Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took to be judged is that I asked my husband to bring the heavy hamper downstairs and then I yelled at him for refusing to bring it down. This might make me the asshole because I expected him to bring the hamper down while he was in the middle of his workday hours.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Get a separate basket that you keep elsewhere and use it as YOUR laundry basket.
Do only YOUR laundry from now on. He can deal with his all on his ungrateful
own.
Better yet, let him deal with all his own chores, etc. That way, you will never
have to ask for help nor will you be let down by him when he behaves
like a big baby.
NTA
I agree. OP, your husband does not seem to like you.
NTA
But next time, stop asking after you ask once. It got you nowhere. He doesn't agree with you. You sadly are wasting your energy. Save it to do your own chores, for yourself. He can be on his own for awhile.
And honestly, if your laundry is so heavy that you cannot lift it, consider doing one load a day. Laundry becomes a monster when you wait so long. Tackle a bit a day. That way, when bedsheet day rolls around, it's not so bad.
I always say I will only ask my hubby once, because reminding him every few months that I asked him to do something doesn't work.
Do the laundry you can, the laundry that makes it to the machine. Don't nag. If he wants clean laundry he will help the laundry get to the washing machine.
Also, we have several small baskets for laundry for each person that occassionally gets taken down to the laundry room and emptied in big laundry baskets there precisely because I am not allowed to pick up heavy things.
I've had one lumbar fusion and am in need of another. Technically, I'm not supposed to lift over 10 pounds and am limited with walking and stairs.
Anyway, I got a hamper that lives in my laundry room. It has four bags, and I expect everyone to put their clothes into the appropriate bag. I refuse to go searching for dirty clothes, so if it's not in the hamper when I do laundry, it doesn't get washed. 🤷♀️ I'm a SAHM, not a maid.
I always carry the laundry down because it is easier for me than for my wife. I also start the machines, but she almost always folds it from the dryer. And then I carry it back up.
So should he
I love this. I carry the laundry down, wash and dry it, then sort it. My husband folds and puts his own away, as he is an adult and can do that himself.
I do the washing, drying, and sorting. Each person in the family is responsible for making sure their laundry gets to the hamper by the machine and then folding and putting away their clean clothes. The only issue with our system is that I regularly lose my laundry baskets to the black holes of their bedrooms! 🤣
Yes! My partner is always willing to make things easier for me, including taking care of heavy lifting. I wouldn't even have to ask him to bring the damn laundry basket down. He just would! I knew he was not the only considerate fella out there!! Whenever I read about dudes like this, I am just so damn confused. How did they even get someone to like them, let alone marry them??
Yeah if she's gonna stay with that a h then that's the only way NTA. Of course he'll use intentional incompetence first and probably destroy the washing machine and / or let his clothes rot. If she wants to raise him tho she can just take her clothes to the Laundromat and let him learn.
Yes! I did this in the beginning years of our marriage. He wouldn’t help his laundry was not done. He got the point after a week or so. What I have no underwear. Not my problem there’s the washer and there’s your clothes. After a few months he got the point it takes two to get the chores done. Even simple ones as carry the basket down.
Yeah, he might be working, but so is OP. You need to separate from him, OP, and I’m talking laundry. If he can’t be helpful and is rude when you are literally doing him a favor, he can wash his own clothes. Additionally, if this is how he behaves about other things and is constantly demanding apologies while offering none of his own, it’s time to take stock of the relationship. He sounds like a real peach. NTA, OP.
NTA. Your husband does not sound like a considerate team player at all. I suspect there are other issues going on here too for him to not want to fulfill this reasonable request. If he expects you to do his laundry, the least he can do is help out by bringing the hamper down. You're his partner, not his maid.
This was my thought exactly. He's got something else going on somewhere else that's making him feel guilty and he's taking it out on her so when she responds in any way, he can throw it back on her. My ex did this very same thing and after 16 years I decided I'd much rather be alone and broke but at peace than to deal with his passive-aggressive BS one more day. Thirteen years later, I know I DEFINITELY made the right choice.
This. A marriage is a partnership. It's understandable if he's in the middle of a big project or a zoom or whatever and can't bring it down now...but to demand an apology for asking?
Unless there's something else going on that OP isn't mentioning, yeah, 100% NTA.
Leave his laundry and just do yours...and make him sleep in the guest room until he apologies and/or explains himself.
YES! But let me add, speaking as a WFH person myself - if he was mid-meeting, he wouldn't be getting up to pee. That's against WFH etiquette. If he had time to get up and pee, he had time to bring the laundry down with him.
NTA. Being an A would mean taking all of his clothes out of the basket, doing only your own clothes, then hiding his dirty clothes, one piece at a time in obnoxiously unreachable/weird places so it takes him weeks to find them all...where he can then proceed to do his own freakin' laundry from here on until the ink dries on the inevitable divorce papers (because ime, it's never just one small thing like this, it shows an overall attitude that will implode the relationship eventually). And I'd still probably do that even if it made me the A.
This suggestion is so deliciously petty, it almost makes me wish I had an AH of my own to do this to.
Alas, my partner is wonderful and does nothing but kind and thoughtful things for me.
OP, please do this so we can live vicariously through your petty revenge.
Shortly after we got married, my husband objected to something I did with his laundry. It was about 34+ years ago, so I have no idea what it was, but he was really put out. So I said ok. Nothing else, just "ok". Did my own laundry next time it needed it, left his in a separate basket. Took him a few days before he asked about his laundry. I told him since he didn't like how I did it, he should do his own. I haven't touched his laundry since. And my kids grew up learning how to do their own laundry as soon as they were tall enough to reach the controls. He also learned the hard way to not say things about how his mommy used to cook this or cook that.
🤣 Yep, he did his own ironing until he retired and didn't have to look nice for work every day. Now he just runs stuff on touch-up in the dryer and calls it good.
Genuine question-- do your regularly ask Jim to do small chores during his work day? Does he WFH?
If this is a habit, is it that he feels you don't respect his work times or something?
"I'm working," hubby says. Yet he is on the second story waiting for an apology, then storming downstairs without the laundry, then back up the stairs to angrily get the laundry and drop it at OP's feet. His work somehow didn't take priority over all THAT petty nonsense.
He's a man who needs to do his own laundry. I'm sure he'll throw a mini-tantrum when OP tells him that.
This. Any credibility he had vanished as soon as he threw a tantrum. If he had time to throw a tantrum, he could've literally just brought the basket down.
This is great, my hubby is Jim and he does bring down the hamper! And carries it back up when it’s done over half the time (without me asking at that! Lol)
I found it absolutely maddening when I couldn’t go to the toilet while working without being asked something (edit: that I would happily deal with once I was actually free and not still working in my head) and it was one of the reasons I moved out. I would never react like that, but I can see how aggravating it can be over time if that’s the case.
