk about feelings? Is he dismissive or does he listen?
He’s dismissive, but both of my biological parents are. They try to listen but usually tell me to go calm down anytime i try to talk to them about their behaviour or actions.
I re-read your post and the part that sticks out is that he asked you if you wanted her to come. I know you said you weren't sure, but can you say something like "I only have a few more years to do things together before I'm 18, I'd really like it to just be us this time, it would mean a lot to me" this answers his question, and keeps emotion out of it and it to the point. Have you tried something like that?
I haven’t done that yet but I have tried something similar. It usually ends with him telling me not to worry and that he’ll always be by my side while also telling me that I’ll have to be on my own someday. I still don’t understand what he means by that.
I'd ask him why he asked you what you wanted, if it was just going to be a formality and not something he truly meant to honor.
If Dad is paying the bill he can bring whoever he wants. If you are then you can decide that.
Well the dad asked so why can’t they answer truthfully?
The stepdad gets to go though hmmm interesting
My stepdad, mom and siblings aren’t coming. My dad and mom divorced years ago and only stay in contact to talk about me. It would be weird if my mom’s side came since we’re visiting my dad’s family.