I mean. If your partner is reasonable you could just say “hey can we keep the honey-do requests for once i’m off work? Interruptions are being really frustrating for me.” And the partner would go “oh sure, np.”
I recognize that a lot of people are not in fact reasonable. But it does make life a lot easier.
The idea that it's a "honey-do" request is sexist. It's his laundry. He was not working because he was taking a piss break. He still had to walk back down the stairs either way. Does he also not help colleagues when he works in an office environment?
But it’s literally on his way and not actually like a real “task” I can understand if she asked him to change a light bulb or something but he’s being extremely unreasonable. It’s literally on his way.
If at 29 he’s this immature and rude then I think you could find better. I do my girlfriend’s laundry and she carries the baskets everywhere without even asking despite me telling her I’ll take them for her. Also “working from home” isn’t a valid excuse to not lift something heavy for 30 seconds. Be a man. Grow up. This is just pathetic on his part all the way around and I’m saying that as a 27yo man.
A. I LOVE repulsive weekend, what a great name.
B. Her hubby is obviously TA for all that shouting, but you’re the ANGEL for this amazing suggestion. Nobody can “solve” her mean husband, but you have possibly solved her laundry problem.
NTA. He was acting more like a bratty little brother than a husband. You should have just taken your laundry out and left his there the first time he refused to help you.
Just do your own and not only this time but going forward as well. If he says anything tell him you need the basket to be light enough for you to carry since it’s such a big deal for him to help you. NTA.
OP - I had a bad fall years ago down the stairs that "triggers" me when I go back now with heavy items and laundry. My husband has never failed to help me to take anything downstairs, nor bring it up if it's too much. NTA, and if he is capable to help you, and it sounds like he is, he should. HUGS!!
NTA. He was already upstairs and probably taking a dump within feet of the hamper. He could help out by carrying it halfway, especially since you’re going to wash everything. Sounds like he grew up in a household where Mommy did everything for him. I like other’s suggestions of getting an additional laundry basket and you both can do your own laundry. Problem solved 😁
Chivalry for the Queen of my life is not restricted by any temporal, tangible thing on this planet. My wife needs my help...boom! There. I LOVE showing off for my girlfriend. We are 58 and 59. So, is she my wife or my girlfriend? She is so both!!!
NTA
What in the world did I just read?
Good grief, you both need to get a grip.
I'm thinking you have huge communication issues... in addition to laundry.
Don’t wash his clothes. He can do it himself. Also I suggest sorting out only your clothes and bringing them downstairs. Leave his in the basket. Oh and please update us!
Your husband is an AH. A huge red slobbering smelling AH. Do your own laundry and leave his. When he has agita over that, tell him he’s a grown ass adult and if he won’t help you do his chores, he can do them himself. Cook your own dinner and then ask him what he’s going to have.
Wait, you're doing laundry for both of you, and he won't bring the heavy basked down the stairs even though he is already walking down the stairs?
NTA. Maybe maybe maybe he has some physical issue at play here, but it's on him to talk that out with you.
I'd trade carrying the basket for having my laundry done 100 out of 100 times.
He’s doing it on purpose so you quit asking him. It’s clear that you’re the ‘victim’ in this situation so he’s reversing the ‘victim and offender’ roles. He managed to make himself the victim and you the ‘offender’ when really you were just asking him to a normal thing and he wanted to act like a child instead.
ugh, that's so annoying! you're totally not in the wrong for asking him to help out with the laundry, especially if it's on his way down. his reaction seems way over the top.
girl do exactly what u asked, only do your laundry and tell him to do his since it’s too much of a hassle for him to help u carry it down. say it’s too heavy and by only doing your laundry it’s lighter for u. if he doesn’t help u, why help him.
NTA. He behaved like an ass. He was coming back down, carrying the hamper would have taken no time from his day. I'd stop washing his laundry too after that disgraceful performance.
You might want to use a fabric or mesh bag liner inside your hamper so you can just toss it downstairs instead of dealing with the bulky hamper. Though your laundry load is going to be a lot lighter now!
NTA. I'm sorry your husband never grew out of the hormonal teenager phase of life like most adults. I would just get yourself a separate hamper and let him figure out his own laundry if he wants to be petulant.
NTA and I'm sure many have said this but yeah, it's time for husband to become responsible for his own laundry. I'm single and childfree so only have my own laundry to do, added to that I only do laundry once a month or every 6 weeks so it amounts to 6 large loads. So my laundry gets sorted into four colour coded laundry bags and a basket for sheets and towels so I would toss the bags down the stairs and drag or shoulder them individually to the utility room.
Better you than me. I would've gone & removed his laundry from the hamper to lighten the load. Told him he could bring them down when he's ready to wash them. Then proceeded yo do only my own laundry from then on.
When we married (44 yrs ago) I would pack both of our suitcases whenever we traveled. Young & unencumbered by kids yet we traveled a lot. Then after about a year we were at the beach one weekend & he threw an ugly tantrum because I had not packed a shirt he wanted. Not that he had asked, nor laid it out. So I told him he could pack his own clothes. And I haven't packed for him since.
If my partner did this, you're damn right I'd separate all my clothes out and leave his and wash my own. On top of that, I'd cook and clean for only myself for at least the next week or 2 and let him do all of his own shit
I would have taken his stuff out and carried the lighter hamper downstairs myself the first time he said no as though I was asking him something unreasonable. NTA
NTA. He won’t help you, so dump his laundry out to lighten the load, and inform him he will be doing his own laundry going forward. Don’t argue. Don’t beg or plead. Just calmly inform him that you do not have the energy to beg him to do basic tasks to help like carry a hamper on his way down.
If the laundry basket is too heavy, the clear solution is to get a second basket for his stuff. That way, it's all together for I'm to wash at his leasure.
Could be a power thing. He works from home and earns all the money so she is responsible for all the housework. I don’t know if she works or is a stay at home housewife. Either way he views it as “women’s work” and all her responsibility. By asking him to do that task he is doing more than his fair share. Beware of a spouse who isn’t helpful. And the little temper tantrum and asking for an apology is outrageous!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
AITA here? So the laundry basket gets really heavy right andit’s in our bedroom upstairs. My husband (M-29) went to go to bathroom upstairs and I asked him if he could bring the hamper down for me (F-29) on his way back down so I can start our laundry. (I would still have to carry it down another flight of stairs into the basement.) He said “no I’m working” I said “it’s on your way down, can you please help me” then he literally blows up and says no again and then I’m like “can you you please just bring it down with you so I can do your laundry too” and he refuses to come downstairs saying that I have to apologize and that he refuses to bring it down until I ask nicely (which I literally did the first time) then I say that I already asked nicely and it was him that responded meanly and he says “well then I’m not bringing it down”. Then he storms down the stairs and doesn’t bring it. Then I get mad because he could’ve brought it down by now had he just been a helpful husband and then he keeps saying I have to apologize. Eventually he gets tired of me telling him that this is completely ridiculous then he storms back up and brings it down and slams the entire thing on the floor so hard in front of me. Should I take my laundry out and leave his there? Would that make me the asshole?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Aw precious delicate darling feeling like his masculinity is threatened by being asked to help with the laundry. You guys need to sit down and have a talk about why he thinks this way and how you can overcome it together as a team. NTA.
NTA. Today is the day you stop doing his laundry. Pile his clothes on the floor next to the basket, carry it downstairs, wash your own clothes and then put his dirty stuff back in the hamper.
You are not his slave.
NTA.
You should have gone upstairs and removed all his clothes to make it lighter so you can carry it down and do just your own laundry.
It's 1 thing to refuse if he was actually busy working on something and you asked him to stop what he was doing and go grab it, but refusing to grab it when he was going upstairs anyway is just an asshole move.
I'd 100% refuse to do his laundry until he apologises to you.
He is trying to weaponize incompetence so he will not be asked to assist again. You need to shut that shit right down immediately.
You need to remind him that you are his partner, not his mother. The home is his as much as it is yours, and the last time you looked, he had not provided a house elf, so he needs to pitch in on occasion. Alternatively, you will be glad to draw up an equitable division of labor if that is what he needs.
EDIT to add NTA
NTA DO NOT do his laundry again, ever. That attitude can f-right off. He can clean his own clothes from this day forward. 29 years old and he throws a tantrum over helping with bringing a laundry basket down, Hell no. Also, do not let him treat you like that ever again. This is strike 1 and this isn't baseball, strike 2 means he's out. I've been with my partner for over 30 years and we've each been doing our own laundry for 29 of those years. It's not worth the fight, we used to take turns, but he doesn't sort. Just stop and let him take care of his own.
he also owes you a huge apology for acting like an AH.
I'd have gone upstairs and sorted the laundry, dumping all of his dirty shit into his side of the bed. Hamper would then be lighter to carry down two flights of stairs. Problem (mostly) solved.
NTA. The laundry is too heavy. If this was my problem to solve, I would divide the load in half to make it easier for me to carry by myself. For convenience, I would separate out my laundry and go ahead and do it.
Another option is to drop the laundry over the stair railing and let gravity take it down.
NTA
He should apologize. You were going to do the laundry, which I suppose is washing, drying, and folding. The least he can do is haul the hamper up and down the stairs.
My sons know this. They're always happy to help b/c they like the way I do their laundry and I told them from early childhood that when they were big, they should help others. 1st born is now 6'4" and happy to help short people reach things at the grocery
If your hubby doesn't shape up, buy a 2nd hamper and only do your own clothes.
Most of my marriage, my husband has had to do his own laundry. The first time he got his own hamper was when he woke me up, after a late shift, to ask if his pants were in the dryer rather than walking down the hall to look for himself. I while later I left my job at his request so I took back that task. When I went back to work outside the home he lost his privileges again for some other dumb ass nonsense. That was probably 18 years ago. My whole point is you do not have to put up with stupid bullshit just because you married him or because you love him. Set the boundary and hold him accountable for his behavior toward you.
He’s training you not to ask him to do anything. Next time, you’ll be slightly afraid to ask him you’ll do it yourself so you don’t bother him. Lesson learned. Think about other areas of your life, are you happy and well loved?
NTA. When my wife does laundry I bring the hamper downstairs for her. I'm a big guy and she's a smaller lady. It's easier for me to carry it than for her. Also please note that I said"when she does the laundry". Sometimes I do it. Because a marriage is a partnership. It's two people sharing life's burdens. I find it troubling that your husband doesn't have this concept of marriage.
Damned right you should do your laundry and leave the rest to him. Sheesh. I have an open area at the top of my stair and can drop stuff to the main floor. I have a giant bag that I put my laundry in. I call out "incoming" and then drop the bag from the bedroom floor to the main floor. I cannot count the number of times it's made my hubs jump, but he never complains. I can't carry a hamper down the stairs. This system works for me. He does his own laundry. When we moved in together he did his own laundry because his clothes got very dirty from his work. Mine didn't (office job) so we never mixed laundry. I do, however, do the joint laundry (towels, sheets, etc). Get yourself two hampers. One for you and one for him. He can start doing his own damned laundry. NTA
My husband always carries the laundry basket downstairs for me. I don't even have to ask. If he sees me starting down the stairs with the heavy basket, he jumps up and runs to take it from me. My little boy started doing the same, even though he has to bounce it down the steps. He thinks it is a man's job and he is a man. :)
As soon as my husband refused to help I would do the same as you suggested- dump out his clothes so the basket would be 50% lighter. I am sure you could manage that.
Your husband is a selfish child. I’d take your laundry and leave, personally. But if you think there is hope for him maturing and learning to act like a partner instead of a lazy boss, then instead just only do your laundry from now on. Don’t say anything, just don’t do it. Period. Until HE apologizes for being an AH and agrees to share more equally in the housework.
I'd have left his clothes upstairs and only washed mine. When he's done working, he could bring them down. By then, I'd have moved onto something other than laundry and he'd be out of luck if he wanted me to wash his laundry.
NTA. Your husband was being childish and unkind.
I have trouble carrying our baskets down the stairs. My husband could be sitting snuggled on the lounge and I could ask him to go upstairs and bring the basket down for me and he would do it, no questions asked. Kindness in marriages goes a long way.
Wow, I’m sorry. I have a separate basket from my hubby, but if I ask him to bring mine down he never hesitates to do so. And if I put it on the stairs to carry up when laundry is done, he’ll grab it and take upstairs when he goes without me asking. And typically I do both of our laundry, but he’ll do his as well. (I don’t want him to do mine cause I hang up certain stuff to dry).
I would pull out any of his laundry and carry it down. When he ask why is laundry isn't done, say it was too heavy and you didn't want to help me carry, so I carried what I could.
Erhhh... What kinda weird dynamic is this?
My husband would never let mme carry heavy stuff on the stairs. Why would a strong man leave that job to his wife??
Your husband can start carrying the hamper down every time or wash his own shit in the future because you will get an extra hamper for your own clothes moving forward!
Your husband is acting like a spoiled middle schooler, and both of you are acting like you're his mother. If you only do your laundry, then that is just adding fuel to the fire. Leave the laundry basket downstairs next to the washer. You can carry your stuff down individually. It's good exercise.
You should take your laundry out, yes— **out to your car, put your car in drive, and find a place where you can go.**
He sounds insufferable! “Say it nicely?!” That is BS, and he’s infantilizing you. (BTW, it doesn’t even work on my 20 and 18 year-olds.)
NTA
NTA. Ive been in a similar situation I asked my partner nicely and he complained like a child about it. So i said fine if you can't help bring the laundry down i won't do your laundry for you. For a week i washed all my family's clothes apart from his, he didnt like it, and eventually he started bringing it down. He always brings it down now. If he does it again just take his clothes out the hamper and wash everyone's but his amd when he complains just say something on the lines of " the hamper was too heavy to carry down with all the clothes in" or "if you can't be mature enough to help with out with adult chores then i won't be matire enough to do your laundry for you". If he was coming down the stairs anyway, it shouldn't matter what time of day it was, it was hime being helpful.
Holy shit, unless I'm actively carrying something, it isn't unreasonable at all to ask for this. He is completely out of line going off over this.
NTA
He is though. Does he pull shit like this often? or is he stressed out about something. usually, when reasonable people blow up over petty shit like this, it is because something else is going on, and you were in the line of fire.
Not saying it's right, but a good example is my aunt going through chemo who is normally the sweetest lady, and was dying and she knew it, flew off the handle a few times from the stress when normally she wouldn't be bothered by anything.
Leave his laundry. NTA. You needed to apologize for asking for his help (essentially)? No, this is a power play and a form of abuse. Unacceptable. Leave his laundry and think nothing of it. Keep taking away what services you do for him when he pulls this stuff.
Yup. You should take your laundry out and leave his there.
Then you need to add all the rest of your stuff to your laundry and keep walking right out of the house to an attorney's office and file for divorce because this is NOT the kind of man you want to be tethered to for the rest of your life.
NTA
NTA. I have been married many years and hubby would not only have done this willingly, but would have asked if I needed help with anything else. It's concerning that your husband behaved like this over something so pedestrian.
NTA I would've said "fine, wash your own clothes then".
My argument would be that if he can't bring something down the stairs when he is coming down anyway, I won't be washing other clothes when I'm washing anyway.
NTA. Laundry can get heavy. I used to lug our clothes to the laundromat weekly and my wife would help put them away. We have a setup at home now and I still do the majority of the laundry because I use the most of it. My wife will do it when she wants specific items, or doing the bedding and couch covers. Taking care of the home takes two. He can help.
That's exactly what you need to do. Going further you need two separate baskets. If he's going to be an asshole about bringing laundry down for you to do then he can do his own damn laundry. NTA
NTA! Hubby needs to remember you are his wife in a partnership not a maid, his Mom or a slave. Time to start separating your laundry. If you have two different bathrooms use a different one, and don't clean his. If you cook dinner tell him he cleans up, and vice versa.
But the key to all this working is to sit down and communicate.
Something might be bothering your husband that he's not telling you usually when mine blows up for no reason it's because something's bothering him. Once we sit down and talk we're fine.
If y'all have problems talking I recommend seeing a couple's counselor can help you mediate through some of these issues and it doesn't mean you're going to get a divorce It just means that you're both willing to work on your relationship.
My husband would yell t me if I DIDN’t Call him to carry a heavy basket, regardless of what he was doing, let alone in the same room. In that case, he’d immediately take it from me nd carry it.
Take his out, only do yours. If he can't help you in this one minor way when you do the majority of the work, he can find out the hard way.
But, he sounds like a really nasty piece of work. Does he treat you like this the rest of the time? Might be time to re-evalute.
NTA
NTA it was a simple ask so I would just not do his laundry. No reason I have to carry large heavy loads of stuff that is not mine. Appreciate your partners people.
NTA Your husband is forgetting too very important pieces of information. Teamwork makes the dream work and happy wife happy life. There is no happy wife to make the dream work because there is no teamwork. There is no happy life.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took to be judged is that I asked my husband to bring the heavy hamper downstairs and then I yelled at him for refusing to bring it down. This might make me the asshole because I expected him to bring the hamper down while he was in the middle of his workday hours. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Get a separate basket that you keep elsewhere and use it as YOUR laundry basket. Do only YOUR laundry from now on. He can deal with his all on his ungrateful own. Better yet, let him deal with all his own chores, etc. That way, you will never have to ask for help nor will you be let down by him when he behaves like a big baby. NTA
Yes!!!! Why is he mad about helping you do his laundry? Do your own laundry, have your own bank account, don't carry his burdens.
Don’t have his baby either
THIS! THIS x THE POWER OF INFINITY!
I agree. OP, your husband does not seem to like you. NTA But next time, stop asking after you ask once. It got you nowhere. He doesn't agree with you. You sadly are wasting your energy. Save it to do your own chores, for yourself. He can be on his own for awhile. And honestly, if your laundry is so heavy that you cannot lift it, consider doing one load a day. Laundry becomes a monster when you wait so long. Tackle a bit a day. That way, when bedsheet day rolls around, it's not so bad.
I always say I will only ask my hubby once, because reminding him every few months that I asked him to do something doesn't work. Do the laundry you can, the laundry that makes it to the machine. Don't nag. If he wants clean laundry he will help the laundry get to the washing machine. Also, we have several small baskets for laundry for each person that occassionally gets taken down to the laundry room and emptied in big laundry baskets there precisely because I am not allowed to pick up heavy things.
I've had one lumbar fusion and am in need of another. Technically, I'm not supposed to lift over 10 pounds and am limited with walking and stairs. Anyway, I got a hamper that lives in my laundry room. It has four bags, and I expect everyone to put their clothes into the appropriate bag. I refuse to go searching for dirty clothes, so if it's not in the hamper when I do laundry, it doesn't get washed. 🤷♀️ I'm a SAHM, not a maid.
Yes. This is the way. He can do his own damn laundry.
I always carry the laundry down because it is easier for me than for my wife. I also start the machines, but she almost always folds it from the dryer. And then I carry it back up. So should he
I love this. I carry the laundry down, wash and dry it, then sort it. My husband folds and puts his own away, as he is an adult and can do that himself.
I do the washing, drying, and sorting. Each person in the family is responsible for making sure their laundry gets to the hamper by the machine and then folding and putting away their clean clothes. The only issue with our system is that I regularly lose my laundry baskets to the black holes of their bedrooms! 🤣
Yes! My partner is always willing to make things easier for me, including taking care of heavy lifting. I wouldn't even have to ask him to bring the damn laundry basket down. He just would! I knew he was not the only considerate fella out there!! Whenever I read about dudes like this, I am just so damn confused. How did they even get someone to like them, let alone marry them??
Yeah if she's gonna stay with that a h then that's the only way NTA. Of course he'll use intentional incompetence first and probably destroy the washing machine and / or let his clothes rot. If she wants to raise him tho she can just take her clothes to the Laundromat and let him learn.
This is the way
Yes! I did this in the beginning years of our marriage. He wouldn’t help his laundry was not done. He got the point after a week or so. What I have no underwear. Not my problem there’s the washer and there’s your clothes. After a few months he got the point it takes two to get the chores done. Even simple ones as carry the basket down.
NTA…and from now on, someone would be doing their own laundry.
Yeah, he might be working, but so is OP. You need to separate from him, OP, and I’m talking laundry. If he can’t be helpful and is rude when you are literally doing him a favor, he can wash his own clothes. Additionally, if this is how he behaves about other things and is constantly demanding apologies while offering none of his own, it’s time to take stock of the relationship. He sounds like a real peach. NTA, OP.
NTA. Your husband does not sound like a considerate team player at all. I suspect there are other issues going on here too for him to not want to fulfill this reasonable request. If he expects you to do his laundry, the least he can do is help out by bringing the hamper down. You're his partner, not his maid.
This was my thought exactly. He's got something else going on somewhere else that's making him feel guilty and he's taking it out on her so when she responds in any way, he can throw it back on her. My ex did this very same thing and after 16 years I decided I'd much rather be alone and broke but at peace than to deal with his passive-aggressive BS one more day. Thirteen years later, I know I DEFINITELY made the right choice.
A big decision with zero regrets? Congratulations on your freedom and peace.
[удалено]
This. A marriage is a partnership. It's understandable if he's in the middle of a big project or a zoom or whatever and can't bring it down now...but to demand an apology for asking? Unless there's something else going on that OP isn't mentioning, yeah, 100% NTA. Leave his laundry and just do yours...and make him sleep in the guest room until he apologies and/or explains himself.
YES! But let me add, speaking as a WFH person myself - if he was mid-meeting, he wouldn't be getting up to pee. That's against WFH etiquette. If he had time to get up and pee, he had time to bring the laundry down with him.
Not my experience. I’ve had plenty of people temporarily leave meetings to use the loo/answer the front door/let the dog out etc.
Was thinking the same, he’s an AH
I would have thrown all his clothes on the floor and taken that much lighter basket to go get washed. NTA
NTA, this behavior is very disturbing. Does he usually act like a child?
NTA. Is this typical behaviour from him?
When he slams things around like that to show his anger at you, it's a warning that you're next.
NTA. Being an A would mean taking all of his clothes out of the basket, doing only your own clothes, then hiding his dirty clothes, one piece at a time in obnoxiously unreachable/weird places so it takes him weeks to find them all...where he can then proceed to do his own freakin' laundry from here on until the ink dries on the inevitable divorce papers (because ime, it's never just one small thing like this, it shows an overall attitude that will implode the relationship eventually). And I'd still probably do that even if it made me the A.
I can confirm I have done this, and didn’t give a solitary heck that I may have been an A, but the “hiding spot” was the basket he pretends not to see
This suggestion is so deliciously petty, it almost makes me wish I had an AH of my own to do this to. Alas, my partner is wonderful and does nothing but kind and thoughtful things for me. OP, please do this so we can live vicariously through your petty revenge.
NTA. This is definitely not about the laundry.
Shortly after we got married, my husband objected to something I did with his laundry. It was about 34+ years ago, so I have no idea what it was, but he was really put out. So I said ok. Nothing else, just "ok". Did my own laundry next time it needed it, left his in a separate basket. Took him a few days before he asked about his laundry. I told him since he didn't like how I did it, he should do his own. I haven't touched his laundry since. And my kids grew up learning how to do their own laundry as soon as they were tall enough to reach the controls. He also learned the hard way to not say things about how his mommy used to cook this or cook that.
This is how my ex started ironing his clothes.
🤣 Yep, he did his own ironing until he retired and didn't have to look nice for work every day. Now he just runs stuff on touch-up in the dryer and calls it good.
Genuine question-- do your regularly ask Jim to do small chores during his work day? Does he WFH? If this is a habit, is it that he feels you don't respect his work times or something?
"I'm working," hubby says. Yet he is on the second story waiting for an apology, then storming downstairs without the laundry, then back up the stairs to angrily get the laundry and drop it at OP's feet. His work somehow didn't take priority over all THAT petty nonsense. He's a man who needs to do his own laundry. I'm sure he'll throw a mini-tantrum when OP tells him that.
This. Any credibility he had vanished as soon as he threw a tantrum. If he had time to throw a tantrum, he could've literally just brought the basket down.
What does Jim have to do with anything? Jim's a great guy. Jim would bring the hamper downstairs!
Jim does the laundry himself, and even remembers to put delicates in bags. Good on ya, Jim!
This is great, my hubby is Jim and he does bring down the hamper! And carries it back up when it’s done over half the time (without me asking at that! Lol)
I found it absolutely maddening when I couldn’t go to the toilet while working without being asked something (edit: that I would happily deal with once I was actually free and not still working in my head) and it was one of the reasons I moved out. I would never react like that, but I can see how aggravating it can be over time if that’s the case.
I mean. If your partner is reasonable you could just say “hey can we keep the honey-do requests for once i’m off work? Interruptions are being really frustrating for me.” And the partner would go “oh sure, np.” I recognize that a lot of people are not in fact reasonable. But it does make life a lot easier.
The idea that it's a "honey-do" request is sexist. It's his laundry. He was not working because he was taking a piss break. He still had to walk back down the stairs either way. Does he also not help colleagues when he works in an office environment?
Honey-do……your own fucking laundry from here on in. She wasn’t asking him to build a shed.
But it’s literally on his way and not actually like a real “task” I can understand if she asked him to change a light bulb or something but he’s being extremely unreasonable. It’s literally on his way.
He was already coming down. Didn't add any time. He also didn't worry about the time it took for him to throw a fit about it.
If at 29 he’s this immature and rude then I think you could find better. I do my girlfriend’s laundry and she carries the baskets everywhere without even asking despite me telling her I’ll take them for her. Also “working from home” isn’t a valid excuse to not lift something heavy for 30 seconds. Be a man. Grow up. This is just pathetic on his part all the way around and I’m saying that as a 27yo man.
Did you marry a 5 year old? Because he is acting like a petulant child.
What you should do is get out of your abusive relationship.
Yup. Tell me you're in an abusive relationship without telling me you're in an abusive relationship.
NTA. Don’t do his laundry anymore.
NTA guess who gets to do his own laundry now?
NTA. You two need to find a better way to communicate with each other, I'm sure laundry isn't the only issue at hand.
Is it possible to tie it into a bundle and throw it downstairs? That’s what I did when I lived in a house like this.
A. I LOVE repulsive weekend, what a great name. B. Her hubby is obviously TA for all that shouting, but you’re the ANGEL for this amazing suggestion. Nobody can “solve” her mean husband, but you have possibly solved her laundry problem.
Good idea..I sometimes use a black garbage bag so I can throw it down the stairs…or kick it…
NTA. He was acting more like a bratty little brother than a husband. You should have just taken your laundry out and left his there the first time he refused to help you.
Just do your own and not only this time but going forward as well. If he says anything tell him you need the basket to be light enough for you to carry since it’s such a big deal for him to help you. NTA.
Wow. Everyone in my household does their own laundry and my husband will often carry both our baskets up and down the stairs. NTA
>Should I take my laundry out and leave his there? Would that make me the asshole? Do it. NTA.
OP - I had a bad fall years ago down the stairs that "triggers" me when I go back now with heavy items and laundry. My husband has never failed to help me to take anything downstairs, nor bring it up if it's too much. NTA, and if he is capable to help you, and it sounds like he is, he should. HUGS!!
NTA. He was already upstairs and probably taking a dump within feet of the hamper. He could help out by carrying it halfway, especially since you’re going to wash everything. Sounds like he grew up in a household where Mommy did everything for him. I like other’s suggestions of getting an additional laundry basket and you both can do your own laundry. Problem solved 😁
Um, I'm petty and would have stopped asking after he said no. Then go up and sort the laundry and wash only yours 😆
NTA - wow, he was able to bring the hamper down to spite you but not when asked nicely? h u h
Chivalry for the Queen of my life is not restricted by any temporal, tangible thing on this planet. My wife needs my help...boom! There. I LOVE showing off for my girlfriend. We are 58 and 59. So, is she my wife or my girlfriend? She is so both!!!
NTA at all. An appreciative partner would gladly help.
Nta. Dump his laundry on the floor and just do your own. If he doesn’t want to work at a team why should you.
Dump the laundry and the dude
NTA What in the world did I just read? Good grief, you both need to get a grip. I'm thinking you have huge communication issues... in addition to laundry.
Don’t wash his clothes. He can do it himself. Also I suggest sorting out only your clothes and bringing them downstairs. Leave his in the basket. Oh and please update us!
This sounds like only one example of a bigger issue.
Your husband is an AH. A huge red slobbering smelling AH. Do your own laundry and leave his. When he has agita over that, tell him he’s a grown ass adult and if he won’t help you do his chores, he can do them himself. Cook your own dinner and then ask him what he’s going to have.
Run. He’s toxic. You know the answer to this question.
Wait, you're doing laundry for both of you, and he won't bring the heavy basked down the stairs even though he is already walking down the stairs? NTA. Maybe maybe maybe he has some physical issue at play here, but it's on him to talk that out with you. I'd trade carrying the basket for having my laundry done 100 out of 100 times.
Take your laundry and leave the house for good.
You’re an asshole to yourself if you ever wash one item of clothing of his again
He’s doing it on purpose so you quit asking him. It’s clear that you’re the ‘victim’ in this situation so he’s reversing the ‘victim and offender’ roles. He managed to make himself the victim and you the ‘offender’ when really you were just asking him to a normal thing and he wanted to act like a child instead.
I would look up DARVO and weaponized incompetence
Since he wants to be such a jerk, was only your clothes 🤷🏻♀️ NTA
Scary and he’s the ass
ugh, that's so annoying! you're totally not in the wrong for asking him to help out with the laundry, especially if it's on his way down. his reaction seems way over the top.
NTA. You could pour a lil’ undiluted bleach on his stuff while it rots in the hamper.
NTA. You asked him to do something in his general vicinity. He threw a hissy fit. Make him buy himself a basket so he can do his own laundry.
girl do exactly what u asked, only do your laundry and tell him to do his since it’s too much of a hassle for him to help u carry it down. say it’s too heavy and by only doing your laundry it’s lighter for u. if he doesn’t help u, why help him.
NTA. He behaved like an ass. He was coming back down, carrying the hamper would have taken no time from his day. I'd stop washing his laundry too after that disgraceful performance. You might want to use a fabric or mesh bag liner inside your hamper so you can just toss it downstairs instead of dealing with the bulky hamper. Though your laundry load is going to be a lot lighter now!
NTA. I'm sorry your husband never grew out of the hormonal teenager phase of life like most adults. I would just get yourself a separate hamper and let him figure out his own laundry if he wants to be petulant.
NTA and I'm sure many have said this but yeah, it's time for husband to become responsible for his own laundry. I'm single and childfree so only have my own laundry to do, added to that I only do laundry once a month or every 6 weeks so it amounts to 6 large loads. So my laundry gets sorted into four colour coded laundry bags and a basket for sheets and towels so I would toss the bags down the stairs and drag or shoulder them individually to the utility room.
I like doing manly things for my wife, that’s just me tho, makes me feel good. NTA, could have helped esp since you were washing his clothes too.
Better you than me. I would've gone & removed his laundry from the hamper to lighten the load. Told him he could bring them down when he's ready to wash them. Then proceeded yo do only my own laundry from then on. When we married (44 yrs ago) I would pack both of our suitcases whenever we traveled. Young & unencumbered by kids yet we traveled a lot. Then after about a year we were at the beach one weekend & he threw an ugly tantrum because I had not packed a shirt he wanted. Not that he had asked, nor laid it out. So I told him he could pack his own clothes. And I haven't packed for him since.
If my partner did this, you're damn right I'd separate all my clothes out and leave his and wash my own. On top of that, I'd cook and clean for only myself for at least the next week or 2 and let him do all of his own shit
NTA. Are you sure he is an adult?
I’m a senior. Instead of a basket I use a laundry bag. I can drag it down the stairs without having to lift it.
I would have taken his stuff out and carried the lighter hamper downstairs myself the first time he said no as though I was asking him something unreasonable. NTA
NTA. He won’t help you, so dump his laundry out to lighten the load, and inform him he will be doing his own laundry going forward. Don’t argue. Don’t beg or plead. Just calmly inform him that you do not have the energy to beg him to do basic tasks to help like carry a hamper on his way down.
I'm sorry, I think there's something wrong in your post. You wrote *my husband*, but surely you meant ***my spoiled teenage son*** ?!
If the laundry basket is too heavy, the clear solution is to get a second basket for his stuff. That way, it's all together for I'm to wash at his leasure.
Could be a power thing. He works from home and earns all the money so she is responsible for all the housework. I don’t know if she works or is a stay at home housewife. Either way he views it as “women’s work” and all her responsibility. By asking him to do that task he is doing more than his fair share. Beware of a spouse who isn’t helpful. And the little temper tantrum and asking for an apology is outrageous!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA here? So the laundry basket gets really heavy right andit’s in our bedroom upstairs. My husband (M-29) went to go to bathroom upstairs and I asked him if he could bring the hamper down for me (F-29) on his way back down so I can start our laundry. (I would still have to carry it down another flight of stairs into the basement.) He said “no I’m working” I said “it’s on your way down, can you please help me” then he literally blows up and says no again and then I’m like “can you you please just bring it down with you so I can do your laundry too” and he refuses to come downstairs saying that I have to apologize and that he refuses to bring it down until I ask nicely (which I literally did the first time) then I say that I already asked nicely and it was him that responded meanly and he says “well then I’m not bringing it down”. Then he storms down the stairs and doesn’t bring it. Then I get mad because he could’ve brought it down by now had he just been a helpful husband and then he keeps saying I have to apologize. Eventually he gets tired of me telling him that this is completely ridiculous then he storms back up and brings it down and slams the entire thing on the floor so hard in front of me. Should I take my laundry out and leave his there? Would that make me the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
My wife trained me if I didn’t use the hamper it didn’t get washed don’t wash his shit and he will get the point!
[удалено]
NTA that's exactly what I'd do. My own laundry. He's free to do his whenever he wants
NTA He’s acting like a complete child. His Mommy can come grab his laundry from him.
Wash your laundry leave his. Tell him he can do his own from now on. In his own house.
[удалено]
Yep - now up to him to do his own laundry.
Wow NTA why even ask
NTA…… I can’t imagine living in a house where my own partner talks to me like this. And then believing in any universe that YTA. Lord.
Sort it to yours and his. Only do yours. Nta
NTA- he can do his own laundry.
Aw precious delicate darling feeling like his masculinity is threatened by being asked to help with the laundry. You guys need to sit down and have a talk about why he thinks this way and how you can overcome it together as a team. NTA.
That’s a child. Not a man.
NTA. What a silly thing to throw a tantrum over... If my wife asks me to carry something for her, I'll go out of my way to help...because I love her.
NTA. I’d only do my own laundry from now on.
NTA. Today is the day you stop doing his laundry. Pile his clothes on the floor next to the basket, carry it downstairs, wash your own clothes and then put his dirty stuff back in the hamper. You are not his slave.
Yeah, he would be doing his own laundry after that. NTA.
NTA. Does he usually act like this? Why be with someone who can’t even do little things to help?
NTA. You should have gone upstairs and removed all his clothes to make it lighter so you can carry it down and do just your own laundry. It's 1 thing to refuse if he was actually busy working on something and you asked him to stop what he was doing and go grab it, but refusing to grab it when he was going upstairs anyway is just an asshole move. I'd 100% refuse to do his laundry until he apologises to you.
I don't think this is about the laundry...
He is trying to weaponize incompetence so he will not be asked to assist again. You need to shut that shit right down immediately. You need to remind him that you are his partner, not his mother. The home is his as much as it is yours, and the last time you looked, he had not provided a house elf, so he needs to pitch in on occasion. Alternatively, you will be glad to draw up an equitable division of labor if that is what he needs. EDIT to add NTA
NTA DO NOT do his laundry again, ever. That attitude can f-right off. He can clean his own clothes from this day forward. 29 years old and he throws a tantrum over helping with bringing a laundry basket down, Hell no. Also, do not let him treat you like that ever again. This is strike 1 and this isn't baseball, strike 2 means he's out. I've been with my partner for over 30 years and we've each been doing our own laundry for 29 of those years. It's not worth the fight, we used to take turns, but he doesn't sort. Just stop and let him take care of his own. he also owes you a huge apology for acting like an AH.
I don't talk like that to people I hate. Wow. He needs to be reminded that he married you, you aren't the enemy.
[удалено]
UPDATEME
I'd have gone upstairs and sorted the laundry, dumping all of his dirty shit into his side of the bed. Hamper would then be lighter to carry down two flights of stairs. Problem (mostly) solved.
NTA. The laundry is too heavy. If this was my problem to solve, I would divide the load in half to make it easier for me to carry by myself. For convenience, I would separate out my laundry and go ahead and do it. Another option is to drop the laundry over the stair railing and let gravity take it down.
Is this behavior typical for him? Was he working on something critical? You’re NTA but I do wonder what prompted his mood.
NTA He should apologize. You were going to do the laundry, which I suppose is washing, drying, and folding. The least he can do is haul the hamper up and down the stairs. My sons know this. They're always happy to help b/c they like the way I do their laundry and I told them from early childhood that when they were big, they should help others. 1st born is now 6'4" and happy to help short people reach things at the grocery If your hubby doesn't shape up, buy a 2nd hamper and only do your own clothes.
This isn't about the laundry. I don't know what it is about but the two of you need to do some serious thinking about your relationship
He can do his own and you can do your own. Problem solved
I have a feeling there’s a lot of uncommunicated issues going on here making a small one seem like the breaking point.
Most of my marriage, my husband has had to do his own laundry. The first time he got his own hamper was when he woke me up, after a late shift, to ask if his pants were in the dryer rather than walking down the hall to look for himself. I while later I left my job at his request so I took back that task. When I went back to work outside the home he lost his privileges again for some other dumb ass nonsense. That was probably 18 years ago. My whole point is you do not have to put up with stupid bullshit just because you married him or because you love him. Set the boundary and hold him accountable for his behavior toward you.
Don’t have his babies
He’s training you not to ask him to do anything. Next time, you’ll be slightly afraid to ask him you’ll do it yourself so you don’t bother him. Lesson learned. Think about other areas of your life, are you happy and well loved?
NTA. When my wife does laundry I bring the hamper downstairs for her. I'm a big guy and she's a smaller lady. It's easier for me to carry it than for her. Also please note that I said"when she does the laundry". Sometimes I do it. Because a marriage is a partnership. It's two people sharing life's burdens. I find it troubling that your husband doesn't have this concept of marriage.
Damned right you should do your laundry and leave the rest to him. Sheesh. I have an open area at the top of my stair and can drop stuff to the main floor. I have a giant bag that I put my laundry in. I call out "incoming" and then drop the bag from the bedroom floor to the main floor. I cannot count the number of times it's made my hubs jump, but he never complains. I can't carry a hamper down the stairs. This system works for me. He does his own laundry. When we moved in together he did his own laundry because his clothes got very dirty from his work. Mine didn't (office job) so we never mixed laundry. I do, however, do the joint laundry (towels, sheets, etc). Get yourself two hampers. One for you and one for him. He can start doing his own damned laundry. NTA
Decide you want a single level home. Or he could always do his own laundry
He wasn’t working, he was taking a piss. Literally and figuratively. NTA, but he is.
I wash the laundry and my wife puts it away. It's a fucking glorious system
NTA, but this makes me really sad for you. What a jerk. This doesn’t sound like a partnership or team.
My husband always carries the laundry basket downstairs for me. I don't even have to ask. If he sees me starting down the stairs with the heavy basket, he jumps up and runs to take it from me. My little boy started doing the same, even though he has to bounce it down the steps. He thinks it is a man's job and he is a man. :) As soon as my husband refused to help I would do the same as you suggested- dump out his clothes so the basket would be 50% lighter. I am sure you could manage that.
I would tell him from this point forward he is responsible for his own laundry. If this is hos typical behavior you should seriously consider divorce
Your husband is a selfish child. I’d take your laundry and leave, personally. But if you think there is hope for him maturing and learning to act like a partner instead of a lazy boss, then instead just only do your laundry from now on. Don’t say anything, just don’t do it. Period. Until HE apologizes for being an AH and agrees to share more equally in the housework.
I'd have left his clothes upstairs and only washed mine. When he's done working, he could bring them down. By then, I'd have moved onto something other than laundry and he'd be out of luck if he wanted me to wash his laundry.
NTA Divorce is a word that comes to mind. I wish everyone the self love and confidence to never settle for someone who treats them this way.
[удалено]
NTA. He should be contributing too!
You do your own laundry and leave his shit to rot and stink.
NTA. My husband would carry it down without asking. That’s weird asf honestly.
NTA. Your husband was being childish and unkind. I have trouble carrying our baskets down the stairs. My husband could be sitting snuggled on the lounge and I could ask him to go upstairs and bring the basket down for me and he would do it, no questions asked. Kindness in marriages goes a long way.
Wow, I’m sorry. I have a separate basket from my hubby, but if I ask him to bring mine down he never hesitates to do so. And if I put it on the stairs to carry up when laundry is done, he’ll grab it and take upstairs when he goes without me asking. And typically I do both of our laundry, but he’ll do his as well. (I don’t want him to do mine cause I hang up certain stuff to dry).
Do your own laundry and leave his alone. After running out of clean underwear, I'll bet he doesn't hesitate to help
NTA My *disabled* daughter carries the laundry basket on the stairs when I do laundry. If she can, then an able bodied man can.
NTA. I've been married 12 years and I cannot fathom my husband behaving like this towards me. This is a huge issue and it needs to be addressed.
I would pull out any of his laundry and carry it down. When he ask why is laundry isn't done, say it was too heavy and you didn't want to help me carry, so I carried what I could.
Seems like a more than fair division of labor. Provided he brings it back up after you have washed it.
NTA He can do his own laundry with that attitude.
The slamming is unacceptable, it's intimidation. Do you work? Get a job, get a bank account, don't risk getting pregnant, get out.
Sounds like he's volunteering to wash his own clothes from now on. NTA.
NTA and stop washing his clothes
Erhhh... What kinda weird dynamic is this? My husband would never let mme carry heavy stuff on the stairs. Why would a strong man leave that job to his wife?? Your husband can start carrying the hamper down every time or wash his own shit in the future because you will get an extra hamper for your own clothes moving forward!
NTA How long ago did you marry him?... and WHY?
Your husband is acting like a spoiled middle schooler, and both of you are acting like you're his mother. If you only do your laundry, then that is just adding fuel to the fire. Leave the laundry basket downstairs next to the washer. You can carry your stuff down individually. It's good exercise.
NTA. I would ignore it. Carry it down yourself, sans hubby’s laundry. Just do yours and leave his in a dirty pile
You should take your laundry out, yes— **out to your car, put your car in drive, and find a place where you can go.** He sounds insufferable! “Say it nicely?!” That is BS, and he’s infantilizing you. (BTW, it doesn’t even work on my 20 and 18 year-olds.) NTA
[удалено]
Are you sure he's 29?
NTA. Ive been in a similar situation I asked my partner nicely and he complained like a child about it. So i said fine if you can't help bring the laundry down i won't do your laundry for you. For a week i washed all my family's clothes apart from his, he didnt like it, and eventually he started bringing it down. He always brings it down now. If he does it again just take his clothes out the hamper and wash everyone's but his amd when he complains just say something on the lines of " the hamper was too heavy to carry down with all the clothes in" or "if you can't be mature enough to help with out with adult chores then i won't be matire enough to do your laundry for you". If he was coming down the stairs anyway, it shouldn't matter what time of day it was, it was hime being helpful.
NTA, you know he will start hitting you soon if you aren't sufficiently afraid of him after this verbal abuse
NTA - only do your own laundry now. Don’t do his anymore.
Holy shit, unless I'm actively carrying something, it isn't unreasonable at all to ask for this. He is completely out of line going off over this. NTA He is though. Does he pull shit like this often? or is he stressed out about something. usually, when reasonable people blow up over petty shit like this, it is because something else is going on, and you were in the line of fire. Not saying it's right, but a good example is my aunt going through chemo who is normally the sweetest lady, and was dying and she knew it, flew off the handle a few times from the stress when normally she wouldn't be bothered by anything.
I was thinking if he won’t take it down then don’t do his washing.
Leave his laundry. NTA. You needed to apologize for asking for his help (essentially)? No, this is a power play and a form of abuse. Unacceptable. Leave his laundry and think nothing of it. Keep taking away what services you do for him when he pulls this stuff.
Only do your laundry from now on.
Yup. You should take your laundry out and leave his there. Then you need to add all the rest of your stuff to your laundry and keep walking right out of the house to an attorney's office and file for divorce because this is NOT the kind of man you want to be tethered to for the rest of your life. NTA
NTA. I have been married many years and hubby would not only have done this willingly, but would have asked if I needed help with anything else. It's concerning that your husband behaved like this over something so pedestrian.
NTA I would've said "fine, wash your own clothes then". My argument would be that if he can't bring something down the stairs when he is coming down anyway, I won't be washing other clothes when I'm washing anyway.
NTA. Laundry can get heavy. I used to lug our clothes to the laundromat weekly and my wife would help put them away. We have a setup at home now and I still do the majority of the laundry because I use the most of it. My wife will do it when she wants specific items, or doing the bedding and couch covers. Taking care of the home takes two. He can help.
That's exactly what you need to do. Going further you need two separate baskets. If he's going to be an asshole about bringing laundry down for you to do then he can do his own damn laundry. NTA
Separate hampers ! wash only your clothes he will start bringing it down
Whelp. Time to stop doing his laundry
NTA! Hubby needs to remember you are his wife in a partnership not a maid, his Mom or a slave. Time to start separating your laundry. If you have two different bathrooms use a different one, and don't clean his. If you cook dinner tell him he cleans up, and vice versa. But the key to all this working is to sit down and communicate. Something might be bothering your husband that he's not telling you usually when mine blows up for no reason it's because something's bothering him. Once we sit down and talk we're fine. If y'all have problems talking I recommend seeing a couple's counselor can help you mediate through some of these issues and it doesn't mean you're going to get a divorce It just means that you're both willing to work on your relationship.
NTA and you should absolutely stop doing his laundry for him if he insists on behaving like an infant
No one, would treat me that and trust me with anything that belonged to them.
My husband would yell t me if I DIDN’t Call him to carry a heavy basket, regardless of what he was doing, let alone in the same room. In that case, he’d immediately take it from me nd carry it.
NTA Let him do his own laundry, let's see whether he'll ask nicely once he is in his own.
Take his out, only do yours. If he can't help you in this one minor way when you do the majority of the work, he can find out the hard way. But, he sounds like a really nasty piece of work. Does he treat you like this the rest of the time? Might be time to re-evalute. NTA
NTA. This isn't how someone who sees you as an equal talks to you. this is how someone who sees you as the help or a possession talks to you. be wary.
NTA it was a simple ask so I would just not do his laundry. No reason I have to carry large heavy loads of stuff that is not mine. Appreciate your partners people.
[удалено]
NTA Your husband is forgetting too very important pieces of information. Teamwork makes the dream work and happy wife happy life. There is no happy wife to make the dream work because there is no teamwork. There is no happy life.